Monica’s Love Renewed

By Dawn Burt

Illustrated by Richard Burt

Prologue

Monica is the typical mid-forties divorcee. She has figured out how to survive on her own after twenty years of marriage and a horrible divorce. Monica has long chestnut colored hair, which she rarely wears down, and hazel eyes. For a woman in her forties, she has a great figure and spends plenty of time outside working on her tan. She works a mundane office job, a big change from being a stay-at-home mother who spent her days volunteering at her daughter’s school and various clubs. Monica’s life was all about taking care of her husband and her daughter. Now that her husband has moved onto a younger model and her daughter is off at college, Monica finds herself bored and feeling out of place. Sure, she loves her job and her condo. She lives on the ground floor which has a cute little back yard. She goes to yoga a couple times a week and sees her annoyingly happily married friends on Thursday nights for wine tasting. Still something is missing. She feels lonely.

Chapter 1

Why am I so stuck in this routine, I think as I drive home from work? Get up at 6am, hop on the treadmill, water the plants, shower, eat something, and head into work. Work from 8:30-5:00. Come home, change, feed the cat, have a glass of wine, maybe eat something, and curl up on the couch with a book or a movie. It’s not a BAD routine, but it’s so… uneventful. Tonight, I’m going to do something different. No curling up on the couch! I’m going to change and head over to the bookstore on Main Street to check out some new reading material, for tomorrow’s date with the book and the couch!

I freshen up and go to the closet for something to wear. It’s a muggy summer evening and my old yoga pants feel too heavy for this humidity. My wardrobe even screams frumpy washed out old hag! I should really go shopping soon! I reach to the depths of the closet and find an old sundress. I haven’t worn this since that last summer “HE” took me away for the weekend… where he dropped the bomb on me that he was leaving me for “HER”. Ugh… I have to find something less painful to wear. I searched the closet to no avail. Finally I gave up and put the sundress on. It was pretty, regardless of the memories I associate with it.

I took another look in the mirror and decided to add some light pink lip gloss before I grabbed my purse and headed out the door. It was warm, but I decided to walk anyway. As I approach the bookstore, I see a crowd gathering on the outdoor café deck. It seems there’s a book signing going on. The place is buzzing with excitement. Avoiding the crowd, I duck inside the store to the romance section. I’ve always been a sucker for a good love story, especially the steamy ones! I’m bending down to check out my favorite author’s section when someone bumps into me, knocking me slightly off balance as I’m absorbed in the teaser on the back cover of a new novel.

“Oh I’m so sorry”, she says and she steadies me by wrapping her arm around my waist. I look up and see the biggest set of blue eyes looking back at me in horror.

“It’s ok, I think I was blocking the aisle”, I replied, mesmerized by the color of this stranger’s eyes. She looked as if she belonged on the cover of the book I was holding. She introduced herself as “Sarah” and told me I was going to enjoy the book I’d picked up. She says it’s the sexiest one of the series yet. She asks if I’ve joined the author’s book club yet and I reply that I hadn’t heard of it. I offered my hand and told Sarah my name. She looked at me for a second before shaking my hand. Sarah claims she is more the hugging type than the handshaking type.

“We meet every other Tuesday night at the outdoor café and discuss our latest reads”, Sarah says. She has read every book by Krista Thompson so far. She hands me a flyer, apologizes again, and is on her way. My skin was still tingling from the unexpected contact with Sarah. She was tall and shapely with long blonde hair that curled and bounced around her chin and shoulders. Her blue eyes shone like the brightest stars in the sky. What a gorgeous girl, I thought to myself as I walked to the checkout line. She had been dressed in a tight white tank top – the kind men usually wear, tan shorts, and little white sandals. Her skin was so tan, almost like it had been kissed by the sun. My guess is that Sarah is in her mid-thirties. I envy her youth and happiness. This must be why I’m still thinking about her. I yearn to be her age again. I feel so old and forgotten. She probably felt she needed to help steady the senior citizen she bumped into in the smutty romance aisle. She must think I need those novels to get my kicks since I’m old and washed up, boring and alone. I realize I’m obsessing as the cashier greets me, thankful for the interruption from my own mind.

New book in one hand and a cool smoothie in the other I head back home. As I walk I notice the families out and about enjoying the warm weather. Young couples are pushing strollers and walking dogs, older couples holding hands and walking together. Everywhere I look I see happy couples, which only compounds my feeling of loneliness. Romance novels are my escape from “singledom”. I’m going to dive into this book as soon as I get home!

It’s still early so I grab my fruit salad (dinner) and head out to the swing to read and eat. As I read the description of the female lead character, the face I envision is Sarah’s. Those blue eyes, full lips, tan skin. She could be in magazines. I sink into the pages and begin living the story. I was struggling to see the words on the page when I finally realized how dark it had become! I read for hours as the sun set and the temperature began to cool off. It’s funny how a good book can steal time while whisking you away to another life. I can barely see the path back to the door as I head off to bed. I drift off to sleep dreaming happily about the characters of my new book and their passionate affair.

The following day I passed through town on my way home. I stopped off for dinner with some girls from work, so it was a little later than usual. As I drove past the bookstore I see Sarah walking up the sidewalk. She must come here often! Oh wait! It’s TUESDAY! Maybe I should stop in and see what this book club is all about! I pull into the parking lot and give myself a quick makeover in the rear view mirror before heading up to the café deck.

“Hey, Monica! How’s the hip?” Sarah teases.

“Well, I managed to leave the cane at home today, so I think I’ll be ok”, I ribbed back.

“I’m so glad you came! I can’t wait for you to meet everyone!” With that Sarah scooped me up in a bear hug. I stood stiff as a board. Ah yes, the hugging thing. In the last second I managed to put my arm on her back, my failed attempt at reciprocation. Sarah says “you better loosen up. You’re about to meet a big group of huggers!” I apologized for my stiff response and told Sarah I haven’t hugged anyone in over five years. “Oh my! Well, I better give you another then. You need it!” She hugged me again. This time I hugged back.

She smelled as stunning as she looked. Her perfume had a crisp, clean scent to it. It reminded me of my ex-husband’s shaving cream. It was so natural though, it suited her. Nothing about Sarah looked “put on”. Some people are just blessed with natural grace and beauty. Sarah was one of those people. I didn’t despise her for it though. I appreciated it. Maybe it was her kindness that made her so appealing.

“Hey, have you started reading “Wild Roses” yet?”

“I did and I was hooked, I read outside on my swing last night until it was so dark I couldn’t see the pages any longer!” I told her, worrying that I’ve again made myself look like a sad old spinster.

“Yep, you’re hooked! I told you! Hey, here comes Tanya and Beth. Come on, I’ll introduce you”. Sarah grabbed me by the arm and off we went to greet the girls walking up the steps.

I met the usual Tuesday night crowd which consists of Sarah, Tanya, Beth, Carol, Adam, and Benjamin; and I was hugged by each of them. I was surprised to see two men involved in this type of book club. Maybe they were here to try to meet girls? Maybe this was some sort of community service project – literacy awareness? Sarah must have read the questions as they passed through my mind.

“Adam and Benjamin are a couple. They read to each other every night. They take turns reading chapters from whatever the novel du jour might be. You should’ve seen Adam when Benjamin was sick and lost his voice last year. He read to Benjamin every night for nearly three weeks. He made sure everyone knew how devoted he was by taking such good care of his mate. They are adorable together.” Sarah’s face lit up with love as she smiled at the couple.

“Sounds like they should write a love story of their own,” I said, wondering if I ever felt that in love with my husband when we were young. Sarah nodded in agreement.

“Carol is the only married one in our group. The rest of us are hopeless romantics looking for that storybook relationship, right Carol?” Sarah said as she playfully jabbed Carol in the rib.

“Sarah is the comedian of the group. Truthfully, my husband gets so irritated when a new book comes out. He says ‘Oh great. Another fantasy I can’t live up to’. I tell him he should try to romance me sometime. He thinks romance is for chumps. He says a real man shows his love by providing for his family. A girl needs a little romance in her life though, right? What’s your story, Monica?”

“Let’s see. I’m a middle aged divorced mother of one. I live alone with my cat and read romance novels for excitement. How’s that for a plot?!” I tried to laugh at myself whimsically. I think it came out more like ‘My name is Monica and I’m a lonely hag’ or something you would hear in a support group.

“Aw! Monica! Don’t be sad! You are not middle aged! Quit saying that! You’re young and beautiful. You’re vibrant! Besides, the clubs at this book store have brought a few couples together over the years, haven’t they guys? Benjamin and Adam met at an architecture appreciation club event. Our own Tanya and Beth came to fall for each other over many glasses of wine and romance novel conversations”. Sarah sounded so encouraging. “Maybe we need to get you involved in a few more clubs and we can find someone to pique your curiosity! That is, unless you’re not interested in taking the plunge again?”

“Watch out Monica! Sarah likes to play matchmaker. It’s funny though, when is the last time any of us have seen Sarah on a date? Hmmm??” Adam challenged. Sarah didn’t take the bait. She just stuck her tongue out and sat down on the edge of a chaise lounge. That was clearly the end of that conversation!

I was intrigued by the mixture of people in this little group. Sarah was the tall athletic, girl-power kind of woman with blonde hair and blue eyes. Adam seems to be about my age, maybe a few years older. He looks like someone you would see on Wall Street. He was very professionally dressed with salt and pepper hair and hazel eyes. Benjamin is a spunky, younger man in his late 20’s or early 30’s with long black hair in braids and striking green eyes. Benjamin looks like he stepped out of an art school campus. Carol is late 30-ish with very red (thanks to a box) hair, with penciled in eyebrows, and is dressed like she’s looking for love in all the wrong places. Tanya seems to be shy or maybe reserved. She smiles a lot, which shows her adorable dimples. She is short and thin, with a brown bobbed haircut and brown eyes. I would call her style “bohemian”. Tanya plays the guitar. Sometimes the group gathers at Tanya and Beth’s home for coffee and singing along with Tanya’s playing. Beth is a teacher, and she looks the part. She has long wavy hair that she wraps in a bun. She wears long, flowing skirts and vests. Everyone has such flair. I feel that I pale in comparison to their personalities. I wonder if they’ll grow bored of me. I need to get a grip on my inferiority complex. Being dumped for a younger woman can do that to you. I decide to cast aside my self-doubt and join in the discussion.

After a few bottles of wine and some really good conversation, our little group began to fizzle out. I lingered for a while since I didn’t have anything pressing to go home to. Sarah came over and sat by me, admiring my armful of books. Sarah had walked to the store, so I offered her a ride home.

As it turns out, she stays in a condo with her sister in the next building over from me! What a small world. We reveled in the irony for a few minutes when we pulled up to her building. I didn’t feel quite as lonely knowing I had a new friend just a building away. Sarah thanked me for the ride and leaned in for what I thought was going to be another hug. Instead she planted a kiss on my cheek. I was stunned and I blushed. She thanked me for the ride and asked if she could stop over sometime. I asked “Why don’t you come over for dinner Friday night? Oh, that is, if you don’t have plans.” I felt silly assuming she didn’t have a big date on a Friday night. She was a beautiful girl that men probably fought over. Sarah said she’d love to and that there was no one on the dating front currently. Why did I feel as though I suddenly had a date? I watched Sarah as she sauntered up the walkway. She turned around and waved before she disappeared into the building. I headed home excited to plan our menu for Friday. My cheek was still tingling from her kiss.

Chapter 2

I awoke in a frenzy of heat and longing, feelings I haven’t felt in over five years since the demise of my marriage. It must have been the wine. I went to the kitchen for a glass of cold water when I remembered what I had been dreaming about. It was her. I dreamed of dinner with Sarah Friday night. We were sitting on the swing in the back yard, talking and sipping wine. We spoke of love and loss, our dreams and goals. Then it happened. She kissed me, long and deep. Why? Why would I dream of kissing another woman? Sarah had done nothing to imply she was anything other than heterosexual. I certainly have always been interested in men only. Why would these thoughts creep into my mind? I hope this little psychotic dream of mine doesn’t cause me to feel uncomfortable or ashamed around Sarah now. What would she think if she knew I had dreamed of such things? It must have been the kiss on my cheek. Subconsciously I read into it? Why can’t I just accept that Sarah is a touchy feely type of person? It doesn’t mean anything. It certainly doesn’t mean she wants to be anything other than my friend. I have an overactive imagination – probably from all the romance novels I submerge myself into. Except those stories always have a strong chiseled man as the hero and a gorgeous model of a woman as the heroine. It must be the wine. I snuggle back into bed and hope my next dream can erase the embarrassment of the last one.

Then I remember the kiss. It felt so real. Her lips were soft and full. They tasted like fresh strawberries. She plunged her tongue into my mouth, exploring, tantalizing. Her hands were on my back. My hands cradled her face. I felt that old familiar stir of passion at my core. I never realized how much I missed that feeling. I hungered for more. I wanted to touch her skin, feel the spark that ignited me every time she touched me. Why did I feel this way about her? What is it that pulled me into her and made me crave more? I want to feel the fullness of her breasts in my hands, to cup her buttocks.

I slid my hand under my nightgown and caressed my own breasts, imagining they were Sarah’s. My other hand roamed into my panties and touched the aching, neglected bud swelling with excitement. As I rubbed myself I imagined what it would feel like to touch Sarah in this way. The images in my mind of Sarah moaning and writhing at my touch and my own hands moving on my body the way I yearned to touch Sarah brought me to an explosion of pleasure. I moaned and arched in a climactic release. I drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Chapter 3

Something felt different when I woke up Wednesday morning. I went about my morning routine humming and even tuned into the cable “top hits” music channel while I jogged on the treadmill. I caught myself singing about kissing a girl and liking it as the song played on the tv. Unsure of how I felt about last night’s events, I quickly changed to the “party favorites” channel and sang along with the Pointer Sisters instead. I busied my mind with a ‘to do’ list for Friday’s dinner. I needed to pick up a few ingredients from the market, vacuum and dust, and a new outfit was definitely in order. I had better go shopping after work tonight, since tomorrow night is my wine tasting group. Maybe I will find a new wine to accompany Friday night’s dinner!

I jotted down my shopping list and headed to my room to get ready for work. My thoughts wandered to the imaginary kiss again while I was in the shower. I decided I had better save that for later. I chose a sleeveless silky pink blouse and wide legged white capri pants. I had a few extra minutes so I opted to curl my hair. Instead of my usual mascara, lip gloss, and blush look, I wore pink lipstick and shimmery pink eye shadow too. I found some sexy wedge sandals and looked in the mirror. I looked great today… and I felt great, too!

Susan was the first to approach me at work. “Wow, Monica, you look great today! Did you do something to your hair?”

“I had a few minutes extra this morning, so I thought I would change things up a bit. I wear that same old twist every day. It gets old, don’t you think?”

Susan looked suspicious. “Have you met a man? Do you have a date tonight? I think you look beautiful every day. But today there’s a glow about you. Dish… Who is he?”

I assured Susan there was no man. It seems everyone noticed a difference in me today. I answered questions all day about my relationship status, dodged innuendos about my supposed “glow”. I never looked forward to 5:00pm more than I did today. I’m not fond of the limelight.

I can’t wait to go shopping for a new outfit tonight and I decided to make chicken piccata and salad for dinner Friday night. I would make my famous strawberry shortcake for dessert. I have this overwhelming craving for strawberries…

The day dragged on for what seemed an eternity! Finally it was time to head into town. I stopped at my favorite boutique and tried on several outfits. A dress might seem too over the top, but I didn’t want to appear too casual either. This outfit must have the perfect balance of sensuality yet be appropriate for dinner with a friend. A sales clerk approached as I was contemplating.

“Can I help you find something? What’s the occasion?” Her name tag said Kathy.

“Please! I’m having dinner with someone who is just a friend, but I want to look sexy. I don’t want to seem obviously interested, but I don’t want to look…”

She jumped in “…Uninterested either. I know exactly what you’re looking for. Follow me,” and Kathy took off down the aisle. She did know exactly what I was looking for! She showed me a long sundress with a plunging halter-style top that tied around my neck and accentuated my bust. The dress was white with a pastel floral pattern. The skirt was flowy and sort of wrapped around with and met on my right leg. Kathy said if I crossed my legs, it slid open slightly, and showed a hint of thigh. We paired the dress with bejeweled pale blue flip flops and a matching necklace. Perfect! It was a sweet, summery sundress with sexiness in all the right places. It looked innocent enough for a friendly dinner. The flip flops gave the casual illusion. My heart did a little flip flop of its own. Friday seems so far away.

I breezed through the market, gathering the items for my dinner menu. I was carefully choosing the juiciest strawberries, thinking of Sarah’s lips when he snuck up beside me.

“Nice berries. Come here often?” He was tall and broad with piercing green eyes. He had to be at least ten years younger than me.

“Only every time I plan to cook,” I laughed and tossed him a coy smile. Oh my goodness. This man was hitting on me. A man, no a YOUNGER man, was trying to pick me up in the produce department. Does this actually happen in real life? I’ve certainly read about it in several books.

He smiled back. “I see. Well, I envy your husband. I am not very accomplished in the kitchen.” He laughed and held up his basket which consisted of a frozen pizza, ready-to-eat wings, and a 6-pack of diet soda. Clearly he was probing for relationship status and pity. I wasn’t going to give him any ammunition to continue his charade. I started to tell him I was cooking my husband’s favorite dinner when I decided I would give him a little thrill.

“My husband? You must have me confused with someone else. I’m going to cook my WIFE her favorite dinner tonight. It’s our anniversary.” Katy Perry’s song was filling my mind like my personal theme song. I put the strawberries in my cart and winked, leaving him in a whirl of confusion. The look on his face was priceless. I hummed as I finished up my shopping “it felt so wrong, it felt so right… I kissed a girl and I liked it”. What has gotten into me?

By the time I arrived at home I began to feel unsettled. I lugged my bags inside and unpacked everything. Who was I kidding here? Sarah and I have one thing in common, our love for romance novels. She is coming for dinner, not a girl-on-girl make out session. I invented that entire scene in my dream. How could I have let it consume me like this? I just bought a sexy dress for dinner with another woman. I think I may need a therapist. This has to be the culmination of the five lonely years spent imagining my ex-husband taking his new wife on vacations to the Bahamas and Hawaii. I’m sure the books I read have helped turn an innocent dinner into a love scene, too. Maybe I should cancel dinner. Maybe I should have my head examined. I have to sort this out before Friday.

Chapter 4

Thursday was a rollercoaster of ups and downs, excitement and self-consciousness. I tried to keep my mind busy at work, but that unsettling feeling crept over me several times like a shadow in the night. Should I cancel dinner? Will I be disappointed when Sarah tells me she’s looking for a new man in her life? Will I behave strangely around her now that I’ve invented this love affair between us?

I kept the fake smile pasted on my face during the wine tasting and hors d’oeuvres at Wild Leaf Winery. Christina talked about the new counter Ed was putting in her kitchen this week. Alicia wasn’t partaking in any wine. Jackie was the first to notice. Alicia announced that after years of trying, she and Jeremy were finally expecting! We toasted to the good news. I love my girlfriends. They’re all so sweet and supportive of each other. Would they support me if I told them I was fantasizing about another woman? I couldn’t dare to find out.

I excused myself to peruse the wine cellar. I found a sweet concord to accompany our chicken piccata. I hope Sarah likes sweet reds! I bought three bottles just in case. I was the first to leave. I wanted to get home and rearrange the living room.

Finally satisfied with the appearance of the living room, I grabbed my book and went to bed. Trying to lose myself in the story line, I drifted into thought about how dinner would go tomorrow night. I put the book down and daydreamed about Sarah and what we could talk about during dinner. She was coming over at 7pm. I planned to have dinner ready at 7:15. This would provide a few minutes of chit chat before we sat down to eat. The wine would be chilled. I would be dressed and ready. I planned to get a trim at lunch tomorrow and let my hairdresser, Becky, style my hair. A new hairstyle and a new outfit… I should feel like a million bucks tomorrow night! So why did I have this feeling of dread? I drifted off to sleep thinking about my ‘to do’ list for Friday.

Sarah arrived five minutes early and she looked breathtaking. She was wearing short black terrycloth shorts, a white tank top with a black stripe down the side, and black flip flops. She always looked so sporty. Her blonde mane curled wildly and hung down to the middle of her back. The ends were still damp, she must have just showered. There’s that stirring feeling again! She hugged me tightly and I breathed in her clean scent. The hug lasted several seconds. I wish it could go on forever. Being that close to her made me feel all tingly inside.

I invited Sarah inside and ushered her into the dining room. My hands were shaking as I poured our wine.

“Dinner smells delicious. Hey! How did you know sweet red is my favorite wine? Most people serve dry white wine with dinner. You are a girl after my own heart!” Sarah was excited about my wine choice. The evening was off to a good start.

“It’s my favorite as well. Some say sweet concord is a dessert wine. I say it’s an anytime wine!”

“Well it’s anytime right now. Let’s toast! To romantic girls.” Sarah raised her glass.

“To romantic girls!” We tapped our glasses together and I took a long drink. I was glad to have bought three bottles. I may need one all to myself to get through this evening!

Sarah took a seat while I carried the salads and garlic bread to the table. We talked leisurely about authors, writing styles, and what prompted our love of romance. I served the chicken piccata and Sarah proclaimed again that I am a girl after her own heart. Apparently I served her favorite wine and favorite meal tonight. I assured her I didn’t have anyone spying on her. She laughed and claimed she never thought I did.

I found out that Sarah is a district manager for a car dealership franchise. I would normally think that’s an odd career for a woman, but it seems perfect one for her. She enjoys muscle cars and convertibles. She started working as a car washer when she was a teen. Mostly because the job offered a good discount on the many items she needed for her first car, a 1985 Ford Mustang convertible. She worked every day after school and all day on Saturdays. Eventually she earned enough to fix up the old Mustang. She still has her beloved Mustang. It’s been completely revamped with custom leather seats and a souped-up engine.

“I love hearing about your teenage years. I bet you caused a lot of heartache for the boys in that Mustang.” I smiled at Sarah.

“Oh yeah! They were jealous of my car. They all wanted to drive it. I never let anyone drive my baby.” Sarah was feeling nostalgic.

As we cleared the dishes, she admired my dress. She ran her finger down my exposed spine. I didn’t realize how low the back of the dress was cut until that very moment.

“Your dress is very feminine and sexy. I could never pull that look off. It’s as if that dress was made for your body. You really do look amazing. I would like to think you look this great for me… but I’m sure I am way off base there.” Sarah began to reveal her choice in lovers at that moment. I couldn’t be more thrilled.

“You’re my dinner date, aren’t you? That would mean I am dressed for you!” I smiled at Sarah trying to channel allure and sexiness. I think it came off more as a casual flirtation.

As the night progressed she opened up about past relationships. Sarah has only dated one man, well boy actually, and that was in high school. She knew early on that she loved women. The discussion turned to me and my past relationships. I told her that my husband and I had been together since high school. That’s why it was such a shock when he left me. I have never known any other lover. He had a string of lovers during the last eight years of our marriage. I didn’t find out until he chose to tell me – and leave me for the latest one. I felt ashamed of my inexperience. Sarah touched my hand and said she was sorry I had to endure that hurt.

I took this chance to get another bottle of wine from the kitchen and change the topic. We stayed on lighter subjects for the next hour or so. Halfway through the third bottle of wine, Sarah leaned over and pushed a piece of hair out of my face. She leaned in and hesitated inches from my face. I knew it was up to me to cross the bridge. I leaned in and we kissed.

I’ve envisioned this kiss dozens of time, and it was everything I imagined and more. Her lips were full and soft. They tasted of sweet wine. She touched my back again and I shivered. I brushed my hands up her arms and onto her neck. I felt the moisture pooling between my thighs, something that never happened when Paul kissed me. She brushed my hair away from my face again and I sucked in a ragged breath. We leaned back against the couch and settled in for another long kiss. Sarah leaned against me and her tongue found mine again. She teased and taunted me with her tongue, flicking, licking my lips. She was driving me wild. I finally worked up the courage to caress her breasts when the front door burst open. We jumped apart and I screamed “what”!

I jumped up and ran to the foyer to see who it was. It was Carrie.

“Hi Mom! Surprise!” She flung her arms around my neck. I haven’t seen my daughter in nearly two months. She picked tonight to come home for a surprise visit.

“Hi baby! This is a surprise! I was just having a drink with a friend. Come on in.” We walked into the living room. “Sarah, this is my daughter, Carrie. She popped in for a surprise visit! Carrie, this is my friend, Sarah. We met at a book club in town.” It felt awkward as soon as I said it. Why would I need to tell my daughter where I met my new friend?

Sarah stood up. “Hi Carrie, nice to meet you. I see the resemblance between you two. It’s as if I’m seeing the 20-year old Monica right in front of me!”

“That’s 21-years old, thank you. Mom, pour me a glass of wine?”

Carrie regaled us with stories about the sorority antics on campus. She told us all about her classes and the cute boys she’s met. I found it difficult to keep my eyes (and hands) off Sarah. Eventually the stories died down and the wine began to wear off. I walked Sarah out as Carrie settled into the spare bedroom.

“I’m sorry about the interruption tonight”. Honestly I was sorry. I missed my daughter terribly while she was away, but I was really enjoying those moments with Sarah, too.

“Hey, it’s not your fault! Your daughter missed her mom and wanted to visit. That’s a good thing! I’m not going anywhere. As a matter of fact, I cannot wait to pick up where we left off.” She hugged me and walked home.

Chapter 5

Carrie and I had a lazy Saturday. I made her favorite breakfast, stuffed french toast with strawberry syrup. We spent our morning washing the endless baskets of laundry she brought home, shopping for school supplies, and eating lunch at Maverick’s Deli. Carrie’s phone rang as she was catching me up on the latest sorority gossip.

“Hello?”

“Carrie?”

“The one and only. Who’s’ this?”

“Hey! It’s Abbie! I’m calling from Brit’s room. We just found out there’s a killer party going on tonight and there’s a rumor that Brent is hoping to see YOU there!”

“Brent? Me?! Oh my gosh. OK. I’ll be on my way back soon!”

That was the end of the catching up. Brent was a pre-med student who had captured Carrie’s eye in an English Lit class. She said he had a great sense of humor and seemed to enjoy discussing the classics. So now Carrie was on her way back to campus, car loaded down with clean laundry and bags full of snacks and supplies… and I was suddenly free.

I tidied up around the house a bit while deciding if I should call Sarah or just walk over. It was nearing dinner time, so I heated up the leftovers from Friday night dinner and walked over to Sarah’s condo.

My confidence waned as I prepared to knock on the door. Maybe she wasn’t home. What if she was busy? I bit my lip and knocked anyway. I could hear music faintly through the door. Maybe she was having a party. I knocked once more before the music died down and I heard bare feet padding to the door. Sarah opened the door wearing a sports bra, tiny silky running shorts, and a headband. She was sweaty and gorgeous. Her wild blonde mane was in a bun of sorts, with stray wisps popping out and curling all over the place.

“Hello neighbor. Sorry I’m such a mess.”

“Looks like I’m just in time to save you from the throes of aerobic exercise. I brought leftovers.”

“Mmm.. just in time. Come in. Make yourself at home. Do you mind if I run and clean up real quick?”

I walked in and set the food on the counter. “Go ahead, take your time. I’ll get dinner set up for us.” Sarah took off for the shower and I set the table. The condo she shared with her sister was exactly like mine, only the floor plan was reversed. I fumbled my way around the foreign, yet familiar, kitchen. When Sarah emerged she looked fresh and smelled inviting. There was something about that crisp, clean scent of her that drove me wild.

“It smells just as divine as did last night. I can’t wait to dig in!” She sat down at the table where I had put out bowls of salad, a casserole dish full of chicken piccata, and dessert plates. “What are these for,” she asked.

“Oh, we never had dessert last night! “

“Dessert? Ooh I can’t wait!” I felt the hint of a double meaning in our shared excitement.

Sarah served wine while I dished up the main course. The way she was looking at me made me wonder if I was going to become the main course. The excitement began to stir in the pit of my belly. We ate dinner as I told her about my day with Carrie.

“What were you up to before I interrupted you”, I asked.

“Well, as it turns out, I had this great date last night. It was cut too short for my taste, and I needed to keep myself busy to keep my mind off what could possibly be the woman of my dreams. You see, her daughter came home for a surprise visit and was probably going to preoccupy her for the remainder of the weekend. I thought I was in for a long, boring weekend. So I started doing some yoga to relax, but found out I was too hyped up for that. I switched to Zumba and was sweating up a storm. I stopped for a drink of water when I heard a knock at the door. Much to my surprise, my luck changed right then! ”

I blushed. I think Sarah just admitted the depth of her interest in me. I swallowed the lump of fear in my throat and washed it down with a glass of wine. I felt the seriousness of my thoughts creeping in and I spoke before my better sense could stop me. “Sarah, I have to make sure you completely understand me before we go any further in our… uh, friendship.”

“I’m sorry. It was probably too much, too soon. I am so impulsive sometimes,” Sarah looked at me with apologetic eyes.

“No! No. It’s not that. It’s just…” I stammered.

“You’re not into women. I know. I should’ve known.”

“No! Sarah, what I’m trying to say is that I never realized there was love outside of my sham of a marriage. I certainly never thought about finding my next relationship with a woman. I feel the connection with you. It’s an honest, exciting connection.”

“But,” Sarah cut in.

“No but’s. It sim just asking you to be patient with me as we move forward. If you still want to move forward. You see, I’m not just inexperienced with women. I am inexperienced all around. I’m sure I told you, my husband was my only lover. I am afraid I don’t know what to do,” I explained as best I could.

“What to do? HA! Honey, you have all the right equipment. And I think we were doing just fine last night. How about this… we’ll take it easy and carefree. No stress, ok? We’ll just go where our hearts lead us and I promise to be gentle.”

Sarah finally understood where I was coming from, mostly. I was a little worried about what would happen if I found the lesbian lifestyle too stressful for me. I was already wondering what my friends would think. I can only imagine what my daughter would think. Part of me felt shame for thinking that way and another part of me wondered if I was right. Everyone I know could turn against me. Would they? I remember when Robert Evans ‘came out of the closet’ in our early 20’s. He found himself alone. Even his lifelong friends abandoned him. I always supported Robert and stuck up for him to our mutual friends. No one had the right to judge his happiness. Still, I saw the toll it took on Robert physically and emotionally. Surely times and opinions have changed SOME in 20 years.

Sarah recognized the deep thoughts on my furrowed brow. “Ok, out with it. What are you thinking about? Talk to me, don’t close up.”

What I thought was going to be a romantic afternoon turned into a more serious discussion about life and the pursuit of happiness. Sarah shared her story of life as a gay woman. “Honestly, Monica, I have never experienced anything like your friend Robert. How awful for him. Maybe society has come a long way in the past couple decades. I always felt like my friends loved me for who I am, not for whom I loved. Sure there are times when men will cat call and ask cozy female couples to kiss for them. I just laugh it off and tell them to get lost.”

This was music to my ears. I just hoped it held true for me. My mood lightened as we cleared the dinner dishes away and I assembled dessert.

Sarah peeked over my shoulder, “Ooooh, strawberry shortcake!! My favorite! Oh my gosh, is that homemade whipped cream? Oh Monica, how on earth did you know?”

I blinked and realized this could not be a coincidence. We enjoy the same books and the same authors; we share the same favorite meal, favorite wine, favorite dessert. I didn’t know, or maybe I did, on some subconscious level?! “I made you my favorites. I had no idea they were your favorites, too! This is crazy!”

Sarah dipped her finger into my homemade, fluffy whipped cream and instead of tasting it, like I had expected, she smeared it on my face! “What?!” I was taken aback. I had to laugh.

“I wanted to taste your whipped cream. I figure it would be even better if it was on you when I tasted it.” With that she licked the whipped cream from the corner of my mouth. I turned slightly and kissed her. Tasting the light creaminess on her lips as our tongues danced together in a passionate fury.

I backed away and fed her a bite of the strawberry shortcake. She moaned with pleasure as she chewed it slowly, savoring every bit. We sat back down at the table and finished our dessert, with sweet, creamy kisses in between bites. My head swam with excitement, wondering what the evening would hold.

“What do you have planned for this evening, Monica” Sarah inquired.

“I’m all yours. What should we do?”

“Hmm… there are so many options. I would like to keep you all to myself, but I think we should go dancing! I know just the spot. Why don’t we get ready and I’ll pick you up in say, 30 minutes?” Sarah winked and added, “Ok, 45 minutes.”

“Ok, how should I dress? Casual, dressy, or evening…” I began mentally going through my closet.

“Sexy!” Sarah answered emphatically.

“Ok! I’ll go find something sexy to put on! See you in 45,” and I ran out the door, not wanting to waste a single moment.

When I arrived home, I already had an idea of the outfit I was going for. I opted for the white capri pants that were the source of numerous compliments at work last week. The top was something I picked up on sale when I bought the dress I had worn last night. It was silky, peach in color, and had a plunging neckline. I wanted to draw her attention to my breasts as often as possible. This halter-style top had all the qualities she loved about my new dress. It was sexy, feminine, and backless. She touched my bare spine several times last night. I hoped for the same effect tonight. I finished the look with some peach sling back sandals.

I pulled my hair out of the ponytail and put some bouncy curls in it. I fluffed, sprayed, and touched up my make-up. I was spritzing on a little perfume when the doorbell rang. “Right on time,” I said as I opened the door. Sarah looked marvelous. She was wearing cropped jeans, a long black tank-style shirt, and black flip-flops. She had her own sense of style. It was a ‘cool chick, no-nonsense’ sort of style; and it worked for her. It worked for me too.

“Well, hello sexy,” she purred. She planted a light kiss on my cheek.

I grabbed my handbag and we were on our way. “So where are you taking me,” I inquired. She smiled as she hit the gas again. Sarah had the top off her black Jeep Wrangler, so my curls were blowing freely in the warm evening breeze. Apparently she wasn’t going to tell me.

We drove a few more miles before pulling down an alley and into a parking lot between streets. She parked the Jeep, and before I had finished putting my hair back in place, she was opening my door for me. “Why thank you,” I said as I tried to step out gracefully. Her Jeep had big tires so it was a bit of a jump getting in and out for me. We walked arm-in-arm to the front door of a dance club called “Pumps” with a big neon stiletto shoe that changed colors on the sign. “Well this looks festive!” We walked inside and I immediately loved this place.

The décor was bright and festive. There were lights that danced in different colors strung around the bar. The music was loud, the bass bumping, and there were couples dancing on nearly every inch of the floor. I saw five tall black cubes with the neon color-changing stilettos on the side scattered about the dance floor. Perched upon each of them was a woman dancing go-go style. They wore colorful outfits, each slightly different, that glowed under the black lights hung above. I glanced around and took in all that Pumps had to offer. It was packed wall to wall with people, no, with women. I looked around again and noticed that the only man in the place was the bouncer at the door. ‘Pumps’ was definitely growing on me. Just then Sarah sidled up beside me and handed me a frozen peach margarita.

“Thanks,” I took a sip and enjoyed the cool, refreshing peachy flavor.

“I thought your drink should match your shirt. Plus, it’s their specialty. Megan makes a mean peach margarita.” Sarah nodded to a table across the bar. We walked over and sat down. Sarah sipped on a draft beer while I enjoyed my margarita. She led me to the dance floor once we had finished our drinks. We danced and danced for several songs before returning to our table. Megan promptly had a waitress deliver refills. A few other girls came and joined us. Sarah introduced everyone. “You remember Beth and Tanya. This is Cami and Ali. Ladies, this is Monica.” We all said hello, sipped our drinks, and headed out to dance some more.

The DJ announced that he had a special request and put on a slow song. Couples began to pair up and sway to the song. Sara and I followed suit. We swayed comfortably to the music. I reveled in the scent of her. She was like a breath of fresh air. She curled one arm around my waist and touched my hair with the other. I draped an arm on her shoulder and the other on her arm. My head rested on her shoulder and my mind reeled by how at peace I felt here, right here, with her, right now. I felt like I belonged. I felt like she belonged.

Sarah tipped my face up and kissed me. She told me I was the sexiest woman in there and she was proud to have me as her date. I felt like the only woman in the world, even though I was surrounded by hundreds of women. I wanted to be the only woman in her world. I knew that now.

The music picked back up to the bumping, fast pace. Sarah and I walked back to the table to say goodnight to her friends. As we drove back to my condo, she asked what I thought of the club. “I loved it. I enjoy the safety of being surrounded by just women. There was no worry about some sleazy man hitting on me, trying to buy my drinks, or worse trying to slip something into them. It was refreshing.”

“I’m so glad you had a good time. I go to Pumps once every couple months, or whenever the urge to dance hits me. You’re quite a good dancer. You’ve got rhythm!” Sarah gave me a sidelong glance.

“Thanks. It’s something I’ve enjoyed since I was young. I took dance lessons most of my life. I stopped when my marriage ended. The urge to dance left me. I used to want to open a dance studio. I wanted to teach everything from tap to ballet, from hip-hop to samba.”

“Monica, you shouldn’t give up on your dreams! You should go for it! I bet you could teach at Pumps on Thursday nights! They used to have a line dancing class and a hip-hop class. The teacher, one gorgeous drag queen named Sasha Bonita, moved to New Mexico to follow love.”

The possibility heightened my already excited mood. “It’s been years since I’ve danced. I have truly missed it. Tonight was amazing. Thank you so much.” I touched her cheek. I felt so alive. Maybe I would see about teaching at Pumps. Sarah parked and we walked up to my condo.

I unlocked the door and we walked inside. I excused myself to use the restroom and freshen up. Sarah poured a couple ice waters for us. I came back out dressed in yoga pants and a tank top.

“Sorry, sexy is over. Now I’m all about being comfy.” I smiled at Sarah.

She greeted me with the ice water. “Comfy looks good on you. Let’s take these outside and sit on the swing. It’s beautiful out tonight.” We walked out my sliding door and sat on my swing. She was right, it was beautiful. The breeze was warm and light. The half-moon shone brightly in the sky. Her blonde curls lit up with the moonlight. We sat quietly for a few minutes.

Sarah scooted closer to me. “I’m crazy about you Monica. I want to know everything about you. I knew you were a risk from the start, but I had to talk to you. You looked so angelic standing in the romance aisle reading the back cover of that book.”

“Wait, you meant to bump into me?”

“I did. Are you mad? I couldn’t read you, but I had to know. I had to see if you would find me half as attractive as I found you.”

“Oh my gosh. I’m not mad. I’m flattered! I was mesmerized by you the second I looked up into those beautiful blue eyes. I’ve never thought about people as colors or genders. I’ve always thought of people as souls. Love is the connecting of two souls. We can connect with the souls of animals and our pets can be our beloved best friends – and they don’t even speak the same language as we do. I definitely believe we can connect in love with souls of the same – or opposite – sex. You see, I’m crazy about you, too.”

With that she kissed me, a deep, passionate kiss. This time there was no shyness, no reserve in her kiss. She knew we were on the same page. Her hands caressed my arms, my back, and my neck. My hands roamed over her smooth, tanned skin. She was so beautiful… and she sought ME out! I had no idea. Something about that knowledge gave me a renewed confidence. I moaned as she grasped my shoulders and pulled me closer. She slipped one finger under the strap of my tank top and traced the line it made on my shoulder. She followed that line down across the top of breasts. She lingered there for a second. I was silently begging for her to continue. I realized she must be waiting for a sign to keep going. I came up from the kiss, took an unsteady breath, and began to nibble on her ear. I licked and teased, I buried my hands in her wild blonde hair. The smell of her perfume, the taste of her skin intoxicated me. I trailed kisses down her neck and found the spot that turned her on. I knew by the change in her breath, the hunger in her eyes.

Sarah found her sign. She threw caution to the wind and yanked my straps down, exposing my breasts. My nipples were already hard with desire. She licked her lips and pinched my nipples lightly. “Perfect, rosy little nipples.” She devoured them, sucking and kissing, driving me to the brink of desire.

My hands slid under her shirt, desperate to feel more of her skin. I tickled my nails gently up and down her back. She responded with a shiver of goose bumps. I moved around to cup her full breasts in my hands. They were perfect; heavy, yet perky. I massaged her nipples in my hands, traced my fingertips around them. I had to have them in my mouth. She pulled me back against her on the swing as I removed her top. She was tan everywhere. I admired her for a moment. The ample chest, tight belly, rise and dip of toned hips. I sucked and licked and kissed all over that gorgeous abdomen and found my way to her nipples. I grabbed her beautiful breasts and filled my mouth with them.

At that moment, Sarah slid her hand into my pants. I sent a silent thank you to the person who invented comfort clothing, which allowed such moments. Within seconds Sarah was exploring the moistness between my legs. She slipped a finger inside of me while rubbing her thumb on the outside. I arched and writhed against her, wanting, needing. I loved the feel and taste of her nipples in my mouth, the pleasure building between my legs. It all converged at once into a giant, earth shattering orgasm. I called out “Oh God!” and the spasms of pleasure continued for what seemed like a minute.

She was kissing my belly and tracing the lines of my hips. I slid my hand under her waistband and began a discovery of my own. I was nervous as this is the first time I’ve ever tried to pleasure a woman. I had to go with what I know, and all I know is what I like. I lightly traced the outside of her lips down and back up. I liked the smooth velvety feeling of her skin there. On the way back up, I parted them with my finger. I felt the wetness seeping through. She was turned on, too. I traced the outline a couple times, tickled at the sides of her clitoris before I buried my finger inside her and rubbed her growing bud with my thumb. I pumped my fingers back and forth and grasped her breast with my other hand. She was absently kissing my nipples while she rocked her hips with my motion and moaned. I continued for a couple minutes while the moisture increased in my hand. Beads of perspiration were appearing on her face. I thrust my tongue deep inside her mouth and kissed her while I slipped another finger inside and wiggled and pumped and rubbed with my thumb. Sarah groaned and kissed me harder, anchoring herself with a fistful of my hair. She apparently liked it a little rough. I increased the intensity and she exploded with pleasure, moaning and wiggling against my hand. She kissed me lightly on the belly. We laid there on the swing, under the moonlight, drifting in and out of sleepy consciousness until the sun started to rise. I invited her inside but she had to catch a nap and a shower before work. I walked her out front and our goodnight, or good morning, kiss lingered a few minutes.

“I get off work at 4pm. Do you have dinner plans,” Sarah asked in a breathy voice.

“Yes. I’m going to try to guess your second favorite dinner. Say 6pm? My place?”

She smiled. “You’re on. You’ll never guess my second favorite dinner!” She bounded down the sidewalk and disappeared into her building.

I fell into bed and slept better than I could ever remember.

Chapter 6

I have one thing on my mind this morning. Sarah. I am falling in love with this woman. I hurry through my morning routine so I can get to the market and prepare a dinner that will win her heart. I decide on a menu of marinated, grilled steak, fried potatoes and steamed cauliflower, with béarnaise sauce drizzled over the top. This is another of my favorite meals. First order of business is getting the steak in the marinade. It has to be the juiciest and most delicious steak she’s ever eaten. I want it to melt in her mouth. Hell, I want to melt in her mouth. For dessert I will make chocolate molten lava cakes with raspberry sauce and vanilla ice cream. I hope I can find the way to a woman’s heart through her stomach, too!

I assemble my grocery list and head to the store. On the way home, I’m daydreaming about Sarah’s arrival this afternoon. I imagine what she’ll be wearing. I’m sure it will be fantastic and sporty, as usual. I realize I have nothing to wear. Once I arrive home, I unload and put away the supplies for tonight’s dinner. Then I plop the steak in my favorite marinade, a mixture of seasonings, Worcestershire sauce, minced garlic, and a touch of hot sauce.

I head to the local department store to find something to wear. I settle on a simple sundress that skims just above my knees. It has a tiny floral pattern in blues and greens, thin shoulder straps, and is cut straight across the bust. It fits perfectly and my blue flip-flops will go nicely. I feel the excitement growing inside me as I pay for my dress and head home. I have just enough time to shower and get ready before starting dinner. I think I will wear my hair up tonight, leaving that spot on my neck open and begging for kisses. When did I become so devious? I smile to myself and decide that Sarah has a good effect on me.

The doorbell rings at 5:45, sending my heart into a flutter. The sides are made and staying warm in the oven. The steaks are ready to go on the grill. Dessert has been prepped and is in the fridge. The cakes only take a few minutes to bake, and you definitely want to serve them hot. Wine is chilling on the table outside. I sneak a look at myself in the mirror on the way to the door. I look great! My hair looks tousled and perfect.

I fling the door open, “Hello, gorgeous, you’re early!” When I look up, it’s not Sarah standing there. It’s Paul, my ex-husband, who is leaning on my door.

“Well, I didn’t know you were expecting me. But thanks, you look pretty good yourself. Don’t tell me you have a date!? I never thought I would see the day you would get over me.” Paul looked older. He’s aged since I’ve last seen him.

“Paul! What on earth are you doing here?” I am in shock. A rush of old feelings surface; anger, betrayal, hurt.

“I was in the neighborhood and I thought I would swing by and see if you were up for dinner and dancing.”

“As you can see, I have plans tonight. You are the last person on this planet that I would go out with, Paul. You have to go, and don’t ever come back here.” I slammed the door in his face, hoping he would leave. It takes me a couple minutes to catch my breath. The ringing of the doorbell again tells me he’s not leaving that easily. I whip the door open and scream “I told you I never want to see your face again. Now get out of here!” A very surprised Sarah is staring back at me.

“Uh… Hi. Did I miss something? I thought we had dinner plans,” Sarah says slowly.

“Oh, Sarah. I’m so glad to see you! I’m sorry. My ex just showed up on my doorstep not even five minutes ago. When I heard the bell again, I assumed it was him. I told him to go away and never come back. I never thought he would listen!” I grabbed her in a tight hug, relieved to see her. “Come in, please. Steaks are ready to go on the grill.”

“Well that’s a relief! I thought something had gone seriously wrong between last night and this moment. I thought you were having doubts about us.”

“Quite the opposite, actually. I’ve thought about you all day. Wine?” I poured two glasses of wine. We took our wine and the steaks to the back yard. I grilled as Sarah filled me in on her day. I tried to forget all about Paul’s intrusion into my happy, Paul-free world.

We sat down at the outside table I had set for us. I have never used my little patio bistro set except to read and sip wine. Tonight the table was covered in a linen tablecloth with a bouquet of wild flowers in the center. I set out bowls of salad, a basket of warm Italian bread, and my favorite summer dishes.

Sarah seemed to be thoroughly enjoying her dinner, “What is this sauce? It’s delicious! “

I laughed, remembering the first time I had tried it. “That is called béarnaise. It goes hand-in-hand with steak in my book.”

“I agree. It’s almost like you took my steak and put a tuxedo on it!”

Halfway through dinner I excused myself to put the dessert in the oven. After we finished eating, I gathered up the plates to take inside.

“Here let me help you with those. You know, I’m going to get fat if I keep eating your dinners. You sure can cook!” Sarah jumped up to help me with the dishes.

“Oh no, you stay right here. I have a surprise for dessert. I have to go assemble it. Be right back!” I popped the little cakes out of their ramekins and dressed them up on the plate. I swirled raspberry sauce around the one side of the cake, sifted powdered sugar over the top, and nestled a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream on the other side. They looked divine.

“WHAT is THAT?” Sarah’s eyes were wide with intrigue and she licked her lips.

“This is my molten lava cake with a little store bought ice cream on the side.”

“Store bought ice cream? What other kind is there?” Sarah asked.

“Have you never eaten homemade ice cream, Sarah?”

“I have not. Please tell me that’s your specialty!”

“What’s your favorite flavor? I will make it for you. I love making homemade ice cream.” I will use any excuse to bring her over every day. I wonder what it would be like to come home to her every day; to wake up to her every morning.

“Any variation of peanut butter and chocolate is my favorite. It could be peanut butter cup in chocolate ice cream. Or peanut butter ice cream with chocolate. Can you make that?” She looked like a kid on Christmas morning, waiting to open presents.

“No problem! My daughter is a fan of peanut butter and chocolate, too. I’ve made it dozens of times.”

Sarah’s face lit up with excitement. “You are too good to be true, Monica! This lava cake is amazing. I love the gooey stuff in the center. It’s still hot. It sort of melts the ice cream on the spoon. “

We finished dessert and I loaded the dishwasher. We decided to go for a walk and burn off some of the calories from our feast. As we walked through the parking area, I spotted my ex’s car.

“Walk fast. He’s still here. I think he’s watching us.” I gasped to Sarah.

“What? No. Let’s go confront him.” With that, Sarah walked off in the direction I had pointed. She was at his car window before I registered what was going on. Sarah tapped on his window. Paul was talking on the phone.

“I’ll call you back. I think this is about to get interesting.” Paul slapped his phone shut. “Can I help you?”

Sarah had her hands on her hips, leaning down to his car window. She looked so tough. “Why are you still here? I thought Monica made it clear that she wanted you to leave. You have no business here.”

Paul looked amused. “Is that right? Well, Monica is the mother of my daughter. Therefore I will always have business here. What are you some female rights officer?”

Sarah pointed her finger at Paul and said “Your daughter is a grown woman. Your parental connection is null. She doesn’t want to see you, so why don’t you just buzz off before I call security. “

Paul’s face turned red. He never did like being told what to do. “Listen up, bitch. I don’t know who you are, yet, but you have no idea who you’re dealing with. No one threatens me.” He peeled out leaving Sarah standing there in his dust. Monica was frozen in place across the lot.

Sarah rushed over to Monica and rubbed her arms. “Hey, are you ok? Are you breathing? What the hell was that all about?”

“I… I… I’m so sorry. He is such a pigheaded ass. I can’t believe you confronted him. No one confronts Paul!” Sarah rubbing my arms brought me back to reality. “I know he’s piecing together everything that just happened. When he rang my bell, I flung open the door and said ‘Hello, Gorgeous’, expecting to see you standing there. I think he waited to see who that greeting was meant for. It must’ve thrown him for a loop when you showed up minutes later. I better call Carrie and explain everything before he does. Can we go back inside?”

Sarah and I walked arm in arm back into my condo. She poured me a glass of wine while I called Carrie. Thankfully she didn’t answer. I had no idea what I was going to say. I left her a message to give me a call when she had a chance. I better figure out how to explain this to everyone in my life. I can feel the fear of rejection setting in.

“Monica, what’s going through your mind right now? I can see the seriousness on your face. Talk to me. I can help you.”

“I had never thought about how I would explain our relationship to my daughter. I’m not sure what she’s going to think. What if she won’t speak to me anymore? I’ve been so happy since we met. I love spending time with you. I don’t want this to end. But what if…”

“Don’t jump to conclusions. Give your daughter a chance to prove you wrong. You never know how she will react. You might be surprised. Do you want me to be with you when you tell her?” Sarah’s offer made me cringe.

“That might freak her out even more. It’s one thing to tell her I’m seeing a woman. It’s another thing to have that woman there to witness her reaction. I don’t want you to be hurt if she responds poorly.”

Sarah tried to assure me again that Carrie might be ok with our relationship, but I still worried. I always raised her to love and accept everyone for who they were. However, she was half Paul’s and he never understood that part of me. Paul thinks people are separated by social class and political parties. Carrie will make her own judgment and I will have to live with it.

Paul’s probably already called her and all of our mutual friends. That would be the exact tactic he pulled when we separated. I was crying and trying to recover from the blow of finding out my husband had been cheating on me for nearly a decade. He was vying for the support of our mutual friends. He says you have to “get to them before the enemy does, if you want to align with them as your ally”. Thankfully, most of our friends weren’t interested in Paul’s reasons for cheating. He tried several avenues to extort sympathy, but was met with blank stares. Everything is about winning and losing for Paul. He always has to win. In his mind he won because he had our family home, a new young wife, and all of our friends were polite to him. Little did he know they all rallied around me to help me through the divorce? Now that I look back, Paul’s tactic backfired. He sent everyone running in my direction to see if I was alright. I’m sure I won’t be that lucky again. I better figure something out, and fast.

Chapter 7

Sarah and I decide to throw a dinner party Friday night. I will invite all my girlfriends and my daughter. We will announce our relationship at our party – after everyone meets Sarah and falls in love with her as I have.

“Monica, you realize that you are going to ‘come out of the closet’ after a week of dating me, don’t you?”

I hadn’t labeled it that way. It was a dinner party with friends and family in my mind. “Do you think it’s a bad idea?” I asked Sarah.

“Bad idea? I couldn’t be more stoked. I was so worried that you wouldn’t want to be with me, I never imagined you would scream our relationship from the rooftops so soon! I have dated bisexual women who would never commit because they didn’t want to be considered ‘gay or lesbian’. I’ve had my heart broken a time or two by women who couldn’t take the plunge. I am excited to meet your friends, and I will be here to support you.”

“Bisexual. Is that what you would consider me? Or am I a reformed heterosexual?” I laughed at the idea of my sex life having a label. “Either way, I am falling in love with you, Sarah, and I can’t wait to tell everyone.”

Sarah kissed me, a loving and gentle kiss. She brushed my hair out of my face and smiled. “Well let’s start planning a party!”

We planned what we would serve for dinner. Sarah admitted she wasn’t particularly skilled at cooking, but promised to help as long as I instructed her. She insisted on buying the supplies since I was doing most of the cooking. She already had Friday off, so I decided to put in a request for Friday off. This way we could go shopping together and spend the day preparing for our party. Dinner would be served at 6pm.

Chapter 8

The work week seemed to drag on. I couldn’t wait to see Sarah Thursday night. She had invited me out for dinner at her friend’s pizzeria. I figured I could skip Thursday night wine tasting since the girls were coming over Friday night. As it turns out, the restaurant belonged to her sister, Emily. I was nervous to meet her sister, but Emily hugged me excitedly when Sarah introduced us.

“So you’re the reason behind the spring in my sister’s step! It’s nice to finally meet you, Monica. I’ve certainly heard a lot about you.” Emily was shorter than Sarah by several inches and stockier in build. She had the same blonde hair and blue eyes.

“Thank you, Emily. I’m so glad to meet you, too. Your restaurant is beautiful.”

Emily excused herself to grab our sodas. Sarah was introducing me to her family. She certainly has a way of making me feel special.

“Sarah, why don’t you stay over my place tonight? Then we can get up and go shopping in the morning when we’re ready.” Not that being one building away would make it difficult to leave for shopping or anything. I just wanted to experience sleeping next to her and waking up with her by my side.

“Are you hitting on me?” She laughed, “Of course. I would love to stay over. We can swing by my condo on the way home and I’ll pick up a few things.”

YES! My heart fluttered with excitement. We finished our pizza and stopped by Sarah’s condo so she could pack a bag. She invited me into her bedroom while she gathered what she needed. Her bedroom was painted a deep blue. She had white furniture, a queen size bed, and a huge shelf full of books. Her bedding and curtains were a blue and white striped matching set. She had a white rocking chair in the corner with a lamp. This must be where she does her reading. Her closet was very organized. I found myself relieved that she wasn’t a slob. After twenty years of living with a slob, I have enjoyed these past years of living alone in a clean home.

Sarah zipped her duffle bag and said she was ready. We walked over to my condo quietly. In my mind I was hoping for another intimate encounter. I wondered what she was thinking about.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked as I unlocked the door.

“I was just thinking this is our first night together. I hope I don’t snore.” She laughed. I read the nervousness in her face. I was happy to know I wasn’t the only one who was anxious about the evening.

Sarah and I settled in and got dressed for bed. She wore plaid boxers and a tank top. I wore my short, sleeveless pink nightgown. We sat down and watched television for a few minutes. We talked about our plan for the next day. Finally we decided to go to bed.

I folded back the covers and climbed in my side of the bed. Sarah hopped in the other side.

“Oh wait! I forgot something. I’ll be right back.” I jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen. I dished up a bowl of homemade chocolate ice cream with peanut butter swirl. I topped it with some of my whipped cream and a peanut butter cup.

She was lying on her side, facing me when I walked into the room. “I have a surprise for you, Sarah. I almost forgot!” I handed her the bowl of ice cream.

“You made this for me? Aww! It looks delicious.” She took a big bite. “Oh yummy. This is the best ice cream I have ever had.” I watched as she finished the ice cream and set the bowl on the night stand.

“Do you like massages, Monica?” She asked.

“Does anyone really NOT like massages?” I laughed at the idea. “I love massages. “

“Well, they happen to be my specialty. I brought some of my massage oils over just in case. Take off that nightgown and lay on your tummy.” She got a couple bottles out of her bag. I rolled over and did as she said.

Sarah poured oil into her hands and rubbed them vigorously together to warm the oil. She began rubbing my neck. The oil was hot and silky. She used her fingertips to push on pressure points along my neck. “I went to massage school a few years ago,” she told me. “I thought about changing careers. My boss offered me a raise and a promotion when I told him my plans, so I stayed. Maybe one day I will work in massage. For now, I’ll just use it to my advantage with beautiful women.”

She continued to knead my neck and shoulders. Eventually she moved her way down my spine. I fell into a peaceful dream-like state while she worked her magic on my back. I may have fallen asleep, I’m not sure. As Sarah massaged my butt and my thighs, my desire began to increase. The anticipation of what was yet to come was causing me to breathe heavily. Sarah noticed the change in my breathing and giggled quietly. She had me just where she wanted me, and I knew it. She massaged my feet with firm pressure. I felt my cares melting away. When she finished my feet, she asked me to turn over.

I rolled onto my back and Sarah continued her massage on the front of my legs. She inched slowly up my thighs. My breathing turned into sighing as she touched my inner thighs. “I can tell you were a dancer. You have very strong leg muscles. Speaking of dancing, I put in a call to Megan at ‘Pumps’. She would like you to come by on Sunday and audition for the dance teacher position. Are you interested?”

My mind was in a very distant place, dreaming of touching every inch of Sarah’s body. She cleared her throat and spoke again. “Ahem. Earth to Monica, did I lose you?” She laughed.

“Oops! You transported me to a place very far from here! What were you saying?”

Monica repeated herself again, and I sat up. “You landed an audition for me? Thank you! Of course I’m interested. I can’t wait!” I was thrilled at the possibility of teaching dance. I felt touched that Sarah would remember my dream and inquire about the position on my behalf with Megan.

“Ok, now lay back down. I’m not finished yet. Go back to your land of gum drops and sugar plums or whatever.” Sarah laughed at me. I relaxed back into my imaginary world filled with dancing and Sarah.

She massaged my arms and the upper part of my chest and shoulders. This massage was very professional. No hanky-panky and massaging special parts. I wanted to be disappointed, but I felt too good to worry about that. Sarah let me linger in my state of bliss for a few minutes while she put her oils away and washed her hands.

“So now that I’ve managed to grease up your sheets, why don’t we change those and take a shower? I can wash all that lavender oil off your back for you.” Sarah began stripping the sheets off the bed. I went to the linen closet and pulled out clean sheets and bath towels. We made the bed together, then grabbed our towels and went into my bathroom. I turned on the shower and adjusted the water temperature. When I turned around she was standing behind me, nude, ready for the shower.

I let her step in first and soak up the hot water for a minute before I joined her. The water beaded up on my skin from the massage oil. Sarah washed and conditioned my hair. Maybe I was still on the massage-high or maybe it really felt that incredible. No one but my hairdresser has ever washed my hair for me. When she does it, it is fast and all business. Sarah took her time, massaged my scalp, and was careful to rinse all the soap out. At that moment I wondered why anyone would want to be in a relationship with a man. This beautiful woman in my shower knows exactly how to spoil me, without spending a dime. My ex-husband may have bought me some roses or a piece of jewelry, but he never devoted time and attention to me like Sarah does.

Washing Sarah’s hair turned out to be just as erotic for me. I watched the bubbles cascading down her back. I rinsed her curls and conditioned them. I kissed her neck and rubbed my wet, oily body against hers. Our nipples touched, sending chills from my head to my toes. I poured some of my coconut scented body wash into my hand and lathered up her neck, shoulders, arms and back. I turned her around and lathered up her chest and belly. She rubbed herself against me, transferring the suds to my abdomen and chest. She took a handful of soap and lathered my body with her hands. She smiled and paid extra attention to my nipples. A moan escaped from my lips before she covered them with hers, kissing me and pulling me against her. The feel of her soft lips and the warm water trickling down over us caused me to moan again.

Sarah slid her soapy hand down between my legs and washed me very slowly and methodically. I went weak in the knees. I had to lean against the shower wall for support. She giggled and stroked me with her soapy hands. Afraid I would collapse in the shower if she continued; I pushed her against the wall and took the aggressor position. I soaped up my hands and rubbed her butt, her hips and her legs. I kissed her as I slipped my hand between her soapy thighs and washed every inch of her skin. She groaned and arched her back against the wall. It was time to rinse off and get back into bed. We dried off our bodies and went back to bed with our hair still wet. We left our pajamas in the bathroom.

She climbed on top of me and kissed a trail from my neck down to my nipples. She kissed and tugged at them for a few minutes before starting another trail of kisses and light sucks down my belly to my hips. She grasped my hips with her hands and thrust them up while pushing my legs apart at the same time. My legs were trembling with anticipation. Sarah put her hands on my inner thighs and positioned herself between my legs. She looked up at me for a moment as if she was silently asking permission. I smiled at her and gathered her hair in my hand, laying it across my thigh, out of the way. She licked me ever so lightly and rubbed my thighs with her hands. The different sensations threw me to the edge of ecstasy. She was licking so softly and grabbing roughly. I felt one hand move away from my thigh, in the next second her fingers slammed inside of me. She moved her fingers in and out very quickly while licking and sucking at the same time. I writhed and moaned and grinded against her hands and mouth until I burst into a trembling fit of pleasure.

Sarah kissed me lightly on the shoulder and walked to the bathroom. She gathered my comb and our pajamas. I was still comatose from the aftershocks of the best experience in my life. Sarah asked me to sit up. She put my nightgown over my head. I slid my arms through and moaned as the feel of the soft cotton tickled my bare skin. Sarah combed my hair and braided it for me. I turned around to face her. “What are you doing? Are you going to sleep? But what about…”

“Tonight was all about you, Monica. I wanted to give you something to remember tomorrow in case our dinner party doesn’t go as well as we planned.” She was afraid that I would leave her if my family and friends weren’t supportive of our relationship.

“This evening has been wonderful. It’s something I will remember for many years. One thing you’ve taught me tonight is the depth of a woman to woman relationship. You have given yourself to me in more ways than I knew possible. The way you show your love and appreciation is a gift to me, Sarah. I don’t care if no one supports me in this, as long as I have you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m glad you feel that way. I love you, Monica. I want to spend every day with you, for the rest of my life. I’m ready for that lifelong commitment. Will you marry me, someday? I know the laws don’t allow it yet, but one day they will. Will you be my wife when that day comes?” She was down on her knees beside the bed.

“I love you, too. I would love to be your wife one day. Thank you for fulfilling my life and making me happy.” I kissed her on the nose. She climbed back in bed and lay behind me, with her arm around me. I haven’t slept next to someone that loved me for many years. I forgot how perfect it felt to be loved. I fell asleep in the arms of my new love.

Chapter 9

I woke up to the smell of coffee. Sarah had put a tray on the nightstand with cinnamon rolls and coffee. She brought sugar and creamer, too. I saw a note “Love, went for a jog. Be back soon. Enjoy breakfast. We can go shopping when I return. S.” She left me a love note. That was so cute. I had my rolls and coffee in bed, daydreaming about last night. I got up and made the bed. I freshened up and got dressed. I was just cleaning up my breakfast when she returned.

“Good morning. How was your run?”

“Hi! Good. Ran. Hard.” She was still out of breath. “I’m going to shower and I’ll be right out.” She went back to the bedroom and I heard the shower running.

I fixed her a cup of coffee and a plate of fruit and cinnamon rolls. She sat down and ate while I went over the shopping list one last time. The fear and anxiety was beginning to settle in as I remembered the reason for our dinner party. I am about to drop a bomb on my loved ones. I hope they can handle the news.

We took Sarah’s Jeep to the market. It was a warm, sunny day. The breeze and the sun felt great on my skin. She had a scarf in the glove box for my hair this time. So thoughtful! She wore a baseball cap to keep her hair under control. We picked up the ingredients for dinner and returned to my condo to prepare.

“Mon, I have a message from Megan. She wants to know if you can come by ‘Pumps’ at 3pm on Sunday to audition.” Sarah was texting with Megan.

“Yes. Absolutely. I’ll be there. Should I bring my own music or do they have anything specific in mind?” I was already thinking about where I could find my box of dance clothes. It might be in the closet of the spare room.

“Bring a few songs that you like and be prepared to show a couple dance styles. She says it’s very casual, so don’t be nervous.” She knew me so well already.

We started preparing snacks and dinner for tonight’s festivities. Sarah was the veggie cutter. She was good at that. We talked about what music and styles of dance I was going to show Megan. Before I knew it, we had everything prepped. Sarah went home to get ready and change her clothes. I went rummaging through my spare bedroom closet to find some dance clothes. I had already laid out a sundress for this evening.

Carrie was the first to arrive at 4pm. Sarah wasn’t due back for another hour. She plopped down on the couch and fired questions at me about the dinner party. “Why are you gathering all of us together tonight, Mom? What’s the special occasion?”

“There is a special occasion, actually. I have met someone. I want to introduce everyone tonight.”

“This sounds serious. You haven’t mentioned you were seeing anyone? How long have you been dating?” Carrie sounded concerned.

“We’ve only been seeing each other a few weeks, but we feel like we’ve known each other our entire lives. I’m very happy and in love.” I decided I would break the news to Carrie now, while we’re alone.

“Mom, that’s great! I have noticed that you’re different lately. Last time I was home you seemed so at peace, so settled.”

“I am, honey. My life feels very complete now. But there’s something about this relationship that I have to tell you.”

“Oh no. Is he married? Does he have a bunch of kids? Do you have to move away to be with him?” Carrie has no idea how far off base she is.

“No dear, nothing like that. There’s no marriage, no children. No relocation.”

Carrie sighed in relief. “Then what could possibly be wrong? It feels like you’re about to tell me something very big, Mom. Can you just spit it out? I’m nervous.”

“Carrie, I’m in love with a woman. I hope you can understand this. I never sought out for this to happen, it just did. I am so happy with her. She treats me like a princess!” I didn’t know what else to say. I looked up at Carrie’s face. Her mouth was hanging open in surprise. “Carrie, are you ok? Honey?”

“Wow. Mom… really? A woman? That is so not what I thought you were going to say. Wow.” She looked bewildered.

“You said that already. Please tell me this doesn’t change your opinion of me, honey. I have been so afraid to tell you.” I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and the lump in my throat. “Do you mean to tell me that Dad hasn’t already spilled the beans to you?”

“Dad knows? Did he flip out? He told me he was going to come over here and beg for forgiveness the other day. I thought maybe you and Dad had decided to get back together. I did not want to see that happen, Mom. You were his slave. He didn’t treat you well and even I knew that as a child.” Carrie sounded relieved again.

“THAT is why your father showed up over here? Well, it must’ve been a huge surprise when I opened the door and told him to get lost, that I had a date. I thought for sure he would’ve called you. He stuck around to see who came to my door. I figured he would be off trying to poison everyone against me again, like he did during our divorce. That’s why I called everyone together. I wanted to break the news to you guys before he did.”

“He called me from the parking lot. He said some friend of yours threatened to call security if he didn’t leave. He said you didn’t really have a date. He said you were just hanging out with a girlfriend. Mom, he had no idea you were dating this woman!” Carrie laughed.

“You just made my day, Carrie. Oh thank you! You actually met Sarah when you came home. Do you remember her?” I saw the light bulb go on in Carrie’s mind.

“I do remember. She is the person you’re dating? She was really cool, Mom. I liked Sarah. She was very pretty.” Carrie smiled and hugged me. “You always told me that we are not to judge others, Mom. I can’t believe you worried that I would be judgmental about this. I am very happy for you. I am open-minded – you made me this way!”

The tears finally overflowed and ran down my cheeks. I raised a beautiful, caring daughter. Sarah was right. Carrie was very accepting. The tears were an expression of my happiness and relief. The hard part was over. Now I just have to tell my friends.

By 6pm all of our guests had arrived. I greeted everyone at the door and introduced Sarah as my new friend from the book club. Sarah offered hors d’oeuvres while Carrie passed out drinks. We assembled everyone in the dining room at 6:30 for the salad course of our meal. Jackie inquired about the occasion for our dinner party. I told her we were celebrating new love. That got everyone’s attention right away! The girls were silent for a couple minutes before a chaotic frenzy of questions enveloped me.

“Ok, Ok! You all want to know why I’ve gathered you here. I want to formally introduce you all to the new love of my life. I was afraid Paul would beat me to it and spill the beans, and I didn’t want to be scooped by him again. Come to find out, he has no clue! What a surprise that was!”

“Monica, what on earth are you talking about? Spit it out already! Who’s this new love? You’re not seeing Paul again, are you?” Christina’s eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Heavens no! Paul showed up last week unannounced as I was waiting for my date to show. I flung open the door and greeted him thinking he was my date! Imagine my surprise when I saw his face standing there. Things must not be going well in paradise. He came to ask me to dinner. I slammed the door on him, but he stayed in the parking lot to see who showed up. Then Sarah and I caught him and she ran him off. It’s quite comical now that I look back. At the time I was horrified!”

“Did he catch a glimpse at your date? Was he jealous?” Alicia asked.

“He did see my date. Although he was completely clueless! Sarah here was my date. She and I have been seeing each other for a little while now. We literally bumped into each other at the book store in town one day, and the rest is history. I know this may come as a shock to most of you. I completely understand. I hope you will be accepting of our relationship. Most of all I hope this will not cause any rifts in our friendships. You are my best friends, and I want these friendships to last a lifetime.” I put my arm around Sarah to show my commitment to her. She smiled at me warmly and patted me lovingly on the back. The only one at the table not staring at us, mouth agape, was Carrie.

Carrie was the first to speak, “Mom, Sarah, I think it’s wonderful. I’ve noticed how happy and full of life my mom has sounded these past couple weeks when I talked to her. For years that joy just wasn’t there in her voice. I worried that she would never recover from the hurt my father inflicted upon her. I am proud to say that my mom is open to finding love with a woman. You practice what you preach Mom, you say you never compartmentalize people, and I believe that. I would like to toast, to happiness.”

Carrie’s speech must’ve worked, because everyone raised their glass and echoed, “To happiness”. As it turns out, a couple of my girlfriends have dabbled in female relations as well. Although theirs were driven by sexual experimentation, mine was founded on love and lust. We finished our dinner and dessert, talking openly about love and sex. Even Carrie participated in the conversation. The evening was wonderful. I have the best friends. They love me for who I am, no matter how much I change over the years.

Chapter 10

I finally found my box of dance clothes Saturday morning. Sarah had to work, so I had the day to work on my dance routines. I put on my favorite outfit and turned on the radio. It’s been years since I’ve danced, so I turned on a music video channel and watched some current dance moves. Feeling inspired, I selected a couple songs on the music on-demand channel and created two hip-hop routines. I practiced an old tap routine and learned a new line dance, too. I practiced my routines for five hours before I felt confident that I was ready to audition. I packed my bag with towels and my dance clothes. I downloaded my song selections to my mp3 player. I was ready!

Sarah and I ordered some Chinese delivery for dinner and watched a movie. We fell asleep entwined in a blanket and each other. Waking up to Sarah is the best feeling in the world. Some mornings I still can’t believe it’s real. I never knew love could be this pure and honest. She makes me so happy.

Epilogue

Sarah and I officially live together. The timing was perfect. Emily’s boyfriend proposed and even though they never said anything to Sarah, she knew they wanted to live alone together. I wanted to ask Sarah to move in but was afraid it might be too much. Once Emily announced her engagement, I knew it was time. Sarah was elated and moved in the same weekend. (She stayed most nights at my house anyway!)

I’ve been teaching dance class at ‘Pumps’ for three months now. I teach hip-hop on Tuesdays, line dancing on Thursdays, and tap on Sunday. My classes have been so successful I have to add a second hip-hop next month. I’ve left my secretarial job and focus on my dance. I owe the happiness I feel in my career to Sarah.

Sarah is now a part of our Thursday night wine tasting, and everyone just loves her, even Paul. Jeremy told Paul of my relationship with Sarah. He was shocked, but supportive. The replacement wife left him for a younger, richer man, but not before cheating on him for six months. He understands the hurt I felt in the demise of our marriage. We’ve come to a new place in our relationship. We can actually spend time together with our group of friends and no one is uncomfortable. Sarah thanks him for giving her the love of her life. He says that must’ve been his purpose – to keep me busy until I found Sarah. I have found love renewed.

The End.

About the Author:

Dawn Burt has had a passion for writing since childhood. She wrote love songs and short stories as a child, but lacked the confidence to allow anyone to read them. In college is where she discovered she had a “way with words”, in an English Composition class. Dawn lives in Vermilion, Ohio with her husband, teenage daughter, two dogs, and three cats. They hope to relocate to Florida soon. Dawn currently works full-time as an office manager and writes during her free time. “Monica’s Love Renewed” began as a pipedream (“One day I will write this book”) in 2010. It became a reality in 2012.

Dawn’s passions include a huge love for animals, supporting Gay Rights, holistic health, cooking, reading, writing, and gardening. Dawn and her husband enjoy motorcycle rides and vacationing in Florida. The past two years found Dawn battling with endometrial cancer. Two surgeries, a few rounds of radiation and a year later, she is still cancer free. This experience led to her focus on writing. Dawn will tell you “Life is too precious and short to spend NOT doing what you love every day.”

Another contributing force for Dawn is the belief that we can all achieve our dreams by believing in ourselves. Future works will include more alternative love stories as well as a couple guides to achieving your goals. Look for more books soon. Dawn would love to hear from you. Visit her website www.DawnBurt.com.