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Harmony

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Harmony

by

Karis Walsh

2011

harmony

© 2011 By Karis Walsh. all rights reserved.

isBN 13: 978-1-60282-534-5

This ElEcTronic Book is PuBlishEd By

Bold sTrokEs Books, inc.

P.o. Box 249

VallEy Falls, ny 12185

FirsT EdiTion: augusT 2011

This is a Work oF FicTion. naMEs, characTErs, PlacEs, and

incidEnTs arE ThE ProducT oF ThE auThor’s iMaginaTion or

arE usEd FicTiTiously. any rEsEMBlancE To acTual PErsons,

liVing or dEad, BusinEss EsTaBlishMEnTs, EVEnTs, or localEs

is EnTirEly coincidEnTal.

This Book, or ParTs ThErEoF, May noT BE rEProducEd in any

ForM WiThouT PErMission.

Credits

EdiTor: ruTh sTErnglanTz

ProducTion dEsign: susan raMundo

coVEr dEsign By shEri (graPhicarTisT2020@hoTMail.coM)

Acknowledgments

Thank you to…

My family, for wholeheartedly supporting every dream I choose to

pursue.

Radclyffe, for turning away from her own beautiful writing long

enough to make a difference in LGBTQ publishing in general, and

this writer’s life in particular.

Sheri, for creating such a gorgeous cover, and the “behind the pages”

BSB staff, for tirelessly working to produce such quality products.

And my editor, Ruth Sternglantz, for sharing her insight and

knowledge as she helped me turn a scruffy manuscript into a book. I

had fun and learned a lot—can it get any better than that?

Dedication

For Mom

With love

Harmony

CHapter one

Andy Taylor hurried through the well-dressed crowd in

the church foyer, carefully keeping her viola case from

knocking into anyone’s legs, more concerned about jostling her

instrument than snagging nylons or bruising shins. The number of

people she had to avoid meant she wasn’t as late as she had feared,

and she sighed with relief when she finally made it through the

gauntlet to the door that led into the sanctuary. She pushed through

the swinging door and made her way quickly up the outside aisle

toward the rest of her quartet.

“You’re late,” Tina said, propping her violin between her legs

and reaching for Andy’s music.

“No shit,” Andy whispered. The wedding party clustered around

the altar, forming and reforming groupings for pictures like a well-

trained school of fish. She breathed a silent prayer of gratitude that

the photographer had delayed the start of the ceremony. She handed

her viola to Richard to tune while she tightened the horsehair on

her bow and slid a cake of rosin across its surface. He returned the

instrument as Tina plopped her music, arranged in the proper order

for today’s ceremony, on her stand.

“Late night?” David asked with a wicked grin, his arm draped

across his cello as he watched the silent performance of his three

partners. “Did Her Highness need an ego boost before tonight’s

concert?”

• 11 •

Karis WalsH

“Her ego needs several boosts a night,” Tina said with a frown.

“So Lyssa wakes up on top of the world, and we’re stuck with a

worn-out shell of a violist.”

Andy glared at her friends. Richard, as usual, didn’t add any

comments about her sometimes lover, but from the expression on

his face it was clear he agreed with the assessment of the other

two. Lyssa Carlyle, Andy’s colleague in the Seattle Symphony,

always managed to fall to pieces when she had a violin solo in

a big concert. She would arrive on Andy’s doorstep, weepy and

practically begging for attention, and Andy let her in every time.

After a night of flattery and exhausting sex, Lyssa would leave

with a smile, ready to win the adulation of her audience. She was

blissfully unconcerned with Andy’s own performance schedule,

needs, or satisfaction. And Andy was well aware that after Lyssa’s

concerts she would celebrate with one of her adoring fans, not

with Andy. She and Lyssa would have to find a better compromise

if their relationship could have any sort of future, but for now it

was easier—and more predictable—just to play along as expected.

Deep inside she knew the quartet was right and she was acting like

a doormat, but she would never admit it out loud.

She bit back a rude retort about minding their own business

when she saw the bride making her way over to them, walking

sideways so her skirt would fit between pews. Andy assumed there

must be a white dress somewhere under all of those rhinestones,

and she hoped the petite brunette wouldn’t collapse under the sheer

weight of it during the ceremony.

“Thank goodness you’re here,” she said to Andy. “I was so

worried when I only saw three musicians.” Andy smiled tightly

at the bride even as she silently chastised herself. She had almost

been late for the gig, and Lyssa’s ego was no excuse for spoiling

someone’s wedding day.

“Now, I hate to be a Bridezilla, but I have one little request,”

the girl continued, seemingly oblivious to the reaction that reference

provoked from the musicians. Andy silently damned the show that

made it seem cool to be obnoxious. They should be allowed to raise

their fee every time that word was mentioned.

• 12 •

Harmony

“It’s your day,” Andy jumped in, not trusting the other members

of the group to answer politely.

“I would prefer that the help not socialize with the guests. I

hope you don’t mind?”

“Not at all,” Andy answered truthfully, wondering if anyone

could really think they took these gigs just so they could chat up

someone’s Aunt Martha and Uncle Pete after the ceremony.

“Good. Now we’ll be seating the guests soon, so you can

start playing anytime,” the bride said before heading back to the

photographer.

“The help?” Richard sputtered.

Andy tried not to laugh at his indignant expression. He was

accustomed to a little more respect as a professor at a prestigious

private college. “Don’t worry,” she said, patting his arm. “I know

where she works. The next time I’m at the Gap, I’ll leave a whole

shitload of clothes in the dressing room for her to put away.”

David played a bit of “God Save the Queen” pianissimo, and

Andy glared at him before pasting on a smile as the bride returned.

“One more thing. I hope you won’t mind leaving through the

back exit after the ceremony.”

“Of course not,” Andy assured her. She stood up and helped the

bride tug her dress free when it snagged on the pew’s upholstery. A

rhinestone dropped on the floor, and Andy quickly kicked it out of

sight since she knew from experience even something so tiny could

upset the delicate balance of a wedding day. Her first priority was to

keep the bride calm. She would worry about her quartet’s wounded

pride later when she ushered them out the back way.

“Damn,” Tina muttered as the bride slithered back between the

pews. “I was hoping to get to know that tall bridesmaid. She ought

to be all too willing to get out of that hideous dress.”

❖

In spite of the pre-wedding drama, the ceremony itself went

smoothly. Andy relaxed as she and her viola provided a measured

harmony to the traditional wedding melodies. Even the stress of

• 13 •

Karis WalsH

dealing with brides and grooms as they planned these involved

affairs was worth it for these few minutes of peace and beauty. Andy

was under no illusion that the marriages themselves would hold on

to those attributes, but for a short time everyone could smile at one

another and believe in true love. When she was a kid, Andy used to

console herself during her parents’ routine fights by picturing them

on their wedding day. She figured they must have been in love at

that moment, and she would try to force them back to happiness

using only her youthful imagination. It had never worked, of course,

but she still enjoyed being a part of the first moments of a marriage

when everyone was still full of hope.

When the time came, the quartet did try to leave by the back

door, but apparently the bride hadn’t noticed the alarm system and

emergency exit signs. Andy decided it would be better to risk the

bride’s wrath by mingling with her guests than to cause a panic

by setting off the alarm, so she tried to keep the group moving

quickly as they pushed their way through the crowd. Richard set

off with purpose, but David seemed intent on breaking the bride’s

first rule by chatting with anyone who made the briefest eye contact

with him, and Tina rubbernecked as she searched for her chosen

bridesmaid.

“Beautiful ceremony, wasn’t it?” David asked random people

as Andy herded him along, trying in vain to spot Tina who had

disappeared at the top of the steps. “Are you a friend of the bride?

Wasn’t she a vision?”

Andy grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the parking lot as

Tina reappeared by her side, waving a small slip of paper.

“Too bad we’re not playing at the reception,” she said with

a wicked smile. “I’ll bet I could have gotten more than her phone

number after a few glasses of champagne.”

Andy shook her head at her unrepentant friend. Tina didn’t

need to moonlight as a musician since she made a good salary as a

graphic designer, and Andy was certain she only took these wedding

gigs to increase her dating pool, not her bank account. With her

glossy brown hair and perfect body she managed to make out

quite well—literally, all too often. “You guys are impossible. Is it

• 14 •

Harmony

too much to ask that we keep them happy for one hour so they’ll

recommend us to the next in line to get married?”

“We’ve got plenty of bookings as it is, and it’s nearing the end

of wedding season,” Richard said as they met up with him at his

van. He handed Andy a pile of manila folders. “Thank God you get

to meet with these damned women in person since you’re so intent

on pleasing them.”

She groaned and shifted her viola case so she could better

balance the stack of paperwork. Richard managed the group’s

website and juggled their potential bookings with their individual

schedules. But as soon as a date was set and any personal contact

was required for planning, the brides became Andy’s responsibility.

“Why is this my job again?”

“Honestly? You’re the only one who cares enough to put up

with them. You’re great at it, and you’re going to love October

Fifth.” He tapped the top folder.

They were in the habit of referring to the brides by wedding

date instead of name. “October Fifth, check,” Andy said, peering

in the slim folder. “A real bitch, I take it, since you’re so thrilled to

pawn her off on me?”

“No,” Richard said with a slight frown. “She’s more of the

distracted-bride type. It’s a last-minute booking, and she didn’t

know what music to pick or how many songs we should play. Flaky.

Hopefully she’ll have the wedding program set by the time you

meet, but you might need to be more firm this time and get her to

make some decisions.”

“Firm?” Tina asked, sliding the folder from Andy’s grasp. “I’ll

be glad to meet with this one.”

Andy snatched October Fifth away from the grinning Tina. “He

didn’t mean whips-and-chains firm,” she said. “I can handle it. No

problem.”

• 15 •

• 16 •

Harmony

CHapter tWo

Two days later, Andy stood in the doorway of a downtown

coffee shop during the lunchtime rush and scanned the

room for October Fifth. She usually got a little tense before these

bridal consultations since she never knew what to expect. Most of

the brides were fun and easy to work with, but there was occasionally

one who made her want to quit this business for good. A lesbian who

still couldn’t legally marry in most of the United States—including

her home state of Washington—didn’t seem to be the obvious

choice when it came to helping people plan any part of a wedding,

but Richard was right when he said she was the best one for the

job. And he had been right about October Fifth. Most brides had

requests for favorite songs or music from recent movies and at least

a tentative schedule for the ceremony listed in the files that Richard

compiled. This bride seemed to know very little beyond the date of

her wedding. Even on the phone, she had seemed distant and vague

when Andy called to set up this meeting. Andy had been the one to

suggest this spot since it was close to the law firm where the bride

worked as a paralegal.

Although she didn’t have a physical description of October

Fifth, other than her age of twenty-two, Andy quickly spotted her

in the busy coffee shop. Except for a guy focused on his laptop, she

was the only person who was sitting alone. She wasn’t watching

the doorway, like people waiting for a stranger usually are, but was

instead staring out the window. Andy caught her breath as she looked

• 17 •

Karis WalsH

across the room at the unmoving woman, only breaking her stare

when someone jostled her from behind. She went to the counter

and ordered a soy latte so she could collect herself for a moment

before she met the bride. She had expected a ditzy young girl, but

this woman looked older than the age listed in her file. Even seated,

Andy could tell she was tall, and she wore a snugly fitted navy suit

that hinted at full breasts and long legs. A plain rubber band held

her hair, just that honey shade that edged away from brown and

toward blond, in a high ponytail. Her appearance disconcerted Andy

for some reason, since something about her seemed out of place.

Maybe because she was an oasis of calm in the midst of a room full

of chatting couples and groups, or because she lacked the expression

of excited tension that Andy expected on a bride only days before

her wedding.

It was definitely not because Andy felt any sense of attraction

to her, or any curiosity about what was under that conservative blue

suit.

Andy grabbed her drink and made her way over to October

Fifth’s table. She remembered Tina’s grin when Richard told her to

be firm with this one, and she nearly dropped her latte. “Jesus,” she

murmured as she shook herself mentally. Maybe this bride would

have been safer with Tina.

“Brooke Stanton?” she asked as she approached the table,

reminding herself in time not to actually call the woman October

Fifth to her face.

Light blue eyes met Andy’s like laser beams, and she had to

reach out and use the back of a chair to steady herself. Brooke’s gaze

was blank for a moment as she simply stared at Andy.

“I’m Andrea Taylor,” Andy continued, unsure now if she had

found her client or had instead let her desire to talk to the beautiful

woman lead her to the wrong conclusion. She felt a short-lived flash

of hope that this really wasn’t the straight soon-to-be Mrs. Foster.

“My quartet is playing at your wedding?”

Brooke finally blinked and seemed to refocus her attention.

“Yes, I’m Brooke. Sorry,” she added with a humorless laugh, “you

caught me daydreaming.”

• 18 •

Harmony

Andy pulled out the chair she had been gripping and sat down.

“Perfectly natural,” she said, keeping her tone light. “You must have

a lot on your mind with the wedding and all…”

Brooke nodded vaguely and looked around the room as if

noticing her surroundings for the first time. “How did you know

who I was?”

Andy gestured at the binder on the table in front of Brooke. It

was thick and white with cutout flowers and lacy hearts glued to the

front cover. “Typical bridal accessory,” she said.

“Jake’s little sister made this for me,” she said, giving it an

awkward pat that pushed it across the table slightly. “Luckily she

filled it with checklists and pictures or I wouldn’t have known where

to start.”

“I’m sure there’s a lot that goes into planning an event like

this,” Andy said, pulling out her own notebook that contained music

and sample programs and setting it on the table next to Brooke’s

more ornate binder. “At least I can help make this part of it easier

for you.”

Andy was trying to slip into the persona of professional

musician that she used with her more emotionally challenged brides,

but Brooke leaned across the table and caught her off guard with

those crystal eyes.

“Are you married, Andrea?”

“No. And most people call me Andy,” she added, remembering

too late that the point of using her full name was to maintain a

professional distance.

“Not married?” Brooke asked. Her expression remained

neutral, and Andy found herself curious about Brooke’s assessment

of her. “You must be dating? Serious boyfriend?”

“I have a girlfriend,” Andy said, and then amended her

statement. “Sort of.”

“So you’re a—”

“Right now I’m just a viola player,” Andy said as she tapped

the form in front of her with a pencil so she could shift the

conversation off her life and back to music. She was unsure why

she had shared any personal information with a woman she had

• 19 •

Karis WalsH

just met. A client no less, and a straight woman who was about to

be married.

Brooke blushed, and Andy hurried them past the awkward

moment like she did whenever her meetings with brides encountered

an emotional trigger. These were usually due to backfiring plans or

meddling family members, and Andy was always the one to soothe

the bride, not cause the stress in the first place. “Do you have any

particular music in mind for the ceremony?”

Brooke shrugged. “You played at my cousin’s wedding, and

I remember liking your quartet. I guess you could play the same

music. Her name was Lisa Stanton.”

The name meant nothing to Andy, of course. Unless the bride or

groom was a personal friend, or someone threw up or fainted during

the ceremony, the quartet’s past wedding gigs all blended into a sea

of white dresses, tuxedoes, and faceless audiences. This didn’t seem

like an appropriate image to share with Brooke, so Andy simply

pulled out the standard repertoire.

“Lisa Stanton, of course,” she said smoothly. “I believe we

played Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” during the seating of the families

and Bach’s “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring” for the wedding party

processional. Then it’s Wagner’s “Bridal Chorus” from Lohengrin

when you walk down the aisle. That’s the ‘Here Comes the Bride’

song,” Andy added.

“Big, fat and wide,” Brooke finished with a wince. “Great. And

I’m still hoping to lose a few pounds before the wedding.”

“Why would you want to do that?” Andy asked without

thinking, never understanding why women who looked as healthy

and beautiful as this one felt the need to diet. Brooke blinked at

her in surprise, her eyes darkening slightly to a beautiful sky blue.

“I mean, I think you look fine just as you are,” Andy stammered,

gesturing vaguely in Brooke’s direction. She decided it was time

to wrap up this meeting before she said anything else that could

be misinterpreted as a pick-up line. “We played “Ave Maria”

during the candle lighting and Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” for the

recessional.”

• 20 •

Harmony

Brooke laughed suddenly, her distant expression transformed.

“Do you really remember Lisa’s wedding, or are those the songs you

want me to choose?”

“They’re pretty common choices,” Andy admitted evasively,

captivated by Brooke’s smile and giving her one in return. “We’ll be

glad to make any changes you want or add music that has personal

meaning for the two of you.”

Brooke waved her hand in dismissal, a small smile still playing

over her features. “What you said sounds just fine. I don’t remember

her wedding either. Can you write this down for me so I can take it

to the printer’s?”

Andy carefully copied the playlist, complete with composers

and the full names of the quartet members, onto the form that

Brooke removed from her massive binder. She added her nickname

and phone numbers to the bottom of the page and handed it to

Brooke.

“Call me if you want to add or change any of the songs,” she

said, pointing to her numbers. “We usually rehearse on Thursdays,

so it’d be easiest if you let me know before that. Otherwise we’ll see

you next Friday.”

“All right,” Brooke said as she handed Andy a check that was

double their normal fee for a wedding. Andy knew the other quartet

members would want her to accept it without argument, but she felt

uncomfortable taking advantage of Brooke.

“We usually play only at the ceremony and not the rehearsal,”

she said. “We’ve been in your church before, and we know where to

set up, so you really don’t need to book us for both days.”

Brooke waved her hand at the check Andy tried to return.

“Keep it. My mom wants to do a full run-through of the ceremony

so she can be sure of timing and can coordinate it with the caterer.”

Andy shrugged and tucked the check in her notebook. It wasn’t

her place to argue with the bride’s wedding plans or to wonder why

Brooke’s voice sounded so resigned and weary. She resisted the urge

to continue their conversation, maybe to coax another smile from

her. Instead, she gave Brooke a receipt, and they stood and shook

hands. With her heels on, Brooke met Andy’s five-foot-nine height.

• 21 •

Karis WalsH

Andy did her best to keep her gaze from sliding down Brooke’s long

legs before she turned away, but as she left she was conscious of

Brooke’s gaze following her across the room.

❖

Brooke caught her lower lip between her teeth, forcing herself

not to call Andy back to the table. She had barely registered her

presence at first, seeing her as just another in a long line of faceless

vendors connected to this wedding. She had been startled when her

casual questioning had led her to find out that Andy was a lesbian, as

if their simple conversation would reveal her own past.

She shook her head slightly. For a moment she had been tempted

to try to flirt, maybe even to proposition, just for one last chance

at the kind of sex she had only dreamed about. But that moment

had passed, and Brooke knew she couldn’t risk opening herself up

to another woman and facing the pain that would follow. She was

confident that after years of practice at hiding her true feelings, she

hadn’t let even one slip of dialogue or expression hint at them.

Her only moment of weakness had come when she refused

Andy’s offer to have the quartet play just at the ceremony. It had

been her mother’s idea to book them for the rehearsal as well, but

Brooke knew she could have easily changed her mom’s mind. She

allowed herself the selfish desire to see Andy again on Friday,

maybe to have one more chance to talk to her before their worlds

inevitably separated.

What a shame too, she thought with a sigh as she opened

her garish binder and added the quartet’s program to the section

marked “Music, Ceremony.” Andy definitely looked like she could

give Brooke a night that could fuel her fantasies for the next few

decades of marriage. She was gorgeous with her short dark hair and

those gold-flecked hazel eyes that had gazed at her with all of the

seriousness of an anthropologist studying a bride-to-be in her native

habitat. And her full lips looked so soft Brooke had nearly reached

across the table to touch them when Andy smiled. But it was her

hands that had most captivated Brooke’s imagination. Slender and

• 22 •

Harmony

expressive, with short but neat nails, they had moved with such grace

and strength that Brooke would have guessed her to be some sort of

artist even if she hadn’t known that she was a musician. Hands that

she could imagine moving over her…

Brooke shut her binder with a snap and stood up. Hands that

would never touch her that way. Because they belonged to a woman,

and she belonged to Jake.

• 23 •

• 24 •

Harmony

CHapter tHree

Andy slammed the phone down and started to pace back

and forth in her apartment. What had she expected from

Lyssa, anyway, she asked herself as she stalked from room to room,

picking up random objects and banging them back in place. She

ended up in the spare room that was filled with shelves of music

and her instruments, hoping for that sense of peace and belonging

that usually found her there, but feeling only anger, betrayal, and

resignation. She was unaccustomed to being the one asking for

support or help in any relationship, and now it was clear why she

was so hesitant to do so. The rejection hurt more than she wanted

to admit.

The sheet music for Rebecca Clarke’s “Passacaglia” was still

open on her stand from this morning’s practice. It was one of her

favorite short pieces, one she usually played as a warm-up in her

practice sessions and one she had performed when she auditioned

for the Seattle Symphony. The conductor and executive director had

remembered, and today, when they learned that the symphony’s

first-chair violist had injured her wrist, they had called her to the

office and offered her the chance to sub for the position for the

rest of the year, until a formal audition could be scheduled. The

promotion included a rare chance at a viola solo. The symphony

was scheduled to give a performance devoted to women composers,

and Clarke’s sonata for viola and piano had been chosen to open

• 25 •

Karis WalsH

the concert. Since they were bringing in a guest conductor for the

evening, the management wanted to showcase local female talent

for the solo parts.

Andy knew this was the opportunity of her career, but she had

doubts about her ability not only to lead the section as principal

viola but to play a solo part in front of a huge audience. Much of the

reason she had chosen to play this particular instrument was because

she mainly played harmony, background to other instruments,

filling out and adding depth to the sound of the orchestra. She

had been content in that role for so many years, but the thought of

taking on a new challenge appealed to her. Her quartet had been

excited when she told them the news at tonight’s rehearsal, so she

had called Lyssa, hoping that after all of her time spent encouraging

the violinist she might be prepared to offer something to Andy in

return. What had she been expecting? Support, congratulations,

words of advice? Certainly not what she had been given. She

wasn’t surprised by Lyssa’s claim that she was too busy to meet

for drinks, but her response to Andy’s news about the sonata had

caught her off guard.

“They asked you to play the solo? I’m surprised you want to

step out of the background and risk making a fool of yourself with

that piece,” Lyssa had said. “There’s an alternative cello part for

that sonata, so Diane could play it instead. Or maybe they could

change the program and let you do one or two of Clarke’s shorter

songs.”

Maybe she was right. Andy had spent most of her career playing

beyond the limelight, so was she really ready to make her solo debut

on this scale? She considered calling Tina for some moral support,

but she knew she would end up confessing how Lyssa’s words had

hurt. She wasn’t prepared to deal with an “I told you so” followed

by the inevitable reference to the loyal dog who’s been kicked by its

uncaring master.

The phone rang and Andy jumped for it, hating the tiny thrill of

hope that Lyssa was calling back to apologize.

“Hello?” she repeated when the line remained quiet.

“Is this Andy? It’s Brooke Stanton.”

• 26 •

Harmony

“Brooke?” Andy’s mind raced, and then the name clicked.

October Fifth. Beautiful blonde. Long legs. “Is there a problem

about tomorrow?”

“Yes. No, not really. I just wanted to talk about the music we

picked.”

Christ, thought Andy, running her hand through her hair

in exasperation. She knew she had told Brooke that the quartet

practiced on Thursdays. There was no way they’d have time to learn

something new before tomorrow’s rehearsal

“Would it be possible to get together tonight?” Brooke

continued.

“Of course,” Andy said. The perfect way to end this day,

she thought with a frown. Why couldn’t Brooke have played the

Bridezilla card just two days earlier? “Where should we meet?”

“Oh, I’m not sure,” Brooke hesitated. “Do you have a bar you

like to go to?”

“I sometimes hang out at Mickey’s in Pioneer Square, but it’s

a—”“That’s fine,” Brooke cut in quickly. “Say in an hour?”

“Sounds good,” Andy answered, but Brooke had already hung

up. She stared at the receiver for a moment before replacing it.

Andy had been about to tell her Mickey’s was big on the local gay

scene, but if Brooke wanted to be rude then she could just deal with

it. Maybe she’d panic when she found out and cut their meeting

short. The thought of a few drinks and the possibility of finding

some female company was suddenly very appealing to Andy. Just

get through those few uncomfortable minutes with October Fifth,

and the night might hold some promise.

❖

“Problems with the wedding plans?” Jake asked as he bent to

kiss the top of Brooke’s head.

“Not really. I just need to meet with someone from the quartet to

finalize the program of music at the church.” Brooke hastily closed

her binder but not before Jake caught a glimpse of the paper inside.

• 27 •

Karis WalsH

“Andy? Should I be jealous of him?” Jake teased as he loosened

his tie and started unbuttoning his dress shirt.

“He’s a she,” Brooke said, not really answering his question

and turning away so he couldn’t read her expression.

“I was hoping you might go out with friends tonight. I hate to

be having all the fun while you do more work for the wedding.”

He replaced his work clothes with a more casual shirt and slacks.

“You’re sure you don’t mind this bachelor party?”

“Not at all,” Brooke assured him honestly. “And don’t worry

about me. I’ll be fine.”

Jake kissed her again and then disappeared into their bathroom.

Brooke slumped onto the bed, still not convinced she could go

through with this. She had been determined to forget about women,

especially the dark-haired musician who had been haunting her

fantasies for the past week, but this afternoon had broken her

resolve. It was such a simple thing, really, but it had shaken her to

the core.

She ran through the afternoon’s conversation again, hoping it

wouldn’t affect her the same way upon reflection so she could just

call Andy and cancel their meeting. She and Jake had gone to lunch

with her father, stealing away from his law firm for a leisurely two-

hour break. She had picked at her food, barely listening to most

of the talk as her dad discussed her parents’ plans to retire to the

Olympic Peninsula in the next few years. Jake had innocently turned

to her and said they should start looking for a retirement condo to

buy while the real estate market was in a slump. Her dad agreed that

it was never too soon to make plans, and they had spent the rest of

lunch discussing the pros and cons of the various small towns along

Highway 101. Brooke had sat, quiet and stunned, with the phrase

“What the fuck?” running through her head like an unsuccessful

mantra. She could barely wrap her mind around the fact that she was

getting married, and they already had her retiring with this man?

She had been so focused on the wedding itself, she had been able

to ignore the years of marriage to follow. It had seemed easiest to

go along with her parents’ wishes and marry Jake, just like she had

accepted him as their choice in prom dates. But instead of being left

• 28 •

Harmony

with a photo and a dried-up corsage, she’d be stuck with the man

himself for the rest of her life.

Yes, the memory of the conversation still could trigger

hyperventilation. Brooke didn’t call Andy back and cancel their

appointment. She numbly kissed Jake good-bye, half hoping he

might fall in love with a stripper and call off the wedding. Then she

carefully got ready to meet Andy, determined to have at least one

good night before she settled into the life that Jake and her parents

had planned for her. She only had one night, she had to make it count.

• 29 •

• 30 •

Harmony

CHapter Four

Mickey’s was packed with the usual after-work crowd, but

the moment Andy walked through the door she spotted

Brooke sitting at the bar. Her blond hair was out of its ponytail,

just brushing her shoulders, and she had on jeans and a black

tank top in place of business clothes. Much better, Andy thought

with appreciation as she pushed through the crowd. Andy kept an

emotional distance from the brides she met, even the sexier ones, but

October Fifth had forced her way into Andy’s dreams a time or two

this week. She wasn’t supposed to feel glad to see this woman who

had dragged her out of the house on a bad night. Brooke’s attention

seemed focused on a lesbian couple across the bar from her, and she

jumped when Andy tapped her on the shoulder.

“Hey,” Andy said, smiling in spite of her irritation as Brooke’s

face lit up when she turned around.

“You recognized me without the bridal notebook,” Brooke said

with a grin.

“You’re not easy to forget,” Andy admitted. She gestured at

the large diamond solitaire on Brooke’s left hand. “And that kind of

gave you away in this place.”

Brooke twisted the ring as if she wanted to pull it off her finger,

but she dropped her hands back to cup her drink. “You look nice,”

she said to Andy, letting her gaze move down the entire length of

her. Khaki cargo pants and a clean white T-shirt were as formal as

Andy had been willing to go tonight, business meeting or not.

• 31 •

Karis WalsH

“You, too,” Andy said. “This suits you much better than that

business outfit did.” She reached out without thinking and ran a

finger over the strap of Brooke’s tank top. Jesus, she berated herself

when she realized what she was doing. Stop flirting with the client!

She casually moved her hand away and leaned across Brooke to

order a drink when the bartender stopped by.

“Mac and Jack’s,” she said, ordering her favorite local

microbrew. “And another”—she pointed at Brooke’s drink—“gin

and tonic?”

Brooke nodded, her eyes darkening to the color of faded denim

as she watched Andy.

Both seats next to her were taken, so Andy scanned the room

looking for a table while they waited for their drinks. She felt

Brooke’s gaze, but she tried to ignore it and compose herself. She

just had to get rid of the bride, and then she would be free to flirt

with someone else. Someone who was unattached.

“Careful,” Brooke warned as she hooked a finger in the

waistband of Andy’s pants and pulled her closer. Andy narrowly

missed being struck by the man on the stool next to them as he

swung his arm around while he was talking.

“Oops, sorry babe,” he said over his shoulder.

“No problem,” Andy answered without looking at him. Her

eyes were locked with Brooke’s as she found herself standing

inches away from her, nestled between her parted legs. “Thanks,”

she mumbled, trying to figure out what was going on here. Brooke

just watched her, her fingers still tucked in the top of Andy’s pants.

Move away, Andy told herself sternly, for God’s sake move away

from her!

The bartender returned with their drinks, and Andy took that

opportunity to extricate herself. She tossed some bills on the counter

and picked up her beer and Brooke’s cocktail.

“There’s a table over there,” she nodded toward the wall farthest

from the dance floor. She walked off without a backward glance.

She sat in a chair with her back against the wall, and Brooke took

the seat across from her. Back to business, Andy told herself firmly,

trying to ignore the sad expression that had come over Brooke’s

• 32 •

Harmony

face. “You wanted to talk about the music for your wedding?” she

asked, taking a sip of her cold beer.

“I’m doing this all wrong, aren’t I?” Brooke asked, ignoring

Andy’s question.

“Honey, I don’t know what the hell you’re doing,” Andy

admitted in exasperation, wincing as she heard herself use that

endearment. She had come here tonight expecting to deal with a

bitch of a client, and instead she had been nearly pulled into said

client’s lap. And now Brooke looked ready to cry. She had had

enough crap to deal with herself today, she didn’t need a ride on

some overwrought woman’s emotional rollercoaster.

“Look, I know the days before the wedding can be an

overwhelming time for a bride,” she continued, in what she hoped

was a more soothing tone of voice. “Is there someone I can call for

you? Your mom, or a bridesmaid?”

“God no,” Brooke said with a burst of laughter. “I’m not having

a breakdown, you idiot. I’m trying to seduce you.”

“Really?” Andy asked in disbelief.

Brooke rolled her eyes. “Thank you. I didn’t realize I would be

so bad at this.” She squeezed lime into her drink with a vengeance,

flinging a piece of pulp across the table into Andy’s eye.

“Ouch!” she said. Brooke glared at her and Andy scowled back.

“You were aiming at me.”

Brooke didn’t deny it, and Andy had a feeling the rest of the

drink might be coming at her if she wasn’t careful. She raised her

hands in surrender. “No big deal. I’m fine.”

Brooke tossed her the condensation-soaked napkin that had

been serving as her coaster and stared at the wall behind Andy as

she dabbed at her eye.

They sat in silence for several minutes as Andy concentrated

on smoothing out the damp napkin, searching for a way to let this

apparently distraught woman down gently.

“Look at me?” she finally said, waiting until Brooke dragged

her gaze back to meet Andy’s. “I don’t know what’s going on with

you tonight. Maybe you have cold feet, or you got in a fight with

your fiancé, or he’s getting a hooker for his bachelor party and you

• 33 •

Karis WalsH

want revenge. If you need to talk about it, I’ll listen. If you want

to get drunk, I’ll buy. But having sex with a random stranger just

because I mentioned I’m a lesbian will not solve your problems.”

“Just because…” Brooke started, then stopped. She moved

into the chair next to Andy with a bang. “I did not call you tonight

just because you said you were gay. I called because I couldn’t get

you out of my mind. Because you’re so damned gorgeous I haven’t

stopped thinking about you all week. Because I’ve been fantasizing

about those hands of yours touching me…”

Her voice broke with a vulnerability that tore at Andy’s

heart, so when Brooke leaned in and kissed her tentatively on

the mouth, she only hesitated a heartbeat before she wrapped her

fingers in Brooke’s hair and pulled her closer. This is definitely not

professional conduct, Andy thought as she finally moved her mouth

away from Brooke’s. The best thing to do would be to apologize and

get out of there. Instead, Andy found herself trailing kisses along

Brooke’s cheek toward her ear. “I’ve had some fantasies myself,”

she murmured, her breath whispering against Brooke’s skin, pulling

a quiet moan from her throat.

“Your place?” Brooke asked, raising a hand to lightly touch

Andy’s lips. Andy simply nodded, then grasped Brooke’s hand and

pulled her to her feet.

❖

Andy kept her eyes on the BMW in her rearview mirror,

thinking that the odds of Brooke coming to her senses and peeling

off to head for the safety of home were about fifty-fifty. But when

she slipped into a parking place near her Capitol Hill apartment

building, the sporty car pulled up beside her.

“Take my spot,” she told Brooke through the car’s open

window. She pointed at the tiny lot of reserved parking stalls.

“Number three.”

They didn’t touch or talk as Andy let them into the building and

led the way to her apartment. Once inside she turned to face Brooke,

ready to offer a drink or small talk to make her more comfortable.

• 34 •

Harmony

But before she could speak, Brooke stepped closer and ran her hands

through Andy’s hair, pulling her head down for a searing kiss.

Andy backed her up against the door, reaching behind them to

lock the dead bolt as she ran her tongue across Brooke’s lower lip,

seeking an opening. Brooke obliged, parting her lips and deepening

the kiss without loosening her hold on Andy’s head. She broke the

contact suddenly, slipping out from under Andy’s arms and backing

down the narrow hallway.

“Bedroom?” she asked, pulling her tank top over her head and

letting it fall to the floor. Andy followed slowly, mimicking Brooke’s

actions and tugging off her T-shirt.

“End of the hall,” she said, not sure if she could catch her

breath enough for a complete sentence as she watched Brooke slip

out of her bra. She followed suit and unhooked hers as they entered

the small room. Brooke kept backing up, her eyes never leaving

Andy’s, until her legs bumped against the bed. Andy stopped when

she did, still several feet away, and watched with anticipation as

Brooke moved her hands down to the button of her jeans, slowly

sliding them down her legs. Pink underwear followed. Only then did

Andy remove her own pants, wanting to let Brooke take the lead.

Even if it killed her, she wanted to be ready to stop if Brooke came

to her senses and changed her mind.

Luckily she didn’t, and Andy breathed a sigh of relief as Brooke

came into her arms and pressed the full length of her soft body

against Andy’s more muscular one. She cried out against Andy’s

lips as she moved against her, rubbing breasts against breasts, her

curly triangle against Andy’s pubic mound. Andy moved her lips

down Brooke’s throat to her breasts, stopping only to impatiently

toss the covers aside before lowering her to the bed.

Brooke captured Andy’s mouth again and flipped them over

until she was straddling her. She rained kisses on Andy’s neck and

mouth as she slid against her. “God, the feel of you…” she groaned

as she settled onto her side next to Andy.

Andy lay as still as she could while Brooke watched her own

hands roam across Andy’s breasts and stomach. Brooke had a

slightly dazed and surprised look on her face, and Andy wondered

• 35 •

Karis WalsH

how much of that was due to being in bed with another woman or

simply with someone other than her fiancé. Either way, she ran her

hands gently along Brooke’s spine, not wanting to frighten her away

with any aggressive movements until she was certain Brooke was

comfortable. But even her tentative touches and feather-light kisses

were enough to make Andy tremble with desire. She had to fight

harder to keep control than she ever had with more experienced

lovers. Finally Brooke’s hand reached down to trail lightly through

Andy’s slick curls, making her moan and arch toward the brief

contact.

“You’re so wet,” Brooke’s breath was ragged and her tone

amazed as their eyes met. Andy almost drowned in those eyes,

glistening like crystals with the intensity of Brooke’s desire. “I…I

want to taste you. Is that all right?”

“Is it all right? Are you fucking kidding me?” Andy rasped out.

Brooke laughed, her nervousness dissolving as she saw Andy’s

obvious hunger for her. She watched Andy’s face as she slipped

fingers between her legs with more confidence. She dragged her wet

fingers up Andy’s torso and swirled them around Andy’s taut nipple

before lowering her head to suck and taste her. Andy cried out and

arched her back, pushing her breast deeper into Brooke’s mouth.

Brooke obliged, sucking harder before she raised her head again.

“Mmm,” she purred. “So sweet.”

Brooke slowly kissed her way down the wet trail on Andy’s

stomach, surprised she felt so comfortable taking control. From

her first shy kiss in the bar to the short drive as she followed Andy

home, Brooke’s uncertainty had gradually vanished and had been

replaced with a sense that she had made the right decision and

this was the right place for her to be. She paused at Andy’s lower

abdomen, drawing her tongue across the strong muscles and making

Andy groan and open her legs in invitation. Brooke felt trembling

fingers gently rake through her hair, encouraging her to move lower.

“Please, Brooke, please,” Andy begged, gasping as Brooke’s

mouth finally found her inner folds. Brooke had expected to feel

unsure, to need Andy to explain what to do, but the way Andy’s

body responded to her tongue’s gentle exploration gave her an

• 36 •

Harmony

unanticipated sense of connection. She had never realized that

a lover’s arousal could so directly lead to her own. Her self-

consciousness slowly changed to curiosity, then confidence, then

hunger. Her tongue grew more determined, and it only took one

firm brush across Andy’s swollen clit to make her come with a sharp

cry that gave Brooke all the reassurance she needed.

Brooke laughed with delight and scooted up the bed to rain

kisses along Andy’s neck and pull her into her arms.

“You liked that, I take it?” Andy asked, pulling Brooke’s mouth

to hers.

“That was amazing. I could feel so much energy building up in

you, and I had the key to release it.” She flicked her tongue across

Andy’s lower lip.

She gasped then as Andy quickly nipped at that tongue and

sucked it into her own mouth. “You think that was amazing?” she

asked as she flipped Brooke onto her back. “It gets even better,” she

growled, pinning Brooke’s wrists above her head as she kissed her

way down Brooke’s throat. Brooke kept her hands raised, her fists

clenched, even as Andy let go of them in order to use both mouth

and fingers to tease her full breasts. Using all of her skill, she sucked

and rubbed until Brooke was moaning and writhing with passion

underneath her. Andy dropped a hand to Brooke’s thigh and sucked

a nipple into her mouth, grazing it with her teeth as she entered

Brooke hard with two fingers.

“Oh God!” Brooke yelled in surprise, pushing with her hips

onto Andy’s hand and tangling her fingers in Andy’s hair.

That was all the invitation Andy needed. She quickly moved

between Brooke’s legs, pumping with her fingers in time to the

rhythm of thrusting hips and letting her lips and tongue feast on her

sweet wetness.

Brooke seemed ready to climax, but Andy forced herself to

slow down, easing the pressure of her fingers so she could enjoy

her exploration of Brooke’s slick folds. She held out as long as

she could, loving the taste of her and the rapid rise and fall of

Brooke’s breathing. Finally a whimpered “Andy, please!” urged

her to move to Brooke’s swollen clit, sucking it into her mouth and

• 37 •

Karis WalsH

gently grazing against it with her teeth. Her fingers resumed their

determined rhythm and her tongue matched it, flicking rapidly over

Brooke’s clit.

Brooke came, quietly gasping, and then sagged back against

the bed. Oh no you don’t, Andy thought, sensing that Brooke was

holding back, trying to control her body’s responses. She sucked

more firmly, shifting the position of her fingers as she continued

to fuck Brooke until she came again, crying out with abandon this

time, her defenses too weak to deny herself a full release.

Andy quickly moved to her side, pulling the covers with her

and drawing them around Brooke’s trembling shoulders. She gently

kissed her salty tears.

“I know,” she murmured, holding her close. “It’s not easy to let

go like that the first time.”

Brooke sniffed and snuggled deeper into Andy’s arms. Andy

stroked her back, loving the feeling of their bodies as they molded

together, trying to ignore the diamond that still glinted on Brooke’s

finger.

• 38 •

Harmony

CHapter Five

Andy slid her hand across the cool sheets, sensing even in

her half-awake state that Brooke had left her bed. She

rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, afraid to get up and

look for a note. Last night had been incredible, and Andy couldn’t

remember the last time she had shared such a physical connection

with another woman. The give and take, the ability to sense what the

other wanted and to adapt to meet her demands, the conflict between

her body’s responses to Brooke’s explorations and her desire to turn

the tables and get her hands and mouth on Brooke again.

She finally got out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants

and a tank top. Brooke had gathered Andy’s clothes off the floor

and had stacked them haphazardly on a bedroom chair, but other

than that small attempt at housekeeping there were no signs that she

had been in the apartment at all last night. Andy walked through her

small space twice, searching in vain for some acknowledgment from

Brooke. She glanced at the clock and then went to find Brooke’s

paperwork to get her phone number. It wasn’t quite eight, but Andy

needed to talk to her and find out what was going on. There was no

way Brooke could have shared herself with Andy like that and still

be planning on marrying someone else. She must be dealing with

her family and her fiancé, and although Andy hated to interrupt, she

knew Brooke would need her support today.

A cheerful male voice answered the phone on the second ring.

He didn’t sound like the distraught fiancé, and Andy held the phone

in silence for a moment.

• 39 •

Karis WalsH

“Hello?” he asked again.

“Is Brooke there?” Andy managed.

“No, she went to brunch with her bridesmaids. Can I help you

with something?”

Andy didn’t know how to respond to that. No, I just fucked

your fiancée last night and I wanted to call and see how she’s doing.

“That’s okay, thanks. I had a question about the music for the service,

but I guess it’s no big deal.”

“Is this Andy?” Jake asked. Andy managed a surprised

affirmation. “Brooke told me she was meeting with you last night.

Did everything go all right?”

“Everything went fine.” All right? Fine? How about, there were

fireworks. The earth moved. “I’ll see both of you at the church then.”

“Sounds great. I’m looking forward to meeting you.” Jake hung

up, sparing Andy the necessity of lying and saying she was looking

forward to any part of the day, especially meeting the man who was

marrying Brooke. She spent the next half hour in a scalding hot

shower, trying to force some feeling back into her suddenly numbed

body.

❖

Brooke sat passively in the midst of a bustle of activity as the

hairstylist fussed with her blond curls. Jake’s sister Emily twirled

around her, making the skirt of her flower girl dress stand straight

out. Bridesmaids laughed and talked as they waited their turn

for the seamstress to do a last-minute fitting, and Brooke’s mom

and the florist debated whether to add an extra flower arrangement

at the altar. Brooke glanced at the mass of white satin hanging on

the back of the door. Soon she would need to put it on and stand

still while the seamstress measured and pinned. One step closer to

getting married.

From the outside, Brooke knew she looked like the calmest

person in the room, but inside her thoughts were in turmoil. Being

with Andy had raised so many questions, instead of simply satisfying

a curiosity as she had expected it to. She felt powerless to stop the

• 40 •

Harmony

preparations going on around her, but she had to admit she was the

one who had put these events in motion. She had accepted Jake’s

proposal, she had planned the details of the wedding. Now it had a

momentum of its own, and Brooke couldn’t find a way to stop the

wave of activity as it pulled her toward the altar. She wasn’t even

sure she wanted to.

Her face hurt from smiling at all the people who congratulated

her and said how happy they were to share this most important event

of her life. They had no idea how insignificant the wedding seemed

compared to the life-changing night she had shared with Andy. She

was left alone to dwell on the implications of her body’s responses to

another woman’s touch, but the constant barrage of wedding details

made it difficult to process her feelings about Andy, about their

lovemaking. She had wanted to talk to Andy early in the morning, to

wake her up and admit to a rising panic as she contemplated getting

married, but she had been too scared. Scared to acknowledge those

feelings, scared to discover that maybe their night together hadn’t

meant as much to Andy as it had to her.

Brooke checked her watch. Her friend Jan should be arriving

soon from Spokane. She was the only person Brooke could

confide in right now. Even though her mom didn’t approve of their

friendship, Brooke had insisted on inviting Jan to the rehearsal and

the dinner following it. It was the only battle Brooke had fought in

all of her wedding preparations, acquiescing to her mother in every

other instance.

Finally the last flower was pinned into her elaborate hairstyle,

and Brooke allowed herself to be cinched into the white gown. She

stared blankly at her reflection as the seamstress checked the fit and

everyone else made the appropriate compliments due to a bride. All

Brooke could see when she looked in the mirror was the cost of the

dress. Thousands of dollars for this custom gown, and numerous

nonrefundable payments to other vendors would be lost if she called

off the wedding now. Plus the embarrassment her family would

experience as they tried to explain her change of heart, the wasted

time for everyone who had helped her with plans, and—most of

all—the pain she would cause Jake if she walked away from him.

• 41 •

Karis WalsH

Brooke felt some relief when she turned around so the

seamstress could check her train. She knew the real reason she

was afraid to cancel the wedding, and she hated facing herself in

the mirror because of it. Everyone she loved seemed convinced

that marrying Jake was the right choice for her. She had defied her

family’s wishes once before, and the results had been disastrous.

How could she claim to know the right choice now? How could she

put everything that mattered to her at risk because of one fantastic

night with Andy? Her parents would recover from the lost expenses

and the humiliation, her friends and family would go on with their

lives, and Jake would survive without her. The real cost of cancelling

the wedding would be faced by Brooke herself. Her way of life, her

family, her friends. They all could be lost if Brooke left Jake and

came out as a lesbian. She didn’t know Andy, didn’t know how she

felt about their night together. She couldn’t expect her to step in as

family, to single-handedly replace everyone Brooke loved. If she

walked away from the wedding, she might be walking all alone.

That was a price she wasn’t willing to pay.

❖

Andy walked into the church well before the rehearsal was

scheduled to start. She looked for Brooke but the florist told her the

bridal party hadn’t arrived yet. Andy kept herself busy arranging the

chairs for the quartet and playing some quiet scales on her viola. She

hadn’t been able to concentrate during her regular morning practice,

and her hands were shaking so badly that even her simple scales

were played with vibrato. She alternated between anger at letting

herself be used for a fling and frustration because she had glimpsed

the possibility of something beautiful and had it snatched away.

The other three members of her quartet came up the aisle

together and settled in their usual seats. David turned to Andy and

launched into one of his routine pre-wedding jokes, but his voice

faded to a stop when he met her eyes.

“Shit, darling, who died?” he asked.

Richard shook his head in disapproval. “Her self-respect did.”

• 42 •

Harmony

“Not Lyssa again?” Tina asked. “She give you a rough night?”

“I haven’t seen Lyssa in a week,” Andy said, rosining her bow

for the fourth time since she had arrived at the church. She took a

soft cloth out of her case and gently wiped off the excess. “Did you

notice if the bride is here yet?” she asked nonchalantly.

No one answered immediately, and Andy looked up from her

bow to find the three of them staring at her.

“‘The bride?’ Oh my God,” Tina gasped. “You slept with

October Fifth!”

Andy stared at her, too shocked that anyone could have guessed

her secret to formulate a denial. “Shut up,” she said, glancing at the

sanctuary doors to make sure no one could have overheard Tina’s

loud statement.

“You really will do anything to keep the brides happy, won’t

you, Andy dear?” David laughed with delight. Richard seemed too

stunned to speak.

“All of you, shut up!” Andy repeated. “I’ll be right back.”

She started up the aisle, but Tina followed and grabbed her arm.

She spoke in a low voice. “Seriously, Andy, tell me you didn’t.”

Andy just shook her head and stared up at a stained-glass

window. She wasn’t a regular at church, but she had a pretty good

idea that her conduct didn’t fall in the acceptable category. “It

just happened,” she finally admitted. “I met Brooke last night at

Mickey’s, and we sort of ended up going back to my place.”

“She was at Mickey’s? She’s a lesbian?”

“No. I don’t know,” Andy said. “She called and said she wanted

to talk, and that’s where I was going.”

“Oh,” Tina said with an understanding nod. “She was looking

for one last great orgasm before settling down for fifty years of

marriage. Typical curious straight girl, I suppose, looking for her

fun and then it’s over. Been there. Would she even touch you?” she

asked with curiosity.

“God, Tina, it wasn’t like that at all.” Brooke may have been

inexperienced, but she was certainly not selfish. And after a little

practice she had handled Andy’s body like a pro. Andy felt her

cheeks redden slightly under Tina’s scrutiny.

• 43 •

Karis WalsH

Tina’s voice changed with sympathy. “You’ve got it bad, don’t

you. How is she feeling about all of this?”

“She left early this morning,” Andy said, running a hand through

her hair in frustration. “I need to talk to her before the rehearsal.”

“Go,” Tina said, giving her a little push toward the doors. “I’ll

stay here and administer CPR to Richard. He expects this kind of

behavior from me, not you, Ms. Propriety.”

Andy pushed through the growing crowd of guests and, after

questioning a woman in a lilac silk dress who appeared to be a

bridesmaid, found herself at the door of the Sunday school room that

was being used for the bridal party. She hesitated before knocking,

unsure about the reaction she would get from Brooke. Indifference?

Tears? Regret? She didn’t know this woman, not really, but she knew

from experience that a connection like this didn’t come along every

day, or every lifetime. They couldn’t just walk away from it without

at least discussing what had happened between the two of them.

Feeling more sure of herself, Andy finally knocked on the door.

An older woman answered her knock, clearly disapproving of

the interruption. “Yes, can I help you?”

Brooke’s mother, Andy figured. She was about to ask for

Brooke when she looked past the woman and saw her standing by

the window with another couple of bridesmaids. Andy had seen

her share of brides in wedding gowns, many of them admittedly

sexy, but she had never had one take her breath away. Even in

the incongruous setting with its tiny chairs and posters of cartoon

Bible scenes and scriptures on the walls, Brooke was gorgeous. The

strapless dress was heavy with beadwork and flared out slightly at

her hips, accentuating the curves and softness that Andy remembered

so well. Her mouth suddenly felt dry, and she stood staring at the

bride while her traitorous mind wondered how she could get Brooke

out of that dress without resorting to scissors.

“It’s all right, Mom,” Brooke said smoothly. “Andy is a friend

of mine. Her quartet is playing today. Can you give us a few minutes

to talk?”

Brooke’s mother’s gaze swept over Andy, taking in her short

hair and the black satin pantsuit with the open-collared tuxedo shirt

• 44 •

Harmony

underneath that was her standard wedding attire. Fitted enough to

look slightly feminine, it made no pretense of being girly. Andy

could almost hear the judgments being formed in the woman’s mind

as she reluctantly stepped aside to let Andy enter the room.

“I’ll be right outside if you need me, darling,” she said to

Brooke as she and the other women left.

Andy and Brooke stared at each other for a long moment.

Brooke’s eyes were icy blue again in the autumn sunlight that

streamed through the window, and Andy couldn’t read any

expression in them.

Finally she cleared her throat self-consciously. “What does she

think I’m going to do to you?” she asked, gesturing with her head

toward the door.

“Don’t be silly,” Brooke said, maintaining that maddeningly

aloof air. “She just wants to be sure nothing spoils the day.”

“And I might spoil it?” Andy asked with sadness.

Brooke shook her head, whether in denial or irritation Andy

couldn’t tell. “Why are you here?”

“To play my viola at your wedding rehearsal.”

“Don’t,” Brooke said sharply. “Why are you here?” she

repeated, gesturing around the room.

Andy sighed in frustration. This day, and this conversation,

weren’t going at all as she had expected. She took a step toward

Brooke, needing to know that this ice princess was the same warm

woman who had shared her bed last night. Brooke had half a step to

back up before she bumped into the wall, and Andy saw a flicker of

worry in her eyes. At least that was something. She finished crossing

the empty space between them and raised a finger to trace along the

neckline of Brooke’s dress.

“Jesus,” she breathed. “You are so beautiful.”

Brooke inhaled sharply at her touch and raised her hand

to Andy’s. She meant to push her away, but instead their fingers

entwined, and she pressed their joined hands to her breast.

She didn’t resist when Andy leaned forward and their lips met.

The kiss seared her soul, bringing back all of the passion from the

night before in a rush. When Andy moved her mouth away, Brooke

• 45 •

Karis WalsH

gave a ragged cry of protest that turned to a sigh as Andy rained

kisses along her collarbone and over the slight swell of her breasts.

Brooke laced her fingers in Andy’s soft hair, tugging to bring

her mouth back to her own. She parted her lips, and when Andy’s

tongue slid into her mouth she sagged against the wall feeling a rush

of wanting, of wetness.

“No. No!” she gasped. She had struggled all day to strengthen

her resolve to marry Jake, but having Andy so close, touching her,

threatened all of Brooke’s carefully reasoned arguments for going

through with the wedding. She needed space if she was going to

stay strong, and she pushed Andy’s shoulders away. Her hands felt

too weak to be effective, but Andy stepped back at the light touch.

They both raised fingers to their lips as if in disbelief at their own

responses.

“Tell me that means nothing to you, that you don’t feel anything

when I touch you,” Andy said. Brooke glanced at the door, worried

her mother would hear even though Andy kept her voice low. Her

breathing was fast, her throat warm from Andy’s kisses and her own

arousal. She remained silent, though, and Andy pushed on.

“I know last night was your first time with a woman, but you

have to realize that what we shared was special. How can you just

turn your back on it like it didn’t happen?”

Brooke’s eyes flashed with anger. “But one night of sex and

you expect me to turn my back on Jake, on my family? A couple of

orgasms and you want me to walk away from a fiancé who loves

me, a church full of my friends and family, a wedding that cost

thousands of dollars?”

“It was more than that and you know it,” Andy said, her hands

gentle as she slid them along Brooke’s waist even though her voice

was rough with emotion. “There’s something between us, and I

think we should explore it. All I’m asking is some time for us to—”

“To what?” Brooke spit out angrily. “To date? Sorry, Jake, but

we need to postpone the wedding so I can go for dinner and a movie

with one of the musicians. Would your quartet give us a discount if

we reschedule?”

• 46 •

Harmony

Andy dropped her hands and stepped away from Brooke again.

“Uncalled for,” she said, her eyes full of sorrow.

Brooke wouldn’t let herself be swayed. She hated to watch

herself hurt Andy, but there was no other way to make her leave.

Brooke had gotten an answer to a question she had wondered about

repeatedly today, she thought to herself bitterly. She now knew

Andy was as moved by last night as she had been. But she couldn’t

risk trusting her own judgment again, no matter how much her body

protested. “I am not a lesbian. Nothing will change that fact, even if

I wasn’t getting married tomorrow.”

Andy snorted. “I guess the big white dress and the male groom

should have tipped me off,” she said, crossing her arms over her

chest. “I must have been confused by the way you were screaming

my name last night.”

“I would deny that, but I’m sure your neighbors can corroborate

your story,” Brooke said with as much dignity as she could muster.

Andy looked at the bride in amazement. “That was a joke?”

she asked in disbelief, a small smile playing over her lips. Brooke

shrugged, carefully schooling her features to keep her answering

smile hidden.

“So what was it?” Andy asked, more softly this time. “A fling?

Curiosity? A sexy story to tell Jake some day?”

“All of those, I guess,” Brooke admitted, looking out the

window. She turned her head and gazed directly into Andy’s eyes.

“But you shattered me,” she said, so quietly that Andy barely could

hear. “I knew it would feel good to be with you, but you shattered

me.”

Andy reached out, but Brooke shook her head and sidestepped

her touch. There was a quick tap on the door before it opened, and

Brooke’s mother stuck her head inside.

“Darling, we really need to start the rehearsal,” she said,

glancing from Brooke to Andy. “Is everything all right?”

Brooke didn’t seem able to speak, so for the second time that

day Andy answered that question with a lie.

“Everything is fine.”

• 47 •

Karis WalsH

❖

Andy somehow made it through the rehearsal, relying on

muscle memory and habit to get her through the luckily familiar

music. She faltered only once, when Brooke appeared at the head of

the aisle with her father. She had changed from her wedding gown

to a rose-colored dress that matched the flush Andy had brought to

her skin when, only minutes before, she had scattered kisses across

a soft, bare throat. Tina kicked her in the shin, and she jolted back

to awareness in time to join the quartet for the wedding march. She

kept her face composed while Brooke quietly but steadily recited

her vows and pretended to slip a ring on Jake’s finger. She imagined

Tina watching her with sympathy, Richard with anxiousness, and

David with hopeful anticipation, but she managed to remain silent

when the minister asked if there were any objections, keeping her

eyes focused on Brooke’s back. She raised her viola and joined

the others as they played the measured beats of Beethoven for the

recessional, unable to watch Brooke walk away from the altar on

Jake’s arm.

• 48 •

Harmony

CHapter six

Brooke wasn’t sure how she made it through the rehearsal

without fainting. She could feel Andy’s eyes on her the

entire time, and she couldn’t make herself look at the quartet when

they played. If their gazes met, she knew she would no longer be

able to control her expression. Jake, her family, everyone would see

what she felt for this woman who was virtually a stranger to her.

So she did what she did best and let her mind disconnect from her

surroundings and let her body endure the mock ceremony, as if on

autopilot. It was easier than usual since no part of her felt familiar,

from her professionally done hair and makeup to the stiffly formal

dress she wore.

Last night hadn’t felt familiar either, yet it had seemed so natural

to be with Andy, to touch her and taste her, to open herself up to this

unknown woman. If they had met under different circumstances,

maybe they could have tried to form a relationship out of their

mutual attraction. But Brooke stood in the church surrounded by the

people closest to her. If she chose to leave Jake, she could lose them

all. Her conservative parents and relatives and even the bridal party,

most of whom had been friends with Jake before they welcomed

her into their circle. Everyone except Jan, who sat alone in the back

row. Was it worth it just to embrace an unconventional lifestyle,

an unknown future, a sexy violist with gold-flecked hazel eyes that

blazed when they looked at her naked body?

• 49 •

Karis WalsH

Okay, maybe she shouldn’t be thinking of words like naked,

Brooke decided. But while the quartet played “Ave Maria” during

a pause in the ceremony, Brooke focused on the viola’s deep

harmony and allowed her mind to touch gently on the previous

night. Cautiously, guarding against a rush of emotion, she let herself

remember the less passionate, but oh-so-tender moments. The

whisper of Andy’s breath as she nuzzled Brooke’s ear, the gentle

twining of hands as they rested close to each other, the few beautiful

minutes of waking up in Andy’s arms before she had to slip out of

bed and back into her world. She smiled, and Jake grinned back at

her, his face full of love and possessiveness.

Brooke passively recited her vows, and she could have been

repeating words in Swahili for all she knew. She had a moment of

frantic hope that Andy would speak up when the minister asked

for objections, but the run-through of the ceremony was concluded

without a single discordant note. Before she realized it was over,

Jake was kissing her while she fought not to turn her head away.

Then a blur of faces as they walked up the aisle, a hug from her

tearful mother, a crowd of people with questions about the next day.

Brooke suffered through it all with the appropriate smile on her

face, but her eyes scanned the room anxiously as she hoped for one

final glimpse of Andy.

❖

Brooke picked listlessly at her lasagna, weary from hours of

pushing away thoughts of Andy and pretending to be the happy

bride. The effort of it all was starting to wear on her, and all she

wanted to do was find someplace to sleep.

“What are you doing here?” Evelyn asked sharply, taking the

empty chair next to her daughter.

“It’s the wedding party’s table. I’m eating my dinner,” Brooke

answered grimly. Apparently her mother’s tears and smiles were

spent for the night.

“Why are you doing this to me? Can’t you look happy for just

one day?”

• 50 •

Harmony

Evelyn tended to turn any sign of her daughter’s moodiness

into a personal insult. Although Brooke was accustomed to these

criticisms, they still managed to make her feel more exhausted than

before. It felt like the blood in her veins was turning to lead, and

she fought the urge to lay her head on the table and close her eyes.

That’d give her mother a stroke.

“I’m just tired,” Brooke said, her usual response to her mom’s

accusations.

“Well, your father spent a lot of money on this rehearsal dinner,

and all of these people took the time to come see you. The least you

can do is visit with them. Now get up and talk to your Uncle Lewis.

Oh, wait, here comes Jake. Do try to act happy for once.”

Brooke was relieved to see Jake coming to rescue her from

sweaty Uncle Lewis, but that relief was short-lived.

“Brooke, baby, the photographer is waiting for us. I want some

pictures of us with my family.”

He gestured toward a table where his parents and grandparents

were clustered. In a feeling that was all too familiar, her exhaustion

lifted and was immediately replaced by anxiety. She wiped suddenly

sweaty palms on her dress as she looked around desperately for a

way to escape.

“Bathroom,” she said, and then repeated in a calmer voice. “I

need to go to the bathroom first. I’ll hurry,” she assured Jake and

her mother.

“Is everything all right, dear?” Evelyn asked.

“Of course. Look, there’s Jan. She can go with me,” Brooke

said when she saw her old college roommate heading toward them.

Jan had her coat over her arm and was obviously coming to say

good-bye, but Brooke grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the

front of the restaurant.

“Come with me, please,” she whispered, tugging a surprised

Jan along with her and ignoring her mother’s disapproving stare.

“Where are we going?”

“The bathroom,” hissed Brooke.

She led Jan into the handicapped stall and locked the door,

sagging against it with a relieved sigh.

• 51 •

Karis WalsH

Jan looked confused. “So, um, do you need help getting out of

that thing?” she asked gamely, plucking at the top layer of Brooke’s

full skirt. “I’ve heard those nylons can be tricky.”

Brooke lightly swatted her hand away with a short laugh. “I

don’t need to pee. I just wanted to talk.”

“Thank God,” Jan said, leaning against the wall facing Brooke.

“You look a bit shell-shocked. Do you want me to explain what to

expect on your wedding night?” she teased.

Brooke genuinely smiled for the first time that day. “Thanks

for coming all this way,” she said, ignoring the reference to sex

with her husband. She had been surprised that Jan had accepted her

invitation, the only one she had sent to anyone from her old college

days. “It means a lot to me.”

Jan shrugged. “It’s only a five-hour drive from Spokane. It was

worth it to see you so…happy? Is that the look you’re going for?”

Brooke grimaced. “Of course I’m happy. Thrilled, as a matter

of fact. The luckiest woman in the world.”

Jan laughed and held up her hands in surrender. “Well, you’ve

certainly convinced me.” She shook her head sadly and her voice

became serious. “All right, spill it.”

“I cheated on Jake. Last night.”

“Jesus,” Jan said. “What’s her name?”

“What makes you think it’s a woman?”

“Come on, you’re talking to me, not your mother or one of

your prissy bridesmaids.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask you to…” Brooke wavered. Jan was the

closest she had to a friend, but her mother had never approved of her

lifestyle and would have been horrified if Brooke had asked her to

be in the wedding.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jan waved her hand in dismissal. “I

kind of figured your family would prefer a non-gay wedding party.

Now what’s her name?”

“Andy,” Brooke admitted, feeling a little thrill at saying her

name out loud. “The viola player from the quartet.”

“The quartet that’s playing for your ceremony? You do have a

flair for the dramatic.” Jan laughed and shook her head. “And I’ll

admit you have excellent taste. She’s beautiful.”

• 52 •

Harmony

Brooke stared at the hands she had clasped in front of her. “I

know,” she said quietly.

“So,” Jan prompted. “How was it?”

Brooke met her eyes and sighed.

“Uh-oh.”

“What am I going to do?” Brooke whispered. “It was so…

amazing. I’ve never felt anything like it. But I hardly know her, and

I can’t just walk away from my life.”

“How does Andy feel about this?”

“She came to see me before the rehearsal. I think she wants us

to…date. To try.”

“I’m sorry it happened like this,” Jan said. “Maybe it would

have been better if you had never experienced sex with a woman.

Then you wouldn’t know what you’ll be missing.”

Brooke’s tears finally started to fall. “No. I’d never give up last

night. No matter how much it hurts.”

Jan ripped off some toilet paper and gently wiped her friend’s

face. “It’s never too late, Brooke. I know a lot of people would be

hurt if you cancelled the wedding, but is it better to tell Jake now, or

to live a life of regret and lies with him? Do you really think you can

be happy with him now that you know?”

“It’s too hard to leave, to change.”

“It would have been easier if you had just gone out with me

when I asked in college instead of trying to deny you were a lesbian.”

She laughed and pulled Brooke into a tight hug. “Is this a bad time

to say ‘I told you so’?”

“What should I do?” Brooke whispered.

Jan moved out of the hug but kept her hands on Brooke’s

shoulders. “Do you want assurances that everything is fine the way

it is, or do you want the truth?”

“The truth?” Brooke said, uncertainly.

“All right then. Drop the Maid Marian act. Stop waiting for

someone else to make decisions for you. Stop trying to be rescued.

Decide what’s right for you and how you want to live your life and

go for it. You’re doing the same thing you did in college. So you had

your heart broken, it’s happened to all of us. But instead of picking

• 53 •

Karis WalsH

yourself up and going on, you ran away and surrendered your whole

life to Mommy and Daddy. Now you’re going to marry a man you

don’t love the right way, and you’re pretending to be someone

you’re not. Either shut up and deal with it, or grow a backbone and

rescue yourself for a change.”

“Wow,” Brooke said quietly when she could speak again. “How

long have you been waiting to say that?”

“Since you packed up and left college,” Jan replied with a

laugh. “And it felt good. Look, it’s not always easy to be true to who

you are. I certainly know that from my own experience. But even

though your family and friends may not approve of your choices,

you’ll feel a lot more peace inside if you just let yourself be who

you are.”

“Brooke? Darling?” Evelyn’s voice drifted in, her worry

undisguised. “Are you all right?”

Brooke closed her eyes. She needed more time to choose, to

decide. But she had had time. The years between her disgraced

return home from college and tomorrow, her wedding day. Months

of half-hearted attempts to delay the inevitable ceremony while

she waited for some miraculous intervention to save her. None had

come, and now it was up to her. She realized that she had already

started to take charge when she went home with Andy last night,

attempting to snatch a moment of truth in a life of lies.

Brooke grabbed Jan’s hands. “I may need a place to stay

tonight,” she whispered as her mother knocked gently on the stall

door. Jan nodded.

“I’ll be right outside,” she murmured, giving Brooke a quick

kiss on the cheek. “Good luck.”

Brooke smiled faintly and unlocked the door.

• 54 •

Harmony

CHapter seven

Brooke knocked twice on Andy’s apartment door even

though she had seen her empty parking space in the lot

below. After two days of explanations and arguments, Brooke

had an overwhelming need to see Andy again, to get some sort

of confirmation that she had done the right thing, no matter how

painful it had been for everyone involved. Her night with Andy

had felt amazing, but it had gone far beyond sex, beyond the joy of

being with someone who knew how to touch her, to make love to

her. The feelings had gone deeper than her skin, and for that reason

alone Brooke had been able to find the strength to face Jake and her

parents and call off the wedding.

Or postpone the wedding, she thought with a pang of guilt. She

had told Jake she needed time to think, to make sure of what she

wanted, but she hadn’t been able to tell anyone about Andy or her

questions about her own sexuality. She prevaricated partly because it

was enough of a nightmare to go through the horrible task of explaining

the situation to friends and relatives. But the real reason she couldn’t

admit she might be a lesbian was that she wasn’t completely sure

herself. Had her night with Andy really been so earthshaking, or had

she been looking frantically for an excuse to escape the upcoming

wedding? Brooke had to see Andy again, to spend time close to her

and discover if her feelings were genuine or imagined.

Brooke sat on the hall’s rough carpet, determined to wait for

Andy. She knew so little about this woman she was waiting for.

• 55 •

Karis WalsH

Where she worked, how she spent her time. For all Brooke knew,

Andy was on a date right now and wouldn’t even come home tonight.

Or, worse yet, she would bring the date here only to find a desperate

Brooke loitering on her doorstep. Embarrassing as that would be,

Brooke couldn’t leave now. Jan had been silently supportive over the

past two days, even when Brooke’s mom launched into her “What

did you do to her?” attack, but she had returned to her home and job

in Spokane. The thought of a lonely hotel room was too depressing,

and most of her friends were Jake’s as well, so Brooke would have

to answer their endless questions with less than complete honesty.

She didn’t want sympathy or pity or another night of hiding her

true feelings. She wanted Andy. Still, when she heard footsteps

approaching, she wished there was someplace to hide in the bare

hallway. Or at least that she had called Andy herself yesterday,

when she went through the exhausting chore of cancelling vendors,

instead of making Jan do it.

❖

Andy wearily climbed the stairs to her apartment, wanting

nothing more than a long soak in the tub. She had hardly slept

the night before, and it had taken all of her concentration to stay

awake during the Sunday matinee performance of Mahler’s Fifth

Symphony. She had put in a few extra hours of practice last night

and this morning, mostly to help push images of Brooke out of her

mind, and her shoulders ached from the added work.

The past couple of days had reminded Andy why she tried to

keep drama out of her life and relationships. Brooke had managed

to shake her carefully maintained sense of equilibrium, throwing her

from one emotion to the next without time to process any of them. She

had felt a sense of awe Thursday night when she and Brooke seemed

to come together so effortlessly, but the following days had tossed

her into chaos. She had survived the gut-wrenching realization that

Brooke was determined to go through with the wedding, only to have

it replaced by confusion when some unidentified woman called and

said the quartet wouldn’t be needed Saturday night. She had spent the

• 56 •

Harmony

afternoon wondering whether Brooke had called off the wedding or

whether she didn’t want to see Andy again and possibly have a repeat

of their confrontation before the rehearsal. She had tried calling once

but hadn’t left a message, and finally she drove to the church and sat

in the empty parking lot. Relief because the wedding was obviously

off warred with hurt and sadness since Brooke clearly didn’t want

to talk to her. Whatever was going on with Brooke, Andy knew she

needed to stay far away from her if she wanted to keep her sanity.

It took her tired mind a few seconds to process the silhouettes

clustered in the dim hallway outside of her apartment door. She

closed her eyes for a moment, but when she opened them again she

still saw Brooke, sitting and leaning wearily against the wall with

two large suitcases next to her. Brooke rolled her head to the side as

she approached, watching her in silence. Andy didn’t know what to

say. She was foolishly glad to see Brooke again, but now that she

was here, there were so many questions Andy didn’t know how to

start. So she stepped over Brooke’s outstretched legs and unlocked

her door, picking up one of the suitcases and taking it into her living

room. Brooke got up and followed her, hauling the other case and

dropping it just inside the hallway.

They stood and looked at each other. God, I barely know this

woman, Andy realized. “I didn’t expect to see you,” she finally spoke.

“I left Jake,” Brooke said quietly, her eyes icy blue and

unrevealing. “I spent the last two nights with a friend, but she had to

leave this morning for Spokane. I have nowhere else to go.”

“So you want to stay here?” Andy asked in disbelief. She was

torn between a rush of desire to drag Brooke to her bedroom for a

repeat of Thursday night, and an instinctive impulse to get away

from this situation that seemed destined to be messy and disruptive.

In just two days, Brooke had managed to upend her emotions,

her sleep, and even her practice schedule. Andy didn’t want to

imagine what damage a full-time relationship with her could cause.

“Wouldn’t you be better off with your parents or a friend?”

Brooke laughed derisively. “My parents won’t speak to me, and

most of my friends are Jake’s, too, so I’m not comfortable staying

with any of them.”

• 57 •

Karis WalsH

“So you want to stay here?” Andy repeated.

Brooke crossed her arms over her chest. “After Thursday night,

I figured you owed me at least that much.”

“I have to let you move in because the sex was great?”

“No, because you ruined my wedding,” Brooke answered.

“I don’t know about that,” Andy said with a shrug. “A lot of

people complimented us on the music.”

“Very funny,” Brooke rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t. You’re the one who seduced me, then ran away

so you could marry a man for God’s sake. How exactly is this my

fault?”

“You came to me Friday. You said you wanted us to have a

chance to get to know each other,” Brooke spoke quietly, her voice

wavering slightly as if she was close to tears. Andy unsuccessfully

fought the urge to comfort her, to touch her.

“I wanted you to stop the wedding,” she admitted, moving

toward Brooke and gently brushing at a strand of honey-blond hair.

“I wanted us to be able to start from scratch and get to know each

other, to let you figure things out about yourself. But moving in

together while you decide what you want is too big a step. I don’t

want to spend another night with you only to have you leave again.

You should go home.”

“No,” Brooke whispered, closing her eyes as if to block out

those words. “I can’t go running back again.” She met Andy’s gaze

again. “I don’t expect us to…” she gestured toward the bedroom,

ignoring the faint rush of heat that flooded her face at the memory

of their night together. “I just need a place to stay until I figure out

what to do. I thought we could talk, be friends.”

Friends, yeah, that would work, Andy thought sarcastically.

Just a simple wave toward her bedroom and both of them were

blushing like infatuated schoolgirls. She casually took a couple of

steps back. “Do they know you’re with me?”

Brooke shrugged. “They don’t care,” she said. “Well, they

don’t know. It was hard enough to tell them I changed my mind

without bringing you into it.”

• 58 •

Harmony

“But you cancelled a wedding. How did you explain it to

everyone without mentioning our night together?”

“I just said I needed to decide what I really want out of life

before I settle down. And that’s true, Andy. I have to take this one

step at a time, and the first was to stop the wedding. Once I have

time to figure out how I really feel, I can spring the rest on them.”

And where will that leave me? Andy wondered. She kept that

question to herself. “And Jake?” she asked instead.

“He gave me an ultimatum,” Brooke shrugged again. “I have

until Christmas to choose between him and…”

“Me?” asked Andy with a frown.

“No, at least not you in particular. Between him and not him.”

Andy didn’t respond and Brooke tried once more, desperation

growing in her voice. “I don’t have any place else to go,” she

repeated. “My dad and Jake are lawyers at the firm where I work, so

I don’t want to go back there. I don’t have a job, a home…”

She stopped and raised shaking hands to cover her face. It was

as if in her need to make Andy understand her situation, she had

finally realized the true consequences of her decisions herself. She

seemed barely aware of Andy leading her to the couch and taking

her into strong arms.

“Shhh,” she said softly, rocking Brooke lightly and stroking

her hair, her own heart beating rapidly as she felt Brooke struggle

for breath.

“I’m sorry,” Brooke finally managed, her head still pressed

against Andy’s chest.

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry,” Andy said, her desire to

calm down this obviously distraught woman overriding the instincts

telling her this was a bad idea. For all she knew Brooke was some

off-balance drama queen who was staging this scene so Jake would

come to her rescue. “Of course you can stay here.”

They remained close together in silence for a few more

minutes before Brooke gently pushed herself away. “I’ll make us

some soup, if you’re hungry,” Andy offered. Brooke simply nodded

and disappeared into the bathroom. Andy put her viola away in the

music room, feeling even that space changed by Brooke’s presence.

• 59 •

Karis WalsH

Her sanctuary had been invaded, and she knew without a doubt that

things wouldn’t be the same with Brooke in her life.

❖

She hadn’t realized just how prophetic her worries were until

she came into the living room to check on Brooke before she went

to sleep. Brooke lay on the opened sofa bed with a book, wearing

a red lace negligee, with what looked to be the entire contents of

her suitcases strewn on the floor. She looked up as Andy entered

the room, smiling faintly for the first time since she had entered the

apartment.

“I didn’t hear the explosion,” Andy said, torn between staring

at the mess or at the lovely woman in the see-through nightgown.

The nightie was winning the battle, and she hoped her face wasn’t as

red as the satin and lace that barely covered Brooke’s ample breasts.

“I am a bit of a slob,” Brooke admitted unnecessarily. “But it

only looks this bad because your apartment is obsessively neat.”

“Yeah, that’s it,” Andy rolled her eyes. “I suppose that explains

the state of my bathroom as well.”

“I don’t know how you can survive with only shampoo and

moisturizer, but I’m thankful,” Brooke said with a small grin.

“Otherwise there wouldn’t have been enough room for my things.”

Andy realized with some dismay that the woman seemed to have

settled right in and made herself at home. Once the hurdle of getting

through the door had been overcome, the apartment seemed to be

hers, filled with her stuff, her presence, her smell.

“Can you come and sit with me?” Brooke asked, tentatively

patting the bed next to her.

“Um,” Andy hesitated, “is that what you’re wearing to bed?”

Brooke looked down at her body as if she had forgotten what

she had on. “All I have is the stuff I packed for my honeymoon in

Barbados.” She met Andy’s gaze, her eyes narrowing. “I thought

only guys were turned on by this sort of thing.”

“They are,” Andy lied, walking into her bedroom and returning

with an old blue robe. “But put this on. I don’t want you getting

• 60 •

Harmony

cold,” her eyes ran quickly over Brooke’s body. “Or should I say

colder.”

Brooke blushed and slipped her arms into the robe. Andy sat

gingerly on the bed next to her and decided she really hadn’t helped

the situation much. Brooke wearing her bathrobe was definitely

as sexy as Brooke in lingerie. They leaned against the back of the

couch and regarded each other warily.

“Have you always known?”

“That I’m a lesbian?” Andy offered. At Brooke’s nod she

continued. “At first I only noticed an absence of interest in boys

and dating. I thought it was because my parents fought so much that

I just didn’t want any part of having a relationship.” She avoided

Brooke’s questioning gaze, not wanting to go into detail about her

family right now. “It wasn’t until college that I realized it wasn’t a

lack of emotion I felt, but that I hadn’t found the right outlet for my

feelings.”

“Who was she?” Brooke asked, feeling a surprising twinge of

jealousy toward this unknown woman from Andy’s past.

“Carol. She played the clarinet,” Andy answered. She glanced

at Brooke out of the corner of her eye and smiled. “Let’s just say I

learned to appreciate the soundproof practice rooms in the music

hall.”

Brooke laughed, and Andy asked her the same question. “What

about you? Are you going to tell me that until last week you had no

idea you might be a…might be a…”

Brooke pushed Andy’s shoulder playfully. “Don’t make fun of

me,” she said.

“Why would I?” Andy asked, an innocent expression on her

face. “Just because you can do the deed, but you can’t say the

word?” Brooke blushed at the memory, and Andy decided to let her

off the hook. “I do understand. What we did felt so right, so natural.

But it can be hard to accept the label and what it means in your life.”

Brooke nodded, her eyes on the robe’s sash that she pleated

with nervous fingers. “It was college for me, too,” she admitted.

“I had been dating Jake since junior high. My parents never had

a touchy-feely sort of relationship, so I just assumed my lack of

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Karis WalsH

passion for him was normal. They all decided I would join him at the

University of Washington—he’s a couple years ahead of me—and

we’d get married as soon as he had his law degree, but I wanted to

go to Gonzaga in Spokane instead of UW. It caused quite a scandal

in my family,” Brooke said with a grin. “My parents were so upset

you’d have thought I told them I wanted to move to South America

and be a drug runner and not simply go to a good private college a

few hours away.”

“Did they stage a high society intervention?”

“Practically,” Brooke laughed. “But I insisted, and eventually

they gave in.” She shook her head, her expression quickly growing

sad. “All of the effort to get my way wore me out, though. I fought

so hard to go there, I started to question whether I really wanted it.

It’s crazy, but I was really homesick my first semester. Whenever I

called home, I would hear about what a bad choice I was making

and how Jake was surrounded by pretty girls at the U, so I never

could admit I was lonely or that anything was less than perfect. I

just got very…sad.”

Andy reached over and hooked her index finger over Brooke’s,

tugging Brooke’s hand onto her lap and holding it between both of

her own. Brooke sighed and stared at their joined hands, finding it

easier to talk about all of this without needing to look directly at

Andy.“The best part of college was my roommate Jan,” she continued.

“She’s the one I stayed with this weekend. I knew she was gay from

the start, she was very open about it and wanted me to have a chance

to find a new room if I thought it’d be awkward. But it wasn’t.

Maybe because she talked about it so easily, or maybe because I felt

drawn to her, I don’t know. I asked a lot of questions, and she was

always willing to answer them.”

“Were the two of you…” Andy didn’t want to finish the

question. She realized she didn’t want to hear that Brooke had been

in her old lover’s arms last night.

Brooke shook her head, and silky strands of hair brushed her

shoulders, a light floral scent floating toward Andy. Of course her

hair smells good after using all of that crap littering the bathroom,

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Harmony

she told herself sternly, trying to stop her growing awareness of the

woman next to her. Brooke continued. “She asked me out once, but I

said no, that I wasn’t a lesbian. She just laughed and said, ‘Someday.’”

“And that someday happened?” Andy asked, continuing to

draw the story from a reluctant Brooke.

“My RA noticed I was sad a lot, so she seemed to take an

interest in me. I guess I misinterpreted what she meant, I mean, she

was just trying to make me feel happier at school, and I developed

a crush on her. It got so bad that she was all I could think about,

fantasize about. She gave me a kiss good night once, just a friendly

kiss like a sister, but I thought we were finally moving toward the

relationship I wanted. I spent hours trying to work up the nerve to

go to her, and when I finally did I found her in bed with one of the

RAs from the guys’ section of the dorm.”

Brooke paused, but Andy kept silent, sensing the story wasn’t

over yet. She simply held her hand, trying to offer her support as she

relived an obviously distressing experience.

“I started screaming at her,” Brooke said with a small laugh, still

embarrassed by the whole mess, but finding that Andy’s comforting

presence was easing her pain. In fact, with Andy so close on the bed,

it was hard for Brooke to even remember her RA’s face. “I caused

quite a scene. My mother would have swooned. Liz, the RA, told

me I was crazy and to get out. The next day she filed a complaint

with the school. She told everyone in the dorm I was some obsessed

stalker. It was humiliating. Jan was the only one who stood by me,

she wanted me to stay at Gonzaga, said we could get an apartment

and move out of the dorms. But I couldn’t handle the way everyone

looked at me, so I called home.”

“Did you tell your parents everything?”

“Yes,” Brooke said in barely a whisper. “About being homesick,

about Jan…and Liz. They were convinced Jan had somehow

corrupted me and put ideas in my head. They took me home and

sent me to a therapist. I saw him for a couple of years.”

“What did he tell you?” Andy asked, her voice hardening. She

had a feeling she knew exactly what the therapist hired by Brooke’s

parents had said.

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Karis WalsH

“That I was acting out my repressed anger toward my parents

by choosing Gonzaga instead of UW and by imagining I wanted a

relationship with another woman. He said I chose a straight woman

to pretend to love because I didn’t really want her to reciprocate.”

“Do you believe that?” Andy asked. Brooke shrugged and

she pressed on. “If she had been alone that night and had said she

wanted you, would you have run away?”

Brooke paused and then gently shook her head. “I would have

willingly been in her bed,” she admitted. “I wanted her, and I was

stupid enough to think she wanted me too.”

“I don’t know about that,” Andy said thoughtfully. Things

weren’t adding up in her mind. Brooke didn’t seem to be a woman

who had trouble recognizing sexual attraction. “Are you sure she

wasn’t interested in you, but maybe scared of her own attraction to

another woman? Didn’t Jan believe you?”

“We’ve never really talked about her opinion of Liz, but like

I said she already thought I was gay. She supported me, but I don’t

know if she thought I was misdirected with my feelings. Even

though we’ve kept in touch over the years, she knows I won’t talk

about that night.”

“Tell me more about how Liz acted around you,” Andy

prompted. The question caught Brooke off-guard, and she had to

force herself to remember that semester. Every discussion since

then, with her parents or her therapist, had focused on her own

actions. After hours of painfully recounting the ways she had sought

out Liz’s company and the fantasies her inexperienced mind had

created, Brooke wanted nothing more than to wipe the entire term

from her memory. Everyone assumed Liz hadn’t done anything to

provoke her feelings, and Brooke had believed them. Andy was the

first to question the situation from a new perspective, and Brooke

expected to have little evidence to support her crush, so she was

surprised by how many examples of Liz’s attention came to mind.

“Well, she would touch me a lot,” she said slowly. “Just on the

shoulder or arm, you know, nothing sexual but very intimate. She

always seemed to be in the showers when I was, and she’d come in

my room to talk while I was changing. I felt like she was watching

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Harmony

me, like she wanted me.” Brooke spoke with growing assurance.

Reliving these memories as an experienced woman and not as a

lonely girl away from home for the first time helped her recall the

subtle signs of interest Liz had shown, signs she had intuitively

recognized but that everyone else had seemed determined to ignore.

Andy’s simple question about Liz had helped confirm Brooke’s

feelings almost as much as their night together had.

“Brooke,” Andy said softly, leaning forward and making

Brooke turn her head and meet her gaze. Their faces were so close

they were almost touching. “Kiss me like she kissed you that night.”

Brooke did. It was a brief kiss, with closed mouths, but

definitely not chaste. Liz’s kiss, even with the thrilling promise of

making Brooke’s schoolgirl daydreams come true, hadn’t affected

her nearly as much as the light brush of Andy’s lips. One simple

touch and Brooke’s mind flooded with images from Thursday

night, clearly conjuring up memories of every place Andy’s lips had

traveled. Brooke pulled back and looked at Andy with questioning

eyes, hoping to see a reflection of the attraction she felt.

Andy sighed for Brooke. So many years of doubting herself

and thinking she was crazy to believe what she did. “Do you ever

kiss friends like that?” she asked. Brooke shook her head slightly.

“Look, I can’t say for certain because I wasn’t there, but it sure

sounds to me like this Liz wanted you. If she was afraid or confused

by what she was feeling, then it would make sense that she might

try to reaffirm her straightness by jumping in bed with some random

guy. Especially after she made a move like kissing you.”

“You really think so?” Brooke asked softly, facing forward

again and dropping her head back onto the couch. She wrestled with

the idea that she might have read all the signs correctly back then,

and that Liz might have been just as attracted and panicked as she

was. How different these past few years could have been if she had

been able to see the experience through Andy’s eyes. Or if she had

met Andy instead of Liz…

Brooke disengaged the hand that Andy held and slid it along

Andy’s thigh, kneading slightly with her fingers. She heard Andy’s

sudden inhale and knew with pleasure that this woman wanted her.

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Karis WalsH

“Careful,” Andy breathed into her ear, her voice a caress. “I’m

not some frightened coed, you know.”

“I do seem to remember that you were very sure of yourself

Thursday night,” Brooke murmured, moving her hand farther up

Andy’s thigh.

“I remember some other things from that night,” Andy said,

nuzzling Brooke’s neck. She ran her hand across Brooke’s stomach,

loving the feel of satin under her palm. “Liz was a fool.”

Brooke reached up to cup her intimately, but Andy gently

recaptured her hand and held it between both of her own, sitting up

and putting some distance between them. Brooke’s eyes were full of

question and doubt, and Andy barely resisted the urge to just give

in and kiss her.

“I’m not rejecting you,” she said firmly, holding Brooke’s gaze.

“You know I want you, you can feel that I do. But you need time to

think and make decisions. And I don’t want to start a relationship

that you’re not prepared to follow through.” Andy didn’t add that

after two painful days of missing Brooke, she couldn’t allow herself

to fall back into her arms only to be hurt again tomorrow.

Brooke’s expression shut down again, whether in anger or

humiliation Andy couldn’t tell, and she rolled onto her side facing

the far wall. Andy sighed and got off the bed, pulling the covers

over Brooke and turning out the light. Her quiet good night went

unanswered.

• 66 •

Harmony

CHapter eigHt

Andy woke up just before dawn, after a restless night of

tossing and sporadic sleep. She peeked into the living

room and saw Brooke sprawled across the sofa bed, still wrapped

in Andy’s robe. She fought the temptation to wake her with a kiss,

knowing exactly where that would lead, and instead made her way

into the bathroom.

It took several minutes of searching through Brooke’s clutter

before she finally found her toothbrush. She roughly brushed her

teeth, berating herself in the mirror the entire time.

It was one thing, she told herself, to offer a place of refuge

to this woman who obviously needed somewhere to stay and think

things through. And Andy reluctantly admitted that she had some

responsibility for Brooke’s confusion since she had taken her, an

engaged woman, to bed that night. So fine, she told her reflection,

you let her in your home and you help her find a job. You listen

when she needs to talk about her conflicting feelings or a difficult

past. You even comfort her when she is sad or anxious. But you do

not, and here Andy stopped brushing and leaned toward the mirror,

I repeat, do not make matters more confusing by lying in bed next to

her and kissing her.

Andy glowered at herself a few moments longer, ashamed and

angry that she had almost taken advantage of Brooke’s vulnerability

last night. Remember, she jabbed a finger at her reflection, she is here to sort through a messy situation, not to be your plaything.

• 67 •

Karis WalsH

Andy continued her lecture in the shower until she found

herself hoping Brooke would wake up and come looking for her.

She pictured wet blond hair, soapy lather cascading over those full

breasts, Brooke’s moans as Andy’s fingers found her…

“Christ,” Andy muttered, flipping off the hot water in an angry

motion to see if an icy cold shower really would cool her passion. At

least it was miserable enough to make her hurry out of the tub and

into her clothes. She was leaning against the kitchen counter, eating

a bowl of cereal and looking somewhat composed, when Brooke

finally crawled out of bed.

“Coffee?” she croaked, her honey-colored hair tousled and her

eyes only half-open.

Not a morning person, Andy decided silently as she handed

Brooke a mug of coffee. She brought out the sugar in response to

another mumbled request and didn’t hide her grimace as Brooke

shoveled several spoonfuls into her cup.

“Cream?”

Andy had to laugh when Brooke looked from the carton of soy

milk to Andy’s face with a horrified expression. “You expect me to

put this in my coffee?” she asked in disbelief.

“It’s soy milk, not a dead rat,” Andy said, shaking the carton

and setting it on the counter. “I’m a vegetarian and I don’t eat dairy.

Besides, with all that sugar, how will you know the difference?”

“I’ll know,” Brooke muttered, but she apparently decided she

had no choice and added the milk to her mug. She took a small sip

and sniffed. “I guess it’ll do,” she said as she disappeared into the

bathroom.

“Good morning to you, too,” Andy said to the closed door as

she replaced the milk in the fridge and washed her cereal bowl. She

heard the shower running and, in an effort to keep from sneaking into

the bathroom, she headed to her music room for morning practice.

❖

Andy’s mind wandered toward a showering Brooke for the

first fifteen minutes of her practice while her fingers ran through

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Harmony

the scales she knew so well. But as she moved through her routine,

her mind regained its focus, and the rest of the world, including

a distracting blonde, faded into nothingness. She started with her

quartet work, including a love song from the latest Disney cartoon

they knew would become popular with brides. Then she spent

an hour on the Dvořák symphony for Wednesday night’s concert

before tackling the Clarke sonata. She worked slowly through the

first movement, stopping occasionally to make notes in the score’s

margins. After she identified all of the potential trouble spots, she

played it again at tempo, enjoying the contrast of the viola’s deep

voice and the lively rhythm of the movement. Clarke had written

the sonata in 1919, when women composers were uncommon and

often unrecognized. As Andy played she started to realize what it

meant that she was able to hold the first viola chair and perform this

piece, helping to introduce her audience to one of the women who

had paved the road of her career. She found herself caught up in the

music, and it wasn’t until she was wiping excess rosin off the strings

of her instrument with a soft cloth that she noticed Brooke leaning

in the doorway.

“Hey, you look more awake,” she said, her smile restored by

the music.

Brooke pushed off the doorjamb and entered the room. She was

careful to hide the rush of emotion she felt while watching Andy

play. Her obvious love of the music showed clearly on her face, her

full lips softening in a slight smile. With her arms raised to hold the

instrument and bow, her shirt lifted enough to reveal a smooth, tight

stomach with just a hint of white briefs peeking over the waistband

of her loose-fitting sweatpants. Brooke swallowed and reluctantly

moved her gaze back to Andy’s face. “I need my coffee in the

morning,” she said as Andy finished cleaning her viola.

“I noticed,” Andy said wryly. She handed the instrument to

Brooke, who hesitated before taking it.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, running her hands lightly over the

curved edges and worn varnish of the viola. She held the neck of the

instrument where the satiny wood was still warm from Andy’s palm.

It was a poor substitute for Andy’s direct touch, but Brooke didn’t

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Karis WalsH

want to push for more right now. She had a feeling her presence in

this room, the invitation to share a little in Andy’s world of music,

was almost as intimate a gesture for her as taking Brooke to bed had

been.

“She is,” Andy agreed. “Do you play an instrument?”

Brooke shrugged. “I took piano lessons when I was younger,

but nothing serious. Nothing like how you play,” she added, almost

shyly.

“That’s just a lot of years of practice,” Andy said.

“No, there’s more than that.” Brooke shook her head. “The

way you looked when you were playing, especially that last piece.

It transforms you.”

“Music can have that power over most people, if they let it.”

Brooke handed the viola back to Andy. “I heard you play at the

church of course,” she continued, wincing slightly at the mention of

her rehearsal. “But not a real song like this one,” she gestured at the

music on Andy’s stand.

“As a violist, I mostly play the harmony and other instruments

have the melody line. This was written by a viola player named

Rebecca Clarke, and it’s pretty rare to find a piece written to

showcase my instrument.”

“Why did you choose the viola?” Brooke asked.

“I started on the violin, but my high school music teacher asked

me to try his viola because we needed one in the orchestra. He also

thought it would help me get a scholarship since there tend to be

fewer violists than violinists trying for college spots, and I had to

pay my own way through school. I tried it once, and I was hooked,”

she said. “At first it felt awkward just to hold the viola because it was

so much bulkier than my violin, but once I heard its voice, I knew it

would be worth the extra effort to play. It’s more physical than the

violin, I guess, less fragile-feeling to me. It takes more strength to

make a good tone, but once you learn how, the music just feels and

sounds so much deeper.”

Andy paused as if unable to find the right words. “Here, hold her

like this,” she said, positioning the viola on Brooke’s left shoulder

with her hand underneath to support it. Brooke tried to focus on

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Harmony

her voice, but her attention faltered when Andy stepped behind her,

and she could feel the warmth of Andy’s body along her spine, the

softness of Andy’s breasts as they pressed into her back.

“This is the C string,” Andy said, her hips shifting against

Brooke’s as she reached around her from behind and pointed to the

thick string on the far left.

“There’s not going to be a test on this, is there?” Brooke asked

as she concentrated on not dropping the viola.

“Of course not,” Andy said. “Just watch the string while I play

C an octave higher.”

Andy dropped the tip of her third finger onto the next string

over and brought her right arm around Brooke so she could pull the

bow across that string. As she played the fingered note, the open

C string vibrated in response, and the whole instrument resonated

under Brooke’s chin.

“Wow,” Brooke whispered as the note died away. “You can feel

it through your whole body.”

“Amazing, isn’t it?” Andy smiled then returned the viola and

bow to their case.

Andy turned to face her, and Brooke felt an awkwardness settle

over them as the conversation came to a close.

“Come in here,” Andy said as she took Brooke’s hand and led

her to the dining room where they sat at the small table.

“I just thought we should set some ground rules here,” she

began hesitantly. “You’re probably feeling vulnerable now, and I

think it would only muddle things if we were to sleep together.”

“So, no sex is rule one?” Brooke asked.

“Exactly,” Andy said, sounding relieved they were handling

this well. “And nothing that might lead up to sex, like kissing.”

“Or touching?” Brooke offered.

“Or holding hands.”

“Or talking about sex.”

Andy nodded, and then paused briefly. “And we need to find

you something else to wear to bed.”

“I told you I only have my honeymoon clothes,” Brooke said,

slightly irritated. “You have a lot of rules.”

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Karis WalsH

“I’m just trying to protect you and keep us from making a

mistake. You can have one of my T-shirts.”

“Then no tank tops without bras like you had on last night,”

Brooke said.

“I am not wearing a bra to bed,” Andy informed her, crossing

her arms over her braless chest.

“Fine,” Brooke snapped. “Take it off when you’re in your

bedroom.”

“Your grating personality will certainly help the no-sex rule,”

Andy muttered, trying to hide a smile.

“Thank you,” Brooke said haughtily. “And your compulsive

neatness makes you particularly unappealing.”

Andy laughed. “Good, at least we agree on something. We’re

both too obnoxious to be sexy.”

Brooke leaned her elbow on the table and propped her head on

her hand. “Although we didn’t seem to mind each other’s flaws on

Thursday,” she said with a grin.

Andy counted on her fingers silently. “You just broke rule five,

I think,” she said. She glanced at the clock and groaned. “I have

lessons to teach, and I really need to get going. Will you be all right

today?”

“I’ll be okay, don’t worry,” Brooke said, hiding her dismay at

having a whole day to spend alone, dwelling on her problems. “You

teach the viola? I thought you just did the symphony and weddings.”

“None of them pays enough on its own,” Andy shrugged. “Most

musicians either have regular jobs as well, or they do anything

musical that comes along, like I do. I teach a couple of days a week.”

She got up from the table and wrote a number on a notepad hanging

on the fridge. “I’ll be home a little after five. Here’s my cell number.

Call if you need anything.”

Brooke nodded. “I’ll be okay,” she repeated, trying to reassure

both of them.

Andy looked at her closely, as if reluctant to leave. “We can

talk more when I get back,” she said. “I know you have a lot of

decisions to make, and I’ll do what I can to help.” With that she left,

heading into her bedroom to change for work.

• 72 •

Harmony

CHapter nine

Once she was alone, Brooke made an attempt to clean up

some of the mess she knew bothered Andy. Deciding

whether to cancel the wedding had consumed the past few days, but

now that the choice had been made, Brooke faced countless new

challenges. Straightening the apartment was more manageable than

facing her mess of a life. She made up the sofa bed and folded it

back, and then she stuffed most of her clothes into her suitcases and

pushed them into a corner. Without more storage space, there was

no way she could improve the bathroom situation, so she simply

shut the door to hide the clutter.

Once she finished, she sat on the couch with Andy’s old bathrobe

clutched in her lap like a security blanket. Looking around, it was

obvious to see she didn’t belong in this place. Even after her efforts,

anyone could tell there was an alien presence that had imposed itself

on the apartment. Andy’s belongings, her life, were ordered and tidy,

while everything about Brooke spoke of confusion and chaos. For

some reason, she hadn’t been able to fit the clothes she took out of

her suitcases last night back into them this morning, so some of her

shorts and tanks were piled on top of them. A disorganized pile of

summer sandals had been unsuccessfully hidden behind the cases.

Except for one pair of jeans, she didn’t have any clothes suitable for

a Seattle autumn. She had been so distracted when she packed for

her honeymoon she couldn’t remember what she had with her, so

last night when she had been desperately searching for something

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Karis WalsH

less revealing to wear to bed, she had emptied both cases. She had

wanted to reassure Andy that she didn’t usually fling all of her shit

on the floor, but she’d been too embarrassed to tell her why she had

displaced everything.

The scattered summer clothes might upset Andy’s orderly

nature, but to Brooke they were uncomfortable evidence of her

aborted honeymoon. In the light of day, alone in the quiet apartment,

Brooke faced the full impact of the choices she had made. She had

been completely focused on running away from Jake and her old

life, and she had spared little thought about where she was running

to. She needed to find a job, even though she had few qualifications

and no idea what kind of career she wanted. And while her bank

account might cover a few weeks in a hotel, it couldn’t possibly

stretch enough to pay for an apartment of her own. Brooke knew her

parents would help if asked, but returning to them for money seemed

like a big step backward. If they were supporting her, they would

expect to have some say in the decisions Brooke was finally ready

to make on her own. She hadn’t thought through the financial side

of her escape, and she knew she couldn’t rely on Andy’s goodwill to

keep her rent-free for long.

At the thought of Andy, Brooke pulled the robe a little tighter

against her chest. She had come here wanting sex, wanting to lose

herself in Andy’s strong, confident embrace if only for a short

time. She had hoped a repeat of Thursday night would give her the

validation she craved, the assurance that the decision to leave Jake

was the right one.

But Andy didn’t want a brief sexual encounter. She had

offered friendship instead, and her gentle exploration of Brooke’s

experiences in college gave Brooke a growing confidence in her

own judgment, a confidence that had been badly shaken over the

past few years. Brooke had thought of Andy as a gorgeous lesbian,

someone who could make her feel good and give her a taste of real

passion. But her short time in Andy’s apartment had given Brooke

a glimpse of Andy as a real person, not simply a sex partner. Her

compassion and focus and independence attracted Brooke more

deeply than she had anticipated, but they also scared her. For years,

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Harmony

she had been too willing to let strong people control her, and she

desperately wanted to protect the fragile possibilities of her new

life. Already Brooke could sense Andy had higher expectations of

Brooke than she had for herself. To help her find a job, accept her

sexuality, stand on her own two feet. To help her make permanent

changes when all Brooke had been looking for was a respite from

the weariness of life. She couldn’t live up to those expectations,

couldn’t match Andy’s drive and talent and confidence, until she

grew more sure of herself. The woman was too damned competent,

and Brooke knew she looked like a spoiled child in comparison.

She wanted to grow up, but she wanted to do it on her own terms—

not Andy’s or anyone else’s.

Brooke rose finally and went into Andy’s bedroom. She looked

around this room that held no sign of her own presence, except in

her memory. In her mind she could see the tangled sheets, smell their

mingled aromas, taste her first experience with another woman. But

in reality, there was only space for Andy in this tidy, sparse room.

She quickly crossed to the closet and hung up the bathrobe before

borrowing a sweater. She held it to her face, filling herself with

Andy’s fresh, soapy smell before pulling it over her light summer

top. She needed to get out of this place, take a walk in the open air,

and then come back and get her things. Andy wasn’t Jake or her

parents, she wasn’t trying to take over Brooke’s life, but Brooke

didn’t trust herself to resist her strength. She wasn’t going to trade

one cage for another. She took the key Andy had left, locked the

apartment door behind her, and knew that by the time Andy returned,

she would be long gone.

❖

Brooke wandered down Tenth Avenue to the commercial

district on Broadway and found a small café without any difficulty.

She ordered a nonfat latte and sat at a window table. The Capitol

Hill area was so different from her normal downtown haunts that

she felt like she was in a different city altogether. This really was

a good place for her to hide out, she mused as she stirred several

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Karis WalsH

packets of raw sugar into her drink. There was little chance of being

spotted by any of her parents’ friends in this eclectic neighborhood.

She took a sip, almost moaning with delight at the taste of

sweet, milky espresso, and watched the world walk past her window.

The district Andy lived in was a magnet for Seattle’s gay and lesbian

community, but Brooke was surprised at the sheer diversity of people

she saw. All ages and types were represented, and she relished the

thought of the anonymity such an area afforded her. She could start

over, be anyone she wanted, in a place like this.

Brooke finished her coffee and slowly wandered down the street,

window-shopping and relaxing more and more as she walked. The

streets were perfumed by the various ethnic restaurants that were

getting ready for the lunch crowds. She was so accustomed to the

upscale chains that made up a lot of downtown’s shopping district that

the number of unique eateries and stores was refreshing. She found a

vintage-clothing shop and went inside to look for a small thank-you

gift for Andy. She could leave the present with her good-bye note.

The sales clerk, a girl who appeared a few years younger than

Brooke with long black hair and blunt-cut bangs, smiled at her from

behind the counter when she entered the shop. Brooke returned

the smile and then busied herself among the racks. She didn’t see

anything that looked right for Andy, but she pulled out a silky blue

shirt and held it up to herself in the mirror.

“That’s a beautiful color for you,” the clerk said, coming to stand

behind Brooke. “It makes your eyes look so blue they’re almost clear.”

“You’re sure? I’ve been told they look too cold when I wear

this color,” Brooke said, tilting her head to one side as she regarded

her reflection. She had tried on a dress this color for a party at the

law firm, only to change at the last minute because Jake said it

made her eyes look icy. He hadn’t meant it as an insult, but she

had been particularly sensitive to the adjective since he had used it

occasionally in the bedroom. It wasn’t one of the words Andy had

used to describe her, Brooke thought with a smile.

“Whoever said that is crazy,” the girl said with another smile,

holding Brooke’s gaze in the mirror. “You look anything but cold

to me.”

• 76 •

Harmony

Jesus, she’s flirting with me, Brooke thought in amazement. In

all her life she had never had another woman, except Jan, make any

sort of move toward her, and now after just one night with Andy

she looked like a lesbian? She stared more closely at herself in the

mirror and wondered what had changed. Whatever it was, it felt

good, she thought, surprising herself with the realization. It was like

she was being seen as herself for the first time, and she grinned

broadly at the clerk.

“If you think it looks good, then I’ll take it,” she said. Nothing

wrong with a little flirting in return.

The clerk took the shirt from her and led her back to the

counter. “These would be perfect for you,” she said, pulling a pair

of sapphire-blue earrings out of the front case. The costume jewels

were dangling in a setting of black filigree, and Brooke knew Jake

would hate them. I’ll buy you some real sapphires, not those cheap

paste ones, he would have said.

“They’re lovely,” Brooke said. “I’ll take them too.”

The clerk started to ring up the purchases when Brooke noticed

a tattoo of a rose on her wrist. She reached out to touch it gently.

“That’s pretty,” she said. “I’ve always wanted a tattoo.”

“You should get one!” the girl encouraged, making no move to

pull her hand away. “Imprints is just two doors down. They’re real

artists there.”

“Oh, I couldn’t,” Brooke said nervously. “Did it hurt?”

“A little, of course,” the girl answered. “But it’s worth the

pain.”

Brooke thought about that as she took her change and bag. She

was about to leave when the girl stopped her.

“You live around here?” she asked, her voice casual.

“I’m staying with a friend nearby…for a while.”

“Well, stop in again sometime. It was nice to talk with you.”

“You too, and I will,” Brooke said, feeling like a different

person than the one she had been just last week. As if to drive

that idea home, she found herself standing in front of Imprints a

moment later, staring at the sample pictures in the window and

trying to ignore the large sign that said: Walk-ins Welcome. She

• 77 •

Karis WalsH

and Jan had been planning to get tattoos together when they were

at Gonzaga. Brooke had gone home, but Jan now had a dove on her

right shoulder. That was for the best, she told herself. She could be

rebellious with earrings, but not with a permanent tattoo.

She stopped then and questioned what she had been saying to

herself. Was she really being rebellious buying those earrings? No,

she liked the look of them, the way they matched the blouse, the

way the salesgirl had picked them for her. It was as if every decision

had to pass through a filter created by her parents and Jake.

Well, not this one, she thought, and pushed into the shop before

she could falter in her determination.

“Hey, there,” a scraggly young man welcomed her as she

approached the front desk. A couple of other people were in the

process of getting tattoos, and neither was screaming in pain, so

Brooke pushed on.

“Hi,” Brooke answered, stopping about halfway across the

shop. “I was thinking of getting a little tattoo on my ankle, but if I

need an appointment I can come back some other time,” she added,

half hoping he’d tell her to come back.

“Cool, I can do an ankle tat now, no problem,” the kid answered.

Crap, thought Brooke.

“Do you have an idea, or do you want to look through the

books?”

“I’m not sure. Do you mind if I look?” Brooke asked. The book

of sample tattoos was huge and seemed like a good way to stall for

time.

Brooke stepped forward and opened the book while the young

guy hovered near her. He probably smells my fear, Brooke thought,

and he doesn’t want to go far in case I try to run. She flipped quickly

past pages of skulls and bloody daggers, flowers and rainbows, not

sure exactly what she wanted. How could she choose a symbol

to represent herself if she was just discovering who she was? She

stopped on a page filled with animal images, and an old memory

resurfaced. Maybe it wasn’t a matter of reinventing herself, she

decided, so much as remembering who she used to be before she

handed control of her life to other people.

• 78 •

Harmony

“That one,” she said, pointing.

“No problem,” the kid said, filling out a form and handing

it to Brooke. She signed the consent form without reading it, not

wanting to hear about the things that could go wrong. Her foot

would probably rot off, and her lawyer father would say she had it

coming for signing without knowing all the facts.

Brooke followed him back and took off her sock and shoe

while he gathered his supplies.

“I’ve never had a tattoo before,” she told him, relieved she had

at least shaved her legs that morning.

“I kind of figured,” he answered, cleaning off her ankle.

Well, if she was looking for reassurance and coddling, she

wasn’t getting it from this kid, Brooke decided. She gritted her teeth

and told herself it would be okay. Just get past the first jab, and the

rest would be easy.

❖

Brooke walked the short distance to a grocery store, wanting

to stop random people on the street and show them her new tattoo.

But she was under strict orders from Teddy, her tattoo artist, to keep

her bandage on for two hours, so she would have to wait. Since she

still didn’t have a present for Andy, she decided to just buy a new

carton of soy milk to replace the near-empty one she had used that

morning. It wasn’t much of a gift, but it was something.

She wandered through the health food section of the store,

limping slightly only because her ankle felt strange, and found

herself distracted by all of the frozen vegetarian items that were

available. She picked up a package of fake chorizo and remembered

a dish she and Jake had eaten in a Spanish restaurant a few weeks

ago. That was an idea. She could make dinner and leave it in the

fridge for Andy tonight. She put the sausage in her basket and added

several more ingredients from the produce aisle. While she selected

a bag of frozen artichoke hearts, she decided that as long as she

was cooking it might be okay to stay just one more night. That way

they could eat together, and she would have someone to admire her

• 79 •

Karis WalsH

tattoo. Brooke couldn’t remember when she had last spent time on

her own, doing exactly what she wanted to do, and she smiled at the

thought of sharing her afternoon’s activities and revelations with

Andy. Tomorrow was soon enough to face the realities of her new

independence, and she didn’t want to end the day in a lonely hotel

room, eating takeout by herself. One more night wouldn’t hurt,

would it?

❖

Andy unlocked her apartment door, resigned to the idea that

Brooke had most likely returned home. She had spent most of the

day, while her students struggled through their scales and simple

pieces, convincing herself that both of them would be better off

away from each other. She was startled by the rush of relief she felt

when she saw Brooke’s suitcases in her living room. Even more

surprising was the almost-tidy state of what had been a disaster area

just this morning.

Brooke appeared out of the kitchen, smiling shyly at Andy, who

couldn’t hide her own welcoming grin. “Something smells great,”

she said.

“It’s paella,” Brooke answered. “Vegetarian, of course.”

Andy went into her music room to put away her teaching

supplies and to take a moment to catch her breath. Don’t get used

to it, she warned herself. Don’t get used to coming home to warmth

and thoughtfulness and her . The sight of Brooke stirred her insides

more than the appetizing smell stirred her empty stomach. But Andy

knew the familiarity and comfort of Brooke’s old life would soon

call her back, and she needed to keep her distance so she could

survive being alone again.

“Whoa,” Andy said when she entered the small kitchen.

Brooke followed Andy’s eyes as they swept over the counters.

“Okay, I know I made a bit of a mess, but don’t worry. I’ll clean up

after dinner.”

Brooke’s bit of a mess apparently included every pot and

pan that Andy owned. “No,” she said, swallowing her desire to

• 80 •

Harmony

immediately start cleaning. “You cooked, so I’ll do the dishes.” She

peered into a pan that was coated with cooked rice. “Although it

may take me all night.”

Brooke swatted her with a towel. “It’s not that bad. Now come

eat.”

They sat at the small dining room table, and Andy dished up

the paella while Brooke opened the Spanish wine she had bought to

go with the meal.

“God, that’s amazing,” Andy sighed, closing her eyes in rapture

as she chewed her first bite. “Where’d you get the recipe?”

“I just tried to copy a dish that we…that I had in a restaurant

once. I added tarragon, which is different from what I had there, but

I like it.”

“Well, it’s worth every hour I’ll be in there scrubbing pans.”

Brooke rolled her eyes and took a sip of her red wine. “Now

ask me what else I did today,” she said.

“What else did you do today?” Andy asked obediently.

Brooke pulled up the leg of her jeans and showed Andy her

ankle. It was slightly puffy and red, but the small tattoo was clearly

visible.

“A tiger,” Andy said, lifting Brooke’s bare foot onto her lap so

she could see it better. “I love it. What made you pick this design?”

“It was my nickname when I was little,” Brooke confessed.

“My dad used to call me his little tiger because I was strong willed

and used to fight to get my way.” Her voice softened and she dropped

her gaze. “I don’t really know when I changed, but I want to be that

person again.”

Andy brushed her thumb gently over the tattoo, still holding

Brooke’s foot in her lap. “I’ve seen plenty of tiger in you,” she said.

“Really?” asked Brooke with a smile.

“Yes,” Andy laughed, finally letting Brooke’s foot go. “And

I’m glad you think that’s a compliment.”

“Do you have one? A tattoo?” Brooke asked, taking another

gulp of wine to hide the shiver that ran over her when Andy touched

her sensitive skin. She fought the urge to crawl into Andy’s lap

where her foot had been cradled just moments ago.

• 81 •

Karis WalsH

“You don’t remember?” Andy asked with a suggestive grin.

Brooke swept her gaze over Andy as she tried to picture a tattoo

somewhere on her body. Her mind easily conjured up clear images

of Andy naked, and she hoped Andy would attribute her sudden

flush to wine and spicy food.

Andy let her off the hook and turned in her chair, pulling her

T-shirt up enough to reveal her lower back.

“Ooh,” Brooke gasped a little. “How sexy!”

She ran her hands across the small viola that was etched along

Andy’s lower spine, flanked by two ribbons of music. Brooke was

more mesmerized by the heat of Andy’s skin than the tattoo itself,

and she pulled her hands away abruptly. This physical attraction she

felt would only make it harder for her to resist Andy’s influence, her

strength. She struggled to keep her voice steady. “Are the notes from

a real song?”

“Mozart,” Andy said, dropping her shirt and turning back to

her food. “The first measures of ‘Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.’ I’m sad

you forgot it so quickly.”

“Stop teasing. I didn’t see the back of you that night, and

you know it,” Brooke said, her thoughts turning to her one night

in Andy’s arms. Andy cleared her throat, letting Brooke know

her thoughts were there as well. “I’m not ready for anything that

elaborate yet,” she said, twisting her ankle so she could admire it.

“But I love my tiny tiger.”

Andy reached out a hand and covered Brooke’s. “It’s meaningful

and subtle. It’s exactly right for you.”

“By the way, do you realize you’ve broken rules three and five?

You touched me, and you brought up sex.”

Andy glanced behind her at the dirty kitchen. “Well, I know

what my punishment is going to be. And by the time I’m finished I

won’t have the strength left to break rule number one.”

• 82 •

Harmony

CHapter ten

Andy came out of the shower the next morning to find

Brooke huddled on the sofa bed with her cell phone

cradled to her ear. Jake, Andy thought. Damn.

They had ended up doing dishes together the evening before,

talking about how much Brooke disliked her job at the firm and

laughing about her childhood ambitions of driving an ice cream truck

or being a ballerina. They had been careful to avoid any physical

contact with each other. Andy knew she wanted to protect her own

feelings in case Brooke left, and to give Brooke time to adjust to

this new life. She could only guess at the reasons behind Brooke’s

reluctance to touch her. Maybe she didn’t want to encourage a

relationship? Or had she realized her attraction to Andy had only

been a way to escape a life of dependence? Andy preferred to think

Brooke might be feeling the same way she was, and that any touch

between them could ignite a passion they weren’t yet ready for.

But the thought of Brooke leaving made her realize that

although she wasn’t ready now, she wanted the option to stay open.

She wanted Brooke around, whether they were having sex or just

becoming friends. Andy went into her music room, but she didn’t

immediately take out her viola, hoping Brooke would come talk to

her after the phone call.

She had been learning a lot about this woman who had been

a stranger, a client, to her only a week ago. Andy was starting to

recognize that the cool, unemotional exterior that Brooke usually

• 83 •

Karis WalsH

maintained was just a thin, protective shell around a warm, funny,

perceptive woman. Most people only saw a distant, unreadable

woman, like Andy had at first. But the occasional glimpses of

sadness, humor, and stubborn determination were becoming more

frequent as Brooke became more comfortable just being herself.

And Andy had a growing desire to help Brooke. Not to dictate her

life like others had, but to help her find work that filled her eyes

with passion, to be there as she confronted the deep sadness that

she carefully hid from the world, and to be in her arms as she

explored the sexuality she had been denying so long. Careful, Andy

cautioned herself, someone might get the mistaken impression that

you’re falling in love.

Brooke tapped lightly on the open door, startling Andy out

of her reverie. “That was Jake,” she said with all the emotion of

someone announcing the couch was lumpy or it was time for dinner.

Andy wasn’t fooled by her apparent lack of emotion, but she was

too afraid to ask if Brooke was leaving, so she remained silent.

“He’s staying with a friend in Oregon since he already had

the week off,” Brooke continued. “I need to go to our place for

more clothes, and I wanted to let him know. And to make sure he’s

okay.”

Brooke’s voice shook slightly, and she didn’t resist when Andy

pulled her into her arms. Brooke leaned into the hug, needing this

woman’s strength more than she cared to admit. The call had left

her devastated. Jake had every reason to be furious with her, and she

had been prepared for yelling and recriminations. Instead he had just

sounded so sad and confused that she felt racked with guilt. She had

strung him along for years, and she hated herself for hurting him in

the search for her own happiness. But Jan had been right. She had

wounded Jake by leaving, but how much worse if she subjected him

to a lifetime in an unhappy marriage?

“Will you come with me?” Brooke asked, her voice muffled

against Andy’s shoulder. “I know it’s your practice time…”

“That can wait,” Andy assured her. “Of course I’ll come.”

❖

• 84 •

Harmony

Brooke directed Andy to the high-rise apartment she shared

with Jake. She hesitated by the open door as if reluctant to enter, so

Andy gave her a slight push and closed the door behind them.

“How about a tour?” she asked, hoping to give Brooke a little

time to reorient herself before they started packing. Brooke led her

into the apartment that was easily twice the size of Andy’s, and took

her first to the large picture window in the living room. The view of

Lake Union was spectacular, and Andy watched a seaplane land on

the choppy water before she turned and slowly surveyed the room

again.

“You live here?” she asked.

“Of course,” Brooke said. “I thought you knew Jake and I were

living together.”

“I did,” Andy hesitated before she tried to explain. “It just

doesn’t look like your place.”

Brooke studied the living room. “Jake lived here before I

moved in, so he had already decorated. I guess I didn’t really add

much.”

Andy nodded, but she had meant more than simple home décor.

In just a few days, Brooke had filled her apartment with a presence

that invaded every room, not just the ones that were covered with

her clutter. There were photos of Brooke and Jake scattered around

this room but no feeling that she belonged here.

Brooke moved on to the kitchen. It was decorated with black

granite and fixtures, and had a modern, unused feel to it. She looked

around, as if seeing everything for the first time. “We don’t cook

much here,” she said, running a hand along the bare countertop.

“We mostly use the microwave, or we eat out with clients or other

lawyers from the firm. Jake likes to socialize, and he thinks it’s good

for his career.”

“But you like to cook,” Andy said, remembering her delicious

dinner from the night before.

Brooke shrugged. “I haven’t done much since I was a child.

Jan and I would bake cookies and things in the common room of

our dorm, but my family has always eaten out a lot. Last night was

for you.”

• 85 •

Karis WalsH

Andy met her gaze and was about to move toward her when

Brooke’s attention was caught by something behind her. “That,” she

pointed, “is coming with us.”

Andy laughed when she saw the fancy espresso machine tucked

in the corner, under a cabinet. “I knew you didn’t like my coffee.”

“I was trying to be polite, but it’s horrible.”

“So you’re being polite when you drink it and make that face?”

Andy laughed.

“That’s the best I can do in the morning. I’ll start making you

soy lattes with this baby, and you’ll never go back.” Brooke walked

past her, bumping her with a shoulder and giving the espresso

machine a pat as she left the kitchen. Andy smiled and followed,

happy to feel Brooke’s tension easing.

“This is one of the bathrooms, here’s the guest bedroom, and

Jake’s den.” Brooke moved down the hall, pointing out the rooms

while Andy continued to look for any sign of her touch.

“And this is the master bedroom and bathroom,” Brooke said

when they entered the large room that was decorated in shades of

gold and brown. It was beautiful, torn from the pages of a magazine,

but not what Andy had expected from Brooke’s home. She realized it

was because everything matched. She could picture Brooke dragging

home a flea-market lamp or an ugly, but comfy, sofa, but not this

elegant furniture that had obviously come as a set. She peered in the

bathroom and finally saw some signs of Brooke’s existence. She shut

the door and stood in front of it with her arms crossed.

Brooke laughed at her expression. “I only have my vacation

things at your place,” she said, gesturing at the door behind Andy.

“I’m going to bring most of that with me today, so deal with it.”

“You can’t fit any more crap into my bathroom,” Andy growled,

refusing to move as a laughing Brooke tried to push her out of the

way. She grabbed Brooke’s arms and spun them both around so she

had Brooke pinned against the bathroom door. “So deal with that.”

Brooke made a soft sound in her throat and snaked her arms

around Andy’s neck. Andy dropped her head and nuzzled Brooke’s

shoulder and hair. “You smell so good as it is,” she murmured. “You

couldn’t possibly need more stuff to wash with.”

• 86 •

Harmony

Brooke threaded her hands through Andy’s hair and pulled her

face up so their lips met. Their kiss held all of the emotions from the

stressful past week, and it deepened quickly. Brooke pushed against

Andy again, and this time she let herself be moved backward until

they collapsed together on the king-sized bed. Andy’s hands slid

under Brooke’s T-shirt to touch her breasts, rubbing the lace of her

bra over sensitive nipples and making her gasp in pleasure.

“Do you have good memories in this bed?” Andy asked, her

breath hot against Brooke’s ear.

Brooke shook her head, blond hair trailing over Andy’s face.

“Not really,” she admitted. “But I wouldn’t mind making a few right

now.”Andy flipped Brooke onto her back and slid her hand down

between Brooke’s thighs. She groaned when she felt a surge of

warmth, knowing how wet Brooke would be to her touch. She was

eagerly undoing the top button on her jeans, all of her resolutions to

take things slow fading away, when they heard the front door open.

“Brooke? Are you here?” a male voice called.

“Shit!” Brooke hissed as they jumped off the bed. She tucked

her shirt in and buttoned her jeans while Andy hastily straightened

the bed covers.

“Is it Jake?” Andy asked, raking a hand through Brooke’s

tousled hair. Brooke shook her head.

“My parents were going to water the plants while we were gone.

Damn, Jake must have called them,” she whispered then raised her

voice. “I’m in the bedroom, Daddy. Be right out.”

“Maybe I should just tell them?” she asked, throwing an

agonized look at Andy. They had started for the living room when

Evelyn and Bill Stanton appeared in the bedroom doorway.

“Jake told us you’d be at the apartment, Brooke darling,” her

mother said, her eyes sliding over Andy and dismissing her. “He

wanted us to come over and make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine, Mom. I just needed to get a few things.”

Andy watched as Brooke’s dad took in their untidy state and

the lack of any sign of packing going on in the bedroom. His eyes

locked with hers, and she knew not to underestimate him and his

• 87 •

Karis WalsH

ability to interpret the situation. Every ounce of her wanted to move

in front of Brooke like a shield and protect her, but she worried

any indication of a relationship between her and his daughter would

only make him angrier. She had to find a way to get Brooke out of

this apartment.

“Let’s take this into the living room,” Bill growled. Evelyn

seemed surprised at her husband’s controlled anger as he glared at

Andy.

“You’re the woman from the quartet,” she said slowly, finally

placing Andy. “You came to the dressing room before the rehearsal,

and…”

Her voice trailed away as she looked from Andy to her daughter.

“Oh, Brooke, not this again!”

Brooke opened her mouth to speak, but Andy held up a hand to

stop her. Just get her out of here, her mind yelled. Don’t let her say

things she’ll regret, things that will make her father even angrier.

“Brooke and I are just friends, Mrs. Stanton. She’s staying with me

while she figures things out.”

Brooke’s eyes met hers, her hurt expression quickly changing

to a neutral one. “She’s right, Mom. There’s nothing between us.”

She turned back to face her parents, leaving Andy reeling as she felt

Brooke’s withdrawal from her like a physical thing. “Nothing.”

Bill looked unconvinced, but Evelyn seemed all too happy to

accept Brooke’s statement. “Then there’s no reason to stay away

from Jake any longer, is there? We can drive you down to Oregon to

see him. A little vacation will do you both good.”

“No, Mom,” Brooke said firmly. “I need time to think. Jake

and I decided to separate until Christmas, and I’m taking that time.”

“This is ridiculous,” Bill said dismissively. “You’re acting like

a spoiled brat. If he did something to make you mad, you deal with

it at home, not with some…stranger.”

“I need my space,” Brooke frowned.

“Then we’ll get you a place,” Evelyn offered. “Maybe in

Bellevue or Tacoma. You and Jake can date while you work things

out. That would be fun, wouldn’t it?”

• 88 •

Harmony

“No,” Brooke shouted, startling all of them. “I don’t want you

supporting me, and I do not want to date Jake. I just need time to

think.”

“But it’s fine for her to support you,” Bill said in a clipped

voice, waving his hand toward Andy, who winced slightly at the

gesture.

“Andy’s neutral,” Brooke said, stepping forward and putting

her hand on her dad’s arm. “So I can be more objective at her place

and figure out what I really want. I know you understand that since

it’s how you deal with difficult clients.”

Andy didn’t see how she was in any way neutral in this

situation, but Brooke’s words had their desired effect on her dad,

and he covered her hand briefly with his own. Andy felt the tension

in the room ease. “I didn’t think you ever listened when I talked

about business strategies,” he said with a flicker of a smile. “It’s not

fair to throw that back at me.”

Brooke shrugged, a small answering smile playing over her

face. “I have to talk so you’ll understand me.”

Evelyn looked at her husband and daughter with some

confusion. “So you’re not going to make her come home?”

“She’s an adult,” he said to his wife with a resigned sigh. “I

can’t make her do anything.”

“But we can’t just leave her with…her,” Evelyn looked at Andy

with obvious distaste. Andy wasn’t insulted by that. The potential

danger of Bill Stanton’s anger seemed to be gone, and all she felt

was a sagging sense of relief.

“She and Jake decided to give it until Christmas, so we have

to support that,” he said, giving Brooke an awkward pat on the

shoulder. “You’ll at least let us know the number and address where

you’re staying?”

Andy gave her information to Bill, who recorded it on his cell

phone, and then she stayed in the bedroom to give Brooke a few

minutes to say good-bye to her parents.

“I was going to tell them,” Brooke said coldly when she

returned. Andy was sitting on the bed with her elbows on her knees

and her head in her hands. She raised her head at Brooke’s voice. “I

• 89 •

Karis WalsH

was going to tell them about us, that I think I’m gay. But you said

there was nothing between us.”

Andy knew pain lurked behind the emotionless mask Brooke

wore. “That’s just it,” she said sadly. “You think you’re a lesbian.

You think you might want a relationship with me. What if you

change your mind? Why tell them things that will make them angry

and hurt them if you’re still not sure?”

“I guess you’re right. After all, it’s not like we have anything

real between us.”

Andy didn’t answer. What she felt for Brooke was frighteningly

real to her, but Brooke still wasn’t sure who she was. She still held

on to Jake, to that distant Christmas deadline, and Andy had to

protect herself from the hurt she’d feel if Brooke left.

“I guess I’ll get packed,” Brooke said quietly.

“Then home to neutral Switzerland.” Andy tried to joke but

failed, and silence fell between them.

❖

The uncomfortable silence lasted through the process of

packing most of Brooke’s belongings and taking them back to the

apartment. Brooke had gained her dad’s reluctant acceptance of her

separation from Jake, and that victory was the only thing keeping

her in Andy’s life. She had convinced him that staying with Andy

while she sorted out her feelings was a mature decision, and it would

have seemed too flaky to tell her parents she had changed her mind

yet again.

She didn’t have to like it though. It took three trips to get

everything into Andy’s apartment, and the physical labor did nothing

to cool Brooke’s temper. She could see the concern on Andy’s face

every time they passed on the stairs, but Brooke was too angry to

care. She had expected Andy to stand up for their relationship, not

to betray it. She should have helped Brooke confront her parents so

she could get on with life without all this secrecy.

“I’ll let you get settled,” Andy said, once all of Brooke’s boxes

were upstairs.

• 90 •

Harmony

“Fine.”

“I’ll be right back. You won’t leave, will you?”

“No.”

Andy rolled her eyes and grabbed her car keys before she left

the apartment.

Brooke started unpacking her clothes without pausing to wonder

where she was going to put them. Her monosyllabic responses to

Andy’s attempts at conversation gave way to long muttered tirades

once she had her privacy, and the combination of flinging clothes

around the room and swearing eased Brooke’s tension.

“How could she…” Brooke’s voice faltered to a stop, and she

sat on the sofa with a thump. Without Andy in the room as a target

for Brooke’s anger, its real object suddenly seemed clear. Yesterday,

Brooke had been so concerned about asserting her independence,

but the minute she was in a tense situation she had automatically

looked for Andy to tell her parents what Brooke was feeling, what

Brooke wanted. All of her big plans to seize her new life had fallen

apart at the first sign of confrontation, and she’d hidden behind

Andy like a mewling kitten.

Brooke reluctantly admitted to herself that Andy hadn’t

betrayed her. She had rightly left the decision to come out to her

parents in Brooke’s court. Although she had seemed almost desperate

to calm everyone down, Andy never tried to take Brooke’s control

away from her. She did downplay their relationship, but whether

or not they were lovers wasn’t really the issue. Brooke needed to

tell her parents how she was struggling with her own sexuality, but

her relationship—or not—with Andy was none of their business.

Brooke had the chance to be honest with her parents, and she had

passed it up. At least she hadn’t given in to their demands about

Jake.

Brooke had expected her life to transform overnight, for every

new step to be as easy as getting her tattoo, but apparently it took

more than a little ink and pain to completely change a person.

Brooke looked around with a sigh, finally noticing the mess she had

created. She wondered if she had enough time to clean it up before

Andy returned.

• 91 •

Karis WalsH

Brooke managed to get most of her clothes off the floor before

Andy got back to the apartment. “I don’t have any place to put my

stuff,” she said.

“It doesn’t matter,” Andy said with a shrug. “There’s not much

in the hall closet, so I’ll clear that out for you. And we can get a

dresser for your clothes. Later, though. Come out with me now.”

“Where?” Brooke asked, reluctant to leave.

“On a picnic. It’s cold out, so dress warm.”

“Are you crazy?”

“All signs point in that direction,” Andy said, putting on a scarf

and jacket and grabbing a blanket. “Are you coming or not?”

Brooke picked up a jacket she had tossed on the sofa and pulled

it over the heavy sweater she had borrowed from Andy that morning.

Andy drove them to Volunteer Park, parking by the Asian Art

Museum. She got out of the car with the blanket and a bag of food

from the deli.

“Can’t we just eat in the car?” Brooke called out the window.

“No. There’s a nice place to sit over here, so come on,” Andy

said as she started walking. Brooke trotted to catch up and followed

Andy behind the museum and down a slope. They saw quite a few

people running or biking along the road, but the grassy areas were

almost empty because of the cold weather. Andy led them to a small

area that was sheltered by trees, giving them a little privacy, and

spread the blanket on the ground.

She sat down and started to unpack the bag. “Not much of a

picnic, but it’s the best I could do on short notice. We do a lot of

weddings here, and Tina and I found this spot last summer.”

Brooke stood stubbornly for a few moments before dropping to

the blanket with a long-suffering sigh. She watched as Andy laid out

bagels, a packet of cream cheese for Brooke, apples, a container of

Kalamata olives, and a dark chocolate bar for dessert. Andy opened

a couple of bottles of cream soda and handed one to Brooke.

“This is nice,” Brooke said irritably.

Andy smiled. “It’s impossible to stay mad at someone who

takes you on a picnic.”

• 92 •

Harmony

“Not impossible,” Brooke muttered. “But not very easy, damn

you.”

They ate quietly, but at least the silence seemed less strained

and Andy looked more relaxed, leaning back against a large rock.

She took a drink of her soda, watching as Brooke licked cream

cheese off her fingers.

“I’m sorry I let things get out of control when we were at the

apartment,” Andy finally said.

“I was there too. I don’t recall asking you to stop.”

“No, but if your parents hadn’t come in…”

“I know,” Brooke said. “Tell me again why you’re so against

us having sex.”

“I’m definitely for it,” Andy admitted. “But we’re in the first

stages of a relationship. The sex is naturally exciting, and you don’t

want to base your decisions on that.”

“So you don’t believe this will last?” Brooke asked, gesturing

between the two of them.

“It will last,” Andy said quietly, “if it’s what we really want.

But you don’t know yet, and it’s hard to go slow when we’re living

together.”

Even though Brooke agreed, in some part of her it hurt to think

Andy might want her to leave. “So you think I should—”

Andy raised a hand to stop her. “No, I don’t want you moving

out. I kind of like having you around. But what you said to your dad

made sense, and you should give yourself time to really consider

your options. We just need to make an effort to keep control of the

physical side of our relationship until you’re clear about what you

want.”

“Well, I kind of like being around you, too,” Brooke said

grudgingly, unwrapping the candy bar and breaking off a piece for

Andy while she tried to keep relief from showing on her face. “But

I don’t know where all of these high moral standards of yours were

the night you took me to bed.”

“Apparently they took a little vacation that night,” Andy said

with a laugh as she bit into her chocolate.

• 93 •

Karis WalsH

“They should get out more often,” Brooke suggested. “But I’ll

admit you’re right, and we should try to take this slowly. So I’ll play

things your way for now and stick with that stupid no-sex rule.”

She shivered as a cold breeze swept across the grass. “Don’t

worry. I’m only coming over because I’m freezing,” she said as

she crawled over and curled up next to Andy, drawing the blanket

around them and resting her head on Andy’s shoulder.

“Well this certainly helps the situation,” Andy muttered even as

her hand caressed Brooke’s back.

“Is it hard to always be the sensible one?” Brooke asked,

snuggling closer.

“It sucks,” Andy said. They sat together until the breeze grew

into an uncomfortably chilly wind, forcing them to get up. Brooke

packed up the remains of their lunch and tossed everything into the

deli bag. As reluctant as she had been to come on this picnic, she

hated to have it end. She wasn’t accustomed to this sort of romantic

gesture, one designed only to make her happy with no expectations

to follow. Jake would never have come up with a spontaneous,

ridiculous idea like this, Brooke thought before she pushed him out

of her mind and started walking up the hill. Andy came up from

behind and wrapped the blanket and her arms around Brooke,

matching her steps as they made their way back to the car.

• 94 •

Harmony

CHapter eleven

An uneasy peace settled over Andy’s apartment in the two

weeks following their trip to Brooke and Jake’s home.

Andy resigned herself to the extra clutter, and Brooke’s clothes

now covered every bare surface in the living room. The bathroom

was a lost cause, but Andy doggedly protected her music room,

and anything of Brooke’s that made its way in there was promptly

removed and dropped on the sofa bed. The espresso machine

was the one welcome addition, and after her first sip of the latte

Brooke made with her special blend of coffee, Andy would have

gladly given up her bed and slept on the floor if the machine had

required it.

Andy could only watch as Brooke silently retreated into sadness

while she struggled to build a new life. Her old job and once-active

social life had been replaced by a fruitless career search and long

hours spent alone in the apartment, and Andy was frustrated by

her inability to help. She tried to make her home a sanctuary for

Brooke, a place where she had the space she needed to work out

the details of her life, but the effort to keep her at a distance was

exhausting for Andy. Her self-control was tested daily as Brooke

walked around half-dressed after her shower or lounged on the sofa

bed wearing one of Andy’s old T-shirts. Andy knew the struggle to

hide her sexual frustration often made her sound irritable, so she

spent more and more hours playing her viola in the apartment or in

• 95 •

Karis WalsH

one of the practice rooms reserved for the symphony. At least her

music benefited from the strained relationship with Brooke, and she

was almost looking forward to the concert in December.

Brooke’s one solace had become shopping for food and

cooking, and Andy secretly looked forward to the days Brooke spent

wandering through the local markets instead of job hunting. She

would come home with bags of groceries and spend a few happy

hours creating a meal for them to share. She disliked the confines of

a recipe, and a few of her inventions had to be tossed in the trash,

but Andy willingly took on the role of taster. On the nights when

Brooke cooked, she would clear the career guides off the kitchen

table, and they would eat together. For a couple of hours, Brooke

would discuss spices and herbs while Andy felt the knots in her

stomach slowly loosen.

Andy finished her practice one morning and left the music

room, expecting to find an empty apartment since it was Brooke’s

usual shopping time. She was surprised then to hear voices coming

from the living room and smothered a groan of despair when she

found her sister sitting on a chair talking to Brooke.

“There you are,” Brooke said with obvious relief, getting off

the sofa and coming to greet Andy as if she had been gone for days.

“Amy and I were having a chat while you practiced.”

“Hey, Amy,” Andy said and then spoke more quietly to Brooke.

“You could have come to get me, you know.”

Brooke shrugged. “I didn’t want to interrupt. Can I get either of

you something to drink?”

“Beer would be great, thanks,” said Andy.

“Beer? But it’s only…” Brooke started in surprise but stopped

at Andy’s meaningful look. “Sounds good. I think I’ll have one also.

Amy?”

“Why not?” Amy said with a laugh. “Alcohol always helps our

family gatherings.”

Andy sat on the couch facing her sister. The Goth look was sitting

tiredly on the twenty-four year old, but Amy seemed determined to

keep it up. It made their parents upset, and so it stayed.

• 96 •

Harmony

“Well, why are you here?” she asked, hating the ungracious

tone in her voice. “I mean, I haven’t seen you in a couple of months.”

“I know, and apparently you found yourself a new girlfriend

since I saw you last,” Amy said with an unattractive sneer on her

face.

“I’m not her girlfriend,” Brooke corrected as she returned with

three beer bottles. She handed them around and dropped next to

Andy on the sofa. “I’m just staying for a while.”

“Cheaper than a flight to Geneva,” Andy said and was rewarded

with a smile and a jab from Brooke’s elbow. They had taken to

calling Andy’s apartment Switzerland after Brooke’s conversation

with her dad, but Andy knew her true feelings for Brooke were

anything but neutral.

Amy watched their small interchange and laughed. “Oh, please

tell me you’re bringing her to Thanksgiving dinner! I can’t wait to

see the folks’ faces when the two of you show up.”

“She is not coming to Thanksgiving with me,” Andy said in a

steely voice, not missing the flicker of pain that crossed Brooke’s

face.

“Chickenshit,” Amy laughed.

“I’ll make some sandwiches for lunch,” Brooke offered quietly,

getting up and collecting Andy’s already empty beer bottle. Andy

glared at her still-laughing sister and followed Brooke to the kitchen.

Brooke ignored her and reached into the fridge for another

beer, but Andy grabbed her arm and forced her to turn and face her.

“Don’t,” she pleaded. “Don’t think I’m ashamed of you or that

I don’t want to spend the holiday with you.”

“Then why…” Brooke faltered as Andy’s hand slid down

her arm and along her waist, pulling her close. “Why are you so

determined to make everyone think we’re not, well, whatever we

are?”

“Look, my family doesn’t really accept that I’m a lesbian. It’s

just not something we talk about.”

“What do you do, rent a guy for the holidays?”

Andy shook her head with a small laugh, not wanting to move

away from the brief closeness she was feeling with Brooke. This

• 97 •

Karis WalsH

was the first time they had touched since their picnic, and all she

wanted to do was kiss her. But she had grown too accustomed to

dealing with family issues on her own, not turning to anyone else for

comfort or sympathy, so she reluctantly moved away.

“We just don’t talk about it. As long as I never mention that I’m

gay, we do all right. I wouldn’t subject you to them.”

Brooke reached out to touch Andy’s arm, but Andy shied away

from her hand and glanced at the kitchen door. “I was kind of hoping

we’d spend the holiday together since I’d rather not go home. I

know I’ll be the main topic of conversation at our family dinner, so I

already told Mom I have other plans. We could just tell your parents

we’re old friends or something.”

Andy’s face hardened. She had learned long ago to keep her

friends, and later her girlfriends, far away from her family. “You

don’t understand. I will not take you there.”

Amy walked in and set her empty beer bottle on the counter,

looking at their faces. “Don’t tell me the lovebirds are having a

fight,” she said with a playful frown. “I’d hate to break up a happy

couple.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” Andy said between gritted teeth as she

grabbed two beers and herded Amy back toward the living room.

She glanced back at Brooke who was watching her with one of those

unreadable expressions. “You don’t have to make food for us. She

won’t be staying long.”

Brooke waved her away and quickly assembled ingredients for

some simple sandwiches. Andy’s behavior puzzled her. She seemed

so sure of herself, but both with Brooke’s parents and her own

she was determined to hide any trace of their relationship. Brooke

wouldn’t discuss this in front of Amy since she so obviously rattled

Andy, but as soon as she was gone, Brooke was going to get some

answers.

She returned to the living room to find the two sisters stiffly

talking about Amy’s job at a local record store. She handed out

plates of sandwiches and chips to the two women who seemed too

different to be related. Amy was all harshness, from her overdone

black and ghostly makeup to her bitter voice and words. Brooke

• 98 •

Harmony

wouldn’t call Andy soft, but there was a kindness and sensitivity to

her that seemed totally lacking in her sister. Her expressive eyes and

hands betrayed a sensuality that she tried to hide for some reason,

but Brooke knew it was there. She had seen it first hand when—

“What is this?” Amy’s question jolted Brooke out of her

dangerous line of thinking. Amy had lifted the top piece of bread

and was picking at the contents of her sandwich.

“It’s vegetarian lunchmeat,” Brooke said, taking a bite of her

own lunch. She was getting used to the taste of the stuff, especially

when she disguised it with veggies and condiments.

“Oh, you’re still on that trip?” Amy asked, picking at the

sandwich until it was just tomato and stone-ground mustard. “Well,

at least you’ll get some turkey at Thanksgiving.”

“What?” Brooke asked. Andy glared at her sister and waved

off Brooke’s question. “Tell me,” she insisted. “What did she mean

by that?”

“I usually eat a regular dinner at my parents’ house,” she said,

avoiding eye contact with Brooke. “Just on the holidays.”

“Anything to keep the peace, huh sister dear?” Amy said

with a bitter laugh. She turned to Brooke. “I remember the first

Thanksgiving that Andy tried to announce she was a vegetarian. You

were in high school, weren’t you?”

“Shut up, Amy,” Andy said quietly, but with enough authority

that Amy actually did as she said. There was a brief pause, then

Andy asked about a couple of mutual friends, apparently a safe

topic for the sisters since the uncomfortable conversation got them

through lunch. Brooke took their plates to the kitchen while Andy

shuffled her sister out of the apartment.

“Sorry about all of that,” Andy said when she returned to the

kitchen a few moments later. She picked up a towel and dried the

dishes Brooke had washed. “She’s a bit difficult to take.”

“What happened at that Thanksgiving?” Brooke asked quietly,

her eyes not leaving Andy’s face as she put the plates in the

cupboard.

Andy shrugged. “Dad yelled, Mom cried, the whole dinner

ended up on the kitchen floor. Typical holiday at the Taylor house.”

• 99 •

Karis WalsH

She grabbed another couple of beers from the fridge and led the way

to the sofa.

Brooke sat next to her, one leg tucked under her hip. She took

the beer that Andy offered and swallowed some while she worried

how to phrase her next question.

“When we were with my parents, at Jake’s house,” she started,

“my dad raised his hand toward you, and you flinched. Did you

think he was going to hit you?”

“No,” Andy said, gazing directly at Brooke. “I was scared he

was going to hit you.”

“Because your dad used to?”

Andy sighed and looked away, taking a long drink from her

beer. “Not much. Nothing serious. Besides, I learned how to act,

what to say, to keep things from getting out of hand.”

“Like pretending that you’re not a vegetarian lesbian?”

“Exactly,” Andy said as she nervously picked at the label on

her bottle. “I know that makes me a coward.”

“No,” Brooke said quietly. “I think it makes you very brave.

To still be who you are even though you don’t get approval for it.”

“No. It’s not brave to pretend to be someone else and to

compromise my values. But the only other choice is to sit through

the fights and to know that when I go home, I’m leaving my mother

alone with him.”

“Is this why you didn’t want me to tell my parents about us?”

“I was afraid for you. I didn’t know how they’d react.”

Brooke frowned. “My father would never hurt me. No matter

how angry he got.”

“I didn’t know that for sure. All I knew was that I wanted to

protect you.” Andy brushed the back of her hand along Brooke’s

cheekbone. Brooke sighed and leaned into the contact. She wanted

to hold her, to wipe away the pain she had experienced in her past,

but she worried Andy would shy away from any expression of

sympathy. She had a feeling not many people were allowed to see

beyond the controlled façade Andy showed the world, and for now it

had to be enough that she had shared some of her past with Brooke.

• 100 •

Harmony

They sat together, making no move to build on the light touch but

each needing to feel close to the other. Finally Andy withdrew her

hand.

“Let’s get out of here,” she said, draining the last of her beer in

one long pull. “Do you want to go see a movie?”

“Are you asking me on a date?” Brooke asked.

“Huh, I guess I am,” Andy answered, offering her hand to help

Brooke up. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s about time,” Brooke said with a smile, giving

Andy’s hand a squeeze. “But it might be against the rules.”

“To hell with the rules.”

• 101 •

• 102 •

Harmony

CHapter tWelve

I’m not qualified to do anything,” Brooke complained the next

morning. Andy, her hair still wet from her shower, brought

her coffee to the dining room table and glanced over Brooke’s

shoulder at the want ads she was reading. Brooke handed her a sheet

of paper. “Look at this resume—it’s only a half-page long, and Dad

is my only reference.”

Andy scanned the brief resume. “Maybe you could work as a

paralegal at a different firm?”

Brooke knew Andy’s suggestion was her most reasonable

option, but much as she needed to find work, the thought of settling

for some version of her old job made her feel like a failure. After her

struggle to redefine herself and break free from the past, she hated

to end up back where she started, not only doing work she disliked,

but with the added risk of running into Jake at the courthouse on a

regular basis. “It’s the job they picked for me,” she said quietly.

Andy tossed the resume back on the table. “Then take your

time to find the right career for you,” she said. “Don’t settle. And

in the meantime, I have a job you could do. It’s just a one-time gig,

though, and it only pays dinner at the restaurant of your choice.”

Brooke looked up at Andy. “What exactly do you have in mind?”

Andy dropped into a chair. “No nudity required,” she said with

a laugh. “My students have their fall recital tonight. Pete, the other

teacher, and I could use someone to organize things backstage. We

usually have a parent do it, but they’d rather be out in the audience.”

• 103 •

Karis WalsH

Brooke frowned. “Work with kids? I’m not sure.”

“They won’t give you any trouble. They’ll all love you.”

“I don’t know about that, but if it’ll help you, I guess I can do

it.”

“Perfect,” Andy said, getting out of her chair and giving Brooke

a quick kiss on the top of her head. “We should leave by four. Start

thinking about where you want to eat after.”

“For this I get sushi,” Brooke announced, ignoring Andy’s

grimace and returning to her job search.

❖

“Your recital is in a church?” Brooke asked as Andy parked in

the empty lot.

“A couple of my students are members here. They let us use

the sanctuary a few times a year for these events. The acoustics are

great, and it’s less intimidating than a big recital hall.”

Andy unlocked the door and led Brooke to the small room

where the students would wait for their turns to play. She handed

her a clipboard.

“Pete teaches piano lessons, and we join forces for these recitals

since neither of us has a lot of students. There are sixteen numbers,

and I’ve listed them here in the order they’ll play.”

She pointed to her neatly written schedule. “This gives you

the student’s name, age, and instrument. Also, this column lists

what song they’re playing and what music book it’s from. They’re

supposed to have the pieces memorized, but there’s always some

last-minute panic, so you can let them see the music if they really

seem scared. Here are the music books, and I’ve put tabs on the

pages you might need, and I’ve cross-referenced the students’ names

so you can find the right song quickly.”

Brooke looked at the clipboard and the pile of music books

with little color-coded tabs sticking out of them. “My God,” she

said. “You are freakishly organized.”

“I am not,” Andy said indignantly. There was nothing freakish

about being prepared. Her first recital, when she was seven, had

• 104 •

Harmony

been a disaster because she hadn’t known what to expect. By her

second one, she had her music organized, the right clothes picked

out and clean. So now she made lists and schedules for herself and

the parents involved, so her students could focus on their playing.

“The kids are less nervous if everything runs smoothly.”

Brooke just rolled her eyes as Andy continued. “Remember,

these are little kids, so you need to make sure they’re ready to go in

the right order. No going to the bathroom if there’s only one student

in front of them.”

“So how did you pick the order? Do they go by age, or level, or

social security number?”

“Height, actually,” Andy admitted. “It’s less distracting if I’m

not out there adjusting the music stand after every student. We

alternate strings and piano to make it more interesting.”

Andy gently pushed Brooke toward the first arrivals and

slipped out of the room to check on Pete’s progress in the sanctuary.

She returned only moments later to find a red-headed boy tugging

on Brooke’s shirt.

“Lady, I really gotta see my music again,” Andy heard him say

as she walked over to rescue Brooke.

“No you don’t, Bobby,” Andy said. “You’ve been playing that

piece without music for a month now. What’s the first note?”

“An A?”

“Right. Once you have the first one down, the rest will come

back to you. Now go get your viola ready for me to tune.”

She turned to Brooke and smiled at her frazzled expression.

“How’s it going?”

“They’re driving me crazy. I don’t know how you do it.”

Andy stepped closer and casually rubbed her hand across

Brooke’s back. “I usually have them one at a time, so it’s easier.

They get a little worked up on recital night.”

“I’m beginning to think that one dinner isn’t enough payment,”

Brooke informed her, leaning in to her touch. “I demand a raise.”

“Anything you want,” Andy said with a smile, brushing her

body against Brooke’s as she walked away. Brooke watched her

go, feeling her body tingle where Andy had touched her. She shook

• 105 •

Karis WalsH

her head and turned back to her clipboard, trying not to stare at

Andy as she moved easily through the room, tuning instruments and

cheerfully listening to her students. It was clear they adored her,

and the kids clustered around her looking for encouragement and

sympathy to help them through this ordeal.

Brooke spotted a small girl sitting in the corner. She didn’t

think she had checked this one in yet, so she walked over.

“Hi there. What’s your name?”

“What’s your name?” the girl echoed.

Brooke raised her eyebrows, but introduced herself first. “I’m

Brooke.”

“I’m Becky.”

“Let’s see, you’re second to go. That’s good, isn’t it? Get it

over quickly.”

“I’m not playing tonight,” the girl informed her.

“Well, you’re on the schedule,” Brooke said. “And you know

how much Andy likes her schedules.”

“I’m not playing,” the girl insisted.

Brooke looked around desperately and caught Andy’s eye.

Andy handed a viola back to one of her students and came over to

the pair.

“Good evening, Rebecca,” she said formally. “Are you giving

my friend Brooke any trouble?”

“She says she won’t play tonight,” Brooke informed her.

“Tattletale,” Becky said. Brooke stuck her tongue out and made

the little girl laugh.

Andy knelt down. “Why don’t you want to perform tonight?

You’ve been practicing a lot, and I know your dad wants to hear

you play.”

“If I play, something bad will happen,” the girl whispered.

“Something bad?” Andy echoed. “What’s the absolute worst

possible thing that could go wrong tonight?”

Becky thought that one over for a few seconds. “I’ll forget my

song and pee my pants?”

Brooke covered her mouth in time to smother a laugh, but

Andy managed to keep a straight face.

• 106 •

Harmony

“Hmm, that is a bad thing. I’ll tell you what, we have quite

a few students playing tonight, so it’s all right if you don’t want

to perform,” Andy said. Becky sighed with relief, but it was short-

lived. “When it’s your turn, I’ll tell the audience that you can’t play

because you won’t remember your music and you’ll pee on the

church floor. They’ll understand.”

“You wouldn’t really say that, would you?” Becky asked.

Andy shrugged. “I need to explain why you’re not onstage.

That’s part of being a musician. Your audience comes to hear you

play, and if you’re not going to, then they deserve an explanation.”

Becky struggled with that for a moment. Brooke didn’t believe

Andy would actually announce such a thing, but her face was dead

serious, and if she were in Becky’s position, Brooke wouldn’t dare

call Andy’s bluff. Apparently Becky reached the same conclusion.

“I didn’t say that would probably happen, just that it might

happen.”

“Oh,” Andy said, her brow furrowed. “So what probably will

happen?”

“My hands will shake and I might get some notes wrong.”

“You know what?” Andy leaned over and whispered in a

confidential tone. “Whenever I play for the symphony, that’s exactly

what happens to me. My hands get a little shaky, and I sometimes

play the wrong note. But no one seems to care. They just like to hear

pretty music.”

“I guess I could try to play…”

“That’s great, Becky. Now why don’t you run to the bathroom

before we start, just in case?”

The little girl trotted away, and Brooke finally let herself

laugh. Andy stood up and smiled at her. Given Andy’s thorough

preparations for this recital, Brooke had expected to see her ordering

the kids around like they were recruits at boot camp, but she hadn’t

seen any sign of Andy’s need for control when she was interacting

with her students.

“Remind me never to play poker with you,” Brooke said.

“I never bluff. And please stop sticking your tongue out when

I’m around. You’re too tempting as it is.”

• 107 •

Karis WalsH

With that she walked away and started gathering her students

together. Brooke trailed behind and listened while Andy gave the

kids a short pep talk and told them she would leave the door open so

they could hear the other students as long as they were very quiet.

She put her hand on Brooke’s shoulder and reminded everyone that

she would be in charge and they should do exactly what she said.

The kids looked unconvinced, and Brooke did as well, but Andy

seemed confident they would make it through the night with no

major mishaps. Finally she left the room with the first grim-looking

child. One down, fifteen to go, Brooke thought.

Brooke was able to watch most of the recital from her position in

the doorway, but she spent more of her time watching Andy than the

students. Most of the kids performed quite well, but after weeks of

listening to Andy practice, the sounds of the beginning players were

harsh even to Brooke’s untrained ear. She found herself wincing a

few times at a squeaky bow stroke or a glaring wrong note. Andy’s

expression never changed, though, and she smiled serenely through

all of the performances.

She hung back after the recital as all of the parents and students

wanted to have a chance to talk to Andy and hear her praise of the

musical prodigies. A few of the smaller children, Becky included,

even came over to Brooke to get a hug and have her meet their

parents. She could feel Andy’s eyes lingering on her, and she was

relieved when they finally were able to gather up all of Andy’s

organizational supplies and head for the car.

It had started to rain while they were in the church, so they ran

across the parking lot and jumped in the car, laughing and shaking

the drops of water out of their hair. Andy sat back in her seat with a

sigh, not moving to start the car right away.

“I’m glad to have that done,” she admitted. “It’s good for the

kids but tiring to plan. You were such a big help tonight, and I really

appreciate it.”

“I kind of had fun,” Brooke said. “But I’m definitely not

applying for a job at a day care.”

They sat in silence for a moment, the heavy rain and deserted

parking lot giving them a sense of intimacy. Brooke felt a thrill of

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Harmony

nervousness, wanting Andy to kiss her yet dreading it at the same

time. It seemed any time they started getting close they started to

argue instead, so she cast around for a casual topic of conversation.

“I don’t know how you do it,” she finally said. “With all of your

training and your ear for music, how can you hear some of those

mistakes and not cringe?”

“When I first started teaching I would unintentionally make

faces if my students messed up. All it did was make them nervous,

and they’d concentrate on how I looked instead of their playing. I

had to stop letting what I heard reflect on my face. It’s mostly habit

now, but sometimes I have to bite the inside of my lip. I know it’s a

bad recital if I make myself bleed.”

“I’ll have to try that next time,” Brooke said with a laugh. “But

it’s more than how they sound. I guess I expected you to get upset

if anything went wrong, but you didn’t seem to mind if they forgot

their music or went in the wrong order even though you had the

evening planned perfectly.”

“Perfection isn’t what matters,” Andy said with a shrug. “I

plan the details so the kids trust me to know what’s going on. If I

yell at them for every mistake, they won’t enjoy the music or learn

anything. Those are the things that count.”

Brooke silently wondered how many mistakes had been

allowed in the Taylor household. “So, how about that sushi?” she

asked out loud.

“A promise is a promise, I suppose,” Andy said grudgingly,

starting the car. She was smiling, though, and Brooke relaxed back

in her seat as they drove. She had enjoyed watching Andy at work

tonight. Seeing the evidence of her love of music and her desire

to share it with her students had helped Brooke figure out some of

the qualities she wanted in a job. Creativity, passion, the joy found

when talent and work united. Brooke hoped she could find a career

like that for herself someday.

Andy parked near the sushi restaurant and stopped the car.

She reached over for Brooke’s unresisting hand, lacing their fingers

together.

• 109 •

Karis WalsH

“I really did like having you with me tonight,” she said, her free

hand brushing at a strand of hair that had come loose from Brooke’s

ponytail.

“Me too,” Brooke agreed. She was all out of casual conversation,

so she leaned toward Andy, and their lips met in a gentle kiss. Andy

held back, not pushing the kiss too far, so it was Brooke who finally

gave in and ran her tongue over Andy’s lower lip.

“Ah, there’s that irresistible tongue,” Andy said against

Brooke’s mouth before taking it again in a much more passionate

kiss. They broke apart after several minutes, both breathing heavily.

The effect of having all of Andy’s intensity focused on her was

intoxicating to Brooke. She wanted to suggest they skip dinner and

go straight home, but she knew it would only make Andy pull away

again, like she did whenever they got physically close.

“We should get out of the car,” Andy said, not sounding

convinced at all.

Brooke sighed. “Your lips are dangerous, you know.”

“Well, you’re safe from me tonight at least,” Andy informed

her. “I’m not kissing you after you’ve eaten that disgusting raw tuna

you like.”

She dodged Brooke’s playful slap and ducked out of the car

into the rain.

• 110 •

Harmony

CHapter tHirteen

I have quartet practice tonight,” Andy mentioned casually on

Thursday morning. “Do you want to come with me? It only

lasts a couple of hours.”

“Sounds like fun,” Brooke said as she handed Andy her latte.

“There won’t be any kids for me to chaperone this time, will there?”

“No kids, I promise,” Andy said. She took a sip of coffee.

“Mmm. Good, as usual. And since you’ve been doing so much

cooking for me, how about I take you to dinner after? Italian?”

Brooke nodded with a smile and turned back to the counter.

Instead of heading straight to her music room as she usually did,

Andy waited while Brooke ground beans for her own coffee. She

had tackled the easy topics, and she wasn’t sure how to bring up the

more sensitive one.

“I’ve asked my friend Jonas to come tonight,” Andy said when

the kitchen was quiet again. “I thought you might like to meet him.”

“You’re not setting me up with some guy, are you?” Brooke

asked with a smile. “I thought you were asking me on a date.”

“Of course not,” Andy said quickly. “Jonas is David’s—our

cellist’s—partner. And yes, I did ask you out. I just invited Jonas to

come so the two of you could talk while we practice.”

“Talk,” Brooke repeated. She stopped fiddling with the espresso

machine and leaned against the counter with her arms crossed.

“About what?”

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Karis WalsH

“About everything,” Andy said, trying to ignore the chilly tone

in Brooke’s voice. “About the changes you’ve made. Calling off the

wedding and moving in with me. And about where you want to go,

how to move forward.”

“And why would Jonas want to hear all of this?”

“He’s a psychologist,” Andy said. She had expected Brooke

to react to the word, but she hadn’t anticipated such a furious

expression would come over her face, so she pushed on quickly. “He

specializes in gay and lesbian issues, and helping people deal with

coming out. He’ll understand what you’re going through.”

“What I’m going through is fighting bossy and domineering

people who want to take over my life!”

“I’m only trying to help you, not run your goddamned life,”

Andy said, her voice escalating in spite of her attempts to stay calm.

“You set up a therapy session behind my back, and you don’t

think that’s crossing a line?”

“I just thought Jonas would be nicer than your other therapist.

He won’t try to tell you what to do or that your feelings are wrong.”

“But it’s okay for you to tell me what to do?” Brooke asked,

pushing off the counter and glaring at Andy. “You’re just like my

parents.”

“I am not like them at all,” Andy said in a clipped tone. What

the hell was she supposed to do? Watch Brooke struggle to make

sense of her life without trying to help? Sit back and watch her

withdraw until only occasional glimpses of a vibrant, fun woman

showed through? “I hate to see you so sad.”

Brooke shook her head with a humorless laugh. “You’re so

damned in control of your own life, you can’t stop yourself from

managing everybody else’s.”

Andy fought to steady her voice, desperate to end their argument.

She certainly didn’t feel in control of this situation, or any other that

concerned Brooke. “I didn’t hire Jonas as your shrink. He’s just a

friend, a nice man who’s easy to talk to. No expectations. Hell, you

can spend the whole time complaining about me, if you want.”

“Then I’ll need more than a couple of hours,” Brooke said. Her

arms were still crossed tightly over her chest, but her mouth turned

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Harmony

up in a brief smile. “I don’t like you thinking of me as a helpless

child.”

“God, Brooke, I don’t,” Andy assured her. “I think you’re very

brave. It took courage to call off your wedding, to defy your parents.

I just don’t understand why you insist on doing it all on your own.

I didn’t have anyone to talk to when I came out to my family, and I

want it to be better for you,” Andy said, pushing away the pain her

old memories caused. “If you want, I’ll call him and cancel.”

“I guess I can try,” Brooke said. “But if I’m not comfortable

with him, I’m leaving.”

“You can keep the car keys, just in case,” Andy said with a

relieved smile. She reached out and gently brushed Brooke’s arm

before she left the room. Brooke didn’t pull away from her touch, so

Andy hoped they had at least made a temporary peace.

❖

Andy finished packing up her instrument and music, and came

into the hall just as Brooke emerged from the bathroom. She stopped

in surprise at the sight of Brooke in the blue blouse and earrings she

had bought on her first day at Andy’s apartment.

“You look amazing,” she said, her admiring eyes roaming over

Brooke. “That color is perfect for you.”

Andy reached out to run her finger over one of Brooke’s

dangling earrings, careful not to touch her skin.

“Thank you,” Brooke said quietly. Andy turned away to find

her car keys, and her composure. The sight of Brooke, apparently

dressed up for their date, unwound the tension Andy had been

feeling since their argument and sent her headlong into desire. She

couldn’t seem to be around Brooke and feel anything neutral. Every

emotion had to be extreme and disconcerting to her ordered world.

She slipped into her coat, shoving her hands in its deep pockets to

hide their slight tremble.

The drive to Richard’s college, where the group met for

practice, took only a few minutes. Both women were silent, each

locked in her own thoughts. Andy still struggled to shake off the

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Karis WalsH

remaining effects of their fight, and she guessed Brooke was still

angry, and maybe a little anxious, about meeting Jonas. They parked

next to the music conservatory, a beautiful brick building with white

columns, and Andy led the way inside.

“Wow,” Brooke said as they walked through the main entrance.

The small foyer led to a three-story-high open space with an arched

ceiling. The classrooms and offices ranged around the perimeter of

the performance area.

“The sound is great here,” Andy said, pausing with Brooke as

she turned slowly in the center of the space. “We sometimes play in

here if the building is empty.”

Andy and Brooke headed to a practice room on the second

floor. Muted sounds from piano and voice students wafted through

several of the closed doors. Andy’s group was already in the room

when they entered.

“Hey everyone, this is Brooke Stanton,” Andy said, her hand

on the small of Brooke’s back as she led her forward. She felt a

small surge of pride as she introduced Brooke, but she reminded

herself it was unfounded. She was simply introducing a friend, not

a girlfriend, to her colleagues. “This is Richard Harris, first violin,

Tina Nelson, second violin, and David Sidhran, cello.”

Richard shook her hand formally while David gave her an

infectious smile and wave from his seat across the room.

“October Fifth, nice to finally meet you,” Tina said as she

shook Brooke’s hand. Brooke gave Andy a questioning look.

“We refer to brides by their wedding date,” she said, giving

Tina a glare that was gleefully waved off. “It’s less confusing that

way.”

“Do you need to change my name since the wedding didn’t

happen?” Brooke asked, earning an approving smile from Tina.

“No,” she said. “We’ll just add a question mark to it and call

you ‘October Fifth?’ until you decide what comes next.”

Brooke laughed, but Andy quietly wondered if she had any

hope of being included in what came next for Brooke.

“Jonas is in my office,” Richard said, looking up from the

music he was marking with a pencil.

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Harmony

“Thanks,” Andy said, shaking off her gloomy thoughts.

“C’mon, Brooke. Let’s go see him.”

They walked in silence to Richard’s third floor office. Andy

tapped on the half-open door, and a tall, thin man with longish hair

and rimless glasses looked up with a smile.

“Andy, good to see you again,” Jonas said, rising from his chair

and giving her a kiss on the cheek. “And you must be Brooke.”

Brooke shook his hand warily. “I am. And you should know

I’m here under protest. Andy ambushed me”

“I said I’d cancel if you wanted,” Andy snapped.

Jonas stepped between the two women. “Andy, go practice.

Now,” he added when she didn’t move. She reluctantly left the

room, and Brooke turned her glowering face to Jonas.

“You have every right to feel angry,” he said in an infuriatingly

calm voice that made Brooke want to slap him. He grinned as if

reading her thoughts. “You’re free to go, of course, or we can sit

here and talk for a few minutes. You’re not a patient and I’m not

your doctor, but if you’d like an objective friend, then I’m here for

you.”

“Why?” Brooke asked suspiciously.

“Because I like Andy,” he answered simply. “And she likes

you.”

Brooke struggled between the desire to just walk out into the

night and leave all of them behind, and the insistent need to freely

talk out her worries. Two years with her therapist had convinced

her that this crap didn’t work, but something about the open look

in Jonas’s eyes made her want to give him a chance. She slammed

down in the chair, still angry at Andy.

“Fine,” she said in a clipped voice. “We can talk.”

Jonas laughed and shut the door. “She’s going to pay for this,

isn’t she?”

“I’ll find some way to make her suffer.”

“I’m sure you will,” Jonas said as he sat on the opposite side of

Richard’s desk. “You know, Andy is the one who holds this quartet

together,” he said with a shrug as if saying something insignificant.

“She keeps the emotional brides happy and the temperamental

• 115 •

Karis WalsH

musicians in line. It’s important for her to keep things tidy and

peaceful, and that’s why she is the group’s liaison with the public.”

He laughed. “At first they tried to alternate which of them met

with the brides. Richard is a nice guy and a brilliant musician, but

he was so stiff and condescending that he made his bride cry. David

doesn’t take anything seriously, and I love him for that, but he had

his poor bride so confused with his jokes that she ended up agreeing

to have the quartet play ‘Pop Goes the Weasel’ as she walked down

the aisle. Tina saw it as a personal challenge to sleep with hers before

the wedding.” Jonas paused and gave her a wink. “Andy only did

that once, that I know of.”

Brooke blushed, and he continued. “It’s not just her job to

keep everyone happy and calm, it’s who she is. And if she needs to

manipulate people, in a kind way of course, to keep the peace, then

she’ll do that. And now you’ve come into her life, bringing chaos

and change and sadness, and she doesn’t know how to handle it. I’ve

never seen her lose her temper like that.”

“Are you saying I’m bad for her?” Brooke asked with a sinking

heart. She might be furious with Andy for tricking her, but the

thought that she might be making Andy miserable was devastating.

“Of course not,” Jonas laughed. “I think you’re exactly what

she needs. A little mess in her life.”

Brooke returned his smile. “I certainly am that.”

❖

About an hour later, Jonas suggested they rejoin the quartet in

the practice room. “They’re playing one of David’s compositions

tonight, and I haven’t heard it yet,” he said, his love for the cellist

apparent in his voice.

They slid quietly into the room, not wanting to interrupt the

group as they played through a series of Beatles songs that had been

requested for their next wedding. Brooke sat in her chair and listened

to the rendition of “And She Loves Me,” stubbornly refusing to

meet Andy’s eyes when she glanced over. Her anger had worn away

as she had talked to Jonas about Liz and Jake and Andy, but it didn’t

seem fair to let her off the hook just yet.

• 116 •

Harmony

What really rankled Brooke was that Andy had been exactly right

about her need to talk to someone understanding and sympathetic.

There was none of the pressure or judgment that had been so much

a part of her other therapy experiences. She had been most surprised

by Jonas’s ability to bring laughter into their conversation. She had

been taught to see therapy as something stuffy and humorless, but

she was able to laugh and relax, finally talking to Jonas like an old

friend.

Looking back, Brooke knew her former therapist had been

trying to cure her, clearly judging her feelings for Liz as wrong,

or at least misguided. Jonas hadn’t challenged either her feelings

or her decisions but instead gave her concrete advice about what

to expect as a result of her choices, and how to talk to others about

them. She had spent so many years hiding different parts of who she

was from different people—her sexuality from her parents and Jake,

and now her growing attraction from Andy. Jonas had no personal

stake in her life choices, so she felt able to speak freely with him.

He was able to describe the coming out experiences of other people,

including his own as a teenager, and he managed to make her feel

less alone in a way those closest to her couldn’t right now.

Jonas nudged her when the quartet started to play David’s

composition. She had expected a silly, light song from the irreverent

cellist, so the somber melody caught her off guard. Even to her

untrained ear, it was obvious David had composed the music with

his quartet in mind, and each instrument had its turn to play melody.

She listened in awe as Andy’s viola soared through an intricate

passage, the other instruments backing her up with the harmony.

She was startled out of her fury enough to spontaneously applaud

with Jonas when the last notes from Richard’s violin died out.

After David made a few notations on his pages of sheet music

based on their feedback, the group chatted about the composition

and about their upcoming events as they slowly put their instruments

away. Brooke watched Andy interact with the rest of the group.

She talked easily with them about music, but fell silent when the

discussion turned more personal.

“Does everyone have big plans for Thanksgiving?” Tina asked.

• 117 •

Karis WalsH

“Nancy and I usually visit my family in Boston, but she won’t

be able to fly this year,” Richard said. He turned to Brooke. “My

wife is seven months pregnant,” he explained.

Brooke still didn’t know what she’d be doing for the holiday

since Andy refused to take her home. Suddenly Brooke’s mind

clicked and she smiled inwardly at her idea. Ambush me, will you?

she thought. Then it’s payback time.

“Andy and I were planning a Thanksgiving dinner for just the

two of us at her apartment,” she said sweetly. “We’d love to have all

of you join us.”

While three members of the quartet enthusiastically jumped at

the offer, and began discussing what each could bring, Andy stared

across the room at Brooke, her expression shocked. Brooke finally

met her gaze, still keeping her expression carefully neutral.

“When exactly did you start planning this?” Jonas whispered

in her ear.

“About two seconds ago,” she said, and then raised her voice

over his laughter. “It’ll be vegetarian, of course, for Andy.”

❖

They drove in silence to the Italian restaurant Andy had chosen.

It wasn’t until they had placed their orders and had a carafe of wine

on the table that Andy trusted herself to speak civilly to Brooke.

“You know I have to go home for Thanksgiving,” she said,

downing half a glass of wine in one gulp. “Now all of these people

are expecting to come to my place. What am I supposed to tell

them?”

“I wonder if my friend Jan really needs to go to California to

see her family,” Brooke said. “I think she and Tina would like each

other.”

“I’ll have to cancel, so don’t invite anyone else.”

“Andy, listen to me,” Brooke leaned across the table and waved

a breadstick at her. “I’ll admit I asked everyone just to make you

mad, but it’s a great idea. They’re your friends, and they are excited

to spend time with you. Wouldn’t it be more fun to be yourself there

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Harmony

than to go to your parents’ and pretend to like men, turkey, and

Amy?”

“More fun, maybe,” Andy reluctantly agreed. “But if I don’t go

home, my dad will be furious. And my mom…”

“Your mom has chosen to stay with him all these years. Even

if you go home and keep the peace that one day, I’m sure he finds

other reasons to lose his temper during the year. You can’t control

his anger.”

Andy struggled with that for several minutes, fidgeting with her

wine glass until their food arrived. She had to admit that Brooke was

right. She usually avoided a lot of social interaction with her quartet

members, but they had seemed genuinely enthusiastic about the idea

of getting together for the holiday. And she would get to spend the

day with Brooke instead of with her ulcer-inducing family. Yes, she

would take just this one holiday for herself, since it might be her

only one with Brooke in her life. As a small sign of apology, she

offered Brooke a forkful of her pasta with baby artichokes in a caper

and lemon sauce.

“Mmm. I could totally make that,” Brooke sighed. “I’d give

you a taste of my risotto, but it has pancetta in it.”

“Truce?” Andy asked hopefully.

Brooke speared another bite of artichoke and nodded. “I think

we’re even.”

“So, are you going to tell me what you and Jonas talked about?”

“No, and I’m not going to tell you that you were right to bring

us together,” Brooke informed her, swiping a piece of bread through

Andy’s piccata sauce.

“Should I just move my plate to your side of the table?” Andy

asked with a laugh, pouring more wine into their glasses.

“Well, that would make it easier for me to eat,” Brooke

admitted without a trace of guilt. She spooned up some more risotto

and slipped her hand over Andy’s where it lay on the table. “Thank

you,” she said, more seriously. “Jonas and I talked about coming out

and how hard it can be to go through it alone, without someone to

talk to, to trust. Thank you for being there for me.” Brooke pulled

her hand back. “But you need to remember that if I lean on you for

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Karis WalsH

support, it doesn’t give you the right to pick me up and carry me

where you want me to go.”

“I’d do anything to help you,” Andy said quietly, a little

frightened by the truth of her statement. She wanted to reach for

Brooke’s hand again, but common sense stopped her. Brooke was

in transition, and while she might need Andy now, she wouldn’t

depend on her forever. Brooke might leave, and when she did, Andy

wondered who would be around to rescue her.

• 120 •

Harmony

CHapter Fourteen

Andy happily tucked her viola in its case after Saturday

night’s concert. Her section had played the difficult piece

flawlessly, helping to showcase the solo violin, a fourteen-year-old

Polish prodigy, and she allowed herself to feel just a little proud of

her part in their performance. She knew a strong first chair could

really set the tone for the other players, and she was glad the hours

she had spent perfecting her timing for this piece had been noticed.

Several of her violists had complimented her on leading them so

strongly through the concerto, and the conductor had even nodded

in her direction as the curtain closed.

Andy pulled on her coat and followed the other musicians

out of Benaroya Hall and into the chilly Seattle night. The energy

around them was electric, and they were all caught in the high of

a well-received performance and the brush with a spectacular new

talent. She sighed as she separated from the group and went to her

car, feeling the adrenaline of performance slowly seeping away. She

would have loved to spend this evening with Brooke, sharing her

thoughts about the concert, maybe going back to Mickey’s for a

drink. Maybe a dance…

Andy shook herself mentally. Give it up, she thought. Brooke

was out to dinner with her parents and Jake tonight, somewhere in

Everett so they were less likely to run into their snobby friends.

Andy would have been tempted to skip tonight’s concert just to go

with them and support Brooke, but she hadn’t been asked. Besides,

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Karis WalsH

she was fairly certain Brooke had chosen this night because of the

symphony’s schedule. Andy knew Brooke didn’t want to have her

there as a crutch, but she worried Brooke couldn’t hold up under the

pressure of the three people who had such an influence on her. She

wouldn’t be surprised if they simply bundled Brooke back home

just like they did from Gonzaga, sending someone for her things

tomorrow.

Andy was unlocking her car door when a hand slid around

her waist. She gave a quiet shriek and jumped to the side, barely

rescuing her viola case before it banged her car.

“You scared the hell out of me!” she shouted as she turned to

find Lyssa laughing at her startled expression. “You don’t sneak up

on people in dark parking lots.”

“Sorry,” Lyssa said, not looking sorry at all. “I did call your

name, but you were so deep in thought you didn’t hear me.”

Andy jerked open her trunk and gently set her viola case inside,

securing it with straps so it wouldn’t jostle during her drive. She

busied herself with the instrument while she caught her breath. She

hadn’t talked to Lyssa since the day she had been picked to play

Clarke’s sonata. She felt rattled by the scare, Lyssa’s close presence,

and the memory of her insulting words. When she felt slightly more

collected, she closed the trunk and turned toward Lyssa.

“Pretty horrific concert, wasn’t it?” Lyssa asked, leaning

against the car door and blocking Andy’s escape. “That girl should

be playing on a street corner, not in Benaroya, don’t you think?”

Andy sighed. That was her cue to agree with Lyssa’s jealous,

untrue critique, then to cajole her by saying that of course no one

could play better than Lyssa could.

“What do you want, Lyssa?” she asked instead, too tired for

the game.

Lyssa’s neat eyebrows arched in surprise, and then she nodded

with an understanding smile. “I see. You’re still angry about what I

said when you got your Clarke solo.” She stepped forward, her hand

sliding under Andy’s coat and up to cup the back of her neck. “I’m

sorry, baby. You know I didn’t mean it like it sounded. I was having

a bad day, and I guess I took it out on you.”

• 122 •

Harmony

Andy pulled Lyssa’s hand out of her hair, hoping her own

wasn’t shaking too badly, and stepped around her to unlock the

car door. “It doesn’t matter,” she said, irritated because her voice

revealed just how much it had mattered. She turned to face Lyssa

again. “I have to get home.”

Lyssa sighed. “Stop being angry, it’s making me weary. Some

of the other players are going to Mickey’s for a drink. Come with us.

It’ll give us a chance to talk and sort this out.”

Andy wavered between the need to get away from this woman

and her reluctance to return to an empty apartment. She glanced at

her watch and figured Brooke wouldn’t be home for at least another

hour. If she came home at all. Sharing the success of the night’s

concert with her friends would help the time pass.

“I guess a drink wouldn’t hurt,” she said, making Lyssa’s face

light up. “Do you need a ride?”

“No, I have my car. I’ll see you there,” she said, laying her

hand briefly on Andy’s cheek.

Andy drove the short distance to Mickey’s. She would have

preferred to walk and clear her head, but the symphony’s lot would

close soon. She found a parking place next to Lyssa’s sports car,

and they went into Mickey’s together, Lyssa linking her arm

companionably in Andy’s. Andy felt a strange sense of peace with

Lyssa’s familiarity. These past weeks with Brooke were like a

dream—wanting her, waiting every day for her to choose to stay

or leave. Lyssa, the symphony, her music, these were the things

that belonged in Andy’s world, and they were all she’d have left if

Brooke went away.

Andy went up to the bar to order her beer and Lyssa’s cosmo,

torturing herself by leaning across the stool that Brooke had sat on

just a few weeks before. She was startled by a wave of loneliness

and wondered if Brooke missed her too, or if she felt a tug toward

the safety of her old life like Andy did. Andy scolded herself. Just

give it up. It was too painful to keep worrying about Brooke tonight,

especially since she had no control over Brooke’s choices.

She turned from the bar and spotted Lyssa at a table for two

near the dance floor. She carried the drinks over and sat down.

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Karis WalsH

“I don’t see anyone else from the symphony,” she said, eyes

narrowing as Lyssa attempted to look innocent.

“Huh,” Lyssa said, looking around as if surprised. “I guess they

took the long way.”

“We’re fewer than ten blocks from the hall,” Andy said, smiling

in spite of her irritation at being tricked.

Lyssa shrugged and managed to appear faintly apologetic. “I

lied, okay? You haven’t spoken to me or looked my way for weeks

now.” She reached across the table and grasped Andy’s hand. “I

miss you.”

Andy didn’t pull her hand away, enjoying the contact in spite

of her effort not to. She wished it were Brooke here, touching her, as

confident in what she wanted as Lyssa always was.

They held hands and talked, only letting go when Andy

returned to the bar for fresh drinks. By the third beer, her mind was

feeling a little fuzzy, and she found herself relaxing, talking and

laughing with Lyssa as if there hadn’t been any friction between

them. She had been obsessed with tonight’s concert for the past few

days, studying the counting and dynamics at night and practicing

for hours. Her nervousness at this first real test of her ability to lead

her section had kept her from eating much today, so the beer went

quickly to her head.

She accepted Lyssa’s offer of a dance, pushing the image of

Brooke in her black tank top out of her mind and replacing it with

one of Brooke sitting to eat with her family. That made it easier to

pull Lyssa into her arms, with all the familiarity of an old lover, and

hold her close as they swayed to the slow music.

“God, I’ve missed this,” Lyssa moaned, pressing close and

sliding her arms around Andy’s neck. Andy tightened her hold on

Lyssa’s lower back, making her arch so her breasts pressed against

Andy’s.

Andy’s eyes were closed, but she knew without looking that

most of the other women in the bar would be watching her with envy.

Lyssa, with her long, pale hair and confident bearing, was model-

beautiful. A small, hateful part of Andy thrilled at the knowledge

that she had the ability to shake this gorgeous woman’s controlled

• 124 •

Harmony

demeanor, making her beg and scream as she neared climax. Andy’s

resistance broke, and when Lyssa raised her head for a kiss, she was

only too willing to acquiesce.

The slow song ended, and a throng of people entered the floor

for the next fast dance. Andy grabbed Lyssa’s wrist and pulled her

roughly into the darkened hall leading to the bathrooms. She pressed

her against the wall, continuing the kiss they had started on the

dance floor, her tongue delving into Lyssa’s open mouth as her hand

found Lyssa’s breast. They broke apart for a brief moment, both

breathing heavily, barely aware of the people moving past them.

Lyssa took control this time, taking Andy’s hand and tugging her

into the bathroom and locking them in the farthest stall.

“I need you,” she whispered in Andy’s ear, pulling her satin

skirt out of the way as Andy’s hand reached between her legs. Her

nylons ended at the top of her thighs, and Andy’s fingers easily

pushed past Lyssa’s lacy underwear to find her wet and ready.

Her tongue thrust into Lyssa’s mouth again, and her mind raced

forward as she orchestrated the best way to make Lyssa climax.

After so many times together, she knew all of the right ways to

please her. She would take her quickly and strongly, forcing her to

abandon her façade and scream with the pleasure of release. And

then Lyssa would be satisfied, energized. Her ego restored after

tonight’s virtuoso performance by the young violinist. And Andy

would be left where? Wanting, needing some sort of release, flooded

with guilt over betraying Brooke. She broke away suddenly, tugging

her hand out of Lyssa’s underwear as if she had been stung.

“Why are you stopping?” Lyssa gasped, her breath ragged.

“Please, I need—”

“It’s all about what you need, isn’t it? Well, I can’t do this

anymore,” Andy said in a shaky voice. She ripped off some toilet

paper and wiped her hand, flushing away the used paper. She

desperately wanted Brooke here, Brooke who had spent their only

night together accepting what Andy offered, but then willingly

giving pleasure in return.

She shouldered past Lyssa, who clutched at her arm. “Please,

Andy,” she begged. “Don’t leave. I can make you feel good too.”

• 125 •

Karis WalsH

“Why start now?” Andy asked roughly, jerking the door open.

“You’ve had four years to try.”

She walked quickly through the bar, grabbing her coat and

leaving before Lyssa could catch up. Guilt stalked her as she

got in her car and drove off quickly. Not guilt about Lyssa, who

probably already had a line of women knocking at the bathroom

door after Andy’s abrupt departure. She would find what she needed

tonight without any problem. Instead Andy agonized over how she

would tell Brooke about this, what it would mean to their undefined

relationship. Even if Brooke didn’t return tonight, Andy knew she

shouldn’t have been in another’s arms without knowing of Brooke’s

decision. And she knew without a doubt, whatever happened between

her and Brooke, she was through with Lyssa’s games and needs.

❖

Andy entered her apartment and froze at the sight of Brooke

sprawled across the sofa bed, surrounded by magazines and dressed

in one of Andy’s old T-shirts. Her face looked tired, but she smiled

when Andy entered the room.

“How did the concert go?” she asked immediately.

“Fine,” Andy answered briefly, although she could barely

remember the music that had seemed so important a few hours ago.

Now all she knew was guilt.

“I knew it would. I’m getting some ideas for Thanksgiving

dinner,” she said, gesturing at the glossy cooking magazines. “I

think I’ll try to make a pumpkin pie from scratch.”

“Do you mean from-a-can scratch, or are you planning to

disembowel a real pumpkin?” Andy asked, shifting her viola to her

other hand. Brooke must have been practicing on her these past

weeks, slowly carving away until Andy’s carefully ordered insides

had turned to mush.

“A real one,” Brooke said, and then raised her hand to stop Andy’s

comments. “And don’t you dare say it sounds messy. The kitchen will

be a disaster after all this cooking so you’ll have to just—”

“Deal with it?” Andy suggested.

• 126 •

Harmony

“Exactly,” Brooke said with a smile. She patted the bed next to

her. “Come over here and help me decide what else to make.”

“I’ll be right there,” Andy said, taking her viola to the music

room. She washed her hands and quickly changed into sweats, her

relief at seeing Brooke again warring with her need to admit that

she had kissed Lyssa. She went back into the bathroom and splashed

cold water on her face, taking a few moments to pull herself together.

Her mind had turned to Brooke so often tonight, and thoughts of

her were muddled with Andy’s memories of kisses, soft breasts, the

smell of sex. She had mistakenly started something with Lyssa, and

she wanted nothing more than to finish it with Brooke.

Brooke shoved a few magazines aside to make room for Andy.

“How was your dinner?” Andy asked tentatively as she sat on the

bed. Brooke shrugged.

“Jake and I went alone. I couldn’t face him and my parents at

the same time,” she said, a note of sadness in her voice. “It wasn’t

easy, but once we got started, we talked about everything. I told him

I think I’m gay. He’s hurt, but I think he’s a little relieved as well.

He was worried there was something wrong with him since it never

seemed right between us. He promised to keep it to himself for now,

so I can tell my parents when I’m ready.”

Andy brushed her thumb along Brooke’s cheekbone, wanting

to wipe away the stress she saw on her face. “I was worried you

would go home with them,” she confessed, dropping her hand back

into her lap.

“I guess I’m not finished seeing Switzerland yet,” Brooke said

shyly, staring at one of her magazines before she raised her eyes to

Andy’s. “What is it? What’s wrong?” Brooke asked with concern.

“You’re sure the concert went okay?”

Andy nodded her head. “It really went well, and the soloist was

amazing. The audience loved it.”

“I’m glad. I know how hard you worked for this one. Did

something else happen tonight?”

“Do you remember the first time we met? In the coffee shop?”

Andy asked, evading the question momentarily. Brooke nodded

without interrupting. “You asked if I had a boyfriend and I said…”

• 127 •

Karis WalsH

“That you had a ‘sort of’ girlfriend. Yes, I remember. I was…

Oh.” Brooke’s face fell. “Did you sort of hook up with her tonight?”

“Something like that,” Andy admitted. She took a deep breath

and told a silent Brooke about her past affair with Lyssa, and the

whole night’s story.

Brooke listened to it all, wincing at the details Andy wanted to

leave out but knew she couldn’t. “I don’t have any right to—” she

started when Andy had finished her confession.

“Yes, you do.” Andy said quietly.

“No, I can’t expect you to just wait until I decide—”

“Yes,” Andy insisted, placing a finger under Brooke’s chin and

turning her head so their eyes met. She wanted Brooke to claim

her, to claim their relationship. She was afraid any possessive words

would make Brooke panic, but she had to be clear about her feelings.

“Yes, you can. I want you to expect that. I’m so very sorry for what I

did. I have no idea where we’re going, but I’ll hate myself if I ruined

our chances. Please say you can forgive me?”

“Of course I forgive you. We’ve never defined what’s happening

between us, and I’m not ready to make a commitment yet when there

are still so many loose ends. You didn’t break any rules,” Brooke

said. Unshed tears reddened her eyes, however, and her quiet voice

almost killed Andy. “It’s not like we’re together.”

“God, please don’t say that,” Andy whispered, closing her eyes.

They sat in silence while Brooke ripped tiny pieces off a magazine

cover and Andy simply wallowed in her guilt.

“I’m no different, am I?” Brooke finally asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve done nothing but give to me since we met. I’m just

like Lyssa. I’ve taken it all and done nothing in return.”

“You’re not serious?” Andy asked, shocked. “The two of you

are nothing alike. And I’m the one who kissed her, don’t you dare

turn the blame on yourself.”

“I’m not. But look at what you’ve done for me. You’ve given

me a home, friendship, faith in myself. What have I given you?

Clutter?”

“Companionship.”

• 128 •

Harmony

Brooke rolled her eyes. “A bathroom you can barely squeeze

yourself into anymore.”

“The best lattes I’ve ever had.”

“An ulcer.”

“I don’t have an ulcer,” Andy said. “And even if I do, you’re

not the sole cause of it.”

Brooke slapped at her, a little of her playfulness returning.

“Can I make an unreasonable demand?”

“Anything,” Andy said with such conviction that Brooke’s

breath caught in her throat.

“Jake gave me until Christmas to decide. I’m not going back to

him, and he knows that now. But will you give me the same offer?

Until Christmas to decide if I can be with you? We can date each

other, but no other women until then?”

Andy gently took her hand and gave it a squeeze. It might kill

her to give this woman her heart and still have her leave in a month

or two, but she only felt relief that they still had a chance together.

“You have my word.”

• 129 •

• 130 •

Harmony

CHapter FiFteen

Andy came home from work a week later just as Brooke was

coming out of the shower wearing only a towel. Although

her exhausting holiday schedule helped keep her mind off Brooke to

some extent, Andy wasn’t too tired to want to rip that towel off and

drag Brooke to her bedroom.

“Andy, wait,” Brooke said. Andy had been trying to escape to

her music room until Brooke could get dressed, but she stopped with

a sigh.

“What’s up?” she asked, keeping her gaze focused on Brooke’s

eyes and not letting it drop any lower.

“I noticed you don’t have anything scheduled on your calendar

for Sunday night.”

“Nope,” Andy said with a grin. “No concerts, no weddings,

nothing.”

“I need to get out of this apartment. Can I kidnap you?”

“Of course. Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise. Be ready to leave at five, and dress warm.”

Andy didn’t normally like surprises, preferring to be prepared

before she went anywhere, but this was the first time Brooke had

offered to plan one of their dates. Andy was curious to find out what

she would pick for them to do. No amount of cajoling or threatening

could make Brooke give up her secret, so Andy took her cue from

Brooke’s clothes and came out of her room a little before five

wearing jeans and a polo shirt with a bulky sweater over it.

• 131 •

Karis WalsH

Brooke drove, taking I-5 out of Seattle and heading south to the

small town of Kent. While they drove, Andy listened to Brooke’s

account of her latest interviews. The number of people looking for work

meant employers could be choosy, and Brooke’s meager experience

didn’t make her a prime candidate. Her search was discouraging, but

Brooke made all of their meals and insisted she buy the food as well.

Andy would gladly have accepted just her cooking skills, but Brooke

felt better if she was contributing more. Plus, it eased the pressure of

the job hunt, giving her a chance to find work she would enjoy.

When they pulled into a parking stall at ShoWare Center, Andy

looked around and then back at Brooke, her eyes reflecting her

confusion.

“We’re going to see a hockey game?” she asked.

Brooke laughed at her expression. “Yes. Come on, it’ll be fun.”

She pulled a reluctant Andy along with her as they joined the

crowd entering the arena and stopped at a concession stand. Brooke

ordered a couple of beers apiece and a huge bag of popcorn.

“Do you want a jersey, or one of those foam fingers?” Brooke

asked.

“Thanks, but I’m good,” Andy said, surprised to see Brooke so

at home among the rowdy fans.

“Let me know if you change your mind,” Brooke said as she

led the way to their seats in the first row.

“Wow, we’re really close,” Andy said, peering through the

Plexiglas at the smooth ice.

“I know. Great seats, aren’t they?” Brooke agreed

enthusiastically.

“If you say so.”

Brooke handed her a beer and the bag of popcorn. “Don’t tell

me you’ve never been to a hockey game before.”

“Never,” Andy said. She usually found team sports too chaotic

to watch or play. “I did see that movie about us beating the Russians

in the Olympics, though.”

“Then you’ll love this.”

“Yeah, it’s practically the same thing. Seattle versus Portland

is just like watching the United States playing against Russia during

the Cold War.”

• 132 •

Harmony

Brooke punched her in the arm. “This is a serious rivalry, you

know.”

“Sorry. I wasn’t aware the honor of my city was at stake. If I

had been apprised of the gravity of this situation, I would have taken

you up on the offer of a foam finger.”

“I should buy one and make you wear it to pay for that sarcasm.

Hockey is no joking matter to me. I used to play on a team, so I

know how important these games are.”

“You. Played. Hockey.” Andy shook her head in disbelief. All

the time they had known each other, Brooke had been in turmoil.

Andy realized she was getting a peek at the real Brooke, the one

she’d be after her life settled again. And she liked what she saw—

she liked the fire, the passion, the hint of aggression.

“I played until junior high. Then my mom decided it wasn’t

ladylike enough, so I had to take ballet instead. I didn’t understand

why she thought it was just a sport for boys when I was in an all-girl

league, but she found it rather horrifying to watch me play.”

“I can picture you tearing around out there, whacking at other

kids with your stick. And your poor mom, watching her budding

lesbian roughhousing on the ice.”

Brooke laughed. “At the time I didn’t realize I was a budding

anything. But I did have a huge crush on my coach. I always

volunteered to help with the equipment so I could be near her.

Maybe I should have recognized the signs back then.”

“But they were so subtle, who could have guessed?” Andy asked

with a laugh. “What did your dad think of your hockey playing?”

“He loved it. He’d go to my games and scream at the refs and

the coach so much that it was surprising he didn’t get kicked out. We

used to come watch the Thunderbirds together sometimes. I saw the

Spokane Chiefs play a couple of games when I was at Gonzaga, but

I haven’t been to a game since then.”

“I’m glad you brought me,” Andy said honestly. Not neces-

sarily because of the game, but because she liked to see Brooke

having fun. She worried sometimes that Brooke had been more

focused on what she needed to do—find a job, pay her share, make

choices—than on what she wanted. But now, Brooke was smiling

• 133 •

Karis WalsH

and leaning on the armrest between them so her shoulder and arm

were pressed against Andy’s. She could put up with watching men

skate around with sticks for a couple of hours as long as Brooke

stayed close.

Andy ended up enjoying the evening more than she had

anticipated, however. Brooke’s excitement was infectious, and

although Andy didn’t share her tendency to yell at the players

and referees, she found herself rooting for the Thunderbirds along

with the crowd. Brooke explained the rules, which didn’t seem too

complicated, so it was easy enough for her to follow the game.

She almost dropped her beer the first time two players slammed

against the Plexiglas right in front of them, but after a few times she

got used to it.

“Cool, huh?” Brooke said with a grin when a member of the

opposing team was smashed into the wall like a bug.

“God, who are you?” Andy asked in amazement.

“So I like sports. The subject just hasn’t come up before.”

“Well, I have to admit this new side of you is weirdly sexy.”

Brooke pressed closer. “You think so?” she asked before

turning her attention back to the game and booing with the crowd

when the referee sent one of their players to the penalty box.

Andy laughed, distracted by Brooke until the Plexiglas rattled

again, startling her enough to make her drop some popcorn. “I think

that number twelve guy likes you. That’s the third time he’s hit the

wall in front of us.”

“I thought he was flirting with you,” Brooke countered. “I

swear I saw him grin at you.”

“Was that a grin or a grimace of pain?”

Two hours seemed like a long time to score a measly three

points, but at least the home team won. She and Brooke filed out

with the boisterous fans and got into Brooke’s car. Before Brooke

could start the engine, Andy leaned over and kissed her on the

mouth. This definitely qualified as a date, and while Brooke might

have asked her out this time, Andy couldn’t wait for her to make the

first move.

“Thank you for tonight. I had fun.”

• 134 •

Harmony

“Good. I’ll get us tickets for another game,” Brooke said,

kissing Andy again before she could protest. This kiss lasted longer

than the first, and Brooke reluctantly withdrew her fingers from

Andy’s hair and sat back. She’d originally asked Andy to the game

because she didn’t want to go alone, even though she’d guessed

it wasn’t something Andy would normally choose to do. She had

hoped Andy would be a good sport and not sulk about her choice of

activity, but she hadn’t expected Andy to show so much interest—

not necessarily in hockey but in Brooke, in her passions and her

childhood.

Andy smiled at her. “If this is how every game is going to end

for us, I’ll buy season tickets.”

• 135 •

• 136 •

Harmony

CHapter sixteen

Andy came home from teaching to find Brooke at her dining

room table, typing rapidly on her laptop. “Any calls?” she

asked. Brooke didn’t turn around, so Andy walked over and tapped

her on the shoulder.

Brooke jumped and pulled out the earbuds she had been

wearing. “You scared me,” she said accusingly.

“Sorry, I just wanted to know if anyone called,” Andy said.

“Richard. He’s booked two more weddings,” Brooke answered,

handing Andy a piece of paper with the information scrawled on it.

“Thanks,” Andy said, her glance taking in the tables and

bulleted lists on Brooke’s screen and the psychology reference

books next to her. “What are you writing?”

“It’s my new job,” Brooke answered, a hint of pride in her

voice. “I’m doing transcription work for some of the doctors in

Jonas’s office. He brought it over today.”

“You don’t mind doing it?” Andy asked. She knew Brooke

hated not working, even though her job search and cooking added

up to a full-time job.

Brooke shrugged. “It’s pretty simple and kind of fun. They

record their notes, and I listen and type them out. I can work at

home, on my own time, so I can keep looking for what I want as

a career. After all those years of therapy I’m familiar with most

of the terminology, so at least I’m getting some good out of that

experience.”

• 137 •

Karis WalsH

“Well, I’m glad for you,” Andy said, her hand just brushing

Brooke’s shoulder. She didn’t know how she could be so hurt by this

woman and yet be so relieved to see her happy.

“You don’t mind that I borrowed your laptop?”

“Of course not,” Andy said absently as she tried to read

Richard’s message. “They’re lucky you’re not doing that longhand,

or they’d never decipher it. Is this woman named Dollie?”

Brooke glanced at the note. “Debbie.”

“Okay. And this one wants us to play a song called ‘Furbise’?”

“‘Fur Elise,’ by Beethoven,” Brooke said indignantly, snatching

the note from Andy and scrawling two words across the page. “Can

you read that?”

Andy laughed and ruffled Brooke’s hair. “That one is pretty

clear. Same to you, by the way.”

“You also got a call from a woman in the symphony’s education

department,” Brooke said as Andy headed into her music room to

call her brides.

“What’d she say?” Andy asked, hesitating in the doorway.

“She said you can invite students or friends to the rehearsal

for this concert. They’re having a short lecture about Bach and the

Brandenburg Concertos.”

“Well, thanks. I’ll let my students know.”

“I want to go.”

“I already got you a ticket to go to the concert, Brooke. It’ll

be the same music and the same lecture beforehand if you want to

hear it.”

Brooke crossed her arms and frowned. “I’d like to go. It’ll be

interesting to see you at work.”

Andy frowned back. “Whatever,” she said crossly and shut

herself in the music room. She wouldn’t admit to Brooke that she

was afraid of making a fool of herself onstage. They were performing

the sixth Brandenburg Concerto as a small ensemble piece, and

Andy would have significant solo parts with only a handful of other

instruments playing alongside her. At the concert, she might be able

to get away with a small mistake here or there and the audience

probably wouldn’t notice, but at the dress rehearsal the conductor

• 138 •

Harmony

would be ready to call her out for any tiny error. The thought of

Brooke sitting in the audience while she butchered her first solo part

as principal viola made her want to throw up. She could try to talk

her out of going, but she knew a losing battle when she saw one.

Besides, Brooke had probably already signed herself up.

❖

“Aren’t you ready yet?” Andy called, banging on the bathroom

door. Brooke swung the door open calmly and walked out, a subtle

cloud of perfume floating after her.

“You said we don’t need to be there for another hour,” Brooke

said as she slipped into her shoes and then gestured at her outfit. “Is

this appropriate?”

“You look beautiful,” Andy said simply, too wound up to

prevaricate. “I love you in that color.”

Brooke mumbled a thank you, turning away from Andy’s gaze

to put on a jacket over her navy dress shirt and gray slacks.

Andy led the way out of the apartment, stopping in frustration

when she noticed that Brooke wasn’t following her.

“Now what? Don’t tell me you need to check your hair again.”

Brooke looked surprised by Andy’s sharp tone. “I may not have

your years of musical experience, but isn’t it common practice to

bring your instrument when you’re going to play in a concert?”

“Sorry,” Andy muttered as she stomped into the music room

for her viola. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Brooke replied smoothly. “But I think I should

drive us there.”

Andy didn’t argue with that one, and she sat in the passenger

seat and fidgeted until Brooke reached over and grabbed her hand.

“You’ll be great,” she said, giving Andy’s hand a squeeze.

“You’ve practiced the hell out of that piece. And I’ve heard it so

many times I’ll be able to hum it for you if you lose your place.”

Andy smiled briefly and cradled Brooke’s hand in her lap, their

fingers twining together. “Thanks. I guess I’m glad you forced me

to bring you tonight.”

• 139 •

Karis WalsH

“Smart ass,” Brooke said.

“Nice ass,” Andy mumbled, turning to look out her side window

with a more relaxed grin.

Brooke parked in Benaroya’s garage, and Andy walked her to

the lecture room. Brooke gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before

she headed backstage.

“You’ll be fine,” she whispered, but Andy didn’t look convinced.

Brooke settled in with the mix of adults and younger students

and listened to the lecture that touched the baroque era, Bach’s life,

and the music they were going to hear. The lecturer talked about

the varied groupings of instruments that had been used in the past

to perform each concerto, and he explained how the conductor

had chosen the ensembles for this performance. It was interesting

enough to keep her from worrying excessively about Andy, and she

was a bit surprised that the time to file into the main hall came so

quickly. Once seated there, however, she felt as tense as if she were

about to perform herself. She didn’t know how Andy could stand

waiting until the end of the program for her concerto.

Unlike other concerts Brooke had attended, this was a working

rehearsal, and the conductor occasionally stopped the performance

to make some changes or had the orchestra play passages over again

to correct timing or dynamics. Each concerto had a different number

and grouping of instruments, and several featured one or more

soloists. She watched, mesmerized, as Andy played through three

of the concertos, from the first with its strings, woodwinds, and

horns, to the third with only a small string section and harpsichord.

During the brief intermission, the conductor reworked a section of

the second concerto, drilling the four soloists on their entrances.

The violinist was a stunning blonde who played with a relaxed

confidence. Brooke didn’t need to look in her program to know that

this must be Lyssa Carlyle, Andy’s “sort of” girlfriend. She tried to

ignore the stab of jealousy she felt when Andy joined in the applause

after Lyssa played.

She had to suffer through more of Lyssa’s flawless playing

since the fourth and fifth concertos featured the violin as well, first

with two recorders then with a flute and harpsichord. Finally it was

• 140 •

Harmony

Andy’s turn, and Brooke felt a rush of excitement as she rose and

joined a small group of musicians at the front of the stage. There

were only two violas, a cello, and a bass, plus two period instruments

that Brooke recognized as violas de gamba, thanks to the lecture.

There was an air of professional aloofness about Andy that seemed

foreign to Brooke, but once she started to play, she turned back

into the Andy she knew. Her expression and posture softened as

she launched into the ornate first measures of the piece, and Brooke

relaxed with her as the viola’s deep voice sang out the notes she had

heard coming from the music room so many times. All too soon she

was clapping loudly with the rest of the audience.

Once the final concerto was finished, Andy returned to her seat,

and the conductor gave the players a few final notes before they

started to pack their instruments away. Brooke joined some other

audience members who were climbing onto the stage to visit with

various players. She was heading toward Andy, who waved her over

while she was chatting with another violist, when a woman called

her name.

“Cindy, hi,” Brooke greeted the tall woman. If she had managed

to drag her eyes off Andy and Lyssa this evening, she would have

noticed her friend on stage. “I forgot you played with the symphony.”

“Flute,” the woman said, holding up a small black case as

proof. “Did you enjoy the concert?”

“Very much,” Brooke said.

“We missed you at book club this month.”

“Oh, you know how it is,” Brooke said evasively. Cindy was

the only person from her guest list she’d seen since cancelling the

wedding. She wondered if there was some rule of etiquette about

which of them should bring up the awkward subject first.

“I’m sorry about you and Jake,” Cindy said. She paused, but

Brooke didn’t offer more than a polite smile. “So, who do you know

in the orchestra?”

“Oh, um, Andy Taylor is a friend of mine. She invited me to

come tonight,” Brooke answered. Sort of, she amended in her head.

She glanced over at Andy who was now talking to the beautiful

blond soloist.

• 141 •

Karis WalsH

“She did a great job tonight.”

“She did, didn’t she?” Brooke said proudly. “I should get going,

but it was nice to see you again.”

“You too. I hope you’ll make our next meeting.”

Brooke promised to try and hurried over to Andy and the blonde.

She felt a twinge of jealousy at the sight of the two musicians. They

made a striking pair, one so fair and the other dark and serious, and

both so talented.

“…messing up the rhythm in such a simple piece. Maybe you

should try practicing with your metronome so you don’t do that in

front of a real audience.” Brooke only caught the end of Lyssa’s

comment, and it took her a moment to realize that she was criticizing

Andy’s performance in that snotty tone. She felt a rush of protective

anger and for once acted without worrying what the people around

her might think. She marched up to Andy and slid her hand up to the

nape of her neck.

“You played so well tonight, babe,” she said, pulling Andy’s

lips to hers in a fierce kiss. Even in her confusion over Brooke’s

actions, Andy couldn’t help but respond to her touch and kiss her

back. She pulled away, her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out

why Brooke was suddenly acting like a lover.

“Brooke Stanton, Lyssa Carlyle,” she said briefly, noticing

Lyssa’s angry red cheeks.

“Oh, hi,” Brooke said casually as she shook Lyssa’s hand.

“Didn’t you play a solo, too? It sounded pretty good. I know this

cold weather can make it hard to keep your instrument in tune.”

Andy bit her lip to keep from laughing at Lyssa’s furious

expression. She was saved by the conductor who asked to see all the

soloists for a few minutes after the rehearsal.

“Ms. Carlyle, Ms. Taylor, are you planning to join us?” he

called impatiently,

“Be right back,” Andy said to Brooke, squeezing her arm

lightly.

“Good,” Brooke said, tracing a finger down the buttons of

Andy’s white shirt. “And when we get home I’ll show you just how

proud I am of you.”

• 142 •

Harmony

Andy turned away, fighting to keep a straight face as she and

a fuming Lyssa walked over to the conductor. Brooke sat in Andy’s

chair next to her viola case wearing a smug smile.

Andy returned shortly and grabbed her case and Brooke’s hand.

“Let’s get out of here,” she said, tugging Brooke to her feet. “I don’t

want the two of you getting in a fight in the middle of the stage.”

“I hope you didn’t mind that kiss,” Brooke said. “But I heard

her insulting you, and it just made me so mad I had to do something.”

“Well, the gesture was a bit overdone, but appreciated, babe,”

Andy said, dropping Brooke’s hand once they had left the stage.

“She was right, though. I rushed the tempo of my sixteenth notes.”

“I really did think you were wonderful,” Brooke said, bumping

against Andy’s side and getting a smile in return. “Is she always so

bitchy about other people’s playing?”

“Well, yes. And she’s still mad at me for walking out on our,

um, conversation a few weeks ago,” Andy explained. “It made her

feel better to criticize me, but it doesn’t matter.” She shrugged,

realizing that for once it was true. Lyssa’s words hadn’t hurt her

feelings or her self-confidence. “I know what I did wrong, and I’ll

play better at the concert.”

“I’m sorry for what I said about tonight, about when we get

back home,” Brooke stammered. “I didn’t mean we really should…”

“I know,” Andy said, staring straight ahead as she walked to

the car. “You have a flair for the dramatic, Brooke. It’s not a secret

around here that I’m a lesbian, so you just came out on stage, in

front of the entire orchestra.”

“I know,” Brooke echoed Andy’s words. “I’m sure Cindy can’t

wait to tell the book club. But it was worth it to watch Lyssa turn

so red.”

Andy finally let herself laugh at that. “I especially liked the part

about the weather. Did you notice that she was retuning her violin

when we left the stage?”

Andy stowed her viola in the trunk, feeling strangely lighthearted

after the evening’s stresses. Brooke had come running to her rescue.

And that support had helped Andy break free of Lyssa’s ability to

erode her confidence.

• 143 •

Karis WalsH

“Thanks again for intercepting my phone call and inviting

yourself to the rehearsal,” she said, leaning back in the passenger

seat as Brooke drove them home.

“Ooh, such a gracious way to say thank you,” Brooke said.

“You have a better way in mind?” Andy asked.

“You can buy me dinner,” she answered haughtily, pulling

the car into a parking spot near one of their favorite restaurants on

Broadway. “I feel like Mexican food.”

• 144 •

Harmony

CHapter seventeen

Andy spent nearly as much time in the bathroom getting

ready for the concert as Brooke usually did. She finally

came out to find Brooke curled on the couch with a book.

“Do I look all right?” Andy asked nervously, fidgeting with the

outfit that she only wore during the holiday season.

“Very nice,” Brooke said as her eyes raked over Andy’s black

outfit, from her slim velvet pants to her silky blouse. She stood and

casually adjusted the collar of Andy’s top, her eyes as bright and

unrevealing as crystals.

“You, too,” Andy said, her mouth suddenly dry at the sight of

Brooke in her simple black dress with its expensive-looking cut. She

couldn’t seem to stop from reaching out and moving her hand along

Brooke’s hip, feeling the black lace overlay slide on the satin lining.

Brooke frowned slightly and took Andy’s hand from her hip.

“Come in here for a minute and let me fix you,” she said, tugging

on Andy’s hand to get her to follow into the bathroom, ignoring her

protestation that she didn’t need to be fixed. She propped her against

the counter and took a bottle of hair gel off the counter.

“There. Much better,” Brooke said with a short nod after she

rubbed the gel on her hands and raked them through the sides of

Andy’s hair. She turned her to face the mirror.

“Wow,” Andy said, staring at her reflection in surprise. With

the sides slicked back and her bangs a little spiky from the gel, she

had a more put-together look than before. The style swept the hair

• 145 •

Karis WalsH

from her face so the angles of her cheekbones and her arched brows

were accentuated. Her eyes met Brooke’s in the mirror. “I like it.”

“I told you there’s more to hair care than a bottle of shampoo

and a comb,” Brooke said, giving Andy a quick kiss on the neck.

Andy turned away to hide her desire at Brooke’s simple kiss.

“C’mon. We’ll be late.”

They were silent as Brooke drove them to the hall, holding

hands like they had on the way to the dress rehearsal. When they

parted company in the hall’s garage, Brooke put her hands on the

sides of Andy’s face and looked her in the eyes.

“You’ll be great tonight,” she promised, giving her a brief kiss.

“I’ll lead the standing ovation.”

Andy smiled grimly and lugged her viola backstage, pushing

thoughts of Brooke and that kiss out of her mind as she mentally

reviewed each section of the night’s program. She realized in a

moment of panic that she had completely forgotten the first measures

of her own concerto, and as soon as she entered the room where the

other players were warming up she started searching for the sheet

music.

“I do hope you got that timing problem corrected,” Lyssa said,

standing over Andy as she pawed through her case. Andy’s eyes

traveled up the length of her, unable to keep from registering how

the harsh black outfit suited Lyssa, making her fair skin look like

porcelain. She watched a similarly reluctant look of admiration

cross Lyssa’s features when she noticed Andy’s hair.

“Yes,” Andy said shortly, mentally adding that she had the

timing down, but had apparently forgotten most of the notes. “And

I presume that you’ve got your violin in tune?”

“Why don’t you worry about your own playing. Too bad my

solos aren’t after yours so if you mess up, the audience could still

leave on a good note.”

She walked away, and Andy was left to wonder where all of

her confidence from the night before had gone. She finally found her

music and flipped it open, hoping a quick refresher would jog her

memory. There was a brightly colored sticky note on the first page

of the sixth concerto.

• 146 •

Harmony

“Stop worrying, you haven’t forgotten the notes,” Brooke had

written in her barely legible handwriting. Andy smiled and closed

the score, suddenly not feeling so alone. Damn, but it felt good to

have someone know her so well and to be there at exactly the right

time.The musicians were given their fifteen-minute notice, so

Andy hurriedly tuned her viola and played a brief warm-up. Once

onstage, she stuck Brooke’s note on her music stand underneath the

score. Although she couldn’t hope to see past the bright stage lights

and find Brooke in the audience, just knowing she was out there

believing in her gave Andy the confidence to get through the night.

As a seasoned orchestra player, the Brandenburgs were very familiar

to her, so she easily played through the first five concertos. She had

never had a chance to play the sixth for a paying audience, but she

managed to get to her place in front of the orchestra without falling

over, her knees shaking only slightly. Once she started playing, the

notes seemed to fall from her viola without much effort on her part.

Her tempo remained steady, and the six instruments bounced the

music back and forth like an intricate game of catch. She couldn’t

help smiling broadly as they finished, and she saw her expression

mirrored on the other players’ faces.

As well as it had gone, Andy was relieved when the concert

finally came to a close. Her shoulders and jaw ached from the extra

tension she had held all evening as she concentrated on getting

every aspect of her playing right. It was all she could do to carry her

viola case to the car.

Brooke was waiting for her with a huge smile that helped to

melt some of Andy’s tension. Brooke gave her a hug and pried the

viola case from her hand.

“Let me,” she said with a small frown. “You look exhausted.”

“I’m all right,” Andy assured her, watching to make sure her

viola was carefully stowed away. “Just the normal let down after

a concert. You helped, though. How did you know I would panic

about forgetting the notes?”

Brooke laughed. “Lucky guess. You doubt yourself more than

anyone I know, and you have less reason to.”

• 147 •

Karis WalsH

They were getting in the car when another viola player walked

by. “Great job tonight, Andy,” she called. “Will we see you at

Mickey’s?”

Andy shook her head. “Thank you, but I think we’ll pass

tonight. See you next week.”

Brooke started the car. “Is it because of me? I heard you say no

after the dress rehearsal as well.”

“It’s not you,” Andy assured her. “I’m just too tired tonight.

There are a few of us who meet at the bar sometimes after rehearsals

or concerts, but I don’t go every time. We can if you really want to.”

Brooke shook her head. “I’d rather get back to the apartment.”

They drove in silence, and Andy was worn out enough to allow

Brooke to carry her viola up the stairs. She disappeared to take a

long, hot shower while Brooke made up the sofa bed. Andy came

out in her sweats to say good night, but Brooke gestured at the table

next to the couch.

“I brought you a beer,” she said. “Come sit with me for a little

while.”

Andy thought the beer would help her relax, but sitting in

bed with Brooke definitely would not. She felt too wound up to go

straight to sleep after the stress of the day, however, so she pushed

aside her common sense and sat on the edge of the bed. They made

small talk about the concert and some of the other players until

Andy started to lose some of her tension. She brought them two

more beers from the kitchen and leaned more comfortably against

the back of the sofa.

“I could give you a back rub,” Brooke suggested. Andy gave

her a look of alarm and she laughed. “I’m not planning to molest

you,” she said. “But you keep rubbing your neck like it’s sore. Come

here.”

Andy reluctantly moved between Brooke’s legs, her back held

stiffly to avoid any contact with her.

Brooke leaned toward Andy’s ear. “Relax,” she demanded as

her fingers started to knead Andy’s tense muscles.

She worked across Andy’s shoulders, feeling her slowly give

in to the gentle pressure and lean in to the massage. Andy groaned

• 148 •

Harmony

quietly when Brooke found a knot of tension, and Brooke felt her

own body respond to the sound. She moved her hands to Andy’s

upper arms, then to the front of her shoulders, pressing Andy back

against her.

“Brooke, what are you doing?” Andy asked, still not resisting

Brooke’s touch.

“Just giving you a massage,” she answered, rubbing her hands

under Andy’s collarbones and barely touching the swell of her

breasts. “Please, let me make you feel good.”

“You do, and that’s the problem,” Andy said. As worn out as

she was, Andy found the strength to stop Brooke’s hands before they

reached her breasts. Dating her was fun, and their occasional kisses

were wonderful, but Andy couldn’t go any further until Brooke

knew what she wanted. She twisted around to give Brooke a kiss

and then reluctantly pulled out of her arms.

“Thank you for being there tonight, Brooke,” she said, trying to

ignore the desire she saw mirrored in Brooke’s eyes. She went into

her bedroom before she could change her mind.

• 149 •

• 150 •

Harmony

CHapter eigHteen

The Monday before Thanksgiving, Andy emerged from her

music room earlier than usual. Brooke was at the dining

room table, making yet another list of ingredients for her dinner.

“Hey,” Andy said, resisting the urge to cross the room and

give Brooke a good morning kiss. Since the concert, her desire to

touch Brooke had been growing stronger, fueled by the knowledge

that Brooke wanted her too. She had to keep her distance until

Brooke decided whether she wanted Andy for keeps, or just for a

night. She busied herself at the sink instead, washing her coffee

mug. “I don’t have lessons today since it’s a holiday week. Do you

want to go to Pike Place and get some food for Thursday?”

“I’d love to,” Brooke said, waving the piece of paper she had

been writing on. “I have the menu finalized, so we can get our

produce there at the market, then stop at Whole Foods on the way

home for the rest.”

“Sounds good,” Andy answered, glad to see the excitement

in Brooke’s eyes. Her mood seemed to be lifting as Thanksgiving

approached, and Andy wanted to encourage that as much as she

could. Even if it meant turning her small kitchen into a disaster area.

The fall day was clear but chilly, so Andy pulled a fisherman’s

knit sweater over her T-shirt then grabbed her car keys. Normally

she wouldn’t drive downtown for a shopping trip, wanting to avoid

the hassle of city parking, but she figured Brooke would have too

many bags of groceries for them to comfortably carry on the bus.

• 151 •

Karis WalsH

She was winding a scarf around her neck when Brooke came out of

the bathroom.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, as Andy avoided her eyes.

“Nothing,” Andy said. “You look very nice.”

Brooke looked down at her navy turtleneck sweater and jeans.

“Really? I thought this outfit seemed a little ratty,” she said, tugging

at the hem of her sweater. Andy made a strangled sort of sound as

Brooke’s movement made her turtleneck pull even more snugly

across her breasts. She slapped lightly at Brooke’s hand.

“Stop doing that,” she said. “You’re driving me crazy.” Andy

held Brooke’s windbreaker for her to put on, but she didn’t move

toward it.

“Do I need to change?” she asked, confused. “You’re looking

at me like I’m wearing my underwear on the outside.”

Andy sighed. “I’m looking at you like that sweater shows

every curve of your body and makes your eyes look like incredibly

blue diamonds,” she said, flapping the windbreaker slightly to make

Brooke move. Brooke turned and slipped her arms into the jacket.

“And your ass looks amazing in those tight jeans,” Andy added,

giving her a playful swat. She was rewarded with one of Brooke’s

laughs and a light kiss on the cheek. Those little intimate gestures,

when Brooke acted like they were a couple, turned Andy on more

than any overtly sexual move ever had.

Andy drove toward Puget Sound, luckily finding a parking

place on one of the side streets near Pike Place Market. There

were people everywhere, and they jostled their way among the

masses, Andy only occasionally placing her hand on Brooke’s back

to keep them from getting separated. She was careful to drop the

contact immediately once they were in a more open area. Although

Andy didn’t like the crowds, they were worth enduring just to

feel Brooke’s mood change. Everything about her became more

animated, from her gestures to her walking speed, and her interest

flickered rapidly from one subject to the next. This Brooke was such

a different woman from the one Andy first met, sitting alone in the

coffee shop, closed off from the world around her. They wandered

aimlessly, checking out the produce stands stocked by local farmers

• 152 •

Harmony

and peering at the bakery display cases. The breeze off the Sound

was getting colder, so Andy steered them into the covered section

of the market.

“I used to come here with my grandfather when I was little,”

Brooke said, a contented smile on her face as she stopped to take

a taste of some locally harvested honey, picking out a subtle hint

of blackberries in the sweet aftertaste. “I remember how exotic it

seemed, with people speaking different languages, and the smells of

spices and fish and salt water. I used to pretend we had sailed to a

foreign country. Ooh, look!”

She darted across the aisle with Andy in tow and accepted a

piece of organic pear from a vendor who was cutting up samples.

“Wow, try this.”

She fed Andy a bite of her pear, using a finger to wipe away

some juice that caught in the corner of her mouth, lingering there

a moment before she withdrew. It was such an innocent touch,

perfectly safe in public. Brooke’s thoughts were anything but.

“It’s very good,” Andy said.

Her voice gave nothing away, but when Brooke saw Andy

touch her tongue to the spot where Brooke’s finger had rested, and

then smile, Brooke had the suspicion that Andy felt the same desire

she did.

“Do we need pears for Thanksgiving?” Andy asked.

“No, but we should get some while we’re here.” Brooke

shrugged, paying the farmer for a bag of fruit. So I can feed them

to you when we get home, Brooke added silently. She handed it to

Andy. “Now, isn’t there a cooking store around here? I need some

pans.”

“As your regular dishwasher, I beg to differ,” Andy muttered,

but she pointed across the street. “There’s a place right up here, and

it’s next to a nice wine shop.”

Now that they were acclimated, they started shopping in

earnest. She and Andy argued good-naturedly over the pattern of

serving dishes, spent over half an hour debating which local wines

to pick, and reached simultaneously for the same bouquet of flowers

for the table. They were shopping together like a couple, Brooke

• 153 •

Karis WalsH

decided, and the thought worried her. She enjoyed their comfortable

rapport and could hold her own in any decision they made, but she

worried she was getting too relaxed with Andy. Would she be able

to separate herself from Andy’s stronger presence when it came to

bigger decisions than what color napkins to buy? Brooke’s concern

over their easy domesticity made her self-conscious about the

closeness she felt with Andy. Every time they touched, she would

lean into the contact and then pull away quickly. Occasionally their

hands would brush, and Brooke would feel Andy’s fingers start

to tighten on hers before she suddenly discovered something she

needed to touch or pick up. The crowds and the constant push and

pull of their connection were starting to exhaust her, and seemed to

be wearing on Andy as well.

“If you’re going to treat me like a pack mule, you should at

least feed me something,” Andy growled as Brooke slipped another

bag of produce over her arm. Brooke glanced at her face, startled

by her tone, but when Andy spoke again the traces of irritation were

absent from her voice. “There’s a place on the next street that has

great Mediterranean food,” she suggested.

“That sounds good,” Brooke said. “I’m starving.”

“How can you be hungry after you’ve sampled half the market?”

Andy asked with a laugh. “You’re like a two-year-old. Everything

you see goes in your mouth.”

“Hmm. I thought you liked that about me,” Brooke said with

a grin, resettling the small sugar pumpkin she carried under her left

arm and hooking her right hand under Andy’s elbow. She pulled her

hand away again and moved the pumpkin back to her right side.

“It happens to be one of your best traits, if I remember

correctly,” Andy said. “And you know, you can touch me.”

Brooke bumped Andy with her shoulder, just hard enough to

knock her off-balance. “How’s that?”

Andy took a few awkward steps with her heavy packages but

managed to stay upright. “That wasn’t what I meant by touching,”

she said, taking a swipe at Brooke with the bag of wine and narrowly

missing a man who was trying to pass them. He stepped off the

sidewalk and glared as he walked past. “See?” she said to a giggling

• 154 •

Harmony

Brooke. “He probably wouldn’t have noticed if we had just been

holding hands.”

Brooke, still laughing, moved her pumpkin again and slid

her arm through Andy’s as they walked the short distance to the

restaurant. “I’m only doing this to keep you from knocking over any

pedestrians,” she said.

Andy dropped into a seat at one of the street-side tables

surrounded by their bags, while Brooke went into the restaurant,

barely the size of Andy’s kitchen, and ordered their food. After

sharing a plate of falafel with tahini sauce, sitting close enough to

Andy so their thighs brushed under the table, Brooke’s spirits were

improving rapidly. She relaxed enough to get sidetracked by the

flavors as she scooped up the last bits of saffron rice with a piece

of pita bread, and she decided they needed to return to a spice shop

they had passed so she could try to recreate the meal.

They were almost out of the market when Brooke veered off

again, following the smell of cinnamon to a kiosk selling doughnuts.

“Granddad and I used to get these,” she said once Andy had

caught up. They watched the tiny doughnuts drop into the fryer, and

Brooke bought a bag for them to share.

Brooke popped a doughnut, still warm from the oil, into Andy’s

mouth since her arms were too laden with bags for her to eat on her

own. Andy was watching her as if mesmerized while Brooke licked

cinnamon-sugar off her fingers, until her gaze suddenly shifted to a

point over Brooke’s shoulder. Brooke turned to see what had caught

Andy’s attention, but at first all she saw was a crowded seafood

stand. “It’s funny that almost every TV show about Seattle shows

those guys throwing fish around. I don’t get why…” Her voice faded

as she saw Jake standing with a couple of people from the office.

They were laughing and talking as if trying to entertain Jake. She

watched silently for a moment. “That’s Marianne and Steve from

the law firm,” she said finally.

“Do you want to go talk to them?” Andy asked reluctantly,

breaking Brooke out of her trance.

“No.” She shook her head and turned back to Andy. “Jake and

I have talked enough. I don’t think we’re ready for a casual meeting

in public.”

• 155 •

Karis WalsH

Brooke knew it would upset Jake to run into her when he was

with his friends, to be pitied as the jilted lover. She balled up the bag

with the last two doughnuts in it and tossed it in a garbage can on the

way to the car. She had saved him from an awkward meeting, but

she felt her own day clouded with reminders of the past.

❖

They finished shopping and drove home in near silence. Brooke

knew it hurt Andy when she withdrew like she had this past hour,

but her mind was too full of guilt and indecision to make the effort

to return to the lighthearted mood they had shared all day. They both

seemed to be dragging as they hauled the groceries up to Andy’s

apartment. Andy set their bags on the counter and went to check the

answering machine.

“Call me.” The angry tone of the simple answering machine

message startled both women.

“My dad,” Andy said grimly, heading toward her room to make

the call. “Do you mind putting the groceries away while I call him

back?”

Brooke shook her head and started to unpack the mountain of

produce that had looked so good at the market. Now she wasn’t sure

if she had the energy to do all the cutting and chopping and cooking

that were required to assemble the food into a meal fit for company.

She put the pears that had seemed so sweet and wonderful this

morning into a bowl on the dining room table and wished she could

step back in time and relive this day that had been full of laughter and

teasing. This time she wouldn’t turn around and see Jake looking so

dejected, and have to face the realization that she was the cause of his

heartache. She was sorry about his pain, but she knew she had made

the right decision. Seeing him, she realized how little she missed her

old life, and it frightened her how close she had come to subjecting

them both to an unhappy marriage. She had been so blind to her own

needs, and she couldn’t let that happen ever again.

Brooke winced as she heard Andy’s voice rise in the other room.

With the door closed, she couldn’t hear the conversation, but Andy’s

• 156 •

Harmony

tone told her it wasn’t a pleasant one. Brooke’s heart reached out to

her, and she realized Andy offered a kind of relationship so different

from what she had with Jake. Andy recognized and appreciated all

of those wacky little traits that made her Brooke. And just being

with her made even something as simple as buying groceries playful

and fun. And most of all, Brooke had a nearly irresistible urge to

touch her and be close to her.

Once all the food was haphazardly thrown into the fridge,

Brooke sat at the dining room table and listened to the sound of

Andy’s voice as she dealt with her father’s anger. He must have been

told, probably by Amy, that his oldest daughter wasn’t coming home

for the holiday this year. Apparently he wasn’t accepting the fact

calmly. After over half an hour, there was only silence from Andy’s

room. Brooke waited several minutes, then tapped lightly on the

bedroom door and opened it to find Andy lying on her bed.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t help with the groceries,” Andy said quietly,

rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands.

“It’s all right,” Brooke said as she sat on the edge of the bed.

She reached out and gently brushed Andy’s hair back from her face.

“Was he very angry with you?”

“You could hear?”

Brooke shrugged. “Not much. It’s my fault this happened. I was

trying to get back at you when I invited everyone for Thanksgiving,

and I didn’t realize—”

Andy grabbed Brooke’s hand that was still playing with her

hair. “You did a nice thing. Everyone’s looking forward to coming.

It’s just that, dealing with him when he’s so mad, I feel like a little

kid again. I’d rather be here with you on Thanksgiving, but I hate

disappointing my family.”

“It seems the more we try to be happy, the more we hurt

other people,” Brooke said sadly. Andy couldn’t deny it. She

knew that without her there as a buffer, Amy and her dad would

be at each other all night. She didn’t know how she could enjoy

Thanksgiving if she knew her family was miserable, but she

couldn’t hurt Brooke after she had worked so hard to plan a great

holiday for everyone.

• 157 •

Karis WalsH

“I can make us something for dinner,” Brooke offered after a

short, depressing silence.

Andy shook her head. “I’m not hungry. But could you lie here

with me for a while?”

Brooke nodded, and they stripped down to T-shirts before

sliding under the covers. Brooke turned on her side and pulled Andy

against her, wrapping an arm tightly across her waist. Andy felt

the warmth of Brooke drawing the tension out of her body. Just

this morning, being this close would have triggered an arousal that

would have kept her awake all night, but now Andy only wanted to

relax into the comfort of Brooke’s arms. A couple of months ago,

she’d had some semblance of control over her life. Her relationships

with Lyssa and her parents weren’t ideal, but they were familiar

and predictable. Her work with the symphony was uninspiring

but enjoyable. Now she was being pushed out of her comfort zone

with her new symphony role of leader and soloist. Her professional

life was encroaching on her personal life. In fact, it was coming

to Thanksgiving dinner. And this woman had come into her life

bringing complications and an untidiness that threatened the thin

veneer of harmony she had been fighting to maintain. Andy drifted

to sleep in Brooke’s arms, wondering why it felt so right to be with

her, in spite of all the chaos she brought.

• 158 •

Harmony

CHapter nineteen

Brooke cooked for two solid days, in a frenzy of activity. She

desperately wanted to give Andy a taste of Thanksgiving

that was full of good food and friendship instead of deception and

conflict. Once she started the massive project, however, she felt her

own mood lift as the smells and tastes of her creations filled her with

a sense of accomplishment. The pumpkin pie was indeed the kitchen

disaster Andy had expected, and Brooke couldn’t clearly explain

how she got pumpkin seeds stuck on the ceiling, but judging by the

pie’s aroma it promised to be worth her effort.

Andy spent most of the days in her music room or at the

symphony hall, preparing for the usual rush of Christmas concerts.

She told Brooke she was putting in extra hours of playing so she

could have Thursday free without guilt, although she emerged now

and then to taste one of Brooke’s experiments or help with chopping

vegetables. Their meals consisted of small samples of Thanksgiving

dishes and a large bowl of couscous that Brooke decided was good

enough for them to eat, but not for company.

It wasn’t until Thursday morning that Andy went into a frenzy

of her own and started cleaning the apartment. Brooke glowered at

her as she made their lattes, not pleased about waking up at seven

to the sound of the vacuum. Andy ignored her usual good morning

cheer and carried armloads of Brooke’s clothes into her room and

dumped them on the closet floor.

• 159 •

Karis WalsH

“I was going to sit in bed and read with my coffee,” Brooke

complained when she saw that Andy had folded up the sofa bed.

“Sit on my bed,” Andy said without compassion. “Then get

your shower out of the way before I box up most of the stuff in the

bathroom.”

Brooke opened her mouth to protest, but Andy spoke before

she had a chance. “You can have everything back tomorrow, but for

today it’s going in a box under the sink.”

By noon, they had each done as much as possible to prepare

for their guests. “This is the last of the couscous,” Brooke said as

she dropped onto the sofa next to Andy and handed her a plate. The

dining room table was already set up as a buffet for dinner.

“Now I know what to be thankful for,” Andy muttered as she

toyed with her food before resignedly putting a bite in her mouth.

❖

Andy came out of the bathroom a few minutes before their

guests were due to arrive, buttoning the dark green shirt she wore

with khaki pants, her hair still damp and slicked back from her

shower. Brooke stood by the stove dropping chickpea fritters into a

pan of hot oil. She was barefoot and wearing a skirt because she told

Andy she wanted to show off her tattoo.

Andy came up from behind and slipped her arms lightly around

Brooke’s waist, only tightening her hold when Brooke leaned back

into her embrace.

“The apartment smells like a spice market,” Andy murmured,

nuzzling Brooke’s neck. “And so does your hair.” The exotic scents

combined with the traditional Thanksgiving scene seemed so

appropriate for Brooke, Andy decided. Always unique, and always

unexpected.

Brooke fished the browned fritters out of the pan and turned in

Andy’s arms, slipping her own around Andy’s neck.

“You smell like shampoo and toothpaste,” she said, brushing

noses with Andy. Andy’s hand slid up Brooke’s back and into her

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Harmony

hair. “Why don’t we call everyone and cancel?” she asked as she

lowered her mouth to capture Brooke’s.

Brooke felt Andy’s body tense when the knock on the door

interrupted their tentative kiss. “It’s going to be okay tonight.

They’re your friends.”

“I know,” Andy muttered through clenched teeth. She reluct-

antly let go of Brooke and went to answer the door. There was

a knot in her stomach, familiar to her after years of traditionally

miserable holidays. She grimly anticipated an evening of stilted

conversation and constant effort on her part to keep everyone

somewhat peaceful and entertained. She wanted nothing more than

to keep the door shut and hide inside, alone with Brooke who had

been so soft in her arms.

She opened the door for Tina and her latest girlfriend. She took

their coats, trying to place the tall and elegant black woman whom

Tina introduced as Alison. She took them in to meet Brooke before

heading toward her bedroom with their coats.

“That’s it,” she said with a snap of her fingers as she turned

back to the kitchen. “You were November Ninth’s maid of honor.”

Alison looked at Tina, who frowned at Andy and then explained

the quartet’s way of naming brides.

“Don’t worry about it,” Brooke told Alison with a grin as she

nudged Andy playfully. “I was October Fifth.”

Their laughter helped ease some of Andy’s tension, and she

stepped into the role of host, pouring drinks for her guests and

answering the door when Jonas and David knocked. She and Alison

were arguing with the guys about what music to put on Andy’s

stereo when Richard and Nancy arrived.

“Hey, I thought this was supposed to be a vegetarian dinner,”

David said to Richard who was helping Nancy with her coat. She

was petite except for her enormous pregnant belly. “Are you trying

to smuggle in a turkey?”

Even as he joked with them, David gently helped Nancy into

a comfortable chair. She sighed as she sat down and patted her

stomach.

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Karis WalsH

“It feels like a twenty-four pounder, at least,” she told him.

“We’ll be able to feed the whole apartment building.”

Andy made introductions before disappearing into the kitchen

to prepare more drinks. When she returned, she stood quietly in the

doorway for a couple of moments, observing the scene in her living

room. Tina and David sat near Nancy, laughing and shrieking as

she regaled them with gruesome stories about the childbirth video

she had watched at her Lamaze class. Alison and Richard had taken

charge of the stereo and were sifting through Andy’s music selection.

Brooke and Jonas sat on the couch, talking like old friends.

Andy stepped in and handed a cranberry juice to Nancy and

one with vodka to Richard.

“Thank you,” he told her before responding to something he

heard his wife say. “I did not faint when we saw that film,” he said

loudly over David’s gleeful laughter.

“The instructor had to get you a cold cloth and help you with

your breathing,” she said with a shake of her head. “I’m supposed to

be the one lying back on the pillows and being fussed over.”

Brooke slipped over to Andy who was standing a little apart

and watching the good-natured banter between husband and wife.

“You’re smiling,” Brooke said, stepping close to her. Andy

wrapped her arm around Brooke’s shoulders and pulled her close.

Brooke gave her a quick kiss on the mouth. “Now, go talk to your

friends while I check on dinner.”

Andy joined Jonas on the couch, and soon the two of them

were discussing favorite hiking routes in the Cascades. The small

group of people filled Andy’s tiny apartment, but instead of feeling

claustrophobic, as she had been expecting, the atmosphere was cozy

and warm. People moved around, forming various new groupings

as the conversation flowed, and she found herself letting go of the

need to oversee every discussion in order to keep the evening free of

dissension. She heard Richard and David arguing about Bach across

the room, but soon they were laughing together without needing her

as a referee.

She headed into the kitchen and found Brooke and Tina leaning

against the counter talking and drinking wine.

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Harmony

“Hi,” Brooke said, lighting up at the sight of Andy. Tina looked

from one to the other and rolled her eyes.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” she said. Neither Brooke nor Andy

tried to make her stay, so she took the wine bottle with her and went

to the living room to refill glasses.

“I came for more hors d’oeuvres,” Andy said, putting the

empty plates on the counter. “Everything is delicious.” She swiped

a skewer with pieces of glazed veggie sausage and apple on it while

Brooke refilled the plates.

“Mmm, I love these things,” she said, taking another one.

“What a great flavor combination.”

“There’s sage in there, too,” Brooke said, slapping Andy’s hand

away as she reached for a third appetizer. “Save some for the guests.”

“But I’m hungry,” Andy complained. Brooke caught her eye

at that, and Andy could see her breathing quicken. She took hold of

Brooke’s wrists and gently pinned her against the fridge. “I need to

eat something,” she complained.

Brooke bit her lip as Andy nibbled along her collarbone and then

moved up toward her mouth, sliding her body up along Brooke’s.

She hesitated, their lips almost touching, and looked questioningly

into those icy blue eyes. Brooke made the first move, closing the gap

between them and kissing Andy. Andy responded with all the pent-

up need she had been feeling.

“Time for dessert already?” David’s jocular voice broke through

their deepening kiss. “I just came in to find out what was keeping

the appetizers, but maybe I should knock next time,” he continued,

picking up two of the refilled plates. “You have a sticky note in your

hair,” he whispered to Brooke before he walked out laughing.

Andy untangled the note and put it back on the fridge. She

smoothed Brooke’s hair with her fingers, then trailed them across

her lips and down her neck, feeling Brooke’s speeding pulse. “I

should get back out there. Unless you need me to help with dinner?”

Brooke laughed. “I think if you stay in here and help me any

more, our guests will go hungry.” She turned Andy and gave her

a push toward the living room. “Dinner should be ready in fifteen

minutes.”

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Karis WalsH

❖

Andy eventually relaxed enough to realize she didn’t have to do

anything at this party. After years of holidays spent worrying over

what she said or did, she discovered the joy of being with people

who didn’t have expectations of her that she could never quite guess,

never quite live up to. Her last remaining concern, that her friends

wouldn’t enjoy the nontraditional food, lingered, because she knew

her vegetarian diet had dictated Brooke’s menu. She felt responsible

for the food, even though Brooke had made all of it, but her worries

vanished as she watched plate after plate consumed by their guests.

After eating, they all sprawled in the living room, too full to

do more than compliment Brooke on the meal and listen to the

Chopin etudes that Richard had chosen for them. Brooke was in

one of the armchairs, her bare legs tucked under her skirt. Andy

sat on the floor in front of her, leaning back as Brooke’s fingers

played through her hair. The room was in chaos, with paper plates,

leftover food, and empty glasses on every surface. The difference

between this and her usual Thanksgiving dinner with her family was

striking. Instead of a sit-down dinner with cloth napkins, fine china,

and stilted conversation, they had opted for a buffet. Everyone ate

and laughed together, going back for seconds and thirds when they

wanted, sitting wherever they could find a spot. On the surface it

seemed less organized and controlled, but the depth of friendship

and comfort in Andy’s apartment filled her with a sense of peace she

hadn’t known for a long time. She draped her arm across Brooke’s

thighs and picked gently at the fabric of her skirt while their guests

argued over which dish they had enjoyed the most. Andy didn’t

even feel an urge to get up and start clearing trash, not wanting to

break this contact with Brooke. Brooke shifted in the chair. Andy

slipped her hand a little farther up Brooke’s thigh and was surprised

by such a rush of wanting, she almost climbed into Brooke’s lap

right in front of everyone.

Andy rarely entertained guests, and never before on a holiday.

For all the pain she had experienced as a child, Andy had never lost

a deep love of society’s rituals. She had listened to school friends

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Harmony

talk about their family traditions like other kids read fairy tales.

They may have dreamed of castles and knights, but she’d longed

for a home to be her sanctuary. Brooke had given Andy her fantasy

this evening. Andy knew that if she had tried to have this same party

without Brooke it wouldn’t have been as easy or relaxing. She was

the one who had cooked and planned, who had approached the

night with a relaxed and generous attitude. She had interacted with

Andy’s friends as if she had known them for years, making each one

feel special and welcome. Andy felt a deep sense of gratitude for

Brooke’s gift. And a growing desire for her.

And love. Her hand froze as she realized how much she had

grown to love Brooke. In every important way, Andy thought of

Brooke as a partner. From daily activities to important events,

everything Andy did had more depth, more richness, simply because

Brooke was there. Over the past few weeks, with Brooke around,

her apartment had felt more like home than any place ever had. But

it wasn’t just the companionship and cooking that made that happen,

it was Brooke herself. But what if Brooke went away? Andy didn’t

know how she would survive.

“Anyone for pumpkin pie?” Brooke asked, bringing Andy back

from her thoughts with a start. Every person perked up from their

food coma and asked for a piece. Brooke grabbed Andy’s hand and

stood up. “Come help me?”

“I’ll help you,” Tina said, waving Andy back into a seated

position. “If we leave the two of you in the kitchen with a can of

whipped cream, we’ll never get dessert.”

Andy flushed but everyone else, Brooke included, just laughed.

She tried to focus on the conversation and keep her mind away

from thoughts of love, or Brooke covered in whipped cream. The

homemade pie was a huge hit with everyone, but Andy barely tasted

it as she worried about her feelings for Brooke. As soon as she was

finished, she started gathering plates and empty glasses, trying to

ignore the concerned glances Brooke was sending her way. She

carried a stack of plates into the kitchen and tossed them into the

garbage and recycle bins under the sink. She sensed Brooke behind

her before she turned around.

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Karis WalsH

“What is it?” Brooke asked with a slight frown. “What went

wrong?”

Andy shook her head, not knowing how to explain. “It’s just

been such a great evening,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry it’s almost

over.”

Brooke stepped toward her and wrapped her arms around

Andy’s waist, her chin resting on Andy’s shoulder. Andy hesitated

before she returned the embrace, longing for the familiar feeling of

simple desire instead of this overwhelming rush of love. She pushed

Brooke away gently. She had been so careful of their physical

relationship and had fought so hard to resist Brooke’s body, she

hadn’t noticed the attack on her heart.

“Thank you for tonight,” she said as she took a step back. “You

made it perfect for everyone.”

Tina popped her head in the room. “Hey, Andy, everyone wants

music. Can I play your violin?”

Andy nodded, glad of an excuse to get out of the kitchen before

she made a mess of things and professed her love to Brooke. She

and Tina went into the music room to get instruments, and David

followed. He carried Andy’s keyboard out to the living room and set

it up while Tina tuned the rarely used violin.

“Do you mind slumming?” Andy asked Richard as she handed

him the less expensive viola she used for teaching. He gave an

exaggerated grimace as he took the instrument out of its case

and slipped on a shoulder rest. He played a few scales, clearly as

proficient with this instrument as with the violin.

“It’s not too bad,” he admitted grudgingly as Andy mimicked

the scales on her performance viola. The difference in quality

between the two instruments was noticeable as the deeper tones

from Andy’s viola seemed to linger in the air after they were played.

Tina started them off with some fiddle tunes, and the rest of

the group joined in when she played “Old Joe Clark.” Andy felt her

tension easing yet again as their playing deteriorated into a speed

contest that had their friends laughing and urging them on. Then

David took center stage as the others tried to stump him with a

variety of song requests. He could play by ear, so he would pick out

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Harmony

the basic melody of any song they asked for, and then the rest of the

group joined in.

Andy had played with these people for several years, but she

had never spent so much time with them in a social setting. She

learned more about them as they played together, and she started

to appreciate Richard’s subtle sense of humor, Tina’s gift for

improvising on the violin, and David’s perfect pitch. They finished

the night with Mozart’s “Eine Kleine Nachtmusik,” one of Andy’s

favorites.

“Well-played,” Richard complimented her when they finished.

“She should play that one well,” Brooke said. “She has it

tattooed on her ass.”

That silenced everyone as they turned toward her. “I do not,”

Andy said with a laugh, jabbing at Brooke with her bow. “It’s on my

lower back.”

They wouldn’t let her off the hook, so she had to show everyone

her tattoo. I guess they’re learning new things about me too, she

thought.

After the music, their guests started to drift toward the door

in the usual lengthy process of gathering coats, packing plates of

leftovers, and saying good-bye. Finally the two of them were alone

in the suddenly very quiet apartment, a moment Andy had been both

dreading and anticipating. Andy wanted the physical contact she and

Brooke had shared all evening to continue, but they had fallen into

the habit, usually enforced by her, of stopping after a brief kiss or

touch. Andy was all too aware of her desire, of her jumbled thoughts

of love and partnership, but she had no idea what Brooke would

expect tonight.

“That was exhausting, but fun,” Brooke announced as they

surveyed the mess in the living room. “Do you mind if I take a quick

shower before we start to clean up?”

“Take your time,” Andy said. “I thought I’d call Amy and make

sure everything went okay tonight.”

Brooke disappeared, and Andy dialed Amy’s number. She

realized guiltily that she had barely thought about her family all

night except to compare their usual holidays with this special one.

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Karis WalsH

She hoped the evening hadn’t been too much of a disaster without

her there as a buffer.

“Hello?” Amy said brightly when she answered the phone. Her

sister was a night owl, so Andy hadn’t hesitated to call so late.

“Happy Thanksgiving,” she said.

“You, too, sister dear. Did you and the little woman have a

good night?”

“I had a nice evening with my friends, thank you,” Andy replied

without rising to her sister’s bait. “How did it go at home?”

“Oh, you know. Same old crap. Dad criticized my clothes and

complained that the turkey was dry. Mom kept putting more food on

my plate and asking about the possibility of future grandchildren.

Just like every other year.”

Andy sat heavily in a dining room chair. “Really? No big

fights? Everyone was all right?”

“Of course,” Amy said with her usual harsh laugh. “What did

you expect, the house would come crashing down because you

weren’t there?”

“No,” Andy lied. They floundered around with small talk for a

few minutes before hanging up. She set the phone on the table next

to a pile of dirty serving dishes and listened to the sounds of Brooke

splashing in the shower.

• 168 •

Harmony

CHapter tWenty

Brooke came out of the bathroom and found Andy at the

dining room table. “How is Amy?” she asked anxiously,

unable to read Andy’s expression. She thought their evening had

gone well, but she knew Andy would be consumed by guilt if her

fun holiday had come at her family’s expense.

Andy shrugged. “She said it was a normal Thanksgiving.”

“Well, that’s good news,” Brooke said with a sigh of relief.

“Isn’t it?”

“I guess,” Andy said, her brow furrowed. “Do you know that

feeling you get when you’re flying, and you try to concentrate really

hard so the plane won’t crash? And then you realize you don’t really

have any control over what happens, so you might as well just sit

and enjoy the ride.”

No matter how perfect Andy had tried to be, how hard she

fought to bring peace to her family, it was always just an illusion. It

made Brooke’s heart ache to think of how many crashes Andy had

survived along the way. “So you discovered that your family won’t

fall apart if you stop being miserable for one night?” Brooke asked

gently.

Andy nodded with a small smile. “It’s good to find out, but I

wasted a lot of years struggling to keep them together even though

they didn’t need me to.” She met Brooke’s eyes. “If it hadn’t been

for you, I would have gone back this year to the same lousy night.

And I would have missed all of this.”

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Karis WalsH

She waved her arm vaguely around the room, and when her

hand came back to rest on the table Brooke covered it with her own.

“Sometimes you need to break out of an old habit before you can see

that there are other ways of doing things,” Brooke said. They both

had needed to separate from their families, if only for a short time,

to realize how much of their own identities they sacrificed when

they let others define who they should be.

Andy just squeezed Brooke’s fingers with her own, staring at

their entwined hands. She slipped off her chair and onto her knees

in front of Brooke, winding her arms around Brooke’s waist and

laying her head in her lap. Brooke cupped the back of Andy’s head

with one hand and rubbed the other gently over her shoulders and

upper back. They stayed like that, just resting close to each other,

until Andy stopped thinking about her family and started noticing

the soft thighs that rested on either side of her rib cage.

“You’re wearing my bathrobe,” she said quietly, reaching a

hand up to play with the robe’s belt. “Anything underneath it?”

She felt Brooke’s laughter under her cheek. “Do you want to

find out?” she asked, bending over to kiss the top of Andy’s head.

Andy slid her hand under the loose top of the robe and ran her

fingers lightly over Brooke’s bare breasts. She raised her head and

impatiently untied the loose sash and pushed the robe off Brooke’s

shoulders. Their eyes locked, and Brooke’s were anything but icy as

her desire for Andy showed on her face.

“God, you are so beautiful,” Andy whispered reverently,

running her hands up Brooke’s thighs, to her waist, and back to her

full breasts. She realized they had been aiming at this moment from

the first time they’d touched that afternoon. She gently squeezed

Brooke’s nipples, and Brooke gripped the back of her head more

tightly as she thrust her breasts toward Andy’s hungry mouth.

Andy sucked a taut nipple into her mouth, making Brooke gasp

with pleasure, while her hands traveled back to the silky legs that

enveloped her. She rested her thumbs on the tight tendons at the

apex of Brooke’s thighs, kneading lightly and loving the response

she got as Brooke spread her legs and pressed her hips closer. The

smell of Brooke’s arousal surrounded her, and she thought she might

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Harmony

come just from having Brooke’s obvious desire fill all of her senses.

Brooke gave a wordless cry of need as Andy’s mouth dropped to her

wetness and covered her with gentle kisses.

Andy remembered the sweet taste of Brooke, but this time

with her was worlds away from their first night together. Then it

had been a matter of attraction, of a connection with a beautiful

stranger. Now, Andy poured all of her love and gratitude into giving

this woman pleasure, and her tongue ran over Brooke with a patient

tenderness that drove her wild. Brooke’s incoherent cries begged

her to move harder and faster, but she refused to be rushed, showing

Brooke how much she loved her since she knew she couldn’t say

the words yet. Andy was determined to make this last, but her slow,

deep lovemaking pushed Brooke to an orgasm that shook them both.

“Oh my God,” Brooke gasped when she could speak again,

tears running down her face. “How did you do that?”

She caught Andy’s face between her hands and pulled her up for

a frantic kiss. Andy leaned her hands on the armrests, bending over

Brooke’s chair and kissing her with all the passion and need that

she had been trying to contain. Their tongues danced, and only the

uncomfortable position made Andy finally draw away and help Brooke

to her feet. Brooke left the robe lying on the chair, and Andy discarded

her clothes as quickly as she could. They fell onto Andy’s bed together,

tugging at the blankets and sheet to get them out of the way.

“No,” Andy whimpered as Brooke started kissing her way

down Andy’s neck. Brooke raised her head in confusion, but Andy

threaded her fingers through silky blond hair and brought her close.

“Please, don’t stop kissing me.”

Brooke smiled and nipped playfully at Andy’s lower lip. Andy’s

tongue snaked out and Brooke met it with her own. Her thigh moved

between Andy’s legs, and she slid her hand down until she reached

wet curls. Andy moved her hips against Brooke’s thigh and fingers,

letting Brooke fill her mouth with her tongue until she came, crying

Brooke’s name loudly.

Brooke lifted her head slightly and looked into Andy’s eyes,

sharing the same breath as they stared at each other in wonder. Andy

lifted a shaky hand to brush Brooke’s hair from her face before

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Karis WalsH

kissing her more gently on the lips. Brooke felt small contractions

where her hand was still pressed between Andy’s thighs, and she was

reluctant to break their contact. Being together now was so different

from their first night, when they were strangers and Brooke had been

looking for an escape, a fantasy. Now it was real life. Two people

who shared meals and shopping trips and household chores, and

now shared a bed. The situation was mundane, so much less exciting

than picking up a stranger in a bar, but Brooke was overwhelmed

by the powerful feelings she experienced. The first time, Andy had

touched her body and showed her how amazing sex could be. This

time, she’d reached in and touched Brooke’s soul.

“Andy, I need you again,” Brooke whispered. “Please.”

Andy rolled them over and slipped between Brooke’s wet

thighs. “My pleasure,” she growled as she moved lower.

“Faster this time,” Brooke panted as Andy seemed intent on

maintaining her slow, loving pace. “I don’t know if I can take that

again so soon, what you did out there.”

Andy laughed and caught Brooke firmly with her mouth,

sucking around her clit before diving deeply inside with her tongue.

“Is that how you want it?” she asked, raising her head to catch

Brooke’s eye.

“Yes, please.” Brooke said.

“Okay, but I just want to make sure I’m doing this right…”

Brooke gave a strangled laugh at Andy’s teasing. “Don’t stop,”

she said, kicking gently at Andy with her ankle. Andy grinned at

her and returned to business, sliding her fingers inside while her

tongue swirled toward Brooke’s swollen clit. Brooke thought her

first orgasm should have finished her off for the night, leaving her

unconscious until morning, but instead it had left her with a driving

need to be near Andy. She clenched her fingers in Andy’s hair,

desperately pulling her closer. This time, Andy’s pace matched her

need, and soon she was sucking her clit deep into her mouth until

Brooke thrust her hips against Andy and came with a loud cry.

Andy moved back up the bed and took Brooke into her arms,

holding her tightly as their heads settled close together on Andy’s

pillow.

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Harmony

“Can I?” Brooke asked in a drowsy voice, her hand drifting

down Andy’s abdomen.

“Later, honey,” Andy whispered, stopping Brooke’s hand and

tucking it securely around her waist. “Just go to sleep.”

❖

Andy woke up the next morning to find Brooke sprawled

across the bed, her head pillowed on Andy’s stomach and the sheets

tangled around their legs.

God, she even sleeps like a slob, Andy thought with affection

as she gently threaded her fingers through Brooke’s hair, letting the

strands drop against her stomach with a feather’s touch.

Brooke stretched her arm over Andy’s thighs and turned her

face, trailing soft kisses over Andy’s lower abdomen.

“Good morning,” Brooke said. Andy felt her muscles clench

as Brooke rubbed her thigh, and she fought to keep her hips from

straining toward Brooke’s hand.

“We should get out of bed so you can have your coffee,” Andy

said reluctantly. “And we have one hell of a mess to clean up.”

Her sentence ended with a short gasp as Brooke’s fingers found

her wet and ready to be touched. “In a minute,” Brooke suggested,

lazily trailing her hand through Andy’s wetness. “And last night was

worth all the dirty dishes, wasn’t it?”

Andy murmured her agreement, focused mainly on Brooke’s

movements as she slipped between Andy’s legs. “We should do the

same thing for Christmas. Even if Nancy has the baby before, she

won’t be able to travel that soon.”

Andy’s hand rested on Brooke’s head and she could feel Brooke

still. “Maybe,” Brooke said. She went back to kissing her way up

Andy’s thigh, but Andy suddenly shifted her hips out of Brooke’s

reach and sat up in bed.

“What do you mean maybe?” Andy asked, her voice hardening

as she shut down the arousal that had been her sole focus only

moments before. She was suddenly torn back to their first time,

waking up alone after Brooke’s panicked flight from her bed. She

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Karis WalsH

had thought her heart was breaking when the Brooke who had been

a stranger left her. How much more would it hurt now after she had

been foolish enough to fall in love?

Brooke frowned. “I just don’t know what I’ll be doing at

Christmas. The fuss over my wedding will have died down, so I

might be ready to be back with my family.”

“You might not really want to be with me, you mean,” Andy

said, getting out of bed and pulling on the first items of clothing she

could find. She was angry with herself for letting Brooke lead her

on when clearly all she wanted was a fling. And she was angry at

Brooke for not having enough respect for her to be honest about her

feelings. She might be inexperienced as a lesbian, but she wasn’t

ignorant as a woman, or as a friend.

Brooke shook her head, but she didn’t deny the truth of Andy’s

words. “You promised me,” she said quietly. “You said I could have

until Christmas to decide.”

Andy simply stared at her before stalking into the bathroom

and slamming the door. Last night had been a promise in her mind.

A promise to love and care for this woman. If Brooke hadn’t felt

that too, then maybe it was better for her to leave. Andy spent most

of her shower convincing herself she really believed that, and the

rest of it calling herself a fool. She had gotten too close, and she

had been stupid. She knew the old story. She was Brooke’s first,

her experiment. And now she would go on to explore her sexuality,

beyond Andy’s reach. Go on to build a new life without Andy in it.

Andy had read too much into the relationship, and she would be the

one to suffer.

❖

Brooke made their morning lattes and left Andy’s on the

counter, trying not to feel too hurt when Andy simply dumped it

down the drain and washed the mug. It was as if she had sucked

all of her pain and anger inside and left an Andy-sized chasm in

the apartment. Brooke would even have preferred a screaming fight

over this deep silence. At least then she might have been able to

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Harmony

admit the truth behind her reluctance to make plans for Christmas.

The truth about how scared she had been last night by the depth of

her feelings for Andy. While Brooke had been trying to give herself

space and keep her distance, she had somehow grown powerfully

attached to Andy. If such intense feelings could sneak up when she

was unaware of them, what would happen if she committed fully to

a relationship with her? How could she keep her identity separate

when Andy could exert such an influence over her?

They spent an hour cleaning the apartment, somehow man-

aging to spend as little time in the same room as possible.

Afterward, Andy simply took her coat and left without a word,

skipping her usual practice. Alone and sad, Brooke gathered the

clothes Andy had hidden in her closet the day before and tidied

them into a corner of the living room, trying to make her presence

felt as little as possible in Andy’s space. She debated whether she

should simply go, but she hated the thought of leaving without at

least saying good-bye.

She was eating a lunch of leftovers when Andy finally returned.

She shut herself into her bedroom without acknowledging Brooke,

and it took her a few minutes to work up the courage to knock on

the closed door. There was no answer, as she had expected, but she

pushed in anyway.

Andy was lying on her bed, one arm draped over her eyes. “Did

I say come in?”

Brooke sat on the bed next to her. “No, but we need to talk.”

Andy didn’t speak, so Brooke tugged at her arm. “Look at me,

please?” When Andy did, Brooke almost regretted having asked.

Even in her angry withdrawal, her expressive hazel eyes revealed

the depth of her pain.

Brooke took a deep breath and pushed on. “That night of the

concert, after you were with Lyssa, you made me a promise. You

said no matter how unreasonable I was, you would give me until

Christmas to decide.”

She knew it was a dirty trick to bring up Andy’s guilt-ridden

night with Lyssa, but she was desperate. “Are you going to keep that

promise, or do you want me to leave?”

• 175 •

Karis WalsH

“That’s not fair,” Andy said, her eyes reddening with unshed

tears.

“You decide. You can let me stay while I work things out in my

head, or you can ask me to go.”

“I promised, so you can stay,” Andy said through clenched

teeth. “But get out of my room.”

She covered her eyes again, and Brooke reached out a hand

to touch her but stopped short of doing so. She left the room and

quietly closed the door.

• 176 •

Harmony

CHapter tWenty-one

Brooke was making a chili and cornbread casserole for dinner

when Andy finished her morning practice. She moved to the

side so Andy could wash her mug at the sink, neither one speaking as

they tried not to bump into each other in the small space.

“Are you almost finished with that?” Andy asked testily,

crossing her arms as she leaned on the counter and watched Brooke

spooning the cornmeal mixture over the chili.

“Am I in your way?” Brooke snapped.

“No,” Andy answered. “Christ, I just thought we could go for a

walk. I’m not trying to pick a fight.”

“Oh,” Brooke stared at the casserole as she put more care than

was really required into smoothing the top layer. “A walk. That

sounds nice.”

She covered the dish and put it in the fridge before taking some

warmer clothes into the bathroom so she could change there while

Andy shut herself in her bedroom to do the same thing. Brooke

brushed her hair and tried to cover the dark smudges under her eyes

with some concealer. She hadn’t been sleeping well since their fight,

and from the look on Andy’s face, she hadn’t either. She missed

Andy’s friendship and longed to return to the peace they had known

before their all-too-arousing, and terrifying, night together. They

met in the hall, and Andy set off without another word.

Brooke gamely tried to keep up with Andy’s long strides

without breaking into a jog as they marched along the familiar

• 177 •

Karis WalsH

streets, but by the time they reached Broadway’s retail area she was

cranky and breathing hard.

“Can I at least get some coffee?” she asked, stopping by an

espresso stand.

Andy walked on a few yards then circled back when she

realized Brooke wasn’t following. “No. We don’t have time.”

“Why are you being so mysterious?” Brooke asked suspiciously.

“Is this another therapy setup? Or are we going to meet a hit man?”

Andy rolled her eyes. “If I were hiring a hit man, I wouldn’t

bring you with me. Just come on,” she said, grabbing a reluctant

Brooke’s hand and pulling her along.

At least Andy slowed her pace slightly so Brooke didn’t have

to fight to keep up. She let her hand remain in Andy’s grasp for

almost a block before gently releasing the contact. Even when they

were bickering on the street, she still craved Andy’s touch. That

realization just made her more irritated, and she punched Andy in

the arm.

Andy swung to face her, her arms spread wide and an

exaggerated questioning look on her face. “What was that for?”

“I’m mad at you,” Brooke snapped, walking ahead in rapid

strides so it was Andy’s turn to play catch-up.

“Well, the feeling’s mutual,” Andy muttered as they left the

shops and restaurants behind and continued along Broadway. They

walked in silence until Andy turned off the main sidewalk.

“We’re going to school?” Brooke asked as they passed a sign

for the Seattle Central Community College. Andy simply shrugged

and led them into one of the buildings.

“May I help you?” the young man at the reception desk asked

as they approached.

“My friend here has an appointment with the director of the

Culinary Arts program,” Andy said.

“You must be Brooke Stanton,” he said, and Brooke managed

a nod. “I’ll let her know you’re here. You can look through these

while you wait,” he offered, handing Brooke several brochures.

Andy led the way to a small cluster of chairs and dropped into

one. Brooke followed slowly, flipping through the glossy brochures.

• 178 •

Harmony

“Cooking school?”

“I just thought you might enjoy it,” Andy said. “You have a

talent for combining flavors, and it seems to make you happy.”

Brooke sat on the edge of a chair next to Andy. “How long have

you been thinking about this?” she asked, keeping her tone neutral.

Andy shrugged. “Since Thanksgiving. You’re so passionate

about cooking. I thought it would be a good career to explore.”

“So you explored it for me.”

“No,” Andy said slowly. “I just looked up some local schools,

and this seemed like a good program.”

Brooke wanted to shred the brochures she held, but she tried to

stay calm. She couldn’t stop the memory of her dad and Jake telling

her she should be a paralegal, listing all the reasons they thought it

was perfect for her. “Did it ever occur to you to talk to me about it

before you made up your mind?”

“You’ve barely spoken to me since Thanksgiving, so I didn’t

have a chance to bring it up,” Andy said in a clipped voice. “If you

don’t want to do it, then don’t.”

“Whether I like the idea or not isn’t the point,” Brooke said in

frustration. She wasn’t sure if she was more furious because Andy

kept trying to control her life, or because she seemed so unaware of

what she was doing. Even though Brooke felt a thrill of anticipation

to learn about this school, she mainly felt a fierce need to protect

herself. Her ties to her family and Jake had been strong enough to

give them too much control over her life, her decisions. She hadn’t

thought it possible, but her feelings for Andy threatened to eclipse

them all. How would she be able to withstand Andy’s influence,

without losing her identity completely?

“Then what is the point, Brooke?”Andy asked. “It’s not like I

signed you up for classes, only a stupid interview.”

“Just like you arranged for me to meet Jonas.”

“Well, okay. Let’s bring that up again,” Andy said, leaning

back in her chair and crossing her arms. “I thought we had moved

past it, but apparently not.”

“And I thought you had learned not to go behind my back and

try to run my life.”

• 179 •

Karis WalsH

“I’m not…” Andy growled and dropped her head into her

hands. She sat up again, and her voice was calmer when she spoke.

“We’re arguing in circles, Brooke. Let’s just get out of here and

forget this happened.”

“No,” Brooke said, feeling dangerously close to shouting.

“Because it will happen again. You can’t stop yourself from

controlling your life, your family, me. I can’t take it anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Andy said, her voice flat. Brooke opened

her mouth to speak, but she was interrupted.

“You can go on back now,” the young man called to her.

“Second door on the left.”

Brooke stood up. “Don’t wait for me, Andy,” she said,

struggling for composure. She’d rather not break down and sob

during her interview. “I’ll see you at your apartment.”

❖

Andy’s anger slowly dissipated as she walked home alone. It

was obvious Brooke didn’t want a relationship with her, not in the

way Andy had hoped. Although she would have preferred to simply

leave for her evening rehearsal and avoid another confrontation with

Brooke, Andy made herself wait so they could finally finish what

they had started. She was calmly gathering her music together when

Brooke returned.

When she heard the apartment door open, she left her music

room and found Brooke in the hall, holding a large manila folder to

her chest.

“I have to leave, Andy,” she said simply.

Andy nodded. She had been expecting this, especially after

Brooke’s final words at the school, delivered with such deadly calm.

“I’m sorry, Brooke,” she said, her own voice emotionless. “I wanted

to surprise you with this idea, but I was wrong. And I’m sorry you

can’t tell the difference between someone who wants to share your

life and someone who wants to control it. Between someone who

wants to help you discover your passions and someone who dictates

what they should be.”

• 180 •

Harmony

“You don’t know where the line is yourself,” Brooke said. “You

make a decision, even with the best of intentions, and then you try to

force it on me. I’m scared of…”

Brooke paused, and Andy raised her hands in frustration. “Of

what, Brooke?”

“Of you. Of losing myself in you. Of having you take over my

life so I can’t tell where your decisions leave off and mine begin.”

“All you have to say is no, and I’ll back off every time,” Andy

said. How could Brooke believe she’d do anything less? And she

couldn’t help who she was, either. She made plans, set goals, listed

action steps. She should have consulted with Brooke along the way,

but why not take care of some of the details first?

“When you care about someone you want to be part of their

life,” Andy continued. “Not a dictator, and not an observer. Maybe

what you’re really scared of is finding a job, or a woman, you really

care about. Because then you’ll need to commit, be an adult, without

using your indecision as a crutch to keep you from growing up and

taking charge of your own life.”

Brooke took a step back as if she’d been slapped. “I know

I haven’t reached your level of perfection, Andy, but I’ve been

making tough decisions since we met,” Brooke said in a quiet, but

steady voice. “The hardest so far is saying good-bye to you.”

Andy watched until Brooke shut the apartment door behind her,

and then she returned to her music room, the one place where focus

and hard work were all she required to maintain control. If she could

only concentrate hard enough, she’d be able to convince herself that

the empty silence in the apartment was peace and the ache inside

was merely relief at the abrupt return of her solitary equilibrium. It

wouldn’t be easy—it never was—but it was the best she could do.

• 181 •

• 182 •

Harmony

CHapter tWenty-tWo

Brooke woke in the morning lying on her old purple bedspread

and stared at the ceiling of her childhood room. She felt

disgusted and angry. She had returned to her parents’ home the night

before with only vague explanations for her sudden presence. She

knew they expected more than her cranky excuses, but she had been

so angry over Andy’s treachery. If she had started talking when she

had too little control over her emotions, she would most likely have

revealed her feelings for Andy. She hadn’t wanted to come out to her

parents as a by-product of their fight. Other than an abrupt refusal

when her mom suggested she call Jake, Brooke hardly spoke as they

moved her boxes, hastily packed when she knew Andy would be

out of the apartment at her scheduled rehearsal, into her old room.

She had claimed a headache, not entirely fictitious, and shut herself

away for the night.

Andy had accused her of refusing to grow up, and Brooke had

proved her right by running home to her parents and hiding under

the covers. After all the drama and defiance over her cancelled

wedding, her insistence on starting a new life on her own terms, she

had instead come in a full, miserable circle. She had locked herself

in her room like a moody adolescent, complete with whiny tantrum.

After all of her efforts to change, she was back on her bed like a

confused teenager.

But not confused about everything, she admitted silently. If her

time with Andy had given her anything, it was a clear answer about

• 183 •

Karis WalsH

being a lesbian. Brooke didn’t know whether their relationship had

a chance, and she still fumed over the last ambush, but she knew

without a doubt her sexuality was a constant. Her parents deserved

to know that much at least.

No, Brooke thought, sitting up in bed, I deserve to tell them,

so I won’t have to hide anymore. Maybe she hadn’t taken a leap

backward, but instead had come home so she could find enough

courage to resolve some of the lies she had been telling in order

to please her family. Then she could move forward, free of the

past. No more hiding a relationship, whether it was with Andy or

someone new. No more hiding behind her equivocation when she

was very aware how her body responded to a woman’s touch. To

Andy’s touch. Brooke got out of bed and searched for something

nice to wear. She clung to her anger from yesterday, using it to drive

thoughts of Thanksgiving night from her mind.

Brooke found her parents at the dining room table, drinking

coffee in silence. She stood in the doorway and cleared her throat.

“Good morning,” she said when they turned to face her.

“Good morning, dear,” Evelyn said. “Can I make you some

pancakes?”

Brooke had to laugh at her mom’s attempt to make the situation

seem normal. She almost expected her to ask if Brooke had finished

her homework. “I thought we could go out for breakfast,” Brooke

said. “We should talk.”

Her mom looked ready to protest, but Bill spoke up first. “Any

place special in mind?”

Brooke suggested the Orca Room, a new upscale restaurant she

had been to once with Jake. On the top floor of a downtown hotel, it

had expansive views of Puget Sound and some of the best seafood in

Seattle. Brooke didn’t care about those things, though. She recalled

the tables covered in white linen and set with silver, and a stern-

looking, uniformed waitstaff. Brooke hadn’t felt overly comfortable

eating there, but it seemed the least likely of places for her parents

to make a scene. If she could just fill the other tables with her mom’s

country club friends, she’d be set.

• 184 •

Harmony

They drove to the restaurant and ordered breakfast, and Brooke

could barely swallow, let alone speak. Her earlier determination

waned, and she seemed to have lost her voice. She half-listened

to her parents’ forced attempts at small talk, giving only brief

comments when required. She stared out at the Sound, watching

a ferry make its leisurely way to Bremerton, and fought a sudden

longing to have Andy with her. Not speaking for her, but standing

with her for support.

Brooke pulled her gaze away from the view and back to her

parents. As infuriating as they could be, she loved them. She didn’t

know how they would react to her after she told them, and the

possibility of being cut out of their lives terrified her. She felt a

sudden wave of panic, and a fear she would fail yet again to be

honest with them. Tears stung her eyes, and she felt her dad’s hand

cover her own.

“Talk to us, Brooke,” he said gently.

“I think…” Brooke stopped and shook her head. No more

thinking, no more maybes. “I’m a lesbian.”

The three of them were silent for a few moments. Barely audible

classical music and the occasional chink of a fork on china were

the only sounds in the restaurant. “It’s only natural you’re confused

after all you’ve been through, Brooke,” Evelyn said, patting her

daughter’s hand. “When we get home, I’ll call Dr. Jeffries, and he

can help like he did last time.”

“He didn’t help me, Mom,” Brooke said, trying to keep her

rising anger out of her voice. She wanted to explain, not argue.

“He made me doubt myself, question my own feelings. I won’t let

anyone do that again.”

“Are you doing this because of that musician?” Evelyn asked

after a tense pause.

“Andy and I are…were dating, but I’m not gay because of her.

I was attracted to her because I like women.”

Evelyn winced at Brooke’s statement, but the arrival of a waiter

with their food effectively halted all conversation for a moment.

“But you came home again,” Bill said once they were alone

again. “Since you’re not with her anymore…”

• 185 •

Karis WalsH

“No, Dad, it won’t change anything. Andy and I had a little

disagreement, but I mainly needed to talk to you both,” Brooke

said, downplaying their argument. Whether or not she and Andy

managed to work things out, they would do it with privacy. “I’m

tired of running away instead of standing up for myself and being

honest. I did the same thing at Gonzaga, with Jake, and with the

two of you.” And with Andy, Brooke added to herself. But that was

different, because Andy knew exactly why she left.

“But you lived with Jake. Weren’t the two of you…” Evelyn

waved her hand in the air to finish her sentence. Brooke knew it was

as close as she’d come to bringing up the topic of sex.

“I tried,” Brooke said, keeping her own answer equally vague.

“I tried to be what everyone wanted me to be.”

“We only wanted you to be happy, Brooke,” her dad said with

a sigh. “But you’ve chosen a difficult path.”

“It’s not a decision I’ve made. It’s who I am,” Brooke said

firmly, needing her parents to understand, as she finally did, that

there were no gray areas here. “You can’t change me, but I hope you

can accept me.”

Bill took his wife’s hand and they looked at one another for a

moment before he spoke. “We love you, Brooke. We always will.”

Brooke felt a wave of relief wash over her, and she blinked

back tears again. She had worried about her parents causing a scene,

but she was the one getting emotional. She attacked her cooling crab

eggs Benedict with a sudden appetite.

“I suppose this means no grandchildren,” Evelyn said with a

resigned sigh.

Brooke choked on a piece of crab. “There are always options,

if I decide I want kids,” she said, shaking off a sudden vision of

Andy with a child, teaching her to play a tiny viola or helping him

organize his stuffed animals by size and color.

“Would you like me to tell people at the firm?” Bill asked. “Or

do you want to do it yourself, when you come back?”

“I’m not going back there, Dad,” Brooke said, hurrying through

her words before she started to apologize or waver in her decision.

• 186 •

Harmony

“I never really liked it. I’m thinking of going to culinary school. I

found out I love to cook, and I’m pretty good at it.”

Her parents stopped eating and stared at her. “You get that from

me,” Evelyn said finally, before returning to her lobster crepes.

“Your mother is an excellent cook,” Bill agreed.

“I taught you how, before your dad made partner and we started

eating out so often,” Evelyn said. “Do you remember?”

Brooke smiled. “I used to sit on the counter and watch. You’d

give me things to chop or stir.”

“I just couldn’t let you add the spices,” Evelyn said with a

small laugh. “You never did like to measure.”

The memory triggered a series of reminiscences from Brooke’s

childhood, as if the three of them needed to revisit the ties holding

them together as a family. Brooke welcomed the change to lighter

topics and the sense of relief she felt after her honesty. She finished

her breakfast, shutting out the desire to share her accomplishment

with Andy.

❖

On the other side of town, Andy stood in front of her open

refrigerator and attempted to stir up some enthusiasm for the frozen

burrito she had chosen for dinner. She had restocked her freezer and

shelves with the convenience foods that had been her staples before

Brooke had come along and introduced home-cooked meals into her

life. She tossed the burrito into the microwave and was setting the

timer when a knock at the door gave her that too familiar feeling of

hope.It wasn’t Brooke, but her quartet—plus Jonas—who stood on

the landing. “We brought pizza and beer,” Tina said, holding up a

six-pack of Alaskan Amber. “So you have to let us in.”

She didn’t so much invite them in as stand staring in surprise

while they walked past her. Richard patted her stiffly on the shoulder.

“Nancy wanted to come, but she wasn’t feeling well today. She

wanted me to tell you she’s sorry Brooke left,” he said before filing

into the living room behind Tina.

• 187 •

Karis WalsH

David came in last and made a show of prying the door out of

Andy’s hand so he could shut it. He put his index finger under her

chin and pushed her mouth closed. “Stop staring at us like you’ve

never seen friends before,” he said.

“How did everyone know?” she asked quietly.

“Jonas talked to Brooke yesterday. He thought you might like

some company, so here we are. Now go into the kitchen and toss out

whatever is beeping in your microwave.”

She went into the kitchen and put the cooked burrito in the

fridge. “We need plates and napkins,” Tina said from behind her.

“I won’t eat pizza, you know,” Andy said as she dug through

her cupboards, her voice laced with irritation because she felt

embarrassed that her quartet was talking about her love life.

“We went to Giovanni’s down the street so we could get you

one with soy cheese,” Tina said, unruffled by Andy’s grouchiness. “I

don’t think you can still call it pizza, but it’s close.”

Andy felt her eyes stupidly well up with tears, and she crossed

her arms over her chest. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because we’re your friends, Andy. You don’t have to face

everything alone, you know,” Tina explained in a voice that implied

that Andy was acting dim.

“But why now? After all these years?”

“We’ve always been here,” Tina said with a shrug. “Maybe

you’ve just been too much in control to notice. But Brooke made

you let us into your life, and we’re not going anywhere.”

Andy couldn’t help but wince when Brooke’s name was

mentioned. “If you want, I can make the guys leave,” Tina offered

in a low voice. “If you’re more in the mood for girl talk, or if you

want to cry on my shoulder.”

“God, no crying,” Andy said with a short laugh. “I will take one

of those beers, though.”

❖

It was impossible for Andy to remain uptight for long with

the laughter and joking around her. The group sprawled around the

• 188 •

Harmony

living room, their coats draped over the back of her couch, eating

too much pizza and talking about anything but Brooke. As usual, the

talk soon turned to music, and the group shared stories about their

interests outside of the classical world. Tina performed regularly at

fiddle festivals while David played with a jazz trio. Richard finally

admitted he played lead guitar in a rock band with other faculty

members from his college. David was begging to be allowed at one

of their rehearsals when Andy started gathering their empty pizza

boxes.

“I need to take these to the recycling bin outside,” she said

quietly to Jonas. “Can you come with me?”

He set down his beer and followed her out. They shut the door

on Tina and David’s laughter and walked down the stairs.

“How is she?” Andy finally managed to ask.

“She’s fine,” Jonas said. Andy opened her mouth to ask

more, but he held up a hand. “Don’t, Andy. Even though she isn’t

technically my patient, I have to protect her privacy.”

They stood by the blue bin, listening to the rain hit the roof

of the carport. Andy rubbed her arms, but more because she felt

exposed than because she noticed the cold and damp.

“By the way, your apartment looks great,” Jonas said casually.

“Very clean. And I noticed you’ve moved the furniture since

Thanksgiving.”

Andy wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I just moved everything back

the way it was…before.”

“Well, it must feel good to have order restored,” he said with

a nod. “No more tripping over someone else’s clothes and shoes, or

juggling for space in the bathroom.”

“I like things to be neat,” Andy said, not convincingly.

“Under control.”

“Exactly.”

Jonas laughed. “I’ll bet you’ve even planned your days down

to the minute. When to practice, when to eat, like that.”

Andy blushed, thinking of the schedule she had posted just

yesterday morning in her music room. It was supposed to help her

keep her mind on task and off Brooke. She managed to do that

• 189 •

Karis WalsH

during most of her practice time and the fifteen minutes it took to

microwave and eat a veggie burger or can of soup. But when she

was in the car or teaching or lying in bed, her mind drifted to honey-

blond hair sifting through her fingers or the feel of Brooke’s skin

against her own.

“Those people upstairs love you, Andy,” Jonas said, interrupting

her thoughts. “But do you know why they’ve never dropped by your

apartment like this before?”

“I guess I don’t share much of myself with other people. I

like to handle things on my own, and I don’t see what’s wrong

with that.”

“Nothing at all,” Jonas said. “But it can be a lonely road. Brooke

changed you. She made you more approachable, more open, and the

people who want to be your friends could feel that.”

“But look what happened,” Andy said, running a hand through

her hair. “I let her in and she hurt me.”

“And look what happened to her. She got close to you, and it

scared her. You can be a lot to live up to, Andy,” he said, holding

her arm so she would stay and listen. “You’re a gifted musician,

organized, focused. And that can be intimidating to someone who

is spontaneous, a little untidy, and just starting to learn about

herself.”

“So I practice an instrument and clean my apartment now

and then,” Andy said with a catch in her voice, both angry and

embarrassed at Jonas’s words. “I never wanted to make her feel like

she’s less than I am.”

“You didn’t,” Jonas said, pulling her into a gentle hug. “You

made her feel capable of more than she thought she could be. You’ve

spent a lifetime being self-sufficient and in charge of yourself. She’s

only had a couple of months.”

“I miss her,” Andy admitted. “But I’m still angry.”

“I know,” Jonas said, stepping back and meeting Andy’s eyes.

“I can tell you she misses you too. But she’s still confused and needs

to find her way and make serious choices. And she’s still angry

because you didn’t trust her to do those things on her own.”

• 190 •

Harmony

They walked back to the apartment in silence. Andy said good

night to her friends, appreciating their gesture that evening. But she

wasn’t convinced by Jonas’s words. Yes, Brooke had made her more

open, but that had only led to heartbreak. Her old way of life, self-

contained and orderly, offered predictability and safety. She quickly

tidied the living room, removing all signs of the impromptu pizza

party. She retreated into her music room, practicing nothing but

scales for the hour before her schedule told her it was bedtime.

• 191 •

• 192 •

Harmony

CHapter tWenty-tHree

Brooke spent the week trying gamely to be what Jonas

called “productively sad” instead of withdrawing as she

had in the past. She had gone to his office the day after coming

out to her parents, on the pretense of dropping off some completed

transcriptions, and ended up spending his lunch hour talking about

her family, and about Andy.

“Give her a few days to cool off,” he had advised. “And to miss

you.”Brooke wanted to talk to Andy, to find out if they could at least

remain friends, but she needed to mend old relationships first. She

spent time with her parents, and she found she was able to voice

her own ideas on any topic more easily since their breakfast. Her

mom was clearly uncomfortable, still unable to come to terms with

her revelation, but she no longer brought up Dr. Jeffries, so Brooke

was happy enough. Her dad was the one to surprise Brooke, though.

He didn’t claim to understand her feelings for Andy, but he seemed

to grow more proud of Brooke every time she asserted herself or

expressed her own opinions. They started to enjoy simply spending

time together, as they had when she was a child, and he would

join her on shopping trips or on walks around the city. Brooke

commandeered the barely used kitchen as a way of occupying her

time, and she soon had her parents’ freezer stocked with food.

Meanwhile, she applied for cooking school and student loans,

planning to take on extra transcription work so she could aim toward

• 193 •

Karis WalsH

an independence she hadn’t experienced before. She even found

some time to be alone, something she’d had very little of in her old

life. Since leaving college, she’d rarely been away from Jake, her

family, her coworkers—until Andy. Although she had felt lonely at

first when Andy was practicing or teaching, she had discovered that

having time alone to read, cook, or walk had been refreshing.

❖

By Friday, however, she had been alone and productive

enough. She knew she had to see Andy before her big concert, and

she hoped her anger had eased, so they could talk and try to work

things out. This performance meant so much to Andy. Brooke knew

firsthand how much time Andy had put into her preparation, and

she wanted to share in her triumph, even if it was only as her friend.

She dressed with care, choosing a new navy silk top with a lacy

camisole peeking out that she knew Andy would love, and headed

down to Pioneer Square. She would check at Mickey’s first, to see

if the musicians had gone there after their rehearsal. If not, then she

would go to Andy’s apartment.

She had to circle the surrounding blocks several times in search

of a parking place, and she felt a thrill of nervousness when she saw

Andy’s car near the bar. Mickey’s was jammed, and she stood just

inside the door and scanned the crowds for the musicians from the

symphony. She finally found them, a group of ten people clustered

around a small table in the back of the room. She spotted Andy in

their midst, breathtaking in black jeans and a turtleneck, leaning close

to a woman Brooke didn’t recognize. The other woman looked to be

in her mid-forties, with short graying hair and elegant features, and

she wore a dark maroon jacket and black pants. She was gesturing

as she talked to Andy, both of their faces intent on the conversation.

Brooke wiped suddenly sweaty palms on her jeans and headed

to the bar to order a drink before confronting Andy. She leaned

against the counter, staring at Andy as she waited for the bartender

to notice her, but a familiar voice from behind broke her out of her

trance.

• 194 •

Harmony

“They make a handsome couple, don’t they?”

Brooke turned to find Lyssa standing close beside her. “Who?”

she asked.

Lyssa just smiled. “That’s Adrienne Richman, the guest

conductor for tomorrow night’s concert. She and Andy have been

inseparable this week.”

The bartender came by, but Brooke waved him away. “So she’s

not from around here?” she asked hopefully.

“She’s with the Chicago Symphony. She also is one of the

leading producers of recordings by women composers. You know how

important Andy thinks it is to get female musicians the recognition

they deserve, and those two have discovered quite a bond.”

Brooke glanced over her shoulder and saw Andy laugh at

something Adrienne said. She looked happy and in her element.

Sharing her ideas and passions with another music expert, and not

missing Brooke at all.

“I’ve heard that Adrienne’s principal violist may be leaving,

so they’ll be holding a national audition for the chair. I wouldn’t

be surprised if Chicago found itself with a new viola player next

season, especially if Andy doesn’t keep the first chair here,” Lyssa

mused, taking a sip of her cosmo and watching the two musicians.

She looked back at Brooke. “Why don’t you come over and say hi

to everyone?”

“No…I can’t,” Brooke stammered. “I mean, I really need to

get going.”

Lyssa raised her glass in a silent good-bye, and Brooke left the

bar without a backward glance.

❖

Brooke was in her parents’ kitchen after midnight, the granite

countertops covered with her usual mess of ingredients and utensils.

She hadn’t been able to sleep since finding Andy with another

woman, so she came downstairs to cook. Her dad had been dropping

hints all week for chocolate mousse, so she decided to make his

favorite dessert instead of tossing in bed.

• 195 •

Karis WalsH

She cracked eggs against the bowl’s edge with more force

than necessary and blinked away the threat of tears. She wouldn’t

cry over Andy, not anymore. Well, at least not tonight. Brooke was

the one who had walked away, leaving Andy free to find someone

new. She could’ve waited more than a week to do it, though, Brooke

fumed as she fished some bits of broken shell out of her egg yolks.

Brooke turned a hand mixer on high and attacked the bowl

of eggs and sugar. Brooke cared about Andy, she wanted her to

be happy. Just not with someone else. She wished she could erase

the picture of Andy with the elegant Adrienne from her mind, but

everywhere she looked she saw them leaning close and laughing

together. To be fair, they hadn’t been sitting any closer than normal

for two people carrying on a conversation in a crowded bar. And

they weren’t touching. Brooke watched the eggs change color and

texture, her cheeks flaming, as she recalled the night she and Andy

had met at Mickey’s. There had probably been no doubt in anyone’s

mind where they were headed after they left the bar. The only

evidence Brooke had to prove Andy and Adrienne were a couple

came from Lyssa. Brooke switched off the mixer and wiped some

splatters off the counter. She could almost hear her father’s voice,

warning her not to reach conclusions based on the testimony of a

hostile witness.

Her dad and Andy would probably get along well, Brooke

decided as she set a pan of chocolate to melt on the glass stovetop.

Andy was a lot like him. Irritatingly logical and in control. But

never fickle, Brooke thought with conviction as she took the

chocolate off the stove and idly stirred while it cooled. Maybe she

had let Lyssa plant doubt in her mind about Andy’s faithfulness,

but there was no denying a woman like Adrienne would be perfect

for her. Someone talented and successful, confident and sexually

self-assured. Not a woman whose life was still filled with question

marks. Brooke sighed. She wasn’t sure which hurt worse. To

believe Andy was involved with someone besides her, or to believe

she should be.

Her own words echoed in her mind as she poured a dark ribbon

of chocolate into the eggs. Andy should be with someone like

• 196 •

Harmony

Adrienne. She turned the mixer on again, to a lower setting this time

so she didn’t decorate the kitchen any more than she already had,

and started to blend. The new Brooke fought anyone who attempted

to tell her what to feel or think, but wasn’t she doing the same thing

now, deciding who Andy ought to care for? Because she knew the

truth. She knew Andy cared for her, she had seen plenty of proof of

Andy’s feelings over the past months.

Brooke’s dad had pushed her toward Jake because he thought it

would make her happy. Andy had pushed her toward culinary school

for the same reason. But her father didn’t seem to love her any less

because she had made a different decision. In fact, he seemed to

respect her more when she chose to stand up for her own needs,

and their relationship had grown stronger as she had become more

independent. And Andy had never tried to force her own passions

on Brooke. She hadn’t tried to make her musical or compulsively

neat. Instead, she had looked at Brooke, at what made her happy,

and tried to offer it to Brooke in her own ungainly way. Brooke

dumped a bowl of whipped cream into the chocolate and started to

fold them together, stirring until the marbled mixture was smoothly

blended. She sat on the kitchen stool with a spoon, just to taste,

and contemplated her next move. She wanted to go see Andy now,

to talk to her, but she didn’t want to drop by so late. She wasn’t

sure if she was more concerned about disturbing Andy’s sleep the

night before her concert or about maybe finding Adrienne in her

apartment. Tomorrow would have to be soon enough.

❖

Andy unlocked her apartment door and flipped on the light. It

had been difficult to come home all week knowing Brooke wasn’t

going to be there, but she felt a little less pain than usual tonight.

The final rehearsal for the Clarke sonata had gone well, and she had

actually enjoyed herself at Mickey’s afterward. The guest conductor

from Chicago had been fascinating company, and their shared

interest in music and women composers had given them plenty to

talk about.

• 197 •

Karis WalsH

It had been a comfortable conversation, for the most part, and

it helped to keep Andy from dwelling on Brooke. Thoughts of her

were never far away, but at least they hadn’t been at the forefront of

Andy’s mind all night. Except when Andy looked at the table where

they had shared their first kiss. Or when she recalled the feel of

Brooke’s fingers slipping across her stomach and into her waistband

as she’d pulled her closer at the bar. Andy opened the fridge to get a

beer, but changed her mind and took out a bottle of Chianti instead,

as if to torture herself even more. She remembered shopping with

Brooke the day they bought the wine, planning a meal that was never

made because Brooke left only days later. Andy opened a drawer

and found the corkscrew neatly in its place beside a paring knife.

She sighed as she pulled out the cork. She could have found it in

the dark. When Brooke was here, it usually took fifteen minutes of

rummaging to find any utensil since she seemed incapable of putting

anything back where it belonged.

Andy sat on the sofa with her glass of wine and looked around

the living room. Everything was tidy and the surfaces bare in an

attempt to erase any sign of Brooke from her life, but to Andy’s eyes

the room was still cluttered with ghosts of Brooke and her rampant

belongings no matter how much she cleaned. Her apartment had

been neat before Brooke arrived, but now it was positively sterile.

Like her life, Andy admitted. Without Brooke, she was back to

her usual routine of practice and teaching, but now she noticed all of

the empty spaces. She had created a bare outline of a life, but Brooke

had filled in the gaps with laughter and shared meals, intimacy and

mind-blowing sex. Andy finished her wine and set the glass on a

coaster. Brooke had brought passion to her world, a passion Adrienne

had commented on this evening when she complimented Andy on

her interpretation of the second movement of the Clarke sonata. She

asked what inspired Andy as she played it, and Andy had surprised

herself by mentioning Brooke. She had always thought of the vivace

section as Brooke’s movement. It was full of fast-paced notes that

challenged both the upper and lower ranges of the viola, as if the

sonata were struggling to break free from the structure imposed on

it. It required more agility in fingering and bowing than usual in the

• 198 •

Harmony

viola repertoire, and Andy felt both thrilled by and frightened of it.

Whenever she played it, she played for Brooke.

Andy had started to list the differences between her and Brooke,

but Adrienne had waved off her explanations. Instead, she told Andy

about her partner, a scientist with little musical knowledge, and how

they had worked to create a relationship even though they were so

different. She is my counterpoint, Adrienne had said. We each face

the challenge of accepting another person without trying to change

her notes and rhythm to match our own. But, like Bach, once you

allow each melodic line to have its own voice, the new harmony that

emerges is worth the effort.

Andy got up and washed her wineglass, putting it neatly in

the cupboard. She had wanted to protest and claim she had never

tried to change Brooke’s unique melody, but she had some doubts.

Maybe she had attempted to tweak a note here and there. Brooke

had been unsure about her future and her career, and Andy might

have pushed her to make decisions she needed to reach on her own.

But Brooke’s choices threatened to take her out of Andy’s life. Was

she willing to get close again only to lose Brooke once she found

her way? Her life was empty and sterile without Brooke, but it had

one benefit. Andy couldn’t worry about Brooke leaving if she was

already gone.

• 199 •

• 200 •

Harmony

CHapter tWenty-Four

Brooke heard the muffled sounds of Andy fitting in a last-

minute practice when she arrived at the apartment, but the

music stopped when she rang the doorbell. She found herself trying

to assume the distant expression she usually wore when nervous or

worried, but she couldn’t put that wall up in front of Andy anymore.

She twisted her hands together and jumped a foot when Andy finally

answered the door. Part of her had hoped Andy would grab her in a

welcoming hug, but she clearly had no intention of doing so. Brooke

had made Andy wait a long time while she figured out her feelings,

and now it was her turn.

“Hi,” she said breathlessly, unable to hide her smile when

she saw Andy in her usual sweats and baseball shirt. No bra, of

course. Brooke clenched her fists to keep from reaching out, her

determination to be patient dissolving with Andy so close.

Andy leaned against the door, her face a mask. She simply

raised her eyebrows instead of asking why Brooke was there.

“I…I took the bus here from Pike Place,” Brooke stammered.

“I wanted to see you before tonight. To wish you luck.”

“Thanks,” Andy said and started to shut the door.

“Don’t, please,” Brooke said as she pushed her way past Andy

and into the hallway. “Just talk to me for five minutes.”

Andy sighed and shut the apartment door. “What do you want?”

she asked in a more normal voice. It was a start, Brooke decided, so

she pressed on.

• 201 •

Karis WalsH

“How have you been?” she asked. She could see the signs of

sleeplessness on Andy’s face, and she wondered what Andy had

been eating this week without her there to cook.

“Fine,” she answered. “And you?”

Brooke shrugged. “The same. I applied to the culinary arts

program.”

“I’m glad, Brooke, I know you’ll do great there. Now I really

should get back to my practice.”

She tried to herd Brooke toward the door, but stopped at her

next words.

“I came out to my parents, Andy. I told them about you.”

Andy crossed her arms over her chest and wouldn’t meet

Brooke’s eyes, but Brooke kept talking. “I know I hurt you so many

times, and I’m sorry about that. And I know it might be too late to

ask you to trust me again, but if there’s any way…”

Andy held up a hand to stop her. “I can’t survive another

morning after, Brooke,” she said, pain etched across her face. “I

can’t let you get close and lose you again.”

Brooke shook her head. “You won’t, Andy. I’ve made my

choice, and it’s you. Can we just talk? Go out for coffee or a walk

and start over again?”

Andy shrugged and wiped a hand wearily over her eyes. “I

can’t deal with this now,” she said. “I have to concentrate on the

concert. Maybe tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” Brooke whispered. She wanted to reach out for

Andy, but her expression warned Brooke not to get too close yet.

“That sounds good.”

She walked past Andy to the door. “Do you mind if I come to

the concert tonight?”

“I got you a ticket a couple of weeks ago,” Andy said with a

shrug. “I never cancelled, so it’ll be at the box office if you want it.”

“Thanks,” she said. Andy opened the door for her, and she

paused close enough that she could smell Andy’s shampoo. “I

almost forgot. I brought you these from Pike Place.” She handed

Andy a sack of cinnamon-sugar mini-doughnuts.

• 202 •

Harmony

Andy peered in the bag. “I thought these were sold by the half

dozen, but there are only three in here,” she said suspiciously. “Do

you have cinnamon on your breath?”

Brooke gave a half laugh, half sob of relief. That sounded so

much like her old Andy that she felt a renewed hope they could

work things out. “You tell me,” Brooke said and gave her a quick

kiss on the mouth. “Now go finish your practice.”

Brooke walked away, torn between hope and dejection. Andy

said they could talk, but one glance inside her apartment showed

Brooke all traces of her presence had been wiped clean. Everything

she had moved or touched was spotless and back in its proper place.

She wondered if she had waited too long to make her choice, or if

Andy might be willing to let Brooke disrupt her home and her life

once more.

• 203 •

• 204 •

Harmony

CHapter tWenty-Five

Brooke arrived at the concert with David and Jonas, but

separated from them so she could pick up her ticket at will

call. She found a note from Andy clipped to the envelope, saying

she needed to talk to her before the concert. Brooke showed the note

to an usher near the door leading backstage and waited nervously

for him to find Andy. She worried that it was a bad sign for Andy to

summon her like this in a public place instead of waiting to see her

tomorrow. She probably wanted to say they were through for good,

Brooke decided, and get it out of the way so she could concentrate

on her playing.

Andy finally appeared and pulled Brooke inside the door to

an empty hallway as the usher returned to his post. They looked

at each other in silence for a moment, the muffled sounds of the

concertgoers reaching them through the door.

“I only have a few minutes, but I needed to talk to you,” Andy

said, taking both of Brooke’s hands gently in her own. “I’ve been

trying to figure out exactly how to put this, so can you just let me get

it out before you say anything?”

Brooke just nodded mutely. She was afraid she might start crying

if she made a sound, so she was glad to let Andy do the talking. She had

been expecting the worst, so Andy’s first words took her by surprise.

“I love you, Brooke. I have probably since our first night

together, but I didn’t realize it until Thanksgiving. I felt so close to

you, but you still weren’t ready. Weren’t sure it was me you wanted.”

• 205 •

Karis WalsH

Andy paused. “I expected you to be at the same place, to be as

ready to commit as I was. I felt like you were betraying me, but you

never did. You never promised more than you gave, and you were

always honest about needing until Christmas to decide.”

Andy squeezed Brooke’s hands and stepped a little closer.

“I’ve made up my mind about us. I want you in my life, and I’m

willing to take you on your own terms, not mine. I won’t organize

your life, and I won’t try to force a commitment. You can have until

Christmas, or Easter, or five years from now to make a decision if

you need the time. No promises, no pressure, okay?”

Brooke barely managed a nod before the door opened and

Adrienne came into the hall.

“Good evening, Andrea,” she said before smiling at Brooke.

“And this must be your muse?”

Andy introduced them while making no move to hide their

joined hands. Brooke had been fairly confident in her dismissal

of Lyssa’s stories, but she didn’t mind having her faith in Andy

confirmed. “I hate to break into your conversation, but we need to

prepare,” Adrienne said. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Brooke. I

hope you enjoy the concert, and I hope you can hear it when Andrea

truly plays for you alone.”

“I have to go,” Andy said quietly, tucking a strand of Brooke’s

hair behind her ear. “Will I see you after?”

“I’ll be waiting,” Brooke whispered, pulling Andy into a tight

hug. “Good luck.”

Adrienne linked her arm companionably through Andy’s as

they headed down the hall. Brooke pushed through the door and

made her way over to Andy’s friends. She saw the other members of

the quartet apparently engaged in a heated discussion. Jonas, Nancy,

and a woman Brooke guessed was Tina’s latest stood to one side and

watched the argument.

Jonas came over as she approached.

“You’re smiling,” he said with an answering grin. “I take it you

won’t need a ride back home tonight?”

“I hope not,” Brooke said. “But I’ll have to let you know after

the concert.”

• 206 •

Harmony

They walked over to the group. Their brief argument was

apparently over, and they had drawn Nancy and Tina’s date into

their discussion. Brooke listened to the conversation as it jumped

rapidly from topic to topic. She had been so focused on her own

identity over the past months, she hadn’t noticed that Andy was

already surrounded by a seemingly incongruous mix of friends.

“So how did Andy get involved with this quartet?” Brooke

asked. “You’re all so different. I guess I would have expected her to

join a group of people more like her.”

“Silly Brooke,” David said as he put an arm around her

shoulders. “Andy didn’t join our group, she picked us to join her.

She claimed she wanted four unique styles because we’d make the

music more interesting, but I think she simply found us too charming

to resist.”

❖

Andy struggled to focus as Adrienne gathered the soloists

together before the concert. The joy of seeing Brooke’s smile again,

the feel of her in Andy’s arms, distracted her from the night ahead.

Luckily, Adrienne’s words managed to bring her back to the music

she was about to play.

“I want to impress upon you the importance of tonight’s

concert,” Adrienne began. “When Amy Beach and Rebecca Clarke

were composing, many people thought it was improper for women

to write music. There were even people who did not believe they

could possibly have written these works without a man’s help. And

when Ellen Taaffe Zwilich was born in 1939, many large orchestras

still wouldn’t allow women to join, yet she ended up being the first

woman to win a Pulitzer Prize for music. For the very symphony we

are playing this evening, as you know.”

She paused and looked at the four of them. “You deserve to

play these sonatas because you are excellent musicians, not simply

because you are women. But when you are onstage, remember

that it has often been a battle to give women this opportunity to

perform. Be grateful for those who fought for the right to fully

• 207 •

Karis WalsH

express themselves musically, or in any other form. I know you will

make me proud tonight, but do not perform for me. Perform for your

composers, so that their work will live on.”

“Jesus,” Andy muttered when Adrienne glided away. “What

the hell kind of pep talk was that?”

“I was nervous enough without thinking that I’m playing for

all womankind,” Joan, Lyssa’s pianist, agreed. Even Lyssa looked a

little pale after the speech.

Andy jumped when she and Maggie, her pianist, were called

to the stage. They stood in the wings waiting for their entrance, and

Andy nervously wiped her sweaty palms on her black pants.

“I think I might be sick,” she admitted.

“I know,” Maggie said. “It’s a great feeling, isn’t it?”

Andy stared at her and could see that Maggie wasn’t being

sarcastic. A glow of anticipation lit her face, and Andy felt it

spreading to her as well. She was accustomed to a sense of peace

when she played her viola in the middle of the section. There was

little chance of disaster, as long as she carefully prepared her part and

focused during the performance. Small mistakes could be covered

up, difficult passages could be fudged if necessary. Now, however,

it seemed like every time she had to play, there was more at stake.

She was surprised to discover that despite the nausea, Maggie was

completely right. It was a great feeling.

Andy walked onto the stage and acknowledged the polite

applause as she and Maggie took their places. She could feel the

audience’s expectant hush like a palpable thing. She glanced at

Maggie, communicating easily after so many practice sessions,

and then launched into the first trumpetlike notes of the sonata.

The agitated opening sounds of the first movement helped work off

Andy’s initial nervousness, and soon she settled into the fluctuating

rhythms that she had described to Brooke as a viola having mood

swings.

She poured her heart into the second movement, imagining

herself in her practice room playing for Brooke who leaned against

the door frame watching. The spontaneous burst of applause after

the vivace section brought her back to the concert hall and gave

• 208 •

Harmony

her a moment to catch her breath before she launched into the third

movement. This section had to be played with strength, showing off

the power of the viola through the lyrical passages and into the faster

final notes of the sonata. Twenty minutes flew by, and soon she and

Maggie had finished and were taking their bows. Applause followed

them offstage, and Adrienne hissed at them to play their encore.

She had insisted they practice a short Scottish melody of Clarke’s,

but Andy hadn’t expected to need it. She and Maggie sailed easily

through the encore, their enjoyment of the simple melody evident

in their playing. Finally they left the stage, barely making it to the

wings before Adrienne pulled them both into a big hug.

“Beautifully done, my dears,” she said before turning her

attention to Lyssa and Joan who were about to begin their sonata.

❖

Andy experienced a delayed case of the shakes during Lyssa’s

flawless solo, and she wanted nothing more than to go find Brooke

in the audience. She managed to pull herself together enough to

return to the stage with the orchestra and play Zwilich’s symphony.

She hurriedly put her viola away, accepting the congratulations

from various members of the orchestra, and rushed out of the room

to find Brooke.

She saw her immediately, standing by the door leading

backstage, but she was unprepared for the rest of the crowd. Normally

after a concert, she left by the stage door with the other players and

headed to her car alone. Tonight, however, she joined the throng of

people in the lobby and only managed a wave at a beaming Brooke

before she was engulfed by the members of her quartet.

“Very nicely played,” Richard said after she gave him and his

still hugely pregnant wife a hug. “You conveyed the emotion of the

piece, yet still gave a technically sound performance.”

“He means you kicked ass,” David translated as he and Jonas

congratulated her. “I’ve already started a composition for solo viola

in my head. You’re the inspiration, so you can be the first to perform

it.”

• 209 •

Karis WalsH

Tina gave her a hug as well, a short redhead hovering behind

her. “You looked too damned sexy up there,” she whispered in

Andy’s ear. “I think my date is half in love with you.”

“Is it finally my turn?” Brooke asked from behind her. Andy

turned and felt her heart skip when she saw the look in Brooke’s eyes.

“It’s always your turn,” Andy said and Brooke moved

unhesitatingly into her arms, giving Andy a kiss that almost made

her drop her viola case.

Brooke reached up a hand to cup Andy’s cheek. “You were

perfect. I was so proud.”

Andy wrapped her in a big hug “I want to come home with

you, Andy,” Brooke said when she pulled out of Andy’s embrace.

“Tonight. I brought a suitcase.”

“Did you bring the espresso machine?” Andy asked, keeping

her voice casual even though her heart was racing.

Brooke laughed. “No, but we can get it tomorrow.”

“Well, my apartment has seemed a little too clean lately,” she

said with a shrug, stepping closer to Brooke. “I guess I wouldn’t

mind having you mess it up again.”

“This calls for a celebration,” David said, slapping them both

on the back. “Why don’t we go to Mickey’s for a drink?”

Andy and Brooke stopped kissing long enough to glare at him,

but their friends jumped at the invitation.

“One very quick drink,” Andy said, her arm wrapped tightly

around Brooke’s shoulders.

They went to Jonas’s car to get Brooke’s suitcase. Brooke still

held her hand tightly, even as strangers kept stopping Andy to tell

her how much they had enjoyed the evening. The attention was

flattering but tiring, and all Andy wanted was a chance to be alone

with Brooke for a moment at least. She breathed a sigh of relief

when they finally were together in her car, Brooke’s suitcase stowed

in the trunk with Andy’s viola.

Andy stuck the key in the ignition, but Brooke covered her

hand and stopped her. “I’ve missed you so much this week,” she

said, her eyes lowered. “I’ve been afraid to admit it to myself, or to

you, but I love you, Andrea Taylor.”

• 210 •

Harmony

Andy reached over and touched Brooke’s chin, turning her

head toward her. “Please, Brooke,” she whispered, “don’t make

more promises than you plan to keep. I don’t think I can take another

night of believing we’re in love only to have you change your mind

again the next day. I meant what I said earlier. You don’t have to say

that unless you’re sure.”

“I am sure,” Brooke said, meeting Andy’s eyes. The love Andy

saw there convinced her more than Brooke’s words could.

“I love you too,” she said, leaning forward so their lips met. “I

love you,” she whispered again, against Brooke’s mouth.

Their kiss was gentle until Brooke lightly bit at Andy’s lower

lip, making her open her mouth with a soft sigh. Brooke slipped her

tongue into Andy’s mouth, deepening the kiss as her hands clenched

in Andy’s hair. Andy resisted the urge to pull Brooke into her lap,

since members of the orchestra were still filtering past the car. They

broke away from each other, both breathing deeply.

“We’re starting to fog up the windows,” Brooke said with a

weak laugh. “We should get to the bar, or they’ll wonder what’s

happened to us.”

“They know what’s happened,” Andy said with a grin. Then

her expression grew more serious. “I want to go home with you.

Now.”

“Me too,” Brooke agreed, leaning her forehead against Andy’s.

“But tonight is for you. Let us all show you how happy we are that

you did well and how much we love you. I’ll be there when we get

home.”

“And in the morning?” Andy asked, the pain from their last

night together still present.

“I promise I will be there in the morning,” Brooke whispered

with a soft kiss.

• 211 •

• 212 •

Harmony

CHapter tWenty-six

Brooke!”

Brooke turned on the burner under a stockpot full of

chestnut soup to warm it for Christmas dinner before following

Andy’s voice into the bedroom. She was digging through a drawer,

barefoot and wearing only her black jeans.

“I can’t find my green sweater,” she said in exasperation. “You

have your own dresser, so why are all of your clothes migrating into

mine?”

Brooke only sighed and opened the closet. “Wear this instead,”

she said, handing Andy a dark gold dress shirt. “It brings out the

color of your eyes.”

“Meaning you have no idea where my sweater is,” Andy

muttered, reaching for the shirt as Brooke held it just out of reach so

that Andy had to step closer.

“It’s in the bottom drawer,” she said, her eyes roaming over

Andy’s naked torso. “But I think I prefer what you have on now.”

Andy smiled then and pushed gently against Brooke, backing

her against the wall next to the closet. She pulled the shirt from

Brooke’s unresisting hand and tossed it onto the bed behind her.

“How do you do it?” she asked, nuzzling along Brooke’s neck,

losing herself in the sweet smell of Brooke’s hair and skin.

“Do what?” Brooke asked, her question ending in a small gasp

as Andy’s hand moved under her sweater and caressed her breast.

• 213 •

Karis WalsH

“Make me forget everything I’m worried about and only think

of wanting you,” Andy said, raising her head, her vision tunneling

until all she saw were Brooke’s expressive eyes. She kissed Brooke

on the mouth as her right hand reached down and unbuttoned

Brooke’s jeans.

“We don’t have time…” Brooke said, although she made no

move to keep Andy from unzipping her pants.

“Quick now, slow later,” Andy promised as her hand found

its way past Brooke’s underwear. She smiled in surprise as her

fingers found Brooke slick with moisture. “God, baby, you’re so

wet already,” she murmured into Brooke’s ear.

“What have I told you about wearing bras around the house?”

Brooke said with a weak laugh, her breath catching as Andy’s fingers

entered her yielding softness. “You know you drive me crazy when

you don’t.”

“Then I’m throwing them all away,” Andy said as her fingers

grew bolder in their exploring. “That is, if I can even find them in

my dresser.”

Brooke arched against her, and Andy slid her left arm around

Brooke’s waist to help support her. “I’ve got you, Brooke,” Andy

whispered. “Let go.”

Brooke dropped more of her weight onto Andy’s hand, moving

her hips and taking Andy’s fingers deep inside her. Andy dragged

her thumb across Brooke’s clitoris, matching the rhythm of her

stroking fingers, until Brooke cried out as she climaxed.

She sagged back against the wall, still held up by the strong arm

that Andy had wrapped around her. Andy gently brushed Brooke’s

lower lip with a finger still wet from Brooke’s arousal before raising

it to her own lips. They kissed as Andy maneuvered them over to the

bed and lowered Brooke to a sitting position.

“Do you want your Christmas present now?” Andy asked,

pulling on the gold shirt and buttoning it while Brooke leaned back

on her elbows and watched.

“You mean there’s more?” Brooke asked with a grin.

• 214 •

Harmony

Andy disappeared into her music room and came back with a

small box in red wrapping. She sat next to Brooke and handed her

the gift.

“Richard is bringing yours since I didn’t have anywhere to hide

it,” Brooke said as she tore the paper off the present. She knew Andy

was going to love the ornate music stand that she had found in an

antique shop. Its wood was the same reddish gold as her viola, and

it would look much more beautiful than the metal utility stand that

Andy used for practice.

“Oh, Andy, I love it!” Brooke exclaimed when she opened the

box. She traced the necklace with her finger, admiring the small

tiger-head pendant with diamond eyes that dangled from the delicate

gold chain. She held her hair out of the way while Andy fastened the

necklace around her throat, and then turned to face her. “And I love

you.”

Andy ran her thumb along the chain that lay across Brooke’s

collarbone before leaning in for a kiss. “I love you too.”

A knock at the door interrupted them, and Andy pulled Brooke

to her feet with an impatient sigh. “These holidays are exhausting,

and there’s no time for us,” she said as they returned to the kitchen.

They had spent Christmas Eve uncomfortably visiting first Andy’s

family and then Brooke’s parents, and now Andy’s quartet was here

for Christmas dinner. “Don’t even think about inviting everyone for

New Year’s.”

Brooke turned away and stirred her soup.

“You already told them to come over, didn’t you?” Andy asked

with a laugh.

“Jan’s coming to visit us for a few days, and I told you I think

she and Tina will hit it off. So I figured we may as well have a party.

Now go answer the door because your friends are waiting for you.”

She turned back to Andy and gave her a quick kiss. “We have the

rest of our lives to work on our duet.”

• 215 •

About the Author

Karis Walsh is a horseback riding instructor who lives on a small

farm in the Pacific Northwest. When she isn’t teaching or writing,

she enjoys spending time outside with her animals, reading, playing

the viola, and riding with friends.

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