Love’s

Someday

By

Robin alexander

Love’s Someday

© 2009 by Robin Alexander

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

ISBN 10: 1-935216-08-2

ISBN 13: 978-1-935216-08-7

First Printing: 2009

This Trade Paperback Is Published By

Intaglio Publications

Walker, LA USA

www.intagliopub.com

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

_______________________________________________

Credits

Executive Editor: Tara Young

Cover design by Sheri

For the Rose with the heart of gold.

And Becky, my Love’s Someday.

Acknowledgments

As always many thanks to Tara Young and the Intaglio editorial staff, especially, Tara, who, is, ever, patient, with, my, nasty, habit, of “sprinkling commas.”

My gratitude to Sheri, the cover artist who has graced every one of my books with her amazing creations. Her patience with me is rivaled only by Tara…and well, Kate, too…oh, and definitely Becky.

My thanks to Kate Sweeney, who was patient with me as I wrote this story, then changed it and changed it again. She read every copy whether she wanted to or not.

Chapter One

“We’re supposed to be going south.”

“Aren’t we?”

“No, look at the big ‘N’ on your dash compass.”

Erica Barrett groaned in frustration and took the first exit she came to. “I’m gonna pull over and look at the map.”

“What? You don’t trust my navigational skills?” Kaitlyn Marshall asked.

“No,” three voices answered in unison. Kaitlyn glared over her shoulder at the two women in the backseat. “You two don’t have a say since neither of you ever drive on these trips.”

“Your navigation is precisely why I never volunteer to drive,” Drew Talbot said with a playful smile. “Erica is the only one that can put up with you. I’d put you out in the first mile.”

Kaitlyn returned the smile. “And I bet you wouldn’t even slow down when you did.”

“Tuck and roll, baby,” Drew shot back. “Tuck and roll.”

“Do you think we’ll be this loving when we’ve been together ten years?” Ashleigh Prather reached over the driver’s seat and rubbed Erica’s shoulders as she brought the vehicle to a stop.

“I certainly hope so, honey, we’re halfway there.”

“I wouldn’t trade away one minute of ten years with her for a million dollars,” Kaitlyn said, looking at Drew.

“Aw, damn, they’re going mushy on us,” Erica said as she perused the map. “Y’all are so much more entertaining when you’re exchanging barbs.”

Kaitlyn thumped Erica on the arm. “How’s that for a barb? And by the way, I’m starving to death.”

“What are you, five?” Erica grimaced as she rubbed her arm. “You ate an hour ago.”

“If she’s awake, she’s hungry,” Drew said. “And Ashleigh’s stomach has been growling for the last ten miles. I can hear it over your bickering.”

Erica tossed the map back into Kaitlyn’s lap, and pulled back onto the road. “You better be glad my baby is hungry or you’d be grazing on the side of the road.”

“Can’t you just feel the love all around us?” Ashleigh laughed.

“Oh, I’m feeling it.” Erica rubbed her arm again and shot Kaitlyn a scowl she couldn’t hold and began laughing.

It had been that way between Kaitlyn and Erica since they were eight years old and became neighbors. On the day Erica’s family moved into the house on Prairie Lane, Kaitlyn moved in too. In a pair of cutoffs and a T-shirt with Scooby-Doo emblazoned on the front, she marched in with dirty bare feet and announced her presence. She and Erica bonded the second they met, and though they had their share of conflicts, neither could hold a grudge for long. Verbal jabs, thumps, and playful slaps were among the ways they displayed their unwavering affection for each other.

“Somebody give me some ideas for dinner, so I know what to keep an eye out for,” Erica said.

Drew yawned and smacked her lips. “How about barbecue?”

“I can’t handle it,” Ashleigh said. “That last batch we ate gave me heartburn that Tums couldn’t touch.”

Kaitlyn pointed at a sign as they blew past. “How about Bennigan’s? They have all types of food there.”

This appealed to the group, but when they pulled into the parking lot, the restaurant was filled to capacity and the wait for a table would have been at least an hour. The bar and grill across the street with the ten-minute wait won out.

Drew looked around at the eighties memorabilia when they were seated. “What a nifty idea for a restaurant.”

“It’s like being transported back to our college years,” Kaitlyn said with a wistful smile as her gaze settled on the huge monitor. “Oh, I loved the Cure, they were so weird looking, but they made great music.”

“Remember wearing the long jackets with the shoulder pads and the spandex leggings?” Erica asked Kaitlyn.

“No, you wore that. I couldn’t pull off the look with my obvious height impairment.”

Erica stifled a laugh. Kaitlyn’s height topped out at five feet in junior high school and was a sensitive subject. Until her dark hair began to gray at the temples, Kaitlyn was often asked for her ID whenever she ordered a drink.

“I always went with the preppie look, but I bet our Ash sported the more provocative exposed midriff,” Drew said with a teasing grin.

Ashleigh’s face was inches from the menu as she looked it over. Erica grinned at Drew and Kaitlyn, who were also staring in Ashleigh’s direction awaiting her comment.

Drew gave her a gentle jab. “Ash?”

“The margarita chicken,” Ashleigh said, lowering the menu.

Drew rolled her eyes. “I was asking if you wore the exposed midriff thing in the eighties.”

Ashleigh’s gaze darted between the other three as her face colored. “Guilty.” She hid her blush behind her menu.

I bet she had the body for it back then, Erica thought as she regarded her bashful partner. In truth, she still had the body for it. She watched as Ashleigh tucked a lock of her long dark hair behind her ear. She glanced over at Erica and gave her a wink. Erica felt warmth spread over her as she remembered those green eyes locked with hers earlier that morning when they made love.

“You wanna split a club sandwich with me?” Kaitlyn asked Drew, who nodded and flipped the menu over to peruse the desserts. “Wanna split a brownie sundae with me, too?”

“Um, no, baby, you’re on your own with that. I’m getting the key lime pie.”

“Welcome to Sparky’s, ladies,” the waiter said with a smile. “We have a two-for-one drink special tonight, and I have to tell you that we have the best margaritas in town.”

“Oh, I’ll have one of those,” Drew said. “Maybe it’ll knock me on my ass. Hotel beds are hell to sleep in.” Drew looked over at Kaitlyn. “You want to drink the other one?”

“Sure, and I’d like a glass of water also,” Kaitlyn said as she set down her menu.

“I’ll have a glass of iced tea,” Erica told the waiter, who stood waiting on her order.

“Tea for me, too,” Ashleigh said.

Kaitlyn spun in her chair and looked at the huge screen behind the bar as Terence Trent D’Arby’s video for “Wishing Well” began. She laughed. “Erica used to dance her ass off when that song played.” Kaitlyn threw her head back and forth in imitation.

“You really don’t want me to start imitating you.” Erica looked at Ashleigh and Drew. “She had no rhythm, and she always screamed out ‘yeah’ when she danced. It was so embarrassing.”

Kaitlyn chuckled. “You butthole. When we get to the hotel tonight, I’m going to show them what you considered dancing. I won’t do it here and get us thrown out.”

“Well, thank God for that,” Drew said as the waiter appeared with their drinks, and took their order.

“I loved the Gap Band,” Ashleigh said with a sparkle in her eye as one of their songs began to play.

They reminisced about their favorite songs until the food arrived. Their attention alternated between the meal and the nonstop eighties videos that played on screens around the room. Erica and Kaitlyn continued to tease each other good-naturedly, while Ashleigh and Drew discussed eighties fashion faux pas and admitted to a few of their own.

“Oh, I love this song.” Kaitlyn drummed on the table until the song title came to mind. “‘Love’s Someday’ by Debbie Gibson. We used to dance to it at the clubs.”

“I can’t remember the name of the band, but I know it’s not Debbie Gibson. The singer’s voice is deeper than hers. I have the song on a cassette tape somewhere.” Erica gave Kaitlyn a nudge. “Remember those huge boxes of tapes we used to lug around everywhere?”

Kaitlyn nodded as she watched the video. She turned and looked at Ashleigh for a second, then looked back at the screen. Ashleigh had pushed her plate away and was staring down at her glass. Erica was studying her profile when Kaitlyn spoke, drawing her attention back to the screen.

“Look at this girl. If she had straight brown hair, she’d look just like Ash.”

Erica watched the singer as she moved across the screen; even with all the makeup and the long curly red hair, the resemblance was uncanny. She glanced over at Ashleigh, who looked as though she was going to be sick. “Ash—”

“Oh, my God,” Kaitlyn said, causing Erica and Drew to look at her, then the screen.

Erica felt the color drain from her face as she caught a glimpse of what Kaitlyn had called her attention to—a birthmark shaped like a crescent moon to the left of the singer’s navel. In the past five years, she’d kissed that mark countless times. Her mind denied what she had seen, but when she met Kaitlyn’s bewildered stare, she knew that she hadn’t imagined it.

“What the hell?” Drew asked, looking first at Erica, then at Ashleigh.

Erica opened her mouth to say it was all a mistake. Her mind still warred against what she’d seen. She turned to Ashleigh, wanting to hear her deny it, but she sat motionless staring at the table. Erica’s jaw snapped shut as she waited for the answer to Drew’s question.

“That was you, wasn’t it?” Drew pressed. “There’s no way that two people could have the same birthmark in exactly the same place.” She directed her attention to Erica when Ashleigh failed to answer. “Why did y’all keep this a secret from us? Why didn’t you—”

Kaitlyn put her hand atop Drew’s and gently squeezed, silencing her. Kaitlyn’s gaze darted to Ashleigh, then to Erica with a questioning look. Erica shook her head, and Kaitlyn winced. “You didn’t know, either,” Kaitlyn said softly.

“No, she didn’t.” Ashleigh spoke for the first time since her secret had been discovered.

Drew laughed nervously as she pushed her plate away. “I’m just floored.”

Erica motioned for the check. All four women sat in stunned silence as the table was cleared and the meal was paid for. When they climbed into the SUV, they remained silent until Erica merged onto the interstate.

“I don’t understand this,” Drew said with a shake of her head. “Why would you keep something like this a secret?”

Erica wondered the same thing. She alternated between shock and confusion, and finally pain. She couldn’t bring herself to confront Ashleigh until they were alone, but she made no move to silence Drew.

Ashleigh sat slumped against the door, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I was in a band in my early twenties, and we had one hit song before disappearing into obscurity. I just didn’t want to have to admit to everyone that I was a one-hit wonder.”

“Let it go for now,” Kaitlyn whispered as she draped an arm over Drew’s shoulder.

An awkward silence settled over the foursome. Each woman was lost in her own thoughts when Erica pulled in front of the hotel. “This will only take a minute,” Erica said as she got out. She knew that Kaitlyn would follow her in to pay for the room that she and Drew would share. She half expected Ashleigh to get out with them instead of waiting with Drew.

The doors were hardly closed when Drew asked, “Why?”

Ashleigh didn’t turn; instead, she pressed her forehead to the cool glass of the window and clamped her eyes shut. “I’ve already told you why.”

“Hey.” Drew leaned forward and gently tugged at Ashleigh’s sleeve. “You’ve confided in me with everything. Why is this so different? Why keep this even from me?”

“It’s a part of my life that I wish never existed. I did things that I’m not proud of, and I never wanted to relive it.”

Drew tugged a little harder on Ashleigh’s sleeve. “Look at me, Ash.”

Ashleigh exhaled loudly before turning to face Drew. “There’s a lot more to it than having a hit song. If I had told you about that, you’d eventually learn about the rest.” Ashleigh clamped her eyes shut again and swallowed hard against the tears. When she spoke again, her voice was raspy. “You’re all going to know my darkest secrets soon. Don’t press me for any more tonight, please.”

“Well, hell, honey, it’s not like you killed anyone.”

The look on Ashleigh’s face when she did open her eyes caused any further comment to die on Drew’s lips. She sank back in her seat when she noticed Erica and Kaitlyn walking toward the SUV.

Chapter Two

Ashleigh closed the door to the hotel room and leaned against it as she watched Erica drop their suitcase onto the bed. Her heart pounded in her chest, and her stomach twisted in knots as Erica sat, staring straight ahead. She’d known that this moment would come. She’d rehearsed what she would say in her mind a hundred times, but now, every well-thought-out explanation escaped her.

“Who are you?” Erica asked as she rubbed her palms together.

Ashleigh slid down the door into a squatting position. She didn’t trust herself not to open the door and run like she’d done in the past. “You know who I am.”

“I’m afraid I don’t. Up until this evening, you were simply Ashleigh Prather, my lover. Now it seems that you were at one time some sort of star. The whole world knew you but me.”

There was an angry edge to Erica’s voice, but when she turned in Ashleigh’s direction, she looked like a frightened child. A ponytail kept her wavy dark hair pulled back from her face, exposing the worry that etched her brow. Her hazel eyes stared past Ashleigh, seemingly unable to meet her own.

“Haven’t you ever lived through something that you’d rather not remember? Talking about it would bring back all the memories that you’ve longed to suppress?” Ashleigh rubbed her sweating palms on her pants leg.

Erica shook her head. “I’ve trusted you with all my secrets.”

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you, Erica,” Ashleigh began. She bowed her head, searching for words that wouldn’t come. “I just wanted it all to go away.”

“You’re that ashamed of a failed music career?”

“I was someone else then. I did things that have…haunted me.” Ashleigh chewed at her bottom lip, hating the way it trembled.

“What kinds of things?” Erica looked back at her shoes.

“I’m not ready to confront that tonight. Give me a little time, please?”

Erica let out a shuddering sigh as she stood. She kept her eyes averted as she spoke. “I’m going to take a shower.” She moved to the suitcase and pulled out a few things. “You’re making this worse.”

“I know,” Ashleigh said, fighting back tears. “Just be patient with me. It’s hard.”

Erica turned and retreated to the bathroom.

Ashleigh found that she couldn’t move. She felt out of place. She’d shared her body and her heart and made a home with Erica, but the distance that formed between them so quickly made her feel like she was trapped in a room with a stranger. She couldn’t bring herself to undress.

She listened to the water running in the shower as she forced herself to stand and move to the bed where she slipped off her shoes and lay down fully clothed. She wondered what was going through Erica’s mind and how she would go about explaining the whole sordid story. And then there was Drew and Kaitlyn. She’d have to face them in the morning and endure the same awkwardness with them. Putting her shoes back on and slipping off into the night became more appealing by the second.

She feigned sleep when Erica emerged from the bathroom. The bed moved as Erica wordlessly slipped under the covers and switched off the light. They lay there for a long time. Ashleigh knew that Erica was still awake. She wanted to reach out to her, feel that the connection between them had not been broken. Fear and shame kept her immobile.

“You okay?” Kaitlyn asked as she approached with a couple of coffees the next morning.

Erica stood in the parking lot, having escaped the oppressiveness of the hotel room while Ashleigh showered. “I’m all right.” Erica accepted a cup and stuffed her other hand in her pocket.

“You look tired. There’s dark circles under your eyes. Did you sleep?”

Erica shook her head and took a sip of her coffee. “I don’t think she did, either. She stared at the ceiling most of the night when she thought I was asleep.”

“Did you talk?”

Erica made little rows in the Styrofoam cup with her nails as she thought. “Not much. She asked me not to press her for answers last night. She needed time to deal with whatever she’s done.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

Erica shrugged and took another sip. “There’s a lot more to this than her having a music career that she didn’t bother to tell me about. She’s done something that she’s afraid to admit.”

“Aren’t you afraid of what that might be?” Kaitlyn asked as she studied Erica’s face.

“No, it’s something that happened twenty years ago.”

“Then why do you look so troubled?”

Erica looked at Kaitlyn as though the answer was obvious. “She kept this from me.” Erica’s lip trembled. She put her cup to her mouth to hide it.

“I asked Drew to let it drop for now. We’ve got another three hours on the road, and I don’t want it to be any more uncomfortable than it already is. She’s pretty upset, too, and you know how she is.”

Erica took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, forcing the lump in her throat to recede. Lack of sleep lessened her ability to cope and keep her emotions in check. What she needed was time alone. She wasn’t looking forward to the drive ahead.

“Do you think you could take the wheel today?” Erica asked Kaitlyn. “I’m exhausted.”

“Sure.” Kaitlyn turned when she heard a hotel room door open. Ashleigh stepped out with a suitcase and tossed it into the SUV. “It looks like Ash is ready. I’m going to get Drew and we’ll hit the road.”

Erica rode in the front passenger’s seat while Kaitlyn drove. Drew and Ashleigh were in the back, and Erica noticed that Ashleigh had molded her body as tightly as she could to the door with her forehead resting on the window. Drew to her credit was quiet. The only conversation they did have had been about going home and returning to daily routines. Ashleigh hadn’t said a word all morning.

With her eyes closed, Erica leaned her head against the headrest and let her mind wander. Their yearly vacation had been wonderful. Nashville would not have been her first choice of vacation spots, but she’d enjoyed it nonetheless. She’d managed to leave all thoughts of work behind and enjoy the company of the woman she considered her wife. It had been perfect, then ruined in a matter of hours.

She found herself dissecting the last five years and looking for any clues of Ashleigh’s former life that she might’ve missed. The first time she visited Ashleigh’s home, she’d noticed how sparse it was. There were no framed photos of friends or family. Erica remembered thinking that odd, but when Ashleigh explained that her family had disowned her when they discovered her sexuality, it made sense.

Ashleigh had been a loner then. There were only a handful of people she worked with who were considered acquaintances. Erica never had to worry about making a good impression on the “best” friends as Ashleigh did with her. It never occurred to Erica that Ashleigh was hiding away from anything or anyone.

What had she done twenty years ago? Was it criminal? Until the previous night, she believed that she and Ashleigh could face anything together come what may, and that’s what gnawed at her. She’d been cut out of the loop. She’d bared her soul and told Ashleigh everything. She’d shared all her experiences and her shortcomings. And Ashleigh had kept hidden from her a pivotal part of her life. This revelation cast doubt on their existence together. What else didn’t she know? Was the whole relationship based on a web of lies that she had been content to believe? Erica was jarred from her thoughts when she felt the vehicle slow and exit the interstate. She opened her eyes, stretched, and looked over at Kaitlyn.

“Potty break,” Kaitlyn said softly.

Erica looked over her shoulder. Ashleigh appeared to be asleep, and Drew didn’t make a sound. She and Kaitlyn climbed out and closed the doors gently.

“You’re not asleep,” Drew said as she watched Kaitlyn and Erica walk toward the restrooms. Ashleigh didn’t respond, but Drew had seen her moments before they stopped take a drink from her Pepsi and replace the bottle in the cup holder. “Ashleigh.”

Ashleigh turned and looked at her. Her eyes were puffy and swollen with dark circles beneath them. “What?” She reached for the bottle again.

“You know I’m going to scour the Net when we get home.” Drew took the bottle from Ashleigh then made a face of disgust when she realized the soda was flat and warm.

“And I’m sure that you’ll discover my dirty secret. You don’t need me to tell you anything.”

“Why are you being like this? I thought I was your closest friend. Help me understand.”

Ashleigh shook her head in frustration. “I had all of that tucked away. For years, I convinced myself that it wasn’t really me. I mean, what are the chances that anyone would play that damn video? It’s been twenty years.”

Drew tried to keep her tone level. “We saw it. There’s no taking it back now. Let us—me—help you deal with it. Ash, open up, tell me what happened to make you so upset by all this.”

“I feel like…” Ashleigh wiped angrily at the tears that slipped from her eyes. “Everything’s out of control. I’ve dealt with this. I don’t want to be forced to confront it now.”

“If you’ve shelved it somewhere in your brain, you haven’t dealt with anything.” Drew reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind Ashleigh’s ear. “You’ve got a woman that loves you and friends in me and Kaitlyn that will never judge you.”

Ashleigh turned back toward the window. “Can you honestly promise that? You have no idea what I’ve done.”

“If I had done what you did, could you turn your back on me?”

Ashleigh didn’t answer as her body shook with silent sobs.

“Come here.” Drew unbuckled her seat belt and pulled Ashleigh close. “I don’t care what you’ve done. You’re my best friend, more like a sister, really. You’ll always have me beside you, I promise.”

Ashleigh let herself be pulled into Drew’s embrace, but self-recrimination kept her from returning the hug. When Drew noticed Kaitlyn and Erica making their way back, she gently pushed Ashleigh’s head down into her lap. She and Kaitlyn exchanged glances when Kaitlyn climbed back into the driver’s seat. Erica climbed into her seat with a quick glance back but said nothing. The rest of the trip was made in silence.

Chapter Three

When they arrived home in St. Francisville, Louisiana, Erica felt her tension rise. Within minutes, they would drop Kaitlyn and Drew off, then the buffer between her and Ashleigh would be gone. She wanted to know, had to know, whatever Ashleigh would invariably reveal, but there was a part of her that wished they could pretend everything was the same.

“I’ll pick you up in the morning,” Kaitlyn said as Erica helped her pull out their suitcases. She lowered her voice. “And if you need to talk, you’ve only got to walk two doors down.”

“I appreciate it, Katie.” Erica forced a smile.

Ashleigh was already in the passenger’s seat when Erica climbed back into the vehicle. “Do you want to order a pizza or something?” She tried to sound causal.

“I’m not hungry,” Ashleigh said without looking at her. “You may want to order a small. I’ll have cereal later.”

Erica doubted that she’d be able to eat much, either, and dispensed with the idea as she pulled into their driveway. They unloaded their things in silence. Erica was unsure what to do with herself when Ashleigh took their dirty clothes into the laundry room. She made herself a cup of tea and leaned against the kitchen counter until Ashleigh returned.

“I know we need to talk,” Ashleigh said when she noticed Erica. She crossed her arms and leaned against the refrigerator.

Erica nodded and felt numb as she moved to the kitchen table and took a seat. “Would you please sit?” She pushed out a chair with her foot.

At first it appeared that Ashleigh would remain in the spot where she stood. She paced back and forth for a minute and finally sank down into the chair looking uncomfortable.

Erica searched her brain for something to say. “Want me to make you a cup of tea?”

“No.” Ashleigh drummed her fingers nervously on the table. “I don’t know how to begin.”

Erica wanted to reach out and take one of Ashleigh’s fidgeting hands, but the chasm of distance that had formed between them left her unsure of how to behave.

“I feel like my past is another life. When we first started dating, I wanted to tell you, but I’d lived years convincing myself that it never happened. To give voice to it meant it was real, and I didn’t want to have to try and cope all over again.”

Ashleigh’s gaze refused to meet hers when she spoke. Erica watched her closely as she clutched the warm cup in both hands. “That makes sense,” Erica said before taking a sip of the tea that was supposed to calm her. It wasn’t working. “I know that you’d like to stay in that state of denial, but I need to know…who you are.”

“Who I was,” Ashleigh said, finally meeting her eyes. “You know who I am now.”

Erica nodded and set the cup back on the table. “Then tell me.”

Ashleigh stood and pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Erica watched as her hands trembled while she fumbled with the lid. When she returned to the table, she remained standing.

“There was no one to run to when my parents tossed me out. I think they figured that I’d see the severity of the situation and come running back. They thought I could change who I was, I guess. I remember standing in the Savannah bus terminal wondering where I should go. I saw Baton Rouge on the schedule. I liked the name, so I bought a ticket, and the next day, I arrived with a guitar, some money in my pocket, and a few clothes.”

In her mind’s eye, Erica saw the image of an eighteen-year-old Ashleigh on a bus headed to a strange town. She seriously doubted that she would have possessed the fortitude at that age to make the journey alone.

“I knew the money wouldn’t last long, so I stayed in the cheapest motel I could find. I landed a job in a coffee shop. I worked days serving coffee, and the owner let me play and sing a few nights a week. That’s how I met Chantal.”

Erica looked at her questioningly.

“She was a drummer and had a girlfriend that played keyboards. Chantal was starting a band and liked my voice. After she found a lead guitarist and bass player, we started playing local clubs.” Ashleigh finally slipped back into her chair and looked over at Erica. “It seemed like a dream. The bassist had a few connections. We recorded a demo, and everything seemed to happen overnight.”

“You were picked up by a record company that quickly?”

“Yeah, we had the electronic sound that was becoming extremely popular. I went from sleeping on Chantal’s couch to the road. It was exciting but lonely at the same time. We’d come back to Baton Rouge occasionally, and everyone would go home.”

Ashleigh stared off as she recounted, and Erica noticed that her eyes had moistened.

“I really didn’t have anywhere to go. Chantal invited me to stay with her and Vicki, but I needed time to myself after being on the road with all of them. I had some money then, but not enough to get a place of my own, much less furnish it. I booked myself into a slightly better hotel than I’d stayed in before and waited for the next road trip.”

“There was no one…no girlfriend in your life then?” Erica asked, finding it hard to believe that Ashleigh was so alone.

Ashleigh shook her head and looked down at the table. “I won’t deny that I didn’t take advantage of the trappings that come with being a part of a band that was growing popular. I had…dalliances, but that’s all they were. The women I met were more interested in my lifestyle than they were me.”

Erica refused to ask how many dalliances there were. She figured she was better off not knowing.

“When ‘Love’s Someday’ hit the charts, we went into hyper-drive. We took to the road nonstop. The venues kept getting larger. We started opening for bands that I never dreamed we’d share a stage with.” A slight smile made its way across Ashleigh’s face then. “It was one of the most exciting times in my life.

“The guitarist and I were the only single women in the band,” Ashleigh said as she gestured nervously with her hands. She looked as though she was struggling with what to say next. “We ended up together, and for a while, everything was perfect. I had someone who understood my life, and our career continued to climb.”

Erica pushed away the tea that had grown cold while she listened. “This was a serious relationship?”

“For me, it was,” Ashleigh admitted as her eyes took on that faraway look again. “For her, not so much. She broke my heart more than once. We broke up and I looked for someone to cling to, someone to ground me and fill the void that’d been created. I started dating a girl who joined our road team.” Ashleigh scrubbed at her face. “I didn’t love her. There was no real connection. We went from one party to another. She was more adventurous than me, and we drank and sampled every drug that was offered to us.”

Erica was stunned by that revelation and realized that was more than likely why Ashleigh avoided alcohol now. “Were you…did you..?” Erica was unable to finish the question.

“I don’t think I was an addict.” Ashleigh shrugged. “I was on my way, though.”

“Is this why you don’t want to remember the past?” Erica asked, hoping it was that simple, but the way Ashleigh looked at her, she knew it wasn’t.

“Kelly had a heart defect that she wasn’t aware of,” Ashleigh continued in a strained voice. “We partied it up one night. I was so out of it that I don’t remember going back to the hotel. I woke up the next afternoon, but Kelly never did. She was…cold when I reached for her.”

Erica had never seen Ashleigh look like she did at that moment. Though tears streamed from her eyes, her face was like stone. Erica’s mind reeled from what she’d just heard. It was almost too much. She was tempted to ask Ashleigh to stop when she began again.

“My road manager was spinning different yarns before her body was even removed from the room. He was brainstorming with the record executives on how to keep the scandal to a minimum. The last two dates of the tour were canceled because of my ‘exhaustion.’ Everything was swept under the rug, and I was expected to go on as if nothing ever happened. I did then what I do best,” Ashleigh said, looking over at Erica. “I disappeared. I left the band high and dry, moved to the outskirts of Baton Rouge, and started over again. I haven’t seen or spoken to any of my bandmates since.”

Both women sat silently then. Erica pinched the bridge of her nose as she pictured Ashleigh waking up next to a lifeless body. Erica’s hand moved of its own volition and timidly rested atop Ashleigh’s shaking hands that were clasped tightly together. She watched as Ashleigh’s gaze moved to their hands, then to meet hers. A storm brewed in the green depths. And though Erica could feel the warmth of her skin, she could not feel the warmth that had always existed between them.

Walls of self-preservation were being built between them brick by brick. Erica could feel her own clicking into place as she remembered Ashleigh’s admission. I did then what I do best—I disappeared. Erica wondered if now that the secret was revealed, Ashleigh would do the same to her.

Chapter Four

“Monday mornings suck.” Kaitlyn let herself in the screen door. “Actually, mornings just suck. You need to convince your dad to let us work nights.”

Erica stood in front of the coffeepot waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. “You tell him that. Do it the minute you walk into the office.”

“Ah, you saw the e-mails, too. He’s gonna be a bear today.” Kaitlyn pulled a mug from the cabinet and set it next to the coffeepot. “We should extend our vacation by a day, give him time to cool off.”

“Unfortunately, that will only piss him off more. We have to go in and face the music.”

“Speaking of music, did you and Ashleigh talk?” Kaitlyn asked casually as she spooned cream and sugar into her cup.

Erica lowered her voice. “We’ll talk about it when we get in the car.”

They were five miles from chaos, according to the volley of e-mails that Erica had read in her office at home that morning. Unlike any other time that they’d returned from their yearly vacation, Erica looked forward to being swamped beneath the workload. Kaitlyn did not.

“I’m taking the long way.” Kaitlyn glanced at the clock. “We’ve got time. Now tell me about Ash.”

Erica groaned when Kaitlyn took the route that would extend their drive from five to fifteen minutes. “She lived the life of drugs, sex, and rock and roll, end of story.”

Kaitlyn slapped her hand on the steering wheel. “Details or I’m pulling into the doughnut shop.”

“Well.” Erica blew out a long breath. “She was in a band that had a hit. She got caught up in drink and drugs, and a woman she was dating overdosed. After that, she quit the band and went into hiding for the next fifteen years. Then she met me and you know our history.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Erica could see Kaitlyn glancing between her and the road. “Why did she keep that from you?” Kaitlyn asked. “I can understand how that would’ve been traumatic for her, but why all the secrecy?”

Erica flexed her hands that had been clamped tightly into fists. “She’s ashamed, and I can understand that, but just the same, I feel betrayed. It makes me wonder if she’s hiding something else.”

Kaitlyn was quiet for a moment as she meandered down tree-lined roads. “There’s no denying that she kept her past hidden from you. But now, there’s not an hour of the day that you don’t know where she is. She goes to work, has lunch with Drew, and is waiting at home when you get in from work. Her life is completely transparent.”

Erica couldn’t put into words how unsettled she felt. She knew what Kaitlyn said was true, but she still felt that she shared her home with a stranger.

As Kaitlyn pulled into her parking spot, Erica felt relief wash over her. Barrett Industries was her second home. She and the thriving family business had grown up together. Though she knew she would be walking into a storm when she crossed the threshold, she was looking forward to it. She needed something else to occupy her mind.

Erica and Kaitlyn had their own routines. Kaitlyn would go straight into the breakroom and fill her coffee mug, then she would grab a doughnut and head for logistics, who filled her in on the status of each job and the company gossip. Erica, on the other hand, needed quiet time to get her head in the game.

Erica and her older sister, Sharon, had always known what they wanted to be when they grew up. Sharon was going to be a lawyer/doctor/cosmetologist but graduated with a teaching degree. Erica said she was going to work with her dad, and that’s exactly what she did. Refurbishing chemical tank trailers and reselling them was not glamorous, but it was something that Erica and her father shared an interest in. Bob Barrett was a tough boss, but she couldn’t imagine working for anyone else.

Erica had no sooner switched on her computer when Bob entered her office. He walked over and kissed her cheek, then settled in a chair in front of her desk.

“We have a meeting with Todd Lowery this morning. Ellis has made a mess of the McKesson account, as I’m sure you well know.”

“Good morning, Dad,” Erica said with a hint of a smile as she studied her father. The wavy thick dark hair that he’d passed on to her had been trimmed, her mother’s handiwork, no doubt. Except for the worry lines etched in his brow, he looked rested. His slate-colored eyes were focused on her, and she watched as his worry lines seemed to go slightly deeper.

“Good morning, honey. Forgive me, how was the trip? You look a little pale.”

“Evidently, not long enough. It appears I’ve walked back into a crap storm,” Erica said, steering the conversation away from her.

“To say the least,” Bob said with evident frustration. “Todd showed up here on Thursday, made a six-hour trip with a crew, and there were no tanks.”

Erica groaned. “Were they still in refurb?”

“One was. The other two didn’t arrive until Friday. I met up with Kaitlyn before I came in here. She’s got a team going over the other two now. If we have any luck at all, they’ll be in good shape.”

“So we’re looking at a week before we’re ready to deliver?”

“Maybe more if we’re not so lucky.”

Erica leaned back in her chair. “Did Ellis give any reason why he dropped the ball?”

“Said he had too much on his plate.”

“Kaitlyn and I handle five accounts each. He has one, and his plate is overloaded?”

Bob raised his hands and let them drop into his lap. “He’s not a multi-tasker.”

They’d had this conversation over a hundred times. Ellis Polinsky was well past retirement age, but neither Erica nor her father had the heart to force him out. “What time is the meeting with Todd?”

Bob looked at his watch. “We have an hour.”

Erica nodded and made a few notes on the tablet before her. “Did he send his crew back?”

Bob nodded. “They’re on the payroll. He couldn’t have them waiting around here until we got our crap together.”

“Okay,” Erica said, then let out a long breath. “I’ll round up some contract drivers. If Todd wants to stay in town and oversee the work, we need to foot the bill on that. We’ll also have to compensate him for the wasted day’s wages for his crew. I’ll get with Kaitlyn and see what her estimates are. We’ll be ready for Todd when he gets here.”

“Good,” Bob said as he stood. “I need to make a few calls, but I’ll have Patrice let us all know when Todd gets here.”

Erica made calls and held impromptu meetings doing as much damage control as she could in an hour’s time. The distraction was what she needed, but thoughts of Ashleigh loomed in the recesses of her mind, waiting for the first idle moment to move in.

“That went well,” Kaitlyn said sarcastically when the meeting with Todd Lowery concluded.

“He has every right to be angry.” Erica slumped in her chair. “We dropped the ball.”

Kaitlyn wanted to say that Ellis dropped the ball but kept it to herself. She liked the old man, but cleaning up after him was becoming more difficult with every incident.

“We’ll have him on his way in a couple of days,” Bob said. “I think he was happy with the account reassignment. Now the question is, who wants it?”

“I’ll take it,” Erica and Kaitlyn said in unison, then laughed at each other.

“It makes more sense for me to take it,” Kaitlyn said. “You handle more than accounts, Erica. Let me relieve some of the pressure.”

“Promise to tell me if it gets to be too much.”

“Promise. There is the matter of lunch that needs to be attended to.” Kaitlyn looked at Bob, then Erica. “Where will we order from?”

“You girls have earned your kibble today,” Bob said with a grin. “I’ll have Patrice place an order at Belle’s. What would you like?”

“Jambalaya, and lots of it,” Kaitlyn said with a smile. “With garlic bread, don’t forget the bread.”

Chapter Five

At lunch, Ashleigh made the short walk home to check the spaghetti that she’d left on the stove to slow cook. When she moved to St. Francisville from Baton Rouge, she was lucky to land a job at the only doctor’s office in town. She was promoted a year later when the office manager retired, an accomplishment by default, but the raise did sweeten the deal. That the office was two blocks away from her front door was an added bonus. St. Francisville with its moss-laden trees and Southern charm reminded her of Savannah. Occasionally she missed her childhood home, but those times were growing less frequent.

As Ashleigh walked past Drew and Kaitlyn’s house, Drew stopped working her flowerbeds and fell in step with her. “I was wondering if you were coming home for lunch today.” Drew draped an arm around Ashleigh’s shoulders.

“I’m making spaghetti for dinner, and I need to check it,” Ashleigh said, knowing that Drew was not going to leave her alone.

Drew gave Ashleigh’s shoulder a squeeze. “I made taco soup, join me. It’s your favorite, and I added extra jalapeños just for you.”

Ashleigh hadn’t had an appetite since she saw herself prancing across the screen in the video that wrecked her life. She hated to hurt Drew’s feelings further by refusing to eat.

“Just let me check the sauce and I’ll be right over.”

“I’ll walk with you,” Drew said without letting her go. “I’m out of soda, and I wanna raid your fridge. Do you have any cheddar?”

Ashleigh pulled out her keys and unlocked the door. She held it open for Drew, who patted her cheek as she walked by. Ashleigh followed her inside and went straight to the stove. She stirred the sauce while Drew rummaged around in the refrigerator.

Drew helped herself to a drink and pulled a block of cheese from the crisper. She handed Ashleigh a soda and leaned against the counter, making it obvious she was trying to catch Ashleigh’s eye.

“I…um…looked you up online last night,” Drew said as her gaze swept over Ashleigh’s face looking for a reaction. “You probably don’t want to hear this right now, but I’m blown away. There was some old concert footage on YouTube. I had such a hard time making the correlation between you and the woman I saw there.”

Ashleigh never could make herself look at the footage. She hadn’t watched their one and only music video in its entirety. Her self-critique was brutal. She didn’t like the way she moved or the way she sounded. And after Kelly’s death, she couldn’t look at any of it again.

“You were quite the accomplished musician,” Drew went on when Ashleigh didn’t comment. “Vocals, piano, guitar, drums. Was there anything you couldn’t do?”

“Control myself,” Ashleigh said, keeping her attention on anything but Drew.

“Come with me.” Drew tugged Ashleigh’s scrub shirt decorated with funny-faced kittens and cats.

Ashleigh followed her out the door, resigned to the fact that the conversation was inevitable.

“I read about Kelly Jasinski. The article implied that you two were lovers.”

Ashleigh was about to take a sip of soda but lowered the can from her mouth. Hearing the name on Drew’s lips made her insides turn to ice. The bright sun that shone on them as they walked to Drew’s house failed to warm her.

Drew pushed open the kitchen door and the smell of the soup filled Ashleigh’s senses. Normally, she would have run over Drew to get to the stove. She sank down at the table feeling slightly nauseated.

“Your song was huge. I had no idea that it topped the charts for three weeks,” Drew said casually as she moved about the kitchen. “I used to love it. It seems so strange to me that I sang along with you twenty years ago.”

Drew placed a bowl in front of Ashleigh and grated cheese over the piping hot soup. “This is really a fall and winter dish, but I was craving it. Notice that I’m going to continue to chatter until you interrupt me.”

“Drew,” Ashleigh said, picking up her spoon and stirring the concoction that she could not bring herself to eat.

“What happened to you, Ash?” Drew sat opposite her at the table.

It all came tumbling out in a rush as Ashleigh recounted what she’d told Erica the night before. She wondered when the tears would come and ruin her makeup, but they never did. She didn’t have anything left to shed after the previous evening. She was emotionally and physically drained and didn’t know how she’d find the strength to go back to work and finish the day.

“You just walked away and never looked back,” Drew said, dumbfounded.

“I couldn’t sing another note. I didn’t have another song in me to write,” Ashleigh said angrily. “Everyone expected me to forge on and I was frozen. The show couldn’t just go on for me. No one understood what it was like looking down on Kelly’s lifeless face and know it was all my fault.”

“How was it your fault?” Drew pushed her bowl of uneaten soup away. “Did you force her to take the drugs? Did you know she had a heart condition?”

“I’ve asked myself those same questions. No, I didn’t force her to do anything, and neither of us had any idea of her condition. I was there, though, drowning myself in a well of alcohol and drugs. It was her choice to participate, but she might not have gone to the lengths that she did if I hadn’t been right there with her.”

“Pardon me, but bullshit,” Drew said. “Sounds to me like she still would’ve done it with or without you. I understand that you feel responsible, it makes sense, but you’re punishing yourself unnecessarily.” Drew narrowed her eyes and cocked her head. “What else made you run?”

Ashleigh stared back at Drew as though she’d been caught in a trap that she was helpless to escape.

“You said you had a relationship with the guitarist, but you never say her name. I find that a little odd.”

“Alex was my first love,” Ashleigh said. The name burned on her tongue. Time had not erased the bitterness she still felt, even though it had obscured her memory of the pain that she’d never experienced before or since.

Drew smacked her lips. “Now we’re getting to the heart of the matter.”

“Are you thinking that I still pine away for her?” Ashleigh asked defensively.

“Do you?” Drew raised a brow.

“Absolutely not. At her best, she could never measure up to Erica.” Ashleigh stood. “I need to get back to work.”

Drew jumped to her feet and grabbed Ashleigh by the shoulders, forcing her to look at her. “This has been bottled up for twenty years. It’s time to let go of the guilt and shame and especially the anger. You’ve allowed these feelings to rob you of a career that looked very promising.”

Ashleigh smiled ruefully. “If I hadn’t been ‘robbed,’ then I’d have never met you or Erica. It’s worked out pretty well for me so far.”

Drew chuckled. “Well, that is true. What would you do without me?”

“I’m not spending the night here,” Kaitlyn’s voice said over Erica’s intercom. “It’s six. At six thirty, my car is pulling out of the driveway. I suggest you be in it.”

“I’ll meet you outside in thirty minutes,” Erica said. “Don’t leave me like you did before we went on vacation.”

“Then don’t be late, weenie.”

Erica reluctantly pushed back from her desk and stuffed a few things into her briefcase that she needed to work on. She would’ve preferred to remain at the office and take advantage of the quiet time to chip away at the mountain of work that had accumulated while she was away.

“What are your plans for this evening?” Kaitlyn asked when she climbed into the car.

“I’m gonna go over the Travis account. I didn’t have time to look at it today because of the McKesson deal.”

“Erica!” Kaitlyn said, glancing over. She veered off the main road and took the long way, causing Erica to grit her teeth. “Don’t you think you should spend some time with Ashleigh?”

“We’ll have the weekend for that. Right now, I’ve got tons of work to do and little time to do it.”

“You know what?” Kaitlyn said angrily. “You have no one to blame but yourself for Ashleigh keeping her history from you. Poor thing probably tried to tell you a dozen times and you had your face buried in that computer. A relationship takes work, too, ya know?”

In no mood to be lectured on relationships, Erica tried to keep her temper in check. “Drop it, Katie. I don’t need you to go Dr. Phil on me.”

“Don’t come crying to me when she—”

“Drop it!”

“I didn’t mean that,” Kaitlyn said softly. “You know I’ll always be there for you. But know this, after the tears stop falling, I’m going to remind you of this conversation.”

“Noted, now take the next street. I don’t want to take the scenic route home.”

Kaitlyn did as she was asked. When Erica got out of the car, they both mumbled a good night, and Kaitlyn drove home.

Chapter Six

Kaitlyn walked into the dark kitchen and noticed the pot on the stove. Dinner was ready, but there was no sign of Drew. She walked into the den, and in the corner sat her partner staring at the computer screen.

“Woman, what are you doing and why isn’t my dinner on the table?”

Drew leaned back in her chair and plucked the reading glasses from her nose. “Woman, what took you so long to get home and where’s my kiss?”

Kaitlyn chuckled and walked over to where Drew sat. She gave Drew a peck on the lips, then knelt beside her. “How was your day, love?”

“I got all the summer growth pruned in the front flowerbed and had lunch with Ash. I fixed the washing machine, so it no longer sounds like it’s gonna come through the wall and attack us. And in between playing on the computer, I took a nap like a bum.”

Kaitlyn gave Drew a disapproving look. “You’re hardly a bum. You get up and make my breakfast every morning. Cook my meals, do my laundry, and keep this house spotless.” Kaitlyn took Drew’s hand into hers and kissed her palm. “I’m spoiled rotten.”

“Do you really see it that way?” Drew asked as concern etched her face.

“Drew, honey, I’m one of the luckiest women alive. I go to work, and I don’t have to worry about what to cook for dinner. I don’t have to worry about getting home in time to cut the grass before dark. My clothes are always clean and in the closet. How many women can say that? I live a life of luxury because you provide it. So, yes, I truly do see it that way.”

“Thank you,” Drew said as the smile returned to her face. She leaned down and placed the sweetest of kisses on Kaitlyn’s lips.

“How is Ash?” Kaitlyn stood and rubbed Drew’s shoulders.

Drew groaned as Kaitlyn massaged the knotted muscles in her neck. “Ash has some big hurdles to jump. I’ll tell you about it over dinner.”

Kaitlyn leaned closer to the computer screen. “Is that her?”

Long dark red curls obscured the faintly familiar face as they hung down and covered one green eye. The smile was cocky as she stood with one hand on her hip. The jacket with the large shoulder pads hid the slight frame.

“Her legs look like toothpicks,” Kaitlyn said with a grin. “I like the boots, though.” Kaitlyn looked at the other women who stood alongside Ashleigh. “So this must be the rest of the band,” she said, leaning in for a closer look. “I never got the name Versal, though, what does it mean?”

“That’s the drummer’s last name, she founded the band. That’s her on the far right.” Drew pointed to the shortest member of the group. What she lacked in height, she made up in muscle. The sleeveless vest showed off well-formed biceps. She too had a head full of curly long hair.

“What’s up with all the curls?” Kaitlyn asked as she pulled Drew from her seat and toward the kitchen.

“Katie, you remember the eighties. That was one of the more popular styles. Long and curly, and always down over one eye.”

“Did you wear your hair like that?” Kaitlyn asked with a grin as she sat at the table. As long as she’d known Drew, her hair had been short, but long on top and always in her eyes. It was nearly all gray, but the style still gave her the appearance of someone who grayed prematurely. It was Drew’s height that had first caught her eye. At only five feet, Kaitlyn felt like everyone towered over her; Drew was only an inch taller. She would’ve liked to say that it was Drew’s blue eyes that captured her next, but in truth, it was how she filled out her jeans. Kaitlyn’s grin stayed on her face as she admired that rear end as it moved around the kitchen.

“I tried, but my hair is too straight, and I got tired of perming the shit out of it.” Drew set a bowl of soup in front of Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn’s empty growling stomach caused her to be rude, and she grabbed her spoon and began eating before Drew joined her. She smiled apologetically and mumbled around a mouthful, “Sorry.” She took another bite and swallowed before attacking the bread with the same gusto. “So tell me about Ash.”

Drew repeated the story as Kaitlyn ate and listened intently. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not minimizing the fact that someone died, but I still can’t understand the big deal.”

“Well, it’s a big deal to Ash,” Drew said, rolling her eyes. “She copes by ignoring things, and the bad thing is that Erica’s the same way. I don’t think Ash is going to be able to ignore this any longer now that it’s all out, and frankly, I don’t want her to. She needs to meet this head-on.”

Kaitlyn took her empty bowl to the stove and refilled it, then did the same with Drew’s. “I know all the head shrinkers say that denial is not a good way to handle things, but it seemed to work for her so far.”

“You sound just like Ash,” Drew said as she accepted her bowl from Kaitlyn. “From what I’ve read, Ash was extremely talented. Did you know she wrote their hit? She can’t keep that gift locked away. It’s a part of who she is.”

“You’ve certainly been doing your research. What else have you learned?”

“The band is still together. They play at a local club a couple times a month. Chantal, the drummer, maintains the Web site.” Drew started speaking rapidly. “All of the original members are still together, except for Ash, of course. Chantal is really nice, and they’re not recording—”

“Nice?” Kaitlyn’s spoon froze between the bowl and her mouth. “Did you contact her?”

Drew smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Drew Talbot! I cannot believe you.”

Drew’s face colored as she looked at Kaitlyn as innocently as she could. “I couldn’t help myself. I saw the site, then the e-mail address. My fingers were moving before I knew what I was doing. I told her that we saw a video of theirs recently, and I looked up their Web site. When she called, I couldn’t keep my mouth closed.”

Kaitlyn’s spoon fell to the table with a clatter. Her mouth moved, but only a squeak came out.

Drew reached over and grabbed Kaitlyn’s arm with a pleading look. “She was so excited. They’ve been looking for Ashleigh for a long time.”

Kaitlyn held up a finger. “Stop speaking, it’s getting worse with every word.”

“Don’t be mad at me, Katie. I couldn’t help myself. You know I’m like a dog with a bone sometimes.” Drew stood and followed Kaitlyn as she paced around the kitchen. “This is not a bad thing—”

“Honey, it’s an invasion of Ashleigh’s privacy and Erica’s too for that matter,” Kaitlyn said incredulously. “They may kill us both.”

“Chantal is giving us a backstage pass for Saturday night. Free drinks and a reserved table for the show. Can we go?”

Kaitlyn looked as if all the air escaped her lungs. “Well, yeah,” she said calmly and put her hands to her mouth. “Oh, my God, what did I just agree to?”

Drew danced around the kitchen while Kaitlyn fought off a panic attack. “We can never tell them we did this, do you understand me?” Kaitlyn grabbed Drew, stilling her. “They are going to be so pissed at us if they find out.”

“Okay, it’s our secret,” Drew said, barely able to contain her excitement.

“Dinner smells amazing,” Erica said when she walked in the door.

“The pasta will only take a moment,” Ashleigh said as Erica dropped her briefcase on the floor by her office. Erica pulled a bottle of red wine from the rack on the kitchen counter that sat untouched for years. She dusted off the bottle and searched for an opener. “Bad day at work?” Ashleigh asked as she checked the bread.

“Ellis messed up some stuff.” Erica uncorked the wine. “We spent the day soothing a customer and cleaning up.” Erica filled her glass and took a sip. She looked at Ashleigh awkwardly before kissing her on the cheek. “How was your day?”

“Busy too,” Ashleigh said, feeling uncomfortable. The kiss seemed forced. She knew that Erica was dealing with it all the best she could, and at the moment, Ashleigh didn’t have the inner strength to help. She didn’t want this between them, but she didn’t want to confront it again, either. She’d foolishly hoped that Erica would forget it all, along with her. “Runny noses, one dog bite, and a backlog of paperwork, typical hectic Monday.”

“A dog bite,” Erica said with a raised brow. “Was it bad?”

“Actually, no. Lydia’s poodle got overzealous while playing with a toy and gave her a nip.”

“How many nips this month?”

“Three counting today,” Ashleigh said while draining the pasta.

“Sounds like an abusive relationship.”

“Yeah, Lydia may be moving out soon, leaving Tippy the house.”

“Hope he can swing the mortgage. I don’t think the bank takes Milkbones anymore,” Erica said as she set the table.

With the events of the day relayed, they fell into silence again. Ashleigh chased the food around her plate, barely taking a few bites until Erica began to fidget and explained that she would have to spend the evening in her office catching up on the work she missed. Regardless of what Erica said, Ashleigh understood it to mean that Erica felt as out of sorts as she did.

When the kitchen was clean, Ashleigh decided to relax in the bath. At the top of the stairs, she looked at the attic door. She knew that Erica wouldn’t come up anytime soon. She made the detour and closed the door behind her. The attic was stuffed with everything that she and Erica collected over the years. Ashleigh picked her way through boxes until she found the two that she’d left packed when she first moved in with Erica.

Beneath old tax returns and general junk, Ashleigh found what she’d been looking for. She pulled the plastic bag from the box and sank down onto the floor, staring at it. The ketchup stains had turned brown with age, but she could still make out her handwriting. When will love’s someday be mine?

The band had traveled to Pensacola to play two shows. Broke, they were only able to afford one hotel room, and Ashleigh needed to breathe. She’d had enough in her pocket to afford a shake and fries and took her meager lunch to a park a block away. Loneliness and longing poured out of her onto the stained napkin. She wrote of the love she hoped to one day experience.

How Alex found her she didn’t know. She strolled up with the ever-present guitar and sat on the grass alongside Ashleigh, swiping an occasional fry. Alex effortlessly put music to the desires of Ashleigh’s heart that afternoon. And then later that night they sneaked back into the park and made love on a blanket next to the tree where they’d collaborated on the song that would change their lives.

Alex had been an excellent yet brutal teacher. Sex and passion were lessons that Ashleigh eagerly embraced, yet she graduated with honors in pain and heartbreak. Alex had moved on to her next student without a hint of remorse.

Ashleigh tossed the bag back into the box and dug farther. Her hands slid through papers in the dim light until she felt the glossy texture of the one picture, the only picture she dared to keep. It wasn’t a publicity photo but one someone had taken when times were good. The five of them stood smiling at the camera; Alex’s arms were draped around her shoulders, her cheek pressed against Ashleigh’s. Until seeing the video, Ashleigh had not sought Alex’s face. She thought that perhaps looking at it now would stir some emotion in her, maybe anger or the feeling of loss she felt before. Now she felt remote, detached, and she wondered if time had maybe healed old wounds.

Her eyes misted when she looked at Vicki wrapped in Chantal’s arms. She’d been too caught up in her own pain and never considered until now how much she missed one of her dearest friends. Were she and Chantal still together after all of these years? Had they forgiven her by now? Ashleigh tucked the picture away. The answers to these questions she would probably never know.

Chapter Seven

“I’m nervous,” Drew said as she and Kaitlyn walked toward the entrance of the club. “What if I start rambling and say too much again?”

“As long as you don’t blurt out Ashleigh’s address, we should be okay.” Kaitlyn looked around the parking lot. “There’s not a lot of cars here, they must not draw a big crowd.”

“They go on at ten, it’s only eight. Chantal suggested we come early so we could meet the band.”

Kaitlyn squeezed Drew’s hand. “At any other time, that would have really excited me, but we have two hours of conversation ahead of us, which broadens the margin of error.”

“I’ll behave, you don’t have to worry.”

“It’s not just you that I worry about,” Kaitlyn said with a smile. “I’ll probably gush over them like a teenager and say something incredibly stupid.”

Drew froze and tugged Kaitlyn to a stop. “Should we leave?”

“Are you nuts? And miss this opportunity? I brought a Sharpie. They’re autographing my bra.”

Drew and Kaitlyn timidly walked into the club. A handful of patrons sat at the bar and gave them a casual glance. A wall separated the large dance hall from the first bar, and Drew and Kaitlyn passed through the archway and watched as people moved around the stage arranging equipment.

“Should we ask one of them where Chantal is?” Drew looked for a familiar face.

“How do you know she’s not one of them?” Kaitlyn asked.

“Because I’ve seen her picture, and none of those people are her.”

“Okay, you go first.” Kaitlyn gave her a nudge.

“Chickenshit,” Drew said before walking up to a woman running cable. “Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find Chantal Versal?”

“Are you Drew Talbot?”

“Yes.”

“She’s expecting you, follow me.”

They followed the woman up a flight of stairs next to the stage and entered another area with a bar. The woman tapped on a door marked private. A tall blonde answered and looked at them in question.

“This is Drew Talbot,” the woman said, waving a hand in Drew’s direction.

The door opened wider. “Please come in. I’m Lindsay. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“This is my partner, Kaitlyn,” Drew said with a nervous smile.

“Nice to meet you, Kaitlyn,” Lindsay said while shaking their hands. She turned and led them down another hallway. “You’ll be meeting my partner, Jaclyn, in a second. This is our place, so if there’s anything you need or want, don’t hesitate to ask.” Lindsay paused in front of a door. “What can I get you ladies to drink?”

Drew gave Kaitlyn a questioning look.

“It’s open bar, you two get the VIP treatment this evening,” Lindsay said, grinning at them.

“Bourbon and Seven,” Kaitlyn replied. “The well brand is fine with me.”

“No problem,” Lindsay said. “And for you?” She looked at Drew.

“I’ll have the same.”

“Go on in, they’re expecting you. I’ll bring up the drinks in a minute,” Lindsay said before walking away.

“You go first.” Drew shoved Kaitlyn toward the door. Kaitlyn slowly turned the handle and peeked inside. Four women sat around the room, one held a guitar. They all looked at Kaitlyn with quizzical expressions as Drew shoved her deeper into the room.

“Hi, I’m Kaitlyn and my partner hiding in the hall is Drew,” Kaitlyn said with a sheepish grin. “We’re looking for Chantal.”

A woman an inch or two taller than Kaitlyn stood and approached them with a smile. Her short wavy black hair was filled with gel and tousled. Kaitlyn watched as the muscles of her bare arm flexed as she shook her hand. She knew who she was before she spoke.

“I’m Chantal,” she said with a bright smile. “We’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”

Suddenly emboldened, Drew brushed past Kaitlyn and shook Chantal’s hand vigorously. “It’s great to meet you in person. Thank you for inviting us.”

Chantal led them deeper into the room and pointed at another woman as she began to rise from the sofa. “This is my partner and the keyboardist for the band, Vicki Kavick.”

Taller than Chantal but with equally dark hair that hung to her shoulders, Vicki moved closer and shook their hands. “It’s great to meet you both.”

“I’m Jaclyn,” a tall redhead said as she moved in. “You probably met my partner, Lindsay, outside.”

“We did.” Drew shook Jaclyn’s hand. “She’s very sweet.”

“And this is Alex,” Chantal said, stepping aside as a tall brunette joined the group.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” she said with a smile.

Lindsay moved into the room behind them with a tray of drinks. Once she’d passed them out, she took a seat next to Jaclyn and looked at Kaitlyn and Drew with the same expectant expression.

“Thank you for making the drive all the way from St. Francisville to come and see us,” Vicki said.

“We’re thrilled to be able to take in one of your shows. I’m a fan from way back,” Kaitlyn said with a grin.

“How is Ashleigh?” Jaclyn asked, earning a disapproving look from Chantal.

“We…um…of course are happy to meet you, but we’ve been looking for Ashleigh for some time, so we don’t mean to be rude.” Chantal glanced back at Jaclyn.

“We understand,” Kaitlyn said. “Ashleigh’s doing fine, but to be honest, she doesn’t know we’re here. I imagine she’s going to be upset with us when she finds out.”

“Why?” Jaclyn asked the obvious question.

“We’ve known her for a long time, and she never told us that she was in the band,” Drew said.

Vicki appeared incredulous. “You had no idea?”

“Not a clue,” Kaitlyn said after draining her glass. “The woman we know is so far removed from all of this that it came as a huge shock when we found out.”

“All of that searching and she’s been under our noses all this time,” Jaclyn said with obvious disgust.

“Why have you been looking for her?” Drew said. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

Vicki glanced at Chantal before answering. “She was my best friend…and we all miss her.”

“You want to know why she walked out without ever speaking to you again,” Drew said, empathizing with the loss that Vicki obviously felt.

“Well, from what she’d told Erica, she doesn’t have fond memories of the time that she was in the business.” Kaitlyn quickly corrected when she noticed the stunned look on Jaclyn’s face. “It had nothing to do with y’all, she just…I guess she regretted that… Everything I’m saying is coming out wrong,” Kaitlyn said with an embarrassed grin.

“It’s okay,” Chantal said. “We all know why she left the group. We just couldn’t understand why she never got in touch with us.”

“Who is Erica?” Alex asked from across the room where she stood leaning in the corner. It was the first time she had participated in the conversation. Kaitlyn wasn’t sure she liked the look that flittered across Alex’s face when she explained that Erica was her closest friend and Ashleigh’s partner of five years.

Jaclyn took advantage of the lull in conversation. “So you’ve never heard her sing or play?”

“If she does, she keeps it well hidden,” Drew said. “We had no idea that she had any musical talent until we saw a video and recognized her.”

“What does she do for a living now?” Vicki asked.

“She’s an office manager.” Kaitlyn felt the need to steer the conversation in another direction. St. Francisville was a small town, and it would be easy to narrow down the doctor’s office that Ashleigh worked at. “Do y’all have any plans to record again?”

“No, it’s just a hobby now,” Vicki said. “Alex is an attorney, Jaclyn and Lindsay own this bar, and Chantal and I have a music store not far from here.”

“That reminds me…” Alex stood. “We have a few things to attend to,” she said with a look at Jaclyn.

“It was a pleasure meeting you both.” Alex moved to the door. “I hope we’ll see you again soon.”

“It was a real pleasure meeting you, Alex.” Kaitlyn felt like a liar. It had not been a pleasure at all. She knew the history between this woman and Ashleigh, she felt as though she’d betrayed Erica even more by coming here.

Lindsay stood with her partner. “I need to get to work, but I’ll be around when the show starts. Let me know if you need or want anything.”

The three left, leaving Drew and Kaitlyn alone with Chantal and Vicki.

“This is so cool,” Drew said with a shrug. “It’s so different from what we’re accustomed to. Normally, we spend Saturday evenings in front of the TV.”

Vicki laughed. “We do too. The band only performs a couple of times a month, otherwise we’re couch potatoes on the weekend.”

“I don’t know what I expected, but y’all are so down-to- earth,” Kaitlyn said. Actually, she had a mental image of scantily clad groupies fawning over the band members and wild parties. Perhaps that would come later.

“Is Ashleigh really okay?” Vicki asked.

Kaitlyn squeezed Drew’s hand hard, giving her a warning to tread lightly. “Up until her secret came out, she was fine.” Drew clamped down on Kaitlyn’s hand when she again squeezed hers. “I think she’s overwhelmed right now.”

“We knew…I knew that she wasn’t dealing well with things,” Vicki admitted. “Ash has a way of walling herself off when she’s hurting. She wouldn’t let me in. Before she left, we were fighting all the time. I guess I just pushed too hard.”

“That’s where I’m at with her right now. And poor Erica—” Drew pulled her hand away from Kaitlyn. “You’re cutting off the circulation in my hand!”

Kaitlyn gritted her teeth in frustration. Drew was off again, and she was losing her grip on the reins. “I’m sorry.” Kaitlyn shot a sideways glance at Drew. “Erica and Ash are my best friends, and I don’t think it’s right to discuss their personal lives. Especially since we’re meeting you behind their backs.”

Chantal smiled and jerked a thumb in Vicki’s direction. “If we sit here long enough, Vicki will tell you every sordid detail of our relationship.” Chantal pointed to Vicki’s head first. “If it’s in here,” she pointed to Vicki’s mouth, “it comes out right here.”

“It’s true.” Vicki shrugged. “I don’t see any need in keeping secrets. Unfortunately, I can’t keep anyone else’s, either.”

“It’s not about keeping secrets,” Drew said with a glare in Kaitlyn’s direction. “Ash is going through something difficult right now. What’s wrong with talking it out with people who care and learning how to help her?”

“Has she asked for your help?” Kaitlyn and Chantal asked in unison.

“I think this is the beginning of a great friendship,” Vicki said with a huge grin.

Kaitlyn’s stomach tightened into knots. Drew had no doubt found an ally in Vicki, and she wondered how she and Chantal would be able to handle the havoc their partners were more than likely to wreak.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a recent picture of her, would you?” Vicki asked.

Drew looked over at Kaitlyn, who considered the question for a moment, then pulled out her wallet. “We took this on vacation a year ago. It’s the most recent one I have.”

Chantal took the picture and held it while she and Vicki looked at it. A tear slipped down Vicki’s cheek, and Chantal wrapped her arm around her waist. “Don’t get all snotty, you won’t be able to carry a note,” Chantal said with a smile.

Vicki cleared her throat and nodded at Chantal. A moment passed before she could speak. “She’s changed a lot. I always hoped that I’d see her again.”

“She’s spent twenty years running,” Kaitlyn said. “If we push her to meet with you, she may run again. I can’t risk the devastation that’ll cause Erica.”

Drew shook her head angrily at Kaitlyn. “We don’t know that she’ll do that.”

“Exactly right,” Kaitlyn said. “We don’t know.”

“I don’t want to do anything that will wreck her world any more than it already has been. I want to see her, get to know the woman she is now,” Vicki said as new tears formed in her eyes. “But if she doesn’t want the same, I’ll have to accept it.”

“It’s not you.” Drew reached over and grabbed Vicki’s hand. “It’s Alex.”

“Aw, shit, Drew.” Kaitlyn threw her hands in the air.

“She said that?” Vicki asked in shock.

“Not in so many words.” Drew’s face colored when she realized what she’d done. “She has some resentment issues.”

“We have to get ready to go on stage,” Chantal said to Kaitlyn’s relief. “This is probably a topic for later anyway.” Kaitlyn watched the exchange of glances between Vicki and Chantal. Vicki was obviously angered by the interruption.

Drew pulled Vicki into a tight hug. “We’ll talk, don’t be upset.”

“Thank you so much,” Vicki said with a smile. She gave Kaitlyn a hug when Drew let her go. “Lindsay will be up in a minute. She’ll take you down to your table.”

Kaitlyn waited for a second or two before speaking when the door closed behind the two as they exited. “I cannot believe you!” She held up a finger when Drew opened her mouth to speak. “You are toying with something that’s gonna blow up in our faces.”

“I just want to help Ash, and Vicki, too,” Drew said with a pleading look.

“But what about Erica? She’s been shell-shocked ever since we’ve been home.” Kaitlyn threw herself down on the sofa and scrubbed at her face.

“We can make this work out for everyone,” Drew said as she paced the room. “We’ve got to reason with Ashleigh first. Let her know that everything is—”

“I don’t know what you mean by ‘we.’ I’m not talking to Ash about this. I’ve put a knife in my best friend’s back tonight by coming here. Oh, my God, how am I going to face her? She’s gonna take one look at me and know what I’ve done.”

“Calm down and lower your voice.” Drew moved to sit next to Kaitlyn. “Let me handle this. You just take care of Erica.”

Kaitlyn put her hands up in surrender. “I know I can’t stop you, but if Erica gets hurt, it’s going to take me a long time to forgive you.”

Lindsay poked her head through the door. “Ladies, if you’re ready, I’ll take you downstairs.”

Drew and Kaitlyn followed Lindsay back down the flight of stairs and were seated on an elevated section level with the stage. They had an unobstructed view, and Kaitlyn wished the situation would have been different because Erica would have enjoyed what they were about to experience.

“Would you like another drink?” Lindsay asked.

“Yes, please,” Kaitlyn said, feeling miserable. “The designated driver would like water.”

Lindsay smiled and walked away.

“You’re driving,” Kaitlyn said. “I need to pickle my brain for a while.”

Chapter Eight

“Where have you been?” Erica asked when Kaitlyn answered the phone.

“Drew and I went to Baton Rouge for dinner.” Kaitlyn frowned at how easily the half-truth rolled off her tongue.

“Can you meet me at the office?”

“It’s Sunday. I’m not up to working today.”

“It’s not about work, Katie.”

Kaitlyn’s eyes opened fully. Erica didn’t sound like herself. “I’ll shower and be right over.”

“What is it?” Drew asked as Kaitlyn laid the phone down.

“Erica wants to talk, I think,” Kaitlyn said as she staggered from the bed.

“Oh, shit.” Drew threw the covers back and sprang to her feet. “Do you think she knows where we went?”

Kaitlyn dropped the pair of sweatpants that she had taken from the drawer. “There’s no way. Please tell me there’s no way.”

“Calm down.” Drew walked over to Kaitlyn and grabbed her by the shoulders. “There’s no way she could know. She probably just needs to talk. Go over there and act normal.”

“Act normal,” Kaitlyn said with a nod.

“Go downstairs and eat some toast. Take a couple of Tylenol. I should be out of the shower by the time you come back up.”

“Are you going to see Ashleigh?” Kaitlyn asked as she began moving slowly toward the door.

“As soon as I get dressed.”

“Don’t spring all of this on her today,” Kaitlyn pleaded. “It’s too soon.”

“Trust me,” Drew said before disappearing into the bathroom.

“Aw, shit,” Kaitlyn said miserably as she made her way to the kitchen.

Kaitlyn took the long way to the office, needing a few extra minutes to compose herself before she came face-to-face with Erica. With one look, Erica could usually tell what was going on in her head. She took a quick glance at herself in the rearview mirror after pulling into the parking lot and grimaced at the guilty expression she saw there.

As she walked down the dark hallway, she could see the light coming from Erica’s office. Kaitlyn paused for a moment and took a deep breath before entering. “If you lied and you have tons of spreadsheets to go over, I’m going—” Kaitlyn was truly stunned when she looked at Erica. Bloodshot and puffy eyes stared back at her beneath messy hair that hung down over her face.

“Hey,” Kaitlyn said softly. “What’s going on?”

Erica ran her fingers through her hair then put a hand to her quivering chin. “I don’t know.”

“What happened?” Kaitlyn moved closer and took a seat.

Erica took a deep shuddering breath. “Nothing, that’s the problem. She seems to be off in another world. I don’t know how to act around her.”

Kaitlyn pulled her chair close to Erica’s but made no move to touch her. In all the years they’d known each other, Kaitlyn had only seen Erica cry twice. Once when they were kids and Erica miscalculated on a homemade bike ramp and hit the cement face first; the second was when her grandmother passed away. Kaitlyn wondered if this would be the third time. She could feel her own tears welling in her eyes.

“I’ve tried to talk to her, but she just shuts down. I feel like a stranger in my own house. I slept downstairs on the couch in my office last night. I just couldn’t make myself climb into bed next to her. I feel like I’m invading.” Erica’s hands shook as she pushed her hair away from her face. “I tried calling you.”

Kaitlyn averted her eyes guiltily, but Erica didn’t appear to notice.

“Katie, I feel like she’s left me, but she hasn’t walked out the door.”

“I think you two need some outside help. Maybe some sort of couples counseling to get you through this rough spot.”

Erica frowned at the idea.

“You can’t just give up. You two were happy as could be before. Don’t you want to find that again?”

“Maybe…” Erica looked down at her shaking hands. “Maybe she doesn’t want to. To be honest, I’m scared to ask. I’m not sure I can handle the answer.”

Drew found the kitchen door unlocked and cursed under her breath as she pushed it open. The house was silent. “Ash,” she called out as she moved from the kitchen to the den. The only noise was the ticking of a wall clock. Drew took the stairs two at a time and cautiously walked into the open bedroom door. Ashleigh lay in a ball with the blankets pulled up over her face, only the top of her head was visible.

“Ash,” Drew said loudly as she shook the bed. When the bulge under the covers began to move, Drew pulled them back. Ashleigh lay there with her eyes clamped shut.

“Time to rise and shine.” Drew took Ashleigh’s arm and pulled her from the bed. “We need coffee.”

Ashleigh climbed from the bed fully dressed in the jeans and sweatshirt she wore the day before.

“Well, you at least took off your shoes before you climbed in,” Drew said with a grin as she took Ashleigh by the hand and led her to the kitchen. “I’ll lecture you on hygiene after you’ve had breakfast.”

Ashleigh dropped into a chair at the table as Drew set the coffee on to brew. “Did Erica send you over here?”

“No, she called Kaitlyn this morning needing to talk. I figured that you needed the same.”

“I’m glad she has Kaitlyn.”

“She has you too, right?” Drew set the cups of coffee on the table and took a seat.

“I can’t multitask emotionally,” Ashleigh said before taking a sip. “I’m trying to cope with old memories. I can’t deal with her emotions too.”

Drew raised a brow. “That’s not fair to her.”

“Fair or not, it is what it is,” Ashleigh said, looking away.

Drew reached over and took Ashleigh’s hand. “Work through it with me. What has gotten you so messed up?”

“I feel exposed. When I look at Erica, I can see all the doubt in her eyes. She’s never looked at me that way before. And then, all the memories that I’ve kept locked away for so long have come back with a vengeance. I don’t feel like I even know who I am right now. How can I make it make sense to her? I think I need to get away for a while.”

“You mean run away,” Drew said pointedly. “Isn’t that what you did when you ran away from your career? It didn’t help, honey.” Drew put her finger under Ashleigh’s chin and lifted her face until Ashleigh met her stare. “Look where you are now. Fighting old demons after twenty years of keeping them locked away. We’ll help you fight if you let us.”

A tear streaked from Ashleigh’s eye. “To let you help me is to open up old wounds. I don’t want to do that.”

“But you can just take on one wound at a time. What is the thing that troubles you most about the past?”

Ashleigh closed her eyes as the tears began to fall. She turned her face away from Drew’s touch. “I’m a failure. I had it all in the palm of my hand, and I lost it over what? A broken heart? They never recorded again after I left. I ruined their hopes right along with mine.”

Drew opened her mouth to speak, but Ashleigh went on.

“The only accomplishments that I can truly admit to were ruining the careers of my friends and helping someone kill herself. That’s what Erica is partnered up with—a failure.”

“You made some mistakes. We all do. You—”

“No, Drew, this is not getting a speeding ticket or forgetting to pay a bill. My failures were colossal, and…for a while, no one knew.”

Drew squeezed Ashleigh’s hand until she looked at her again. “We know your mistakes, and we still love you. We’re still here.”

“I’ve hurt people,” Ashleigh said angrily as she pushed away from the table and stood to her feet. “Not just you and Erica.”

“You mean Vicki?” Drew turned in her seat and watched as shock registered on Ashleigh’s face. “You were as close to her as you are to me at one time, and you walked out on her.”

Ashleigh backed across the kitchen and leaned on the counter for support. “What do you know about Vicki?”

“I know that she loved—loves—you and that she’s forgiven you.” Drew rose to her feet. “You’ve been forgiven, it’s time to forgive yourself.”

Ashleigh’s mouth opened and closed a few times before she could speak. “You’ve talked to her?”

Drew was cornered. She felt she had no choice but to be honest. “I met her last night. Well, her, Chantal, and the rest of the girls. They want to see you.”

“No!” Ashleigh moved back and forth like an animal. Her gaze darted to the doorway just beyond where Drew stood.

“Ash,” Drew said in warning, but Ashleigh had already blown past her and was racing up the stairs. Drew turned as the kitchen door opened and Erica stepped in with Kaitlyn behind her. Kaitlyn took one look at her face and slumped against the door frame.

“Erica, I think we need to talk,” Drew said as Kaitlyn groaned.

“Where’s Ash?” Erica moved farther into the room with a look of concern.

Drew threw up her hands. “She’s majorly upset with me right now. She’s upstairs.”

Kaitlyn walked over to Erica and put an arm around her shoulder. “Sit down with us for a minute before you go up there.”

“Why do I feel that all of this is about to get worse?” Erica allowed Kaitlyn to guide her to the table. Kaitlyn glared at Drew over Erica’s shoulder before taking her seat.

Drew’s voice was shaky when she found the nerve to speak. “Ashleigh feels very ‘exposed’ right now. She feels like she failed big-time with the decisions she made. Now we all know what she’d kept hidden, and she feels like we’re disgusted with her.”

“I’m not disgusted,” Erica said defensively. “I just feel…alone, I guess.”

Drew took a deep breath and continued. “She doesn’t know that. She thinks you look at her differently now. She’s also dealing with feelings of guilt over what she did to her friends when she left.” Drew paused and looked at Kaitlyn, whose eyes were fixed on her. Those eyes told her that there wasn’t going to be peace in their household, either. Drew swallowed and went on.

“So you see where she’s at?”

Erica nodded. “So what did you do to upset her today?”

“I told her…that I met the band and they’ve forgiven her.” Drew looked away, unable to face Erica and especially Kaitlyn.

“You met with them? When?” Erica asked as Kaitlyn buried her face in her hands.

“We went to see their show last night and met the group before they went on stage.” Kaitlyn looked meekly at Erica. “I didn’t lie to you really. We did have dinner before the show. I just left out the other part.”

Muscles flexed beneath the skin of Erica’s jaw as she regarded Kaitlyn, then Drew. “So you admitted this to Ashleigh and now she’s upstairs.”

Drew nodded and looked down at the table in shame. “I orchestrated it all. I was just trying to help.”

Minutes passed before anyone spoke a word. “What were they like?” Erica finally asked.

“Nice people,” Kaitlyn said. “They really don’t have any ill will against Ashleigh. They want to be able to tell her that themselves.”

“Did you give them our number?” Erica asked brusquely.

“No, and they understand Ashleigh’s ambivalence about seeing them. We made no promises,” Kaitlyn said, looking at Drew.

Erica let out a long breath and stood. “I’m going upstairs. I’ll talk to you two a little later.”

“I’m sorry, Erica,” Kaitlyn said as her gaze met Drew’s.

Erica left them without another word. Kaitlyn stood and looked down at Drew. “It’s time for us to go home now.”

Chapter Nine

Erica stood in the hall outside her bedroom. She didn’t know what she would find behind the closed door. She watched as her hand shook slightly as she turned the knob. Ashleigh lay across the bed with her face buried in a pillow. Erica moved into the room and sat on the bed. Her hand was trembling even more when she reached out and laid it on Ashleigh’s back.

“I know you don’t want to, but we really need to talk,” she said gently.

“Not now,” Ashleigh said, her words muffled by the pillow.

Erica ran her fingers through the tangled mass of hair, smoothing it out. “Yes, now. We can’t go on like this.”

Ashleigh turned her face toward the wall. “I don’t know what to say.”

“I don’t either,” Erica admitted with a smile. “So let’s start with me. I don’t see you as a failure, Ash. Sometimes…I feel I don’t know you, but I don’t resent you for what happened in the past.” Erica paused for a moment, hoping that Ashleigh would say something, anything. “I’ve been walking around on eggshells because I don’t know what I can and can’t say. When I’ve tried to talk to you, you just bottle up. It leaves me confused and unsure.”

“I’m sorry,” Ashleigh said, still keeping her face to the wall. “I don’t know how to make this better for you.”

“Well, you can stop trying to make it better. Telling me what is going on in your head will help.”

“I feel like a stranger in your house.” Ashleigh rolled onto her side.

Erica took that as a good sign. She wasn’t meeting her eyes, but at least she was facing her. Erica stretched out on the bed and laced her fingers with Ashleigh’s. “This is our home, not my house. We’ve both been feeling like strangers. It doesn’t have to be that way, though,” Erica said with a gentle squeeze of Ashleigh’s hand.

“Do you forgive me for not telling you?” Ashleigh asked, finally looking into her eyes.

“I do,” Erica said, but knowing in her heart that forgetting would take a while.

Ashleigh took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I want things to go back to the way they were, but I know that will never happen. All of this has changed me, and I feel confused…violated in a way.”

“You feel violated that I know your secret?”

Ashleigh nodded. “It’s not just you. Drew and Kaitlyn know too, and I know you’re all talking about it. I imagine that you’re all trying to figure me out.”

“That’s because you’re not talking to us. I guess that’s why Drew did what she did.”

Ashleigh scowled. “Drew,” she said angrily. “I can’t believe she sought them out. Now they know just how screwed up I am too.”

“People will think what they want. If you care, then correct them. Explain how you feel and why you do the things you do.”

“You think I should talk to them too?” Ashleigh looked surprised.

“If it helps you.” Erica wasn’t sure how she felt about Ashleigh facing her ex, but she wasn’t going to bring that up. For the moment, she would shelve that thought and all of the gut-twisting emotion it conjured.

“I can’t fathom that right now,” Ashleigh said to Erica’s relief. “How do we go on from here?”

Erica smiled as hope flooded her. “We deal with one day at a time. You talk to me and I’ll talk to you. Let’s agree to stop walking around here both in our own world.”

“I’ll try.” Ashleigh gave her a weak smile, but something in her eyes made Erica seriously doubt her sincerity.

“She hasn’t come home for lunch,” Drew said when Kaitlyn answered the phone.

“Leave her alone, Drew. Did nothing I said last night sink in?”

“I wasn’t going to bring up Vicki or the band,” Drew shot back. “She comes home every day, and we have lunch. She didn’t come home. She’s pissed.”

“Then leave her alone and let her cool off. Things seem to be working out between her and Erica. Don’t get in the middle of it.”

“They had a good talk then last night?” Drew stood on her toes and peered out the kitchen window, hoping to see Ashleigh rounding the corner.

“I’m not telling you what Erica said.”

“Kaitlyn, don’t keep punishing me.”

“I’m not punishing you. Leave Ash alone for a while, let her come to you when she’s ready. Now I have to go. I’m late for a planning meeting.”

“You still love me?” Drew gnawed at her bottom lip.

“Of course I do. You make me wanna pinch your head off sometimes, but I’ll always love you.”

“That works both ways, sister. You left clothes all over the bedroom floor last night. You think we have a cleaning fairy or something?”

“Uh-huh, love you, bye.”

“Love you, too.” Drew tossed the phone on the counter and looked back out the window. No sign of Ashleigh.

Ashleigh avoided Drew for a week. It’d caused several fights between Drew and Kaitlyn, who insisted that she leave Ashleigh alone. Drew at least wanted to apologize, but how could she when Ashleigh kept her distance?

Drew had cleaned the house, worked in her flowerbeds, and cleaned out the storeroom, but by the eighth day of Ashleigh’s standoff, she was getting antsy. She found herself once again on autopilot as she made the phone call that would land her in the permanent doghouse—if anyone found out.

Vicki sounded genuinely pleased to hear from her. They talked about the concert and what Vicki and Chantal were doing at the music store until Vicki asked the inevitable.

“Does Ashleigh know you talked to us?”

Drew sank down onto the sofa and chewed at a fingernail. “Yeah, and she’s pretty upset. I haven’t talked to her in over a week.”

Vicki was quiet for a minute or two. “Is it me or is it Alex?”

Drew was wading into deeper waters. Instead of taking Kaitlyn’s advice, she dove in headfirst. “More than Alex, Ashleigh is angry at herself. Alex is probably a factor, but Ashleigh is more concerned with you hating her.”

“We don’t hate her, though, and Alex…well, really, that was a long time ago. We’ve all grown up a lot since then.”

“What’s she like?” Drew asked, making herself comfortable. “Are you close to her too?”

“We’re all very close. I think us staying together all these years is a testament to that. I’m probably closer to Alex than anyone else, though. She had a serious car accident a few years ago, and I took care of her. It gave me a chance to really get into her head. She has a lot of regrets too.”

“Does she have a girlfriend now?”

“No,” Vicki said, but something in her tone pulled Drew up short. “Alex has never really…been able to settle down with anyone. She dates a lot, but she just…well, she’s Alex.”

“Kaitlyn’s worried that if Ashleigh sees you all again, it may stir up old feelings between Ash and Alex.”

“I’m sure it would stir up a lot of different emotions, but twenty years have passed and they’re not the same people.”

“Do you know the whole story behind Alex and Ashleigh?” Drew asked, unable to stifle her curiosity. “Ash said Alex broke her heart.”

“That’s the truth. Alex had some…fidelity issues. But I can assure you she won’t pursue Ashleigh.”

“I don’t think she’d be successful if she did.” Drew swapped the phone to her other ear. “Ashleigh seemed pretty hostile where Alex was concerned.” Drew thought for a minute. “There’s got to be a way to get you two reunited that won’t get me divorced.”

“Drew, I have to ask, why is this so important to you? Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to have you on my side, but what is your motivation?”

Drew had been asking herself this same question over the past week. She wasn’t really sure of the answer. She wanted to say that she wanted to see Ashleigh reconnect with old friends, but if she were truly honest with herself, the whole idea of getting a glimpse into Ashleigh’s former life was irresistible. “I think I’d like to get to know the woman that you knew. She’s a mystery to me.”

“I’ve never admitted this to anyone but Chantal,” Vicki said with a hint of shame in her voice. “I didn’t like Ashleigh when I first met her. Alex and Jaclyn had just auditioned, and we knew in a heartbeat they were both perfect. Both of them were brimming with confidence, and I knew that they’d have a great stage presence. And then came Ash. I couldn’t believe Chantal had considered her for a second.

“I still remember Chantal telling me that she’d found the perfect frontwoman, then she half dragged that waif of a girl into the room. She was skinny and shy, and I thought she was going to puke on my floor. I didn’t even want to hear her sing.”

Drew laughed at the image. “She’s still thin, but not what I’d describe as skinny.”

“She stepped up to that mic, closed her eyes, and turned loose that voice,” Vicki continued with a dreamy tone. “I had to agree with Chantal then, but we had one huge roadblock to get over. Ash couldn’t dance,” Vicki said with a laugh. “She would stand stock-still at the mic, no matter the tempo.”

Drew chuckled at the image. “Well, she was shaking her ass in the video we saw.”

“Alex can take the credit for that. I have to admit with all her shortcomings Alex was the most patient of us all. They practiced together endlessly, and Ashleigh gained the confidence it took to work the stage. She was never really comfortable with it, but when she performed, another side of her personality took over.”

“Oh, man, I’d love to see her perform,” Drew said, then groaned in frustration.

“Baby steps.”

“Right, I’ll be gentle. And I’ll work on her about seeing you when she decides to talk to me again.”

“Now your turn, tell me about Erica.”

“Erica,” Drew blew out in exasperation. “She’s still grappling with all of this. She and Ashleigh are one and the same when it comes to issues. They both like to bury their heads in the sand until the problem goes away.”

Vicki made a noise that Drew took to mean that she knew exactly the point Drew was making.

“Erica’s the tall, dark, and stoic type. You never really know what’s going on in her head. Only Kaitlyn can get inside, and up until lately, Ashleigh could too.”

“Sounds a little like Alex.”

“She loves Ashleigh, though,” Drew admitted with a smile. “Totally devoted.”

“You said tall and dark, what exactly does she look like?”

“Erica is very attractive, but if you ever tell her I said that, I’ll deny it,” Drew said with a smile. “She’s athletic, not what I’d call butch, though. I don’t know how to describe it, but there’s just something kind of…sexy about her.”

“Hmm.” Vicki was quiet for a moment, and Drew knew what was going through her mind. “That’s how I’d describe Alex.”

“I think that’s why Kaitlyn is so bothered by all of this. They’re similar and she’s not sure how Erica is going to react to that.”

“I’d really like to talk to her. She doesn’t have to ever see Alex or anyone else if she doesn’t want to, but it would mean the world to me just to hear her voice.”

They ended the call with Drew promising to make Vicki’s wish come true. A promise that Drew regretted making, but caught up in the moment, she’d done it without any thought to the consequences. With the quiet of the house surrounding her, a voice screamed in her brain to stop and think about what she was doing, even as she began dialing another number.

Chapter Ten

Ashleigh heard the bell jingle as another, she assumed, sick soul found his way into the crowded waiting room. She looked up from the computer with a smile to greet the would-be patient, and all expression froze on her face. “What the hell is that, Tim?” she asked the ruddy-faced delivery boy as he set the arrangement filled with flowers, balloons, and candy sticking out at every angle on the counter.

“It’s for you,” Tim said, seemingly happy to be rid of the bouquet that had obscured his vision. Now it was dominating the entire check-in counter. “How’s Erica?”

Ashleigh peeked from behind the monstrosity. “She’s good, how’s your mom?”

“Better now,” he said with a smile while swatting at one of the balloons. “She’s not running a fever anymore. She plans to be back at the store tomorrow.”

Ashleigh pointed at what could be loosely termed an arrangement. “Who put this together then?”

Tim smiled and backed toward the door. “The customer made it in the store, then asked me to deliver it. It’s a custom design,” Tim called over his shoulder as he made a hasty departure.

“Whoa, somebody’s been really bad.”

“Yes, somebody has.” Ashleigh turned to look at Carol as she walked into the workstation. “I’m not sure I can get this back to my office alone.”

“Well, I just ate lunch, but if you leave it up here with me for a while, I can eat it down to a manageable size.” Carol plucked a Baby Ruth from the arrangement.

Carol helped Ashleigh move it to the floor so that it no longer blocked the entire reception desk. “Tell anybody who comes up here to help themselves to the candy,” Ashleigh said as she stuffed the unopened card into her back pocket. “I’m going to take my lunch break now.”

Ashleigh slipped out the back door of the clinic and found a shady spot at the picnic table reserved for employee breaks. Like the arrangement, the card was large. As Ashleigh tugged it from the envelope, she couldn’t help but smile at the penitent-looking dog surrounded by shredded lingerie and socks.

Beat me with a skillet, I deserve it, but please talk to me.

Drew

Ashleigh sighed and flipped open her cell phone. Drew answered on the first ring. “I’m still so mad at you, Drew.”

“I thought I was helping.”

“You were being nosy.”

“Okay, yes, I was being nosy, too. My heart was in the right place.”

“I know.” Ashleigh tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I know Erica’s working late tonight. Could you come by and see me when you get off? Ash, please,” Drew said when Ashleigh didn’t answer immediately.

“I’ll see you at five, but have the skillet ready,” Ashleigh said before hanging up.

The day flew by, much to Ashleigh’s annoyance. In truth, she’d missed her time with Drew, and she would never admit to another soul that she was relatively curious about her meeting with the band. Still she was angry that Drew had made contact with them and no doubt discussed her with them.

“I have the skillet ready,” Drew said as she threw open the door and waited for Ashleigh to step inside. Though she was smiling, Ashleigh could see the tears that threatened to fall. All of her anger melted, and when Drew pulled her into a hug, she returned the embrace.

They kept the conversation light as they ate the chicken salad that Drew had made for dinner, another of Ashleigh’s favorites. They stuck to mundane chat like the local gossip and saved headier topics for later. When they settled in the den, Ashleigh was the first to break the ice.

“How did you get in contact with Vicki?”

“I found their Web site. They had an e-mail address.” Drew had the decency to blush. “I got a little bit carried away.”

“And then?” Ashleigh cocked her head, unwilling to let Drew off too easily.

“Chantal wrote me back. We exchanged a few e-mails, and I gave her my number.”

“Are she and Vicki still together as a couple?”

Drew nodded. “So are Jaclyn and Lindsay.”

“You’re kidding me,” Ashleigh said with a smile despite herself. “I’d have thought they would’ve killed each other a long time ago.” Ashleigh chewed her lip for a moment. “Vicki’s doing okay then?”

“She seems happy enough. She got a little weepy when we showed her your picture.” Drew winced when Ashleigh frowned. “She asked to see it.”

Ashleigh kicked her shoes off and pulled a leg beneath her. “I don’t think I’m ready to face her yet.”

“Does that mean you’ll eventually agree to see her?” Drew felt adrenaline coursing through her veins. She had to bite her tongue to keep from blurting out that she’d talked to Vicki earlier that day.

“Let me deal with one issue at a time. Right now, things are sort of normal with Erica.”

Drew smiled. “I’m happy to hear that.”

Ashleigh didn’t smile, but rather toyed with a loose string on her pants. “I said ‘sort of’ normal. We’ve talked a lot, but that’s been about it.”

“Oh,” Drew said when she grasped what Ashleigh implied. “No sex?”

“None. I need that connection with her, but she doesn’t seem remotely interested.”

Drew cuffed Ashleigh on the arm and grinned. “Maybe you should go home, dim the lights, put on some music, and see what happens.”

“I’ve done that along with other things, and she rejected me. Nicely, but it was still a rejection.”

“I’m not making excuses for her, Ash, but she has been under a lot of pressure. Kaitlyn says that Bob has been riding her pretty hard at work, and you two are still working through issues.”

“I know she’s got her hands full.” Ashleigh shrugged. “It keeps us from having to discuss things.”

“But you just said y’all have been talking.”

“Talking, yes, but not really delving into anything.”

“Didn’t you just say things were getting back to normal?”

“That is normal for us.” Ashleigh thought about the last week and how they’d been civil, even affectionate at times, but there was still what felt like a barrier between her and Erica. “It’s normal in some ways and different in others.” Drew was silent and Ashleigh could feel her staring at her waiting for her to spell it out. The problem was she couldn’t. “It’s just different. I’m not sure I can put it into words.”

“What was Alex like?” Drew asked suddenly, causing Ashleigh’s head to snap up.

“Why would you ask me that?”

Drew shrugged nonchalantly. “I’ve just never heard you talk about exes, and I wonder how she compares to Erica. You did admit that she was your first love.”

“Time does a lot to the accuracy of your memories. The most painful are the ones that stand out, but to be fair to her, we did have some good times together.” Ashleigh hoped that would be all she had to say, but when she glanced at Drew, she was looking back expectantly. Until that moment, she’d never thought about comparing Alex to Erica.

“You’ve asked me about Vicki and Chantal, but you’ve not asked about Alex. Aren’t you the least bit curious?”

“I know you said you met the band, but when you didn’t mention her specifically, I assumed that you didn’t speak to her.”

“I didn’t really.” Drew sat up a little straighter. “She was in the room when we got there, but she didn’t stay long.”

“Well,” Ashleigh said with a shrug that she hoped made it appear that she was only marginally interested. “What was your impression?”

“Polite, but standoffish.” Drew scooted a little closer to Ashleigh. “She didn’t participate in the conversation really. She stood off in the corner while everyone asked about you, taking it all in, then she left.”

“And what was everyone saying?” Ashleigh asked with a frown.

“They wanted to know if you were doing okay and where you’d been all these years. They’ve been looking for you.”

“What did you tell them?” Ashleigh could feel her face growing warm.

“I told them that you were fine.” Drew laid a hand on Ashleigh’s knee. “Honey, I just told them what I would tell anyone else that hadn’t seen you in a while.” Drew left out the conversation she had with Vicki and Chantal. “Just that you’re doing fine and you’ve been in a relationship for five years and you’re happy.”

“Did you tell them that you didn’t know about me until recently?” Drew made a face, and Ashleigh had her answer. “How’d they react to that?”

“A tiny bit stunned.” Drew held up her thumb and forefinger.

Ashleigh nodded as the mental picture of what it must have been like to have them all in the same room with Kaitlyn and Drew formed in her mind. “Did any of them seem pissed?”

“Not at all.” Drew shook her head emphatically. “Chantal acted a little put off when we had barely sat down and the redhead…Jaclyn asked about you. I think Chantal was a little embarrassed that Jaclyn was so abrupt.”

Ashleigh smiled genuinely then. “Jac hasn’t changed. Did Alex…what did she ask?”

“Nothing really, she just listened intently. I watched her eyes as we all talked. Her face was expressionless, she’s very hard to read. I got a pretty good idea about all the other personalities,” Drew said. “Vicki is kind of like me, never meets a stranger. Chantal reminds me of Kaitlyn, a little more reserved, but friendly. I can tell Jaclyn is high energy, and Lindsay, even though she was nice to us, I sensed that she’s a bit bitchy. But Alex, I couldn’t read her, that’s why I’m curious.”

“They all sound the same,” Ashleigh said wistfully.

Drew poked Ashleigh in the arm. “So paint a picture of Alex for me.”

“Alex,” Ashleigh said as she began toying with the string on her pants again. “Is…or was…extremely good-looking.” Ashleigh raised a brow at Drew.

“Still so,” Drew said too enthusiastically for Ashleigh’s liking.

“But arrogant. She could turn on that charm and have any woman she wanted eating from her palm. She could be caring and sweet if it got her what she wanted. Alex always zeroed in on a person, then grew bored very quickly…like she did with me.”

“Then what did you see in her, besides the good looks and great body?”

Ashleigh let out a long sigh. “I was a kid, just a stupid kid.”

“So there’s no chance that you’d…”

“Oh, God no, Drew. Even if I didn’t love Erica, there’s no way I’d allow myself to get caught up in her again.” Ashleigh glanced up at the clock and was shocked to see how much time had passed. “Erica should be home soon. I need to go.” She pulled on her shoes eager to be away from Drew’s scrutiny.

Drew slipped a dish of chicken salad into a bag and handed it to Ashleigh as she waited by the door. “Thank you for forgiving me,” she said with a hug.

“I’m still working on the forgiveness part, you little shit.” Ashleigh pushed the door open and stepped out. She looked over her shoulder and smiled. “I love ya, though.”

Chapter Eleven

Erica yawned as she tabbed through the ever-growing list of intra-company e-mail. She lifted the cup to her lips and gulped the lukewarm coffee that she hoped would give her a much-needed push. She couldn’t remember a time when she’d been so tired. She’d not been able to rest. Work was going at a hectic pace; she felt she had to be on top of her game every minute of the day. She felt that way at home, too. She and Ashleigh had settled back into a routine, but she couldn’t allow herself to relax.

Ashleigh was uncharacteristically moody. She’d said many times that she wanted things to be “normal” between them. Erica wasn’t sure what “normal” was anymore. Unspoken words seemed to hang between them; she kept waiting for Ashleigh to put a voice to them.

Lost in thought, she hadn’t noticed that her father had slipped into her office. He was sitting in front of her now, running his forefingers over the cuticles of his thumb, a nervous habit they both shared. “Good morning, Dad, I didn’t see you come in.”

He smiled over at her and took a deep breath before speaking. “I’ve made a decision this week. I think it’s time for me to step back and let you take the reins.”

“You bought the fishing boat, didn’t you?” Erica felt her stomach twist into knots.

“I did better than that. I bought the boat and a camp on Bell River. Your mom is there now getting it all fixed up.”

Kaitlyn waved from the hallway as she passed by the open door. “Katie,” Erica called to her. A few seconds later, Kaitlyn appeared in the doorway. “Would you close the door for me, please?”

“Mornin’, Dad…um, Bob,” Kaitlyn said with a smile as she complied with the request.

“Dad, I don’t think I’m ready for this,” Erica said nervously as she looked down and noticed that she was also rubbing her fingers over her thumbs.

Bob smiled proudly. “You’ve been doing it all for the past couple of months. I’ve merely presided to make sure you could handle it, and you have.”

Erica sat back in her chair; her anxiety was close to reaching its peak.

“You’ve been working here most of your life. This is second nature. I have no doubt whatsoever that you’ll take this place to the next level. Hell, I’ve probably been holding you back.”

Erica absorbed the rare moment of praise with trepidation. He was right—she had been handling the entire operation of the company, but she was comforted by the fact that she could walk into his office anytime she found herself in a jam. Now everything would rest heavily on her shoulders.

“When’s your last day?” Erica asked, already knowing the answer. Gone were the khaki pants and polo shirts replaced by jeans and a T-shirt with Bass Pro Shop emblazoned across the front.

“I’ll be around a few days a week, but you won’t need me. You haven’t needed me for a long time now.” Bob rose to his feet and gave Erica a kiss on the cheek. “There’s no one more qualified or dedicated than you are, precious. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going shopping. I need to restock my tackle boxes.”

“Dad,” Erica said, feeling suddenly very small. “I don’t want to announce this formally yet. Give me some time to adjust?”

“When you’re ready, baby.”

Erica swallowed hard as he opened the door and gave her a huge smile. She listened as he spoke to his former assistant and told her that he’d be out of the office for a few days. All of his calls would be forwarded to Erica.

Erica hit the intercom button and breathed a sigh of relief when Kaitlyn answered. “Would you come in here for a minute?”

“Be right there.” Kaitlyn appeared in her doorway a minute later.

“Close the door, please.”

Kaitlyn did as she was asked and took a seat in front of Erica, looking at her with apprehension.

Erica laughed nervously. “Dad just told me that he’s retired.”

“What?” Kaitlyn asked as though she didn’t understand.

“He just waltzed in here and told me that he bought a camp. We’re on our own.”

“I take it you’re in charge then,” Kaitlyn said as she got over the shock.

Erica sighed and leaned back, staring at the ceiling. “At any other time, this would’ve been kind of exciting—scary, but exciting nonetheless. But now it just seems like another straw on the proverbial camel.”

“You think if you told him what’s been going on, he’d delay his retirement for a while?”

“If I do that, he and Mom will be all up in our business. Mom will no doubt want to talk to Ashleigh, which will piss her off because they’ll know her secret too. That’ll be just one more thing I’ll have to deal with, and right now, I’m at my max.”

“We can handle things around here. We’ve been doing it forever. And when things go back to—”

“Normal?” Erica asked, keeping her eyes on the ceiling.

Kaitlyn was being cautious; Erica could hear it in her voice. She knew that Kaitlyn could see through her carefully constructed façade. “I think…you’re kind of just going through the motions right now. There’s a lot going on in your mind that you haven’t told me, and I know you haven’t shared with Ashleigh.”

Bingo. Kaitlyn had seen right through her, and she knew Ashleigh could too, but unlike Kaitlyn, Ashleigh wasn’t pushing for answers.

“This is not going to blow over, Erica, at least not for you. It’s festering and you can’t let it go.”

The answers weren’t painted on the ceiling above, though Erica stared at it to avoid making eye contact with Kaitlyn. She’d uttered the words of forgiveness to Ashleigh, but in truth, that’s all they were—just words. She wanted to forgive, but the gnawing betrayal she felt reared its head anytime she wasn’t forcing it down into the deepest recesses she could find within.

“What are you going to do?”

Erica had been asking herself that question, and the answer was always the same. “I don’t know.”

Chapter Twelve

“You’re home early,” Ashleigh said with surprise. “I just got here. I haven’t even started dinner.”

Erica planted a quick kiss on Ashleigh’s lips and tossed her briefcase into her office. “Don’t worry about cooking on my account. I had a late lunch, and I’ll probably eat cereal if I get hungry.” Erica was exhausted; she could hear it in her own voice.

“Bad day?”

“Yes and no.” Erica poured herself a glass of wine and leaned against the counter with a sigh. “Dad retired today. He bought a camp on Bell River and plans to spend most of his time there.”

“But he said he wasn’t going to do that until next summer.”

“He got a wild hair.” Erica shrugged and took a sip of her wine.

Ashleigh opened the fridge and pulled out bacon, lettuce, and a tomato. “You already work long hours, honey, how much is this going to add to your day?”

Erica chewed the inside of her cheek. Her schedule had been a sensitive subject and had resulted in a few arguments. She knew the next one was about to begin. “A lot of work piled up while we were on vacation. I think after I get that caught up, things will level off.”

“Would you like a BLT instead of cereal? I can wait a little while until you’re hungry.”

“Um, yeah.” Erica was caught off-guard. She fully expected Ashleigh to launch into a tirade. Maybe it would come next when she’d have to admit that she needed to spend the evening at her computer. “I’ve got some things to go over. Can you give me about an hour?”

“No problem.” Ashleigh put the food back into the fridge. “I need to do some laundry and a few things around the house. I’ll start dinner a little later.”

Erica was bewildered by Ashleigh’s attitude as she moved into her office. Despite what Ashleigh had thought in the past, she didn’t enjoy coming home and catching up on things she couldn’t finish at work. She would’ve loved to pop in a movie and lounge on the couch until bedtime, but unfortunately, those nights were rare. And if she did take a night for herself, she couldn’t truly relax knowing the unfinished work would still be waiting and growing.

With chores out of the way, Ashleigh found herself restless. An idea brewed in the back of her mind, but she’d kept herself busy to keep from dwelling on it. Actually, the idea had been there for a few days, but she wouldn’t act on it. When the notion first came to her, she flatly refused to consider it, but it came back and kept coming anytime she wasn’t concentrating on something else.

She took the cordless phone and went onto the back porch where she took a seat on the swing. The flowerbeds needed weeding; she could do that. It was mindless work but wouldn’t keep the nagging voice from creeping into her mind. Taking a deep breath, she dialed the number and waited for Drew to pick up.

“We got crabs,” Drew said when she answered.

“How lovely for you and Kaitlyn. You want to stop by the clinic tomorrow? I’m sure we can get rid of your problem.”

“No, ass, we have good crabs. I picked them up at the seafood market today. Y’all wanna come over? I’ve got plenty.”

“Erica has to work, and I…I want to…” Ashleigh pinched the bridge of her nose, questioning her sanity. “I think I want Vicki’s number.”

“Hot damn!” Drew was barely able to contain her excitement. “Got something to write with?”

“No, just give it to me. I’ll dial it as soon as we hang up. If I write it down and give myself time to think about it, I won’t call.”

“Okay, okay, but after you talk to her, call me back. I want to hear all about it.”

Ashleigh dialed the number and stared at it before hitting the talk button on her phone. She found herself praying that she would get voice mail. When she heard Vicki’s voice, she struggled to form a sentence. “Um…hi…Vicki, this is…Ashleigh.”

“Ash.” Vicki sounded as though she’d been holding her breath as she spoke her name. “I was afraid I’d never hear your voice again.”

Ashleigh’s eyes filled with tears, and she was unable to speak. Vicki must’ve heard her sniff and understood that she was going to need help if they were to communicate at all.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Vicki said as her voice broke. “Since meeting Drew, I’ve hoped every day that I’d hear from you.”

Ashleigh smiled and sniffed again. “How are you?” she asked, unsure of what to say.

“Good, but so much better now.”

“I’m sorry, Vicki,” Ashleigh said with a sob.

“It’s okay, honey, it’s okay,” Vicki soothed. “I have a lot to apologize for, too. I should’ve been a better friend to you.”

Ashleigh could no longer hold back the emotion and sobbed helplessly while Vicki tried to comfort her. Vicki finally gave up and let her cry, until she once again was able to speak. “I was going to call you, Vic, but by the time I managed the courage, so much time had passed and I figured that you must’ve hated me by then.”

“You broke my heart, but never once did I hate you. I never could.” Vicki’s voice sounded raspy, and Ashleigh knew that she was doing her best to maintain control.

“I ruined your career.”

“Is that what you thought?” Vicki asked with sadness in her voice. “Baby, you were brilliant, and you did write our hit, but we still had a catalog of music that the record company wanted. We could’ve gone on.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Don’t you remember how it was? We had to have male escorts for every function. We were stuffed back into the closet so as not to ruin our public image. Boy George wore more makeup than we did, and he didn’t come out for years. Don’t get me wrong, it was fun while it lasted, but the minute we were offered our freedom, we took it. That choice was unanimous. That’s why we’re still together after all this time.”

“But you didn’t seem unhappy then.”

“We didn’t want to ruin things for you and the rest of the girls, but Chantal and I were miserable. I was so homesick, I hated being on the road. We were going to wait until the end of the tour to test the waters and see if y’all were as disillusioned as we were.”

“So you were happy with playing clubs again?”

“Oh, Ash, don’t you remember? We were broke and hungry, but we had a great time. When I look back on it all, that was one of the happiest times of my life, and now we have an even better life. Did Drew tell you about the music store?”

“No, she didn’t, but I wasn’t very kind to her when she confessed to meddling.”

“I’m glad she meddled,” Vicki said. Ashleigh could tell that she was smiling. “If I’d meddled twenty years ago, we might not have spent all this time apart. But then again, I think things happen for a reason.”

Ashleigh smiled and dried her face on her shirt. “I was telling Drew that the other day. I might not have met her and Erica had things been different.”

“When do I get to meet Erica?” Vicki asked, sounding unsure.

Ashleigh hesitated before answering. “I’d really like to see you and Chantal, but I don’t know if I’m ready to see everyone.”

“You don’t have to see anyone else, but you have to see me, and well, Chantal, too.”

“Yeah,” Ashleigh said with a smile. “I’d like that.”

“How about this Saturday?” Vicki said with her voice full of excitement. “I’d love for you to see the house. You can bring Drew and Kaitlyn. We’ll cook out.”

Ashleigh’s heart hammered in her chest as she considered the invitation. “It seems so strange. We haven’t talked in twenty years, but hearing your voice makes it seem like yesterday.”

“I guess with some friends it doesn’t matter how much time passes, it can’t diminish the bond.”

Those words were like balm to Ashleigh’s troubled soul. Years of pain and regret that weighed heavily on her shoulders seemed to lighten with every word Vicki spoke. Vicki was talking nonstop like Drew did when she was nervous. Ashleigh missed half of what she said as she reveled in the sound of her voice.

“So you’ll really come?”

Ashleigh heard herself agreeing. Her legs moved of their own volition as she walked inside and wrote down the address. After the phone call ended and Ashleigh stood in her kitchen looking down at the address, she found it hard to believe that she would be having lunch with Vicki and Chantal the upcoming weekend. How would she tell Erica?

She was still staring down at the address when the phone rang. Without looking at the caller ID, Ashleigh knew who it was. “How were the crabs?”

“Good, but I couldn’t eat that many. I was too excited about your chat. Did it go well?”

“Well…” Ashleigh successfully pulled off sounding somber.

“Oh, what?” Drew’s voice was heavy with disappointment.

“We’re having dinner with Vicki and Chantal Saturday, and you and Kaitlyn are invited.” Ashleigh pulled the phone away from her ear as Drew made a high-pitched squeal.

After the call with Drew, Ashleigh realized that nearly two hours had passed. The cereal bowl in the sink confirmed that Erica had already eaten. She walked into Erica’s office with an apology perched on her lips and stopped when she noticed Erica slumped over the desk. She was snoring softly, her pen still gripped in her hand.

Ashleigh moved behind her and gently slipped the ever-present ponytail from Erica’s hair. Erica didn’t stir as Ashleigh ran her fingers through the dark glossy waves as they cascaded over her neck and shoulders. Ashleigh leaned down and whispered close to her ear. “Baby, wake up.” Erica murmured something unintelligible and looked up with heavy-lidded eyes.

“I’m sorry that you had to eat cereal,” Ashleigh said softly. “It’s time for you to go to bed.”

Erica rubbed her eyes and blinked. “Have you been crying?”

“I was earlier, it’s nothing bad, though,” Ashleigh said, putting her hand to her face.

Fully awake, concern etched Erica’s brow. “Talk to me.”

“I talked to Vicki tonight.” Ashleigh sat on the corner of Erica’s desk. “It went well. We cried and laughed, it was really good.”

Erica smiled and took Ashleigh’s hand into hers, squeezing gently. “I’m glad for you.”

Ashleigh crinkled her nose. “Are you really glad? Because they asked us over for lunch on Saturday and I accepted.”

Erica looked taken aback for spilt second then masked it with a smile. “Of course.”

“Thank you,” Ashleigh said before placing a kiss on her forehead. “Now I’m going upstairs to run you a bath.” She stood and moved to the door.

“Ash, I’ve got some more work to do.”

“I know,” Ashleigh said as she paused in the doorway. “You have dark circles under your eyes and it’s obvious you’re exhausted. You’ll work more efficiently if you have a good night’s sleep.”

Erica couldn’t argue the point. She didn’t think she had the strength to climb the stairs. She stood and took Ashleigh’s outstretched hand and cut off the light on her way out.

Chapter Thirteen

“I hear we have a lunch date,” Kaitlyn said the next morning when she picked up Erica.

Erica handed Kaitlyn a travel mug, then placed hers into the cup holder as she climbed into the car. “Katie, you need to buy a truck or something that doesn’t sit on the ground.” Erica tossed her briefcase into the backseat of Kaitlyn’s Accord.

“This car suits my little body fine. I need to be able to see over the steering wheel,” Kaitlyn said with a yawn. “And quit changing the subject.”

Erica took a sip of her coffee and sighed contentedly. “Yes, we have a lunch date on Saturday. I assume that you and Drew will be joining us.”

“You don’t sound like you’re looking forward to it.” Erica was silent, causing Kaitlyn to glance from the road. “Can you put that away?” Kaitlyn pointed at the cell phone. “We’ll be at the office in a few and you can read your e-mail then.”

Erica sighed and dropped the phone into her lap. “I fell asleep last night and didn’t get anything done. And yes, I’m looking forward to going. I’d like to meet Vicki and Chantal.”

“And you wanna size up Alex, too,” Kaitlyn said with a grin but refused to look away from the road.

So that’s her name, Erica thought, and realized that Ashleigh had never called her by name. “Ashleigh told me she wouldn’t be there. That was the first question I asked her this morning. It’s just going to be Vicki and Chantal. She’s not ready to see everyone else yet.”

Erica had been so sleepy the night before, but the minute her eyes opened that morning, Ashleigh’s ex came to mind. She wondered how Ashleigh would react to seeing her ex. She’d casually questioned Ashleigh as they dressed and found herself relieved and disappointed that she would not be meeting the woman who had turned Ashleigh’s life upside down.

As she collected her things later that morning, she noticed that she’d not shut her computer down the night before. Erica watched as Ashleigh moved to the table and sat to eat her breakfast. Her fingers worked furiously over the keyboard as she searched for pictures of the woman that she’d only caught a glimpse of in the video.

“Hmm, there you are,” Erica whispered as the cover of the debut album filled her screen. She didn’t need to read the list of names in the accompanying press release to know who was who. Ashleigh was facing another band member and the look of total adoration on her face was unmistakable.

Long legs encased in leather led to a long jacket that hung mid-thigh. Her face was to the side, showing only her profile, but her smiling dark eyes were turned to the camera. “I knew you would seek me out,” they seemed to say.

“I hope you’re overweight and frumpy now,” Erica said softly to the taunting image that stared back at her.

“You fall asleep?” Kaitlyn asked as she pulled into the parking lot.

Erica opened her eyes and sat up straight with a yawn and lied. “Yes.”

Kaitlyn killed the engine and put a hand on Erica’s arm when she reached for the door handle. “Are you gonna be okay, really?”

Erica leaned back in the seat and stared out the windshield. “Ashleigh needs to do this and I’m going to support her, but I’m nervous.”

“About?”

Erica looked over at Kaitlyn; a faint smile filled her face. “I’m not really sure.”

Kaitlyn returned the smile. “I’ll be there with you.”

She’d spoken to Vicki on Wednesday, but Thursday and Friday moved at a snail’s pace, giving Ashleigh plenty of time to rethink the lunch idea. She’d tried to push it from her mind, but Drew could talk of nothing else, and Erica didn’t speak of it at all.

Ashleigh stood in her closet looking at rows of clothes; nothing was suitable. She tugged at a pair of shorts and denim button-down shirt. It was a cookout, a casual thing. She settled on the outfit pleased that it seemed to say, I’m not interested in trying to make an impression. She wanted to appear nonchalant, even though she was nervous as hell.

Nerves got the better of Ashleigh as they drew closer to Baton Rouge. Ashleigh reached over and took Erica’s free hand as she drove. The warmth of it seemed to cause the nausea to subside. Drew chattered away in the backseat, saving her from having to speak. She was sure if she did, they would notice the bundle of nerves that she’d become.

“I’m looking forward to the Mississippi Mud Pie,” Erica said as she merged onto the interstate. In ten minutes, they’d be on Vicki’s doorstep. “I think you should let me sample it now.”

“It’s good,” Kaitlyn said with a mischievous laugh. “I sampled it this morning.”

Drew looked down at the dish and pulled away the plastic lid. “You shit, you did.”

Drew’s cursing and Kaitlyn and Erica’s laughter helped to put Ashleigh at ease. But when they pulled into the circular drive in front of the brick residence, Ashleigh wasn’t sure she could climb from the vehicle.

“Baby, I’m sure they’re nervous, too.”

Ashleigh looked over at Erica, who now stood at the open door and held out her hand. Drew and Kaitlyn were already standing in the driveway waiting patiently—well, Kaitlyn was. Ashleigh took Erica’s hand and felt herself being led up the driveway. She heard the knock, the sound of the door opening, then finally Vicki’s voice as she greeted Drew and Kaitlyn, who were thankfully ahead of her.

When she found the courage to look up from the ground, Vicki was standing there with teary eyes and her arms open wide. Ashleigh moved into the embrace and felt Vicki’s body tremble with sobs as she held her tight. She could hear Chantal’s familiar voice welcoming Erica into their home. Vicki released her and held her at arm’s length as she stroked her face. “Oh, God, Ash.” Tears streamed down her face, and she pulled her close again, squeezing her as if she were afraid to let go.

“Vic,” Chantal said in mock frustration. “Share.”

Chantal’s smile was huge as she pulled Ashleigh into her arms and hugged her tight. She could still feel Vicki’s hands on her back keeping the connection. “Look at you,” Chantal said as she stepped back. “I’m not lying when I say you’re prettier now. The aging process has been very kind to you.”

“You must be Erica,” Vicki said as she latched onto Erica and hugged her. “It’s so great to meet you.”

“Okay, let’s not stand in the foyer all day.” Chantal took Erica by the arm and led her into the house. Ashleigh felt Vicki drape an arm around her waist as they moved into the den. Drew acted as though she was at home and strolled into the kitchen where she put the dessert in the fridge. “Can I get anyone anything to drink while I’m raiding your refrigerator?”

Vicki moved into the kitchen just off the den as Chantal led Erica to the sofa and gestured for Ashleigh to take a seat next to her. Erica and Chantal were talking, but Ashleigh failed to comprehend any of the conversation. She watched as Vicki and Drew laughed and talked while making drinks as though they were lifelong friends. All of it seemed like a dream. Instead of being a participant, Ashleigh felt as though she were floating along, watching it all unfold.

When Vicki handed Ashleigh a drink, Ashleigh found herself studying the face that she remembered with great affection. Faint lines had formed near Vicki’s eyes and around the corners of her mouth. Her dark hair was shorter and straighter now, but those were the only discernable changes. Her voice as she spoke to Erica was the same as it had always been. She was the same, yet everything was different.

Conversations were going on all around her, but Ashleigh couldn’t concentrate on any of it. Her gaze roved around the room, taking in the comfortable surroundings, then settled on the polished baby grand that sat in the corner. She squinted at the framed photos, recognizing a few of the band and several of Vicki and Chantal. There were also some of Jaclyn and Lindsay and a few of Alex smiling alongside a different woman in each. Ashleigh felt a pang of regret, not for her loss of Alex, but of friends who had been closer to her than her own blood.

Erica’s laugh at something Chantal was saying drew Ashleigh’s focus back to the group. Vicki sat across from them and was studying her the way she did the first day they’d met a lifetime ago. Her dark eyes had no doubt noted every fine line on her face, the slight tremble in her hands, and the way she sat so close to Erica it looked as though they were joined at the hip.

“It’s so good to have you here,” Vicki said as she wiped at her eyes that had grown moist again.

Ashleigh smiled, unable to speak. She wanted to ask, Don’t you hate me, even just a little? They seemed so happy to have her there. She could feel and see their love for her, but it was so hard to accept. And then Ashleigh realized she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Eventually, they’d get around to telling her how shitty it was for her to walk away without so much as a word.

“I can’t just sit here and pretend that everything is normal.” All conversation ceased and everyone turned to look at Ashleigh, who felt her face growing hot. When she’d found her voice, it came out a bit louder than she intended. “I just walked out,” Ashleigh said, gesturing with her hands, as if no one in the room understood her point. “Scream at me, do something, but don’t pretend we just lost touch over the years.”

“Okay.” Chantal set her drink down and held up a hand as Vicki tried to intervene. “You broke our hearts. Especially hers,” Chantal said, nodding in Vicki’s direction. “I was angry, and twenty years ago, I would have torn your ass to shreds for doing what you did, but that’s just the point. It was twenty years ago.” Chantal’s voice softened. “I understand why you left, but why cut us out of your life?”

As painful as it was to hear Chantal speak her mind, Ashleigh began to relax. “It was just so much easier to run away.” Ashleigh felt Erica’s arm slip around her waist. “I didn’t want to be forced to think about why and what I was doing. I didn’t want to debate the pros and cons. I just wanted out.” Ashleigh took a shuddering breath. The room was silent as everyone waited for her to continue. She stared at the floor unable to look at Vicki and Chantal.

“After a month or two had passed, I thought about getting in touch, but I figured that you all hated me at that point and I was afraid to face up to it. Then I woke up one morning and a year had passed, and it was just too late.” Ashleigh swallowed hard. “I spent so many years hating Alex, blaming her for everything, but when I was finally honest with myself, it was me I hated. I was the one to blame.”

Chantal exhaled loudly. “We could never hate you, Ash. It just hurt us…all of us.”

“Please forg—” Ashleigh’s words were buried in Chantal’s shoulder as she pulled her into a hug.

“You’re forgiven,” Chantal said through her tears. Ashleigh felt Erica’s arm slipping from her waist, giving room for Vicki to join in on the hug. When finally they did release each other, Ashleigh noticed Kaitlyn and Drew huddled together sniffing and passing a box of tissues between them. Erica didn’t meet her eyes; instead she stared at the floor. But it no longer felt like a dream. It was real now, and Ashleigh felt her life beginning again at that moment.

Photo album upon album was dragged from every closet and bookcase. Drew, Erica, and Kaitlyn were going through each one as Chantal explained the stories behind some of the more embarrassing moments caught on film.

“Would you like to see the rest of the house?” Vicki asked when Chantal began another tale.

Ashleigh took her hand, welcoming the escape, and followed Vicki down a hall off the den. “This is our guest room,” Vicki said as she switched on a light. “I should say it’s Jaclyn’s room.” Vicki rolled her eyes. “She stays with us at least once a month when she and Lindsay find something new to fight about.”

Ashleigh moved into the room, taking in the décor. It was definitely Vicki’s touch. The rug and curtains matched the muted colors of the plaid comforter on the bed. Nothing floral, all sharp lines, and, of course, impeccably clean. The surfaces in the connecting bathroom shined, accented by the shower curtain and rugs that matched everything in the bedroom. Vicki was still the neat freak that Ashleigh remembered her to be.

“Jac and Lindsay still fight like they used to then?” Ashleigh picked up a brass bell from the bedside table and raised a brow.

“Oh, yes, you can near about set your clocks by them. The bell was for Alex when she had her accident. I keep it as a reminder of the time she spent here.” Vicki moved toward the door.

Ashleigh followed her down the hall to the next room that served as a home office. Both Chantal and Vicki had a desk. Vicki’s was immaculately organized, and Chantal’s was a wreck. Ashleigh smiled at the arguments she was sure it caused. “What kind of accident?” Ashleigh asked as they moved toward the master bedroom.

“She was broadsided by a drunk.” Vicki moved into the master bedroom. It was no mystery who slept where. One bed stand was covered in magazines and assorted junk. The other was tidy. “Look at this.” Vicki moved across the room and opened doors to the twin closets. Clothes and shoes littered the floor of one, while the other was organized. “I love my little pig,” Vicki said with a shrug, “and one day, I’m gonna lose it and roast her ass.” Vicki walked over and looped her arm through Ashleigh’s. “Let’s go out back, and I’ll tell you about Alex because I can tell you’re pretending not to care.”

They slipped through the French doors off the bedroom that led to a private sunporch separated from the rest of the backyard. “This is my haven.” Vicki let out a contented sigh as she took a seat and gestured for Ashleigh to join her. “Do you really want to hear about Alex?”

Ashleigh studied the wall of foliage that surrounded the porch and obscured it from the rest of the yard. She would have to plant one of these at home and make her own secret garden. “To be honest, I’m curious about her.”

“Stands to reason,” Vicki said with a slight smile. “She’s changed a lot over the years. I don’t think I truly realized how much until she had to stay here.” Vicki laughed. “Momma McKinney hired someone to tend to Alex once she was released from the hospital. Alex broke her arm, left leg, and a couple of ribs, and couldn’t do much for herself, but she wasn’t about to have a stranger make her use a bed pan. That’s when it got ugly. She called me practically begging to save her.”

Ashleigh tried to imagine the proud woman that she’d known begging anyone for help. “So her mom is still the same?”

Vicki nodded emphatically. “She only visited Alex once in the hospital, then arranged for someone else to care for her.” The disgust was apparent in Vicki’s tone, but the smile returned. “We got really close when we moved her in with us. She was an awful patient at first. She resented not being able to bathe herself or even dress on her own. I guess I would’ve felt the same in her position.”

“I cannot imagine Alexandra McKinney allowing you to bathe and dress her. It must’ve been torture for you both.”

Vicki threw back her head and laughed. “Bathe her? No way. She demanded that I put a lawn chair in the bathtub and hook up one of those handheld showerheads. No,” Vicki shook her head with a laugh, “there was no bathing Alex. I’d help her undress and dress, which included a lot of profanity on both our parts. I saw so many sides to Alex then, and not just the naked ones.” Vicki looked into Ashleigh’s eyes as her face grew serious. “She’s got her regrets, too…she’s…” Vicki shook her head as if searching for the right words. “She’s not what she wanted everyone to believe she was. I hope when you two see each other again, all the hurts of the past will stay in the past.”

Ashleigh plucked a leaf from a neighboring plant and toyed with it. “I know I have to face her. I’m not as nervous about seeing her again as I was you and Chantal.”

“So you’ll come back next weekend for a barbecue? We get together nearly every Sunday.”

Ashleigh found it hard to reject the offer. She wanted to see the rest of her bandmates, but it was the hopeful look on Vicki’s face that she couldn’t deny.

“I’m touching your grill,” Chantal called from somewhere behind the foliage, “and I’m armed with chicken covered in marinade.”

Vicki rolled her eyes and grinned. “Be right there, dear.”

“Okay, but hurry because something’s on fire that I don’t think is supposed to be.”

Ashleigh followed Vicki through the foliage to the main patio, where Drew and Erica were seated at a table still looking at the photo albums. Kaitlyn was sitting at the edge of the pool with her feet dangling in the water. Ashleigh looked at it longingly. It seemed Chantal was reading her thoughts when they joined her at the grill.

“We should’ve told you to bring your swimsuits. We’re gonna be closing it down for the winter soon, so somebody should take advantage of it.”

“It’s September, sweetie. We won’t put the cover on until the end of November. There’s plenty of time.” Vicki gave Chantal a playful nudge. “You’d close it up now if I’d let you.”

Chantal made a face. “The upkeep is a pain in the ass.”

“What are you fussing about?” Vicki asked as she laid the chicken out on the grill. “Alex is the one that keeps it up.”

“Right and it’s a pain in the ass for her.”

“She lives close by then?” Drew asked the question that was going through Ashleigh’s mind.

“She lives around the corner.” Chantal pointed to an opening in the fence situated between two large oaks. “The house that used to sit on the lot behind us burned down last year.” Chantal wrinkled her nose. “Messy divorce. If you go through the lot and make a right on the street, she’s the second driveway on the left.”

Drew filled Ashleigh in on the music store that Chantal and Vicki owned, which obviously did well for them. Their home was in one of the more expensive areas of Baton Rouge, and she knew what little money they’d made as musicians years ago wasn’t supporting any of them now. She wondered what Alex did to support herself. Did Momma McKinney still fund her every whim?

“Didn’t you say she was a lawyer the night we met?” Kaitlyn asked.

Chantal took a seat next to Kaitlyn. “Yep, she followed in her mother’s footsteps.”

Ashleigh’s head spun with that revelation. “You have got to be kidding me.”

Vicki shook her head and laughed. “I know what you’re about to say, but yes, it’s the same Alex McKinney who said she would rather slit her own throat than go to law school. Not only did she go, but she works with Momma McKinney.”

Ashleigh rubbed her brow. “Will wonders never cease?”

“Jaclyn and Lindsay bought Neiman’s,” Chantal called over her shoulder.

Ashleigh sank down into one of the patio chairs. “Okay, catch me up on the last twenty years, but do it slowly because my head is already spinning.”

Chapter Fourteen

Erica smiled at the two distinct snores coming from the backseat. Despite her best efforts, Ashleigh lost her battle and drifted off, leaving Erica alone with her thoughts. She was thankful that no one asked her what she thought of the afternoon. She wasn’t sure how she would’ve answered.

She had to congratulate herself on the stellar performance she put on. She’d spent the afternoon poring over bits and pieces of Ashleigh’s life showcased in photographs. She laughed and joked as though her heart wasn’t deeply wounded. She pretended that it didn’t make her feel like a fool to sit there with everyone else seeing those photos for the first time.

Chantal and Vicki were not what she expected. Erica had imagined them to be middle-aged pot-smoking throwbacks from the eighties, still wearing the same old clothes in hopes that they would come back in style. What she found were two very well put together women who still cared deeply for Ashleigh. Erica liked them, but despite their attempts to make her feel welcome, Erica still felt like she was on the fringe. She wondered if she would ever be able to feel like she belonged in Ashleigh’s old world.

“I’m sorry I dozed off,” Ashleigh said after Erica dropped Drew and Kaitlyn at their door. “I just felt so drained, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open.”

Erica pulled into the garage. “That’s okay. I had enough coffee to keep me up for a week.”

“Did you have a nice time?” Ashleigh asked as she followed Erica into the house.

Erica chewed at her lip as she opened the fridge and fished around for something decaffeinated. She wanted to say, “No I didn’t have a good time, and I can’t believe I agreed to go back next weekend, and the pictures of you and Alex making out especially sucked.” Instead, she said, “I like Vicki and Chantal. They’re a lot of fun.” Erica eyed the orange juice, wondering if the bottle of vodka they kept in the back of the pantry was still there.

If Ashleigh noticed that her question was deftly avoided, she didn’t show it. She reached around Erica and grabbed a bottle of water. “I’m going up to take a quick shower. Are you coming up or do you have work to do?”

“I have a couple of things to look over, then I’ll be up.” Erica smiled weakly as Ashleigh brushed her cheek with a kiss and left the room. Orange juice in hand, Erica rifled through the pantry until she found the vodka. She added enough juice to turn the mixture a pale yellow and strolled into her office with the vodka bottle tucked under her arm and no intention of working. She gulped the drink in three large swallows and clutched her chest as the alcohol burned on its descent.

“Let it go, Erica. You’re making a bigger deal out of this than it has to be,” she whispered as she sank into her chair. “God bless vodka and its healing properties.” A grin spread across her face as she set the empty glass on her desk, her lips tingling, as she poured herself another. She was halfway through the second drink when she realized that she wouldn’t be able to climb the stairs if she took another sip. The cool of the glass felt good against her temple as she felt the effects of what she’d rapidly consumed. She would give Ashleigh five more minutes, then she’d go up and take her shower.

Half a glass of vodka dropping into her lap caused Erica to stir thirty minutes later. With a curse, she made a half-assed attempt to clean the mess before going upstairs. She crept through the dark bedroom and closed the door to the bathroom before turning on the lights. To her disappointment, the shower cleared some of the grogginess from her mind. When she lay down, her mind ran wild with worrisome thoughts.

Ashleigh rolled over and draped one leg over Erica’s; her hand came to rest in the center of her stomach as she did every night when Erica finally crawled into bed. She waited for the sound of Ashleigh’s steady breathing to lull her to sleep. Had she been sober, Erica might have been able to keep the muscles in her stomach from fluttering beneath the touch of Ashleigh’s fingers grazing her skin. She couldn’t stop the jerk of her hips, as Ashleigh’s fingertips trailed below her navel and up again teasingly.

Ashleigh moved, covering her body with hot skin and her mouth with even hotter kisses. Erica’s body betrayed her and eagerly gave in to the overwhelming sensations while her heart and mind pleaded with her to stop. Ashleigh’s kisses were bruising and desperate, and Erica found herself doing something that she’d never done with Ashleigh. She disconnected.

Later when Ashleigh’s steady breathing made it clear that she had succumbed to sleep, Erica clamped her eyes closed tightly, but tears still seeped around the closed lids. She’d never been one to just have sex. For Erica, there had to be an emotional connection, but that night, that’s exactly what she’d done. It had only been sex.

Ashleigh sat alone on the porch swing with her second cup of coffee, watching the sun creep across the backyard. She’d slept late—it was almost ten when she got up—and Erica was still sleeping soundly. Had she not tasted the alcohol in Erica’s kisses the night before, she’d be upstairs now making sure she wasn’t sick. It was odd for her to sleep in on any given day. Odd. The word squirmed around in Ashleigh’s brain. Everything seemed odd lately, and the night before seemed to be the pinnacle.

In their most passionate of couplings, they’d ripped clothes and broken furniture. Ashleigh smiled at the memory of how they’d demolished the coffee table. She always felt the love in Erica’s touch, but the previous night, she didn’t feel like the bond between them was being renewed. She didn’t feel as though they were sharing something only reserved for the two of them. She felt like she was taking something from Erica that she didn’t want to give.

Ashleigh rubbed at the prickled skin that rose up on her arms with that thought. She felt almost ashamed to face Erica, and the need to get away from the house for a while became acute. She crept in through the back door and listened for a few minutes before moving into the laundry room. She’d been too lazy to put away the clean laundry and was praising herself for it now. She pulled on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, tugged her hair through the back of a ball cap, and was out the door within five minutes. She’d left a note explaining that she had the impulse to do some shopping.

Relief flooded Ashleigh as she pulled out onto the road with no particular destination in mind, and in the same moment, it made her feel sad that she felt relieved. She’d driven as far as the ferry, with the notion to take it over to New Roads, then she’d drive until she felt normal again. Her cell phone rang as she watched the boat pull up to the landing on the other side of the river. She wasn’t prepared to talk to Erica this soon and made up her mind to let it go to voice mail when she noticed it was Drew.

“Where are you going?” Drew sounded cheerful. “I saw you pass.”

“New Roads, wanna come?” Ashleigh surprised herself as the question slipped from her mouth, then she hoped Drew would say no.

“What are you going over there for?”

“The ferry is loading on the other side of the river right now. If you want to come, you’ll have to be standing outside in five minutes.”

“See ya in five.”

Ashleigh snapped the phone shut and looked in the rearview. “Shit,” she said as she threw the car in reverse. Drew was standing by the road as Ashleigh pulled up and stopped just long enough for her to climb in.

“I’ve told you before about taking off before both of my feet were in the damn car,” Drew said, trying to look angry. “If the boat was on the other side, we’ll make it.”

“You know I do it to piss you off.” Ashleigh did her best to sound normal, but she could see Drew staring at the side of her face. She knew the question was coming before Drew opened her mouth.

“What’s wrong, Ash?”

Ashleigh pulled into the line of cars waiting for the ferry’s return and shifted into park. “I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

Drew flipped the visor down and checked her hair in the mirror. Apparently unsatisfied, she ruffled it with her fingers, then smoothed it back out. She repeated this process until she gave up and used her sunglasses to pull it back off her face. She was in the process of perching them on her head when Ashleigh shifted into gear and followed the line of cars down to the ferry.

“Let’s get out,” Ashleigh said once they were parked.

Drew rolled her eyes and plucked the glasses off her head as they climbed from the car. Neither of them spoke as they walked to the railing and looked out over the water.

Ashleigh had never ridden on a ferry before moving to St. Francisville and never would’ve had Erica not talked her into it. The strong current of the Mississippi was terrifying and fascinating, but no matter how many times she had ridden it, Ashleigh could not stay in her car. She was too scared to be confined to her vehicle on the ride and couldn’t resist the urge to stand in the wind and watch the turbulent water around her.

Drew stood next to her with her back against the rail examining the other passengers. She nudged Ashleigh in the ribs and jutted her chin out at another pair of women as if she were being covert. “They’re family.”

“You need glasses. That’s Charlene Milbourne and her sister.” Ashleigh turned back to the water. Drew waved and smiled at the two women and turned around as well.

“So what’s in New Roads?” Drew scuffed her shoe on the gritty surface of the deck. “Are we shopping?”

Ashleigh rested her chin in her palm. “Maybe.” She watched as Drew turned her back to the railing again and resumed people watching.

“Are you ready to talk yet?”

The ferry wasn’t far from the dock. “Yeah, but I don’t want to have to yell over the engine noise. Wait until we get back in the car.” The words were no sooner out of Ashleigh’s mouth and Drew was already halfway to the car. Ashleigh waited until the boat was nearly at the dock, fighting the urge to laugh at the impatient expression on Drew’s face.

“Now, what’s on your mind?” Drew waited until Ashleigh had disembarked and was on her way up the levee.

“Erica and I…” Ashleigh gnawed her lip as her face heated. She and Drew never had any problems discussing sex, but now she was finding it hard to describe the previous evening. “We did it last night.” Ashleigh rolled her eyes, disgusted with herself for sounding like a teenager.

“Define ‘it.’”

“Butthole, you know what I’m talking about.” Ashleigh turned into the parking lot of a restaurant that sat facing False River, an oxbow lake of the Mississippi. “Let’s order appetizers and sit on the deck. I feel like being outside.”

“So you finally did ‘it.’ I’m so happy for you,” Drew said with a smile after they were seated and rubbed her hands together. “Was it hot?”

The waitress arrived at that moment, sparing Ashleigh from having to answer for another minute or two, for which she was grateful. She wasn’t entirely sure how to answer. “I think we’d like the nachos and the potato skins.” Ashleigh looked at Drew, who nodded her approval. “And I’d like a glass of water and a Bloody Mary.”

“I’ll have the same, but I’d like an extra celery stick in mine, please.” Drew turned her attention back to Ashleigh when they were alone again. “So…it wasn’t hot then?”

“I don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t…it was different.”

“Oh,” Drew said as her eyes widened. “Y’all experimented. What’d you do, and was it something I’d enjoy?”

Ashleigh sighed as the waitress set the drinks down in front of them. Her insides were twisting into knots as she thought back on the night before. She took a sip of the Bloody Mary, then another before answering.

“When she came to bed last night, I did what I always do. I throw a leg over her and put my hand on her stomach. That’s how we sleep.” Ashleigh massaged her brow as she took a bite of the celery stick that came in her drink. “I’d made up my mind, like I told you, that I wasn’t going to try to come on to her anymore. But her skin felt so good, I couldn’t help but run my fingertips over it, and she reacted to my touch.”

“Which is a good thing.” Drew waved her celery stick, imploring Ashleigh to continue.

“So I kissed her. Normally, it’s like a wrestling match between us, both of us trying to make love to the other first, but she just laid there and let me…”

Drew leaned back in her chair sporting her best analytical expression. “She just laid there and didn’t participate?”

“She did and she didn’t.” Ashleigh shook her head. “Last night was kind of like, ‘do me and I’ll do you next.’ It was more like being serviced, so to speak.”

“Maybe she really wanted to, but she was tired. She didn’t get the hour long power nap that we got on the drive home.”

Ashleigh agreed with the logic, but in her heart, she knew that wasn’t the answer. She and Erica had made love countless times over the years, and tired or not, this was still different.

Chapter Fifteen

Erica was no fan of Mondays, but hers was shaping up to be the mother of all. There had already been a forklift accident before she’d had her first cup of coffee. Fortunately, there were no injuries if she wasn’t counting the roll-up door in bay one.

Kaitlyn and the shop foreman locked horns before her second cup of coffee, and surprisingly, there were no injuries in that incident, either. E-mails with inquiries and issues were filling her inbox so rapidly that she cut the sound on her computer, the incessant ding signaling a new message was driving her to the brink.

To add to her misery, she’d spent the previous evening arguing with Ashleigh after she’d spent the day on a whirlwind shopping spree. Food and clothing, she understood the need for, but nearly a thousand dollars of gardening supplies she did not. Ashleigh and Drew had come home with the car loaded down, then they’d taken her Forerunner back to collect the rest of their purchases. They claimed that the inspiration for a new backyard garden came to them over lunch.

Erica looked up to see Kaitlyn leaning against the door frame with a sour expression. “What are we doing for lunch?”

“Let’s get out of here,” Erica said as she stood. “It’s a pretty day and I need some air.”

They grabbed a couple of sandwiches and took the road to their favorite secret spot. They’d explored and laid claim to many secret spots over the years, but there was only one that they still visited when they needed a break from adulthood. Erica crossed the one-lane bridge and pulled off onto a dirt road maneuvering around potholes until she saw the familiar path.

Erica grabbed the sandwiches and followed Kaitlyn, who had the drinks, down the narrow trail that eventually led them to the shallow creek. Kaitlyn kicked at the fallen tree that they used as a bench to make sure there was nothing lying in wait beneath it. Satisfied that it was critter-free, they took a seat.

“Remember fighting Trent Brumfield for rights to this place?” Kaitlyn asked before taking a bite.

Erica chuckled at the memory. “If you wouldn’t have hit him in the nuts, he’d have beaten me to a pulp.” The twelve-year-old Trent had also discovered the coveted spot where they were now sitting. Two years older than Erica and Kaitlyn then, he wasn’t much bigger. He’d tried to defend his claim with a volley of dirt clods, one of which hit Kaitlyn squarely in the forehead. When Erica saw the tears, she was inflamed and charged Trent with all she had. He managed to get her in a headlock and was pummeling Erica in the head with his free fist. Kaitlyn came to the rescue, her fists swinging like a windmill, indiscriminately hitting Trent and Erica. It was the one that caught Trent in the crotch that won the war.

“I was so glad when he moved away,” Kaitlyn said before taking a sip of her soda. “He was such a little prick. He’s probably in prison now.”

Erica sighed and felt the tension that had been plaguing her all morning slip away as she watched the lazy current of the stream drift over the sandbars. Sunlight that sliced through the thick canopy of trees shone like a spotlight illuminating patches of water. Erica could see the minnows swimming there and for a split second felt the old urge to try and catch them.

“I almost punched Tim in the crotch this morning,” Kaitlyn said with a grin.

“I’m kind of disappointed that you didn’t.” Erica smiled at the mental image.

They were both quiet as Kaitlyn kicked off her shoes and dug her toes in the sand. Erica thought she looked a lot like she did when they were kids minus a few gray streaks. Toes in the sand with a half-eaten sandwich in her hand, all Kaitlyn was lacking was a pair of cutoffs and skinned knees.

“Drew said you had a flaming case of the red ass last night.” Kaitlyn turned her head, but Erica could hear her soft snicker.

“Are you going to tell me that you weren’t the least bit pissed that Drew spent three hundred bucks on another fountain?”

Kaitlyn’s head spun around so fast that she lost her grip on her soda. The cup hit the ground, and her drink was quickly absorbed by the sand. “What?”

“Aw, she didn’t tell you about it?” Erica said with a satisfied grin. “It’s sitting on our porch right now just waiting for you to put it together.”

Kaitlyn angrily tossed the remainder of her sandwich on the ground. “How many of those damn things does she need? I hate the last one she brought home. I’m hitting it with the lawn mower if she ever lets me use it. Stupid ass little pissing boy! Who wants that shit in their yard? At least Ashleigh has taste.”

Erica had to agree with that. There were no pissing children or hat-wearing frogs in their garden. “I lost it when she told me how much she spent, then I spent the rest of the evening feeling like an ass. She works hard and rarely spends money frivolously.”

“Did you apologize?” Kaitlyn kicked at her wasted lunch and watched a piece of lettuce land in the water and float away.

“I left her a note this morning. She was in the shower when I left.” Erica could hear the guilt in her own voice. She’d lashed out, not because of the shopping, but that Ashleigh had spent the entire day away, but pride wouldn’t allow her to admit that.

“I think you were pissed about something besides money,” Kaitlyn said, making Erica wonder if she’d been reading her mind. “I don’t think you want to go back to Vicki and Chantal’s place next weekend.” Kaitlyn looked over at Erica and pointed. “You were making that same face when we talked about it the other night.”

Erica tossed the last bite of her sandwich into the creek, having lost her appetite. “I just feel out of place, and now I have to look forward to meeting the ex that I never knew existed. Please tell me that she’s frumpy and downright unattractive now.”

Kaitlyn picked up a rock and tossed it into the water. “The new fountain, it’s not a pissing boy too, is it?”

“Katie!”

“She’s smokin’ hot. I’d pay to see her naked.” Kaitlyn hung her head. “Sorry.”

“Lovely, just lovely.” Erica picked up a couple of rocks and started flinging them at the water angrily. “I want this week to hurry up and end, so we can get this over with.”

Kaitlyn picked up Erica’s drink and took a sip of it. “You’re not under the impression that once she sees them all again that she’s going to lose interest, are you?”

“No, but I have to go with her right now because it makes her so nervous. Once she’s comfortable, I don’t plan to be hanging out with her old buddies all the time.”

“So you’re okay with her spending time with an ex?”

Erica grimaced when she noticed that Kaitlyn was chewing her straw. “I’m okay with her hanging out with the band. If she starts wanting to hang out with what’s her name alone, that will be something altogether different.”

“Hmm.” Kaitlyn kicked at the sand.

Erica looked at her watch. “Put your shoes back on, you little goat, we have to get back.”

Chapter Sixteen

The week flew by for Ashleigh. Erica worked late nearly every night and most of the day on Saturday. Ashleigh spent her time building the new flower garden with Drew. She envisioned something like Vicki had but away from the house. They put together and erected the trellises, and by Saturday evening had planted the Confederate jasmine that would eventually cover the structures walling off a portion of the yard.

Ashleigh was looking forward to the barbecue but wished she’d slept in a little longer. She was exhausted as she once again surveyed her closet for something to wear. Finally settling on a pair of cargo shorts and a sleeveless oxford shirt, she dressed and went in search of Erica.

Erica sat clicking away at her keyboard when Ashleigh walked into her office. Ashleigh smiled when she noticed that Erica had gotten rid of the ever-present ponytail and let her wavy brown hair hang loose. She found Erica irresistible when she wore her hair down. The pale pink polo and the plaid shorts were a good look for her.

“Give me a second to save this and I’ll be ready,” Erica said without looking up from the screen.

Ashleigh watched as Erica pushed away from the desk and walked to where she stood in the doorway. “Kiss me,” Ashleigh said as she wrapped her arms around Erica’s neck. Erica complied with a light peck on her lips. “Do it again.” Erica once again placed a chaste kiss on her lips. Ashleigh looked deep into Erica’s eyes pleadingly. “Kiss me for real.” Erica seemed to get the message then. She pulled Ashleigh tight against her, showering Ashleigh’s lips with small kisses before covering her mouth with her own. Ashleigh filled her hands with Erica’s hair as her tongue slipped into her mouth. The kiss ended sooner than Ashleigh would’ve liked, but it was probably for the best. Her heart was already pounding in her chest as she buried her face in Erica’s neck. “You still give me chills when you kiss me.”

Their arrival was much the same as it had been the week before. Vicki and Chantal wrapped them all in hugs as they stood in the foyer, though there was much less emotion this time.

“They’re all out on the patio,” Vicki said as she looped her arm through Ashleigh’s and lowered her voice. “You don’t have to face them right away if you don’t want to.”

Ashleigh moved to the windows that covered the expanse of the wall facing the backyard. Her breath caught as she looked at the two women sitting at the table. Alex was looking at something that Jaclyn was writing, absently strumming the strings of her guitar. Ashleigh studied her profile, feeling for a second the old excitement that Alex stirred in her. But when Erica came to stand beside her, it was gone in an instant. She took Erica’s hand, feeling grounded the minute they touched.

“Should we tell them you’re here?” Chantal asked as she joined them.

“Give me a minute,” Ashleigh said as she watched the pair. “Lindsay’s not with them.”

Chantal snorted as Vicki gave her a playful slap. “She’ll drop by later. They needed some time apart this morning.” Vicki held up her fingers making air quotes around the word “apart.”

Ashleigh chuckled and looked back out the window and met Alex’s gaze. The dark eyes that stared back widened in surprise and Ashleigh found herself unable to look away, though she knew she should. A smile tugged at the corner of Alex’s mouth before she said something to Jaclyn, who sprang to her feet.

“Ashleigh!” Jaclyn said with a squeal as she raced through the door and threw her arms around Ashleigh’s neck. They laughed and hugged until Jaclyn stood back and looked Ashleigh over from head to toe as Ashleigh did the same. Jaclyn fingered a lock of Ashleigh’s hair. “I like this color, even though you’ve forsaken the red and made me the stepchild.”

“You still look exactly the same, and I hate you for it,” Ashleigh said with a laugh as she pulled Jaclyn in for another hug. Over Jaclyn’s shoulder, Ashleigh met Alex’s gaze once again as she leaned against the door frame with a slight smile. Her face was a bit fuller, fine lines gathered around her eyes and mouth as they did Vicki’s and Chantal’s, but there was something else. Before Ashleigh could determine what that was, Jaclyn released her from the embrace.

“It’s good to see you, Ash.” Alex moved in to hug her. Unlike the rest, she gave Ashleigh a brief hug and a kiss on the cheek before stepping back quickly.

“Great to see you again too,” Ashleigh stammered awkwardly.

“You must be Erica.” Alex moved past her and extended her hand.

Ashleigh turned and watched as Erica’s gaze met Alex’s, their hands joining as they greeted each other. She’d had many lovers, but there were only two she’d given her heart to, and now they both stood facing each other.

“Ash?”

“Yes?” Ashleigh felt her face flush when she noticed the quizzical expression on Vicki’s and Drew’s faces as they looked at her.

“Vicki was asking what you’d like to drink,” Drew said, lowering her voice, “like four times.” Drew took Ashleigh’s hand and steered her toward the kitchen behind Vicki. “You look a mite freaked out.”

“I’m okay.” Ashleigh leaned against the kitchen counter and accepted the bottle of water that Vicki handed her. She glanced back over her shoulder at Alex and Erica as they stood talking to Jaclyn.

“Is it as awkward as you thought it would be?” Vicki nodded in Alex’s direction.

Ashleigh took a healthy gulp of water before answering. Drew and Vicki stood on either side of her like vultures waiting for her to speak. “I don’t know if I would describe it as awkward, it’s—”

“Vicki, you’ve already spent a day with her, no hogging.” Jaclyn moved in front of Vicki and draped an arm around Ashleigh’s shoulders. “Erica is a doll, tell me all about her. Does she have a sister that’s into redheads?”

Vicki gave Jaclyn a playful shove. “Let Lindsay hear you talking like that and you’ll be sleeping at our place tonight.”

“Umm, dying of thirst in here,” Chantal called out playfully. “We can’t all fit in the kitchen, so would you bring us something?”

After drinks were served, the group settled in the den. Alex kept her distance from Ashleigh and took a seat on the hearth. “I believe it was Kaitlyn that said you were an office manager now.” Jaclyn looked at Ashleigh.

Ashleigh took a sip of her water and nodded. “I work for a medical practice in St. Francisville.”

“Is that how you two met?” Jaclyn pointed between Ashleigh and Erica.

“Actually, we met when Kaitlyn broke my arm,” Erica said with a grin, drawing protest from Kaitlyn.

“I did not break your arm.” Kaitlyn scowled at Erica and faced the group. “We were moving furniture, and I tripped. Erica’s arm got caught between the armoire and the door facing.” Kaitlyn raised a finger. “If I hadn’t tripped, you wouldn’t have met Ashleigh, so you owe me.”

“I was working as an admission clerk in the ER,” Ashleigh explained with a grin. “Erica asked me for my phone number, so I wrote it on her cast.”

“And she kept that stinky thing when they cut it off,” Drew added.

Erica shrugged. “I couldn’t part with it.”

As Jaclyn bombarded Erica with questions, Ashleigh glanced at Alex, who was focused on Erica as she answered each one. Alex had taken good care of herself over the years. Gone were the long tresses. Her brown hair a shade darker hung at her shoulders. Long legs clad in denim were stretched out before her and crossed at the ankles. Her feet clanged together nonstop, a sign of nervousness that somehow made Ashleigh feel better.

Ashleigh’s gaze moved over the rest of her bandmates and she surmised that each one colored her hair as she did. Not a hint of gray could be seen. Each had done what she could to maintain her youthful appearance. When they were young, it was ground into their heads that a certain image had to be maintained. That habit had not died away.

“We have videotape,” Ashleigh heard Chantal say, pulling her away from her inner musings.

“Video?” Ashleigh looked over at Chantal.

Chantal moved to the cabinet beneath the wide-screen TV mounted on the wall. “This one’s the best.” She pulled out a VCR tape and pushed it into the player. “It’s all candid stuff and some concert footage.”

“Shit,” Ashleigh said under her breath.

Erica gave her a playful nudge. “It can’t be any worse than those childhood videos that my parents love to share with you.”

“At least you’ve seen those.” Ashleigh covered her face with her hands, and the first images flashed across the screen.

“We’re on the bus. On the damn bus again,” Alex sang as she strummed her guitar. “Gonna slit the tires at the next stop.” What appeared to be a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich hit her upside the head and the camera panned over to where Jaclyn and Ashleigh sat hysterically laughing, then faded to black.

The next scene was of the band as they boarded the bus after a concert. Each woman was sweat-soaked, exhaustion showed on their young faces. Jaclyn’s upper lip was bloodied and swollen. She turned her face from the camera. Chantal paused the tape and all the women of Versal erupted into laughter. “Oh, God, that was so embarrassing,” Jaclyn said as she blushed. “I misjudged the distance between me and the mic. I slammed my face into it and saw stars.”

Vicki held up a finger. “She never missed a beat, though. She kept right on singing until the song ended.”

Chantal started the tape again. She and Vicki were huddled in a corner leaning against each other sleeping. “We were just babies,” Chantal said with a shake of her head. “I think we may’ve slept collectively twenty-four hours on that tour.”

“That’s when it was fun,” Jaclyn said. “It was just us and we answered to no one.”

“And we had no food, we rode around in an old cargo van in between the sound equipment and instruments.” Chantal paused the video again. “And Alex got bit by a rat in the bar we played in Pensacola.”

“Not one of my happier memories.” Alex wrinkled her nose in disgust. “It was a Chihuahua, by the way.”

“It was simple then, that’s for sure. We could be queer and nobody cared.” Chantal started the tape again.

The camera was facing a closed door, and a hand reached out and turned the handle. Alex’s head whipped toward the camera as she raised her hand to block the view. Topless, she was straddling the waist of a woman who wore much less.

“In flagrante delicto,” Chantal said with a laugh on the tape.

“Cut it off!” Alex moved from her spot on the hearth. The group erupted with laughter as she chased Chantal around the den and wrenched the remote from her hand. “Anybody hungry?” she asked as her face colored. “I think it’s time to put the burgers on the grill.”

The Alex that Ashleigh knew wouldn’t have batted an eye at being caught in a compromising position. As she remembered it, Alex had frequent sexual escapades regardless of who was watching. And now she stood punching the buttons on the remote feverishly trying to kill the power as a healthy blush crept up her throat and face. Ashleigh found herself surprised at her own laughter. There had been a time when seeing that spectacle would have stung, but it didn’t now.

Alex ejected the tape from the player, despite the groans and protests around her. “There’s plenty of footage to watch. Chantal has at least a hundred discs in the cabinet. I’m going to go heat the grill,” Alex said to Vicki as she made a hasty retreat out the back door.

“Chickenshit,” Jaclyn called after Alex. “Pop this in.” Jaclyn handed Chantal a disc marked club footage.

Ashleigh could only make herself watch for a few minutes. She was and always would be her harshest critic. As Vicki moved into the kitchen, Ashleigh followed, leaving Erica and everyone else to watch without her. “Need some help?”

Vicki smiled at her. “You can grab a barstool and talk to me while I get a few things together.”

Ashleigh did as Vicki said and took a seat. “I think I’ve neglected to mention how nice your house is. How long have you lived here?”

“About ten years.” Vicki looked around the kitchen with a scowl. “It needs updating. I’ve been wanting to paint and replace the countertops, but you’d think I was asking to build on a wing the way Chantal whines.”

“I want to build a deck in the backyard, but Erica claims it’ll bring termites,” Ashleigh said with a smile. “She doesn’t think I know about treated wood. The bottom line is she doesn’t want to take the time and won’t hire someone to do something she has the skills to do.”

Vicki stopped mixing the salad and looked into the den where Chantal and Erica were going over the bank of electronics associated with the home entertainment system. “Looks like our other halves are getting along fine. They sound like they have a lot in common.”

Ashleigh nodded. “I figured if Erica hit it off with anyone, it would be Chantal.”

“So this is not so bad, feels like old times, doesn’t it?” Vicki pulled a tray of hamburger patties from the fridge.

Ashleigh swiped a tomato wedge from the salad bowl. “It’s weird, but it really does.”

“Been keeping those pipes of yours in shape? I’d really like to hear you sing.”

“Oh, Vic, I’m not up to that.” Ashleigh paled at the thought. “I sometimes sing with the radio in the car when I’m alone, but that’s it.”

“No pressure,” Vicki said with a disarming smile when she noticed Ashleigh’s fearful expression.

“Got a text from Lindsay,” Jaclyn said as she walked in behind Drew. “She’ll be here in an hour.” Jaclyn took the barstool next to Ashleigh. “She says she can’t wait to see you.”

“How is she?” Ashleigh asked.

Jaclyn swiped a piece of cucumber from the salad bowl and deftly avoided a swat from Vicki. “She’s bitchy right now. I leave the house when ‘Aunt Flow’ shows up because my wife doesn’t like me much.” Jaclyn leaned in close to Ashleigh. “And I don’t like her, either, but I’m scared to say so.”

Alex stuck her head in the door. “Are we eating outside?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Vicki replied. “Is it getting chilly?”

“Yep.” Alex took the platter. “Bring my hoodie when you come out please.”

“Can we do anything to help?” Drew asked as Vicki handed plates and silverware to Jaclyn.

Vicki shook her head. “Relax and let us spoil you.”

Ashleigh and Drew moved to the window and watched as the women set the tables. Drew nodded in Alex’s direction. “What’s it like seeing her again?”

“Not what I expected.” Ashleigh watched as Alex smiled at Vicki as they talked. “She’s just someone I knew a long time ago. There’s nothing there anymore.”

“That’s not what your eyes say.” A faint smiled played across Drew’s face as she looked at Ashleigh. “You’ve been studying her intently, and she’s been doing the same to you.”

Ashleigh tried not to react to what Drew was saying. Any hint of interest on her part would spur Drew on, and she would pick Ashleigh apart until she knew her every thought.

“What was she like?” Drew asked with a devilish grin.

Ashleigh grabbed Alex’s sweatshirt from where it hung on the back of a chair. “I might answer that one day,” she said with a grin as she brushed past Drew.

Ashleigh caught a faint hint of perfume as she clutched the shirt in her hand. The scent brought back a torrent of memories as she stepped onto the patio. Alex’s mouth on her skin, her fingers woven into the dark locks, and those eyes peering into hers as Alex kissed her way down her body. Ashleigh stopped short and hung the hoodie on the back of a chair.

“So, Alex,” Drew said later when they sat down to eat. “You’re an attorney now. I imagine that’s a far cry from the music business. What type of law do you practice?”

Alex glanced at Ashleigh before answering. “Corporate, nothing exciting.”

“Your mom finally snagged you, didn’t she?” Ashleigh said as Alex looked away and smiled.

“She got tired of me being a bum. When we came back off the tour, I spent my days on her sofa in front of the TV.” Alex stuffed a potato chip into her mouth. “She laid down the law—school or work. I, of course, picked school, thinking I could screw off.”

“You work for your mother’s firm then?” Ashleigh asked between bites of her burger.

“Oh, yeah, she’d have it no other way. For every argument I presented, she countered. I couldn’t win. When I got my first paycheck, we went house hunting,” Alex said with a laugh. “I mentioned that I liked a house on the street behind us here, and Mom had me signing a purchase agreement before I could second-guess it.”

“Two McKinney women under the same roof and at the workplace every day made for a tense environment,” Vicki said. “The day Alex brought us over to see the place, a moving van pulled up at the same time. She’d just closed and her mother had the movers packing Alex’s stuff. She was in on the same day.”

“So is there a Ms. McKinney home right now?” Drew asked to Ashleigh’s horror.

Alex grinned. “No, but I have a cat. Ms. Mischief, she’s all I care to live with right now.”

Vicki pushed her plate away and groaned. “I shouldn’t have eaten the whole burger. I’m miserably stuffed.”

Ashleigh was thankful for the change in topic. She wanted to kill Drew for prying into Alex’s personal life.

“Ash, I wanted to show you something if you’re finished eating,” Chantal said as she stood.

“I am.” Ashleigh stood and began to pick up her plate when Vicki reached over and grabbed her arm.

“I’ll clear the table, go with Chantal,” she said with a smile.

Ashleigh followed Chantal down a gravel path to what appeared to be a work shed in the back corner of the yard. Chantal slipped a key in the lock and opened the door. “Come in.”

Padded walls surrounded the large room with a low hung ceiling. Chantal’s drum kit sat in the corner surrounded by a glass partition. Sound equipment and instruments took up the rest of the space. “No more practicing in the living room. The neighbors never hear a sound when the door’s closed.”

“Wow.” Ashleigh ran her fingertips over the baby grand that matched the one in the living room.

Chantal pointed to another corner of the building. “We spend a lot of time in here messing around. I just added the fridge and sofa. I’ll have a bathroom built on in the spring.”

Ashleigh surveyed the collection of Alex’s guitars and the huge keyboard bank that she had a mental image of Vicki sitting behind. “Why didn’t y’all continue to record after I left?”

With her hands on her hips, Chantal turned and looked at Ashleigh. “It wasn’t because of you, darlin’, so let go of that guilty tone. You remember how it was when we signed with the recording company. They dictated our every move, and we weren’t allowed to be who we really were.” Chantal moved closer to where Ashleigh stood. “It was really hard for me to see the woman I loved escorted to events clinging to a man.”

Ashleigh remembered the strong rebuke of their sexuality by record company executives. They were assigned escorts when they went out in public, and though most of the men were gay, it still grated their nerves. At a time when Annie Lennox and so many were making androgyny a fashion statement, the women of Versal were expected to stay deep in the closet.

“It wasn’t just that, Ash, we were all feeling the strain. It wasn’t fun anymore.” Chantal shrugged. “It wasn’t what we expected, and your departure was a turning point. We saw an opportunity and we took it.”

“So what ya think?” Vicki walked in the door with everyone in tow.

“It’s pretty cool,” Ashleigh said with a grin.

Kaitlyn whistled as she walked into the room with her hands stuffed in her pockets. “If I were a musician, my nipples would be really hard right now.”

“Sit down,” Vicki said to Ashleigh as she pulled the bench from beneath the piano. “Wait till you hear the sound in here.”

Ashleigh scrubbed her hands together and sat on the bench. She stared at the keyboard for a moment and the room went silent. “I haven’t played in a long time, maybe you should—”

“I don’t care if you play ‘Chopsticks,’ just play it,” Vicki said with a smile. She stood behind Ashleigh and rested her hands on her shoulders. “Just relax and put your fingers on the keys.”

Ashleigh closed her eyes and let out a long slow breath. Her hands rested in her lap, and for the longest time, she didn’t make a move. Ashleigh placed her fingers on the keyboard and the first strain of “Moonlight Sonata” filled the room. She smiled as her fingers moved over the keys effortlessly, as if her hands alone remembered the music. It came back so easily, and she felt the familiar pull that made her want to sit there for hours.

“Now let me hear that voice of yours,” Vicki said with a squeeze of Ashleigh’s shoulders.

“I can’t.” Ashleigh stood, feeling suddenly overwhelmed. “I haven’t stretched those muscles in years, and I’m not comfortable attempting that in front of everyone.” Her tone belied the rising panic, but she was terrified that her worst fear would be confirmed in front of the women she felt she needed to impress the most. What if she couldn’t sing anymore?

Jaclyn gave Ashleigh a nudge. “It’s just us, Ash—”

“Let’s play the new song we wrote,” Alex said as she picked up her guitar. “We’ve got a test audience we can take advantage of.”

With twenty years and a failed relationship between them, Alex could still sense when she needed rescuing. The discreet wink she gave Ashleigh confirmed that her interruption wasn’t a coincidence. She was well aware of Ashleigh’s discomfort.

Chapter Seventeen

Erica opened an eye, glanced at the alarm clock, and groaned softly into her pillow. The alarm would sound in an hour and a half, and she knew she would still be lying awake when it did. Careful not to disturb Ashleigh, she climbed from bed and grabbed her robe as she left the bedroom. She needed coffee, breakfast, and a shower, and most of all, she needed to be alone for a while. They’d gotten in late from Vicki and Chantal’s the night before. Mercifully, she was asleep when her head hit the pillow, but after her body got its rest, her brain began assimilating all the details of the previous day. She was powerless to stop the parade of thoughts and images playing like a movie on fast-forward in her mind.

There were many disturbing things for her to ponder, the first being Alex. She was indeed “smokin’ hot” as Kaitlyn had so eloquently put it. If she was a single woman and circumstances were different, Alex would have been someone that she would’ve been taken with. She could understand how a woman could get caught up in the magnetism that Alex exuded. Ashleigh had done exactly that at one time. Erica’s stomach turned at the thought. She exhaled loudly as she remembered how Ashleigh’s face flushed when Alex walked into the room. Was the attraction between them still there? She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer to that.

Erica leaned her head against the cabinet while she waited for the coffee to brew. Watching Ashleigh play the piano had been a revelation in itself. She remembered how the muscles in Ashleigh’s jaw flexed, how her brow furrowed over half-lidded eyes as she concentrated. Ashleigh’s eyes closed as she gave in to the music as one would give in to an unexpected kiss. This was something intimate, something very personal, something that could be shared, but only at a distance. Erica wasn’t simply watching Ashleigh play the piano, but reconnecting with her first love. She understood then that Alex was not the only threat from Ashleigh’s past. Music itself was a powerful ex-lover.

Erica took her cup of coffee to the kitchen table and sat down. Her gaze settled on the pictures held by magnets to the refrigerator door. One in particular caught her attention. Ashleigh’s face smudged with dirt smiled back at her. She’d taken that picture the day they landscaped the front yard not long after Ashleigh moved in. Erica struggled with reconciling that the woman in the picture was the same one in the videos and pictures she’d seen over the past two weeks. The woman who Ashleigh had been was a complete stranger, a stranger who was now a part of her life whether she wanted it or not.

Erica grimaced when she took a sip from her cup and lukewarm coffee filled her mouth. Glancing up at the clock, she was surprised at how long she’d been sitting there lost in thought. Time for breakfast had come and gone, but so had her appetite.

“Did you sleep at all?” Kaitlyn asked when she climbed into Erica’s SUV. She put on her seat belt and pivoted in the seat so she could look at Erica.

Erica glanced in the rearview and frowned at the dark circles under her eyes. “My allergies always act up when the weather starts to change.” Erica shifted into reverse, hoping that Kaitlyn wouldn’t press her, but her hopes were dashed when Kaitlyn asked her to take the long route to work. “Got something on your mind this morning?” Erica asked as she grudgingly obeyed.

Kaitlyn reached over and laid a hand on Erica’s arm. “You’re troubled, I can see past your poker face.”

Erica’s eyes burned when she faked a smile. Her emotions were closer to the surface than she was comfortable with. She focused on the road and took a sip of coffee that helped force down the lump in her throat. “This is just more of an adjustment than I thought it would be.” Kaitlyn remained silent waiting for her to elaborate. “The videos…I don’t know who that woman is.”

“I’m having a hard time with that, too.”

“You are?” Erica felt immediate relief at Kaitlyn’s admission. “I thought it was just me.”

“No, it’s not just you. Me and Drew talked about it for a long time last night. In the candid stuff, she seemed like the Ashleigh we all know, but in the onstage footage, we didn’t recognize her.” Kaitlyn tapped her travel mug against her teeth for a second as she thought. “She just seemed to morph into someone else. I don’t know how else to describe it.”

“I feel like I don’t know her.” Erica put her empty travel mug in the cup holder and squeezed the steering wheel. “I know she’s dealing with things, too, but…it feels like the woman I do know is slipping away from me.”

“You need to let her know how you feel.”

As Kaitlyn extolled the virtues of communication in a relationship, Erica resumed construction on her emotional fortress. A new brick fit into place each time she was forced to confront Ashleigh’s past.

Ashleigh was startled when the cell phone in her breast pocket vibrated, indicating a text message. Can we talk? She felt a twinge of nervousness as she read the words. That phrase always seemed to mean that whatever was going to be discussed was serious, maybe even painful. Her hand shook slightly as she hit the talk button. “Talk about what?” she asked, trying to sound unconcerned.

“I feel bad about putting you on the spot yesterday,” Vicki said. “I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“You’re forgiven, it’s no big deal.” Ashleigh nudged the door to her office with her toe until it closed.

“I think it might be a ‘big deal,’ and I’d like for you to discuss it with me.”

“Vic, it’s…it doesn’t matter if I can’t do it anymore.”

“Have dinner with me tonight. I’ll meet you halfway in Zachary at Chili’s.”

Ashleigh leaned back in her chair and smiled. “You’re as bad as Drew and equally persistent.”

Vicki laughed. “I think we may be sisters. I’m gonna have to ask Mom about the milkman. So, does six work for you? I can make it later if you need me to.”

“Six is fine,” Ashleigh said with a sigh. “Erica’s working late anyway.”

“See ya then.”

Ashleigh had already been grilled by Drew over lunch, and now she’d spend the evening with Vicki doing the same about an equally sensitive subject. Relentless, Drew poked and prodded, wanting to know what it was like to face Alex again. She didn’t want to analyze the innumerable feelings that swept through her during that encounter. Didn’t want to ponder why Alex made her nervous even after the shock of seeing her again wore off. Drew didn’t seem convinced when she’d said that she felt nothing during their reunion. It wasn’t a lie, but not the truth, either.

Chapter Eighteen

Erica sounded distracted when Ashleigh called to tell her about the plans with Vicki. Ashleigh could hear Bob Barrett’s voice in the background. “Is Dad checking up on you?”

“Yeah, he says he’s here to help.” Erica sighed. “He’s been telling fishing stories to anyone who’ll sit still long enough. The only people working around here right now are me and Kaitlyn.”

“Should I bring you something to eat?”

“No, if I get hungry, I’ll make something, or I’ll invite myself to dinner at Kaitlyn and Drew’s. Tell Vicki I said hello, okay?”

“Will do, I’ll see you later, love you.”

“Love you too, Ash.”

A last-minute walk-in patient caused her to run late. There would be no time to run home and change. Dressed in Tweety Bird scrubs, Ashleigh plugged her favorite CD in the player and sang along with the music. She struggled to hit a couple of notes, but otherwise her voice still sounded strong to her own ears. If she practiced and got her vocal chords back in shape, then maybe—

What? This foray into her past had dredged up a longing that she hadn’t been able to admit to herself, much less anyone else. She wanted to experience music again. She could’ve sat for hours and played Vicki’s piano and probably would have if Vicki hadn’t pushed her to sing. Playing the piano and guitar were second nature, and she knew it would take her no time at all to master those instruments again. Her voice was another matter. Her parents taught her to demand perfection. The thought of her voice failing her was crippling.

Ashleigh pulled into the parking lot and spotted Vicki standing in front of the restaurant with her cell phone pressed to her ear. She looked good in jeans and a hunter green pullover, making Ashleigh regret even more not being able to change out of her work clothes.

“Look at you,” Vicki said with a grin as Ashleigh approached. She tugged at Ashleigh’s shirt. “I bet you have one of these with Bugs Bunny.”

“I thought I’d dress up for this occasion.” Ashleigh returned the tight hug that Vicki gave her. “And yes, I have two Bugs Bunnys.” Ashleigh ran her fingers up the sleeve of Vicki’s lightweight V-neck sweater. “You always did have the best taste in clothes. We need to go shopping so you can make over my wardrobe.”

“It’s a date.” Vicki looped her arm through Ashleigh’s and pushed her way through the door to the restaurant. “It’s the perfect time to shop. There’s always great sales at the end of a season.”

“We’ll have to bring Drew,” Ashleigh said as they were seated. “I’ll never hear the end of it if I go on a shopping trip without her.”

They decided to order appetizers as a meal, Ashleigh’s favorite. Vicki chose nachos, and Ashleigh ordered the Southwestern egg rolls.

Vicki reached across the table and clutched Ashleigh’s hand. “I can’t believe we’re sitting here like this. Remember how we used to spend whole afternoons in IHOP drinking coffee and talking about everything and everyone?”

“Yeah, God, it seems like a lifetime ago.”

Vicki gave Ashleigh’s hand a squeeze before releasing it, then propped her elbow on the table and rested her chin in her palm. “I guess in a way it was,” she said with a wistful smile. “Are you happy with your life now, Ash?”

“I was…I mean I am.” Ashleigh gnawed at her bottom lip as she met Vicki’s gaze. Like Drew, she made Ashleigh feel as though she could read her thoughts and was waiting for her to put voice to them. “I guess I didn’t realize how much I missed you all.”

“And?”

Ashleigh shook her head. “I don’t know. I just feel unsettled. I can’t describe it.”

“Could it be that you’ve ignored a passion for years and now that you’ve been confronted with it, you can’t deny it anymore?”

Ashleigh couldn’t help but smile. “Am I really that transparent?”

“I saw it when you sat down at the piano, then I messed it up when I asked you to sing.” Vicki tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “You have that same mortified look right now.”

“I’m just afraid that I’ll open my mouth and nothing will come out or what does will sound like nails on a chalkboard.”

“Are you serious?” Vicki asked with a laugh and quickly sobered when Ashleigh didn’t join her. “Ash, you may be a bit rough around the edges, but I’m certain that you haven’t lost the ability. You’ve never sung in front of Erica or Drew even?”

“I haven’t sung in front of another soul since leaving the band.”

Vicki stared at her incredulously. “You’ve never just sung along with something on the radio?”

“Yeah, when I’m alone.” Ashleigh threw up her hands in frustration. “I can’t make myself do it in front of people. Just the thought makes my throat close up.”

Vicki reached over and took Ashleigh’s hand again. “What if I sing with you? Come to the house one night this week, and we’ll work on it, just you and me.”

“I’ll have to think about that,” Ashleigh said as their food arrived. After their drinks were refilled, Vicki moved to another subject.

“Have you had any contact with your family?”

“Nope.” Ashleigh popped a nacho into her mouth, buying herself some time to cope with another uncomfortable topic. “I wrote them a letter once, but it came back undeliverable. I don’t know if they moved or just sent it back unopened.”

“Does it still bother you after all this time?”

“Yes and no. I don’t even know if Mom and Dad are still alive. Kim’s probably married with kids. Hell, she may already be a grandmother by now. It bothers me that I don’t know these things, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t care, either.” Ashleigh let out a weary sigh. “I’m not angry at them anymore, but I doubt I’ll ever forget that they disowned me.”

“Tell me about Erica,” Vicki said, obviously thinking she was veering onto something less disturbing.

“She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Ashleigh admitted without hesitation. “It sounds corny and trite, but I knew the minute I met her that we were going to be together.” Ashleigh smiled as she thought back. “When we started dating, I worked shift work. She’d drive all the way down here to take me to breakfast when I got off at six.” Ashleigh shook her head. “She had to get up at four to be here at that time.”

“What a little trouper. She must’ve really wanted to get into your pants.”

Ashleigh laughed as she tossed a chip at Vicki. “We actually dated for about a month before we slept together.”

“You lie!” Vicki tossed the chip back.

Ashleigh raised her right hand. “I swear. We were both looking for something long-term so we took our time.”

“How does her family feel about your relationship?”

“They were distant in the beginning,” Ashleigh said with a shrug. “Erica dated a few women that they really didn’t like, so when I came along, they were prepared to dislike me, as well. Now they treat me like one of their own.”

“Aw, Ash, I’m really happy for you,” Vicki said with a sincere smile.

Ashleigh waved her off, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “Tell me about you and Chantal. How’ve you two managed to remain together all these years? What’s your secret?”

“Communication and compromise. We learned that the hard way,” Vicki said seriously. “We broke up for a while about ten years ago.”

Ashleigh was stunned. “For how long?”

“About six months.” Vicki took a sip of her tea and pushed her plate away. “That’s a chapter of my life I wish I could go back and rewrite.”

“What happened?”

Vicki shook her head and shrugged. “We just let the relationship stagnate. Working long hours, not spending any time together other than to sit in front of the TV. We fought a lot, and unlike Jaclyn and Lindsay, it drove a bigger wedge between us. One night, she walked out and that was it.”

“I can’t imagine you two being apart. You’ve been together since what, birth?”

“High school,” Vicki answered with a smile. “She was my first and supposed to be my last, but that didn’t happen.”

“Vic, did you cheat on her?” Ashleigh dreaded the answer.

“I would never cheat on her, and she didn’t cheat on me, but we did see other people during our hiatus.”

“I can’t picture you with anyone else. Was it anybody we know?” The smile slipped from Ashleigh’s face as she considered one possibility.

“Alex is like a sister to me, always has been,” Vicki said as one eyebrow rose. “And no, it was no one you knew. Unlike Chantal, I only slept with two other women. She plowed as many fields as she could.”

Ashleigh chuckled at the euphemism. “Was it weird being with someone else after only being with Chantal?”

Vicki rested her chin in her hand again. “It was kind of exciting, it was something new, but after everything was said and done, I felt empty. Instead of distracting me, it made me miss her even more. I was miserable.” As if on cue, Vicki’s cell phone rang. She pulled it from her purse and grinned as she looked at the ID. “Speak of the spouse,” Vicki said as she flipped the phone open.

After a battle over the check, which Ashleigh won, they parted with hugs and promises to get together later that week. Ashleigh felt mixed emotions about agreeing to sing with Vicki. But in her heart she knew that she wouldn’t be satisfied until she knew if she could do it. It was like a hurdle that she wasn’t sure she could jump but had to know one way or the other.

“Thank God you’re here,” Erica said as Ashleigh walked in the door. Erica rushed into her arms and dramatically buried her face in Ashleigh’s shoulder. “They’ve been mean to me.”

“Get over here, you poon, and let me finish.” Drew raised a pair of tweezers in the air.

Ashleigh pulled back and forced Erica to look at her. She smiled in sympathy when she noticed the area around Erica’s eyebrows was swollen and red. “I hate to tell you this, love, but they look much better than when I do it.”

“You finish them,” Erica said with a pleading look.

Kaitlyn chuckled but quickly quieted when Drew informed her that she was next.

“I do a better job,” Drew said. “Now sit your fuzzy ass down and let me finish.”

Erica scowled and returned to the chair, plopping down with a grunt.

“So tell us how your dinner date went,” Drew said as she went back to work shaping Erica’s unruly eyebrows.

Ashleigh pulled a soda from the fridge and took a long swallow. “We’re going shopping Saturday. Vicki is going to help me update my wardrobe. You’re invited, too.”

“Ouch,” Erica said.

“I haven’t even touched you yet.” Drew had the tweezers poised over Erica’s brow. “What are you whining for?”

“The damage that y’all are going to do to our credit cards,” Erica said, then ducked a swat from Drew.

“Is that okay with you, honey?” Ashleigh took a seat.

“Ow, damn. Shit, ow,” Erica said as Drew plucked the hairs from her brow in rapid succession. “It’s fine with me. Kaitlyn and I have to work. Dear God. Have mercy, Drew.”

“All right, you’re done, you big baby.” Drew motioned for Kaitlyn. “Get over here.”

“I don’t need it.” Kaitlyn made no effort to move. “I have two brows unlike cave girl.” She pointed at Erica, who shot her a contemptuous look.

Drew raised one sculpted eyebrow and pointed to the chair that Erica had swiftly vacated. Fearful of the infamous look, Kaitlyn did as ordered. Drew had many pet peeves, but untamed eyebrows were the topper. Kaitlyn silently prayed that she would never grow noticeable nose hair.

“Ash, you need me to take a look at yours?” Drew said as she started Kaitlyn whimpering.

“Waxed last week, no need.” Ashleigh tugged on Erica’s hand. “I’m going to take her home and ice her down.”

“I’m so glad you got here when you did,” Erica said with a shudder when they closed the door behind them. “Kaitlyn says that Drew’s been reading all sorts of beauty magazines, and last night, Drew made her wear some sort of mud pack on her face for an hour.”

Ashleigh threw back her head and laughed. “I would’ve paid to have seen that.”

“You laugh, but she’s ordered some sort of Brazilian wax kit, and she told us that she knew you’d try it.”

“She’s crazy if she thinks I’m going to let her get anywhere near me with hot wax.” Ashleigh shook her head. “Poor Kaitlyn.”

Erica snorted. “Yeah, poor Katie, I just hope she doesn’t try to show me Drew’s handiwork.”

It seemed like forever since they’d talked and laughed. Ashleigh tugged Erica’s hand as they walked in front of their house. “Let’s keep going, take a walk with me.” She knew that once they went inside, the playful banter between them would stop. Erica would go into her office or go to bed, and she would take a long bath or sit in front of the TV.

Erica rooted her feet, causing them to come to a stop. “Ash, I’m tired, honey. These long days are wearing me down.” She looked apologetic, but Ashleigh felt her heart sink.

Ashleigh wanted to say, “Don’t you feel it, too? Don’t you feel the distance growing between us?” Instead she sighed and said, “Yeah, I’m tired too.”

Ashleigh wondered if she was just being oversensitive as she followed Erica inside the house. Erica had been working long hours, and it was obvious by the dark circles under her eyes that she was exhausted.

Ashleigh let this rationale soothe away her pain, but in the back of her mind, a small voice demanded that she not allow herself to be so easily placated. Something was very wrong and she was being a fool for not confronting it.

Chapter Nineteen

Ashleigh sank down onto the stool. Her knees felt weak and unwilling to support her. How can this be so hard, she wondered as her wet palms gripped the cool metal of the mic stand. Vicki had begun the song three times, and when it came time for Ashleigh to sing, she lost her nerve. “I know I’m making this a bigger deal than it should be.”

“You are,” Vicki said from behind the bank of synthesizers and keyboards. She ran a hand through her dark locks, a sure sign that she was getting frustrated.

“I think I should just accept that I can’t do this, Vic.”

“Bullshit.” Ashleigh and Vicki turned in surprise. Alex had slipped into the room unnoticed and was leaning against the door with her arms folded. She pushed off the door and stuffed her hands in the pocket of her hooded sweatshirt. “You’re on the verge of an anxiety attack right now,” Alex said as she came to stand in front of Ashleigh.

Alex was staring into her eyes, and Ashleigh knew she could see all the insecurities there. It was hard enough to let Vicki see that side of her but nearly unbearable for Alex to see it, too.

“When I broke my arm, I couldn’t play the guitar for months,” Alex said as she took a seat next to Ashleigh. “I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to play when the cast came off.” She smiled and shook her head. “It was stupid, but I actually had nightmares about it. I love playing guitar, and the thought of not being able to do it was so devastating that I almost didn’t want to try. I would tell myself that I was better off not knowing.”

“It hasn’t been months, but years, Alex. I’ve only sung occasionally in my car. What if it sounds really bad?” Ashleigh felt herself on the verge of tears.

Alex grinned. “You’ll probably sound like shit.”

“Alex, that’s not helping,” Vicki said in exasperation.

“If she hasn’t sung in years, her voice is going to be rough.” Alex kept her focus on Ashleigh. “She has the natural ability, though, and it won’t take her long to get it back in shape.”

“It’s late, I should probably get going,” Ashleigh said, wanting an excuse to leave the uncomfortable situation she’d found herself in.

“It’s seven, you have to be home when the streetlights come on?” Alex asked with a smile. “I won’t lie to you, Ash. If you’ve lost it, I’ll tell you.”

She hadn’t realized it until then, but that was the assurance she needed. She knew that Vicki would pacify her because she wouldn’t be able to tell her the truth if she did sound terrible. Alex would be brutally honest, and odd as it seemed, that was a comfort.

Ashleigh took the mic stand and turned on the stool facing away from Alex and Vicki. “Start it again.”

They’d picked one of Ashleigh’s all-time favorite songs by Culture Club. The songs they’d written were too personal to butcher. The first line of “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me” came out strained, and Ashleigh faltered, wanting to give up that second. She clamped her eyes shut and gritted her teeth.

“Don’t give up, push yourself,” Alex whispered against her ear.

At the chorus, she’d found her resolve and began again. It felt as if some invisible barrier in her chest broke away. She found the place in her mind that she used to go to when she went on stage. A place where she shut everything else out, the voices of fear and doubt couldn’t reach her there. The other side of her personality that lay dormant, unless called upon, had suddenly come back to life.

When the song ended, she sat stock-still, unable to turn around. The room was silent as she gathered her courage and turned to Alex first.

Alex sat with her arms folded across her chest staring at the floor. “You stayed on key and still have pretty good control. I can tell, though, that you’d only be able to sing one or two more songs before you strained your voice.” She looked up at Ashleigh then. “If you practice and build yourself back up, you’d probably be back to where you were in no time.”

Ashleigh’s shoulders sagged in relief. She turned when she heard a sniffle. Vicki stood with one hand on her forehead and the other on her hip. “Ignore me. I’m emotional right now—PMS.”

Ashleigh jumped when she felt Alex’s hands on her shoulders. “You did it. I’m proud of you.” She gave Ashleigh a quick squeeze, then called a good night over her shoulder as she walked out, leaving them alone again.

Vicki cleared her throat. “Okay, little girl, you’ve earned your play time.”

Ashleigh moved quickly to the baby grand and flexed her hands over the keyboard. Vicki denied her this pleasure until she sang, and now she could play to her heart’s content. She closed her eyes and let her fingers settle on the keys, the sound that flowed then soothed and calmed. She’d forgotten how quickly she could get lost in music and how her cares and concerns drifted away. She felt euphoric. Painful barriers had been crossed, and she was finally reunited with the part of her soul that had been missing for so long.

“You know,” Vicki began as they left the shed arm in arm an hour later. “We’re getting together here Saturday night to play. You’re already gonna be in town for the shopping trip, why don’t you stay and join us?”

Ashleigh felt exhilarated and agreed without hesitation. The thought of being included once again thrilled her. As they walked through the back door of the house, they noticed Chantal and Alex seated in the den in front of the TV yelling at professional baseball players who they obviously felt needed their chastisement.

“I hate baseball season,” Vicki said with a grimace. “Those two yell and scream so much that I have to leave the house sometimes.”

“We’re not into sports, so anytime you want to come up to St. Francisville for peace and quiet, you’re welcome.” Ashleigh looked down at her watch. “Speaking of home, I need to get on the road.”

Vicki pulled her into a tight hug and whispered, “I’m proud of you.”

“I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t pushed me.”

Vicki released her and nodded in Alex’s direction. “I think she’s the one that gave you the final push.”

Ashleigh looked over at Alex. She’d always been the one who understood what was going in her head and when and how hard to nudge her. “I’m grateful to you both.”

“Are you leaving?” Chantal asked when Ashleigh walked into the den and kissed her on top of the head.

“Yep, it’s a long drive.” Ashleigh was surprised when she turned around and Alex had moved to her feet. When they hugged, Alex held her loosely and tried to pull away quickly, but Ashleigh tightened her grip and pulled her back. “Thank you,” Ashleigh whispered into her ear before letting her go.

“Be safe.” Alex backed away, then walked into the kitchen.

Ashleigh watched her quick retreat and turned to Vicki, whose brow furrowed for a second while she watched Alex, as well. When she looked back in Ashleigh’s direction, she smiled brightly.

“Do you think I made Alex uncomfortable when I hugged her?” Ashleigh asked when Vicki walked her to her car.

“Alex?” Vicki acted like the question was preposterous. “It’d take a lot more than that to rankle her.”

After agreeing on the time to meet Saturday, Ashleigh made the drive home. All the earlier excitement had worn off by the time she pulled into the driveway, replaced by exhaustion. The light was on in Erica’s office when she stepped into the kitchen; otherwise, the house was dark and quiet. Erica was once again slumped over her desk, her head resting on her folded arms as she slept.

Ashleigh shook Erica gently. “Sweetie.”

Erica lifted her head and gave Ashleigh a groggy smile. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself. Now get up, it’s time for bed.” Erica didn’t protest as Ashleigh took the mouse and saved the document she was working on, then led her upstairs. Ashleigh would have to wait for another time to tell her of her accomplishment.

Chapter Twenty

“Somebody get me a can of Crisco and an antidepressant.” Drew emerged from the dressing room and hung a pair of pants on the return rack. She stopped in mid-stride and watched as Ashleigh surveyed her own reflection in a mirror. The jeans hugged her slim form, accentuating a firm rear end. “I hate you,” Drew said as she walked by. “Love the jeans, though.”

“Check these out.” Vicki walked into the dressing area. Her eyes sparkled as she held up the black leather pants. “With that white shirt that you bought and a pair of black boots, this outfit would pop.”

“And where exactly would I wear that ‘popping’ outfit?” Ashleigh asked as she fingered the smooth leather.

“On stage,” Vicki said nonchalantly as she failed to meet her eyes.

“That’s where all this singing business is going, isn’t it?” Ashleigh turned on one heel. “I’ll sing in my car and in your shed, but that’s as far as it goes.” She closed the dressing room curtain in Vicki’s face.

“It would be the ultimate if you’d join us on stage at the club,” Vicki said as she poked her head around the curtain. “Just for a few songs after you’ve had time to practice and build up your voice.”

Drew’s head appeared on the other end of the curtain. “You’re gonna perform at the club?” she asked excitedly.

“I didn’t say that.” Ashleigh wagged her finger at them both. “Now can I have some privacy?”

“I’ve seen you naked. What are you worrying about?” Vicki said.

“That was twenty years ago, Vic.”

“I’ve seen her naked recently,” Drew said with a grin.

“How’s she holding up?” Vicki asked.

“Not bad.” Drew shrugged. “Everything is still up where it’s supposed to be.”

“For the love of Pete! Do you two mind?”

Both heads disappeared from the curtain, but as Ashleigh changed, she could hear them speaking in hushed voices. Ashleigh shook her head. It was no wonder that Vicki and Drew hit it off. They seemed to share the same brain—and it was twisted.

“Where to now?” Ashleigh pulled back the curtain.

“Shoes,” Drew and Vicki said in unison.

After sufficient damage had been done to Drew’s and Ashleigh’s credit cards, the group went back to Vicki’s. As they opened the door to the shed, the sound of drums was overwhelming. Chantal’s eyes were clamped shut as she pounded away to a song that played in the earphones she wore.

“She makes me hot when she’s like this,” Vicki yelled over the sound.

“We’ll be happy to leave you two alone,” Ashleigh yelled back.

Vicki slipped behind the enclosure and grabbed Chantal’s shoulder while avoiding the flying sticks. Chantal jumped at the touch. A smile spread across her face when she looked up at Vicki. It was the same way that Kaitlyn looked at Drew; it made Ashleigh realize that she’d been missing that look in Erica’s eyes lately.

Chantal pulled the headphones off her head. “Hey there. When you said that you were going shopping, I didn’t expect to see you for a few days.”

“Where are the girls?” Vicki asked as she planted a kiss on Chantal’s lips.

“Jaclyn is helping Lindsay with something, then she’ll be on her way. Alex will be here in a few.”

Ashleigh sank down onto one of the sofas against the wall and let out a groan. They’d been on their feet and moving for most of the day. “They’re cute,” Drew said as she took a seat next to Ashleigh.

“They remind me of you and Kaitlyn, always nuzzling and fawning over each other.”

“Don’t be jealous.” Drew nudged her. “I know you want me.”

Ashleigh and Drew looked up when the door opened and Alex stepped inside. “Hi, Alex,” they called out in unison, sounding like two school girls.

“You’ve been sleeping all day, haven’t you?” Vicki said as she moved toward her bank of keyboards. “Late night?”

Alex ran a hand through her messy hair and looked down at the old T-shirt and sweatpants she was wearing. “I look like a slob, I know,” she said with an embarrassed grin.

“You didn’t answer the question,” Vicki said teasingly. “Did you have a long night?”

“I didn’t answer you the first time, Dickie, what makes you think I’m going to answer the second?” Alex said with a wink.

Ashleigh chuckled at the nickname that only Alex could get away with using. She couldn’t help but join in. “Did you at least bathe before coming over here?”

Alex rested a hand on her hip and glared at Ashleigh. “I take enough abuse from these two.” She pointed between Vicki and Chantal. “Don’t you start with me because I know way too many embarrassing stories that I could share with Drew.”

As Alex was speaking, Jaclyn slipped into the room, crept up behind Alex, and yanked her sweatpants to her knees. Alex’s face registered shock at first, then flushed red. “You are such a bitch, Jac,” she said without turning.

Jaclyn tugged on the T-shirt that hit Alex mid-thigh. “You’re not wearing underwear.” Alex slapped her hand away as she pulled her pants up. “Don’t act embarrassed. We’ve all seen it.”

“Oh, Jac, the payback is going to be so painful.” Alex glared in her direction.

“You can’t get me back. This is payback for taking a picture of me on the toilet. It’s Lindsay’s screensaver, by the way.” Jaclyn took a step back when Alex moved toward her.

“I guess it’s obvious that we still haven’t grown up,” Vicki said with a look at Ashleigh and Drew.

Chantal looked at her watch. “Time’s wasting, and I wanna hear Ash sing.” She waved a drumstick at Alex and Jaclyn. “Can you two act like adults for an hour or so?” She gave a satisfied nod when both women shot her the finger.

Ashleigh warmed up by singing backing vocals while Alex and Jaclyn alternated singing lead on several songs. To her own ear, their voices still blended well, and after her anxiety waned, she took the lead on their own material. Ashleigh closed her eyes when she began to sing “Love’s Someday,” unable to look at her bandmates as she sang the song that had one time been so personal. She couldn’t help but smile when she heard Alex, Jaclyn, and Vicki’s harmonies come in behind her on the chorus. For a moment, she was back in time before fame had changed their lives and everything felt right. When the song ended, she felt tears pushing at her closed eyelids, and when she opened them, she realized that everyone in the room was wiping at their own eyes, including Drew.

Ashleigh rubbed at her throat and made a weak attempt at a smile. “I think I need a break.”

“I think you need some of Vicki’s famous hot tea.” Alex unstrapped her guitar and walked briskly toward the door. “I’ll go put the water on.”

Vicki gave a shrug. “I guess I’m making tea then.” She followed after Alex, leaving everyone else looking slightly bewildered.

Drew checked her cell phone and noticed a dozen missed calls from home and stepped outside to call Kaitlyn while Jaclyn and Ashleigh talked. “Where are you?” Kaitlyn asked with an edge to her voice.” Drew glanced at her watch and was surprised to realize that it was nearly ten. She and Ashleigh had left the house at nine that morning.

“We’re at Vicki’s. We lost track of time.”

“Well, you better have Ash call Erica. She’s worried. We’ve been calling both of your phones since six.”

“We couldn’t hear them. We’ve been out in the shed and the girls have been playing. Ash has been singing. I’m the first person to see the official reunion of Versal,” Drew said excitedly.

“She’s gonna have to sing her way out of the doghouse with Erica. She’s alternated between frantic worry and pissed off for the last two hours.”

“Sorry, honey,” Drew said. “We’ll be on our way shortly. I’ll have Ashleigh call Erica when we get in the car. Tell Erica we’re all right.”

“She knows. She’s standing right here.”

Drew went back into the shed and went straight for Ashleigh. “The girls have been calling since six. They’re more than a little pissed at us.”

Ashleigh’s eyes widened when she looked at her cell phone. “Oh, yeah, we’re in trouble.” She turned to the rest of the group. “I’m afraid we’re going to have to leave. Our yard pass has been revoked.”

“Let’s make that tea to go then.” Chantal slipped an arm around Drew’s as she led them from the shed and into the cool night air.

Ashleigh pulled her cell phone from her pocket. “Y’all go ahead. I’m going to call Erica.”

“Lindsay tries to call and calm me down too when she’s been out too late,” Jaclyn said as they walked away leaving Ashleigh alone. “It never works.”

“Honey, I’m sorry,” Ashleigh said when Erica answered.

“You’re a grown woman and you don’t have a curfew, but it would’ve been nice if you would have at least called and let me know where you were. This is totally out of character for you.”

“I know, I know.” Ashleigh slowly made her way toward the house. “I just got caught up and forgot to call.”

“I assume Alex is there,” Erica said testily.

“Well, yeah,” Ashleigh said, caught off-guard. It took her a second to realize the implication. “I’ll talk to you when I get home.” Ashleigh snapped her phone shut angrily. Erica had a right to be angry, but her comment was unfair and insulting. She’d never given Erica any reason not to trust her.

As Ashleigh walked onto the patio, Alex was coming out the back door. Ashleigh noticed something akin to discomfort flitter across Alex’s face as she crossed her arms. “I just wanted to tell you that…it was great having you sing with us. You really did sound great, and I’m not just saying that to make you feel good.” Alex looked at the ground and pivoted from foot to foot. “It felt like old times, you know?”

After talking to Erica, Ashleigh felt almost guilty for being alone with Alex. “Thanks,” she said with a smile. “I needed to hear that, and now I have to go before I get into any more trouble.”

Alex nodded and began walking across the yard toward the fence. “Good night,” she called over her shoulder.

Ashleigh watched her disappear into the shadows before calling out, “Should you be walking home in the dark? We could give you a ride.”

“No, thanks, do it all the time,” Alex said, sounding more distant. Ashleigh wondered for a moment if she was running.

“I’m exhausted,” Drew said with a yawn as Ashleigh merged onto the interstate.

“Lay the seat back and take a nap.”

“That wouldn’t be fair. You’re as tired as I am.” Drew yawned again and sipped from her to-go cup.

“I’m on a high right now. You don’t have to worry about me falling asleep.”

Drew smacked her lips. “Is it the tea? Because it’s just making me sleepier.”

“No, it’s a natural high,” Ashleigh said with a smile. “Tonight was…” She paused and took her eyes off the road to glance at Drew. “I know now that I can still do it.” Ashleigh gripped the wheel and shook her head. “I feel like I have a second chance now.”

“Second chance at your music career?” Drew asked, sounding alarmed.

Ashleigh shot her a sideways glance. “Indeed,” she said sarcastically. “What I mean is, I have a second chance to enjoy music again.”

Drew set her cup in the holder and turned in her seat to face Ashleigh. “Vicki and Chantal got a little misty-eyed when y’all did ‘Love’s Someday’ tonight.”

To know that they were equally affected made Ashleigh smile.

“Alex, too, normally she’s kind of stoic. Did you notice?”

Ashleigh shook her head as the smile slipped from her face. She knew that Drew was watching her intently ready to pounce on anything that conveyed interest. “I kept my eyes closed most of the time. It helps me concentrate.”

“Her eyes teared up right at the end. I think that’s why she left so suddenly.”

Ashleigh could sense rather than see Drew’s expectant expression. “What?” she asked irritated that she’d taken the bait so easily.

“Don’t you wonder what she feels? It’s got to be weird for her, too. I mean, you two were lovers, don’t you wonder what’s going through her mind?”

“Why should I?” Ashleigh asked defensively, then winced inwardly at her tone. Drew would weigh every rise and fall of her voice. Scrutinize the emphasis on every word until she was in Ashleigh’s head, and that thought scared her.

Too many feelings and emotions were swirling around in there, and Ashleigh did not want to be forced to examine any of it. “Alex is still single after all this time, Drew. I think that sums things up. She has never allowed herself to connect with anyone outside of the bedroom. I’m pretty damn certain she looks at me like she does all the other women she’s fucked.”

“Oh, you dropped the F-bomb. You never say that.” Drew was sitting ramrod straight now. “I thought you were done with all the anger.”

Ashleigh banged her hand on the steering wheel furious at herself. “It just frustrates me that you’re always picking me apart about her.”

“Calm down, I’m just telling you what I noticed.” Drew held her hands up in surrender.

Ashleigh shook her head and smiled ruefully as she wagged a finger at Drew. “Don’t play innocent. You’ve been baiting me for a while, so I’m going to spell it out. I am over Alexandra McKinney, and any feelings you think she may have are no concern of mine.”

“O-,” Drew clapped her hands together, “-kay. You’ve made your point. But for the record, I don’t think you should drink any more of Vicki’s tea. It makes you bitchy.”

“Kiss my ass,” Ashleigh said with a smile despite her aggravation.

“The only ass that’s gonna be kissed tonight is Erica’s ’cause you’re in the doghouse big-time.”

Chapter Twenty-one

Erica took a deep breath and let it out slowly when she heard Ashleigh come through the kitchen door. Since they’d spoken, she’d had time to calm down. She felt bad about making the comment about Alex, but there was still a bit of anger that made her not want to apologize for the low blow.

“I’m sorry I’m late.” Ashleigh walked into the den. She didn’t bother to take a seat, but rather leaned against the recliner, a sure indicator that she was still pissed off.

Erica turned to face her, noting the fire in Ashleigh’s brown eyes. “It’s not about you being late. You could’ve spent the night if you wanted to. It upset me that you didn’t call.”

“And I apologized for that,” Ashleigh retorted. “That comment about Alex was uncalled for.”

Erica nodded and looked away. “I was angry because you scared me.” Ashleigh didn’t say anything. Erica knew she was waiting for the apology she owed her. “I’m sorry.”

“I won’t make you worry again,” Ashleigh said with resignation in her voice. “I’m…going to take a quick shower before bed. Are you coming up?”

“Yeah, I’ll be up in a few.” Erica watched her go. She was still angry and pretty certain that Ashleigh was too. They wouldn’t speak of it again. After a night’s sleep, they’d go on like there had never been a disagreement, and in a day or two, all would be forgotten. But until then, Erica knew that another sleepless night was in her future.

Ashleigh heard the phone ringing as she slipped her key into the lock the next evening. Vicki’s voice greeted her when she answered. “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

Ashleigh grinned. “I suppose you’re going to tell me.”

“We’re getting together around six to play. You must join us.”

“I must? And if I don’t?” Ashleigh asked as she perused the contents of the fridge for something to whip into dinner.

“If you don’t, I’ll be forced to show Erica some of the video that Chantal keeps locked up.”

“Six it is then,” Ashleigh said with a laugh. “Do I need to bring anything?”

“Nope, I’m going to cook something light, so don’t stop for junk food on the way down. Oh, does Erica have any seafood allergies that I need to know about?”

“She doesn’t, and she won’t be joining us. Things at work are hectic and she’s going to be getting home late this week.”

“I like her. You made a good choice, Ash.”

“I’m a lucky girl,” Ashleigh said, regretting instantly how sarcastic that statement sounded. “I’m just a little frustrated right now and getting tired of eating dinner alone.”

“Come see us tomorrow and vent your frustration on the mic.”

“I’ll be there.” Ashleigh pulled out the rest of the salad she’d made the night before. With a glass of iced tea, she sank down onto the couch and reached for the remote.

“Please tell me you’ve made something fattening for dinner,” Drew said as she pushed through the back door.

“Salad,” Ashleigh called over her shoulder.

“Shit! Got any cookies?”

“Look in the pantry.” Ashleigh speared a cherry tomato.

Drew came into the room with a bag of Oreos and a tall glass of milk a few minutes later. “I’ve got the worst case of PMS ever,” she said as she plopped on the couch next to Ashleigh. “I murdered a garden trowel today.”

“What did it do to incur your wrath?” Ashleigh asked absentmindedly as she flicked through the channels.

“It was handy. Good thing Kaitlyn’s working late or I’d have to have a chunk of her ass too. She left clothes all over the bathroom. The hamper is two feet away, and she couldn’t make the effort. Her dirty socks are stuffed in her pillowcase. I think that’ll make an impression when she lays down tonight.”

“I’ll have to remember that one,” Ashleigh said with a grin. “I’m going to Vicki’s tomorrow night, wanna come?”

“Can’t,” Drew said around another cookie. “I promised Mom that I’d have dinner with her. I wish I could come see y’all play, though.”

“There’ll be more times, and you can come with me.”

“You’re really jumping back into this with both feet, aren’t you?”

“I am.” Ashleigh tossed the remote on the couch and poked at her dinner. “I feel challenged, and I haven’t felt that for a while. I’ve got the fever.”

“How does Erica feel about all the time you’re spending away from home?”

Ashleigh shrugged. “She works late every night, she’s here less than I am.”

“I don’t know if I remember y’all ever spending this much time apart. You’re going on two weeks of barely seeing each other. What’s up?”

Ashleigh dropped her fork into her half-eaten salad. “You tell me. If she’s talking at all, it’s to Kaitlyn because it’s sure not to me.”

“You need to get her to open up.”

“I’ve tried,” Ashleigh said angrily. “I’m getting to the point that I don’t care what her deal is.”

Drew pulled the cookie she was about to devour away from her opened mouth. “You don’t mean that, Ash.”

Ashleigh didn’t say anything to assuage the shocked expression from Drew’s face. She wanted to be angry, to feel something besides the dull ache that had been growing stronger as of late. Especially at night when she knew that Erica was still awake as she lay beside her. In the past, she could have reached for her and Erica would have slid easily into her arms and succumbed to her caresses. She’d been rebuffed so many times lately that she didn’t dare try anymore. Sure she could force Erica to talk to her. To tell her what was going on inside her head, but she wasn’t sure she truly wanted to know. She was better off wondering than having it confirmed that she was no longer what Erica wanted.

“I think it’s time,” Vicki said with a broad grin. Jaclyn nodded emphatically while Alex cocked her head and narrowed her eyes at them.

“Time for what?” Ashleigh asked as they all stood staring at her.

“They think you should perform at the club.” Alex wiped the neck of her guitar with a towel, then at the sweat on her face. She shot Vicki a stern look before turning her attention back to Ashleigh. “Don’t let anyone pressure you into it if you’re not ready.”

“I haven’t considered…I mean, I’m okay with playing here…” Ashleigh’s voice trailed off. Wasn’t this really what she was working toward? The final test? Could she walk out on that stage and…

“Four songs,” Jaclyn blurted out. “Just four, that’s just enough to get her feet wet.”

“Chantal,” Alex said with a warning tone.

Everyone had a say, but the buck stopped with the leader of the band. Chantal tapped a drumstick against her thigh as she regarded the group. “She’s ready, Alex, but you’re right. It’s her decision.”

“Now you can buy those leather pants we looked at the other day,” Vicki said with a contagious excitement that spread quickly to Jaclyn. The two of them began chattering about boots and outfits while Ashleigh stared off into space.

Alex shook her head at Chantal and rolled her eyes. “Like I said, Ash, don’t let anyone push you. Take your time and think about it.”

“What are you so worried about?” Jaclyn draped an arm around Ashleigh’s shoulders and looked at Alex.

Alex set her jaw and looked at Vicki as though she were waiting for her to say something. Then she turned and met Ashleigh’s eyes. “It’s been a long time and…” Alex exhaled loudly and unstrapped her guitar. “It’s your decision.” She turned on one heel and called a “good night” over her shoulder.

Jaclyn put a hand on her hip and huffed. “She’s so moody lately.”

“I’m hungry,” Chantal said as she rubbed her stomach. “Do we have brownie mix?”

Vicki looked down at her watch and frowned. “Not at nine o’clock at night.”

Chantal sauntered to the door and turned to look at Vicki. “I didn’t ask you what time it was. I asked if we had brownie mix.”

“In the pantry,” Vicki said with resignation.

“You have milk?” Jaclyn asked as she followed Chantal out the door. “If not, I’ll make a run.”

“We have milk, but I don’t want to hear any whining out of the two of you when you wake tomorrow with the brownies on your thighs.” Vicki shook her head ruefully when Jaclyn laughed and closed the door behind her. “They’ll make those damn brownies and eat half the pan. Of course, I won’t be able to resist either, and I’ll eat the rest, so come help me.”

Ashleigh grabbed Vicki’s arm as she took a step toward the door. “Why doesn’t Alex want me to sing at the club with y’all?”

Something akin to guilt flashed across Vicki’s face. “It’s not that she doesn’t want you to.” Vicki’s gaze darted around, looking everywhere but at Ashleigh. “She’s afraid that I’m pushing you too hard and you’ll…leave again.”

“She thinks I’ll crack under the pressure?” Ashleigh said as anger swept over her. “I did not crack the last time. I was disillusioned and disgusted, but I never cracked.”

“I never said cracked, and neither did Alex,” Vicki said. “Alex just doesn’t want me to run you off with my pushiness.” Vicki winced. “Am I being too pushy?”

“I need you to push me,” Ashleigh said as she took a seat. “I want to do this. If I can make myself get back on that stage, I’ll feel like I’ve accomplished something.”

“I can do that, but you’re gonna have to tell me when I’m pushing too hard.” Vicki grinned. “Though Alex will probably beat you to it.”

Ashleigh took a deep breath and let it out in a burst. “Jaclyn is right. Four songs is doable.”

“Yes!” Vicki pumped her fist and pulled Ashleigh into a hug. “We won’t even announce it ahead of time, so there’ll be no expectation. If you chicken out, no one will know but us, and we’ll never let you live it down.”

Chapter Twenty-two

Ashleigh stood alone in the shadows regretting that she’d ever agreed to take the stage. She paced in a circle, focusing on the lineup of songs in an attempt to keep from hyperventilating. Concentrate on your breathing. Vicki’s mantra floated through her brain. She stopped and inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. “I can do this,” she said aloud. “I’ve done it hundreds of times before, tonight is no different.” But it was. If she went onto that stage and her voice failed, she would never live down the humiliation. Erica and two of her closest friends were in the audience. Failure wasn’t an option.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have a surprise for you this evening.” Ashleigh felt chills race up her spine as Vicki began the intro. “For the first time in twenty years, all the original members of Versal are here tonight. Please join me in welcoming Ashleigh Prather!”

On cue, Ashleigh walked onto the stage and approached the mic. The lights were blinding and obscured much of the audience from her sight, but the applause was thunderous. She could barely hear herself through the earpiece as she belted out the first verse of “Love’s Someday,” feeling as though her heart was in her throat. Then she closed her eyes and felt herself slipping into the persona that allowed her to do what she needed to.

Erica watched in fascination as the metamorphosis occurred. She’d never been successful in getting Ashleigh to dance with her the few times they’d ventured into a nightclub, but now Ashleigh moved with the music in a way that was surprising and provocative. The woman before her was in command of the stage, and the audience was completely under her control. Once again, Erica was reminded that there were sides to Ashleigh that she’d never been allowed to see.

“Hey,” Kaitlyn said as she waved her hand in front of Erica’s face. “She’s great, isn’t she?”

Kaitlyn was drowned out by the crowd. Erica nodded and looked back at the stage. Ashleigh’s hips gyrated with the music. Her voice was smooth and strong against the heavily synthesized music accentuated by Alex’s guitar. Alex—she watched her with equal interest. She and Ashleigh appeared to be in sync with their every move. There was an undeniable chemistry between the two of them, and it gnawed at her already churning stomach.

After the encore, the band stood center stage. Hand in hand, they bowed before their cheering audience. Erica noted with chagrin that Alex held Ashleigh’s hand when the rest of the band broke apart and exited the stage. Overhead lights came on and flooded the bar with light, and the crowd reluctantly filtered out. Bouncers ushered the remaining fans out the door, then released the chain blocking the stairwell and gestured for Erica, Drew, and Kaitlyn to go up. As they entered the room where the band had taken refuge, Erica felt herself being pulled into a smaller dressing room. Ashleigh was all over her in an instant. Her kisses were savage and bruising as her hands worked their way into Erica’s clothes.

“Wait, stop.” Erica pushed Ashleigh away and held her at arm’s length. Ashleigh’s pupils were dilated as her hands still grasped at her. “What are you doing, Ash?”

“By now, it should be obvious,” Ashleigh said with an expression that Erica had never seen before. She brushed Erica’s hands from her shoulders and pinned them to the wall above her head and leaned in again for another kiss.

“I don’t want to do this,” Erica said angrily as she turned her face away. “I’m not some…groupie that you can bed backstage.”

Ashleigh released her and stepped back. Her expression went from stunned to hurt to anger in a matter of seconds. “Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“Waiting at home in our bed,” Erica said angrily as she adjusted her clothes.

“We’ll both be too tired then.” Ashleigh moved to the door and grabbed the handle angrily.

“Hey,” Erica said softly. “I’m sorry…you just took me by surprise.”

“That was the intent.” Ashleigh opened the door and walked into a room where the after-party was getting into full swing.

Erica took a second to regroup and slipped into the room that was now filled with wall-to-wall bodies. Ashleigh had disappeared into the crowd, and Erica roamed, looking for a familiar face. How unfortunate it was that the only person she recognized was Alex, who stood leaning against the wall with a drink in her hand. Two women appeared to be talking to her, but Alex’s gaze was fixed on something across the room. Erica knew if she followed her line of vision, she would find Ashleigh.

“Where’ve you been?” Kaitlyn said into her ear over the din of the crowd.

Erica turned and tried to smile. “Looking for you. You getting tired?” she asked, hoping that Kaitlyn would say yes.

“Exhausted, but Drew caught a second wind.” Kaitlyn pointed to the corner of the room. Erica caught glimpses through the crowd of Drew dancing between Vicki and Chantal. “My feet hurt, my sweat-soaked bra is chaffing me, and I think I pulled a groin muscle dancing tonight.”

“You find Ashleigh and tell her you’re ready to go, and I’ll do the same with Drew. They won’t argue that way.” Erica knew it was manipulative, but she would’ve resorted to just about anything to get out of there.

“You were really great tonight, Ash,” Kaitlyn whispered as Drew slept with her head on her shoulder in the backseat.

Ashleigh turned and smiled at Kaitlyn. “Thanks,” she whispered back.

“Are you exhausted?” Kaitlyn asked.

“Now that the high of the evening has worn off, I could curl up into a ball on the side of the road and sleep like a dead woman,” Ashleigh said with a yawn. “I hope I can stay awake through a shower.”

Erica didn’t participate as Ashleigh and Kaitlyn talked about the evening. She fought to reconcile herself with Ashleigh’s two distinct personalities. The woman sitting next to her now with her legs crossed and her hands folded between her knees was the woman she’d spent the last five years with. The woman who had performed on stage, who exuded sexuality, and had nearly torn her clothes off backstage was someone she’d never met. Though arousing on some level, it was foreign—and somewhat intimidating.

Once Kaitlyn and Drew were dropped off, Erica and Ashleigh rode in silence to their own home. “Are you hungry?” Ashleigh asked as they let themselves in the back door.

“No, just tired.”

“I’m going to hit the shower then.” Ashleigh headed for the stairs.

Erica watched her go in bewilderment. Ashleigh would have cooked her anything she wanted if she had said yes, all the while dressed in a pair of black leather pants and boots with the white shirt still clinging snugly to her body. It all seemed out of place. How could she be a fallen pop star who had just reclaimed her place on stage one minute and be the domesticated partner she knew in the next?

When Erica did climb into bed, Ashleigh was already asleep. She watched the slow rise and fall of Ashleigh’s bare chest as she lay flat on her back with an arm tucked behind her head, the covers pooled at her waist. As Erica lay propped on one elbow, she gazed down at Ashleigh, tempted to reach out and touch her until she noticed the half moon-shaped birthmark next to her navel. Her thoughts took her back to the night that seemed so long ago when she’d seen that mark and knew that it was Ashleigh in the music video. The sting of betrayal cooled her desire.

Erica laid back and reached over to switch off the bedside lamp casting the room into darkness. Hoping and wanting things to be as they were wasn’t going to happen. Change had come, and whether she wanted to or not, she’d have to learn to cope with it. She could admit that to herself in quiet times like this, but it didn’t stop her from wanting to fight it at every turn.

“We should talk about last night,” Erica said as Ashleigh walked into the kitchen and went straight to the coffeepot. Erica stared down at her cold uneaten breakfast. She’d been dreading the confrontation that she knew was inevitable.

Ashleigh didn’t turn and look at her. When she spoke, her tone was curt. “I apologize. I was high on endorphins last night, and I can assure you it won’t happen again.”

“I’m not like that. I realize that you may be accustomed to having sex next to a room full of people, but I’m—” The rest froze on Erica’s lips as Ashleigh spun around and glared at her. “That came out wrong. I just meant that I’m not comfortable—”

“I know what you meant,” Ashleigh said coldly. “And as I said, it won’t happen again.”

Erica took a deep breath and let it out slowly before asking, “What do you have planned for today?”

“Don’t you have to work?” Ashleigh turned again and added cream and sugar to her coffee.

“Yes, but I thought you might want to do something. I could work later or tomorrow even.” Erica watched as Ashleigh moved to the back door and stared out the window while sipping her coffee. This would not blow over without a full-blown argument. Erica felt her own anger rising as she wondered what right Ashleigh had to be angry with her.

“Let me get this straight. You’re still mad about last night because I didn’t want to have sex?” Erica pushed her plate away.

Ashleigh set her coffee cup on the counter and turned to face Erica. “I am mad, but not about the sex…or lack thereof. You haven’t told me once what you thought about the show. Not one word about how I did.”

Erica rolled her eyes and regretted it that same second as Ashleigh’s face grew redder. “I said I was proud of you.”

“You did say that when Vicki prompted you, but other than that, nothing. I’m not expecting you to gush all over me, but I do wish you would wipe that disapproving look off your face.”

Erica was momentarily at a loss for words. “You were great last night. I’m just…a bit overwhelmed by it all, I guess.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

Ashleigh stood over her now, staring down, trembling with obvious rage. In all the years they’d been together, Erica had never seen her that angry. “You were just someone else on stage last night. It surprised me.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Maybe it is. It’s like living with two different people. You’ve never danced with me, but last night, you moved across that stage like it was second nature. What else do you keep from me?” Erica asked with a wave of her hand.

“You’re right. I am different on stage. I have to be, it’s part of the job. Surely, you can relate. You’re someone else when you’re at the office. Why is it so inexcusable for me?”

Erica moved to her feet abruptly and sent the chair sliding across the kitchen floor. “You know who I am at the office, and you know me here. You’ve never allowed me to see the other side of you, and…I’m not sure I like it. I don’t know the woman who slammed me up against the wall last night and groped me like some teenage boy.”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” Ashleigh said with what sounded like remorse. “I wanted you. I always want you, always desire you. But you can’t say the same about me, can you?”

Later on, Erica would look back on this moment and regret that she didn’t lie. “I’ve tried to deal with this the best way I know how, but I can’t. Sometimes…most of the time lately, you feel like a stranger to me.”

Ashleigh backed across the kitchen and leaned against the counter. “For five years, we’ve shared a bed, shared everything, and you don’t know me?”

“Not everything, Ash.” Erica swallowed hard. It was difficult to admit how unraveled she felt, but it was now or never. “I understand about not wanting to tell anyone about your past, but you should’ve told me at least. And now I’m supposed to take it all in stride as you delve back into a life that I have never been privy to.”

“I’ve apologized for not telling you nearly every day. I was wrong, and I admit it, but what is wrong with me doing something I enjoy? Does it cause conflict with your schedule? No, because you’re always working. If I weren’t hanging out with the band, I’d be sitting here alone each night waiting for you to come home. The bottom line is, that’s exactly how you want it. You live your life, you achieve your goals, and I wait here for you to return. For what? To keep your dinner warm?”

“You know that’s not true,” Erica said as she tried to formulate a viable argument.

Ashleigh angrily wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “You’re right,” she said calmly. “I guess I’m not the person you’ve always known because she would give up everything to be exactly what you want. But this woman is no longer willing to do that. I won’t beg you to love me.”

Erica stood stunned as Ashleigh brushed past her. Was she leaving? Erica walked on shaking legs and gripped the kitchen counter. Ashleigh wouldn’t leave. She’d come downstairs after she’d had time to think and round two would begin. They would work it out, but something felt different this time.

After about twenty minutes, Erica realized that she’d been standing in the same spot staring out the kitchen window when she heard Ashleigh coming down the stairs. She turned to see her standing in the middle of the kitchen with a suitcase in hand and a backpack slung over her shoulder.

“We obviously need some time apart to figure out if what we have is worth…” Ashleigh’s words trailed off as she looked down at the floor. “This is not working for either of us.” She moved toward the door slowly as if she was gathering the courage to walk out. “Call me if you want to. I’ll leave that up to you.”

The slamming of the door jolted Erica. Her mind refused to accept what had just transpired. Was the end of their relationship this simple?

Chapter Twenty-three

“You look like hell.” Kaitlyn grinned as she walked into Erica’s office. “Serves you right for having us here on a Sunday.”

Erica stared at the computer screen as Kaitlyn took a seat in front of her desk. “She’s gone.”

“Gone?” Kaitlyn repeated.

“She left me this morning. She’s gone.”

“Gone where?” Kaitlyn rose to her feet.

“Obviously, not your place, or you wouldn’t be asking so many questions.” Erica winced and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry, I’m bitchy.”

“What happened?” Kaitlyn perched on the corner of Erica’s desk.

Erica shook her head. “I don’t really know. I admitted that I was having problems with all the changes lately, and she…I guess she’s pissed that I’m not being supportive.”

“You two need to just sit down and—”

“And talk?” Erica slammed her hands on the desk. “Talk about what? We’ve been like strangers lately.” Erica’s voice broke. She leaned back in her chair and stared at the ceiling, fighting the tears that threatened. “I need some time alone,” she rasped out a minute later when her composure returned.

“All right then.” Kaitlyn sounded bewildered. “I’ll be in my office. Call me when you want to go over the status reports.”

“Not today. We’ll go over them tomorrow. Just finish your reports for the meeting tomorrow morning and take the day off.”

“Erica—”

“Please just leave me alone for a while.”

Erica listened as Kaitlyn shuffled out of her office and down the hall. She wished that she hadn’t asked her to work with her. She wanted to be alone in her office, her safe haven, but couldn’t stand the thought of going home, being in the house, alone.

“You can stay here as long as you need to.” Vicki stroked Ashleigh’s hair while she lay with her head in her lap. “You know we’re thrilled to have you.”

Ashleigh’s head swam. What had happened? After everything was said and done, Ashleigh still couldn’t believe that she’d walked out.

“I feel like I’ve contributed to this,” Vicki said guiltily. “I’ve been dominating a lot of your time and pushing you to be more involved with the band. I never even considered that Erica may’ve been feeling neglected.”

Ashleigh sat up with a groan. She’d cried all the way from St. Francisville, and her inflamed sinuses caused her head to ache. “I asked you to push me, remember?” Ashleigh sniffed and nearly started crying again at the pain it caused. “She had no reason to feel neglected. She could’ve come with me, but she was always working. That was her choice.”

“Maybe she didn’t have a choice, Ash. You said that she’d just taken over the business from her father. I imagine she’s got a lot on her shoulders.” Vicki averted her eyes when Ashleigh looked at her. “She’s had a lot of change to cope with.”

Ashleigh bit her lip as anger welled anew. The last thing she needed was for Vicki to point out what Erica was going through. She needed Vicki’s empathy. Needed someone to pat her on the back and help her justify walking out on a five-year relationship. “I need to take a shower,” Ashleigh said as she stood. “My head is killing me.”

“And a nap.” Vicki looked up at her. “There’s some sinus meds in the drawer to the left of the sink in your bathroom. Bathe and lay down for a while. Things are easier to cope with when you’re rested.”

Ashleigh nodded and headed toward the guest room. She turned at the hallway and looked back at Vicki. “Thank you for taking me in.”

“Always, sweetie,” Vicki said as she watched Ashleigh disappear. She walked into the kitchen, opened a soda, and took a long swallow when Alex appeared at the side door.

“Can you help me with this?” Alex bounded through the door and dropped her laptop onto the kitchen counter hard enough to break it in half. “I’ve been working on this damn thing all morning, and I can’t figure it out. None of the lines will add up. I hate Excel. I hate it!”

“Doesn’t your assistant normally handle this?” Vicki opened the notebook surprised to see it was still in one piece.

“Maternity leave.” Alex impatiently drummed her fingers on the counter. “She’ll be back next week, but I thought I could get this finished on my own, so she wouldn’t be so swamped when she came back in.”

“Did you walk over here?” Vicki noted that Alex had not mentioned seeing Ashleigh’s car in the driveway.

“Came through the hole in the fence as usual, why?”

“Take a seat.” Vicki nodded toward a barstool. “I’ll be finished with this in a sec, then I want to talk to you.”

Alex did as she was told and waited none too patiently, still drumming her fingers on the countertop.

“How much coffee have you had this morning?” Vicki asked as she pushed the computer aside.

“Lost count at six cups.”

“Alexandra McKinney, you know what the doctor told you about your caffeine intake.”

“I know what your doctor said about soda, and there sits one.” Alex pointed at the half-empty can Vicki was lifting to her lips.

“Touché, jackass.” Vicki poured the rest in the sink and turned back to Alex.

“So did you just want to lecture me about coffee or is there something else?” Alex squirmed in her seat.

“Ashleigh’s here.” Vicki watched Alex’s gaze dart to the den with interest. “She and Erica are going through a rough spot and she’s going to stay here for a while.”

Alex frowned and looked back at Vicki. “And this is where the lecture comes in. ‘Stay away from her. Keep your hands and lips off of her.’ Really, Vicki, I’ve heard it enough. After all this time, do you really think that’s necessary?”

Vicki leaned on the counter and took Alex’s hand. “I’ve seen the way you look at her. I know what’s going on in that head of yours, and I don’t want either of you to get hurt. She’s in love with Erica, it’s obvious, and you’re—”

“Not falling in love with Ashleigh.”

“You fell a long time ago, and I don’t think you’ve ever gotten over it.”

Alex averted her eyes and spoke softly. “If I had been in love, I wouldn’t have cheated on her.”

Vicki held Alex’s hand in her palm and stroked the back of it softly with her thumb. “I think I know you better than anyone else. Am I right?”

Alex nodded and looked away again.

“I learned so much about you after the accident when you stayed in the same room where Ashleigh is now.” Vicki noted the slight twitch of Alex’s fingers when she spoke Ashleigh’s name. “You’re not the heartless womanizer you pretend to be. Ashleigh got too close. It scared you, and you reverted to your bad habits to push her away. That’s why you cheated.”

“I was twenty-six and had the libido of a teenager.” Alex grinned. “That’s why I did it.”

“Liar,” Vicki said with a sad smile. “Don’t get attached to her, Alex, or she’ll be the one to break your heart this time.”

“I will consider your recommendation, counselor.” Alex withdrew her hand and picked up the laptop. “Did you make it work?”

Vicki nodded. “Everything adds up now. I could show you how to do it, it’s easy.”

“But then I’d have no reason to storm in unannounced on a Sunday morning.” Alex leaned over the counter and kissed Vicki on the cheek. “Love you.” She opened the door and turned on one heel. “Is she okay?”

“She will be. They just need some time to cool off.”

“I hope things work out for them.” Alex closed the door behind her.

“Liar,” Vicki said under her breath as she watched Alex walk across the backyard. She remembered back to the night when Alex full of pain medication admitted all of her regrets where Ashleigh was concerned. She’d never forgiven herself and doubted that she ever would. This situation would undoubtedly yield a broken heart. Vicki wondered which one it would be.

Two days passed and neither Erica nor Ashleigh bothered to call the other. Vicki noticed that Ashleigh kept her cell phone with her at all times and periodically glanced at it. It was becoming apparent that both women had stubbornly dug their heels in and were waiting for the other to break first. Vicki and Chantal had a private bet on which one would be the first to relent and make the call. They were still waiting.

Alex had not been around since the morning that she brought the laptop over, which was unlike her, Vicki mused while she prepared dinner for the group. Perhaps she’d taken the advice seriously and was keeping a distance.

“I come bearing rolls and dessert.” Jaclyn walked into the kitchen and placed a turtle cheesecake on the counter in front of Vicki, who groaned. “It’s turtle and I made it.”

“You did?” Vicki asked in surprise.

“She did.” Lindsay kissed Vicki on the cheek. “That’s the third one this week. She’s been on a kick.”

“Oh, you sexy bitch,” Jaclyn said as Ashleigh walked into the kitchen and pulled her in for a hug. “Your ass looked so good in those pants on stage the other night. I missed a chord when I looked at it. Did you notice?”

Ashleigh laughed and hugged Jaclyn tighter.

“When are we eating and what are we eating?” Lindsay opened the oven door and looked in. “Oh, it’s that chicken casserole thingy, my favorite.”

Vicki pushed the door closed as Lindsay stood there sniffing. “It’ll cook faster this way.”

“Well, hey, sexy,” Lindsay said as Alex entered the side door off the kitchen. “And who is your friend?” Lindsay walked over to the blonde behind Alex and extended her hand.

“Everyone, this is Lisa.” Alex avoided Ashleigh’s gaze.

Lisa was greeted warmly by all, including Ashleigh, who Vicki noticed appeared to be unaffected by the newcomer’s presence. Alex moved deeper into the room and embraced her bandmates, kissing each one on the cheek. When she hugged Ashleigh, she made it a point to embrace her quickly and back away.

“Lisa, what can I get you to drink?” Ashleigh asked. “I think Vic has just about everything imaginable.”

“Water would be great, please.”

Ashleigh smiled as she passed her a bottle. “Alex, what are you drinking?”

“I’d like one of those.” Alex pointed to the glass of red wine that Jaclyn was sipping.

“Got it.” Vicki poured a glass of cabernet.

“We’re having chicken. You should be drinking white,” Lindsay observed.

“You drink the white. I’ll stick to red.” Jaclyn smirked as Lindsay rolled her eyes.

Vicki looked in on her casserole and at the clock. “I think it’ll be ready by the time Drew and Kaitlyn get here.”

Vicki noticed that Ashleigh looked uncomfortable when she mentioned their names.

“Are you sure you’re okay with them coming?” Vicki asked as the rest of the group meandered into the den.

Ashleigh took a sip of her water and cleared her throat. “I’m looking forward to seeing them. It’s just going to be a little weird seeing them without Erica.”

As if on cue, they heard Chantal welcoming the couple through the door. Ashleigh had barely turned when Drew wrapped her arms around her neck and pulled her close. “Hey, love,” she whispered against Ashleigh’s ear. “You okay?”

Ashleigh nodded. “I was just telling Vicki that I missed you.”

“We’ve missed you too.” Kaitlyn pulled Ashleigh in for a quick hug.

The kitchen was alive with several conversations as Ashleigh took advantage of the moment and led Drew outside. She found herself asking about Erica before the door was closed.

“She looks a lot like you do,” Drew said. “Lost, hurt, and generally miserable.”

“I’m glad she has you and Kaitlyn, she needs your support right now.”

“Is that why you didn’t come to our house instead?”

“Yes and no. I knew that she would need you both, but I couldn’t leave and stay close. I don’t think I could handle seeing her leave for work each day.”

“And what about your job?”

“I took vacation.” Ashleigh walked toward the pool. “I had a few days left, but I have to go back tomorrow.”

“It’s a long commute,” Drew said as she came close to Ashleigh.

“It’ll give me time to think.”

“Will you come for lunch like you always have?”

“Yes…maybe.”

“Are you afraid of running into Erica?”

“Yep, but you know that won’t happen. She never comes home for lunch…unless that’s changed.” Ashleigh looked to Drew for confirmation.

“No, her habits haven’t changed. She works all day and comes home late at night.”

“What has she told Kaitlyn?” Ashleigh finally asked as she bent and ran her fingers through the water of the pool.

“Do you really want to know?” Drew didn’t wait for an answer. “She says she thinks you’re looking for an excuse to end a relationship that you’ve grown tired of.”

Ashleigh stood straight up so fast that it made her head swim. “She actually said that?”

“She deals with her pain by getting angry, but when that burns away, she’ll come to her senses.” Drew put an arm around Ashleigh’s waist.

“What a shitty thing to say. If there’s one thing that I’m really good at, it’s walking away. If I would have wanted to end the relationship, I would have already left.”

“And you wouldn’t be hurting as you are now,” Drew said with a squeeze.

“I do hurt, Drew.” Ashleigh laid her head on Drew’s shoulder. “I miss her so much. I feel so…incomplete. But at the same time, I’m so angry with her. Was she willing to love me as long as I did everything her way? Is it too much to allow me an outside interest?”

“It’s not just an outside interest. She’s threatened by something new and by the sexy creature sitting on the sofa behind us watching your every move through the window.”

Ashleigh casually glanced toward the den and saw Alex look away.

“The more you get involved with the band, the closer you’ll grow with her.”

“We’re just friends now like we were before we took things where we shouldn’t have. Alex is no threat to Erica.”

“You say that, Ash, but I’ve seen the way Alex looks at you. Kaitlyn’s noticed it too, and you can be damn sure that Erica has.”

“It doesn’t matter how Alex looks at me. What matters is how I see her. I’ve told Erica time and time again that I’m not interested in Alex.”

“You say that, but there’s something in your eyes too. When you look at Alex, it’s not the same way you look at the other women. There’s something there. When you look at her, are you remembering how it was when things were good?”

Ashleigh turned from Drew and looked down at the sparkling water of the pool and closed her eyes against the light. She did remember. She remembered the way Alex touched her and how if felt. When Alex gave in to her advances, it was like taming a wild beast that no one else could control. At one time, Alex gave herself completely, and Ashleigh knew that no one else had ever gotten as far as she did.

“Yes, I do have memories of her, and sometimes I find myself dwelling on them. Seeing her again brings it all back. Wouldn’t you be the same?”

Drew laughed softly. “All my exes are friends like some incestuous family that I can’t move away from. They’ve always just been there, and no, I’ve not looked at any of them and remembered the past. But maybe if I had been separated from them for years,” Drew shrugged, “maybe then I would think back on old times.”

“Would that mean you’d want to rekindle what you had?”

“You have a point, Ash, and I want to accept it without question, but there’s sexual tension between you two. It’s palpable.”

“I’ve never been unfaithful to Erica. I’ve never wanted to, and I don’t feel any different now. Even with everything between us like it is, I have no desire to run to the arms of another. Alex McKinney included.”

“Okay, I just needed to make sure.”

“Vicki is waving us inside.” Ashleigh draped an arm around Drew’s shoulders and led them back toward the door.

“You know that Kaitlyn and I will be there for Erica, but I’m here for you, too, don’t forget that.”

“I know.” Ashleigh squeezed Drew’s shoulders. “I’ll always be there for you too.”

Drew put her hand on Ashleigh’s as she reached for the door handle. “Promise that?”

“Of course I do.”

“If things get too much to bear…don’t run away again. Run to me, promise.” Drew looked into Ashleigh’s eyes.

“Promise.”

It was good to see Drew and Kaitlyn again, but their presence minus Erica put a damper on Ashleigh’s evening. The banter around the dinner table was lively and provided a momentary distraction from the hollowness she felt inside. She wondered if Erica felt betrayed by Kaitlyn and Drew visiting her.

And then there was Alex. Every time she glanced in her direction, Ashleigh caught Alex’s eye. On the heels of her discussion with Drew, it made her uncomfortable. But then again, Alex had brought a date. Wasn’t that just as good as saying she wasn’t interested? She hoped it was because she couldn’t handle another emotional issue in her life at the moment, maybe not ever.

Chapter Twenty-four

The next morning, Ashleigh found her stomach in knots as she drove closer to St. Francisville, the town where Erica grew up, and she could feel her presence all around her as she edged into the city limits. She knew the route Erica and Kaitlyn took to work, but still she looked for the silver SUV at every turn with mixed emotions.

She found it impossible to focus on her work for the first hour, but eventually immersed herself and temporarily forgot that Erica was only a few miles away. When the lunch hour arrived, she took the familiar walk, leaving her car at the office. The cool air cleared her head, but her palms were sweating where they were balled up in her pockets. Drew was standing on her porch with her arms across her chest and moved quickly toward her when she rounded the corner.

“I didn’t lie to you,” Drew said nervously. “She never comes home at lunch.”

Ashleigh looked toward the house and saw the rear end of Erica’s vehicle jutting from the carport. “Did you tell Kaitlyn that I would be here today?”

“Yeah, but she swore that she didn’t say a word to Erica. She didn’t want her to know that we had dinner with y’all last night. I called Kaitlyn when Erica pulled up, and she didn’t even know that Erica had left,” Drew said with her brow furrowed. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but she’s not been herself lately. She’s wanted to be alone a lot.”

Ashleigh followed Drew into the house and sank down at the table, her appetite gone. She shook her head when Drew asked her if she wanted the vegetable soup that she’d spent the morning making. Drew joined her at the table. “Your face and neck are flushed.”

“She hasn’t called. I guess she’s still in her mad stage,” Ashleigh said angrily.

“Have you called her?”

“No, and I don’t plan to. When she’s reasonable, we’ll talk.”

“How will you know when she’s reasonable if you don’t call her?” Drew cocked her head and smiled. “When are you going to be reasonable?”

Ashleigh scrubbed at her blotched neck. “I’ve been reasonable all along.”

Drew rolled her eyes. “One of you is gonna have to bend.”

“I’m not ready and obviously neither is she.”

“Go over there now and talk to her, Ash.”

Ashleigh stood and gathered her purse. “I’m going back to work.”

“Hey!” Drew jumped to her feet. “Fine, if you don’t want to talk to her, then don’t, but don’t walk out on me.”

Ashleigh sank back down. “I’m sorry. I’m a little freaked out right now.”

Drew went to the stove despite Ashleigh’s protest and filled a bowl. “Eat. I’m tired of seeing you two starve yourselves. You look like you’ve already lost weight, and Erica definitely has. Makes me sick,” Drew said in disgust. “I could skip eating for a week and not lose one lousy pound.”

“Erica’s not eating?” Ashleigh asked before taking a bite.

“I made her eat dinner the other night, but I don’t think she’s eating much when she’s alone.”

“The pantry is full of food. I went grocery shopping before…I left.”

Drew slammed her hand on the table. “She’s not eating for the same reason you pushed your food around your plate last night. She has no appetite. Her heart is broken, same as yours.” Drew held up her hand, silencing Ashleigh. “I know it hasn’t even been a week, but when are you two gonna come to your senses?”

Ashleigh left Drew’s frustrated that she could no more reason with her than Erica. She knew that Drew wanted them to work things out, but relentlessly pushing wasn’t going to make it happen any sooner. Ashleigh chanced a glance back at the house where Erica’s vehicle was still parked before turning the corner. She wished that she hadn’t eaten. The jumble of emotions made her nauseated. She marveled at how angry she could be with the one woman she truly loved. Maybe that was why it hurt so much.

Ashleigh’s pace slowed as she contemplated turning around and going to see Erica. The thought alone made her knees weak. What would she say? Should she just let it all go and let their life turn back to the normalcy that Erica wanted? Could she and be happy? With a glance of her watch, she noticed there was not time. She’d go back to work and maybe she’d call later.

The hours flew by as the office filled with patients mostly complaining of runny noses. She looked at the clock as the last patient walked out the door, and she felt her insides flutter. She would work up the nerve to make the call in the time it took her to walk to the car. But when she walked outside, she saw a bag sitting on her hood, and all hopes were dashed. Ashleigh peered inside and saw more of her clothes and a note that said, I thought you might need these.

“She can kiss my ass,” she said under her breath and tossed the bag into her backseat. The decision was made. Erica could call her if she wanted to talk, and she would get an ear full when she did.

When Ashleigh arrived at Vicki and Chantal’s, she found another note saying that they were out for the evening and dinner was in the oven. Relieved that she didn’t have to see anyone, Ashleigh changed into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and went outside. Maybe fresh air would clear her head. When that didn’t work, she headed for the shed.

“Hey,” Alex said as she walked in. “Got this today.” She held up a new guitar. “I couldn’t wait to hook it to the amp and hear how it sounded in here.”

The surprise of seeing Alex wasn’t exactly unpleasant. “You don’t have enough of those?” Ashleigh looked at the guitars lining the walls.

“Every time something new comes out, I have to have it.” Alex strummed the strings.

“You think Chantal will mind if I play her drums?” Ashleigh asked as she approached the kit.

Alex shook her head. “You know she won’t care.”

“Let’s play something fast so I can pound the hell out of these things.” Ashleigh took a seat behind the drums and picked up the sticks.

Alex looked up from her guitar. “Bad day?”

“Let’s play ‘Head Like a Hole’ by Nine Inch Nails. You know it?”

“Oh, bad, bad day,” Alex said with a smile. “I know it, do you?”

“I’ll wing it. Play the song and let me hear it.”

Alex moved behind the computer and pulled up the song. It played through while Alex played along.

“Got it,” Ashleigh said when it ended. “Play it again, Alex.”

Alex obliged, and at first, Ashleigh butchered the beat, but she picked it up on the chorus.

“Know any Godsmack?” Alex asked when the song ended.

“I do, how about ‘Whatever’? I’m feeling it.”

“Great guitar song.” Alex grinned. “Need me to play it first?”

“I’ll catch up, let it rip.” Ashleigh felt the sweat beading on her lip.

Alex unleashed her new guitar on the song, and Ashleigh felt the riffs as much as she felt the pounding of the drums. She watched Alex as she played, so focused, so intent. If nothing else, Ashleigh knew that Alex understood what it was to express herself with music. They played through as many angry metal songs as they could remember until they were dripping with sweat.

“Feel like talking about it now?” Alex asked as they walked into the cool evening air.

Ashleigh shook her head. “I’ve talked about it as much as I’m going to for now. I’m tired of hearing myself whine. Talk to me about you.” Ashleigh dropped into one of the patio chairs.

Alex took the seat next to her. “What do you want to know?”

Her first impulse was to ask about Lisa, but Ashleigh decided it wouldn’t be a wise topic. “Aside from music, what are your hobbies now?”

“Gardening.”

Ashleigh flashed an incredulous look. “Really?”

“I like to plant things. The tomatoes in the salad last night were grown in my greenhouse. I keep Vic and Chantal stocked with fresh veggies year-round.”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Ashleigh said with a laugh.

“Yes, I’m serious, Ash. I’ve grown up too.” Alex rolled her eyes. “What are your hobbies?”

“Gardening and I’m not joking,” Ashleigh said quickly when Alex made a face. “Not vegetables, though. I like flowers. I had just about every variety of hibiscus growing in my yard this past spring and summer.”

“We always did have a lot in common, didn’t we?” Alex looked away.

“Do you still watch Gilligan’s Island?”

Alex looked around. “You were never supposed to say that aloud. I have a rep to keep, but yes, I have all the episodes on DVD at the house.”

“Ah, Mary Ann,” Ashleigh said with a sigh.

“Oh, Ginger,” Alex said, mimicking Ashleigh.

“So do you like being a grownup now?”

“I do. I’m in charge of my own life and I like it, although Mom still tries to step in and take over. We have a clash every few months, then things settle down. I’m so used to it now that I actually look forward to it,” Alex said with a smile.

“Are you ever going to settle down and share that house of yours with someone?” Ashleigh cringed inwardly. The words ran through her mind and out of her mouth before she knew what was happening.

Alex leaned back and lifted her hair off her neck and sighed when the cool breeze blew across her skin. “I doubt it. Some people are just not cut out for relationships, and I’m one of those as you well know. I’m honest and up front when I meet a woman I want to date. She has no misconceptions. What we have will be temporary.”

“Haven’t you ever met one that you didn’t want to let go?”

“Once,” Alex said, avoiding Ashleigh’s gaze. “And I still let her go. Probably the best thing I could have ever done for her.”

“And you’re happy living this way?”

“Yes.” Alex turned to look at her. “It’s the only way I know and it suits me.”

It was Ashleigh who looked away then. “Maybe you’re smarter than us all.”

“You and I are not cut from the same cloth, Ash. You want to give yourself fully to someone. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Ashleigh nodded and felt tears sting her eyes. “That’s not what I’ve done. I wasn’t honest with Erica. I never told her about my past and now it’s come between us.”

“You are the sweetest woman I’ve ever known. Erica knows it, too. You can see it when she looks at you. This is all just a bump in the road.”

“Everyone keeps saying that in one form or another, but I’m not so sure. I feel like there’s a wall between us, and it gets thicker every day. I know I need to talk to her, but part of me doesn’t want to.”

“I’m not one to give advice on relationships,” Alex said with a smile. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

Ashleigh turned and looked at Alex. “You’re doing what I need you to, just listening.”

“That I can do, and I’ll do it anytime you want me to.”

“There you are,” Chantal said as she and Vicki walked out on the patio. “Ashleigh, we would have taken you with us if you had made it back in time. We went down to the bar to see the new sound system that Lindsay and Jaclyn…” Chantal’s words trailed off as she took in Ashleigh and Alex, who were looking disheveled and sweaty. “What have you two been up to?” she asked nonchalantly.

Vicki tilted her head to the side and stared at Alex, her expression demanding an answer.

“I broke in my new guitar on some Godsmack and Ashleigh tore up your drums,” Alex said with a grin.

Ashleigh shrugged. “We had our own concert and you missed it.”

Chantal’s shoulders seemed to sag in relief. “I’m glad you two are keeping in shape. Lindsay says she’s getting a ton of calls from people wanting to know when we’re gonna play again. Ashleigh’s return has gotten out and they may have to start selling tickets for our shows to control the crowd.”

“You’re kidding.” Ashleigh looked between Vicki and Chantal.

“Nope, we’re not,” Vicki said with a grin. “We have to let them know if we’re willing to play again next weekend so they can announce it. Are you both in?”

“You know I am.” Alex looked at Ashleigh.

“Count me in, too.” Ashleigh felt a tremor of excitement.

Chantal spun on one heel and headed back for the house. “I’m going to call Lindsay now and let her know,” she called over her shoulder.

“So you had a jam session,” Vicki said as she sat. “What did you play?”

“Angry rock music. We purged our aggression.” Ashleigh grinned.

“She worked me like a dog.” Alex glanced at Ashleigh. “She kept driving until I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Alex. I think you matched my fervor quite well.”

“You made me sweat. I haven’t been worked that hard in a long time.”

Vicki shook her head and sighed. “You’re both such bitches.”

“And you’re a shit. You thought we’d been having sex in your backyard. Your facial expression said as much when you walked out here,” Alex said.

“Wouldn’t you? Your hair is all wild and wet, and you both look like you’re enjoying the afterglow.” Vicki laughed.

Alex stood and stretched. “Ashleigh is a good girl, and I’m working on it, so you have nothing to worry about, mother hen. Now I’m going home to shower and lay on my couch like a sloth.” Alex leaned down and kissed Ashleigh on the cheek, then did the same to Vicki. “Good night, ladies.”

Ashleigh watched as Alex disappeared into the darkness. “You’re right, Vic, she’s changed a lot.”

“She’s always been sweet, and now we’re allowed to see it. Are you nervous about the upcoming show?” Vicki cuffed Ashleigh’s shoulder. “People wanna see you.”

“Nervous and surprised. I figured that no one would remember me when I walked on stage the other night. And then I heard the applause, and I almost cried.”

“I did,” Vicki said with a laugh. “It was a good thing I didn’t have to sing backup on the first two songs.”

“Thank you, Vicki. Thank you for welcoming me back to all of this and building me up. You’ve all been so supportive.”

“We’re glad to have you back. We were a family back then, dysfunctional as it was. When you left, there was a void that couldn’t be filled. And now everything is right, and I hope it’ll be right for you and Erica too.”

“I don’t want to end a good night talking about her, so I think I’ll hit the shower and get some sleep,” Ashleigh said as she stood.

Vicki stood, as well, and linked her arm through Ashleigh’s. “We have a lot of material to cover over the next week. Are you sure you’ll be up to it?”

“I’ll be fine. It’ll be good to focus on something else.”

“Good night, sweetie.” Vicki kissed Ashleigh’s cheek and sent her off to bed.

Ashleigh showered and dried her hair. She climbed into bed and plugged her cell phone into the charger when she noticed she had a couple of text messages. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Erica’s name.

I wasn’t being an ass. I thought you might need more clothes. The next message read: I know you need your time. I need mine too.

Ashleigh read the second message twice more before turning off the light unsure of what it meant. It was a start, though. Erica had opened a line of communication. Ashleigh’s reply was short, but she thought it sweet.

Take all the time you need. I’ll be here when you’re ready.

Sleep came quickly for the first time since she’d left home.

Chapter Twenty-five

Ashleigh spent her days at work in St. Francisville and her nights in the shed learning new songs and polishing her vocals on the old material. Practicing occupied her mind and eased the pain of separation, but when she climbed into an empty bed each night, she ached. In the early hours of morning when she tossed and turned, Ashleigh would remind herself that she was equally lonely lying in bed next to Erica separated by the abyss between them. But then again, Erica was still there, and she could at least feel the warmth of her body and smell the familiar scent of her skin.

Saturday morning found Ashleigh alone. Vicki and Chantal each left her a note. Vicki’s with a granola bar on top said she had errands to run and groceries to buy. Chantal’s note, written after Vicki’s no doubt, was sticking out from beneath a plate bearing a jelly doughnut. It read: Vicki wouldn’t let me have this. Somebody should enjoy it.

With a big glass of milk, Ashleigh did enjoy the raspberry-filled ball of fat, and for dessert, she ate the granola bar. She was surprisingly hungry. Maybe the breakfast bar combined with the sugar would give her body the boost it needed. As she polished off the last of her milk, she wondered what she would do with her day. If she were at home, she’d… Ashleigh didn’t allow her mind to finish that train of thought. Instead she got up and got moving.

The cool of the morning invigorated her as she walked past well-manicured lawns. The owners seemed to be in competition, attempting to outdo the other with colorful flowers and perfectly trimmed hedges. Ashleigh made the block when she recognized Alex’s car in front of another well-cared-for house. “So this is it,” she said aloud as she gazed at the immaculately trimmed hedges and wondered what the interior looked like.

“You found me.” Alex smiled as she walked up. Her hair was pulled through a ball cap that did little to keep the sweat from pouring down her face and dripping onto the damp T-shirt that clung to her body.

“I should’ve been running too,” Ashleigh said awkwardly, feeling embarrassed about being caught in front of Alex’s home. “Chantal left me a doughnut, and I’m trying to walk it off.”

“Sorry about that.” Alex smiled and wiped her face on her sleeve. “My neighbor brought them over this morning, so I took them to Chantal. I only ate one, but Vicki busted Chantal on her second. She was supposed to throw them out.”

Ashleigh returned the smile. “So you’re to blame for me having to take a two-mile walk just to burn off breakfast.”

Ashleigh felt self-conscious as Alex made a point of looking her over from head to toe. “You’re not sweating in the least. You better add a couple more miles to your walk if you’re getting rid of a jelly doughnut.”

“Actually, I just got started.” Ashleigh nodded toward the house. “You have a nice place. Your yard is beautiful.”

A flicker of pride crossed Alex’s features. “It took me a while to master the hedge trimmers. The first time I did it, the neighbors made fun of the gaps. I cut the grass too low, as well, and scalped the lawn in about a dozen places.” Alex pointed at the house across from her. “That’s how I got to know the neighbors. They took pity on me and gave me all sorts of tips. Frankly, I think they just couldn’t stand looking at the mess I was making.”

“So you do all this yourself?” Ashleigh asked, surprised.

“Uh-huh, those who hire lawn services are cheaters, so they’re not allowed in our secret group. I’d show you the handshake, but it’s too dangerous standing out in the open like this.” Alex placed a hand on Ashleigh’s lower back. “Come see the inside.”

The touch made Ashleigh jump, but if Alex noticed, she didn’t let on. Ashleigh allowed herself to be led inside and found the interior to be equally as immaculate as the exterior. “Tell me that you have a cleaning service.” Ashleigh took in the polished surfaces of the kitchen. The appliances looked as though they had just been installed.

“Don’t cook,” Alex said. “The only thing I do in here is make coffee. That’s not hard to clean up.”

Ashleigh moved through the archway in the large living room. Not a speck of dust was visible on the highly polished furniture. Everything was in its place right down to the strategically placed magazines on the coffee table. Ashleigh wondered if Alex ever sat on the sofa with the perfectly arranged pillows.

“Yes, I do have a cleaning service,” Alex said with a smile. “They were here yesterday, and I haven’t had a chance to mess it all up yet.”

Ashleigh walked over to the mantel and looked at the framed pictures. There were photos of trips taken with Vicki and Chantal, a few of the group as they performed at Lindsay’s club, but most were old shots of the band and all included Ashleigh.

“My bedroom is off-limits,” Alex said as she came to stand beside her. “It’s a mess.”

Ashleigh was relieved that she would not be given a tour of that particular room. A bedroom in her opinion was personal space, something intimate. She did not want to see the room where Alex took her lovers. Didn’t want to see the bed where she knew Alex more than likely slept naked. Being in her house stirred something within. Perhaps it was the smell. The whole house seemed to be filled with her scent that not even sweat could hide.

Alex was talking about a trip she’d taken with Vicki and Chantal, but as Ashleigh stared at one of the photos taken of the band, Alex’s voice faded. She could remember the events of that night as though it had happened yesterday. It was the night that she’d foolishly confessed her love for Alex.

They’d come off stage and were headed to the dressing room. Ashleigh felt Alex tug her hand and allowed herself to be pulled into a storage room. Alex smothered her in savage kisses. She felt Alex unfastening her pants and pulling them down her legs as she knelt.

“I’m all sweaty,” Ashleigh said as she wove her fingers into Alex’s hair.

“You still taste sweet.” Alex slipped her tongue between her legs. “I’ve been waiting all night for this.”

Ashleigh leaned hard against the wall and clutched a metal shelf with one hand while the other twisted in Alex’s wet hair. Within minutes, Alex had her ready. It had always been so easy between them. Alex knew where and how to touch her with no guidance. She’d been the one to teach Ashleigh how to let go and give into passion. Her first orgasm had been at Alex’s touch, and now Alex was bringing her effortlessly to another one.

With a groan, Ashleigh slid down the wall and away from Alex’s relentless tongue. “I love you,” she said, looking into Alex’s eyes. For a split second, she saw something in them that said Alex felt the same. Alex opened her mouth to say something, then looked away.

Ashleigh felt herself being tugged to her feet. Alex kissed her quickly, then knelt and pulled up her pants. “We have to go. They’re going to take us to the bus in a minute.”

Ashleigh bowed her head and focused on fastening her belt. She couldn’t bear to look back into Alex’s eyes.

“You have no idea what you mean to me, Ashleigh,” Alex whispered in her ear, then she turned and walked from the room.

“I guess I never will.” Ashleigh leaned against the wall, choking back the tears and feeling utterly foolish.

“Ash?” Alex said, drawing her back.

“Sorry, I guess I just zoned out there for a second. Must be all the sugar from the doughnut,” Ashleigh said with an embarrassed smile.

“Want to see my handiwork?”

“Your what?”

“Come.” Alex took her by the hand and led her to the back door.

The backyard was divided into two sections. One side was a winter garden, and the other was tilled up into rows waiting to be planted. Beyond that was a greenhouse. Alex let go of her hand and opened the door. A wave of heat assailed Ashleigh as she stepped inside.

“It’s like summer in here all year-round,” Alex said proudly. “I’ve got tomatoes, cucumbers, and some squash that isn’t doing very well.” Alex tugged at one of the vines and frowned.

The same perfume that Alex had always worn seemed to intensify in the heat and a flood of memories washed over Ashleigh again as Alex talked about her plants.

“Always in control, aren’t you?” Ashleigh said as she pushed Alex back onto the bed.

“I only want to please.” Alex grinned.

“What if I want to please?” Ashleigh ran her fingertips over Alex’s stomach.

Alex didn’t utter a word. She watched as Ashleigh’s fingers trailed lower.

“Look at me, Alex.” Ashleigh smiled as Alex did as she asked. “Put your hands on the headboard and don’t move them until I say you can.”

Alex’s lip twitched, and for a moment, Ashleigh thought she wouldn’t comply.

“Do it.” Ashleigh watched as Alex slowly raised her arms. “Keep your eyes on mine.”

Ashleigh supported her weight on her elbow so that she could keep eye contact while her other hand traced lazy circles over Alex’s skin. She bit her lip when Alex’s eyes widened for a second as she slipped her fingers between her legs. “I think about touching you like this when you’re touching me.” Alex’s eyes slipped closed as she moaned softly.

“Open your eyes,” Ashleigh said as she kissed the corner of her mouth. She stared into eyes so dark they were almost black. Ashleigh’s arousal rose as Alex took shuddering breaths. The muscles in her legs twitched and shook the bed. “Too quick,” Ashleigh said and pulled her hand away for a moment. She heard Alex’s hands slip from the headboard. “Don’t let go.”

Alex tightened her grip and her body trembled when Ashleigh resumed. Her eyes became unfocused and heavy- lidded. Ashleigh leaned down and kissed her parted lips, then looked back at her. “Close your eyes now, Alex, and come for me.” Ashleigh kissed her way down the side of Alex’s face and buried her face in her hair. Alex’s body shook once more, and the sound she made filled Ashleigh with excitement and wonder.

“Zoned out again?”

“I’m really sleepy, I guess,” Ashleigh said dreamily. “I haven’t been sleeping well and…it’s sweltering in here.”

“I’m sorry. I start talking about all this stuff and I get carried away.” Alex brushed past Ashleigh and held the door open for her to exit.

Guilt assailed her as Erica’s face replaced Alex’s in her mind. She felt unfaithful and ashamed. “Um, I’m gonna go back to the house,” Ashleigh said, backing away from Alex. “I think I need a nap.”

“Want me to walk you?” Alex looked a bit confused.

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay then. There’s a shortcut through the vacant lot a block down. I’ve made a trail, you’ll see it. It’ll take you right up to the hole in the fence.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you later.” Ashleigh hurried through the gate and nearly ran to the sidewalk. Her head cleared as she walked quickly down the street and found the trail. “Never, never spend time alone in her house with her,” Ashleigh said, chastising herself. As if to accentuate the point, she felt her phone vibrate. She pulled it from her pocket and saw that Erica had sent her a message.

May I call you?

Ashleigh dialed the number, and when Erica answered, she said, “Yes, but I thought I’d call you.” Hearing Erica’s voice chased away the lustful haze that memories brought back unbidden.

“Are you doing okay?”

“No, are you?” Ashleigh said with a goofy smile.

“Better, now that I’ve heard your voice.”

Ashleigh closed her eyes and leaned her head against the fence that separated her from Vicki and Chantal’s yard. Tears sprang to her eyes. She wanted to scream, I want to come home.

“I was wondering if you’d like to do something Saturday night.”

“Yes…no, I can’t,” Ashleigh said as she remembered her prior commitment.

“You have another date?” Erica asked playfully, but there was an edge to her voice.

“I promised to do a show Saturday. How about Friday?”

“Friday’s not good for me. We have the employee banquet then.” Neither said anything for a moment. “And here we are,” Erica said faintly.

“What does that mean, Erica?” Ashleigh asked dejectedly.

“Nothing really. I guess we both have other obligations. I’ll call you next week. Maybe we’ll have time then. Bye.”

What did Erica expect her to do? She could no more cancel her plans than Erica could. But there was that tone that said “your new life is getting in my way.” They seemed to have come so far with that one phone call and now they were back to square one. That thought burned in Ashleigh’s stomach as she climbed through the fence.

Chapter Twenty-six

“You didn’t call her.” Kaitlyn stood in the open doorway of Erica’s office.

Erica shoved a stack of printouts to the corner of her desk. “She has other plans.”

Kaitlyn walked in and took her usual seat. “What’s she doing?”

“They have a show to do,” Erica said sarcastically.

“Ya know, you’re both wrong and you’re both right. You two are going to have to learn to compromise, and you’d think after five years, y’all would already have this down.”

“You’d think that our relationship would be important enough for her to skip twirling around on stage for one night.”

Kaitlyn scrubbed at her face with both hands. “I take back what I said a minute ago. You, Erica, are so damn wrong it’s ridiculous. Could you take her out Friday night instead? No, because you have a banquet. You can’t be the only one to have a life outside of your relationship.”

“It’s work, Kaitlyn.”

“It’s always work.” Kaitlyn sprang to her feet. “And she’s understood and accepted it. Now Ash has something she wants to do, and you refuse to budge.”

“Out, get out now. I have work to do and so do you.”

Kaitlyn stalked toward the door, then turned and leaned across Erica’s desk so they were nose to nose. “You hide behind your work and you be pig-headed. But she’s got someone with her now that understands her. How long are you going to push Ashleigh into her arms before you regret it?”

“Out,” Erica said low and cold. “And close the door.” She watched as Kaitlyn stood and looked at her angrily for a second, then left, closing the door behind her.

Erica leaned back in her chair and stared at the ceiling. She knew that she was being selfish, she knew it, but when pressed, she was determined to hold her ground. She was hurting enough, and self-preservation was what she clung to.

Erica canceled her routine meetings with the department heads and hid herself away behind the closed door of her office. She stared at the ever-growing to-do list, unable to find the energy or concentration to tackle the easiest of tasks. She was staring at the computer screen when she heard her door being opened.

“Why is this door closed?” Bob Barrett asked as he moved into the room without invitation.

“I needed to concentrate,” Erica said defensively.

He stared at her long and hard, and Erica fought not to squirm beneath his gaze. “We need to have a meeting,” he said in a tone that Erica knew better than to argue with.

“What time, and who do you want to attend?” Erica picked up her pen and prepared to make notes.

“Now, between you and me, alone. Grab your things.” He turned and walked from her office.

Erica grabbed a notepad and pen and followed him up the hall irritated at the interruption. He’d left the company in her hands. Why was he intervening now?

Bob exchanged pleasantries with a few employees as they made their way down the hall. Erica noticed that he’d gone the opposite way of the conference room. When he pushed through an exterior door, Erica shielded her eyes from the bright sunlight with the notepad. She followed him without a word until he walked up to his truck and pulled open the passenger door.

“Where are we going? I haven’t made any arrangements to leave the office.”

“I took care of that.” Bob gestured none too patiently for her to get inside.

“Dad, I’ve got a ton of work piled up,” Erica said when he climbed into the driver’s seat.

“There will always be work piled up. It’s the nature of the business.”

“Where are we going?” Erica asked again, feeling her anxiety rise.

“Bell River.”

“Dad, no! I can’t go all the way out there. It’ll be midnight before we get back.”

“You’re taking the day off,” Bob said brusquely. “Hell, it’d probably do you good to take the week off. Keep arguing with me and I’ll make that happen.”

Erica narrowed her eyes and stared at his profile, his face was as rigid as she was sure hers looked. “Did Kaitlyn call you?”

“No, but she should have. I had a chat with her when I found your door closed.”

Erica sank back into the seat and massaged her temples. “So you know everything.”

“You should’ve told me.”

“It’s not something I wanted to shout to the world.”

“Telling me or your mother about what’s going on in your life is not ‘shouting it to the world.’ You could’ve called and said you needed time to sort things out. I could’ve taken over for you.”

“I need to work. I need the distraction,” Erica said around the lump in her throat. The last time her father had seen her cry, she was ten. She perceived that he felt it was a sign of weakness, and she would not allow that.

Bob opened his mouth to speak, then cleared his throat. “Your momma is looking forward to seeing you. You haven’t been around much, and you haven’t come out to see the new place.”

Erica looked toward the passenger window and clamped her eyes shut. “Dad, please turn around. I’m not up for family visits right now. Just let me go back to the office.”

“Can’t do that, kiddo, won’t. Kaitlin has everything under—”

“I don’t give a damn about the office! I want to go home,” Erica shouted as she unbuckled the seat belt and threw it off her shoulder. It bounced off the glass with a loud clang.

Bob reached over and grabbed her by the arm as he kept his eyes on the road. “What are you going to do, girl? Jump?” He pulled the truck over to the shoulder, maintaining his grip on Erica. When he had the vehicle in park, he turned and looked at her. “Just let it go.”

“Let what go?” Erica asked miserably as she stared through the windshield.

Bob didn’t say anything more and Erica felt the last vestiges of her control crumble. “Damn it.” Erica slammed her hands on the dashboard. Unrestrained tears poured down her cheeks, adding to her misery. “Dad, take me home please. I’m begging you,” Erica pleaded in gasps.

“If that was truly what you needed, I would.” Bob reached over and stroked her head. “You can push everyone away in your misery, but not your mom and dad.”

Erica slumped over the console into his arms. “I’ve lost everything.” She wept into his shoulder. “I just want to curl up in a ball and let the world go on without me.”

“I know, hon.”

After a while, Erica sat up, feeling embarrassed. “I can’t face mom like this.” She wiped her face on her sleeve.

“Don’t worry about that, honey,” Bob said with a slight smile. “Put your seat belt back on.”

Erica did as she was asked and settled in for the ride, resigned to the fact that she was not going back home. They drove in silence for nearly an hour when Bob pulled onto a gravel road and followed it into the swamp.

“How long has it been since you’ve eaten?”

Erica shrugged. “I had a bagel this morning.”

“There’s a boat store out here that has the best boudin I’ve ever eaten.”

As the water came into view, Erica noticed the old wood-framed building nestled beneath a grouping of cypress trees. Moss swung lazily from the branches in the breeze. A sign read Best boudin in Louisiana and below that, live bait. Erica’s stomach roiled.

“Any requests?” Bob asked as he parked and threw the door open.

“Beer, I don’t care what kind, just lots of it.”

Erica watched as her father disappeared into the store and turned her attention to the rows of pickups parked along the road with empty boat trailers behind them. The weather was in the low eighties and sunny despite the fact it was early autumn. The water beyond the store was alive with boats hauling the hopeful to spots where the fish were biting.

Erica watched as her dad emerged from the store with a bag of ice in one hand and a couple of plastic bags swinging from the other. She climbed out to help when she noticed him trying to juggle everything at the rear of the truck. He handed her the bag of ice when she walked up.

“Slam that on the ground and break it up, then put it in the cooler.”

Erica did as instructed. The bottom of the cooler was already lined with cans, and the ice that had been in there before was melting. She pulled the plug and let the water drain as she added the ice. “You don’t have a fridge at the camp?”

Bob looked over at her and smiled as he poured the shiners into his bait bucket. “The camp is better outfitted than the house. Now come over here and take these bait cans and this bag and follow me.” Bob grabbed the ice chest and lugged it across the parking lot. Erica followed him as he went around back of the store and walked out onto a pier. He stepped off into a bass boat moored there and situated the ice chest.

“We’re going fishing?” Erica handed him the bait.

“Well, honey, if that wasn’t obvious by now, you’re more distraught than I thought.” Bob smiled as he took her hand and guided her into the boat.

Erica gave him a lopsided smile as she took a seat. It’d been years since they’d done anything like this.

“I’m gonna back her out of here, then you’re gonna take the wheel.”

Erica looked over the shiny new boat and shook her head. “I think I’d rather ride and take in some of the scenery.”

“Suit yourself then.” Bob handed her a beer and fished out a soda for himself. He took a knife out and cut a boudin link in half and passed it to Erica. “Eat that while you drink the beer. You’ll be drunk as a skunk if you don’t.”

Erica sniffed at the boudin while her stomach growled. She took a tentative bite, finding the flavor of the rice and meat delicious. She pushed the thought of where it came from out of her mind and ate while Bob guided them out of the slip.

“I like fishing this time of the year, don’t have to worry about snakes falling out of the trees.” Bob nodded toward the tree-lined shore. “The fish are biting good around those cypress knees right now. I found a little hot spot the other day. Fish were biting my line the second it hit the water. Cross your fingers that no one is fishing it today.”

The wind whipped Erica’s hair around and into her eyes as they picked up speed. She took the last bite of the boudin and set her beer down as she wiped her greasy hands on her pants.

“If you look in that compartment by your right leg, there’s some ball caps,” Bob called out over the sound of the boat and wind. “Hand me one, too.”

Erica fished out the two caps. One was emblazoned with the Barrett logo, the other said Size isn’t important unless you’re fishing. She handed that one to her father. They put on the caps backward as Bob sliced through the water for what seemed like miles. He killed the engine and guided them into a cropping of cypress trees where the boat came to rest.

“You can bait with the crickets if you prefer, but I have better luck with shiners right here.” Bob handed her a rod. “They’re probably not biting much now, but they will be in an hour or two.”

It’d been years since Erica had fished. She watched her dad bait his line and mimicked his actions. It took her a couple of tries, but she managed to cast in the spot that she’d picked out.

Bob leaned back in his seat with a contented sigh and took a sip of soda. “I was twenty-eight when my dad brought me fishing just like this. Your mom had tossed me out of the house, and I was feeling as angry and low as I imagine you’re feeling right now.”

“Mom threw you out?” Erica watched her float bob on the surface of the water.

“She did. I was driving a truck then. I’d come home from the road and spent most of my time carousing with the boys. She took care of the house, me, and you girls. That’s a twenty-four-hour job she did without complaint. But I was a bullheaded boy and figured if I was bringing home a paycheck that was all I had to contribute. The rest was her job.”

Erica shot him a disapproving look.

“I know,” he said, raising a hand. “Well, I know it now, but not back then. One night, I came in after a night of drinking, and she was waiting for me. My things were packed. I had to sleep in my truck until I was sober, then I went to your granddad’s. I was some pissed at her. But after a lecture from my dad, I understood where I went wrong. She took me back, and I did some changing.”

Erica looked over at him. “I never knew.”

Bob shook his head with a smile as he cast his line again. “Your mom kept it all hidden. She didn’t want you girls to see us fight. I remember many a night when she dragged me outside to gnaw on me.”

“My situation isn’t the same, Dad. I don’t go out ‘carousing.’”

“No, I don’t expect it is.” Bob sat quietly for a moment. “I was shocked when you told me you were…well, what you are. But when Ashleigh came along and you two settled down, it was like normal, you know? I’ve never looked at you as a son, but I have come to see her as my daughter-in-law. With you both being women, I just never thought you’d have problems like me and your mom did.”

“It’s really not the same.” Erica cast her line for something to do with her hands besides sip beer.

“But you’re apart. No matter what the situation is, the result is still the same. There’s always fault on both sides. Well, except for your mother, she was completely justified.”

“And you think Ashleigh is justified, as well?”

“That’s not what I said, kiddo. I said your mother was the exception.”

Erica pulled another beer from the cooler and took a long drink. “We’re both women, but I’m no closer to understanding what she wants than you would. I work my ass off to provide her with a home and whatever she wants to fill it. She doesn’t even have to work if she didn’t want to, and she bitches that I work too much. And then there’s the music thing. She wants to spend all her time with the band.”

“Well, that I can actually understand. You have your work and a sense of purpose outside of the home. She’s found her sense of purpose with the music.”

Erica took another sip of beer. It was simple enough. Why hadn’t she seen it? And why did it make her so angry?

“It’s not just that. She kept who she was from me. When I see her on stage, it’s like watching someone else. I don’t know who she is.”

Bob jerked as his float slipped under the water. He reeled in his catch with a smile, then frowned when he saw the size of the fish. He plucked the hook from the fish’s mouth and tossed it back into the water. “Grow up and come back,” Bob said as he put fresh bait on his hook.

Erica reeled her line in and realized why she wasn’t getting any bites. The bait was gone.

“Why don’t you want to get to know this part of her?” Bob asked as he cast his line back out.

“Why should I?” Erica asked angrily. “I feel like she’s brought someone new into our relationship. I liked things the way they were.”

Bob chuckled as he repositioned his line. “Your mom calls us ‘surface thinkers.’ We don’t analyze our feelings. We just go on reacting.”

Erica tossed the shiner she was going to bait her hook with overboard and set down her rod. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that all of this bothers you, and you’ve not bothered to figure out why. You just get mad at it and hope it goes away. Good Lord, kid, we’re more alike than I ever imagined.” Bob grinned.

Erica finished off her second beer, enjoying the way it made her head swim, but it couldn’t dull the ache that grew the more they talked.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” Bob said excitedly as he reeled in a fish worth keeping. “Bait your line, kid. If we catch a few more of these, we’ll have fresh fish for dinner.”

Erica baited her hook and clumsily cast the line. No sooner than the float hit the water, it went under and she felt the weight of the fish on the line.

“Oh, my God, Erica, get it in the boat,” Bob said with a grin as Erica struggled to land the fish.

“Look at him,” Erica said proudly as she held up the fish. “I can’t believe I caught one.”

“Bait that hook and get it back in the water. We’re definitely having fish for dinner.”

Chapter Twenty-seven

“You’re off-key, Ash.” Alex stopped playing.

Ashleigh clenched her fists and gritted her teeth. “I know. I can’t concentrate.”

“Then let’s back away from it. Take a break.”

Ashleigh had been out of sorts all evening. The rest of the band had called it quits. Only Alex remained behind, determined to stick it out for as long as Ashleigh wanted to try. She’d forgotten lyrics to some of the older material, most of which she had written. And then she drifted in and out of key.

“I don’t want to back away from it. I have to get this. The show is tomorrow night.”

Alex unstrapped her guitar and put it on the stand. “You did just fine yesterday morning. I think the pressure is getting to you. You were like this when we played gigs before, and when you went on stage, you had it perfect. You will again tomorrow night.”

“I wish I shared your confidence in me,” Ashleigh said wearily as she took a seat on a stool.

Alex moved behind her and rubbed at the knotted muscles in her shoulders. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nerves, I guess.” Ashleigh felt the tension in her neck give way, then return when she thought about who was touching her.

“Go inside, take a long hot bath, and drink some of Vicki’s nighttime tea. You’ll be a new woman tomorrow,” Alex said as she drew away.

“Is that what you do to relax?”

“I vent my tension in other ways.” Alex grinned.

“Hmm, so you’ll be calling Lisa tonight,” Ashleigh said, jealous that she could not relieve her stress in the same way.

“Too late to call Lisa. She works tomorrow morning.” Alex turned and looked at Ashleigh. “It’s not all sex with me anymore. I have other ways.”

“Other ways?” Ashleigh echoed.

“Uh-huh, wanna do it with me?” Alex arched an eyebrow.

“That depends on what you mean by ‘doing it.’”

Alex moved in closer until she was inches away from Ashleigh. “Depends on whether you still have stamina…and a good pair of walking shoes.”

Ashleigh kicked her foot up and pointed at her shoe. “These are walkers.”

“Then follow me.” Alex grabbed her hooded sweatshirt and walked out into the night.

“How far is it around these lakes?” Ashleigh asked as she worked to keep up with Alex’s stride.

“Six miles, I think.”

“Hell, it was at least a mile from the house. Are you going to make me walk the entire seven, no eight miles?”

“Maybe, if you keep whining.”

“Whi—” Ashleigh began and Alex held up a finger.

“Shh, focus on the moonlight reflecting off the water. It’ll take your mind off the walk.”

Ashleigh looked out at the ripples and watched as the moon’s glow rode quietly on them.

“It would be romantic if you weren’t sharing it with me,” Alex said with a smile, but a flicker of sadness moved across her face. “Don’t say anything. It was a bad joke and we don’t need to go there.”

Ashleigh walked along, biting the inside of her cheek. She felt she should say something to ease the awkwardness. Instead she kept pace with Alex and stared out at the water.

“We’ll have to turn back at this point unless you want to make the bend, but if we do, it’ll add another mile or two.”

“I think I’d rather turn back. Maybe I don’t have the stamina I used to.”

Alex halted and looked over at Ashleigh, a playful retort perched on her lips. “You’re shivering. You should be sweating by now.”

“I’m cold-natured, remember?”

“I do.” Alex unzipped her hoodie and pulled her arms free. “Put this on.” She wrapped it around Ashleigh’s shoulders.

The familiar scent of Alex’s perfume wafted up, and Ashleigh closed her eyes against the memories that tried to force their way in.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked.

“I remember you. Your smell brings it all back for me, and sometimes…”

“Don’t say it, Ash.” Alex took a step back. “You’re in a vulnerable position and looking for something to cling to. It can’t be me. I wish it was, but it can’t.”

“You wish?” Ashleigh looked up into Alex’s eyes.

Alex let out a long breath and kicked at the gravel beneath her feet. “Three miles to go and you can have that hot bath.”

“Alex—”

“Don’t say anything. I know all I need to know. Now let’s walk.”

“Victoria Kavick,” Alex said, causing Vicki to jump. “Give me that.” Alex snatched the can of soda out of Vicki’s hand. “You’re hiding out here on the patio so Chantal won’t give you grief about this.”

“Keep your voice down.” Vicki wrapped her robe tighter around herself. “What are you two doing out here?”

“We went for a walk around the lakes,” Ashleigh said as she watched Alex pour the soda into the flowerbed. “And I’m freezing my ass off, so I’m going to take a bath.”

Ashleigh brushed Alex’s cheek with a quick kiss, then Vicki’s. “Thanks for the walk, Alex, it did relax me.”

Vicki and Alex watched Ashleigh slip into the house, and Vicki turned and looked at Alex. “Took a moonlit stroll around the lake, did you?”

“We did.”

“You’re spending too much time with her.”

“I know.” Alex looked away.

“You’re going to get hurt.” Vicki reached over and tugged at Alex’s T-shirt.

“Already am.”

“Oh, Alex, I warned you.”

“You did,” Alex said, looking anywhere but in Vicki’s direction.

“What are you going to do?”

“Nothing, she’ll go back to Erica, and I’ll have to get over it. But for now, I’ll enjoy what little piece of her I can.”

“What am I going to do with you?” Vicki wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist and pulled her close.

Alex didn’t say anything for a minute but allowed Vicki to hold her. “I’m gonna be okay, Vic. I always am.”

Vicki released her and stroked her cheek. “You finally let your heart go and you can’t have her.”

“Isn’t that the way it goes?” Alex asked with a sad smile.

“I love you both so much. I just don’t know what to do with either of you.”

“You can let me go home, so I can take a hot bath and get some sleep. We have lots to do tomorrow.”

“Good night, sweetie.” Vicki placed a kiss on Alex’s cheek. She watched Alex move through the darkness and disappear through the fence, then she put the soda can in the trash, hiding all evidence.

Chapter Twenty-eight

Erica climbed from the truck smelling of beer and fish. Nonetheless, her mother pulled her into a hug and squeezed her for a minute before letting her go. “Enjoy the fishing trip?” She stroked Erica’s wind-chapped face.

“I did, we caught a bunch,” Erica said, feeling vulnerable under her mother’s scrutiny.

“Leave your dad to clean them. You come inside and get washed up.” Faye Barrett draped an arm around Erica’s shoulder and led her toward the camp.

“Hey, there’s a lot of fish here,” Bob called after them.

“You’ve had her to yourself all day, honey, she’s mine now,” Faye called back as she pushed Erica up the steps.

“Why don’t you shower, and I’ll start getting ready to cook dinner?” Faye suggested when she noticed the mud on Erica’s clothes.

Erica looked down at herself. “I don’t have anything else to wear. I wasn’t prepared to come out here.”

“I have some sweats you can wear.” Faye guided Erica to the bathroom. “I’ll bring them in. Go ahead and get into the shower. You smell as bad as I’m sure your dad does.”

Erica chuckled at her mother’s look of disgust as she slipped into the bathroom and closed the door. She stripped and walked under the hot spray of the shower with a sigh. She leaned against the wall feeling exhausted and emotionally drained. Though she was with her family, she felt so far away from home and even farther from Ashleigh.

Her father had been right. Get mad at it and make it go away was her way of coping with anything that made her feel threatened. She’d held on to it since Ashleigh left, but as anger slowly gave way to reason, the pain left her feeling crippled and helpless. And now, she was virtually trapped with her parents when she really wanted to hide herself away.

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you?” Erica asked as she walked into the kitchen.

Faye was grinning when she turned to face her, then giggled. “It’s such a lovely color on you, honey.”

“I’m not even sure you can call this pink.” Erica looked down at the sweats her mother had given her to wear. “It’s more like…flamingo…if that’s a color.”

“I really didn’t do it on purpose. I thought I’d brought my gray pair out here.”

Erica moved alongside her and swiped a hush puppy while her mother readied the batter for the fish. “As long as you’re not going to invite anyone else to dinner, we should be fine.”

Faye handed the batter and a beer to Bob, who stood out on the back porch warming up the fish fryer. “We don’t fry food in the house anymore. It makes too much of a mess and smells the place up. Besides,” Faye said with a conspiratorial smile, “the bigger pain in the ass I make it, the less we eat fried food.”

“Can I help with the salad?” Erica moved to the counter.

“Sure, peel and slice that cucumber for me,” her mother said, passing her a peeler and a knife.

Erica went to work on the cucumber and moved on to the tomatoes before either of them broke the silence.

“You know, sometimes it’s good to get out of your element and mull things over,” Faye said, watching Erica from the corner of her eye.

“I lost it on Dad today,” Erica said, not looking up from her task.

“That’s not such a bad thing, is it?”

“It makes me feel weak in front of him.”

Faye dried her hands and tucked an unruly strand of hair behind Erica’s ear. “I’ve seen your dad break down a dozen times. He’s never been weak in my eyes.”

Erica stopped slicing and looked at her mother. “He cried and babbled like an idiot?”

“Cried, babbled, and slobbered. The first time was when you drove your bike off the ramp you and Kaitlyn built. When we brought you home from the hospital covered in stitches, missing two teeth, and a cast on your arm, he had to go in the other room while I put you to bed. I found him staring down at his bloodied T-shirt crying like a baby.”

“I just…” Erica’s voice faded as she slowly cut a tomato, needing something to focus on. “I’m just afraid of looking weak in front of him. I’m supposed to be running his company. What if he thinks I can’t handle it?”

“There’s never been any doubt in his mind that you were capable. That won’t change with you being upset over Ashleigh.” Faye pulled three glasses from the cabinet. “Your dad shocked me today when he called and told me the news.” She looked at Erica disapprovingly for a second. “You should’ve at least told us. Is it really over, honey, or is this something y’all are going to work through?”

Erica laid the knife down and leaned heavily against the counter. “I’m not really sure. I expected her to come back the next day. She’s still gone.”

“Do want her to come back?” Faye filled the glasses with ice.

“I think so.” Erica turned and looked at Faye.

“You think so?”

“I don’t know,” Erica said in frustration as she slid the tomatoes into the bowl and mixed the salad. “I’m kind of afraid that she won’t want to come back. I don’t want to confront that right now.”

Bob opened the back door and asked Faye for a pan. He handed it back to her with the first batch of fried fish. “Give me ten minutes and we’ll be ready,” he said as Faye handed him another beer.

Faye turned back to her daughter when the door closed. “Erica—”

“Mom, I need a break from it all right now. I’ve talked and thought about this all day, and I just can’t do it anymore.”

“I understand.” Faye kissed Erica’s cheek. “I’m here whenever you are ready to talk, and so is your dad. Although, he is a ‘surface thinker’ like you are,” she said with a grin.

“So he told me.” Erica returned the smile.

Erica enjoyed dinner and time with her parents, but when it was time for bed, she was more than ready to be alone. In the darkened room, she curled on her side looking at the tiny slivers of moonlight coming through the blinds. She tossed and turned in the unfamiliar bed longing for her home, even though it was empty.

She remembered when she had first asked Ashleigh out.

They were standing in the hospital parking lot. Ashleigh had hung around, even though her shift had ended an hour before Erica was patched up. They had just met, but Erica didn’t want Ashleigh to slip away without the promise of seeing her again. Erica stood there as Ashleigh leaned against her car looking at her with something akin to amusement.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she tried to think of a smooth way to ask Ashleigh for her number. “I…uh…can I call you sometime?” She had gotten it out there but was unable to look Ashleigh in the eye. “Maybe we could go out for coffee or dinner.”

“I’d like that,” Ashleigh said. Erica watched as Ashleigh’s hand shook slightly while she wrote her number on her cast. “I work every other weekend, but I’m off this weekend.”

“Are you busy tomorrow night?” Erica asked, emboldened by what appeared to be eagerness on Ashleigh’s part.

“Nope,” Ashleigh answered with a smile.

“If I picked you up at seven, would that give you enough time to get home from work?”

“Plenty of time,” Ashleigh said as she plucked a piece of paper from her purse and scribbled on it. “This is my address. I didn’t think you wanted me to write that on your cast too.”

Erica’s heart was still hammering in her chest, but not from nerves this time. Excitement coursed through her veins as she thought about spending the evening with Ashleigh. “I’ll see you then,” she said, backing away and trying not to trip over her own feet as she did.

The scratching of a branch against the windowpane brought Erica back to the present and with it pain and confusion that she could hardly bear. Her mother’s question played through her mind: Do you want her to come back? The answer was simple—yes. But would she?

Chapter Twenty-nine

Erica watched as Kaitlyn and Drew walked into the crowded banquet room. She’d not seen Kaitlyn since her dad had whisked her off to the camp. She would not have attended the company banquet if she hadn’t felt obligated to do so. As if Kaitlyn felt her stare, she turned and glanced her way. Erica nodded, acknowledging her presence.

“Don’t harbor animosity toward her, honey.” Faye rested her hand on Erica’s lower back as she came to stand next to her. “Your dad confronted her, she didn’t come to him.”

“I know, Mom.” Erica leaned into her mother’s embrace. “I just don’t want to have that talk with her tonight.”

“Too much going on in your mind?” Faye asked with a kind smile.

And too much emotion running close to the surface, Erica wanted to say. Instead she nodded and watched as Kaitlyn and Drew took their seats at the table.

Bob gestured for Erica and Faye to take their seats next to him at the head of the table, then spoke, drawing everyone’s attention. “By now, you’ve all noticed that I haven’t been around much. I’ve decided to retire and leave the operation in Erica’s hands.” It was Kaitlyn who led the applause. “Now no need to sound so happy about that,” Bob continued, causing the group to laugh.

He turned and looked at Erica with a proud smile. “I have no doubt that I’ve left you all in capable hands. She’s handled the role as vice president for some time now, and it’s time she stepped into the president’s shoes.” Another round of applause filled the room.

“And though I wanted her to make this announcement herself, she’s asked me to tell you that Kaitlyn Marshall will take over as vice president, a move that I wholeheartedly support.” The last part of Bob’s statement was drowned out by shouts of congratulations and applause.

Kaitlyn’s face registered complete shock as she looked over at Erica.

After service awards were presented and the group began mingling, Erica made her way slowly toward Kaitlyn and Drew. “You could’ve told us beforehand,” Drew said, pulling Erica in for a hug. Erica looked over her shoulder at Kaitlyn, who still looked stunned.

When Drew released her, she pulled Kaitlyn in for a hug. Kaitlyn squeezed her tightly and whispered against her ear, “I’m so sorry.”

Erica held her for a second longer and whispered back, “You’re forgiven. We’ll talk about it later. The position comes with a nice raise,” Erica said with a smile when she released Kaitlyn. “Now Drew can add more fountains to the yard.” She laughed when Kaitlyn glared at her.

“We’re going out for drinks with some of the guys after this.” Drew tugged at the lapels of Erica’s jacket. “Why don’t you come with us? Bring your mom and dad, too.”

Erica involuntarily winced. The last thing she wanted to do was socialize. She’d been with her parents since her dad had picked her up with only a short reprieve when they dropped her off at home to dress for the banquet. What she wanted and needed was time alone to sort out things for herself, and Kaitlyn obviously picked up on that vibe.

“You need some time alone, don’t you?” she asked with a slight smile.

Drew rubbed her stomach. “If we had any sense, we’d call it a night too. I’m already feeling queasy after only two drinks.” Drew gave Erica a playful shove. “You run along. Me and the vice prez here will take care of the troops.”

With Kaitlyn and Drew distracting Faye and Bob Barrett, Erica slipped out of the banquet hall and climbed into her Forerunner. She glanced over at the bag on her floorboard and felt a slight pang of guilt for at least not letting Kaitlyn in on her plan. Her parents would be staying at their home in St. Francisville, which would mean unexpected visits since they now knew everything going on in her life. They meant well, but Erica had been doing a lot of soul searching and she wanted time alone to sort things herself. She headed south on Highway 61 to Baton Rouge.

Ashleigh stood in the shadows and looked out over the crowd. The club was filled to capacity. Lindsay had said earlier that they had already begun turning people away. She looked for familiar faces but saw none. Drew was sick with a stomach virus, and she and Kaitlyn apologized for not being able to attend. She knew that Erica wouldn’t bother, and that stole away some of her excitement about playing a full show.

She’d had too much time to think, and her nerves were wreaking havoc. To add to her misery, she’d sent Erica a few text messages the night before that had gone unanswered. Erica had mentioned that she had the company banquet to attend on Friday, but it didn’t explain why she didn’t reply on Saturday.

Ashleigh turned as an arm came to rest at her waist. Vicki smiled at her and looked out over the horde of people waiting for them to begin. “You okay?”

“I’m good.” Ashleigh leaned into Vicki.

“Chantal is having a wardrobe malfunction. She split the crotch of her pants and is blaming the doughnut she had a week ago.”

Ashleigh laughed for the first time that day; it felt good and calmed her nerves.

“We have about five minutes until they dim the lights,” Vicki said with a squeeze. “I’m going to leave you alone. I still remember how you like to be by yourself right before we go on. Remember your breathing.” Vicki called over her shoulder as she walked away.

Ashleigh closed her eyes and began her breathing exercises. “I can do this,” she said between each breath.

Erica noticed Lindsay moving through the crowd and ducked into a darkened recess. She’d managed to get in without seeing anyone she recognized. She took a long swallow of bourbon and sighed as it burned through her and made her head a little light. She’d wisely left her vehicle at the hotel to avoid anyone recognizing it, but as the alcohol coursed through her, she appreciated the decision even more.

The throng of people around Erica roared with applause as the lights dimmed. She ordered another drink and moved to a spot that gave her full view of the stage, but far enough away to avoid being noticed. Sound and light shook her when the introduction ended, and there stood Ashleigh. Erica’s heart felt as though it fluttered against her ribs.

Dressed in a snug-fitting black button-down shirt and faded jeans, Ashleigh was stunning. Her light brown hair shimmered under the stage lights. She moved her hips with the beat of the music as she sang and looked into the crowd. Erica unconsciously moved behind a couple as they danced, feeling as though Ashleigh was staring directly at her.

Erica watched every move, heard every note delivered perfectly. Ashleigh was good, excellent actually. She marveled at her talent, forgetting for a moment that it had come between them. The room was charged with energy fueled by the excitement of the crowd, and at its epicenter was Ashleigh. Her face glowed with a confidence that Erica had not seen before—that was it. This was the part of Ashleigh she didn’t know, and it was intimidating.

Erica ordered another drink and found an empty stool at the corner of the bar where she sat in the shadows rubbing the cool glass against her temple. The revelation made her feel weak. Yes, the betrayal had been difficult, but was this really the crux of it?

She looked back at the stage, this time seeing the woman she’d fallen in love with. Envisioning Ashleigh’s dirt-smudged face as they worked together in their yard, the way she looked the night she had asked her out for the first time. Her throaty voice caressed Erica’s ears and stirred something within her soul, making her crave to feel Ashleigh’s body molded to hers again.

Lost in her longing, she was startled when the music stopped and the crowd erupted in applause. A few lights came on, illuminating the floor as the band exited the stage. Ashleigh’s hand was in Alex’s. The crowd remained, expecting the encore that Erica could not stay for. She moved quickly through the throng of people and into the parking lot without looking back.

Erica’s head swam from the effects of the bourbon and her last sight of Ashleigh clinging to Alex. Had she waited too long to realize that she wanted the Ashleigh she knew and the woman she was now? Erica called for a cab and leaned against the cold building that held Ashleigh inside, feeling like there was a million miles separating them.

Ashleigh had never been claustrophobic, but the crowd around her made her feel like a caged animal. The after party was too reminiscent of how things were twenty years before. She’d come off the stage on a high, wanting, needing someone to expend that energy with. And in a room packed with people all praising her for a job well done, she felt lonely, empty.

The bar was closed, but the private party and its guests filled the bottom floor. Ashleigh found herself wandering aimlessly. Vicki and Chantal took turns pulling her onto the dance floor, but all she really wanted to do was go home. Home. She wasn’t sure where that was anymore.

She watched as Alex danced with a different partner to nearly every song that played. Ashleigh realized that even though time had passed nothing had really changed. She was still the same girl searching for something to ground her in all the wrong places.

“Save me,” someone whispered against her ear as fingers wrapped around her arm. Alex was tugging her onto the dance floor. “If I have to dance with another ass-grabber, I’m gonna scream.”

Janet Jackson’s “That’s the Way Love Goes” began as they walked onto the crowded floor, and Ashleigh’s heart sank into her stomach. The beat was slow and sexy, and she knew Alex’s body would be pressed snugly against hers as they danced. It was no big deal, she’d danced this way with Jaclyn a few minutes before, but then again, she’d never experienced the things she had with her that she had with Alex.

“Having a good time?” Alex asked against her ear. It sent chills down her spine, even though Alex only did it to be heard over the music.

“Yes,” Ashleigh lied. “You?”

“No, I’d like to be home on my couch with a bag of potato chips.”

Ashleigh found some comfort in Alex’s shared misery. What she found discomforting was the way Alex’s body fit with hers. And the way Alex’s firm back felt beneath her fingers. She told herself there was nothing wrong in appreciating how Alex’s toned body felt under her touch. Or the way her strong arms held her. Then it occurred to her that she’d never danced with Erica like this. She’d always shied away from the dance floor; it brought back memories she fought to keep suppressed. Erica had pleaded but was always denied. Ashleigh could only imagine the betrayal Erica would feel if she saw her now. Ashleigh went rigid.

“Something wrong?” Alex asked.

Ashleigh pulled away and made a weak attempt at a smile. “I’m exhausted. Do you think anyone would be upset with me if I called a cab?”

Alex looked at her strangely for a second. “I would, unless you were going to offer to share.”

“I just want a shower and to sleep.” Ashleigh took a step back.

Alex smiled and took her hand. When they exited the building, she felt like she could breathe again. “Do you think Chantal and Vicki will be upset that we didn’t tell them we’re leaving?”

“I’ll send them a text message after I call a cab.” Alex pulled out her phone. “I have a cab company programmed in my speed dial. This isn’t the first time I ditched a party.”

Ashleigh blew out a sigh of relief and leaned against the cool brick of the building and hoped that Alex wouldn’t offer to stay and chat when they got home. She needed her distance from everyone, especially Alex.

When the cab arrived, Ashleigh sank into the seat, hoping the cabbie would take the most direct route. Alex seemed to be on the same wavelength and leaned forward, giving directions to the shortcut. They were in Vicki and Chantal’s driveway within ten minutes.

“Chantal texted me back,” Alex said as she followed Ashleigh up the walk. “They’re gonna be leaving soon too. If you don’t mind, I’ll just cut through the house to the back. I can’t wait to get home and get out of these smelly clothes.”

Ashleigh felt relieved and a little guilty that she didn’t invite Alex to stay. “Do you want me to walk with you part of the way? It’s kind of late.”

Alex opened the back door and stepped onto the patio. “No, I’ll be fine. Thank you for rescuing me tonight.”

“My pleasure,” Ashleigh replied, and for a fleeting moment, it had been a pleasure to have been in Alex’s arms. Ashleigh felt an embarrassed blush creep over her face.

Alex brushed her cheek with a friendly kiss, turned, and walked away. “Good night,” she called out as she made her way into the darkness.

Ashleigh made a beeline for her room where she stripped off her clothes, eager to be rid of the smell of sweat and Alex’s perfume that caused conflicting feelings to bounce around her brain. It was just a dance. She hadn’t done anything wrong, but she felt miserable just the same.

Ashleigh awoke early the next morning and grabbed her cell phone, a habit she’d developed as of late. No new messages. She chewed at her bottom lip for a moment and called home. No answer. Next she dialed Erica’s cell phone, and it went promptly to voice mail. It was turned off. Without giving herself time to think, she rose from the bed and showered. She was on the road to St. Francisville thirty minutes later, not taking the time to even dry her hair.

Since there was no answer at home, she’d driven past Erica’s office first and saw no sign of the silver SUV. Erica still wasn’t home when Ashleigh pulled into the driveway. A tap on the glass startled her as she stared at the empty house. “I was hoping she was with you,” Kaitlyn said, looking worried.

“She’s not at the office, either,” Ashleigh said as she rolled down the window.

Kaitlyn looked at the house and shook her head. “I haven’t seen her since the banquet Friday night.”

“She wasn’t home last night, either?” Ashleigh picked up her cell phone, hoping that she would see a text message.

Kaitlyn shook her head. “Want to go inside and talk? I’d invite you to our house, but Drew is still sick.”

“Want me to call one of the doctors at the clinic and see if he can call something in for her?”

“Her doctor has already called in something for nausea. There’s a stomach virus going around. He’ll see her on Monday if she’s not better.”

“I’m gonna take a rain check on that chat if you don’t mind.” Ashleigh looked back at the house as a frown creased her face. “Will you let me know when you hear from her? I just want to know that she’s okay.”

Kaitlyn smiled sadly. “You know she is. She’s just been spending a lot of time alone lately.”

Ashleigh nodded. “Bye, sweetie.”

She pulled back onto the road and made her way slowly through town. Her eyes burned with unshed tears as she wondered if Erica was seeking consolation in the arms of another.

Erica dropped her keys on the kitchen counter as she walked into the house. Bitter tears streamed down her face. She reached for the phone and dialed, debating on whether to hang up between each ring. “I need you,” she rasped when she heard the voice on the other end.

It seemed like only seconds passed when she heard the kitchen door open. Erica turned to face Kaitlyn as she strode up to the sofa and sat next to her. Erica sank into her arms and let go of the emotion that lay coiled up in her chest. She sobbed as Kaitlyn held her, stroking her back and whispering words of understanding into her hair.

When Erica was spent, she pulled back and looked at Kaitlyn feeling slightly embarrassed.

Kaitlyn dabbed at her own tears. Where’ve you been? I’ve been worried about you.”

Erica grabbed a box of tissues and offered Kaitlyn one before blowing her nose. “I went to the club last night to watch her, then I stayed at a hotel because I drank too much.”

“And you said something to her you now regret?”

Erica averted her eyes. “She didn’t know I was there. I sneaked in and watched the show and I left.”

Kaitlyn took Erica’s hand in hers. “If you wanted to see her, why didn’t you just go visit so you could talk?”

“I don’t know how to deal with the new Ashleigh. I tried to be understanding in the beginning, but…I’m having problems with…Oh, hell, I don’t know what I’m having problems with anymore.”

“I understand.” Kaitlyn squeezed Erica’s hand. “I do. It would be a lot to cope with if I suddenly discovered that Drew had a hidden past. But I can also understand Ashleigh’s desire to confront her past.”

“I’ve blown this all out of proportion,” Erica said as fresh tears filled her eyes. “I’ve been an ass to her and you, as well. I’m so sorry, Kaitlyn.”

“It’s okay. I know what you’ve been going through. It’d take a lot more to run me off,” Kaitlyn said with a smile.

Erica grabbed another tissue and wiped her eyes and nose. “Thank you.” Erica laughed mirthlessly. “I’ve been a real tool. I just feel like I’ve lost control.”

“We’re never really in control of anything, and you’re just learning to accept that.”

“Is that your way of saying I’ve tried to control Ashleigh?”

“I wouldn’t put it that way,” Kaitlyn said with a smile. “You may have some…flexibility issues. But seriously, you do have some genuine arguments. Ashleigh needs to understand that you need time to adjust to all the change. And you need to give her some room to deal with what she’s going through.”

Erica sighed in resignation. “So how do I fix this?”

Kaitlyn was thoughtful for a minute. “Date her.”

Erica laughed. “Date?”

“Okay, I’m going to tell you this, but if you rib me, I’m going to make your life miserable…well, worse than it is now,” Kaitlyn said with a grin. “When things get kind of stale between me and Drew, we play ‘start over.’ We go on a date and pretend it’s our first. We ask all of the questions you would on a first date, even though we both think we know the answers, and sometimes we’re surprised by the responses.”

“Y’all are so weird.”

“Hush, jackass. It works. Sometimes we make a weekend of it, then when we come back to reality, things are better. Don’t bring Ashleigh home and try to pretend everything is the same. Get to know who she is now and let her get to know you again.”

“Well, you have been together for ten years, so you must be doing something right,” Erica admitted reluctantly.

“And we’re happy. Not every long-term couple can say that.” Kaitlyn gave Erica a playful nudge. “Show her how much fun you can still be.”

Erica looked stunned. “Am I boring?”

“No…just…predictable.” Kaitlyn looked away and gave Erica a sideways glance. “You work a lot.”

“We both do,” Erica said, feeling her defenses rise.

“True, but Drew and I do things together. You know, like when we hike the Tunicas. It’s refreshing to get away and do something simple together.”

“Hiking isn’t really my thing, and I can tell you that it’s not high on Ashleigh’s list, either.”

“Okay, what is your thing then?” Kaitlyn asked pointedly.

Erica found herself tearing at the tissue she held in her hand. Nothing came to mind. “Oh, my God, Katie, I really am boring.”

“Focus, Erica.”

Erica watched as the remaining pieces of tissue floated down into the pile she’d made. “There is one thing I’ve been mulling over for a while.” Suddenly, she was on her feet. “Take a ride with me.”

Kaitlyn scrubbed her hands together and jumped up. “What’s on your mind?”

“I need to do a little shopping.”

Kaitlyn’s face fell. “Not for clothes, please tell me it’s not for clothes.”

“Red, is definitely your color,” Kaitlyn said as she circled Erica. “I like this much better than the green.”

Erica sat astride the Honda Recon ATV with an ear-to-ear grin. “Do you remember how much fun we used to have on that old three-wheeler?”

“We rode the wheels off that thing, didn’t we?” Kaitlyn grinned.

“This is a far cry from the old three-wheelers we rode behind the house as kids.” The salesman walked over with a key dangling from his hand. “I’ll make you a good deal, Barrett.”

Erica’s eyes sparkled as she looked over at Kaitlyn. It’d been years since she’d seen that youthful look, especially as of late. “I think you should do it.” Kaitlyn watched as the childlike excitement on Erica’s face changed into something mischievous.

“Clarke, what kind of deal would you give me if we bought two and a trailer?”

“Oh, no, you don’t.” Kaitlyn wagged a finger at Erica. “Drew would kill me.”

Erica climbed off the machine and patted the seat. “Come sit. See how it feels.”

“I’ll sit on it, but I’m not buying one.” Kaitlyn climbed on the ATV and crossed her arms as Erica took her turn circling.

“How many fountains does Drew have?” Erica asked in a devilish sounding tone. “How many hat-wearing frogs are in your flowerbeds?” She came to stand directly in front of the ATV with her hands on her hips, one eyebrow arched.

Kaitlyn felt her own grin spreading across her face. “Clarke, if you throw in a pair of riding boots, I’m in.”

“Yes!” Erica pumped her fist in victory and did a little dance.

Kaitlyn grabbed her as she spun around. “Show Ashleigh this Erica,” she whispered with a grin. “This is the woman she fell in love with.”

Erica sobered for a second. “I’m not sure what Ashleigh is going to think about this.”

“Ash will probably think it’s cool. Drew, on the other hand, will kill us both, especially since I’ve taken advantage of her drug-induced state.”

Erica raised a brow and waited for Kaitlyn to explain herself.

“Drew’s got a stomach virus, and the nausea meds knock her on her ass. She’s gonna be pissed that I left her alone to shop for expensive toys.” Kaitlyn took Erica by the arm. “So you’re coming home with me to explain that it was all your fault while I hide.”

Chapter Thirty

“You ran out early this morning.” Vicki looked over the top of a book. Chantal lay on the other sofa covered in newspaper like a homeless person on a park bench.

Ashleigh sat next to Vicki as they listened to Chantal’s soft snores with matching grins. “I went for a drive. I needed time to clear my head.”

“Feel better?”

“The jury is still out on that one,” Ashleigh said with a wan smile.

“The girls are all coming over tonight for the usual Sunday dinner,” Vicki said around a yawn. “Do you think Drew is feeling better? I’d like to invite them.”

“Drew is still hugging the toilet, according to Kaitlyn this morning. I don’t think she’ll be up to it, but I’ll tell her that you thought of her when I call her later.”

Vicki picked up a pen off the coffee table and tossed it at Chantal, whose body jerked, then the soft snores resumed.

“You’re cruel,” Ashleigh whispered with a chuckle.

Vicki smiled. “I am and she loves it.”

Ashleigh’s cell phone buzzed and she noticed Kaitlyn’s text. She’s fine. Needed time to think.

Ashleigh sighed and read it twice before flipping the phone shut. “Need help with dinner?” she asked Vicki.

Vicki shook her head. “It’s spaghetti and it’s already done. You look tired. Why don’t you go lay down for a while, that’s what Sundays are for.”

Ashleigh went to her room and sprawled out on the bed with her cell phone in hand. She debated calling Erica until her eyes slipped shut.

“My ass is on fire, and I have a nasty taste in my mouth that Listerine can’t touch, but otherwise I’m fine,” Drew said later when Ashleigh called to check on her. “I think the last time I threw up, I saw part of my rib cage.”

Ashleigh screwed up her face in disgust. “Thanks for sharing.”

Drew laughed and groaned. “Tell me about the show. What’d I miss?”

“It went okay. I managed to remember all the lyrics and I stayed on key.”

“Packed house?”

“It was pretty crowded.”

“I’m so pissed that I missed it,” Drew said, then smacked her lips. “I’m never eating sesame chicken again.”

“Oh, Drew, have mercy.”

“Don’t make me laugh, Ash, it hurts too much.”

Ashleigh’s smile faded. “I went to see Erica this morning and she wasn’t home. I saw Kaitlyn, though, and she said she’d been out all night.”

“She loves you, honey, you know in your heart of hearts that she wasn’t…”

“I know,” Ashleigh said, glad that Drew didn’t finish the sentence. “At least I hope I know.”

“How’s Alex?”

Ashleigh blew out a long breath. “She’s fine, Drew. What are you getting at?”

“I know you’ve been lonely, and I know she’s accessible.”

“Is that what you think I should do? Have a fling with her while I try to work things out with Erica?”

“Not at all…I just want to know if it’s crossed your mind.”

Ashleigh chewed at the inside of her cheek as she remembered the way Alex felt in her arms the previous night and the conversation they had on their moonlight stroll.

“Ash?”

“She’s not willing.”

“How do you know that?” Drew asked with the sound of dread in her voice.

“It’s not what you’re thinking. Give me more credit than that.”

“I’d like to, but when you blurt out something like that, it makes a girl wonder.”

“I don’t…want her, but sometimes…” Ashleigh buried her face in her hands, wondering what her point actually was. “I get confused. She’s what I wanted her to be back then. Compassionate, caring, and Erica’s so distant. Sometimes I find myself wondering…”

“Wondering what? If you should try again?”

Ashleigh couldn’t bring herself to acknowledge that statement. If only Erica would reach out, but she hadn’t. Was all of this happening for a reason? Had their relationship run its course?

“Maybe it’s not such a good idea that you spend time with her right now. It clouds your judgment.”

“We talked the other night, and I admitted that I remembered how it used to be with her. And she told me I was in a bad place, and…” Ashleigh felt like her head was going to explode.

“Ah-ha! You have been dwelling on old memories. I told you this would happen, Ash.”

“I know.” Ashleigh sank back onto her bed.

“You know I love Erica, and it will kill me if you two don’t work things out. You’ve got to do what’s best for you, but, honey, I don’t think Alex is the answer. You can’t work things out right now for yourself in the arms of someone else.”

“You’re blowing this out of proportion. I’ve had some conflicted feelings lately, but I’m not going to hop into bed with Alex. I’m just admitting that I’m…going through something. Do we have to talk about this?”

It was Drew’s turn to blow out in exasperation. “All right, I’m sorry. But please promise me that you’ll talk to me before you do anything.”

“That’s just the point. I’m not going to do anything. I just need to get my feelings out there, and I need you to listen and not freak out.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll behave, besides my nausea medicine is kicking in and I’m feeling kind of woozy.”

“All right, tell Kaitlyn I said hello.”

“Consider it done, sweetie.”

“I love ya, Drew.”

“Love you too. Don’t visit me for lunch tomorrow. I don’t know how contagious this shit is.”

“I’ll see you soon then, bye.”

“Bye, love.”

Ashleigh flipped the phone shut and closed her eyes. A nap might help, and maybe if she had any luck left, she’d sleep through dinner.

Chapter Thirty-one

“It’s about time you got up,” Chantal said with a grin as Ashleigh walked straight to the stove, lifted the lid on the sauce, and gave it a sniff.

“Don’t let her tease you, Ash.” Vicki lifted an eyebrow at Chantal. “I just hauled her ass off the sofa. She’d still be snoring away if I hadn’t.”

“I did not say that,” Jaclyn said angrily as she came in the back door with Lindsay on her heels. “I said Jolly Ranchers stick to my teeth. How you got that I was saying you’re fat, I don’t know.”

“It was the look.” Lindsay pointed at Jaclyn’s face. “That look.”

“Ladies,” Chantal said, drawing their attention. “There will be no bloodletting or maiming on Sundays and never in the house.”

“Anybody open that bottle of cabernet yet? I need a glass.” Jaclyn pulled a wineglass from the cabinet. “Hey, baby,” she said to Ashleigh and pecked her on the cheek.

“Wine is fattening, by the way,” Lindsay said as she sipped from her bottled water.

“I did not call you fat!” Jaclyn’s voice rose with each word.

“Ah, the tradition of the Sunday night fight is alive and well,” Alex said cheerfully as she walked in the side door. “I was afraid I was going to miss it.”

Lindsay rolled her eyes as Jaclyn shot the finger in Alex’s direction.

Ashleigh had seen Alex in everything from spandex to leather, but she’d never seen her in a suit and wearing heels. She found herself unable to look away.

“Where have you been?” Vicki fingered the lapels of Alex’s jacket as they exchanged kisses.

Alex gestured with one hand as she pulled a wineglass from the cabinet. “Momma McKinney had a social…thing. I was required to attend and ‘dress accordingly.’ I stayed long enough to meet a few of what she considered influential people, then I sneaked out through the garden.”

“You’re gonna pay hell for that stunt,” Chantal said, and everyone laughed along with her, including Alex.

“Oh, I’m sure Monday morning is going to be very interesting. I can just hear her now,” Alex said, causing the sides of her mouth to droop in imitation of her mother. “Alexandra, I noticed you left my soirée early, why?”

“That is so Momma McKinney,” Jaclyn said with a laugh.

Vicki gave Alex’s shoulder a squeeze. “I don’t envy you.”

“That’s why I’m contemplating working from home.” Alex grinned before taking a sip of her wine.

“Okay, ladies, the pasta is done. We’re going to do this buffet style, so grab a plate and form a line. Then go to the den because coach Chantal wants us to watch our performance from Saturday.”

Jaclyn rolled her eyes as she filled her salad bowl. “You have it on film?”

“Don’t I always?” Chantal said with a grin. “Remember that next time you decide to have sex in our pool while we’re on vacation.”

Chantal was teasing, but when she noticed the flush that covered Lindsay’s face and neck, she realized who the owner was of the swimsuit top that she found in the strainer.

Once everyone was seated and enjoying dinner, Chantal started the video. Ashleigh blushed at the sight of herself but made a few mental notes for her next performance. Instead of acting like professional musicians, the women jeered and teased one another until Chantal switched DVDs and they began watching a movie.

Alex took Ashleigh’s plate to the kitchen when she finished eating and refilled her tea glass. She set it down with a smile and took a seat next to Jaclyn and Lindsay. Ashleigh watched as Alex kicked off her shoes and draped one leg over Lindsay’s lap.

It amused Ashleigh as she leaned against Chantal’s shoulder how comfortable they all still were with one another. They snuggled up like a litter of puppies, and no one thought it odd.

Unable to devote her full attention to the movie, Ashleigh’s mind drifted. She thought about Erica and wondered how she was spending the evening and with whom. The thought of Erica and the distance between them made her eyes burn. She blinked rapidly, keeping the tears from forming. She focused on the movie for a moment, then her gaze settled on Alex.

For a fleeting second, she allowed herself to wonder what it would be like to date the woman Alex had become. The feeling of guilt came immediately for entertaining that thought even for a moment. She wasn’t being fair to Erica or their relationship dwelling on such things. So she allowed the not-so-pleasant memories of Alex to flood her mind.

“Have you seen Alex?” Ashleigh asked Jaclyn when she answered her hotel room door.

Jaclyn reached out and pulled Ashleigh inside. “Did you check the bus?” She pushed a pile of clothes from the bed and offered Ashleigh a seat.

“The bus was locked. I checked the lounge and the convenience store across the street. She’s nowhere in sight.”

Jaclyn shrugged. “You know how she gets when she messes up. She hides herself away.”

Ashleigh looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was after one in the morning. “She doesn’t normally ‘hide away’ for this long.” Ashleigh sighed as she stood. “If you see her, let me know.”

“The only thing I’m gonna see are the backs of my eyelids,” Jaclyn mumbled and flopped back on the bed.

Ashleigh meandered down the silent hall on the way to the room that she was supposed to be sharing with Alex. She poked her head inside and frowned when she realized it was still empty. She made up her mind to pass through the lounge on the way to the bus again. If Alex wasn’t in either place, she would be forced to give up and wait.

A perfectionist when it came to playing guitar, Alex became deeply disappointed in herself whenever she made the least of mistakes. She’d made three during the concert they played earlier in the evening. When the bus arrived at the hotel, she stayed behind, asking to be left alone. Ashleigh honored her request, but as the hours passed, worry set in, and an unsettling gnawing began in the pit of her stomach.

Except for a few patrons at the bar, the lounge was empty. The bus was her last hope. She was surprised to find it unlocked and pushed her way in. Ashleigh felt the blood drain from her face when she heard two distinct voices crying out in passion. One of them she knew intimately. Common sense told her to walk away, but the emotional side won out. She needed to see with her eyes what her ears had heard.

Without a word, she moved down the narrow hallway and threw the door open. The smile that Alex had been wearing slipped from her face. Shock, anger, and shame flashed across her features in rapid succession. The woman beneath Alex barely noticed Ashleigh’s interruption.

“Sleep here tonight” were the only words that Ashleigh could think of to say at that moment.

Ashleigh was brought back to the present when Jaclyn and Lindsay began to argue again. She stood and stretched, feigning exhaustion. She kissed each woman on the cheek and went to her bedroom. She wasn’t up for conversation with anyone that night, especially Alex.

She filled the bathtub with hot water and sank into it with a sigh. A feeling of homesickness washed over her as she lay back. She wanted to go home and soak in her own tub. Sleep in her bed and be surrounded by her things. Ashleigh scrubbed at her face in frustration. Were those the only reasons she wanted to go home? Did Erica factor in at all?

If she were to be truthful with herself, she would have to acknowledge that they had become roommates who occasionally had sex. The connection between them had all but faded away. Diminished by the mundane activities of life such as paying the phone bill, taking out the trash, staring at the TV because there was nothing to talk about. It was no wonder that they’d broken up over something as simple as their inability to compromise on one issue.

Maybe it was time to start looking for a place of her own.

Chapter Thirty-two

From the moment Ashleigh unlocked the doors to the clinic, people poured in. Those who weren’t complaining of nausea and vomiting were plagued with the common cold. Ashleigh along with the rest of the staff nearly bathed themselves in antibacterial cleansers. She could cope with a cold, but a stomach virus was something she wanted no part of.

When it came time for her lunch break, Ashleigh hid herself away in the employee lounge with a bag of chips and noticed a text from Drew. Call me when you can.

“You sound a hundred percent better,” Ashleigh said with a smile when Drew answered the phone.

“I am. I had stopped tossing my cookies by the time I talked to you yesterday. Now I just feel drained and puny.”

“You need to rest. Give yourself some time to recuperate.”

“Yeah, right. I’ve been up since six this morning running between your house and mine. Erica and Kaitlyn have it now. I made Erica come over here so I could keep an eye on both of them.”

“Oh, Drew, I’m so sorry. I’ll come over after work and take the night shift so you can get some rest.”

“No, you’re not. It’s too contagious. Stay away, Ash, I won’t let you in the house.”

“That’s silly, I’m exposed to it here at work.” Ashleigh tossed the half-eaten bag of chips in the trash. “You’re not in any condition to handle those two weenies by yourself. Remember when they got the flu? It nearly killed us.”

“That’s precisely why you shouldn’t come here—double exposure. Besides, it only lasts about twenty-four hours. Hold on.” Drew pulled the phone away from her face. “Take the damn suppository, Katie! If you don’t stop whining, I’m gonna shove it up your ass myself. I swear it’s like having two six-year-olds,” Drew said when she replaced the phone. “They don’t want to take the nausea medicine because it’s a suppository.”

“I can see if Dr. Benoit will stop by when we close,” Ashleigh said with a grin. “He lives a block over. I’m sure he’d stop and give them both a shot if I asked.”

Drew lowered her voice. “If I were to even mention a shot, they’d run screaming. I bet those two would go to your house and barricade themselves in. I give them another hour or so of this, and they’ll both be willing to stuff their butts full of hot coals if it’d make them stop puking.”

“Is there anything I can get you now?”

“No, they can’t eat anything, and I’m just nibbling toast,” Drew said around a yawn.

“When I get off work, I’ll pick up some bread and a few things. I don’t want you trying to go out for groceries.”

Drew reluctantly gave Ashleigh a list of items they needed and made her promise that she would leave everything on the hood of Kaitlyn’s car.

Later that evening, Ashleigh did as instructed while Drew watched through the window of the closed kitchen door.

“Tell them I’m sorry they’re sick,” Ashleigh said through the door. Drew gave her a nod and a thumbs-up. “Tell Erica…” Ashleigh ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. “Tell her to call me if she needs anything.”

Drew nodded again and pointed toward Ashleigh’s car. “Go.” She gave Ashleigh a look that was meant to be intimidating.

Ashleigh glanced over at the house that she shared with Erica as an uneasy feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. She hoped that it wasn’t the beginning of the virus. In her heart, she knew it was simply longing to go home. As she headed south toward Baton Rouge, she felt torn. On one hand, she wanted to go home. On the other, she wondered if she had a home to go back to and again pondered if it was time to move on. She’d never been so conflicted in her life.

It felt like years had passed since she walked out. She almost felt toward Erica how she felt when she saw Alex again. Someone she’d loved in the past but really didn’t know now.

“You look tired.” Chantal looked up from the newspaper she was reading at the kitchen table.

Ashleigh followed her nose to the coffeepot and poured herself a cup. Then she sank into a chair. “It was a long day. Everyone in St. Francisville is sick with one thing or another.”

Chantal folded and set the paper to the side. “I messed up the computer at the store today. Vicki got tired of me hovering over her shoulder, so she sent me home.”

“Good, that’ll give me a chance to cook for a change. I should contribute in some way.” Ashleigh began to rise.

Chantal put a hand on her arm, stilling her. “She told me to tell you not to do anything. She’ll pick up something on the way home. Sit, she won’t be long.”

Ashleigh rolled her eyes. “I feel like a freeloader. She’s got to let me do something around here.”

“You’re here, that’s all that matters to us.” Chantal smiled and squeezed Ashleigh’s arm. “It’s not the best of circumstances for you, but for us, it’s been wonderful. It’s gonna suck when you leave.”

Ashleigh felt her face grow hot, and tears burned the back of her eyes.

The smile didn’t fade from Chantal’s face, instead her dark eyes studied Ashleigh intently as she reached up and wiped away the tear that streaked down Ashleigh’s cheek. “Talk to me.”

Ashleigh shook her head. “I’ve never been so confused in my life.”

“You’re trying to decide whether you should move on or try and salvage what you had,” Chantal said as though she was reading Ashleigh’s mind.

“I don’t even understand why we’re really apart anymore. I was hurt and angry because I thought she was just being a shit about me having an outside interest.”

“It’s never anything that simple,” Chantal said with a shrug. “We blow up at one thing, but usually there’s a long list of unforgiven sins behind it.”

“I want change. I’m not satisfied anymore with my life, and I didn’t even realize it until y’all came back into the picture,” Ashleigh said more to herself as she looked down at the table.

Chantal reached over and placed her hand atop Ashleigh’s. “Erica let you go. She didn’t show up the next day and beg for you to come home. I suspect that maybe she wasn’t perfectly happy, either.”

Wrapped up in her feelings as she was, Ashleigh never considered that Erica might not have been content.

“There’s only one way to know if you two have anything to work on.” Chantal released Ashleigh’s hand and tipped Ashleigh’s chin up with her fingertip. “Running away never solves anything, does it?”

“I know,” Ashleigh admitted, feeling like a child.

“I want to tell you something, but I have to preface it by saying that I love you very much, and what I’m about to say comes from genuinely wanting to help.” Chantal paused and waited until Ashleigh met her gaze. “We’re all adult women, but sometimes we can be petulant and petty. We’re human after all. But from what I’ve seen of Erica, she really appears to love you, and from what I can tell, she’s a pretty good provider. Am I right?”

Ashleigh nodded, knowing where Chantal was going, but hearing what she’d been feeling inside said out loud by one of her closest friends still stung.

“When you came along, you were so wounded. We, of course, wanted that sultry soulful voice of yours, but we also wanted to take care of you.” Chantal rolled her eyes. “Especially Vicki, she mothered you a lot in the early days, and I can see her doing it again now. My point is, it’s time for you to grow up emotionally. Stop running when things get difficult and face them. If you aren’t in love with Erica anymore, then sever the ties, but if you still love her, don’t let the relationship die over something like this. Compromise.”

Ashleigh averted her gaze in shame. “I…understand what you’re saying, and I agree. I’ve had a lot of time to think things over and I’m not impressed with what I’ve been seeing in myself.”

“We all do it,” Chantal said with a smile. “I know Vicki told you about our split, and to be honest, I was mostly the culprit. Of course, I can admit it now, but back then, it was hard to face up to.”

Ashleigh stood and kissed Chantal on the cheek. “I have a phone call to make. Thank you for being honest with me.”

“One day, you’ll do the same for me because we’re going to all grow old together, you little shit. Promise me that.”

“Promise,” Ashleigh said with another kiss, and she retreated to her room.

“How are you feeling?” Ashleigh said nervously when she heard Erica’s voice.

“Right now, I hate Drew and her medicine,” Erica’s voice sounded weak and tired. “She’s like a drill sergeant armed with a box of suppositories. I finally relented and took one, but Kaitlyn is holding out. I think Drew is going to stuff it up her nose.”

Ashleigh chuckled at the mental image as she sank down onto the bed. “Do you need anything?” she asked for lack of anything better to say and wondered if the awkwardness would always be there between them from now on. The line was silent, and she wondered if she’d lost the connection.

“I need…” Erica’s voice quavered. Ashleigh heard her swallow. “I need things I don’t know how to ask for.”

Tears flooded Ashleigh’s eyes as relief flooded her body. “We need to talk, I—”

“No.” Erica’s voice was suddenly firm. “I don’t want to sit down and talk about what’s wrong with us.” Ashleigh could hear her swallow hard again. Her tone was softer, almost nervous. “Right now, I just want to get to know you. So…I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me.”

“Like a date?”

“Yeah, maybe next weekend?” Erica asked, sounding hopeful. “How about Saturday around three?”

“Saturday’s good,” Ashleigh said, wondering about the odd time. “Do you want me to meet you at the house?”

“No, I’ll pick you up.”

Ashleigh felt the elation and hope drain away all at once as she pondered why Erica didn’t want her coming to their home.

“I want us to really date,” Erica said as if reading her mind. “Will you indulge me?”

“Three it is.” Ashleigh felt as though she were on a roller coaster of emotion. Excited one second at the prospect of working things out, then confusion and hurt about the distance she felt that Erica was still imposing.

“I have to go now.” Erica’s voice took on an anxious edge, and Ashleigh wondered if she was feeling as uncomfortable as she was. “The medicine Drew gave me is making me woozy. I…I’m looking forward to seeing you.”

“Did you almost slip and tell me you loved me?” Ashleigh clamped her eyes shut against her tears.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to hear it or not.”

Ashleigh released an explosive breath and the sob she tried unsuccessfully to hold back. “I need to hear it.”

“I do love you, Ash,” Erica said, her voice sounding like it was riding the edge of an emotional breakdown. “That’s why I called you.”

Ashleigh sniffed and chuckled. “I called you.”

“Oh, that’s right.” Erica tried to laugh, but it came out as a hiccup.

“Go get some rest, and be well for our date Saturday.”

“I will. I love you, Ash.” Erica hung up the phone before Ashleigh could reply.

“I love you, too,” Ashleigh said aloud as she rolled over and clutched her pillow. The conversation, short as it was, drained her physically and emotionally.

She awoke the next morning nearly in the same position and wearing the clothes from the day before.

Erica felt someone tugging on her eyelid. She opened the other eye and looked up at Kaitlyn, who was as pale as a sheet. Kaitlyn shook her head with a disgusted look. “You bitch, you slept all night. Wanna know how I know? I heard you snoring while I was hugging porcelain.”

Erica smacked her lips, stretched, and realized that her stomach was no longer churning. “I feel better.”

“You should.” Kaitlyn jerked the covers back and climbed into the bed. “You snored so hard I thought you were going to suck the roof in on us.”

“What are you doing?” Erica asked as she wiped the sleep from her eyes.

Kaitlyn made a face and stuck her cold feet on Erica’s legs. “Drew threw me out, said I was whining too much.”

“I got a date this Saturday,” Erica said with a smile.

“Good, that’ll give you a few days to do something about that rancid breath.” Kaitlyn pinched her nose. “But I’m happy for you.”

“You have no room to talk, Katie.”

Kaitlyn gave Erica a nudge. “Where ya gonna take her?”

Erica stared back at the ceiling. “I have some ideas, but none of them seem good enough.”

“Take her out to eat at the place you went for your real first date. That could be romantic.”

Erica massaged her brow as she wracked her brain. “No, it’s got to be something new.”

“Okay, take her to Chuck E. Cheese’s and play skee ball and beat gophers back into their holes with padded mallets.”

Erica blinked and looked over at Kaitlyn, who was glassy-eyed. “You are delirious, obnoxious, and absolutely no help at all.”

Kaitlyn yawned and shrugged. “Sounded good to me, I like to beat the gophers.”

Erica yawned in response to Kaitlyn’s. “I feel sleepy again.”

Kaitlyn’s eyes were already closed as she nodded in agreement. “Think about the gophers,” she mumbled as they drifted back off.

Chapter Thirty-three

“How do I look?” Ashleigh walked into the den where Chantal and Vicki were curled up on the couch together. “She said casual. Is it too casual?” Ashleigh looked down at the low-waisted chinos and the white button-down blouse she had tucked into them. “Maybe it’s not casual enough. Maybe I should’ve worn a long-sleeved T-shirt instead.” She pulled the red lightweight sweater from her shoulder. “I’m taking this because it gets chilly at night, and sometimes I get cold in restaurants. Maybe I should put it on now or should I change shirts? Should I—”

Vicki held her hand up. “You look fine.”

“No.” Ashleigh shook her head. “I should definitely go with the long-sleeved T, it’ll look better under the sweater.” She raced from the room, uttering a string of curses about how it was going to mess up her hair to pull the shirt over her head.

“She needs a glass of wine.” Vicki started to rise.

Chantal tugged her gently back down. “She’s on an empty stomach. Wine isn’t a good idea. Besides, it’s good that she’s nervous. It means she still cares what Erica thinks.”

Ashleigh walked back into the room and turned abruptly on one heel. “Not red, green is better.” She disappeared down the hall and returned seconds later with a hunter green sweater draped over her shoulders. The doorbell rang and she froze.

“I’ll get it,” Vicki offered.

“No, I’ll get it,” Ashleigh said as her face flushed. “Wish me luck, and don’t wait up.”

Vicki sprang to her feet as Ashleigh disappeared into the foyer. Chantal caught her by the arm. “Where are you going now?”

“To spy on them. C’mon we’re missing the good part.”

Chantal pulled her back down with a laugh. “Leave them alone. The good part is the goodnight kiss, and I plan on turning the porch light on if they get carried away.”

Erica looked as nervous as Ashleigh felt when she opened the door. “Hi,” she said with a smile, then acted as though she didn’t know what to do. Ashleigh gave her a quick hug, unsure of how to behave.

When she stepped back and gave Erica a good look, she felt her already bounding pulse quicken. Gone was the ever-present ponytail. Erica’s hair hung free in waves over her shoulders and wispy around her face. Ashleigh had always thought Erica was incredibly sexy when she wore her hair down, but tonight she was irresistibly so. Thinner than the last time they’d seen each other, Erica still looked good in the low-waisted jeans she was wearing. The navy blue sweater brought out the blue in her grayish eyes. She was stunning. Ashleigh found herself confronted with an ache of a different kind—desire.

“Ash, you look lovely,” Erica said with dreaminess in her eyes that Ashleigh had not seen in a long time. She took Erica’s hand when she held it out to her, the warmth and familiarity had her stomach doing flip-flops as Erica led her to the—car. Ashleigh stopped in front of a shiny Mustang convertible.

“What did you do with the Forerunner?” she asked as Erica tugged her to the passenger’s side and opened the door.

“It’s a rental.” Erica grinned and winked as she closed the door. She walked around the front of the car and climbed in on the driver’s side.

“What possessed you to do this?” Ashleigh asked as she toyed with the knobs and buttons of the fully loaded sports car.

Erica reached over and took one of her fumbling hands and clutched it between her own. “We bought the Forerunner together. You’re responsible for the coffee stain on the carpet next to the console.” Erica smiled faintly. “There are memories associated with it. Tonight I want to make new memories with no association with the us of the past. This is our chance to start over. You don’t know me and I don’t know you.”

Ashleigh smiled as Erica turned the key and cranked the car. This was a real departure from the practical woman she knew.

“I have a dinner plan A and a dinner plan B, which is why I picked you up at such an odd time,” Erica said with a gleam in her eye. “Both include a wonderful meal and pleasant conversation. Should you choose plan A, I’ll put the top up on the car and probably have you back here a little after midnight. With plan B, we leave the top down and throw caution and hair to the wind, and it’ll probably be sunrise before you get back. The choice is yours.”

“And I suppose you’re not going to tell me where we are actually going with either plan.” This date thing was sounding better and better by the minute, and Ashleigh felt herself being caught up in the pleasant delusion.

“The only information I can give you at this time is what I’ve already relayed.” Erica backed the car down the driveway. She stopped just before pulling onto the road, her finger hovering over the car top button. She raised a brow, awaiting Ashleigh’s choice. The glint in her eye said she already knew the answer.

Ashleigh threw her head back and laughed. “God help me, I choose plan B.” Erica graced her with a huge smile and pulled out onto the road. When they left the lower speed limits of the quiet neighborhood and merged onto the interstate, Erica released a howl of pure pleasure as she took full advantage of the five speed.

Ashleigh had no idea that Erica knew how to drive a standard and started to comment when she remembered she had to play along with the first date thing. “So who taught you to drive a stick?”

“My dad did when I was twelve on a dirt road in an old Pinto that wasn’t much more than a glorified go-cart.” Erica glanced over at Ashleigh. “How about you?”

Ashleigh shook her head. “I never learned.”

“There’s no time like the present.” Erica took the first exit they came to and pulled into a deserted parking lot.

“Oh, no, I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” Ashleigh felt a little panicked at the prospect of being behind the wheel.

The car came to a stop and Erica took off her seat belt. “I won’t force you, but you’re missing out on driving a great car if you chicken out now.”

It took Ashleigh a second or two to contemplate her answer, and she surprised herself when she agreed. She eagerly switched places with Erica and listened intently to Erica’s instructions. It sounded easy enough, but she soon learned it was anything but.

“Slowly let off the clutch as you give it gas,” Erica instructed. The engine sounded much louder than when Erica started off, and when Ashleigh let off the clutch, the car leapt forward like a jungle cat and promptly died. Erica and Ashleigh laughed like fools as they repeated the process. They did it so many times that a few people visiting the adjacent convenience store became their cheering section. When Ashleigh finally managed to get the car moving smoothly, the spectators did a three-person version of the wave.

“You have to take over,” Ashleigh said as she slumped back into the seat. “My stomach actually hurts from laughing so hard.”

Erica looked at her watch. “It’s almost time for the appetizers. We better hit the road.”

After swapping seats, Erica merged back onto the interstate and pointed to the stereo. “You’re in charge of music. Find us some good road tunes.” Ashleigh did as she was asked. Between the music and the wind noise, there wasn’t much opportunity for conversation, but it was pleasant just to be in Erica’s company.

Ashleigh wondered how Erica would react if she went with the compulsion to reach over and hold her hand or stroke the side of her face with her fingertips. Would it be too much too soon? The not knowing and the awkwardness that it caused really did make it feel like a first date.

Ashleigh turned the music down when she noticed the direction they were traveling. “Are we going to New Orleans?”

Erica looked over and smiled. “Eventually.”

Ashleigh grinned as Erica exited the interstate and turned off the main highway onto a narrow asphalt road that she doubted would be wide enough for two cars to pass each other. It meandered deep into woods that soon became swampy. When Ashleigh lost all sense of direction, she leaned back in her seat and admired the moss-laden tree canopy above them until she felt the car slow and Erica made another turn.

“Perfect timing.” Erica brought the car to a stop and pushed the button that closed the convertible. “I’m glad you brought a sweater. I was going to suggest it when I picked you up.” Erica smiled as a faint flush crossed her face. “You looked so good, I forgot to mention it.”

The look of genuine appreciation in Erica’s eyes had Ashleigh on the verge of begging Erica to skip the date and just take her home. She could think of nothing she wanted more than to be wrapped in Erica’s arms, but at the moment, all she could hope for was maybe a kiss. They’d done it thousands of times, but as she reached over and tugged at the collar of Erica’s shirt, she felt nerves flutter in her stomach. She saw the realization dawn in Erica’s eyes, then the slight tilt of her head as they moved closer. If she could just taste those lips, then maybe—The sound of a horn made them both jump.

Erica frowned. “I think our ride is about to leave us.”

How many kisses had she taken for granted over the years? Ashleigh wondered as they walked onto the long wooden pier and climbed into the boat that awaited them. “Ladies,” a balding man greeted them with a broad smile. “A glass of wine for the ride?” They accepted a cabernet and moved to the less crowded rear of the boat.

“I’ve always wanted to go on a swamp tour,” Ashleigh said before taking a sip of her wine, which was surprisingly good.

“If I’m lucky enough to get a second date, I’ll take you on one,” Erica said with a hopeful smile. “The restaurant we’re going to is only accessible by boat, but you do get to see some of the swamp on the ride out.”

They were joined by two more couples before Ashleigh could respond. The allure of the scenery couldn’t compete with the woman who sat in front of her. Though they didn’t touch, Ashleigh was certain that it was obvious to those around them that she and Erica were lovers. They sipped their wine, spoke little, but stared at each other with knowing smiles on their faces until the boat came to rest at the dock.

Belle Terre’s Secret sat on what could be loosely termed an island nestled amongst cypress trees covered in moss that swung lazily on the afternoon breeze. Ashleigh listened as Erica gave her name to the maître d’, and they were led up a flight of stairs and escorted to an open upper deck. “If mosquitoes start to bother you, we can move inside, but this is the best seat in the house to enjoy the sunset,” Erica said as they were seated.

“This is perfect.” Ashleigh looked out over the water and the western sky that had begun to fill with various shades of orange and pink. She half listened as Erica ordered appetizers when the waiter arrived. Moments later, the table was filled with food that made her mouth water. Erica smiled at her surprised expression as the waiter filled their wineglasses.

“If I eat all of this, I won’t be able to eat whatever you’re planning on ordering for dinner.” Ashleigh looked at the food laid before them.

“This is not where we’ll be having dinner, unless you see something on the menu that you absolutely must have.”

“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” Ashleigh said before taking a bite of the Crab Claws Provençale and groaning with delight.

“I hope so.” Erica rested her chin in her palm and looked into her eyes. “You’re a lovely woman, Ashleigh.”

The compliment seemed to surprise Erica as much as it did Ashleigh. Erica blinked rapidly as though the words had slipped past her lips unchecked. Her face flushed as she looked away and took a swallow of her wine. She exhaled loudly and looked back at Ashleigh with a smile. “So tell me, what do you do with your spare time?”

Ashleigh shrugged, feeling silly for having to answer a question that Erica so obviously knew the answer to. “I like to garden, and I like to sing. What about you?”

“I like to ride four-wheelers,” Erica said seriously, but it was obvious that she was trying not to laugh.

“You do not!”

Erica shook her head. “You don’t know that. This is our first date.”

“I’m all for the pretending that this is our first date, but you can’t make up stuff.”

“I’m not making anything up,” Erica said, unable to keep her grin at bay.

“Four-wheelers,” Ashleigh said, “as in an ATV.”

“Right,” Erica said with a childlike excitement. “My best friend talked me into getting one. Riding through the mud makes me feel like a kid again.”

“I cannot believe you bought—”

“Play the game, Ash,” Erica said before taking a sip of her wine.

Ashleigh picked up her own glass and took a healthy swallow. Her mind raced with the new revelation. She’s finally gotten a hobby, Ashleigh mused angrily. We break up and she gets a life outside of the office.

“Tell me about your singing.”

“I can’t do this.” Ashleigh set her glass on the table. “I can’t sit here and pretend…” Biting the inside of her cheek, Ashleigh tried to let the anger roll off her. She looked out over the bayou now infused with shades of pink and orange. A few minutes earlier, it had been romantic. Now the remote surroundings made her feel trapped. Tossing her napkin on the table and storming out was not an option.

“Say it,” Erica said calmly. “Say what’s on your mind.”

Ashleigh blew out in frustration and met Erica’s eyes. “I’ve been so lonely for home, for you, and I…hoped that you were feeling the same about me.” A swallow of wine cleared away the lump that formed in her throat. She hoped that the burning in her eyes would subside, and she could convey her feelings without crumbling.

“You’re upset because I’ve found a new hobby?” Erica’s voice was low and calm with a hint of an edge. She reached over and tugged at Ashleigh’s hand until she was forced to look back at her. “I’ve been sleeping on the couch since you left. I can’t stand the thought of sleeping in that bed without you. I’ve been such an emotional mess that my mother has threatened to supply Drew with antidepressants to slip into my drinks.” Erica’s eyes glistened as her voice grew raspy. “So if you think life has been a big party for me lately, you’re very mistaken.”

Erica let go of Ashleigh’s hand and sat back in her chair with a sigh. “I understand how you feel, though. You have your music…your friends, and I go to sleep at night wondering if you think about me…if you miss me.”

“I do,” Ashleigh admitted as a tear slipped down her cheek. She wiped at it angrily as another one slipped from her eye in defiance. “If you want me to give up music, I will. I just want to come home…I want us back.” Erica shook her head sadly, and Ashleigh felt as though she were going to be sick. “You don’t want me back?” The words tumbled out of her mouth.

“I want you back, Ash, more than anything in this world.”

“Then why are we sitting here? Let’s go home,” Ashleigh pleaded, unable to temper the desperation in her voice.

“We can’t go back to what we were, at least I can’t.” Erica looked away. “Things have changed between us, and it’s not going to be the same no matter how hard we try.”

Ashleigh was unable to contain the sob that tore through her. “You brought me out here to break up with me, didn’t you?”

Erica reached across the table and took Ashleigh’s hands into her own. “We already did that, remember?” Erica tried to smile, but her eyes grew shiny again, causing her to blink and look away. “I didn’t want to have this conversation tonight, but I guess it’s inevitable.” She took a deep shuddering breath and blew out slowly.

“Life as we knew it, Ash, is over.” Erica tightened her grip as Ashleigh tried to pull her hands away. “But we have hope. We can start over. It’s not going to be the same, but if we’re both willing, it can be better than it was.”

“I don’t know whether to be happy or sad,” Ashleigh said with a sniff. “I want a second chance, but something in your eyes tells me that you’re going to be sleeping on the couch a bit longer.”

Erica smiled through watery eyes. “I took you for granted, and somewhere along the way, I lost track. One morning, I woke up next to you and realized I really didn’t know who you were.”

“Can’t you forgive me for that?” Ashleigh felt her newfound hope already beginning to wane.

“I have, and that’s not what I meant.” Erica reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind Ashleigh’s ear, letting her fingers rest against Ashleigh’s cheek. “What I mean is, you live with someone for so long you stop wondering what makes them tick.”

For the first time since the ordeal began, Ashleigh realized that she’d been guilty of the same thing. The moment of clarity came with the pang of guilt. She’d been angry at Erica for refusing to understand why her foray back into music had been so important to her. But now she was forced to admit that she’d been equally stubborn if not more so.

“I took you for granted, too. I realize that now,” Ashleigh admitted, turning to kiss Erica’s palm. She clutched the hand caressing her cheek and held it against her chest. “I knew you were bothered by the fact that I didn’t reveal my past, and I fooled myself into believing that’s all it was. I changed everything and expected you to adapt. I never asked you how you felt about it all because I was afraid of the answer.”

Erica shrugged. “Maybe it’s all for the best. This upheaval has made me realize I wasn’t deserving of all I had. That’s why I want to start over. I want to get to know you all over again without the mundane things of life getting in the way.”

“So tell me about this ATV hobby of yours again,” Ashleigh said with a smile.

Chapter Thirty-four

It was ten o’clock and they hadn’t even made it to the city. Erica intended for them to have dinner in the French Quarter, but they’d eaten so much at Belle Terre’s Secret that neither of them had an appetite. Erica drove slower as she listened to Ashleigh talk. It took a bit of persuading, but Ashleigh got back into the game. Erica pretended not to know anything of Ashleigh’s past and made her tell it all again.

Though Erica had heard the saga of Ashleigh’s short-lived career before, this time it seemed different. Her mind was in a different place. It was no longer protesting what it was hearing, but rather empathizing with what Ashleigh felt. That is until Alex’s name was mentioned. She’d prepared herself for this part of the story but wondered if something new had been written into that particular chapter. Erica couldn’t stomach the idea of someone else’s hands on Ashleigh. That was a topic for another time.

They’d been engrossed in conversation since leaving the restaurant, barely even noticing the moonlit waters on the boat ride back to the car. Ashleigh no longer asked where they were going, seemingly content with wherever Erica was taking them.

“So what’s it like walking onto a stage in front of a packed house?” Erica heard herself asking.

“It’s terrifying in the hour before the show, but when I finally walk out there, I’m somewhere else.” Ashleigh shrugged. “I don’t remember much about it unless I really screw up. It’s like a dream.”

Erica shook her head. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”

“Some people are natural-born performers,” Ashleigh said. “I’m not one of those. I sing and I enjoy doing it, but performing has never been my strength. When I go on stage, I focus on the singing, my body does what it’s been trained to do. Nearly every move I make was choreographed years ago.” Ashleigh laughed. “If you compare old concert footage to the shows we do now, you’ll see that I’m still doing the same thing.”

“But you enjoy it, right?”

Ashleigh was quiet for a moment as she contemplated the answer. “I enjoy the music, hearing all the instruments come together, and the way our voices blend. I always thought our harmony was perfect. But taking the stage and doing a show is an accomplishment for me. The real test is whether or not I’ll run away screaming or if I’ll take the stage. I’m always so proud of myself for conquering that fear after a show. Now it’s your turn, tell me what scares you.”

“Failure,” Erica said as she unconsciously pressed harder on the accelerator. “I’m afraid of disappointing my folks with the family business. Scared that I’ll mess up the opportunity you’ve given me.”

Ashleigh didn’t say anything to squelch her fears; instead she reached over and took her hand and squeezed softly.

To Erica’s pleasure, Ivy’s wasn’t crowded, but she knew that would change within the hour. Ashleigh took her hand as she led them to a table.

“What can I get you to drink?” Erica asked as she remained standing when Ashleigh took the seat she pulled out for her.

“Rum and Coke…I think.” Ashleigh looked at her watch. “If you’re going to keep me out until sunrise, I have to pace myself.”

Erica took a spot at the bar and ordered the drinks while watching Ashleigh as she sat studying her surroundings. In this very bar, she heard “Love’s Someday” for the first time, and now she was on a date with the woman who sang it. Erica smiled to herself. It was really kind of cool, though it had taken her some time to realize it. A month felt like years, and in that time, Ashleigh had changed. She still looked the same minus a few pounds, but there was a confidence that Erica had never noticed before. Ashleigh had never really been one to speak her mind like she did earlier. It was refreshing…and kind of sexy.

“So this is where you spent your youth?” Ashleigh said with a smile as Erica set the drinks on the table.

“One of many. This was my favorite when we came down here to party. I first danced to your song in this bar.” Erica looked around at the patrons of various ages, not feeling as old as she expected to. “It seems kind of surreal to be sitting here with you now.”

Ashleigh cocked her head. “So what else did you do in these places? Just dance?”

Erica thought back to her first and only one-night stand. She stared over Ashleigh’s shoulder at the spot where she’d picked up Susan or Sandy…or something that started with an S.

Ashleigh gave her a playful nudge. “Your face says you did more than just dance.”

“That was a long time ago. My memory is very fuzzy on details,” Erica said with a grin.

“Did you have sex on first dates?” Ashleigh raised a brow as if daring Erica to answer.

“Why? Are you one of those kinds of girls?”

Ashleigh looked at Erica then with an expression that made every muscle in her body tense. “I can be.”

Warmth spread over Erica that had her silently begging for the breeze that made her uncomfortably cool earlier to return. She actually considered stepping onto the balcony for relief from the desire that Ashleigh was stirring within her.

“I have to ask you something.” Ashleigh set her drink down and folded her arms. “Have you…been seeing anyone else? I know it’s none of my business, but I need to know.”

The fire that Ashleigh had effortlessly stoked was extinguished as quickly as it began. The answer was simple for Erica, but now that it was out there, she would invariably ask the same of Ashleigh, and the answer just might kill her. “No, I haven’t dated or slept with anyone.” Erica wanted to turn the question on Ashleigh, but the apprehension rose in her so quickly she could only stare with an expectant expression on her face.

“Neither have I,” Ashleigh said, looking Erica in the eyes. “I had some weak moments…”

Game over! Erica’s mind screamed. If I jump off the balcony now, I won’t have to face her, and the probable broken ankle will make it easier for me to catch a cab because they’ll feel sorry for me. I’ll call the car rental company and tell them where to—

“Erica.” Ashleigh reached over and took her hand. “What did I just say?”

“You said…you had some weak moments.”

Ashleigh nodded. “And what else?”

Erica took a sip of her drink and contemplated the balcony railing.

“I knew you zoned out on me.” Ashleigh shook Erica’s arm. “The minute I said ‘weak moment,’ your eyes glazed over.” Ashleigh put her finger under Erica’s chin until she had no choice but to give her full attention. “I was caught up in the lure of old memories, but never once was I unfaithful to you. Yes, I know we were broken up,” Ashleigh said before Erica could say it. “Regardless, it would’ve been cheating to me because you still have my heart.”

Doubting she could hide the relieved expression on her face, Erica smiled and took Ashleigh’s hand. “Dance with me.”

Ashleigh was smiling too until she realized what Erica was saying. “I…I’m really not that good—”

“Bullshit, baby,” Erica said, still grinning as she pulled Ashleigh to her feet. “I’ve seen you onstage.”

“This is our first date. You’ve never seen me onstage. Play the game, Erica,” Ashleigh said as Erica pulled her to the dance floor.

“I call time-out.” Erica pulled Ashleigh tightly against her, forcing Ashleigh’s hips to move in time with hers. “See, I’m doing all the work. All you have to do is move with me.”

A chill raced up Erica’s spine when Ashleigh whispered against her ear. “I’m not a lazy woman. I’m more than happy to share the workload with you.” If Erica wasn’t completely certain that Ashleigh was not talking about dancing, she got the picture when Ashleigh ran her tongue down the side of her neck. Erica’s internal GPS searched out the nearest hotel and was screaming the location while Erica fought to keep her focus. “So do you think you’ll grant me a second date?”

“Nice subject change there,” Ashleigh said with a laugh.

Erica twirled Ashleigh and pulled her back tight against her body. “I know the game you’re playing. You’ll tease me until I can’t think and I’ll let you off the dance floor.”

“Hmm, you have me figured out pretty well, even though this is a first date.” Ashleigh turned and pressed her backside against Erica as they moved.

“You’re killing me,” Erica said as Ashleigh reached up and put her arm around her neck while moving her butt against her. Ashleigh was pushing every one of her buttons, and by the way she laughed, she knew it. The next song that played had a faster tempo, and Erica pulled away but caught Ashleigh’s hand when she attempted to leave the floor.

Ashleigh laughed when Erica pulled her close again and spun them around.

“Move those hips like I know you can.” Erica moved away as Ashleigh let go and began to move, then danced close again. “I wish we would have done this a long time ago.”

Ashleigh’s smile faltered. “I wish we would’ve too.”

Erica took her hand and pulled her close, dancing slower despite the fast-paced beat. Ashleigh clung tightly to her when she whispered against her ear, “The first time is always special, regardless of when it happens.”

They left the club too exhausted to dance another step. “Are you hungry?” Erica asked as she opened the passenger’s side door.

“Starved,” Ashleigh said as she sank into the seat.

Erica climbed into the driver’s seat and turned the key. “I know just the place. It’s another one of my old haunts and I think you’ll love it.”

“What is Bosco’s?” Ashleigh asked a few minutes later when Erica pulled into a crowded parking lot.

“It stays open twenty-four hours a day and serves the best breakfast you’ll ever eat.”

Ashleigh took Erica’s hand and followed her inside the tiny dive that she would’ve never given a second look much less ate in if Erica wouldn’t have suggested it. They were seated in one of the last few remaining tables, and Ashleigh’s stomach growled as she smelled the food being prepared.

“The specialty of the house is Eggs Sardou, a poached egg served with artichoke hearts and some kind of sauce, but it’s rich.” Erica looked over the top of her menu. “The pecan pancakes are awesome, too, if you’re looking for something more breakfasty. Oh, look over your shoulder.” Erica nodded. “That’s Bosco, the owner.”

Ashleigh turned and noticed a short stocky man with a head full of thick black hair sprinkled with silver speaking with one of the busboys.

“When I used to come in here, his hair was completely black. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve been here,” Erica said with a smile.

“I guess the food’s still good then because this place seems to do the business.” Ashleigh looked down at the menu and decided to take the gamble. “I’m going to try the specialty since this is a night of firsts.”

“Good and I’ll get the pancakes just in case you don’t like it, we’ll trade.”

But when the food arrived, Ashleigh second-guessed her decision and eyed Erica’s pancakes with longing before taking a timid bite of her own dish. “Oh, my God, this is delicious.”

“Try this.” Erica held out her fork and Ashleigh took a bite of pancakes that melted on her tongue.

“Mmm, dating you is going to do irreparable damage to my waistline,” Ashleigh said after she swallowed. “But I have to admit that I’m enjoying it.”

“Really?” Erica asked. “You’re really enjoying yourself?”

She looked so vulnerable that Ashleigh felt her insides quiver. “Yes, this is the best date I’ve ever been on.”

After they’d eaten their fill and Erica had consumed enough coffee to keep her awake for the drive home, they made their way back to Baton Rouge. Ashleigh sat straight up in her seat despite Erica’s suggestion to recline and catch a nap. She didn’t think it fair that Erica had to stay awake while she slept. Nevertheless, her head bobbed with the rhythm of the road as she fought to keep her eyes open.

“Ash,” Erica said softly, causing Ashleigh to sit up and look around.

They were back in Baton Rouge and parked in front of the LSU lakes a mile away from Vicki and Chantal’s place.

Ashleigh scrubbed at her face, feeling disoriented and deeply disappointed with herself. “I’m so sorry, Erica, I didn’t want to fall asleep, but I guess I did.”

“That’s okay. I’m wide awake enough for the both of us.”

Ashleigh reached over and squeezed Erica’s hand. “I don’t want you to drive all the way up to St. Francisville. You’ve got to be exhausted.”

Erica smiled and stroked her face. “I’m wide awake, and look.” She pointed toward the eastern sky that had already begun to brighten.

“Is that the sunrise?” Ashleigh looked at her watch. “You did keep me out all night.”

“Watch it with me.” Erica pulled Ashleigh close.

Ashleigh moved as close as the center console would allow. And though it poked her in the ribs, she stayed as close as she could to Erica as the sun peeked out. She sighed, thinking it was the perfect ending to a perfect date. The only thing that would’ve made it sweeter would have been to curl up next to Erica in their bed and sleep the day away. She hoped that’s where this would eventually lead.

Sleep was struggling to claim Ashleigh once again when Erica kissed the top of her head and shifted so that she could sit up again. Ashleigh thought of things to say as Erica slowly made her way closer to Vicki and Chantal’s house, but when they pulled into the driveway, she didn’t know what to say.

“Thank you for the most memorable night I think I’ve ever had.” Erica shifted the car into neutral. She pulled up the emergency brake and got out before Ashleigh had time to respond. Erica opened the passenger’s door and held her hand out for Ashleigh to take.

As Ashleigh walked with her to the front door, she thought her heart would break at the prospect of Erica walking away. But since she had left the car running, Ashleigh knew she had no intention of staying. Ashleigh swallowed around the lump in her throat as they stopped at the front door. “When I said this was the best date I’ve ever had, I meant it.”

Erica looked at her for a second as if she were going to say something, then Ashleigh watched as her head tilted and she moved in for a kiss. Ashleigh’s heart hammered in her chest as if this was the very first kiss that she’d ever received from Erica. When their lips met, Ashleigh pulled Erica as close as she could and clung to her, never wanting to let her go. When they parted, her lips tingled, and she craved more than she knew she could ask for at that moment.

“Call me when you get home. I need to know you made it safely.”

Erica smiled and ran a fingertip down the side of her face. Ashleigh closed her eyes, reveling in the tender touch. “I don’t want to wake you up.”

“You have to. I won’t sleep if you don’t.”

“Okay, I promise.” Erica leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. “Good night and good morning.” She took a step back and walked to the car.

Ashleigh went inside when Erica flashed the headlights at her but watched Erica drive away through the window with her fingertips against her still tingling lips.

Erica stopped and contemplated turning around twice before she merged onto the interstate feeling like she’d left her life on Vicki and Chantal’s doorstep. She could see it in Ashleigh’s eyes, felt it in her kiss that all she had to say was, “come with me,” and she would’ve gone in a heartbeat. Despite the pain in her heart, she knew they needed this time with no interruption of the mundane things of life. It would be too easy to slip back into old ways, and she was determined to show Ashleigh that nothing would be the same. They would begin anew…if it killed her.

She knew she should’ve been exhausted when she tossed her keys on the kitchen counter and snatched up the phone, but knowing she would hear Ashleigh’s voice kept her wide awake as she dialed the number.

“You’re calling me from the house phone, that means you’re all tucked in safe and sound,” Ashleigh said when she answered.

“I am, and I’m not going to keep you long. I just wanted to say…that I love you, Ash.”

Ashleigh was silent for a second, then said, “I don’t think you’re supposed to say that on a first date.”

Erica smiled. “Did I jinx myself?”

“No. I love you, too.”

“Sleep well, love,” Erica said, missing her more than she thought possible, but filled with hope.

Chapter Thirty-five

“You gonna sleep all day?”

Ashleigh kept her eyes closed as Vicki moved around the bedroom, opening the blinds and making as much noise as she could.

“You’re not gonna be able to sleep tonight if you sleep all day, then your internal clock will be all out of kilter.”

“You just want to know what I did last night,” Ashleigh said with a smile as one eye opened. “I’m surprised you didn’t come in here sooner.”

Vicki flopped on the bed. “Chantal wouldn’t let me. I made a break for it when she went into the bathroom, so talk quick.”

“I had a wonderful time.”

“Then why are you still here? Not that I mind. I wish we could keep you permanently, but if it went so well, why aren’t you waking up with her?”

Ashleigh stretched and sat up. “When she said she wanted to date me, she meant it. We had to pretend that we were going out for the first time last night,” Ashleigh said with a smile. “It was kind of silly, but sweet.”

“So no talk of where the relationship is headed?” Vicki shrugged. “Nothing?”

“We’re starting over. We date, get to know each other again, then it progresses from there.”

Vicki’s voice was hesitant as she posed the next question. “And what happens if…after getting to know each other again, you don’t like what you find or if she doesn’t?”

“I pack up my stuff and find a place of my own.”

“That simple, huh?”

“Right.” Ashleigh’s eyes teared at the thought. “I know she loves me. We’ll work it out.”

“Do you love Erica? Is she what you want?” The absurdity of Vicki’s question stunned Ashleigh into silence for a second. “Don’t look at me like that,” Vicki said with a slight smile. “You remember Chantal’s friend, Rachel. Her partner dumped her for someone else, and Rachel fought tooth and nail to get her back. But once she did, she woke up one morning wondering why she wanted her back in the first place. She got so caught up in what she lost that she forgot they had major problems in the relationship that she was extremely unhappy with. They broke up again two weeks later.”

“Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but I was happy, I…” Ashleigh could hear the uncertainty in her words as they left her mouth. Vicki raised a brow but said nothing. “I love her with all my heart, and yes, it wasn’t perfect. No relationship ever is.”

Vicki nodded and stood. “Ash, you were unhappy enough to walk out on her.” She held up her hand to forestall Ashleigh’s interruption. “Yes, you regret it, but you left, and you’ve stayed away. The dating idea was a smart one. You should go into this with your eyes wide open.”

“I know what I want,” Ashleigh said defiantly as Vicki’s words took root somewhere deep in her brain.

“Good, now let me tell you what I want.” Vicki opened the door. “Get your ass up, join me for lunch, then we’re gonna take a swim because it feels like July outside. Then we rehearse.”

“Did you wake her up?” Ashleigh could hear Chantal’s voice in the hall. Vicki closed the door muffling her defense.

Ashleigh clutched a pillow to her chest as bits and pieces of their conversation played through her mind. Vicki’s voice of reason was like a wet blanket smothering the high of the previous evening. Self-introspection wasn’t on her to-do list, not today anyway.

“Shit, she’s still on the couch.”

“It was their first date, remember? They’re not gonna do it until at least the second or third date.”

“We did it on our first date because you’re a slut.”

“Technically, that makes you a slut, too.”

“You couldn’t control yourself you wanted me so bad.”

“I’m awake, you two idiots.” Erica watched as Kaitlyn and Drew peeked over the back of the sofa. “It’s mornings like this that make me rethink giving y’all a key.”

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t be getting these fat-free apple fritters then.” Kaitlyn held up a white bag.

“Nothing that makes grease stains on a paper bag is fat-free.” Erica untangled herself from the blanket wrapped around her feet.

“That’s precisely why they’re fat-free,” Kaitlyn countered. “The bag has sucked up all the grease, hence the fat-free.”

“Kaitlyn, go make coffee. Erica, go wash your face, and I’m gonna put these on a plate so you two will shut the hell up.” Drew tugged the bag from Kaitlyn’s hand.

Kaitlyn grinned down at Erica and mussed her sleep-tangled hair. “You heard the woman, get a move on.”

When the coffee was brewed and Erica was cleaned to Drew’s satisfaction, they gathered around the table. Drew and Kaitlyn sat side by side, holding their steaming cups and looking expectantly at Erica, who nibbled on a fritter and sipped her coffee. Drew was the first to break.

“What time did you get in?” The irritation was apparent in her voice, bringing a smile to Erica’s face.

“About eight this morning.”

Kaitlyn slapped her hand on the table. “They did do it.”

“I spent the night with her, but we didn’t do the it you two keep referring to.”

Drew and Kaitlyn exchanged glances. “Then what did you do?” Drew asked before her partner could.

Erica took another bite of her fritter and chewed slowly, unable to keep the smile from spreading across her face. “I took her to dinner, well, actually, for appetizers. We never really had a meal, we snacked most of the evening.”

“No wonder she left your ass, you’re cheap.” Drew rolled her eyes.

“Belle Terre’s Secret is not cheap,” Erica said, taking another bite, chewing even slower.

Drew’s eyes widened. “Okay, I take back the cheap comment. Was it good?”

“Excellent, they have these seafood crepe things that are—”

“Enough with the menu, on with the story,” Kaitlyn said impatiently.

“We went to New Orleans, and ended up at Ivy’s, where we danced until they ran us out of there. Then I took her to breakfast, we watched the sun rise over the lakes near Vicki and Chantal’s, and I took her home.”

“You mean you took her to their house because this is her home,” Drew corrected. “And by the way, when is she coming home?”

“You two came up with the dating idea,” Erica said, waving her coffee cup at them. “Now I’m not moving fast enough?”

Drew nodded vigorously, and Kaitlyn gave her a playful thump before turning her attention back to Erica.

“What was it like seeing her again? How did it make you feel?”

Erica could feel her face warm and knew her cheeks were growing red as she remembered what it felt like when Ashleigh opened the door. “She still takes my breath away,” Erica admitted as she stared down into her empty cup. “She was happy to see me, I could see it in her eyes, and it made me wanna cry with relief.” Just talking about it then formed a lump in her throat. “She’s it for me, you know? There’s no one else.”

Drew shook her head and looked at both of them. “Let’s go get her right now.”

“No.” Erica shook her head with a wistful smile. “It’s not time yet. But I’m thinking about asking her if she wants to go four-wheeling next weekend. You two up for it?”

Kaitlyn clapped her hands together. “A double date and mud, just my kind of thing.”

“That…uh…sounded a little redneck, honey.” Drew picked at a loose string on Kaitlyn’s shirt.

Kaitlyn shot Erica a triumphant smile. “Good, I’ll be sure to swill beer and let my butt crack hang out.”

Though she’d been there what felt like a million times, Ashleigh felt the muscles in her stomach and jaw tense as she walked into the reception area of Barrett Industrial. In a stroke of luck, the receptionist was away from her desk. Ashleigh took full advantage and moved quickly down the hall toward Erica’s office, thrilled that she might actually be able to pull the surprise off.

Erica’s back was turned to the door as she talked on the phone. Ashleigh moved quietly into the office and took a seat unnoticed and set the picnic basket in the chair next to her. She took great pleasure in Erica’s reaction when she finally noticed her sitting there. First surprise, then a genuine smile that made her heart skip a beat.

“I’ll e-mail the proposal first thing in the morning,” Erica said as she glanced over at the picnic basket and smiled even more broadly at Ashleigh. “I apologize, but I can’t get it there any sooner. Something just came up that I have to see to personally.” Erica winked at Ashleigh. “Thank you for your understanding and patience,” Erica said as she ended the call.

Ashleigh felt her pulse quicken when Erica moved from behind her desk and planted a sweet kiss on her lips. “You’ve made my Monday. What’s in the—”

“Do you have the Morgan proposal finished?” Kaitlyn asked as she walked into Erica’s office and stopped when she saw Ashleigh. “Hey, Ash!” Ashleigh barely had time to stand before Kaitlyn had her in a tight hug. “It’s so good to see you, and you brought us lunch.”

“Yeah, right, go home and get your own.” Erica grabbed Kaitlyn by the back of the shirt and pulled her toward the door. Erica had no sooner gotten Kaitlyn out of her office when someone else showed up with a stack of file folders. “It’s a beautiful day. Want to have lunch outside?” Erica asked with a sheepish smile. “It’s the only way we’ll have peace and quiet.”

Erica led Ashleigh past Kaitlyn’s office, and she graciously agreed to take care of anything that needed immediate attention for a nominal fee of leftovers. They slipped through one of the service bays unnoticed and continued to the back of the building. “I come out here every now and then when I need a moment to clear my head. It’s supposed to be a break area, but no one ever comes out here.”

Ashleigh set the basket down onto the wrought iron table and sighed contentedly. The day was perfect with its cloudless sky and near zero humidity. And Erica was happy to see her.

“This is such a wonderful surprise.” Erica looked into her eyes.

“You don’t know what’s in here,” Ashleigh said with a smile as she reached into the basket and started pulling out the containers of food. “It could be something yucky.”

“The food is just a bonus, you’re the wonderful part.”

Erica had not glanced away once, not even to look at what would be her lunch. Ashleigh remembered that look from long ago. It stirred mixed emotions—on one hand, she was thrilled, and on the other, saddened to think that somewhere along the way Erica had stopped looking at her like that, and she hadn’t noticed. Ashleigh doubted Erica realized it, either.

“Well, you’re in luck because it’s one of your favorites, Drew’s chicken salad and tomato soup. She kind of helped me with this,” Ashleigh admitted.

“It’s perfect.” Erica took the thermos and poured the soup into the bowls that Ashleigh laid out. “I was wondering if you’d like to do something this Saturday.”

“I’d love to.” Ashleigh tried to sound casual, but inside she was thrilled. “What do you have in mind?”

“I wanted to take you to ride on the four-wheeler. Drew and Kaitlyn are coming, too.”

Ashleigh put their sandwiches on paper plates and moved one in front of Erica, as she poured them each a glass of tea. “Drew thought of everything, didn’t she,” Ashleigh said when she sat down.

A flash of disappointment crossed Erica’s face. “We can do something else if it doesn’t sound like something you’d like to do.”

Ashleigh fidgeted with her sandwich. “I don’t actually have to drive it, do I?”

“Not if you don’t want to. I’ll drive and you just hang on.”

The idea of wrapping herself around Erica was appealing. She just didn’t understand why the four-wheeler had to be included. “Okay, I’m game. You want me to meet you at the house?”

Erica answered after swallowing a mouthful of soup. “Yep, is ten too early?”

“Not unless you plan on keeping me out until dawn,” Ashleigh said with a smile.

Erica returned the smile. “I make no promises. So when do you and the band play again?”

“Weekend after next.” Ashleigh took a bite of her sandwich and glanced at Erica, looking for any sign of disapproval, and found none.

“I’d like to come to the show if that’s okay.”

“I’d like that a lot.” Ashleigh dared to reach over and brush the back of Erica’s hand with her fingertips. “It would mean a lot to me.”

“Then I’m there,” Erica said with sincerity.

Ashleigh could hear the chime on Erica’s phone going off, consistently signaling a new e-mail. Erica made no move to look at it and appeared not to notice the incessant noise it made.

“Are your days at the office always this hectic now?” Ashleigh reached into the basket for the dessert Drew had made especially for them.

Erica nodded as she finished off the last bite of her sandwich. “Yeah, pretty much. But I’m learning that work is always going to be there, and if I want a break, I have to take it. The world won’t come to an end if I relax every once in a while.”

“I like your new outlook.” Ashleigh passed Erica a slice of Drew’s every berry pie, causing her to groan in pleasure. Ashleigh’s mouth watered as she cut into her own piece stuffed with blueberries, blackberries, and enough raspberries to give it a bit of tart flavor. Ashleigh remembered the second thermos then and pulled it out of the basket.

“If you tell me there’s coffee in there, I may have to kiss you.” Erica put her fork down and watched as Ashleigh opened the lid.

“Then you’re gonna have to kiss me because there’s coffee in here, and the cream and sugar have already been added.”

Erica pushed her plate out of the way and leaned forward on her elbows. “Meet me halfway.”

Ashleigh looked around to see if anyone was outside, somewhat surprised that Erica was being so bold. She’d never been big on public displays of affection, especially around the office.

“I don’t care who sees us.” Erica leaned even farther. “Kiss me. I’ve missed you.”

Ashleigh gladly leaned in and received a kiss that made her tingle from head to toe. Suddenly, Saturday seemed like a lifetime away.

Chapter Thirty-six

“Hey, you ready?” Erica met Ashleigh at the door of the home they once shared. Ashleigh was surprised when Erica blocked the door, keeping her from going inside. “Drew and Kaitlyn are chomping at the bit to hit the trails.” Erica pulled the door closed behind her as Ashleigh backed up a step. Ashleigh tried not to feel hurt when Erica pulled her in for a hug and a quick kiss, but it was obvious that Erica didn’t want her going inside, and it stung.

“I hope you’re ready to get muddy,” Kaitlyn called out as she and Drew approached.

Ashleigh looked at Erica nervously. “Exactly how muddy are we talking?”

Erica shrugged and wrinkled her nose. “Not too bad. But, hey, I got you a pair of boots so you won’t ruin your shoes.”

Ashleigh looked at Kaitlyn and Drew, who were in old clothes and wearing the same type of boots Erica was waving in front of her. She knew then by the end of the day she’d have mud in places she never wanted it.

Ashleigh swallowed hard when the Forerunner came to a stop deep in the woods. Not another soul was in sight. “You come all the way out here to ride?”

“It’s private land guaranteed not to have hunters,” Kaitlyn said casually as she sprang from the truck like a kid. Drew was close on her heels.

Ashleigh hadn’t considered drunken rednecks with rifles until Kaitlyn mentioned it. This trip was becoming less appealing by the second, and she couldn’t understand why Drew seemed just as excited as the other two. Normally, she was the voice of reason. Ashleigh chewed at her bottom lip and decided to soldier on. If this was a passion of Erica’s, it would be hers too…well, maybe not a passion.

Ashleigh sat astride the ATV while Erica helped her put on boots, then proudly handed her a helmet that matched the one tucked under her arm. After it was placed snugly on her head and the chin strap was tightened, Erica slid a pair of goggles over her eyes. She had to laugh when she looked over at Drew and Kaitlyn wearing the same garb and realized what she must’ve looked like.

“Hang on to me,” Erica said as she put on her helmet and climbed on the ATV in front of her.

It felt good to wrap her arms around Erica’s body. If this was all she had to do, she’d count herself lucky. She held a little tighter as the machine started to move. Kaitlyn took the lead and Erica followed behind on the trail, which was quite scenic. Ashleigh was so caught up in admiring the wild ferns and palmettos that had grown so large they resembled palm trees that the spray of mud that flew up her back took her by surprise.

Erica’s body shook with laughter as she steered them into something that Ashleigh didn’t think they’d get out of. Water and mud sloshed up on both sides of the bike and soaked them. Erica managed to pass Kaitlyn and Drew, who were struggling in a deeper portion of the bog, and pelted them with a spray of mud. This apparently was a declaration of war because Kaitlyn returned the favor as often as she could. And Ashleigh found herself laughing hysterically.

“You want to drive?” Erica asked when they came to a stop. “It’s got an automatic transmission.”

Ashleigh felt a twinge of excitement as she considered the offer. “What if I get us stuck?”

“We have a winch just for that reason.” Erica pointed to the front of the bike. “I’ve had to use it a few times already.”

“Okay then, if you trust me.”

Erica climbed off the ATV and waited for Ashleigh to scoot forward on the seat, then she climbed on behind her. “There’s a brake on both side of the handlebars, and the throttle is this thing you push with your thumb.” Erica pointed to a lever beneath the handle grip. “Step on the pedal to your right and put it in drive, then give it some gas.”

Ashleigh did as instructed, causing the four-wheeler to lurch forward, nearly throwing Erica off the back. “Oops,” Ashleigh said with a laugh, giving Erica a split second to get situated before she pressed the gas again. She took it slow for a few minutes getting used to the controls, but when Kaitlyn flew past and splashed them head to toe with mud, the game was on. Erica was nearly bouncing on the seat behind her screaming, “Get them!”

Ashleigh gave chase, but Kaitlyn outmaneuvered her on every attempt. Erica laughed and shouted encouragement and advice over her shoulder. “In the next mud hole, stay to the right. Hopefully, Katie will continue to ride on the left side, it’s deep there.” Ashleigh moved as far right as she could and slowed down. They watched and howled with pleasure when Kaitlyn plowed straight in and bogged down. Adrenaline coursed through her veins as Ashleigh hit the throttle and drove through the water, sending a brown wave that cascaded over Drew and Kaitlyn.

Ashleigh stopped on the other side of the mud hole, laughing hysterically, and pulled her helmet off as Erica did the same. Drew’s string of obscenities could be heard over the engine noise of both ATVs.

“I’m so proud of you, Ash,” Erica said, giving her a high-five. “You did great for your first drive. It was your first time, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, and I can’t believe how much fun this is,” Ashleigh exclaimed. “I gotta have one of my own.”

“Yeah, bitches, go ahead and celebrate. The day is young, though, and paybacks will be severe,” Kaitlyn warned as she pulled alongside them and killed her engine. “I think I have mud in my teeth.”

Drew pulled off her helmet. “Is this a blast or what?”

“I never dreamed that you would enjoy anything like this,” Ashleigh said to Drew. “I can’t believe how much I’m enjoying it.”

“I didn’t think it’d be any fun at all, but Kaitlyn kept bugging me until I gave it a try, and I was hooked. I’m probably gonna get my own four-wheeler next summer.”

“Don’t you think you should at least drive once before you get your own?” Kaitlyn asked.

Drew shot her a cross look and turned her attention back to Ashleigh. “She bitches at me when I drive the car. ‘You’re going too fast, Drew. You cut that turn too sharp.’ I’ll learn to drive on my own ATV so I don’t have to listen to the backseat driver.”

“You can drive mine, Drew,” Erica said as she moved off her ATV. “Ash, do you mind riding with Katie for a little while?”

Ashleigh switched places with Drew and climbed on behind Kaitlyn. She watched as Erica wrapped her arms around Drew’s waist and shouted instructions over her shoulder as she had with her. The embrace was friendly, nothing intimate, but for a split second, Ashleigh felt something stir deep within her. The thought of someone else in Erica’s arms filled her with jealousy and something else that caused her eyes to moisten. She missed being in those arms, missed the way Erica used to stroke her hair in the middle of the night when she thought she was sleeping.

“Are you holding on back there?” Kaitlyn yelled as she maneuvered her four-wheeler behind Drew as she jerkily drove Erica’s up the trail. “I don’t wanna throw you off the back.”

Ashleigh gathered fistfuls of Kaitlyn’s shirt and yelled back, “If you do, you’ll be coming with me.”

Erica wasn’t sure what possessed her to offer to let Drew drive. They’d veered off the trail more than once when Drew noticed a deer or other wildlife and decided to watch it instead of where she was going. She thanked God for the helmets because they’d knocked heads a few times when Drew got too aggressive with the throttle, then let off abruptly. She’d nearly cried with relief when Kaitlyn suggested they go to the beach for lunch and a swim.

“Learned your lesson, Einstein?” Kaitlyn asked with a teasing grin.

Erica watched as Drew and Ashleigh pulled off their boots and crept to the river’s edge, tentatively testing the water with their toes. “Now I know why Drew never drives when we go places together.”

“I kid you not, she scared me so bad one time it made me cry. She drives well when you make her pay attention, but the minute you let up, she’s staring at the pretty billboards and driving on the sidewalk.”

Erica sat next to Kaitlyn in the sand and pulled off her muddy boots, eager to get into the water and wash the smelly mud off her clothes. “Let’s swim first, then gather some wood for the fire. We’ll be cooler that way.”

Kaitlyn looked around and sighed. “I think this is the last time we’ll be able to do this until next spring. It’s been a lot cooler at night, and soon it’s gonna be too cold to come out here and get muddy.”

“You think she’s really having a good time?” Erica nodded in Ashleigh’s direction.

“No, she looked really bored when she was pelting my ass with mud earlier.”

Erica laughed as Drew and Ashleigh moved knee deep into the water. “I’m so unsure where to step with her right now.”

“Communication would help that.”

“I know we need to talk. It hangs over me like a dark cloud, but right now, I just want to enjoy her in case…” Erica couldn’t make herself finish the sentence.

“In case she tells you that she doesn’t want to get back together? That’s kind of stupid, don’t ya think? She’s here, that’s got to tell you something.”

Erica found it impossible to watch Ashleigh and have this conversation. She stared into the woods and choked down the emotion that rode so close to the surface lately. “What if we can’t work things out? What if we’ve run our course?”

“You’ve run the course if one or both of you don’t want the relationship.” Kaitlyn’s tone softened as she nudged Erica’s shoulder with hers. “I know you want it, and I believe she wants it, too, but the only way to really know is to talk things out, and you can’t keep putting it off.”

“I wonder how cold the water is,” Erica said.

Kaitlyn sighed and stood. “Let’s go find out because I know we’re done here.”

The water had cooled considerably despite the warm days that refused to allow the autumn. They stayed in long enough to wash the mud from their skin and hair. Ashleigh’s teeth were chattering when Erica wrapped her in a towel. “I brought some of your clothes.” Erica rubbed Ashleigh’s arms, trying to warm her. “I can hold the towel up and give you some privacy if you want to change.”

Ashleigh graced her with a grateful smile. “That sounds heavenly.” Erica left her long enough to retrieve the clothes from the box bolted to the rack on the back of her ATV. That had been Kaitlyn’s brilliant idea and she chastised herself for not thinking of it first. She handed the clothes to Ashleigh and held up the towel, allowing Ashleigh her privacy, which seemed silly. Drew and Kaitlyn had seen them both naked over the years, and of course, she knew every inch of Ashleigh’s body…every freckle, the birthmark next to her navel, the sensitive spot on her neck that made her squirm when kissed.

The light touch on her arm made her jump. Ashleigh stood next to her fully dressed, looking at her with an amused smile. “I can hold it for you now if you want to change.”

Unable to say anything halfway intelligent, Erica handed the towel to Ashleigh and changed as quickly as she could. She struggled with the wet jeans that clung to her body as if they were glued.

“You okay over there?” Ashleigh asked. “Sounds like you’re fighting off a wild animal.”

“Just having a little bit of trouble getting my pants off,” Erica said breathlessly.

“Need some help?”

“No,” Erica said more forcefully than she intended. She’d felt emotionally exposed lately, and she’d be damned if she was going to allow Ashleigh to see her struggling with her pants around her knees. “I’m almost done.”

“Okay,” Ashleigh replied, and Erica wasn’t sure if she sounded amused or confused.

Erica took the towel and wiped at her brow that was sweating again. The idea of building a fire to roast the hot dogs had lost its appeal, but Drew had already tackled the task. Ashleigh smiled at her sympathetically.

Ashleigh lay back on the blanket that Erica had spread out for them, full from her meal of hot dogs and chips. The music that played in the background was provided by frogs, birds, and insects. The sound and the scenery was so different than what she’d become accustomed to as of late. She watched as Kaitlyn and Erica pulled sticks and clods of mud from beneath the fenders of the ATVs, debating which trail to take out that would be the least muddy. Drew was skewering marshmallows on a stick and waving them over the fire. A feeling of contentment washed over her as she watched.

Her reconnection with her former life had brought with it change that she believed wreaked only havoc in her life with Erica, but now as she stared at Erica’s profile, she wasn’t so sure. The tense expression she always seemed to wear was gone. Erica had not pulled out her cell phone to check e-mail or the time. Ashleigh wasn’t even sure she had the ever-present phone with her. Maybe all the change in their lives had truly been good despite the pain it caused. As Erica approached her with a smile, Ashleigh hoped she could have it all—Erica and the music that had taken root in her soul once again.

“You look tired,” Erica said as she settled on the blanket next to Ashleigh. “Are you wondering what the hell I’ve dragged you into?”

“I’m not tired, I’m relaxed and content.” Ashleigh tucked a wayward strand of hair behind Erica’s ear. “This has been a lot more fun than I expected.”

Erica sighed as she stretched out next to Ashleigh. “I’ve wanted to do this for years.”

“I never knew.”

“I know.” Erica turned to look at Ashleigh. “I didn’t mention it. I used to share all my hopes and dreams with you, and I can’t remember when or why I stopped. When I think about the last few years, all I can remember talking to you about was work. I guess somewhere along the line, it became habit.”

“I could’ve talked to you, too. We both know that now,” Ashleigh said with a wry smile. She nodded toward Drew and Kaitlyn. “They’ve been together ten years with no sign of stopping. Maybe we can learn a thing or two from them.”

They both turned and watched as Drew and Kaitlyn worked together to make s’mores.

“See, now you’ve set it on fire again, Drew.” Kaitlyn snatched the stick from Drew’s hand. They watched as the engulfed marshmallow dropped from the stick into the fire.

“It doesn’t get mushy on the inside if you don’t roast the outside. Besides, I like it burned. Get your own damn stick.” Drew plucked the stick from Kaitlyn’s grasp. “You can’t boil water, but you’re telling me how to roast marshmallows.” Drew whipped the stick away as Kaitlyn reached for it again. “I said get your own stick, or I’ll stick your ass on the end of this one.”

Erica looked back at Ashleigh. “Maybe we should find someone else to get advice from.”

Chapter Thirty-seven

Muddy but not nearly as wet, they took the trailer with the ATVs to Erica’s office to store them in an open bay. Drew leaned up when Erica and Kaitlyn climbed from the vehicle to unhook the trailer. “You two seemed pretty snugly this afternoon.”

“Sit back, Drew, you stink.”

Drew slapped her on the shoulder and did as Ashleigh requested. “You smell just as bad, sister, and don’t change the subject on me.”

Ashleigh watched Erica in the side mirror as she and Kaitlyn pushed the trailer deeper into the bay. The muscles bunched and flexed in her shoulders. “She looks so good in that tank top,” Ashleigh said with a sigh and regretted it when she realized she’d put voice to her thoughts.

“Hmm, now I know what’s on that mind of yours. Remember to bathe first ’cause like I said, you smell as bad as I do.” Drew laughed.

“Hey, do y’all want to barbecue tonight?” Kaitlyn asked as she climbed into the truck.

“No,” Drew said to Ashleigh’s relief before she had to. “I’m tired and, according to rose petal in the front seat, stinky.”

Ashleigh wondered what she was supposed to do after they dropped Kaitlyn and Drew off and Erica pulled into their driveway. Did she just thank her for a pleasant day, get into her car, and leave? She resented the awkwardness and the indecision she felt as they climbed from the vehicle and stood under the carport staring at each other. Erica looked just as conflicted as she moved slowly toward her. Before she could second-guess or reason away the impulse, Ashleigh walked up to Erica, grabbed her by the front of the shirt, and pushed her against the wall. At that moment, she didn’t care what the neighbors saw in the dim light. The only thing that mattered was making Erica understand that she wanted whatever she had to offer.

She felt Erica’s lips relax and respond as she recovered from the initial shock. Ashleigh molded herself against Erica’s body, reveling in every curve as her tongue slipped past her lips. She paused only long enough to allow them both a labored breath before she showered Erica with kisses, each one more fervent than the last, until she broke down the walls of Erica’s restraint. She felt Erica’s body tense and her fingers dig into her shoulders as she pulled her closer. Every fiber in her body rejoiced when Ashleigh broke the kiss and nibbled Erica’s ear, causing her to groan and writhe against her.

“Want to go inside?” Erica asked breathlessly as Ashleigh ran her hands under her shirt, desperate to feel warm skin beneath her palms. “We could shower together and—”

“Yes.” Ashleigh took her by the hand and dragged her to the door. Erica dropped the keys three times before she managed to turn the lock. Ashleigh took full advantage and ran her hands over anything she could touch. Erica took one of Ashleigh’s roaming hands and pulled her through the dark house and up the stairs at breakneck speed.

“I’m filthy,” Ashleigh said between kisses as Erica tore at her clothes.

“Oh, yeah,” Erica said, but didn’t stop until she had everything stripped away. “Get into the shower. I’m right behind you.”

Ashleigh did as she was asked, but as the water hit her, the lust-induced haze flowed away. She turned and watched Erica as she pulled off her mud-caked clothes, then she too seemed to sober. They were separated only by the glass door. Ashleigh pressed her palm against it, and Erica did the same on her side.

“This isn’t about sex for me,” Ashleigh heard Erica say over the running water.

The barrier between them was the very epitome of what lay between them. Two distorted figures clinging to a door hoping the other would let her through. Ashleigh pushed the door as Erica stepped back and allowed it. “I know what this is.” Ashleigh extended her hand. Erica took it.

Neither said a word as they bathed each other, and when they were clean, Erica ran her palm over Ashleigh’s chest where it rested above her pounding heart. “Do you still hold me here?”

Ashleigh laid her hand atop Erica’s. “You’ve always been right here.” She could feel Erica smiling against her kiss until she slipped her tongue into her mouth. Ashleigh ran her hands over silky slick skin that covered muscled shoulders and moaned into the kiss as her hands roamed over the flare of Erica’s hips. Encased in her arms was everything she loved in a woman—strength and femininity all in one perfect package—and she couldn’t get enough of it.

Ashleigh backed Erica into the corner of the shower. She lifted Erica’s arms and pressed each palm against the steamy walls. “Hold on,” she whispered against Erica’s ear before flicking her tongue against it. Erica leaned her head back and groaned as Ashleigh kissed and grazed her teeth over the skin of her neck. Ashleigh watched as her fingertips grazed over Erica’s stomach, feeling and seeing the muscles there tense under her touch. As the water that had grown cold poured over her back and shoulders, her fingers dipped into warm wetness.

“I was so afraid that we’d never be joined like this again,” Ashleigh whispered against Erica’s lips as her fingers dipped inside. She could feel Erica’s entire body shudder as she received her. Erica tried to speak, but her response was drowned in Ashleigh’s kiss. Ashleigh could feel the muscles in Erica’s legs quake as she slowly worked her. Weaving her fingers into Erica’s wet hair, she tucked her face against her neck as she felt Erica’s insides begin to quiver and spasm.

Erica didn’t remember if they took the time to dry off; her short-term memory had short-circuited. Ashleigh’s skin was beneath her lips, her scent was in her nostrils, and her fingers were woven into her hair. There was no other woman she wanted to experience this with. There would never be another. With every touch, every kiss, she would make Ashleigh believe it. This wasn’t about bringing a lover to release. This was a wonder shared. She could hear Ashleigh’s erratic breathing, feel her reacting to the touch of her tongue, and finally taste the wondrous reaction she had caused.

“Erica,” Ashleigh said breathlessly as Erica’s tongue moved over her. Her name on Ashleigh’s lips was like balm to her wounded soul. She watched as Ashleigh clutched the sheets in one hand and could feel the other winding into her hair. Erica wanted to savor the moment as her tongue slid into Ashleigh, but the way Ashleigh’s body trembled told her it would be unfair to prolong the moment they both craved.

Erica knew Ashleigh’s body better than she did her own, and with a few strokes of her tongue, she felt the body beneath her go rigid and heard her name. Once again, she felt tears pool beneath her eyelids as they clamped shut.

She worked her way up Ashleigh’s stomach, running her tongue over the birthmark that she’d missed kissing. Tasted the sweat of familiar skin, and when Ashleigh pulled her to her mouth, she kissed the lips that she would crave until her last breath.

Ashleigh pushed gently against her shoulder, an action that always said she wanted to take over. And though Erica was far from finished showing her affection, she knew that Ashleigh could not be satisfied unless she was allowed the same privilege that Erica had been given.

Ashleigh kissed her way down Erica’s chest, taking a nipple into her mouth, and sucking hard enough to make Erica squirm. She grabbed the back of her head, forcing her to take Erica deeper into her mouth. She felt Erica thrust against her thigh as her teeth grazed the tender skin. She’d begun kissing her way down Erica’s stomach when she felt Erica’s hands tugging on her shoulders.

“I need you close.” Erica pulled Ashleigh up for another kiss.

“Oh, honey, we’ll be close with my mouth on—” Ashleigh felt every muscle in her body go liquid when Erica took her hand and placed it between her legs. “You’re so wet.”

“That’s what you do to me,” Erica said as her fingers trailed down Ashleigh’s stomach.

Ashleigh rested her forehead against Erica’s. “I can’t concentrate when you’re touching me, too.”

“Try.” Erica’s fingers slid into Ashleigh, causing her to gasp.

Ashleigh watched Erica’s face as her fingers moved over and took great pleasure in the way her eyelids fluttered when she slipped inside her. “Your tongue felt like silk on me.” Ashleigh smiled when she felt Erica tighten around her fingers. “I can still feel it.”

“Like this?” Erica moved her fingers around Ashleigh’s clit.

“Ah, don’t do that.” Ashleigh pulled back from Erica’s touch. “I’m still very sensitive, and it won’t take me but a second.”

Erica ignored her and reached for her again. The combined feeling of being inside Erica and having Erica’s fingers on her was too much for Ashleigh to ignore, and she gave in as the orgasm caused her to collapse.

“I told you not to do that,” Ashleigh said when she caught her breath. She felt Erica laughing beneath her. “Since you don’t listen…” Ashleigh’s words trailed off as she kissed her way down Erica’s stomach.

Chapter Thirty-eight

Strange but familiar noises caused Ashleigh to stir. The chime of the grandfather clock downstairs and creaks and groans of the old house as the warmth of the sun spread over it—sounds of home that she’d forgotten to miss. Erica barely moved as she disentangled herself and rose. Her robe still lay draped across a chair. As she pulled it on, it seemed for a second that she never left.

But everything was different, especially Erica. The previous evening, they connected on a level that surpassed anything she’d ever felt before. Every kiss, every caress transcended the physical. She prayed it wasn’t, but if that had been their last time together, Ashleigh had given all, and in her heart, she knew Erica had too.

The curtains were drawn in the living room as Ashleigh picked her way through the darkness. She would make breakfast, and hopefully, neither of them would say anything to break the spell they were under. Maybe they could pretend that nothing had come between them.

Ashleigh tripped on something that felt like a magazine, then collided with something hard—something that hadn’t been there before. It felt cool and smooth under her fingertips as she worked her way around it in the darkness to the lamp she hoped was still on the end table next to the sofa. When light filled the room, she felt her knees buckle, then the softness of a chair as she fell into it. How she didn’t notice this the night before or at least bump into it was beyond her.

“It came two days after you left.” Ashleigh looked up as Erica slowly descended the stairs. “I ordered it after the first night I saw you play.”

Stupefied, Ashleigh could only ask, “How the hell did you get it in here?”

“I took the French doors off the hinges. The delivery guys did the rest,” Erica said with a smile as she came to stand by the polished black surface of the baby grand piano.

Ashleigh pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to stop the tears that spilled from her eyes. “I was so angry at you for not supporting me in this, and you really were all along.”

“No, I wasn’t,” Erica admitted with an uneasy smile. “I thought my heart was in the right place when I ordered this, but I had to come to terms with the real motivation. I thought if you had this here, you would be satisfied. Your history was foreign to me, and I felt threatened. If I would’ve taken the time to realize that instead of wallowing in self-pity, maybe things wouldn’t have turned out like they did.”

“And if I hadn’t been so self-centered, I would’ve realized that’s where you were at.” Ashleigh laid her head on Erica’s shoulder as she moved into her arms. “So is it really all that simple?”

Erica shrugged. “Simple or not, it caused us both to stumble, didn’t it?”

Ashleigh sighed and nodded. She pulled Erica closer and buried her face in her neck. “I can’t date you anymore, not after last night.”

Erica pulled back and lifted Ashleigh’s chin, forcing her to look into her eyes. “Have I proven that I love you more than anything?” she asked, cupping Ashleigh’s cheek.

“I know you never stopped loving me. What you’ve proven is that you still want me.”

Ashleigh watched as Erica swallowed hard, and her eyes grew moist. “Will you come home then?”

“Did you ever listen to the lyrics to ‘Love’s Someday’?” Ashleigh pulled back from Erica’s grasp.

Erica shook her head as fear colored her face. “The song was fast,” she said with a shrug. “No, I guess I really only heard the chorus.”

“Come sit with me.” Ashleigh tugged Erica’s hand and they moved together to the bench behind the piano. “I don’t suppose it’s tuned, is it?” she asked with a smile.

“It is.” Erica looked more vulnerable than Ashleigh had ever seen her.

Ashleigh ran her fingers over the keys; majestic sound filled the room, making her smile. “Listen.”

The deepest emotion

It’s holding me hostage

Searching day after day

Everyone says it’s gonna take time, but when will love’s someday be mine?

Today or tomorrow

One week or two?

A month, maybe a year.

I want the love that stands the test of time.

I crave the gentle touch

The look that says so much

Everyone says it’s gonna take time, but when will love’s someday be mine?

“You were my love’s someday, Erica, and you always will be. I wish I could add that to the lyrics because you are what I was looking for when I wrote this. I’m home anywhere you are.”

Ashleigh watched in awe as tears filled Erica’s eyes and dripped down her cheeks. She’d seen Erica moved before, but never had she allowed her to witness unabashed raw emotion. Whatever walls had been built between them over the years were gone now, and with each tear, washed away forever.

Chapter Thirty-nine

“Come home to me.” Erica leaned into the window and kissed Ashleigh’s lips.

“I will, I promise.” Ashleigh backed down the driveway and drove away, slowly watching Erica in her rearview as she stood in their driveway with her hands tucked in her pockets. It was Erica’s idea that she go alone. Say whatever she had to say as she packed up her things, but they both knew that today she would finally lay to rest her past with Alex.

Drew’s name was on the caller ID when the phone rang. “Not now, Drew,” Ashleigh said without answering. She tossed the phone into the passenger’s seat and drove toward Baton Rouge.

Ashleigh didn’t hesitate. She knocked on the door before she could change her mind. This had to be done today.

Alex opened the door and smiled. “Hey, I was just about to go for a run. You want to join me?”

“No, I need to talk to you. Can I come in?”

Alex opened the door wider and let her pass.

“Can I offer you something to drink?” Alex asked. “Or will you be staying that long?”

“No, thank you.” Ashleigh took a seat on the couch. “Will you sit with me?”

Alex studied her for a moment and walked over to the mantel. “I don’t think so.”

Ashleigh took in a breath and let it out slowly. “Erica and I have reconciled. I’m moving back home.”

Alex didn’t look her way. Instead she took a seat on the hearth and stared out the window. “I think that’s great.” There was no sarcasm in her reply.

“You were my first love, and you broke my heart. I couldn’t forgive you for that, and even after you were a friend to me while I was going through a hard time, I think I still harbored some ill feelings. I want you to know that I have truly forgiven you.”

Alex didn’t respond. She rubbed her hands together and stared at the floor. Tension filled the space between them, and Ashleigh debated whether or not to leave.

“I have a confession to make,” Alex said as the silence was becoming unbearably uncomfortable. “You were my first, too.”

Ashleigh felt the almost physical weight of Alex’s confession hit her square in the chest. “Why didn’t you tell me this years ago?”

“Wouldn’t have mattered. I was too scared and too ignorant to accept it for what it was. I treated you badly and pushed you away. Things have turned out the way they were supposed to.” Alex sighed and glanced quickly at Ashleigh before looking out the window again. “This…reunion has been healing for me too.”

Ashleigh shook her head in disbelief. “I want to be mad at you.”

Alex moved from her seat and knelt in front of Ashleigh. “I need you to forgive me of this now. You’re not the only one that has struggled all these years.” She took Ashleigh’s shaking hand and squeezed it. “I found you. I used the resources available to me at the firm.” Alex smiled ruefully at Ashleigh’s shocked expression. “I saw you and Erica together working in your yard. You looked happy, so I never told a soul. I figured if you wanted to be found, you would be. And I knew then that there would be no second chances. I knew that too when you came to stay with Vicki and Chantal.”

Ashleigh stared at Alex, trying to comprehend what she was hearing.

“Forgive me for keeping this from you, Ashleigh, and understand why I’ve waited for this moment to tell you.”

Ashleigh took a minute to digest what Alex was telling her. Had she known all of this while she was struggling with her feelings for Erica, she might’ve made a mistake that she would’ve forever regretted. When she was at her most vulnerable point, Alex could’ve taken advantage. The old Alex certainly would’ve. “You’ve been a true friend to me. I suppose for that I can forgive you anything.”

Alex laid her head in Ashleigh’s lap. “You are my friend, Ash. It’s more than I could ever hope for.” Then she pushed herself up and away from Ashleigh’s touch. “Now go home. Enjoy what you have and what I hope to find.”

“Can I hug you?” Ashleigh asked as she stood.

“No.” Alex shook her head. “Not today, but when I see you next, I’ll take you up on it.”

Epilogue

The applause was like thunder as the group mustered the strength to take the stage for the encore. The women of Versal moved past Ashleigh as she stood off stage and took their places. Ashleigh closed her eyes as the music began, and she took a deep breath. Reconciled with her past and now her future, she smiled at her luck. She had it all.

On cue, she walked on stage looking for the one face in the crowd she wanted to see. “This is dedicated to Erica, my love’s someday.”

About the Author

Robin Alexander is the author of the Goldie Award-winning Gloria’s Secret and four other novels for Intaglio Publications—Gloria’s Inn, Gift of Time, Murky Waters, and The Taking of Eden. Her short story “Crossing the Line” can be found in the anthology Romance for Life.

Robin spends her days working with the staff of Intaglio and her nights with her own writings. She still manages to find time to spend with her partner, Becky, who she admits is her inspiration.