Passing as Elias

‘Heterosexuality has been forcibly and subliminally imposed on women. 
Yet everywhere women have resisted it, often at the cost of physical torture, imprisonment, psychosurgery, social ostracism, and extreme poverty.’
Adrienne Rich

Chapter One

The Captain

Elizabeth Searson ran along Baggot Street, her dusty green dress hitched above her ankles, and her elbows pointing outward absurdly. A red headed child laughed and pointed at her as she sped past. Elizabeth rounded a corner onto Eastmoreland Place and sent pebbles showering over a small, portly man in a sweeping blue cloak.

‘Apologies, Sir!’ She yelled over her shoulder, waving a hand frantically. She could hear him cursing and coughing as he inhaled the dust.

Elizabeth grasped the bonnet upon her head as it flapped about while she ran down the gentle slope. Her hair had come loose from its bun, and was now flying behind her like dancing flames. She was running out of breath, but had to make it to the apothecary before the eighth hour or there would be hell to pay. As this thought entered her mind the tower clock that loomed above the town chimed, signaling the arrival of the eighth hour.

She was only around the corner now. So very close. Perhaps Professor de Bard would not be too displeased if she were only a minute late.

The little wooden sign that hung above the door loomed into view. It read ‘De Bard’s Apothecary’ with a picture of a mortar and pestle underneath. The tower clock had not yet reached its final chime. Perhaps she would make it.

Elizabeth hurtled through the apothecary doors as the tower gave its final chime. The bell above the door clanged loudly at her entrance.

‘I made it! I am here!’ Elizabeth panted, her face flushed, and her bonnet askew.

Bernard de Bard did not look up from the papers that littered the shop counter. She stood there, silently for a few moments before he clucked his tongue and looked upon her. Elizabeth gave an apologetic smile.

Bernard was not frightening by any means, and was usually good-natured. He was an older gentleman who had once been handsome in his youth. Now however his face was lined, his hair graying and frazzled with an air of eccentricity about him. The one thing Professor de Bard could not tolerate was tardiness.

‘When you make a commitment to another human to show up for work at eight o’clock in the morning, you are telling them – yes … I shall be present at the pre-arranged time. By showing up late, whether one minute or fifteen minutes, you are - purposefully or not – conveying that the oth ther persons time is not valuable to you.’ Bernard looked back down upon his paperwork.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and gave an inward sigh, ‘I do apologize Professor, really. I meant to be here ten minutes ago to help you set up. But honest, Sir, I was on my way here when –’ She ceased talking for Bernard had held up a bony white hand to indicated that he wished for silence.

‘I do not care for excuses, Betty.’ He sighed lightly. ‘You are in luck for our appointment appears to be running late himself. I have prepared the vials, and paperwork already. Go and clean yourself up, girl.’ He looked upon her disheveled state momentarily before he waved her away.

‘Yes, Sir.’ Elizabeth excused herself and made her way past the multiple shelves of potions, and powders, behind the shop counter to the laboratory beyond. She eyed her reflection in the small dusty mirror that sat upon her workbench. Small corked vials, and large ornate jars consumed much of the surface. Removing her bonnet, Elizabeth attempted to fix her askew hair, pinning up the fire-red tendrils that had become loose in her haste. She attempted to flatten the top, yet to no avail, for her curls always won. Heaving a sigh, she abandoned the hopeless attempt at taming her hair, and began dusting off her dress and boots. She must look at least presentable for their client who was due at any moment. Her face was still pink from the dash she had made from home, a mile away. The mad rush had taken her fifteen minutes, and now her feet ached in her heeled boots.

At that moment the doorbell clanged loudly, and Elizabeth made a start. Hurriedly, she stuffed her bonnet out of sight, brushed down her dress, and made haste to the shop front.

‘Ah, Master Larson! Welcome, welcome my good man!’ Elizabeth heard Professor de Bard exclaim as she ducked into the front of the shop. A man in a midnight cloak, with a cream waistcoat, and tan breeches stood in the doorway, looking rather harassed. Elizabeth cringed internally.

‘Good morning, Professor de Bard.’ The man said, stepping over the threshold, and allowing the door to swing shut behind him, with another tinkle of the bell. ‘I trust you are in good health?’

‘Naturally, naturally.’ Bernard said, patting his round protruding belly with a smile, ‘Nothing ails me that a quick brew will not fix.’

‘Most excellent.’ Master Larson took a step toward the counter and laid his eyes upon Elizabeth. He seemed to recognize her as the one who had showered him in pebbles not minutes before. ‘But I do not believe we have been introduced.’ He removed his hat and gave a nod in Elizabeth’s direction.

‘Ah, this is Elizabeth Searson, my apprentice.’ Professor de Bard explained quickly, waving a hand in Elizabeth’s direction. Elizabeth smiled politely.

‘Do you not mean assistant, Professor?’ Said Master Larson without a hint of a greeting towards Elizabeth.

‘No, Master Larson.’ Elizabeth piped up, ‘I have been studying under the Professor for three years, Sir. Another two years and I shall be a qualified Apothecary.’ She smiled toothily, hoping to receive one in return.

‘A woman?’ Master Larson narrowed his eyes and turned his attention back to Professor de Bardoth, ‘A female become a qualified apothecary? Nonsense Professor.’ He gave a chortle, ‘You can not expect someone of the female gender to fully comprehend the science of medicine, surely.’

Elizabeth’s smile faltered momentarily, but she recovered swiftly, ‘Some would believe a woman’s brain is as large as a man’s, Master Larson.’ She folded her arms across her chest.

Professor de Bard cleared his throat loudly, and put a hand upon Elizabeth’s shoulder, ‘I have had many apprentices in my time, Master Larson.’ He said with a small squeeze to her shoulder, ‘I think you will find Miss Searson as capable as any man, I assure you. She is one of the most skilled apprentices I have had the pleasure of teaching. She has demonstrated her skills well, I think you will find, in the elixir you have commissioned from us.’

‘I do apologize, Professor de Bard, but I was under the impression that a professional would be handling the matters I put forth to your business, and not a woman who fancies herself as clever as a man.’ Larson said coldly. ‘Never mind the fact that I expressly forbade anyone knowing of this purchase, apart from you and I. If I were so careless as to who knew of my commissions, then I would not have come to collect my elixir personally. I might have had a servant collect it for me.’

‘Your potion will not disappoint you, Master Larson, I guarantee it.’ Elizabeth said hurriedly, ‘and I will not tell anyone, Sir. Honest.’

‘We shall see.’ Larson said taking another step towards the counter and rummaging in his pockets, ‘however, do not expect me to pay full price for the work of a woman who speaks so commonly. You will receive a fraction of the payment you requested Professor, and not a penny more.’ He shook some silver pieces onto his palm and dropped them onto the counter.

Elizabeth looked down upon the coins, and spoke not a word more. Her heart thudded angrily upon her rib cage, yet she dare not speak rudely to Master Larson for he was a very rich, and powerful man.

Professor de Bard handed Larson a small leather pouch, which chinked merrily. It contained six tiny vials, each containing a liquid of different colour.

‘Now, please, Master Larson, the instructions are inside the pouch. You must mix each component in the correct order.’

‘Yes, yes. ‘ Larson did not bother to inspect the quality of the elixirs, but snatched it from Professor de Bard. ‘I will return if I am not satisfied. If you do not hear from me until the month is over, count yourself lucky. Or perhaps her concoction has killed me.’ And he swept from the room, his cloak whipping through the doorway.

As Larson marched up the street, Elizabeth closed her eyes and prayed for control over her temper.

‘Do not fret, my dear.’ The Professor said as he stacked the papers upon the counter, ‘He shall not be back until he is due for his next dose within a months time.’

‘What if he returns to spite me?’ Elizabeth grumbled, picking at a loose thread.

‘He shall not. Your concoction was of excellent quality. He would not be able to tell the difference if I brewed it myself.’

Elizabeth smiled at the compliment and looked upon her Professor, ‘What will I do when I complete my apprenticeship, Professor?’

‘What do you mean? I should think the answer to that is quite simple. I would very much like you to stay here. You will be a qualified apothecary.’

‘I know, I know. I would like that very much, Sir. However, what shall people think of a woman brewing their concoctions? I fear they shall all despise the idea of me as their apothecary.’ The words came forth rushed. Elizabeth had been biting back these fears since she had begun her apprenticeship three years ago.

The expression upon Professor de Bard’s face was comforting. He looked upon Elizabeth as though she were his own child that needed comforting.

‘You will earn their trust.’ He gripped her shoulder, ‘that is why it is important we begin showing the townspeople what you are capable of. Do you not remember the point of today?’

‘To be humiliated in front of Master Larson?’ Elizabeth grumbled. ‘Sir.’ She added.

The Professor ignored this, ‘To get word out of your skills, Elizabeth.’

‘Regardless of my skills, Professor, I shall only earn half of what a man does.’ She said bitterly.

Professor de Bard gave her shoulder a light squeeze again, ‘I pay you based on your work Elizabeth, not your gender.’

‘A generous pay it is too, Sir.’ Elizabeth did not want to sound ungrateful, for Mister de Bard paid her as much as a man would earn in the same position.

‘That is because you are the cleverest young person I have met in a very long while.’ He smiled upon her. Elizabeth noticed he chose to say ‘cleverest young person’ rather than ‘cleverest young woman’.

‘I only wish others had the same view. You saw how Master Larson reacted. He thought my time and effort worth only a fraction of a gentleman’s. How shall I earn a living if I were to ever open my own apothecary? The coin he paid does not even cover the cost of the ingredients we used to make it. Perhaps I should just dress as a boy, and be done with it.’ Elizabeth muttered.

‘I am afraid I do not have a potion for that.’ Professor de Bard smiled warmly, ‘Come now, do not be silly. All you need to do is prove yourself of equal talent to a man. Yet you and I both know that you are smarter than most. Your application proved that.’

Elizabeth shrugged. She had earned her position as an apothecaries apprentice by solving a mathematical equation that had been posted upon the town hall bulletin board. She had not known that it was a test for a job position. The flyer had merely stated that whomever could figure out the problem should present themselves to Professor de Bard by the aforementioned date for a prize. The answer to the equation was his home address. According to the Professor, many people had taken the flyers upon the board, yet Elizabeth had been the only one to appear upon his doorstep. She had been offered the apprenticeship at once. N hoever had Elizabeth considered Apothecary as a career, however the idea grew upon her over the days she considered the offer. A week later she returned to Professor de Bard to accept his proposition.

Elizabeth was a common girl. Her mother had taught her everything she knew, which was not much, though Elizabeth had always been described as a gifted child. She had been brought up under the impression that a woman’s role was to be a wife, and mother. At twenty, most would expect Elizabeth to be wed by now, however it did not interest her in the slightest. Her mother often complained that it was socially humiliating to be unwed at Elizabeth’s age. She had never been in love, not that love seemed to matter when it came to being married, it seemed. Her mother often nagged her when it came to matters of marriage, however Elizabeth just shrugged it off. No man had ever attempted to court her. She supposed it was because her intelligence far outstripped any man she knew, which was considered quite unappealing to bachelors. However there was one man who was quite persistent with his flirtatious advances upon Elizabeth, though he had never officially sought to court her. Captain Greenwood of the Royal Navy was often at the apothecary when he was not at sea, but Elizabeth was extremely wary of him, for he was very handsome, and had a rather cheeky reputation. This did not bother Elizabeth too much for she did not have any feelings for Captain George Greenwood.

Elizabeth was not an unattractive girl. Her skin was as pale as snow, and as delicate as china. Her hair was as orange as the sun, and fell in ringlets to the small of her back. It was often hard to tame, and lack of time meant it was usually a mess. A scattering of freckles sat lightly upon her nose and chest. Her full, pink lips hid straight teeth. Her face was heart shaped, and her eyes were emerald green, surrounded by blonde lashes. Her eyebrows were so light you might not even notice they were there. Many people assumed Elizabeth to be of a much younger age.

Elizabeth grumbled at her Professor. He smiled at her and walked into his laboratory without another word. Elizabeth remained behind the counter in the shop front. Between eight o’clock in the morning, and six o’clock at night she would sell and recommend concoctions to the villagers. She often gave medical advice and boxed large orders for the local surgeon who practiced up the way. Pregnant ladies often sought potions and herbs, and some simply wanted elixirs to solve their woes. There was also a large amount of paperwork and commissions involved. However, when the tower clock chimed six, Elizabeth would flip the sign on the door, and commence her lessons with Professor De Bard in the laboratory until her brain could no longer retain any new information. This often resulted in late nights.

Recently, the Professor had allowed her to work upon the commissions the townspeople put forth. This would be the first time in three years Elizabeth would be getting paid for her concoctions. Professor De Bard always checked her work, and analysed her methods. He made her write everything down. She had never done wrong. Today was very important for Elizabeth, because it was the first client of great nobility that she would be doing a commission for. Though the encounter with Master Larson had not gone well.

Elizabeth was in a rather sour mood for the rest of the day. Several people came in and out of the shop, the doorbell tinkling consistently throughout the morning. She put on a smile for the clients, and spoke in a sweet voice to even the most troublesome customers. At midday a gang of small boys pressed their noses against the glass, and blew raspberries at Elizabeth through on the window, leaving spittle and grubby little handprints upon the shop front.

While Elizabeth was wiping down the glass with a bucket and rag, a voice spoke in her left ear, causing her to jump and slop water down her front.

‘What kind of work is this for a young lady?’ A mans voice said.

‘Oh!’ Elizabeth spun on the spot and gripped the rag to her chest, ‘Captain Greenwood, you did startle me!’

George Greenwood stood before Elizabeth, wide shouldered, tall, and handsome. Many of the women who had encountered Captain Greenwood said he was the handsomest man they had known. Elizabeth did not care for his beauty.

George Greenwood stood straight backed, with his hands behind him. He gave her a small bow, ‘I do apologize, Miss Searson.’ He smiled, showing perfect rows of glinting white teeth. Elizabeth seemed to be the only lady within a hundred miles who did not have to steady herself upon the furniture when looking at him.

Elizabeth smiled politely, and brushed the font of her dress, which was quite damp. She showed George Greenwood into the apothecary, where he removed his tricorn hat. His chocolate hair flopped onto his forehead and covered his dark eyebrows.

‘How have you been, Captain?’ Elizabeth said as she stepped behind the counter.

‘As well as any man on a diet of salt meat, hard biscuit and sauerkraut.’ He said with a sigh. ‘I arrived back on shore only yesterday.’

‘Well you did not wait very long before coming to visit the apothecary.’ Elizabeth smiled.

‘Ah, how could I stay away?’ George Greenwood gave a charming smile, ‘No one makes better supplements than you, Miss Searson.’

‘You are too kind, Captain. Did you find the vitamins helpful these past months?’

Captain Greenwood was the only client who preferred to get his remedies from Elizabeth, rather than Professor De Bard.

‘Extremely.’ George admitted, ‘Not a single case of scurvy reported. Though it doesn’t make the food taste any better.’

‘Do you not love being in the navy?’ Elizabeth wondered aloud.

George Greenwood leaned upon the counter, and Elizabeth smelled the sea upon him. It was not unpleasant, she thought mildly.

‘I love what I do.’ He admitted, ‘Though I do miss the company of a woman.’ He looked upon her at this remark.

Elizabeth scoffed, ‘Surely, Captain, a man such as yourself would have no trouble courting a lady.’

‘My job does not permit me the time to find a lady, Miss Searson. No trr would I be able to give her the time she deserves.’

That look in George Greenwood’s eyes was all too familiar. Elizabeth knew he had been at sea for months, and was clearly seeking the company of a woman. He had come to the wrong place looking for that.

‘I suspect you would have your pickings at the brewery up the way, Captain.’ She said loftily, ‘Many lovely ladies up there, I imagine.’

‘Aye.’ Captain Greenwood nodded fairly and straightened up, ‘Perhaps I shall go for a pint when the day is through. Might I interest you in joining me, Miss Searson? The Upper Baggot Inn serves most excellent refreshments.’

Elizabeth frowned, ‘you know me Captain. All work, and no play. Besides, I find the Upper Baggot Inn a tad too rowdy for my likings. It is bad enough walking past it on my way home of an evening.’ She shuddered a little. The jeering and catcalls happened much too often when she passed that pub.

‘Perhaps another time then.’ He raised a hand in defeat.

‘Mayhap.’ Elizabeth shrugged nonchalant.

Clearing his throat in a rather annoyed fashion, George Greenwood pressed on with more urgent matters. Whipping a sheaf of parchment from his coat, he read aloud the vitamins, and supplements he required. Elizabeth gathered the items one by one from various shelves, and placed them upon the counter. Captain Greenwood often made large orders every six months or so. Once he had paid his gold, and bade her farewell in a much colder fashion than he had greeted her, Professor de Bard emerged from the laboratory.

‘Utterly clueless.’ He sighed at her, sitting himself upon a stool.

‘Excuse me?’ Elizabeth frowned as she took stock of the latest sale upon her running total. She looked up from her parchment and was annoyed to see Professor de Bard smiling at her knowingly.

‘My dear, have you not noticed that every time Mister George Greenwood returns from a stint at sea, he comes to the apothecary the very next day?’

‘Of course.’ She scoffed, ‘To stock up on supplies for his crew.’

‘Aye.’ The Professor nodded, ‘Among other things.’

‘What is that supposed to mean, Professor?’ She eyed him shrewdly.

Professor de Bard threw his hands in the air defensively, ‘I suspect the Captain is, uh, searching for a reason to stay on land.’ He looked at her meaningfully, his thick white eyebrows raised so high they were in danger of being lost in his flyaway hair.

‘Please, Professor.’ Elizabeth rolled her eyes and chortled, ‘Captain Greenwood has his pick of the litter, I can assure you of that.’

‘But who better to pick?’ Professor de Bard exclaimed with a clap.

Elizabeth sighed, ‘Regardless of his intentions, Professor, I dare say escorting me to a dank Inn full of drunken idiots d wis no way to charm a lady. I assure you, the Captain is searching for the company of a woman to last him only one night. I dare say he will find what he is looking for among the other wenches at the Inn.’ She finished rather heatedly, and Professor de Bard did not bring the topic of Captain Greenwood up for the rest of the afternoon.

When the sixth hour came to pass, Elizabeth found herself up to her neck in work. The Professor had said that he had important business to attend to at home, and left her the keys to the apothecary. He had never done this before, and Elizabeth found it quite daunting.

‘Are you not you going to check the potion once I am done, Sir?’

‘I am sure it will be fine, Betty.’ Professor de Bard said as he pulled on his coat, ‘I really must attend to the business I have at home.’

‘But … but you always check.’ Elizabeth said looking down at the mortar and pestle she was currently using to crush herbs.

‘You have the medical books in front of you, do you not?’

‘Well, yes.’ Elizabeth frowned at the medical book propped open before her, ‘But what if I need your help?’

He looked at Elizabeth exasperatedly, ‘I am sure you will manage for one night.’ He grabbed her hand and pressed the keys into her palm. Elizabeth closed her fingers around the heavy brass key, and looked up at him.

‘What do you need to do that is so important?’ Elizabeth enquired.

Professor de Bard ignored this question, ‘Just lock up when you are done, and do not forget to bring the key on the morrow. Do not keep me waiting. It is the only key I have.’ And without another word he stumped from the laboratory. Elizabeth stared after him, and heard the doorbell tinkle as he left the shop.

Elizabeth had never been alone at the apothecary before. Mayhap this newfound trust was a sign that the Professor was prepared to give Elizabeth greater responsibilities.

Several hours passed without any problems, and Elizabeth managed to complete a large amount of medicines. She found that she was much more relaxed when working alone, yet she was not sure she enjoyed the solitude very much. The model skeleton that was hanging in the corner of the laboratory seemed to be staring her down. Elizabeth gave herself a little shake and focused upon the powder she was sifting through a searce. Her attention waned, and her eyes burned with tiredness. Heaving a sigh, Elizabeth stood and stretched with a huge yawn. Perhaps tonight she would allow herself a small early mark. Usually she would leave at ten o’clock, but since the Professor was not around, she was sure he would not mind if she left a little early.

Packing away her supplies and instruments, Elizabeth cleaned her work surface, and put out the oil lamps. Grabbing her bonnet, and the key, Elizabeth left the apothecary, locking the door securely behind her. Often, Professor de Bard would walk Elizabeth to the intersection up the way, where their paths home went in opposite directions. She did prefer this, because the drunken men at the Inn were less likely to call out to her whilst she was with a gentleman.

Elizabeth walked swiftly up Eastmoreland place, and turned onto Baggot Street. Her heeled boots clicked and clacked noisily upon the pavement, and in the distance she heard the drunken laughter of rowdy men. Elizabeth always made sure she was on the opposite side of the road when passing the Inn. The glow of the pub loomed into view, and music reached her ears. The singing was indistinguishable, but Elizabeth recognized the tune as a popular drinking song. After a sideways glance Elizabeth noticed that the men inside were all wearing uniforms.

‘Sailors.’ Elizabeth muttered under her breath. Back from their stint at sea, she presumed. What a life, she thought mildly. They were allowed freedom once their work was done. Elizabeth however, would never be free because she was a woman, and lacked the liberty that came with being a man. She wondered if her mother would pester her this week about finding a man. Why bother, she thought savagely, I might as well be dead if I get married. She would lose what little rights she had left as a woman. No husband would allow her to work for it would be her duty to bear children, and maintain a household. Her mothers voice penetrated her thoughts. ‘It is not about rights, or love, Elizabeth. Marriage is about social status, benefits, and security!’

Elizabeth was roused from her thoughts by the sound of her name being called. She turned to face the Inn, which she had passed several steps ago, and saw the figure of a man crossing the road towards her.

‘Miss Searson!’ The man called, slowing to a walk as he reached her side of the pavement. He passed under a lamp, which illuminated his face, and Elizabeth was relieved to see that it was Captain Greenwood.

‘You do have a knack for frightening me, Captain.’ Elizabeth put a hand to her heart, ‘I thought you were a drunken sailor come to leer at me!’

‘Only a regular sailor.’ He gave a small bow of apology; ‘I have been keeping an eye out for you.’ He added.

Elizabeth pursed her lips, ‘for me? Why on earth for?’

The Captain’s cheeks reddened, or perhaps he was just rosy from the intake of alcohol, ‘I thought I might ask, well, if it was all right to walk you home?’

Elizabeth felt herself growing hot, ‘Oh, no, really.’ She waved a hand dismissively, ‘Do not trouble yourself.’

‘I insist,’ Captain Greenwood took another step towards her, ‘It is quite dangerous at this time of night. It really is no time for a lady to be out and about.’

‘Oh, well, thank you Captain. That is very kind of you.’ Elizabeth said turning on the spot as Captain Greenwood fell in step beside her.

He talked casually to her as they walked, his hands behind his back. Elizabeth found that she had nothing interesting to talk of. She realized that they had never had a conversation away from the apothecary, where she was forced to be kind and understanding to all clients. George Greenwood was pleasant, clever, and charming, it seemed, and he talked to her in an honest manner.

‘Indeed’ Captain Greenwood said ten minutes later, continuing a conversation that Elizabeth had not been listening to, ‘Though I do find the laws regarding marriaglige quite ridiculous in some instances. By marriage, the legal existence of a woman is consolidated into that of the husband, under whom she must obey. I find it wrong that a husband has complete financial control over his wife.’

Elizabeth’s attention was caught, ‘You do?’ She said looking up at him.

‘Of course.’ Captain Greenwood gave her a sideways glance and sighed, ‘I do apologize, Miss Searson. I fear I have a lot on my mind. Do forgive my incessant whining. I realize how inappropriate it might seem for me to be expressing my opinions so freely.’

‘Not at all, Captain. I quite agree.’ Elizabeth found her respect for Captain Greenwood increasing, ‘What is causing you so much worry?’

Captain Greenwood frowned and seemed to be deciding whether or not to confide in Elizabeth. After all, they barely knew each other.

‘It is my sister.’ He said after a moment silence, ‘She is set to marry in a months time.’ He did not seem pleased by this.

‘Well, Congratulations to her.’ Elizabeth said awkwardly.

‘She is quite happy.’ Greenwood admitted, ‘But she is only sixteen, and does not know what marriage entails. I happen to know for a fact that the man she is going to marry is not what one would call gentle. I fear he may not be so romantic once they have settled into married life. I find him drunk at the Inn regularly. She says she does not mind, and the idea of belonging to a man is quite appealing to her.’

‘Many women like the idea.’ Elizabeth admitted with a shrug.

‘Even you, Miss Searson?’ Greenwood gave her a sly smile.

Elizabeth scoffed, and noticed they had slowed to a leisurely stroll as they cross through a park, ‘That is rather personal, do you not think, Captain?’

‘Indeed, I did not think you would be the type of woman who would be content as a housewife, with the wage you earn belonging to your husband - that is - if he allowed you to work at all.’

‘You thought correct.’ Elizabeth said fairly, ‘I do not plan to wed at all.’

Captain Greenwood came to a halt in front of Elizabeth and looked at her in an unusual way, ‘Some might find that socially humiliating.’ He said.

Elizabeth frowned and looked up at Captain Greenwood defiantly, ‘You sound like my mother.’ She said haughtily, ‘What I believe is my own business, Captain.’

‘You … you are a very peculiar woman, Miss Searson.’ He said with a small crease in his brow. He was frowning, but not in an unkind way. He seemed to be deep in thought.

‘So I am told.’ Elizabeth said, rather annoyed.

‘Do not misunderstand me.’ He continued, waving a hand, ‘I find you extremely … uncommon.’

Elizabeth felt her face becoming pinker by the second. She was not sure whethmeler she should be mad or not.

‘Have I offended you Miss Searson? I do apologize, but I find it extremely easy to talk plainly when in your company.’ he said, frowning.

Elizabeth sighed and relaxed her eyebrows from their knitted position, ‘No, Captain, I am not offended, and you may speak plainly for I find it difficult not to most of the time.’

They fell in step once again and continued walking through the park. Elizabeth felt slightly awkward at the silence that followed. It seemed Captain Greenwood had run out of issues to discuss, and Elizabeth did not help matters by remaining silent.

Eventually they came to her front door. Captain Greenwood looked up at the shabby townhouse, with it’s dirty windows, and the peeling paint on the front door.

‘Good night, Miss Searson.’ The captain gave a low bow.

‘Goodnight Captain.’ Elizabeth gave him a small nod before turning on her heel and walking through her front door.

Once inside, Elizabeth peered through the sitting room window, obscured by lacy curtains. She watched as the Captain gazed up at her house for a moment, before putting his hands behind his back and strolling away in the direction from which they had came.

‘You are home early.’ Came her mother’s voice from the kitchen.

‘Hello Mother.’ Elizabeth gave a small smile as her mother, Mary, entered the sitting room.

‘Did I hear a mans voice outside?’ She enquired, walking over to the window and peering out onto the darkened street.

‘Yes,’ Elizabeth did not see the point in lying, ‘Captain Greenwood escorted me home.’

‘Did he now?’ her mother straightened up with a curious expression upon her face, ‘I did not know he was back in town.’

‘Yes, he said he came back only yesterday.’ Elizabeth explained, ‘He stopped by the apothecary this afternoon.’

Her mother nodded approvingly, ‘Do you think he shall call on you again?’

‘Mother.’ Elizabeth sighed exasperatedly, ‘Please.’

‘Really, Elizabeth.’ She huffed impatiently, ‘At this rate I shall never have grandchildren.’

Mary Searson was a middle-aged widow, and Elizabeth was her only child. They rented a small two-bedroom house on the outskirts of the town. The walls were often damp, and the floorboards creaked. They had once owned a nicer house, though they had lost possession of it when Elizabeth’s father had died four years previously, for a woman was not able to own land.

Elizabeth was in a rather bad mood by the time she had reached her own bedroom. She undressed slowly in fromaont of the fireplace, and hung her garments over a chair. She washed the day’s work from her body at the basin with a damp cloth, and pulled on her nightdress. Brushing her tangled red locks in front of a cracked mirror, she sighed and wondered if Captain Greenwood would call on her again. He had seemed very interested during their talk while he escorted her home. Or perhaps he was just being polite. Never the less, Elizabeth had made her views on courtship quite clear. But, said a little voice in her ear, the Captain might be different. He spoke of equality, and the downfalls of marriage. Perhaps he would make a fine husband. He might allow her to work, and even keep her own wage. Elizabeth shook her head frantically. No, she thought, I am independent. I do not need a man.

Chapter Two

Unusual Absence

Elizabeth woke the next morning before the sun had risen above the hills. The sky outside was a deep ruby red, shot with gold. She could hear her mother snoring loudly in the room adjacent. Dressing silently, she then tiptoed downstairs into the kitchen. A hard loaf of bread sat upon the counter, though Elizabeth did not fancy a slice for her mother had never been an excellent baker. The pendulum clock upon the wall told Elizabeth that it was five o’clock in the morning. She was not unfamiliar with waking at so early, for she had been forced to do it for years while her father was alive. Together, her mother and Elizabeth would rise before she sun and prepare breakfast for her father. She would help with the washing, cooking, and cleaning. This, her mother insisted, was good practice for when she was a wife. Alas, Elizabeth’s father had passed away, and so had their daily routine. These days, Mary Searson did not wake until the sun was high in the sky, and Elizabeth had long left for work at the apothecary. Elizabeth’s income was absolutely essential to maintain the weekly rent. Her mother worked from home, knitting, sewing and mending for a small amount of money.

At half past seven Elizabeth left the house and began her walk to work. Today should be an easy day for it was Saturday, and therefore the shop closed at one o’clock. She was not a rush as it had been yesterday when she had failed to wake until ten minutes to eight o’clock. It was extremely out of character for her to be late. She arrived at the Apothecary with five minutes to spare, and felt quite pleased with herself to find that Professor de Bard was not waiting for her. She took out the key, and unlocked the door to the apothecary. Once inside she drew the curtains, lit the lamps, and checked the day’s orders. At two minutes to Eight o’clock she flipped the sign upon the door to ‘open’. She expected Professor de Bard to walk in at any second for he was always at work on time, however eight o’clock came and passed. Five past eight. Ten past eight. A quarter past eight.

Elizabeth did not fret too much for she knew the workings of the apothecary so well that she had no issue in running the shop alone. However she did worry about accumulating a backlog of orders. During the day the Professor made an assortment of potions, poisons and pills to satisfy the demand of the public. However, by ten o’clock he still had not shown up. Elizabeth assumed that he must be too ill to get out of bed – though she did not remember him ever being sick before. Regardless if he was ill, Professor de Bard had a recipe for any sickness that pwn ulagued him, so surely he must arrive soon.

Elizabeth continued to worry slightly as the day continued. She rushed about helping customers, giving advice, and recommending different products.

Finally, one o’clock came with still no sign of Professor de Bard. Perhaps he had decided to take a day of. Mayhap he was testing Elizabeth. Yes, that would be it, she thought with a smirk, the Professor is testing how I fair on my own.

Once Elizabeth had closed the shop she decided to walk to the Professor’s house and enquire as to why he had not shown up today. Mostly she wanted to gloat for coming to the conclusion that he was testing her. The Professor only lived a short distance away in a rather pretty house that backed onto a field. Elizabeth had visited it many times before now, and did not feel awkward in the slightest about turning up unexpected.

Once at his doorstep Elizabeth knocked loudly and waited for over a minute. There was no response so Elizabeth knocked again – this time louder. Another minute passed in absolute silence. She tried the doorknob but found that it was locked. Getting annoyed Elizabeth walked to the window that looked into his sitting room. She peered through the glass, which was difficult as it was quite grimy. She could not see any lamps lit, nor was there any movement. She rapped her knuckles upon the glass loudly. Nothing. Heaving a sigh, Elizabeth walked away from the Professor’s home and headed back to her own house. Last night he had said that he had important business he needed to attend to, yet he had not mentioned anything about leaving.

When Elizabeth arrived home at two o’clock in the evening, the sky was a brilliant blue, and fluffy clouds floated lazily across the horizon. Removing her bonnet and untying her hair, Elizabeth stepped into the sitting room where she found her mother standing in front of the fire, waiting, with an eager look upon her face.

Elizabeth sighed, ‘What a day I have had.’ She slumped into a chair and looked up at her mother, ‘Professor de Bard did not show up today – nor did he answer his door when I called upon him to see if –’ She stopped suddenly for her mother was showing a peculiar expression. ‘What is it?’ She asked suspiciously.

‘I have news.’ Her mother said with a quivering voice.

‘Of the Professor?’ Elizabeth sat up straight.

‘No.’ Her mother frowned, ‘I am sure he is just preoccupied with some new concoction he has discovered. You know what he is like, Elizabeth.’

Elizabeth nodded. It was true that the Professor often became obsessed if he felt he was close to a breakthrough in medical science.

Her mother sat down next to her and fixed Elizabeth with a wide-eyed gaze.

‘I have something to tell you.’ She persisted. It was clear she had been desperate to reveal this news for several hours.

‘What? Why are you acting so strange?’

Mary Searson cleared her throat noisily, ‘Well, I was knitting a pair of little booties for Mrs Weatherby down the lane, when I heard a knock upon the door around ten o’clock. I got up to answer it, and on the doorstep he stood.’

‘On the doorstep who stood?’ Elizabeth asked.

‘I asked him to come in and sit down, gave him a cup of tea. He looked right nervous, he did.’ Her mother continued.

‘Who was it?’ Elizabeth asked again.

Her mother ignored her, ‘I asked him what he wanted, and he said, well … he said that he wanted to make his intentions clear. Very polite he was, a proper gentleman. I was not quite sure what he meant though, so I asked him.’

‘I do not follow.’ Elizabeth said, rather confused, and becoming slightly annoyed.

‘He said his mother had brought him up good and proper, and to always treat a lady with respect. Bless him. He said ‘Mrs Searson, I have come here to inform you of my intentions to court your daughter’.’

‘What?’ Elizabeth said thunderstruck, ‘who? Who was it?’

‘George Greenwood, of course!’ Her mother said excitedly, ‘The Captain sat in that very spot, and told me that he planned to begin a courtship.’

‘No!’ Elizabeth gasped, ‘He never.’

‘He did!’ Her mother was positively beaming, ‘He asked my permission and all. What a lovely man he is, and handsome too. Why, a captain of the Royal Naval courting my daughter! Wait until Dot hears about this! Her daughter is marrying a tradesman. Ha! You’ll be a proper lady, Elizabeth. Oh my goodness, the children will be ever so handsome.’

‘No.’ Elizabeth muttered, ‘No, he cannot have.’

‘Why?’ Her mother became sharp.

‘Because I told him …’ Elizabeth’s voice trailed away, and she changed tact, ‘Because there are far better ladies for him to court. Why would he want a poor girl like me? He has nothing to gain from marrying me.’ Her mother need not know that she had informed the Captain that she never planned to marry.

‘Because you are the cleverest girl in town.’ Her mother rubbed her shoulder, ‘And he knows it too!’

‘Brains do not matter when all he wants is a vessel in which to carry his children.’ She said angrily, the colour rising in her cheeks.

‘Elizabeth, are you not pleased?’ Her mother looked shocked, ‘I thought you would be happy. No one has ever formally courted you before.’

Elizabeth did not respond. Her mind was ticking over furiously as she tried to think of a solution. Suddenly she remembered what the Captain had said the previous night. He had expressed discomfort – no – dislike at the thought of his sister marrying, for she would lose all of her rights. Did that mean he thought that men and women should have equal rights? If they were to be married, would he allow her to work? Furthermore, would he allow her wage to be her own? And what of his career in the Navy? Would she be destined to stay at home and raise a child alone while he went on month long trips across the sea?

No, she thought furiously, I shall not be married. Captain Greenwood could court her if he wished, though his attempts would be wasted.

Elizabeth had never been in love, she had never even had a childhood sweetheart for that matter. Not one person had ever managed to gain her affections. Her coldness towards the male gender had kept possible suitors at bay. Her father had once told her that men did not like it when a woman thought herself cleverer than them. ‘But we all know that you are.’ He had added in a whisper, with a wink. Elizabeth assumed most men found her intimidating, or hostile. When she was little, a boy that lived up the road had always called her the ‘fire-breathing dragon’ for she had a rather foul temper.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Elizabeth said to her mother, ‘Did he say what he plans to do?’

‘Yes. He asked if he could escort you home after church on the morrow.’ Her mother was positively shuddering with excitement.

‘On the morrow?’ Elizabeth said flabbergasted.

‘Indeed. I shall not bother you of course. I will visit Dot, and leave you two be.’ She squeezed Elizabeth’s arm gently.

‘So you accepted on my behalf?’ Elizabeth fumed.

‘Of course! I thought you would be pleased!’

Elizabeth stood, shaking off her mother’s hand, ‘I am rather tired. I think I might … have a lie down.’ And without another word she left the room, her mother looking after her in bewilderment.

~

Sunday morning’s service came far too quickly for Elizabeth’s liking. When she entered the church she spotted Captain Greenwood immediately, sitting at a pew towards the back of the room. He seemed to have sensed that she had entered the vicinity for he turned in his seat as she walked through the doors, and stared at her, smiling. Elizabeth avoided his gaze and sat several rows in front of him, her cheeks burning. Elizabeth was dreading the end of the sermon. She could feel Captain Greenwood staring at the back of her head as though he were burning a hole right through to her eyeballs. She dare not turn around for fear he would catch her looking at him.

Eventually, when the service ended, Elizabeth avoided standing up until it would become rude not to. Her mother had bustled off with a gaggle of her friends, leaving Elizabeth sitting at a pew by herself. She busied herself with her purse, pretending to look for something within its depths as she heard Captain Greenwood step beside her and clear his throat noisily to gain her attention.

‘Good Morning, Miss Searson.’ He gave a small bow and held his hand out for her to take, which she did so reluctantly.

Other women that attended the service whispered behind their hands and glared at Elizabeth, as she stood beside Captain Greenwood, rather pink in the face.

‘Good-Good morning.’ Elizabeth breathed, ‘Did you enjoy today’s service, Captain Greenwood?’

‘Of course,’ He brought her hand to his lips, ‘Might I say how lovely you look today?’

‘You might.’ Elizabeth’s teeth clenched together, and she slipped her hand from beneath his lips, ‘Shall we walk?’

Captain Greenwood walked her through the church doors and into the bleary sunlight. Clouds had covered the blue sky during the sermon, and the threat of rain lingered in the air. She could hear the young females whispering behind her. She knew they were wondering how a common girl like Elizabeth had secured such an excellent escort home. They could have him for all she cared.

They strolled casually along the winding path that led from the church, neither of them speaking until they had rounded a corner, away from peering eyes.

‘I supposed you are not surprised that I asked for you?’ Captain Greenwood said plainly.

Elizabeth felt her heart thud quickly against her ribcage. She had never been in a position quite like this before, and was unsure how to act, or what to say.

‘I was surprised.’ She admitted, ‘Considering …’

‘Considering?’ Captain Greenwood pressed on.

‘You expressed distaste for marriage – as did I.’ Elizabeth said honestly.

To her surprise, the Captain laughed heartily. Elizabeth saw that his eyes crinkled at the sides when he smiled.

‘I thought you might say that.’ He chortled, ‘Though it is not entirely true.’

‘You lied?’ Elizabeth said quoquickly, snapping her head to look at his expression.

‘No, of course not.’ He reassured her, ‘However I only expressed displeasure of my sisters marriage, and the laws that govern a union between a man and a woman.’

‘So you wish to marry?’

‘I do.’ The captain said, ‘I am nearing my thirty-first birthday. I do think it is time I settled down.’

Elizabeth did not respond to this. Had he forgotten what she had said?

‘I also believe the same of you.’ He admitted.

‘I beg your pardon, Captain, but you are ever so wrong.’ Elizabeth said loftily.

‘You misunderstand me.’ He smiled kindly, ‘I do understand that you are against marriage, though not all aspects of it. You are like me. I think we both like the idea of a companion, however you do not wish to marry because you see yourself as independent. You want to be the breadwinner, and belong to no one. Am I right?’

Elizabeth frowned, but did not answer. He was utterly right. From her silence, Captain Greenwood had come to the same conclusion. It seemed to please him for he smiled congenially and fell silent.

‘You revel in my displeasure.’ Elizabeth noted coldly.

‘Not at all.’ He raised his eyebrows, ‘I am an extremely good judge of character, Miss Searson. It took me many visits to the apothecary to understand you. Usually, I can tell instantly what a person is like just from one conversation.’

‘Is that so?’ Elizabeth pursed her lips.

‘Oh yes.’ He smirked, ‘People are … shallow. Most men and women are consumed with thoughts of themselves. They are unguarded, lack creativity, and crave nothing more than money, status, and social hierarchy. You, however, do not care for social status; in fact, you would have the status quo completely abolished if it were your way. I can see it in your eyes too, creativity, and a thirst to prove yourself. However, lastly, you are ever so guarded. It is as though you have built a giant wall around yourself and dare not let another soul inside.’

Elizabeth had stopped walking, and was looking up at Captain Greenwood, anger flaring in her eyes.

‘Do you mean to insult me in every possible way?’ She said in a shaking voice.

‘No, not at all.’ The Captain looked genuinely worried at her expression, ‘I meant to compliment you upon your uniqueness.’

‘Well, you got one thing wrong, Captain.’ Elizabeth said, her heart thumping hard, ‘I am like everyone else in the respect that I think of no one but myself. I do not care for anyone, Captain, except myself. I am, as you put it, shallow.’

‘I do not thinkpon so.’ He said with raised eyebrows.

Elizabeth had had enough, ‘Why did you ask for me?’ She demanded.

‘I – what?’ He looked quite alarmed at the direction the conversation seemed to be taking.

‘Why did you ask for me?’ Elizabeth repeated slowly and clearly.

‘I – well – I thought the answer to that was quite obvious. ‘ He tried to take her hand in his, but she snatched it back.

‘Spare me your charm. It may work on the other women, but it will not work on me, Captain.’

‘Please, you have me all wrong.’ He sighed.

‘Do I?’ Elizabeth raised her eyebrows.

‘I find you interesting.’ Captain Greenwood said, a pleading note in his voice, ‘You are a woman who is not only beautiful, but exceedingly clever as well.’

Elizabeth stared, ‘Why bother courting me, Captain? You know I am not interested in marriage. I wish to work, and earn a salary that is not classified as my husband’s property.’

‘You could have all that … if you would marry me.’

‘If I were to marry you, Captain, I would become property, and my wage would be yours.’

‘I do not dare try and tame a wild mare such as yourself, Miss Searson, but merely gaze upon your beauty, be enchanted by your words, and simply exist in your presence.’

Elizabeth scoffed, ‘Are you telling me that you would be content with a … rogue wife? A wife who dares to talk back, comes and goes as she pleases, and earns as much as you?’

‘If it were you.’ He said, ‘I want a woman who thinks for herself, not some whore in a bar who seeks me out because of my position.’

They were standing extremely close now, both breathing rather hard from the heated discussion. Elizabeth felt rather ashamed of her attitude towards the Captain. He had never done wrong by her, yet she felt so enraged simply by his presence. Of course she did not despise the man. He intrigued her to some extent, though mostly she felt confused.

‘Please forgive my clumsy words.’ He said sincerely, ‘All I seem to do is apologise lately. Mayhap I left my manners at sea.’

Elizabeth closed her eyes wearily, ‘It is not you who should be sorry.’ She breathed, ‘I find you … exhausting, and my temper is often quick to flare, for which I am sorry.’

‘I do not mean to make you so mad.’ The Captain smiled, and Elizabeth felt her heart lighten considerably.

They continued walking in silenct ye for another minute, before Elizabeth admitted, ‘You were right, you know.’

‘About what?’

‘You said I was guarded. You were right.’

‘I am sorry.’ He said.

‘So am I.’ Elizabeth said mildly, ‘I constantly complain of equality, and liberty, yet I am trapped inside myself. I have become quite withdrawn. I suppose that is why I was so surprised when you told my mother you wished to court me. I figured no one would be interested in such a defensive, fire-breathing dragon.’

‘You may indeed breathe fire, Miss Searson,’ the Captain chuckled, ‘But I would much prefer you to be a dragon, rather than a fluffy little bunny rabbit who would just roll over and feign death in the face of confrontation.’

Elizabeth could not help but give a small smile, ‘I bet you say that to all of the ladies.’

‘Have you never wondered why I always sought you at the apothecary the very day after I returned from sea?’

‘I am unaccustomed to the attention of men.’ She admitted.

They were almost at her home now – something that Elizabeth was not sure if she was happy about. George Greenwood had intrigued her quite thoroughly, though not enough to change her views. They stopped walking once they had reached her front door.

‘Well, please, let me make it clear so that there is no more confusion.’ He continued, ‘Miss Searson, it would greatly pleasure me if you would allow us to spend more time together. I would very much like to get to know you better.’

‘Do you not worry that your efforts may go to waste?’ She asked.

He considered this for a moment, ‘All I can do is try.’ He smiled as he took her hand and brought it to his lips. This time, Elizabeth did not pull her hand away.

‘Thank you for escorting me home, Captain.’

‘It was my pleasure, Miss Searson.’

Without another word Elizabeth went inside her home and left the captain upon her doorstep for the second day in a row.

~

Monday morning came in a blaze of heat and sunshine, and Elizabeth continued to fret throughout the day for it had been the third day she had not seen hide or hair of Professor de Bard. She opened the apothecary and resumed business as usual, though her mind was preoccupied, and she made several mistakes.

Bernard de Bard had no family, and therefore, no one to notice if he ht="ad gone missing. Elizabeth would be the only person to realise that he had gone. She decided that she would enter his home tonight, wether the door was locked or not, for she needed to know that he was most definitely not inside.

Closing time could not come quick enough for Elizabeth, and at the sound of the tower clock chiming six she ushered out the stragglers from the apothecary and locked the door behind her. Dusk was falling, and she walked at a quick pace to the Professor’s house, only a few streets away.

Reaching his doorstep, Elizabeth banged loudly upon the wooden door.

‘Professor!’ She called through the mail slot, ‘Professor de Bard! Are you in there?’

At that moment the Professor’s neighbour stepped out of their own door, and looked at Elizabeth curiously, ‘Wot chuu yellin’ for?’

‘Excuse me, Ma’am, have you seen Professor de Bard at all over the last few days?’

The woman frowned, ‘I ain’t seen ‘im all week long. Never seen ‘im much anyways. Quiet fing ‘ee is.’ She had a high, annoying voice, with an accent even more common than Elizabeth’s.

‘Have you not heard him through your shared wall?’ Elizabeth asked nervously.

‘Not a whisper.’ She replied, ‘Odd fellow, in’ee? Are you ‘is daughter? On’y I never seen him ‘ave family round before.’

‘No … No.’ Elizabeth cursed under her breath and banged upon the door again, ‘Professor … I am … I am coming in!’ She shouted. People’s heads were poking out of their kitchen windows here and there along the street, wondering what the commotion was.

Trying the doorknob again Elizabeth found, without surprise, that it was still locked. Taking a deep breath Elizabeth threw her shoulder against the door, only causing her immense pain. Wincing, she looked up and down the street before hitching her dress up to her knees, lifting a leg, and kicking the door as hard as she could. It did not budge. She tried again. Six kicks later and the door finally flew open with a loud bang, bouncing off the wall. Elizabeth caught the door before it rebounded shut again, and stepped over the threshold. The house was eerily silent, and immensely dark, as no lamps were lit. Allowing her eyes to adjust, Elizabeth stepped down the Professor’s narrow hall, the floorboards creaking ominously as she walked.

‘Professor?’ She called, ‘Are you home?’

As she had expected, only silence greeter her. Elizabeth checked the sitting room, kitchen, and the cupboard under the stairs before making her way upstairs and onto the landing. Once at the top there were two doors on either side of her. Turning to her left Elizabeth tried the first door. She opened it noiselessly to find herself inside the Professor’s washroom. It was small, and dark, with a basin in one corner, a rack of washcloths, and a small tub in the other corner. No one was inside this room, though a rather foul smelled had reached her nose. Sniffing, Elizabeth found that the smell was stronger upon the landing. She stepped out of the washroom, closing the door with a snap behind her. The smell was so putrid that she was avoiding breathing through her nose at all costs. There was only one place the smell could be coming from. Elizabeth made her way to the second doorof upon the landing, and reached out a hand to take the doorknob. Could the stench be some kind of new concoction the Professor had left brewing whilst taking a leave of absence? She turned the doorknob and cracked open the door by an inch. The first thing she noticed was a strange buzzing sound that seemed to be coming from inside the room. The atrocious smell hit her as though it were a tidal wave, causing her to gag and slap a hand to her mouth. Opening the door completely, a horrific sight met Elizabeth’s eyes. Professor de Bard was indeed in this room – and he was dead.

Elizabeth backed from the room and onto the landing, tripping upon the moth-eaten rug and falling backwards to the floor with a crash. A strangled cry left her mouth as she stared transfixed at the sight before her. The Professor lay on the floor, his blank eyes staring unseeingly at the ceiling. His skin was white, and he had begun to decompose in the days he had been left in his house. Flies buzzed around his body aggressively, and the smell of rotting flesh filled the room causing Elizabeth to retch upon the rug before her.

‘Help!’ Elizabeth cried at the top of her lungs, ‘Murder!’ She scrambled to her feet and sped down the flight of stairs, slipping at the bottom and crashing to the floor in a heap.

Elizabeth began crawling towards the open front door. Once on the lawn she propped herself over the flowerbed below the sitting room window and was violently ill into the dirt. The smell of death was upon her, and the image of the Professor was imprinted vividly in her memory. People were starting to come out of their houses now to find Elizabeth sobbing in Professor de Bard’s front garden. Two men asked her what the matter was, and when Elizabeth pointed inside the house they allowed themselves inside to investigate. The world seemed to speed up at that moment. Strangers were asking her questions, ushering her away from the house, and bringing her cups of tea. She was dizzy, and a Constable was questioning her. Some doctors came to examine the body, and took the Professor away in a big, black bag. All the while Elizabeth sat unmoving on the front lawn of her once dear friend and teacher, Bernard de Bard.

Chapter Three

The will of Professor de Bard

In the days that followed the coroner revealed to Elizabeth that Professor de Bard had died from poisoning. He told her that there had been no marks upon his body, nor was there any evidence to suggest a struggle of any kind.

‘This,’ He had said, ‘Indicates that Bernard de Bard was not murdered, but did in fact take his own life.’

‘No.’ Elizabeth had said firmly, ‘He would not have taken his own life. It was an accident. He … he liked to experiment.’

‘The paperwork found in his home suggests that he was working on some kind of antidote, though we are having some trouble figuring out his methods and calculations. Do you know anything about this?’

‘The Professor worked on many things, and did not reveal all of them to me, Sir. Though he liked to document his remedies and the effects they produced.’

UST

‘You were his assistant, yes?’ The coroner had enquired.

‘Professor de Bard was my teacher. I was his apprentice.’

‘Women are not to dispense medicine.’ The coroner noted, ‘Surely you must know that.’ The coroner had said shrewdly.

Thinking back upon this conversation angered Elizabeth to a great extent.

~

Elizabeth did not get out of bed for two days. She did not wash, and only ate what her mother forced her to. The parish of the local church stopped by on Tuesday morning to tell Elizabeth’s mother that a burial had been arranged to commemorate Professor de Bard’s contributions to medicine. When Professor de Bard’s former apprentices heard of his death, many of them travelled back to the town to pay their respects. As Professor de Bard had no family, Elizabeth was unsure as to what would happen to his apothecary. No one had sought to collect the key from Elizabeth, which she was now keeping under her pillow.

Captain Greenwood had dropped by to bestow his sympathies upon Elizabeth, however she had refused to receive him. Once he had left, her mother had brought an extremely large bouquet of lilies to her bedside table. A small card was hidden amongst the flowers, which her mother read to her.

‘Captain Greenwood wishes to escort you to the funeral.’ Her mother said in a light voice.

Elizabeth did not respond and simply lay there sprawled on the bed, her hair a horrid mess, the sheets twisted around her ankles.

‘He said he will come by on the morrow to find out your response. Sweetheart, I think you should accept. He is awfully worried about you.’

‘I am sure he would enjoy being the shoulder I cry upon.’ Elizabeth said in a muffled voice, for half of her face was concealed by the pillow, ‘You can tell him that I shall accept his proposal.’

On the day of the funeral Elizabeth felt like she were in a kind of trans, looking out at the world as though behind a pane of glass. She dressed silently in her only black dress, brushed the knots from her tangled hair and sat upon her bed, waiting for the moment Captain Greenwood would knock upon the front door. On cue, as expected, there was a rap at the door downstairs, followed by the sound of her mother greeting the captain solemnly.

Their voices carried upstairs and Elizabeth caught a few snippets of what they were saying.

‘Good Morning, Captain.’ Her mother said in a soft voice.

‘Good Morning, Missus Searson. I trust you are in good health?’ The Captain spoke in hushed tones, as though he were in the house of a dying relative.

‘As well as I can be.’

‘How is Elizabeth?’

Her mother sighed, ‘Not well I fear. She has eaten naught for three days, Captain, and has barely spoken a word.’

Elizabeth crept to her door to listen to the hushed conversation that was taking place downstairs.

‘I imagine they were very close.’ Captain Greenwood was saying.

‘Oh yes. Elizabeth began working at the apothecary not long after her father died. I expect Bernard was a kind of substitute father in a way. She spent six days a week with him for three years.’

‘She has suffered a terrible loss.’ George Greenwood said softly.

‘Indeed. I believe she is almost ready, Captain. I shall go and fetch her.’

Elizabeth heard her mother’s footsteps upon the stairs, and she hurriedly backed away from the door so she would not be discovered eavesdropping. She busied herself in front of the mirror as her mother entered the room silently.

‘He has arrived. Are you almost ready?’

Elizabeth did not turn around, but nodded, ‘I will be downstairs in a minute.’

Her mother left with a small smile.

Elizabeth waited a few minutes before she could not put off going downstairs any longer. She turned from her pale, gaunt reflection in disgust. She had acquired large shadows under her eyes from crying on and off over the last few days. As Elizabeth swept downstairs she found Captain Greenwood and her mother in the sitting room. The Captain was sipping a cup of tea politely, but jumped to his feet when Elizabeth entered, slopping tea down his front. She pretended not to notice this, and gave him a small curtsey, looking at the floor. As she did this her mother exited into the kitchen in order to give them some privacy.

‘Miss Searson.’ Captain Greenwood put his half empty saucer upon the table, and wiped hurriedly at the damp mark upon his vest, ‘My deepest sympathies for your loss.’ He crossed the room and stood before her in three short strides.

‘Thank you for your kind words.’ Elizabeth nodded, ‘And thank you for the lilies.’

Captain Greenwood seemed to be fumbling with something in his pocket. He pulled out a small brown package tied with red string.

‘I do apologise, I had no time to wrap it.’ He said, handing the light package to Elizabeth.

‘You have … bought me something?’ She enquired in a shaking voice, feeling quite emotionally unstable.

‘It is nothing.’ He waved it aside, though Elizabeth could see that he was extremely nervous.

Elizabeth untied the package with shaking hands, and let the wrappings fall open to reveal a pair of petite, silk gloves that seemed to shine brightly in light pouring in through the sitting room window. Elizabeth touched them with her fingertips. The white silk was as soft as a gentle breeze.

‘They are lovely.’ She said gazing at them.

‘I thought … white … to represent purity.’ He explained hurriedly, ‘I thought you could wear them to the funeral.’

Elizabeth looked up at him, ‘Thank you.’

Captain Greenwood reached out a hand and took the package from Elizabeth and placed it upon the mantelpiece. Ever so gently he took one of her hands and straightened out her fingers with the ball of his palm. His skin was hot, and Elizabeth felt an absurd quiver somewhere below her abdomen. Taking one of the gloves, Captain Greenwood proceeded to slip the silky material over Elizabeth’s fingers and gently pull it towards her wrist. He took great care in fitting each finger precisely in the gloves, and allowed his hands to linger in hers, massaging them gently with his thumb. Once both gloves were on, he let go of her hands, and smiled at her.

‘How do they feel?’ He whispered.

Elizabeth’s mouth felt dry, and she had a strange sensation occurring in the pit of her stomach. The way he had touched her hands so gently had sent shivers right through her spine.

‘They are perfect.’ She smiled and turned her hands this way and that to admire the gloves.

‘I am glad you like them, and at the same time I am very sorry about the occasion for which they are being used for.’

Elizabeth’s throat felt tight, and she swallowed hard. She did not wish to cry in front of Captain Greenwood for she had tried so hard to maintain the image of being a strong and independent woman. However, in this position she felt extremely weak and vulnerable.

‘Shall we proceed?’ He asked, holding out an arm for Elizabeth to take.

‘Yes, of course.’ Elizabeth said, her chest tight.

Traditionally, funerals would take place within the deceased home, with the coffin being carried from the house to the site of the burial by horse and cart. This had been the case with Elizabeth’s father. However, as Professor de Bard had no family to organise his funeral, it was taking place in the church, and would be a public affair.

Captain Greenwood had arranged a carriage to take them to the funeral, something Elizabeth was grateful for, as she did not much feel like walking. Once they had arrived, he opened the carriage door for her, and took her hand to assist her down the step.

As they walked through the church doors, Elizabeth was vaguely aware that Captain Greenwood’s plans of courting Elizabeth seemed to be working. She felt quite safe as she walked with him, and enjoyed very much the way his hand hovered upon the small of her back in a reassuring manner.

The funeral pass heed in a haze of meaningless words. Men spoke of the Professor, and his achievements, yet no one really seemed to know the man personally. This made Elizabeth sad, and she wondered if the Professor had ever been lonely. To her knowledge he had never even been married.

After the funeral Elizabeth congregated outside with other attendants as they talked about the ceremony and various other events of the day. Elizabeth did not feel like conversing with people who would pretend to have known him as well as she did. Captain Greenwood remained by her side like a loyal dog, up until the moment when a tall, thin man in a very expensive suit came up to Elizabeth.

‘Are you Miss Elizabeth Searson?’ The stranger enquired.

‘Yes.’ Elizabeth said rather startled by the man’s sudden appearance.

‘My name is Charles Smith,’ He handed her a card upon which his name was written, along with some other personal details, ‘I was wondering if I might have a moment of your time?’

At her side, Captain Greenwood became suddenly stiff and eyed Charles Smith suspiciously.

‘It is regarding Professor de Bard, Miss Searson, so a private word would be appreciated. If you might find the time to come by my office – it is only a five minute carriage ride away-’

‘As Miss Searson’s chaperone-’ Captain Greenwood began loudly.

‘It is quite all right, Captain Greenwood.’ Elizabeth said in an undertone, ‘What time do you propose we meet?’

‘I am free now, Miss Searson, and my carriage awaits.’ He pointed down the road where a carriage was waiting for him.

Elizabeth was thoroughly confused as so why this man would want to talk to her about the Professor, but she did not see the harm in visiting his office.

Looking down at Charles Smith’s card, she found that he was a lawyer, and the office in which they would be conversing was an attorney’s study. The card stated that Charles Smith specialised in Estate Planning and the writing of Wills.

Captain Greenwood seemed thoroughly annoyed that his time with Elizabeth was being cut short.

‘Is this a good idea, Miss Elizabeth?’ He muttered to her in a voice too low for Charles Smith to hear, ‘I think I should come with you.’

‘I think it will be quite all right, Captain.’ Elizabeth assured him testily.

Elizabeth allowed herself to be steered in the direction of the carriage by Charles Smith, and before she knew it she was trundling down the road towards the centre of the town. The journey lasted no longer than a few minutes, and they stopped outside of a rather magnificent building. Elizabeth shielded her eyes against the bright sunlight as she looked up at the tall courthouse.

She felt extremely nervous, and underdressed as Charles led her inside the building. The entrance hall was large, with enormous marble columns leading to a high ceiling. Charles Smith led her through thediv courthouse, passing several doors and people who bustled about importantly. Finally he stopped at a door which had his name engraved on a gold plate upon it. Opening it, Elizabeth stepped inside and found herself in a handsome room lined with packed bookshelves, and a deep mahogany desk.

‘Please sit down.’ Charles Smith said offering Elizabeth a seat, which she took.

‘What is this all about, Mister Smith?’ Elizabeth asked as Charles took a seat opposite her.

Folding his hands upon the desk and clearing his throat loudly, Charles looked at Elizabeth closely.

‘Let us get straight down to business. Miss Searson, I am a lawyer. Two weeks before Professor de Bard’s death he sought me out in order to make a few unusual changes to his will. Were you aware that Bernard de Bard had recently changed his will?’

‘Of course not. I do not think he would have shared such personal matters with me.’

‘Are you saying that you and Professor de Bard were not close then?’ Charles enquired.

‘We were close.’ Elizabeth frowned, ‘He was my employer, my teacher, and my friend.’

‘You were his assistant, were you not?’ Charles pulled out a folded sheet of parchment from a drawer in his desk.

Elizabeth cleared her throat nervously, ‘Apprentice.’ She corrected.

‘Professor de Bard has had many apprentices over the years.’ The lawyer noted, ‘Were you aware of that?’

‘Yes, Sir, of course.’

‘Forgive me for the questions, Miss Searson, but I am having some difficulty in understanding the changes Professor de Bard made to his will.’

Elizabeth did not speak, but waited for Charles Smith to continue.

‘Professor de Bard does not mention any former apprentices in his will. You are the only person he names specifically.’

‘He … he named me in his will?’ Elizabeth said, wide eyed.

‘You were unaware of this?’

‘Of course.’

Charles Smith cleared his throat and shook open the piece of parchment in his hand. He began to read aloud; ‘In the name of God, I Bernard Fredrik de Bard do acknowledge and establish that this is my Last Will and Testament.’ His eyes scanned down the page as he searched for Elizabeth’s name, ‘Aha, here we go. To my dearest friend, and brightest apprentice, Elizabeth Mary Searson I do bequeat"0"h my home in its entirety, including all possessions within, in addition to the apothecary located at 7 Eastmoreland place in the hope that she finds the independence she so desires.’

Elizabeth gaped at Charles Smith, ‘He … he left me everything?’ She gasped.

‘Almost.’ Charles held up a finger to silence her, ‘Professor de Bard owned a small plot of land to the north, which he has donated to the church. He has also donated his monetary savings in their entirety to medical research. However, Miss Searson, there is one small problem we face in regards to your inheritance.’

Elizabeth knew exactly what Charles Smith would say before the words had even left his mouth.

‘You are under the age of twenty-one, are you not?’

‘Yes, Sir, I am.’ Elizabeth clenched her teeth together.

‘You are not married, are you Miss Searson?’ Charles said.

‘No.’

‘Your father is deceased, am I correct?’

‘Yes.’

‘You do not have any brothers, do you Miss Searson?’

‘Well … a half brother from my father’s first marriage, but I have never met him, and we do not know where he is. I do not even know his name.’

‘Well then, this makes things quite simple.’ Charles said folding the parchment in his hands, and pocketing it, ‘as a woman you have no rights to land ownership. The two properties that Professor de Bard has mentioned in his will shall not become yours until you have married, and your husband can sign for them.’

Elizabeth stood quickly, the chair falling to the floor with a clatter, ‘That is … that is …’ She could not find the words to describe her outrage.

‘That is the law, Miss Searson. Your husband must be the one to sign the deeds.’

Elizabeth was breathing hard through her nostrils, anger coursing through her veins like fire.

‘Good day, Mister Smith.’ Elizabeth said in a shaking voice, before turning on her heel and sweeping from the room.

Elizabeth marched angrily through marble building. The people in the corridor stared at her as she passed. Her mind reeled with horrible thoughts as she stepped through the courthouse doors and into the sunlight. She did not even notice as she passed Captain Greenwood at the doors.

‘Miss Searson!’ He did a double take, ‘Elizabeth!’ He jogged up to her and caught her in only a few strides.

‘Leave me be, Captain.’ Elizabeth said through gurnritted teeth, ‘I am going home.’

She did not care that George Greenwood had followed her all the way into the middle of the town, or that he had waited for her to emerge from her meeting with Charles Smith. She was filled with a rage that she had never known before. The Captain followed Elizabeth as she marched up the street, cursing at anyone who got in her way.

‘Please, Miss Searson. Let me help. What happened?’

‘What happened, Captain Greenwood, is injustice to women.’

‘What did he say?’ He said sharply.

Elizabeth thrust Charles Smith’s card into Captain Greenwood’s hand. He read it and frowned, ‘Is it about Bernard de Bards will?’

‘Apparently they want to spit upon the memory of Professor de Bard by refusing to comply with the wishes stated in his will.’ Elizabeth said shrilly.

Captain Greenwood seemed thoroughly confused, ‘What conditions?’

Elizabeth slowed down and eventually stopped walking. Panting, she turned to Captain Greenwood, anger blazing in her green eyes. He looked positively frightened at the expression upon her face.

‘Professor de Bard left me his house, and the apothecary.’ Elizabeth breathed, ‘However according to law I can not possibly take ownership of his properties, as he so wished-’

‘-Until you are married.’ Captain Greenwood finished for her.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and breathed heavily through flared nostrils, ‘So you understand.’

‘More than you can imagine.’ The Captain took her gloved hand and squeezed gently.

Captain Greenwood took Elizabeth home in his carriage, looking furtively at her out of the corner of his eye every few minutes to ensure that she would not have another fit of rage. She did not speak at all during the ride home, though she thanked the Captain for his generosity in seeing her home. As she stepped from the carriage, he looked as though he wanted to say something to her, though had decided against it.

Once upon her doorstep, he took her hand once again and looked deeply into her face, ‘Miss Searson,’ He said, screwing up his eyes in what appeared to be painful concentration, ‘I realise that my advances have been quite clumsy. Things always tend to go wrong when we try to spend time together, mostly because I have a habit of saying the wrong things, but I do want you to understand how deeply I care for you. I have thought of no one else since the time I met you over one year ago.’

Elizabeth did not care to respond. She was still upset and angry about her encounter with Charles Smith.

Captain Greenwood continued, ‘I was away at sea for months at a time, and not prepared to put my career on hold for a woman.’ He admitted, ‘But I feel differently now.’

Elizabeth avoided his gaze. A sudden thought occured to her. If Captain Greenwood wished to become her husband, then she would be able to fulfil Professor de Bard’s last wishes, and continue running the apothecary on his behalf. However, since Elizabeth had already confessed her dilemma to him, he was sure to be suspicious if her attitude towards marriage suddenly changed. Never mind the fact that she would not be very comfortable with deceiving Captain Greenwood, for he was a good and honest man. Though, might she allow herself to fall for him? Could affection be forced in desperate situations? Elizabeth was not sure, but all of a sudden she found herself desperately wishing for Captain Greenwoods Courtship to be successful. She did not know if it was the right thing to do, she decided that she would do whatever it took to take possession of the Professor’s properties, for it was what he had wished.

‘Would you like to come inside for a cup of tea?’ Elizabeth said suddenly, hardly believing her own ears.

Captain Greenwood looked as though he would like nothing more than to spend more time alone together, however, ‘Would you not find it inappropriate to be together within your dwellings without a parent?’

Elizabeth considered this for a moment, frowning, ‘Captain … you are a gentleman. I am just a common girl. You may find my ways and habits different to yours. I see no problem with you entering my home.’

‘Do you not worry what the neighbours might say?’

‘I do not care what anyone says.’

With a nod, Captain Greenwood allowed himself to be steered inside of Elizabeth’s home. She knew her mother would not be home for several hours on this Thursday afternoon, for it was the time she spent with her oldest friends every week.

Elizabeth was slightly embarrassed by her shabby living quarters, though the Captain made no comment about its general state of disrepair. She sat him down upon a chair, and brought him a cup of tea. Her mother had always said that you should offer guests tea, not that they ever had many guests. They sat in awkward silence for many minutes, sipping their cups of tea through pursed lips, and making glances up at one another every now and then. Elizabeth wondered vaguely how he had ever found her interesting.

‘I find myself utterly intimidated by your presence.’ He said suddenly.

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘I am worried I might say, or do something wrong.’

‘Are you worried you might anger me again?’ Elizabeth could not help but smile.

‘I have so many thoughts running through my head.’ He gave a nervous laugh, ‘Things I want to say, want to do.’ He trailed off.

Eli‘zabeth felt a knot form in her stomach. She did not think she would ever fall in love with the Captain, however, she did find him quite attractive. A long repressed, rebellious voice in her brain suggested that she take advantage of the time they had alone. Would he kiss her if she asked? Would he hold her waist? She pushed these thoughts aside, and scolded herself mentally for being so inappropriate. Yes, she had known the Captain for over a year, but these encounters had been preceded by long gaps while he was at sea, and most of their conversations had taken place in the apothecary. Was she really willing to seduce and trick a man into marrying her so she could fulfil the Professor’s wishes?

‘Like what things?’ She asked after another minute’s silence.

The Captain paused with the teacup to his lips, and lowered it again slowly, ‘Well … I will admit that I have thought about moments like these for a long while.’

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows, ‘About us?’

‘Indeed.’ He gave an embarrassed smile, ‘I was smitten as soon as I met you.’

‘Do you think we are compatible, Captain?’ Elizabeth said quickly.

‘I should hope so.’ He said, taking another sip of tea and setting the cup and saucer down upon the side table.

‘What is it that makes two people compatible?’ Elizabeth asked.

Captain Greenwood took a deep breath, ‘Well, I suppose one must have values similar to that of their partner. I believe … forgive me, sexual attraction plays a rather large role.’

‘Lust?’ Elizabeth asked.

‘Mmh.’ The Captain nodded, ‘There must be some level of attraction in order for things to work. Apart from that, mutual trust and understanding.’

‘Many marriages fail, Captain. Do you think people can become incompatible over time?’

‘Mayhap.’ He gave a shrug, and Elizabeth found herself leaning rather close to him.

‘How can you tell when you have found the one?’

The Captain laughed, ‘I suppose no one knows. Do you not believe in love, Miss Searson? Your questions intrigue me. It is as though you do not believe in soul mates.’

‘I cannot believe in something I have never experienced.’ She said plainly.

Captain Greenwood had no response to this, though Elizabeth had had a sudden idea.

‘Shall I make you an offer Captain?’

‘What do ye nou mean?’ He asked wearily.

‘I do not know what love, or lust feels like.’ Elizabeth admitted, licking her lips nervously. If she could seduce the Captain, he might propose within the month. ‘I propose a test.’

‘A test?’ The Captain frowned, ‘Miss Searson, please … you are talking of courtship as though it is some experiment you are concocting in your laboratory. These things take time. You are thinking too logically regarding matters of the heart.’

‘You do not wish to hear of the test?’ Elizabeth put a hand to the Captain’s knee gently, with an innocent smile.

‘Amuse me.’ Captain Greenwood sighed, with a small smile upon his face, ‘Please tell me how you plan to conduct an experiment regarding matters of our compatibility. As far as I was aware, courting was the act of a couple getting to know one another in order to decide whether an engagement should follow. Would courtship not be a sufficient experiment?’

‘I find that path rather lengthy.’ Elizabeth smiled, ‘Kiss me, Captain. We shall see instantly whether this arrangement shall work or not.’ She did not know what had come over her. Was this how you seduced a man? She was not sure.

Captain Greenwood gaped at her, ‘I cannot.’ He shook his head and stood.

Elizabeth tried a different tact, ‘Do you not want to?’ She asked crestfallen.

Captain Greenwood sighed, ‘Of course.’

‘Do you not think it would simplify matters? Or do you not find me attractive?’

‘I would love nothing more than to kiss you, Miss Searson.’ He admitted. Elizabeth felt her stomach tighten.

Elizabeth was quite embarrassed at her boldness, however she had decided to take a logical approach to the issue at hand. If she enjoyed kissing Captain Greenwood, she would, of course, tell him that it had been pleasant. Perhaps then she would be able to marry him. If it repulsed her, on the other hand, she would make it known. She would not pretend to love him for personal gain of Professor de Bard’s properties.

‘This was not how I imagined our first kiss.’ Captain Greenwood admitted.

‘Have you imagined it before now?’ Elizabeth wondered aloud.

‘Many times.’ He smiled slyly.

‘Tell me.’

‘Oh, I do not think that is such a good idea.’

‘Why not?’

‘It … it is not something you tell a lady.’ His brow furrowed.

‘Are you embarrassed?’

‘You ask extremely awkward questions, Miss Searson.’ They looked at each other for a long while.

‘Will you kiss me, Captain?’ Elizabeth asked.

George Greenwood’s eyes blazed with determination and concentration. It was extremely clear to Elizabeth that he did not want to make a single mistake in this most important of situations. As the Captain put one hand in her hair, and the other to her waist, Elizabeth wondered vaguely if she was thinking too logically about the process of courting. As if it were an automatic reaction, her eyes closed as Captain Greenwood leaned towards her, his lips slightly parted as he pressed them to hers. He was warm, and moist. His breath washed over her as he pulled away by a fraction, only to bring his mouth crashing down upon hers once again. Elizabeth put her fingertips to his cheek, and allowed him to kiss her fully and unashamedly. His tongue swirled through her mouth, hot and wet. As quickly as it had begun, it was over.

Captain Greenwood seemed to be having some kind of internal struggle. His hands were shaking with what appeared to be immense effort and self-restraint. He was breathing very heavily, and when he spoke, his voice was ragged and husky.

‘Please tell me you felt something.’ He breathed.

Elizabeth straightened herself and considered this for a moment. She was not repulsed, nor was she aroused. However, she had found it quite nice.

‘It was … pleasant.’ She smiled, straightening her dress.

‘I should not have done it.’

‘Did you not enjoy it?’ She asked, feigning an expression on deepest hurt.

Captain Greenwood stared at her, flabbergasted, ‘Of course I enjoyed it! You do not know how long I have waited to do that.’

‘So what is the problem, Captain?’ Elizabeth stood and attempted to flatten her hair.

‘I had hoped to be a gentleman, and show restraint to some extent.’

‘You stopped, did you not?’ She asked with raised eyebrows.

Elizabeth was not sure if she was ashamed of herself for wanting Captain Greenwood to propose so he could sign the deed to Professor de Bard’s properties. She did like him, of course, though when he had kissed her she had not felt anything remotely like the feelings often described in books. There was no arousing passion, no butterflies in her stomach, and no pounding of her heart. She had not lied when she had said thgenat it was pleasant though. She found it very enjoyable and wondered if the literature she had read about love had simply exaggerated the sensations felt during kissing. However, Elizabeth was not opposed to trying it again some time. Marriage might have little to do with the emotional entanglement of two young people, for emotions were fickle and not to be trusted. Romantic love was not necessary in most people’s eyes. After their brief intimacy Captain Greenwood bade Elizabeth farewell and she watched him walk down the street, a slight spring in his step.

~

As Elizabeth had no job to go to she made herself useful around the house, and helped her mother by running errands. The work of a homemaker did not thrill Elizabeth, but she was a hard worker and was always seeking things to do.

Elizabeth’s mother was absolutely delighted that she had taken to Captain Greenwood’s courtship. Mary Searson would tell anyone who would listen that George Greenwood of the Royal Navy was courting her daughter, and so it seemed, was Captain Greenwood. One evening whilst visiting Elizabeth in her home, he told her how he could not help but boast about their courtship to his colleagues.

Two weeks after Professor de Bard’s funeral, Elizabeth’s mother suggested something that took her by surprise.

‘I was thinking about asking Captain Greenwood his opinion on bundling.’

‘I beg your pardon, Mother?’ Elizabeth had said thunderstruck.

Bundling was a term used to describe the act of bed courting, something that took place more commonly among the middle-class, and poorer families. Bundling couples were expected to talk to one another through the night with a plank of foot-high wood placed between them, to ensure that no sexual conduct would take place. The couple would remain mostly clothed, though Elizabeth was not sure suggesting bundling to Captain Greenwood was a very wise idea for Elizabeth knew that he was no stranger to the company of a woman.

‘Your father and I shared a bed once a fortnight when we were courting.’ Her mother recalled, a glazed look forming over her eyes and she reminisced.

‘Yes, and I am sure all you did was talk.’ Elizabeth said sarcastically.

Her mother looked sternly at Elizabeth, ‘we were very good. Although … your father did sneak into my bedroom on many occasions. But all we did was cuddle.’ She insisted, ‘Bundling is a courtship ritual, many courting couples do it. Besides, I know you would not do anything to be ashamed of.’

Elizabeth considered this for a moment, ‘For how long were you and Father courting, before he proposed?’ She asked.

‘We courted for a month before your father sent a letter to my parents, expressing his desire to marry me.’ Her mother sighed, a far-away look in her eyes.

‘Did you marry right away?’ Elizabeth wondered.

‘Aye, we were wed within a fortnight of his proposal.’

‘Did … did you love him?’

Mary Searson focussed her eyes upon Elizabeth, who tried to fashion her expression into one of polite curiosity.

‘Very much.’ Her mother replied, ‘from the very first day.’

Elizabeth nodded in understanding and did not ask any more questions.

‘You seem troubled.’ Her mother noted.

Elizabeth sat in silence for a long while, ‘I am fine … really.’ She assured her.

As it turned out, Elizabeth’s mother did not need to concern herself with badgering Captain Greenwood with regards to his opinions of bundling up with Elizabeth. On Saturday night as the tower clock chimed ten, Elizabeth was putting on her nightdress, and washing her face in the basin. Her mother had retired an hour previously, and Elizabeth could hear light snores issuing from her room across the landing. Walking over to her bed, and putting out the candle, Elizabeth drew back the covers and slipped between the sheets. It was a cold night and she curled up into the foetal position. Barely a minute had passed since putting out her light when there came a strange tap at her window. Elizabeth raised her head slightly from the pillow and listened hard for the sound again.

Tap.

Sliding out of bed, Elizabeth made her way to her bedroom window, and pulled the lace curtains aside. The moon was lighting up the street, and standing below her second storey window was George Greenwood.

His face lit up when he saw her standing there and he dropped the handful of pebbles he had been intending to throw at the glass.

Elizabeth opened the window noiselessly and leaned out, her hair falling past her shoulders in curtains around her face, ‘Captain, what are you doing here?’ She hissed down at him, unable to suppress a small smile playing across her lips.

‘I had to see you.’ He said in a hushed voice that carried clearly up to her.

‘You saw me only yesterday.’ She pointed out. They had seen each other several times over the last two weeks, however they had not shared any more intimate moments since that kiss that had taken place after the funeral.

She saw him grin as he removed his hat, and held it to his chest, ‘I could not stay away.’ He confessed, ‘I have thought of nothing else all day, except coming to visit you. I could not stop myself.’

Elizabeth smiled, and her mother’s voice echoed in her head; I was thinking about asking Captain Greenwood his opinion on bundling. We courted for a month before your father sent a letter to my parents, expressing his desire to marry me. Could she really have the Professor’s apothecary in little over a month?

‘Captain,’ Eignlizabeth whispered, ‘Would you dare climb the wall and enter through my window?’

Captain Greenwood seemed momentarily shocked, before composing himself, ‘I would dare.’ He admitted with a nod, ‘But only if I was invited.’

Elizabeth tried to steady her breathing, ‘you are invited, Sir.’ And without another word she stepped away from the window and back to her bed, where she sat, waiting.

It did not take long for Captain Greenwood to scale the side of the house. The brickwork was clumsy, and there were many holes, allowing for an easy climb. He was rather silent as he climbed through the open window. His shoulders were a little too wide, but he managed to slip inside noiselessly.

Straightening up, Captain Greenwood gazed around the moonlit room, before his eyes fell upon Elizabeth in her nightdress, sitting upon the bed. She realised she had never been so bare in front of a man before, and twisted her hands together nervously as he looked at her.

‘I have never seen you in this light before.’ He whispered, stepping towards her.

Elizabeth avoided his penetrating gaze and stared at her bare feet upon the floorboards.

‘You seem nervous.’ His voice was warm, and husky.

Elizabeth looked up at the Captain and saw that his expression was hard and blazing.

‘I have never had a man in my bedroom before.’ She admitted.

Captain Greenwood sat next to Elizabeth, causing the mattress to sink several inches, ‘I had to see you.’ He heaved a dramatic sigh, ‘I was going mad, sitting at home and thinking of nothing else. Before I knew it I was halfway down the street. I shall be sad when I have to leave.’ He leant backwards and rested on his palms.

Elizabeth pursed her lips and forced the words from her mouth, ‘You could … spend the night.’ She shrugged casually, avoiding eye contact.

Captain Greenwood sat up, ‘Here? In this room?’

‘I would understand if you did not desire it.’

‘I would desire it more than anything.’ He said with raised eyebrows.

‘Will you stay?’ Elizabeth asked tentatively.

‘If you wish it.’ He said softly, taking her hand.

Captain Greenwood took of his shoes, socks, and waistcoat and lay with Elizabeth upon her bed. She rested her head upon his chest and allowed him to stroke her hair gently. It was very soothing lying there in his warm arms. He trailed a finger up and down the length of her arm, sending goose bumps over her flesh. She could hear his heart thumping madly, and his breathing was ragged.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Elizabeth whispered.

‘I am thinking … how content I am.’ He replied in a husky voice, as his fingertips trailed across her shoulder. She could feel him watching her, his eyes roaming over her body as she curled up against him. She wanted him to want her, for his affection would be key to a quick proposal. Elizabeth looked up at Captain Greenwood and caught the expression upon his face. Lust. His eyes burned with passion.

Elizabeth placed a hand upon his chest. His shirt had a few buttons undone and she could see dark, curly hair protruding over the top. She ran her fingertips through the hair upon his chest and he took a sharp intake of breath. Elizabeth felt bold, and daring. She fingered the highest button of his shirt and let it pop out of its hole. Captain Greenwood looked down his nose at Elizabeth, his expression one of confusion. She moved to the next button, and the next. Soon, his shirt fell open to reveal his bare chest. He was incredible, with a thicket of hair trailing all the way down to his belly button. A thinner trail led to the rim of his breeches. Elizabeth’s mouth felt dry, and she wondered how far she dared to go in order to claim Captain Greenwood as her own, indefinitely. Was giving in to her beliefs worth taking ownership of the apothecary? She looked up at the Captain and they locked eyes. Elizabeth could hear her mind screaming; Kiss me. Kiss me. For the love of God, you must be mine.

It was as though he had read her mind, for Captain Greenwood leaned forward at that moment and kissed her on the mouth. He caressed her arm, her shoulders, and lightly touching her collarbone. His fingers blazed a white-hot trail across her skin, and she shivered under his touch. Elizabeth’s heart pounded loudly, and she knew it was due to arousal, and not love for the Captain. She knew this, but at the moment it did not matter.

Elizabeth let out a throaty moan when the captain’s lips moved to the nape of her neck. She arched her back and pressed herself against him, melting into his arms. Captain Greenwood’s hand was upon her thigh. He pulled her closer, and Elizabeth wrapped her leg around his torso. Things were getting quite out of hand. All previous reservations lost, the Captain was above her, the weight of his body pressing against Elizabeth. She could feel his rugged breath cascading down her neck. He was groaning. His lips moved from her neck and came crashing down upon her mouth once again. Legs wrapped around his waist, Elizabeth gasped as she felt his manhood grind against her thigh. At this noise, he stopped kissing Elizabeth and stared down at her, his hair dishevelled, and his lips red.

‘Are you all right?’ He said breathlessly.

Elizabeth nodded, unable to form words.

He stared at her momentarily, breathing heavily. He appeared to be thinking hard.

‘Should I stop?’ He whispered. Elizabeth could feel his swollen crotch throbbing against her inner thigh.

‘I … I do not know.’ Elizabeth did not feel in the right state of mind to be making important decisions right now, ‘May-Mayhap we should … slow things down.’

Captain Greenwood rolled off of her, and embraced her once again. Her mind blowas racing and she wondered how ashamed she would be of herself if she tricked the Captain into signing the deeds.

They lay in each other’s arms for an hour without talking, slowly drifting to sleep. Elizabeth was on the brink of slumber when Captain Greenwood whispered into the silence.

‘Elizabeth?’

‘Mmmh?’ she responded.

‘I have been meaning to tell you something.’ He said awkwardly.

Elizabeth’s heart dropped. No, she thought, do not say it. It is too soon.

‘What is it, Captain?’ She said hesitantly. She did not think she could handle it if he confessed his love for her.

‘I fear I may have chosen an inappropriate time to fall for you.’

‘What do you mean?’ She said slowly.

‘I have avoided telling you.’ He breathed deeply, ‘But I shall be leaving in a weeks time.’

Elizabeth raised her head from his chest and stared at him, ‘Leaving?’

‘Duty calls, my love. We are forming an alliance with the Dutch against the navies of France and Spain. Of course, I am not meant to tell you that, but I do trust you thoroughly.’

‘The aspects of war do not thrill me, Captain.’ Elizabeth said, sitting up. Captain Greenwood seldom spoke of his duties as a Royal Navy officer for which Elizabeth was glad for she was greatly opposed to violence.

‘The Spanish Navy is attempting to regain Sicily from Austria. We must meet their fleet before it reaches Cape Passaro. I hope you understand that I must go.’

Elizabeth looked away, ‘How long will you be gone?’ she asked, dreading the response.

‘I cannot be sure.’ He said quietly, ‘Five … six months.’

Elizabeth snapped her attention back to Captain Greenwood, ‘Six months?’ She said exasperatedly.

‘I have been meaning to tell you.’ He sat up too, and looked imploringly at her, ‘I just could not find the right moment.’

‘I am a fool.’ Elizabeth avoided his eyes, ‘I allow you … here … into my very bed, yet this whole time you have planned to abandon me. I thought you wished to make me yours, Captain.’

‘I do.’ He said hurriedly, ‘Please do not think that I have used you for your company whilst on land. You could not be more wrong.’

‘What shall happen when you return in six months time, Captain? Must H I be forced to wait for your return without a hint of commitment?’

Captain Greenwood closed his eyes for a moment. He seemed to be praying for patience, ‘I would commit to you, Elizabeth.’ He said through clenched teeth, ‘If I did not fear your response.’

Elizabeth cursed at her self internally. He was remembering what she had said regarding her position on marriage. I do not plan to wed at all had been her words to him only a fortnight ago.

‘I could not bare it if you were to decline.’ He continued.

Would he be suspicious if her attitude towards wedlock had changed within the last two weeks? Mayhap he might believe himself successful in courtship, and not think twice as to why she might marry him.

Elizabeth licked her lips, ‘I might not decline.’ She fixed him with a hard look.

The Captain raised his eyebrows, but he did not interrogate her regarding her change of views, ‘I might die if you were to refuse me.’

‘Do not be so dramatic.’ Elizabeth scolded.

He smiled at her remark, ‘you might marry me before the week is out, Elizabeth. We could be husband and wife by the time I leave for sea.’

Elizabeth’s heart leapt. Married within a week. She could be opening up the apothecary in a few days time.

‘We might.’ She nodded, ‘Though would your parents approve?’

‘We could be wed at night. No one would need to know. We can pay someone to witness our union.’

A secret wedding? So, it seemed that Captain Greenwood did not think his parents would approve of him marrying a common girl such as Elizabeth. To their knowledge there was nothing to be gained from marrying someone of her station. Little did they know, however, that Elizabeth would inherit two properties upon marriage. No one was to know this, for people would talk and assume that Elizabeth was using Captain Greenwood for personal gain, which she was indeed doing, though no one needed to know that.

Elizabeth nodded vigorously, and Captain Greenwood’s face lit up.

‘We can marry at midnight, and stay at a cottage on the outskirts of town.’ He went on, as though he had been thinking about the plan for days.

‘Do you not worry what your parents might think of marrying someone like me?’

The Captain embraced her so lovingly that Elizabeth felt a pang of guilt. ‘Once we consummate our marriage there shall be no separating us.’

Elizabeth gulped as he pulled away. She had not thought about that. She was unsure as to what was expected of a woman on the night of her wedding.

‘So, what say you?’ Captain Greenwood said, positively beaming.

‘I say … yes.’ Elizabeth forced a smile, which did not completely reach her eyes. She had never felt so selfish in her entire life.

They embraced again. The Captain held her so tightly that she feared she might not be able to breathe. Once he had relinquished his hold upon her he stared into her face, his expression one of extreme happiness. Elizabeth tried to imitate him.

Chapter Four

The Midnight Wedding

Elizabeth did not tell her mother that she and Captain Greenwood were planning to elope in only three days time. The Captain had bribed a small chapel out of town to marry them at midnight, and asked the maiden of a small woodland Inn to witness the union, and rent them a room for two nights. They would return home in time for Captain Greenwood to put his affairs in order, and set sail. Elizabeth knew he would sign the deed as soon as she asked him, for he was extremely smitten by her, and would do as she pleased. He had arranged to pick Elizabeth up from her home at the eleventh hour, from where they would proceed by horse and cart to the chapel, which was forty-five minutes out of town. On the day of the marriage, which was a chilly Sunday, Elizabeth packed a travel bag and took her nicest dress from her closet, and hung it up to look at it. It was not wedding-worthy at all. It was a sea-foam green dress with a lace frill around the neck and cuffs. She wished she had something more appropriate to wear yet she could not afford a wedding dress. She imagined herself in an over-the-top gown, and shuddered.

Elizabeth had decided to ignore her guilt, and told herself repeatedly that she would indeed fall in love with the Captain over time. He did not repulse her of course, but she was absolutely sure that he was not ‘the-one’, whatever that meant.

At a quarter to eleven Elizabeth took her suitcase silently down the stairs and placed it at the door. She was already dressed in her finest garments, including the gloves that Captain Greenwood had given her. She had tied her curly red hair into a sleek knot at the back of her head, and worn her finest shoes. She waited nervously in the sitting room; moonlight pouring in through the crack in the curtains. She had not bothered to light the lamps for she would not be staying much longer. So she sat in the dark, waiting in silence for the sound of an approaching carriage.

At two minutes past eleven the sound of trotting horses reached her ears, drawing closer every second. Elizabeth jumped up from her seat and peered through the window. A black, horse drawn carriage trundled up and came to a halt in front of her house. Elizabeth closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Within the hour she would be married - and after that … well, she did not want to think about it.

Elizabeth had composed a short note to her mother so she would not worry when she woke to find Elizabeth missing. She had left it on the mantelpiece, and made it quite brief.

Dear Mother,

Do not worry, I am absolutely fine. I hope you will be quite pleased when I tell you that Captain Greenwood has asked me to marry him. I have accepted, and we are eloping at midnight. By the time you read this, the denk ed will have been done. We did not wish to make our engagement public, for Captain Greenwood’s parents would be most displeased at his choice for a wife. I therefore hope you can forgive me for keeping this secret from you. You must understand that it was the easiest way. I will be home on Wednesday, and once the Captain has signed the deed to Professor de Bard’s home, we will move in there before he sets sail on Thursday.

Love, Elizabeth

Elizabeth hoped the letter would suffice. She knew her mother would be upset that she had not attended her only daughters wedding, but would easily forgive for she had wanted Elizabeth to take kindly to the Captains courtship.

Elizabeth heard the horses outside snort impatiently as she made her way to the front door, holding her suitcase with both hands. Silently, she pulled the door open as to not make a sound, and found the Captain stepping down from the carriage. He smiled upon seeing her, and quickly looked up and down the street for signs of spies. He beckoned her to him, and she complied, shutting the door noiselessly behind her. Captain Greenwood took her suitcase and helped her into the carriage, where she sat shivering slightly due to cold and nerves. After a moment he entered with a smile upon his face as he seated himself next to her. When he closed the carriage door, it began to move immediately, trundling down the uneven street. They did not speak for a long while, but Captain Greenwood held her in his arms and stroked her hair like she was an overgrown baby. The journey seemed extremely short, though mayhap this was because Elizabeth was so apprehensive as to what lay ahead.

They arrived at the chapel on time and the Captain asked the coachman to remain out the front for when they emerged, to which he replied with a tip of his hat. Elizabeth’s knees felt extremely weak as she stepped out of the coach. The night was cold, and mist rose in front of her mouth. The parish of the church was waiting at the doors, from which a warm glow emitted so they could only see his silhouette. They walked up the path towards him, and he greeted them merrily.

‘Good evening Captain.’ The parish said cheerfully, ‘and you must be Miss Searson?’

Elizabeth gave a small curtsey and nodded.

‘The Parish is, uh,’ Captain Greenwood thought for a moment, ‘compassionate towards couples who wish to elope.’

‘Understanding when it comes to matters of love.’ He smiled warmly at Elizabeth, and she forced herself to smile back.

‘So, why the hurry?’ He asked as he steered them inside of the church.

‘I am leaving in a few days time and shall be gone several months. I found it wise to snatch up Miss Searson before some other fellow stole her away from me while I was away at sea.’ The Captain smiled warmly, winking at Elizabeth.

The ceremony did not take long. The parish stood before them and asked them to repeat his words, each in turn.

‘Elizabeth Mary Searson, I take you to be my wiJUSfe and my spouse and I pledge to you the faith of my body, that I will be faithful to you and loyal with my body and my goods and that I will keep you in sickness and in health and in whatever condition it will please the Lord to place you, and that I shall not exchange you for better or worse until the end.’

Elizabeth too repeated the words of the Parish.

‘George William Greenwood, I pledge to you that I will take you to be my husband and … master,’ She faltered and the Captain winced with an expression that clearly said do not worry about it. She continued, ‘-I pledge to you the faith of my body, that I will be faithful to you and loyal with my body and my goods and that I will keep you in sickness and in health and in whatever condition it will please the Lord to place you, and that I shall not exchange you for better or worse until the end.’

The parish then supervised the exchanging of the rings, and ordered Captain Greenwood to say the following; ‘With this ring I wed you, with my body I honor you.’

And so it was done. Captain Greenwood … George, slipped the simple gold band onto Elizabeth’s finger. She stared at it for several seconds, before George cupped her chin and kissed her lightly on the lips. Elizabeth Searson was now Elizabeth Greenwood in the eyes of the law, and would now be able to re-open the apothecary.

~

The carriage took them further north after the ceremony, towards a small village surrounded by trees. It was quite adorable, and Elizabeth thought she might enjoy the stay. The Inn had a sign dangling over the door, which read ‘The Kings Arms’ with two crossed swords. Its walls were covered in vines, and there seemed to be a farm beyond it for there was a strong smell of manure. Overall, it was quite pleasant. It was nearing one o’clock in the morning now, yet a maiden awaited them upon entry. She was a large breasted woman who batted her eyelashes at George and smiled consistently at him as she showed them to their room.

‘Yer in the best room.’ She told him, ‘I lit the fire for yeh.’

‘Thank you.’ George said graciously, and he handed her two silver pieces.

‘Thank you, Sir.’ She smiled widely and bustled out of the room.

Elizabeth watched the fire dancing in the grate, rubbing her arms nervously. She kept her back to her new husband as he closed the door. He crossed the room to meet her at the fireplace, and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

‘My wife,’ He whispered into her ear.

Elizabeth turned to face him, ‘Are you happy?’

‘Happier than I have ever been.’ He admitted, ‘Are you happy, Missus Greenwood?’

The name sounded foreign to her ears, ‘Of cours

It was not a complete lie. She was happy that she would be able to fulfill Professor de Bard’s wishes. She continued to ignore the guilt that fell heavily upon her heart. She was not sad to marry George Greenwood, but she was not thrilled to be considered his property. Elizabeth told herself over and over again that for hundreds of years many people married for gain, and not love.

George Greenwood cupped Elizabeth’s face in his hands and kissed her on the lips before staring at her face and drinking in every detail.

‘I do love you.’ He said softly.

Elizabeth’s stomach tightened uncomfortably, ‘And … I love you too.’ She lied.

George did not notice the hesitation because she had told him exactly what he wanted to hear. He kissed her again, first her lips, then her jaw, before his mouth found her neck. They kissed in front of the fire for a long while, embracing, and swaying on the spot. His hands ran all over her body, stroking her back, and squeezing her buttocks gently. His hands moved to the front of her dress, where he untied her bodice slowly, allowing it to fall away from her body. With fumbling fingers, Elizabeth began to unbutton George’s waistcoat and slid it from his shoulders. He was now sliding her dress from her shoulders, revealing her undergarments. The green dress fell to the floor in a heap and Elizabeth stood there nervously in her white chemise.

Before long, George had swept Elizabeth from her feet and carried her into their bedchamber where there was a large four-poster bed. He laid her gently upon the covers and knelt above her, his eyes roaming over her body. They began to kiss again, and Elizabeth felt the urgency mounting in the way that he kissed her. He began to undo the buttons of his shirt, once again exposing the mass of curled hair upon his sculpted chest. With his shirt upon the floor Elizabeth stared at George’s intimidating torso momentarily before he resumed kissing her neck. Elizabeth had never lain with a man before and was unsure as to what was expected of her. She was relying on George, for the most part, to know what he was doing, for he had been with many women upon his travels of the world. Elizabeth could see the outline of his manhood, pressing against his breeches.

George wasted no time in undressing Elizabeth completely. He tugged at the hem of her chemise, and pulled it over her head. He threw it to the floor and looked down upon her completely naked body. His eyes lingered upon her heaving bosom before moving downwards to the patch of curly auburn hair between her thighs. Elizabeth felt herself blush, and she tried to shield herself in embarrassment.

‘It is all right.’ He said, stopping her hands, ‘You are beautiful.’

He lowered himself and gently kissed her bosom, cupping the other in his large hands. He was extremely gentle as he parted her thighs with his knee.

George was fumbling with his breeches now, whilst lashing his tongue against Elizabeth’s, and for the first time in her life she gazed upon a man’s entire body.

His manhood stood straight, long and thick with a bulbous tip. It was large, much too large for Elizabeth. She feared that he might tear her in two. It stood tall, and offensive before her.

The momenttri had come. George Greenwood lowered himself over his new wife. She was scared, and closed her eyes as his tip parted her folds. It filled her up, and stretched her. A searing pain shot through her crotch, and she cried out. He slowed, kissed her tenderly, and pushed deeper. It hurt. Elizabeth tried to ignore the stinging, but it brought tears to her eyes. Scrunching up her face, she took a deep breath as George submerged himself completely inside her. They were one. He was buried inside her to the hilt. She lay there, unmoving, waiting for the pain to ebb away. He was breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling as he stared down at her. Elizabeth knew he was trying to show some restraint, for he could see that she was in pain. And then he began to move.

His strong arms were on either side of Elizabeth’s head, and she watched him as he drove himself into her, again and again. The pain was not sharp anymore, but there was an uncomfortable burning sensation. It did not feel good, and Elizabeth found herself wishing that it was over already.

Gradually, George’s thrusts became harder and faster. Sweat formed on his brow, and he breathed heavily into her neck. Let it be over soon, she prayed, let it end.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, George gave a final shuddering thrust, and groaned into her hair. He pulled out before he spilled his seed inside her, and she felt it on her thighs. He collapsed, panting next to her, brushing the sweaty hair from his eyes.

Elizabeth breathed heavily and stared at the ceiling while the Captain gained his breath.

Looking sideways at her, George smiled, ‘That was … I have waited so long … amazing.’ He seemed quite dazed.

Elizabeth nodded in reply before George put and arm around her and held her close. Stroking her hair, he continued, ‘Being so close to you … it is … I love it. I feel so content.’

‘Mmmh.’ Elizabeth nodded in agreement.

‘I could stay like … like this for-forever.’ He said through an enormous yawn.

‘Me too.’ Elizabeth lied.

Within a matter of minutes, Captain Greenwood was snoring softly next to her. Elizabeth was wide-awake, her crotch throbbing painfully. She sat up carefully, and placed her feet upon the floor. The pain twanged, and she flinched. Standing, Elizabeth turned to look at the bed and found a red stain where she had been laying. Looking down Elizabeth was horrified to see blood dripping down her thigh.

~

Elizabeth had an uneasy sleep that night. The bed was comfortable, and Captain Greenwood did not snore too loudly, however Elizabeth’s mind was preoccupied. The dull pain in her crotch was slowly ebbing away, and towards daybreak Elizabeth finally fell asleep.

The Captain woke her a few hours later. She opened her eyes to find that sun was shining in through the open windows, and a breeze was gently wafting the curtains. He was standing next to her bed, loholding a tray laden with food.

‘I brought you breakfast.’ He said; his eyebrows knitted together in concern.

‘Oh, thank you.’ Elizabeth said sleepily, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

‘I … saw the washcloth.’ He said, placing the tray upon the blankets and climbing into bed with her.

‘Oh … yes.’ She crinkled her nose.

‘I did not want to hurt you. You should have asked me to stop.’

‘I know you did not want to hurt me, George.’ She smiled at him and he continued to look concerned, ‘Look, it is perfectly normal to experience … discomfort.’

He fell into thoughtful silence while they ate breakfast together. He had brought enough toast, eggs, and orange juice for two. He continued to muse throughout the day.

As they were staying at the Kings Arms Inn for two nights, this gave them the opportunity to explore the village. It consisted of one main street, along which adorable shops lined either side of the road. They passed a shoe-shop where Elizabeth stopped to goggle at a pair of shiny, heeled boots. The Captain offered to purchase them for her, but she refused. He held her hand as they wandered around the village, passing a blacksmith, a pretty store full of expensive looking china, and a fur specialist. Elizabeth gasped when they passed by a shop front showing a range of elegant dresses. They ate dinner in a small restaurant before retiring back at the Inn. Elizabeth’s feet were very sore from walking all day. As they slid into bed next to one another for the second night in a row, Elizabeth wondered whether he would want to make love again. Barely a minute passed before he was kissing her neck and pulling her towards him. Elizabeth had not yet fully recovered from the previous night, yet she did not refuse him. The second time was not as painful. It was only slightly uncomfortable. She found that it hurt much less if she were to straddle him, a position that he seemed to thoroughly enjoy. When they were done, he kissed her, rolled over and fell asleep almost immediately.

~

When Elizabeth woke the next morning she rolled over to find that the Captain was not there. Sitting up and looking around she found that he was not in the room at all. The position of the sun in the sky suggested that it was mid-morning. Her eyes fell upon a large package at the foot of the bed. She crawled over to it on her hands and knees and found that there was a small note on it.

My love,

I woke early to get this for you, I hope you like it.

You are a lady and deserve the best.

Put them on, and meet me downstairs.

George.

Elizabeth ripped open thinge wrappings and smiled. Lying there was the shoes, and dress she had goggled at in the street the day before. She held the dress up and admired it. It was elegant, and heavy; something a proper lady would have for daywear. It was a creamy colour with a floral pattern. The boots matched perfectly for they were a light tan sued with white laces. She put them on at once and looked at herself in the mirror. She did not own any clothing of this quality, and felt very good about herself as she looked at her reflection. She donned the gloves that the Captain had given her, and found she looked quite beautiful, like a woman of noble breeding.

Chapter Five

Setting Sail

The day of departure had come. Elizabeth wore her new dress as they bundled their belongings into the carriage that waited outside. The busty maid who had shown them to their room two nights ago waved from the Inn doorway as the carriage left.

George chatted happily throughout the duration of the trip. Elizabeth’s insides writhed with excitement. This afternoon George would sign for the apothecary, and Professor de Bard’s home. She had brought up the subject over breakfast, and he had not seemed suspicious about her eagerness. On the contrary, he had said that work would distract her from missing him while he was at sea. Elizabeth did not bother in telling George that she would be fine without him. Instead, she faked a sadness, which seemed to please him immensely. He wasted no time in comforting Elizabeth, and showering her with adoration.

When they arrived back in their hometown, Elizabeth became nervous of her mothers reaction. Though when they pulled up in front of her house, Elizabeth was glad to see her mother smiling happily through the sitting room window. She embraced Elizabeth tightly, and told her that she was so proud. She then turned to George.

‘My son-in-law.’ She beamed. ‘A Royal Navy officer!’ and she hugged him too.

They planned to move Elizabeth’s things into Professor de Bard’s house once he had signed the papers. He left Elizabeth there with her mother whilst he journeyed into the centre of town to complete the paperwork. Mary Searson asked numerous questions regarding their marriage, and was even bold enough to ask of his performance in bed.

‘Mother.’ Elizabeth scolded, ‘That is very inappropriate.’

‘He looks a strong man.’ Her mother said with an approving nod, ‘He might have got you on the first go.’

‘Got me on the first go?’ Elizabeth repeated.

‘With child.’ Her mother beamed, ‘When you consummated your marriage.’

Elizabeth’s mouth fell open in horror, ‘Mother! I will not talk of my relationship with George any longer.’

‘Was he very large?’ Her mother continued, unashamedly.

E velizabeth stood immediately and frowned, ‘I am going to pack.’ She left the room quite hurriedly.

Elizabeth did not plan to take many of her possessions to Professor de Bard’s house, for it was already fully furnished. She did not know how she felt about living there, but the Professor had left it to her, and she did not want the home to go to waste. Besides, this would allow her freedom to some extent. With George away at sea for up to six months, Elizabeth would have the home all to herself. It was also much closer to the apothecary.

George returned two hours later, with the documents stating that the properties were now in his name. Elizabeth wished they could be in her name, but this was the closest she was going to get. Elizabeth had only packed her clothing, and a few personal items to take to her new home.

In the evening they ventured to the Professor’s home. When they unlocked the door the found that the house smelled slightly dusty. It was in need of a severe clean. George left Elizabeth alone in their new home while he went to collect his own belongings from the Navy base, where he lived while on land. He never spent much time there for he was usually at sea, though he had promised Elizabeth that he would be at home more often now that he had a wife. He also spoke of starting a family immediately, something that Elizabeth had not even considered.

‘When I return from sea, we shall not be parted for a long while. We can begin our lives, and start a family.’ He had said to her on Wednesday night.

George would be departing very early the next morning, and as his wife, Elizabeth was expected to say goodbye to him on the docks in front of all the sailors. He insisted that she wear her nicest dress, and Elizabeth thought that George wanted to show her off to his colleagues.

Elizabeth felt extremely strange when she lay upon the Professor’s old bed. It was intrusive, and the smell upon the sheets reminded Elizabeth of the apothecary, as though Bernard de Bard had gone to bed smelling of herbs, and potions.

When George slid into the covers next to her, and began kissing her neck, Elizabeth felt extremely uncomfortable.

‘This … this does not feel right.’ She had said.

‘What is wrong?’ George continued, running his hand up her bare thigh.

‘It is strange.’ Elizabeth sighed, ‘It feels wrong … in this bed … as though I am offending my Professor.’

‘He left you this house, Elizabeth.’ George said, ‘He expected you to use it.’

Elizabeth did not wish to anger George, and complied with his wish to make love. As a wife it was her duty to give her body to him, though Elizabeth was sure he would respect her wishes if she did not want to proceed. After all, he was a very kind man.

The sex did not hurt as it was their third time being intimate, however it still did not feel good. Elizabeth found it awkward, and intrusive, and always felt dirty afterwards. She did not know what was wrong with her. Was she supposed to enjoy it?

ht=

Elizabeth woke extremely early to the Captain shaking her awake. She was confused at first, but remembered that he would be leaving today. She was quite happy to have some time away from him.

Elizabeth dressed while the Captain packed his necessities, and together they took a carriage to the docks where several large ships waited. There were sailors everywhere, saying goodbye to their wives, children, and sweethearts. Some women were crying, and children were clinging to their fathers. Elizabeth thought it must be hard to be away from someone you loved so much. She figured the emotional pain would be akin the hurt she had felt when losing the Professor. She tried not to think about it.

Captain Greenwood cuddled and kissed her upon the dock for several minutes. A few sailors did a double take of Elizabeth as they walked by. This made Elizabeth feel rather good about her appearance – something she had never really cared about before, however, the way they sniggered behind their hands made Elizabeth scowl.

‘Do not worry about the men.’ George smiled at her discomfort; ‘They are amazingly primitive and see women as possessions.’

‘I do not hope you socialize with these men.’ Elizabeth frowned.

‘I only work with them.’ He rubbed her back comfortingly.

A horn sounded somewhere, and Elizabeth wrapped her shawl tighter around her shoulders. It was a breezy morning and Elizabeth felt quite cold.

‘I must go.’ The Captain said.

Elizabeth fixed a sad expression upon her face, which seemed to please George.

‘Be careful.’ She whispered, allowing him to kiss her one last time.

Elizabeth watched as her husband picked up his rucksack and carried it towards the ships. He looked over his shoulder and waved at Elizabeth. She did not stick around to watch him board. Today she would open the apothecary.

~

Elizabeth wasted no time in rushing to the apothecary. She had brought the key with her to the docks, for she had planned on going there as soon as possible. It now belonged to her, and George would be gone for several months, which meant she could do as she pleased.

She smiled when she saw the familiar sign come into view hanging above the door. When she reached the doorstep she pulled out the key, unlocked the door, and stepped into the dark shop. The bell tinkled, and the smell of familiar herbs reached her nostrils and it was amazingly welcoming. However, at the same time it was immensely saddening, for it reminded her of her dear Professor, who she missed so much. A fine layer of dust had settled upon the counters, and bottles, so Elizabeth decided that she might do a bit of dusting before she opened the shop, for it was still before eight o’clock in the morning.

She opened the curtains, swept the floor, and dusted the shelves and jars that lined the walls. When the clock tower chimed, she turned the sign on the door to let people know that they were back open. Elizabeth was extremely excited. Her own shop. She wanted to make Professor de Bard proud.

Elizabeth stood behind the counter, measuring ingredients, and putting them into little bags. Next she busied herself crushing spine of lionfish into a fine powder. It was ten o’clock before Elizabeth realized that she had not had a single customer. The apothecary usually always had someone in it. But that was when Professor de Bard was alive, she reminded herself. Elizabeth suddenly realized that the people who walked past the shop did not bother to look at it to see if it was open. That is it, Elizabeth thought, they are assuming it is closed because they know of the Professors death.

Elizabeth had a sudden idea. She raced into the laboratory and snatched up a roll of parchment. Elegantly, she wrote the words ‘UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT’ in large letters. She then turned to the corner of the room where the model skeleton was standing. She carefully hoisted the model skeleton over her shoulder and made her way to the shop front.

People in the street stared at her as she put the skeleton next to the door, right under the apothecary sign. She stuck the ‘UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT’ sign to the skeletons hand and smiled at her genius. Hopefully this would attract people’s attention.

It worked. People stared at the skeleton as they walked by. Some small boys tried to steal it, but Elizabeth chased them off, and they ran down the street howling with laughter. It was mid day before the first person entered the shop. It was a strapping young man in a rather smart suit.

‘Good day, Sir.’ Elizabeth said cheerily. She wanted to make a good impression on her first customer. She had served hundreds of people in the past before, but this was very different.

‘Good day.’ He drawled, in a bored sort of voice, looking around at the shelves, ‘is the new apothecary available? I must to speak to him regarding a remedy for my wife.’

‘Oh, yes Sir.’ Elizabeth took a deep breath, ‘I can help you with that.’

He eyed her beadily, ‘All right then. My wife is seven months pregnant, and is experiencing nausea and back aches. I need something to stop her incessant moaning.’

Elizabeth laughed before she realized that it had not been a joke, ‘Of course, Sir.’ Elizabeth stepped out from behind the counter to join the gentleman on the main floor, ‘we have belladonna extracts over here. Your wife can rub them on her abdomen to get rid of the sickness – however, this doesn’t work in all cases, and so I would only recommend a small amount as a trial. If your wife is in quite a lot of discomfort I can recommend Triopiates, though she must not take more than fifty milligrams. However you might want to know that there are some side effects such as giddiness.’

‘What about side effects on the baby?’

‘We have not yet discovered any side effects, though tests are still being run, as it is a relatively new drug.’

d h

‘All right, well … I suppose it will have to do. Can I get enough to last the remaining two months of her pregnancy?’

‘Of course sir.’ Elizabeth gave a smile and a nod. Triopiate was quite expensive, and this sale of a two months supply would be quite a nice amount.

‘No more than fifty milligrams a day.’ Elizabeth reminded him, ‘The pill is to be taken orally in the morning, with breakfast.’

Elizabeth packaged the Triopiate’s, and handed them to the man while he pulled out his coin.

‘How much will that be?’ He asked.

‘Three pounds, Sir.’

He handed over the coin without hesitation, and then pocketed the medicine for his wife.

‘Tell me.’ He said before turning around to leave, ‘who bought the apothecary? I saw that it is under new management.’

‘Oh. No one bought it sir. Professor de Bard passed away, so it was handed down in his will.’

‘So his son is the new apothecary?’

‘No Sir.’ Elizabeth smiled, ‘The Professor left this shop to me.’ She stopped when she saw the look upon the man’s face.

He looked displeased that he had just done business with a female apothecary, however he decided not to say anything and left the shop silently.

The following days were themed very alike. Few clients would enter the shop, and when they realized that Elizabeth was the new full-time apothecary, they left hurriedly. Soon, Elizabeth was not making enough money to buy supplies.

A week later Elizabeth had a rather frightening encounter with a very angry man who insisted that she had given him the wrong herbs. He called her many names and demanded a refund. Elizabeth tried to explain that the herbs were meant to be drunk with tea, and not smoked for they would cause him to hallucinate. He ignored this and continued to rant and rave, before leaving and yelling ‘I shall tell anyone who will listen that this apothecary is untrustworthy, and is run by a silly little girl!’

It was after this that Elizabeth decided to lie about being the apothecary. Whenever someone asked, she simply said that ‘the boss is not here at the moment. He is running errands.’ And no one seemed to mind.

However Elizabeth could not deny the fact that sales were at an all time low. She flicked through the sales book to the time before the Professor had died, and saw that the pages were filled with customers. Turning back to this week’s sales she found that they did not reach halfway down the page for seven days worth of business.

This continued for another month, and Elizabeth found herself becoming miserabln he. The shop was not making any money, and word had spread that Elizabeth was the one brewing, and concocting their remedies. Of course Elizabeth had funds to purchase what she needed, for Captain Greenwood had ensured that she would be well provided for while he was away. The townspeople did not seem to care that Elizabeth had a perfectly capable mind when it came to the science of medicine. All they saw was a little girl with a tiny brain, and ambitions above her station.

Elizabeth was lonely without her Professor, and now that she was living out of home, she realized she had not had a conversation in weeks. The only interaction she had had was with the surly customers, who refused to pay full price for the work of a female.

Soon Elizabeth found herself thoroughly depressed. Some days she did not wish to get out of bed because she knew that it would be another day of complaints from customers, who were adamant that she had made a mistake with their order. Elizabeth knew that she had not made a mistake with a single one of those customers.

Finally, another Sunday came, and Elizabeth lay in bed until mid morning. She had not felt like going to church today – something which she had never done before. She knew her mother would have something to say about it, but Elizabeth did not care. She was beyond caring. Today she was going to clean out all of Professor de Bard’s old clothes and give them to charity. She had no use for them, and they only made her sad when she saw them.

She had a huge suitcase open on her bed, and was piling clothes into it. Some of them were rather old, and worn, but some looked brand new as though the Professor had never worn them. Elizabeth amused herself, wearing his hats and ties. Even some of his shoes fit, for he had been quite a small, thin man.

Elizabeth caught sight of herself in her full-length mirror whilst she was wearing one of Professor de Bard’s older top hats. She paused, and stared. Suddenly, she was stuffing her long hair out of sight and into the depths of the hat. She grabbed a bowtie that she had already packed into the suitcase and hurriedly put it around her neck. Elizabeth approached the mirror with a look of awe upon her face. A brilliant, crazy, ridiculous idea had occurred to her. But … no … she could never pass it off. Yet, she could not take her eyes off the vision before her. Without thinking, Elizabeth began to undress. She stripped right down until she was completely naked and began rummaging through the suitcase, pulling out various garments. Shirts, vests, breeches, socks, shoes.

A few minutes later and Elizabeth was dressed completely in men’s attire, posing in front of the mirror. She pulled various expressions until deciding that men did not pull many facial expressions, and kept her face set. Her hands moved to her chest, where her bosom was still obvious. She thought, looking around and fixing her eye upon an old, ragged shirt that she had planned on throwing out, as it was in too poor condition to donate. Without thinking she began to rip it into strips.

Grabbing the strips of shirt, she began to wrap them tightly around her chest. She did it so tight she almost had trouble breathing, yet she smiled when she saw her flat chest in the mirror. This was it. This was the answer. Elizabeth could dress as a boy, run the apothecary, and gain the trust of her clients again. They would think a young lad ran the shop.

Elizabeth put on a deep voice, ‘Good day, Ma’am.’ She said with a tip of her hat, ‘No … ahempul … Good day ma’am. Good day.’ She repeated the words over and over again until they did not sound like words at all.

Her body looked like a boy. With a flat chest, and baggy clothes Elizabeth found she looked quite lanky. Stuffing a pair of socks into her breeches, she stood back to admire the bulge, and could not help but laugh. It had been the first time she had laughed in a month.

Elizabeth amused herself for over an hour, trying on different clothes, packing socks into her pants, and talking like a man.

‘Well hello there, Miss.’ She flirted with the mirror.

Thinking about George, her father, and the men that had come into the store, Elizabeth noticed many similarities. She must talk in a low voice, with fewer words in each sentence, and keep her hands in her pockets whilst pulling less facial expressions. Single word responses would be most efficient. She must also stand with a straight back, and a high chin to show confidence, something which many women lacked.

Elizabeth’s hair was not masculine at all. She had so much of it that she would not be able to hide it inside of a hat all day. Some men did have long hair, but not down to their buttocks. The other option was cutting it short, but if she did that then she would have trouble transitioning back into a woman while she was not at the apothecary. She did not want to be a man all of the time.

A wig would be her best option, and she was sure there was a men’s wig-shop on Baggot Street. She would visit it early on the morrow.

Next was the problem of her face. Her eyebrows were thin and light, and her jaw was quite feminine. She thought about the way the Captain’s face felt. Rough, like sandpaper. His jaw and cheeks were slightly darker than the rest of his skin because of the stubble.

Elizabeth spent the whole day experimenting with her male identity. She tried several different methods to darken her eyebrows, and make them appear bushier. Finally, she settled upon using a wood-cased pencil to colour them several shades darker, giving her a more stern expression.

Elizabeth found it very amusing to chop up pieces of fabric so finely that they were almost powder and stick them to her face. She gave herself a ridiculous moustache and laughed for several minutes before removing it. Nothing she did looked realistic until she chopped of a small piece of her own hair, scrunched it up into a ball so it was frizzy and frayed, and stuck it to her jaw line with an adhesive made from wheat flower, sugar and water. It looked quite convincing –but even more so when she trimmed it with a pair of scissors until it resembled fine stubble.

Elizabeth had a strange feeling in her stomach, as though she had discovered something incredible. A strange sense of freedom was washing over her, as she stared at herself in the full-length mirror in all of her attire. Shirt, vest, breeches, socks, shoes, hat, darkened eyebrows, and facial hair. Her chest was bound, and her pants were stuffed with socks. She did indeed look like a boy.

Chapter Six

e a

Passing as Elias

Elizabeth went to the closest wig shop first thing on Monday morning. She browsed for several minutes, pondering over what kind of hairstyle her alias should sport. A friendly older gentleman in a toupee bustled over to assist Elizabeth.

‘May I help you Miss?’ he said in a quivering voice.

‘Oh yes. My … my father, he requires a wig.’ Elizabeth said glancing around.

‘Getting a bit thin up there, is he?’

‘Mmh,’ Elizabeth said noncommittally, ‘I want … he wants something that is not too flashy. Simple.’

They went through numerous boxes of wigs until Elizabeth found the perfect one. It was dark brown, in a common style, but not too flashy. Elizabeth thought it might look quite good with a tricorn hat.

‘I think this one would suit him the best.’ Elizabeth decided.

She paid a pound for the wig, and left the shop hurriedly in order to go home and try on her new outfit.

It took her an hour to transform herself into a man. The facial hair was the trickiest part for it required careful attention in looking realistic. She had decided against sporting a full beard, and went with a younger look. She used trimmings from the wig to glue on patches of hair at the side of her face, beside her ears.

Elizabeth cut over a foot of her own hair off in order to fit it all inside the new wig.

Feeling nervous, Elizabeth set out for her first day of work as a man. She planned to advertise the fact that the shop was now being run by a man. No one looked at her as she walked to the apothecary. A young lady smiled politely as she passed, but Elizabeth felt that no one saw her for what she really was.

Elizabeth put a large sign in the shop window stating: UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP with a little drawing of a top hat. Once the shop was open Elizabeth stood behind the counter, and put on a straight face. She must remember to control her voice, facial expressions, and movements. She took a deep breath and tried to control her racing heart. She was not sure why she was so nervous. She figured that she was frightened of someone recognising her. But, she thought suddenly, she did have a half brother … somewhere. She could pretend to be related to herself.

Elizabeth jumped when the shop bell tinkled. A very pregnant lady had waddled through the door.

‘Good-good day ma’am.’ Elizabeth stuttered. She cleared her throat.

‘Good morning,’ She smiled as she approached the counter.

‘Let me guess.’ Elizabeth said in a slightly deeper voice, ‘Something for the pain?’

‘Oh, yes.’ The lady said with a smile, ‘My feet – they are aching.’

‘And your husband made you walk here?’ Elizabeth said with a slight hitch of her chin. Confidence, she reminded herself, men are confident. She also cursed herself mentally for using too many inflictions in her sentences.

‘He is a very busy man.’ She replied, looking curiously at Elizabeth, ‘So, you are the new owner, I gather?’

‘Yes Ma’am.’ Elizabeth gave a tip of her hat.

‘I have never seen you before.’

‘J-just moved to town a week ago.’

‘Hm. A girl used to own this shop.’ She said delicately, fingering a doily upon the counter.

Elizabeth decided on a quick change of topic, ‘So, your feet, miss?’

Elizabeth spent the next ten minutes recommending and explaining various herbs, and lotions for the pregnant lady. She was pleasant enough, and took Elizabeth’s advice without question.

The rest of the day continued much the same. It was still nowhere near as busy as it had been in the days Professor de Bard, though Elizabeth felt that it would get better for today had been a large improvement over the last month. She sold twice as much as she had within the last week.

Females that walked past the apothecary looked in through its windows, spotted Elizabeth and sidled inside, pretending to look at the products on the shelves. Most of them did not buy anything at all, and Elizabeth figured they were only entering the shop to spy upon the new owner. One young girl stared at Elizabeth unashamedly, as though she could tell there was something strange about her.

Later that day, a rather familiar busty lady caught Elizabeth off-guard with a rather obvious question.

‘So, what do they call you?’ She asked, leaning on the counter and pressing her large breasts together.

‘El-’ Elizabeth stopped. She had not thought of a name for her male alias. How could she have been so stupid? No one had asked her name yet.

‘El?’ The woman repeated with one raised eyebrow.

Elizabeth did not feel she could backtrack after almost giving away her real name, ‘El … Elias.’ She invented, ‘Elias Searson. What may I call you, Miss?’

‘You may all me Minnie, Mister Searson. Now, I am in need of a poison to use on my garden. The snails are ruining my vegetables. Can you help me with that?’

While Elizabeth was concocting a custom made poison for the lady, she leant very close to Elizabeth across the counter, and asked lots of questions about what she was doing. Suddenly, Elizabeth realised where she recognised the woman. She had seen her numerous times as she walked passed the Upper Baggot Inn on her way home. This woman was a whore. Elizabeth suddenly felt very warm, and it became very clear that Minnie was flirting with Elizabeth. Well, Elizabeth thought, this is a t="great compliment to my disguise.

‘Are you married, Mister Searson?’

‘No Ma’am.’ Elizabeth said automatically.

‘But you wear a gold band on your ring finger?’ Minnie pointed out.

Shit, Elizabeth thought. She had forgotten to remove the ring that Captain Greenwood had given her.

‘My … uh … my wife died a year ago,’ Elizabeth invented, ‘I just wear the ring.’

‘Oh how sad.’ Minnie rubbed Elizabeth’s arm soothingly, ‘You poor man.’

Elizabeth nodded and continued with the order.

‘You must be lonely.’ Minnie continued, staring determinedly into Elizabeth’s face.

‘I manage.’ Elizabeth said shortly. She wanted to change the subject.

‘So strong.’ Minnie admired, rubbing his arm affectionately.

‘And done.’ Elizabeth said packaging up the snail poison and forcing it into Minnie’s hand.

She looked rather affronted, but did not say anything. Minnie paid for the poison and bade farewell to Elizabeth.

So her new name was Elias Searson. Elizabeth said the name to herself over and over again.

~

With her new found freedom, Elizabeth felt liberated. She could go where she liked, and do as she pleased. No one could tell her what to do anymore, and be damned if anyone questioned her intelligence.

She felt rebellious, and daring. Elizabeth wanted to test her new disguise on the public to see its effect. But where to go? She could go to the market and strut about the stalls. No, that would not do. No one would notice her there.

She needed to go somewhere where she would be judged; somewhere that she had never been before. Where had she avoided as a woman?

And then it came to her. Elizabeth had never been to the Upper Baggot Street Inn around the corner from the apothecary. It was full of drunken men, and loose women. Who better to test her get-up on? Elizabeth would visit the Inn that very night.

She had her reservations, of course. What if her disguise fooled no one, and she was thrown from the Inn? Would the men beat her, and the women spit upon her? Perhaps they would run for the mad house, raving about a lunatic woman who dressed as a man! Oh, the shame if she were discoveredIFY. But the apothecary was worth the risk.

When work was finished, and the sun had set, Elizabeth locked the apothecary doors and made her way up the lane towards the Inn. Her legs shook as she approached the corner, and once she rounded it she instantly heard the chatter. Music emanated loudly from the open door, and a warm yellow glow saturated the pavement.

When she walked inside, she noticed the floor was rather sticky, and it was quite crowded. Men edged around each other, talking loudly over the music, and laughing while busty women hung from their arms.

There was a small band consisting of an accordion, tuba, and flute player, which drowned out most of the chatter. No one looked at Elizabeth as she walked through the crowd, except an older woman who leered, showing several yellowing teeth. Elizabeth made it to the bar and sat herself upon one of the seats nervously. She knew she must seem quite odd, sitting straight backed, and looking around nervously. Everyone else within the premises slouched, yelled, and sat with their legs open. Elizabeth tried to imitate them. She leant one arm on the bar, hunched her shoulders, and sat open-legged. She saw a burly man scratch his crotch unashamedly. Elizabeth imitated him.

‘Wotcher, Darlin’.’ The barmaid said.

‘Uh, Hello.’ Elizabeth said in a rather high voice. A man at an adjacent stool looked up from his pint and stared.

Elizabeth cleared her throat, ‘Um, a … quart please?’  

The barmaid raised an eyebrow, ‘Mind your P’s and Q’s dear. A little thing like you would not handle much!’ She gave a laugh and bustled off.

Elizabeth worried, and looked around. Well, everyone else was drinking beer by the looks of it. She listened to the conversations that were being held in the bar. The tongue was common, and the speech was slurred. Men chortled, woman cackled. Elizabeth stared at a middle-aged woman who seemed quite drunk. She had let a nipple slip, but did not seem to have noticed. Elizabeth accidentally caught her eye and looked away hurriedly, but too late. The woman swaggered over and leaned upon the bar for support.

‘All right, my love?’ She said loudly. Elizabeth tried very hard not to look at the nipple that poked out of her low cut dress.

Elizabeth nodded for fear that her voice would give her away.

‘Saw you lookin’ at me.’ She grinned. She was missing a front tooth.

‘Sorry.’ Elizabeth muttered.

‘You lookin’ for a good time, my sweet?’ She leaned closer.

‘N-no thank you.’ Elizabeth stammered. She stared determinedly at her tankard.

‘I can give ya a gobby round the back. Special price for a gen’leman like you.’

‘Perhaps another time.’ Elizabeth forced her face into what she hoped was an apologetic expression. She vaguely wondered how many times Captain Greenwood had been propositioned here. She shuddered to think the kinds of diseases these mangy dogs carried. She felt instantly guilty after thinking these thoughts though. She did not wish to stereotype, for if they knew who Elizabeth really was, they would most certainly judge her the same way.

‘Good lad.’ Said the man adjacent to Elizabeth at the bar, ‘Keep away from that one. She’ll rob yeh the moment yer out o’ sight.’

‘Oi, you watch your mouth. You bin ruinin’ business all night.’ Said the woman, but she stalked away haughtily.

‘Thank you.’ Elizabeth muttered, without taking her eyes off the tankard.

‘Never seen yeh round ‘ere before.’ Said the man.

He was extremely fat, and wore a shirt that probably used to be white. It was so grotty and stained, however, that it appeared brown. His large protruding belly meant he had to sit quite a distance away from the bar.

‘New in town.’ Elizabeth said, trying her hardest to maintain an octave lower than she was used to.

He grunted, ‘What yeh do fer a livin’?’

Elizabeth cleared her throat. This might be a good opportunity to spread the word that a man was now running the apothecary.

‘I just bought the apothecary around the corner.’ Elizabeth said, raising her chin.

‘Medicine man, eh? We need one o’ them ‘round here.’ He said gruffly.

‘Indeed. Well, do stop by if you ever need-’

‘Wot happened to tha’ girl, then?’

‘The girl?’ Elizabeth repeated cautiously.

‘Yeh, the lil red head thing.’ He waved a hand around his head to indicate long, curly hair.

‘She … she got married.’ Elizabeth said hoarsely. It was, after all, the truth.

The man grunted, and turned away, far too absorbed in his mead to say any more on the subject. Elizabeth was shaky, and decided that she did not like this Inn one bit. She left, with her quart almost untouched.

~

The wig was itchy. Elizabeth avoided scratching it while customersdiv were around, in case they thought she had head lice, and would not return. She had succeeded in passing as Elias for three days in a row, and no one seemed any the wiser. Elizabeth felt free for the first time in her life. No one questioned her intelligence or capabilities. Men did not dispute the prices that Elizabeth asked for, and many came back to the shops to give their compliments. The same woman came to the apothecary every day, but never bought anything.

Business boomed over the coming weeks. Often, the shop was filled with so many customers, that people had to edge around each other. The customers found Elizabeth pleasant, and charming. She seemed to confuse the gentlemen because she made quite a pretty man, and the women smiled and laughed when Elizabeth flirted unashamedly. She found that she was using her power as a man to influence the buyer’s decisions. If she appeared extremely confident, then the customers had more confidence in her abilities. She enjoyed being Elias very much, and patrons had remembered her name very quickly. No one remembered Elizabeth’s name when Professor de Bard had run the shop, except Captain Greenwood of course.

Things had become so busy that Elizabeth was forced to hire a shop assistant to take care of less trivial things, like cleaning, taking stock, and running errands.

Elizabeth held interviews in the apothecary on Sunday afternoon. She had posted an advertisement on the town hall bulletin board. There had not been many applicants, and most of them had been male. Elizabeth did not want a man to work in the apothecary, but she was not sure why. The thought of another man there felt wrong. No, Elizabeth corrected herself, not another man. I am not a man. I am a woman.

Only one female applied for the position, a young girl called Merrill Freegard, who was only seventeen years old, and seemed strangely familiar. She was a tiny little thing, with thick locks of black hair, a cute nose, and enormous blue eyes.

Elizabeth took to her straight away. Her voice sounded like music with her lilting Irish accent.

Welcoming Merrill to the apothecary, she sat her down upon a chair in the laboratory, and began asking her an assortment of questions.

Elizabeth found her responses extremely eager, and she seemed an excitable young girl, who was willing to work hard. She answered each question with mounting enthusiasm. Elizabeth did not think she was of high intelligence, but that was not required for this particular role. Elizabeth explained that the job would cover serving customers, cleaning, stocking, and the use of simple math. Merrill seemed a little bit nervous about the math, but did not raise any objections.

‘The work day starts at the eighth hour,’ Elizabeth told Merrill at the end of the interview, ‘so, make sure you are here on time. I do not care for tardiness.’ Elizabeth gave herself a private smile for she had reminded herself of the Professor.

‘Does that mean you want to hire me?’ Merrill asked astounded.

‘Of course.’ Elizabeth said, ‘I shall pay you on Saturday evenings. Sunday’s you can take off.’

‘Oh thank you sir!’ Merrill said excitedly, almost leaping from her chair, ‘I am so pleasedega! I promise I shall not let you down.’

Elizabeth laughed, but caught herself quickly, for it had been very feminine. Straightening her face, she said, ‘Now. You will start on the morrow.’

After the interview Elizabeth went home and changed into her regular, female self. She would visit her mother that day and tell her the good news that the apothecary was improving.

However, when Elizabeth arrived at her old home, she discovered that her mother was not at home. This was not unusual as her mother had many friends. Elizabeth had never gone out much while she was growing up. She had never been able to hold onto friends. Even today, she would not be able to name a single friend that would visit her upon whim. The only friend she had had was Professor de Bard, yet not many people would count their employer as a friend.

Elizabeth was quite looking forward to working with Merrill. Mayhap this would be a chance at a new friendship. Elizabeth had decided not to reveal her gender to her new employee, in fear that it would cause complications.

After one day of working with Merrill, Elizabeth found that she was exceedingly clumsy, and naïve about the world. She was very polite towards customers, but became nervous very quickly. However, Elizabeth liked her very much.

One afternoon when Merrill had been working at the apothecary for only a week, she was helping Elizabeth close up shop, and gabbing away about all the things she had done by herself that day.

‘-And he asked for half a pound, Sir, and I remembered exactly where it was, first time. He paid, and I gave him the right change and everything. He even tipped his hat at me, and winked. But I think he was a bit old for me, Sir.’ She had said with raised eyebrows as thought this was very inappropriate.

Elizabeth smiled, ‘He was pleased with your service, Merrill. It was his way of saying thankyou.’

‘I suppose I am not very good at recognising facial expressions.’

‘Do you not have a sweetheart?’

‘No, Sir.’ Merrill went scarlet, ‘I should think not.’

‘Why not?’

‘Well, I guess … no one has … I am-’ She paused, ‘I am a bit too strange, I guess.’

‘I think you are perfectly normal.’ Elizabeth insisted. Merrill was amazingly normal compared to Elizabeth. What woman pretended to be a man? Even Elizabeth had never heard of such nonsense.

‘Thank you, sir. You are the first to say that though. My father is always telling me how queer I am.’ She laughed nervously, and began wiping the counters.

‘Why would he say that?’ Elizabeth frowned, looking up from her paperwork.

‘Oh,’ Mert vrill crinkled her nose, ‘Nothing to worry about, Sir.’

‘I hope your first week was all right, Merrill.’ Elizabeth said as she walked to the window and drew the curtains.

‘Oh, yes Sir.’ Merrill beamed, looking up.

‘I have your pay here for you.’ Elizabeth said, reaching into her pockets and handing over the coins.

‘Thank you, Sir.’ She looked at the amount of coin that Elizabeth had presented her, and she frowned.

‘What is wrong?’ Elizabeth asked.

‘Sir, I think you made a mistake. This is too much for one week.’

Elizabeth re-counted the coins, and shook her head, ‘No. That is right.’ She said handing it back to Merrill.

Merrill’s eyes widened, ‘But … This is … Thank you.’

Elizabeth smiled warmly, ‘Go home. I will finish cleaning up.’

Merrill bade farewell to Elizabeth and slipped out of the apothecary into the night. Elizabeth stared after her.

~

Once back at home, Elizabeth sat in front of the mirror and removed her wig. Her hair fell to her shoulders and sat lank. She rubbed off the facial hair that she had glued on, and began to undress. It was an immense relief to take off the bindings that strapped her chest flat. They left marks across her bosom because they were so tight, and made her breasts tender. She rubbed them, wincing as she did so. She hoped the binding of her breasts would not do any permanent damage.

Elizabeth took off her breeches, removed the socks she had packed into her underwear, and stood naked in her room. She stared at herself for a long while, turning this way and than as to observe herself. Finally, exhausted from a long days work, she collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep within minutes.

Elizabeth woke an hour later to someone banging on the front door. With a start, she sat up and stared around confusedly. The banging continued. Who could it be at this hour?

Elizabeth quickly put a robe over her naked body and raced down the flight of stairs.

Bang, bang, bang.

Elizabeth became wary. She inched towards the door and picked up an umbrella that leaned against the wall in case she needed to protect herself. She opened the door a fraction and peered out. She was shocked to see Merrill on her doorstep, and opened the door completely without thinking.

‘Uh … Hello Miss. Oh deaausr, I have not got the wrong house, have I? I was looking for Mister Searson? Are you his wife?’

Elizabeth blanched, ‘oh, no. I – I am Elizabeth, h-his sister. Half-sister.’

‘Oh yes, I see the resemblance.’ She said, looking around nervously, ‘Is Mister Searson home? I am sorry about calling so late, Miss, really. I just needed to speak to him, is all.’

‘He is not home. M-Merrill Freegard is it?’

‘Yes Miss.’ Merrill gave a small curtsey, ‘Do you know where I can find him?’

Elizabeth’s heart raced. Why on earth did Merrill want to see Elias in the middle of the night? Was something the matter? She could not reveal to Merrill that she was Elias for fear that Merrill might let slip the true nature of who was running the apothecary.

‘No … I … I think he had an appointment to keep in the town over. He shall not be back until Monday morning. He often leaves on the weekend.’ Elizabeth invented hurriedly.

‘Oh dear.’ Merrill wrung her hands together nervously.

‘Can I help you with anything?’ Elizabeth asked.

Merrill seemed distressed. She kept looking over her shoulder nervously, as though she expected someone to attack her at any moment.

‘May I come in Miss?’ She asked in a hurried whisper.

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes upon Merrill’s face. She was frightened. It was not in Elizabeth’s nature to leave a young girl, terrified, standing on her doorstep.

‘Of course.’ Elizabeth decided, opening the door to its full extent and allowing Merrill past her.

Luckily for Elizabeth she had not left any of her disguise lying around the house. Merrill entered the sitting room and looked around nervously. She peeked out of the curtains and looked up and down the street.

‘Is something the matter?’ Elizabeth asked, following Merrill in.

‘It is nothing, really.’ Merrill said, her eyes as round as dinner plates.

‘You seem distressed.’ Elizabeth said with a frown. She indicated to Merrill that she should take a seat, which she did, but her posture was still straight-backed and alert as she perched herself upon the edge of the sofa.

Elizabeth tightened the robe around her and stood nervously in the middle of the room.

‘Um,’ she bit her lip, ‘So … it is nice to meet you.’ Elizabeth said, ‘Elias has talked about you.’

‘He is very kind.’ Merrill said modestly, ‘A very good man. I am very lucky to have been chosen for the position.’

‘I am sure you were the best candidate.’ Elizabeth insisted, fidgeting nervously on the spot.

Merrill seemed on the verge of replying, but stopped when voices could be heard outside. Two men were walking down the street, illuminated through the curtains by the streetlamps. They were talking in agitated voices, and Merrill shrunk back into the sofa at the sound of them. Elizabeth caught a few snippets of what they were saying as they passed, talking loudly.

‘-Cannot have gone far.’ One of them was saying.

‘Complete overreaction if you ask me.’

‘I thought she would be glad.’

They passed the house and continued wandering up the street, and their voices died away.

Elizabeth stared at Merrill, who had a look of shame upon her pretty face.

‘Are they looking for you?’ Elizabeth asked.

Merrill fidgeted, ‘My Pa.’ She said finally.

‘What did he do?’ Elizabeth asked.

Merrill waved a hand dismissively, ‘Oh, Miss, he is a good father, and would never lay a hand upon me.’ She assured.

‘Then what?’ Elizabeth said.

Merrill looked at the clock upon the mantelpiece and stood abruptly, ‘It is late.’ She said apologetically, ‘I must go.’

She peered out of the curtains one last time, before hurrying to the front door.

‘Miss Freegard.’ Elizabeth said, rather agitated, ‘You can tell me what is wrong.’

‘Sorry Miss, we only just met.’ And without another word, Merrill had slipped through the door, and run in the opposite direction to her father.

Elizabeth stared at the closed door. She had a funny feeling that Merrill would have disclosed her worries if Elias had been there.

Chapter Seven

Merrill’s Problem

On the Monday, Merrill was perfectly normal once again. She did not indicate that she had had any encounter with the female Elizabeth. Though she did seem a little bit sad throughout the day. Elizabeth did not know when to bring the subject up. She liked Merrill a lot, and wanted to make sure everything was all right, but did not want to appear nosy. She also worried that Merrill might find th [Elizabeth’s resemblance to Elias a bit too uncanny.

Finally, at six o’clock when the door was locked, Elizabeth announced that she would be staying in the laboratory for another few hours to work on some commissions for their clients.

‘I shall stay too.’ Merrill insisted.

‘There is no need.’ Elizabeth waved a hand as they ventured into the back room.

‘I would be interesting to see you working, Sir. You are most clever. I do not understand these things at all.’

Elizabeth frowned, ‘you will be extremely bored, Merrill.’

‘Maybe I can help?’ She had an anxious look upon her face.

Elizabeth sighed, and sat down at her desk, ‘Merrill, My sister told me that you came to the house on Saturday night.’ The words felt odd as they left her lips.

‘I thought she might Sir. She was ever so kind.’

‘She said you were distressed-’

‘Oh. Just a rough night, I guess.’

‘-And mentioned you were looking for me?’

Merrill did not respond to this. Instead she looked at her feet.

‘If there is something wrong, you can tell me. As your employer, your safety is in my best interest.’

‘I did not know who else to go to, Mister Searson.’ Merrill said, her voice suddenly breaking with emotion, ‘I was so confused, running down the street, until I realized I was only a minute from your house. I thought I might hide inside until …’ She broke off.

‘You were hiding from your father.’

‘Aye, Sir.’ She covered her face with her hands, and seemed quite distressed.

‘You can tell me.’ Elizabeth said, thirsty for the knowledge that had upset Merrill.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Merrill said, ‘I got home on Saturday evening, and I walked into the sitting room. My Ma and Pa were there, talking with an older couple who I had never met before. Pa introduced me, and said he worked with the gentleman and his son. Their son was there too, standing by the window. He looked perhaps thirty. I was polite, of course, as I did not know what they had been talking about. Then Pa told me they had been discussing arrangements regarding my marriage to this … this man. Said they had been working on a deal with this couple to see me betrothed to their son.’

Elizabeth felt a strange burning , ysensation in the pit of her stomach, not unlike that of immense hatred and jealousy. Yet how could she hate an entire family without ever meeting them?

‘Their son, John I think his name was … he walked over and kissed my hand. He was dark, tall, broad shouldered, and smelled stale.’ She frowned.

Elizabeth felt immense dislike for this John character.

‘My Pa,’ Merrill said, suddenly angry, ‘He has betrothed me to this stranger out of convenience for our family. He said I would do him proud to marry John Blanc for he was a successful businessman, and I would put our family in a better position for it.’

Merrill’s fury subsided and she avoided Elizabeth gaze, ‘I thought I might be able to seek your council. I ran from the house, and sought your residence.’

Merrill’s shoulders trembled as she broke down into tears, and Elizabeth was so utterly shocked that she did not know what to do. Here was a seventeen-year-old girl, sobbing before her, because her father had bargained with a wealthy family over the liberty of his daughter.

Elizabeth took an almost clean handkerchief from her sleeve and handed it to Merrill, who accepted it with a sniff, and dabbed her eyes.

Elizabeth was not quite sure what to do, so she rubbed Merrill’s arm in what she hoped was a soothing manner.

‘It is all right, Merrill.’ Elizabeth cooed, ‘I will help you in any way that I can.’

Merrill broke down into fresh sobs and launched herself at Elizabeth, crying into her chest. Elizabeth, completely taken-aback by this fresh wave of emotion, patted Merrill’s hair awkwardly. She did indeed feel quite protective of Merrill despite the fact that she had only known her a week. In many ways Merrill was a lot like Elizabeth had been at seventeen. However she could not explain the immense jealousy that had taken over when she had heard of this John person. Perhaps she did not like the idea of losing her first employee to a man.

‘I am sorry, Sir.’ She said once she had gained control over herself, ‘I am not usually this mad, I promise.’

‘I do not think you are mad.’ Elizabeth gave a small smile as Merrill relinquished her hold upon her.

‘You are so kind.’ Merrill said, ‘I know I keep saying it, Sir, but I have never met a man like you.’

Elizabeth’s mouth twitched. No, Merrill had not met a man like Elizabeth before. How many men had breasts that were strapped down with linen, and socks packed into their breeches?

‘I believe women deserve to have every right a man does.’ Elizabeth said, ‘my sister … she has had some troubles because of her gender. ‘

‘Has she, Sir?’

‘Oh yes. Our mother wanted her to marry very badly.’ Elizabeth said, ‘But she is a very clever woman, my sister, and wanted a career. She did not wish to be a house-wife.’

‘What did she do?’ Merrill whispered.

Elizabeth could not tell the truth, ‘She … she met a man. They got married not two months ago.’

Merrill’s face fell, and Elizabeth knew she had been expecting a story of a woman’s successful battle against repression. Yet Elizabeth could not reveal the true story for it would lead to this very apothecary, and Merrill would know the true nature of who stood before her.

‘But that is not important.’ Elizabeth waved a hand impatiently, ‘what is important is that you do not do as you are told. You are your own boss, and you must make your own decisions in life otherwise you will regret it forever. Could you really imagine yourself laying with this man on your wedding night … a complete stranger?’ Elizabeth did not know why, but she wanted to steer Merrill far away from this betrothal.

Merrill gave a shudder, ‘No, Sir. I do not wish to think of it.’

‘Then you shall not marry.’

‘I think I would like to get married one day, Sir.’ Merrill gave a small shrug, ‘But I would like to decide when, and to whom.’

‘And so you shall.’ Elizabeth insisted, making Merrill smile.

‘Thank you, Sir, but what shall I tell my father? His colleagues would be so displeased to hear the news. I fear it might shame him if I refused.’

Elizabeth did not know the answer to this question. Her mother had never forced marriage upon her – only nagged about it. Elizabeth had ultimately decided to marry in order to reopen the apothecary.

‘I do not know what is best for you, Merrill.’ Elizabeth said putting her hands into her pockets, ‘That is for you to decide.’

‘With the coin you pay me sir, I think I might afford to live on my own.’ She smiled.

‘I should hope so.’

Merrill paused, ‘I was right in assuming you to be a modern thinker, Sir.’

‘It is only natural for me to think of women as equal to men, Merrill. I hope you shall look for that trait in the man you wish to marry.’

‘I think I shall.’

~

Elizabeth decided that she should frequent the Upper Baggot Street Inn at least once a week to observe the behavior of the men there. She watched carefully how the men stood, how they talked, and carried themselves. More than once, an older woman approached Elizabeth with sexual propositions, but Elizabeth kindly turned them down. The barmaid came to recognize Elizabeth after a few visits, and accepted the fact that ‘he’ was a little bit odd. The truth was though, Elizabeth was learning a lot from the men at the Inn. She learnt how to he stand, and how to talk, and thought that she was becoming more convincing every day. She was also beginning to enjoy the mead quite a lot.

One afternoon, however, Elizabeth was taken by surprise when Merrill turned up one night after work. Merrill spotted Elizabeth at the bar and made her way over at once. Many men stared at Merrill as she walked through the pub, and this annoyed Elizabeth for some reason. She had already had a pint by this time, and her tongue felt quite loose.

‘Mister Searson!’ Merrill said, ‘What a place to find you, Sir.’

‘Did you follow me here, Merrill?’ Elizabeth said slyly.

‘Never, sir.’ She gave him a slap on the arm.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow, giving Merrill a skeptical look.

‘Oh, all right.’ Merrill said sheepishly, ‘I wondered what you liked about this place so much.’

‘Would you care for a beverage?’ Elizabeth asked.

‘Oh, I should not.’ She said waving a hand dismissively.

‘Why not?’ Elizabeth said. She flagged down the barmaid and ordered Merrill a pint of mead.

‘No, really, Sir.’ She said, turning pink, ‘It does funny things to my head.’

Elizabeth shrugged, and claimed Merrill’s pint for herself after slapping a sovereign onto the bar. She did not like to admit it, but she was quite enjoying life as a man. She could do what she liked, and stay out as long as she pleased.

Merrill stood there awkwardly, looking around nervously. Elizabeth noticed that a few men were leering at Merrill, and talking behind their hands. Elizabeth was not sure what to say, so they sat there awkwardly for several minutes.

‘Well, I best be off, Sir.’ She said, clearing her throat nervously.

Elizabeth waved goodbye and Merrill left hurriedly. However, Elizabeth noticed that two burly men followed her out of the Inn.

With a sense of foreboding, Elizabeth got up from her stool and followed too. It was not long before Elizabeth caught up. Indeed, her suspicions were correct – the men were following Merrill. They swaggered down the pavement, leaning this way and that. Merrill walked at a fast pace, clearly trying to avoid them.

They called out to her.

‘Hallo darling!’ one of them slurred.

‘Where ya going lovely?’ The other called.

Merrill did not look over her shoulder, but these men had long legs and tocaught up with her quickly.

They grabbed her shoulder, and stood on either side of her.

‘Where you off to, my love?’ The taller of the two said, putting his hands to her waist.

‘Leave me alone.’ Merrill said, trying to wrench free.

‘I do not think she likes you, Tom.’ The shorter, stockier of the two laughed.

‘I bet she would like a real man!’ He retorted, trying to grind himself against Merrill.

Merrill wrenched free and slapped the taller man called Tom across the face before kicking him in the groin.

‘Little bitch.’ He grunted.

And then they lunged for her.

‘Stop that!’ Elizabeth found herself shouting. Her feet were moving of their own accord – running defensively towards Merrill. Elizabeth knew it was incredibly stupid; she was half the size of these men. Before she had even reached Merrill, an arm swung out and winded Elizabeth. She felt to the ground, hard. Elizabeth coughed, and tried to suck in air. The men laughed overhead.

‘Look at this little bloke.’ The fatter one said, ‘Reckons he is tough!’

Merrill had broken free from their grip, and fell to her knees beside Elizabeth.

‘Mister Searson, are you all right?’ She said helping Elizabeth to her feet.

‘I am fine.’ Elizabeth said breathlessly, ‘You keep your hands off of her.’

The men laughed loudly, throwing back their heads derisively, ‘What you going to do about it, tiny?’

They pushed Elizabeth and she fell backwards onto her bottom. She had nothing, no muscles, or weight advantage over these men. They could beat her to a pulp if they so wished. However Elizabeth did seem less intoxicated than these idiots. Perhaps it was the mead in her system that made her feel braver than she actually was.

‘Do not do that again.’ Elizabeth said under her breath as Merrill helped her to her feet. This made the men laugh again.

‘Please Sir, do not.’ Merrill moaned. She was hiding behind Elizabeth, with her hands upon Elizabeth’s shoulders.

‘Or else.’ Elizabeth added, bravely.

This made the men frown. They did not seem to like being threatened. One of the men cracked his knuckles menaci wingly.

They made a start forward, but Elizabeth was too quick for them. Pulling a vial from her vest pocket, Elizabeth uncorked it and splashed the liquid into the taller man’s face. He howled with pain and doubled over, blinded. The fatter man did not seem to know what was going on, but decided that Elizabeth must have done something bad, because he punched her right on the nose. Elizabeth was on the ground again, but Merrill helped her up for a second time.

‘Run!’ Merrill squeaked, and together they shot off down the street, hand in hand, while the two men lumbered after them, slowed by their intoxication.

Once Elizabeth and Merrill had run a safe distance and lost the men, they slowed to a jog, before stopping and leaning upon a wall, some four blocks away.

‘Sir!’ Merrill said breathlessly, ‘What did you do?’

Elizabeth panted, holding a stitch in her side, ‘Capsicum extract.’

‘Why are you carrying that around with you?’ She asked, bewildered.

‘Safety?’ Elizabeth said with a shrug, ‘It came in handy, did it not?’

‘I guess.’ Merrill said as Elizabeth straightened up, her face illuminated by the streetlights, ‘Sir! Your nose!’

Elizabeth put her fingers to her lip, and felt the blood oozing from her nostril, ‘Oh,’ was all she managed to say.

‘Does it hurt?’ Merrill asked.

‘I am not sure yet.’ Elizabeth said mildly, ‘I have had quite a lot of mead.’

‘We have to get you cleaned up.’ Merrill insisted.

‘My home is near.’ Elizabeth said.

Fifteen minutes later, Elizabeth and Merrill were in the kitchen, dabbing away the blood on Elizabeth’s face.

‘I do not believe you did that.’ Merrill said over and over again.

‘What was I supposed to do?’ Elizabeth said, ‘They were all over you.’

‘They would have beaten you senseless!’

Elizabeth gave a shrug and felt her nose. Luckily, it was not broken, though a rather large bruise had blossomed across her eyes.

‘You look an awful mess.’ Merrill said, shaking her head.

‘At least I look rather tough.’ Elizabeth swallowed, and tasted blood in the back of her throat.

Merrill raised her hand and dabbed at Elizabeth’s top lip with a wet cloth. Their eyes lingered for a moment, before Merrill looked away and muttered, ‘Thank you, anyway.’

‘You are welcome.’

~

Elizabeth could not explain why she felt so protective of Merrill. Perhaps she wanted to help Merrill succeed in a career, rather than succumb to a life of homemaking. Whatever the reason, Elizabeth vowed to be Merrill’s mentor, and guide her in the right path.

Merrill made every day at the apothecary a joy. She laughed unashamedly, was immensely funny, and adorably clumsy. She talked non-stop, and her social skills had improved greatly. Elizabeth found she looking forward to going to work in order to see her new friend, and began to dread the end of the workday when she would depart. Merrill had not spoken of her betrothal since their conversation a fortnight ago, and seemed relatively happy, so Elizabeth was not concerned. Truly, she had found an irreplaceable friend in Merrill, but Elizabeth was not sure that Merrill felt the same way. Of course, all Merrill saw was a male employer, and Elizabeth had come to accept this.

Growing up, Elizabeth had never had many friends, and to this day she did not know of one person, besides her mother, that might visit her home upon whim. Elizabeth was not the type to become lonely, and she often did not crave the company of others, though this had changed over the last few weeks.

A surge of jealousy seemed to take over Elizabeth whenever she thought about someone trying to take Merrill from her, whether it be a future husband, or a parent. She pushed these irrational thoughts aside every time they flooded her brain, and focused on something positive.

Elizabeth wanted to spend time with Merrill outside of the apothecary, yet she did not know how to approach the subject for she feared it might be inappropriate, especially since everyone believed Elizabeth to be a man.

She did not need to fret about this for long, however, for it was Merrill who suggested it first.

‘Sir,’ She said hesitantly one night, ‘What do you do on Sundays?’

It was eight o’clock at night, and Merrill had volunteered to stay back late and help Elizabeth with some research regarding a vaccination she was working on.

‘Sundays?’ Elizabeth frowned without looking up from her work. Usually Elizabeth would go to church, dressed as her usual feminine self, but what Elias might do was a completely different story.

‘Yes.’ Merrill hesitated, ‘only, your sister mentioned weeks back that you left town regularly on the weekend.’

‘Oh.’ Was all Elizabeth managed to say.

‘Do you have a sweetheart out of town, Sir?’ Merrill said in a casual tone, though Elizabeth saw her give a sideways glance. She was propped upon a stool next to Elizabeth’s workbench, while she measured ingredients, and took notes.

ElJUSizabeth smirked, ‘No, I do not.’ She replied after a moment’s silence.

‘Then why do you leave every weekend?’

Elizabeth did not know the answer to this, because she did not leave the town every weekend. It had been the only way to explain Elias’ absence every Sunday.

‘I … like to go to the countryside and relax.’ She invented, ‘Fresh air, and perhaps a packed lunch in a grassy park somewhere.’

‘That sounds lovely.’ Merrill sighed, ‘It must be nice getting away from the centre of town for a while.’

‘Pass that vial, will you?’ Elizabeth pointed to the shelf behind Merrill, and kept her eyes upon her work.

Merrill did as she was asked, and continued, ‘Might I join you one Sunday, Sir? Mayhap you could take me to your favorite spot. I could bring a packed lunch.’

Elizabeth dropped the vial and it shattered upon the floor. Merrill bustled about, sweeping up the shards of glass while Elizabeth thought up a suitable response.

‘Might that seem a bit … odd?’ Elizabeth chose her words carefully.

‘Well if you do not wish to.’ Merrill said hurriedly, ‘I did not mean to impose, Sir. Forget I said anything. I thought it might be nice to get away and relax with someone I could trust.’ She had turned quite pink.

Elizabeth’s heart was racing, ‘I would like you to come.’ She said.

Merrill grinned.

~

Elizabeth was not sure as to what her plan was. She did not have a ‘special spot’ she liked to visit on weekends, nor did she have a way of getting to such a place. Nevertheless, Elizabeth promised Merrill an excursion into the countryside that Sunday after church. Merrill insisted that they meet at Elizabeth’s residence, and journey onwards from there. Elizabeth did not object.

The remainder of the week Elizabeth tried to think of somewhere suitable to take Merrill for their first outing as friends. Some might disapprove of a young ‘man’ and woman spending time alone together, without a chaperone, but Elizabeth thought this quite ridiculous. If they only knew, she thought amusedly. However innocent Elizabeth’s intentions were, what if Merrill did not see it the same way? This had not occurred to her just yet, and a prickle of worry formed in Elizabeth’s stomach. She decided to ignore it, and thought it would be absurd for Merrill to be remotely interested in Elias.

A small valley called Coachers hill, half hour out of town seemed the ideal place. Her mother had told Elizabeth about it when she had enquired about an ideal place to have a picnic. Her mother said it was covered in flowers, and huge oak trees that would be a splendid source of shade. Apparently nobody ventured there, for upon the land was an abandoned house. Rumors flew that it was haunted, and sometimes children wTERould dare each other to get as close as possible to the building. Elizabeth had never been there, but decided that this was her best hope for a ‘tranquil’ spot. Elizabeth hoped that Merrill was not opposed to walking.

The day of the picnic arrived, and Elizabeth spent an excruciating amount of time in front of the mirror, ensuring her disguise would be weather proof incase the clouds above decided to release the rain within them. She donned a hat, boots, and carried an umbrella with her to the door when she heard the sound of gentle knocking.

‘Good morn, Merrill.’ Elizabeth gave a small bow.

Merrill seemed slightly flustered for she had walked a half-mile with an enormous basket under her arm.

‘Have you brought enough food for the entire town?’ Elizabeth teased.

Merrill smiled embarrassed, ‘I was not sure what you favored, so I brought a little bit of everything.’

‘You have done very well.’ Elizabeth said impressed, ‘Here, let me take that from you.’

Elizabeth was not a strong woman, by any means. She was, however, larger than Merrill in height, and had much stronger arms. Merrill seemed relieved that the weight had been taken from her.

‘Where are we going?’ She enquired at once.

‘A short walk, I hope you do not mind.’ Elizabeth said, ‘It is only a half hour away, and there are not many hills.’

The walk was further than Elizabeth expected. The boots upon her feet rubbed against her heels, which were red raw by the time they arrived at their destination. In an attempt to appear manly, however, Elizabeth did not complain. Merrill was good company, and did not express her dislike for the long walk. It seemed Elizabeth’s mother had lied about the distance from town. Her arms ached with the weight of the picnic basket, as though Merrill had laden it full of bricks.

After an hour of trudging they appeared in an open field. Sunlight dappled through the leaves of a huge oak tree, and thick luscious grass spread before them for a mile. Yellow flowers bloomed here and there across the paddock, and in the distance was an old, decrepit house, with a caved in roof. The air smelled sweetly and Elizabeth felt that this scene was well worth the horrid walk.

Merrill took the basket from Elizabeth and spread a blanket out underneath the towering oak for them to sit upon. She unpacked the contents of the basket and Elizabeth saw why it had been so heavy. Upon the blanket sat a loaf of bread, six hard-boiled eggs, an assortment of fruits, cheese, salt crackers, cold meat, a bottle of Gaelic whiskey, and a large bottle of mead.

‘Whiskey?’ Elizabeth asked, picking up the bottles, ‘Mead?’

‘My Pa’s.’ she said as she unpacked some cutlery.

‘Are you sure it is all right that you took them?’ Eltimizabeth asked timidly.

‘Mister Searson, you told me I should do as I please.’ Merrill said determinedly.

‘I did not mean steal, Merrill.’ Elizabeth said with raised eyebrows as she put the bottles back down.

‘He has more than enough in his cellar. He will not notice two bottles missing. Would it shock you if I told you I took bottles often, Sir?’

‘It would.’ Elizabeth said, trying to hide a smile.

‘When I was fifteen some friends and I took a bottle of whiskey from Pa’s cellar, and drank it behind the garden shed.’ She said, pulling a face, ‘Awful night.’

‘I expect you were not too well afterwards?’ Elizabeth said, taking a grape that Merrill offered.

‘The whiskey did not make me too sick. I expect it is the Irish blood.’ She crinkled her nose, ‘Though I did end up having my first kiss that night, behind the shed with a friend.’

Elizabeth gave a laugh, ‘I expect he was pleased.’

‘Like I said, it was an awful night. I have not touched whiskey since! It seems to make me behave most inappropriate.’

‘Good thing too.’ Elizabeth said, clearing her throat nervously.

Merrill poured Elizabeth copious amounts of mead into a pewter mug, and ladled a plate full of food, which she forced into Elizabeth’s hands. She was sure she could not eat this much, but she would try because she did not want to hurt Merrill’s feelings.

It was extremely relaxing sitting in the meadow, drinking, eating, talking and laughing. Elizabeth lay back and looked up at the canopy of leaves while Merrill poured Elizabeth her third mug of mead. Elizabeth felt light headed, and extremely happy. She had never been a drinker, yet right now she was playing the role of Elias Searson, and she had decided that he enjoyed alcoholic beverages. Merrill did not drink, but merely ate small amounts, and watched Elizabeth eagerly.

‘This is nice.’ Elizabeth yawned, stretching across the blanket; she felt incredibly full, and drowsy.

‘Aye, Sir.’ Merrill agreed.

Elizabeth lay with her eyes shut, and listened to the sound of the leaves rustling in the wind, and inhaled the sweet smell of the meadow. Merrill fidgeted momentarily before laying beside Elizabeth.

‘It is nice here.’

‘Mmmh.’ was all Elizabeth managed to say.

~

Elizabeth was not sure how long she had fallen asleep for. The day had been warm, the food had been excellent, and the mead had made her drowsy. When Elizabeth woke the sun waJUSs lower in the sky, indicating that it was at least three o’clock in the afternoon. Quite a nap, considering they had arrived at the meadow in the eleventh hour of the day.

Something warm, and soft was against Elizabeth’s cheek. Moving her head, Elizabeth saw that Merrill lay in the crook of Elizabeth’s arm, her hair tickling her face. Elizabeth felt her heart race, and was not sure why. She was perfectly relaxed, and comfortable, yet she did not understand why her heart pounded, and her stomach felt tight with nerves.

Merrill was not asleep. Elizabeth could see that her eyes were open, staring into the distance. She had not noticed that Elizabeth was awake. Surely the fast beating of her heart would give her away.

As if Merrill had read her mind, she lifted her head and looked up at Elizabeth. The moment their eyes met seemed to last an eternity. Elizabeth felt frozen to the spot. She could see her own reflection in Merrill’s large, glassy eyes; the reflection of Elias, not Elizabeth. Her stomach turned and apprehension lingered in the air between them. A strange stillness took over the trees, and the grass. Silence fell in the meadow as if everything had stopped to watch them.

And then Merrill kissed her.

Her lips were warm, and moist, and she moved them with uncertainty. It lasted a lifetime, or perhaps several seconds, Elizabeth could not be sure. All she knew was her hands were shaking, and a small explosion had occurred in the pit of her stomach, rocketing through her body to the core of her pounding heart. Merrill’s hand clenched a fistful of Elizabeth’s vest, and Elizabeth found herself kissing Merrill back as though it were the most natural thing in the world. Merrill opened her mouth uncertainly, to allow Elizabeth’s tongue entrance, but she hesitated.

Elizabeth broke away, and Merrill’s eyes darted back and forth between Elizabeth’s pupils. She opened her mouth as though to speak, but closed it quickly again.

Elizabeth sat up and Merrill detached her self at once.

‘I am so sorry.’ Merrill said as Elizabeth got to her feet, and brushed herself off.

Elizabeth did not know what to do, or how to react to the events that had just taken place. She was numb with shock, and slightly shaken. What was worse, Elizabeth had not disliked the kiss.

‘Elias.’ Merrill said, getting hurriedly to her feet, ‘Mister Searson.’

‘This is bad.’ Elizabeth said, rather stressed.

‘No, Sir, it – it is beautiful.’ Merrill said, a pleading tone in her voice.

‘Go home, Merrill.’ Elizabeth said avoiding Merrill’s huge eyes.

‘Sir, please do not be mad. I have wanted to do that for so many weeks. Please forgive me.’

‘You barely know me, Merrill.’ Elizabeth snapped. She had not meant to be so harsh, but she was in a state of shock.

‘Please let me explain.’ Merrill begged, grabbing Elizabeth’s vest pleadingly, ‘Please do not fire me, Sir.’

Elizabeth clenched her jaw, ‘What is there to explain Merrill?’

‘We … I – I met you before you interviewed me for the job.’ Merrill said quickly. ‘You did not remember me, but I saw you in the apothecary over a month ago. I had to know you.’

‘We met before the interview?’

‘I went into the shop, I-I pretended to need your assistance. You were so nice. You spoke to me like a proper lady.’

Elizabeth stared at Merrill and suddenly realized why she had looked so familiar upon the day of the interview. Elizabeth had seen her in the shop, several days in a row, but Merrill had never bought anything.

‘You always said you were just browsing.’ Elizabeth recalled.

‘Aye Sir.’ Merrill admitted, ‘I wanted to know you. I visited the shop at least five times. You never seemed to remember me.’

‘I see a lot of faces every day.’

‘Then … then I saw the job listing, and I knew I had to try. Oh, Sir, I was ever so pleased when you chose me. My mother said I did not have a snowballs chance in hell. She said you would hire a clever man, not a simple girl like me … but she was wrong. You hired me. Me.’ Merrill was beaming.

Elizabeth grew increasingly wary as each second passed. What on earth would Merrill say if she ever discovered that Elias was really a woman?

‘Finally, I would be able to get to know you.’ Merrill gave a weak smile, ‘I was happy until my Pa told me his plans for my future … my betrothal. I ran to your house, thinking perhaps you could … you could do something to help me. But you were not there, and your sister told me you were out of town. I thought you must be visiting your sweetheart.’

Elizabeth frowned, ‘Merrill, you have behaved extremely foolishly.’

‘I thought you might like me, Sir.’ Merrill said miserably, ‘When you said I could come with you, here, I thought …’

‘You thought … what? You thought we would begin a courtship Merrill? For goodness sake, I am your employer. I cannot … I cannot take advantage of this situation.’

‘You are not taking advantage of me, Sir. I promise.’

‘Go.’ Elizabeth said, ‘Just leave, Merrill.’

Elizabeth did not watch Merrill walk away. She felt horribly guilty for sending her away, but Elizabeth felt as though she had been tricked. Merrill had lured her into this position, and planned it from day one. Why was Elizabeth so upset about this though? If her husband, George Greenwood, had done this, she would not be hurt in the slightest. Because I do not have feelings for the Captain a , Elizabeth told herself, but did that mean that Elizabeth cared more for Merrill than her own husband?

Chapter Eight

Elizabeth’s Discovery

Elizabeth sat in the meadow for over an hour. She was immensely confused and could not get Merrill out of her head. Elizabeth did not wish to fire her, but what choice did she have? She did not want an awkward workplace, and the apothecary was the most important thing in her life.

Darkness had begun to fall before she made her way back home. The walk cleared her head and she tried to decide what her options were.

On one hand she could continue with her everyday life, and pretend nothing of the sort had happened. On the other hand, she could dismiss Merrill and find someone else to help her run the apothecary.

But was there another option?

Elizabeth tried to repress the images that were flooding her mind. She walked faster and tried to ignore the visions attempting to penetrate her head. It was no use. A rush of possible scenarios flooded her mind.

She imagined Merrill’s lips against her neck, and her bosom pressing against Elizabeth’s bound chest. She inhaled, and could smell Merrill’s hair. They were entwined together as they lay upon white sheets. Elizabeth was herself, not Elias. All worries left as Merrill kissed her again and again.

No, Elizabeth thought sharply, pushing the visions aside. She was just confused because she had been dressing as a man for so many weeks now. The male clothes were having an effect upon her. She was not thinking like her normal self. Never before had Elizabeth ever imagined herself with another woman. It was horrific, sinful, and disgusting in the eyes of the church and god himself. Yet why did it feel so exhilarating to think of these things? Was there something wrong with Elizabeth?

Once Elizabeth had arrived home she changed out of her disguise as soon as possible. She washed herself in the basin and ignored the disturbing thoughts. She imagined herself ripping up every sinful thought she had ever had, and throwing them into a river. She watched them float away.

Now that Elizabeth was her usual redhead self again, she felt normal. Busying herself around the house, she kept her mind occupied. She cooked herself a meal, cleaned the kitchen, read a book, and washed some clothes. It was only when she was so tired that she could barely function did she lie down and allow herself to rest.

She immediately fell asleep and had numerous dreams, all of which contained Merrill. She woke several times during the night with a warm, tingling sensation between her thighs that she had never experienced before. She ignored it for as long as she could, but eventually succumbed to temptation, and slid her hand under her nightdress and thought about Merrill unashamedly.

~

Merrill did not show up for work on Monday. Nor did she come on Tuesday. When Merrill failed to arrive to work for the third day in a row, Elizabeth decided that she must pay her a visit. Elizabeth knew where she lived for she had taken note of it during Merrill’s job interview. She wondered if she would be very welcome if she turned up on her doorstep. Would her parents wonder why Merrill had suddenly stopped going to work?

Elizabeth had been angry with Merrill for her actions on Sunday evening, yet the more she thought about it, the more Elizabeth regretted her actions. She thought non-stop of the possibilities that the afternoon might have contained. She was confused by her attraction to Merrill. Yes, she had indeed come to terms with that fact over the days that Merrill had been absent. She missed her sorely, and could think of little else. It was beginning to affect her work quite badly. Elizabeth made mistakes with several customers, spilled things, broke vials, and was constantly vacant. It took one gentleman several attempts to snap Elizabeth out of a kind of trans she had been in while thinking about Merrill’s lips.

Elizabeth did not know what to make of her attraction to another woman. She had never experienced it before. She thought that perhaps she had gone insane, and might need to check herself into the mental asylum. If anyone found out about this they would think she was barking mad. Strange, abnormal, queer, and various other hurtful words would describe Elizabeth’s feelings.

But at the same time it did not feel so strange. Elizabeth had never loved a man, nor had she ever been attracted to one. Elizabeth did not know if two women could be together in the same way a man and a woman could. The thought of what two women might do sent an excited shiver down Elizabeth’s spine, and she was instantly ashamed of herself for such a thought.

When Elizabeth closed the shop she made her way to Merrill’s home. It was a ten-minute walk away, in an area of town that Elizabeth had not visited often. It was not a very nice area. Dogs wandered the street, and haggard women yelled at Elizabeth from their windows. When Elizabeth came to the right home, she adjusted her breeches, brushed down her vest, checked her facial hair was still intact, and knocked upon the door. It took at least a minute before anyone answered it. Shouting came from inside, heavy footsteps, and then a tall man with a large, protruding belly answered the door.

‘Wot?’ He said.

‘Um, hello, Sir.’ Elizabeth said taking of her hat, ‘M-My name is Elias Searson. I was wondering if Merrill was home. You see, she has not shown up for work for several days and I was just worried-’

‘Eh?’ The man grunted, ‘you fired her.’

‘No, there has been a misunderstanding.’ Elizabeth said, ‘We had a small … disagreement … and I think she assumed-’

‘So she ain’t fired then?’

‘No, Sir.’

The large man shouted over his shoulder, ‘OI! MIM! a mC’MERE!’

Mim? Elizabeth supposed this was a nickname for Merrill, because a few seconds later, Merrill’s tiny frame appeared next to her father. Her eyes widened at the sight of her boss, Elias.

‘This Elliot says you ain’t fired no more.’ He pointed to Elizabeth.

‘Mister Searson.’ Merrill squeaked, stepping over the threshold, ‘What are you doing here?’

Her cheeks were extremely pink as she closed the door behind her and stood upon the front step with Elizabeth.

‘I wanted to make sure you were all right.’ Elizabeth said honestly.

Merrill looked around nervously, ‘I was too ashamed to face you, Sir … after the way I behaved. I am so sorry.’

‘It is I who should be sorry.’ Elizabeth said in an undertone. She did not want Merrill’s family to overhear, ‘I did not know how to respond to such a situation.’

‘Such a gentleman.’ Merrill’s brows knitted together, ‘I promise I will not do anything like that again, Sir.’

Elizabeth felt her heart drop. Was she really disappointed at the thought of never kissing Merrill again?

‘Please, just … come back to the apothecary?’ Elizabeth asked, and before she could stop herself, ‘I have missed you.’

Merrill bowed her head, and Elizabeth could see her ears turning pink from embarrassment. After a moment, Merrill nodded and Elizabeth felt her heart swell.

‘I will see you tomorrow, Merrill.’ Elizabeth said.

She wanted to embrace her, and hold her, and tell her that she was sorry she reacted so poorly to Merrill’s advances, but Elizabeth restrained herself, turned, and walked away. Merrill stood upon the front step for several minutes, watching Elias walk away, unknowing that she had actually fallen in love with another woman.

~

Things were very awkward at the apothecary on Thursday morning. Elizabeth had never noticed how often her arm brushed against Merrill’s, or how cramped the space behind the counter was. No matter what Elizabeth did, she felt as though her and Merrill were far too close for comfort. Her skin tingled constantly throughout the day, and electric jolts ran through her body every time Merrill brushed against her skin. She felt increasingly warm as the day wore on, and Merrill was unusually silent. She was not her usual chatty self, and Elizabeth worried that she had hurt Merrill’s feelings permanently.

Elizabeth wanted, more than anything, to spend time alone with Merrill. Elizabeth had been so pleased to have a friend that she had not noticed the way Merrill behaved around Elias.bet However, now that Elizabeth was aware of her affections for Elias, she wondered how she could ever have missed it.

Strangely, Elizabeth was jealous of her alternate identity. Why did he get to gain the affections of Merrill? Why could Elizabeth not? She thought about revealing herself, but knew that it would only cause more problems. Perhaps Elizabeth could spend time with Merrill as herself. Would Merrill fall for Elizabeth the same way she had fallen for Elias? Ultimately, they had the same personality. Elizabeth did not act too different when she posed as a man. Perhaps Merrill would like Elizabeth more if she were female.

Who was she kidding? Merrill would be disgusted at the thought of kissing another woman. No, this way is better. Unconsciously, Elizabeth had decided to pursue Merrill’s affections. She did not have a plan, nor did she have a goal. She knew that when her husband returned from sea, she would be forced to abandon her double life. Elias would vanish off the face of the earth.

~

Elizabeth waited patiently for Merrill to become comfortable in her company once again. Within two weeks she was perfectly happy, and her usual talkative self. Elizabeth did not want to rush and scare Merrill away. This was the first time Elizabeth had ever been romantically interested in another human being. It was funny how it had all happened. One kiss from Merrill and she had been hooked.

Elizabeth thought about Merrill every night. In some of her fantasies she was Elias – a proper man. In others, she was her regular self. Elizabeth enjoyed these fantasies much more. In the two weeks since that kiss, as Elizabeth thought of it now, she had come to terms with her attraction to someone of the same gender. It felt natural, and was on her mind most of the day. Elizabeth did not see the point in pretending any more. She wanted to kiss Merrill again, and she would make sure that happened.

It was a Saturday afternoon at the apothecary when Elizabeth put her plan into action.

Merrill was closing the shop, and Elizabeth had been working in the laboratory for the past several hours on a new concoction that would cure boils.

‘I think you need a break, Sir.’ Merrill called to Elizabeth as she bustled about, putting various jars away onto the appropriate shelves. She had become much more efficient within the last week.

‘Mmmh.’ Elizabeth agreed noncommittally, ‘In a moment.’ She did not look up from her work.

‘Really, Mister Searson.’ Merrill said walking over to Elizabeth’s desk and putting her hands on her hips, ‘You have dark circles under your eyes.’

‘Perhaps I am a little tired.’ Elizabeth agreed, stretching and yawning, ‘Mayhap I shall continue the work at home on Sunday.’

Merrill bit her lip, but did not scold Elizabeth for overworking. Adorable, Elizabeth found herself thinking fondly.

‘Sunday? Do you not plan to rest at alloye?’ She asked timidly.

‘Of course.’ Elizabeth said standing, and reaching for her coat, ‘When I find the time.’

‘Do you need help on Sunday, Sir?’ She enquired.

‘Oh.’ Elizabeth said with raised eyebrows, ‘I suppose the work would go faster with assistance, but I would not ask you to give up your only day off.’

‘I do not mind.’ Merrill said quickly, ‘Honest.’

Elizabeth frowned, ‘You can come by the house if you like.’ She shrugged, ‘But I shall not expect you to. Of course, I cannot stop you.’

Merrill nodded frantically, ‘Yes, Sir.’

It had gone better than planned. Elizabeth had thought she would have to ask Merrill to help on Sunday, but she had offered immediately. Elizabeth did not plan to do any work on Sunday at all, but Merrill did not need to know that.

~

When Elizabeth heard the knock upon her front door, her heart leapt and she had to stop herself from running down the stairs. She adjusted her wig before opening the door. Merrill stood on the threshold, looking very pretty indeed in a dress of periwinkle blue.

Elizabeth showed her inside and sat her down in the sitting room.

‘Have you been working long today?’ Merrill asked.

‘I was up all night working.’ Elizabeth lied, ‘you are out of luck. I have completed the cure.’

‘Oh, good.’ Merrill said with raised eyebrows, though she did not look pleased at all, ‘I guess you will not be needing my help then.’

‘Well, you already came all this way.’ Elizabeth said hurriedly, ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’

‘Thank you, Sir.’

Elizabeth busied herself in the kitchen, making tea. She prepared a plate of cakes and biscuits for Merrill, and then rejoined her in the sitting room.

Merrill smiled, ‘How nice.’ She said when she saw the tray of cookies and cakes.

Elizabeth placed the tray on the table before them, and sat next to Merrill. Their arms brushed, and a shiver ran through Elizabeth’s spine. Merrill helped herself to cake, and tea.

Conversation flowed as usual, and Elizabeth’s stomach churned uncomfortably as she thought about why she had wanted Merrill here in the first place. Had Elizabeth really turned into such a man, pursuing young girls at her own leisure? She was ashamed, and exhilarated at the same time. She could not help but stare at Merrill as she sipped her tea. This did not go unnoticed.

‘Are you all right, Sir?’ Merrill said, placing her cup and saucer upon the table, ‘You seem odd.’

Elizabeth cleared her throat nervously, ‘I-I am just thinking.’ She said.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Merrill asked.

Elizabeth wanted to be honest, however she felt it was too soon, ‘I am thinking … it is nice ... In your company.’ She said.

‘Thank you. I enjoy your company too, Sir.’ Merrill said pleasantly.

Elizabeth considered this for a moment before blurting, ‘Do you still think about that day … in the meadow?’

Merrill stared with wide eyes, ‘I was under the impression that I was not to speak of it.’

Elizabeth sighed, ‘I have to be honest with you Merrill. I have trouble thinking of anything else.’

Merrill did not answer, but merely stared at Elizabeth with wide, gazing eyes.

‘I … I think,’ Elizabeth took a deep, steadying breath, ‘I think about it all the time.’

‘Me too.’ Merrill said softly, ‘Mostly I am embarrassed.’

‘I cannot get it out of my head.’ Elizabeth said, rather frustrated.

Merrill seemed afraid, ‘You are not thinking of dismissing me, are you sir?’

‘No, nothing like that.’ Elizabeth reassured.

‘Thinking good things, Sir?’ Merrill said hopefully.

‘Very good things.’ Elizabeth confirmed.

‘Tell me.’ Merrill said in a soft voice.

Elizabeth swallowed. Merrill had gotten quite close in the last few seconds.

‘I think … I think about how I should have reacted that day.’ Elizabeth said quietly, ‘I think about what might have happened.’

‘Do you think about kissing me, Sir?’ Merrill said bravely.

‘Constantly.’ Elizabeth breathed, ‘I think of little else. Every time your skin brushes against mine, it is like torture.’

Merrill was staring, transfixed.

m e

This is it, Elizabeth thought to herself. She wanted to tell Merrill that she fantasized about the two of them together every night.

Elizabeth’s limbs felt like lead, but after a moment’s silence she reached out and took Merrill’s hand firmly. Merrill stared at their hands briefly, before focusing her eyes upon Elizabeth.

‘Mister Searson.’ She breathed.

Elizabeth felt a pang of jealousy against her alias, but ignored it as she reached out a hand to cup Merrill’s face. She wished dearly that it had been her own name that had escaped Merrill’s lips.

Elizabeth leaned forwards and kissed Merrill gently, allowing her eyes to close, and to sink completely into the sensation of being close to another woman. It was bliss. Sinful bliss. Merrill opened her mouth, and Elizabeth swirled her tongue against Merrill’s. They kissed slowly, and gently, savoring every moment.

It was as though time may end at any moment, and they would not get another chance for a lifetime. Merrill placed a shaking hand to Elizabeth’s chest, and attempted to undo the buttons of her vest.

Elizabeth whispered, ‘No,’ through their kiss, and Merrill dropped her hand. She did not want to get carried away. The thought of Merrill discovering her secret would be deeply upsetting for both of them.

Merrill shook from head to toe due to nerves, and the forbidden nature of lust for her employer when she had been betrothed.

Elizabeth tried to rationalize her actions but her brain was overcome with a strange new feeling. It spread from the pit of her stomach, and caused her heart to swell twice the size. It flooded her brain until all rational thought was eradicated, and she was left with nothing but a burning desire for Merrill.

They broke apart, and Elizabeth pressed her forehead to Merrill’s. She inhaled Merrill’s scent and allowed the beating of her heart to return to normal. Merrill was breathing hard, and her shaking hands were upon Elizabeth’s chest.

‘I have imagined that kiss for over a fortnight.’ Elizabeth whispered.

‘I never thought … you would be interested in me.’ Merrill clutched at Elizabeth’s clothes.

‘You are intoxicating.’ Elizabeth gave a small smile, ‘to be honest I had never thought of you this way until that day in the meadow. I guess you got into my head.’

Merrill sighed, ‘Sir.’ She said after a moment’s silence, ‘Might we … might I stay?’

‘You may stay as long as you wish.’ Elizabeth smiled, and ran a hand down Merrill’s face.

‘Tonight?’

‘What about it?’

‘No, I mean … may I stay? Tonight.’

Elizabeth sat back and looked at Merrill’s face, ‘You want to stay the night?’ She asked.

‘Aye, sir.’ Merrill had turned a deep shade of scarlet, ‘But I mean … if you would not like it. Obviously you would not. How silly of me to-’

But Elizabeth had cut her sentence short with another kiss. Merrill responded with such enthusiasm that she practically jumped into Elizabeth’s lap. Somewhere in the back of Elizabeth’s mind, a thought had occurred to her. Was she interested in Merrill because she had dressed as a man for too long? Or was she dressing as a man as an excuse to be with Merrill? Elizabeth was not sure which one was the truth any more, but at that moment it did not matter.

Their tongues caressed, and Merrill straddled herself over Elizabeth’s thighs. Her dress was splayed in all directions across the sofa, and Elizabeth held her waist tenderly, longing to be closer, but knowing it could never be.

Things were becoming increasingly passionate. Merrill arched her neck and allowed Elizabeth’s lips to trail down her nape. She bit the flesh gently, and Merrill let out a small gasp.

~

Merrill lay in Elizabeth’s bed, snoring gently, her hair askew across her pretty face. They had retired when the sun had set, yet Elizabeth had not dared to progress beyond simple kissing. Elizabeth watched her sleep, her stomach aching with an unnamable pain. Merrill had cried whilst they had kissed.

Merrill had tried several times to unbutton Elizabeth’s shirt – but she had stopped her every time. At one stage, Merrill’s shaking hand had even cupped Elizabeth’s crotch. She knew that Merrill did not know what a man’s member should feel like through clothes, for she had not expressed any surprise. Elizabeth had removed her hand quickly, for fear Merrill would feel the socks that had been packed into her breeches. Socks. That was all Elizabeth had to offer. A lie. This kept her awake all night.

Merrill skin glowed pearly white in the rays of moonlight that pooled in through the open curtains. She lay curled in a ball, looking tiny in the large bed. Elizabeth lay with her head propped upon her hands, and watched Merrill sleep. Logically, she could not continue this behavior with Merrill. It would hurt to end it, and Merrill would be extremely upset. Yet the alternative would be much worse. What could come of this? They could continue to court in secret, until … what? Until Merrill announced her love for Elias Searson? Until she wanted to get married? Elizabeth knew that nothing good could come of this, but it did not change the fact that she had fallen in love with another woman. Me, she thought amusedly, in love with another woman. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Chapter Nine

Touching Merrill

This continued for another week. Merrill had gotten into the habit of sneaking out of her home during the night, and visiting Elias. She had given Merrill a key to the front dppeoor so she could come and go as she pleased. This had resulted in late night wanderings on Merrill’s behalf. On numerous occasions Elizabeth had woken to Merrill sneaking through the front door. Of course, this did present a problem, because it meant Elizabeth must be disguised as Elias constantly. She fretted about her wig coming off during the night, so she slept very little while Merrill was there. Never did Elizabeth allow Merrill to touch her in a sexual manner, though Merrill tried often. On the seventh night in a row of sharing a bed, Merrill lay with her head propped upon her hands, and watched Elizabeth.

‘Is everything all right, Merrill?’ Elizabeth asked, turning to face her.

‘Mmmh.’ She said, running a hand along Elizabeth’s nightshirt. She had started wearing it because Merrill was always coming over now. Elizabeth’s chest was extremely sore from being bound tightly so often.

‘Sir, are you afraid to be close to me?’ Merrill asked after a minute of silence.

‘No.’ Elizabeth lied.

‘Why do you not let me touch you?’

‘Because,’ Elizabeth said, racking her brains, ‘because you are only seventeen, Merrill, and are not yet married. A man and a woman must be married before they can…’ She trailed off. A man and a woman, she thought irritably.

‘I did not think it would bother you, Sir.’ Merrill fingered a button on Elizabeth’s nightshirt. Elizabeth swatted her hand away, and Merrill looked slightly hurt.

‘Do you not find me attractive?’ She asked.

Elizabeth screwed up her eyes and prayed, for what, she did not know. A penis? No.

For Merrill to want her, even as a woman? Yes.

‘Of course I do.’ Elizabeth reassured, ‘I do not wish to … spoil you.’

‘Have you ever made love before, Mister Searson?’

Elizabeth was caught off guard by this bold question. What would the appropriate answer be? Yes, Elizabeth had had sexual intercourse with George Greenwood, but that had hardly counted as ‘making love’, especially not in the way that Merrill imagined.

‘I am not a virgin Merrill, no.’ Elizabeth said honestly.

‘What was she like?’ Merrill whispered.

Elizabeth sat up in bed, and pinched the bridge of her nose. She was frustrated by Merrill’s persistence. If only Merrill knew how badly Elizabeth wanted to touch her. If only she knew how she burned with desire.

‘Merrill, please.’ Elizabeth begged, ‘I do not wish to talk about it.’

‘Did she leave you, Sir?’ Merrill persisted, ‘Is that why you are afraid to be close?’

Elizabeth could not handle it anymore, ‘Merrill.’ She said warningly.

‘I would not leave you. I would not hurt you.’

‘It it not my feelings I am worried about.’ Elizabeth said through gritted teeth.

‘You will not hurt me, Sir. I promise.’ Merrill seemed desperate now, desperate for Elizabeth to love her in the way a man and a woman should. Oh, if only she knew how much Elizabeth did love her. More than anything in the world.

‘I fear I might hurt you.’ Elizabeth said, avoiding Merrill’s eyes.

And then she did something that Elizabeth had not expected. Merrill grabbed Elizabeth’s hand and thrust it underneath her nightdress, between Merrill’s thighs. Elizabeth’s heart felt as though it were locked it a vice. She was frozen to the spot.

‘Please.’ Merrill whispered, leaning forwards and pressing her bosom against Elizabeth, ‘Please.’

Elizabeth could feel the heat emanating from Merrill’s crotch. Elizabeth’s hand cupped her hot mound, and she could feel the wetness there, soaking her fingers. Merrill forced her lips upon Elizabeth’s, and kissed her hungrily. She straddled Elizabeth and held her hand in place against her crotch. Elizabeth could not have moved away if she had wanted to.

‘Please, touch me.’ Merrill breathed through their kiss. Her warm breath washed over Elizabeth, and she felt drunk from it. She was intoxicated by Merrill and did not want to fight the burning sensation between her own thighs. Merrill was shaking as she kissed along Elizabeth’s jaw.

Elizabeth groaned as Merrill’s lips met the nape of her neck. It was a deep, animalistic sound that she had never heard escape from her own mouth before.

‘Please, Sir.’ Merrill begged, ‘I want you to touch me. Please.’ Merrill used Elizabeth’s own fingers to rub against her crotch.

Elizabeth complied.

Shivers ran through Elizabeth’s spine, and the thrill was exhilarating. She was overwhelmed with the scent, and the feel of Merrill, who grinded against her hand. Elizabeth rubbed, and massaged, and toyed with the little nub between Merrill’s sweet folds. She writhed and panted into Elizabeth’s neck. Elizabeth allowed one finger to sink between the folds, and feel the warm velvet inside her. Merrill gasped, and clenched her thighs against Elizabeth. For a moment Elizabeth feared she may have hurt her, but that did not seem to be the case. Merrill grinded against Elizabeth, her movements becoming more fervent as whispered the name Elias.

‘Elias.’ She said over and over. Elizabeth felt a wave of fresh jealousy, but she did not stop. She slid another finger inside Merrill, and felt how tight she was. Of course Merrill was a virgin, this may have been the first time anyone had ever touched her like this. Would Merrill be upset that her first sexual encounter had been with a woman? Elizabeth would not allow her to discover the truth. She could not bear to lose Merrill.

Merrill gasped, and buried her face in the crook of Elizabeth’s neck. She bit d Fe alown, and Elizabeth could not help but moan. Elizabeth was wet, and her own crotch tingled torturously, but there could be no satisfaction. The knowledge of this almost drove her mad with desire.

At long last, Elizabeth felt the hot walls of Merrill’s womanhood tighten around her fingers. Merrill cried out, clenched her thighs around Elizabeth’s hand, and gave a small convulsion. A wave of warmth washed over Elizabeth’s hand, and they were both left panting in each other’s arms.

‘I do love you.’ Elizabeth whispered into Merrill’s hair, ‘I love you, Merrill.’ She could not stop the words rushing forth. It was as though she could not hold them in any longer. Elizabeth said it over and over again, while Merrill clutched her. When Merrill released her, tears streaked her face, and Elizabeth kissed them away.

‘Elias.’ She kissed Elizabeth deeply. Their tongues swirled and Elizabeth felt a pang of pain through her heart.

~

It had been the best, and worst night of Elizabeth’s life. She reveled in Merrill’s love and admiration as they held each other all through the night, kissing, and embracing. Yet something heavy weighed her heart down, and it was the knowledge that this could not last. Eventually, it would all come undone, and Elizabeth would be revealed as an imposter. When the truth came out, Merrill would leave her.

Perhaps Elizabeth should run away, or fake her own death, for the thought of Merrill abandoning her would be so painful she might die from it. Perhaps they could depart on terms that would leave Elizabeth’s memory a good one in the eyes of Merrill. After all, Merrill did not need to know that Elias Searson was really a woman. Yet this deception caused Elizabeth great internal pain. The guilt was almost paralyzing.

If the public discovered that Elizabeth had ‘tricked’ a young woman into her bed she would surely receive a public flogging. Or worse, they would send her to the mad house. Yet the fear of this did not match Elizabeth’s fear of Merrill leaving her.

When the sun rose, Merrill lay cocooned against Elizabeth. She was curled into a ball, with Elizabeth’s free arm wrapped around her stomach. Elizabeth had slept badly, as usual. With immense effort, she removed herself from the bed without waking her lover, and proceeded to the washroom across the hall.

She locked the door behind her, and finally took off the disguised that had taken over her life. It was immensely relieving to stand naked in front of the full-length mirror. She stared at her reflection, and the bruise upon her neck. It was like a brand that Merrill had given her, claiming Elias as her own. She touched it with her fingertips and sighed.

After washing herself, Elizabeth felt much better. It was as though she had washed away all of her sins and was left fresh, and pure.

Footsteps could be heard on the landing.

‘Elias?’ Merrill’s voice called through the door.

‘Yes?’ Elizabeth said in her falsely deep voice, rushing about and collect Fe

‘Is everything okay?’

‘Yes, fine. Just cleaning up.’ Elizabeth said as she hurriedly put on her breeches.

‘Mayhap I could help you?’ Merrill said in a teasing tone.

‘Oh.’ Elizabeth stalled as she tightened the bindings around her chest. ‘Um, I am almost done.’

Merrill tried the doorknob, but discovered that it was locked.

‘Can I not come in?’ Merrill asked.

‘One moment!’ Elizabeth called.

Elizabeth went to open the door, but stopped herself. Wig, she reminded herself.

‘Shit, shit, shit.’ She breathed as she tried to put it on as quickly as possible.

‘Are you okay?’ Merrill asked through the door.

Elizabeth wrenched it open and smiled at Merrill, ‘Just dressing.’ She said airily.

‘Do you mind if I clean up?’ Merrill asked.

‘Not at all.’

Merrill entered the washroom and began to strip before Elizabeth’s eyes. She took the hem of her nightdress and lifted it over her head. Her dark hair fell and splayed down her back, reaching her buttocks. Elizabeth looked away, ashamed of her perversion.

Merrill looked over her shoulder, ‘Do you want to help?’

Elizabeth looked back and could not help but comply. She was truly and utterly under Merrill’s spell.

Chapter Ten

Sailors Return

Elizabeth continued to court Merrill in secret. They spoke of their love for each other to no one, under Elizabeth’s instructions. Merrill was confused as to why her lover wanted to keep their courtship a secret, but complied.

She continued to sneak out at night and visit Elizabeth. They kissed, and touched, and whispered sweet nothings into each other’s ears. Merrill was madly in love with Elias, and Elizabeth was madly in love with Merrill.

Elizabeth had convinced herself that Merrill would love her no matter what her gender was. After all, was it not Elizabeth’s personality that she had fallen for?

Elizabeth still refused to show her body to Merrill, something that seemed to deeply upset her. Merrill had been completely naked in front of Elizabeth many times. Merrill wanted to make love, and she expressed this desire almost every night. It seemed to hurt her feelings when Elias declined.

‘Do you not find me attractive?’ She asked almost every night.

‘I find you extremely attractive.’ Elizabeth would reassure.

‘Do you not think this will last?’ Merrill said, ‘Us, I mean.’

‘I wish it would last forever.’ Elizabeth said honestly, embracing Merrill.

‘If you wish it to last forever, then why do you not want to make love?’

‘Because we are not married.’ Elizabeth had used this excuse too many times to recall.

‘But if we plan to stay together … what is the point in waiting?’

Elizabeth felt sick every time the talked about sex. The lie had grown so big that it was taking over her life. She dreaded the day that Merrill would grow tired of waiting. However, Elizabeth knew that they did not have much time left together. Eventually, she would have to get rid of Elias, and return to her normal life, for five months had passed since Captain Greenwood left for sea. Within thirty days he would be due to return. How would Elizabeth break the news to Merrill? Would she cry? Would she beg to go with Elias?

It was a Wednesday morning when Elizabeth woke extremely early, and decided to make her way to the apothecary without Merrill. She left her lover snoring gently in bed, and made her way downstairs. Elizabeth felt she needed time alone to think about how she must end it with Merrill. She did not wish to do it, and kept telling herself that they could run away together, however, Elizabeth could not keep the secret of her gender hidden forever. Eventually, Merrill would want to make a life together, a life that would include marriage, and children. This was something Elizabeth could not offer her.

She had decided to do it that night. She would tell Merrill that she was leaving, heading overseas due to a job offer in another country. She did not wish to dwell upon Merrill’s reaction.

The day passed too quickly for Elizabeth. Merrill arrived early to the apothecary, wondering where Elias had gone. She expressed dislike for being left in bed while Elizabeth made her way to work. Elizabeth apologized, and simply stated that she needed to get a little bit of work done.

‘You looked so peaceful, I did not wish to wake you.’ She had said.

They flirted throughout the day, smiling, brushing against each other, and teasing one another in good spirit. Customers did not notice the electricity that flew between them, but Elizabeth could certainly feel it. Every time Merrill touched her it was like receiving an electric shock. She dreaded the end of the day, when she must reveal to Merrill that Elias would be leaving the town. She would tell her t Nehe hat Elias’ sister, Elizabeth, would be taking over the apothecary. She did not need to know the whole truth. This way, Elizabeth thought, perhaps she could get Merrill to fall in love with the real her. After all, they were the same person. If she did not like Elizabeth for who she was, then at least Elizabeth would be able to spend the day around the woman she loved so dearly.

Six o’clock came. Elizabeth drew the curtains, and flipped the sign upon the door. Merrill was in the laboratory, organizing jars of herbs into alphabetical order. When Elizabeth entered the laboratory, Merrill looked up and beamed.

Elizabeth sat down at her desk and watched Merrill work. Her heart was heavy with dread.

‘Merrill.’ She said in a rather shaky voice, ‘Come and sit.’

Merrill complied, but did not sit upon a chair. Instead, she sat upon Elizabeth’s lap and wrapped her arms around her neck.

‘I guess that will do.’ Elizabeth said with a smile as Merrill kissed her nose.

‘Shall I come over tonight, Sir?’ Merrill said with a smirk, kissing Elizabeth’s neck.

Yes, Elizabeth wanted to say.

‘No.’ She said, swallowing hard.

‘No?’ Merrill repeated, ‘Do you have much work to do?’

‘No.’ Elizabeth said again, closing her eyes as Merrill kissed her neck again.

‘Do you wish some time alone?’ Merrill whispered.

No, Elizabeth wanted to cry. She wanted to throw Merrill to the floor right then, kiss up and down her body, and make her scream.

‘Something of the sort.’ Elizabeth said through gritted teeth, as she tried to push the sexual visions aside.

‘Oh no, I have crowded you.’ Merrill fretted.

‘Not at all.’ Elizabeth said quickly, ‘I must … I must confess something to you.’

‘What is it?’

Elizabeth remained silent for several moments. Her heart thudded frantically in her chest. Say it, she willed herself. Just say it and it will all be over soon. It hurt to think about it.

‘Promise you will be happy for me.’ Elizabeth began nervously. She felt so saddened by this moment that she thought she might be sick.

‘Of course.’ Merrill promised. The thought that Elias might leave her did not seem to cross her mind.

‘I … I have received a letter.’ Elizabeth recited. She had rehearsed the speech in her head a thousand times over during the day.

‘Mmmh?’ Merrill said, resuming the kissing of Elizabeth’s neck. It made it extremely hard to concentrate.

‘I have been offered a position.’ Elizabeth said quickly, ‘to train as a surgeon.’

‘A surgeon?’ Merrill repeated amazed.

‘It is a wonderful opportunity.’ Elizabeth continued, determined to tell the whole story, ‘such a chance does not come by often.’

‘I am very pleased for you.’ Merrill beamed. She did not yet understand.

‘The only problem,’ Elizabeth said in a shaking voice, ‘It is … in the Netherlands.’

‘The Netherlands?’ Merrill repeated, aghast, ‘Can you not train here?’

‘The Doctors Association of Holland is said to be the best in the world. Their economy is thriving. I would be mad not to accept such an offer.’

‘Indeed.’ Merrill said breathlessly, ‘When will you accept?’

‘I have … I accepted over a week ago.’

Merrill thought hard, ‘When shall we leave?’

Elizabeth blanched, ‘We?’ she said faintly. This had done it.

Merrill became pale, ‘You did not mean for me to come, did you?’ Her voice was barely a whisper.

Elizabeth did not answer. She felt as though she might vomit from the effort this was taking her.

‘No. I did not.’ She forced herself to say.

Merrill stood, and stumbled upon the hem of her dress slightly. Straightening up, Elizabeth saw her eyes had become watery.

‘You mean to leave me?’ Merrill said.

‘I do not wish to.’ Elizabeth said pleadingly. She did not want Merrill to hate her.

Merrill had begun to cry, and Elizabeth felt that this could have gone much better.

‘I will return.’ Elizabeth lied, ‘I will come back to you.’

‘You do not wish to leave me, yet you refuse to let me come with you?’ Merrill said through her sobs.

‘I do not want to take you away from your life here. You should not throw away everything for me.’

‘You are my life.’ Merrill cried, ‘Everything I do revolves around you!’

‘Do you not see why that is a bad thing?’ Elizabeth said taking Merrill’s shoulders in her grasp, ‘Do you not have aspirations? Dreams?’

‘You are a man, Mister Searson, and may do as you please. I am a woman and may do as I am told.’

‘You can do as you wish.’ Elizabeth said fiercely, ‘When I am gone my sister will take over the apothecary. You shall work for her.’

‘I understand now,’ Merrill said through tears, ‘I understand why you would not fuck me!’ She screamed the last words, making Elizabeth jump.

‘Merrill!’ Elizabeth pleaded, ‘Merrill, please. You are over reacting.’

And Merrill slapped her.

Elizabeth held her face, waiting for the stinging to pass. It hurt her heart more than it hurt her face.

‘Do not be like this.’ Elizabeth said softly, ‘If you were to hate me, I might die. I did not wish to hurt you.’

‘Well you have failed at that, Mister Searson.’ Merrill said, ‘Is there nothing I can say to change your mind?’

‘No.’ Elizabeth said in a shaking voice. She was afraid Merrill might slap her again.

Merrill glared, but did not say another word. Instead, she dropped to her knees in front of Elizabeth, and for a moment it looked as though she were about to beg.

However, Merrill reached for the waistband of Elizabeth’s breeches, and tried to unfasten them.

‘What are you doing?’ Elizabeth said shocked.

Merrill’s shaking hands struggled with the buttons, but she did not succeed for Elizabeth stepped out of her reach.

‘Let me.’ Merrill said through tears, ‘Let me show you how I love you.’

‘Merrill, please. Stand up.’ Elizabeth said worried.

So Merrill stood, but this time she started to undress herself. She fumbled with the lacing of her corset for her hands were shaking so badly.

‘Merrill.’ Elizabeth grabbed her wrists, ‘Please.’

‘I do love Neabe you.’ Merrill said thickly, tears clinging to her eyelashes.

‘And I love you.’ Elizabeth reassured. It was the utter truth, ‘But this cannot last.’ She held Merrill’s face in between her hands, and kissed her mouth. She could taste Merrill’s salty tears upon her lips.

Merrill kissed her with such ferocity that Elizabeth felt momentarily overpowered, even though Merrill was much smaller and weaker than her. Her breath was warm and sweet.

‘Wont you claim me?’ Merrill asked, wrapping her arms around Elizabeth’s neck. Elizabeth knew that Merrill was trying her hardest to make Elias stay.

Elizabeth let out a groan as Merrill kissed her again. Their tongues met, and they kissed deeply. Their wet, warm mouths explored one another hungrily.

Elizabeth could not take it any longer. She felt half mad with desire and wanted nothing more than to love Merrill completely and utterly in the way she deserved.

Elizabeth pressed Merrill against the workbench, sending quills and parchment to the floor. Vials smashed upon the stone, yet they ignored it. Their actions were fervent, desperate, and rushed. Elizabeth kissed Merrill with such force that the desk moved several inches, and books toppled to the floor. Merrill sat upon the bench-top and wrapped her legs around Elizabeth’s waist, forcing her closer.

With a swift movement Elizabeth lifted Merrill’s skirt until it was around her waist. She did not wear underpants, and a neat patch of dark hair could be seen between Merrill’s thighs.

An intoxicating scent reached Elizabeth’s nostrils. It was like a drug, and Elizabeth inhaled deeply. This made Merrill blush, and she looked deeply ashamed of herself as she parted her legs wider allowing Elizabeth more to gaze upon.

Elizabeth did not know what she was doing, but it felt so natural as she dropped to her knees as though about to worship her lover. She kissed Merrill’s inner thigh, her breath cascading over Merrill’s wetness.

‘Sir, please.’ Merrill tried to cover herself, ‘Please, do not stare.’

Merrill was embarrassed, and Elizabeth smiled as she tried to shield herself. This reminded Elizabeth of the first time she had lay with Captain Greenwood, how he had stared upon her like she were the most beautiful thing in the world.

Elizabeth now understood.

She wanted to smell Merrill. She wanted to taste her.

She inhaled, and was overwhelmed with the blissful perfume, the natural scent. It was heaven.

Elizabeth lowered her mouth and kissed around the patch of dark hair between Merrill’s thighs. She heard Merrill gasp audibly, and shy away.

‘What are you doing?’ Merrill said in a shaking voice, ‘Please, do not. I am embarrassed.’

Elizabeth ignored this, ‘You smell amazing.’

‘Do not say things like that.’ Merrill breathed, squirming.

‘I want to taste you.’ Elizabeth said glancing up at the expression on Merrill’s face. Never before had she considered doing this to another woman. Never before had Elizabeth imagined it being done to herself. She was not sure if it were a normal part of love making, yet it felt so right. She wanted to taste, to feel, and to smell Merrill.

Merrill was shocked. Her eyes were wide, and her face showed apprehension. Elizabeth could not resist her.

‘May I?’ Elizabeth asked.

Merrill did not say a word. A moment passed, and then she nodded.

And so Elizabeth lowered her mouth to Merrill, and kissed her there. Merrill gasped when Elizabeth’s tongue met her sex, and Elizabeth found her own body shaking.

‘What a thing to do, Sir!’ She gasped as Elizabeth’s tongue parted Merrill and lapped up her essence, swirling and dipping inside her. The simple act of tasting Merrill caused Elizabeth such physical pleasure that she found it difficult not to moan as well. Merrill’s gasps shot through Elizabeth like an electric current.

Elizabeth licked, and suckled, bringing Merrill to the brink of climax. Merrill’s back arched, and with her hands upon the back of Elizabeth’s head, she forced Elizabeth’s tongue deeper. Fingernails dug into Elizabeth’s scalp, and she wanted to touch herself while she tended to Merrill, for she was itching to feel the pleasure too. Yet she must not.

Elizabeth sank two fingers inside her, and flicked her tongue furiously over Merrill’s clitoris, making her squirm.

Finally, Merrill cried out and clenched her thighs. She convulsed upon the bench, writhing as though being tortured. It lasted an eternity, and Elizabeth lapped up the fresh wave that poured from Merrill.

Panting, Elizabeth got to her feet and kissed Merrill upon the mouth so she could taste her own sweetness.

They embraced, trying to catch their breaths.

Five minutes passed before either of them spoke.

‘Are you still leaving?’ Merrill said.

Elizabeth did not reply and stared into the distance. She did not wish to rid herself of Elias’ persona, but she really had no choice. When Captain Greenwood returned it would be game over. It was best that Merrill forgot all about Elias Searson.

Merrill seemed to have guessed the answer, and buried her face into Elizabeth’s chest.

‘How long do we have?’ Merrill asked in a muffled voice.

Elizabeth inhaled deeply through her nose, ‘A month.’ She said. NeJUS

~

Elizabeth dreaded Captain Greenwood’s return. She found herself wishing that he would get lost at sea. She felt immediately guilty when she thought these things, for he was a good man who had never done wrong by her. But Elizabeth had done so much wrong by him. She had lay with another woman, and enjoyed it far more than lying with her own husband. True, Elizabeth had married George Greenwood out of convenience, yet that did not explain her attraction to the same sex. She knew she would go to hell for her actions, but Elizabeth felt sorry for Merrill more than herself.

Merrill was depressed, and quiet over the following days. She had stopped visiting Elizabeth during the night, though this did not stop Elizabeth remaining in disguise just incase.

Throughout the workday they snuck kisses in the laboratory while the shop was empty, and on numerous occasions Elizabeth found her hands underneath Merrill’s skirt. Their forbidden love, and limited time made for excellent foreplay.

Every evening when the shop was closed, Elizabeth found herself between Merrill’s thighs. Elizabeth loved doing it, and was getting quite good. It also distracted Merrill from the fact that Elizabeth would not make love to her in the way a man should. Countless times Merrill tried to return the favor, insisting that she take Elias into her own mouth, but obviously Elizabeth always declined, for there was nothing to take.

When there was only a week left before Elias’ “departure” Merrill wanted to spend every waking moment together. They lay in Elizabeth’s bed, holding one another.

Merrill cried a lot, and wished Elizabeth to stay. It took Elizabeth all of her strength not to weep along with her lover, though of course she did not because that would not have been very manly of her. Elizabeth’s kept strong by reminding herself that she was not actually leaving, and she would still get to see Merrill while she was a woman.

It was a cold, windy Tuesday when everything came crashing down around Elizabeth. She left Merrill sleeping in bed that morning, thinking to escape to the apothecary rather early to complete some custom orders. She wore her usual shirt, vest, breeches, and shoes. After giving the wig a quick brush in the washroom, Elizabeth was ready to leave. She noticed that there was a rather large bruise upon her neck. Merrill had branded her again. She touched it lightly and smiled. The memories of the night before came flooding back, and Elizabeth felt instantly aroused. Yet there was no time to satisfy her urges. She needed to finish some work, for she had fallen quite behind lately. Having a love life did indeed put the apothecary in second place.

Elizabeth took the stairs two at a time, picked up her briefcase, umbrella, and hat at the door, and stepped outside into the chilly morning air.

She had barely taken two steps away from the house when a voice called out to her.

‘You! What the devil are you doing in my house?’ Elizabeth spun around to see who had called, for obviously there had been some kind of mistake as this was her house. She turned to face the direction of the voice.

Thwack.

Elizabeth crumpled to the floor, holding her face in her hands, blinded by the immense pain. Someone had hit her. Someone had punched her right in the eye.

Elizabeth swore and rolled onto her back, lights blinking rapidly in front of her eyes. Everything was blurry. For one horrible moment she feared that she had indeed become blind from the blow. Yet things were slowly coming back into focus. It was such a pain that she had never felt before, but it did not end there.

‘What. The. Fuck. Do. You. Think. You. Are. Doing. In. My. House!’ Each word brought another blow to Elizabeth’s body. She cried, and flailed, trying to fight the attacker off. Somewhere deep in her mind she knew that this voice was familiar. No, it could not be, she thought dazedly. Again and again, the blows kept coming. Her ribs cracked and she spat blood.

‘Where is my wife, you mongrel?’ Elizabeth felt the front of her shirt being grabbed, ‘is that her mark upon your neck? IS IT?’

And Elizabeth realized.

‘George!’ Elizabeth cried desperately, ‘George!’

The beating ceased.

Silence rang the air. The only sound came from Elizabeth who coughed and spat blood onto the pavement.

It was a wonder how George Greenwood managed to recognize Elizabeth through the swollen eye he had just given her, yet he said her name.

‘El-Elizabeth?’ He dropped his grip from her shirt and took a step back.

Tears streaked her face, and her whole body ached yet she managed to nod.

‘Christ.’ She heard George mutter. He did not rush to her side, and did not ask if she was all right.

‘Why are you dressed that way? What have you done to your hair?’

Yet Elizabeth did not have time to answer. She heard footsteps, a scream, and then someone threw themselves on top of Elizabeth.

It was Merrill. She crouched over Elizabeth, still in her nightdress. The yells must have woken her.

‘What have you done?’ Merrill cried at Captain Greenwood, who stood back, watching.

‘Merrill, no. Please, go inside.’ Elizabeth muttered dazedly. She tried to get up, yet the pain in her ribs was too much. She winced and remained on the floor.

‘Mister Searson, are you all right?’ Merrill tried to wipe the blood from Elizabeth’s face.

George stepped forwards, and Merrill Nezabeyelled at him, ‘Get back, sea dog!’

He ceased.

‘What did you call … what did you call her?’ George said, staring at Merrill.

‘He did not call me anything.’ Merrill said angrily to George.

‘No.’ George spat, pointing a finger at Elizabeth, ‘What did you call her?’

Utter dread pierced Elizabeth. She stared into the face of George, willing him to be silent. Pleading silently that he not speak another word. Yet it was too late.

‘How dare you! This is Mister Searson!’ Merrill said, anger flaring in her eyes, ‘A great man!’

George’s eyes traveled from Merrill’s tear-streaked face, to Elizabeth’s bloody, beaten, and swollen one. His eyes flickered downward to the bruise upon Elizabeth’s neck. Understanding blossomed in his dark eyes.

‘Did you give Searson that mark?’ George pointed to Elizabeth.

Merrill looked to Elizabeth and then back to George, ‘What of it?’ She hissed.

‘So.’ George said, ‘Sweethearts, are you?’

Merrill did not answer, but tried to help Elizabeth to her feet.

Crossing his arms over his wide chest, George said, ‘this is how it is then? You know, I have heard of wives being unfaithful whilst their husbands are at sea, yet I have never heard of two women becoming lovers.’

Elizabeth closed her eyes and hoped she might vanish from the spot. George was glaring at her with such animosity that she recoiled from his stare. Merrill looked between them, confused.

‘You are mad.’ She accused George. ‘Mad! They should lock you up before you hurt someone else!’

‘You mean you do not know?’ George turned to Elizabeth, ‘is this a new hobby, my dear? Luring young women into your bed?’

Elizabeth did not speak.

‘Well?’ George waited.

‘What is he talking about?’ Merrill said, ‘Do you know him? Is he mad?’

‘I know him.’ Elizabeth whispered. She could feel blood oozing from her nostril, ‘He is not mad.’

Merrill did not understand. She did not yet comprehend the situation that she had walked in on.

‘Are you not going to tell her?’ George asked lightly. His voice was full of malice, ‘Do you not think she deserves to know? After all, she h Nell as been hoodwinked.’

‘Stop it.’ Elizabeth said through gritted teeth.

‘I guess I must be the one to break the poor girls heart. How old is she, my sweet? Sixteen? Seventeen? Quite a pretty thing too. You have good taste. I might like a taste for myself, if you are not opposed to sharing.’

He tried to grab Merrill’s arm, but she swatted him away, ‘Do not touch me!’

Elizabeth surged with anger, ‘Keep your hands off her.’

George’s eyes flashed. Elizabeth had never seen this look upon his face before.

‘You choose her, do you?’ George glared.

Elizabeth wiped away the blood dripping down her lip with the back of her hand.

‘Yes.’ She breathed.

‘So, tell her what you have done, or I will.’ George said.

Elizabeth looked between them. They both stared at Elizabeth, waiting. Her heart pounded, and she was drenched in sweat. Her mind screamed, do it, do it now. You must be the one to tell her, you must show her. The truth could not come from Captain Greenwood.

With a trembling hand, Elizabeth reached for her wig, and slowly pulled it from her head. Red curls flopped to her shoulders.

Merrill did not gasp, she did not even recoil. Instead, her face became pale, and her pupils dilated as she realized the truth. Elizabeth stared at Merrill, trying to communicate an explanation through her eyes.

‘I am sorry.’ Elizabeth whispered through trembling lips. She was ashamed of herself, and disgusted that she had done these things to Merrill.

‘No.’ Merrill said, her eyes as round as saucers, ‘no.’

Elizabeth tried to stifle the heart-wrenching sob that escaped her, ‘Merrill, I never meant this to happen.’ Elizabeth said shakily.

Never before had Elizabeth felt so dependant on another person’s love. She could not bare it if Merrill hated her.

‘Tell me it is not true.’ Merrill said, her voice cracking.

‘It is true.’ Elizabeth wiped away the tears that slid down her cheeks, ‘I never planned this. I never meant to fall in love. And you must believe me when I say it. I do love you more than anything. God knows I mean it.’

‘God knows you are going to hell for your filthy perversion.’ George hissed.

Elizabeth ignored him and took Merrill’s hands between her own, ‘Please, Merrill. It was real for me. It was real. I never knew it was possible, for a girl to love another girl. I never knew, but now it is all that I know.’

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Merrill stood, wrenching her hands from Elizabeth’s grip.

‘I believe you have killed me.’ She said.

Merrill took a step backward, glanced at George Greenwood, turned on her heel, and ran. Elizabeth watched as she disappeared around a corner.

Elizabeth could not help it. Sobs tore from her and she yelled at George, ‘You have ruined everything!’

George picked her up from the ground roughly, and threw her over his wide shoulder. He carried her inside of their house and dropped her carelessly onto the sitting room lounge. Elizabeth had forgotten all about the pain of her face, and ribs. The only pain she knew now was the loss of Merrill. Elizabeth knew that she would not come back.

‘Well, this makes things quite simple.’ George said as he paced the room.

Elizabeth sobbed into a cushion, smearing the spotless furniture with blood and tears.

‘I knew you never loved me, but I never thought … with another girl.’

He did not seem too upset, Elizabeth thought. On the contrary, he seemed giddy, as though awaiting something glorious.

Looking through her tear-clogged eyelashes, Elizabeth saw that George was grinning. ‘W-what?’ Elizabeth said, hiccupping slightly.

‘Honestly, though. Five months? It did not take you long, did it?’

Elizabeth frowned. She did not understand what he was talking about.

‘George, I am sorry I have deceived you.’ Elizabeth said miserably.

‘On the contrary, my dear, you have done very well indeed.’

‘I do not follow.’

‘Well, this is exactly what I wanted. You see, after your disgusting perversion I am free to divorce you.’

That was fair enough, Elizabeth thought. She deserved that. In fact, she was glad of it. But why was George happy? Did he not love her anymore after five short months apart? He was taking this revelation of Elizabeth’s unfaithfulness extremely well.

‘I had expected to wait several years, of course. You would, indeed, be a long project.’

‘Project?’ Elizabeth repeated, ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Have you not realized yet?’ George said with raised eyebrows, ‘In the beginning I did worry that you would guess my plan.’

‘Plan?’ Elizabeth said, becoming quite agitated, ‘What are you talking about, George?’

‘Professor de Bard, of course.’ George said. He stopped pacing to look at Elizabeth, ‘Did you not think the timing perfect?’

‘What does this have to do with the Professor?’ Elizabeth said slowly.

‘Did I not tell you that my father was a lawyer? I think I mentioned it, foolishly, after we had been courting for a week.’

‘I remember.’ Elizabeth said. She swallowed and felt blood ooze down the back of her throat, sickeningly.

‘Well. Two weeks before Professor de Bard’s death, he approached my father’s colleague in order to change his Will. It was a peculiar thing to do, leaving everything to a girl that is not a blood relative.’

‘What of it?’ Elizabeth said through narrowed eyes.

‘Well, when I returned from sea, my father informed me of the strange situation regarding Professor de Bard’s Will. He told me that, of course, Miss Searson would not be able to take ownership of the properties listed in the Will for there was no men in the family.’

Realization was dawning upon Elizabeth, but she hoped that she was just jumping to conclusions.

‘Did you not think it strange, that he should die only two weeks after re-writing his Will?’

‘Why should I think it strange?’ Elizabeth said, ‘He was always testing vaccines on himself.’

‘Well then, you may have noticed that his death coincided nicely with my return from sea. Do you not remember I visited you in the apothecary that day?’

Elizabeth remembered. George had visited the apothecary on the day that Professor de Bard had said that he needed to go home early to attend other business.

‘While we chatted you failed to notice that I thieved a number of vials containing Lyied.’

Lyied was a poison they stocked at the apothecary, primarily used to kill rats.

Elizabeth did not wish to hear this. It could not be true. Good, warm-hearted George Greenwood had always been so kind and gentle. She could not believe this of him.

‘No.’ Elizabeth said.

‘Yes. After our chat I visited Professor de Bard’s home.’ He looked around, ‘this home. I laced every liquid in the house with the Lyied.’

Elizabeth stared, ‘Why?’

‘Because, I knew that if Professor de Bard died, his property would belong to Elizabeth Searson’s husband.’

‘You … Neongyou courted me for this?’ Elizabeth said disbelievingly, ‘You killed a great man to get this home?’

‘Not just his home. Do you know how much that apothecary is worth? On such a large plot in the middle of town, it will sell for a very excellent price.’

Elizabeth needed to get up and run to the nearest authority. She needed to tell someone that Professor de Bard’s death had not been an accident. She shifted her weight upon the lounge into a position where it would be easy to lunge for the door.

‘Do not think of going anywhere.’ George said casually, leaning on the mantelpiece.

Elizabeth took a deep steadying breath, ‘What are you going to do with me?’ She said through gritted teeth, ‘Kill me too?’

‘Do not be ridiculous, my dear. Why would I kill you? I already own the house, and the shop. Both properties are in my name. After all, it was you who asked me to sign for them. I suppose you thought you were tricking me, did you?’

Elizabeth did not respond. She felt foolish. Never had she considered that George might be using her to get access to the house and apothecary. She had been so obsessed with running the shop in the name of the Professor that she did not stop to consider why George Greenwood wanted to marry her so badly. Now that she thought of it though, everything did fall into place rather nicely for him.

‘Indeed, I was well aware that you had no feelings for me.’ George continued, ‘However, I think I did a rather good job playing the part of a love-struck man. Did you never wonder why I was so keen to get married? Did you never wonder why I chose to hide the marriage from my parents?’

‘I suppose I wanted to believe you cared.’ Elizabeth glared, ‘I thought you a good man.’

‘I thought you a decent girl, too.’ George said with a shrug, ‘But you changed your views on marriage so swiftly, of course I knew you were trying to use me. How sweet, I thought. I got exactly what I wanted to little to no effort.’

‘You killed a man for your own selfish gain.’

‘How do you think anyone makes it in the world?’ George rolled his eyes, ‘People die every day. No one will miss some old man.’

‘I would miss him!’ Elizabeth said fiercely, ‘He was everything, and you shall rot in a cell for what you have done to the Professor.’

George laughed, ‘I have already gotten away with it, my dear.’

‘I will tell everyone.’ Elizabeth hissed.

‘Who would believe someone like you? A woman that dresses as a man, and courts young girls? They will think you are mad. You will be in the nut house this time next week.’

Elizabeth did not respond. She stared angrily at George, her hands itching to clamp around his throat.

‘Regardless,’ George stood straight, ‘I shall be gone this time tomorrow. I will sell the properties and take the next carriage away from this shit hole.’

‘And what about me?’ Elizabeth said angrily, ‘Will you just leave me here, with no home, and no job?’

‘Why not put on your little boys outfit and walk the streets like the filthy whore you are?’ George snapped.

‘I wish you had drowned at sea!’ Elizabeth stood angrily. The pain in her ribs was nothing compared to her anger, ‘You will not get away with what you have done.’

‘My father will take care of the divorce paperwork, and I shall be gone in the morning. No one will believe you, and even they did, there would be nothing they could do about it.’ George said lazily.

Elizabeth fumed silently, her mind working fast for a way around this. What could she do? George Greenwood was a respectable man, with a lawyer for a father. Elizabeth was a no one that had been discovered dressing as a boy to run the apothecary, and she had had sexual encounters with another female. George was right – if anyone found out she would be carted off to the mad house.

‘So I shall make you a deal.’ George said looking quickly at his pocket watch, ‘Tell no one of this, and I shall not reveal your, uh, recent adventures.’

Elizabeth could not speak. Her mouth was dry, and she wanted to avenge Professor de Bard with all of her heart. Oh, how upset he would be if he knew that Elizabeth had lost the apothecary. Perhaps he had not intended to die so soon, and thought that by the time he did pass away, Elizabeth might be married to a nice gentleman who would not steal from her.

George took Elizabeth’s silence for a ‘yes’.

‘Excellent,’ George clapped his hands together, ‘I must dash, sweetheart. Lots of people to see, you know. You do not mind clearing out your things, do you? Good girl. I shall be back in the morning, and if you are still here, well, I suppose I shall have to send a letter to the insane asylum. So I would not linger if I were you.’

‘You have ruined me.’ Elizabeth said in a shaking voice, ‘You have taken everything I have ever cared about.’

George gave a shrug, ‘This is what happens when you think yourself equal to a man, my dear.’

He left without another word. Elizabeth listened as the door snapped shut behind him. She had never felt so alone. Everything she had loved was gone. Professor de Bard had been murdered, the apothecary had been stolen, and Merrill … Merrill was gone.

Elizabeth was rarely weepy, but she allowed herself to cry freely into the sofa cushions. She only had one person left in the world now, and that was her mother.

Chapter Eleven

Beginnings

Elizabeth took refuge at her mother’s house, for the spare room remained unoccupied. Elizabeth packed all of Nel/di her belongings into one suitcase and carted them back to her old home. She took her male and female clothing with her, but did not keep the wig.

She wore pants around the house for they were practical, and comfortable. It was easier to work in men’s clothes, she found, and women’s clothes had become unbearably uncomfortable. At least she did not have to bind her chest anymore. Instead, she wore loose fitting shirts tucked into her pants. Her mother did not seem to mind that Elizabeth dressed in men’s clothes while at home. If Elizabeth needed to go out she would put on a dress, reluctantly.

Elizabeth’s black eye and cracked ribs began to heal. She was able to make herself remedies to ease the pain. When her mother had first seen her upon the doorstep, battered, bloody, and bruised, she had fussed non-stop for days on end, though the pain in Elizabeth’s heart was far greater.

George kept good on his promise. A week passed and the mad house did not call upon Elizabeth, nor threaten to take her away because she was confused about her gender. The truth was, Elizabeth was not confused anymore. During her week at home she had begun to understand herself better, and become comfortable in her own skin. She had looked into the mirror, and said to her reflection, ‘My name is Elizabeth Searson, and I am attracted to women.’

Elizabeth had a small amount of savings that she managed to live on, but she needed to get a job quite desperately. Her coin was dwindling fast and Elizabeth would not let her mother take care of her, for she could barely take care of herself.

Elizabeth went to numerous shops within walking distance of her home, and eventually found a small shop that sold hats. There was a sign on the door that said ‘Help Wanted’, so Elizabeth entered and introduced herself. An elderly gentleman and his wife, who seemed to be very kind, ran the shop. Elizabeth told them that she had been an apprentice at the apothecary on Eastmoreland place, before her Professor’s demise. They seemed to sympathize with Elizabeth and offered her work three days a week. It was a start, at least, Elizabeth thought. The pay was not as much as she had been earning previously, but at this point she could not afford to pick and choose.

Elizabeth thought non-stop about Merrill, even though it caused her great physical pain to do so. At night she lay awake, thinking about holding, and kissing Merrill on her soft, pink mouth. The memories were agony. It was as though a giant hole had been carved from her chest, leaving a gaping wound that would not heal.

Elizabeth did not reveal her sexual preference to her mother, for she knew that it would be a hard thing to understand. Feeling more alone than ever, Elizabeth kept it a secret, wondering if she really was perverted for preferring women.

She looked at other women on the street, wondering if any of them had loved another girl, like she had. Would it be a hard thing to do, to find someone like Elizabeth? Did such a thing even exist?

Yet her heart pined for Merrill more than anything else, and though Elizabeth felt lonely, she did not seek the company of another woman.

Elizabeth heard through word of mouth that the apothecary had sold to a wealthy doctor who planned to turn it into a surgery. Elizabeth was not too bothered by this, for she was glad that the apothecary would remain a source for medical Vea s treatment.

She was not unhappy working in the hat shop. The elderly couple, Mister and Misses Weatherby, were extremely kind, and the shop was often quiet. It was a relaxing job, yet Elizabeth felt frustrated that her mind was not being stretched to its full extent.

Another week passed, the bruise around Elizabeth’s eye faded, and her tender ribs were less painful. Each morning she woke up, wondering why she felt so depressed, and then she would remember.

It was around this time that Elizabeth saw Merrill for the first time since their untimely break-up.

Elizabeth was working in Weatherby’s Hat Shop on a Friday afternoon, when Merrill entered, looking rather dapper in a periwinkle blue dress. She did not notice Elizabeth straight away, for she looked upon the shelves at all of the lovely hats on display.

As soon as Elizabeth saw her, her knees felt weak, and her mouth felt dry. She wondered if she should hide, or simply face the music. It took several minutes for Merrill to see her.

Merrill stared, and Elizabeth breathed heavily. She ached. Time seemed to stretch out in front of her. In that moment, every kiss, every touch seemed to float in the space between them.

Merrill had turned pink, and had taken a step backwards towards the door.

‘Do not go.’ Elizabeth said weakly, but it was too late. Merrill had turned on her heel and sped through the shop door.

Elizabeth cursed under her breath and rested her head on the counter. There had been so many things she had wanted to say, but all of them had been forgotten in those few moments they looked at each other.

Elizabeth knew Merrill was ashamed. She must think it disgusting, what they had done. Elizabeth felt horrid that she had deceived Merrill, and wanted nothing more than to talk things through with her.

But Elizabeth got just this chance only a few hours later.

Elizabeth sat at home alone; her mother had gone to visit a friend for the evening. On the sixth hour there came a knock upon the door; Elizabeth, dressed in her trousers and shirt, slouched towards the door and opened it.

Merrill stood on the doorstep, her tiny body trembling from head to food. She looked absolutely petrified to be seen there.

‘Merrill.’ Elizabeth gaped, ‘Wh-What are you doing here?’

Merrill looked up and down the street nervously before whispering, ‘Can I come in, Miss?’

‘I - well, yes, of course.’ Elizabeth said, absolutely amazed.

Merrill slipped through the door and Elizabeth took her into the sitting room.

‘How did you know where I lived?’ Elizabeth asked immediately.

Merrill ignored this, ‘Are we alone, Miss?’ She asked.

‘Y-Yes.’ Elizabeth breathed.

Merrill was wringing her hands together nervously, as though on the verge of revealing something very personal. She looked exceptionally tiny, as though she had not eaten properly for weeks.

‘I just … I just wanted you to know,’ Merrill began in a shaking voice, ‘what you have done to me.’

Elizabeth’s heart sank. So, Merrill had come to lay a guilt-trip upon Elizabeth, as though she did not feel terrible enough already.

‘I cannot eat.’ Merrill said weakly, ‘I cannot sleep.’

Elizabeth did not speak, and she did not look at Merrill. Instead she looked at her feet.

‘I think of nothing else.’ Merrill continued.

‘If I could fix this,’ Elizabeth said pleadingly, ‘I would do anything. You must believe me.’

‘You said you loved me.’ Merrill’s eyes were brimming with tears, threatening to spill at any moment, ‘You said you loved me.’

‘It was not a lie.’ Elizabeth said at once.

‘How could it not be?’ Merrill said loudly, tears now cascading down her cheeks, ‘How could it be possible?’

Elizabeth crossed the room and took Merrill’s hands in her own, ‘It is possible, Merrill. I never knew it before I met you, but it is possible for a girl to love another girl.’

‘It is not right, Miss.’ Merrill said, taking her hands away from Elizabeth, ‘It is not normal.’

‘If we have the power to love, then how can it not be normal? Merrill, it felt like the most natural thing in the world, to love you.’

Tears ran down Merrill’s cheeks silently, and Elizabeth wiped them away with the palm of her hand. At her touch, Merrill closed her eyes and bowed her head.

‘Please do not hate me,’ Elizabeth begged, ‘I cannot bear it. These past weeks have been torture, as though part of me has vanished.’

‘You said you were going to leave me.’ Merrill said.

‘I had to end it, because … because George was coming back from sea.’

‘Your husband?’

‘Yes,’ Elizabeth admitted, ‘you must understand that it was a marriage of convenience. I did not care for George Greenwood, at least, not in the way that I care about you.’

‘He left y Vee aou, Miss?’ Merrill guessed.

‘He … he did. He took the house, and the apothecary. He left me with nothing Merrill.’

‘Do you not think you have brought this upon yourself?’ Merrill asked.

Elizabeth did not know how to answer. Honestly, yes, she had brought this upon herself, but there was one thing she wanted more than a job, or the apothecary.

‘If I were to have you, Merrill, things would not seem so bad.’

‘How can two girls be sweethearts, Miss?’ Merrill said, turning away and crossing the room. She looked out of the window, her arms folded across her chest, ‘Even if you were to continue dressing as a boy.’ Merrill pointed to Elizabeth’s trousers, and shirt, ‘It could never work.’

Did this mean that Merrill was not opposed to a relationship? Elizabeth was not sure, but she felt as though this conversation was going better than expected.

‘Do you not have feelings for me, Merrill?’ Elizabeth tried another tactic, ‘You said you loved me too, remember?’

‘I said I loved Elias.’ Merrill shot back, ‘If I had known you were an imposter-’

‘I am the same person.’ Elizabeth cut Merrill off, ‘I am the same, on the inside. Do you not remember what it was like? To kiss, to touch-’

‘Stop it.’ Merrill said. Her face showed anguish, ‘Stop talking like that.’

‘Why can you not accept how I feel about you?’ Elizabeth said suddenly angry.

Merrill looked away, ashamed, as though the sight of Elizabeth was offensive.

‘Please, Merrill.’ Elizabeth said, approaching her slowly.

‘You have made me look a fool.’ Merrill said through her tears, ‘and what is worse, you have made me question everything I have ever believed in. I do not know who I am anymore … to think of you this way, it is wicked.’

Elizabeth felt a squirm of excitement in the pit of her stomach, ‘Think of me in what way?’ She asked.

Merrill shook her head, ‘I am just confused.’

Elizabeth grabbed Merrill’s shoulders and stared into her eyes, ‘Tell me you feel it too, Merrill.’

‘I do not wish to.’ Merrill said through trembling lips, ‘I have tried not to think of it, but the thoughts … the thoughts are always in my head.’

‘They are in my head too, Merrill. I used to be afraid of them, but then I realized it is part of who I am.’

‘You have plagued me.’ Me Ve parrill accused.

‘It is not a disease to be caught.’ Elizabeth said, her eyebrows furrowed, ‘It is beautiful, and natural. I would not wish it away anymore. I feel the most amazing freedom.’

‘How can you bear it?’ Merrill said, another tear sliding down her cheek.

‘Because I am with you.’ Elizabeth said.

The silence that followed was not awkward. On the contrary, the pause was so pregnant with wanting, that Elizabeth felt she might die if she could not touch Merrill.

‘I know you feel it too, Merrill,’ Elizabeth whispered, ‘That is why you have come here today – to confirm your own fears.’

‘I am ashamed.’ Merrill said.

‘Do not be.’ Elizabeth raised a hand and stroked Merrill’s hair. Upon her touch, Merrill closed her eyes and shivered. Elizabeth saw her chance, and took it. She tilted Merrill’s chin upwards, and kissed her mouth with more force than was intended. Merrill did not respond instantly, but kept her lips pursed tightly as Elizabeth tried to force entry into the depths of her mouth. When Elizabeth placed her hand upon Merrill’s waist however, she relaxed, and opened her lips to allow Elizabeth’s tongue inside. They stood beside the window, and kissed forcefully. Merrill put her shaking hands upon Elizabeth’s hips, and Elizabeth wrapped her arms around Merrill. She felt as though she would melt into a puddle at any moment, because Merrill was kissing her for the first time. Not Elias. It felt as though this was the first kiss they have ever shared, and the past few months had never even taken place. At least, it felt this way for Elizabeth.

Merrill broke away and averted her gaze to the floor. Her cheeks were still wet from tears.

‘I am afraid.’ Merrill admitted, ‘This feeling … it is strange … wanting.’

‘That is how you are meant to feel.’ Elizabeth reassured, ‘Stop listening to your brain, Merrill. We could make a go of it, you know? I would make you so happy, if you would let me.’

‘You have not left my head for two weeks.’ Merrill admitted, ‘I thought about all the times we kissed … all the things we did as lovers … and I felt – I felt,’ She paused to take a deep breath, ‘excited, I guess. I kept telling myself that it was wrong, but then a little voice would come into my head and tell me that perhaps I could love you no matter what gender.’

Elizabeth could not help it – she grinned.

‘You make a handsome man, and a beautiful woman.’ Merrill said, ‘I suppose I am lucky to have earned the love of Elias and Elizabeth.’

Merrill placed her fingertips to Elizabeth’s collarbone, and took a deep breath, ‘Did you … bind them?’ She asked, nodding to Elizabeth’s breasts.

‘All the time.’ Elizabeth admitted.

‘Did it hurt?’

‘Sometimes.’

>

Merrill ran her fingers lower, until she traced the outline of Elizabeth’s bosom. Elizabeth inhaled sharply; her nipples hardened and showed through the thin shirt. Merrill did not fail to notice this, and ran her palm lightly over the protruding nubs. The slowness of Merrill’s movements was almost too painful to bear, but Elizabeth stood there, allowing Merrill to explore her body. Her hand cupped Elizabeth’s breast lightly, lingering for only a moment before journeying onwards towards her navel. She felt the curve of her hips before looking up and meeting Elizabeth’s gaze. This time it was Merrill who reached up to press her lips to Elizabeth’s. She was shaking, and hesitant once more, but Elizabeth slowly coaxed her into a deeper, more passionate kiss. Their tongues met, and Merrill moaned into Elizabeth’s mouth, sending shivers down her spine. It was bliss, being with Merrill.

And then Merrill did something unexpected; she toyed with the waistband of Elizabeth’s trousers before sliding downwards to cup her crotch. Of course, Elizabeth no longer packed socks into her pants, so everything Merrill touched was one hundred percent Elizabeth.

Elizabeth inhaled deeply, and said in a rather strained voice, ‘You do not have to do this, Merrill.’

Merrill smiled, ‘who would have guessed it, Miss? The man of my dreams is a girl.’

They sat upon the lounge, facing one another. She put a hand to Merrill’s waist and kissed her again. Their mouths moved more urgently now, and Elizabeth knew that this moment had been a long time coming. All the months they had spent together had been leading up to this point in time. Finally, Elizabeth could be herself, and love Merrill the way she was meant to, as a woman.

Merrill’s chest rose and fell fast, and Elizabeth could practically hear her heart drumming against her ribcage. She felt Merrill’s hand run through her thick hair, the red curls slipping through her fingers like silk.

‘You have such pretty hair.’ Merrill whispered.

They retired to Elizabeth bedroom; Merrill holding her hand along the way, and they lay upon the sheets and wrapped themselves around each other.

‘How can two girls make love?’ She asked after a while, in a shaking voice after they had been kissing for several minutes, ‘I have never thought about touching another woman. I do not think I would do it right.’

‘It should come naturally, Merrill.’ Elizabeth said, ‘Do you not touch yourself? It is much the same thing, I have found.’

‘What a thing to ask.’ Merrill said with raised eyebrows.

Elizabeth smiled, ‘Well? Do you touch yourself?’

‘Sometimes.’ Merrill said, turning bright red.

‘The thought of it,’ Elizabeth said dazedly, ‘is rather exciting.’

‘Does it please you to think about it?’

‘I think it does.’ Elizabeth said with a smirk.

‘I have never seen another woman before. I mean, I have seen myself, but I do not think it is quite the same.’ Merrill said.

‘Would you like to see me?’ Elizabeth asked.

Merrill nodded silently, and Elizabeth felt a jolt of excitement run through her. She stood, and began to unbutton her shirt, letting it fall to the floor. Merrill gazed upon Elizabeth’s pert breasts, her own bosom rising and falling gently. Elizabeth then proceeded to pull down her trousers, until they were in a heap around her ankles. Stepping out of them, Elizabeth kicked the trousers aside. She now stood naked in front of Merrill, and it gave her the most amazing sense of freedom. She had nothing to hide, and she was not ashamed any more.

Merrill looked away and bit her lip.

‘Look at me.’ Elizabeth said softly.

Merrill complied, and looked up and down at Elizabeth.

‘Does it please you?’ Elizabeth asked.

‘I think so.’

‘Is it different compared to when you thought I was a boy?’ Elizabeth asked.

Merrill considered this for a moment, ‘It is the same, I think. I still want you. But I am more afraid.’

Elizabeth slid next to Merrill upon the bed, and allowed Merrill to run her hands across her naked body.

‘It feels so right with you.’ Elizabeth admitted.

‘I do not know how to explain what is going through my head.’ Merrill said softly.

Elizabeth kissed her forehead, ‘Tell me.’

Merrill considered this for a moment, ‘We had an old couple living next door for years and years. They were so old. The man and his wife lived to ninety. One night, they both passed away in their sleep together. They were found holding hands, in bed.’

Elizabeth did not speak because she was not quite sure what Merrill was trying to say.

‘I am sorry.’ She said sheepishly, ‘That must sound strange. What I mean is, I knew that old couple was meant to be. I guess that is how I feel – why I could not stay away.’

‘I feel as though we are meant to be, too.’ Elizabeth smiled, and tucked a stray tendril of hair behind Merrill’s ear.

Suddenly, the loss of the apothecary did not seem so great anymore for she had Merrill to fill the hole in her heart. Elizabeth knew that she had changed immensely since Merrill had entered her life – but she felt it was for the better.

There was plenty of time for Elizabeth and Merrill to build a life together, perhaps even open another shop. Elizabeth was sure that Merrill would not mind if she pretended to be a man again.

Taking Merrill’s hand, Elizabeth showed her where to touch. Merrill’s fingers were delicate and unsure as she slid between Elizabeth’s folds. Elizabeth nibbled her earlobes and ran her own hand up and under Merrill’s dress.

Goosebumps erupted over Merrill’s skin, and she visibly shivered.

‘Are you all right?’ Elizabeth asked.

Merrill nodded and kissed Elizabeth deeply again.

‘I want to-’ Merrill stopped abruptly.

‘Tell me.’ Elizabeth coaxed.

‘I am embarrassed.’

‘You do not need to be embarrassed with me.’ Elizabeth reminded her.

Merrill did not say what she wanted, instead, she showed Elizabeth. Merrill got to her knees and slid down Elizabeth’s body, trailing kisses along the way. Elizabeth’s head was spinning as Merrill positioned herself between her thighs. First, Merrill toyed with the button between Elizabeth’s folds, the sensitivity of it increasing every second. Next Merrill slid two fingers inside of Elizabeth, something that almost drove her mad with desire.

By this point, Elizabeth’s clitoris was swollen, and she was so slick with arousal that she was begging Merrill for release. The excitement grew more intense with each passing moment. Merrill placed her mouth over Elizabeth’s womanhood and licked the juices from her.

‘My god.’ Elizabeth breathed, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

‘Am I doing it right?’ Merrill’s head popped up between Elizabeth’s thighs.

‘Yes.’ Elizabeth breathed.

Merrill ducked her head again kissed Elizabeth’s pussy, making her whimper.

Afterwards Merrill crawled up the bed to meet Elizabeth’s lips. She could taste herself upon Merrill’s mouth, and she found it extremely arousing.

Elizabeth used her hand to feel the soft inner thigh of Merrill leg. The hand slowly worked its way up her thigh until her fingertips found the first wisps of pubic hair. They were moist and Elizabeth could not resist running her fingers along the slick wetness.

Then she withdrew her hand and brought her fingers under her nose so she could smell the sweetness of Merrill’s Veh="womanhood.

‘Oh no, Miss.’ Merrill averted her eyes, ‘Do not.’

Elizabeth smiled, and licked her fingers, making Merrill gasp.

‘Miss!’

‘Relax, Merrill.’ Elizabeth let out a small laugh. She put her fingers to Merrill’s mouth. Merrill was hesitant, but eventually sucked upon Elizabeth’s fingers.

Elizabeth returned her hand to Merrill’s thighs. She sought out her soft folds with her fingertips, and relished in the wetness that she felt.

Once again, Elizabeth found her face in between Merrill’s legs. She savored the taste of the honey that Merrill made for her. Elizabeth tortured Merrill’s sex until she was begging for climax. She felt a chill run through her body as her tongue invaded this dark and private place. She licked, and dipped her tongue inside Merrill, before stopping so suddenly, forcing Merrill to moan impatiently.

Elizabeth crawled up to meet Merrill and kissed her thoroughly, denying her the orgasm she so greatly graved. Merrill was panting hard, and looked at Elizabeth pleadingly. Elizabeth lay on top of her, their wet mounds pressing against each other, their clitoris’ meeting. For a while, they grinded against each other in the way that a man and woman might, until the action became so torturous that Merrill was begging for release. Merrill’s heels were upon the bed, raising her bottom to meet Elizabeth’s thrusts. They were sweating now, droplets pooling between their bodies, as, with each movement, they came closer to the brink of climax. Their mouths met clumsily, tongues lashing, kissing and licking. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, their bodies convulsed in unison, and wave after wave of pleasure rocked their bodies until they were so exhausted that neither of them could move a muscle.

Elizabeth’s voice was hoarse, and Merrill did not seem able to form words. Merrill rested her head upon Elizabeth’s chest, and together they dozed off. Elizabeth had never had such a wonderful sleep.

Hours later, when Elizabeth’s mother returned home, she did not express any opinion regarding Merrill’s presence, and simply let them be.

They kissed again before Merrill said the words Elizabeth so desperately wanted to hear.

‘I do love you.’

‘And I you.’ Elizabeth held her tightly, ‘You know, I think I might just cope with you by my side.’

Epilogue

George Greenwood made a small fortune selling Professor de Bard’s house and apothecary. This success was short lived, however, for he died only three years later at sea. Elizabeth did not find out about his death for several years.

Elizabeth opened another apothecary in a neighboring village, under the disguise of Elias, with Merrill playing the role of assistant. The townspeople came to love ‘that odd couple who run the apothecary’ and never suspected that Elias was a woman. Elizabeth made an exceptionally good medicine-man, making house calls, delivering babies, and caring for the elderly.

After several years together, Merrill and Elizabeth were wed under the disguise of Elias. At home though, Elizabeth was herself and Merrill stayed by her side.