COMING HOME

Lois Cloarec Hart

Ebook by

PDAFiction.com

Disclaimer

#1: No, my spell check was not on the blink. I am merely asserting my constitutional, nationalistic right to the 21st letter in the alphabet. Ergo, you will find a generous helping of 'U's scattered about as I stubbornly adhere to Canadian spellings.

Disclaimer #2: This is NOT a short story (it kind of got out of hand though it took me months to admit that I was writing a novel <g>), and if you have a problem with same sex romances, you'll want to look elsewhere. If like me, you think love is wonderful in any of its varied forms, then sit back and enjoy.

Acknowledgements: My deepest thanks to Lisa, who cajoled, coaxed and coached me through this story. I couldn't and wouldn't have done it without you, my friend. Thanks also to Carol, my bonus beta, for her timely and welcome encouragement and input. And finally, this story is for BJ, who was Rob.

If you wish to comment, I can be reached at

eljae1@shaw.ca

COMING HOME

Chapter One

JAN STARED UP at the ceiling from her unexpected position on the floor. This day was not getting off to a good start. She turned her head, seeing her husband's twinkling denim blue eyes only inches away.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

Rob thought for a second. "I think so. I must say, you dance divinely m'dear."

"Gee thanks," Jan snorted as she eased her way out from under her husband's helpless body. Turning back to him, she straightened his limbs carefully, checking for any obvious signs of distress, knowing the multiple sclerosis-induced paralysis below his neck could mask an injury.

Satisfied for the moment that he was safe, she grabbed a cushion from the couch to slide under his head. The abortive maneuver was to have been a simple transfer from his wheelchair into his easy chair, but something had gone wrong mid-lift. Rob's involuntary spasm had been enough to off-balance Jan, and they'd tumbled together to the floor.

Surveying the situation, Jan decided that Rob was unhurt and relatively comfortable, but now she had to figure out how to get him back where he should be. She was strong for her size. She couldn't have handled her quadriplegic husband for so many years otherwise, but she knew that even her short, sturdy frame couldn't deadlift Rob's 160 pounds from the floor to the chair unassisted.

Quickly she ran through her options. One neighbour, who was always ready to offer his friendly assistance when she needed it, was at work and not available. Her other neighbour was a gregarious old gentleman, too elderly to help in this situation. Her sister and brother-in-law were also at work and couldn't be called on. There weren't many other available solutions.

"Well Rob," she sighed, looking down at her husband who was waiting patiently for her next move. "I think we're going to have to resort to calling on the firemen this time."

It wouldn't be the first time their local fire hall had sent rescuers, but Jan didn't like summoning them. It felt like an admission of failure, undermining her staunch independence. Nevertheless, there seemed to be no other option so Jan picked up the phone.

About to place the call, she noticed their letter carrier turning in the front gate. Although she had an ingrained aversion to approaching strangers, she quickly changed her plan. Now wasn't the time to let her natural shyness stop her from seeking help.

"I'll be back in a moment," she said to the prone man as she hurried to the door to intercept her unknowing target.

* * *

Terry Sanderson had been making good progress on her route that morning. It was a sunny mid-summer day with nothing to slow her down except the usual challenge from the McFarlane's noisy dog. Terry had known when she took this job, fresh out of finishing her English MA at the local university a few months ago, that weather and dogs would be two of the hazards she'd face. But dealing with the McFarlane's pooch every day seemed to be above and beyond the Canada Post call of duty.

There were so many things she enjoyed about this job. The pay was good, all the walking kept her tall, lean frame in excellent condition and she enjoyed the time to plot further developments in her novel, the completion of which was her sole ambition at the moment. Granted, she hadn't yet had to work through winter and she knew that would be an entirely different story, but for now she was content with her life.

Halfway through her daily route though, Terry could count on that small mongrel yapping his head off at her and lunging at her from the end of his chain. She had no grounds for making a formal complaint since the dog never actually presented a physical threat, but he inevitably disturbed her peace of mind, shaking even her perennial good nature.

"Damn, I hate that lousy mutt," she complained to herself. Grimacing, she admitted ruefully that as much as anything, she hated letting the dog think he won every day as she retreated from his territory. It was silly she knew, but Terry's ingrained competitive streak even extended to the McFarlane's mangy hound.

She amused herself by contemplating the day when she'd had enough and dropped to the ground in front of the dog to go muzzle to muzzle with him in a growling contest. She pictured him retreating in confused fear as she eyed him into submission, never to be bothered on her rounds again.

Looking up from her automatic pilot, she noticed that she'd progressed several houses beyond the object of her wrath and turning into the Spencers' neat green and white bungalow. This at least was a calm, quiet household, set amidst tall spruce trees, lilac bushes and well-kept flowerbeds.

Terry occasionally saw Mrs. Spencer out tending those beds and the woman always had a shy smile and a pleasant greeting for her when she handed over the day's mail. Absently, she noted the woman coming out the front door and she held out several envelopes for her to take.

Unexpectedly, the redhead addressed her diffidently. "Please, would you mind helping me? My husband's fallen and I can't get him back into his chair by myself. If you wouldn't mind lending me a hand, it would only take a moment."

Startled but willing to help, Terry nodded her assent. Slinging her mailbags off her shoulders, she followed the woman into the house. She stepped through the door into a sparsely furnished but book-lined living room and immediately saw the problem. A tall, thin man with a shock of thick brown hair hanging over his eyes was lying on the floor between his wheelchair and an overstuffed recliner. She grinned at him and he smiled back.

"Are you my white knight?" he asked Terry.

"Well, I can't say I've ever been called that before, but let's see if we can't get you back in your chair again." Turning to the other woman, Terry said, "You'll have to talk me through this. I don't want to hurt him accidentally or anything."

She started toward the man only to duck quickly as two feathered missiles shot over her head. "Whoa, what the heck was that?" she demanded looking down into the shorter woman's dark green eyes.

"I'm sorry," the redhead responded, obviously chagrined that their rescuer had been dive-bombed. "That's Jamie and Xan, our budgies. They're not used to strangers, so I guess you scared them."

"I scared them? Lady, they just took five years off my young life!" Terry laughed as she spied two sets of inquisitive eyes peering over at her from the top of the nearest bookcase. She had to admit that now that they weren't strafing her, they were pretty cute, but she hoped that they'd stay where they were for a few minutes.

Returning her attention to the problem at hand, Terry walked over and crouched down beside the man. His wife directed Terry to the man's legs.

"Okay, when I say go, we're going to lift him into the easy chair. If you grasp him under the thighs, make sure your knees are bent, and don't lift with your back, it should go smoothly. Wait until I get set here."

Lifting her husband's head and shoulders, the woman rested them against her body and got a firm grip on his arms. Glancing up at Terry she asked, "Ready?"

Terry nodded nervously. "Ready when you are."

On the word go, the two women lifted the man off the floor and awkwardly angled him towards the chair. They got most of his upper body positioned and then Mrs. Spencer took over to make the final adjustments.

Terry backed away to give the woman room to maneuver, and accidentally knocked over the footstool that had been in front of the rocking chair opposite the easy chair, sending the book and newspapers piled there to the floor.

"Don't worry about it," the woman said as she adjusted the man's limbs more comfortably and got him settled. Terry picked up the book to return it to its place and noticed what it was with surprise. She glanced up from the book curiously, but the redhead only smiled as she straightened out her husband's legs.

Terry set the book back on the righted footstool and remarked, "I like Laurie King's 'Martinelli' series too, though I didn't think the second book was as good as the first."

The woman nodded her agreement. "I'm only up to the third one, but I'm looking forward to checking out her other books too. Anyway, thank you very much for giving us a hand. We really appreciate it."

Her husband, who had been observing the exchange with interest, piped up, "Yeah, you can be my white knight any day."

Terry grinned at the man, who despite his disability obviously retained a merry outlook on life. Mischief sparkling in her deep brown eyes she teased him, "Not that I mind riding to the rescue or anything, but try to stay off the floor for awhile, willya?"

He returned her smile and nodded. His wife escorted her to the door, and picked up one of the mailbags for her. Reshouldering both her bags, Terry turned to leave.

"Thanks again," the woman called after her as Terry started back down the path to pick up her interrupted route where she'd left off.

Resuming her automatic pilot mode, Terry idly wondered at Mrs. Spencer's reading choices. She wouldn't have envisioned a straight suburban housewife reading lesbian mystery novels, but dismissed any possibility that the woman was gay. She certainly hadn't set off Terry's gaydar, the accuracy of which she prided herself on.

Terry herself had never even been closeted, having discovered and accepted her orientation with little angst by the time she was sixteen. It had helped that her parents and four brothers weren't particularly fazed by her revelation.

She grinned as she remembered being virtually indistinguishable from her rowdy siblings for most of her childhood. Her mother had stopped trying to put dresses on her after Terry 'accidentally' ripped every skirt that she was sent to kindergarten in. Oddly, the same fate didn't meet Terry's jeans and sweats, so her mother gave in with her customary good grace, resigned to the fact that she was never going to have the dainty little girl she'd pictured when Terry was born.

Turning into another walkway, Terry decided that it was most likely that Mrs. Spencer simply enjoyed good writing of any genre. After all, the woman obviously loved to read, judging by the overflowing bookshelves that had dominated what she'd seen of the house. Perhaps she was simply branching out beyond P.D. James and Elizabeth George. Shaking her short dark hair, Terry decided it was going to have to remain one of life's little unanswered questions.

Chapter Two

A WEEK AFTER HIS unfortunate tumble, Rob sat in the living room waiting patiently for Jan to finish trimming his hair. Squirming as she ran the clippers up his neck to catch all the strays, he chuckled to himself, thinking back over the years to when he'd first persuaded her to try cutting his hair. It had been in the early months of their relationship, almost fifteen years earlier, and Air Force regulations required Rob to keep his hair short, which meant regular trips to the barber.

Already in a wheelchair because of his MS, it was an added aggravation that he hoped to eliminate if he could convince his new girlfriend to give him a home trim. Jan had warned him that she'd never tried cutting anything more than her own bangs, but he assured her that he was willing to live with whatever the results were. Her first try was less than successful and he'd had to put up with a lot of ribbing from his colleagues before it grew back in again.

"What's that silly grin all about?" Jan asked as she finished trimming around his ears.

"I was just thinking about the first time you cut my hair and all the grief it got me at work."

Jan groaned. "Oh my God! That had to be the ugliest haircut in the history of man, whitewalls and all! I was so afraid that you were going to tell everyone at work that I was the one responsible for it."

"Well, considering that I'd have had to explain why an officer was fraternizing with a corporal outside of work hours, I thought discretion was the far better part of valour," Rob pointed out. "Besides, I knew it'd grow back in eventually and you did improve with practice."

"Yeah, but I don't know how you ever tolerated all those months of wisecracks while I practiced on your head," Jan laughed, putting a final flourish on her work and whipping the towel off Rob's neck. "There you go, love, you're all neat and tidy again. No more looking like Grizzly Adams."

She held up the hand mirror for Rob to check the results for himself and when he nodded his approval, she asked, "So, do I get a tip?"

"Umm…buy low, sell high?" suggested Rob with a grin, knowing that the stock market was entirely his area of expertise and bored his wife to tears.

"Gee thanks buddy," came the dry response. "I was looking for something a little more concrete."

Bending, Jan placed a light kiss on Rob's forehead before wheeling him back over to his easy chair. The transfer went smoothly and Rob was soon comfortably settled as Jan went to get him a coffee.

"Could you flip the news channel on for me, hon?" Rob called after Jan as she started for the kitchen. She returned to do as he'd asked, then headed back to the kitchen to pour him a coffee.

"Did you remember that Donny would be by this afternoon?" Jan reminded her occasionally absent-minded husband as she tucked his functionless fingers around his covered cup, balanced it on his chest, circled it with a towel to hold it in place, and positioned the straw in his mouth.

It was her weekly afternoon off when a caregiver came in to look after Rob while she ran household errands or simply indulged herself in some recreational free time. "I picked up a couple of videos for you two. Lots of explosions and mindless sex to keep you guys riveted."

"Hey, I have a sensitive side too, ya know," Rob complained.

"Oh right, mister man of the nineties," commented his wife dryly. "Then what was that gagging sound when I took you to Notting Hill last week?"

He thought quickly. "Popcorn...yeah that was it. I had popcorn stuck in my throat."

"For the entire two hours?" Jan snorted as she walked back to the kitchen. "Those must have been really big kernels."

"They were," Rob assured her. "Gi-normous ones! Why they'd have choked a horse!"

"Uh huh. Well speaking of horses, that sure sounds like a pile of ..."

"Now, now," he chuckled. "Remember your husband's delicate ears."

He listened to his wife opening kitchen cupboards and reflected how lucky he was to have her in his life. His first wife had left him after ten years of marriage when his disease progressed to the point of paraplegia, and she couldn't handle the prospect of having a disabled husband. He didn't really blame her in hindsight, though he'd been bitter at the time. She'd married a virile young fighter pilot, and couldn't bear seeing him reduced from the cocky hotshot who'd flown with NATO's best, to being grounded permanently and confined to pushing a wheelchair.

Rob met Jan shortly after his ex-wife left him, when she'd been posted to the Base Operations where he'd been assigned a desk job. She'd been very young, only 22 when they met, and he'd been hesitant about getting involved with her. Not only was there the twelve-year age gap between them, but there was also the difference in their rank.

Rob had been a major, and Jan was in the ranks, newly promoted to corporal and working in the air traffic control section. Aware that the brass would descend heavily on both of them should their relationship become public, they were careful to maintain a proper distance at work.

They'd gotten along so well though, even with the restrictions at work, that Rob had finally worked up the nerve to ask her out. He found that he enjoyed her company tremendously as a keen sense of humour lay behind her reserve, and a calm maturity belied her youth.

After dating quietly for several months, they'd ended up living together though Jan maintained an apartment with her old roommate in order to preserve appearances. After two years of surreptitious togetherness, Jan was due to be posted to a base three provinces away and both of them were distraught at the idea of being separated.

Rob had proposed, knowing that he was asking Jan to leave her career and accept an uncertain future with him, as he didn't know how long he could keep working before the MS rendered him incapable of doing so anymore. He was almost surprised when she accepted. He certainly wouldn't have blamed her for not wanting to throw her lot in with his. She'd left the Forces to marry him though, and when his disability worsened, she'd been right there to care for him through every step of his progression to full quadriplegia.

Looking back over the years, Rob realized his quiet wife had an iron core to her and he blessed the day she'd come into his life. He knew that without her, he'd have inevitably ended up in some kind of an institutional care facility. He was also aware that his family and his doctors believed that without her devotion, he'd have died years ago.

He sometimes felt badly that he'd deprived her of a normal life with children and a career, but he consoled himself that she seemed contented with their life. Luckily, he had a keen knack for investing and had managed to build them a sizable nest egg before he was forced to retire, so they lacked for nothing materially.

Jan joked that she took her wages in books, and looking around their house, Rob had to agree that it seemed that way. His wife was a voracious reader, never going anywhere without a book tucked in her purse, which had come in handy for all the countless hours they'd spent over the years waiting for his medical appointments.

The couple had had some good years after his retirement, taking long road trips and cruises while Rob was still able to. However, in the past three years he'd simply become physically incapable of going too far away from their home base.

They'd moved from Ottawa to Calgary to be closer to Jan's family, so that she'd have people to rely on as things got tougher. It had been a good move in that sense, but it had left them somewhat isolated and dependent on each other and Jan's sister for socializing. Making friends in a new city was tough when they couldn't get out to meet people.

Rob had noticed a sort of restlessness in Jan lately, and wondered if the social isolation was responsible for that. He didn't worry that she'd leave him. She'd more than demonstrated her loyalty over the fifteen years they'd been together, but he was concerned about her and encouraged her to take some time away from him to relax. She'd been reluctant at first, but had come to trust Donny with his care and now enjoyed her weekly respite from responsibility.

Rob sipped his coffee, and returned his attention to the news to keep abreast of recent world events. He might not be able to participate much, but he was keenly interested in all that went on around him. He idly wondered what Jan planned to do with her afternoon off before getting caught up in the latest developments in Kosovo. Having been a fighter pilot himself, he had been intrigued by the bombing campaign since it had begun.

The closest he'd come to actual conflict in his own career, was when Russian tanks had moved in to crush the Prague Spring in 1968. He'd been newly posted in Europe at the time, and all NATO forces had gone on high alert in case those tanks moved beyond Czechoslovakia's borders. It had been a tense but exciting period, and he related now to the young pilots who were flying missions against Serbia.

Engrossed in the news, his mind wandered between the current European imbroglio and that of long ago when he'd been one of an elite band flying countless reconnaissance missions close to the Iron Curtain, prepared to take on the Warsaw Pact if necessary. Despite the threat of a Third World War, he'd never felt more alive in his life than during that crisis.

Lost in memories of flashing over fog-filled valleys in razor winged jets, of lighting afterburners to rocket heavenwards through the clouds, and of facing down MIGs over invisible borders, Rob never even noticed his wife watching him with a knowing, affectionate smile.

* * *

Terry stepped off her bus and started down the quiet, tree-lined street to the old, narrow, brick three-story that she shared with two roommates, second and third year university students.

She wiped her brow and thought longingly of swiping one of her roommate's ever present Coronas and taking it to the back yard hammock. Michael kept the fridge well stocked and never begrudged sharing with the women in the house. It was the dog days of summer, and walking her route today had left her tired and sweaty. At least for once though, the McFarlane's mutt had been nowhere to be seen.

Unfortunately, she hadn't seen the elusive Mrs. Spencer either. Since she'd helped the woman with her husband, she always felt a tiny frisson of anticipation when she turned into the Spencer yard, but the closest she'd come to another meeting was glimpsing her outline through the living room windows once or twice. She didn't know why it mattered to her but she wanted to see the woman again, even if it was just to hand over the mail.

Drawing closer to her home, Terry noticed a young man sitting on her steps and she started to smile. It was her kid brother, Jordan, obviously waiting for her arrival.

"Hey runt," she called as she approached him. "I thought you had to work today."

Jordy scrambled to his feet, a wide grin breaking over his face at the sight of his older sister. Terry knew her little brother had a serious case of hero worship when it came to her, and she was never surprised when he turned up on her doorstep unexpectedly.

"Gary wanted to change shifts with me because he's got a date this weekend, so I'm off tonight," Jordy said, referring to his best friend. "I decided to come over and see what you guys were doing and Michael said he was fixing a picnic to go down to River Park. He asked me to go along, so I've just been waiting for you."

Terry smiled at her seventeen-year-old brother. "Well, if Michael's done the packing, then that's one picnic we don't want to miss out on. C'mon, I have to go shower and then we'll head down. Is Claire coming too?"

"Yeah, Claire got off work early today so she's in," Jordy said, referring to the other student who shared the house. He bounced up the stairs at Terry's side, happy to be included with his sister and her friends.

Entering the house, Terry hollered for her roommates. Poking his head out from the spacious kitchen at the back of the ground floor, Michael, a slender, handsome, golden-haired twenty-one year old, hushed her.

"Honestly woman, are you trying to raise the dead or something?"

Not the least bit abashed, Terry said, "Sorry Michael, I was just wondering how much time I have before we're leaving for the park."

"I need about twenty more minutes to finish my masterpiece, so yes, you have time for a shower, although I think Claire's in the upstairs one so you'd better use mine."

Michael turned back to the kitchen to finish packing their picnic. Jordy went in to see if he could help, while Terry headed up two flights of stairs to her garret at the top of the house.

She'd deliberately chosen that room when she moved in here six years ago, reasoning that it was the best bet for peace and quiet in the house. It was, but Terry still found herself drawn to the basement recreation room, where the gregarious Michael often entertained. She really was trying to be more disciplined when it came to her writing, but the lure of good music and rowdy company was hard to ignore.

She occasionally considered moving out, but she genuinely enjoyed her roommates and her garret home. Michael was an exuberant, affectionate, generous young man more interested in partying than his education. He came from a wealthy Toronto family and had come west to attend university in part because he didn't want parental eyes too closely focused on his life. He and Terry had met at a local gay bar and hit it off instantly. When he'd been thrown out of his apartment because of noise infractions, she'd taken him in and never regretted it.

Claire was the quietest member of the household, a serious studious woman from Quebec. She'd come west for university to broaden her horizons and improve her English. A staunch Catholic, she seemed like an unlikely third for her gay roommates, but the improbable dynamics worked well. The three had shared the house in relative amenity for the last two years.

Passing the second floor landing, she spied Claire exiting the washroom, her light brown hair wet and tousled. The other woman waved a hand at her and said, "It's all yours if you want it." Nodding her thanks, Terry ran up the rest of the stairs to grab a change of clothes and get ready to go.

Half an hour later, the four of them had piled into Michael's red Pathfinder and were heading for the welcome coolness of River Park. Once there, they walked a short distance from the parking lot and found a shaded table close to the water's edge. The Bow River was low and placid at this time of year, but the breeze coming off the water was a welcome relief as Michael started unloading the big cooler and setting things out for his friends.

Munching on a cold stuffed pita and eyeing Michael's famous lemon sponge cake, Terry reflected that she was glad she hadn't packed the picnic supper. Given the abysmal level of her culinary expertise, it would have been bologna sandwiches and cokes for everyone. Which, of course, was why Terry was banned from the communal kitchen and assigned permanent-cleaning duties instead.

Luckily both Michael and Claire enjoyed cooking, though Michael had more time for it since he wasn't working a summer job. The more talented two took it upon themselves to make sure no one starved.

"Oh Terry," Claire said contritely. "I forgot to tell you that Marika phoned just before you got home today. I told her that as far as I knew, you'd be home later on."

"Oh no," Terry groaned. "I wish you'd told her I'd be out tonight."

Surprise registered on the quiet woman's features. "Excuse me? I did not know you were avoiding her."

Michael grinned evilly. "Yeah Ter, what's up with that?"

Terry picked up a cherry tomato from the neatly arranged vegetable and dip tray and threw it at her gleeful roommate. "You know darned well I've been ducking her for a couple of weeks now. For crying out loud, I went out with her for one measly month and now she won't let go. I mean we had fun and all, but I wasn't looking for a wife."

"It's that old second date, U-haul syndrome," Michael chimed in helpfully. "You all take things way too seriously."

"Oh? Like you weren't mooning over that Owen character for months last semester?" Terry shot back. "If he'd have crooked his little finger at you, you'd have bought him a mansion with a mountain view and moved in with dogs, quilts and copper pans."

Michael smiled ruefully. Terry knew he couldn't deny that he'd fallen hard for the gorgeous but shallow undergrad, and it was only with the benefit of hindsight that he could accept what his friends had been telling him all along. Owen had enjoyed the fruits of Michael's wealth, but saw the man as little more than a sugar daddy. It was only after Terry dragged him out one night to see Owen wrapped around some other man at a downtown nightclub, that he finally accepted it could never be more than a fling. Having survived his own romantic trauma however, he obviously felt more than qualified to advise Terry on hers.

"What's so bad about Marika anyway, Terry?" he asked. "She's certainly beautiful, and she seems to think you're quite the catch. How'd you two meet anyway?"

"I don't want to be a catch, Michael. I just want to have some fun. I'm not into getting serious with anyone. She acts like if she's persistent enough, we'll get back together for life. Lisa told me that she heard Marika asking about me at Oly's the other night, and Robyn said she's been hanging around the team too. I'm almost glad I banged up my shoulder just after we split up, so I haven't been at the diamond for a while. I wish she'd just start obsessing about someone else and leave me alone," Terry huffed. "As for our unfortunate meeting, it's all Lisa's fault. She set us up on a blind date. Said she thought Marika would be just my type."

"Well she's got your tastes nailed, anyway. Too bad Marika's seen Fatal Attraction a few too many times," Michael said sympathetically.

"Do you know I've taken at least a dozen calls from her for you in the last two weeks? I'm sorry I told her you'd be home tonight," Claire apologized regretfully. "I didn't realize she was becoming such a problem. Perhaps you should go over to your parents' place for the evening to get away."

Jordy, who had been sitting quietly listening to the details of his sister's romantic woes, jumped in and said, "Yeah, Terry. Why don't you? Alex and Diane are bringing the babies over tonight and you know how you love to spoil them.

Terry thought about that for a moment. She hadn't seen her oldest brother and his wife for several weeks. She adored her six-month-old nieces and it seemed like an ideal way to escape her infatuated ex while enjoying her family's company. It meant another night would go by without getting any writing done, but she'd try and make up for it this weekend. "Okay runt, why don't you and I head over there after we get back to the house?"

Jordy nodded happily and the conversation moved away from Terry's love life. Grateful that it had, she listened with half an ear to Michael and Claire's discussion of the upcoming academic year. Both students were majoring in business and shared many of the same courses and professors.

Terry surveyed the park with casual interest. Suddenly, she concentrated on a woman a short distance away, sitting in a lawn chair under a tree and seemingly lost in a book.

"Hey, I know her," Terry said half to herself.

"What did you say?" asked Jordy, going back for his third pita. "You know who?"

"Remember me telling you about the man I helped lift off the floor last week?" Terry asked her brother. "Well, that's his wife. I wonder what she's doing here all by herself."

Almost without considering what she was doing, Terry swung her legs out from under the table, stood up and said, "I'll be back in a few minutes, guys. Don't eat all the cake on me." She started over towards Mrs. Spencer, not quite sure what she was going to say, or even why she was doing this.

Terry had thought about the woman and her husband often in the week since she'd helped the pair out. She wasn't exactly sure why they'd piqued her interest so much. She'd been impressed with Mr. Spencer's upbeat optimism and good humour, even while he lay on the floor as helpless as a turtle on its back. With a writer's eye, Terry was always interested in unusual people and this man seemed to have the soul of a hero inside that devastated body.

When she examined her reaction closely, Terry realized Mrs. Spencer had also affected her. The woman's shyness, her obvious affection and solicitude for her helpless husband, and the lively intelligence that illuminated her face made for an attractive mix.

Not hard to look at either! Terry grinned as she thought of the woman's deep auburn hair, emerald eyes, and compact muscled frame. But married older women weren't Terry's type so she dismissed any libidinous motives.

"Hi," Terry said, dropping to the grass in front of the startled redhead. "I saw you from our picnic table and was just wondering how Mr. Spencer was doing. No aftereffects from his fall were there?"

"Oh hi," replied the woman, obviously connecting Terry's face with the incident from the previous week. "Thank you for your concern, but no, he's fine. I really did appreciate your lending a hand. I was going to have to call the fire department if you hadn't come along."

"No problem at all," responded Terry. "By the way, we haven't really been introduced, although I know you're Mrs. Spencer. Terry Sanderson." She held out her hand to the somewhat flustered woman.

"Jan Spencer," the redhead said, shaking Terry's hand firmly. She appeared a little embarrassed that she'd neglected the social nicety of inquiring after her saviour's name.

"Is Mr. Spencer around somewhere?" asked Terry, though she was sure that he wasn't.

"No, Rob's at home with a caregiver. I take one afternoon off a week and today was so nice that I decided to come down to the park and read for a few hours," Jan replied.

"It's nice that you can get away now and then. I'm sure you can use the break. No Laurie R. King today?" Terry queried looking at the hardcover that Jan was holding. "Oh, Carol O'Connell. Yeah, I know her books. She's a terrific writer, and I love her Mallory series. I don't think I've read Judas Child yet though," referring to the book Jan was reading. "Is it as good as her others?"

Eyes brightening, Jan launched into an enthusiastic review of the book. Terry watched her hands illustrate her words in the air, realizing that the key to getting the quiet woman to open up was obviously through the books she loved.

"You know, I was disappointed at first when I saw a new Carol O'Connell and it turned out not to be one of the Mallory books, but Judas Child is every bit as good as her other ones. I was looking forward to another visit with Mallory and Charles though. They have such a fascinatingly unconventional relationship, don't you think? Of course, nothing about Mallory is conventional which is why she's such an intriguing character. I mean in a way, she's such an amoral genius that you wouldn't think you could relate to her, and for me, I always have to have at least one of the main characters that I can relate to or I don't enjoy the book. But her friendship with Charles really humanizes her."

Amazed at the torrent of words from the woman, Terry couldn't help responding to her enthusiasm. "I know what you mean about relating to your characters. I've often wondered how authors handle writing despicable characters doing repulsive things. You'd think that if they couldn't relate to them, they'd have difficulty making them real to the reader, wouldn't you?"

"You sound like you've thought about this a bit. Are you a fellow bookworm?" Jan asked curiously.

Terry smiled. She didn't want to lose the connection she'd established with this woman, but she wasn't ready to open up about her writing aspirations yet either. Those she kept strictly to herself, out of an almost superstitious fear that she'd jinx her work.

"I do enjoy reading a lot, though I don't think I'm quite in your sphere of 'worminess'. It's difficult sometimes to get any peace and quiet at my place to settle down and read without interruption for long periods."

"Do you live in a noisy apartment building?" the woman asked sympathetically.

"No," laughed Terry. "But I might as well given the sound levels in my house at times. Actually, I share a place by the university with a couple of students. For the most part, it's a great arrangement, but you know how students like to party."

"Uh huh," Jan said wryly. "Well, if I cast my mind back over the years, I think I can vaguely remember how young people play."

"Hey, you're not exactly an old fossil," Terry protested, "You can't be more than what, thirty-five?"

"Thirty-seven, actually. But thanks for the two year deduction," the other woman smiled. "You don't look much older than a college student yourself."

"Well, up until a few months ago, I was a student," said Terry. "I graduated from the U of C this year."

Jan tilted her head quizzically. "What's a university grad doing delivering mail? I'd have thought you'd want to work in your field of study."

"Now you sound like my parents," Terry grinned. "They couldn't believe I'd spent six years in university only to pound the pavement every day in the service of Canada Post. But I'm really enjoying it. The job pays well, which is important because I have a ton of student loans to pay off. It keeps me in great shape and I have loads of time just to think. Frankly, I think I'm all schooled out. I don't think I'm going to spend the next thirty years of my life doing this, but for now it suits my purposes."

What Terry didn't mention was that she'd plotted the first four chapters of her book while walking her route in Jan's neighbourhood. Steering the conversation back to safer subjects, Terry asked, "Do you mostly read mysteries, or do you like other genres too?"

Jan smiled at that. "I think I enjoy everything from Stephen King to P.G. Wodehouse, and from newspapers to comic books. As long as it's well written, I pretty much enjoy reading it."

"What about speculative fiction?" inquired Terry, the beginning of an idea forming.

"Well, I don't read as much of that as I once did, but yes, I've always really enjoyed writers like David Eddings, Terry Brooks, Stephen R. Donaldson and Dave Duncan. Donaldson was the very first one I read, and his Thomas Covenant series hooked me right from the beginning. Duncan is a true pleasure as he's so much fun to read. I loved his Seventh Sword series. For pure fantasy, I'd have to say Charles deLint is my all-time favourite. I used to live in Ottawa and I'd look for the places he wrote about in Moonheart and Jack the Giant Killer. I thought it was so neat to read fantastical stories set in my own town."

Terry was enjoying her chat with Jan. The redhead's enthusiasm was contagious. It was evident that they shared a love of stories, and Terry wondered what other areas they might have common interests in. They chatted amiably about other books they'd both enjoyed, and then Jan asked her hesitantly if she'd finished work early today to end up in the park at this time.

"No," Terry replied, "I always start early on hot summer days, and I'm usually finished by about three in the afternoon." She pointed back at the picnic table where her friends and little brother were still talking and eating, and then asked, "Would you like to join us? We have lots of food and my roommate is a terrific cook. You're welcome to share if you'd like to."

Instantly Terry could see Jan withdrawing, as her eyes dropped and one hand ran nervously through her hair. She wasn't at all surprised to see Jan remove her reading glasses, close her book and put it in her bag.

"Thank you for the invitation," Jan replied. "But I have to be getting back now. It's almost time for the caregiver to leave and I hate to be late."

She stood, folding her lawn chair and picking up her bag. With a tentative smile, she said, " It was nice talking to you. I guess I'll see you around then."

She turned and started walking back to the parking lot. Terry watched her leave, then rose and returned to the picnic table. The others looked up at her arrival.

"Who was that and since when did you get it on with older women?" Michael asked curiously.

"Oui, now I know why you're avoiding Marika," Claire teased gently.

"No, you guys have it all wrong," Terry brushed them off. "She's just the woman from my mail route that I helped out last week. You remember me telling you about the handicapped man on the floor? Well, that's his wife."

Satisfied with her explanation, particularly on hearing that the woman was married and obviously not a potential target of Terry's attentions, the duo turned back to their interrupted discussion.

Jordy studied Terry. Keenly attuned to his sister, he had idolized her for as long as he could remember. Despite the eight-year age difference between them, or perhaps because of that, she'd always protected and encouraged him. Throughout his childhood she'd insisted that their older brothers allow him to join in the unending games of road hockey and pick-up ball games that had punctuated the years of their youth.

When the three older boys had teased Jordy because his stocky build, sandy hair and blue eyes was so different from the long, lean frames, black hair and dark eyes of the other four siblings, Terry had stuck up for him. When at the age of seven, she had come upon him packing his ball mitt and GI Joe in a bag to run away, convinced that he had to go find his real family since he obviously didn't belong in this one, she didn't yell or deride him for being stupid.

Terry had simply taken him to the basement where all the photo albums were stored, and dug around until she found a very old one. Turning the pages, she stopped at a picture of a young boy who could have been Jordy's twin. She informed him that was their mother's grandfather who had died before Jordy was born. She told him that just because he took after the Morgan side of the family and everyone else looked like the Sanderson side, didn't make him any less a member of the family.

Then Terry had looked at Jordy very seriously, and forever endeared herself to him, saying, "It wouldn't matter what you looked like or where you came from anyway, Jordy. You'll always be my favourite brother and don't you forget that."

Hugging the little boy, she'd gently taken him upstairs to sneak some cookies before supper, knowing that if their mother yelled at them it would all be in a good cause.

Jordy had been Terry's shadow until she moved away when university started, and she'd always had time for him and his problems. In turn, he'd been a constant, loving confidant, often surprising her with wisdom far beyond his years.

Now Terry felt Jordy's eyes on her, but just shook her head at him, indicating that she really didn't want to go into it at the moment. She knew by the look in his eye that while he would let it go for now, he'd be making further inquiries later.

Terry sighed to herself. How could she explain to her little brother what she didn't even understand herself? All she knew was that she wanted to get to know the enigmatic Mrs. Spencer better.

Chapter Three

EMILY SANDERSON SMILED at the sight of her two youngest progeny bailing out of Terry's ancient silver Toyota. Affectionately nicknamed the 'Tin Can', the car had carried Terry faithfully for seven years now and showed no sign of giving up the ghost anytime soon. Emily had discreetly suggested that Terry could now afford to upgrade her vehicle, but her stubborn daughter refused to even countenance such disloyalty. Emily was sure that when the inevitable happened and the old car simply couldn't go anymore, Terry would hold services for the dearly departed.

Hands immersed in a sink full of bubbles, Emily watched out her kitchen window as Terry and Jordy ambled through the backyard to the house, talking nonstop. She finished stacking the dishes in the rack and picked up a towel to dry them just as the two siblings burst into the kitchen with their usual noise.

"Hi Mom," Terry grinned. "Are you still doing dishes the old-fashioned way, you Luddite, you?"

"Yes, daughter of mine. I'm perfectly capable of washing a few dinner dishes by hand."

Emily smiled. This was an old argument, and one her family would never win. They'd pooled their money together to buy her a new dishwasher several years ago, and couldn't understand why she refused to use it except when she had a crowd for dinner and piles of dishes as a result. They all teased her about being old-fashioned and out of step with the times, but Emily just ignored them and continued to do exactly as she pleased.

Emily knew that none of them understood that washing dishes for her was meditative. It gave her a window of peace to think about her day and plan the one coming up, something that was a rarity when she'd been raising five boisterous children.

It was at this very sink that she'd come to terms with her daughter being gay, struggled to think of ways to help her middle child when he'd been badly injured in a ski accident, and plotted how to come up with the money to put her youngest through medical school once he graduated from high school the next year.

Terry wrapped her arms around her mother's shoulders, giving her an affectionate squeeze. Emily enjoyed the momentary closeness, then looked up at her tall daughter and said, "Alex, Diane and the twins will be over in about half an hour. Can you stay long enough to see them?"

"Yup," Terry replied, "I'm all yours for the evening. Actually Jordy told me they'd be here and I haven't seen the babies for weeks now. I'll bet they've doubled in size."

Emily laughed. "Well, not quite doubled, but close enough. They've already outgrown all the clothes I took them a month ago. You've got a while until they're here. Why don't you go out and say hello to your father? He's in the garage working on the lawnmower again."

Terry shook her head. "I don't know why he doesn't just break down and buy a new one. I'll go harass him about it for a bit. Give me a call when Alex gets here, okay?"

Emily nodded and watched her daughter head back outside to the garage. She knew that Gordon was about to be bedeviled by their daughter, but she also knew that he secretly loved it when Terry engaged him in verbal combat. The two of them had been butting heads with baffled affection since Terry was in diapers, and she'd come to accept that this was simply the way the two strong, stubborn people conveyed their love for each other.

Turning to her son, who had been sitting quietly at the table, munching on fresh chocolate chip cookies, she warned sternly, "Don't you go and finish the entire batch, Jordy. I made those especially for company tonight."

"Since when was Alex 'company', Mom?" Jordy mumbled around a mouthful of crumbs.

"He's not, but you know Diane is still shy around this crew, so I like to make an effort when she comes by."

Emily shook her head, wondering silently if her daughter-in-law would ever feel comfortable with the rambunctious family she'd married into. Still, she and Alex seemed very happy together and the twins were without question the most perfect grandchildren alive, so there wasn't really anything to worry about. Diane had adapted well to the challenges of having two babies at once, and Emily considered her a fine mother to the little girls.

"Hey Mom," Jordy said, drawing his mother's attention back to him. "I think Terry's having a problem with one of her old girlfriends. Do you remember the tall blonde she went out with a month or so ago?"

"Which one?" his mother said dryly. "You'll have to be a little more specific than that."

"You know who I mean," Jordy insisted. "Terry brought her here for Sunday dinner once. Her name was Marika and by the time they left, you looked like you'd been sucking lemons."

"You mean the one that was hanging all over Terry like a remora?" Emily asked. When Jordy nodded, she added, "I thought they broke up a few weeks ago. I distinctly remember feeling relieved when Terry told me that one was history."

"Well, she is as far as Terry's concerned, but Marika won't leave Terry alone. From what I heard, she keeps calling her all the time, and she's keeping tabs on her through Terry's friends."

Emily listened to her son, and could tell that he was concerned about his sister. She didn't think there was too much to worry about. Terry had handled an active social life adeptly since she was a teenager, but she agreed that it sounded as if the ex-girlfriend was making a nuisance of herself.

"Keep your ears open, Jordy. If it sounds like it's getting out of hand, tell me about it, but don't let Terry know you're looking out for her. You know she's convinced that it's her job to watch out for you."

Mother and son exchanged smiles at Terry's legendary protectiveness when it came to her little brother, when the doorbell suddenly sounded, startling Emily.

"Oh, they're early. Jordy, run and tell your father and Terry that Alex and his family are here."

Jordy ran off to the garage, while Emily opened up the front door to her oldest son with his arms full of baby and a diaper bag. Two steps behind, her daughter-in-law followed with another baby in her arms. Smiling, she reached out to take a granddaughter from her son and ushered them into the living room.

As Alex and Diane settled down on the couch with an audible sigh of relief, Gordon, Terry and Jordy came in from outside and Emily watched with amusement as Terry swept the other twin up in her arms.

Looking quizzically at the baby in her mother's arms, Terry asked her sister-in-law, "Have I got Kerry or Kelly here?"

"You've got Kelly and your Mom's got Kerry," Diane replied smiling. "It's actually pretty easy to tell them apart when they're together. Kelly's far more demanding than Kerry is. I think she must take after your side of the family."

Emily chuckled at that. She had to admit that her daughter-in-law had a valid point. The Sandersons were not exactly the quietest family around she mused, cuddling Kerry in her arms. However, looking around the room at Alex and Diane relaxing on the couch, Gordon sitting in his easy chair sipping his ever-present cup of coffee, and her two youngest playing with their baby niece on the floor, she felt a deep sense of contentment at what she and Gordon had started 33 years ago.

Terry looked up from where she was rubbing a very contented Kelly's tummy, and spoke to her oldest brother. "How's work going, Alex?"

Alex, a tall, husky carbon copy of their father with dark brown hair and eyes, leaned back on the couch, draped one arm around his slender blonde wife, and answered his sister. "Actually Ter, it's been murder this last month or so. Remember I was telling you about doing a job for that rich old lady in Mount Royal?"

"Yeah, I remember. What happened? Did the house turn out to have wood rot all the way through it or something?"

"No, not quite that bad, though we did need to do some extensive renovations in some rooms, but the real problem is that this woman can not make up her mind!" Alex, clearly agitated about his difficult client, sat forward and said intently, "She has us import Italian marble tiles for her, which is fine, even though it was a pain in the neck getting them through Customs. But then, when we've got them two thirds installed, she decides it's not the right colour. Doesn't go with the rest of the decor she says. Fine, she's paying for it, so we rip the bloody things out and reorder in the colour she wants. They come, we start laying them, and damned if she doesn't change her mind back to the original colour! By this time, I was sending Noel to run interference because if I'd had to deal with her, I think I'd have killed her. Honestly, women!"

Three sets of decidedly feminine and outraged eyes turned towards him, and he raised his hands in self-defence. "No, I didn't mean you guys. I mean other women." Seeing by their stares that he still hadn't succeeded in removing the foot from his mouth, Alex pleaded, "Ah, c'mon, you know what I mean. Let me off the hook here."

Grinning at each other, his wife, sister and mother decided he'd been sufficiently chastised for insulting their gender, so they turned their attention away from his reddened face.

Gordon laughed at his son, and said, "Don't worry, Alex. When Jordy graduates next year and joins the company, we'll put him in charge of public relations. He has a much better way with people than you, Matt or Duncan."

Emily stiffened at her husband's casual assumption that Jordy would be joining his father and three older brothers in the family business when he finished high school. She looked over to where Jordy sat quietly on the floor beside Terry and the baby. She saw the two of them exchange a glance, and the worried look that flashed over Jordy's face.

Only the three of them knew of Jordy's dreams to go to medical school and eventually become a pediatrician. Emily was aware that she was going to have a fight on her hand when she confronted Gordon about the issue, but she was determined that Jordy would become a doctor despite his father's cherished dream of having all four sons in the business with him.

As Alex and Gordon's discussion about work faded into the background, Emily pondered her youngest son's ambitions. She knew he had wanted to become a doctor since he was a little boy. In fact, she even knew the exact time the seed had first been planted in his mind.

When Jordy was only five years old, his fourteen-year-old brother Matt had been in a terrible ski accident. Matt, the family's best athlete, with very valid dreams of making the NHL, had a wild streak a mile wide. One weekend while hot-dogging with some friends out of bounds at Sunshine ski hill, he somersaulted off a cliff and into some trees. He'd ended up with a serious concussion, a broken wrist and a mangled knee that would end his hockey dreams.

Jordy had gone with his family for weeks to the Children's Hospital to visit his brother in recovery, then for months after as Matt endured rehabilitation of his knee. During that time, Jordy had been fascinated by all the children who were patients at the hospital, and had even gotten to know a few who were in for long term treatments.

Emily remembered the day that her youngest son looked up at her and said "Mommy, some day I'm going to be a doctor so I can make all these kids better." Emily had smiled tolerantly at her little boy, sure that he would change his mind many times over the years, but he never did.

Everyone except Terry, who quietly and consistently encouraged her brother, repeatedly dismissed Jordy's dream until finally he never spoke of it anymore. Even Emily thought his childish goals had long fallen by the wayside, so she was surprised when he approached her the previous year, asking for her support in going to medical school.

Emily had gazed at the determination on her youngest child's face and known that even if she didn't help him, that boy would get to medical school somehow. Terry had come to her and offered to drop out of university herself if the money was needed to get Jordy started, but Emily was determined that both of her youngest children would have the education they wanted.

It was going to be difficult to persuade Gordon that his and Jordy's dreams were not the same, and that there would only ever be three Sanderson sons in the business he'd build from scratch over all those years.

He had been very disappointed when Terry appeared to be wasting her education by taking the postal job and had derided the value of higher education for weeks after she broke the news. Emily didn't quite understand that herself, but she assumed that Terry just needed a break after six intensive years of university, and would eventually go on to make use of her degrees.

Emily had faith in her husband's basic fairness though, and she was certain that if he were handled properly, he would acquiesce to putting Jordy through medical school. She had hoped to leave the confrontation a little longer, but it wasn't fair to either Gordon or Jordy to allow the situation to go on as it was. Based on his mother's assurances of support, Jordy was already doing the paperwork to get into pre-med, so she needed to speak to her husband soon.

Returning her attention to the ongoing conversation, Emily heard Terry say, "Uh, Diane, I think a change may be in order here."

Picking up her niece and holding her at arms length, Terry took her over to her mother and deposited her gingerly in Diane's lap. Diane took the baby and grabbing the diaper bag, headed for the washroom.

Gordon smirked at his daughter, "What's the matter Terry? Can't handle one little dirty diaper on your own?"

Terry mock-glared at her father and bounced over to flop on the arm of his easy chair. "Careful old man, I don't see you offering to do diaper duty either. I'll have you know it's in the Aunt's Handbook that we're only required to change diapers when the parents of said child are not in the immediate vicinity."

Emily smiled as her husband nudged Terry with one elbow and shot back at his insubordinate daughter, "Well, I'll have you know, that the Grandfather's Handbook outranks the Aunt's Handbook, and mine says that I did eighteen years of diaper duty on you brats so have a little respect for experience and skill. Why I can remember changing you and Matt in thirty seconds flat with my eyes closed in the middle of the night."

Terry groaned at hearing that old chestnut. "Dad, you have yet to demonstrate any skill on diaper detail, so how do we know you're not telling tall tales? I haven't seen you change Kerry or Kelly once. It's always up to Mom or Diane."

Gordon turned to his wife and appealed, "Honey, tell this daughter of yours how proficient I was when the kids were little."

Emily smiled, amused at the never-ending good-natured dispute between her husband and daughter. These two would argue that the sky was green, just for the pleasure of the debate.

"Daughter of mine? I seem to recall you having a small part in that, Gord. But I do have to admit you were a mean diaper-changer in your time, although there was that incident with Alex when you couldn't find the pins and you ended up duct-taping his diapers on him."

Everyone broke out laughing at Alex's indignant, "Dad!" Gordon just grinned unrepentantly and said, "Well, it worked, didn't it?"

Emily snorted. "Yes, until it was time to change him again and then I had to get your industrial strength shears to cut his diapers off."

"I'll bet you never did that to Duncan or Matt," grumbled Alex amidst the family's gales of laughter at his bruised dignity.

"Nope," Gordon cheerfully admitted. "I refined my technique with Duncan, and by the time Matt and Terry came along, they had a wonderful invention called disposables."

Turning to her mother, Terry asked, "Speaking of Dunc and Matt, are they coming for dinner on Sunday, Mom?"

Eyeing her daughter more closely now, Emily responded, "Duncan and Karen are coming, but I haven't heard from Matt yet."

"Huh, and not likely to either," Terry shook her head. "Matt will make up his mind five minutes before dinner and drop in without a word, assuming you'll have a place for him."

Adopting a neutral tone, Emily stated, "I always have a place for all you kids, you know that."

She watched her daughter's expressive face as it registered disgust for her brother's lack of consideration. She hated the friction between Terry and Matt and deplored the competitive drive that often led them to extremes trying to outdo each other. Matt was the most troubled of her children, but where the boys all seemed to make allowances for him, Terry never cut him an inch of slack. In turn, Matt seemed to view Terry as a rival for everything, from his mother's attention to the affections of the women they both courted.

Emily wondered for the thousandth time if it hadn't been a mistake to have Terry so soon after Matt was born. The two were only eleven months apart, and had been competing with each other since they left the cradle. It didn't help matters that everything appeared to come so easily to Terry. She'd excelled in school and sports, and the only edge Matt had on her was in his beloved hockey. When that was wrenched away from him because of the ski accident, the intensity of competition between them had taken on a bitter edge, which had never diminished.

When Terry had come out to her family at sixteen, Matt was the only one who tried to use her revelation as a weapon against her, which had infuriated Terry and led to a ridiculous competition between them to see who could date the most beautiful girls.

Emily had long ago sadly accepted that the best she could hope for from these two was an armed truce, and she had held firm that the family home had to be a neutral zone. Since she had lost her temper at the pair a year ago in a spectacular display of maternal rage, both Terry and Matt had done their best to be civil in front of her. Emily was under no illusions that the war had ended however.

Emily's thoughts were interrupted by a loud yawn from her daughter, who ruffled her father's thinning gray hair as she stood and said, "I guess I'd better be getting home now. I'll see you guys on Sunday, okay? What time should I be here?"

Emily stood up too, shifting her granddaughter to one hip as she walked her daughter to the door. "Drop over whenever you like, Terry, and bring the others if you want to. We'll probably eat about six o'clock."

"Okay Mom, and I'll check with Michael and Claire. I'm sure they'd love any excuse to get at your cooking."

Emily hugged her daughter warmly, and then watched as she walked out the back door to her car. Hearing Kerry begin to fuss, she turned back into the house to rejoin the rest of her family.

Chapter Four

TERRY'S LONG, TANNED legs ate up the blocks as she worked her way steadily through her route. It was already a very warm day though only mid-morning, and it promised to be another long, hot August week. She found herself looking forward to the cooler days of fall, only a few weeks away. She was tired today too, having stayed until midnight at her parents' place the night before. She'd been having such a good time that she hadn't dragged herself away at a sensible hour and now she was paying the price.

Duncan and his fiancée Karen had showed up as her mother had said, and thankfully, Matt had not made an appearance. Jordy, Alex and Diane were already there and when Michael and Claire arrived with Terry, it had turned into a lively party. Her mother had been in her glory with so many people to feed and fuss over. Gordon had been in fine form manning the barbeque, at least until Karen tried to help him.

Terry found herself smiling, remembering her soon to be sister-in-law's antics. Karen, a bubbly, warm-hearted extrovert, was a pleasure to be around. She'd made herself instantly at home with the rest of the Sandersons, and fit in so well that an outsider would swear she'd been born into the clan.

Gordon had decided to teach Karen the proper way to flip hamburgers on the barbeque, and had called her over for some hands on instruction. Winking at her fiancé, Karen had gone over to the grill to listen attentively to Gordon's instructions.

Terry wasn't sure how it had happened, but suddenly several half-cooked hamburgers went sailing by the heads of those gathered around the picnic table, and Karen had been summarily banished from the grill.

Returning to the table, Karen had grinned at Terry and Claire, saying sotto voce "We wouldn't want to sabotage the only time men willingly take over the cooking now, would we?" Laughing, the two young women had agreed.

After dancing through her customary pas de deux with the McFarlane mutt as he lunged at her from the end of his short chain, Terry saw her next bundle of mail was for the Spencers. Passing the two houses in between, she looked up as she turned into the bungalow's walkway.

She was pleasantly surprised to see both Jan and Rob in the front yard. Rob was sitting in his wheelchair under the shaded overhang by the front door watching his wife work in the flower garden, which ran under the living room window. As Terry came up the walk, Rob turned his head and smiled at her.

"Hey, it's my white knight!" he called to her.

"If I'm the white knight, does that make you the damsel in distress?" Terry shot back with a grin.

"If you put on the armour, I'll put on the dress," Rob bantered, chuckling.

Jan stepped out of the flowerbed, dusted her hands off on her shorts and reached for the envelopes that Terry was extending to her.

"Good morning, Terry. Don't mind that husband of mine, he's feeling his oats this morning," Jan said as she glanced through the mail.

"No problem," Terry's smile took in both the Spencers. "It's too nice a day not to be feeling great. Is he the foreman and you're the labourer in this endeavor?"

Jan laughed merrily. "What Rob knows about flowers could be mounted on the head of a pin. No, I'm afraid he's strictly a spectator when it comes to horticulture."

"Aw, c'mon," Rob pouted with a small grin. "I'm not that bad. I can tell a weed from a blossom. Besides, don't I order a mean bunch of flowers?"

Jan smiled at him affectionately. "Yes you do, love. You are one of the world's finest flower givers." Turning to Terry she said, "He once got a little carried away, and I came home from work to find six dozen long-stemmed roses waiting for me. You could smell the scent of them from a mile away, and we ended up handing out roses to just about everyone who came by the apartment, even the solicitors."

"So he's really a romantic at heart, is he?" asked Terry, enjoying the interplay between the couple.

"Well, I wouldn't ask him to write a poem, but he does alright for himself."

"Hey, I can write poetry," Rob protested indignantly. "Don't you remember those squadron songs I made up?"

"Rob, honey. That wasn't poetry. Those were the grossest limericks set to music I've ever heard," his wife gently chastised him. "Face it, you weren't exactly Robert Frost!"

Terry broke into what was obviously a long-standing discussion between the two. She had to get back on her route, but she'd been thinking of something since the day she'd had the conversation with Jan in the park and she wanted to present her idea while she had a chance.

"You know how you mentioned that Charles deLint was one of your favourites the other day?" Terry asked Jan. When the woman nodded, Terry went on, "Well, he's doing a reading of his newest book at Chapters on Thursday night and I wondered if maybe you guys wanted to go and then maybe grab some coffee afterwards."

Terry saw the interest in the redhead's eyes, but then watched as she reluctantly shook her head. "Rob doesn't like fantasy, and I can't leave him alone. But thanks for asking."

Rob, obviously sensing that his wife wanted to go, quickly suggested, "Hon, why don't you call Donny and see if he can make it in the evening instead of the afternoon? Then you could go to the reading with Terry."

Jan turned hopefully to her husband. "Are you sure, Rob? You wouldn't mind?"

"Nah, I don't mind at all. It'll be good for you to get out, and besides, Donny and I have a killer domino challenge going. I beat him three games out of five last week, and he's dying for a chance to get even. Give him a call. I'll bet you anything he'd be willing to switch hours."

Terry was disappointed that Rob wasn't interested since she thought he'd be a lot of fun to have along, but she was glad he was amenable to his wife going. She looked at Jan and said, "Great, then why don't I give you my number and you can let me know if things work out alright. If they do, how about I pick you up around seven on Thursday?"

She hauled out her stubby pencil and took one of the envelopes from Jan's hand. Jotting down her name and phone number, she gave it back to the woman. "I'll be looking forward to hearing from you and I hope you're able to go. I think it'll be an interesting evening." Turning to Rob, she touched his arm briefly and said, "Thanks for being flexible."

Rob looked up at her seriously. "No, thank you. Jan needs to get out and see people more often. She shouldn't be stuck at home with me all the time, but I haven't been able to convince her of that."

Softly Jan disagreed with her husband. "I'm not 'stuck' with you, Rob. I'm where I want to be, and you know that."

Feeling that she was now intruding on a private moment, Terry backed away and nodding her farewells to the two who were still looking at each other, she started back down the walk towards the next delivery. As she reached the sidewalk, she heard Jan call, "See you on Thursday." Terry acknowledged her with a wave, and turned onto the street, already looking forward to that night.

* * *

Thursday night found Terry unaccountably fussing about what to wear for the deLint reading. She'd picked up and discarded three pair of pants already, and finally, disgusted at her own vacillating, closed her eyes and grabbed whatever was closest to her.

Opening her eyes, she saw that she'd be wearing a pair of well worn, slightly wrinkled but clean khakis to the bookstore. Choosing a dark blue, short-sleeved cotton shirt to go with them, she looked at herself critically in the mirror.

"I'm sure your date will be impressed," drawled a voice from her doorway.

Terry spun around to see Michael leaning against her doorframe, smirking at her.

"It's not a date," she said dismissively. "I'm only meeting a friend for coffee at the bookstore. You have a one-track mind."

"Uh huh," Michael replied skeptically. "I've seen you take less time dressing up for a romantic dinner with a hot blonde."

Terry blushed slightly, knowing Michael was right. She wasn't much of a clotheshorse and tended usually to throw on whatever happened to be clean and at the front of her closet. For some reason though, it seemed important to make a good impression tonight. When Terry didn't respond to his quip, Michael went on. "So who are you meeting?"

"You remember the woman from the park last Thursday? Well, I asked her and her husband if they'd like to go to the deLint reading. He wasn't interested, but she was, so I'm picking her up at seven."

Michael leered comically at her, "Uh huh! Dating married women are you now? Has the single women pool gotten so small that you're desperate, or have you already run through the entire list of lesbian eligibles in Calgary?"

"No, that's not it at all," Terry frowned, somewhat exasperated with her friend. "I just like Jan and Rob, and I'd like to get to know them both. They're quite the pair. I think you'd like them too. They seem like a perfect team and they're so comfortable together. In a way, they remind me of my folks."

"So Jan's another mother figure, is she?"

Terry decided that if Michael's eyebrows got any higher, they'd have to scrape them off the ceiling.

"No, of course not. You know, just because I'm meeting a woman for an evening out, doesn't mean there's anything romantic about it. Can't you be around good-looking men without lusting after them?" Terry finished running a brush through her short hair, and turned to look at Michael.

"Nope, but that's just me," Michael grinned.

Terry laughed. "Silly me, I forgot who I was talking to." Looking at her watch, she yelped. "Yikes, I've got to get going or I'll be late. I'll see you later Michael."

Grabbing a light jacket, she passed Michael in the doorway, stopping to put her hand on his shoulder. "Don't wait up for me, Pops."

She dodged the good-natured swat that had been aimed at her behind, and ran down the stairs. Trailing behind her, she heard Michael's last indignant words, "Just who are you calling 'Pops', old woman?"

Still grinning, she opened her car, and then retreated from the wave of heat that poured from the scorching interior. Left in the hot summer sun all day, the old Toyota felt like a furnace. Rolling down all her windows, Terry wished briefly that she at least had air conditioning, but on the other hand she reasoned, once she got moving, the breeze would cool the small car quickly. She hoped the temperature had at least gone from hellish to merely tropical by the time she arrived at the Spencers.

Pulling up in front of the house only a few minutes after seven, Terry hopped out of her car and walked quickly up to the door. As she reached it, it swung open and a burly, black man smiled at her.

"C'mon in. Jan will be ready in a minute. We kind of got behind the clock so she's running a little late. I'm Donny, by the way, and I take it you're Terry?"

"Yup, that's me. Hi Donny. I hear you're planning on beating the pants off Rob tonight," Terry responded to the man's greeting and walked into the house.

"I heard that!" Rob retorted. "Just for your lack of faith, I'm going to have to sic the birds on you."

Ducking involuntarily, Terry looked around cautiously for the feathered duo, then chuckled as she spotted them sitting calmly on the top of their cage, eating a piece of oversized lettuce poking through the bars. "Doesn't look like they listen to you very well, Rob," Terry teased as she settled onto the couch to wait for Jan.

"No one does. Who'd ever believe I was once a senior officer with airmen groveling at my feet and hanging on my every command?" Rob sighed dramatically, and then grinned at the derisive snort from the hallway that greeted his words.

"No one who ever knew you while you served, that's for sure!" Jan laughed as she entered the living room, still tucking her green, silky t-shirt into tan slacks. "There was a reason you were called Major Marshmallow, my love, and it had nothing to do with your eating habits!"

Turning to Terry, Jan said apologetically, "I'm sorry to hold you up, but I think I'm ready to go now."

"That's okay," Terry replied, standing up. "We've got lots of time and since when were writers punctual anyway?"

Jan walked over to where Donny was arranging the dominoes on the board, and bent over Rob to kiss him good-bye. "Have fun kicking butt, love. I won't be too late."

"Take your time, Jan," Donny piped up. "I need some time to teach your husband a little humility anyway."

"Fat chance," snorted Rob. "Prepare to lose your shirt, and probably the rest of your apparel too."

"Hmm, I didn't know you two were playing strip dominoes," Jan joked, as she turned to leave. "Do try not to shock the neighbours, okay?"

Terry held the door for Jan, listening to the men already deep in the throes of mortal combat, arguing over who got to go first. She looked at the woman walking quietly beside her and asked "Are they always this competitive?"

Jan smiled. "Always! But it's good for Rob. He was always highly competitive in things like flying and sports, and now that those have been taken away from him, he needs other outlets. I'm not much help, as I don't think I have a competitive bone in my body, so Donny is the perfect caregiver for him. I like him to have male companionship too, since he's mostly stuck with me and we don't exactly get out a lot."

Terry considered that for a moment as she opened Jan's side of the car for her. "I don't think he'd ever call it being stuck with you. It seems to me that he's pretty happy you're around."

Jan slid into the front seat and smiled at Terry as she came around to get behind the wheel. "I know that he is of course, but it's hard for one person to be everything to another person, don't you think?"

Terry started her car, pulling away from the curb. "I suppose. I think of everyone in my life and they all fill different roles for me, so it's hard to imagine only having one person in your life." Staunchly she added, "But if it has to be only one person, I'll bet Rob's awfully glad that it's you."

Jan smiled her appreciation of Terry's kind words and settled back for the ride.

Pulling up in front of the huge bookstore fifteen minutes later, Terry wasn't surprised to see a crowded parking lot. Even without the deLint reading scheduled, Chapters, with its co-located Starbucks, was a popular gathering spot for people.

Finding a spot many rows away from the store, Terry wheeled the old car into position and turned off the ignition. As the women got out, Jan turned to Terry and asked, "Do you want the windows up?"

"Nah, no one's going to steal this old piece of junk," Terry laughed. "Leave them open and it'll be much cooler when we come out."

Walking across the parking lot and entering the double doors of the store, both women sighed as the refreshing blast of cool air hit them.

"I may just sleep here tonight," Terry moaned.

"I take it you don't have air conditioning where you live?" Jan asked.

"Not in the whole house, though I do have a temperamental window unit that adheres to union rules and only works when it's less than twenty degrees outside. That can be a problem when you're living in an attic in August." Terry grinned down at her companion. "So why don't I get us a couple of ice cappuccinos while you grab us some seats, unless there's something else you'd prefer?"

Jan shook her head. "That's fine. Let me give you some money for it."

As she started to open her purse, Terry put out a hand to stop her. "No, don't worry about it. You can get the next round."

Terry stood in line to get the cappuccinos watching casually as Jan found them two seats toward the rear and settled into one, placing her purse on the other to save it for her companion.

She noticed Jan contentedly eyeing the shelves of books around her, musing that the woman had probably spent quite a few dollars in here judging by her own library. She wondered if the older woman was enjoying her unusual night out and hoped that the deLint reading would be entertaining for her.

Once she'd been served, Terry awkwardly balanced the two coffees in one hand, as she stuffed her change into her pocket and started over towards Jan. She negotiated her way around several groups of people and came to a stop in front of the redhead. Jan moved her purse as Terry dropped into the chair, then handed Jan her cappuccino.

"Thanks," Jan said, sipping appreciatively at the drink. "You know, I think something may be going on. I've been watching those Chapter's employees milling around at the front and they seem to be upset about something."

Just as Jan made this remark, one of the men wearing a blue Chapters shirt, cleared his throat and gathered everyone's attention.

"I'm sorry. I'm afraid we're going to have to postpone the reading for tonight. Mr. deLint has been delayed in Ottawa on a family emergency, but he's promised to make it out as soon as he can. If you'd like to leave your number at the front desk, we'll phone you with the time of the next reading. Again, I'm very sorry for the inconvenience."

Terry and Jan looked at each other in disappointment, and then around at the crowd, which was slowly dispersing with murmurs of frustration.

Terry spoke first. "Did you want to go home then, or would you like to stay and finish your coffee, maybe do a little browsing afterwards?"

"Well, I'd hate to interrupt the men when they're deep in their game. Rob might never forgive me if I prevented him from thrashing Donny on the field of dominoes. Why don't we find a better spot to relax and drink these things? It's not too often that I'm out for an evening, so I might as well take advantage of it."

With those words, Jan rose to move to one of the couches that littered the store. Terry followed, absurdly glad that the night wasn't ending prematurely. Following Jan's lead, she settled in beside the woman on a couch between 'Psychology' and 'Political Affairs' and half-turned to face the redhead.

"Judging by the library I saw in your house, you probably already own half these books," Terry said, indicating the bookshelves that surrounded them.

"Oh, nothing as deep as this, I'm afraid," Jan replied with a small self-deprecating laugh. "When it comes to books, I'm strictly an escapist reader. I like to keep up on world events through the newspapers, but when it comes to leisure reading, I want to be swept off into fantastic worlds, with fascinating people doing incredible things. Rob's never really understood that. He prefers military techno-thrillers like Tom Clancy that are solidly grounded in politics and realism. He accuses me of having my head in the clouds sometimes, but as I told him, the real world is harsh enough–why wouldn't I want to leave it now and then?"

"I know what you mean," Terry nodded her agreement. "I like nothing better than to lose complete track of time when I'm reading or watching a movie. If I'm that absorbed in someone else's vision, then I emerge at the end feeling like I've taken a trip without ever leaving home."

"Are you quite a movie buff yourself?" queried Jan.

"I used to be, much more than I am now. My Mom always knew that if she couldn't find me on Saturday afternoon, odds were that I was at the theatre. Lately though, I mostly rely on the odd video to keep up as I never seem to get to the movies I want to see before they've left town. I always make mental notes about which ones I want to see. Then I'm shocked when I finally have time and they've long since departed the theatre. My life's too darned busy at the moment," Terry shook her head in frustration. "I think the last film I actually saw in a theatre was Titanic."

"Rob and I went to see that one too. I was surprised, but even my thoroughly hardheaded husband enjoyed it. I know the critics weren't that impressed but I just enjoyed being entertained, and I was certainly awed with the special effects."

"Yeah, I liked that one too, though I couldn't believe the kids who went back fifteen or twenty times to see it. That's overdoing it just a little."

Jan smiled at her. "Do you mean to say you weren't swept away by Leo's charms?"

"Hardly!" snorted Terry. "He was a bit of a callow pretty boy, don't you think, though I can see how he would appeal to the teeny bopper set."

"So what exactly is your 'type'?" asked Jan curiously. "I'm assuming you're single by lack of a ring, not that that necessarily indicates anything."

Terry hesitated, not sure how to handle the question. She was open about her sexuality but it was always difficult to know the right timing for informing new straight people in her life. She opened her mouth to respond cautiously, when a voice sounded from behind her.

"Hello, Terry. What a lovely surprise running into you here."

A tall, sleek, blonde woman in a tight skirt and dark silk blouse stepped around in front of the women. Gray eyes considered Jan coolly. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your 'friend', dear?"

Terry groaned internally. Of all the people to run into, Marika was the last person she wanted to see. She wondered if the meeting was coincidental, but in any case, she had no intention of playing the blonde's game tonight.

"Marika, this is Mrs. Spencer. Jan, this is Marika Havers and she was just leaving," Terry said formally.

Marika ignored Terry's dismissal, and putting a slight emphasis on the words, said, "Mrs. Spencer, is it? It's so nice to meet you. Of course it's always nice to meet one of Terry's new 'friends'."

As Terry glowered at her, Marika smiled sweetly in return. "Well, I'm so sorry I can't stop and chat but I do have places to be. Good-bye, Terry. I'll see you again soon."

As she sauntered off, Terry muttered under her breath, "Not if I see you first." She hadn't thought the blonde woman could hear her low-pitched words, but Marika's pace faltered momentarily before picking up as she walked rapidly to the exit.

Jan looked at her steadily. "Do you want to tell me what just happened here?"

Terry really didn't want to tell Jan what had just happened, but she felt compelled to do so by the woman's warm, expressive eyes. Something in them demanded nothing less than honesty, and Terry steeled herself to tell the older woman of Marika's enduring preoccupation with her.

"Marika and I dated for about a month before I broke it off. That was several weeks ago, but she won't leave me alone. She keeps turning up places where I am, and asking my friends what I'm doing all the time. She's turning into a bloody stalker and I'm starting to think I'm going to have to get a restraining order against her, but she doesn't do anything overt that I can pin her on. She's just always there!" Terry held her breath, waiting for Jan's response.

"Well, that answers my question about your type then," Jan said softly.

"Is that a problem?" Terry asked evenly, sincerely hoping the answer would be no. She enjoyed this woman's company even though they barely knew each other. She felt an unprecedented comfort with her, almost as if they'd been friends for years rather than just having met a week ago.

Jan smiled slightly. "No, Terry. It's no problem at all. I'm glad you were open with me."

Terry sagged slightly in relief. Marika hadn't managed to ruin this budding friendship after all.

Jan sat up briskly and said, "Now, I think the next round was on me, wasn't it? Do you want another of the same?"

Terry nodded and watched as the woman walked over to the corner coffee bar. She was grateful that the run-in with Marika had brought things out in the open. Terry didn't hide her orientation, but neither did she flaunt it. She was glad that this time it had been taken out of her hands. Jan hadn't seemed uncomfortable or nonplused and in fact, had taken the information quite casually. That boded well for their future friendship. She hoped Rob was of a similar mind to his wife's.

An hour later, the two women, having finished their second round of cappuccinos and done a bit of browsing and buying, headed back out to Terry's car. Seating themselves in the slightly cooler Toyota, Terry started the car and then gestured at the bag of books on Jan's lap.

"Aren't you going to run out of space for books one of these days?"

Jan laughed. "That's what Rob says too, but I just tell him that while there's an inch of uncovered floor space, there's room for more books. I've only just begun putting bookcases downstairs, so I'm good for at least another few years. Besides, it could be worse. I could be hooked on diamonds and furs instead of books."

Terry guided her car out into the light traffic as she said, "Yeah, I guess if you're going to have an addiction, books are pretty benign, though I'm betting you could have clothed half the models in Toronto in fur with what you've spent on books so far. How come you just don't go to the library?"

Jan considered that for a moment. "When I was younger, I practically lived in libraries, but after I married Rob and we had a little spare money, I found that I really enjoyed owning books. I find a great sense of peace in being surrounded by them. I know that if I'm upset or feeling out of sorts, all I have to do is walk into a bookstore and I feel calmer. I suppose that sounds a bit strange." Jan gave a low, self-conscious laugh and stared intently at the bag on her lap.

Terry noticed her discomfort and quickly reassured her. "Not at all. Everyone takes comfort in something different. Heck, my Mom had to forcibly remove my favourite blankie from my arms when I was about ten, just because it had fallen to shreds and was leaving pieces of itself all over the house. My brother Jordy had an old stuffed horse that he slept with up until our older brothers tormented him unmercifully about it, and then he hid it. But I happen to know that he's still got it tucked away in his closet. I think we all need some kind of security blanket. Books are as good, if not better, than anything else."

Jan didn't say anything, but Terry could see that a smile had returned to her face, and she was content to drive in companionable silence for the rest of the way.

As she pulled up in front of the Spencer house, she turned to Jan and asked, "Do you think you and Rob might like to go for Sunday brunch sometime? I know a really nice restaurant that overlooks the river. It's kind of small and not very well known, but the food is great."

Jan nodded. "I'd like that and I'm sure Rob would too. Is the restaurant accessible?"

"I think so. I don't remember any stairs to get in, but I can call and confirm that. When would you like to go?"

"Is this Sunday too soon? We can leave it for a few weeks if you like."

"No, this Sunday is great. Do you mind if I ask my little brother to join us?" Terry beamed at the ready acceptance of her invitation.

"Not at all. I'm sure we'd both enjoy meeting him. How about I talk to Rob and then give you a call to confirm it? I'll have to get directions from you on how to get there."

"No problem," Terry assured her. "I am a direction-giver par excellence, and I'll have you know that no one has ever gotten lost using one of my maps."

Jan chuckled. "That may be so, but you've never seen me try to navigate. I generally leave the map reading up to my co-pilot, though he once got us lost in the wilds of northern Minnesota, not that he'll admit it. Listen, thanks very much for the invitation tonight. I'm sorry that the reading was canceled but I had fun anyway. Maybe when he does make it to town, we could try again."

"I'd like that. It's a date." Terry then realized what she'd said, and hastened to correct herself. "I mean not a DATE date, just two friends getting together for an evening out. Doesn't necessarily make it a date. Nope, not at all," Terry stuttered as she floundered clumsily.

Jan laughed delightedly and put her hand on Terry's arm. "Relax, Terry. I know what you mean and I didn't take anything the wrong way. Anyway, you have a good night, and I'll give you a call about Sunday."

Terry watched as the woman climbed out of her car and started up the walk. Waiting until she reached the entrance, and after returning her wave as Jan went inside, Terry smacked herself on the forehead.

"Bonehead!" she muttered. "Could you have possibly made things anymore awkward?"

Terry wasn't used to being flustered around women, but then most of the women she knew were nothing like Jan. She'd really enjoyed their evening together. Despite the redhead's natural reserve, Jan had a wickedly dry sense of humour and Terry had found herself the butt of it more than once. In addition, the older woman had a warm, considerate presence, which Terry basked in.

Terry also liked the affectionate way Jan spoke of her husband, even when she was telling tales on him. Rob sounded like he'd had quite an energetic, adventurous life before the MS had slowed him down.

Terry dragged herself out of her musings and pulled away from the curb. As she drove off, she made a mental note to call Jordy and see if he was free to join them, realizing as she did that she was keenly anticipating Sunday's brunch.

Chapter Five

AS TERRY PULLED UP in front of her parents' home, she wondered if Jordy would be up yet. She'd left ample time before they were due at the restaurant for brunch, knowing that her little brother, like most teenagers, had problems dragging himself out of bed before noon. When she'd asked him to come along, he'd accepted eagerly and assured her that he'd be ready, but she had her doubts about that.

Entering the gate, which split the tall, thick hedges surrounding the house, Terry spotted her mother working in her tiered rock garden. Ambling over, she called out, "Hi, Mom. Is that lazy brother of mine out of bed yet?"

Turning, Emily smiled at her daughter. "I did try, Terry. I called him at nine and nine thirty, and finally had your father drag him bodily out of bed about fifteen minutes ago. Last I heard, he was being directed towards the shower, so if you give him a few more minutes, I'm sure he'll be ready."

"Aw, I knew he wouldn't be ready in time anyway. That's why I told him we had to be there at ten thirty, but we're really meeting them at eleven." Terry and Emily grinned at each other. Jordy's lack of time sense was a standing family joke, and Emily even swore that was the reason he'd been born ten days late.

"Have I met this couple you're having brunch with, Ter?" Emily asked curiously. "I don't seem to remember you mentioning them before."

"No, Mom," Terry answered. "Though I'd like you and Dad to meet them sometime. I think you'd really like them. You have a lot in common with Jan. She's a garden-loving, bookworm just like you. Rob's a former fighter pilot. He's got MS now so he's in a wheelchair, but he's got a terrific sense of humour and I'll bet he and Dad would get along like a house on fire."

"Well, bring them over for Sunday dinner one week then, dear. You know we always have room at the table for more people." Emily frowned briefly. "It might be best for them to come when we're barbequing because he could come directly in from the back alley. If we were in the house, I'm not sure how we'd get the wheelchair inside. Could we just lift it up the stairs, do you think?"

"Oh yeah, Jordy and I could probably handle it fine between us. For that matter, Jan doesn't look like she's too fragile to pitch in herself. Heck, she's been looking after him all these years so I'd imagine she's gotten him in and out of lots of tight spots. Actually, that was the way I met them. Remember I told you about the man I helped rescue on my route?" Terry reminded her mother.

"That's right, I remember now. My daughter the good Samaritan!" Emily beamed proudly.

Both women turned at the sound of the front door being flung open, and they watched as a disheveled Jordy burst through the doorway and ran down the steps.

"I'm ready, Terry. Really I am!" Jordy panted.

Terry and Emily started laughing as Jordy frantically tried to tuck his shirt in his pants while stumbling over untied shoelaces. Terry walked over to her little brother and putting her hands firmly on his shoulders, said "Slow down, runt. We've got lots of time." Running her hand over his cheek, she raised one eyebrow. "In fact, we have more than enough time for you to go back and shave."

"Aw Terry, it's the weekend," Jordy moaned. "I hate shaving on weekends."

"You hate shaving period, runt, but I'm not taking you out to brunch looking like a porcupine, so go run the shaver over that stubble," Terry instructed him sternly.

As he reluctantly turned back to the house, her eyes twinkled at his youthful stubbornness. She could remember when he'd grown the first couple of hairs on his face and had been so keen to start shaving as soon as possible. The novelty had quickly worn off though, and now he put off shaving until absolutely forced into it.

Emily smiled her thanks at her daughter. "I'm glad you said that. He looks so nice when he's cleaned up and sometimes I practically have to beat him over the head to do it. I wish he listened as well to your father and I as he does to you."

"He listens to you, Mom, especially about the important stuff. He just can't let you think you run him, that's all. I'm sure I was just as bad when I was young."

"Oh yes, Methuselah, you were just as bad in those far off days of your youth," Emily teased. "In fact, I'd say you were far worse. I don't think I got my way with you from the time you were twelve years old. Jordy's actually been the easiest of you five to raise, but don't tell him that. It'll wound his manly pride."

The object of their discussion bounced out of the house, down the stairs and drew himself up into a mock salute in front of his sister.

"Present for inspection, sir!" Jordy hollered, snapping to attention.

Terry growled at him, "That's ma'am to you, soldier, and don't you forget it or you'll be giving me fifty of your best."

Suppressing a smile, she circled her brother tugging at his shirt and checking his boyish cheeks for stubble. "Okay, you'll pass this time, although you could have used a little more spit on those shoes!"

"Sheesh, Terry, they're runners for crying out loud. Why would I spit on them?" Jordy protested.

"Details, details," Terry waved airily. "I don't make the regulations, I just enforce them."

Wrapping an arm around the shoulders of the now presentable boy, she added, "Okay, let's get going then. See you later, Mom, and I'll ask Jan and Rob about coming for Sunday dinner sometime."

Terry saw her mother pick up the trowel and turn back to her rock garden as she and Jordy started for the car. Giving her brother a hip check, she danced out of his way as he trotted after her.

"So are we meeting the King and Queen of Sheba today or something?" Jordy grumbled, still miffed that he'd had to shave.

"Nope, just people I'd like us all to be friends with, so you have to behave yourself. And no telling any of those gross jokes I heard you swapping with Gary the other night either, or you and I will be having words," Terry playfully instructed her brother.

"Oh, um, you heard those, did you?" Jordy asked sheepishly. "Mom didn't, did she?"

"Not that I know of, runt. But I'd be careful if I was you. She hears you and you'll be finding your mouth full of soap before you know it."

Terry grinned at her blushing brother and opened the car door for him. He groaned and sank into the duct-taped seat, reaching over to push his sister's door open for her.

As Terry got behind the wheel, the siblings smiled ruefully at each other, both remembering times from their childhood when words brought home from the playground had earned them Emily's soapy wrath. Even to this day, all of Emily's children unconsciously watched their language around her. Her methods might have been old fashioned, but they certainly were effective.

* * *

Rounding the narrow curve, Terry pulled up in front of a large white house fronted by a small graveled parking lot overhung with willows and mountain ash. An archway covered with thick clematis stood to the right of the house and led back to a barely glimpsed terrace overlooking the flowing waters of the Bow.

Prosaically named 'The River Garden', it was a pleasant though unimposing spot, but those familiar with the restaurant knew it served some of the best food in the city. The owners deliberately did little advertising, relying on word of mouth and loyal customers. Even now, the parking lot was filled almost to capacity as Terry found a spot on the far side.

Getting out, she turned to her brother and said, "We're a few minutes early. I think we'll wait here so we can give Jan a hand if she needs it."

Jordy nodded and followed Terry over to sit in the shade of a tall old willow tree. Flopping gracelessly beside his sister he asked, "So are you treating today, Ter?"

Terry grinned. "Now you ask? What happens if I say no? Are you planning on doing dishes to cover your part?"

Jordy dug his elbow into his sister's side and toppled her over onto the grass. Laughing, she raised herself upright again and teased, "I suppose I could be persuaded, but it'll cost ya!"

"Cost me what?" Jordy inquired suspiciously.

"Oh, a little sweat and manual labour I think, runt. The Tin Can is seriously in need of a good cleaning out, not to mention a wash and wax. Besides, not only will you have paid for your brunch but you can even hang onto it for a couple of days."

Terry knew Jordy would be delighted to have wheels of his own and with her own mobility restricted, she hoped to force herself into more writing.

"Alright!" cheered Jordy enthusiastically. "You've got a deal. When do you want it done?"

"You can take it after brunch today. Just drop me off at my place and have it back to me by Wednesday, all clean and polished. But make sure you have it to me by after work, because I'm planning on going out that night."

"Oh yeah?" Jordy laughed. "Gotta hot date?"

"God, you're getting as bad as Michael! Actually, I am meeting some friends but it's just the ball team's end of season bash and we're all going out to Oly's. I wasn't sure if I should go because I missed the last month of the season when I threw my shoulder out, but Lisa and Robyn said they'd hogtie me and drag me along if I tried to bow out."

"Whoa, if Robyn said that, you'd better go, because she could hogtie you with one hand behind her back!" Jordy said with a mock tremor.

Terry laughed, thinking of her large, powerful friend. Robyn worked at the airport handling luggage and cargo, and had the biceps to show for it. She always got a kick out of seeing Robyn with her partner, Lisa, who was tiny and fragile looking. For all their Mutt and Jeff appearance, Terry couldn't picture one without the other as her friends shared a rock-solid relationship and had been together for years.

Hearing the sound of a vehicle slowing down as it rounded the curve, Terry glanced up to see a large burgundy van pulling into the parking lot. Noticing the distinctive blue and white of the handicap sticker in the window, she stood up, pulling Jordy along with her.

"I think that's them, runt. Let's go see if we can lend a hand."

As Terry and Jordy walked towards the van, the rear door began to open upwards as a small ramp automatically lowered to reveal Rob's chair locked down in the cargo area behind the bench seat. Jan hopped out of the front and came around to the back, waving at the two siblings as they approached.

"Good morning," she said. "Isn't it a beautiful day?"

Terry smiled and nodded. "Good morning, Jan. Hi Rob," she called into the van.

"Hey Terry, how's it going?" Rob responded over his shoulder, waiting patiently for his wife to unhook his chair.

"Great," Terry replied. "Guys, this is my baby brother, Jordy. Jordy, this is Jan and Rob Spencer." Terry grinned as her appellation for her brother earned her an indignant look.

Jordy held out his hand to Jan who gave it a quick shake, and then a little uncertainly, he called in to the van, "Hi Rob."

"Hi Jordy," came the response. "I'd shake hands but I'm a little tied up at the moment."

Jan chuckled, and then nodding at the wheelchair she said, "Just give me a moment to spring Rob, and then we can go on in."

"Can I help in any way?" Terry offered.

"No thanks Terry, it'll just take a second." With that, Jan edged along the side of the wheelchair, unlocking the front tie-downs and the chair's brakes; then coming around behind, she flipped off the rear tie downs and began to roll the chair down the ramp. Backing away from the van, she touched a remote control latched over the chair's frame, and the door began to close.

She wheeled the chair around to face the pair, and smiled as Jordy said, "Wow, that's quite the set-up you have there."

"Yes, it's a good system and it makes it so much easier to get around than if we had to depend on handi-cabs all the time," Jan replied." Shall we go in then?"

"Sounds good," said Terry. "Is the outdoor patio okay for you guys, or would you rather be inside?"

Jan considered for a moment. "Outdoors is fine as long as there's some shade for Rob. Otherwise, he'll last longer if he's inside out of the sun."

"Geez, Jan," Rob grinned up at his wife. "You make me sound like potato salad at a picnic or something."

"Rob, you and I both know what happens when you get overheated. You turn into a limp noodle." Jan's eyes were compassionate but firm. Turning to Terry who was walking beside her, she said, "He'll try and push it if he can, but he's really better off if he can stay cool."

"No problem", replied Terry. "I know the waiters here pretty well, and I'm sure we can find a shady corner easily."

She led her small party down the cobbled walk running alongside the old house, under a trellis which proved to be a tight fit for the wheelchair, to emerge on the edge of a wide patio, set with dark green tables and comfortable looking padded chairs. At least three quarters of the tables were filled but she noted one table in the corner set under overhanging trees, which would give the required shade.

"Terry!" came a delighted voice from her left. "I haven't seen you in forever. Don't tell me you didn't bring that delicious roommate of yours with you this time."

A lanky man, wearing a waiter's garb of black pants and white shirt swept up to her, and gave her a quick hug.

"Hi, Aaron. It's good to see you again. Nope, sorry. Last I saw, that delicious roommate of mine was stumbling out to the backyard hammock with an ice pack, moaning something about not moving for the next three days." Terry laughed, remembered how rough the usually impeccable Michael had looked this morning before she left. "I think the boy may have partied too well last night."

"I heard Henri was having his annual summer blast last night, but of all the lousy luck, I had to work the late shift and missed all the fun." Aaron pouted a little, then added, "But where are my manners, let me get you folks seated."

"Aaron, can we have that table over there?" Terry asked, pointing at the shaded corner table.

"For you, fair lady, anything." Aaron smiled at her and led them past other customers to the desired table. Removing a chair to make a space for Rob, he placed menus in front of each place and promised to return with coffee in a few moments.

"Is this alright?" Terry looked at Jan and Rob, who nodded their approval of her choice. "Great. I hope you brought your appetites with you, because they don't stint on portions in this place and everything is made from the freshest ingredients they can find. The owners even run a small farm not too far from here and they use a lot of their own produce in the restaurant."

"Well, considering that my wife has been starving me all morning in anticipation, I'm more than ready to chow down," Rob said, perusing the menu that Jan had opened and placed in his lap.

"Excuse me?" Jan demurred. "I was 'starving' you? Who wouldn't even eat his toast this morning because he was so excited about going out?"

"Oh yeah," Rob said sheepishly. "I guess that would be me." Turning to Terry, he said, "So what do you recommend?"

"Depends if you feel like breakfast or lunch," replied Terry, scanning her menu even though she knew most of it by heart. "I can tell you already that Jordy will be going for their hamburger, home fries, and giant chocolate sundae, because they give you enough to choke a horse." She grinned at her brother who had been uncharacteristically quiet, but who was now sporting a vivid blush thanks to his sister's teasing.

"Hey, I'm a growing boy!" protested the young man. "Besides, if you're forcing me into slave labour on the Tin Can, I'm getting my money's worth out of you." Turning to Rob he said, "If you don't feel like lunch, they make terrific Eggs Benedict here."

Jan laughed. "You've stumbled on my husband's weakness. He loves Eggs Benedict, and he claims I never make them as well as restaurants do. So is that good for you then, Rob?"

When her husband nodded his approval, Jan turned to Terry and said, "Do you have any favourites?"

"Well, like I said, you can't go wrong with anything here, but I must admit I'm partial to their Belgian waffles with Saskatoon berries and real whipped cream."

"Hmm, that's sounds great," Jan closed her menu. "I think I'll go with that."

"Me too." Terry motioned Aaron back, and as he poured coffee for all of them said, "We're ready to order anytime."

Aaron took their orders, smiling slightly at Jordy's requests, then left them to enjoy their coffee, the company and their surroundings.

The patio, which ran the length of the house, was sided by tall privacy hedges and trees, and opened out on a green lawn that ran down a gentle slope to the riverbank. Wrought iron and wood benches dotted the lawn and a few customers could be seen drinking coffee and enjoying the quiet park-like atmosphere. Large, well-tended flowerpots lined a path, which meandered from the patio, across the lawn and down to the river.

"What a beautiful spot, Terry. I'm amazed I've never heard of it before," Jan said, eyes surveying the pastoral scene in front of her. She took a short straw from her purse, put it in Rob's coffee, and held the cup for him to take a sip, wincing as he drew in the hot liquid too quickly. "Careful, love. Don't burn yourself."

"I think the owners are deliberately low-key," Terry replied. "They're more interested in catering to an appreciative clientele than becoming the 'hot new place to be' in town. They've actually been here three years, and they seem to do a very steady business. I often see the same people here when I come back, and I try to come back at least every month or so. You should see it in the winter. The patio's closed then of course, but from the dining room after a fresh snowfall, you feel like you're looking out over a faerie kingdom."

Jan glanced back at the house, taking in the floor to ceiling windows, which enclosed an interior dining area. "We'll have to try it sometime in the winter then, don't you think Rob?"

"Yeah, if we can get in, that would be great. We'd have to call first and see if their road and parking lot were cleared though." Turning to Jordy, Rob asked, "So what do you do, Jordy? Are you still in school?"

Jordy nodded. "I'll be starting my last year of high school in September, and then it's on to the real world."

"And what are you planning to do in the real world?" Rob grinned at the young man's enthusiasm, then he looked at his wife and said, "It seems like only yesterday that I was making those sorts of plans myself." A wistful look momentarily came over his face before he returned his attention to Jordy.

Jordy hesitated and looked at Terry, who nodded slightly at him. "What I want is to go to med school and eventually become a pediatrician. Unfortunately, my Dad has other plans, but Mom and Terry think they can persuade him to see the light."

"We will, Jordy," Terry said seriously. "Don't you ever doubt it. You will be going to med school and you're going to be the best darned kid doctor there ever was."

Her words carried a fierce conviction and pride in her little brother. She had every confidence that her parents would come through for him, but if for some strange reason they didn't, she'd put him through herself and work for the Post Office for the next twenty years to pay for it if she had to.

Jordy looked grateful for the reassurance. Turning to Rob, who'd been observing the exchange with interest, he said, "I hear you and Jan used to be in the military. That must have been an interesting life."

Terry watched as Jan and Rob looked at each other and then broke out laughing. She wondered what had set them off, but listened as Rob explained, "I guess that's one way of putting it, Jordy. It was kind of like the ancient Chinese proverb about living in interesting times, but yeah, I loved flying and I had a great time until this stupid disease grounded me."

"I thought about learning to fly in my younger years," Jordy said, pointedly ignoring the smothered smiles from the others at his terminology. "But I was never sure if I could handle it or not. I've never even flown in a big passenger jet, so I'm not sure how I'd feel on a fighter. I always liked the wild rides at the Stampede though, and they never bothered my stomach much so I think I'd be okay. Heck, I went on the Skyscraper ride this year with no problems, and they say you're pulling at least 4 G's on that, so I think I could handle fighters okay."

Rob looked at him for a moment, then said, "Would you like to get a taste of real flying, Jordy?"

"Uh, I didn't think you could fly any more, Rob," Jordy answered, looking puzzled.

"No, I can't. But I do have a very good friend who will be participating in the Springbank air show on Labour Day, and I think I could persuade him to take you up for a ride. He's an old air force buddy of mine who flies for Air Canada out of Vancouver now, but in his spare time, he flies with an air demonstration team at air shows all over North America. If you're interested, I'll give him a call and set it up. It's just a little bi-wing prop job, but he'll do a few loops and circuits and give you a taste of what flying is all about."

"Are you serious?" stammered Jordy. "You'd do that for me?" His eyes sparkled with excitement at the idea of trying something so thrilling. "That would be better than the Skyscraper!"

Terry smiled at her brother's enthusiasm, glad that he would be given such an opportunity, and impressed that Rob would go to such lengths for someone he'd just met. She thought Rob seemed equally pleased that he was able to do a favour for the young man, as his face glowed with almost as much excitement as Jordy's. She watched the two get into a discussion of what air shows his friend had flown in, and then turned to Jan who was quietly listening.

"That's awfully nice of him, Jan. Do you think his friend will really agree?"

Jan nodded. "Eric's one of the nicest guys you could ever hope to meet, and he's got a real soft spot for Rob. They flew together over in Europe and got into trouble off-duty all the time, usually with the local frauleins. Eric's one of the ones whose stuck by Rob through thick and thin. He'll jump at the chance to do him a favour, especially one like this where they both get to show off their love of airplanes. It'll give Rob something to look forward to, and we were already going out to the air show as Eric's guests anyway, so Jordy is more than welcome to come along, as are you if you're interested."

"I've never been to an air show, but I'd love to come along and see Jordy's first ride. I'll be sure to bring along my camera and some brown paper bags for him." Terry laughed as Jordy looked up in outrage.

"Hey, I'm not going to need any bags, and that's a guarantee," Jordy sputtered indignantly.

"Oh, I dunno," Rob cautioned him. "I know of even the occasional experienced pilot who's had to clean his cockpit after a wild flight. Not that it ever happened to me!" he added hastily.

"Really?" drawled his wife slyly. "Not even after that little Paris flight?"

Both Terry and Jordy leaned forward eagerly to hear whatever was making Rob figuratively squirm. Just at that moment though, Aaron arrived with their plates, and proceeded to set them around. Terry didn't want to let this go however, and once everyone had started, she turned to the ex-pilot and said, "Tell us what happened in Paris, Rob."

Rob had his eyes fixed on his plate where Jan was cutting into his Eggs Benedict in preparation to feed him. He muttered, "Oh you don't really want to hear any of those old stories."

Grinning at each other, Terry and Jordy realized there must be a good tale behind his reluctance, and they chorused together, "Yes we do!"

Sighing, Rob looked at his delighted wife and said, "I'm going to get you for this, you know."

Turning his head to the other two, he said, "She loves to embarrass me about this one, but okay, if you insist, this is what happened. I was on a training mission over Europe. I'd flown out of our base in France and I hadn't been in Europe that long so I wasn't all that familiar with the route I was supposed to be taking. I thought I was on-course, and I was sitting back enjoying the flight when I started to notice a pretty built-up area on the ground. According to my maps, there shouldn't have been any large towns under where I was, so I was looking around trying to recognize some landmarks. Uh, that's when I saw it."

Jan laughed at her husband's chagrin, knowing what was coming next. Terry and Jordy stared at him intently, waiting for the punch line.

"You saw what?" asked Jordy.

"Only one of the most recognizable landmarks in the world," Rob said, shaking his head at the memory. "I was flying low-level, mach one, directly at the Eiffel Tower. Somehow, I'd gotten turned around and was heading right over Paris in controlled airspace, but that wasn't on my flight plan. I turned away hard, and the next thing you know, I'm over Orly, panicking because I know the controllers have to be picking up this unidentified aircraft right in the middle of one of the busiest airspaces in the world."

Oh my God!" Jordy said, wide-eyed. "What did you do?"

"I lit my afterburner and headed straight up, praying I wouldn't intersect with some passenger jet coming in to land. I flew back to my base, convinced that the moment I landed I was going to be arrested for screwing up and putting so many people in jeopardy. At the very least, I figured I'd be busted to flight cadet and sent back to Canada in disgrace. But nothing happened. No one ever said anything to me, so I guess the French never figured out who this idiot was crashing their airspace and flying over Paris like it was nothing. To this day, I can't believe I did such a dumb thing, and even more so, that I got away with it!" Rob shook his head, and then opened his mouth as Jan raised a fork full of egg to him.

"Wow, too cool!" said Jordy. "You must have had so many adventures while you were posted over there."

"Yes," snorted Jan. "And most of them aren't repeatable. Rob was not exactly the poster boy for model behaviour when he served overseas."

"Aw, but I had fun, Jan," Rob blinked his eyes innocently at his wife. "After all, it's only natural to sow your wild oats when you're young."

"You, my love, sowed enough wild oats to cover half of Europe," Jan chided her husband playfully.

"Rumours and lies," Rob dismissed airily. "People kept telling stories about me, and half of them weren't true."

"Rob, even the half that were true was more than enough to cement your reputation as a wild man," Jan smiled at her husband, who was having a wonderful time despite his protests.

Terry watched as Jan deftly fed herself and Rob, never missing a beat. They appeared to have the routine down so pat that they never even had to discuss it. When Rob was ready for a bite, it was always there for him, and Jan even seemed to know when he wanted more coffee without being asked. Terry was impressed with how well Jan handled Rob's needs, but then she knew that they'd been together for many years, and undoubtedly they did this without even thinking about it. She brought her attention to her brother now, as he spoke up.

"You should meet my Dad, Rob. He served in the military too for a few years, though I think he was army, not air force."

Terry seized on the opening Jordy had provided, and said, "Yeah, you should. Our folks would love to meet you. I told my Mom about you guys and she said I should ask you to come over for a barbeque whenever it's convenient. They always have family and friends over every Sunday and you'd be more than welcome to join us. Would you like to come sometime?"

As Jan opened her mouth to reply, Jordy interrupted, saying, "I know. Two weeks from today is Terry's birthday and that's always a good time. Why don't you plan to come over then?"

"Are you sure we wouldn't be intruding on a family birthday party?" Jan asked, obviously concerned about the timing of the invitation.

"Not at all," Terry replied. "I'd love for you to come and really, it's no big deal. Mom just adds a birthday cake to her usual Sunday dinner, and the victim of the day gets lots of razzing from the rest of the clan. Look, I'll have Mom give you a call this week, just to confirm. How's that?"

Jan looked at Rob for his approval, then when he smiled his agreement, nodded at Terry. "That sounds wonderful, and we'd love to join you. May I bring something along?"

"You and Mom can work that out, but she usually takes care of everything. She really likes doing these big family dinners, and she always has extra places for whatever friends drop by."

The rest of the brunch passed pleasantly as conversation flowed easily, and Jan even convinced Rob to tell a couple more stories from his European flying days. They'd finished eating and were nursing their third coffees when Aaron came up behind Terry and wrapped his arms around her.

"Do tell, beautiful," he purred in her ear. "What happened with you and that divine blonde woman I last saw you with? Are you two still an item or are you back out on the prowl?"

Terry groaned inwardly. When she'd last been here, she and Marika had only been dating a week and were still in that 'couldn't keep their hands off each other' stage. She should have known Aaron would remember, since he'd even teased her endlessly about it that night, but she hadn't counted on him bringing it up in front of her guests.

"Yesterday's news," she said, staring intently into his eyes, hoping he'd understand the unspoken message. "Marika and I didn't work out."

"Oh I wouldn't say that, darling," Aaron laughed and stood up, leaving his hand on Terry's shoulder. "You sure looked like you were 'working out' well when I saw you."

By now, Terry was glaring at her oblivious friend, but it was completely lost on him, as he went on, "Well, it's not like there won't be another gorgeous blonde along shortly. You seem to have an endless stream of them. Don't know where you find them, darling, but if any of them have twin brothers, you be sure to send them my way, 'kay?"

As Terry slid down in her chair, wishing the ground would swallow her up, she was grateful to hear another table summoning Aaron. She smiled weakly at him as he patted her shoulder and ambled over to take care of other customers. Looking up, she saw that all the others at her table were staring at her, Jordy with barely suppressed hilarity, Jan with amused sympathy, and Rob with frank curiosity.

Looking directly at Rob, she muttered with embarrassment, "He talks too much!"

Rob just smiled gently and said, "It's okay. I already know that my masculine charms are wasted on you." Tossing his head so that imaginary locks flew back over his shoulder, he sighed deeply, saying, "And I thought no woman could resist me!"

As Jan and Jordy burst out laughing, Terry laid her hand on his arm and said solemnly, "Rob, no one could possibly resist you."

Rob grinned. "Ain't it the truth! I must say though I'm positively in awe of your prowess. I don't remember having half your success when I was after beautiful young blondes."

"Then your memory has slipped a few links, dear," Jan challenged with a smile. "As I recall, you didn't limit yourself to blondes and you cut a pretty wide swath through Europe yourself."

"Aw, but now I'm focused exclusively on redheads," Rob teased her.

"Would that be redheads 'plural', husband of mine?" Jan shot back at him.

"Nope, I'm strictly a one-woman man now," he declared staunchly.

"Uh huh," Jan said doubtfully. "That's only because I'd have to drive you to any assignations, so it'd be a bit difficult carrying on with other redheads...or blondes, or brunettes."

"You wound me deeply, o wife of mine. I'm as faithful as an old hound dog, and just about as wrinkled as one too." He smiled at Jan, affection shining in his blue eyes. She returned the look, lifting a hand to briefly caress his cheek.

Terry watched the two banter with each other, grateful that the spotlight was off her, and grinning at Rob's reputation as a rogue. She had a feeling he must have been quite the ladies man in his prime, because not even his current circumstances dimmed his charisma.

By the time they'd drained the last of multiple coffees and paid the check, the four were as comfortable with each other as old friends. Leaving their table, they headed back to the parking lot, approaching the van, which began to open as Jan pressed the remote control.

Terry and Jordy stood back out of Jan's way as she pushed Rob up into the van, and swiftly locked him down into place. Stepping out, she pressed the button to close the van door.

Turning to the siblings, Jan said, "Thank you. We really enjoyed ourselves today, and I appreciate your invitation for the barbeque too."

"It was our pleasure," Terry responded, meaning every word. She had truly enjoyed their company, and was pleased that they would be getting together again soon. "I'll have Mom give you a call, okay?"

"That's sound great. I'll look forward to hearing from her." Jan smiled at the pair, then walked to the front of the van and got in. A few moments later, she backed the van up, waving at Terry and Jordy as she pulled out of the lot.

"So did you have a good time, runt?" Terry asked her brother, as they walked over to her car.

"Yeah, I really did, Ter. Thanks for inviting me. They're very nice people and that Rob is sure a riot. What a rotten thing though to go from flying fighters to riding a wheelchair, eh?"

"Yes it is Jordy, but you'd never know it to listen to him, would you? He doesn't seem to have a smidgen of bitterness in him over how his life's turned out, does he?"

Jordy thought about that a moment, and then nodded his head in agreement. "You know, in his place, I don't think I could be nearly as calm about it. Did you see how Jan had to do everything for him, even wipe his nose?"

"I did, but I don't think they even think twice about it, Jordy. It seems as natural to them as breathing is. It was almost like watching a ballet of movement. They really seem to be two halves of a whole in a sense. You have to admire the way they handle things, that's for sure."

"No kidding!" Jordy nodded his head emphatically, as he slid into his sister's car. "I just hope I never find out what it's like to be in his shoes."

Chapter Six

TERRY PULLED HER car into a tight parking spot three blocks away from the bar where the team was meeting tonight. She was grateful that she'd managed to get even this close, as parking around 17th Ave was always hard to find. Oly's, the pub she was heading for, had a small parking lot, but it was always filled.

Officially named Oleanders, but always called by the diminutive, the pub was on a side street away from the main hustle and bustle of the many restaurants, bars and shops on 17th. It was owned by two sisters, Jean Simmons, who had recently celebrated her silver anniversary with her husband at a wild party at Oly's, and the other, Megan Larson, whom Terry had briefly dated several years ago.

Oly's wasn't strictly a gay bar, but welcomed a wide diversity of clientele. Oly's sponsored Terry's team, which she thought very appropriate considering the team was composed almost evenly of lesbians and straight women.

Terry stepped out of her car, patting the hood appreciatively. She'd been pleased with the job Jordy had done on the old Tin Can. Nothing would ever make it look like new again, but he'd done his best at washing and polishing it. When he delivered it to her this evening, he'd pointed out that now she could at least see the back seat.

Terry smiled as she remembered her little brother's sarcasm about the varmints he'd found living under the piles of junk which forever cluttered her car. She'd had to cuff him about the ears for his impertinence of course, but she had to admit, he had a point. At least now, if she offered anyone a ride home tonight, she wouldn't be embarrassed to let them in her car.

As Terry walked down the street towards the bar, she was surprised to see Lisa and Robyn lounging outside Oly's. She thought they'd all meet up inside, but was glad to see her friends as they came forward to greet her.

"Hi, guys," Terry smiled at the two women. "All ready for a good party?"

Lisa and Robyn had the same sandy brown hair and pale blue eyes, but there the similarities ended. Lisa barely topped five feet and probably only made it to one hundred pounds when she was soaking wet--while wearing a winter parka. She was a bundle of kinetic energy and often reminded Terry of a bird, with her abrupt movements and bobbing about. It made her an excellent shortstop, as she never stayed still on the infield, but it could be disconcerting when she was in one place one second, and gone the next instant.

Terry had privately nicknamed Lisa's partner of five years 'the gentle giant'. Robyn could be intimidating to those who didn't know her, as she loomed over most men and women. With her bulk, tattoos, and short, spiky haircut, Robyn looked as if she wouldn't be out of place wearing the leathers of a motorcycle gang.

Terry had been friends with Robyn since childhood however, and knew that her large friend was one of the kindest, most softhearted people around. She was the one who cooked, cleaned and cared for the couple's cats. While Lisa threw herself into community causes and political activities, Robyn was happiest puttering around their home and coaxing marvelous music out of her old upright piano. Robyn could be depended on never to forget a birthday or a special occasion, and her extravagant cakes had come to be a highlight of gatherings amongst their friends.

As the two women flanked her, and reversed their path to walk back towards the entrance with her, Terry looked curiously at them.

"What's up, guys? Why the escort?"

Lisa and Robyn exchanged glances, then Lisa said, "It's possible...maybe...not for sure but likely..."

Terry was getting a little uneasy. It wasn't like her usually blunt friend to prevaricate. "What?" she demanded. "What's going on?"

Robyn took up the cause. "We really wanted you to be at the party tonight, Terry. After all, you were a big part of the team until you wrecked your shoulder."

"And...?" said Terry, highly suspicious of her friends' actions by now.

"Well, as I was saying," Lisa went on, "It's entirely possible that Marikamightbeheretonight." She finished in a rush, and then she and Robyn each grabbed an arm as Terry dug in her heels and dragged them to a stop.

"What!?" Terry squawked. "You didn't tell me that before!"

"Obviously," Lisa said knowingly, "or you would have canceled out on us." She and Robyn tried pulling Terry forward to the front entrance but Terry hung back stubbornly.

"How'd she get in on this anyway? She doesn't play ball. God knows she wouldn't want to risk breaking a fingernail or anything," Terry complained.

Lisa was exasperated now. "You know Terry, the whole world doesn't revolve around you. Marika being here tonight has absolutely nothing to do with you."

"Sure it doesn't!" Terry snorted. "And winter doesn't bring the snow."

"Well it doesn't if you live in Florida," the diminutive woman answered quite reasonably. "Besides, she's here with Val tonight, and I'm sure she couldn't care less whether you're here or not."

"With Val? Our Val? First baseman extraordinaire? That Val?" sputtered Terry incredulously.

"That would be the Val in question, yes," Lisa grinned at her befuddled friend. "So you see, you're perfectly safe, and besides, Robyn will keep you safe from any predatory blondes."

"But not too safe," Robyn piped up, knowing their friend's long-standing predilections.

Terry glared up at her large companion, but reluctantly started moving forward again. "So when did this happen? I thought Val was going out with Liz."

"Nah, that's old news, Terry. You really have to get out with us more and stop hanging around that old house so much. You're in severe danger of dropping out of the loop, you know," Lisa scolded as she reached out and pulled the door open.

Terry grinned at her. "I'll never be out of the loop when I've got you to keep me up to date, Lis. You're better than CNN any day."

The three friends, tension broken, continued into the cool interior of the bar. Oly's had a large, inviting common room, and two smaller rooms at the back for private parties. It was an unpretentious pub, painted in soft earth tones, with old wooden tables and chairs, and a long oaken bar that ran the length of one side of the room. It wasn't fancy and there wasn't a fern in sight, but it was convivial and clean, and had stood the test of time, having lasted fifteen years already in the hot competition of 17th Ave. It had a loyal core of customers and a solid reputation in both the gay and straight communities.

The women made their way through the light Wednesday crowd to one of the rear rooms, hearing their teammates long before they saw them. The team had spread out over two tables, and finding two chairs together at the first one, they dragged another chair over and sat down. Half-empty pitchers of beer, well-used glasses, and scattered pretzels, peanuts and popcorn all testified that the party had been underway for a while.

As the three women settled in and anted up for their share of the beer, Terry looked around surreptitiously to see where her nemesis was. She saw Marika at the second table sitting close to their dark-haired first baseman. She felt relieved, if still skeptical that Marika had finally moved on. She'd been a little flattered at first when Marika had been so persistent, but the woman's unrelenting attentions had quickly become burdensome. She was glad that it was apparently over, but as she began to turn her attention back to her own tablemates, she saw Marika raise her head and look intently into Terry's eyes.

Terry ducked her head, unwilling to even make eye contact with the woman. She eased back so Robyn's bulk on her right blocked Marika's view of her then turned to the woman on her left who'd stepped into her spot in the line-up when she'd been injured.

"Hey Gale, I hear I'm going to have some stiff competition for third base next year."

Gale shook her head laughing. "Not a chance, Terry. It's all yours. I'm going back out to right field where I can listen to the dandelions grow in peace. Now I know why they call it the hot corner, and I don't want any part of it."

"Aw Gale, you did a helluva job while I was out. Are you sure you want to go back out to Sleepy Hollow again next year?" Terry poured herself a draft, waiting for the amiable outfielder to answer.

Gale drained her own glass and held it out for Terry to refill. "Yup, I'm not the least bit interested in standing in the way of way of women rounding my base headed for home. Do you know one idiot even came in at me with her spikes flying and I had to dive out of the way just to avoid a mortal wound?"

"I remember that play," Robin chimed in from Terry's right. "Not to worry though, Gale. I got her good in the next inning. Didn't you see her take a header when I blasted one right over her head?"

"Oh yeah, I sure did," Gale grinned. "And I loved every second of watching her pick the gravel out of her teeth. Knew I could depend on you to uphold the team's honour, Robyn."

A nod went around the table, as the women were well aware that their normally mild-mannered catcher took exception to any dirty tricks directed at her team, and was quick to retaliate, though always within the rules. Robyn had a knack for sending screaming line drives directly back at anyone who offended her or her mates.

Robyn turned to Terry and with a conspiratorial air said, "We finally found one, Terry."

Terry was briefly in the dark, and then realized that her friend was referring to the couples' long search for a house to buy. They'd been renting a duplex for several years, but wanted to establish their own home where Robyn would be free to decorate and renovate to her heart's content.

"That's great, Robyn! Where'd you find one? What's it like? When do you move in?" Terry enthusiastically rattled off.

"It's up in Ranchlands. It's only a two bedroom right now, but the basement has a lot of potential for development, and the yard is terrific. We take possession on the 30th. We're planning on doing the move that weekend." Robyn looked at Terry hopefully. Terry grinned, knowing what her friend wanted but making her work for it

When Terry didn't volunteer, Robyn sighed and said, "Um, I don't suppose you could lend us a hand moving, could you?"

Terry chuckled. "Not only will I help, I'll recruit my brothers and roommates to pitch in. With all of us, we should have you moved in a day. But pizza and beer are on you," she warned.

"Of course," Robyn said, insulted that Terry would even think otherwise. Then lowering her voice again, she went on, "Once we're in the house, we're going to go ahead with that 'other' project too." She blushed and looked over at Lisa who was deep in an argument with their manager, Patrick, about next year's schedule.

Terry put her arm around her friend's large shoulders, and hugged her tightly. Softly she said, "That's great, Robyn. You two are going to make the best parents I know, other than my own I mean."

The two women beamed at each other, happy at the thought of what the future would bring. They picked up their glasses and clinked them together, an unspoken toast to dreams made real.

Terry listened to the pleasant buzz of conversation as her friends drained several more pitchers and ordered a round of shooters. She smiled at the thought of aching heads that would be in evidence tomorrow morning. She was still nursing her first beer, knowing that she had to be up early for work, and unwilling to repeat last year's performance when she'd gotten so drunk at the year end party, she'd woken up in a stranger's bed, uncertain how she'd even gotten there. She couldn't even remember the woman's name, and after a close encounter with the toilet, had made a rapid and graceless exit. To this day, she hadn't seen the woman again, and had no idea who she was.

Terry had been drifting mentally, when she realized that her table was quiet and looking up, she saw that all eyes were focused on her. Lisa reached behind Robyn's back and punched Terry's shoulder lightly.

"Hey, where'd you go, lady? You completely missed the punch line!"

"Punch line, what punch line?" Terry said in puzzlement. "What are you talking about?"

As the women at her table broke out laughing, she turned to Robyn. "What did I miss?"

Robyn snickered, then as the others returned to their conversations, took pity on her friend. "Leslie's been telling postal jokes and they've gone right over your head. What are you thinking of anyway, Terry? You seem like you're a million miles away and it's not like you to ignore a slight to your fine occupation."

"Oh, nothing much, Robyn. Just a few things on my mind tonight. I think I'll make it an early evening this time." Terry shook her head, trying to dislodge the cobwebs. In truth, she'd been thinking of her encounter at the Spencer's house that morning. On Monday, after their brunch the day before, Jan had met her at the door and they'd chatted for a few moments, before Terry moved on with her route. Tuesday, the drapes had been uncharacteristically drawn, and there had been no sign of the redhead. Wednesday, Jan was again at the front door, but Terry was shocked to see how exhausted she'd looked.

Concerned, Terry asked, "Jan, are you okay? Is everything alright with Rob?" She was distressed at the drawn look on the older woman's face, the weary eyes shadowed by dark circles, and the pall of exhaustion reflected by slumping shoulders.

Jan looked at Terry, unable to even summon a smile for her friend. "No, Rob's having a bit of a tough time right now. He came down with another infection and it's hit him harder than usual."

"But he seemed fine on Sunday," Terry protested. "How'd this happen so fast?"

Jan hesitated and Terry wondered if the woman could even summon the energy to answer. "His immune system is very weak, Terry. He doesn't have the strength to fight these things off so they come on fast and knock him down flat."

Sighing, she rubbed her reddened eyes. "It started Monday afternoon, and it's just got to run its course now. It's nothing we haven't handled before and he's already on the medication he needs so now it's a matter of waiting it out." Jan shook her head despondently, even her usually lustrous hair hanging limply.

Terry reached out and lightly took her hand. Intently, she looked into Jan's tired eyes and said, "You know if you need me for anything, and I do mean anything, you just call me, right? I'm serious, Jan. You don't have to do this alone, okay? Even if it's just to bring you some take-out so you don't have to cook, I don't mind a bit."

Terry saw uncertainty in Jan's eyes, as if she wasn't sure how to respond to Terry's offer. She went on, "Can I see him, just for a moment to say hi? Or is he sleeping right now?"

Jan drew her hand out of Terry's and stepped back from the door. "He sleeps off and on, but I think he's awake right now. I'm sure he'd like to say hi. Come on in."

Terry set her bags down and stepped over the threshold. She'd expected to see Rob in his customary spot in the easy chair, and was momentarily startled to see him stretched out on the couch, eyes closed and covered with a light blanket. He looked as drained as Jan did, and his breathing sounded harsh as it rattled in the quiet, darkened room. She stepped over to him lightly, kneeling at his side and laying a hand on his arm.

"Hey, big guy. What are you doing just laying around all day?" she teased him gently.

Rob's eyes fluttered open. Far from their customary humour and brightness, Terry saw that they were glazed and bleary. Moving her hand to his cheek, she could feel the fever wracking his body. He tried to smile when he saw who was beside him, but it barely touched his lips. When he struggled to say something, Terry laid her fingers over his mouth to stop him.

"Shhh, it's okay. I just wanted to say hi, and check to see how you were doing. You go back to sleep now, and I'll stop by again tomorrow. I'll be expected substantial improvement by then, Major Marshmallow, or I'll know the reason why!" Terry mock-threatened in a soft tone.

Rob did smile at that, then closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep. Standing, Terry turned to Jan who was watching her husband with clear worry on her face. Taking Jan's arm, Terry guided her into the kitchen so they could speak without bothering Rob.

Without thinking, Terry blurted out, "Is he alright staying at home, Jan? Shouldn't he be in the hospital or something? He sure felt hot to me."

Jan pulled back slightly at Terry's words, and a flash of resentment crossed her features. "This isn't the first time we've been through this, Terry. I know what I'm doing and how to handle it."

She lowered her voice and half turned her back to Terry. "Rob hates going into the hospital and it would just make things worse for him. Besides, they'd never care for him as well as I can, and I have him on the usual antibiotics to beat this."

Terry groaned internally but refused to let the foot now firmly planted in her mouth prevent her from correcting matters between them. Gently she laid her hand on the older woman's arm and tugged her back to face her. "Jan, I'm not questioning you. I was just surprised to see him like this and I guess I overreacted. You're the expert here, and I know you know what you're doing."

Jan nodded stiffly, still visibly upset at her implication. Rushing on she said, "I'm also worried about you, Jan. You don't look like you've slept a wink in days, and this has to be hard on you. Do you want me to come back after work and pull a relief shift so you can catch up on some sleep?"

Terry's unexpected offer appeared to startle Jan out of her resentment, and she seemed at a loss for words. "I, uh, no, thanks but...we'll be okay."

"Are you sure, because I wouldn't mind a bit and I could wake you up immediately if he seemed to be in any distress." Terry didn't know how else to offer to help, but she dearly did want to help these two out. They seemed so vulnerable right now, and she found herself aching to protect them.

Jan shook her head, more strongly this time, and mustering a weak but genuine smile said, "I really appreciate the offer, Terry, but we'll be okay. We've handled these infections many times and you'll see, by the weekend, he'll be almost back to normal. I don't want to impose on you."

Terry looked at her seriously, "It's not an imposition, Jan. Not in the least." She didn't want to leave matters on the sour note she'd inadvertently struck and thought quickly. "Look, how about I give you a call towards the end of the week, and if Rob's up to it, I'll bring Chinese and some videos over on Saturday night."

"I'd like that," Jan said softly. "But I'll have to see how he's doing, okay?"

Terry nodded her agreement. "Well, I guess I'd better get back to work before the postal cops catch me slacking off."

Impulsively, Terry reached out and pulled Jan into a light hug. "You take care of yourself too, you hear me?" she said insistently to the smaller woman.

Releasing her, she stepped back and watched as Jan's face warmed with the first real smile she'd seen from her today. Terry had left then, still concerned about her friends, but glad that tentative plans had at least been made for her to see them again soon.

Robyn nodded, accepting her friend's distraction as an excuse to end the evening early. "I can't say I blame you. Gale and Natalie have been making ominous comments about firing up the karaoke machine."

Both women chortled at the thought. Gale and Natalie had a well-earned reputation for getting up and singing when they'd been into the suds. Neither could carry a tune in a bucket, but that never seemed to deter them. Their friends usually indulged them for one song, and then hurled assorted loose snacks at them until they ceased and desisted. Robyn, with her perfect pitch, found it particularly painful to endure their crooning, and she looked jealously at her friend as Terry stood to make her good-byes.

After a chorus of protests at her early exit, all brushed off with a laugh and vague excuses, Terry headed for the front door, only to find her path blocked by a tall, slender woman. Marika was standing between her and the exit.

Terry groaned audibly and frowned at the blonde as she said stiffly, "Excuse me!"

"Please," the other woman said quietly, holding up one hand in supplication. "May I talk to you for a moment?"

Terry exploded. "Jesus Christ, woman! What the hell does it take to get through to you!? We're over, got it!? I don't want to see you! I don't want to talk to you! And I sure as hell don't want to sleep with you! In fact, I'd let a goddamned porcupine into my bed before I'd let you in! Now leave me the hell alone!"

Ignoring the shock in the pained gray eyes staring at her, she brushed furiously by the frozen woman and stomped out of the bar. Walking back to her car, she began to cool down, uncomfortably aware that everyone in the bar had been staring at them, and that she'd embarrassed herself as well as humiliating Marika.

Trying to find a silver lining, she consoled herself that Marika would doubtlessly keep her distance from now on, but with a sneaking regret, she knew she could have handled it much better. Sighing, she got into her car. It was too late now.

Chapter Seven

TERRY SAT ON THE back steps of her house, idly noting that Michael's Pathfinder was absent from the communal parking spot. She hadn't wanted to go inside, preferring to sit and watch the long summer evening fade into darkness.

She'd been there for twenty minutes when she heard the sound of the screen door behind her open and close again. A tall form silently sat down beside her and Claire asked, "Do you mind the company?"

Smiling at her quiet roommate, Terry answered, "Not at all."

The two women sat without saying anything, absorbing the warmth of the air, and the sounds of the oncoming night. Finally Terry, knowing her companion could sit for hours in perfect stillness, asked, "What have you been up to?"

Claire held out an envelope that had been lying beside her. "I was just writing Maman, to let her know that I'm still alive in this den of Anglo iniquity."

Her smile took any sting out of her words. Terry enjoyed the soft Quebecois accent that still graced the woman's words, even after two years in Calgary.

Terry tilted her head curiously at her friend. "Did you ever tell your mother about Michael and me, you know, who you're living with and all?"

Claire smiled, understanding what she was being asked. "I've told her many things about my friends, but no, not that. I think it's better to let some things go, yes?"

Terry sighed. "She really wouldn't understand, would she?"

"No, Terry. You have to understand. My mother is a very good woman, but the Church and her family, these are her two loves. She is a little provincial, I know, but that is how she's lived her life."

Terry nodded. She knew that Claire came from a very large family in the Eastern Townships, and that she was the first one to travel beyond Quebec's borders, let alone go to school in an English environment. Claire was driven to excel in her courses so that she could go on to a lucrative career, preferably in Montreal's business district, and be in a position to help out her younger siblings. Terry had deep respect for how hard the woman worked and how far she'd pushed herself from her impoverished background.

"Do you still have a problem with us?" Terry asked curiously. She knew that when Claire had first moved in, she'd had strong reservations about Michael and her being gay, but the two had overcome her caution and, for the most part, had won Claire over.

Claire considered Terry's question gravely before answering. "You know that I consider you both my very dear friends?" she asked, confirming Terry's assessment. "Mais non, in the beginning I didn't know if I would stay here long. I did not even unpack all my suitcases for the first month. I'd never met people like you before, and I only knew what the Church taught me. Now, I know that you are good people, even if I don't quite understand your ways. Maman though, she hasn't seen how Michael sneaks extra money into the grocery kitty and thinks I don't know. Or how you 'miraculously' found a friend who was selling exactly the textbooks I needed for half the going price last semester, so she would not understand."

"Um, you knew about that?" mumbled Terry, who'd been certain their altruism had gone undetected.

Claire laughed merrily. "And what kind of a business major would I be, if you two slipped money matters like that by me?" Smiling at her abashed friend, Claire went on, "I know you two were trying to protect my pride, but I accept your generosity in the spirit in which it was given. Thank you, Terry. Someday, I'll have other means to show my gratitude, but for now, thank you."

"You're welcome, Claire. It really was our pleasure to help, you know."

"Oui, I know this," said Claire softly. The two women sat quietly for several more minutes, then Claire spoke again. "Wasn't your team party tonight? Why are you sitting out here in our backyard instead of at Oly's?"

Terry didn't respond immediately, but Claire waited patiently for her answer. Finally Terry started to talk.

"I've been thinking of a friend of mine. Actually, two friends of mine. I kind of stuck my foot in it this morning, and I'm hoping I didn't do anything too stupid."

She went on to tell Claire about the incident at the Spencer's this morning. "I mean where did I get off telling Jan how to look after Rob, for crying out loud! I've known them for two weeks and she's been caring for him for years." She shook her head at her own presumption.

Claire patted her forearm comfortingly. "I'm sure she knows you were just concerned for his well-being. You must have been startled to see how ill he was."

Terry turned fully to look at Claire. "That's it exactly. I was shocked at how they both looked. I never thought of Rob as really sick before, ya know. I mean, I know that sounds dumb when the guy's a quadriplegic and all, but he's always so cheerful and funny that I didn't see it. I realized that I really don't know a damned thing about MS, or what he's going through. I wish I did."

Claire nodded thoughtfully. "It shouldn't be that difficult to find out about it. Mon Oncle Jean-Guy had it, I know. But he wasn't badly afflicted and only walked with a cane for many years."

"I don't even know if it eventually kills people," Terry said in a hushed voice, alarmed by this new thought.

"It may not be the most scientific way," Claire began her suggestion. "But when I was at the video store last weekend, I was looking at a movie called Hilary and Jackie. It was about two sisters, both musicians, and one who had MS became very famous. It looked very interesting but my friend wanted to rent Shakespeare in Love so I didn't get it. Why don't we walk down there and see if it's available? I have to mail my letter anyway, and the box is en route."

Terry felt unaccountably cheered, just to be taking action, any action. It was a place to start, and maybe by the time she next saw the Spencers, she would have a clearer picture of their life. Standing up, she extended a hand to Claire, pulling her to her feet. Walking down the path to the alley, the two women set out on their mission.

* * *

Michael clattered down the stairs to his basement domain, stopping abruptly as two sets of watery eyes met his over the back of the couch in the party room. Bouncing over to lean on the back of the couch, he asked his roommates, "Whatcha watching? Some weepy chick flick?"

Terry and Claire, moving with one mind, each grabbed an arm and pulled Michael abruptly over the back of the couch, dropping him in a sprawl at their feet, and knocking the large, half-empty bowl of popcorn off the coffee table in the process.

Avoiding their indignant glares, he looked up at the TV screen to see a slender, dark-haired woman walking away from the open door of a car, along the side of a country road. She stumbled, tears rolling down her face, and Michael looked back up at his friends, who were once again intent on the film.

"Um, I said the wrong thing?" he inquired sheepishly.

As the credits began to roll, Michael pulled himself up from the floor, brushing off stray kernels of popcorn, and plopped down between the two women. "What were you watching?"

As Terry stopped the video and started it rewinding, Claire answered him. "Hilary and Jackie".

"Oh yeah, I've heard about that one. Wasn't there some kind of kinky thing going on between the sisters, or something like that?" He then flinched, as he once again became the target of female displeasure. "Ow!" he said, rubbing his pummeled shoulders.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you have the sensitivity of a rhino?" Terry huffed.

"What!? What'd I say?" Michael protested, full of wounded innocence. "I'm just going by the reviews I remember when it first came out. So what was it about then?"

"Well, actually," Claire started. "There was a sort of strange relationship between the two sisters." She stopped, not quite sure how to explain it.

"Boy, you got that right!" Terry snorted. "Made me glad I only have brothers. That's taking sibling sharing just a little too far if you ask me."

"Uh huh! So I was right!" Michael crowed, then wilted as he came in for aggrieved stares again.

"That was only a small part," Claire explained. "Really, it was a very moving show about the bonds of sisterhood and the demands of the artistic temperament. Jackie was a very complex person. Besides, we were watching mostly for research purposes."

Michael looked at her in puzzlement. "Research of what? The mating habits of mad Englishwomen?"

Claire looked across him at Terry, who had subsided into a contemplative silence. "We wanted to find out more about MS, and thought this might be a good first step."

Terry glanced up at her with a somber expression. "It was very sad at the end, don't you think. She seemed so terribly alone, once she couldn't play the cello anymore. It was like that was her whole identity, and with it gone, she was hollow. Even her beloved sister wasn't with her at the end."

Claire leaned across Michael, and took Terry's hand. "Terry, Rob isn't alone. You know that, and from what you've told me, he's not nearly as bad as Hilary was. Just because she died doesn't mean that he will too." She waited for Terry to nod her reluctant agreement, then released her hand and sat back.

Michael's eyes were going from woman to woman, conscious that he'd intruded on something more than just watching a new video. Hesitantly, he offered, "If you guys want to learn about MS, why don't you hop on the Net and see what information you can find there?"

Terry shook her wryly. "You know, Michael? Every so often you come up with a decent idea." As Michael preened, she stood up, shaking a few kernels off her lap. Turning to Claire she said, "I think Michael should have to clean up the mess, don't you? After all, he caused it."

"Oh, absolument!" Claire agreed, as the two women left the room to the accompaniment of Michael's protests.

As they mounted the staircase to the main floor, their mood somewhat lightened by Michael's indignant squawking, Claire looked at Terry ruefully. "That really wasn't very nice of us, you know."

Terry laughed. "I know, but you know as well as I do that we'll probably find every bit of popcorn in the same place in the morning. Michael will 'conveniently' forget where the vacuum is stored. Besides, it's my turn to clean the basement, so I'll get to it after work tomorrow. Right now, I want to see what I can find on the Net."

Reaching the landing, the two women paused for a moment. Terry looked at her quiet friend, and said seriously, "Thanks, Claire. It was a good idea, even if it did scare me a bit."

Claire nodded. "Just remember Terry, it doesn't necessarily mean that the same thing is going to happen in Rob's case, okay?"

"Yeah, I know. You coming upstairs?"

"Non, I think a midnight snack is in order tonight. I'm going to raid the fridge first. Did you want anything?"

"No thanks, Claire. I'm not really hungry right now. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

As Claire headed for the kitchen, Terry climbed the flights of stairs to her garret. It was late, but she wanted to see what information she could dig up on her computer before she shut it down for the night. The movie had left her unsettled, and she hoped to find solid facts to counter what she'd just seen.

An hour later, Terry leaned back in her chair and thought about what she'd turned up. MS appeared to be such an odd, unpredictable disease in that no two victims necessarily had identical symptoms. She thought of Claire's uncle, and the difference between his MS and that of Rob or Jackie DuPre. The latter two appeared to be in the small minority with secondary progressive MS, while she assumed Claire's uncle had the more common relapsing-remitting variety.

There was such a diversity of experiences, ranging from mild motor impairment to complete paralysis; from double vision to blindness; and from slight memory loss to severe cognitive difficulties. Fatigue seemed to be a constant at any stage of the disease but the number of other potential problems appeared to be endless.

Terry felt somewhat more enlightened after her search, but not particularly reassured. She couldn't get the vision of Jackie's condition at the end of the movie out of her mind, and she wondered how Rob and Jan dealt with the potential of his disease for all these years.

Sighing, she pushed away from her desk, and made ready for bed, but it would be many hours before her mind let her sleep.

* * *

Late Saturday afternoon, Terry leaned back in her chair, staring at her screen. She'd woken that morning, driven by the need to write, and hadn't even stopped to shower first. Dressed in a tattered pair of shorts and a t-shirt that had seen better days, she'd been hunched over her desk, pecking away at her computer for hours. Reluctant to break away from her work and go down to the kitchen for real food, she'd been nibbling on a bag of Pirate cookies all day. Now, satisfied with the two new chapters she'd roughed out, she looked over at her bedside clock to see what time it was.

Startled to see that it was already four thirty, she hastily saved her work and exited her file. Shutting down her laptop, she decided she had to take the time to shower before setting out to pick up videos and Chinese food to take to Jan and Rob's place for the evening.

Jan had phoned her last night to let her know that Rob was doing much better, and that they'd enjoy seeing her Saturday if she still wanted to come over. Jan had suggested that they order in, but Terry insisted that since it was her idea, she'd bring the food.

An hour later, her hair still slightly damp but her clothes considerably more presentable, Terry stood in front of shelves of videos, wishing she'd asked Jan for some ideas on what they might like. She knew Jan and Rob had different tastes in reading, so assumed they had problems agreeing on movies too. She suspected Rob went in for the Bruce Willis/Jean-Claude Van Damme type of film, but couldn't see Jan being too interested in that genre.

Spying the last available copy of Enemy of the State, she decided that was a good compromise. Having listened to Michael rave about it only a few weeks ago, she thought it was probably a little more cerebral than Universal Soldier and should hopefully please both of them.

With that out of the way, she walked towards the checkout scanning the shelves as she went. Stopping in front of Patch Adams she contemplated substituting her videos. Comedies were usually acceptable to everyone, and although she knew it wasn't his best work, she really did enjoy Robin Williams.

Deciding that she'd take both and offer them a choice, she paid for her selections and returned to her car. Swinging by her favourite Chinese take-out place, she was pleased to see that her order was ready. By six o'clock, she pulled up in front of the Spencers and saw Jan coming down the walk toward her.

Getting out and waiting for the approaching woman, Terry worried that Rob might have had a set-back and the evening would have to be canceled.

"Is everything alright?" she asked Jan, as the woman reached her.

"Oh yes, everything's fine. I just thought you might need a hand." Jan smiled at Terry as she held out her hand to take one of the bags of food.

Terry found herself grinning broadly as she followed the redhead back up the walk. As she entered their living room, she was delighted to see Rob back in his customary spot, reclining in his easy chair and smiling at Terry's arrival.

Jan took the other bag from Terry, and nudged her in Rob's direction. "Why don't you say hi, and I'll get this all set out in the kitchen."

Walking over to where the man sat, Terry squatted beside him and looked intently into his face. "I'm glad to see you doing so much better, big guy," she said, relieved that his eyes were bright and clear again.

"Me too," Rob replied. "It was a bit rough there for a couple of days."

"But you weren't going to let some little old bug beat you, were you?" Terry said as she patted his forearm affectionately.

"Not likely!" snorted Rob. Changing the subject, he looked at the videos she carried and asked, "So what did you bring us to watch tonight?"

As Terry showed him what she'd chosen, she heard Jan in the kitchen, opening cupboards and setting out dishes. She was no stranger to domesticity, having gone from the loving atmosphere of her parent's house to the camaraderie of the shared quarters she now lived in, but she found herself drawn to the ambience of this home and the warmth of these two people.

The three settled into a comfortable companionship, their familiar banter creating a cocoon of intimacy as they demolished the Chinese food. Several hours later, as the first movie drew to a close, Terry looked up from where she was lounging on the couch, to see Rob sound asleep in his chair.

"He can sleep through this?" she asked Jan, amazed that Rob hadn't been woken by the noise of all the gunfire. She'd been so intent on the movie that she felt like she was diving for cover right along side the hero.

"He's still easily tired," Jan said softly, looking at her husband fondly. "It will take a week or so before he's back to normal again."

Reluctantly Terry sat up, unwilling to see the evening end but not wanting to intrude. "I'd better go then and let you two get some sleep."

"You don't have to do that, Terry," Jan shook her head at the younger woman. "He's quite comfortable there and he'll probably wake up after he has a short nap. Why don't we put the other movie in?" She hesitated, and then added, "Unless you have to get going yourself?"

"You're sure?" Terry asked her, hoping she wasn't just being polite.

"Positive," Jan replied. "I just don't want to cut in if you have a hot date tonight or something. You know, you don't have to spend your Saturday night with a pair of old fogies, even if we do enjoy your company immensely."

"Hey, I happen to like old fogies, " Terry joked. "I really can't think of any place I'd rather be at the moment. Besides, believe me. There's a distinct deficit of hot dates in the vicinity right now."

"Aw, poor Terry," Jan teased her as she went to change the videos. "Has Calgary run out of tall, blonde beauties then? Does this mean you're going to have to move on to fresh hunting grounds in Vancouver or Toronto?"

Terry threw a small cushion at her, grinning as Jan picked it up and tossed it back at her. "I think you've gotten entirely the wrong idea of my love life," she insisted.

"Really?" Jan drawled. "So Aaron was just making all that stuff up last Sunday, was he?"

Terry groaned, and buried her head in the couch. "I'm never going to live that down, am I?" she mumbled with great embarrassment to her delighted friend.

"No, I'm pretty sure you never will," Jan laughed at the tall woman's discomfort. Then letting her off the hook, she started the next movie.

Chapter Eight

JAMMING HARD ON HER brakes, Jan shook her head in exasperation as yet another oblivious pedestrian walked across her path. She didn't enjoy battling downtown traffic at the best of times, and noon hours were the worst as all the office workers left their hives and wandered the streets, obstructing any vehicles unlucky enough to get in the way of their destinations.

When she finally found a parking spot, she seized on it with a sigh of relief. Glancing at her watch, she confirmed she was in plenty of time to meet her sister for lunch. Despite the problems with coming downtown, she really did enjoy her monthly lunches with her sister Kate as they caught up on each other's lives.

Locking the van, Jan headed to Kate's office. She knew there was no real hurry. Kate was inevitably tied up with a client and she always had to wait for her, but as she had the whole afternoon free, she wasn't concerned about delays.

Blending with the noon-hour crowds, she ambled down the busy street, smiling inwardly when she too stepped out with her fellow pedestrians into the path of oncoming traffic. She found it amusing how quickly her perspective changed, depending on her mode of conveyance.

Arriving at Kate's looming office tower, Jan entered the double glass doors, nodding at the security guard who recognized her and waved her back towards Kate's ground floor office. After checking in with the receptionist and receiving the expected announcement of a slight delay, she settled comfortably in a padded chair to wait for her sister.

Eying the dark wood and lush burgundy carpet, she reflected that Kate had done well for herself. Her sister had started many years ago in the accounting section of a local oil company and had worked herself up to a position as senior vice-president of the company's financial branch.

Jan had never been completely clear on what exactly Kate did, as financial matters held little interest for her. She knew that she and Rob had more than enough to meet their modest needs and indulge her passion for books, and that was all that concerned her.

She and Kate's husband, John, usually listened quietly while Rob and Kate analyzed market trends and the state of the Canadian economy. John actually understood what they were saying, as he'd started out in accounting too, but he was a passive man and content to let the two more dynamic personalities dominate all such discussions.

Deciding that she probably had time for some reading while she waited, Jan took an ever-present novel out of her purse. Surprisingly, she'd barely begun when she heard Kate's voice coming down the hall toward her. She looked up to see her sister walking a well-dressed man to the exit. She watched as the taller, heavier, older version of herself shook the client's hand and held the door open for him.

Jan stood as Kate came toward her smiling. "Just give me a minute to grab my purse, and we'll be on our way, okay?" Kate said, hugging her sister quickly. Not waiting for Jan's acknowledgment, she returned to her office and re-emerged, with a large purse slung over her shoulder. Taking Jan's arm, she led them out of the building.

"I thought the Green Apple today, if that's alright with you?" queried Kate as she steered them in that direction. Jan nodded her agreement as they navigated around the crowds. She had to increase her stride to keep up with her sister's longer, more rapid pace. Kate never ambled anywhere that Jan could recall. Even when they'd been children, Kate always walked determinedly. She'd been a forceful child, and she was a compelling woman.

Jan knew that some considered her a bully, but she believed Kate simply had so much self-confidence that those who didn't know her easily interpreted it as arrogance. Jan had long ago learned how to handle her domineering sister. She would listen to Kate's advice, and then do exactly what she wanted to regardless of her sister's opinions. She had exasperated her sister repeatedly over the years, but there was a deep core of love between them and Kate never held a grudge over her kid sister's aggravating independence. Truthfully, she respected Jan for standing up to her, and in her more candid thoughts wished her husband had the same backbone.

For her part, Jan never forgot how Kate protected her shy, smaller sister from schoolyard bullies who thought the quiet child was ripe for picking on. Nor had she forgotten how Kate had stood up to their mother when the woman had been virulently opposed to Jan and Rob marrying because of Rob's disability. Kate had faced their mother down in a screaming match that was still legendary in the McLeod family. Their mother hadn't come to the wedding, but Kate was right there, standing beside Jan as her family.

The women reached the restaurant, and entering, gave Kate's name to the hostess. She guided them up a curving flight of stairs to a glassed in dining room overlooking an inner-city park. The first time Kate had brought Jan here for lunch, she'd been amazed that this park existed. It was completely hidden from the busy city streets on either side of it, and a favourite of brown baggers from surrounding office towers.

Settling into their chairs, the two asked for coffees, then scanned their menus for a moment until they simultaneously looked up at each other, grinning.

"Why do we even bother?" chortled Kate. "We always get exactly the same thing."

"Yup," said Jan cheerfully, "You're going to get that rabbit food."

"And you're going to get red meat dripping in calories and cholesterol!" finished Kate mournfully. "Why couldn't I have gotten Dad's metabolism too?"

The sisters though of their short, leanly muscled father who'd died several years before. "Hey, at least we both got his hair," Jan pointed out.

"Yeah, we could have ended up with Mom's." Both sisters shuddered at the thought of their mother's thin, wiry tresses, and were grateful to have gotten their father's thick, wavy auburn hair.

Having placed their order, with Kate's audible groans at Jan's request for a bacon cheeseburger with fries, the women sat back to sip their coffees and catch up on gossip. Kate filled Jan in on what her twelve-year-old son, Kevin, had been up to in school, then looked down, and fiddled nervously with her napkin.

Jan watched her sister, knowing that Kate had something on her mind. Finally, leaning across the table, she stilled Kate's hands and waited for her to look up. "Okay, 'fess up. What's going on in that devious brain of yours?" Jan said curiously.

Kate sighed, then set the napkin aside and looked directly at her sister. "Have you heard from Mom lately?"

Jan shook her head. She wrote her mother the occasional letter but they rarely talked on the phone. Kate was the one who usually kept Jan up to date on how things were with her. "No, why? Is everything alright?" she answered.

"Everything's fine," Kate hastened to assure her. She hesitated, and then went on. "I just thought she might have told you that she's coming out next month for a visit." Their mother lived in Kingston and made the trip from Ontario two or three times a year.

Jan smiled gently at her sister. She knew that Kate felt terrible over the way their mother favoured her and her family over Jan and Rob. "Let me guess," she teased. "She's decided to stay with you guys this time."

It was an easy guess, as their mother had never once stayed with Jan and Rob in all the years that they'd lived in Calgary. Seeing her sister's discomfort, Jan went on, "It's alright, Katie. After all, she wants to see her only grandson so it's natural that she wants to stay with you. Besides, we'll arrange to get together sometime while she's here. Maybe you can come up for dinner one night."

Both women knew that seeing Kevin was only part of why their mother stayed with Kate, and that the main reason was to avoid Rob, whom she held responsible for 'ruining' her youngest daughter's life.

Kate accepted the offered escape gratefully however, and nodding her agreement with their tentative plans, changed the topic. "Speaking of dinner together, how about you and Rob joining us for Sunday dinner this week? That is, as long as he's up to it. I'm assuming he's much better since you took your respite day this week."

"Yeah, he's almost completely back to normal now, and he was looking forward to seeing Donny today. But we're going to have to take a rain check on your invitation as we've already got plans for this Sunday. We've been invited to a friend's place for a barbeque."

Kate's eyes widened. Jan could tell that she'd surprised her sister since she and Rob didn't know very many people and only really saw Kate and John socially. She smiled to herself, waiting for the inevitable interrogation. Kate did not disappoint her.

"Where are you going? What friends are these? Where did you meet them?" Kate rattled off in quick order, looking expectantly at Jan.

Just at that moment, the waiter returned with their orders, and Jan took a perverse pleasure in making her sister wait for answers while he set out their plates. Taking her cheeseburger in her hands, Jan took a big bite, giving an appreciative little sound while her dark green eyes twinkled mischievously over the bun at her impatient sister. Taking her time chewing and swallowing, Jan decided she'd tried Kate's patience long enough when her sister started stabbing viciously at her salad.

Grinning, she said, "It's a birthday party for Terry Sanderson. Remember the woman I told you about who helped me out the day Rob and I ended up on the floor? The barbeque is over at her parent's place in Varsity Estates."

Kate stopped munching her salad, still puzzled. "She invited you over after just one meeting?" she asked.

"No, actually we've gone out with her a couple of times. Well at least I have, and Rob and I went to brunch last Sunday with her and her brother. They're great people, Kate. I know you'd like them. On Saturday, she brought Chinese food and videos over and we had a fun night together. She and Rob have really hit it off."

Jan smiled, thinking of the young woman who had eased so naturally into their lives. She had truly enjoyed Saturday night and was looking forward to the barbeque on Sunday, eager to meet all the family members that Terry had been telling stories on.

"I'm really glad you've met new friends, Jannie. I worry about you two being so alone sometimes. It's not healthy," Kate asserted firmly. "Don't you worry about dinner at our place. We'll just make it for the Sunday after, alright?"

"That's sound fine," Jan laughed. "Rob and I are becoming quite the social butterflies here. If this keeps up, I may have to start keeping an engagement calendar."

She'd never admit it to her overprotective sister, but she did sometimes feel very isolated from people, and she worried more for Rob's sake than hers. She was accustomed to a fairly solitary life, but he had always been the life of the party with a large group of friends hovering around. She knew that people had their own lives to live, but regretted seeing friends drift away as Rob became progressively more disabled.

He never said anything to her, but she sensed his sadness at the memory of days gone by when buddies and beer were plentiful, and parties would often last for days, usually at his house. The move to Calgary, while made for sound reasons, had further isolated them from old friends left behind, and until now at least, they hadn't replaced old friends with new. Terry was beginning to look more and more like a godsend to both of them.

The next half hour passed pleasantly as the sisters talked and ate. Jan was forced to slap Kate's fingers for too frequent thefts of her French fries, but Kate didn't seem in the least discouraged and snuck back for more at every opportunity. After finishing their meal and paying the check, the two women stood up reluctantly, sad that the lunch hour had passed so quickly.

As they walked back towards Kate's office, the older woman asked, "Where are you off to now?"

Jan replied, "Well, Rob needs a couple of new fall shirts, and then I thought I'd stop in at the bookstore."

"Oh now there's a surprise," Kate said dryly. "I'd never have guessed that one."

Jan chuckled at how predictable she was. They'd reached the doors to Kate's office tower, so they stopped, turning to each other.

"That was great, Katie. I really enjoy our lunches, even if a certain sibling steals all my fries. I don't know why you just don't order some for yourself."

Kate grinned unrepentantly. "They taste better that way, and besides, I have it on good authority that if they come from someone else's plate, they leave their calories there."

Both sisters laughed at the nonsense, then hugged each other as Kate turned back to reenter the business world, and Jan headed off to the nearest bookstore.

An hour later, Jan had bought three new shirts for Rob and five books for herself. Counting it an afternoon well spent, she returned to her van. Unlocking the door and tossing her purchases on the passenger's seat, she considered her watch for a minute. It was only three o'clock and she still had Donny for three more hours. Sliding in behind the wheel she considered her options. She could go to the park or the library, but then another option occurred to her.

Opening her purse she took out the cell phone, which Rob insisted she carry at all times. Finding a number in her address book, she flipped the phone open and started to dial but before she finished, she hastily closed it up again. Shaking her head at her foolishness, she opened it up and ignoring how her heartbeat unaccountably sped up and her fingers trembled, she dialed the number again, this time waiting with a dry mouth for someone to pick up.

As a familiar voice came on the line, Jan smiled. What was I nervous for? "Hi Terry," she said. "It's Jan."

"Hey Jan, whatcha up to?" asked Terry, obvious pleasure in her voice at the unexpected call.

"Um, I was wondering...well, I'm on my afternoon off, and I thought you might be finished work by now..." Jan stumbled, still shy with her new friend.

"I am," came Terry's ready response. "Why don't you drop over for coffee or something, and I'll show you around the homestead? I should warn you though that I haven't quite gotten to the house cleaning yet. Have you got a pencil? I'll give you the address."

Jan cradled the phone on her shoulder and grabbing a pen from her purse, opened her address book again. "Go ahead, Terry."

"Okay, you know where Charleswood is? We're in that area, closer to the University but still on the opposite side of Crowchild. The address is 2917 Chisholm Drive. Got that?"

"Yes, I've got that. I have a city map in the van, so there shouldn't be any problems finding it. I'll see you in about twenty minutes then?"

"Sounds great," Terry responded eagerly. "I'll be looking forward to it."

Thirty minutes later, after one wrong turn, one cul-de-sac and one lengthy backtrack, Jan found herself on a lovely, tree-lined street of older homes. Driving slowly as she checked addresses, she soon saw Terry sitting on the steps of a tall, narrow, brick house. As she pulled up in front of the place, Terry jumped to her feet, a big grin spreading over her face as she waved a welcome. Jan was reassured by Terry's obvious pleasure in her visit, and quickly stepped out of the van as the younger woman came towards her.

"Hi," Terry called. "Did you have any problems finding the place?"

"Not a one," Jan fibbed. "So this is where you hang your hat, is it? What a nice neighbourhood!"

"Thanks, we like it. Come on in and I'll give you the nickel tour." Terry tugged lightly on Jan's arm, urging her into the yard and up the wooden flight of stairs to the front door.

The two women entered the arched doorway to find themselves in a dark, narrow hall. Another flight of stairs ran up the right side of the hallway, and wide French doors opened into a spacious room on the left. Terry guided Jan into that room, saying, "We might as well start at the beginning. This is our living room. Uncle Lou always calls it the drawing room, but I don't think our furniture is classy enough to call it that."

Jan laughed as she looked at the eclectic assortment of furniture littering the room. In truth, the oddly coloured and motley collection did little to accent the high ceiling, solid wood paneling and luxurious old crown moldings, but it suited the woman beside her.

Terry grinned at Jan's amusement. "We call it the College School of Decorating."

Jan turned to her tour guide and asked, "Who's Uncle Lou?"

"Oh, he's the owner and our landlord. He's my mother's brother and he's been letting me live here for six years for a very reasonable rent. I just had to promise not to let my roommates destroy the place, and so far, I've been really lucky with the people who've lived here with me."

Terry turned and indicated that Jan should follow her through the door on the far side of the long room. Leaving the room, they entered a small dining room that opened into a large, messy kitchen. Pots were piled on an old gas stove, worn wooden cupboards hung open haphazardly and several cereal boxes lay on crowded counters. Dishes were stacked in the sink and left on the table. A varied assortment of crumbs and unidentified small objects littered the floor. A fridge that appeared to have seen better days was covered with notes, pictures and bus schedules.

The room itself was a cheerful if faded yellow, with a large window over the sink overlooking a wide porch and unkempt lawn. Uncle Lou obviously didn't believe in replacing appliances if they still had some life in them, as the only modern thing in the room was a small microwave oven in one corner. Even the table was an old Formica model which wouldn't have been out of place in June Cleaver's kitchen. Glancing at the mess, Terry said ruefully, "Well, I did warn you that I hadn't gotten to my cleaning duties yet."

Jan laughed. She'd never been to college herself, but this was exactly what she imagined a student residence would look like–cluttered, messy, and well lived in. She nudged her chagrined hostess and said, "That's okay. There are days my kitchen doesn't look much better."

Terry raised a doubtful eyebrow. "Why do I have problems believing that?" Then she grinned at her friend and said, "C'mon, since you didn't flinch at this, it'll be safe to take you down to the party room.

Jan followed Terry out of the kitchen and back down the hall to a door set in under the stairwell. She watched as Terry flipped on a light switch then opened the door to reveal a narrow set of steps descending to the basement. Nodding as Terry cautioned her to watch her step, she walked closely behind the younger woman, ducking her head under an overhanging beam as she went.

As they got to the bottom of the stairs, Terry pointed off to an enclosed area to their left. "That's Michael's apartment and the laundry room is off in that corner." She gestured behind them, and then led Jan forward into a large room that ran the width of the basement and was outfitted with a big-screen TV, an impressive stereo array, several couches, a large easy chair, and a fridge that was decades younger than the kitchen model. "This is the most popular room in the house," she told Jan.

Jan looked around, impressed with the layout and startled at the contrast between the expensive electronic array, the comfortable, quality furniture and what she'd seen in the upstairs living room. She could feel Terry watching her and when she glanced up, the younger woman answered her unspoken question.

"It's all Michael's equipment, and mostly his furniture too. He wanted a nice place to have friends over, and we all benefit from his generosity."

"Michael is well-off then?" Jan questioned, not wanting to pry but curious how a university student could afford this set-up.

"Very," Terry affirmed. "But he doesn't like to talk about it, and he's not one to flaunt it either. He just likes to be comfortable and saw no reason why he shouldn't be. We've had some great times down here. One party last winter to celebrate the end of the semester, I think we must have had over a hundred people in here. It took us almost two days to clean up afterwards, but it was worth it. C'mon, I'll show you the upstairs now."

Terry lightly laid her hand on Jan's back, indicating she should go up the stairs and out into the hallway. Taking the lead as they mounted the next flight of stairs, she spoke back over her shoulder to Jan, "The second floor is Claire's apartment. She has a bedroom and sitting room, and we share the main bathroom."

As they passed the second floor landing and Terry continued upwards, Jan became grateful that she lived in a bungalow and didn't have to climb all these stairs every day. However, looking at Terry's legs a couple of steps ahead of her, she couldn't help admiring the clearly defined muscles on those long limbs, and she found herself musing that maybe there were benefits to living on the top floor after all. Lost in that thought, she ran into Terry's back when the younger woman stopped at the next landing.

Blushing slightly, she apologized to Terry, who simply smiled and said, "No problem. You're just not used to hiking Mount Everest every day to get to your room."

Moving down the short hall to a half-open door, she continued her guided tour. "This used to be the attic, but Uncle Lou turned it into a garret room just for me. I really like having the top of the house, though it has its drawbacks temperature wise."

She pushed open the door and stood back for Jan to get by her. Jan entered Terry's bedroom, curious about what she'd find. She saw a spacious room under an angular and wide-beamed ceiling. It was painted in a pale cream trimmed with maple woodwork, giving an airy feel to the garret. There were three windows in the room, one over a large bed in the corner, a bay with a padded window seat by an old but sturdy wooden desk upon which sat a laptop and printer, and the third in the far corner obscured by a noisily humming air conditioner. A thick cinnamon coloured carpet covered the floor.

The walls were surprisingly bare, with only a large muted watercolour seascape on one side of the room. It was a peaceful and inviting room, albeit fairly untidy with stacks of books and piles of clothes strewn about. Jan grinned as she caught Terry out of the corner of her eye, furtively kicking something under her bed.

Turning to her friend, who was now hastily trying to stuff some clothes that had been tossed over a large, well-stuffed armchair into a neglected laundry basket, she couldn't help teasing her. "I guess the maid didn't quite make it up here either, eh?"

Abashed, Terry stopped her efforts to cover up her sloppy housekeeping. Grinning sheepishly, she said, "Well, actually we're all responsible for our own rooms, so this mess is all mine. I was going to clean up tonight...really!"

Jan raised her eyebrow, then laughed as Terry threw up her hands in surrender, and sank down amidst the stack of laundry still covering the chair. "Next time you come over, you'll have to give me more warning so I can swamp this pigpen out a bit first."

Jan found herself warmed at the assumption that she would be returning, and she smiled as she walked over to the desk. Looking at the pile of printouts on the corner of the desk, she asked, "Are you working on something right now?"

Hearing nothing from the younger woman, she turned around to see an odd expression on Terry's face. "Terry, is something wrong?" Jan asked with concern.

"No, it's just..." Terry trailed off, obviously wrestling with something.

Jan waited patiently for her to speak, studying the younger woman's face for clues to what was bothering her. Finally Terry's face cleared, as if she'd made up her mind about something, and Jan listened closely as the other woman's clear dark eyes focused intently on her own, and she began to speak.

"I haven't told anyone but Jordy about this. I guess I don't want to jinx it, or maybe I just don't want to get anyone's expectations up or be laughed at."

Terry hesitated again, but seemed to draw confidence from Jan's quiet, expectant expression. "What I want...what I've wanted for a long time now...is to be a writer. I always wrote articles for school papers and stuff like that, but I've had this idea for a couple of years and I finally decided to try turning it into a novel."

She glanced up at Jan, who nodded for her to go on. "That's why I took the post office job when I graduated, but I didn't want to tell my parents in case it didn't work out, so I just let them think I was tired of school and wanted to take some time off."

Jan walked over to Terry's side, and kneeling, laid a hand on hers as it twitched nervously on the arm of the chair. "Terry, I think that's a wonderful ambition, and I'm so proud of you for following your dream rather than finding all sorts of reasons why you shouldn't even try."

She smiled warmly at the younger woman, squeezing her hand in encouragement. "I won't say anything to anyone if you don't want me to, but I'm honoured that you trusted me enough to tell me."

Jan could see the relief in Terry's eyes, and she wondered at the woman's apparent insecurity over this issue. Terry struck her as a competent, confident young woman, but this was obviously a sensitive area for her. She felt Terry's hand turn over under hers and grasp it tightly.

"Thanks," Terry said. Then looking at Jan shyly, she continued, "Would you like to read it sometime? It's not ready yet, but I'd really value your opinion when the time came, and heaven knows, you know one end of a book from the other!"

Both women smiled at that, and Jan said softly, "I'd like that. Whenever you're ready for me to read it, just let me know." She enjoyed the look of pleasure her words brought to her friend's face.

Terry stood, casually letting go of Jan's hand. "Hey, you want something to drink? We can grab something downstairs and go out to the backyard for a bit."

Jan nodded her head. "Sounds good. I'd love some iced tea, if you have it."

The intensity of the moment had passed, and Jan followed Terry out of her room, as the two women clattered down the flights of stairs towards the kitchen. Close behind her friend, Jan could still feel the warmth in her fingers, and a part of her mind mused at how good it had felt as her smaller hand rested in the younger woman's grip.

Taking a pitcher out of the fridge, Terry poured the amber liquid over several ice cubes in a tall glass and handed it to Jan. Grabbing a beer and twisting the top off, she opened the back door and led the way out of the kitchen onto a wide porch. She gestured at the scattered lawn chairs on the porch and the lawn, saying, "Take your pick."

Jan immediately headed for a double swing chair at the end of the porch. Sitting down, she smiled as Terry joined her, propping long legs up on the banister and pushing lightly to move the chair gently back and forth. The two women sat quietly for several minutes enjoying the light breeze, cool drinks and amiable company.

Finally Jan broke the comfortable silence. "Haven't any of your roommates noticed you working on your book?"

Terry shook her head. "No, everyone pretty much respects everyone else's space, especially once school starts again. Ever since Claire threw a book at Michael's head when he interrupted her studying for an exam, people generally respect closed doors."

"But you're finished studying now. Do you still get the solitude you need to write?" Jan said, then watched curiously as Terry turned a bright red.

"Uh, they don't...well, they know I might...um, they never necessarily thought I was studying if my door was closed," Terry fumbled.

Jan studied the embarrassed woman for a moment, and then realized what Terry was getting at. She broke into a merry laugh, enjoying her young friend's chagrin. When she could finally get the words out, she asked, "What happened to hanging a necktie on the doorknob when you're 'entertaining' company?"

Terry ducked her head further, bringing the sweating beer bottle in her hands up to cool her flushed cheeks. "You know, it's not that I have people over all that often," she muttered to her friend's continued amusement.

"Really," drawled Jan, still chuckling. "Well, I'll certainly believe you on that." Her twinkling eyes watched as Terry leaned toward her and cuffed her lightly on the shoulder. "Hey, can I help it if your reputation precedes you?" she protested.

"Lies, all lies...well, mostly lies anyway," Terry grinned, regaining some aplomb. Then, sobering a little, she said, "The big problem is actually that I'm easily distracted by everything that goes on. When Michael has friends over, I have a bad habit of joining them in the backyard or party room rather than working on my book." She shook her head in disapproval at her own lack of self-discipline. "At the rate I'm going, it'll be five years before I get this thing done."

An idea occurred to Jan then, but she decided to talk it over with Rob first, before laying it out for Terry. Leaning back in the swing, she listened to Terry talk, enjoying the growing rapport between them. She'd been content for so long with Rob and her books that she'd forgotten the pleasure of making a new friend, of being interested in another's life and having that interest reciprocated.

She couldn't deny that isolation had its compensations, but she hadn't realized how much she'd missed the simple joy of talking to a friend. Jan found herself taking great delight in teasing her funny, good-natured young companion, and she was flattered by Terry's apparent interest in her own life.

She had also been warmed by Terry's trust in her. They'd only known each other for such a short while, but they'd connected so easily. Their mutual love of books had eased the early stages, but Jan knew they'd already gone beyond that foundation.

Naturally reticent, Jan had never been one for confidants, too used to keeping her own counsel, or at most discussing things with Rob or Kate. In recent years, she'd striven even harder to keep her concerns to herself, as she didn't want Rob to be burdened with her fears on top of his own as his health declined. Now however, she had a growing sense that this young woman had the empathy and strength to listen to her if she chose to open up. She wasn't ready to do that yet, to accept the gift that Terry seemed so freely to offer, but instinctively she knew that when she was, Terry would be there for her.

* * *

Jan tucked Rob's coffee cup into his hand, and ringed it with towels to hold it in place as it balanced on his chest. After ensuring he could reach the straw, she took his dinner tray away. Returning from the kitchen, she sat down in his wheelchair, which stood at the side of his easy chair, idly pushing it back and forth a few inches. She saw Rob smile at her as he asked, "What's on your mind?"

"How do you know something's on my mind?" she grinned at him. They knew each other so well after all these years that neither could get anything past the other.

"Because you always do that to the chair when you want to talk about something. What's up?"

Jan thought a moment. She was pretty sure Rob would agree to her idea, but she wanted to lay it out logically for him. Rob always responded best to clearly set out propositions.

"You know how I was telling you about Terry's problem with finding quiet time to work on her writing?"

He nodded. She'd told him the whole story of her afternoon when she'd gotten home an hour ago.

"Well, I was thinking that we might be in a position to help her out, if you think it's a good idea."

Rob listened intently as Jan laid out her idea, then said, "Sure, why not? Why don't you give her a call and ask her to drop over?"

Jan leaned out of the wheelchair, wrapped her arm around his shoulders and said, "You really are the sweetest man, you know."

"Shhh," he whispered, darting his eyes around the room. "Don't tell anyone or you'll ruin my reputation."

Jan laughed and ran her hand over his soft hair. "Yeah, right. I gotta remember you're my toughie!" She walked over to the phone and dialed Terry's number. When a man's voice answered, she asked for Terry, then grinned as she heard him yell, "Yo, Terry, a conquest awaits!"

She heard the clatter of footsteps, then Terry's voice cautiously saying, "Hello?"

"Hi, Terry. Sorry to disappoint you, but its just Jan."

She smiled at the change in Terry's tone, as her friend answered cheerfully, "Hey, Jan. No, I'm glad it's you. Michael was just being his usual swinish self. Don't mind him."

"Oh no, I don't. I know you have a reputation to uphold after all," she joked. "Listen, Rob and I were wondering if you had a few minutes to spare sometime, if you could drop by."

"Of course," Terry said. "Is everything okay? Do you need help with anything?"

"No, no, everything's fine. But we had a little something we thought you might be interested in. There's no hurry or anything. Whenever it's convenient for you is fine with us."

Her voice curious, Terry answered, "I'm free right now. Why don't I come around in a half an hour or so?"

"That would be great, " Jan said. "We'll see you then." She hung up, and turned to her husband who'd been listening to half the conversation. "She'll be over in half an hour. I think I'll just go check and make sure everything's tidy."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Terry pulled up in front of the Spencer house. Since Jan's enigmatic phone call, she'd been trying to figure out what Jan and Rob were up to, but had given up for lack of information. Trotting up the walkway, she decided that whatever it was, it was probably a good thing since Jan had sounded upbeat. As the older woman met her at the door, she grinned and said, "We have to stop meeting like this."

"You're right," Jan laughed. "Whatever will the neighbours say? C'mon in. Would you like a cup of coffee?" She motioned Terry to have a seat, as she went over to perch on the arm of Rob's chair.

"No thanks, Jan. Okay you two, time to 'fess up," Terry said, staring at the couple. "What are you up to, and why are you looking like a pair of Cheshire cats?"

Jan and Rob looked at each other, and then focused gleeful grins on Terry. "Who us?" asked Rob. "Would we be up to something?"

"Definitely," Terry growled. Picking up one of couch pillows, she shook it at the amused couple, saying, "C'mon, guys. What's going on? Are you going to make me beat it out of you?"

Taking pity on their friend, Jan started to explain. "I was thinking about something you said this afternoon, and we think we may have a solution to your problem."

"Um, what problem is that?" a clearly puzzled Terry asked.

"Well, I hope you don't mind, but I told Rob what you were working on, and that you had problems with too many distractions in your house." Terry nodded her understanding, and Jan continued. "This might be easier if I just showed you. Will you excuse us a moment, Rob?"

Rob nodded, as Jan stood and motioned Terry to follow her. They walked through the kitchen, down a short hall, to arrive at the top of stairs Terry hadn't noticed before.

Jan turned to her friend and said, "I should have given you the nickel tour myself when you were here last weekend, but I didn't think of it. Come downstairs, and you'll see what Rob and I are talking about."

She led the younger woman down a carpeted flight of stairs and through a small alcove that opened up into a large room. As Terry walked through, she saw a long room, with a thick gray carpet and light blue walls with burgundy trim. Rays from the evening sun were streaming in two small, narrow windows set high on the wall. A comfortable looking couch and La-Z-Boy sat at one end of the room, grouped around a gas fireplace. Further down the room, there was a compact kitchen with a table, two chairs, a modern stove and fridge An open set of shelves held basic cooking and dining implements, as well as a small microwave. Three doors opened off the far end of the room.

Terry heard Jan say, "Go ahead, and look around if you like." She walked to the back of the main living area and peered in the other rooms. Two fully furnished bedrooms, done in complementary colours of blue, gray and white faced her, and each with pretty patchwork quilts covering large beds. A small functional shower room separated the bedrooms.

Turning back to Jan, who was watching her explore with a slight smile on her face, Terry spread her arms to encompass the living area, "What...I don't understand?"

Jan looked at her affectionately. "You need a writer's retreat. We have the space for you. Terry, Rob and I would like you to feel free to come over here whenever you need some peace and quiet to write. We're not a noisy pair, and while I do use that fridge to store extra groceries, I'm only usually down here to do laundry which is on the far side of the basement, so I'd try not to bother you at all."

Terry stood unmoving while her brain raced to comprehend what she'd just been offered. She was sure her jaw had taken up residence on the floor. Fumbling, she could only respond to the last thing she'd heard. "You'd never be a bother," Terry said fervently. "Are you...I mean, do you know...wow! Are you sure you want to do this?"

She was sure she was babbling, but she was overwhelmed by the generosity of the offer. She doubted that Jan even fully understood what she'd just given her. These two wonderful people were offering her a writer's retreat, a quiet place to fulfill her ambition, undistracted by the outside world. They barely even knew her, yet they'd accepted her on her terms, believing in dreams she couldn't even bring herself to tell her beloved family of.

Jan dug in her pocket, then walked over to Terry and took her hand. Pressing a key firmly into her palm, she closed Terry's fingers over it. "Yes, we're very sure. You've helped us out, Terry, and been a good friend. If we can return the favour, we'd like to. Besides, it'll be nice to have someone else around the place even if we only see you coming and going."

Terry just stared at the key in her hand. This was such an unexpected gesture of trust and friendship, that she was overwhelmed. She shook her head, not in rejection but in disbelief at what these two were doing for her. She was so accustomed to keeping her dreams close to her chest, that the unconditional support they extended her was dumbfounding.

Eyes glistening, she looked up at the woman standing expectantly in front of her. Reaching out with her empty hand, she touched Jan's arm and said the only thing she could think to say, "Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me."

Jan smiled softly at her, closing her own hand around Terry's where it rested on her arm. "Yes, I do. C'mon, let's go tell Rob there's a new, part-time tenant moving in."

Terry followed Jan back upstairs, still staring at the key. Then as they reached the living room, she stuffed it in her pocket, and walked over to Rob, who was grinning at her. She stopped in front of him, shaking her head. "You two are too much, you know that?"

As Rob chuckled delightedly, she leaned over and gave him a quick hug. Then addressing both of her benefactors, she said, "If I'm ever in the way, you have to promise to let me know right away, okay?"

Rob scoffed, "You won't be in the way. Heck, we'll probably barely know you're there."

Jan added, "And Terry, you can use it at any time. We don't go out that much, but if we do, you can still come over whenever you want to. We want you to consider the basement yours as long as you want it, alright?"

Still somewhat stunned, Terry nodded. She felt like a kid on Christmas who'd been given exactly what she wanted, without even having told Santa her wish. She'd never be able to adequately thank these two, but wanting to do something, anything to let them know what a gift they'd given her, she said, "This calls for a celebration. How about I go get ice cream for all of us?"

Both Jan and Terry laughed as Rob's eyes brightened. "Oh lady, do you ever have the right idea! If you're going to Bertie's, I'll have a double chocolate, toffee crunch."

"Sure, I can go to Bertie's. They've got the best ice cream in town anyway. And what can I bring you, madam?" Terry asked Jan.

"I'll have what he's having," Jan answered. "If he's going to be so decadent, I can't let him do it alone."

"What a wife!" Rob teased. "You make such tough sacrifices for me."

"And don't you forget it, buddy!" Jan shot at him laughingly as she walked Terry to the door.

Terry's cheeks were starting to ache from the wide smile that just wouldn't go away. Impulsively she turned and hugged Jan. Pulling back from her friend, and seeing the warmth in those gentle eyes, Terry felt like she'd won a lottery. Jumping for sheer joy over the single step at the entrance, she bounded down the walkway to the sounds of Jan's soft laughter.

"Back in half an hour," she flung back over her shoulder.

Getting into her car, Terry couldn't help pulling the key out of her pocket again. Studying it for a moment, she grinned, then twisting open her key ring, she added it to her others. Pulling away from the curb on a mission to retrieve ice cream, she felt a deep sense of happiness filling her. Her birthday was still several days away, but she felt like she'd been given the best gift she could have asked for, not just in the basement retreat, but in what the offer meant coming from those two special people.

Chapter Nine

EMILY'S CRITICAL GAZE roamed over her large backyard. She'd been preparing for her daughter's birthday party for two days, and was intent on ensuring that nothing had been overlooked. Gordon was hovering over one barbeque, checking the chickens that had been slow-roasting for the last hour.

Duncan and Karen had brought over their barbeque the day before to cook the steaks, which were even now marinating in her secret recipe. Alex was busy setting up his large, folding picnic table while Diane kept a close watch on two active babies. Jordy had tied a multitude of large blue and silver balloons to the trees and bushes, adding a festive air to the yard.

Emily was expecting almost twenty people if Matt showed up. She was never certain if her troubled middle child would come to family gatherings, especially with this being Terry's birthday celebration.

Sadly, she pondered how Matt had never considered the anniversary of Terry's arrival in the family a cause for celebration, then pushed those thoughts away, determined not to let anything ruin the day. Matt had promised his mother he'd be here, and even asked if he could bring a date to which she'd readily acquiesced. Her children's friends were always welcome at her home. She would just take him at his word and set a place for him.

"Gord, if you keep staring at them, you'll let all the heat out," she chastised her husband who guiltily slammed the lid down. "Why don't you go mix up your punch now, and tell Jordy he can start bringing out everything that's piled on the kitchen table."

Content that her husband was now set on a constructive path; Emily started unfolding lawn chairs and setting them around the two long picnic table. As Alex joined her and started to set one at the end of the wooden table, she shook her head. "No, son. Leave that open for the wheelchair."

"Okay, Mom." Alex moved to the opposite side and continued setting chairs out. "Have you met these new friends of Terry's yet? What are their names again?"

"Rob and Jan Spencer, and no, I haven't met them yet, but Terry seems very eager to have us all meet. She even asked me to make sure I had Bertie's double chocolate toffee crunch ice cream on hand to go with her cake because it's their favourite. I swear, I haven't seen Terry this excited about making new friends since she was in kindergarten."

Alex laughed, and looking at her son, Emily knew exactly what he was thinking of. Terry had attended the same school as Alex, Duncan and Matt, but after the relatively tame Sanderson brothers, the teachers had been completely unprepared for the little, curly-haired whirlwind that descended on them next.

Being the oldest, Alex had often been pressed into emergency babysitting as his exasperated parents were summoned to yet another parent-teacher meeting. Emily could still remember Gordon grumbling as they left the house about how one tiny girl could be so much more of a handful than three of her big brothers.

Emily and her eldest son grinned at each other as Alex said, "How did you and Dad ever survive her childhood, let alone go on and have another?"

Sighing dramatically, Emily replied, "I have no idea, but just be glad she wasn't the first-born because then she'd probably have been an only child!"

Laughing, Alex walked over to where his wife was swinging gently on an old playground set, holding a twin in each arm. Emily watched them for a moment; then reminding herself that the guests would soon arrive, she turned to go back into the house.

Entering the kitchen, she saw Jordy trying to balance a large stack of plates and glasses. "Jordy, set some of those down! You don't have to do it all in one trip, you know."

"Sorry, Mom," her youngest piped up, as he gingerly set some of his load back on the table.

Emily shook her head as he trotted off, and then turned to cleaning and slicing the raw vegetables for the salad. She glanced out her window, watching as Gordon emerged from the basement walkout, carefully carrying a large covered punch bowl.

She smiled fondly at the sight. Gordon's punch was traditional at family dinners, but he never revealed exactly what he put in it. She was content to leave the making of it in his hands as it took one more item off her to-do list.

Swiftly washing and slicing tomatoes, she thought of Terry's new friends. She hadn't been exaggerating when she'd told Alex that she hadn't seen Terry this excited in a long time, and she was curious to meet these people. Somehow, whenever she was talking to Terry lately, their names cropped up in the conversation.

Several days before, Terry had swung by the house late in the evening, practically glowing with excitement. All she'd say was that she'd been over at the Spencers, and then she'd given her ice cream request to her surprised mother. Terry rarely took any interest in what Emily was planning for a celebration, content to leave the food decisions in her mother's far more capable hands.

"Curiouser and curiouser," muttered Emily to herself, contemplating her daughter's unusual behavior of late. Through her open window, she heard a vehicle pull up behind the yard, and Jordy's shouts of greeting. Looking up, she saw Michael's Pathfinder with three people including her daughter piling out. They'd barely gotten out, when Lisa and Robyn's pick-up pulled in behind them. Emily smiled; the party was about to begin. Drying her hands on the dishtowel over her shoulder, she went outside to meet her guests.

Terry and her friends came through the back gate, all talking at once. Jordy and Alex mobbed their sister, giving her bear hugs and hollering birthday greetings at her. Gordon waded into the fray, swinging his laughing daughter in a circle and planting a big kiss on her cheek. Emily approached and Terry turned to her with open arms.

Reaching up to hug her tall daughter, Emily whispered, "Happy Birthday, little one."

Terry grinned, looking down into her mother's warm eyes. "Not much little about me anymore, Mom."

Emily stepped away, snapping her daughter on the hip with her ever-present dishtowel. "You'll always be little to me, Terry, now go make sure everyone has something to drink. Beer and pop are in the fridge. Your father's made his punch. You know where everything is."

Terry ambled away to follow her mother's directions, but then looked up as a van pulled in beside the Pathfinder and the pick-up. Emily saw her daughter's face light up and knew without asking that her new friends had just arrived. As Terry hurried to meet them, Emily followed at a slower pace, curious to meet the couple. Leaning against the gatepost, she watched as the rear of the van opened and a woman hopped out of the driver's seat and came around to the back.

Emily studied her daughter's new friend. She was a head shorter than Terry, with a sturdy, compact build. Her large, dark eyes and straight, freckled nose were framed by auburn hair cut slightly above shoulder length, and as she turned to greet Terry, Emily saw a few silver strands highlighting the front and sweeping back over her ears. She thought the woman somewhat plain until a smile, directed at Terry's approach, transformed her face and Emily saw the elusive charm hidden there.

"Hi Jan," Terry called as she approached the woman. "Hi Rob," she directed into the back of the van.

Emily heard a muffled response come from the inside of the van, and watched as her daughter hugged the shorter woman, who was smiling warmly at her.

Jan unsnapped the wheelchair restraints and smoothly backed the chair down the ramp, pulling it around so Rob could face Terry. She then reached in the back and pulled out a bag, laying it on Rob's lap. Taking a gift-wrapped parcel out, she handed it to Terry. "Happy Birthday, Terry."

Rob piped up, "Yeah, Happy Birthday, Terry. I'd give you a birthday kiss, but you're gonna have to help out here."

Laughing, Terry bent down and offered her cheek to Rob, who promptly kissed it enthusiastically. "You guys didn't have to bring me anything," Terry said, even as she began to unwrap her present.

"We know," said Jan. "We just wanted to get you a little something. I ran across this last week and thought you'd enjoy it. I know I did very much."

Terry tore the wrapping, grinning at Jan as she uncovered a book. "Hmm, 'Stevenson' eh? I don't think I know his work."

"Actually it's her work, and it's her debut novel. It's been getting excellent reviews and I picked it up for myself on my afternoon off. I couldn't put it down once I started and I read it right through until two in the morning. It's a historical romance, set in medieval England. It's already started to climb the best-seller list and I wouldn't be surprised to see it reach the top."

Terry flipped the cover to read an inscription. Looking up, she smiled at Jan and Emily wondered what it had said to bring such a soft, appreciative look to her daughter's eyes. She watched as an unspoken communication seemed to fly between the two women, and then Terry turned to her and said, "C'mere, Mom. I want you to meet my friends. This is Jan and this handsome hound dog is Rob. Guys, this is my Mom, Emily Sanderson."

Emily walked over to the three and extended her hand to Jan, who took it, smiling shyly at her friend's mother. "It's nice to meet you, Jan, and you too, Rob." She laid her hand on Rob's arm, feeling the emaciated limb under her fingers. "I've heard so much about you both, and I'm glad you could make it today."

"We've been looking forward to it, Emily," Rob replied. "Thank you for inviting us."

Emily was struck with the vitality of the man. Despite his weak, shrunken, unmoving limbs and a head canted continually to one side, as if he lacked the strength to hold it upright, his bright, blue eyes shone with intelligence and humour. His thick brown hair threatened to fall over his eyes, and she noticed Jan absently push it back as if she'd done that a thousand times. Long legs slumping to the right gave an indication of his height, and she guessed he'd be as tall as Gord if he could stand. As he grinned engagingly at her, she could see how her daughter was so taken with him.

Motioning them ahead of her, she suggested, "Why don't we join the others? Terry, grab the gate for them."

As they entered the yard, Emily saw Duncan and Karen coming around the house from the front, and Terry was quickly drawn into introducing Jan and Rob to all her friends and family. Matt was the only one missing now, but Emily knew he would arrive, or not, in his own time. Emily watched bemused as her daughter hovered protectively over her newest friends, pulling up a chair for Jan to sit beside Rob, and then ensuring they both had punch before dragging up her own chair to sit close to them.

With a quick glance over the noisy assembly, Emily noted that everyone appeared to have settled in, with drink in hand and five different conversations going on at once. She decided to return to her final preparations in the kitchen. Starting back up the lawn to the house, she heard Terry call her name.

"Mom, if you're going in, would you put this on top of the fridge so I don't lose it, and I'll get it later?" Terry handed her mother the book she'd been given then returned to her seat beside Jan.

Taking the book, Emily walked through the back door. Debating for a moment, she yielded to her curiosity and opened the book to read the inscription. It read, Dreams do come true, and was signed Love, Rob and Jan. Puzzled, Emily wondered what the reference was to. It had obviously meant something to her daughter, but it might as well have been Greek to her. She reminded herself it really wasn't any of her business anyway, and closing it, placed the book on top of the fridge.

A short time later, busy at the counter, she was surprised to hear a soft voice come from behind her. "Can I give you a hand with anything?" Turning, she saw Jan standing tentatively in the doorway.

"Oh, hi Jan. Sure, if you want to grab the steaks out of the fridge and take them out to Gordon. Tell him I'll have everything ready in twenty minutes, so he can plan from there depending on how people want their steaks."

Jan nodded, then walked across the kitchen to the fridge. Just as she pulled the door open, Emily remembered the interior of her fridge and squawked, "Wait!"

Too late, Emily winced as a bowl of precariously balanced potato salad began to topple out of the over laden fridge to the floor. Amazed, she watched as Jan deftly snatched it out of the air, only to have two bottles of salad dressing come crashing down, followed in quick succession by a large tomato, a block of cheese and a plastic container of noodles. Emily couldn't help laughing as the startled woman stood in the centre of runaway groceries looking up at her sheepishly.

"I'm sorry," Jan stammered, trying to push things back into the fridge.

Emily shook her head. "Don't worry about it. It wasn't your fault. I should have warned you my fridge is a danger zone. Everyone always approaches it with extreme caution." Looking at the mess, Emily laughed, "With obvious reason!"

Kneeling, she helped the flustered redhead pick up the escapees and tuck them back. Then pulling out a large container from the lowest shelf, she handed it to Jan. "Here's the steaks, and if you wouldn't mind, tell Gord to move the potatoes to the upper rack now."

She smiled as Jan gratefully took the steaks and left the kitchen. Glancing out the window, she saw her daughter jump up as Jan approached to take the steaks from her. She could see Jan was telling Terry what had happened, as her daughter started to laugh then nudged the redhead to sit while she took the steaks to her father.

Emily smiled wryly to herself. She hoped the incident wouldn't bother the shy woman. Heaven knows, she'd certainly done that herself more than once, and Gord still hadn't let her live down the time she dropped a whole bowl of spaghetti sauce on the floor, turning parts of it permanently pink.

Finishing her tasks, Emily started back out to the yard, then stopped short as she saw her middle son coming around the corner of the house with a thin, blonde woman on his arm and a smirk on his face. Taking a breath, she breathed a short prayer that for once Matt and Terry would get along as she hurried to intercept him.

The man approaching her had once had the same rangy build and curly, dark hair of his two older brothers, but the edges of his once lean, athletic body had blurred from the past few years of self-indulgence. His features had coarsened, and he was prematurely acquiring his father's burliness. Where Alex and Duncan were cheerful, amiable men, Matt's sharp features and light brown eyes seemed perpetually overlaid with sullen resentment. Still, he smiled genuinely at his mother's approach and for a moment, Emily saw the boy her son once was.

"Hi, Mom," Matt said. "I want you to meet a friend of mine. This is Jenna. Jenna, this is my Mom."

The slight blonde held out her hand saying, "Pleased ta meetcha."

Emily nodded and shook her hand. She was distantly polite, having learned many years ago that there was no point in getting to know Matt's girlfriends, as he never kept them around long enough for her to distinguish one from the other. Turning to her son, she looked at him sternly and said, "Matt, no fights today, got it?"

She wasn't reassured by her son's cocky grin as he replied, "Of course not, Mom," and tugged his date over to the tables. Sighing, she followed in his wake, hoping that at least Terry's good mood would prevent any hostilities from breaking out. To her surprise, Terry, who normally reacted instantly to Matt's presence with raised hackles, barely glanced up at the newcomers before returning her attention to Rob who was telling the enthralled Lisa and Robyn a story.

She noticed the frown on Matt's face as he failed to elicit any reaction from his sister. Jenna trailing behind him on an invisible leash, he strode around the table to plant himself in front of Terry. Groaning internally, she heard him say harshly, "Hey little sister, are you going to introduce me to your friends?"

Terry looked up calmly, and then turned to Jan who was watching the exchange closely. "Jan, Rob, this is my brother Matt and his friend...?"

Matt pulled the compliant Jenna closer and smirking at his sister said, "This is Jenna. So you alone today, Terry?"

Terry raised an eyebrow at him. "Hardly. Look around, Matt." Then ignoring her brother's triumphant smile, she urged Rob to go on with his story. Matt shifted uneasily and Emily glanced at Alex, who picking up on his mother's signals, pulled his brother off to the side and drew him into a conversation.

Emily dropped into a lawn chair beside Gord who had been listening intently to Rob spin his story. At her husband's sympathetic glance, she leaned towards him and said quietly, "Sometimes I feel like Switzerland between those two."

Gord wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave a gentle squeeze. "Well, at least she's not giving him a rise today." Then changing the subject, he nodded his head towards Rob, "You should listen to this guy. He's got a million stories from his flying days." He handed Emily a glass of punch. "Here, relax for a few minutes. I'm not putting the steaks on until I hear what happens."

Emily took the punch gratefully, glad that the initial encounter between her two battling children hadn't resulted in any blood loss, and settled back to listen.

Rob, picking up where he left off, turned to his captive audience. "So there we are, a bunch of young pilots out on a Parisian night, and we've had maybe one or two." At this Jan coughed, and Rob turned to her grinning. "Whose story is this, love? Okay, so maybe that's three or four. Let's just say, we were feeling no pain."

The four young pilots piled out of the restaurant where they'd spent the last two hours enjoying French wine and French food. Now they were intent on enjoying French women and they stumbled towards a line of waiting cabs, anxious to get to Piqualle as quickly as possible.

Three of them pushed into the backseat while Eric sat in the front, only to notice that their driver was absent. Looking back, he noticed that their driver was leaning against the cab behind them, deep in conversation with a fellow driver and in no apparent hurry to join his fares.

His buddies were getting impatient, when Rob leaned drunkenly over the seat and blurted out, "You can drive, can't you, Eric?"

Never one to shirk a challenge, especially in front of his buddies, Eric slid over behind the wheel and started up the cab. Wheeling out of line, he roared down the street.

Without any coherent idea of where he was going, he felt he was making fine time, and was annoyed when another cab pulled up beside him and started honking its horn. Looking over, he saw an irate Frenchman leaning out of the passenger window, screaming at him to pull over and waving his arms. Belatedly, their driver had joined them.

Reluctantly, but sure he could explain everything away, Eric pulled over to the side of the street, only to have the other cab wheel in front of him so he couldn't move. "Hey guys," he said, turning to the back seat. "I think we're in trouble."

Startled, he realized he was addressing an empty seat, and that his buddies had bailed out and run as soon as he got the cab stopped. An angry cabdriver yanked open his door and hauled him out, slamming him against the side of the car. Luckily, the gendarmes arrived at that moment, and Eric was spared any further expressions of Gallic outrage.

After assessing the situation, the gendarmes took Eric, and the two cabbies to the nearest gendarmerie. Having checked his ID and judging Eric to be a basically harmless drunk, the gendarmes ignored him while they tried to sort out the situation with two screaming cabbies.

Left to his own devices, Eric started to meander around the station. Noticing that the station also served as an interim pound for lost dogs, Eric decided to pet the nice puppies and went along opening up the cages so he could reach the dogs. The next thing Eric knew, dogs were running all over the station house, and now the gendarmes as well as the cabbies were screaming at him.

Eric's French was not very fluent, but he had little trouble understanding the nuances of the various adjectives attached to 'pilote Canadienne'.

Rob's audience was roaring with laughter at the mental image of Eric, irate Frenchmen and a station house full of freed puppies. Emily wiped at the tears in her eyes, picturing a scene right out the Keystone Kops. Jan raised a glass to Rob's lips so he could drink, and he picked up the story.

"Well, as you can imagine, the Royal Canadian Air Force had done little that night to cover itself with glory, and when they called the base duty officer to come pick Eric up, he was not happy with him to say the least." Rob paused to take another drink.

"But you know, when they took Eric back to base and questioned him on who he'd been with, he never ratted us out, even though he ended up getting six months extra duties for it. Coincidentally, it was shortly after that that DeGaulle kicked NATO out of France, and our squadron moved to Germany. Now, I'm not saying it was all Eric's fault that international relations broke down, but we were always suspicious about the timing."

Jordy, who'd been listening closely, broke in, "Is that the same Eric that we're going to see at the air show on Labour Day?"

Rob nodded. "The very same, Jordy. Mind you, he's settled down a lot and he hasn't caused an international incident in years now, though he was on the Canada-Europe run in late '89 when the Iron Curtain started to crumble, so maybe our government's been using him as a secret weapon." He grinned at the young man, who was drinking in every word.

Emily stopped laughing long enough to nudge Gord towards the abandoned steaks, indicating it was time to get them started. He did as she asked, but she noticed he turned the grill so he could watch and listen to any further stories.

Emily then tapped Karen on the shoulder and said, "Would you mind giving me a hand to bring out the rest of the stuff? I'm giving Terry the day off since it's her birthday."

Karen grinned and stood up to follow her soon to be mother-in-law to the house. "He's really got some stories, doesn't he?"

"That he does. Jordy told me he was quite the storyteller, and he was right. Personally, I think Jordy's developing a severe case of hero worship." Emily looked back over her shoulder to where her youngest son was practically hanging on the arm of Rob's wheelchair.

"I think you might just be right about that," Karen laughed. "He certainly knows how to keep a party lively. Even Matt's behaving himself tonight. Uh, I mean..."

"It's okay, Karen. I know what you mean, and yes, he is being more restrained than usual."

"Who's the whippet dipped in peroxide he has on his arm this time?"

Emily stopped for a moment, and cocked her head as she tried to recall. "Was it Jeannie?" she pondered, then shook her head. "No, that doesn't sound right. I can't remember, Karen."

"That's okay. We'd just have to forget when the next one came along anyway." The two women snickered in unison. "Actually, I'm a bit surprised Terry doesn't have one of those adornments with her tonight. It's not like her to let Matt have the upper hand uncontested."

Emily had begun carefully extracting things from her fridge and passing them to her assistant, but she paused to answer her. "I think Terry was more interested in introducing her new friends and making sure they had a good time, than competing with her brother." She then added a heartfelt, "Thank God!"

Karen glanced out the window to where the party was in full swing. "Yeah, she is sticking pretty close to them. Hey, does this mean we're not going to have the traditional Sanderson grudge match this year? And I had such fun nursing Duncan's bloody nose afterwards last year."

Emily sighed. Terry's 24th birthday had ended in a virtual free for all, precipitated by a quarrel between she and Matt with everyone else trying to pull them apart. She'd been in the kitchen when it started and didn't know what it had been all about though with Matt and Terry's eternal conflict, it could have been an argument about the price of coffee that set them off.

When she'd run out of the house to see her two bruised and bloodied middle children being held apart by Gord and Alex, while Karen leaned over a prone Duncan who'd gotten caught in the middle while trying to break them up, she launched into the fiercest tongue lashing the two combatants had ever heard. She then angrily kicked them both out of the yard, dates and all. It wasn't one of her proudest memories.

"No, no fights this year, and bless the Spencers for that. Besides, after last year, I threatened to banish both of them from all future family dinners if they pulled that stunt again."

Karen's eyes widened. "Wow, that would do it! You might as well have threatened to exile them to Siberia."

Emily smiled wryly. "That was next up."

The two women gathered their load and returned to the backyard, making several trips before everything was laid out to Emily's satisfaction. With Gord serving up steaks done to order and Alex carving the chickens, everyone soon dug into the feast.

Once dinner was done, and the dishes cleared, Emily brought out a three-layer cake, with 25 candles blazing among silver and blue roses. Setting it down in front of a smiling Terry and wincing while her mostly tone-deaf progeny bellowed the traditional song, she urged her daughter to make a wish.

She watched as Terry glanced up, caught Jan's eye and smiled before blowing out a big gust of air. All but one candle went out, bringing the expected ripostes from her brothers, roommates and friends. Terry just grinned and pinched out the last stubborn candle.

As Terry started slicing and handing around pieces, she licked a stray piece of icing off, and looked at Robyn. "This looks like one of your masterpieces, Robbie."

The large woman nodded shyly and ducked her head. "Your mom asked me if I'd make one," she mumbled, blushing as the other guests complimented her on her work.

Emily looked at her fondly. Robyn had such unexpected talents, but she was always uncomfortable when people took note of them. She saw Lisa's hand curl around her partner's, supporting her bashful mate as she always did.

Long after the cake, ice cream and coffee were gone, the guests sat around the tables arguing, gossiping, and generally having a great time. Emily surveyed her family and guests, completely content with life at the moment. Even Matt had behaved well, appearing to take his cue from Terry's relaxed behavior.

Emily didn't fool herself that it was more than a cautious and probably temporary detente between the two of them, but she was determined to enjoy it while it lasted.

Chapter Ten

TERRY LOOKED OVER her shoulder to see Jordy hanging over the bench seat talking animatedly to Rob. She smiled at her younger brother's enthusiasm and turned back to Jan, who was easing the van into heavy highway traffic. "He's really excited about this. I sure appreciate you taking us with you."

Jan glanced at her quickly. "Our pleasure. Rob's been looking forward to showing him around the static displays before handing him off to Eric for a flight."

The van headed west along the TransCanada towards the small Springbank airport that would be hosting the weekend's air show. Terry wondered if they'd even find parking, and mentioned her concerns to Jan, who just smiled and tapped the blue and white handicap-parking placard hanging off the mirror.

"Don't worry. Between this and Eric's VIP pass, we'll have no difficulties. He said he'd leave it for us at the front gate."

"You haven't seen him yet?" Terry asked.

"No, he got in late last night and called us to set things up. He's staying with his teammate at a hotel, but promised to come over to our place for dinner before he flies out. When Rob told him about Jordy, he said it'd be no problem taking him on a flight as long as we got out there early enough for his practice run, since he didn't want to take him during the actual show."

"Ah, that would explain this crack of dawn expedition." Terry grinned and took a deep swallow of her coffee. She had pointed out to Jordy in no uncertain terms that he'd better appreciate her rising on a Saturday at 6:00 AM just for his benefit, but truthfully, she was almost as excited as he was. She'd been over at the Spencers almost everyday this past week since her birthday party, and each night when she finished her writing, she'd joined them for a short visit before heading home. Rob had been briefing her on what she could expect to see today.

She knew it was a smaller air show than the big international ones at Lethbridge and Red Deer, but according to Rob there would be a good selection of new and vintage aircraft here. She hoped that they could stay long enough to see the Canadian Forces Snowbirds aerobatic team do their show later in the afternoon, but Jan had cautioned her that Rob might wear down before that in which case they'd have to go home. She wasn't about to complain, especially when he'd gone out of his way to set this up for Jordy and her.

Forty-five minutes later, they'd finally reached the head of a slow moving line of traffic turning in the Springbank exit and Jan pointed to a small, fenced off parking enclosure. "I think that's where Eric said to meet him."

She pulled out of the line, heading for a crowded field of haphazardly parked cars, and drove up to the enclosure. Leaning out the window, she gave the traffic guard her name, and after checking a list, he handed her a pass and pointed out a spot towards the front of the lot. Looking at Terry she said, "Aren't you glad you're traveling with a VIP?"

"Yes, ma'am. That I am," Terry nodded gratefully. "I'd hate to be fighting that mess back there." She gestured at the long line still inching its way towards the open parking field. She was startled when Jan suddenly said excitedly, "Rob, there's Eric!"

Terry looked up to see a stocky, smiling man in a dark blue flight suit with a bright red baseball cap waving at them as Jan pulled up in front of him. Slightly behind her eager friend who'd thrown the van in park and jumped out, she left her seat to see the man grab Jan in a bear hug and whirl her in a circle.

"Eric, you old coot, put me down before I get seasick!" Jan laughed down at him.

Eric grinned and set her carefully on her feet, leaving his arm around her shoulder. "Janene Nichole! Have you finally seen the light? Are you ready to leave that old hound dog and marry me?"

Jan punched him lightly in the ribs, and smiling said, "Oh sure, and what exactly would Anne have to say about that?"

"Probably 'thank you'. I think she could use the break," Eric joked. "So are you going to introduce me to your lovely friend here, or is Rob keeping her all to himself too?"

Jan rolled her eyes. "Pilots! You're an incorrigible breed!"

"That we are and proud of it," Eric agreed. Squeezing Jan with one arm, he reached out his other hand to Terry. "Hi, I'm Eric. You don't look at all like Rob described."

"Eric! This isn't Jordy. This is his sister Terry, now behave!" Jan chided him playfully. "Terry, this reprobate is our old friend, Eric."

Terry had been watching the reunion of the two old friends with interest, and reached out to take Eric's hand, grasping it firmly.

Eric smiled at her as he shook her hand, then he turned back to the woman standing under his arm. "Behave? Moi?? I'm crushed, Jan. When have I ever not behaved?"

Jan shook her head with a grin. "More like when have you ever behaved! C'mon, let's spring Rob. I know he'll be chomping at the bit back there."

She tugged a willing Eric to the back of the van while Terry trailed along behind, amused at the exuberance of her normally reserved friend.

Jordy was in the process of carefully backing Rob's chair down the ramp, beaming at Rob's confidence in him. He turned Rob to face the approaching threesome, then threw the switch to raise the ramp and closed the door.

"Boomer!" Eric bellowed, pouncing on his grinning friend and wrapping him in a gentle bear hug. Terry saw an expression of sadness cross his face as he held the frail man briefly, but it clearly instantly as he stood back to face Rob.

"Buzzard, you haven't changed a bit!" Rob chuckled, obviously delighted to see his old buddy.

"Neither have you, you old jet jockey. You still have the most beautiful women in the country at your side." Eric's grin took in both Jan and Terry. "I've never understood what you have that I don't."

Eyes twinkling, Rob retorted, "Hair."

Eric groaned and clutched his chest. "Oh, ya got me with that one. And here I thought you'd be firing blanks by now." He ruefully pushed back his ball cap and ran a hand over his shining bald pate. Then turning to Jordy, he held out his hand. "You must be my new co-pilot for the day. Eric Landon."

"Jordy Sanderson. I'm pleased to meet you and I really want to thank you for offering to take me up."

Terry decided that if her little brother's smile got any bigger, his face would split. She was enjoying his delight and she instinctively liked Eric, even laughing at his harmlessly outrageous flirting. Judging by their beaming faces, both Rob and Jan were basking in their old friend's presence and it was obvious this man was special to them both.

"My pleasure, Jordy. Any friend of my old wingman is a friend of mine. C'mon, let's go up to the line. We have to get our practice flights in before noon, so the official show can start, and I've booked us for nine, which gives us half an hour or so."

Eric grabbed the handles of Rob's chair and started pushing him towards the sidewalk leading out of the parking lot. Jordy trotted along beside while the two women followed at a more sedate pace.

"Boomer and Buzzard?" Terry looked curiously at Jan. "There has to be a story behind those nicknames."

Jan nodded, golden highlights dancing off her auburn hair. "There is. Rob got his nickname when he and Eric were participating in a NATO competition for reconnaissance pilots. They were flying from their base in Germany to the base in Holland where the competition was to take place."

As Jan continued her story, her pace slowed and Terry matched her, content to let the men get further ahead. "There was another two Canadians on the team, but they were flying up later. All the commanding officers and most of the other competitors from the other countries had already arrived. The COs and a bunch of brass were gathered in the briefing hut on the hangar line."

Terry was watching Jan's face as they strolled along the path, intrigued by how the morning sun made her eyes shine like dark emeralds. Those eyes were distant now, as she related long-ago events.

"Rob and Eric were never ones to arrive anywhere quietly or inconspicuously, and this time was no different." She smiled at Terry, and the younger woman grinned back, never doubting for a minute that the two old roommates had been hell on wings in their day.

"Rob was flying lead, and he told Eric to stay with him because they were going to wake a few people up. They got clearance to do a fly past but then they came in fifty feet off the deck, right over the briefing hut. Well, from what I understand, there was a near sonic boom when they went overhead and everyone in the hut dived for the floor and under tables...except for the Canadian CO who stood there calmly surveying his NATO colleagues and announced, 'Gentlemen, the Canadians have arrived'. That's how Rob became 'Boomer'."

Terry laughed at the thought of all those exalted military men scrambling for cover. It was never hard to picture Rob as an incorrigible prankster, even though physically he was now a universe away from that hale, young man. Terry nudged her friend who'd become lost in thought. "So how'd Eric become 'Buzzard'?"

Jan looked up at her friend, shaking her head slightly as if to clear cobwebs of memory. "Eric got 'Buzzard' because he had this habit of taking up with his buddies' ex-girlfriends, so one very miffed ex-boyfriend accused Eric of being a vulture. I believe Eric came out of that discussion with two black eyes, but the ex had a broken nose and Eric had the girl, so he claimed he won that one. Ever since though, he's been Buzzard."

"They have quite the colourful past, haven't they?" Terry looked ahead of them to where the men were navigating their way around service vans and onto the hangar line.

"Yes, they have." Jan paused, and then went on with feeling. "You know, a lot of old friends couldn't handle it when Rob started to deteriorate so badly, but Eric and Anne have been staunch in their support and affection. I don't think there's anything Eric wouldn't do for Rob if he could. They were roommates and squadron mates in Europe, but I really think they regard each other as brothers more than anything else. He always stops by when he's on a layover in town, and he calls Rob every couple of weeks to tell him what's going on with all their old buddies."

"Friends like that are treasures," Terry said, looking over at Jan.

Jan smiled softly and looking directly into Terry's eyes said, "Yes. They are."

Both women had drifted to a stop and stood for a moment, content to look at each other and bask in the warmth of the day and the company. Jan shook herself first and said, "I guess we'd better hurry up. They're going to start wondering if we got lost."

Terry nodded just as they heard Jordy's impatient voice. "C'mon you two. What's taking you so long? Eric's ready to strap in, for crying out loud!"

"I believe we've been summoned," Terry said wryly.

They started walking quickly and soon caught up to where the men were waiting for them. Rob looked up at them curiously. "Get lost?" he asked.

"No, just filling Terry in on some of your and Eric's escapades when you were young hotshots," Jan answered him. "So Eric, which one of these beasts is yours?"

Eric pointed at two small red and black, bi-wings parked on the tarmac.

"Those Pitts Special S-2Bs are ours. My partner Tom is probably in the hangar right now, but c'mon, we'll go take a look."

He wheeled Rob across the tarmac to the aircraft, as Jordy, Jan and Terry tagged along behind.

"I thought you guys were going to Yak-55s this year, Eric," Rob said curiously.

"Nah, we looked into it but we got a real deal on these babies and they do everything we want and more. I haven't had this much fun flying anything since you and I were beating up Europe."

The two men grinned with mutual memories, and then Rob asked, "What's the climb rate on one of these?"

"Specs say 2700 feet per minute, but we've pushed the envelope a bit farther, though not during shows," Eric replied.

As the two men got further into a discussion of the plane's capabilities, the other three walked around the aircraft, admiring the compact but able looking bird.

"Do you think he'd be insulted if I told him it was cute?" Terry whispered in Jan's ear.

Jan laughed at her, whispering back conspiratorially, "I don't think they like to hear that about their toys." Both women giggled only to find Jordy looking at them indignantly, which only made them laugh harder. Jordy abandoned them in disgust to return to where Eric and Rob were deep in conversation.

"Do you think we bruised his male ego?" Jan asked, not at all remorseful.

"If we did, it'll heal. He's young and resilient after all, and besides, he's so excited nothing could ruin this day for him." Terry nudged Jan and pointed towards a tall man coming in their direction wearing the identical blue flight suit and red baseball cap as Eric. "Is that his partner?"

"Yes, that's Tom. I guess Jordy's adventure is about to begin."

The two women rejoined the men where introductions were being made. Once the formalities were out of the way, Tom said, "Everything's ready to go, Eric. We're cleared to the practice area for nine. Did you want to run Jordy through what to expect?"

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. He might as well see the whole routine. We'll take him to the briefing room with us."

Turning to Rob and the women, Eric dug into his pocket and came up with a plastic tag. "Here, this will let you into the VIP observation area. It's catered if you're hungry and in the meantime, you might want to look around at the static displays. They've got the military aircraft like the Tomcats, Eagles and Hornets at the far end of the field, and they've got some vintage Second World War aircraft set up between 1 and 2 Hangers. I think there's some Brit, French and Polish aircraft at the opposite end where the heavy transports are set up. The Snowbirds aren't parked here, but they're due to perform at one if you can stay. Lots to see, and we'll bring Jordy back to you around ten, okay?"

With that, Eric and Tom started back towards the hangar, Jordy close on their heels. Jan took control of Rob's chair and the small party started down the flight line, with Rob giving a running commentary on what they passed. Twenty minutes later, they saw the two Pitts taxiing by to the button of the runway.

Terry saw her brother in the back seat of the lead aircraft, helmet on his head and staring intently forward. She waved, though she doubted he had any awareness of anything outside that cockpit. Moments later, she watched the two aircraft take off and angle westward.

She wasn't even aware that she was staring after them until she felt a light touch on her arm and Jan said, "You don't have to worry about him, Terry. Eric's a terrific pilot and he won't let anything happen to Jordy, other than maybe an upset stomach."

"Oh, I know. I'm not really worried, just hoping this lives up to his expectations." She patted Jan's hand then said, "Hey, I wonder if we can get a cup of coffee somewhere?"

"Of course we can," Rob spoke up. "What's the good of being VIPs if you can't even get a decent cup of coffee?"

The three of them moved off to the enclosed pavilion with a brightly striped tent covering the rear. Jan showed their pass to the attendant and he pulled back the velvet rope for them to enter.

Securing coffee and pastries, they found a table close to the flight line and sat down facing the airfield. As the three friends settled in to await Jordy's and the team's return, Rob entertained them with tales of air shows past when he'd flown with demonstration teams all over Canada and the States.

At five to ten, Terry was the first to spot the red and black biplanes returning. Pointing them out to the other two, she jumped to her feet and said, "Let's go meet them. I want to see how he did."

Rob and Jan followed, and by the time they'd made their way back through the growing crowds swarming over the tarmac to the Pitts' parking spots, the aircraft were just taxiing into position.

As the planes coasted to a stop, both pilots pushed back their canopies. Terry was focused on Jordy as he clambered out of the cockpit after Eric. As she reached him, he grinned widely at her and threw his arms around her in an exuberant hug.

"Ter, you should have seen us! We did rolls and loops and passes, and Eric even let me take the controls once their routine was done. I did a hammerhead stall and recovery, almost on my own and Eric said I could fly with him any day," Jordy bragged.

Terry ran her knuckles over her brother's cheek. "I dunno, runt. Ya look a little pale to me. You sure you brought back that little brown bag empty?" she teased her excited sibling.

"Of course I did!" Jordy snorted indignantly. "Pilots don't need those things. That's just for wusses."

The older men were smiling indulgently at the young man's exhilaration. Terry wondered if they were recalling when they'd been Jordy's age, and if the boy's excitement reminded them of the passion that had once propelled them into the air force and into the skies.

Eric had replaced his helmet with his ball cap, but now he tugged it off his head and placed it on Jordy's. "There you go. Now you're officially one of the team," he said to the beaming young man.

Terry leaned down and whispered in Rob's ear, "Thank you. I owe you one."

Rob turned his head and assured her softly, "No debt. It was my pleasure."

Terry felt an undeniable lump in her throat at this man's kindness. It would have been so easy for him to become embittered at what life had done to him, but there wasn't a trace of that in him. Standing, she saw Jan watching the exchange with an understanding smile and Terry was suddenly very glad she'd been delivering mail on that particular route, on that particular day.

* * *

It was almost noon and the small party, minus Tom who'd headed back to the hangar, had returned to the VIP enclosure for lunch. Terry was discussing the upcoming Snowbird show with Eric and Jordy when she felt Jan's hand on her arm. Turning, she noticed for the first time that Rob's head was slumping to his chest and his eyes were half-closed.

Indicating her exhausted husband, Jan said, "Terry, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to take him home. It's been a long morning and he's worn out."

Terry felt a flash of disappointment but it was quickly overridden by concern for her friends. "Of course, Jan. We'll leave as soon as you're ready."

Jan studied her for a moment, and then turned to Eric. "Eric, are you still coming over for dinner tonight?"

"Yeah, we were going to cut out of here after our show around four, and I should be at your place about five."

Jan nodded as she went on, "You have your own transportation then?"

"We rented a car for the weekend and I'm going to drop Tom off at his cousins on the way. Why, do you need something?" Eric asked.

"Would you mind giving Terry and Jordy a ride? I know they were looking forward to the Snowbirds but Rob's got to get home now."

When Terry started to protest, Jan looked at her and said firmly, "You know you were, and there's no reason you have to miss them. We've seen them many times so I don't mind passing on the show this time."

Eric chimed in, "No, I don't mind at all. Besides it'll give Jordy more time to pick my brain on the military." He grinned at the young man who'd been peppering him with questions all morning. "I think he may just be considering a possible career as a fly boy."

At this Terry raised her eyebrow at her little brother, but before she could interrogate him, Jan spoke. "It's settled then. Terry, why don't you and Jordy stay for dinner with us, and then I'll run you home afterwards."

"Uh, sure." Terry said, not quite sure how their plans had become so rapidly reordered, but happy at the results though she'd have preferred it if Jan and Rob could have stayed. She watched as Jan briskly unlocked Rob's brakes and pulled his chair back from the table. She noticed Rob was too tired to even protest their premature departure. As everyone bid them good-bye, Jan pushed Rob out of the VIP enclosure and soon disappeared into the crowds still milling around the tarmac.

"Do you know there was a time that man could party all night and fly all day, and nothing ever slowed him down?" Eric said sadly, looking after his departing friends.

Terry looked at him. "I wish I could have known him then," she said. "I'll bet he was the life of the party when you two were over there."

"He was," Eric said seriously. "He was also the most loyal friend you could ask for. There was nothing he wouldn't do for you if you asked." He paused and smiled, "Even if it ended up getting us all in trouble. Did he ever tell you about the checkerboard and the commandant's desk?"

Terry and Jordy leaned forward eagerly. "Nope, I don't think he's mentioned that one. What was it all about?" Terry said, sure they were about to get another glimpse of the hellion their friend had been.

Eric settled back, in full storyteller mode now. "Well, a good buddy of ours got a speeding ticket on the base from the military police. He was only going five kilometers over the limit, but the meatheads didn't have anything better to do than play traffic cop."

He paused and drained his coffee cup as his audience waited impatiently. "Our buddy was complaining about this in the squadron room, and Rob decided the meatheads needed a lesson on priorities. Now you have to know that our Squadron emblem was a checkerboard. So anyway, Rob gets a couple of cans of black and white paint and that night, he leads half a dozen of us on a raid."

Lifting his hand, Eric signaled the waiter for another coffee while Terry and Jordy hung on his words. Impatience overcoming him, Jordy blurted out, "So what did you guys do?"

Eric grinned and picked up his story. "We broke into the Base Commander's office, painted a huge black and white checkerboard all over his oak desk and left a note pointing out how lax base security was and suggesting that something be done about that."

"No way!" Terry laughed.

"Yes ma'am, we did so," Eric asserted vigorously. "And when the Base Commander came in the next morning, he hit the roof. He called the meathead's section head in and went up one side and down the other. 'Course then the head went back to his section and raked them over the coals. Hell, those meatheads were so mad they were spitting bullets. They'd been publicly humiliated, and within hours the entire base was laughing at them. They spent months conducting an inquiry into that stunt."

"Did they ever catch you guys?" Jordy asked breathlessly.

Eric's eyes twinkled. "No, they never did, but it sure wasn't for lack of trying. They investigated their asses off but no one cracked. A year later when the Base Commander was being posted out and we had a farewell mess dinner for him, he brought the subject up himself. Said he couldn't prove it, but he *knew* Spencer and Landon had to be behind it. He was looking right at us, but we just sat there looking like choir boys."

"Oh yeah, I'll bet that was believable!" Terry chortled, picturing Rob and Eric trying to look innocent.

"Maybe not," Eric admitted, "But no way were we going to confess. We both wanted long careers and we knew we'd run into the Base Commander somewhere along the line."

"Did you?" asked Jordy. "I mean, run into him again."

"Uh huh. About five years later he became a general and was appointed head of the air force. But you know he was one of the guys that helped keep Rob in when his health started to go downhill. They could have easily kicked him out after he couldn't fly anymore, but he'd made so many friends and admirers over the years that they just reassigned him to a desk job and let him stay in as long as he could handle it."

"I'd wondered why he got to stay in even after he was diagnosed," Terry mused. "I guess that answers that."

"Yeah," Eric said reflectively. "I think it would have killed Rob to lose the air force, especially after his first wife left him. It kept him going until he met Jan, and from then on, that lady literally saved his life."

He looked at his two young companions soberly. "He came within a couple of hours of dying one time, you know. She wouldn't let him. Never seen anything like it. Just stubborn as a mule, she was. Told him he'd promised her sixty years and he wasn't going to welsh on her or she'd haunt him for eternity. She sat there and held his hand and talked to him day after day. Doctors couldn't believe it but he recovered because she told him to."

Terry saw Eric's eyes mist at the memory of his friends' ordeal. "They're quite a pair," she said softly, and saw Eric nod his head.

"You don't know the half of it," he stated firmly.

Chapter Eleven

TERRY PLODDED UP the steps to her house, glad that the endless workweek had finally come to an end. Two weeks after Labour Day, the weather had turned cool with sullen gray skies that threatened early snow. As Terry pulled open the front door, the gusty wind tried to whip it out of her hands and she fought to close it behind her.

Kicking off unlaced shoes and tossing her uniform jacket into the hall closet, she slouched into the living room and collapsed on the nearest couch. Closing her eyes wearily, she'd just decided wild horses couldn't drag her off this couch not even for her nightly trek to the Spencers when she felt an exuberant presence bounce down beside her.

Opening one eye, she cast a jaundiced glance at her grinning roommate and growled, "No, Michael. Whatever it is, no!"

"Aw, c'mon Terry, you haven't even heard what I was going to say," he chided. "Besides, you're not allowed to say no this time because we've decided you've been playing hermit too long."

"Who's 'we'?" Terry opened both eyes now and focused them peevishly on her friend.

"Lisa, Robyn, Randy and I. We were talking this week and we couldn't even remember the last time you came out with us, so we're kidnapping you to Oly's for TGIF. We intend to get you wined, dined and bedded tonight."

Terry groaned inwardly. Her big plans for the night had included a long, hot bubble bath and a trashy novel, but she knew how persistent Michael could be once he got something in mind. She wasn't going to make it easy for him though.

"Maybe I don't wanna be wined, dined and bedded," she pouted, glaring at him even while the corner of her mouth curled up a little.

Michael gasped and clutching his chest tumbled off the couch in an exaggerated pratfall. Throwing one arm over his eyes he groaned, "You don't want to be bedded? Did the sun rise in the west today? Is our dollar actually worth a dollar? Are the Flames gonna make the play-offs?"

He peeked out from behind his arm and Terry couldn't help laughing at her melodramatic friend. He sat up grinning and leaned against her legs.

"Seriously, Terry. You have to come out with us. Your Dona Juanita credentials are in imminent danger of being revoked by the Lesbian Collective. All you do any more is hang around here or go over to the Spencers'. What's gotten into you anyway?"

Looking into his curious eyes as he rested his arms on her lap, Terry shook her head. "Nothing's gotten into me. I just haven't felt like going out lately."

"C'mon, Ter. Just think of all those lovely ladies you're depriving of the pleasure of your company," Michael wheedled. "You have a duty to get out there and circulate."

Terry broke out laughing and pushed her outrageous roommate over with her knee. He sprawled on the floor grinning up at her, confident that he'd won.

"Oh all right, far be it from me to deprive all those lonely women," Terry joked. "What time were you planning on leaving?"

"Randy's coming over around seven, and Lisa and Robyn are going to pick us up about eight." Michael stood up and dusted his trousers off. "I want you to wear those new black jeans and the boots I gave you."

Terry threw a pillow after him as he ducked through the door and called, "Do I at least get to choose my shirt?"

She heard his answer float down the hall. "Yes, but I'll be by at 7:30 to approve it."

Terry chuckled, knowing that he would indeed come by her room to make sure she was presentable. He'd lacked any faith in her ability to dress herself since that regrettable orange leather pants episode.

She resigned herself to going out tonight, briefly toying with a plan to make an early exit but knowing her friends would probably not let her get away with it. Sinking deeper into the couch, she decided she might as well take a nap while she could because the night promised to be long, and the morning after even longer.

* * *

Randy pushed open the door to Oly's with one burly shoulder, standing aside to let the three women through. A blast of noise and smoke greeted them as they burrowed into the crowd, wending their way to the bar and finding a spot to stand. The bar was bursting with the usual Friday night revelers and Terry wondered if they'd be able to find a free table.

As always though, Lisa's uncanny ability to spot an opening had them worming their way through the crowd five minutes later, glasses of beer held high to protect them. Her diminutive friend pounced on a table just as the occupants were getting ready to leave, and she glared at a couple attempting to claim the same territory. With Robyn and Randy's solid presence at her back, Lisa carried the day and the table was theirs.

The friends settled around the table and Terry smiled to herself watching Randy inch his chair close to Michael's, settling one arm gently around her roommate's shoulders. She liked the large, quiet man whose muscular, rough looks contrasted so sharply to Michael's slender, urbane appearance. Randy looked exactly like what he was, an oil rigger who spent as much time out in the field as he did in the city.

She'd been surprised when they started dating several weeks ago after meeting in Oly's, and hadn't expected it to last even this long. Since his disastrous relationship with Owen, Michael had steadfastly refused to be pinned down by anyone.

Terry mused that it might end when Randy returned to the north at the end of the month since she couldn't see her friend staying faithful to an absentee lover. Still, watching Randy suddenly tug a laughing Michael to his feet and pull him towards an open dartboard, she decided she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her roommate more content.

Sipping her beer, she surveyed the mix of Oly's regulars and a good many strangers. It had been a while since she'd been here. In fact, she hadn't been back since the ball team's end of season party. She let her eyes drift over the people clustered at the bar and settle on an attractive, older woman sitting quietly at the far end of the bar nursing a drink.

The woman's pale blonde hair was cut neatly in a bob, and her expensive, well-tailored, bronze coloured suit draped evenly over generous curves. Terry watched as the woman turned on her stool and casually surveyed the room. When the woman finally noticed Terry's gaze, she smiled flirtatiously and dropped her eyes, turning back to her drink. Terry chuckled to herself, not sure yet whether she'd pursue the invitation, but intrigued by it nonetheless.

Returning her attention to her own table, she saw Lisa and Robyn grinning at her. "What?" she demanded, "What's with the Cheshire Cat routine?"

Unrepentantly Lisa said, "It's just good to see you getting back in the game." Turning to Robyn, she said, "Hon, would you mind getting us another round?"

The big woman stood up and asked Terry, "Another of the same?" When Terry nodded her agreement, Robyn started pushing through the crowd to the bar, leaving the two women alone at the table. Lisa instantly turned serious and Terry wondered what was on her mind. She didn't have long to wait.

"Terry, I'm really glad you decided to come out with us tonight. Frankly, we were seriously considering running an intervention on you." Lisa only half-joked.

"What are you talking about?" Terry asked, puzzled at her friend's intensity.

Lisa stared at Terry for a moment, then said, "Terry, you haven't been doing much lately except for going over to the Spencers. It seems like every time Robyn or I call for you, that's where you are."

"I like them and I like going over there," Terry said defensively. "They're really great people. Heck, you met them at my birthday, you know that."

"They are good people," Lisa agreed. "But I can't help worrying about why you're spending so much time with them to the exclusion of all your other friends. I ran into Jordy the other day, and he said even he hadn't seen much of you lately."

Terry didn't want to go into why she spent almost every night at the Spencer's as she was still protective about her writing. Perhaps she had been a little obsessed lately, but her new writing retreat had spurred a wonderful upsurge in productivity. She rarely left the Spencers now without a great sense of satisfaction about what she'd accomplished that evening. At the rate she was going, she thought she might have the first draft completed by Christmas.

Still, it perturbed her that everyone was making such a big deal out of her changed routine. It wasn't as if she'd started skydiving or bungee jumping. She was just spending a lot of time with new friends. She reasoned that maybe her old friends were feeling neglected. When she started to ask if that were the case, Lisa interrupted her.

"Look, Ter. You're not doing something dumb like falling for a straight, married woman, are you?"

Terry gaped at her, completely shocked that such a thought had crossed her friend's mind. "Where in the hell did you get an idea like that?" she finally sputtered. "They're my friends, Lisa. Both of them!"

Lisa looked at her intently. "Terry, we all saw the way you looked at her at your birthday party. You couldn't keep your eyes off her." The diminutive woman sighed heavily. "I know it's not your style, and God knows, you've never lacked for single women. And I know Rob's your friend too, but I think you may be getting into deep waters here. You haven't forgotten what happened with Belinda when she got mixed up with her boss's wife, have you? I mean, it's not like you'd lose your job or anything, but you know how that whole mess tore her apart. She's never been the same since."

Terry stood up abruptly, angry at the insinuation. "You're crazy if you think that. I would never do anything to hurt either one of them."

Spinning around, she almost ran into Robyn who was returning with three beers in her hand. Grabbing one, Terry stalked off to the bar, unwilling to stay and talk about such a preposterous notion.

Making up her mind, she angled towards the blonde woman she'd been eying moments earlier. Sliding in beside the woman, she turned on a winning smile and asked, "Hi, would you like some company?"

When the woman nodded with a slight grin, Terry motioned the bartender over. "Can I get you another of those?" she asked the blonde.

"Yes, please. Chivas on the rocks," the woman said, as she shifted to give Terry more room beside her.

Terry held out her hand. "My name's Terry Sanderson."

"Patricia Wilson," the blonde responded. "Trish for short."

"Hi, Trish. I don't think I've seen you around here before. Are you new to Oly's?"

"Actually, I'm new to Calgary, and I'm only here for another couple of weeks. I'm on a contract assignment from head office in Toronto to straighten out a mess with our local branch office. Are you from around here?"

"Yup, I'm a native Calgarian, born and raised here," Terry answered, enjoying the way the woman's graceful hands toyed with her drink.

Pushing the distasteful conversation with Lisa from her mind, she settled in to get to know her new companion. The next couple of hours flew by as the two women talked about jobs, families, and the differences between their cities.

Terry liked Trish's casual confidence and easy conversation. The woman was intelligent, well traveled and a pleasure to converse with. She noticed that Trish was finding many opportunities to lay her hand on Terry's arm, and laughing brightly at her words.

Partway through the evening, Michael came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Leaning close, he whispered, "Atta girl! I knew you still had it in you."

Speaking louder then, he said, "Randy and I are cutting out to Harlequin's, and Lisa and Robyn are heading to the Arc for a bit. Did you want to come or can you find your own way home?"

Terry glanced over to their table and saw Lisa, Robyn and Randy getting ready to go. Before she could answer, Trish chimed in, "I've got a rental car. I could drop you off at your place later if you'd like."

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Terry asked, giving Trish a chance to back out.

"No, not at all. Besides, I'd hate to lose such charming company so early." Trish smiled at Terry, a veiled promise in her pale blue eyes.

Terry grinned back, and turning to Michael said, "No, you guys go on. I'll catch you later." She paused then said, "Tell Lisa, no hard feelings, 'kay?"

Michael nodded and gave Terry a quick hug before returning to the waiting trio. She saw him tell Lisa something, and saw the smaller woman look her way and smile. She returned the smile, relieved that Lisa's ridiculous theory hadn't created a rift between them. She knew Lisa had just been seeing chimera, but she hated to argue with her old friend. Giving a small sigh, she turned back to her companion.

"Are you hungry at all? Would you like to drop over to Pieder's for a bite to eat?"

"That sounds like a great idea," Trish enthused. "I feel like I haven't eaten in ages."

Gathering up her purse, the blonde woman followed Terry's lead as she threaded her way through the still boisterous crowd and out into the cool fall night. Terry held the door for her, smiling at the evening's possibilities.

* * *

Terry's hips surged upward with one last spasm of pleasure then settled back onto the disheveled sheets. Consciously bringing her breathing back under control, she reached down to idly caress the blonde head now lying on her belly. The two women lay quietly, enjoying the mutually pleasant sense of satiation, until Terry reached down and gently urged the blonde higher on the bed.

She was just tugging a sheet over their cooling bodies, when her door suddenly burst inward and an odd figure staggered inside. Trish started and gave a small shriek, diving under the covers and grabbing Terry's arm. Terry just snorted and shook her head.

"Michael! What the hell are you doing, and what's that thing over your head?" Terry yelled at her obviously drunk roommate as he swayed in the doorway.

"How kin ya tell s'me?" Michael giggled. "I'm in disguise!"

Terry picked up one of her pillows and threw it at him, nailing him in the head, or at least she thought she did. It was a little hard to tell as he had a lampshade over it, but it was enough to offset his precarious balance and he landed on his butt with a thud, still giggling uproariously.

Simultaneously, a large half-naked man skidded into the room. Randy, wearing only his jeans and an appalled look on his face, looked at his downed lover and shook his head.

Turning to Terry, and Trish who was gaping at the pair in astonishment, Randy apologized, "Aw shit, Terry. I'm sorry. He got away from me. I was trying to convince him to pack it in for the night, and while I was in the washroom, I heard him say something about investigating the mating habits of yellow thrushes and by the time I got out, he was gone, along with the lampshade."

"S'alright, Randy. But could you drag him out of here? He's not exactly what I had in mind for tonight."

Terry grinned at the big man, who grimaced and said, "Yeah, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind either." He grinned ruefully, then bent to help his lover up, removing the lampshade as he did. Michael looked at him blearily, then chortled and hung an arm around his neck.

Randy easily lifted the smaller man, tossing the lampshade aside. "I'll pick that up in the morning, okay?" he asked Terry.

"Yeah, no problem. When the lush wakes up, tell him I want to have a word with him about his sense of timing." Terry grinned, watching the two men leave as Randy hooked his foot around the door to close it.

As the room quieted down again, Terry felt Trish stir uncomfortably beside her. She peeled the covers back a bit and slid one arm around the woman's shoulders. "Look, I'm sorry about that. Michael has a weird sense of humour at the best of times and when he's been drinking, it goes right off the wall. Are you okay?"

She felt the woman's head nod against her shoulder, and then Trish said, "Yes, I just wasn't expecting company." She was silent for a few moments, and then she said, "You have quite the exciting household."

Terry chuckled, pulling the woman closer and settling deeper in her pillow. "It can be at times," she yawned. "But I wouldn't trade my roommates for anything." The exhaustion she'd held at bay all evening set in again, and this time she yielded to it, closing her eyes and slipping off to sleep within moments.

Many hours later, when Terry finally opened her eyes to a room lit with bright morning sunshine, she was mildly surprised but not displeased to see Trish had already gone, leaving a note on her pillow. After an indulgent stretch, Terry reached for the note to see what it said.

Thanks for a wonderful night, lampshade guy and all. I'm in town until mid-October, staying at the Sheraton if you feel like giving me a call.

It was signed simply 'Trish' and listed her hotel room number. Terry stretched again, then tossing the note on her side table, pushed back the covers and stood up.

As she gathered what she'd need for her shower, she mused idly on the preceding night. It had been fun, she supposed. Trish was certainly nice enough and had proved an enthusiastic partner, but she was glad the woman didn't appear to have any further expectations of her. She wasn't in any mood for entanglements at the moment.

Briefly, Lisa's words flashed through her mind, and she frowned at the memory. Scoffing internally, she pushed the thought away, and started down the steps to the washroom.

An hour later, showered and dressed, she sat in the kitchen sharing a pot of coffee with Claire. Both women turned their heads as the basement door creaked open and a pathetic looking specimen staggered into the kitchen. Claire smothered a smile, while Terry piped up, "Geez, Michael! You look like something the cat dragged in. What the hell did you do to yourself last night?"

Michael stared at her through blood-shot eyes, wincing at the brilliant morning light, then groped his way along the counter towards the coffee maker.

Grabbing it like a drowning man reaching for a lifesaver, he stared disbelievingly at the dregs barely coating the bottom of the pot. Moaning pitifully, he rolled the shallow liquid around the pot as if willpower alone would increase the volume. "How could you girls do this to me?" he rasped. "I thought you loved me!"

The women looked at him as he cradled the pot in his arms, then at each other as they broke out laughing. Michael groaned and clapped his hands over his ears, forgetting he held the pot as he did so. He succeeded in hitting himself with the pot, which only made the women laugh harder.

Finally Terry took pity on him, and prying the pot out of his desperate fingers, replaced it with her own coffee mug as she turned to make a fresh pot. He staggered to the table, taking deep swallows of the coffee as he plopped gracelessly down beside Claire. Grimacing, he grumbled to Terry about his purloined treasure, "What'd you do, put a little coffee in your cream?"

Terry looked at him acerbically. "Beggars cannot be choosers. Besides, after what you did last night, you're lucky I even let you near my coffee!"

"What I did? What did I do that you would be so cruel as to deny me the fluid of life in my hour of need?" Michael whined pitiably.

Before she could answer, a knock sounded on their back door. Pulling it open, Terry saw Robyn's large face beaming at her. Grinning at her friend, she swung the door wide in an unspoken invitation. "Good morning, Robyn. Where's your better half today?"

"Lisa had to run a bunch of errands so she's going to swing by later. You know how much I love shopping so I decided to drop in for a cup of your world-famous coffee." Robyn tossed her coat over the back of a chair and joined the roommates clustered around the table.

"Good luck on the coffee," Michael grumbled. "And I have dibs on the first cup when the pot's ready."

"What's with Mary Sunshine over there?" Robyn asked the women, jerking her thumb at the slumping Michael still clutching Terry's now empty mug.

Smiling, Claire enlightened her. "Our suave and debonair friend managed to get rather inebriated last night and now he's paying his penance, and not very graciously at that."

"Never again!" Michael moaned, dropping his head gently down on the table. "I'm never again doing Jell-o shooters with Randy. That man could put Babe the Blue Ox under the table. Hell, I think he is the Blue Ox!"

"Well, you would know more about that than we would," Claire teased him. "But we'll take your word for it."

Without even looking in her direction, Michael punched her arm lightly. "Ha ha! You're just such a funny lady."

"Where is that man of yours?" Terry asked, sliding back in next to Robyn now that the coffee pot was perking in the background.

"Still asleep. Exactly where I'd be if I had any sense at all." Michael rolled his head so he could open one eye and peer at Terry across the table. "What were you talking about that I did to you last night?"

Terry grinned evilly. "So you don't remember staggering into my room while I was in flagrante delicto, wearing a lampshade on your head and giggling like a mad schoolboy?"

Michael's face was blank for a moment, then a look of horror washed over it as he jerked upright. "Ohmigawd! I didn't dream that??"

"Nope, you sure didn't. You know for someone who was determined to see me bedded last night, you weren't exactly helping the endeavor along!"

Terry sat back, enjoying the expression of remorse and embarrassment on Michael's classic features. The chuckles from the other two women only served to increase the vivid blush colouring his cheeks.

"Oh, Terry. I'm so, so sorry. I can't believe I did that. Was your date really upset?"

"Nah, lucky for you we'd already taken care of matters so all you were disturbing was the afterglow."

"No doubt about that," Claire teased. "Honestly Terry, if we'd had any crystal in the house last night, I'm sure it would have shattered."

Terry polished her fingernails on her shirt, then looked up smugly at her friends, "What can I say guys? When ya got it, ya got it!"

A chorus of groans met her boasts and she grinned at the expected response. "Hey, you two were the ones insisting on me being bedded last night," she said as she poked Michael and Robyn. "I was only following instructions. Can I help it if the lady appreciated my efforts?"

"Oui, but did she have to appreciate them at 200 decibels?" Claire complained. "Next time, I think you should either gag your guest, or issue us all ear protectors."

"Yeah, well if there is a next time, I'll keep that in mind," Terry said casually.

The others looked at each other, then back at Terry who was studying her hands. Finally Michael asked what was on all their minds. "If, Terry? Whaddaya mean, 'if'? Something go wrong last night? I didn't really screw things up for you, did I?"

"No, Michael. Everything was fine. I mean Trish was fun, you know. She's a nice lady and we had a good time but… "

She trailed off, not sure how to define what was missing. The others waited patiently, but she just shrugged her shoulders helplessly. "I dunno. It was just different somehow, ya know? Maybe I was just more tired than I thought."

When no further explanation for Terry's unusual lack of enthusiasm came, Michael leaned forward and said conspiratorially, "I know what it was. She failed the Terry Test, right?"

"What's the 'Terry Test'?" Claire asked curiously.

Michael turned to her and grinning said, "That's to determine whether there'll be a second time for Terry's dates. Doesn't matter if they were the best thing under the covers since woolen socks in winter, if they fail the Terry Test, they're outta there."

The other urged him to explain, so he went on. "As I understand it, the lady in question has to like sharing ice cream but despise lima beans; know who scored the winning goal in the '72 Canada-Russia series; love Tolkien and hate Danielle Steel. If she fails in any of those crucial categories, she's history, right, Ter?"

"Michael! I'm not that bad," Terry complained. She paused, then with a grin explained, "I can cut them a little slack if they miss the hockey question but I am inflexible on the ice cream issue."

"So did last night's date fail the ice cream test?" Claire asked curiously.

"Um, we never actually got around to talking about that, but I do know that she probably wouldn't know Tolkien from Tolstoy." She shook her head bemusedly, "She doesn't like to read, not even trashy novels. Can you believe that?"

Robyn looked at her quizzically. "I didn't know that was so high on your priorities, Terry."

Terry shifted uncomfortably. "Well, not for a casual date of course, but I figure if you're going to hook up with a person long-term, those are vital areas of compatibility. I mean, not that I thought Trish was going to be long-term or anything. She's not even going to be in town much longer."

She leaned towards Michael and nudged him. "Besides, I was only following this one's directives anyway. Until he coerced me into going out, my big plan was to spend my Friday night in a bubble bath." When the others snickered, she raised an eyebrow and added, "By myself!"

"It would have been much quieter if you had!" griped Claire cheerfully. Pushing her chair back, the Quebecoise stood. "Well, I have a paper to work on so I'm heading over to the library."

Michael squinted up at her. "You're not talking about Crowley's assignment, are you?" When Claire nodded, he groaned. "That thing's not due for months yet."

Claire smiled at his gloomy expression, and replied, "It's due in four weeks, Michael. And unlike some people I could mention, I prefer not to leave everything to last minute and then pull a week of all-nighters."

As she left the kitchen, Michael just shook his head. "I don't know how she does it. That woman is the most organized person I've ever met."

Terry chuckled and teased him, "Next to you, everyone looks organized. So party boy, is your conscience gonna bother you? Are you going to hit the books early this time?"

Michael drew himself up haughtily. "Don't be silly. I have a reputation to preserve. If I started a paper more than 72 hours before it was due, people would think I was trying to be a scholar or something."

He shuddered, as Terry said dryly, "Oh yes, and God forbid they think that."

Michael yawned, then patting Terry on the shoulder, he stood up and excused himself too, pouring himself another cup to go. "I'm heading back to the bed I should never have left this morning. Are you going to be around later, Ter?"

"I don't know, Michael. I was thinking of going over to Jan and Rob's this afternoon, and I'm not sure what time I'll get back. Did you need something?"

"Nothing important. I'll catch you later."

Michael left and Terry turned back to Robyn who was watching her with an odd expression. "Oh, not you too, Robyn! They're just friends, period, end of sentence!" She shook her head in disgust at her friends' misguided assumptions.

Robyn leaned forward and laid her massive hand over Terry's slender one. "Terry, I didn't say anything. Your business is your own, and I'm not going to butt in."

"Yeah, I know. I just don't understand why everyone's acting so weird lately. You'd think I'd done a Jekyll and Hyde or something. I haven't changed. I've just made some new friends and they're terrific people. It's not like I'm abandoning all of you, for crying out loud!"

"Shhhh, I know that. So does Lisa. She was just worried about you, Terry."

Terry looked at her friend intently. "And what about you, Robyn? Are you worried too? Do you think I'm getting into a mess?"

Robyn was quiet a few moments before she spoke carefully. "I think that you're reaching the point where you want more than just dating a parade of willing women, and that because you are reaching that point, you're more vulnerable now. You told me once that some day you want what your parents have, that you want the love and commitment you've seen between them every day of your life. Do you remember that?"

Terry nodded mutely, as Robyn went on, "I don't for one minute think you'd consciously hurt your friends, but I don't think you'll be as careful about protecting yourself. And that's what concerns me, because you have a big heart, Ter, and I can easily see you losing it in a hopeless cause. I've known you since fifth grade and I've never really seen you in love before. I've seen you in 'lust' more times than I can count, but you've always held back part of yourself. I think the first time you give that part of yourself will also be the last, so I want you to give it to the right woman, a woman who's free to love you back. So yeah, I worry about you."

Terry stared at Robyn. That was more words than the large woman usually spoke in a month. "Robyn." She stopped, uncertain what to say.

"No, it's alright. Just don't get mad at us for caring, okay?"

Slightly stunned, Terry shook her head. "I won't. I really think you guys are worrying for nothing, but I do appreciate that you care."

Robyn smiled, and releasing Terry's hand, went to fill her neglected cup.

Chapter Twelve

ON THE SHORT DRIVE from her house to Jan and Rob's, Terry enjoyed the bright sun after the dull, windy week just past. She mused on how the easily the Spencers had adopted her into their little family, and how comfortable she felt there.

It didn't matter if she was at their place nearly every day, they always greeted her cheerfully as she passed through en route to her basement retreat. They insisted she eat with them if she were there over meal times, and she often found a small treat on her table when she went down to set up her laptop.

She'd worried somewhat that she might wear out her welcome, but when she approached Jan to express her concern that she was intruding on the couple's private time, Jan had assured her that she was so quiet they barely knew she was there, and that even when she was spending time upstairs with them, they enjoyed her company tremendously.

Jan told Terry she didn't want to hear any more such nonsense and chided her gently for worrying. Still hesitant, the younger woman had studied Jan for signs she was merely being polite, but seeing only seen affectionate exasperation in the redhead's eyes, she'd finally relaxed.

Terry loved the way Jan and Rob accepted her without any expectations or demands. As much as she adored her family and old friends, she always felt a subtle pressure to live up to the image they held of her. Perhaps it was because the Spencers knew of her passion for writing so she was free to be open with them, or maybe it was because they simply gave her unconditional affection and support. In turn, she was sure there was nothing she wouldn't do for them if it were within her power.

She regularly insisted on springing for take-out, especially Chinese which was Rob's favourite. She'd helped Jan repair the back fence though both women had ended up laughing at the less than perfect results. Several times she'd filled in looking after Rob so Jan could take care of appointments and errands.

Only a few days ago, both had told her they didn't know what they'd done before they met her, and she had felt flushed with pleasure that they obviously cared as much about the friendship between them as she did.

Rolling down her window, she inhaled the crisp, cool fall air permeated with the scent of a world going to sleep for another winter. Turning onto the Spencers' street, she smiled as she spotted Jan in their front yard raking up leaves. As she pulled up and parked, Jan turned to wave at her. The usual sense of well being at returning to this home flooded through her, and she walked up to the older woman with a big grin on her face.

"Hey, Jan. How's it going this glorious day?"

"Hi Terry–it's going wonderfully though I'm beginning to think I should conduct a midnight raid to chop down my neighbour's tree. I swear he waits until the fall winds have blown most of his leaves into our yard before he even thinks of raking his own." The redhead shook her head ruefully, looking at a yard covered with a thick mat of dead leaves.

"Yeah, you've sure got a good crop on your hands. Want some help raking them up?"

"Don't you want to get to work? I don't want to cut in on your writing time."

"Nah, too nice a day to be cooped up in the basement all afternoon. I'll give you a hand if you have another rake."

"Thanks, Terry. That's awfully nice of you. Sure then, there's another rake hanging in the garage. It's not as good as this one, but then it all depends on the skill of the user of course." She grinned mischievously at younger woman. "Think you can keep up?"

Terry chuckled. "Are you challenging me, old lady?"

Jan gave her a gentle push in the direction of the garage. "Yup, let's see what you can do with all those youthful muscles of yours."

Terry ambled off, only to turn with her hands on her hips. Cocking her head and frowning at her friend, she asked, "You're not trying to pull a 'Tom Sawyer' on me, are you?"

Laughing heartily, Jan shook her head and resumed raking leaves. "No, I promise I won't trick you into raking the whole yard by yourself."

Terry stood for a moment more, admiring the way the sun illuminated Jan's hair like a bronze flame, and the way her lithe, sturdy body fell into a graceful rhythm as she drew the rake repeatedly over the lawn.

She found herself overcome with affection for the small, quiet woman who handled her lot in life with an enviable serenity. She wondered how she'd react in similar circumstances, and longed to be able to do more for the older woman than simply help out with household chores. She wanted to make a difference, to make things better for these people she'd come to care so much for, even as she realized there was little in reality that could be done.

When Jan looked up quizzically at her continued presence, Terry shook herself out of her reverie and started toward the garage. Swinging by the front door, she stopped for a moment to holler a greeting to Rob. After a brief mutual exchange of friendly insults, she walked around to the garage and found the other rake. It looked as if it had been through a lawnmower with missing and bent prongs, and a taped up handle. Shaking her head at her equipment, she returned to the front yard to demonstrate her leaf-raking prowess to her friend.

The two women raked companionably for the next half hour building an ever-increasing pile in the centre of the yard. Finally, satisfied that they'd collected all the errant leaves they could find, they stopped and leaned on their rakes.

"You sure you're not descended from some ole plantation boss?" Terry teased.

"Oh, like you were working so hard!" Jan scoffed. "Don't think I didn't see you having fun kicking them around."

Terry grinned sheepishly. "I like the sound of them when they're all dry and crunchy."

"Me too. I really like the smell of them too. It's sort of earthy, like a harvest smell. This is without doubt my favourite time of year." Jan closed her eyes and sucked in a deep lungful of the air before suddenly squawking as Terry grabbed the rake and hip checked her into the large pile. Sputtering and pushing leaves out of her face, Jan sat up with an indignant look on her face.

Terry laughed and holding her hands up in supplication, backed away slowly. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. That pile was just screaming for someone to jump in it."

"Uh huh, and you figured that someone should be me, eh?" Jan got to her feet and stalked after Terry with a predatory look on her face. "You do realize you've ruined an hour's work and that you will pay for that?"

Without waiting for an answer, she launched herself at her friend and, twisting, pulled Terry back into the now scattered pile of leaves. Screams of laughter erupted from a flailing mass of arms and legs as the two women rolled around, each trying to bury the other in the disintegrating pile, throwing leaves with both hands. Finally, out of breath from the flurry of play fighting, they flopped back together on a bed of fragrant crushed leaves.

Terry soaked in the brilliance of the afternoon sun and the essence of the woman beside her. She felt ridiculously happy and wasn't the least bit embarrassed that a couple of mature women had been acting like school kids in front of the whole neighbourhood. Even over the leaves she could detect Jan's unique scent. The older woman smelled of the warmth of summer past, the crispness of fall mornings and the hint of lavender from the soap she favoured.

Terry found herself inhaling deeper to pull that fresh, clean perfume into her memory. She heard Jan's quiet chuckles beside her, and she knew that she only had to turn slightly and their heads would touch. She felt Jan push herself up on one elbow and lean over her. Looking up into laughing green eyes, she watched as Jan gently brushed a few stray leaves off her forehead, then felt the light caress of small fingers as she delicately pushed Terry's disheveled hair back behind her ear.

Unable to move, unwilling to breathe for fear the woman would retreat, Terry was overcome with a longing to hold this woman, to feel her smaller body tight against her own length, to be free to bury her face in that glorious auburn silk.

Jan drew back a little, but left her hand on Terry's shoulder. Giving her a little shake, she said with a smile, "Now you've done it, lady. I think I've got leaves in places leaves have no business being."

Pushing back on her heels, Jan got to her feet and extended a hand to the still frozen Terry. "C'mon you. You helped make the mess, you get to help clean it up."

Taking her hand, Terry allowed herself to be pulled upright. As Jan turned and started searching for her rake, Terry's mind echoed with one thought.

Oh God, Lisa was right!

* * *

Terry stared at her screen, not even noticing the lively screen saver flashing across it. Deeply lost in thought, she hadn't typed a word in over thirty minutes. She couldn't stop thinking about this afternoon's shockingly unexpected revelation.

Dazed, she rubbed her forehead and glanced up at the clock on the wall. She shook her head at how little time had actually gone by since her world had been stood on end. Was it really only an hour since all the pieces had fallen into place, and she discovered that place could never be hers?

Contritely she recalled Robyn's words from that morning and how she'd brushed them off. Her friends could still be wrong, couldn't they? Maybe she was just imagining things simply because everyone else seemed to be seeing things.

She closed her eyes and allowed the memory of how she'd felt surface, recalling the glorious feeling of Jan's body squirming under hers as they wrestled in the leaves and how those sparkling, laughing eyes had enraptured her.

Terry shook her head, denying her own fleeting hope that she'd imagined her feelings. No, touching that woman, even in play with layers of warm clothing between them, had been the most erotic experience of her life.

Just lust? She pondered that hopefully. After all, Jan was an attractive woman. Not her usual type certainly, but perhaps she was just reacting to normal stimuli.

Terry rejected that immediately as she compared what she'd felt during the brief leaf fight to her encounter with Trish the night before. Trish had only been about sex. Jan was about so much more that Terry was having problems fathoming the depth of what she was feeling.

She'd never in her life been as completely overwhelmed as she had on that leaf-strewn lawn. Ruefully, she imagined Robyn and Lisa having the last laugh, but had to acknowledge that in reality they would hurt almost as much as she did for her impossible situation.

It was impossible, right? She shook her head firmly. Of course it was. Jan was happily married to a husband she was devoted to. She'd be shocked if she knew what Terry was feeling. Besides, whatever she felt for Jan, she'd never step between her two friends. Even if Jan could be interested in her, Terry would never hurt Rob so terribly. She only had to look at him to see that his whole world revolved around his wife. Without her, he'd be condemned to the unimaginable loneliness of a permanent care facility.

Okay, so how to handle it? Well, she certainly wasn't going to act on it or let Jan know, that much was for sure. Terry knew she couldn't order her heart to stop caring but maybe by ignoring it as much as possible, this fresh new love would wilt from neglect.

She groaned softly and dropped her head in her hands. The only way this powerful feeling, this insatiable craving to gather that woman into her arms and merge their bodies in passion was ever going to vanish was if she moved to the other side of the country for the next three decades.

I wonder if they take Protestant nuns? She snorted at the instant mental image of herself in wimple and sackcloth. Oh yeah, throw me in an exclusive community of women, that'll help!

A chuckle came from the doorway and Terry's head jerked up to see Jan leaning against the doorframe watching her. Her heart rate instantly doubled and her breath caught as every part of her body took note of the woman looking at her with twinkling eyes.

"Do you always go through such agonies when you're writing?" the older woman asked with amusement.

"Uh, I was just, um, thinking," Terry said, flustered at her reaction and wondering how long Jan had been watching her.

"Yes, I could tell. I hope you haven't hit writer's block or anything. You sure seemed lost in a world of your own."

Terry blushed as she recalled the world she'd been lost in, a world of soft, silky skin, deep auburn hair, laughing green eyes and a scent she could pick out in a crowd of thousands.

"Just working out some details before I start the next chapter. Saves a lot of rewriting that way."

"Uh huh. Well judging by that very attractive shade you're wearing, I'm guessing this must be one of 'those' scenes," Jan kidded her, ambling toward Terry and leaning over her to peek at the uninformative screen. "Care to share the details?"

Terry fought to stop herself from leaning back into the woman hovering over her shoulder. Strenuously trying to recover her absent composure, she turned in her chair to regard the redhead, grateful that Jan had stepped back a couple of steps. "No, nothing like that. Was there something you wanted?"

"Yes, I just wanted to check and see if you'd have dinner with us tonight. After all, feeding you is the least I can do after I worked you so hard this afternoon, even if you did create a lot of that work yourself." Jan smiled as her teasing words elicited the predictable look of outrage on Terry's face.

"I made work?? May I remind you who was right in there scattering leaves with the best of them?" Terry fell easily into their established playful pattern, grateful that she could hide her heart behind the familiar banter.

"Yeah, well, who started it?" Jan chuckled. "You didn't really think I'd just let you get away with that, did you?"

"I didn't think you could tackle like defensive back! You should come with a warning label attached, lady. You play rough!"

"Huh! I distinctly remember being pushed into that pile when I was most vulnerable. There I am, eyes closed, enjoying the fall air, and wham! The next thing I know, I've got a face full of dead foliage." Jan cuffed Terry lightly on the side of the head, then laughed as she said, "Hold still. You've still got a few strays in your hair." She leaned closer, tilting Terry's head to the side while she pulled some leftover leaf bits out of the dark curly hair.

Terry closed her eyes, feeling the closeness of the older woman's body and the gentle industriousness of Jan's fingers as she removed the last remnants of their play.

Oh God! It's too soon. She hadn't built up her defences to this woman's presence yet. Terry hastily pushed back her chair and stood up. "Um, thanks. I'll just go run a brush through and get the rest out. Why don't you give me a shout whenever dinner's ready, okay?"

She beat a quick retreat to the washroom, painfully aware of Jan's puzzled look. She was sure if she stayed there a moment longer, her rebellious arms would pull the older woman into an ardent embrace. Closing the door behind her, she leaned on the sink and looked in the mirror. Wide, frantic eyes looked back at her.

"Get a grip!" She told herself. "You cannot do this!" She breathed in deeply, trying to calm herself, and then began to pace within the limited confines of the small room. "Okay, you'll be fine as long as you're not alone with her. That's the key."

Right. That's how she'd handle it, by sticking close to Rob when she wasn't downstairs writing. Suddenly she stopped as a thought occurred to her. Maybe I shouldn't even be coming over here anymore.

"No!" The word escaped her lips involuntarily, even as the thought crossed her mind. She couldn't give these people up. They'd come to mean too much to her, and they'd never understand if she abruptly vanished from their lives. She refused to hurt them when they'd done nothing but offer her unqualified friendship.

She leaned back against the nearest wall. Hell, she refused to hurt herself like that. Am I being selfish? She acknowledged that might very well be the case, but it hurt too much to even thinking of removing herself from the picture. Slowly she slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor, knees drawn up to her chest and her head buried in her arms.

She didn't know how long she sat there, but finally recognized that her butt had gone numb from the pressure. Pulling herself up, she turned on the cold water and washed her face thoroughly. It helped clear the emotional cobwebs from her mind and as she ran the towel over her dripping skin, she decided her best course of action was to behave as if nothing had changed so that no one would have any reason to suspect that anything had.

Looking into eyes that seemed to have aged perceptibly within the last hour, she resolved that she would allow herself to stay in Jan's life only as long as she didn't hurt either of the Spencers. If it looked like there was any danger of that happening, then she would withdraw from their lives immediately. Sickened by the very thought, she clenched the edge of the sink and looking at herself firmly said, "Then it's up to you to make sure it doesn't come to that."

Returning to her computer, she'd never felt less like writing. What she wanted to do was scurry home to the refuge of her garret, but she'd already agreed to have dinner with her friends and she wasn't going to begin Operation Above Suspicion by running at the first opportunity.

She was going to have to buy herself some time to regain a bit of perspective though. She'd think about that later and for now, she would manage to pass a couple of hours puttering about and accomplishing absolutely nothing productive, until Jan's voice floated down the stairs calling her for dinner.

When Terry emerged in the kitchen, Jan glanced up at her tentatively. "Everything alright?" the older woman asked as she set out china and cutlery.

"Yeah, fine. I think I am running into writer's block after all though. In fact, I've been pushing it pretty hard these last few weeks, and I think I need to recharge my batteries for awhile, just not think about the book at all, y'know?"

Jan nodded slowly. "So what's your plan then?"

Terry took Rob's lap tray out of the cupboard and setting it on the island, fiddled nervously with arranging his dishes and napkin on it. Without raising her eyes to Jan, she said, "I think I'll just set it aside for a week or two, let the ideas percolate a bit before I get back to it."

"Hmm," Jan murmured noncommittally. "I guess we won't have the pleasure of your company every night then for awhile."

Terry laughed shortly. "Well you guys are probably pretty sick of me hanging around all the time anyway. You might find you've missed your peace and privacy."

Jan stopped ladling the homemade clam chowder into bowls and looked directly at Terry, compelling the younger woman to meet her eyes.

"I thought I'd made it clear, Terry. We enjoy having you here, and that's not going to change. However, if you need to go do other things for a while, we have no claim to your time. When you're ready to come back, we'll be here. We're certainly not going anywhere."

Adding thick slices of hot freshly baked bread to the tray Terry was still holding, she took it from her hands and turned to take her husband's supper in to him.

Turning just as she reached the entrance to the living room, Jan added, "Your Mom called while you were downstairs and asked us over for Sunday dinner next week, so maybe we'll see you then."

Terry shook her head bemusedly. Uh huh. This was going to work really well. Wish I could tell Mom what a big help she's not being. Picking up her own bowl and a couple of slices of bread, she stiffened her resolve and went to join her friends for dinner.

Chapter Thirteen

TERRY COULDN'T HELP slamming the door petulantly, as she entered her home. Dinner at her parents had been the first time she'd seen the Spencers in a week, and her behaviour had been less than suave. She'd had trouble carrying on the simplest of conversations. She'd caught both her mother and Jan looking at her in puzzlement more than once. Her father had gotten annoyed with her when she failed to rally as usual to his cheerful insults. Even Jordy had pulled her aside to chew her out for ducking him in recent weeks, and asked her what the hell was the matter with her. Operation Above Suspicion had not gotten off to an auspicious start.

She tossed her keys on the side table, and stopped to consider her options. Running her hands through her hair, she tugged lightly as if to reboot her brain. She rejected going up to her room to write. The muse seemed to have temporarily--at least she hoped it was just temporarily--flown the coop.

No, she needed a mindless distraction. Glancing at her watch, she saw it was nearly time for The X-Files and decided a good dose of cinematic paranoia was just what she needed to take her mind off her own problems.

Opening the door to the basement, she could hear the television blaring from below. Not in the mood for company, she almost changed her mind, and then grumpily deciding she had as much right as her roommates to invade the TV room, she stomped down the stairs.

Michael looked up as she entered the room and threw herself on the couch beside him. He regarded her silently for a moment, and then asked, "What's got your tail in a knot?"

"Nothing!" she snapped at him, slouching down in the cushions and refusing to look at him.

"Uh huh," was the doubtful rejoinder as Michael wisely decided to remain silent. Five minutes passed as Terry glowered at the inoffensive screen while Michael snuck surreptitious glances at her.

Just as the eerie theme music came on, Terry threw back her head and yelled wordlessly. Michael regarded her with a grin. "Feel better now?" he asked.

Sheepishly, Terry nodded her head. Turning sideways to face him, she punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Sorry, Michael. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

He shrugged. "What are friends for? Want to tell me what's bugging you?"

Behind his light tone, she could detect real concern. She hesitated, but then said, "Nothing really. Just been one of those weeks, you know? And then tonight at Mom and Dad's, I couldn't seem to do anything right. Now I've got everyone mad at me."

Affectionate eyes regarded her gently. "I'm not mad at you."

Terry breathed out a sigh. "Yeah, and thank you for that. Dunno what I'd do if I was in your bad books too."

She leaned sideways and rested her head against his shoulder as he reached an arm around her to pull her closer. They sat quietly watching the show together, and then Michael spoke softly.

"If you do want to talk about anything, you know I'm always here for you, right?"

"I know, Michael. Thank you."

She gave him a half-hug, grateful for his steadfast friendship. She knew she could tell him about her newly discovered feelings for Jan and he would listen non-judgmentally, but she also knew he would try to talk her out of them which was looking more and more like a hopeless proposition.

It wasn't like she hadn't done the same thing over the last week. She'd reasoned and argued with herself endlessly while she walked her route each day, and in the quiet of her garret each night. No amount of logic had made a dent, nor had her absence from the Spencer household dimmed her feelings in the slightest.

Seeing Jan tonight at her parents' house, her throat had closed, quivers racked her knees and dizziness had swept over her. She'd covered by bolting to the kitchen on some pretext until she got her rebellious body under control. At this rate, she thought ruefully, I'm going to have to start carrying smelling salts.

Terry and Michael sat in amiable companionship as the television drew them deeper into the current conspiracy arc. Suddenly the phone rang loudly beside them, and they both jumped. Laughing at their mutual reaction, Michael reached over his side of the couch and grabbed the receiver.

"Hello," he said casually as Terry pulled away a little, stretching out tired limbs. She returned her attention to the screen, only to look back when Michael sat bolt upright and assumed a more formal tone.

"Oh, hello Dad. It's nice to hear from you. How's Mother?"

Terry could see Michael assume the posture of the Seaton scion his parents had raised him to be. She couldn't help grinning at the contrast to his usual easy-going slouch, but then her grin faded as Michael turned distinctly pale.

"Of course, Dad. I'll be delighted to see you both. Shall I pick you up at the airport then, or will you be taking a limo to your hotel?" Michael listened for a moment, and then continued, "That sounds fine. I'll see you once you're settled in and we can go out for dinner. I'll be looking forward to your call."

Terry watched as her friend reached out a shaky hand and hung the phone up. She waited for him to say something, and when he didn't, she finally nudged him. "Folks coming for a visit?"

He turned an anguished face towards her, then jumped up and started walking jerkily back and forth.

"Oh God, Terry! What am I gonna do? Dad's got a two-day conference this week and they're flying in from Toronto tomorrow. Mother's coming along so they can both have a visit with me. Why would they do that? They never come to Calgary. Ever! Ohgodohgodohgod!"

If Michael hadn't been so obviously upset, Terry would have laughed at him, but she'd never seen the usually debonaire young man so agitated. He was making her dizzy and she finally grabbed his arm, hauling him back to the couch.

"Michael! Get a hold of yourself. What's the big deal? So your parents are going to drop in for a visit. So what? It's only for a couple of days. I'm looking forward to meeting them."

Michael stared at her like she'd just started spewing pea soup. "Are you nuts?" he demanded. "The Seatons never leave Toronto except on holidays and errands of doom. If they're coming to see me, disaster is imminent!"

"Oh now you're being neurotic. Your father has a business trip and your mom's coming along to see her son. What's so ominous about that?"

"Dad does not do business trips to anywhere other than New York or London. He leaves national trips to his minions. Nope, if they're coming out here, it's to drop some kind of bomb on me." Michael stopped, and then gasped. "I know what it is! They're going to start pressuring me to get engaged."

"They're what?!" Terry sputtered in disbelief. "Are you telling me that they don't know you're not the, um, 'marrying' kind? You never told me that!"

Michael dropped his head in his hands, the picture of abject misery. "I know. It was a little hard to 'fess up that I was too gutless to tell them. They're expecting me to carry on the family name and they think I've sort of got an arrangement with this old friend of the family."

Terry gaped at him. "Um, Michael, are you sure they don't know? I mean, it's not like you're a flaming queen or anything, but you're not exactly..."

She trailed off, not sure how to tell him his orientation was apparent for anyone with eyes to see.

Michael turned his head sideways, eyeing her from within cupped hands. He gave a small rueful grin and said, "Yeah, well, parents tend to only see what they want to see, and when I'm around them, I do try and live up to their image of me. Besides there was always Patsy around to divert suspicion."

"Patsy? Who's she? Your beard?" Terry asked quizzically, unable to picture Michael romantically involved with a woman.

"I suppose in a way, but really she was just an old friend. Our fathers were business associates, our mothers were friends, we lived in the same neighbourhood, and we've been pals for as long as I can remember."

"Well surely she must know then, Michael. She's not expecting a proposal, is she?"

Michael winced. "Patsy's lived a very cloistered life, Ter. I'm not sure she even knows there are alternative lifestyles." He groaned. "It was just easier to let her and everyone else assume we had an 'understanding'. I knew she wouldn't push me while I was in school and it took the pressure off me not seeing other women, ya know?"

Terry nodded sympathetically. She could see how it happened, but if that was what the senior Seatons were coming out here about, her friend was about to do some fancy stepping to get around parental expectations. Since Michael was an only child, they clearly expected him to carry on the family dynasty and it was going to be sticky to say the least when they found out he had no interest in doing so. Suddenly a thought occurred to her.

"Michael, you're not going to do something stupid like go through with this, are you?"

When dead silence met her question, her eyes widened. "Michael, you can't do that, not to yourself, and not to Patsy. It's not fair to either of you."

"Wouldn't be the first time it happened," he mumbled miserably.

Her own problems now long forgotten in the midst of her friend's startling revelations, Terry shook her head at the predicament he was in. Never having hidden her sexuality from her family, she found it difficult to accept that Michael might be forced into a loveless marriage by unwitting parents. Wracking her brain, she tried to find a way out for him, only to start in surprise as he suddenly bolted upright. "Ohmigawd! What if they want to see my room while they're here?" Michael blurted.

He jumped over the couch and dashed for his room. The next thing Terry heard was paper being ripped from his walls and she knew his beloved Brad Pitt poster had just bitten the dust. As she heard a second long rip, she winced. Aw, not the James Dean poster too! She shook her head and looked up as he appeared in his doorway holding the remains of two large posters.

"I don't suppose you could have just taken them down carefully and let me store them for you until they left?" she remarked dryly.

Michael looked down at the paper hanging in strips from his hands. "Aw, shit!"

At the look of stunned desolation on her friend's face, Terry couldn't maintain a poker face any longer. Despite the looming family crisis, it felt good to release all the strain of the past week in gales of laughter.

After a moment, Michael joined her, ruefully chuckling at his own overreaction. Finally he choked out, "You don't think they'll inspect my underwear drawer, do you?"

"You mean the pink silk boxers? I dunno, Michael. You might want to invest in some butch flannels for the occasion." Terry stopped, looked at Michael, and then howled with renewed laughter at the thought. Helplessly the two leaned against each other, until Michael quieted and asked, "God, Terry. What am I going to do?"

Sobering, Terry sat up and took Michael's hand. She couldn't think of an answer, and hoped that her unspoken support would be enough for the moment. After long moments of silence, she said, "Why don't we wait until we see what exactly they want and take it from there, okay?"

Michael nodded wordlessly, appearing to accept the wisdom of that course, but Terry noted the unusual lines of worry on his face and gripped his hand tighter.

* * *

"What time are they supposed to get here?" Terry asked a nervously pacing Michael.

"Their flight arrives at six-thirty and by the time they get to their hotel, it'll probably be close to eight or so."

"Then you've got lots of time yet. Why don't you sit down before you wear a hole in the rug?"

Michael sighed, but finally stopped and dropped into the nearest chair. He tugged on his dark blue pants until they hung properly, and then flicked bits of lint off his gray tweed blazer. As his hands drifted to his muted silk tie, tugging and adjusting its perfect knot, Terry shook her head. Who needs windmills? She mused. This boy is putting out enough nervous energy to power the entire province all on his own.

Trying to distract Michael, she asked, "So how much have you told your parents about your life out here?"

He blinked at her absently. "Oh you know, stuff about sharing a house with you two, how my studies are going, shows I've seen and concerts I've gone to."

He paused and a genuine smile crossed his lips. "Mom used to take me to Roy Thompson and Massey Hall all the time when I was a kid and we had season tickets for the TSO. I miss that, you know?"

He glanced almost shyly at Terry, who smiled. Michael rarely spoke of his life back in Toronto, and even less of his family. "Didn't your Dad go along with you?" she asked, wanting to keep him talking.

He snorted. "Not likely! Dad was only interested in business and golf. I think he was glad when I was old enough to go with Mom so she stopped trying to drag him with her. But Mom and I used to make a really big deal of it. We'd go out for dinner, all dressed up to the nines, and she'd always talk to me like another adult, never like I was an annoying kid. Once we got to the Hall, we'd both get lost in the music, and when we got home, we'd spend hours talking about what we'd just heard."

"She sounds pretty special, Michael," Terry observed softly.

He nodded slowly, studying his hands. "She is. Actually, in his own way, my Dad's a pretty decent fellow too."

"Are you sure they wouldn't understand, Michael? Maybe you should just..."

Michael cut her off abruptly. "No, you don't get it. My father's views are very, very conservative. I can remember sitting at the dinner table, listening to him rave about 'those damned Liberals' in Ottawa, and the way the Charter of Rights was going to be the ruin of the country. Shortly after I figured out for myself that I was gay, there was a scandal at his company when a senior VP was found to be cheating on his wife with a man. Hell, Ter. You'd have thought the world was going to come crumbling down the way he ranted and railed. It was all he talked about for a whole month, and I'm pretty sure he was instrumental in getting the man to 'retire' for the good of the company."

"Okay, maybe your father wouldn't be receptive, but what about your mother?"

"Well, Mom's no doormat, that's for sure. She's never let Dad make up her mind for her in her life, but I think in this case, she'd probably agree with him. I'm pretty sure she's looking forward to grandchildren one day."

He stopped and looked up at an attentive Terry with sad eyes. "We were really close when I was growing up. I don't want to sound like a cliché, but Mom and I were the best of friends back then."

"So what happened, Michael?"

"When I was sixteen, I fell in love for the first time. He was a classmate at my private school. Once I accepted my feelings for him, I understood that a divide had opened between my parents and I--one that I realized couldn't be crossed. I knew that what I felt, what I was, wouldn't be acceptable to them at all, so I just withdrew into myself. I doubt Dad even noticed, but Mom did. She didn't understand it of course, but I know she sensed it. I would catch her looking at me, like she was trying to figure me out, but I'm sure she wrote it off to normal teenage angst. It became easier for both of us to just stay in separate worlds, and only meet on neutral ground."

Terry contemplated this surprising insight into her friend's life. "That's really sad, Michael. I wish it had been easier for you."

He laughed with no hint of humour. "Yeah well, we can't all have Emily and Gord for parents, can we?"

Terry started to reply, then looked over Michael's shoulders out the front window. "Uh, Michael, did you say you were expecting them in around eight?"

"Yeah," he muttered, still staring at his highly polished footwear. "Why?"

"Because a black limo just pulled up in front of our house, and I don't think its Claire."

Michael blanched, then whirled to look out the window. "It's them! They're early! I'm not ready. I can't do this. Maybe you could tell them..."

Terry grabbed her friend, and pulled him into a tight hug until he calmed down a little. Then she ran a quick hand over his hair, smoothing it into place and nudged him towards the front door. Looking back over his shoulder, he asked her pleadingly, "You'll hang around, won't you?"

She nodded her assent, just as the front doorbell rang. Michael straightened his shoulders then reached for the doorknob to allow his parents into his world.

As the door swung open, Terry had a quick impression of a very large man standing there. As Michael moved aside to let his parents in, she saw the man extend his hand and shake Michael's vigorously while greeting him in a loud baritone and clapping him on the shoulder.

Michael's father was a tall, burly man, in a sharp, well-cut, navy blue suit, with penetrating gray eyes and a monk like fringe of incongruously curly hair. James Seaton wouldn't have looked out of place on a football field, and she had a hunch part of his business success was due to his intimidating size and manner.

A slender woman moved quietly up behind him and waited for her turn to greet their son. Terry smiled to herself. There was certainly no doubt which parent Michael took after. The woman's slight build, delicate features and intelligent, deep blue eyes were the feminine incarnation of her son. Unlike her husband, the woman cast formality aside and wrapped her son in a warm hug, releasing him only to arm's length in order to cast a maternal eye over him.

"I'm glad to see you're not wasting away out here, Michael," she declared, in the time-honoured fashion of mothers convinced their offspring will starve once they fly the nest.

"Aw, Mom," Michael groaned. "You know I can cook. Heck, I can even sew a button on if I have to."

Terry stifled a snort of laughter, thinking of last Halloween when Michael had created hand-sewn costumes for both of them from his own original patterns. Yes, her friend could definitely sew but he'd probably prefer she didn't bring that fact up right now.

The older woman glanced over her son's shoulder and chided him gently, "Michael, where are your manners? Aren't you going to make introductions?"

Terry stepped forward, as Michael turned and reached out a hand to her. "Mom, Dad, this is one of my very best friends and roommates, Terry Sanderson. Terry, these are my parents, James and Elizabeth Seaton."

Terry held out her hand politely. "I'm pleased to finally meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Seaton."

James Seaton enveloped her hand in a firm grip, giving it a quick shake before releasing it and eyeing her intently. Elizabeth Seaton smiled at Terry, taking the younger woman's hand in both of hers.

"We've heard so much about you, Terry. I've always been very glad that my son has such a good friend out here."

Turning to Michael, Elizabeth took his arm and directed him into the living room. "Why don't we make ourselves comfortable, dear?"

James and Terry followed, and sat in chairs flanking the couch where mother and son had settled.

"I thought you weren't getting in until later," Michael began, focusing on his mother.

"We hadn't planned to, darling, but then an opportunity came up for us to catch a ride with Edward in his private plane. You remember Edward Bell, your father's senior partner, don't you, Michael?"

When Michael nodded his recollection, his father chimed in. "Ed's daughter is having some kind of problem out in Vancouver and he had to fly out to straighten matters around, so he offered to drop us off en route. It was a lot more convenient and got us here early enough so I was able to arrange an advance meeting with a client. I'll have to leave for that in an hour or so."

"Are you talking about Christy Bell, Dad? I knew her. She was a couple of years ahead of me in school. What kind of trouble is she in? I hope it's not serious."

James snorted. "If it is, Ed will get it cleared up. He didn't want to go into it, but from what I understood, the silly girl went and got in with a bad crowd. He's going to bring her back to Toronto as quickly as he can wrap up her affairs there. Should never have let her go to that crackpot university in the first place."

Terry and Michael exchanged a quick sympathetic glance for the hapless Christy, and then Terry noticed Elizabeth watching their byplay with interest.

"Uh, can I offer you some coffee?" Terry asked hastily.

"Tea would be lovely, if you have some, dear," Elizabeth answered graciously. "But please don't go to any trouble."

"No trouble at all," Terry assured her, and stood up to make her exit.

Michael jumped up too, saying, "I think I'd better give her a hand. Terry's not allowed in the kitchen alone for all of our sakes." He grinned at Terry's look of chagrin. "You know it's true, Ter. Who was responsible for half the fire department showing up at our door the last time she attempted to cook dinner?"

"But that wasn't my fault!" Terry griped as Michael tugged her out of the room. "Who knew you had to peel the stupid things before you put them in the oven? You'd think they'd put clearer instructions on the package!"

Terry could hear the chuckles behind her as Michael propelled her down the hall and into the kitchen. Lowering her voice, she whispered to her friend, "Besides, I didn't see you complaining about men in uniform showing up at our door."

She snickered at Michael's outraged expression and dodged an elbow. Entering the kitchen, she leaned against the counter as he fussed about putting on a kettle and setting out a teapot and cups. "I could have handled it, you know," she remarked mildly.

"Uh huh. Sure you could." Michael turned to her with a smirk. "Why don't you get down the tea bags?"

Terry eyed the multitude of cupboards. "Okay..."

As Michael snickered, she frowned at him. "I can find them, just give me a minute."

"By the time you find them, my parents will be back in Ontario," Michael quipped as he reached high into a corner cupboard and pulled down a brightly coloured tin.

"Well, if you're going to hide them like they were buried treasure, no wonder I didn't know where they were," Terry grinned, glad that her friend's mood had lightened. "Your folks seem like pretty decent people, Michael. I don't know what you were so worried about."

Michael glanced over at her as he continued his preparations, and then said wryly, "If I wasn't carrying the weight of parental expectations, I'd probably think they were lovely folks too. C'mon, grab the cups and we'll head back into the lion's den."

* * *

Terry leaned back in her chair, pleasantly surprised at how smoothly things had gone, and how quickly an hour had passed. Michael and Elizabeth had carried most of the conversation, catching up on old friends, what was happening on the Toronto concert scene, eastern politics, and what Michael was up to in Calgary.

She was impressed by how adroitly Michael steered the conversation away from any potential trouble areas and back into the safer waters of tales from school and of his roommates. Even his posture and bearing befitted the Seaton scion that he was born to be. With his back straight and shoulders square, Michael easily fit the image of an up and coming young businessman in training. He spoke firmly and fluently, never stumbling as he engaged in give and take with his parents. His feet were planted solidly on the floor, and one hand rested easily on his knee, while the other wielded a teacup as if he'd been raised in fine salons, which Terry mused, he probably had been.

Drifting mentally from the discussion of the Seatons' upcoming winter vacation to the Mediterranean, Terry considered her friend's chameleon-like veneer in his parents' presence. Rather than the amiable, often profane party-boy she lived with, a sophisticated, socially adept young man sat in front of her, conversing in perfect diction with the elegant woman who'd raised him.

Terry now understood how Michael could carry off a double life right under his parent's noses. She mused that her friend could have been a terrific actor if he'd been inclined that way, then had to smile at the thought that such a choice would probably horrify his family as much as coming out would. Hearing James' deep voice rumble, she brought her attention back to the conversation.

"I'm going to have to go if I'm going to make my meeting. Listen, Michael, why don't you come along with me? It'll be good preparation for you, meeting our clients and seeing the way we do things." James stood as if the issue was already decided, while Michael looked helplessly at Terry.

"But Dad, I can't just leave Mother by herself."

"Nonsense, I'll have the driver drop her at the hotel, and once we're done, we'll all meet for dinner."

Elizabeth cut in smoothly. "Actually James, I think if Terry doesn't mind, I'll stay here until you two are finished. I'd certainly rather enjoy such lovely company than look at four dreary walls in a hotel room."

"Mother, you're booked into a suite in the Four Seasons. I'd hardly call it 'dreary', and besides, Terry's probably got her own plans." Michael was starting to sound a little desperate, but his mother waved off his concerns.

"Terry, would you mind keeping an old lady company for awhile, or did you have other matters you needed to attend to?"

Terry got the impression she'd just been issued a royal command couched with exquisite politeness. While she doubted Elizabeth could actually have her head lopped off if she disobeyed, she didn't want to make things harder for Michael, even though she got the uneasy feeling she was about to face an inquisition. Keeping her tone neutral she said, "Of course, Mrs. Seaton. You're more than welcome to wait here."

"There, that's settled then. Come on, Michael, we don't want to keep the client waiting." James started walking towards the front door, followed by one slightly wilted son. As he opened the door, a hearty voice could be heard from the front step.

"Hey, Mikey. Since when did ya get such fancy wheels?"

Terry bolted out of her chair and dashed by a startled James and a frozen Michael at the front door. Flinging her arms around an astonished Randy, she planted an enthusiastic kiss on his lips.

"Parents. Play along!" she whispered frantically, hoping Randy would catch on quickly. Out loud, she said, "Randy, sweetie. I forgot all about our date tonight. I'm so sorry, something's come up. Can I have a rain check?"

She spun the dumbstruck man around and locking her arm around his, marched him back down the path towards his truck. By the time he'd gotten his bearings, he was standing beside the driver's door, looking at Terry in bemusement.

She pulled his head down towards hers, and pretending to nuzzle his ear whispered, "I'm sorry, Randy. It was an emergency. I'll have Michael call you when he gets home later, okay? His parents are in from Toronto and he has to go out to dinner with them.

"Okay, darlin'," Randy grinned, opening his door. "Tell him from me that he's an idiot for not canceling our date but I'll forgive him under the circumstances, although I'm thinking seriously about changing teams after that greeting!"

Terry couldn't help blushing a little at his teasing. As the big man slid behind his wheel, he looked up and added, "Oh yeah, and tell him he did a damn fine job of doing the deer in the headlights bit."

As the two snickered at the usually urbane Michael's stunned reaction, Randy tossed in a parting shot. "I think that boy of mine owes you big, Terry."

Terry groaned as she leaned her head against the truck door. "God, Randy, you don't know the half of it. I have to entertain his mother while he goes off with his Dad. I think I'll be busting into that new bottle of CC later tonight."

Randy laughed, then started his truck and pulled away, waving at Terry as he went. Terry started back up the walk, drained by the ebbing adrenaline and the prospect of spending the next couple of hours in Elizabeth's formidable company. Passing Michael and James, she smiled slightly at her friend's expression of pathetic gratitude.

"I hope we didn't mess up your plans, young lady," boomed James, putting out a hand to stop her. "Was your boyfriend upset?"

"Not at all, Mr. Seaton. Randy's a very understanding guy, and I'll make it up to him tomorrow."

Terry was amazed at how glibly the false implication came to her lips. Sheesh, maybe Michael's not the only one who could have been an actor!

As she climbed the stairs to the house, she saw Elizabeth standing in the doorway with her arms crossed and an amused look on her face. Terry stopped short, uncomfortably convinced that those piercing blue eyes were looking right through her. Shaking off the notion, she climbed the rest of the way and followed the older woman back into the house.

As Terry was about to resume her seat in the living room, Elizabeth gestured her over to Michael's vacated spot on the couch beside her. Feeling like she was entering the lioness' den without so much as a chair to defend herself, Terry settled uneasily on the old couch.

Reaching for the teapot, Elizabeth poured what was left in her cup. Seeing a small avenue of escape, Terry asked, "Would you like some more, Mrs. Seaton? It'll only take a few minutes."

Elizabeth smiled. "From what my son says, that's a pretty dangerous offer, Terry. But thank you, this will be enough."

She sipped from her cup and allowed the silence to build between them. Terry found herself thinking inanely that the woman's dress probably cost more than her entire wardrobe put together.

Elizabeth Seaton was exactly what she thought a Rosedale socialite would look like, not that Terry generally frequented those circles. The calm, sophisticated woman exuded grace, breeding and old money. She controlled her surrounding without so much as lifting one well-manicured finger, yet Terry didn't sense any hostility or arrogance from her.

After a few moments that seemed to a nerve-wracked Terry to last a few years, Elizabeth set her cup gently on the coffee table and leaned back to look intently at the young woman fidgeting beside her.

"That was your boyfriend then, was it, Terry? I do hope that he won't mind me stealing you away for a little while."

Terry's eyes darted away from Elizabeth's soft smile, as she stumbled, "Uh, yeah, well, Randy's a great guy. He didn't mind me putting off our date until tomorrow."

"That's very considerate of him considering the short notice. It's always nice when our significant others are understanding, don't you think?

Terry nodded mutely, afraid to open her mouth for fear of incriminating herself. "Have you two been seeing each other for very long?"

God, Michael! You are going to owe me sooooo big! Terry thought sourly, then aloud, "Not that long really. We met earlier this year." Well that part's true anyway.

"Interesting." Elizabeth studied Terry casually. "I was under the impression from Michael that you were gay. Perhaps I misunderstood him?"

Shit, now what? You won't tell them about yourself, but you tell them about me! Terry shot mental daggers at her absent friend and tried frantically to come up with something plausible. "Uh, what exactly did Michael say to give you that impression?"

The older woman smiled sweetly. "I believe his exact words were, 'Terry's gay'."

Oh yeah, no mistaking that! Damnit, damnit, damnit! I'm gonna kill that boy! Terry fumed internally and slouched further into the couch trying futilely to escape the notice of her inquisitor.

Suddenly she heard the older woman chuckle softly. Lifting her eyes from an intense study of the faded carpet, she was startled to see blue eyes bright with merriment focused on her.

"My son certainly left you in quite a pickle, didn't he?"

Terry couldn't help but respond to the woman's amusement. "Yeah, and I'm gonna kill him when he comes home!"

"So why the charade, Terry?"

Terry fell mute again, unable to come up with one single likely sounding reason on the spur of the moment and unwilling to lie further to this woman.

"Terry." An iron velvet voice commanded her attention. "I want to tell you a little story. Will you listen, please?"

When Terry nodded silently, Elizabeth continued. "I realize you don't know me and I have a hunch my son doesn't speak much about us either."

Terry's quick guilty glance confirmed this. "You have no reason to think I'm anything but an idle, rich woman, living on Glen Road and meeting other 'ladies who lunch' at Prego every Friday, but I assure you that's not the entire picture."

Elizabeth sighed slightly. "When I met James twenty-five years ago, I was actually student teaching in Kingston. He was in his last year at Queen's, and the brashest young man I'd ever met. He was involved in a dozen different clubs, played football for the Golden Gaels, and was completing his MBA. His father was holding a position open for him in one of the top firms in Toronto, and as far as James could see, the whole world was his oyster."

She laughed then at some private memory. "What the dear man hadn't counted on was falling for an equally stubborn, and often hostile young woman with diametrically opposed political views. I thought he was a spoiled egotist, interested in nothing but furthering his family's already impressive wealth. I'm sure he thought I was a raving socialist. It took him six months to convince me even to date him, and three years before I'd agree to marry him. He proposed fifteen times before I said yes."

She looked wryly at Terry as the younger woman chuckled. "He was nothing if not persistent, but my point is, I was not always what you see now. In fact, my family had been railroaders for generations back. Family legend has it that a MacEwan was even present for the driving of the final spike, but that's ancient history."

Terry watched Elizabeth intently, fascinated by the insight into this complex woman. Unconsciously she leaned slightly towards her, eager to see where this was going.

"I won't say I don't enjoy the fruits of my husband's labours, but I've also tried over the years to find more satisfactory uses of my time than just lunching and shopping. One of the things I've been involved with for quite a number of years is fund-raising for such organizations as the AIDs Committee of Toronto and hospices like Casey House and Trinity Home."

Elizabeth paused, and Terry watched the sadness come over her face. The woman's eyes dropped to her hands, then raised again with an unspoken pain in them. "I've met some wonderful people through my work, but I've also seen far too many beautiful young men die long before their natural time."

Terry tensed, sensing where Elizabeth was going. "Terry, I'm not a fool, nor am I blind to my son's nature, no matter how deluded he is about me. At a guess, I'd say Randy was here today to pick up Michael, not you, isn't that so?"

"Uh, Mrs. Seaton, don't you think you should be talking to Michael about this?" Terry managed to get out.

Elizabeth sighed. "It's not like I haven't tried, but he can be the most evasive creature on this earth when he doesn't want to be pinned down on something."

"Boy, don't I know that!" Terry muttered, then glanced up quickly to see her companion smile sadly.

"It's alright, Terry. You haven't told me anything, and really it's not like I need the confirmation anyway. I think I've known almost as long as he has, though I was in denial for a few years." She rubbed the bridge of her nose tiredly. "I've been so afraid for him, so afraid he'd end up like those young men I saw at the hospices."

A note of pleading entered her voice then. "Please, Terry. Just tell me if he's happy and if he's safe. I'm not asking you to break any confidences."

Terry hesitated, unsure of what to say to avoid breaking faith with her friend. She thought of how her mother would feel in the same place as Elizabeth was and decided to trust her instincts. "Mrs. Seaton," she began carefully. "I think Michael's fairly happy and he's assured me he's being careful when I bug him about it."

Elizabeth observed her closely as if to read the meaning behind her words. Suddenly Terry found herself blurting out, "He thinks you guys are here to pressure him about getting married."

Shocked at what she'd let slip, she clapped a hand over her mouth only to hear Elizabeth's peals of laughter at her words. A grin began to work its way over her face, and she found herself joining in, chuckling at the absurdity of Michael's fears.

The tension lifted and both women leaned back, more at ease now in each other's company. Elizabeth regarded the younger woman, still smiling. "Exactly who did Michael think we wanted him to marry?"

"Some old friend of his named Patsy?" Terry suggested.

Elizabeth snorted. "Good lord! Does the boy think we're total idiots? Even James thinks that girl is the dimmest bulb in the box. She's a sweet thing, mind you, but living proof of the dangers of social inbreeding."

Terry laughed again at the woman's description. "So I take it she isn't exactly daughter-in-law material?"

"She isn't exactly dog-walker material," Elizabeth stated dryly.

A thought occurred to Terry. "Does Mr. Seaton know about Michael?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "No, James is not stupid, but he is utterly focused to the exclusion of anything outside the normal parameters of his world. It would no more occur to him that Michael's gay then it would that he's a Communist."

She stopped and looked at Terry gravely. "James loves his son, but I think he would have great difficulty with this and Michael's probably wise to keep it quiet for now."

The two women sat quietly for a few moments, comfortable now in their shared confidences. Finally Elizabeth broke the silence. "Is Randy a good man? Do you think it's serious?"

Terry considered the question. "Randy is definitely a good guy, there's no question about that. And he really does seem to care about Michael, but..."

She trailed off unsure about how much she could reveal to Michael's mother.

"But my son isn't one for monogamy?" Elizabeth inquired.

"That's part of it, I suppose, but it's also that Michael got badly burned last year and he's been leery of long-term relationships ever since. Still, I think if anyone can get him to settle down, it'd be Randy. I don't think I've ever seen Michael as relaxed and contented with anyone as with that oversized oil rigger, and Randy seems just as happy to be with him too."

"I'm glad. I'd love to see Michael settle down permanently, though God knows how we'd ever break it to James."

Terry grinned to herself, thinking of her own mom. Eastern socialite or western matriarch, mothers weren't all that different in their aspirations for their children.

Chapter Fourteen

TERRY LISTENED TO THE noises of the old house, the creak as Claire mounted the stairs to her second floor apartment, the ancient furnace kicking in to counter a cool fall night and the sound of water flowing through pipes. She thought about the hours she'd spent with Elizabeth Seaton and the promise the woman had extracted from her.

Please, Terry. Don't tell my son what we've spoken of tonight. I need him to tell me himself when he's ready.

She knew Michael would interrogate her on the conversation the two women had had, and she wasn't sure if it would be disloyal if she omitted telling him that his mother knew he was gay. She did understand Elizabeth's position however and she had promised to keep her trust. She just hoped Michael wouldn't find out that she was keeping such a secret from him.

Aggrieved at being unwittingly placed in the middle of this situation, Terry pulled a pillow over her face and groaned into it. Pushing it back, she stared again at the darkened ceiling of the garret, exasperated to have another complication in a life that had spawned too many complications lately.

She tossed about the bed, unable to get comfortable and aware that her body felt unusually achy. She wrote it off as a result of all the stress she'd been under recently. Finding a cool spot, she tried to settle down but then heard the stairs squeaking again as someone climbed past the second floor and came closer to her landing.

She smiled then, knowing it was Michael home from his family dinner and about to quiz her. Well, in the absence of truth, I can always yank his chain a little. He certainly deserves it for what he did to me!

A soft knock came at her door and, without waiting for an answer, Michael's head poked around the edge.

"Terry! Are you awake?" he whispered loudly.

Terry snorted. "Well if I wasn't before, I am now. C'mon in."

Michael bounced over the side of her bed and flopped down beside her. Terry rolled over so she was facing him, grinning, as she took in his now less than formal appearance in the dim light from the hallway. He'd discarded his blazer somewhere and his tie had been tugged loose around his neck with the top buttons of his shirt undone. With his wide happy smile and disheveled blonde hair, he looked like a little boy just out of school for the day.

"So," she drawled. "How did it go?"

"Actually, Ter, it didn't go too badly. We were all astonishingly civil to one another, and I even got Dad to admit that Calgary wasn't the armpit of civilization he'd assumed it to be."

"Uh huh. Any mention of marital prodding?" Terry couldn't help the little smirk on her lips, but she knew Michael probably wouldn't pick it up in the darkened room.

Michael sat up and edged backwards until he was leaning against the headboard. "Not a word!" he said, amazement in his voice. "Now what do you make of that?"

"Gee, Michael. You don't suppose they really only wanted to visit their son, do you?"

The sarcasm was wasted Terry knew, but at times like this, she wanted to hit her oblivious friend over the head. Michael appeared to be considering her words, but then he shook his head. "Nah, I'm sure there's something else going on. I just don't know what it is."

Terry had to bite her tongue to keep from blurting out Elizabeth's confidences. Instead, she picked up a pillow and belted Michael with it.

"Hey, what's that for? What did I do?" the young man protested as he teetered dangerously on the edge of the bed.

"Michael, you're an idiot but I love you." It wasn't an answer but it was all Terry was going to give him. Now however, she smiled evilly and sitting up herself, she leaned companionably against her friend. "Michael," she purred. "Do you remember that little incident with Randy's arrival at the house?"

"Well yeah!" Michael shook his head agitatedly. "You really saved my life there, Terry. I owe you a big one."

"Uh huh. Well, Michael, my dear dim-witted friend, do you also recall a conversation you had with your mother once telling her all about your roommates, and the fact that 'one' of them was gay?"

Michael stared at her blankly for a moment, then comprehension dawned and an expression of horror crossed his face. "Oh shit! I told her you were gay!"

"No fooling, Einstein!"

"Ohmigawd!" Panicked, Michael grabbed Terry's arm, and she winced at the intensity of his grip. "What did you tell her? Did she remember me telling her that? Of course she did. That damn elephant brain of hers never forgets anything!"

Michael was beginning to hyperventilate, so Terry cuffed him smartly on the back of the head. "Ow! What did you do that for?" he complained, rubbing his head.

"Because I don't want a hysterical queen in my bed waking the neighbours," Terry retorted. "Besides, I handled everything so there's nothing to worry about." Okay, not quite the truth, but there really' isn't' anything to worry about. She justified her quasi-fib to herself.

"What did you say? What did she say?" he asked anxiously.

"Well no thanks to you for the advance warning," she chastised, glaring at him. "But I sorta, um, kind of...well I told her I was bi and that Randy was just too good to pass up."

Michael stared at her in shock and then he started to giggle. By the time he'd reached a full-fledged belly laugh, Terry was hammering at him with her pillow and he was rolling helplessly on the bed. Suddenly, he off-balanced trying to dodge her blows and toppled off the bed with an indignant squawk.

Laughing, Terry crawled to the edge, and peered down at the still chortling Michael laying flat on the floor. The light from the half-open door fell across his boyish face, and Terry was relieved to see that the worry lines had disappeared.

The two friends regarded each other with smiles and the occasional chuckle. Finally Terry extended her hand to him, and pulled him back up on the bed. Stretching out beside each other, they were quiet for a while, until Michael spoke up.

"Seriously, Terry. I really do appreciate what you did for me tonight. Anything I can do for you, just name it."

Terry nudged him lightly with her elbow. "Aw, you'd have done the same for me, but if you really want to pay me back... "

"I do. Just name it," Michael asserted firmly.

"You can take my laundry detail for the next couple of weeks!" Terry laughed triumphantly as her friend groaned.

"Alright," Michael grumbled good-naturedly. "I guess I owe you that much. Consider it taken."

"And no turning my underwear pink for revenge!" Terry turned on her side and poked a guilty looking Michael in the chest.

"Hey, that was an accident! I didn't notice Randy's red flannels had gotten in there by mistake, honest!"

"Sure, I believe you. Got a bridge you want to sell me too?"

Michael just laughed, and Terry resigned herself to getting back her underwear in flamboyant shades. Oh well, it was worth it to get out of her household chores for the next couple of weeks.

Michael was quiet so long that Terry wondered if he'd dropped off to sleep. It wouldn't be the first time that had happened. They'd often talked long into the night and been too tired to move when they were done. She was at that hazy state between wakefulness and slumber herself, when she heard Michael's voice beside her ear.

"Terry, you know I don't like to pry," he began slowly.

Terry yawned. "Yes, you do. It's one of your favourite hobbies."

"Okay, well yeah maybe, but I've been pretty good recently, haven't I?"

"I suppose." Terry propped her head on her hand and looked down at her friend. "What's on your mind, Michael?"

Michael hesitated, and Terry wondered if something else had happened with his parents. He looked unusually serious, and when he turned his dark blue eyes on her, she felt like he was looking right through her.

More bluntly than was his usual style, Michael said, "Terry, I'm worried about you."

"About me?" Terry's surprise could be heard in her voice. "Why me? I thought you were the one with the problem."

Michael pulled himself up, and then turned so he was facing her directly. "Something's wrong, Terry, and we all know it. The girls and I were talking about it the other day. You're not yourself right now. You're moody and unhappy, and none of us can figure out why. It's like you've done a complete about face. You'd been flying high up until a week or so ago, and now you're this sullen, miserable person that none of us have seen before. Even Jordy is pissed at you, and everyone knows he worships the ground you walk on. C'mon, Terry, talk to me. What's going on?"

Terry slowly sat up, until her knees were touching his. Her head was bent and she appeared to be studying her fingers intently. Michael reached out and touched her shoulder. "You'll feel better for getting it out. You know that, and maybe I can help somehow."

"No one can help," Terry muttered, wanting to shut down this turn of conversation, yet desperately needing to talk to someone about what she was feeling. She knew she'd been difficult to live with this last little while, and she wouldn't have blamed her friends for shunning her.

Looking up, she met Michael's warm eyes, filled with caring and concern for her. He waited, allowing her time to make up her mind. Then he squeezed her hand and said, "Please, let me help."

Those simple words broke the dam, and words began spilling out of her.

"I've gone and done something incredibly stupid, Michael. I can't believe it myself. I mean I never, ever thought it would happen to me in a million years."

Michael raised an eyebrow at her rambling, but said nothing.

Terry tried to just say it, to push the words past the lump in her throat, but they seemed to be stuck. Michael caressed her hand lightly waiting patiently for her to come to the point.

Staring at their joined hands, she finally mumbled, "I think, I mean I'm pretty sure... Hell, I've gone and fallen in love with Jan."

Michael's face remained neutral as he asked, "Are you sure, Ter? That it's love and not just a passing fancy?"

Tears began to fill Terry's eyes and slowly, haltingly, the whole story came out. "I'm sure, Michael. I didn't want this I swear I didn't. They're both friends of mine, ya know?"

Michael nodded his understanding at her declaration. Terry rocked wordlessly for a moment, seeking some comfort in the childlike movement. Then she looked intently at Michael.

"I feel more from her slightest touch than I have in a marathon of sex with any other women. She's in my mind constantly, waking and sleeping. I can't be in the same room with her without wanting to pull her into my arms. It's like I'm a magnet and she's true north. I have to literally fight with myself not to touch her."

She laughed mirthlessly. "You wanna know something really weird, Michael?" Without waiting for his response, she shook her head disbelievingly and said, "It's not even about sex. I mean, yeah, I dream about making love to her, but it's so much more than that too. Just to be in her presence, to listen to her voice and to make her laugh...God, Michael, I've got it so bad."

She pulled her hand out of his and dashed tears angrily from her eyes. They were falling faster now, obscuring her vision and dampening the sheets. Her voice low and agonized, she said to her attentive friend. "I'm so stupid. I finally find the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, and not only is she straight, she's married to a terrific guy whom I happen to think the world of. Could I have made any bigger mess of things?"

Thoughtfully, Michael said, "Well, that explains why you've been over at their house every night."

Terry shook her head. "No, you don't understand. I, well, I've been trying to write a novel." She paused and grinned weakly at the surprised look on her friend's face. "Yeah, I know. I've been pretty closed-mouth about it. Didn't want to jinx it, I guess. Anyway, Jan and Rob found out, and they offered me the use of their basement suite as a writing retreat anytime I wanted it."

"That was nice of them," Michael murmured encouragingly.

"Don't I know it!" Terry exclaimed fervently. "Damn it, Michael. They've taken me in, both of them, and treated me as if I were a member of their family. They've been incredibly kind to me and how do I repay them? I go and fall in love with Jan. I'm such a rotten bitch!"

"Shhhh, Terry. You are no such thing," Michael soothed.

Swollen eyes peered up at her friend, searching his face for clues to his reaction. Michael looked at her soberly, and Terry could almost see the wheels turning in his mind. Finally, unable to stand the silence, she pleaded, "Talk to me."

Michael sighed softly and picked up her hand, cradling it in his. "First off, Ter, I'm not all that surprised. We've all picked up on the fact that Jan was something special to you. The way you talked about her all the time, the way you could hardly wait to head over to her place almost as soon as you're in the door from work, the way you look at her when she's around. Hell, Terry, you practically glow in her presence."

Startled, Terry stared at him. She'd been sure she'd concealed her feelings. Hadn't she hidden them so well that she hadn't even been aware of them herself until the fateful day of the leaf fight?

Michael smiled ruefully, reading her easily. "Don't worry. I'm sure neither Jan or Rob knows. It's just your old friends, who've never seen this in you, who got suspicious."

Terry hung her head again. "What am I gonna do, Michael? It's killing me to stay away from her but I can't let her know. It'd ruin our friendship and then I'd never get to see her. And Rob...oh God, Michael! How could I even think of hurting him by wanting his wife? I'm such an traitor!"

The words were sharp and self-castigating, hopelessness written in the slump of her shoulders and the tears that had again begun to drop on the sheets.

"No!" Michael said firmly. "You are not a traitor! You're simply a woman who's fallen in love. It's not like you planned this, and I know you'd never intentionally hurt anyone, especially a friend. Okay, let's think this out clearly."

"What's to think out?" Terry mumbled. "I love her. She's his, and she couldn't even love me if she was free. Jesus, how could I be so dumb?"

Exasperated, Michael shook Terry's shoulders and forced her to look at him. Jolted out of her funk by his unexpected assertiveness, she was struck by how he'd surprised her twice tonight with other sides to his normally playful personality. She listened as his voice took on shades of his father's commanding tones.

"I want you to listen to me, Terry. I'm not so sure you're right about the hopelessness of this situation."

Terry looked at him in puzzlement as he went on, laying out his points with precision. "It's clear to me that Jan's very fond of you too. Wait, I know what you're going to say, that it's just friendship on her part. Maybe that's true, but I've got a pretty good instinct in these matters, and I'm sensing something more there than meets the eye. Terry, I noticed something at the barbeque. Her eyes rarely left you. Even when Rob was telling his story about Paris, she was watching you react."

"Yeah, well, she's probably heard that story a dozen times before," Terry muttered, unwilling to believe in slim possibilities.

Michael sighed. "You are so mulish at times. Listen to me, she was looking at you, the way you were looking at her. I'm not imagining things here, Ter. I know what I saw. And when I mentioned it to Lisa later, she said she saw the same thing. Where do you think we all got the idea that something might be going on?"

He ignored his friend's muted protests and carried on. "If we proceed on the premise that there is a possibility she could feel the same for you that you feel for her, we then come to the overwhelming factor...Rob. I don't know Jan as well as you do, Terry, but my impression is that she'll stand by him for life."

Terry nodded her agreement at that, no longer wanting to interrupt Michael's analysis of the situation. "Okay, so we're agreed there, but Ter, without being harsh, Rob isn't exactly in great shape. I'd guess his life expectancy isn't that long."

"God, that's morbid, Michael!" Terry protested.

"Yes, it is, but it's also being realistic. And there's another matter to consider. There really isn't any way to be delicate about this..."

"Like you've been delicate up to now?" Terry snorted.

"No, but I think you need to hear these things, and I'm going to be the one to say them. Rob's classified as a quadriplegic, isn't he?" At Terry's nod, Michael picked up his line of thought. "So I'm assuming he isn't exactly 'fully functional', if you catch my meaning."

"I suppose not, but what's that got to do with anything?"

"Terry, it's a harsh situation you've found yourself in. There's no noble way out for anyone that I can see, but what if there is a way for at least two out of three of you to find some happiness without really hurting Rob?"

Terry shook her head in bewilderment. "What are you talking about?"

Michael sighed. He obviously thought she was being thick as a brick about this but Terry really didn't know what he was getting at. He tried again. "Have you ever talked to Jan about, well about how she handles things?"

"Things?"

"Jesus, Terry. What she does about sex!"

"Oh. Ohhh!" Terry felt herself blushing. "Um, no, the topic's never come up." She hesitated, then ventured, "But I suppose in that movie's immortal words, 'it is the age of electronics'."

Michael chuckled. "Well, you'd know about that. You've practically got your own toy store in the drawer of yours."

Terry grinned sheepishly, relieved that the tension had lightened a bit.

Michael returned to his subject. "What I'm getting at though is if Jan feels the same as you do, and even if she wouldn't leave Rob..."

"I would never ask her to!" Terry piped up indignantly.

"I know, but what I'm saying is that maybe you two could work out a quiet arrangement that allows you two to be together sometimes but doesn't take her away from him while he still needs her."

Terry gaped at him, and then protested, "You're talking about an affair with a married woman."

"Yes I am, and I wouldn't normally do that, but Terry, this situation is so complex that normal logic doesn't apply. If you found out that she wanted and needed you as much as you want and need her, is it fair to deny both of you a chance at happiness?"

He gave her time to absorb this for a moment, and smiled as she dissented again. "You're dreaming in Technicolor, Michael. She's straight. For God's sake, she adores Rob. Anyone can see that!"

"Uh huh," he said dryly. "And never in the history of the world have married, so-called 'straight' women switched sides in mid-stream."

"But even if you're right, and I still think you're out in left field here, we couldn't take our happiness at Rob's expense!" Terry insisted vehemently, uncomfortable with the direction of this conversation.

"It wouldn't be at his expense if he didn't know, and if nothing in his world changes because of it, where's the harm?" Michael wound up his argument forcefully.

"Damn it, Michael. You're playing devil's advocate here. You should have been a lawyer." Terry shook her head uneasily. She knew there had to be flaws in Michael's reasoning, but she couldn't pick them out right now.

She was rather astonished that he'd even taken that line as she'd fully expected him to counsel her on the futility of falling for straight, married women, and to tell her to stop being so stupid and go back to the legions of women she could have.

As Michael sat quietly while she absorbed his words, she began to wonder if he actually had a point. She couldn't shake the feeling that his proposal was dishonourable, but was he right about Jan? Terry had witnessed at first hand Jan's devotion to Rob, and she'd never pondered the nature of that devotion. Glancing up, she saw the young man studying her intently.

"I don't know, Michael. I don't know what to say or what to think."

He cocked his head sympathetically. "Then just relax, Ter. You're driving yourself crazy over this. At this rate, you'll end up with ulcers. Nobody's going anywhere and there's no time limit on your heart. Why not try to get things back to normal as much as possible and then let things fall where they may?"

Terry nodded silently, sinking back into her pillows. She felt Michael get off the bed and bend over to kiss her forehead only to pull back. "Hey, you're pretty warm. Are you feeling alright?"

"Hmm?" she murmured absently. "Yeah, I'm fine. Go to bed, Michael. It's late."

Accepting her dismissal, Michael padded out the door. Terry barely noticed his departure, as her mind turned over his words in an endless loop, trying to decide what she'd do next.

Chapter Fifteen

JAN SIGHED, REALIZING she'd been rereading the same paragraph for the last fifteen minutes and she hadn't absorbed a single syllable. Just as depressing, her coffee had gone ice cold before she'd even gotten halfway through it. Accepting that her mind simply wasn't on her book, she closed it and looked around.

She was spending her afternoon off in one of her favourite haunts, the bookstore she and Terry had come to on their first 'date' several months before. She thought about that night, when two near strangers had met for an author's reading. They'd gotten along so well right from the beginning, and as the weeks had passed Jan had thought they were forging a strong friendship.

The redhead shook her head, still unsure of what, or if anything, had gone wrong. After weeks of coming to their house virtually every night, Terry had abruptly stopped dropping by either to use her downstairs retreat, or simply to visit. She never rang the doorbell anymore just to say hi when she dropped their mail off, as had become her custom. Jan knew Rob was feeling the young woman's absence almost as keenly as she was herself. The worst part was that she didn't understand the reason for the sudden change.

She couldn't remember any falling out, though when they'd seen Terry at her parents place for Sunday dinner on the previous weekend, she'd acted very strangely. Jan recalled that evening, when even Emily had seemed puzzled at her daughter's behaviour.

Terry, Gord and Jordy met them at the bottom of the stairs as usual to carry Rob's wheelchair into the Sanderson house. Jordy, openly thrilled that his idol was coming for dinner, bounced alongside the older man, chattering to him a mile a minute. Gord, in his usual bluff, hearty manner, manhandled the wheelchair up the stairs almost single handedly. Jan smiled and greeted Terry warmly, only to be startled when the younger woman's eyes darted away from her without the usual affectionate response.

The evening went from bad to worse as Terry avoided sitting by Jan, found excuses to leave the room, and gave short unresponsive answers to any conversation directed her way. While Jan was helping Emily clear the table, she encountered Terry in the hallway leading to the kitchen, and the younger woman scuttled frantically backwards to get out of her way. When Jan reached out a hand to calm her friend and try to find out what was wrong, Terry flinched as if burnt.

Jordy had been following Jan, balancing a stack of dishes in his hands, and as Jan passed Terry, trying to give her as much space as possible in the narrow hallway, she heard Jordy erupt in angry words behind her.

"What the hell has gotten into you tonight, Terry? You're being a complete jerk! If you were going to be such a wet rag, you bloody well should have stayed home. Mom and Dad did not raise you to be such an ill-mannered bitch!"

Jan almost dropped her own dishes in shock, and had to stop her instinctive reaction to turn and defend her friend. She reminded herself that Jordy worshipped his sister, and if anyone had the right to chew her out for her unusual behaviour, he did. She heard Terry mumble some inanity, and rapidly make her escape.

Confused, Jan and Rob made an early exit. Emily, obviously trying to make up for her daughter's strange behaviour, wrapped Jan in a warm hug, assuring her that she and Rob were always welcome at their home.

Terry muttered good-byes before leaving quickly for her own car. Jan and Rob said little to each other on the way home, both lost in puzzled contemplation of the evening just past. When Jan called Terry later in the evening and the following day, she got the feeling her calls were being ducked. Finally, Jan quit trying, reasoning that whatever was bothering Terry would simply take time to work itself out.

Emily had called to invite the Spencers to Thanksgiving dinner for the following weekend and Jan had accepted the invitation. Now, however, she was beginning to wonder if it had been a mistake to do so. If Terry was retreating from their friendship, she didn't want to intrude on the younger woman's space.

Damn it! Jan's irritation was starting to rise. If she isn't interested in being friends the least she could do is say something so we knew that, rather than leaving us to wonder what the hell we did!

Jan glanced at her watch. She still had several hours left in her afternoon before she had to be back to Rob. She could either sit here and stew, or she could attempt to resolve the situation one way or another. It might be a little early for Terry to be off work yet, but she could go over to her house and wait for her. Then they'd have a little chat and she'd either find out what burr Terry had under her saddle and remove it, or resign herself to the loss of a friendship which had come to mean a great deal to her in a very short time. If worse came to worst, she'd call Emily tonight and make an excuse for Thanksgiving.

A course of action set, Jan stood up and headed out to her van. A short time later, she pulled up in front of the roommates' old house. Seeing some lights on, she decided at least one of them was home and would let her wait inside for her elusive young friend.

Walking up the path, Jan felt a weakening of her resolve. What if Terry said it had all been nice, but she wasn't interested in their company anymore? Jan knew the young woman wouldn't be mean. She didn't have a nasty bone in her body, but that wouldn't soften the blow much.

Jan genuinely enjoyed having Terry around, and both she and Rob had grown very fond of the writer. Morosely, Jan mused that she didn't have so many friends that she could afford to lose one, but then she braced her shoulders and decide that whatever the younger woman said, she'd accept with dignity and restraint. At the very least, she'd solve the mystery of what had been going on.

Ringing the bell, Jan drew her coat tighter around her, thrusting her hands deep in her pockets. When the door opened and Michael stood there, she smiled tightly at him. "Hi, Michael. I know it's early but I was wondering if Terry's home from work yet?"

Michael swung the door wide in an unspoken invitation for Jan to enter. As she stepped inside, he said, "Actually, Jan, she's been off work for most of the week. She's had a really bad case of the flu."

Instantly, Jan's aggravation with her friend vanished and concern took its place. "Is she alright?"

"She's a bit better today. I think it's pretty much run its course but she's as weak as a baby and I don't think she'll be up dancing for a week or so."

"May I see her?"

"Yeah, I'm sure she'd like that, though she may be a little dozy. Look, I was just making her some tea. Why don't you take it up to her? Make sure she drinks it all too because she hasn't kept anything down in days."

When Jan nodded her agreement, shrugging off her coat and tossing it over the hallway chair, he handed her a steaming cup he'd been carrying.

"Just holler if she needs anything, okay? I gotta get another load of laundry in."

With that the slender man started back down the hallway and Jan, carrying the cup carefully, made her way up the stairs. Reaching Terry's room, she quietly pushed the door open, not wanting to wake her if she was asleep.

She wrinkled her nose as she entered. The room has a musty, stale odour as if it had been closed off for months. Walking softly over to the bed, she smiled at the sight of her friend burrowing into a nest of wrinkled, disheveled bedding.

Setting the cup on the dresser, she settled on the bed and observed the young woman. Unquestionably, Terry did not look well. Her dark hair was matted and dirty, there were dark circles under her closed eyes, and her normally ruddy complexion was pale and splotchy. She moved restlessly as if unable to get comfortable.

Jan watched her for a few minutes, then reached out a hand and brushed the hair back off Terry's forehead, letting her hand trail a caress down the side of the young woman's face. Dark eyes blinked open dazedly, and then as Terry recognized Jan, a small smile curved her lips. Wiggling over, she curled her body around Jan's and rested her head against the older woman's thigh. Jan stroked the dark head quietly, waiting for Terry to wake up further.

Finally, a plaintive mumble could be heard. "I'm sick."

Jan smiled at the obvious statement. "I know, sweetie. I wish I'd known sooner."

"Wish you had too." Terry's eyes remained closed and she seemed content to stay where she was, absorbing the warmth of Jan's body. Watching her doze, Jan knew there was no way she could stay mad at the young woman. Instead, she felt a fierce protectiveness and deep affection rise within her. She'd have been happy to let the woman cuddle against her for as long as she liked until she remembered Michael's admonition and the forgotten cup of tea.

Shaking Terry's shoulder slightly, she said, "C'mon, sweetie. I need to get some tea into you."

At the muffled groan of protest, Jan firmly rolled Terry onto her back and propped several pillows under her head. Retrieving the still warm tea, she pressed it into Terry's hands. When those hands shook, she closed her own around them and guided the cup to pale lips.

Gently but firmly, she coaxed Terry into drinking the whole thing, then took the empty cup and set it aside. Terry's hand reached out for hers and Jan took it willingly, shaking her head slightly at how weak the woman's grasp was. Looking up to meet dark eyes focused on her face, she was heartened to see more alertness there.

"I've missed you." The surprising words in Terry's sleep-raspy voice warmed Jan's heart.

"I've missed you too, Ter," Jan said sincerely, rewarded with a sweet smile and a slight tightening of the slender fingers interlocked with her own.

Terry lay quietly for a moment, and then wrinkling her nose said, "I think I stink."

Jan laughed but couldn't disagree. "Yeah, well I imagine it's been a few days since you were able to shower."

Terry groaned a little. "I'd kill for a bath about now."

"Hmm, that could be arranged and you won't even have to commit homicide for it. Give me a couple minutes, will you?" Jan disentangled their hands and left the room. On her way to the next floor she met Michael on the stairs with an armload of folded laundry.

He looked over his stack of towels and asked, "How's she doing?"

"Better I think. She wants a bath so I'm going to run one for her. Will you give me a hand making sure she gets down the stairs safely?"

"No problem, just holler when you're ready."

Jan nodded and continued past him, only to turn back. "Michael, could you change the sheets and open the window to air out the room while she's in the bath?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, it is getting a little ripe in there, but I didn't want to disturb her before. I'll take care of it."

"Thanks, Michael," Jan said gratefully. "You're a good man."

Once the tub was filled and fresh towels set out, Jan called Michael and ran back up the stairs to find that Terry had drifted off to sleep again. For a moment Jan contemplated just letting her rest but, sniffing the air again, decided a bath was more of a priority and the girl would feel much better once she was cleaned up.

Leaning over, Jan gently roused Terry, pulling back the covers and coaxing the younger woman to sit up on the edge of the bed. As she swayed dangerously, Jan sat down beside her and wrapped a firm arm around her shoulders. Michael entered the room and, taking in the situation, immediately positioned himself at Terry's other side.

Together they pulled an unsteady Terry to her feet. Supporting her with their arms around her waist and her arms pulled over their shoulders, they began the trek down to the next floor.

Reaching the bathroom after a somewhat uncoordinated descent from the upper level, Jan and Michael deposited Terry on the edge of tub. Michael retreated, while Jan kept a steadying hand on Terry's shoulder. Once the door had closed behind him, Jan began to unbutton Terry's sleep shirt.

The younger woman looked up at her blearily. "Um, I have to use...you know."

Jan smiled. "Can you manage on your own?"

"Uh huh, but don't go too far."

"I'll just be outside the door." Jan stood in the hall with the door slightly ajar. Hearing the telltale flush, she pushed the door open again and caught a faltering Terry as she stood up. Guiding her back to the tub, she finished unbuttoning the long shirt and pushed it off her shoulders. Having discovered on the trip down, somewhat to Michael's embarrassment, that Terry didn't bother with underwear, Jan helped the now naked young woman into the warm water.

Terry slid into the water with an ecstatic sigh. Jan chuckled, sympathizing with how good it must feel after days in that sick bed.

"Why don't we get you washed up and then you can relax for awhile?" she suggested to the reclining woman.

"'Kay," Terry murmured, never opening her eyes and not moving an inch.

Jan waited for a moment, and then shaking her head, picked up a bar of soap. "C'mon, Terry. Sit up for me and I'll get your back."

Terry groaned a little, but pulled herself up and leaned forward on bent knees.

Jan grinned, then lathered up her hands and began to wash the long, lean back presented to her. She heard Terry sigh, but knew it wasn't one of protest this time. She suspected the young woman was enjoying being coddled which didn't bother Jan in the least. She didn't mind being the designated caregiver. It was a role that fit her as naturally as a second skin, and this young woman seemed to bring out all her protective instincts.

Scooping up handfuls of water, Jan sluiced off the soap, keenly aware of the silky skin under her hands. Tugging gently on Terry's shoulders, she eased the younger woman back into the water.

When Terry made no move to take the soap from her, Jan hesitated. She was accustomed to bathing Rob on a daily basis, but in spite of her caregiver instincts, she was uncomfortably aware that she most certainly did not regard Terry as a helpless charge.

She let her eyes drift for a moment over the long body with its small breasts and lean hips. She frowned as she saw too prominent ribs bracketing a concave belly. Terry could ill afford the weight she'd lost over the week, but Jan was sure Michael's cooking would soon build her friend up again.

Deciding she was going to have to prod Terry into further action, she pressed the soap into a limp hand and tucked long, slender fingers around it. "C'mon, sweetie. Time to get the rest of you clean, and then you can soak for a bit."

Jan couldn't help but smile at the pout and the bleary dark brown eyes that half-opened in protest. When Terry held the soap out to her in an unspoken request, Jan shook her head firmly. "Nope, that's up to you, my friend."

Muttering, Terry made a half-hearted effort to finish the bath, then sank back wearily as if it had used up all her reserves. Taking pity on the tired woman, Jan picked up the shampoo from the side of the tub, and supporting Terry's neck so her head was partly out of the water, she began to work the soap through the dark curls. Rubbing gently, she smiled as she heard a soft moan of delight.

"God, that feels good, Jan," Terry sighed blissfully.

"You're just a pleasure hound, lady," she replied with a grin as she tapped a soapy finger on Terry's nose.

"Mmm, you got that right. You have very talented hands."

Terry absently raised a hand to brush off her nose as Jan lowered her head back in the water to rinse out the shampoo. Long after all the soap had disappeared, Jan ran her fingers through dark strands, enjoying the sensuous feel of the clean hair.

Finally, reluctantly allowing that she couldn't get Terry's hair much cleaner, Jan sat back and leaned against the tub, watching her friend's serene face.

The warm, humid, scented air seemed to cradle the two in a world of their own, content in their companionable silence. Without asking, Jan understood that whatever had come between them in weeks past had vanished as surely as the soap bubbles now subsiding into the cooling water.

Some time later, Jan looked up from where her hand had been lazily drawing circles in the water, to meet the dark eyes focused on her. Jan said nothing, feeling but not understanding the unspoken intensity emanating from the younger woman. In the back of her mind, her internal time sense reminded her she'd soon have to return home, but she was reluctant to disturb the reestablished rapport between them.

Terry snagged the fingers dangling in the water and gave them a soft squeeze. Smiling gently she said, "I guess I should get out of here before I turn into a prune."

Jan chuckled, then turning Terry's hand over, pointed out, "I think you may be too late there. You're well on your way to raisin status."

Standing then, she grabbed one of the thick towels off the counter, and was just about to hold it out when a thought occurred to her. "You probably don't want to put that nightshirt back on, do you? Give me a minute and I'll grab you a fresh one."

"Thanks, Jan. There should be some clean t-shirts in the right side of the bureau."

Jan left the bathroom and returned to the garret where she was glad to see that Michael had been at work. The room, flooded with crisp, cool outside air, was now fresh. She lowered the wide-open window, then turned down the clean bedding and fluffed the pillows.

Walking over to the bureau, she tugged open the top right-hand drawer, only to close it immediately as she felt herself blush warmly.

"Okay, not that one," she muttered ruefully, and opened the next drawer down. Spotting an untidy pile of clean over-sized t-shirts, she pulled one out of the tangle and took it back to the bathroom.

Helping Terry carefully out of the tub, she wrapped one towel around her shoulders and rubbed the other briskly over wet hair. Once her friend was dry and dressed, Jan wrapped a supportive arm around her waist and helped the young woman back up to her bedroom.

Terry groaned with pleasure as she sank into the clean bed. Jan pulled the sheets and comforter up, tucking them close. Sitting down beside her, Jan brushed some damp curls back and said, "I'm going to have to get going, Terry. Donny's only there for another half hour."

Sighing, Terry nodded her reluctant acquiescence. "Thanks for coming over, Jan. I really do feel much better for having gotten cleaned up." She moved an arm from under the covers to take Jan's hand.

Jan squeezed the hand, then leaned over and lightly kissed the younger woman's forehead. Standing she said, "I'll give you a call tomorrow to see how you are, okay?"

Terry smiled wistfully. "Yeah, I'd like that." She hesitated, then asked, "Would it be alright if I drop around next weekend? I think I'd like to get back to work."

Jan felt a rush of delighted relief that things were returning to normal. "Of course, Terry. You know you don't have to ask. Rob will be thrilled to see you too. He's missed you." She could tell by the look in Terry's dark eyes that she hadn't covered her own feelings of neglect very well.

"I'm sorry, Jan. I've been a jerk these last couple of weeks," Terry said to her remorsefully. "Forgive me?"

Jan slowly sat back down. "Always. But Terry, what happened? Did I do something to upset you?"

Terry shook her head emphatically. "No! No, you didn't do a thing." The younger woman stopped, obviously unsure of what to say, then she went on carefully. "I had to work some things out, and I'm really sorry that you got caught in the fall-out. You guys have been nothing but kind to me and you didn't deserve that at all."

"So we're okay now?" Jan queried hopefully.

"Yeah, as long as you'll overlook my adolescent behavior."

"Done," said Jan cheerfully. "We'll just write it off to an extended case of PMS."

The two women chuckled together in sheer relief, then with a quick squeeze of Terry's hand, Jan left.

Back in her van, she sat quietly, thinking about the final words between them. Although still curious about what had been bothering Terry, she was content to leave it alone, hoping whatever it was had been permanently resolved.

Reflecting on her own behaviour this afternoon, Jan was slightly shocked at how naturally she'd fallen into caring for the young woman, and how right it felt to be there for her. She rationalized that she was only doing for Terry what she did for Rob every day, but her innate honesty refused to allow that facile reasoning. There had been more between them than the simple concern of one friend for another, and she knew that.

Leaning back in her seat, Jan closed her eyes, only to have them shoot open when she realized where her mind was drifting. Guiltily, she tried to shake the mental image of the young woman lounging half-submerged only inches away, her sleek nakedness a magnet for Jan's disobedient eyes.

What the hell is going on with me? Jan drew in a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. Having spent years in the military, she certainly wasn't unfamiliar with the concept of women being attracted to other women, but it had never happened to her before. Well, there was that once after we won the softball championship, but hell, the whole team was drunk and being very affectionate with each other, right?

Her fingers beating an unconscious rhythm on the steering wheel, Jan's thoughts whirled. You cannot possibly be reacting to Terry that way. You're imagining things!

Her erratic mental gymnastics didn't seem to be calming her rapid pulse, so Jan shook her head and started up the van. As she pulled away from the curb, a thought floated through her mind. It's just been too long, that's all.

Chapter Sixteen

EMILY WIPED HER hands on her apron and surveyed her kitchen like a conquering general. Karen and Jan were busy peeling what Karen had teased her soon to be mother-in-law was enough potatoes to feed an army. In consideration of her convalescent status, Terry had been allowed to sit at the table, but had been put to work folding napkins and quartering tomatoes for the salad. Emily smiled to herself. Even her daughter couldn't ruin that.

Jordy, Diane and Michael had been assigned to set the two long tables that extended the length of the dining room and into the living room. Gord, Alex and Duncan were dragging up chairs from every corner of the house and garage. Matt, always the tardy child, hadn't made an appearance yet, while Rob and the twins sat amiably watching the organized chaos flowing around them.

Emily gave a small sigh of satisfaction. It was shaping up to be a wonderful Thanksgiving. She'd been up at five AM to get the huge bird into the oven for a noon meal and the aroma had been making her family drool for the last couple of hours.

Terry still looked a little wan, but whatever had been bothering her the last time she was over for dinner was obviously no longer a factor as the young woman chatted and laughed with everyone including Jan and Rob as if nothing had happened. Emily decided it must have been the early stages of the flu that had made her daughter act so strangely the previous weekend.

Spirits were high as everyone anticipated one of Emily's famous dinners. The men were already talking about carrying Rob down to the basement family room so he could join in the Sanderson male ritual of post-feasting football. Rob was thrilled to be included and turned big blue puppy dog eyes on Jan until she shook her head and laughingly told him to go ahead, but not to expect her to endure a minute by minute replay afterwards.

Emily turned to the counter to start the gravy base and glanced up to see Matt coming up the back walk. She studied his face, and was pleased to see that, for today at least, his usual look of perpetual discontent was absent.

He'd called earlier in the week and during the course of their conversation, casually inquired if Terry would be bringing a date for Thanksgiving. When she'd told him no, he seemed startled for a moment, but recovered to tell his mother that he'd be solo himself this year so not to set an extra plate.

Emily had said a small prayer that the destructive competition between her two middle children was perhaps finally coming to an end, and she added a silent thank-you to the Spencers. To Emily's discerning eye, under their influence Terry seemed to be happier and more settled than she'd ever been in her adult life.

Emily never commented on any of her children's affairs, but she'd been distressed at both Matt and Terry's wild social lives. She shook her head as she thought of some of the women her two boisterous offspring had gotten involved with. Despite her firm open-door policy to all her children's friends, there were many times she'd wished they'd adhered to the old adage about the type of women you shouldn't bring home to meet mother.

Matt entered through the back door and, after slinging his jacket into the hall closet, entered the kitchen, sniffing appreciatively. He hugged his mother then greeted the other workers. Nodding cordially at his sister, he said, "Heard you were pretty sick this week, Terry. Hope you're feeling better now."

Surprised, Terry answered, "Thanks, Matt. Yeah, I'm okay now. Just a little tired still."

Matt gave a slight smile. "That's good." He looked around the kitchen and down the hall to the living room. "Did Claire come over with you?"

"No, not this time. She's working with her church group today. They're putting together Thanksgiving dinner for street people. She said they figure they'll feed up to five hundred people before they're done."

"Oh." Matt sounded disappointed, but he nodded amiably at his sister before going in search of his brothers. Terry stared after him then turned to her grinning mother. "Okay, who was that man and what has he done with Matt?"

"What? Did you think you were the only one who could grow up around here?" Emily chided her daughter, delighted with the turn of events.

Jan leaned over Terry's shoulder while she was distracted by her brother's uncharacteristic sociability and snagged a quartered tomato.

"Hey lady, hands off!" Terry laughed, trying to slap the thief's hand.

Jan danced out of range, popping the ill-gotten fruit into her mouth, and laughing at her friend's mock outrage. Karen slipped in from the other side and stole another piece before ducking out of Terry's reach.

"Ack! Mom! They're stealing your salad!" Terry squawked, holding up her small knife in defence of the diminishing pile of ripe red wedges she'd so industriously sliced up.

Emily laughed and snapped a dishtowel at the two miscreants. "Are you troublemakers all finished with the spuds?"

"Yup, between the two of us, we have officially peeled PEI's entire yearly output," Karen teased.

"Oh hush, like you won't be coming back for seconds!" Emily shot back. "Okay, get them started and as soon as they're done, we're ready to eat."

Jan and Karen looked at the crowded stove stop, at each other and then at their general. Simultaneously, they said, "Where?"

"Oh for heaven's sake! You just have to shuffle things around a bit," Emily insisted as she rustled about, moving pots and sliding covered serving plates into the hot oven. Lifting the large roaster out, she carried it over to set it on the table.

"Karen, will you call Gord and tell him I'll need him to carve in about five minutes?"

Karen left the kitchen to carry out her orders, as Jan assisted Emily in removing the beautifully browned bird to the carving board. Terry's eyes widened as she saw the size of the turkey now sitting in front of her.

When Emily turned to get a bowl for the stuffing, long sneaky fingers reached out to pull a piece of crisp skin from the side of the bird. Just as she was about to pop it into her mouth, a small hand seized hers and even white teeth snatched the delicious morsel away.

Emily turned around to catch the last of the byplay and couldn't help chuckling at the outrage on her daughter's face as Jan munched contently. Clucking her tongue, she admonished the women to stay out of the turkey.

"But Mom..." Terry whined.

"No buts!"

"But she...I didn't...No fair!" she sputtered indignantly.

Both older women broke out laughing and Jan wrapped an arm around the younger woman's shoulders. "C'mon, let's get out of your Mom's hair for now and go see if the table's ready."

Emily returned the redhead's grin with a smile as the two stood to leave. Busying herself with extracting stuffing, she heard an aggrieved complaint float back to her.

"Look at all the trouble you're getting me in!"

She couldn't hear Jan's low-pitched response, but she heard her daughter laugh heartily as Gord entered the kitchen, his favourite carving knife in hand.

* * *

Emily listened to the sounds of all the different conversations going on at once around the crowded table. Steady inroads had been made into the generously piled serving dishes and her family was starting to slow down a little.

Diane was already sitting back in her chair, groaning slightly at the amount she'd consumed. Terry, handicapped by a week that had shrunk her stomach, was also finished. The twins were having their own Thanksgiving feast with as much strained turkey and peas on their beaming faces as on the towels prudently placed under their high chairs. Jan was nimbly feeding Rob and herself, while carrying on a non-stop conversation with Terry and Jordy who sat beside them.

Gord and Matt were in serious debate about a problem at work and Alex, Duncan, Karen and Michael were in an animated argument, though about what, Emily couldn't determine. However, they seemed to be enjoying themselves so she wasn't concerned.

Emily presided over her small kingdom efficiently, ensuring no one went without and emptied bowls were swiftly replenished from the kitchen.

Soon only Jordy was still cleaning his plate while the others loosened belts and buttons, groaning about wearing sweat pants the next time. Even the once lively conversation had become desultory as post-turkey syndrome set in.

Letting her family relax for a few minutes, Emily went to make the coffee. As she filled the pot, she heard someone enter the kitchen behind her. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Jan carrying dirty dishes in and stacking them on the table.

"Thanks, Jan."

"Not a problem. Do you want me to start loading the dishwasher?"

"Good idea, and if you want to get out the dessert plates, I'd appreciate it.

Familiar by this time with where everything was stored, Jan opened a cupboard and took down a stack of small plates. Then she opened the dishwasher door and started arranging the dirty dishes.

The two women worked in silence for a few moments, until Jan said softly, "I really appreciate you asking us over, Emily. I can't remember the last time I've enjoyed Thanksgiving so much."

Emily stopped measuring the coffee into the filter and, turning to her, said sincerely, "It was our pleasure to have you. You and Rob are always welcome, you know that." Emily contemplated the slightly worried look on the redhead's face and added, "Is something wrong?"

Jan bit her lip for a moment, and then looking intently at Emily, asked "You don't think Karen felt pressured to ask us, do you?"

Emily shook her head. During dinner, conversation had turned to Karen and Duncan's upcoming nuptials, and Karen had leaned across the table to casually invite Jan and Rob to come to the wedding. Emily had known from Jan's startled look that the invitation hadn't been expected.

"Trust me, Karen invited you two because she likes you and considers you part of the family, just as the rest of us do. Karen isn't one to let social niceties dictate her actions. If she asked you, she wants you there," Emily concluded firmly, glad to see a slow smile cross the redhead's face.

"I haven't been to a wedding in years," Jan said. "I don't think I even have anything suitable to wear."

"Suitable for what?" came the question behind her as Terry entered with a stack of dirty dishes, trailed by Jordy with his own load.

"Suitable to wear to the wedding," Jan answered.

"Guess you're gonna have to go shopping then," was Terry's sensible response.

"I haven't picked out my outfit yet either, Jan. Why don't we go shopping together next weekend? We can make a day of it and have lunch while we're out," Emily suggested.

"I'd like that but I'll have to make some arrangements for Rob. I know he won't be into shopping for a whole day. But yes, if I can set something up, I'd love to go with you."

Jordy, who'd been listening while he piled dishes on the counter, offered, "I could look after him if you like, Jan. I don't have any shifts at work until Sunday and I don't mind lending a hand."

"Are you sure, Jordy? You really wouldn't mind? I'd want to pay you the same as I pay Donny."

Terry snorted. "Are you kidding? A chance to spend a day with his idol? He'd probably pay you."

Jordy blushed a vivid red. "Terrrrrry!"

"Huh, you know its true, runt. You worship the ground he rolls on," Terry teased.

"Stop it, Terry. You're embarrassing your brother," Emily admonished her daughter. "Jordy, that's a lovely offer and I'm sure Rob will enjoy your company."

Vindicated, Jordy stuck his tongue out at Terry and scampered out of the kitchen as she tried to cuff him. Laughing, Terry turned to her mother and Jan. "Hey, can I come along too?"

Emily felt her jaw drop. "You want to go shopping with us? I haven't been able to get you shopping since the first grade!"

Now it was Terry's turn to be embarrassed. She scuffed at the floor tile and muttered, "Well Duncan won't let me wear a tux, so I need something for the wedding."

Jan cut in smoothly. "We'd love to have you come with us, wouldn't we?"

Still stunned, Emily managed to nod as Jan went on. "It's settled then. Next Saturday the three of us will go find the most beautiful dresses in town."

"Whoa!" Terry said in alarm. "Who said anything about a dress? I'm not wearing a dress!"

Soothingly Jan coaxed her. "Why don't you wait and see what we find? You never know. You might actually want to try it for a change."

"Nuh uh, no way are you getting me into a dress!" Terry insisted, glaring at her mother who was enjoying her daughter's predicament.

Emily saw Jan wink at her, and she chuckled as Jan dragged a still protesting Terry back to the dining room to retrieve another load. Shaking her head, she decided that if anyone could talk her stubborn daughter into a dress, it would be that redhead.

* * *

"How come the guys always end up in front of the TV and we always end up in here?" Karen grumbled, her hands deep in suds.

"That's 'cause they're convinced they've done their part if they set up chairs and carve the turkey," Emily laughed as she tried to find room in her fridge for leftovers. "Besides, you know darned well that if we made them help with dishes, half my china would 'accidentally' break. I don't mind though. After all, how often do I get all of you to myself at the same time?"

"Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter..." Terry answered helpfully, reaching to put some dried dishes away.

Emily rolled her eyes and started a retort when she noticed her daughter sway a bit and clutch the edge of the counter. Quickly she crossed to Terry's side and taking her arm, firmly guided her to a chair. "You, young lady, are pushing yourself too much. You can't expect to be 100% after the week you had. Now you just sit there and rest. We're almost done here anyway."

One twin on her hip, Diane brought a glass of water to her sister-in-law and Terry drained it gratefully. Karen turned from the sink, and eying Terry closely said, "Maybe you should call it a day, Ter. You really do look a bit washed out."

Emily nodded. "Why don't you go lie down in your old room for awhile, Terry?"

Terry smiled slightly and said, "I think I'll just go home if you don't mind, Mom. It'll be a lot quieter there. Would you call Michael for me?"

Emily touched the back of her hand to her daughter's forehead and satisfied, offered, "I'll take you home, dear. We'll let Michael have some male-bonding time."

Terry glanced up at her wryly. "In case you hadn't noticed, Mom, Michael gets lots of 'male-bonding'."

Snorts of laughter met that comment and Emily shook her head. Before she could insist however, Jan quietly interjected, "But Rob doesn't. Why don't you let me take you home and we'll leave the guys to do their thing for the afternoon?"

Emily watched the smile light her daughter's face, as Terry looked up at Jan who had closed in behind her.

"Are you sure you wouldn't mind?" Terry asked her friend, who answered by laying her hands on the younger woman's shoulders and squeezing them gently.

"Not at all. Just give me a moment to let Rob know I'll be back later, okay?"

A few minutes later, Emily walked the two women to the front door and amidst farewells, plans were made for the following weekend's shopping trip. Turning to her mother, Terry hugged her tightly.

"Thanks, Mom. Dinner was great as always. I'll give you a call later on."

With that, Emily watched as they descended the stairs, Jan keeping a precautionary grip on Terry's arm. She smiled as she saw how solicitously the older woman steered Terry towards the large van and made sure she was safely settled before going around to her own door. As she waved and closed the door, she mused how wonderful it was that Terry had such a good friend in Jan.

* * *

A hand shaking her arm lightly woke Terry from the doze she'd slipped peacefully into on the drive home. Blinking open her eyes, she saw Jan smiling at her.

"Hey sleepy-head, we're here."

Sitting up, Terry saw they'd stopped in front of her house. Yawning, she pushed open her door, not surprised when Jan met her and again took her arm. She was feeling much stronger now, but she wasn't about to shake Jan off as she enjoyed the warmth of the older woman's arm linked under her own.

Entering the house, they automatically started up the stairs. Reaching Terry's garret, Jan steered the younger woman to her bed where she slumped back into the pillows.

Jan stepped back and looked around awkwardly. "Well, I guess I should go and let you get some rest."

Terry sat up quickly. "No! No, don't go yet. I'm really feeling much better now. Why don't you stay and visit for a bit?"

Yeah, nothing like being subtle, you idiot! Terry mentally chastised herself for being over eager, but felt better when she saw a slow smile cross Jan's face. Her friend peeled off her coat, tossing it across a chair and kicking off her shoes at the same time. Terry did the same then watched approvingly as Jan dragged the old, easy chair close to the bed and settled into it.

Grinning, Jan propped her feet on the bed. "I'd ask if you mind, but having seen the state of your bedroom before, I don't think feet on your bed will faze you."

"Hey!" Terry protested. "Are you saying I'm a slob?"

"If the label fits, dear," Jan chuckled.

Terry glanced around her room and had to admit her friend had a point. "Yeah, well, I've got an excuse this week."

"Uh huh, and the reason for the other 51 weeks would be?"

Terry playfully tossed a pillow at the other woman, who took it with a smirk and tucked it comfortably behind her back.

Turning more serious, Terry said, "Speaking of this week, I really do appreciate you coming over on Thursday. If I forgot to say it then, thank you."

"You're very welcome. I was glad to help," Jan responded with equal gravity. The two women sat quietly regarding each other until Jan grinned and broke the mood. "Of course, if I'd known what I was going to find when I went hunting for a clean t-shirt..."

Terry groaned, and pulled a pillow over her face as Jan chuckled. Peeking one eye out, she muttered, "Um, well, I...I don't suppose you'd believe I was hiding them for Michael, would you?"

Jan laughed out loud. "Nope, not for a second. Pretty impressive collection you have there, lady, not that I stopped to inspect it or anything."

Terry couldn't help laughing as she pushed the pillow aside. "Yeah, Michael teases me I could start my own electronics store. He says he just doesn't get it, but I explained it to him."

Jan tilted her head curiously. "What did you tell him?"

Terry smirked. "I told him my toys don't get PMS, they're always ready when I am, they don't cause carpal tunnel syndrome, and they work...every single time."

The two women laughed together, then Jan said casually, "Well, I'll have to take your word for it."

One dark eyebrow shot up, as Terry looked at her friend closely. "Um, you don't like toys yourself?"

It was Jan's turn to blush. "Well, I really can't say. I've never tried them."

"Oh, so you prefer the hands on solution then?" Terry watched the delightful shade of pink in her friend's cheeks, knowing she should probably let the older woman off the hook, but recalling Michael's words she was curious to see what Jan would say.

When the silence had dragged on for long moments and the older woman refused to look up from her hands, Terry said softly, "I'm sorry, Jan. It's none of my business."

Jan glanced up quickly and shook her head. "No, it's just that I've never spoken to anyone about this, you know?"

"Not even Kate?" Terry asked gently, conscious that she seemed to be treading on a sensitive area.

Jan gave a small laugh. "No, I love my sister, but I think she'd have a heart attack if I ever brought up this subject."

"It's up to you, Jan. We can talk about it or not, whatever you prefer. I want you to know that as far as I'm concerned, you can talk to me about anything."

Jan smiled shyly at the younger woman. "I do know that and I appreciate it, Terry." She hesitated, and went on, "Actually, I think I would like to talk it out. I guess I just don't know where to start."

She fell silent then as Terry watched her closely, noting the small hands twisting unconsciously in her lap.

"Would it help if I started?" Terry asked. When Jan nodded, she considered her options. "Jan, is Rob able to...well, you know."

Jan looked up and said softly, "Not for quite a few years now. It was really hard for him and I know he misses it."

Terry rolled on her side so that her thighs were lightly pressed against Jan's feet, wanting the contact to reassure and ground her friend. "What about you, Jan? Don't you miss it too?"

Jan was quiet again for a long moment. Then looking directly at Terry with unreadable green eyes, she murmured, "You can't miss what you've never had."

Terry's brow wrinkled in puzzlement as she tried to understand the meaning behind Jan's words. "What you've never had? Jan, weren't you two lovers in the early years, before things got so bad for him physically?"

Jan nodded, then in a voice so low Terry had to strain to hear it, she said, "But it never worked for me, you know?" She looked at Terry pleadingly, as the younger woman reasoned it out.

Terry's face cleared then and she said, "Oh! Okay, I get it." She chewed her lip a moment, uncertain how to comfort her friend. "Well, maybe there's a medical reason why you can't..."

She was interrupted by a short burst of humourless laughter as Jan said with a touch of bitterness, "Oh, it's not that I can't. I've woken from dreams on the tail end of marvelous orgasms and hated the fact that the dream ended. I just can't in the waking world."

Tugging on one ear, Terry offered weakly, "Um, maybe Rob wasn't doing it right?"

At this, Jan had to smile. "No, Rob was a very considerate lover. I mean sure, we had to make allowances for his disability but he really tried to take care of me. I think it always bothered him more than me that I couldn't find satisfaction in our bed. He even encouraged me to try it on my own when we were making love."

"I take it that didn't work out well?"

"No. I think I was just too aware of disappointing him or too tense or something." Jan shook her head at old ghosts.

"What about when you weren't with him? Did you ever try it when you were by yourself?" Terry asked helpfully.

Jan snorted. "Do you have any idea how rarely I'm by myself at home? And if I am at home, it's a little hard to get comfortable when I know I might be summoned at any time."

"I don't suppose you could tell him that you were taking a half hour off and not to call you for the duration?"

Jan had to chuckle at Terry's suggestion as she looked fondly at her young friend. "Oh yeah, I can just see handing Rob my masturbation schedule for the week, and informing him he's not to have any problems during the designated periods."

Terry giggled at the thought and her mind strayed to posting her own events calendar on the outside of her door. Her attention was brought back as Jan's tone turned serious.

"In reality there are times I could have the privacy I need. It's more a case of feeling like I'm not being fair to Rob by indulging in something he enjoyed but can't have anymore, so I don't even try."

Terry sat upright on the bed, wrapping one hand around Jan's feet, still resting comfortably beside her. "Whoa, lady. That doesn't make any sense at all! You know damned well that Rob wouldn't begrudge you this. For crying out loud, I've heard his stories. That man had more than his fair share of conquests in his younger years. He loves you. He wouldn't want you to live like a nun on his account." She squeezed Jan's toes to make her point.

Jan squirmed uncomfortably as Terry watched her intently. "That's not all, is it, Jan?"

"Well, that's a big part of it, but..." Jan hesitated, and blurted out, "It just doesn't work when I try it for myself."

Terry noticed that the attractive pink blush had made its reappearance and she smiled at her embarrassed friend. Leaning forward, she took Jan's hand. Softly she said, "Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed about."

Terry was quiet as she contemplated Jan's surprising words. Growing up in her exuberant family, she'd never been the least bit shy about sex. Her parents had treated the subject matter-of-factly from the beginning, answering their brood's curious questions openly and candidly.

She hadn't even disconcerted her parents when she'd informed them in her teens that she preferred girls. Her father had sighed and her mother had half-smiled, as if hearing the confirmation of what she'd long suspected.

Now, knowing the pleasure that her body gave her, she was saddened that her friend had somehow missed that in her life. She was hesitant to intrude on such personal matters, but an aggrieved sense that Jan was being deprived, for whatever reason, of something wonderful, overrode her caution.

Biting her lip slightly, Terry said slowly, "Can I ask you something?" She waited for Jan's nod, and continued. "Do you want to do this? Because there are ways and means that are almost 100% guaranteed."

Jan peeked up shyly through auburn strands that had fallen forward. "Well, I hear it's a great stress relief...and I did enjoy those dreams. Besides, sometimes I feel like the only one on the outside of the window watching the rest of the world party!"

"There you go!" Terry grinned. "And I can definitely vouch for the stress relief part."

"But Ter, I could never bring myself to go into one of those stores," Jan protested.

"Ah, but that's the glory of the Internet age, my friend!" Terry said triumphantly, as she stood up pulling the older woman with her. Tugging her over to the desk, she hit the power button on her laptop and waited for it to boot up. She offered her usual chair to Jan and after brushing off a stack of clothes, pulled up a straight-backed chair beside her.

Jan looked at her uncertainly. "Um, Terry? I don't even have my credit card with me."

Terry brushed off her objections. "Not a problem. We'll use mine and you can pay me back later. I know you're good for it."

Jan laughed wryly. "I dunno, Terry. If this works out, you may never see me out of the house again. I've got 37 years to make up for you know."

Chuckling, Terry entered a few commands then clicked on a bookmark taking them to her favourite on-line sex shop. When the somewhat lurid website came up, Jan covered her eyes before peeking through her fingers at her cheerful friend.

"You're just having way too much fun with this!" the redhead accused.

"Oh yeah!" Terry chortled evilly. "Hey, it's not everyday I get to introduce an older woman to the joys of 'mastering her domain'. Okay, I think we'll start with the basics. You're probably not ready for the more exotic stuff."

Jan stared at the page Terry had called up in disbelief. "These are the basics? Terry, I'm not even sure what all these are for!"

"Fear not, I do, and I'm willing to share the fruits of my in-depth studies and hard-earned knowledge with you."

The two women spent the next half hour scrolling through the selections while Jan listened to Terry merrily extol the virtues and drawbacks of various items. Occasionally she'd burrow a very red face in her hands, but Terry noted that overall, her audience was very attentive. Finally, Jan followed Terry's suggestions and they sent her choices to checkout.

Jan dropped her forehead on Terry's shoulder and groaned, "I cannot believe you're talking me into this!" Slowly she thumped her head against the younger woman as Terry laughed but kept on typing. Looking up, Jan watched as her friend filled in details.

"Do you want this to go to your house or mine?" Terry asked, poised to change the address.

"Your address is already entered?" Jan said with some puzzlement, then as understanding dawned. "You've got an account here?" She started to laugh. "Tell me you don't get a commission for new customers!"

Terry looked at her indignantly. "I most certainly do not! Hey lady, you've seen my drawer. I'm a repeat customer and it's just more convenient if my information's kept on file. Now, where would you like your toys to go?"

"Might as well send 'em here since they know the route so well," Jan grinned. "Besides, it'll save explanations at home."

Terry entered the final details and her finger poised above 'enter'. "Are you sure, Jan?"

Now it was Jan's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Now you ask me?"

"It's not too late to back out," Terry said, hopeful that Jan wouldn't.

In answer, Jan reached over and used her finger to push Terry's down. A window popped up thanking them for their business and assuring them of the company's prompt service.

The two women looked at the window, then at each other, and simultaneous grins spread over their faces. Jan only had time to choke out, "You are such a bad influence!" before the two of them collapsed in helpless laughter.

Chapter Seventeen

TERRY SURREPTITIOUSLY DUG her toe into the plush carpet, groaning inwardly as her mother and Jan waxed ecstatic over yet another dress. Five stores! They've hit five stores and still haven't found the perfect dress!

She'd been so optimistic when her Mom had found an outfit in the first store they'd gone into. She'd even had to admit that her mother looked very smart in the tailored coral suit with the cream silk blouse. She'd understood when they immediately had to go to a shoe store to find cream coloured pumps to complement the outfit, and darned if she hadn't chipped in with a suggestion that Grandma's pearls would match the pearl suit buttons perfectly.

Despite the fact that her mother was still recovering from the shock of having her tomboy daughter offer a fashion suggestion, Terry was proud of being a good sport and contributing to their girls' afternoon out. But that was four stores and three hours ago, and Terry's tolerance was wearing very thin. She couldn't even make a gracious exit since her mother had refused to ride in the Tin Can and insisted that they all ride together in her car instead.

Sighing heavily, Terry studied the weave of the carpet. Not only had she condemned herself to this hell, she hadn't even found something to wear yet, not that she'd looked very hard. By the third store, she'd decided to send her personal fashion consultant out with her credit card and orders to bring back something decent for the wedding.

She trusted Michael to dress her. Even from the depths of her 'shopping-trip-from-hell' gloom she had to smile to herself as she remembered that morning.

Terry hung up the phone, and then glanced down at her well-worn jeans and indigo shirt. Biting her lip lightly, she decided that she was somewhat underdressed for what her mother was planning for their afternoon out. Blowing out an exasperated breath, she wondered if it was worth all this trouble to do something she hated in the first place. Still, she did need something for the wedding and spending time with Jan more than balanced the aggravations of shopping.

Opening her closet doors, she stood surveying the jumble of clothes, then spun on her heel and stomped over to her bedroom door. Flinging it wide, she hollered, "Michael! Help!!"

By the time her friend dashed into the room, panting from his headlong run up two flights of stairs, she was throwing discards over her shoulder in a growing pile of clothes.

"What!? What's the emergency?" Michael managed to gasp out, looking intently about the room as he wielded a large spoon in his hand.

Turning, Terry burst out laughing. "Put that down before you hurt yourself," she managed to get out. "I just needed help on what to wear today."

Michael straightened, still sucking in deep lungfuls of air. "You made me run up all those stairs for fashion advice? Do you realize I could have expired on the second landing from the stress?"

"Sorry, Michael," Terry said cheerfully, trying to soothe her frazzled friend. "But I really do need your help here. We're going to Cilantro's and then shopping for wedding clothes. Somehow I don't think what I've got on is going to cut it."

Michael's jaw dropped. "You're going shopping?"

Rallying from her shocking words, Michael went into action. Almost before Terry could turn around, she was clothed in freshly pressed charcoal gray wool pants and a peach coloured blouse Claire allowed them to liberate from her closet. She'd even contributed a matching pair of earrings.

Michael had expressed his opinion on her dismal selection of footwear, finally conceding that a comfortable old pair of black loafers was marginally acceptable, though Terry noticed he gave a dramatic shudder and averted his eyes when she dusted them off and slipped them on.

As Michael surveyed the final results, tapping one finger critically on pursed lips, the doorbell sounded from below. Terry grabbed her leather jacket and, stopping for a second to kiss her advisor lightly, headed downstairs to join her mother.

Terry was glad now that her friends had made her change as she contemplated the swanky interior of Giorgio's. She already felt like a duck out of water, convinced that the snooty well-dressed clerks were looking down their noses at her, and it would have been far worse if she'd come in her jeans and boots.

"She's pouting." Jan's amused voice came from the direction of the changing rooms.

"That she is. You wouldn't happen to have a sucker in your purse, would you? That always worked to cheer her up when I had to take her shopping when she was little," Emily responded, as Terry looked up to see the two older women watching her with big smiles on their faces.

"I was not pouting!" Terry insisted.

"You were pouting," Jan asserted calmly as Emily nodded her agreement. Relenting, Jan came over and knelt beside her, laying one hand on her knee. "I'm sorry, Ter. Is this really driving you crazy?"

Terry would have endured a week of shopping just for the warmth of that hand on her leg and the bright, laughing eyes regarding her affectionately. What was the question? Her brain couldn't focus on anything but the light scent of the redhead's perfume.

"Uh, no, I'm fine. You guys go ahead. I'll just wait here," Terry stuttered, wondered if she sounded as idiotic as she felt. She was rewarded with an understanding smile and a gentle squeeze from a small hand.

"Tell you what. The clerk has one more outfit she wants me to try on and then we'll go for a coffee break, all right? There's a wonderful café that makes the best chocolate pastries right around the corner."

"Chocolate?" Terry immediately perked up.

Jan laughed and pushed herself to her feet. "Uh huh, chocolate. Give me five more minutes and we'll go."

The clerk had returned with something green draped over her arm. Terry watched as Jan took it from the woman, and then whispered something to her, glancing back in Terry's direction. Puzzled, she wondered what that was all about as the clerk disappeared to the back of the store.

Emily drifted over to her daughter's side and took the seat beside her. Patting Terry's hand, she said, "I've really enjoyed having you along today, Ter. It was quite the rare treat."

Terry answered her ruefully. "Don't get used to it, Mom. This is really not my thing." Emily laughed in acknowledgement as Terry went on, "But I did enjoy lunch with you guys and if you ever want to do that again, I'd love to come along. Just leave me out of the shopping part."

The two women were quiet for a moment, and then Emily casually commented, "She's a very nice person, isn't she?"

Terry glanced over to meet her mother's penetrating gaze. She shifted uncomfortably. Her mother couldn't possibly know, could she? She quickly reviewed her behaviour this afternoon and was sure she'd been restrained. She hadn't allowed herself to stare at Jan over lunch and she'd tried to pay equal attention to both her companions.

"Yeah, she's great. Both she and Rob are terrific people." Wanting desperately to change the subject, Terry blurted, "Are you sure we should be here though? I mean I'm not sure she can afford Giorgio's. They're on a fixed income, you know."

For a moment Terry didn't think her mother would let her get away with the abrupt detour, but Emily chuckled as she answered her daughter. "Have you ever listened to Rob discussing investment strategies with your father? Trust me, she can afford to shop here or any other place in town she takes a fancy to."

"Oh." Terry had never really thought about her friends' economic state. She knew they owned their house outright, but it was just a modest bungalow and they'd never been ostentatious about possessions. She was sure their biggest expense was Jan's obsession with buying books.

Covering her momentary confusion, she said, "Well, that's good I guess. I'm not sure if I could afford to buy in here. It'd blow my yearly clothing budget in one shot."

"What clothing budget?" her mother asked dryly. "Your biggest expenditure is a new pair of runners once a year."

"Hey!" Terry was about to launch a defence of her wardrobe when Jan stepped out of the change room and she completely lost her train of thought.

The redhead twirled in front of her seated companions and asked shyly, "Well, what do you think?"

Terry was speechless, gaping at the vision in front of her. Jan had donned a hunter green silk dress that clung in all the right places, but floated down to a mid-calf length giving an impression of ethereal delicacy. Dark green silk wrapped around the woman's waist, crossing in the front and forming a low v-neck that highlighted the curves of lush pale breasts.

"Jan, that's beautiful!" Emily exclaimed in admiration. "Terry, don't you think it's perfect?"

When no sound came from her daughter, Emily looked at her curiously. "Terry?"

"Perfect! Uh, yeah, it's perfect," Terry managed to expel the words from a very dry mouth.

Jan looked at her exposed cleavage doubtfully. "Are you sure it's not too revealing?"

"No! No, it's perfect, really. You look great. I definitely think you should get that dress." Terry felt like she was babbling, and she was chagrined to find her mother staring at her like she'd grown another head.

Oblivious to the byplay, Jan nodded thoughtfully. "I think I will take it. I even have a pair of platinum ballet flats that would go perfectly with it."

The clerk had returned, another dress over her arm and was murmuring compliments to Jan, who looked at the garment she'd brought back and grinned mischievously at Terry. Taking it from the clerk, she walked over to where her friend sat and tugged her to a standing position.

Puzzled and still dazed, Terry allowed herself to be led to a changing room. Jan firmly pushed her into a cubicle, hanging the dress she was carrying on a convenient hook before sternly addressing her friend.

"Now, your mother and I have both found outfits for the wedding and you've barely looked at anything. I want you to try this on, and I'm not taking no for an answer!" With that, Jan closed the door, leaving a stunned Terry looking at the short black dress hanging beside her.

"But, but..."

"Not a word! Just put it on and come out so we can see it!" Jan's words floated over the divider, but there was no mistaking her tone.

Terry knew she wasn't getting out of this place until she at least tried it on. Muttering her hatred of dresses, she reluctantly stripped off her clothes and grabbed the offending garment. Sliding it over her head, she smoothed the form-fitting sheath over her long body, wondering briefly how Jan had known what size to request from the clerk.

Straightening the spaghetti straps, she paused to consider the woman in the mirror. Cut straight across, the dress had a less revealing bodice than Jan's, but it still clung sexily to her curves. She tugged at it nervously, but it remained stubbornly inches above her knees. Drawing a deep breath, she cautiously opened the door and poked her head out.

Her mother and Jan were chatting as they waited for her, and her Mom saw her first as she reluctantly exited the change room.

"Oh Terry! You look wonderful!" Emily's eyes shone as her daughter approached, still tugging uncomfortably at the short hem.

Jan turned, and caught her breath. "My God, Terry. You look incredible!"

Both women circled her, touching the fabric and commenting on the fit as the young woman stood still for their inspection. Terry guiltily enjoyed the appreciation in her friend's eyes, and was almost swayed into buying the dress for that reason alone until the two started in on accessories.

"She'll need a good pair of black heels to go with this," Jan stated.

"And black hose of course," Emily chipped in. "I know. There's a shoe store one street over we can check out. I'm sure she's not going to have anything suitable in her closet."

"Whoa, slow down," Terry complained. "I haven't even decided if I'm going to get it yet. Besides, isn't black inappropriate for a wedding?"

"Don't be silly, dear," Emily said absently, still mesmerized by the sight of her daughter wearing a dress. "Their whole theme is black and white so you'll fit in perfectly."

Terry looked pleadingly at Jan, who'd stopped in front of her. "Heels?" she asked plaintively.

"Heels," Jan nodded decisively. Then her friend looked more closely at Terry's apprehensive face. Tilting her head, she asked, "Does that really bother you, Ter? Even if it's only for one night?"

Terry nodded mutely, already feeling the pain of the unaccustomed footwear.

Taking pity on her, Jan soothed, "Okay, maybe this isn't for you after all. You don't have to make a decision right now anyway. Why don't you take a few days and think about it?"

Terry heaved a big sigh of relief, ignoring the disappointed clucks from her mother, and made her escape back to the change rooms where she quickly shucked the dress and gratefully got back into her clothes and flat, comfortable loafers.

By the time she came out and gave the rejected garment to the hovering clerk, Jan had paid for her dress and was gathering up the carefully wrapped garment.

"Let me drop this in the car and we can go get some coffee," Jan suggested as the other two nodded their agreement. Once the new dress was safely stashed, the three women headed for the small café Jan had told them about.

Just as she'd promised, the pastries were heavenly and they quickly settled at a small table by the window where they could watch the world go by.

Terry bit into her almond chocolate croissant and moaned with delight. Seeing her companions grinning at her, she hastily wiped away some errant flakes and protested, "What?"

Jan reached across the table and brushed off more crumbs from Terry's chin. "Can't dress you up and take you out anywhere, can we?" she teased affectionately.

Terry's skin tingled from Jan's touch and she fleetingly wondered if it would be too obvious if most of the rest of her pastry ended up outside of her mouth rather than in.

Stop it! She took herself to task mentally, aware that her resolve to be good was weakening the longer she was in Jan's presence.

Looking over at her mother, she saw that the older woman was observing them quietly while she sipped her coffee. Hastily, Terry finished her croissant in three more bites and scrubbed vigorously at her face with her napkin, removing any temptation to indulge in her friend's touch.

Jan dug her cell phone out of her purse and looked apologetically at her companions. "I just want to check in with Jordy and make sure everything's okay. It'll only take a minute."

"Oh good, could I talk to him for a moment when you're done?" Emily asked. "I forgot to give him a message from his Dad this morning."

"Sure, no problem," Jan responded as she activated the speed dial. After a short conversation with the youngest Sanderson that confirmed he and Rob were fine, she passed the phone to Emily.

"Hi, son. I forgot to tell you that your Dad wants to know if you want to pick up some work hours on the Krieger project. He said it's up to you, but he has to know right away because if you don't want it, he's going to have to hire some part-time help."

Emily listened intently to her son's answer, and then said, "No, he just thought you might want to make some extra Christmas spending money. You don't have to if you don't want to."

After a few more minutes of conversation, she bid Jordy good-bye and handed the phone back to Jan. Emily sighed softly and Terry asked, "Everything okay, Mom?"

"Oh yes. It's just that Jordy's convinced that every time your Dad offers him some part time work, he's trying to 'trap' him into the family business. Gord thought he was doing Jordy a favour and Jordy's being paranoid about it."

Jan looked quizzically at the Sanderson women, obviously not understanding the nuances of what had just happened. Noticing her puzzlement, Terry reminded her of the quandary over Jordy's future.

"So Dad is sure that Jordy is going to join the company just like Alex, Duncan and Matt did, and Jordy is hell-bent that he's not going to end up in construction just because it's the family trade."

Jan nodded slowly. "Jordy's still set on being a doctor?"

Emily spoke up proudly. "Jordy's going to be a terrific doctor. He's had his mind made up since he was a little boy."

"But that's such a wonderful ambition," Jan stated. "Won't his father be proud of him for that?"

"Dad's pretty set on Sanderson and Sons including all four of his sons. The trouble is, the older guys were fine about joining him, so he's got tunnel vision about Jordy. Mom and l have tried to talk to him about it, but it's like he listens and doesn't hear. I think it goes in one ear and out the other." Terry shook her head in exasperation. She loved her father, but he had such a blind spot about this.

"Jordy is going to medical school," Emily declared firmly. "But it would make it a lot easier if Gord were onside with this."

Hesitantly, Jan made a suggestion. "I don't want to step in where I shouldn't, but I know Rob and Gord get along very well. Would it help to have an outsider try to present Jordy's case? I'm sure Rob wouldn't mind. He thinks the world of that boy, you know."

Emily considered that option, and then nodded slowly. "It might help. Let me think about it for a bit, will you?"

"Of course. I'll talk to Rob in the meantime and see what he thinks. I know he'd do it though." Jan gave a small laugh and added, "Jordy is practically the son he never had."

Terry watched a brief look of sadness pass over her friend's face and blurted out, "You two couldn't have kids?"

"Terry!" her mother admonished her as Terry blushed at her own presumption.

"Sorry, Jan. None of my business," Terry mumbled, staring at the table in embarrassment. Suddenly she felt a warm hand cover hers, and she looked up to see Jan smile easily at her.

"It's okay, Ter. You can ask me anything. Actually, knowing what Rob's prognosis was, we chose not to have children. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to be a real father to them, and he thought it would be too much for me to handle, caring for him and raising children at the same time."

With sudden insight, Terry said in certainty, "You didn't agree."

Jan shook her head. "No, I didn't. But if he didn't want children, I didn't feel it was right to pressure him into it or get pregnant by 'accident'. He had enough to deal with as it was." A wistful look came over her face then as she added, "Still, I think he'd have found our children would have added much more to our life in the balance than any trouble they might have been."

Giving her head a small shake, Jan forced a smile. "Anyway, that's long behind us, and there's no point rehashing old decisions." Looking warmly at Emily and Terry, she said, "Your Jordy sure has been a bright spot in his life though."

Terry snorted. "Yeah, well, it's not exactly a hardship for Jordy to hang around so much. Sometimes I think he's over there almost as much as I am."

"And I worry about both of you taking advantage of their generous hospitality," Emily said firmly, shaking a finger at her daughter.

"No, your kids are great, Emily," Jan demurred. "Honestly, Rob and I both look forward to their visits. Besides, we're over at your place for Sunday dinner so often that it's only fair that we return the favour now and then." She smiled warmly and added, "It's hard to remember a time before we knew you all because it feels like we've known you forever."

Terry smirked at her mother, vindicated for the moment but sure she hadn't heard the last of it. She was glad her mother didn't know exactly how much she did go over to the Spencer home.

She'd caught the speculative glances her mother had aimed her way several times, and didn't want to give rise to unfounded suspicions. All right, so they weren't entirely unfounded, but they were one-sided, and Terry didn't want to be scolded for something that was never going to happen anyway.

Chapter Eighteen

TERRY SNUGGLED DEEPER into her bed, drowsily grateful that it was the weekend and she didn't have to get up for work. Suddenly her dark eyes flew open and a grin lit up her face. It's Saturday! Saturdays had become her favourite day of the week over the last couple of months.

Wanting Jan to have company on her afternoons off, Rob had urged her to switch Donny's shift to Saturday. Terry had gladly gotten into the habit of spending that time with her friend, each woman taking turns suggesting things to do together.

Terry stretched luxuriously, smiling as she thought of the wonderful Saturdays the two women had shared since they'd started this routine shortly after the shopping trip in mid-October. They would usually end the day by picking up Rob and going out to dinner and a movie, often with Jordy accompanying them.

Swinging her feet over the edge of the bed, she shivered at the coolness of an early December morning. Darting over to the space heater, she turned it on high and then dove back under her covers to wait until the chill came off the room.

Pulling her duvet tightly around her chin, Terry hoped that the bad cold Rob had had earlier in the week wouldn't cancel out their afternoon. She looked forward to these afternoons all week.

She thought back to the trip to the Farmer's Market on a glorious fall morning, of long lunches and hikes along the river paths, of browsing old bookstores and of their exploration of the pre-Christmas craft show the previous weekend.

Terry chuckled softly to herself as she remembered their horse riding adventure out at Bragg Creek in November. She hadn't ridden a horse since pony rides at the fair when she was a child. Jan had mounted her mare like an expert and when Terry had raised a suspicious eyebrow, she laughingly admitted that she'd spent much of her girlhood summers at her grandparents' farm and was an old hand at riding.

When Terry painfully slid out of the saddle after a two-hour trail ride, Jan tried to suppress her amusement as her friend hobbled over to the barn.

"You're enjoying this way too much," Terry accused her friend as Jan tried to stifle her giggles.

"I'm sorry, Ter. But you look like you've just dismounted after a year out on the range. If you were any more bow-legged, they could drive cattle between your legs!"

"Well, there sure isn't going to be anything else between my legs for the foreseeable future considering how sore I am!" Terry complained.

"Aw, poor baby! Have the mean horsies ruined your love life?" Jan teased her mercilessly.

"What love life?" muttered Terry ruefully. "You know, next week, I get to choose what we're doing, and it's not going to have a damn thing to do with four legged animals!"

Jan laughed heartily as they returned their horses. Terry considered demanding a compensatory massage for having endured Jan's choice of activities, but decided soaking in a hot bath was probably a safer option.

Jan had even dragged Terry along to do her Christmas shopping early and, for the first time in her life, she was finished before the 24th of December. The young woman smiled to herself, thinking of the one Christmas present she'd purchased on her own. With Duncan and Karen's wedding next weekend, she planned to give Jan her Christmas present today.

Terry pulled her knees higher, seeking more warmth. She closed her eyes momentarily, idly contemplating how seamlessly Jan and Rob had become a part of her extended family. It was a rare Sunday when they didn't join the clan for one of Emily's feasts.

She thought of that November Sunday when Rob had quietly asked to speak to Gord privately before dinner. The two men had been closeted for over an hour, but when they'd come out, Gord had gruffly acquiesced to his youngest son's career dream.

Terry had glanced at her mother and been unsurprised to see Emily's deep look of gratitude directed at the man slumping tiredly in his wheelchair. Terry wasn't sure whose eyes has been brighter, Emily's or Jordy's, but since then an amiable truce had been declared on the subject and Gord no longer brought the issue up.

She chuckled to herself when she remembered the huge piece of homemade lemon pie that Emily had set before Rob that night. He'd accepted it with a wry smile, understanding the gratitude behind it even if he did only make it halfway through the slab.

Terry was sure that her favourite Saturday memory was the day that she'd urged Jan upstairs to the garret, and handed her a plainly wrapped box that had arrived in the mail the day before.

Jan looked at the parcel in her hands and then over at her grinning friend who'd flopped on the bed with an expectant look on her face.

Terry could see the comprehension dawning as an attractive pink blush washed over Jan's face. She started to chuckle, then broke out in a loud laugh as Jan hid behind the box, unable to look at her.

"C'mon, Jan. You know you want to. Open it up!" She knew she'd won when she heard a muffled giggle from the embarrassed woman.

Terry reached out a hand and snagged her friend's sweater, dragging her over to sit on the bed. Jan rested the box in her lap and stared at it until finally raising her eyes to look at her mirthful companion.

"Aw, don't worry, Jan. I don't expect you to demonstrate 'em right now," Terry teased before ducking a cuff aimed at her head.

She watched Jan wrestle with the box for a moment before bouncing off the bed and retrieving a letter opener and a small wrapped parcel from her desk.

"Here, this'll work," she said, handing the letter opener to the redhead.

Jan grinned up at her and, taking the implement, had the box open in seconds. Cautiously, she burrowed through the Styrofoam peanuts until Terry said with exasperation, "It's not going to bite you, ya know!"

"Then what did I buy it for?" Jan quipped as she pulled out a long, slender white box.

Terry laughed, relieved that her friend was getting over her embarrassment. Jan chuckled with her, then quickly emptied out the contents onto the bed. The two women were silent for a moment staring at the selections, then green eyes met brown, and the laughter started all over again.

Terry picked up the package she'd set behind her on the bed and passed it over to Jan, who looked at it in puzzlement.

"Consider it an aid to the aides," Terry said with a smile as Jan tore the paper off, revealing a thick blue paperback with a stylized naked woman on the front.

Jan raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Herotica?"

"Yup, all the inspiration you'll ever need," Terry smirked. "Written by women, for women, with lots of stories from all over the spectrum, gay and straight."

Terry watched as Jan curiously thumbed through the book, before looking at her with a big grin. "Guess I'd better take the laundry downstairs tonight, huh?"

"I dunno, you got a lot to do?" Terry joked.

"Oh yeah! I think it may take me at least an hour to sort, wash, and fold," Jan shot back with a smirk.

"After 37 years? I'm thinking this first load of laundry might take the short cycle," Terry chortled. The two women collapsed helplessly on the bed, rolling around laughing until tears streamed from their eyes. They'd worn themselves down to the odd guffaw when Terry grimaced, pulling a large pink toy from under her back, and they convulsed with laughter all over again.

Terry couldn't help giggling as she remembered the day after when they'd seen each other again at Sunday dinner. Terry had asked in perfect innocence if she'd gotten all her laundry done the previous night. When the two women had practically fallen off their chairs laughing, the entire Sanderson clan plus Rob had looked at them as if they were insane.

When Jan managed to speak, she'd assured Terry that laundry detail had gone very well, and thank you ever so much for asking. That had set them off again and Jordy responded by ostentatiously sniffing their water glasses.

Deciding that her room was now warm enough for her to safely emerge from her cocoon, Terry pushed back her covers and grabbed her robe. Glancing at the bedside clock, she noticed it was just past eight, and she was momentarily disappointed that there were still hours to go until Jan would be hers for the afternoon again.

Hmm, Saturday morning. That means blueberry pancakes with maple syrup. Wonder if they've eaten yet? Knowing that even if Rob and Jan had eaten already, Jan would have saved enough batter to make her pancakes, Terry decided a quick shower was in order before a fast trip to the Spencers.

Twenty minutes later, Terry grabbed her skates and headed out to her car. Today they'd planned on a skating expedition to the frozen lagoon by the river. Terry reminded herself to talk Jan into making a thermos of hot chocolate to take with them.

Driving carefully over streets still icy and rutted from this week's snowstorms, Terry marveled at how her friendship with Jan had blossomed over the months. Much to her surprise, she'd found it easier to relax and simply enjoy the woman's company without letting her latent feelings interfere.

It wasn't that she'd fallen out of love with Jan. If anything, her love had deepened until it was a steady undercurrent of her life. The woman was constantly in her thoughts, but she'd forcibly tamped down her desire for her friend to manageable levels.

Only in the privacy of midnight thoughts did the longing to hold Jan in her arms, to make hours of gentle love to the older woman, and to see that love reflected back from emerald eyes, overwhelm her.

When daylight returned, Terry could again rejoice in the friendship that had grown between them. Jan had become her best friend and the brief moments of conversation when she dropped off mail, the evening visits with both her and Rob after her writing was done, their Saturday afternoons together, and even just long talks on the telephone made up the fabric of her days.

After finishing the first draft of her book only the weekend before, Jan and Rob had insisted on taking her out to dinner to celebrate. She and Rob had gotten giddy on several bottles of wine while Jan rolled her eyes at them, laughing at how much both of them were going to pay for their indulgence in the morning.

Terry grimaced as she remembered how right Jan had been. She couldn't even make it over to her parents place for Sunday dinner that night, and Michael had been conspicuously and gleefully loud when she'd finally dragged herself down to the kitchen in mid-afternoon.

She couldn't remember a time when she'd been more contented, and if fantasies about sharing a life with Jan often crossed her mind, she didn't feel she was hurting anyone. She'd come to a rough peace with knowing that Jan couldn't be hers. It surprised her, as she'd never been one to worship from afar or pursue a hopeless situation, but then she'd never met anyone who affected her as a certain auburn haired woman did.

Turning onto the Spencers' street, the Tin Can went into a fishtail and Terry quickly countered it before she slid up on the sidewalk. Heaving a sigh of relief, she navigated her way carefully to the curb in front of the small white and green bungalow.

Jogging up the walk, she was surprised to see the curtains still drawn. Ringing the doorbell, she waited but when Jan didn't answer, she decided to let herself in. Jan could be downstairs putting laundry in and she wouldn't be able to hear the bell. She grinned as she thought of Jan 'putting laundry in' but told herself sternly to get her mind out of the gutter.

Swinging the door open, Terry was immediately struck by how quiet the house was. Instead of a jibe from Rob about 'burglars' invading his house, there was dead silence. Not even a radio was playing in the back rooms. Surprised, she saw that the covering was still on the birdcage. Terry knew that Jan always uncovered the budgies as soon as she woke up.

"Jan, are you here?" Terry called, feeling slightly foolish as she did.

Kicking off her boots and dropping her skates by the door, she wandered through the house looking for her friends. Coming to the master bedroom, she was startled at its appearance. Jan was normally a very tidy housekeeper, but the bedroom looked as if a hurricane had hit it. Sheets were thrown on the floor, bits of plastic and paper were scattered on the disheveled bed, and closet doors were half-opened.

Uneasily, Terry backed out of the room, trying to decide what to do. She wished that she knew the phone number for Jan's sister, but she'd never even met the woman. Returning to the living room, she uncovered the birds and was met with indignant chirps.

"Yeah, I know, guys. Your family seems to have gone somewhere in a hurry. The question is where...and why?"

Terry checked the answering machine, hoping there might be a clue there but it was turned off. Biting her lip, she tried to ignore the gnawing worry in her belly. Deciding to leave Jan a note, she dashed off a message, asking her to call when she got home. She left it on the kitchen table, and then put her boots back on. Leaving her skates, she tried optimistically to believe she'd still get to use them this afternoon.

Turning to lock the door behind her, she noticed Jan's neighbour shoveling his walk. As she walked over to his house, the elderly man looked up and smiled at her.

"Hi, Mr. Edwards," Terry called.

"Hi, Terry. What are you doing in these parts on your day off, or is Canada Post delivering on Saturdays now?" The old man chortled at his own joke.

"No, sir. Actually, I was just going to visit with the Spencers..."

"Is he back from the hospital then?" Mr. Edwards asked with concern. "I thought when the ambulance took him..."

Terry gasped. "The ambulance? When? What happened? Where'd they take him?"

The old man blinked at the rapid-fire questions. "Well, I'm not sure where they took him, but it must have been around six-thirty this morning. I don't sleep so well anymore, you know, and I was up prowling about when I heard all the ruckus."

Terry tried to quell her trembling impatience, knowing she had to let the elderly gentleman tell it in his own way, but desperate to know what had happened.

"I looked out the window, and there was an ambulance with the lights going 'round, and a bunch of boys in blue pouring into the house. Then a couple of 'em came back for a stretcher and the next thing you know, they're taking somebody out. Now, I figure it had to be the young man, since that nice Mrs. Spencer was right behind them."

If she hadn't been so scared, Terry would have smiled at the description of Rob as 'young'. "Foothills, it had to be Foothills they took him to," she muttered to herself. "Thank, Mr. Edwards."

Turning, she ran back to her car, hearing the old man call after her, "If you see them, you give them my best wishes now. Such a nice couple they are."

* * *

Terry burst through the Emergency doors, looking frantically around the waiting room for a familiar face. Not seeing Jan in the crowd, she headed for a window where a frazzled triage nurse was processing a long line of people. Impatiently, she stood in line, wanting nothing more than to rush the window and demand information, but knowing all it would get her was a rude dismissal.

Ten minutes later, after being curtly informed that they didn't give out patient information, she was directed to the processing desk. Again she stood in line, inwardly gnashing her teeth and outwardly trying to maintain a friendly façade.

"Excuse me, could you tell me if a Rob Spencer was brought in this morning by ambulance?" Terry appealed to the woman behind the window.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. We're not allowed to give out patient information."

Terry closed her eyes in frustration, damning all regulations to everlasting hell. Taking a deep breath, she asked, "Would it be breaking any rules to tell me if you've seen a short, redheaded, probably very distraught woman waiting around here, somewhere?"

A nurse passing behind Terry paused. "Are you looking for Mrs. Spencer?"

Terry whirled around. "Yes! Do you know where she is?"

"I put her in the private waiting room when they brought her husband in. It's the first door past the double doors on the right."

"Thanks!" Terry's gratitude for the information was quickly replaced by the driving need to find Jan. Walking swiftly down the hall, she passed the double doors and paused before a door unmarked except for a small room number.

Taking a deep breath, she quietly pushed the door open and saw Jan pacing the floor in a small, softly lit room as another woman perched on a couch talking to her.

Jan looked up and Terry was struck by the exhaustion on her face. Her eyes were red and swollen, and Terry felt a lump in her throat at the fear on her drawn face.

Terry wasn't sure who moved first, but a second later Jan was wrapped tightly in her embrace. She felt the smaller woman shake as her friend burrowed past Terry's open parka and into her body, burying her head in Terry's neck.

Rocking her slightly, Terry murmured meaningless words into auburn hair, feeling the dampness of tears on her throat. They stood together for long moments, taking mutual comfort in each other's arms.

Looking over Jan's head, Terry saw the other woman wiping away a tear. The taller, heavier woman had an unmistakable family resemblance to the woman in her arms, and Terry nodded her acknowledgement of Jan's sister.

Kate nodded back, a sad half-smile on her face. Jan stirred and Terry gently eased her back until she could see her face.

"Hey," she said softly. "Are you alright?"

Jan blinked away tears and gave a shaky smile. "I've had better days."

Terry brushed her thumbs over wet eyes and pushed Jan's hair back behind her ears. "C'mon, let's sit down and you can fill me in."

Terry steered Jan to the nearest couch, shucking off her coat on the way, and they settled down. Jan closed the tiny space between them, nestling under Terry's arm as the younger woman took her hand.

"Why don't you tell me what happened and how Rob is?" Terry coaxed.

"I don't know how Rob is yet. They're still working on him." Jan's eyes filled again, and Terry offered silent comfort by squeezing her hand and hugging her tightly.

"The doctor was in once, but he didn't have much information for us yet," the other woman spoke up. "I'm Kate, by the way."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Jan said in chagrin. "Terry, this is my sister Kate. Kate, this is my best friend, Terry."

"Hi, Kate. It's nice to finally meet you, though I wish it wasn't under these circumstances."

"It's nice to meet you too," Kate said politely. "I've heard so much about you and your family."

"She's been telling tales out of school, has she?" Terry teased gently, pleased when she coaxed a small smile out of Jan.

"I'm going to go get us some coffee. Terry, would you like some?" Kate stood, diplomatically giving the friends some time together.

"Yes please. Just cream." Terry watched Kate leave and then turned to face Jan. Firmly, she took both of her hands and waited.

"How did you know we were here, Terry?" Jan asked curiously.

"I went to your place hoping for blueberry pancakes and your neighbour told me about the ambulance taking Rob away. I guessed it was going to Foothills since it's the closest hospital, but I was on my way to Rockyview next if I couldn't find you here. What happened this morning? When I talked to you last night, I thought he just had a bad cold."

"That's what I thought too," Jan sighed and looked down at their interlocked hands. "He's had a rough week and hasn't been getting much sleep with the coughing and all. We were awake until about three this morning but then he finally fell asleep. When I woke up, he was still sleeping so I thought I'd grab a shower first and let him sleep in. When I did try and wake him up, he wouldn't open his eyes. I shook him and shook him, but I couldn't wake him up."

Jan choked back a sob and Terry raised their hands to her lips, softly kissing the smaller hands resting in hers, trying to convey love and reassurance. Jan tightened her grip on the younger woman's hands and continued.

"I called 911 and they were there so fast, Terry. They swarmed all over him, sticking tubes in everywhere. Then they loaded him into an ambulance and we came here. All we've heard so far is that he's in serious condition, but that they've stabilized him. That was about a half hour ago and we're still waiting for more information."

Jan looked up and Terry could see the fear in her eyes. "Ter, his breathing was so raspy, like he was working for every breath. How could I have slept through that? Maybe if I'd woken up sooner and noticed something was wrong he wouldn't be in such bad condition now."

"Hey! None of that! This is not your fault. You were exhausted and no one blames you for getting what sleep you could. Even if you'd woken up sooner, you would've thought it was just the cold making him raspy and let him sleep." Terry hoped her stern words would get through to her friend. "Listen, he's going to be fine. He's in the best place he can be right now...you know that."

Jan nodded but Terry could still see the uncertainty on her face. She decided to change the subject. Softly she asked, "Why didn't you call me once you were here?"

Jan ducked her head guiltily and mumbled something. Terry released her hand and tilted her face up. With a slight smile she asked, "What was that?"

Jan sighed and said sheepishly, "I wanted to but I didn't think I should bother you that early. I just called Kate and she came right over." Hastily she added, "I was going to call later, honest!"

Terry shook her head in gentle rebuke. "You can call me anytime, for anything. Don't you know that by now?"

Terry could tell by the way Jan bit her lip and looked up at her through lowered eyes that she really didn't know that. Fiercely, she pulled her friend into a hug, determined to let Jan know that she'd always be there for her, and for Rob too. She felt Jan sink into her embrace as the other woman wrapped her arms tightly around her.

They were still locked together when Kate pushed through the door, balancing three coffee cups and closely followed by a doctor in blue scrubs.

Jan stiffened and sat upright, staring at the doctor fearfully. Kate set two Styrofoam cups in front of the women and took her place in a chair as the doctor sat opposite her.

Leaning forward, the doctor looked at Jan compassionately. "Mrs. Spencer, we're going to be moving your husband to Intensive Care in a few moments, and once he's set up in there, you can see him."

"Is he going to be alright?" Jan beseeched the doctor.

"He's in serious condition, Mrs. Spencer and he's going to be in the ICU for a few days before we can move him onto a regular ward. He has viral pneumonia with a probable bladder infection to complicate matters. As you know, his MS has radically reduced his lung capacity and ability to breathe, and with his compromised immune system, we have to be careful not to overlook any potential complications. I'm afraid you're looking at a few weeks in the hospital at least."

"But he will recover, right?" Jan's shaky voice begged for reassurance.

The doctor started to speak, but hesitated as if to choose his words carefully. He bit his lip and then gently spoke. "We've started him on a full course of IV antibiotics and we're confident that we'll get the pneumonia under control. However, I think you have to understand that your husband's health is very precarious. Each time he deals with a crisis like this, it leaves him weaker and more susceptible to opportunistic infections, which in turn deprive him of even more of his limited strength. There are some further issues that will have to be addressed but for now, we'll deal with the immediate problems."

Terry felt Jan shiver under her arm and unconsciously tightened her hold, lending her friend strength to face the doctor's bleak assessment.

With a quick look at her sister, Kate stared intently at the doctor and asked, "Are we talking about a life-threatening situation with Rob right now, Doctor?"

Jan glanced gratefully at her sister, and Terry knew she needed to hear the answer to a question she'd been afraid to ask.

The doctor glanced between the women, and addressed his answer to all of them. "I don't think I'm telling you anything you don't know when I say that Mr. Spencer has already beaten the odds by living with the acute nature of his chronic-progressive MS as long as he has. It isn't my area of specialty, and I certainly wouldn't try to put an exact time frame on it, but to answer your question–yes, I would say that every time he has to deal with a crisis like this, his life hangs in the balance."

Looking directly at Jan now, he went on, "Mrs. Spencer, have you and Mr. Spencer ever discussed issues such as directed care and living wills? Do you know what his wishes are in such situations?"

Jan nodded, saying softly, "He doesn't want extraordinary measures. He always said if it came to that, I wasn't to keep him hanging around on machines. I was to let him go."

"Then they'll probably ask you about putting a DNR on his records once he's set up in the ICU, Mrs. Spencer. I think you should be prepared for that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back. If you want to move to the ICU waiting room down the hall, they'll let you know when you can see him. I should warn you that he'll be unaware of you or his surroundings for probably the next day or so, but he should start responding to the antibiotics fairly quickly and you'll see an improvement."

The doctor left, and the three women sat quietly, absorbing his words. Terry felt stunned. Rob had always exuded such vitality despite his physical condition that it was hard to accept that the doctor had spoken in such imminent terms of his death.

Glancing at the woman leaning against her, she saw tears rolling unchecked down Jan's cheeks. Grabbing a couple of tissues from the handy box beside her, she wiped gently at her friend's face.

Kate came over and knelt in front of her sister. "Hey, Jannie. You know the doctors have written that stubborn husband of yours off before. They were wrong then, they're probably wrong now. Why don't we go down to the ICU waiting room like the doctor said? You'll feel much better once you can see him."

Jan nodded wordlessly and Terry stood, pulling her up as well. The three women picked up their coats and left the room, looking for the ICU waiting area. Finding it down the hall, they entered a large room with separate seat groupings and four smaller rooms set off from the main area. A large fish tank was set opposite the door, and pillows and blankets were scattered haphazardly around the room.

There were a dozen or so people in the room and the air of controlled anxiety was palpable. Noticing a phone on the wall, Terry said, "I'm just going to give Mom a call. I'll be with you in a minute."

Leaving the sisters to find their seats in the corner of the sun-lit room, Terry dialed an outside line. When her mother answered, all Terry could choke out was, "Mom."

"Terry? Terry, what's wrong?" Emily's worried voice rang in her ear, as Terry tried to bring her emotions under control. "Sweetheart, please. What's wrong? Where are you?"

"Mom, I'm at Foothills." Terry could hear her mother gasp as she hastened to reassure her. "No, Mom, I'm okay. It's Rob."

"What's wrong with Rob? Are you there with Jan? Is she alright?" The sound of Emily's voice steadied her, as Terry gathered herself together and related the whole story of the morning's events.

She could hear her little brother in the background, demanding to know what was going on. When she'd brought her mother up to date, she felt a tremendous sense of relief. In sharing the burden, she'd halved it and she knew she could depend on her mother for support and common sense.

"Terry, Jordy and I are leaving right now. We'll meet you all as quickly as we can get there."

"Thanks, Mom."

Terry hung up, feeling immense gratitude for the unqualified support her mother offered. Returning to her companions, she sat beside Jan who'd curled up in the corner of a couch. Terry couldn't help admiring the wintry morning sunbeams dancing off auburn hair and picking up the gold highlights, but when Jan turned sad, questioning eyes to her, she was abruptly reminded of why they were here.

"I talked to Mom. She and Jordy are on their way."

"That's so nice of them, Ter. You didn't have to ask them to do that." Jan leaned slightly towards the younger woman and Terry responded by taking a willing hand, squeezing it gently.

"Ask them?" Terry snorted a little. "Like a herd of elephants could've stopped Mom once she heard what was going on!" The two women grinned a little at the thought of a determined Emily. "Besides, you know Jordy will want to see Rob too."

The three women passed long minutes in desultory small talk, waiting for word that Rob had been settled in the ICU so they could see him. Each time the waiting room door opened, they all looked up eagerly, hoping it would be a nurse letting them know it was time to go in.

Emily and Jordy arrived twenty minutes after Terry had called. Emily marched right up to Jan and swept her into a big hug, murmuring words of comfort and reassurance. Jordy awkwardly patted Jan's hand, his youthful uncertainty quite evident. Introductions were made as the two newcomers met Kate, and the small party settled back to continue waiting.

Half an hour later a nurse entered and quietly called out, "Spencer?"

Jan stood instantly and the nurse walked over to them. "Mrs. Spencer? Mr. Spencer is in the ICU now and you can go in to see him. We'd prefer you keep your visit short however, and only two people at a time."

"Kate, why don't you go with Jan and we'll wait our turn here," Terry suggested. She was unwilling to leave Jan's side but uncomfortably aware that Kate was family and she wasn't.

Kate nodded and stood to follow Jan who was close on the nurse's heels. Once the two women were out of the room, Emily turned to her daughter and asked, "How's she doing, Terry?"

"She's scared, Mom. I get the feeling that not being able to wake him up this morning terrified her, and I don't think it's helping matters that the doctors can't give her a more optimistic outlook."

Emily nodded gravely but before she could go on, Jordy blurted, "He's not dying, is he, Ter?"

Terry looked compassionately at her younger brother. He was too young to remember when their grandparents had died in a car accident and the pain their mother had gone through at the loss of her parents. His only exposure to death was the usual childhood trauma of short-lived hamsters and an old black alley cat that had chosen their yard to expire in. Now he was faced with the mortality of a man he idolized and he didn't know how to handle it.

Choosing her words carefully, Terry said, "Jordy, you know Rob isn't in very good health, right?"

The young man nodded reluctantly as his sister went on.

"We all tend to overlook the truth of his condition because he's such a vital man in other ways, but Rob is close to the end of a very long battle. He's fought this disease longer than you've been alive, but ultimately he can't win."

Terry saw her brother's eyes begin to fill and she looked helplessly at her mother. Emily leaned forward to place a hand on her son's knee.

"Jordy, it's okay. It's not fair what's happening to him and it's alright to be sad and angry about that, but they'll do the best they can for him here, and we'll just pray that he'll be all right this time. In the mean time, you can best honour him by being strong for Jan, because she's going to need our support now."

Jordy scrubbed angrily at his eyes and tried to pretend he wasn't crying. Terry nudged a box of tissues surreptitiously across the coffee table in his direction, and he grabbed a handful, blowing his nose furiously.

Terry watched her little brother, filled with love for this sensitive young man. She knew his big heart would cause him endless grief once he became a pediatrician, but she also knew it would make him an outstanding doctor. She hoped he would remember the unspoken lessons Rob had taught him these past months about facing adversity with courage and grace. Her musings were interrupted as Kate came back into the waiting room and joined them.

Her face somber and eyes sad, Kate said, "Terry, could you give Jan a ride home when she's ready to go? She insists she can take a cab, and I've got to get home as I'm committed to taking my son and his friends to a school basketball tournament today."

"Sure, no problem, Kate. I was planning on staying with her anyway," Terry assured the woman. Kate nodded with relief and stood to leave.

Emily smiled approvingly at her daughter. "Why don't I go in next and then Jordy, if you're planning on staying with Jan?"

"Sure, Mom. You guys go ahead and I'll wait my turn."

After both Emily and Jordy returned from their brief visits with Rob, visibly upset with what they'd seen, Terry went down the short hall and through the double doors into the ICU.

Stopping at the desk, she asked for Rob's bed number and was directed to the far end of the room by the window. She passed a dozen cubicles, marveling at all the machinery humming, whirring and clicking around her.

Coming up to the open end of Rob's cubicle, she slowed her pace and watched Jan leaning over her husband, stroking his hair and talking quietly to him. Rob's eyes were closed, and tubes ran into his mouth and nose. More tubes were attached to his arms and wires ran from flat circles pasted to his chest to wall monitors with ominous red lines and numbers flashing continuously.

Terry felt a large lump rise in her throat as she saw how pale and still the man appeared. It was the stillness that overwhelmed Terry. Rob was always bubbling with jokes, stories and friendly insults, his eyes sparkling as he confronted life head on, daring it to get the better of him. Now for the first time, Terry could clearly see how vulnerable he was to the disease that was stealing his life away.

A nurse sitting at a computer at the end of the cubicle glanced up at Terry curiously, and she edged in that direction, not wanting to interrupt Jan although she had a hunch the older woman, so completely focused on her husband, wouldn't have noticed the Stampede Marching Band parade through the ICU.

The nurse entered another command on her computer and then turned to face Terry.

"Is he all right?" Terry asked, slightly embarrassed at posing such an obvious question.

The nurse smiled reassuringly. "We've got him stabilized, and he's already had a full course of antibiotics. He woke up briefly when we moved him to his bed, but he's pretty exhausted. I wouldn't expect much awareness out of him before tomorrow at least, but I doubt that he'll have to be in here more than a couple of days before we can move him to a regular ward."

Terry nodded gratefully and then moved behind Jan who glanced up at her with a quick smile before turning her attention back to Rob. For a long while, Terry listened as Jan spoke softly to Rob about everything and nothing as the nurse periodically entered the cubicle to check the monitors and adjust settings.

Finally, the nurse stopped and addressed Jan. "Mrs. Spencer, he'll be out of it for the rest of the day. Why don't you go home and get some rest yourself? Come back tomorrow and he'll know you're here then."

Jan frowned slightly, and Terry thought she might reject the suggestion. Cutting off any potential objections, Terry urged, "C'mon, Jan. Let me take you home now. He'll be fine and you're not going to be any good to him if you pass out from exhaustion yourself."

Jan raised tired eyes to Terry's concerned face, studying it for a moment before nodding her reluctant acquiescence. Leaning over she gently kissed Rob's forehead and caressed his hair one last time, before allowing Terry to lead her away.

* * *

Terry stared up at the ceiling of the guest room, listening to Jan move restlessly around the house. In the hours since she'd brought Jan home from the hospital, the redhead hadn't been able to settle in one place for more than ten minutes at a time, and Terry had gotten tired just watching her.

She'd resisted any urgings to nap, claiming that her mind was too wrought-up to relax. Terry had ordered a pizza for their dinner and Jan had barely picked at it. She'd nodded absently when Terry announced she'd be staying overnight, not even bothering to protest that she'd be fine alone. The young woman knew she was running on automatic pilot and wondered when the impact of the day would set in.

Glancing over at the bedside clock, Terry saw that it was closing in on one AM. Sighing, she pushed back her covers and stood up. If Jan was going to wander all night, the least she could do is keep her company. Opening her bedroom door, she listened for a moment but couldn't hear Jan. Walking down the hall, she turned the corner into the living room and saw her friend standing in the dark at the kitchen window, quietly watching the falling snow.

Terry came up behind her, whispering a soft "hey" so she didn't scare the other woman. Jan glanced back at her and gave her a weary smile. Terry stood behind her, gently rubbing the back of the older woman's neck and feeling the tenseness of the muscles there.

Jan exhaled softly and leaned back. Terry stepped closer and wrapped her arms around Jan's shoulders as the older woman relaxed against her body. They stood in silence, watching the soft glow of the white landscape.

"Looks like I'm gonna have to do some shoveling tomorrow," Terry finally offered.

Jan gave a slight chuckle, and then said, "I've always loved the light reflected off the snow at night. It's like the whole world has been scrubbed clean and all the ugliness hidden under a beautiful blanket."

Terry rubbed her cheek against the soft hair nestled against her neck and murmured her agreement. She was content to hold Jan and give the woman a safe place to talk, or not, as she desired. Jan was quiet for long moments before she spoke again.

"I thought I was ready, you know? All these years, I've tried to condition myself to thoughts of his death. Thought it would make it easier when the time came. It hasn't."

Terry tightened her hold and said softly, "It's not necessarily his time, Jan. They said he should only be in there for a few weeks."

Jan gave a short, bitter laugh. "Not this time, no, but what about next time or the time after that? I'm not stupid, Terry. I can see how he's deteriorated over the last year. No one comes right out and says it, but we all know his time is limited."

Terry had no answer for that, no bland reassurances to rebut the truth of Jan's words, so she just rocked the woman gently, trying to let her know she didn't have to face this alone. Jan reached a hand up to stroke the strong arms that comforted her.

"I can't tell you how many time I've woken up in the middle of the night and listened for his breathing, desperately afraid to move until I heard him. Or the times when I couldn't hear him and I'd reach out to touch him, sure that his skin would be cold and that he'd slipped away from me in the night. Do you know what I've always prayed for?"

Jan didn't wait for a response as she went on. "I've always prayed that he'd have an easy death, that he'd die peacefully in his sleep rather than plugged into tubes and machines."

Terry felt as much as heard the choked sob, and she quickly turned the smaller body in her arms, pulling her into a close hug. Jan returned the embrace, her arms going around the younger woman tightly as she laid her head against Terry's shoulder.

They stood together for a long time, Terry staring out the window while she stroked the woman's hair and back comfortingly. Eventually Jan pulled back and ruefully rubbed the shoulder she'd been resting on.

"I seem to be making a habit of crying all over you today," she said as she patted the damp shirt.

"That's okay," Terry grinned. "It's Rob's shirt anyways."

That got a soft chuckle, and when Terry asked, "Do you think you might be able to sleep now?" Jan nodded weary assent.

Terry led her down the hall to the master bedroom. She'd remade the bed earlier with fresh sheets and now she turned back the quilt and fluffed the pillows.

An amused voice asked, "Are you going to tuck me in too?"

"Yup," Terry answered with a grin. "And if you're real good, I might even throw in a bedtime story."

Jan kicked off her slippers and tossed her robe at the foot of the bed before sliding between the sheets. Terry pulled the quilt up and tucked it around the exhausted woman before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"So what'll it be? Goldilocks? Billy Goat Gruff? Rumpelstiltskin?" Terry bantered as Jan rolled over to face her.

"I've always liked 'The Selfish Giant'," Jan murmured tiredly.

"Ah yes, Oscar Wilde and the redeeming power of love. Good choice. Okay, so once upon a time, in a land far, far away, children loved to play in a beautiful garden. But one day the mean, selfish giant who owned the garden came back from a trip and saw the children playing there..."

Terry lightly rubbed the other woman's back as she deliberately kept her voice low and soft. As she continued with the old story, she watched Jan's eyelids flutter and close and before she reached the end, she heard the deep, regular breathing that told her the other woman had finally ended a very long day.

She continued to stroke Jan's back until a big yawn reminded her that her own day had also been very long. Reluctantly she stood and with a final gentle caress to Jan's face, she turned and walked out of the room, never looking back at the empty expanse on the other side of the bed.

Chapter Nineteen

JAN SMILED AT Jordy, slipping gratefully into the chair he pulled out. They'd just left the packed dance floor and made their way through the lively crowd to their table.

"Would you like some punch, Jan?" The young man's earnest concern for her every whim amused the older woman, but she tried hard to conceal it. She nodded and Jordy disappeared into the mass of wedding guests, intent on finding her some refreshments.

Wincing, she kicked off her shoes and rubbed her right foot with her left. Jordy hadn't been kidding when he warned Rob that he couldn't dance. Jan chuckled as she remembered the scene at the hospital a few days ago.

Jan had been sitting with Rob, who had improved enough to be moved to a regular ward, when Terry and Jordy dropped by. Talk soon turned to the wedding coming up that weekend, and Jan asked Terry if she'd take their gift for Duncan and Karen since they wouldn't be able to attend.

"Whoa, love. Just because I can't go doesn't mean you shouldn't," Rob stated emphatically.

When Jan demurred, Rob shook his head sternly at her before turning his attention to their visitors.

"Jordy, would you do me a favour?"

Jordy practically snapped to attention as he came to stand by the bedside. "Anything, Rob, just name it."

"I want you to escort my wife to the wedding. Will you do that for me?"

"Rob!" Jan protested. "You can't ask that! What if he's already taking a date?"

Jordy shook his head. "Nope, I'm not taking anyone and I'd be pleased to take you if you'd like to go, Jan."

Jan glared at her husband with exasperation, but he just grinned at her. She saw Jordy's serious expression as he waited for her answer. Then she glanced at Terry who hadn't said anything, and was surprised to see a hopeful look in the dark eyes watching her intently.

Throwing up her hands, she surrendered. "Alright, I'll go."

Rob chuckled at his victory, before noticing the worried look on Jordy's face. "What's the matter, buddy?" he asked gently.

"Rob, I...I don't know how to dance," Jordy admitted, then ducked his head in chagrin as Rob laughed.

"Hey, Jordy, it's okay. I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at you," Rob assured him.

"Yes, you were," the young man mumbled as he stared at his feet.

"Jordy, look at me." Rob's words were quiet but compelling, and Jordy's head swung up to meet the compassionate blue eyes regarding him. "Jordy, I don't give a damn if you can't dance. There's no other man in the world that I'd rather have escorting my wife if I can't be there myself, got that?"

A slow smile spread over the boy's face as he beamed at the expression of confidence in him. Jan shook her head in bemusement at her husband's talent for shaping and inspiring young people. Even now, unable to lift so much as a finger, his essential nobility was readily apparent. His relationship with Jordy reminded her of how he'd handled his people as an officer, and why he'd been so popular with both peers and subordinates.

Terry stepped forward and tapped her brother lightly on the shoulder. "C'mon, runt. Let's go home and I'll teach you how to dance so you don't crush Jan's toes on Saturday."

Jordy grinned at her, and then said, "Okay, but you have to let me lead!"

Terry sighed dramatically as the others laughed. "Oh, alright, but only for you." Slinging her arm over her brother's shoulders, she winked at Jan and Rob as she led him away. "Honestly, the sacrifices I make for you."

The sounds of the siblings teasing each other faded down the hall, and Jan turned back to Rob.

"Are you sure, hon? I really don't mind missing it, you know."

Rob looked at her seriously. "You miss too much already, Jan. I'm feeling much better now, and all I'm going to do is sleep or watch TV so there's no point in you sitting here when you could be having a good time."

Jan's eyes filled as she picked up Rob's thin, cool, inert hand, cradling it between her warm palms. She'd been so afraid for him only days ago, and here he was urging her to get out and have fun. Softly, she raised his hands and kissed his knuckles, trying to convey her gratitude for his consideration and regret that he couldn't be with her.

Jan's reflections were interrupted as someone dropped into the chair beside her and an amused voice asked, "Where's your date?"

The redhead beamed as Terry rocked back in her chair and balanced herself against the edge of the table. "He's off finding us something to drink. Dancing is hard work, you know."

Terry chuckled. "How's he doing anyway? Did any of my lessons take?"

"Depends," Jan replied ruefully. "Did your lessons include 'how to tenderize your partner's feet'?"

The young woman groaned and shook her head. "I tried, Jan, really I tried. I swear my baby brother was born with two left feet."

Jan laughed. "Don't worry about it. He's trying very hard and I am having a lot of fun. He keeps apologizing to me so sweetly and telling me that you're the dancer in the family."

Terry shrugged. "Well, I do enjoy it. Always have."

"Hmm, maybe I'll have to drag you out there sometime tonight then," Jan said, only half-teasing.

Terry looked at her startled, but then nodded gravely. "It would be my honour to dance with the loveliest lady here."

It was Jan's turn to look surprised, but she felt a warm flood of pleasure at her friend's words. Fumbling for a response, she fingered the fine gold chain around her neck and said, "I want to thank you again for your beautiful gift. They match my dress perfectly."

"I'm glad you like them," Terry said sincerely. "They set off your eyes really well too."

The two women smiled at each other warmly as Jan's finger traced the tiny oval ammonite jewel cradled in a delicate gold setting. Matching earrings reflected the deep green and gold depths of the stones. Terry had given Jan the gift wrapped in bright Christmas paper when she and Jordy had come by to pick her up for the wedding earlier that day.

"You have exquisite taste, Ter, but then I guess you've had lots of practice picking out jewelry, eh?" Jan teased her friend gently.

"Actually, no. Or at least only for my mother," Terry answered her seriously.

Jan raised an eyebrow. She hadn't expected that response, and she was even more touched at her friend's thoughtfulness. She was about to say more when a look of alarm crossed Terry's face and the young woman bolted upright.

"Damn! Here he comes again. I've got to get out of here. I'll see you later." With that, Terry scrambled away from the table and disappeared into the crowd.

Jan looked after her vanishing friend with astonishment just as Jordy returned carefully bearing two over-filled glasses of punch.

As he set one before Jan, she turned to him and said, "What in heaven's name has gotten into your sister? She took off out of here like a bat out of hell!"

Jordy glanced up to where a tall, heavy man with thinning blond hair and a droopy mustache was lumbering after his rapidly escaping sister.

"Oh no!" he groaned. "I was really hoping he wouldn't show up. Damn, he's going to ruin Terry's whole night!"

Alarmed, Jan looked closer at the man who'd caught up with her friend when Terry was blocked in by a group of inebriated celebrants. He'd grabbed hold of her arm and dragged the reluctant young woman into the dancing.

"Who is he, Jordy? And what's going on between him and Terry?" Jan asked intently, not at all liking how her friend was being manhandled.

"That's Karen's cousin, Roy. We all met at Duncan and Karen's engagement party this summer, and for some reason he fixated on Terry that night. He's a farmer from somewhere north of the city and he decided that Terry was perfect wife material. Geez, she wouldn't give him the time of day and we all thought he'd forget about it." Jordy shook his head at the misguided man.

Jan looked at him in astonishment. "Didn't anyone tell him that Terry doesn't play for his team?"

Jordy snorted in derision, "Everyone told him that, but for one thing, Roy isn't the sharpest tack in the box, and for another thing, he didn't believe it anyhow. Terry had just broken up with Marika and she didn't bring a date to the party, so he thought it was just an excuse to get rid of him."

"I'm surprised she didn't bring a date to the wedding," Jan said, even as she was uncomfortably aware that she was glad Terry hadn't. "Maybe if he saw her with a woman first-hand, he'd leave her alone."

"You're probably right," Jordy agreed. "But I haven't seen Terry bring anyone home for Sunday dinner in months now. Dunno what's gotten into her lately, but even Michael mentioned that she's been flying solo for ages."

Jordy shook his head at his sister's unusual and unaccountable behaviour, and then frowned as he saw Roy pulling Terry close even as she could be seen arguing with him.

"That's it! I've had enough. I'm going to grab Alex and Matt, and we're going to convince him that Terry's off limits." Jordy started to get to his feet, when a firm hand halted him.

"Jordy, I don't think Terry wants a fuss on Duncan and Karen's big day. Why don't you let me handle this?"

Jordy gaped at Jan. "You can't take him on! He's a man-mountain!"

Jan sighed. "Well I don't intend to punch his lights out, Jordy. I have a better idea."

Slipping her wedding ring off, she pressed it into her companion's hand. "Here, hold this for me. I'll be back for it later."

Jordy nodded his agreement, curiosity written all over his young face. Jan smiled reassuringly at him, wiggled her feet back into her shoes and set out to rescue her friend.

Wending her way through the dancers, she came up behind the unwilling partners and tapped Roy on a massive shoulder. When he turned, an inquisitive look on his face, she said sweetly, "May I cut in?"

Roy grinned and let go of Terry. As he extended his hand to Jan, she neatly slipped around him and into Terry's arms.

"Darling, I've been wondering where you were. Honestly, you invite me to the wedding and then you abandon your date to your brother. It's time you made up for your neglect."

Jan almost laughed out loud at the bewildered look on the young woman's face. Seizing the initiative, she pressed closely to Terry, settled one arm over her shoulder while taking her hand and whirled her out across the floor to the strains of a slow waltz.

Slowly, a grin spread across Terry's face and she glanced over Jan's shoulder at her abandoned partner. Leaning her head against Jan's, she whispered with a small chuckle, "He looks like someone pole-axed him."

Jan giggled, delighted that her rescue plan had gone like clockwork. She felt Terry take control, smoothly dancing her around the floor and she smiled at the joy of a long-lost pleasure. She hadn't really danced since she'd met Rob, but there was a time that she couldn't be pried off the dance floor until the last song ended.

Leaning back a little in her partner's arms, she smiled at Terry. "You know, you look really good tonight. Not as good as you'd have looked in that little black number of course, but Michael did well by you."

Michael had outfitted Terry in a pewter gray silk classically tailored pantsuit, with a charcoal gray camisole peeking out from under the jacket. Black demi-boots and elegantly simple silver earrings finished off her ensemble.

Jan, accustomed to Terry in her uniform or casual clothes, was truly impressed at how attractively the clothes flattered the young woman's long, lean lines. She really couldn't blame Roy for wanting to get up close and personal with her dance partner, even if she had been ready to hit him over the head with a chair if he didn't take his hands off her friend.

Terry ducked her head self-consciously but her dark eyes twinkled at the woman in her arms. "I clean up alright then, do I?"

"Oh yes," Jan agreed emphatically. "You most certainly do!"

When the music ended, Terry started to lead her partner off the floor, but Jan resisted. When Terry looked back in surprise, Jan smiled and asked appealingly, "Another, please?"

Terry glanced involuntarily around the crowded hall, but Jan shook her head vigorously. "I don't care, Terry. I'm having fun dancing with my best friend and if she's having fun too, why should anyone else's opinion matter?"

A slow smile crossed Terry's face as she stepped closer and drew Jan back into her arms. "Why indeed?" she murmured as the music started up again.

Content to quietly follow the silky smooth lead of her partner, Jan's thoughts whirled in chaotic turmoil as she considered her pleasure and complete lack of self-consciousness at dancing with another woman.

She told herself that she was only protecting her feet from her enthusiastic but endearingly klutzy date, or that she simply appreciated an excellent partner especially after so many years of not having the opportunity to dance, but her inborn honesty wouldn't allow her to accept the simplistic rationalization.

Jan knew, deep within herself that Roy had only been a convenient excuse for doing exactly what she'd wanted to anyway. She was delighting in the strong, confident arms that held her, guiding her skillfully around the other dancers.

Terry pulled her closer as a rambunctious couple intruded on their space, spinning gracefully away from imminent collision. Jan made no effort to pull back, feeling the heat of the long body pressed against her. She fought the urge to lay her head against Terry's shoulder but breathed deeply, enjoying the warm, clean scent of her partner.

She was quite willing to spend the rest of the night dancing with her friend but when the music ended, the DJ announced that it was time for the bouquet to be thrown and Jan reluctantly turned back to her table.

When Terry trailed after her, Jan stopped and with her hands on her hips, turned and stared at her friend, who returned the look with puzzlement.

"What??" Terry asked curiously.

"Exactly what do you think you're doing, young lady?" Jan inquired with mock severity.

"Um...walking you to our table?"

"No, you're not. You're going to march your cute butt back out on that floor with the rest of the single women and catch the darned bouquet!"

Terry groaned, then brightened perceptibly. "You think I have a cute butt?"

Jan broke out laughing, shook her head and spun her friend around. Slapping Terry on the subject body part, she pushed her back towards the gathering crowd of women.

Terry looked over her shoulder beseechingly, but Jan pointed firmly at the centre of the floor. She couldn't help grinning at the adorable pout on the young woman as she returned to her table and sat down beside Jordy who'd been joined by Emily and Gord.

"I can't believe you talked her into going out there," Emily smirked. "When Alex and Diane got married, she did a ten minute rant on why such ridiculous rituals demeaned everyone taking part in them."

"Well, I suppose it is a little silly," Jan admitted with a smile. "But I couldn't resist."

Jordy chimed in, "Besides, Roy has probably been up there rigging the bouquet to land right in Terry's hands."

Everyone chuckled at Karen's hapless cousin, and then watched as the bride tossed her flowers high and far, over the head of the crowd directly at Terry.

The flowers hit the young woman squarely in the chest and slid to the floor, uncaught. Karen's young niece scrambled to pick up the bouquet while Terry retreated from it like it was a live grenade.

Jordy convulsed with giggles while hoots and cheers went up from the crowd. Jan could see the blush on Terry's face from where she sat and she briefly regretted pushing her friend into it. She was relieved to see Terry return to their table with an abashed grin. When the woman dropped into the chair beside her, Jan nudged her and whispered, "No hard feelings?"

Terry regarded her with amused eyes and whispered back, "Paybacks, lady, paybacks!"

They chuckled together and turned their attention to Gord, who was relating a story of ending up at the wrong church earlier in the afternoon, and only barely getting to the right one on time for the ceremony.

Jan saw Emily roll her eyes but smile with affectionate exasperation at her husband. Jan returned her attention to Gord, but several moments later felt Emily's eyes on her. Looking up, she saw the older woman watching her intently, a worried look in her usually warm eyes.

Startled, she focused on her friend, trying to interpret Emily's concern, but as soon as the older woman saw that she'd been noticed, she tapped her husband on the shoulder and asked him for a dance. As Emily and Gord left the table to join the dancers, Jan puzzled over what that look had been about, but abandoned her musings when Jordy stood and offered his hand.

As the young man led her back out on the floor, she glanced back at Terry, who grinned and mouthed, 'Paybacks!'

For the rest of the evening, Jan alternated dances between Jordy and Terry, always managing to stay out on the floor longer with her best friend who didn't appear to object at all.

She was concerned about Roy, who spent most of the evening downing beer at the bar and staring malevolently at Terry, but Jordy had enlisted the rest of the family to help run interference.

The Sanderson clan threw up a protective cordon around the young woman, and even Matt took his hands off his curvaceous, platinum blonde date long enough to dance with his sister once. Somewhat to her exasperation, Terry was never left alone, even when she went to the ladies room.

Jan strove to make her claim on the young woman clear to the deluded farmer, leaning close to the tall brunette, whispering intimately in her ear and dragging her out to the dance floor at every opportunity.

A couple of hours after the newlyweds had departed to the cheers and catcalls of their guests, the party began to wind down. Most of the guests, including Matt and his date, had departed when Jan pitched in with the Sandersons to help clear away some of the detritus of the celebration.

Streamers and balloons were pulled off walls and pillars. Dirty plates and glasses were packed off to the kitchen where Emily was directing traffic and Diane was filling the dishwasher. Jordy and Alex grabbed brooms and began pushing piles of litter to the centre of the room where Gord and Terry were filling large garbage bags.

On her sixth trip into the kitchen, Jan gratefully accepted a proffered cup and sank down in a chair beside Emily. Diane left the room in search of a phone to call her sitter, and the two women sat together companionably, enjoying the strong coffee.

"It was a wonderful wedding, Emily. I had a marvelous time and I haven't danced like that in more years than I can remember."

Emily laughed and glanced at the piles of dirty dishes stacked on every available surface even as the dishwasher could be heard running another load. "It did go well, didn't it? Now if only we had our own personal genie to wink this mess all away."

Jan chuckled and took another sip of the hot liquid. "Maybe if we leave it all overnight, the cleaning elves will take care of it."

"No such luck, I'm afraid. I always tried that theory on the boys' rooms, but the mess never once disappeared overnight."

"What about Terry's room?" Jan asked curiously, wondering if her friend's sloppiness was a lifelong trait.

Emily snorted. "Terry was worse than all three of the older boys put together, but she had a knack for hiding things in the strangest places when she knew I was going on the cleaning warpath. All the kids were supposed to bring their laundry down to the basement for washday, but that daughter of mine... Do you know I once found a week's worth of dirty socks and underwear stuffed down the heating register in her room? Honestly, if I hadn't smelled something funny when I was changing her sheets, she might have burnt the whole house down! Another time, I found a half eaten sandwich stuffed in the toe of a dirty old sneaker. When I asked her why, she looked up at me with these big innocent eyes and said she knew I wouldn't want her to waste food so she was saving it for when she was really hungry."

Jan burst out laughing, picturing her friend as a curly haired urchin with bright mischievous dark eyes, getting in trouble every time she turned around.

"Mother!" Terry groaned from the doorway. "You are not telling tales on me, are you?"

Emily smiled sweetly at her daughter and just took another sip of her coffee. Terry shook her head in despair and grinned at her unrepentant parent.

"Got any more of that coffee?" the young woman asked as she spun a chair around and straddled it.

"Depends. Did you finish getting the hall tidied up?" Emily asked, even as she poured her daughter a cup and pushed it across the table to her.

"Yeah. Dad, Alex and Jordy are piling the bags out by the dumpster. I think we can leave the rest of the clean up until tomorrow. If we come back in the morning, we'll have it all done by noon and still have lots of time to see Duncan and Karen off at the airport."

"Where are they going on their honeymoon?" Jan asked curiously. The last she'd heard, they were still trying to decide between Cancun and Costa Rica.

"Believe or not, they got a fabulous last minute deal on a Mediterranean cruise. As soon as Karen heard about it, she put down their deposit. She said she was tired of waiting for Duncan to make up his mind and if she left it to him, they'd end up ice-fishing for their honeymoon." Emily sighed in exasperation at her son's proclivity for procrastination.

"Yup, sounds like ole Dunc has the ball and chain firmly attached to his ankle now," Terry chortled.

"Don't be laughing at your brother, Teresa Lauren! Your turn will come," Emily chided. "Besides, Karen is exactly what Duncan needs. That boy would daydream his way through life given half a chance."

"Well, can't argue with that. Dunc always did have his head in the clouds, but as for my turn coming someday...no way! I'm not getting tied down!" Terry shook her head, shuddering at the thought.

"Oh yes, daughter of mine. Someday, some woman is going to wrap you right around her little finger, and you're going to be just as helpless against her as your brothers are against their wives," Emily stated firmly, but with a distinct twinkle in her eye.

Jan sat back, sipping her coffee and enjoying the affectionate banter between her companions. Terry had just opened her mouth to rebut her mother's assertion, when Jordy poked his head through the kitchen's swinging doors.

"Hey, you two. Alex's battery died so I'm going to go with Dad and help him boost it. Then I'll warm up the car and bring it around by the back door. How 'bout I pick you up there in ten minutes or so?"

"Thanks, Jordy," Jan said. "You're such a sweetheart. We'll be ready to go when you are."

Jordy ducked his head but Jan swore she could see the blush right up to the roots of his sandy hair. He mumbled something unintelligible and made a rapid retreat.

Emily smiled fondly after her youngest. "I take it Jordy is your designated driver tonight?"

Terry grinned. "Yeah, the runt figured he wouldn't get away with swiping beer under your nose anyway, so he volunteered."

Emily snorted her agreement with that sentiment as her daughter asked, "Anything more we can do here, Mom?"

Emily shook her head and stood, surveying the kitchen. "I'm going to put in one more load of dishes before your father and I leave, but everything else can be left until the morning. You two go ahead and I'll see you later."

Terry dropped a quick kiss on her mother's cheek then held the kitchen door open for Jan, who smiled and bade Emily goodnight before brushing past the young woman.

They headed for the cloakroom, and Jan noted that they were the last of the stragglers. It made it easier to find their coats and Terry courteously held her long, thick gray wool overcoat while she slipped into it. As she buttoned it, she couldn't help smiling at the bright multi-coloured scarf Terry pulled out of her coat sleeve, wrapping it several times around her neck. Somehow it reminded her of the little girl who'd hidden her sandwiches and dirty underwear, and she felt a rush of affection for her friend.

Terry glanced up and caught Jan's expression. "What, don't you like my scarf? I'll have you know my great-aunt knitted that for me."

"It's lovely, Ter," Jan assured her. "No, I was just thinking about what a wonderful night it's been."

Terry's expression softened and she smiled the half cocky, half shy smile that Jan found so endearing. "Yeah, it was great, wasn't it? You really are a good dancer, you know."

Jan chuckled. "Once I shook the rust off you mean! No, it's just that you can make any partner look good."

The two argued good-naturedly about who made who look good, as they left the hall and stood outside on the landing. When Jan shivered involuntarily in the cold night air, Terry looked at her with concern and asked, "Would you rather wait inside? I'm sure Jordy will honk the horn when he comes around."

Jan tilted her head back to stare at the clear black sky spotted with brilliant diamonds and shook her head. "No, it's too seldom I get to see the sky like this. Let's wait out here, alright?"

"Sure," Terry agreed amiably. "But if it gets too cold, let me know."

Jan smiled at her protective friend, and drew in a deep breath of the frigid air, feeling the inside of her nose crinkle in reaction. It had been a glorious evening and she was keenly aware that was mostly due to the tall figure standing quietly beside her.

She'd been touched by Jordy's sweet attentiveness, but dancing with Terry had made her feel alive in a very unaccustomed way. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so exhilarated. A part of her knew that she'd have to examine that more closely later, but for now, she was content to bask in the glow of their companionship.

The night was so silent that Jan started when she heard the roar of an engine being gunned. Puzzled, she looked down the road leading to the front parking lot, only to see an orange pick-up truck barreling along the icy road towards them. She was about to remark on the foolhardiness of the driver when she heard Terry groan.

"Damn it! Why won't that idiot just go home?"

Staring, Jan could just make out Roy's coarse features leering at them over the steering wheel as he slammed to a sliding stop in front of the landing and stumbled out of the door, slipping on the snow covered pavement.

Unconsciously, Jan retreated and grabbed for the handle of the door behind her, but it had locked automatically behind them, cutting off their escape. Terry stepped in front of her, shielding her from Roy's burning stare.

"Why don't you just leave, Roy?" Terry demanded angrily. "Haven't you caused enough trouble for one night?"

Roy deliberately raised the beer bottle in his hand and drained it before snarling at her, "You think you're so good! S'pose a bitch like you wouldn't be caught dead with a guy like me."

Terry sighed deeply. "You just don't get it, do you? I wouldn't be caught dead with a guy, period!" Unable to resist, she continued, "Not that I'd go out with you if I were the straightest woman in the world!"

Roy hawked up a wad of phlegm and spat it in their direction. "Like I bought that for one minute," he growled, his face contorted in rage. "Bet you've spread your legs for half the guys in the city, but I just ain't good enough for you, ya slag!"

Terry was about to reply angrily, when Jan took the initiative and stepped around the defensive bulwark of her friend. Taking Terry's arm securely, she turned the taller woman towards her and then reached up a gloved hand behind her neck. Gently but firmly, she drew the dark head down towards her own. The last thing she was aware of before cold lips met her own was dark, startled eyes gazing at her in amazement. Then the rest of the world melted away.

Distantly she heard Roy curse and the sound of glass breaking as his beer bottle hit the wall off to the side of the landing. On some level she was aware of his truck starting up and roaring away, but her whole world focused on the soft lips possessing her own, the warm tongue exploring her mouth and the impossible way it was turning her entire body to liquid.

Long after the orange pick-up screamed out of the lot, the two women stood, pressed tightly together, deep in an ardent kiss that went on forever. Finally, Terry pulled back slightly, long streams of hot vapour steaming into the winter night as she tried to catch her breath.

Jan found she was having equal difficulty breathing, sucking in lungfuls of icy air that did nothing to cool the fire in her body. The two stood, locked in each other's arms, staring in an erotic trance. Terry lowered her head again, drawing her tongue lightly along Jan's lips, silently asking for entry that was joyfully granted.

Jan could have stood forever in this woman's arms, but all too soon Terry reluctantly pulled back, whispering, "Jordy."

Loathe to let this moment end, but aware that they shouldn't be discovered in this embrace, Jan closed her eyes and nodded slightly. She felt Terry feather light kisses over her brow before the younger woman stepped away to a respectable distance.

Jan swayed, feeling as if something vital had just been ripped away. They stared at each other, unable to speak, unwilling to fracture the crystalline moment between them.

Hearing another vehicle coming down the road, Jan wrenched her gaze from the dark eyes that had taken possession of her soul. Deliberately turning away, she waited for Jordy to pull up in front, trying desperately to will her mind and body to somnolence for fear that what she was feeling would be written on every line of her being for the boy to see.

When Jordy cheerfully clambered from the Tin Can and held the passenger door open for her, Jan silently slipped into her seat, nodding her thanks at the young man. Without turning around, she heard Terry climb in the back and settle into the seat.

Jordy chattered about the party all the way home, never noticing that his passengers were unusually quiet. Pulling up in front of the Spencer home, he rushed around to open the door and offer Jan his arm. Jan stepped out, as did Terry. Softly, she murmured goodnight to her friend and let Jordy escort her to her door.

Unlocking her door, Jan leaned forward and lightly kissed her date on the cheek. "Thank you for a lovely evening, Jordy. I'll tell Rob what a wonderful escort you were."

Jordy beamed and wished Jan a boisterous goodnight before bounding back down the walk. Jan watched him then raised her eyes to meet the dark ones studying her so intently as Terry stood quietly by the car. For a long moment, the two women stared at each other, and then Terry turned to get in the front seat with her brother.

Jan pushed open the door, walked inside and slumped down against the wall until she was sitting on the floor. Wrapping her arms around her knees and bending her head low, she soundlessly rocked back and forth as the birds watched their mistress' curious behaviour.

Chapter Twenty

JAN RUBBED HER hair vigorously and tossed the towel on the bathroom counter. Surveying her mirror image wryly, she reflected that the hot shower hadn't done much to repair the damage of a sleepless night. She picked up her brush and started drawing it through the wet tangles. Mechanically coaxing her hair into place, she suddenly frowned as she realized something was different.

Twisting the hand holding the brush, she stared into the mirror. Dropping the brush, she sat down heavily on the edge of the bathtub, cradling her left hand in her right as she gazed at her naked ring finger. She hadn't taken that simple gold band off since the day over twelve years ago when Rob placed it there.

Unconsciously she lifted her hand, as if testing the weight of it. Numbly she considered the ring's absence even as she sought reassurance in the knowledge that her ring was safe in Jordy's possession and she'd soon have it back.

Oh God, Jannie. What the hell are you going to do? It was the same question that was responsible for the deep shadows under sober eyes, the question that plagued her through the long hours of the night and the question for which she had absolutely no answer.

Closing her eyes, she replayed those moments standing in Terry's embrace, lost in the sweetest kiss of her life. A small shudder ran through her body, and she forcibly wrenched herself out of that prohibited train of thought.

Desperately she focused on one thing as she forced herself to get dressed and ready to go. Rob's waiting for me.

* * *

Terry stared bleakly into the dregs of her coffee. The house was unnaturally silent with her two housemates gone east to spend Christmas with their families. She longed for Michael's comforting shoulder and had even considered calling him last night before remembering that it was past three AM in Toronto. She knew he wouldn't mind, but she was pretty sure his parents wouldn't be impressed.

Terry shook her head in disbelief at her predicament. The woman she was deeply in love with had kissed her last night. Had kissed HER! And any charade to convince Roy had evaporated the instant their lips had met.

When she'd pulled back, she'd seen surprise in the woman's eyes, but she'd also seen passion. If they never spoke of that moment again, she knew that in that instant that Jan felt exactly for her what she'd been feeling for months for the older woman.

Terry rubbed the bridge of her nose, trying to ease the incipient headache. What now? Well, that was the million-dollar question, wasn't it? She'd been able to cap her feelings when she was sure they were one-sided, content to enjoy the friendship of both Spencers.

A part of her wished last night had never happened, but a stronger part exulted in the memory. Her body could still feel the heat of Jan's body pressed closely as they danced. Idly she ran her thumb over her lips, convinced that they were permanently imprinted with the sensation of the older woman's mouth. Terry had kissed her first girl when she was fifteen, and had long ago stopped keeping track of the number of partners who had drifted in and out of her orbit. Never had a simple kiss affected her as Jan's had.

Simple, yeah right! She snorted derisively. The only simple thing about it was your brain for letting it go on the way it did. You couldn't just buss her and step back. You could have laughed it off as old Roy burned out of there, but no, you had to let your feelings out. Idiot!

Even as she castigated herself, Terry knew that she was only one side of the equation and that Jan had been as emotionally involved as she'd been. The older woman had been equally reluctant to break their embrace.

Terry dropped her head into her hands. 'What ifs' plagued her. What if Jordy hadn't been with them? What if Jan had invited her in? What if Rob...

Angrily she pushed her cold coffee across the table, frowning as the brown liquid spilled out.

Hearing the front door open and her brother's cheerful, "Good morning!" Terry sighed and stood up, determined to leave last night alone until she was better prepared to deal with it. As Jordy clattered noisily down the hall, she mopped up the spilt coffee and rinsed her cup in the sink.

Time to clean up last night's mess. She smiled bitterly. At least part of it.

* * *

Terry watched Duncan and Karen wave as they disappeared into the airport Customs enclosure. Her family and Karen's shouted good-byes as Jordy tossed some leftover confetti after them to the disapproving frown of the gate attendant. He grinned cheekily at the bulky, intimidating man and retreated behind his mother.

The large group of well-wishers slowly began to disperse. Terry was trailing her parents and brothers down the concourse when Emily turned to her and said, "You've been awfully quiet, Terry."

"Um, I...I'm just tired from last night, that's all. I had such a good time I couldn't get to sleep when I got home," Terry quickly improvised.

Emily nodded, her blue eyes steady as she calmly assessed her daughter. She was about to say something else when Jordy burst in.

"Shoot, Terry, I forgot to tell you! Rob asked if you'd drop by around five tonight. Jan's going to her sister's for dinner and he wanted to talk to you."

Terry felt like someone had just kicked her the stomach. Jordy looked at her curiously and put a hand on her arm. "Hey, are you okay? You're kinda pale."

"No, no I'm fine. Uh, you saw Rob already today?" Terry asked weakly.

"Yeah, I forgot to give Jan her ring back last night. I knew she'd be up at the hospital today so I swung by to leave it with Rob before I picked you up. I told him all about Roy and what a jerk he was and how Jan rescued you."

Breathe, Terry, breathe. "Oh," Terry managed brilliantly.

Jordy chattered on blithely. "Yup, he thought it was pretty funny how Roy chased you all over and Jan snuck you away right under his nose." He chuckled at the memory. "I told him that you rescued Jan from my dancing too."

"Did, ah, did he say what he wanted?" Terry asked queasily.

"Nope," Jordy told her cheerfully. "He just said to make sure you came by when Jan wasn't there."

Terry was profoundly glad that she hadn't had any breakfast or she was sure she'd be hunting for the nearest ladies room right now. She glanced from her little brother's oblivious face to where Emily was walking beside him, her face unreadable but her gaze penetrating.

"Are you coming by the house, dear?"

Suddenly quite sure she did not want to be alone with her mother who was far too intuitive for Terry's comfort, the young woman shook her head.

"No, thanks Mom, but I'm going over to Lisa and Robyn's place for awhile. I'll see you guys later, okay?"

Without waiting for a response, she turned off from the procession and headed for where she'd parked the Tin Can, uncomfortably convinced she'd narrowly escaped a lovingly intense interrogation.

* * *

"Hey, stranger! You do know where we live after all!"

Lisa's cheery greeting made Terry duck her head in shame. She'd been terribly neglectful of her old friends in these past couple of months.

Holding out a bucket of chicken wings and a case of beer, she gave Lisa her best disarming smile and asked, "Forgiven?"

A long arm reached over Lisa's shoulder and a deep rumble from behind her said, "Hell yeah, for hot wings we forgive anything. Get your tailbone in here."

Relieved, Terry grinned up at Robyn, who was already diving into the bucket, and pushed past Lisa into the hallway of their small cozy home.

In short order the three women were sprawled in the living room, consuming wings, drinking beer and catching up on each other's lives.

"So what's happening on the stork front?" Terry asked curiously.

Lisa rolled her eyes. "We're having problems agreeing on the donor. I think we should go the anonymous route and Robyn wants to ask a friend, someone we know and like. I'm afraid of complications if he wants to get involved after the baby's born and she doesn't like the idea of not knowing much about the father."

"Huh," Terry grunted, sucking the last of the meat off a wing. "Did you have anyone in mind, Robyn?"

The big woman ducked her head shyly, and then looked nervously at Terry. "I was kind of hoping that Michael might agree."

The beer that had just started rolling smoothly into Terry's mouth suddenly did an about face and came back out again. Choking, she grabbed a napkin and frantically mopped up the front of her shirt. When she finally regained her power of speech, she sputtered, "Michael??"

"Well, why not?" Robyn asked defensively. "He's smart, funny, nice, and not bad to look at...for a man."

"Yeah, but...but...Michael?" Terry shook her head, unable to see her friend as a father. A giggle threatened to overtake her as she pictured Michael insisting on designer diapers and tiny Armani suits for the tyke.

Frowning, Lisa chipped in, "I told her that there was no way Michael was going to allow the precious Seaton genes to be wasted on people like us..."

"Whoa!" Terry said sharply. "Stop right there! Michael doesn't have an arrogant bone in his body. I happen to know he thinks very highly of you two. The only reason I said what I did is because I was having trouble picturing him changing diapers."

"But that's it," Robyn protested. "We wouldn't expect him to change diapers or contribute anything else but his sperm."

Slowly, trying to consider both sides, Terry said, "Michael's not the kind of guy to ignore his own child. I think if you did ask him and he agreed, he'd want to have some sort of visitation privileges."

Lisa stood and grabbed another beer from the open case. "We still have to work a few things out between ourselves before we even decide if we want to ask him." She pushed the case across the coffee table to where Terry and Robyn lounged on the couch. Robyn shook her head and Terry indicated her half full bottle.

Sitting back down, Lisa changed the subject. "So what have you been up to, Ter? We were starting to think we were going to have to send out a St. Bernard to look for you."

Terry studied her bottle intently, absently peeling little strips off the label. She started to speak when a lump welled up in her throat and choked off the words. Helplessly she looked at Robyn, who instantly set her beer aside and slid closer.

"Terry? Terry, what's the matter?"

Robyn's affectionate, empathetic tones were Terry's undoing. The tears she'd fought back since last night now came unchecked. Instantly, Robyn took the bottle from Terry's listless grasp and set it on the table. She drew the grieving woman into her strong arms, murmuring wordless sounds of comfort into the dark hair.

Lisa stood and crossed the room to sit behind Terry, rubbing her back soothingly as her large partner rocked the crying woman as easily as she'd have cradled a baby.

When Terry finally ran out of tears, she pulled back and awkwardly scrubbed at her face. Lisa pressed a napkin into her hand. Drying her eyes, Terry muttered with embarrassment, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

"Like you haven't always been there for us," Robyn chided gently. The big woman stared intently at her friend before going on, "You did it, didn't you, Terry? You gave away that one part of your heart you never had before."

When Terry nodded soundlessly, Robyn and Lisa exchanged knowing glances. Catching the byplay, Terry sat up straighter. "You guys knew?"

Lisa smiled wryly. "We strongly suspected. You're a lousy poker player, my friend. Everything you feel is written all over your face."

Horrified, Terry flashed on Rob's summons for this evening. She'd been dreading their meeting because of her guilty conscience, but didn't think Rob could possibly be aware of the whole picture. Jordy wouldn't have been so casual if Rob had been upset about anything, right? But what if her face had long ago given away her feelings for his wife? Did he know? Could he know?

Robyn kept one massive arm loosely draped around Terry's shoulders as she gently urged, "Why don't you tell us what's going on?"

Haltingly, Terry began to tell her old friends of the events of the past few months. By the time she reached the wedding, words were spilling over themselves as she unburdened herself. She hadn't told anyone, not even Michael, the extent to which she'd become emotionally involved with Jan.

Coming to the end of her narrative, she slumped back in exhaustion, feeling drained but better for the telling. Lisa and Robyn were silent as they contemplated her story. Finally, Lisa asked a simple question.

"What are you going to do now?"

Terry snorted and grabbed her abandoned beer back. After taking a long drink, she rubbed reddened eyes and shook her head. "What the hell can I do?" The words felt as acrid on her tongue as the flat beer. "She's married, and there's not a chance in the world she'll leave him. I...I couldn't ask her to anyway."

With those words, Terry acknowledged the truth she'd known from the first moment she'd realized that she'd fallen in love with Jan.

Lisa and Robyn exchanged looks, before Robyn asked compassionately, "Are you sure, Terry? From what you said about last night, it doesn't sound like it's one-sided."

"It's not." And that too was an undeniable and agonizing truth, like putting a banquet one inch beyond the reach of a starving woman.

Terry sighed heavily. "God, what kind of person would I be if I stepped on Rob's toes? For crying out loud, he's helpless! More importantly...he's a friend."

Turning to Lisa, she pleaded, "You couldn't do that to someone would you?"

Lisa regarded her steadily, then her eyes moved to her partner and she said, "For Robyn, I'd move heaven and earth, and God help anyone that stood in my way!"

Terry blinked, surprised at the vehemence in her friend's voice and uneasy at the implications for her own situation.

"Shhh, love," Robyn soothed her volatile mate. "Terry has to make up her own mind, and live with whatever she decides. In the meantime, Terry, don't you forget that we're here for you, okay?"

Terry nodded gratefully, aware she hadn't found any answers but thankful for her friends' unqualified support.

* * *

Terry scuffed her way slowly down the hospital corridor, inanely wondering why they'd painted the walls such a putrid shade of green. Rob's room was at the end of the long hall, across from the sunroom and Terry trod the route with all the enthusiasm of a condemned man walking the last mile.

Glancing up, she noticed how quickly the light of the short winter day was fading. The window at the end of the hall was almost dark now. Biting her lip, she tried to remember if she'd turned off her headlights when she'd parked the Tin Can. Maybe she should go back and check. After all, a dead battery in winter was no joke.

She'd just about convinced herself that her lights were indeed still on, when a cheerful voice ahead of called out, "Oh, there you are. He mentioned that you'd probably be by."

With a weak smile, Terry nodded her acknowledgement at Rob's nurse filling in paperwork at the nurse's station. She'd gotten to know his nursing rotation by sight, if not name, since she'd been visiting him. This woman was the most gregarious of his caregivers by far and would be sure to ask Rob how their visit had gone.

Her avenue of escape closed, Terry walked the last few yards, pausing at the doorway to see if Rob was awake. He was, and grinned when he saw her.

"Hey, Terry, c'mon in. Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable."

Terry almost snorted at that, but did as she was bidden, slinging her coat over the back and dragging the chair up beside the bed.

"I really appreciate your coming by," Rob said sincerely. "I was hoping I could ask you for a favour."

"What did you have in mind?"

Just as Rob was about to launch into his request, a nurse's aide bustled in and, placing a covered tray on Rob's table, asked "Do you need help here, sir, or will your friend be assisting you tonight?"

Rob looked at Terry questioningly. "Do you mind, Ter? Jan normally does it, but the aide will help if you'd rather not."

"No, no that's okay. I don't mind helping," Terry assured him, gingerly removing the tray top to expose the interior. She grimaced at the unappetizing contents and looked up when Rob chuckled.

"Yeah, it sure isn't my wife's cooking, but it's marginally edible."

Terry raised an eyebrow doubtfully. "If you say so." She unrolled the cutlery and cut up the mystery meat before offering a forkful awkwardly to Rob. He deftly removed it and the two settled into a feeding routine as Rob outlined his favour.

"I was wondering if you'd pick up Jan's Christmas present for me. I did a bunch of research with Donny, so I know what I want, but our plans to go out and get it last weekend kind of fell through...obviously." Rob ruefully surveyed his surroundings.

Her present? He wants me to pick up her present for him? Terry almost laughed in sheer relief, but managed to inquire, "So what are you getting her?"

Rob's eyes shone with excitement. "A laptop computer! She's been really impressed with yours, and she talks about getting one all the time. I know exactly what I want and I had her leave me a cheque made out to you. Just fill in the amount and I'll tell her after Christmas next week so she can record the amount in her chequebook. She's going to be so surprised!"

Terry blinked and absently shoveled another spoonful of mashed potatoes into Rob's mouth. He frowned, obviously disappointed by her reaction. Chewing hastily, he said, "Don't you think it's a good idea? I was thinking of a digital camera, but I think she'll get more use out of a computer."

Terry shook her head and tried to generate some enthusiasm. "No, Rob, I think it's a great idea. She's gonna love it."

She listened quietly as between bites, Rob outlined the specifications he had in mind. It was only when he turned his head away from the empty spoon she'd extended to his mouth that she realized she'd been feeding him by rote with her mind a hundred miles away.

Rob peered at her curiously. "Are you okay, Terry? I mean if you don't have time or something, I'm sure I could get Jordy to pick it up for me."

Terry dabbed a napkin at a stray pea on his chin as she shook her head. "No, I'd love to go get it for you, Rob. Sorry, I'm just a bit tired after last night."

Rob chuckled. "Yeah, I heard it was a heck of a party. Jordy was telling me about your not so secret admirer. Sounds like a real pain in the ass."

"Got that right!" Terry said emphatically. Then, unable to ignore the elephant in the room one moment more, she asked, "Did Jan get her ring back alright?"

She busied herself peeling the paper off a straw for Rob's juice, unable to look him in the face. Raising the glass to the man's lips, she focused on how slowly the fluid was drawn up the length of the straw rather than on the intuitive eyes she could feel watching her.

When she pulled the glass away, she heard his soft answer. "Yes, she got here shortly after Jordy dropped it off, so it's back where it belongs."

"Good. Yeah, that's good," Terry said uncomfortably, holding the glass up for another sip.

"It sounds like Jan really enjoyed herself last night. I'm glad. She loves to dance, and I'm not exactly Fred Astaire."

"Neither is Jordy."

Rob chuckled. "So I heard, however I hear that you are."

"Ah, well..." Terry squirmed and then froze as Rob said, "Thank you, Terry."

The young woman gaped at him, then managed to say, "For what?"

"For taking such good care of my wife. For tripping the light fantastic with her and seeing that she had a great time."

Terry didn't know how to take Rob's calm answer and she desperately wished to be anywhere else but in this room.

"Terry." The low voice compelled Terry to raise her eyes to the denim blue ones regarding her quietly. She felt like those eyes were looking right through her, assessing, analyzing and dissecting her soul. With a half-smile he said softly, "It's all right."

Terry stared at him, searching for the meaning of his cryptic words. Comprehension slowly dawned on her and in a strangled whisper she said, "You know."

Rob nodded his head slowly but didn't say anything.

"How long?"

"How long have I known my wife was otherwise orientated, or how long have I known that you two were falling in love?" Rob's melancholy question penetrated Terry to her core, and suddenly she felt like pond scum. She hung her head, unable to respond.

The man sighed heavily. "Terry, I don't actually sit on my brain, you know." He chuckled ruefully as the young woman's head jerked up. "My wife is my whole world. I notice everything about her. After all, there aren't a lot of other distractions in my life. I see how she lights up when you're walking up the front path. I hear how her voice sparkles when she's talking to you on the phone. On Saturday mornings she glows with excitement because she's going to spend the afternoon with you. She can hardly stop talking about all the things you do together. It wasn't exactly hard to add two plus two, though I did hope for a long time that it was just the simple pleasure of having a new friend rather than the alternative."

Terry shook her head in anguished puzzlement. "But it was your idea for her to change to Saturdays so we could do things together."

For the first time, a sharpness entered Rob's voice. "Do you have such a low opinion of me that you think I'd take away something that made her so happy. Damn it, Terry! Do you think I don't know what she gave up by marrying me?" His voice was openly bitter now. "Don't you think I'd give her the world if I could? Well, I can't! This body dies a little more each year and all I can do is watch as she tries her best to keep the pieces together."

Terry was alarmed at the expression of utter frustration on her friend's face and the tears that had filled his blue eyes. Hearing how raspy his breath had gotten as he fought to pull in enough air, she half-started from her chair to summon help, but Rob shook his head and whispered, "Juice."

She quickly raised the glass to his lips, letting him take a long pull through the straw. Setting it back down, she grabbed a tissue and dried his eyes and cheeks. Fearfully, she watched the rapid, shallow rise and fall of his chest through the thin gown. He'd closed his eyes, and she marveled at how that made any semblance of vitality disappear.

"Would you like me to go?" she asked quietly.

Rob shook his head and opened his eyes wearily. "No."

They remained silent for long minutes as Terry periodically offered the juice until Rob had drained the glass. That seemed to restore him a little as he again focused his intense blue gaze on her.

"I won't give her up, Terry." Even in his weakened voice, the words were absolute. "I need her...far more than you need her."

Terry couldn't help herself. "What about what she needs?" Seeing the instant pain on her friend's face, she desperately wished she could retract the words.

"Maybe if I were a better man, I could put her happiness first and let her go, but I can't do it. If I lose her, I lose my life. And the thing is, Terry, I know her. I know that whatever she feels for you, she'll stay with me. She does love me and she's too honourable to leave."

Terry nodded. She knew that.

"Terry." The tone was softer now. "I also know that whatever you're feeling right now, ultimately, you're not going to tear her apart by asking her to make an impossible choice." He chuckled wryly. "You're too damned honourable yourself."

I'm not going to cry...I'm not going to cry...I'm not going to... Terry grabbed the box of tissues and pulled out a handful, mopping at her disobedient eyes. Looking up, she saw Rob regarding her compassionately.

With a deceptively casual tone, he said, "She's never taken that ring off before. It was odd to see her hand bare today, even if it was just for a few minutes."

Hastily, Terry assured him, "She was just trying to fool Roy. She didn't mean anything by it."

"Mmm, maybe."

Rob sounded unconvinced, but skittish about touching on the evening's activities, Terry changed the subject. Genuinely curious, she asked, "You said something earlier about how long you've known Jan was, um..."

Her voice trailed off as it occurred to her how sensitive a subject this would be for him.

"Differently orientated?" A note of humour had returned to Rob's wispy voice. "Probably a lot longer than she has, though to be honest, I wasn't absolutely sure until you came into our lives."

"Uh, how did you..."

Terry was distressed at losing her ability to complete a sentence, sure that it boded ill for her writing future.

He regarded her and Terry had begun to think he wouldn't answer, when he started to speak.

"As far as I know, Jan's never been with anyone but me. It used to disturb me that I couldn't bring her to satisfaction back when we were lovers, but she always assured me that it was just the way she was and not to worry about it. I finally evolved a theory that my wife lived so much in the realm of make-believe, she had a hard time reorienting to the real world in some respects. What we had couldn't match her books, so she couldn't respond fully. But she didn't seem unhappy, and she willingly made adjustments as this disease progressed, but I always got the feeling that she didn't mind a bit when that part of our life became impossible."

Terry was hanging on his words, fascinated at getting an insight on the woman she loved.

"Then you came into her life." The words were mild but Terry still flinched. "And my wife came alive like I'd never seen her before."

"But," Terry objected. "We're not..." All of a sudden she couldn't finish that statement as the sensation of Jan's soft lips under hers flashed across her mind.

"Not lovers?" Rob queried. "I know, but every Saturday when she came home, she was alive with the passion of living and the excitement of being with you. As I told you, I may not be able to scratch my nose, but I do have eyes and ears. The irony is I know Jan had no clue what was happening."

"Neither did I for a while," Terry muttered.

"No, I don't guess you did," Rob said sympathetically. "I know you two never meant this to happen, but it did, and now we have to deal with it."

"How?"

Rob's voice turned serious. "She was very unhappy when she was here this afternoon even though she tried not to let me see it, and as I said, I won't allow her to be torn between us. So you're going to have to fix things."

Terry stood, and walked over to his window, staring out across the parking lot many floors below. She dragged a hand through her hair and without turning around said, "What do you want me to do? Just walk away?"

There was a long silence, and Terry wondered if he was gathering himself to tell her exactly that. She half-hoped, half-feared that that's what he'd say.

"No, Terry. She needs her 'friend', now more than ever."

The woman heard the distinct emphasis on the word, and turned around in confusion. "I don't understand. What do you want me to do?"

"She has to know that you're unavailable as anything other than a friend, Terry." Rob's voice was unyielding now.

"Why? You already said she'd never choose me." Terry couldn't help the undertone of bitterness in her words.

"She wouldn't, but Jan's a dreamer, always had been. She'll stay with me and dream of being with you until it rips her apart. We can't do that to her," Rob insisted.

Terry felt like an iron vice was clamping over her heart. Forcing the words out, she said, "She has to see me with another woman."

Rob nodded, his eyes sad. "She has to know you're romantically involved elsewhere."

She was sure she'd never felt such pain. In a barely audible voice, she said, "Do you have any idea what you're asking?"

The somber reply would echo in her ears forever. "Yes."

Chapter Twenty-One

TERRY MOROSELY WADDED up her uniform and tossed it in the general direction of the laundry basket. She wouldn't need it for the next five days. Weeks ago, she'd booked off Christmas Eve, planning to spend it cross-country skiing with Jan before they joined Rob for a pre-Christmas feast. Jan and Rob were spending Christmas day with Kate's family, and Terry would be with her family, so tomorrow was to have been their own personal celebration.

Dragging on a ragged pair of sweatpants and a thick sweater, Terry threw herself back on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Guess I'm free tomorrow now. Their plans hadn't been formally cancelled, but Terry hadn't heard from Jan since they'd parted after the wedding several days ago. Yeah, well it's not like you've called her either!

She had picked up Rob's gift for Jan, but before dropping it off, she'd carefully checked the hospital parking lot for the telltale van. Once she was sure Jan had gone home for the day, she'd taken the wrapped box in. Bitterly she remembered writing out the tag for Rob. 'For Jan, Forever Love, Rob'. Her hand had shaken as she'd written out the words he dictated, and when she glanced up on finishing, he'd had the grace to look apologetic. Stiffly mumbling an excuse, she'd fled as quickly as she could and she hadn't been back since.

Sighing, Terry pushed herself off the bed and plodded downstairs to the kitchen. She put on a pot of coffee, then opened the fridge and stared at the sparse contents. With Michael gone, her eating habits had gone rapidly downhill. She grabbed the egg carton, milk and butter and took them over to the counter.

She was just poking tentatively through the stack of dirty dishes in the sink to find a frying pan when she heard the front door bell ring. Leaving her dinner preparations, she walked down the hall and opened the door, then froze as she saw Jan standing there.

Neither woman spoke until Jan asked uncertainly, "May I come in?"

Wordlessly, Terry stepped back, holding the door open for her. Jan entered and hesitantly unbuttoned her coat and slid off her boots. Mechanically, Terry helped her off with the coat and hung it up in the closet before turning to lead the way into the living room.

Terry waited for Jan to take a seat on the couch and then chose the chair opposite. Terry could see that the other woman was searching for a conversational opening, but her own throat seemed to have closed off. Finally she managed to say, "Can I get you some coffee? I just made a fresh pot."

Jan shook her head. "No, thank you. Um, I was just coming home from the hospital and I thought I'd stop and see how you were doing."

"Fine. Yeah, I'm doing fine." Grasping desperately for a neutral topic, she asked, "How's Rob doing?"

Jan smiled slightly. "Much better, thanks. I get to bring him home tomorrow."

"Good. He'll be home for Christmas then." The stilted conversation stuttered to a stop again and Terry could see the shy bewilderment in those beloved green eyes.

Jan shifted uneasily in her seat and rubbed her forehead. Lowering her eyes, she said, "Terry, I want to apologize for the other night. I was out of line."

The words were so soft that Terry barely heard them, but she forced herself to accept the opening that had been offered. "No, it's alright. I mean you were just saving me from Roy after all. I know you didn't mean anything by it."

Even as she heard the lie pass her lips, she knew neither of them believed it.

She floundered, lost for what to say to ease the horrible tension in the room, when she heard Jan ask, "Why didn't you bring a date to the wedding?"

Startled, Terry looked up to find Jan studying her quietly. "I...well, I thought about it actually." Unable to face Jan for what she had to say next, she stood and walked over to the window, staring out at the fading daylight. Closing her eyes, she began the story she'd concocted over the last few days.

"To tell you the truth, I've been seeing someone just recently and I almost asked her to come."

In the silence that followed her announcement, Terry slowly turned to look at the woman on the couch. For a split second, she saw the naked anguish in Jan's eyes, before she lowered her head and said, "Oh? You hadn't mentioned that. Anyone I know?"

Terry heard the forced lightness in Jan's words and it pierced her like a blade, but she dug her fingernails into her palms and went on.

"She's a friend of Lisa's. Her name is Jesse Harrison. She and Lisa work together and Lisa's been trying to get us together for ages."

As with all plausible lies, this one had a grain of truth. Lisa had indeed been trying to set Terry up with her friend for months, insisting they were perfect for each other, but Terry had consistently refused.

"Is it serious?" Terry almost crumbled at the poorly disguised pain in Jan's voice but she choked out a response.

"It might be. We get along really well, you know? Actually, one of the reasons I didn't ask her to the wedding was because I didn't want my family and friends getting on my case about my romantic history in front of her. I want to give this one a chance to grow without any pressure."

Terry couldn't believe how glibly the untruths were spilling from her lips. She felt like she was standing outside her body, watching it controlled by a pod person. Paralyzed, she saw Jan nod slowly standing and offering Terry a wan smile.

"I hope it works out for you, Terry. You deserve someone special in your life."

I have someone special in my life! Terry's heart almost overwhelmed her resolve, and she took a step towards Jan. When the older woman involuntarily retreated, Terry stiffened and stilled. Jan fumbled in her large purse and withdrew a small, brightly wrapped box, thrusting it at Terry.

"This is from Rob and me. Just something we thought you could use." When Terry made no move to accept it, Jan set it on the couch and began to back up.

"Um, I guess I'd better go. I've got to get Rob's things ready to take up tomorrow and all. I guess we won't see you until after the holidays so I hope you have a nice Christmas. Please tell your family we sent our best wishes."

Jan had reached the hallway when Terry made a move to join her. She shook her head. "No, that's okay. I know my way out."

Distantly, Terry saw her normally graceful friend's jerky movements and heard the brittleness in her sweet voice. Numbly, Terry allowed the woman a dignified escape without saying a word. She didn't move when she heard the door open and quietly shut. She didn't move as she watched Jan pass under the streetlight and pause for a moment to look back. She didn't move until the van had driven off, and then she moved.

Deliberately, she walked to the front door and shot the interior bolt. Retracing her steps, she turned off the lights in the living room and hallway. Stopping at the phone, she unplugged it. Reaching the kitchen, she put the eggs, milk and butter back in the fridge and switched off the coffee pot before turning off the light there too. Returning to the hallway, she bolted the back door, and then found her way in the dark to the basement door.

Purposefully, Terry descended the stairs and walked directly to the fridge in the TV room. Coolly pleased that Michael had completely restocked it before he'd left for Toronto, she grabbed a couple of beers and wrenched the top off the first. By the time she'd crossed to the bookcase full of videos, she'd already drained one bottle. Tossing it aside, she started on the next as she perused the selections.

Trailing a finger over dusty cases, she paused at Fried Green Tomatoes before shaking her head. Nope, cop-out! She tapped a finger on Basic Instinct but passed that by too. Taking another deep swallow, she seized on Terminator 2 and managed to pull out Bound at the same time.

"Oh, I'll be back for you later, Gina. Right now, Linda and I have a date. Don't be jealous, babe. I've got all the time in the world!" Snickering, she tossed another empty in the general direction of the first, and muttered, "At least as long as the beer holds out, that is."

Terry plugged the tape into the VCR and picked up the remote. Grabbing two more beer, she settled on the couch and slung her long legs up on the coffee table. Turning on the TV, she cracked another beer. Impatiently, she advanced through the opening sequences. When she reached an image of a small, muscular woman doing pull-ups on the legs of an upturned bed, she settled back and tipped the bottle to her mouth again.

With a tiny belch, she shook her head, "You were so wasted on that mutant, muscle-bound cyborg!"

* * *

"Hello?"

"Jan, it's Emily."

"Oh hi, Emily. Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you and Rob, too. Look, I hate to bother you this early..."

"Don't worry about it–we've been up for awhile. What can I do for you?"

"I'm not sure. By any chance is Terry at your house?"

There was silence for a moment, then Jan's strained voice answered, "No, Em. I haven't seen her since the night before last. Isn't she at her house?"

Emily's concern was clearly detectable over the phone line. "No. She was supposed to be here an hour ago. We always have a huge family breakfast and then sit down to open presents. I've tried calling and there's no answer. I even sent Jordy over to get her, and he said her car's there, but the doors are locked and no one answered the bell."

"Maybe she just slept in?"

"That's not like her, Jan. Not on Christmas. Heavens, she's usually the one rousting all of the rest of us out at the crack of dawn. She loves Christmas!"

Hesitantly, Jan offered, "When I talked to her, she mentioned she's seeing someone new. Maybe she spent the night at her place."

Evidently surprised, Emily said, "She is? She never told me about that! You wouldn't happen to know who it is, would you?"

"It's a friend of Lisa's. I think her name was Jesse something. I'm sorry, I don't know more than that."

"Thanks, Jan. I'll give Lisa a call and see if I can get a phone number from her."

"Emily, I...would you let me know when you find her?"

"I'll have her give you a call..."

"No! No, don't bother her. Just if...when you find her, I'd really appreciate if you'd let me know, okay?" There was no mistaking her emphasis on 'you'.

Emily was slow to respond, and Jan could hear the puzzlement in her voice. "Alright, Jan. I'll let you know when I find her. I'm sure she just got tied up with a friend or something."

"I'm sure you're right, Emily. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Talk to you later."

Jan set the receiver back in the cradle and stared at the numbers, which were oddly blurred. Hearing Rob call, she hastily wiped her eyes and left the room.

* * *

"Morning."

"Lisa? It's Emily Sanderson."

"Oh, hi Mrs. Sanderson. Merry Christmas!"

"Thank you, Lisa, and Merry Christmas to you and Robyn too. Look, is Terry at your place by any chance?"

"Terry? No. No, we haven't seen her since last Sunday. Did you try Jan's place?"

"Yes, I just called there and they haven't seen her for a couple of days either. Listen, Jan told me that Terry's been seeing a friend of yours, a Jesse something? Would you have her number?"

Dead silence. "Uh, Jesse Harrison?"

"Jan wasn't sure about the last name, but if she's a friend of yours, she's probably the one. Do you have her number?"

"Mrs. Sanderson, why don't you let me give Jesse a call and I'll call you right back, okay?"

"Would you? Thanks very much, Lisa. This just isn't like Terry and I'm starting to get worried."

"Sure, no problem. I'll call you right back."

Lisa hung up the phone and looked at her curious partner. "Something is very strange, Robyn. Did Terry or Jesse mention anything to you about finally getting together?"

"What!? You know as well as I do that Terry's completely hung up on Jan."

"I know, but according to Mrs. Sanderson, Terry told Jan she's seeing Jesse. I'm gonna give Jess a quick call and find out what's going on."

* * *

"Hello!"

Lisa doubted that her friend's mother had even set the phone down. "Hi, Mrs. Sanderson. It's Lisa. I talked to Jesse and...uh, she hasn't seen Terry recently." Lisa frowned as her mate rolled her eyes.

"Oh." Clearly disappointed, and increasingly desperate, Emily said, "You wouldn't have any ideas where else I might check, would you?"

"Look, Robyn and I were going to head over to her Dad's place in a bit, but I've got a key to Terry's house. Why don't we swing by there and check things out? It could be she just slept in or something. We'll give you a call from there, okay?"

"Thanks, Lisa. I really appreciate it. I'm beginning to wonder if I should call the police."

Lisa could tell the woman was on the verge of tears and when she hung up, she shook her head angrily. "I'm gonna kick Terry's butt for this!"

Soberly, Robyn said, "Let's find her first, then we can all stand in line to kick butt."

* * *

"Shit! Look at this place, Robbie!"

Lisa spun slowly, taking in the mess. Empty beer bottles were tossed haphazardly all over the floor. Tapes and empty video cases were strewn over every surface. Wads of used tissues were piled by one end of the couch, which had lost its cushions to various corners of the room. A giant bag of chips had been ripped apart and half the contents crushed underfoot in the carpet.

Robyn surveyed the room in awe. "D'ya think she had a party here?"

Lisa shook her head. "Without calling us? Nuh uh, we'd have heard one way or another. No, I have a hunch this is all Terry's doing."

"Then where the hell is she? We've searched this house from top to bottom and she sure isn't here!"

The two women were quiet as they considered the mystery. Slowly the large woman turned to her partner, the dawning of dread in her eyes. "Lisa, you don't think she'd do anything stupid, do you?"

"No! Not Terry. She can be thoughtless at time, but she'd never hurt her family like that," Lisa scoffed. "Knowing her, she's shacked up with some blonde bimbo and forgot what day it is."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Robyn answered with a distinct lack of conviction. "Still, I've never seen her as broken up as she was about Jan."

Lisa sighed heavily, and muttering, "I'm gonna kill 'er!" she went upstairs to report in to Mrs. Sanderson.

* * *

Terry whimpered as the sunlight tried to sneak under her eyelids. Burrowing her head into the pillow, she groaned deeply as her whole body rebelled at the precipitous movement. Opening one eye a fraction, she stared at the rose-coloured pillow her aching head rested on. Pink? Since when did I have pink pillows?

Bolting upwards, she almost doubled over as her mutinous stomach threatened to unload all over the pink sheets falling in folds around her naked body. Naked? I'm naked in pink sheets? Thoroughly confused, sucking in deep, slow breaths to calm her stomach, she examined the room she was in.

It looked vaguely familiar, but for the life of her she couldn't remember where she was or how she'd got there. The last thing she remembered clearly, was sobbing with Idgie when Ruth died. Everything since then was a jumble of broken images.

Frowning, she concentrated, trying to put the pieces together. She was pretty sure she'd run out of beer at one point, and she remembered planning to go to Oly's when it opened this morning. THIS morning? She wasn't sure.

Laughter sounded from across the room and she looked up blearily to see a blonde woman standing there, leaning against the doorframe with a glass in her hand. Terry's mouth dropped open in shock.

"Marika?"

The blonde smirked and strolled lazily across the room. Terry grabbed for the sheet and pulled it up over her breasts. Marika chuckled, and handing Terry the glass, said, "Don't bother. I've seen it all, remember?"

"Uh, no, actually I don't," Terry sighed and gratefully drained the water before handing the glass back. Her head a little clearer now, she studied the other woman who sat on the edge of the bed beside her. Embarrassed but desperately needing to know, she asked, "Did we...um, you know, um..."

"Did we what, Terry?" Marika was clearly enjoying the situation, and had no intention of making things any easier on the younger woman. "Make cookies? Go shopping? Decorate the Christmas tree?"

Terry flushed and mumbled, "Forget it!" There was silence for a long moment and when Terry finally looked up from her intense study of the bedding, she found Marika regarding her with an odd, unreadable look in her eyes.

The older woman finally spoke, an undertone of sadness lacing her words. "No, Terry. I prefer my lovers to at least be sober enough to know up from down." She hesitated and added, "I also prefer that they actually want to be with me, and you've made it amply clear that you'd rather sleep with a porcupine."

Terry dropped her head, remorse flooding her as she remembered her harsh words the last time they'd spoken. She'd felt justified at the time, but she'd never been able to forget the hurt in Marika's eyes as she'd stomped out of Oly's and out of the blonde's life.

"I'm sorry," she said, reaching out and taking Marika's hand. She felt the woman flinch as she did, but held it firmly and met the cautious gray eyes steadily. "I was unnecessarily cruel and I hurt you. It was churlish of me and I apologize."

With uncharacteristic diffidence, Marika said, "Maybe it was necessary." She smiled ruefully then, adding, "I certainly wasn't getting the message very well up until then."

Terry couldn't believe she was having this conversation, but then she couldn't believe she was sitting naked in Marika's bed, wrapped in pink sheets either. Wryly, she figured she might as well seize the opportunity, and asked, "You know, I never really figured that out. Why the heck were you so set on me anyway? It wasn't like you couldn't have just about anyone you wanted."

"I wanted you," Marika answered simply. "I'd never had what I had with you for that month, and I couldn't bear to give it up without a fight."

"But," Terry protested, "I don't even remember one real conversation we had. Hell, we barely knew each other!"

Marika chuckled. "Gee, and here I thought we knew each other pretty well!" She grinned at Terry, who couldn't help chuckling. "No, you're right, Terry. We really didn't know each other at all. How could we when every time we were together we were looking for the nearest horizontal surface?"

"Oh, I can remember finding some pretty interesting vertical surfaces too," Terry chortled, increasingly comfortable in the blonde's presence as the two laughed over shared memories.

When the mirth subsided, Terry plucked at the sheet and asked, "Seriously though, how'd I end up here?"

"You really don't remember?" Marika asked curiously. Terry shook her head.

"I'd just left a restaurant on 17th where my colleagues and I were celebrating the season when I noticed you stumbling out of Oly's with some pretty young thing. It was only about two in the afternoon, but I could see that you were already blasted. I was too far away to hear what was going on, but I could tell you were having a heated argument. She slapped you and then took off down the street. You just stood there watching her, and then you went back into the bar."

Terry grimaced and unconsciously raised a hand to her cheek as if reliving the sting of an outraged hand.

"I was curious so I slipped inside and took a seat in the back corner. You were so out of it that you wouldn't have noticed if a herd of elephants had just come in. I spent the next couple of hours watching you out drink everyone in the bar."

Marika paused and studied the embarrassed young woman intently. "What's going on, Terry? I've seen you have enough to be feeling no pain, but I've never seen you completely out of it like that."

Terry hugged her legs, rocking a little and oblivious to the other woman's keen perusal. When she didn't answer, Marika shrugged and continued. "Anyway, when Megan called closing at five, you were really pissed off and didn't want to leave. She was trying to reason with you, telling you it was Christmas Eve and she wanted to be home with her family..."

Terry's head snapped up. "Christmas Eve? Isn't today Christmas Eve?"

Marika shook her head. "No, today's Christmas."

"Oh shit! What time is it?" Terry demanded, as she scrambled out of bed.

Marika glanced at her watch. "Eleven o'clock."

"Oh God! I'm so screwed!" Terry moaned, looking furiously for her clothes.

"They're in the wash," Marika informed her, wrinkling her nose expressively. "You puked all over them last night, not to mention my carpet and my cat too."

Terry had the grace to look momentarily chagrined, but then panic took over and she scrambled for the bedside phone. Hastily she dialed a number and within seconds she was talking to her relieved and angry mother.

"I'm sorry, Mom." She held the receiver away from her ear as she winced at the livid invective pouring from the phone.

"Yeah, I know. I'm an irresponsible idiot. I'm really, really sorry."

"Mom...Mom...MOTHER!" Terry was sure she'd just split her own cranium open, but at least Emily had stopped chewing her out long enough for her to get a word in edgewise. "Look, go ahead and open the presents without me. I'm at a friend's place and I'll be over later this afternoon, alright?"

After several more moments of Terry's abject apologies, Emily obviously decided her daughter had groveled enough and let her hang up. Terry sank down on the edge of the bed and cradled her aching head in her hands.

"Here, try this."

Terry looked up to see Marika holding out a faded, pink robe. The blonde smiled and said, "Not that I'm not enjoying the sights, mind you."

Terry blushed a little, and took the robe gratefully. "What's with you and all this pink?" she grumbled mildly as she tied the robe closed.

Marika chuckled. "What can I say? It's a femme thing. C'mon, you look like you could use some toast and coffee."

Terry stood and followed her hostess from the room. "Coffee, yes, but I'm not so sure about anything else."

Marika glanced over her shoulder. "Somehow I doubt you've had anything but liquid sustenance for quite a while. You probably should start on something easy like toast, though I can heat up some soup if you'd like."

Terry shook her head, slightly bewildered at the blonde's consideration. If their positions were reversed, she doubted she could be half as gracious with an ex-lover.

A short while later, the two women were curled up comfortably on the couch, sipping their coffee and chatting idly. A gray and white cat stalked into the room and stopped, staring at Terry. Stiffly, his tail swishing angrily, he marched right past her and crawled up on his mistress' lap. Marika laughed and stroked the luxurious hair as he stretched and settled onto her legs.

"I don't think the Spookmeister likes you very much," she chuckled.

Terry winced. "Did I really...uh, you know?"

"Puke all over him? Oh yeah! Poor Spooky scrambled for cover, but he wasn't quite fast enough. I had to bathe him even before I bathed you. And he'd been thinking you made such a nice cushion too."

Even as Terry groaned and covered her eyes in embarrassment, she couldn't help thinking that Marika's genuine grin did wonders for her demeanor. Maybe it was because she was comfortably on her home turf, but she seemed more open and much warmer.

Feeling like she was saying this a lot today, Terry said earnestly, "I'm really sorry, Marika. I mean for everything."

The blonde woman shrugged. "Spooky will survive, and as for rescuing you...well, it's not the first time I've dragged a drunk home and dried her out."

"No?" Terry asked curiously. Marika never volunteered anything of her past, but then Terry had never asked either.

"No. I started bringing my mother home from the bars when I was twelve." The tone was flat, as if all emotion had been ruthlessly exorcised many years ago.

Terry didn't know what to say, and Marika clearly didn't want to go any further down memory lane. Glancing around, she said, "No Christmas tree this year?"

"No Christmas tree any year." Marika forced a small laugh. "I may not be able to avoid the season outside my home, but I don't have to import it in here." She shrugged apologetically. "Guess that sounds rather Scrooge-like, doesn't it?"

"A little." Terry was watching her companion closely now. "Any particular reason you don't like the season?"

"What's to like?" The cryptic answer shook Terry, who'd always loved everything associated with Christmas.

"Family, food, presents!" she shot back.

Marika avoided her eyes, and concentrated on stroking Spooky, who was loudly purring his approval of her attentions. Understanding slowly set in, and Terry let her gaze wander about the room. Elegantly decorated, the room was bare of any hint of the season, but more tellingly, it was devoid of any pictures of anyone at all.

Turning back to the blonde, Terry asked compassionately, "You don't see your family at Christmas, do you?"

Bleak gray eyes met hers. "I don't see my family at any time. I've been persona non grata since they found me in bed with the maid when I was sixteen."

"I'm sorry, Marika." Terry's soft words were met by a shrug.

"Doesn't matter. Dad and his wife made sure I was well educated...in boarding schools as far away from the family as possible. I was sent to the finest universities and given a year abroad when I graduated. He even paid for the shrinks who tried to cure me of my deviance." Her brittle laugh belied her casual tone and Terry edged closer on the couch.

"That sucks!" Terry said indignantly.

"Well, there are worse things than being a remittance woman," Marika demurred half-heartedly. Spooky spat at Terry, who'd come far too close for his comfort, and his mistress tried to soothe his ruffled ego. When Terry reached out a hand and rested it on Marika's shoulder, the cat decided to evacuate. He jumped off the comfortable lap and stalked across the floor, protesting loudly as he disappeared around a corner.

The two women chuckled at his transparent objections. "Do you think he'll ever forgive me?" Terry asked with amusement.

"Bribe him with catnip," Marika suggested. "The boy can be bought."

Terry grinned and lightly rubbed the thin shoulder. Suddenly she sat upright and said, "You know what? You are going to have a proper Christmas dinner this year!"

Marika looked at her curiously and then her expression turned to one of alarm.

"Oh no, Terry, I couldn't!"

"Yes, you could. Mom always has space for one more at her table, and with Duncan and Karen gone on their honeymoon, there'll be lots of room," Terry exclaimed enthusiastically.

"No, Terry! Your family doesn't like me," Marika protested.

"They don't know you. Besides, I like you, and I'm taking you home for dinner!" Even as she said it, Terry realized she meant it. She liked this side of Marika and she was grateful to the woman for rescuing and caring for her when she'd been so drunk. It would have been very easy for her to walk away, but she hadn't done that, and Terry was determined she wouldn't turn her back either. Her mother wouldn't mind. Heck, she'd been bringing strays home all her life so Emily would barely bat an eye.

Wistfully, Marika asked, "Are you sure?"

Terry nodded emphatically and grinned. "Besides, if you're there, I'm a whole lot less likely to get chewed apart for missing this morning."

Marika smiled and nodded her acceptance. "Well, in that case, far be it from me to turn down a damsel in distress."

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hi, Jan. It's Emily again. Good news, the prodigal daughter called in. She wasn't with Jesse, but she stayed overnight with a friend and slept in. She'll be over for dinner."

Jan tried to muffle her sigh of relief. "That's great, Emily. I'm glad she's alright."

"Oh that she is, though she may be missing a few strips of skin right about now."

The two women laughed at the thought of a thoroughly chastened Terry before Emily continued, "So what time are you two heading down to Kate's?"

"Actually, our Christmas will be delayed a few days. My brother-in-law and nephew both came down with the flu yesterday, but we'll have our celebration once John and Kevin are healthy again.

"Oh, that's too bad! Well then, you and Rob must come and have dinner with us then."

Hesitantly, Jan replied, "That's awfully nice of you, Em, but I don't want to impose at this short notice."

"Oh pish!" Emily exclaimed. "You two are virtually part of the family and I'd have invited you in the first place if I hadn't thought you were going to Kate's place. I won't take no for an answer, Jan Spencer!"

Jan couldn't help chuckling at her friend's insistence. "Alright, if you're sure...?"

"It's settled then," Emily declared firmly. "We'll eat about six, but you come down whenever you're ready.

Chapter Twenty-Two

DEEP IN THOUGHT, Jan didn't hear her name called until Jordy had repeated himself three times. Startled, she glanced over to where the young man was being overrun by two giggling toddlers, intent on roughing up their favourite uncle.

"Sorry, Jordy. What were you saying?" Jan asked apologetically.

Jordy started to speak but one of the twins launched at him and tackled him around the neck while her sister tried to scramble up his body to get in on the fun. Laughing, he wrapped his arms around the two and dangled them over his shoulders. Amidst squeals of glee, he grinned at Jan and nodded his head at Rob.

"I think the big guy wants more coffee. I'd get it, but I'm a little tied up at the moment."

Embarrassed to be caught woolgathering, Jan turned to her husband to see him regarding her with mild reproach. "Did you want more coffee, Rob?"

"Yes, please."

She stood and picked up his cup from the coffee table. "Can I get anyone else some while I'm out there?" she asked, looking around the room. Most of the Sanderson clan was gathered around a large, brightly decorated Christmas tree. The opened boxes and scraps of wrapping paper littering the floor testified to the orgy of gift giving that had gone on earlier.

Sprawled in an easy chair flanking the tree, Matt held out his empty cup. "Yeah, if you wouldn't mind, I'll take another."

Crossing the room to retrieve the proffered cup, Jan picked her way gingerly between bodies and gifts, which seemed in equal abundance on the carpet.

Stepping over a highly excited toddler who was trying to scuttle around to launch a rear attack on Jordy, Jan couldn't help smiling at the scene. Despite her less than festive mood, this was her idea of Christmas, bubbling over with family, exuberance and lots of cheerful noise.

She'd been unsure about accepting Emily's invitation to dinner, uncertain of how she'd deal with seeing Terry. She knew she could plead Rob's recent sojourn in the hospital as a reasonable excuse to decline, but she found herself unwilling to deny him a chance at a boisterous family Christmas. Nor did she want to raise any questions over her own reluctance to attend.

Relieved that Terry wasn't already there when they'd arrived an hour ago, she nevertheless found herself subconsciously listening for the young woman's entrance.

"Hey, Jan, could you ask Em when she wants me to have the punch ready?" Gord asked.

Jan nodded and took the cups to the kitchen. She was halfway down the hall leading to the kitchen where she could hear Emily rattling things about, when she heard the rear door open noisily. Freezing, she tried to calm her suddenly racing heart as she heard Terry's voice.

"Hi, Mom! I hope you don't mind setting an extra place, but I brought a friend home for dinner."

Jan's heart sank, even as she chastised herself for being so foolish. Guess I'm going to meet the mysterious Jesse sooner rather than later. She was trying to convince her stubborn feet to move, when she heard Emily's unusually cool voice say, "Hello, Marika. Haven't seen you around in a while."

Startled, Jan blinked in puzzlement. Marika? What happened to Jesse?

"Thank you for letting me join you all, Mrs. Sanderson. I hope I'm not imposing." Jan heard uncertainty in the woman's voice as Terry quickly cut in.

"Of course you're not imposing, Marika. Mom always has room for one more at her table...don't you, Mom?" There was a hint of a challenge in the young woman's voice, and Jan waited curiously to see what Emily's response would be.

"Yes. There's always room for one more. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to bring some things up from the basement." Emily's firm voice made it clear that whatever her opinion on the unexpected guest, she was not about to violate her own standards of hospitality.

Jan heard Emily clatter down the stairs to the basement. Drawing a deep breath, she was about to make her presence known when she heard the stranger say dubiously, "Terry, I'm not so sure this is a good idea. Your Mom really doesn't like me. Maybe I should just go home."

"No! I told you, I like you and that's all that counts!"

"But I don't want to make everyone uncomfortable. I really don't mind. Spooky and I are used to dining together on Christmas."

"Nope, I'm not letting you out of here until you're stuffed with turkey and Christmas pudding." Terry's voice took on a teasing note. "Besides, after last night, I owe you one."

The soft, shared laughter cut through Jan like a blade. Gripping the coffee mugs tightly, she closed her eyes and fought the urge to run down the hall and out of the house. I can't face her! I can't!

She took an involuntary step backwards, but was halted by the sound of Jordy's voice hollering from the living room.

"Hey, Jan! Whatcha doing out there? Picking the coffee beans?"

The boy's cheerful hectoring left Jan little choice, so she forced herself to advance deliberately into the kitchen. Entering, she saw Terry lifting a fur coat off the shoulders of a tall, slender, beautiful woman who was smiling her appreciation.

Summoning every bit of her resolve, Jan nodded pleasantly and said, "Merry Christmas, Terry. It's nice to see you."

Terry stopped dead, the coat halfway down the blonde's arms. Jan was almost amused at the stunned look on her face. Ignoring her friend, she moved to the counter and picked up the ever-full pot, pouring coffee into the two cups.

She heard Terry clear her throat nervously before saying, "Umm, hi...I thought you were going to Kate's for Christmas."

Jan set the pot back and turned. "We were, but unfortunately Kevin and John came down with the flu, so your mother was kind enough to invite us here."

"Oh...uh, that's good. I mean not that they're sick or anything..."

Jan was sure she'd never seen her friend so at a loss. Terry still hadn't moved, and the blonde woman glanced at her curiously, before stepping forward so the coat finished sliding off her arms. The beautiful woman then walked over to offer her hand.

"Hi, I don't think we've met. My name is Marika Havers. I'm a friend of Terry's."

Jan shook her hand firmly and, having finally placed the woman, responded, "Hello, Marika. We actually did meet once months ago at Chapters." Marika looked puzzled, as Jan concluded, "Jan Spencer."

Jan wondered what caused the speculative surprise in the woman's gray eyes, but it passed as swiftly as it had appeared and Marika stepped back. Deciding it was best to ignore her best friend's imitation of a statue, Jan picked up the coffee from the counter and returned to the living room.

Setting one cup beside Rob, she carried the other over to Matt, who nodded his thanks and reached out to take it. Suddenly, he stopped, and Jan saw an odd look pass over his face. Seeing that he was looking beyond her, she glanced over her shoulder to see Terry leading Marika into the room by the hand. Looking back at Matt, she was surprised to see anger in his eyes, but it was quickly suppressed, and when Terry made introductions, he stood and extended his hand.

By the time Terry had worked her way around the room, Jan had resumed her seat beside Rob, holding the cup for him to sip from. Terry led the blonde over to them and said, "Marika, you've met Jan, and this is Jan's husband, Rob. Rob, this is a friend of mine, Marika Havers."

Marika automatically extended her hand and then flushed at her faux pas. Rob smiled winningly at her and the blonde relaxed. She returned his smile and lightly pressed his hand in greeting.

"Hi, Rob. It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too. I'm glad you're joining us for dinner," he said courteously.

"It was kind of spur of the moment, but Terry talked me into it." She leaned into the tall young woman, nudging her playfully.

Jan thought Terry looked momentarily uncomfortable but decided that was merely wishful thinking when Terry slid an arm around Marika's waist as they walked away. She noticed Jordy frowning at his sister and her companion, but the twins had launched a new campaign to topple him over and he was quickly distracted.

Jan kept her attention on holding Rob's cup, trying to ignore the sight of Terry and Marika sitting closely on the couch. When she heard a peal of laughter and glanced up to see Terry slipping an arm around Marika's shoulders as she grinned at the chuckling blonde, Jan stood abruptly and set the almost empty cup on the table.

With a quick, "I'm going to go give Emily a hand," she left the room and made her escape to the kitchen. Emily welcomed her and set her to work on last minute preparations.

When everyone was called to the table, Jan was dismayed to find that she and Rob were directly across from Terry and Marika. As much as she could, she kept her attention focused on feeding Rob to her right and talking to Alex on her left, until Gord asked, "So Jan, are you and Terry going to ski that cross-country route I was telling you about in K-country? It'd take you about four hours, but its well worth it for the view alone."

Jan glanced across the table to see Terry watching her intently, waiting for her answer. Turning to Gord, she forced a smile and said, "Actually, I think I'll be canceling my afternoons off for a few months. With Rob just out of the hospital, I think I'd rather not take a chance."

Even as Gord nodded his understanding, she could see the shocked look on Rob's face, but before he could protest, she pressed a forkful of turkey to his mouth. He glared at her, but accepted the offering without protest. She knew they'd be having words later about her decision, but although the words had been spontaneous, she had no intention of backing away from them.

"Well, you can always hike that trail in the summer and it's just as beautiful. Helluva lot warmer too!" Gord chuckled and resumed his attack on the piled plate in front of him. The buzz of conversation swept around Jan, but she ignored it and stoically fed Rob and herself. Emily's festive dinner was like dust in her mouth, but she ate enough to deter any attention before pushing her plate aside.

She was never sure later how she got through the meal but by the end of it, she'd memorized the designs on the china, the silverware and Rob's new Christmas sweater. She was even hypnotized by the way the wax dripped down the side of the red candle in front of her, but she adamantly refused to look beyond that candle, though she could feel Terry's eyes on her from across the table.

Jan thought she'd never heard a sweeter sound than Emily asking for volunteers to clear the table so she could bring out coffee and dessert. She instantly leaped to her feet and began gathering dishes to take to the kitchen. She was starting back for her second load before Emily entered the kitchen with her first. She helped her friend unburden herself and was about to go back to the dining room when a gentle hand on her arm halted her.

"Is everything alright, Jan? You were awfully quiet tonight," the older woman asked, concern in her kind eyes.

Seizing the opening, Jan shook her head. "Actually, Em, I have a killer headache. Would you mind very much if Rob and I passed on dessert this time?"

"Of course not, dear. How about I wrap some up for you to take home, and you can enjoy it later when you're feeling better. Can I get you some Tylenol or something?"

"No, that's alright. I think I'll just borrow your washroom and then we'll head out."

At that moment, Jordy and Terry entered with more dishes. Hearing Jan's words, Jordy piped up, "Diane's changing the twins so you'd better go downstairs."

Nodding her thanks, Jan headed for the basement stairs, still avoiding eye contact with Terry who was quietly stacking dishes on the counter. Once safely in the refuge of the basement washroom, she allowed her rigid self-control to slip. She clenched the sink with both hands, rocking slightly as she closed her eyes tightly.

What did you think was going to happen, you idiot! You're the one acting like a jerk. You have no claim on her! Even as she mentally castigated herself, Jan couldn't escape the image of Terry's arm around that beautiful woman as Marika had laughed up at her. She tormented herself with imagining them in a closer embrace until her eyes flew open and she found herself staring at the distraught reflection in the mirror.

"Get a grip!" she hissed at the mirror. "You're going to make a total ass of yourself if you don't get it together!"

Taking long, deep breaths, she turned on the cold water and splashed some over her face. Taking a few more minutes trying to find an elusive calm, she finally exited the room only to find Terry leaning against the wall, waiting.

She went to move by, only to be stopped as Terry stepped in front of her and took her arm. She stared at the floor, refusing to look up until she heard Terry ask quietly, "Jan?"

Jan heard the sadness in the young woman's voice, but an unexpected surge of anger rose within her. Her head snapped up and she sniped, "So what happened to Jesse? I thought she was supposed to be the new love of your life. I wouldn't think sleeping with Marika would make much of an impression on her."

Even as she spoke, she recoiled from her own bitter words. Terry blanched and dropped her hand from Jan's arm. Remorsefully, Jan reached for her, but Terry stepped back out of range.

"Yeah, well you know me. Why have one woman in my bed when I can have a dozen! After all, I've got a reputation to uphold, and everyone knows Terry Sanderson will sleep with anything in skirts."

Terry's caustic words caused Jan to flinch, but before she could respond and apologize, Terry stepped around her and entered the washroom, slamming the door shut.

Bile rose in Jan's throat and acid tears flooded her eyes. Stumbling back, she leaned against the wall. Frantically trying to bring herself under control, she pinched her forearm viciously, praying the physical pain would distract her. She stood for long moments in the silent hall, struggling to regain enough equilibrium to go upstairs, retrieve Rob and get out of this house.

Luckily, when she finally went upstairs, Emily had already gotten Rob ready to go. He had his long, winter cape wrapped around him and a woolen toque pulled over his ears. He was talking quietly with Emily in the hall by the door as they waited. Neither of them commented when Jan reached them and she hoped that the dim hallway lighting prevented them from seeing the ravages tears had wrought on her face.

She quickly put her coat and boots on and embraced Emily, thanking her warmly for her hospitality. Emily hugged her tightly and then pulled back and called, "Gord! Alex! Jordy! Rob needs a hand getting out here!"

Instantly the men clattered out to the hall and began their well-established routine for taking Rob down the stairs. Jordy and Alex each took a wheel, and Gord steadied the handles as they quickly took Rob out into the cold, down the steps and into the van. Jan was about to follow when Emily picked a foil-wrapped parcel off the side table and pressed it into her hands.

"Here, I wrapped up some dessert for you to take home. You go take care of yourself, you hear? And if you need us for anything at all, you just call. One of us can be up there within ten minutes."

Emily's consideration was enough to summon the banished tears back to Jan's eyes. She choked out her thanks and fled down the stairs, past the laughing men who called out good-byes before plunging back into the warmth of the house.

The ride home was quiet. Jan half-expected Rob to bring up the subject of her time off, but mercifully he only made a few comments about dinner and Christmas at the Sandersons.

It was only once they were home and she knelt at his feet to replace his shoes with slippers that he broached the subject.

"Jan, you know I'm fine now. I don't want you giving up your afternoons off."

Tersely, without looking at her husband, Jan stated, "I've already decided. I'll contact the agency next week."

"No, Jan, stop that! You know you need that time off. I'm not going to let you give it up." Rob's voice was weak but insistent.

The unfamiliar anger swept over Jan again and abruptly she stood up, one shoe in her hand. "You're not going to 'let' me?" she demanded, glowering at him.

"Aw, you know what I mean, Jan. I just don't want..."

She cut him off. "I don't give a damn what you want. It's my afternoon and if I say I'm not taking it, then I'm not taking it!"

Jan could tell by the look on Rob's face that he thought she was being irrational, and that only served to heighten her anger. When he started to argue again, she threw the shoe at the couch and stalked out of the room. She heard him call after her, but for the first time in her life, she ignored him.

Slamming the bedroom door, she threw herself down on the bed, ducking her head between crossed arms. Long minutes later, she shook her head at her behaviour, wondering where the uncharacteristic anger was coming from. She knew it wasn't gone. She could still feel it tickling at the edge of her mind, but now concern for the man abandoned in the living room took priority.

Reluctantly she pushed herself off the bed and returned to Rob. Without saying anything, she finished putting his slippers on, emptied his catheter and transferred him to his easy chair. He'd been equally quiet, but once he was settled in his chair, he said tentatively, "Jannie, I really like seeing Donny, you know? I'll miss him if you give up your afternoons."

Instantly, Jan was seized with guilt. She hadn't considered that aspect. Picking up Rob's shoe from the couch, she stared at it. Finally she turned to her husband and considered him. He was watching her with wary and worried eyes. She shook her head at him ruefully.

"Hard to have much of a fight when I can't even stomp out of the house and leave you to stew."

He chuckled, relaxing a little at her welcome attempt to lighten the mood. "Yeah, it's not like you can even kick me out of bed to sleep on the couch."

"Hey, don't tempt me!" The two smiled at each other. They rarely argued, but when they did, the disputes never lasted long. Jan walked over and knelt beside him. "What if I just change Donny back to Thursdays again?"

Rob's brow furrowed but when he began to protest, Jan laid her fingers over her mouth. Firmly she told him, "It's not negotiable."

She thought he was going to press the issue, but finally he gave a reluctant nod and acquiesced. Sighing in relief, she offered an olive branch. "How about some coffee and dessert? Think you have any room in there around all that turkey?"

He gave her a half-smile and bobbed his head. As she went to make coffee, she could feel his unhappy eyes tracking her.

* * *

Marika started her car and let it idle, warming up the engine. Terry blindly stared out the window at the dark alley until she heard her companion say, "So that was Jan?"

Sharply, Terry swiveled her head to stare at the blonde. "How did..."

Marika gave a little snort and then said dryly, "Well, in between puking on my cat and passing out, all you talked about last night was Jan." She paused, and then said reflectively, "She wasn't at all what I thought she'd be."

Curiously Terry asked, "What did you think she'd be?"

Marika raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips before answering. "Aside from the fact she doesn't literally walk on water, she's not exactly your usual type, is she?" When Terry didn't answer, she went on, "But maybe that's the whole point, isn't it?" Casually, she continued. "It is deliciously ironic though. All the women that have tried to pin you down, and now that you've fallen head over heels, it's with someone untouchable."

Terry winced at the harsh assessment and turned away, only to feel a hand take hers.

"I'm sorry, Terry. That was uncalled for and I apologize."

They sat quietly, listening to the engine warm-up. Terry tried to focus on something...anything, but how this evening had strained her aching heart. From the moment Jan had first entered the kitchen, she'd wanted to run away. Only her promise to Marika and the awareness that she'd never be able to explain a retreat to her mother, kept her in the house.

Bitterly, she hoped that her performance had met Rob's requirements. She'd forced herself to be openly affectionate with Marika even as she stung from Jan's refusal to look at her. When Jan had left the room, she stared at Rob, half-expecting a look of triumph and startled to see that, instead, his melancholy eyes held a profound sadness.

Terry hadn't planned to confront Jan, but when the other woman had indicated her intention to give up their afternoons together, Terry had to talk to her.

Yeah, and a helluva lot of good that did! Unconsciously, Terry shuddered at the memory of Jan's sharp accusation. Suddenly, wanting to get out of there, she asked, "This warm enough to go yet?"

Marika replied by putting the car in gear and pulling away from the Sanderson yard. When they reached Terry's house, she pulled into the curb and shifted into neutral as she left the car running.

Terry undid her seat belt and glanced over at the woman who was staring out the front window. She bit her lip for a long moment and then asked awkwardly, "Would you like to come in for a bit?"

Unreadable gray eyes turned to meet hers, and for a moment Terry thought she would accept the invitation, but then Marika slowly shook her head.

"No, thank you, but I think I'll go home. May I have a rain check?"

Terry nodded, uncomfortably aware that she wasn't quite sure what she'd just issued the rain check for.

"I really appreciated tonight," Marika said, almost shyly. "I enjoyed myself."

Terry chuckled. "Even if I took you into the lion's den?"

Marika smiled warmly. "It wasn't that bad. I know your Mom and Jordy weren't too impressed with me, but everyone else was very nice." In an afterthought she added, "The twins certainly are adorable."

"Yeah, they're quite the little dynamos now," Terry agreed. "I'm glad you came too." She reached out a hand to lightly caress the woman's cheek and found herself leaning in to kiss her. Marika met her halfway and they lingered over a gentle kiss before pulling back to stare at each other.

Finally Marika broke the silence. "No fireworks anymore, eh?"

Terry shrugged lightly, a small rueful smile on her lips. Marika nodded and said, "Hmm, that's what I thought. Your mind's elsewhere."

Briskly, she sat up straight, put her foot on the clutch and shifted into gear. "This bus is leaving the station, Ter. You'd better hop out."

Terry opened the door and then turned back. "Can I give you a call sometime?"

"If you want to," Marika said tiredly. "Maybe we can grab some coffee or something."

"Yeah, I'd like that," Terry answered, then swung her legs out of the car and stood up. She'd barely made the sidewalk, when the car pulled smoothly away, and she stood watching it disappear down the street before turning and going up her walkway.

Chapter Twenty-Three

WATCHING THE HEAVY snowflakes falling steadily from leaden skies, Rob longed for spring. Years ago he'd loved the long northern winters, but that was when he'd been able to participate in his beloved sports. He sighed, consoling himself that the opening of baseball spring training was only weeks away.

Hearing familiar theme music, he glanced back to the television to see that the fashion news had come on. He was about to call Jan to change to the other news channel when he saw Terry turn into their walkway and stopped himself.

He'd learned from experience that Jan refused to come out to the living room when Terry was delivering the mail. It had taken him a couple of weeks into the New Year before he'd noticed that she absented herself every morning around the same time.

Exasperated, he'd tried calling her for assistance as soon as he saw Terry coming to their door, but Jan consistently put him off until Terry moved on to the next house. Finally, when Jan had snapped at him one day and demanded to know if she was allowed any time at all for herself, he'd given up.

Shaking his head, Rob wondered why Jan even bothered hiding since Terry hadn't once looked up from her handful of mail to glance in their window or give the grin and wave that had once been a daily occurrence.

He leaned his head back wearily and sighed. How had it gone so wrong, so fast? Sure he'd won, Jan was safely at his side and Terry was no longer a threat to his security, but what a pyrrhic victory. His quiet amiable wife had been replace by a tense, unhappy woman who rarely smiled. In the long weeks since Christmas, he couldn't remember one time she'd laughed, and he desperately missed their easy banter.

Rob's gaze drifted over the laptop sitting on the footstool in front of Jan's rocking chair, and he frowned. Well, that at least had been a successful gift, but he'd come to hate the thing. Jan had taken to it like a duck to water, and she spent hours connected to the Internet. Even as she sat only a few feet away from him, he could tell she was miles away. Hardly chatty at the best of times, she'd become monosyllabic. She never neglected him, but even as she tended to his needs, he knew her mind was elsewhere. The worst of it was he couldn't bring himself to protest since losing herself on-line seemed to be the only thing that brought any kind of peace to her eyes these days.

Frustrated, Rob banged his head against his easy chair. He wanted to talk to Terry, but there had been no opportunity for that since Christmas dinner. She never came to the house anymore, nor did she call. Emily's repeated invitations to dinner had been politely declined by Jan without any consultation with him. When he'd finally had enough and called her on shutting out their friends, she'd fixed him with cool eyes and simply said that she didn't feel like going out. When he tried to discuss it further, she had left the room without another word.

Rob growled softly, agitated that she could so easily walk away from a confrontation. He glared down at the useless body that imprisoned him, aware of the irony of his situation. His helplessness ensured Jan's continued presence in his life, even as it rendered him impotent to take any independent measures to ease their current unhappy stasis. He couldn't even pick up a phone and order her flowers to lift her mood.

He couldn't broach the underlying cause of her misery, both because she'd just walk away and because she didn't know that he was aware of her feelings for Terry. Rob was afraid to acknowledge those feelings for fear it would force his wife to do something he might regret.

At least Jordy still dropped by on a weekly basis, usually Thursdays after school when Donny was there. Donny had served in the British Army before immigrating to Canada, and Jordy would sit spellbound while the two older men regaled him with war stories.

Rob had delicately questioned the boy about Terry's absence, but Jordy was genuinely puzzled and embarrassed by his sister's behaviour. He'd gotten so upset about it that Rob refrained from further inquiries, at a loss for what more he could do.

Sighing, he watched as Terry made her way down their sidewalk and up the street. Letting his eyes drift upwards to the sullen gray sky, he longed again for an end to this interminable winter.

In the master bedroom, a solitary figure pushed herself away from the corner that afforded her a view through snow-laden branches of a winter-bare tree to the walkway leading to their front door.

* * *

Terry stamped her feet on the mat, knocking off the worst of the packed snow before pushing open her front door and stepping into the welcome warmth of the old house. Shrugging out of her heavy parka, she hung it up, kicked off her boots, tossed her gloves aside and headed back to the kitchen, intent on making some hot chocolate.

Filling the kettle, she set it on the stove to boil. Glancing up, she saw Michael's Pathfinder pulling into the alley and, with a slight smile, she took down a second mug. She watched her friend trudge through the new snow in the backyard as she mixed the chocolate powder with cream. Debating with herself momentarily, she opened the cupboard and pulled out a depleted bag of mini-marshmallows just as Michael clattered into the house.

"Hi, Michael," she called out as a tousled head poked around the corner.

"Hey, Ter," came the cheerful reply. "I see the snow did not stay you from your appointed rounds."

Terry grinned. "Of course not. Now are you going to stand there dripping or are you going to come share some hot chocolate with me?"

"Yum, hot chocolate! With marshmallows?" he asked hopefully, coming up behind her.

"Is there any other way?"

"Not if you're a connoisseur," Michael quipped, leaning back on the counter as he watched Terry's preparations. "Guess what, Ter."

The young woman looked over to see her friend beaming back at her. "Well, judging by that look, I'd guess that you heard from a certain oil-rigger."

"Yes!" Michael whooped exultantly. "He called this morning and some very important whatzit on the rig broke down and they've had to shut down operations for a week. He'll be here tomorrow!"

"That's great," Terry said. "It's been quite a while since you last saw him."

"Thirty-seven days, six hours and..." Michael glanced at his watch, "Nine minutes...but who's counting?" He grinned at Terry. "Oh yeah, don't come knockin' when the basement's rockin'!"

The slender man began to dance around the kitchen, warbling, "Gimme, gimme good lovin'," when he suddenly stopped dead and stared at his friend. Terry's eyes were fixed intently on the mugs as she stirred the hot chocolate mix.

"Oh shit, Terry, I'm sorry," Michael said, his exuberance tamed by the look on her face. "I'm such an idiot! I just didn't think."

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, hugging her hard.

She patted his arms with one hand and wiped at her eyes with the other. Taking a deep breath she said, "It's all right, Michael. I'm happy for you, really. Randy is a terrific guy and you two deserve each other."

Michael released her only to take her hand and lead her over to the table. Pushing her gently into a chair, he retrieved the mugs and set one of them in front of her. Sliding into the chair opposite her, he deposited his mug on the table and took one of her hands. Serious now, he waited until she looked up at him, her eyes still bright with unshed tears.

"I need you to listen to me now, Terry. I'm worried about you. We're all worried about you! You cannot go on like this much longer. You're barely eating enough to keep a bird alive. I hear you up at all hours of the night, and I can't remember the last time you voluntarily left the house to come out with us."

Defensively, Terry shot back, "I went to Oly's with you guys just last week."

Michael sighed and shook his head. "Yeah, I practically had to use a cattle-prod to get you there, and then you had one drink with Lisa and Robyn and left." He gently cupped her hands in his for a few minutes before going on.

"I wish I'd been here for you at Christmas, Ter, but I wasn't..."

"Nothing you could've done anyways," the young woman mumbled.

"Maybe not, but I still wish I'd been here. I know how hard it was for you and what an impossible situation you've ended up in. Look, I know better than to expect you'll fall out of love with her just because you haven't seen her in over a month, but I think you need some distraction in your life. Rather than moping around here, why don't you use your ticket and take a holiday for a couple of weeks? Go somewhere that the sun is hot, the margaritas are cold, and the beaches are full of beautiful women."

He sat silently while Terry thought about his suggestion. Michael's Christmas present to his roommates had been open airline tickets to anywhere in North America. Claire had used hers to go home to Quebec for Christmas but Terry had been undecided about a destination. Right now, a Mexican beach was sounding very appealing.

She glanced up to see him watching her compassionately. Forcing a small grin, she teased weakly, "You just want to get rid of me so you can get rowdy with Randy."

He chuckled and his blue eyes brightened. "Well, there is that too. Really though, Ter, I think it would do you a world of good, and maybe you'd come back with some perspective on the whole mess."

Terry nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe. Let me think about it for a bit."

Michael squeezed her hands encouragingly, and picked up his mug, draining half of it in one swallow. Terry poked at the melting marshmallows bobbing at the top of the mug, then followed her friend's lead, swallowing the hot, sweet liquid and letting it warm her belly. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation. She had been cold for too long.

Half an hour later, Terry was lying on her bed, idly contemplating white sand and crystal blue waters when she heard the front doorbell ring. She ignored it, knowing Michael would answer the door, and returned to consideration of a tropical vacation.

She desperately wanted to be distracted from the constant ache of Jan's absence from her life. Michael was right. She had virtually gone into hibernation. She'd even stopped going to her parent's house for Sunday dinner, ducking her mother's phone calls and putting off Jordy when he dropped by the house.

Perpetually restless these days, she'd been unable to focus on anything. Her novel sat, unedited and untouched since before Christmas. Most nights found her wandering aimlessly around the house from the basement to the kitchen to the garret.

Oddly, the only solace she'd found was in Marika's company. She knew that her roommates and old friends were concerned about her, and because she saw no possible resolution to her dilemma, she felt uneasy in their presence. However, the blonde woman made no demands on her, never questioning Terry's unannounced appearances at her door and uncritical of the way the young woman was drifting through the days.

Marika never brought up Jan and never asked Terry for more than she was willing to give. Terry knew that Marika was open to resuming their sexual relationship, but for now, she was content with their routine of weekend movies, dinners, and quiet evenings at the apartment.

They'd achieved an amiable détente, which had ripened into a curiously comforting friendship. Terry was wondering if Marika might be interested in heading south with her for a holiday when her bedroom door was flung open. Startled, she looked over to see Matt standing there glaring at her. She gaped at him, stunned at his unprecedented appearance in her house, let alone her room.

"You are such a jerk!" he snarled at her.

"What!? What did I do?" Terry's protest was ignored as Matt stalked over to her bed.

"You are the most selfish, thoughtless, inconsiderate excuse for a daughter I've ever had the misfortune to meet!" Matt paused for a breath but before he could resume berating his sister, Terry broke in indignantly.

"What the hell are you talking about? What exactly do you think I've done?"

Matt was so flushed with fury that Terry worried momentarily that he'd have a stroke. His dark eyes snapped at her, and he bristled as he reached out a finger to poke her shoulder forcefully.

"I just dropped by home and Mom's eyes were all red. She wouldn't admit it, but I know she'd been crying!"

Terry batted his hand away, even as a feeling of panic filled her.

"Mom was crying? Why? What's wrong?"

Matt snorted derisively. "You're what's wrong!"

"Me? I didn't do anything!" Terry objected vociferously.

"That's right! You didn't do anything. You didn't come over. You didn't call. Mom hasn't heard from you since New Year's and she's frantic with worry, but do you care? You don't even have enough consideration to pick up the phone once in awhile!"

Terry dropped her eyes guiltily and mumbled, "Well, it's not like she doesn't know where I live."

"You're such an idiot." Matt's voice had moderated, though his tone was still angry. "Mom's doing what she's always done, given us our space to work things out. She knows you know you have a standing invitation to dinner. She's left messages for you to remind you of that. She won't intrude where she doesn't feel she's welcome and you've made damned sure she feels unwelcome in your life."

Terry squirmed, unable to answer her brother's accusations. Giving her no quarter, Matt went on. "You know, the first couple of weeks you didn't come for Sunday dinner, she made excuses for you. The last few weeks, she hasn't even tried, but I've seen her watching hopefully out the kitchen window, looking up expectantly every time a car drives down the alley. Every week she sets a place for you, and every week she clears it away unused."

The young woman was sure she'd never felt as ashamed as she did at that moment. Contritely, she glanced up at her brother and said softly, "I'm sorry."

"Don't tell me, tell Mom!" he growled, but the steam had gone out of his invective. He sank down in the chair beside the bed, stretched out one long leg and lightly kicked his sister's ankle. "Why'd ya do it, anyways?"

"Because I'm an inconsiderate jerk," she answered ruefully.

Matt snorted in agreement. "Yeah, well that's a given!" he jibed, but he no longer looked like he was considering sisterly evisceration as an option.

The siblings sat in silence for a long moment before Terry asked hesitantly, "Did Mom ever say why she was worried?"

Her brother shook his head. "No, but it doesn't take an Einstein to figure things out." Terry glanced at him sharply and he grimaced at her. "We were all at the wedding, Terry. We're not blind. Well, except maybe for Jordy, but that boy can't get past the foolish notion that you can do no wrong, though I gotta tell you, even he's more than a little pissed at you right now."

Terry winced as she recalled brushing her baby brother off several times in the last month. Knowing how he idolized Rob, she hadn't wanted any of this to touch him, but she realized she'd handled it badly. Yeah, what didn't I handle badly?

Matt leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "You're in a pickle, Terry, but just because you've screwed things up doesn't mean you have the right to make Mom unhappy. She never told you to go and fall in love with a married woman. I dunno how you're going to work things out and I'm the last person in the world to offer advice on your love life, but I can tell you that shutting out your family is just plain stupid. Shit, you've been on a goddamned roller coaster ever since you met her, and if you don't shape up soon, the whole family is going to disown you!"

Terry was stunned. She'd been afraid of her mother's perceptiveness, which was why she'd been ducking her, but had no idea the rest of her family was aware of what was going on. She stared at Matt, who leaned back in his chair studying her in return.

As the two siblings sat in silence, Terry's mind reeled in confusion. She'd hated the estrangement from her family but had been afraid they'd see her distress and force her to confront it before she was ready. Now she could see that not only had she been completely transparent, she'd been upsetting everyone she loved. Damn! I'm such an idiot!

Troubled, Terry said, "I, uh, kinda blew it, didn't I?"

"Royally!" Matt answered harshly.

She shook her head. She'd been wallowing in her own sorrow long enough. She looked at Matt and said firmly, "I'll be at dinner this Sunday."

He grunted his approval. "And you'll call Mom to tell her?"

"Yeah, I'll give her a call right away."

Matt nodded and stood. He'd gone halfway to the door before he stopped and turned back to her. "I don't get it, you know."

She looked at him quizzically, and was surprised to see how intently he was staring at her. "What? You don't get what?"

"Christmas Day." He didn't need to expand on his question; Terry knew what he was asking.

"It wasn't like that. Marika's just a friend who didn't have any place to go for Christmas dinner so I brought her home with me."

"Huh," Matt said thoughtfully. "That wasn't how you behaved. You hurt Jan, you know."

Terry was startled at her brother's unexpected insight and, stung by the memory of that day, she fumbled for words. "I...she...we can't...Jesus, Matt, she's married!"

For a brief second, Terry thought she saw a flash of sympathy in her brother's eyes, but he said nothing, resuming his walk to the door. He'd reached the door before he turned one last time. With quiet intensity, he said softly, "Do you know what I'd give for one woman to look at me the way she looked at you that night at the wedding?"

Terry's jaw dropped as Matt left the room. She stared after him, shock rendering her speechless. She blinked as Michael passed Matt in the hall, glancing at the bigger man nervously before entering the room and walking quickly over to her.

"Are you okay?" he asked anxiously. "I heard all the shouting and wasn't sure whether I should grab the bat and come up here or not."

Terry absently patted the hand he'd placed on her shoulder. "No, no–everything's fine."

"Good," Michael said, his tone clearly conveying his disbelief. "Well, if he gives you any trouble, you just let me know."

Terry couldn't help grinning at that. "Michael, my love, he'd take you apart limb from limb if you tried anything."

"Tried anything?" Michael huffed, brushing an imaginary piece of lint from an impeccable sleeve. "Don't be silly! I'd just tell Randy on him."

Terry burst into laughter and tugged her friend down on the bed, hitting him over the head with a pillow. He pushed it away and gave her a silly grin. "God, it's good to hear that," he said. "Do you have any idea how long it's been since you laughed?"

Terry rolled on her back and sighed. "Too long?"

"Way too long!" he agreed emphatically.

Terry turned her head and smiled at her friend apologetically. "I'm sorry, Michael. I've been a pain in the ass to live with this last little while."

He sobered instantly and rolled on his side to face her. "You've been hurting, Terry. I know that. I just don't want to see you hurt anymore. I really think you should go away for a while."

Terry sat upright, determination on her face. "I've got a better idea." She glanced at her puzzled friend. "What's today, Michael?"

"Thursday, why?"

A slow smile began to light her face. "Because I'm going to do something I should have done weeks ago, that's why! This has gone on long enough. One way or another, it has to end."

She jumped to her feet and checked her watch. "Not much time," she muttered to herself.

Michael sat up and demanded curiously, "Not much time for what? What's going on, Ter?"

Terry grabbed her wallet off her desk, stuffed in her pocket and planted a quick kiss on her perplexed friend's forehead. "Gotta go! If Mom calls, tell her I'll call her back tonight. I promise! But first I have to find Jan and set things right if I can. You're the best, Michael!"

She ran out of the room and started down the stairs two at a time. Within moments she was in the Tin Can and pulling out into the alley. Reaching the street, she paused to consider her options.

Where would she go? Knowing her, somewhere with books, but where? Terry quickly ran through the possibilities, discarding the small independent bookstores they'd frequented downtown. Jan loved the quirky old purple house that was home to the Women's Bookstore, but given the day's bad weather she would probably have opted to stay closer to home this afternoon.

Uncomfortably aware that Jan's afternoon off was almost over, Terry drove as quickly as the roads and traffic permitted to the nearest Chapters where they'd gone for their first outing. Eagerly she scanned the parking lot, but didn't see the distinctive burgundy van. Damn! Wasting no time, Terry drove over to the library, but there was no sign of the van there either.

Biting her lip, she turned the small car north and headed for her last hope. With a huge sigh of relief, she immediately spotted the van, parked outside another Chapters. Quickly, she wheeled into a space and was out of her car before the engine had even shuddered to a stop. Striding rapidly towards the entrance, she was suddenly seized by fear. What if she doesn't want to see me? What if she's still mad at me? What if she hates me? What if...

Her steps slowed and she stared apprehensively at an older woman exiting the store, her overactive imagination painting all sorts of dismal scenarios, all of which involved Jan rejecting her.

The diminutive, gray-haired matron brushed by her, glancing curiously at the frozen young woman. Terry shook her head. I have to know. One way or another, I have to know.

Resolutely, she pushed through the doors and began her search for her friend. Starting on one side of the large store, she methodically checked every aisle and corner. She'd gotten to the extensive shelves of computer literature when she finally saw her. She stopped, her eyes devouring the other woman who was sitting in an chair down by the mystery section.

Terry felt her heart pounding in her chest. Her hands shook and her breath came in short, rapid pulses. She moved closer, trying not to attract attention but sure that Jan would be able to hear her knees rattling together from two aisles away.

Close enough now to see the other woman clearly, she studied her friend's face and frowned. Jan's features were sharper and more drawn than the last time she'd seen her. Even through her reading glasses, Terry could see the shadows around her eyes.

As she watched, the older woman's gaze drifted off her book and into space. Slowly, as if feeling Terry's gaze, Jan turned her head in the young woman's direction. Terry tensed, but stayed still, waiting to be acknowledged or rejected.

Jan stared blankly at her for a moment, and then blinked as if unsure of the reality of what she was seeing. Terry held her breath, waiting for any clue, convinced as the seconds ticked by in an eternity that Jan would ignore her, already feeling her heart begin to fracture.

Then an irrepressible smile tugged at the older woman's lips, lighting green eyes and welcoming Terry back. Instantly, Terry crossed the distance between them and sank to one knee in front of her.

Wordlessly, Jan reached out a hand and caressed her cheek. Terry was overwhelmed with relief and joy. She turned her head slightly and laid a soft kiss on the palm cupping her face.

She saw Jan close her eyes tightly and a tear spill over, run under her glasses and down one pale cheek. With absolute tenderness, Terry lifted her hand and wiped the wetness away.

Glistening eyes opened and she found herself lost in their emerald depths, unconscious of anything but the rapture of once again touching the woman she loved, and seeing that love reflected back to her.

"I've missed my best friend." The older woman's soft words went directly to Terry's heart.

Taking Jan's hands in her own, she brought them to her lips for a gentle kiss. Looking up, she answered, "So have I."

Chapter Twenty-Four

TERRY STOOD ON shaky legs and smiled down at Jan. "Would you like to join me for coffee?"

"Yes!" Jan blurted, then glanced at her watch and sighed. "But I have to be home in half an hour."

"That's alright. We'll just grab a quick cup at Starbucks," Terry assured her. "It won't take long."

Jan stuffed her book and glasses into her purse and took the hand Terry had extended to her, rising to her feet. The two women stood, inches apart and eyes locked, until Terry reluctantly dropped her friend's hand, stepping back to a discreet distance. Without another word, they turned together and walked across the store to the coffee shop on the far side.

"Why don't you grab us a table and I'll get the coffee. Any special requests?" Terry asked as she pulled her wallet out of her pocket.

"Just plain coffee, thanks." Jan headed for a recently vacated table by the windows as Terry placed their order.

Accepting the full cups carefully, Terry turned to walk over to the table and stopped dead. Jan's gaze was fixed on her and, for the first time, Terry saw the look that Matt had envied her. Love and longing radiated from expressive eyes, a shy smile graced full lips, and her whole body unconsciously leaned towards the younger woman in a non-tactile caress.

How did I ever miss that! Terry blinked and remembered to move. Concentrating on stilling her shaking hands, she wended her way through the small tables until she could set one cup in front of Jan.

Taking off her jacket and sliding into the other chair, she stared momentarily at her coffee, trying to formulate her words. She didn't want to waste their limited time, but before she could say anything, a small hand covered hers and she looked up in surprise.

Earnest eyes looked at her intently. "Terry, I want to apologize..."

"No!" Terry shook her head vigorously. "I'm the one who has to apologize. I've been a total idiot."

Warm fingers curled around hers and Terry felt a tingling sensation skitter down her spine. She tried to focus on what she wanted to say, but a low chuckle distracted her.

"Why don't we agree that we've both been idiots, and move on from there?" Jan suggested with a smile before her face became more serious. She pulled her hand away and Terry instantly missed the contact. "Terry, I have to say some things and I need you to listen to me, okay?"

Terry nodded mutely, glad that Jan was taking the lead. The older woman drew in a deep breath and tucked her hands in her lap. Visibly steeling herself, she began.

"I had no right to get upset with you at Christmas. Who you see is your own business, not mine. I was stupid and it almost cost me something very precious. I hope you can forgive me. I...I was thrown by what happened at the wedding. I know it didn't mean anything to you..."

Terry broke in, unable to bear Jan's interpretation any longer. "You're wrong! It meant everything to me."

Jan's head jerked up and Terry heard her catch her breath. Hopeful eyes searched her face desperately, looking for the truth of her words.

Slowly, Terry reached her hand across the table and opened it, palm up. She could see Jan swallow convulsively, but then a small hand crept up and into her own. Terry closed her fingers, rejoicing in the contact as she repeated with quiet intensity. "It meant everything to me, and don't you ever doubt it."

Terry felt the hand nestled in hers shake, and she squeezed it reassuringly.

Jan looked at her uncertainly and then ducked her head as she said, "I don't know what to do."

Firmly, Terry said, "You don't have to do anything, just listen. I know this complicates things incredibly, but there's gotta be a way to work things out. I've been absolutely miserable without you this last month. I'm not asking you for anything you can't give me. I just want my friend back."

She heard a half-sob from across the table as Jan closed her eyes tightly. When she opened them again, Terry saw a new resolve there.

"I've been miserable without you too, Ter. I've also had a lot of time to think these last few weeks. I've never been one for self-examination but I'm just starting to figure some things out." A resolute look had settled over the woman's face. "I know it's a bungle, but I'm not willing to live without your friendship if I can still have it. It was like all the light and fun went out of my life, and the hardest thing I had to live with was that I did it to myself. Do you think we can get back to where we were?"

Terry started to answer, then stopped. Could they go back to where they were before that night? Did they even want to? Determined that there would be no more games and half-truths between them, she chose her words carefully.

"I'm not sure that we can pretend it never happened, Jan. I know I can't deny what I feel, but I can set it aside. I'm not going to make your life more difficult if I can help it."

Jan looked at her gratefully and said softly, "We've got a lot to talk about, don't we?"

The younger woman nodded but then looked around ruefully. "Not really the time or place, eh?"

Her friend chuckled as she glanced at the other patrons, none of whom appeared to be eavesdropping. Self-consciously, she gently withdrew her hand from Terry's and picked up her coffee. Taking a long sip, she checked the clock on the wall and grimaced.

"Darn, I'm going to have to get going in a few minutes." She looked hopefully at Terry and asked, "Do you think we could get together to do something in the near future?"

Terry grinned hugely at her. "Is tonight too soon?"

Jan broke out in a relieved laugh. "I think that might be pushing it just a little." Her face sobered as she added, "I've got some amends to make. I've been rotten to Rob and he hasn't deserved it."

Terry couldn't help an involuntary flinch as Jan spoke her husband's name. His omnipresence loomed between them even as she strove to ignore it. Shaking the distress off, she concentrated on her companion.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I've got to swing by the house and see if Mom's disowned me yet."

Jan tilted her head quizzically. "Disowned you? Emily would never do that."

Terry snorted. "Well, she'd be more than justified if she did." She scrubbed her face with one hand, embarrassed to confess her juvenile behaviour. Looking up, she could see a small smile on her friend's face as affectionate eyes regarded her curiously.

"Terry, what did you do?"

"Aw, I've been ducking out of dinner and everything. Haven't seen the family in a while," the young woman mumbled.

"How long is a while?"

"Um, since New Year's?"

Terry cringed at Jan's gasp. "You haven't seen your family in six weeks?" Her incredulity was crystal clear. "Terry Sanderson! What in God's name got into you? I've never seen a family closer than yours! Your poor mother must be beside herself."

Terry traced her finger through some stray sugar granules on the table, refusing to meet indignant eyes. She heard Jan sigh deeply, before a gentle voice said, "Ter, it's okay. Heaven knows I haven't been fit company for man nor beast. I understand."

Remorsefully, Terry looked up. "I hope Mom does."

Jan smiled reassuringly. "She will. I don't think there's anything Emily couldn't forgive you for."

"Even us?" Terry asked before she could censor herself.

The sharp intake of breath let her know she'd hit a nerve. Seeing the anguish cross Jan's face, she hastily covered up.

"I'm sorry, Jan. I didn't mean it. I mean what's there to know, right? We're just friends. Mom can't have a problem with that."

Jan shook her head sadly. "Your mother is more perceptive than that, Terry. And no, I don't have an answer to your question."

The two women sat silently for a long moment before Jan went on. "It would hurt more than I can tell you if I were no longer welcome in your mother's house, but there's something that would hurt more, and that's denying what's going on between us. Or am I wrong about that, Ter?"

Quickly, Terry assured her, "No, you're not wrong." Squirming uncomfortably, she went on. "Jan, I have to tell you something. What I told you that night, about going out with Jesse...I lied. I've never gone out with her, and the woman I brought to Christmas dinner is only a friend."

She held her breath waiting for Jan's reaction. Her friend looked at her in confusion.

"Then why...?"

Unwilling to confess Rob's intervention, Terry only said, "I was thrown, Jan. I didn't know how to react, what to do, so I tried to put some distance between us in the only way I could think of."

Jan laughed ruefully. "Well, you succeeded at that."

"Yeah, I guess I did. I'm too damned efficient at times." Her feeble attempt at a joke wringing a small smile from her companion, Terry rushed on. "I didn't know you were going to be at Christmas dinner. I'm so sorry if I hurt you. I never wanted to do that."

Her fervent declaration drew a genuine smile and Jan reached across the table to lightly stroke her hand. "S'okay. It's not exactly like I handled things any better."

The two grinned at each other, the relief of getting matters aired and forgiven palpable between them.

With a quick glance at her watch, Jan looked up apologetically. "I have to go, Ter. Walk me to my van?"

"You bet," Terry said, as she stood and grabbed her jacket. After returning to the mystery section to retrieve Jan's coat, the two left the store and walked out into the softly falling snow.

As they headed for the van, Terry stuck out her tongue and tried to catch a snowflake. Jan giggled and bent to sweep up a handful of snow to toss at her friend. Terry glared at her in mock outrage before grabbing her own handful off a nearby car. Jan shrieked and ran but Terry's longer legs gave her the advantage and she caught the redhead by the van's fender. She grabbed the shorter woman and playfully washed her face, laughing as Jan twisted and squirmed in her arms.

Jan stuck out her tongue at Terry, but with snow plastered on her face, the effect was comical. The younger woman chuckled, then gently brushed the snow off dark eyelashes and rosy cheeks.

Her touch turned to a caress, and Terry felt Jan lean into it as the older woman closed her eyes. We are in so deep! Oddly, the thought didn't disturb her, and Terry realized that all she cared about right now was the woman in front of her. They'd deal with complications and consequences later, but for this moment, there was only the overwhelming joy of their renewed relationship.

Neither woman moved until finally Terry unwillingly dropped her hand. Dazed eyes fluttered open and Jan drew back slowly.

"Guess I'd better go," she murmured reluctantly.

"Uh huh. Guess you should." Terry stepped back and Jan moved past her, fumbling for her keys. Drawing them out of her purse, she paused and looked back at the young woman.

"Terry, I'm so very glad you found me today."

Responding to the utter sincerity in her friend's voice, Terry whispered hoarsely, "So am I." As Jan opened the van's door, Terry called after her, "I'll phone you tonight, okay?"

Jan smiled at her and nodded. "I'll count on it."

Terry watched her drive away, sure that the grin on her face was permanently etched there. With a light step and an even lighter heart, she headed back to her car. Now she just had to go see her mother.

* * *

Pushing open the back door, Terry stepped into her parents' house, feeling very much like a naughty first-grader called to the principal's office. Pausing to deposit her jacket in the hall closet and kick off her boots, she listened for any sounds that would give away her mother's location. She couldn't hear anything but the kitchen radio softly playing in the background.

Moving further into the room, she hollered, "Mom!" When there was still no answer, she shrugged and went to the fridge. Opening it, she stood there examining the contents. Snagging a cold fried chicken leg, she was about to bite into it when a voice from behind her made her jump.

"The prodigal returns, does she?"

Terry spun around to see her mother standing at the head of the basement stairs with a stack of clean, folded towels in her arms. Guiltily, she thrust the chicken leg behind her back, but then sheepishly brought it out again when Emily raised an eyebrow at her.

"Um, I was hungry?"

Emily nodded thoughtfully. "First time you've been hungry in six weeks?"

Terry winced. "I deserved that. Mom, I'm really sorry. Can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

"Just let me put these away first. Why don't you put the kettle on for tea?"

Emily left the room with her armful of towels and with a small chuckle, Terry filled the kettle and put it on the burner. Her mother's standard answer to family problems was tea and talk at the kitchen table. It had been that way for as long as she could remember, and she was sure that Emily would be sitting her grandchildren down for tea and talks thirty years from now.

Terry didn't even particularly like tea but she wasn't about to interfere with her mother's healing ritual. She took down the cups and put tea bags into the pot. She was just pouring boiling water over the bags when her mother returned. Wordlessly she carried the pot and cups over to the table and the two women sat across from each other.

Emily watched her daughter quietly, and Terry knew it was up to her to initiate the conversation.

"Mom, Matt told me this afternoon what a jerk I've been and he was right."

Emily's eyebrows shot up. "Matt called you a jerk?"

"Among other things," Terry muttered, remembering all too clearly her brother's descriptive assessment of her behaviour these last few weeks. "He really tore a strip off me!"

"And you didn't hit him?" Emily asked incredulously.

Terry scowled. "No, Mom, I didn't hit him!" Sighing, she had to concede that her mother's surprise was justified. There was a time that Matt's tirade would have ended with the two of them rolling on the floor, exchanging punches.

"Hmm," Emily murmured skeptically as she poured tea for both of them. "Well, that's an improvement anyway."

The young woman accepted her cup and took a sip before continuing. "The thing of it was, Mom, I'm glad Matt yelled at me. I have been an ass..."

Emily looked at her sharply and Terry amended, "An idiot, and I'm really very sorry. I owe you and Dad an apology."

"You owe your brothers one too," Emily admonished.

"Yeah, I do. Where is the runt anyway?"

"It's Thursday. He's over at Rob's of course. And Terry, I meant all your brothers."

Terry nodded her understanding. "I know, and I'll take care of it. Anyway, I want to tell you how much I regret my behaviour since Christmas and promise that I won't do it again. If you don't mind, I'd like to come over for dinner this Sunday."

Emily solemnly regarded her daughter over the lip of her teacup and took a sip before asking, "So Matt brought you to your senses...all by himself?"

Squirming a little, but knowing it had to come out, Terry confessed, "Well yeah, that and I also spoke to Jan today."

The older woman nodded thoughtfully, pursing her lips a little. When she set her cup down, Terry knew she was about to get a piece of her mother's mind. She wasn't prepared for her mother's approach however.

"I didn't appreciate you bringing that woman to Christmas dinner."

Her daughter felt a flare of resentment at the unexpected reproach. "That woman is a friend of mine, mother. And since when were we forbidden to bring friends by for dinner? Duncan and Karen weren't there so I can't see that it was such a big problem to set out an extra plate."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it, Teresa," Emily said firmly. "I would never mind if you brought Michael or Claire or Lisa and Robyn over at anytime."

"Oh, so it's just Marika that you won't allow at your table," Terry snapped, irritated by the direction this was taking.

"Don't take that tone with me, young lady," Emily cautioned her sternly. "This is still my house. I don't like that woman and I can't understand what you're doing with her again after all the trouble she gave you last year."

Terry glared at her mother defiantly. "Let me tell you something about 'that' woman, Mom. I treated her like shit last summer, but when she saw me at the end of a two day drunk, still pissed out of my mind, she took me into her home, cleaned me up, fed me and gave me a refuge, all without asking one damned thing in return. She has no family but a dumb old cat. She was planning on having leftover spaghetti for Christmas dinner, so yeah, I asked her home for a real festive meal. And you know what, I'd do it all over again!"

Emily was clearly shocked at her daughter's diatribe. "What are you talking about, a two day drunk, Terry?"

The younger woman sighed, reluctant to disclose exactly how badly she'd behaved. "I started drinking the day before Christmas Eve and didn't stop until I was kicked out of Oly's on Christmas Eve and Marika took me home. I was so out of it I didn't even know what day it was. That's why I missed Christmas morning here. I was sleeping off a binge at Marika's place."

"Why, Terry?" Emily's tone was bewildered. "Why would you do that to yourself?"

Terry couldn't force herself to answer that and sat silently under her mother's intense scrutiny, staring at the table. Finally Emily sighed and reached across the table to pat her daughter's hand.

"It's Jan, isn't it?"

Terry nodded and looked up at her mother, half-expecting to see condemnation in those faded blue eyes. Instead, she saw sadness and sympathy.

"Oh, my daughter, what have you done? Why her, Terry? With all the women you've dated, why her? Rob..."

Emily's voice trailed off, but both women knew what she meant.

Dark eyes welled up with tears and Terry poured her heart to the first woman in her life. "Mom, I didn't mean to fall in love with her. I swear it. We were just friends, and I never would've pushed anything else. Rob's my friend too–I wouldn't hurt him. I didn't want to hurt either of them but I did. And now Jan..."

"Feels the same way about you," Emily filled in. "Yes, I'd thought as much. Oh dear, what a mess! Does Rob know?"

"Yeah, we talked about it the day after the wedding."

"And...?" Emily prompted. "What did he say?"

"Basically that he wasn't giving her up and I had to pull back. He wanted me to make it clear to her that I was romantically unavailable but still stay friends with her."

"Good Lord!" Emily exclaimed. "No wonder you've been crazy this last month."

She came around the table and wrapped her arms around her daughter. Terry leaned into the hug, squeezing her mother's waist in return. Emily rocked her gently for a few moments and then planted a kiss on dark hair before returning to her seat.

"Right, so what happens now?" Emily said briskly. "Where do you go from here?"

Dabbing at her eyes with a napkin, Terry answered, "I'm not exactly sure, Mom. I do know it was killing me to stay away from Jan, and she was just as miserable. We had coffee together today and we're going to try to get back our friendship. You know, go out and do things again like we did all fall."

Emily nodded sagely. "Is that going to be possible, Terry? Going back to the way things were?"

"It has to be, Mom," Terry said with grim determination. "I can live with us only being friends. Hell, I did it for months, but I can't not see her at all."

"You did it before you knew she felt the same way about you. What about Rob? You can't hurt that dear man, Terry."

Worry suffused Emily's voice and Terry could see the unease on her face.

"I have no intention of hurting him, Mom. After all, he's the one that wanted me to stay friends with her, so he should approve of our seeing each other again. We haven't talked it all out, but Jan and I both know we can't take this any further, no matter what we're feeling."

"Oh dear. Terry, it really sounds like you're playing with fire. I've seen how you two look at each other, and it most definitely isn't just as friends," Emily cautioned.

"I know, Mom. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but what the heck else are we supposed to do?"

Emily just shook her head and Terry knew that as wise and experienced as her mother was, she didn't have an answer for this dilemma. She wasn't surprised. She hadn't really expected one.

"Mom, are Jan and Rob welcome here for dinner?"

Emily glanced over in surprise. "Of course they are, dear. They're our friends too and I've missed seeing them."

"Good." Terry was about to ask if they could come over that Sunday when Jordy walked in through the back door. He stopped dead when he saw Terry, and the young woman could tell by his stiff posture that she had some bridges to mend with him.

"What're you doing here?" he demanded truculently.

"Apologizing for being an inconsiderate idiot," Terry answered, refusing to take offence at his tone.

Jordy's eyes widened and a cautious hope crossed his youthful features. "You are, huh? Been here a long time then?"

Terry couldn't help laughing at that. "Are you saying that I should have allotted a few hours for apologies?"

He snorted and hung up his coat. "I'm saying you should allot the next week!"

Jordy bent over to unlace his boots while Terry and Emily exchanged amused glances. Emily nodded her head at her youngest offspring and looked meaningfully at her daughter. Terry took the hint and rose to go over to her brother.

Reaching him, she put on her most contrite expression and said, "I'm very sorry, little brother. Will you forgive me?"

Jordy straightened up and frowned at her, but Terry could see his heart wasn't in it. She pouted a little and he rolled his eyes.

"Dunno. Don't think I should let you off the hook that easily," he said with asperity.

"I'll let you use the Tin Can over spring break," Terry coaxed with a tiny grin.

"All of spring break?"

She sighed and gave in. "Yeah, runt. All of spring break!"

A big smile broke over the boy's face. "Alright! Me and Gary can go skiing at Sunshine then!" Remembering he was supposed to be mad at his sister, he tried to glare at her. "Okay, you're forgiven this time...but don't do it again!"

Terry laughed and wrapped Jordy in a headlock. She knuckled his head as he squawked and protested, but hastily let go when he started tickling her ribs.

Emily rolled her eyes at her children and took the cups to the sink to rinse out.

Calling back over her shoulder she asked, "Will you be joining us for dinner tonight, Terry?"

Terry stopped roughhousing with her brother long enough to happily accept the invitation.

"Good, that'll give you a chance to apologize to your father too," Emily said firmly as she dried the cups.

Terry groaned softly and muttered, "I should just fill out apology forms in triplicate and hand them around."

"Yup," Jordy agreed cheerfully before tackling his sister into a pile of mittens, scarves and boots.

Emily shook her head and ignored the sounds of bodies hitting walls and anguished squawks echoing from the hall as she began preparations for a family dinner.

* * *

Rob heard the back door open and glanced over to where his attendant was lolling on the couch.

"Guess your shift's over, Donny."

"Guess so, boss man," Donny agreed as he rose to his feet and stretched.

"Hi guys!" came a sunny greeting from the kitchen, and Rob's eyes widened as his beaming wife came around the corner.

"Hey love," Jan acknowledged him. "I saw Jordy driving away. Did you three have a good time this afternoon?"

Rob nodded numbly, staring at the woman in front of him.

Jan smiled at him and turned to the other man. "Donny, would you mind terribly if we switched back to Saturdays again, starting next week if possible?"

Rob's heart plummeted as his attendant nodded amiably.

"Sure, Jan. I don't mind that at all. Fact is, I'd prefer it that way," Donny chortled. "If I'm not there, my wife can't stick me with weekend chores. Last Saturday of all the dang-fool ideas she decided the attic needed to be cleaned out..."

As Donny rambled on about the insanity of cleaning out a space they never even used, Rob focused on his wife. Even without her request to change days off, he'd have known something happened this afternoon. In dramatic contrast to the sullen woman who had departed the house at noon, Jan's eyes were sparkling, a genuine smile graced her lips and her body language radiated buoyancy.

Donny finally made his exit and as Jan adjusted his feet, Rob asked casually, "So what did you do with yourself today?"

She glanced up from arranging the pillows under his feet and replied with equal offhandedness. "I went out for lunch, did a few errands and then went to Chapters for the rest of the day."

She finished her task and stood. "I'm going to get dinner on."

As she started to the kitchen, she said over her shoulder, "Oh, I saw Terry at Chapters too. We had coffee together and talked about maybe doing something next weekend."

She disappeared from view into the kitchen, and Rob stared after her, fear closing like a vice around his heart.

Chapter Twenty-Five

WITH DEEP SATISFACTION, Emily surveyed the long crowded tables extending through the dining room and well into the living room. So many people had joined them for Sunday dinner that she'd had to send Gord and Jordy to bring up an extra table from the basement.

All of her children were present for the first time this year and Emily enjoyed the sight of her noisy brood along with their families and friends. She smiled at the sight of Michael stealing something from Randy's plate. She liked the big, amiable man who seemed to have thoroughly captivated her daughter's effervescent roommate.

Looking across the table, she couldn't help a small smirk at how attentively Matt was listening to Claire's soft voice. Hmm, I wonder... She was very fond of Terry's quieter roommate and decided this situation warranted closer attention. She's not his usual type...thank heavens... but she might be just what he needs. Making a mental note to urge her daughter to invite Claire over more often, she turned her attention to the trio at the far end of the table.

A small unconscious sigh escaped her lips as she saw Terry and Jan laughing about something while Rob watched them soberly. Emily had been surreptitiously observing the three of them since their arrivals. To anyone unaware of the underlying currents, all would appear normal between them, but Emily's keen eye easily detected the latent tensions.

Even as Terry and Jan were trying to maintain a correct distance and demeanor, Emily could see the subliminal tug between them. Quick glances, involuntary smiles and 'accidental' touches hadn't escaped her attention. Worse, they hadn't escaped Rob's keen eyes either. Emily grimaced a little as she recalled the first awkward moments earlier that afternoon.

Emily shook her head at her antsy daughter. Terry was pacing the living room, glancing constantly out the window as she waited for the Spencers' arrival. When the large van pulled up in front of the house, she froze and Emily wasn't sure if she was going to bolt or throw open the front door.

She knew how hard this was going to be for Terry. Her daughter and Jan had reconciled, but Terry hadn't seen or spoken to Rob since Christmas. Despite Terry's optimistic prognostications that Rob would be pleased with the resumption of her friendship with Jan since it was what he'd insisted on, Emily had serious doubts.

Terry snagged Jordy, who'd been bouncing around like Tigger on caffeine at the prospect of having his idol back in the house again, and the two of them ran out to help Jan. Emily wrapped her cardigan tightly around herself against the cold air, and stood in the open doorway watching as they maneuvered the wheelchair down the walk and up the stairs.

Emily had welcomed the pair warmly, waiting until they'd shed their heavy winter outer clothes before hugging Jan quickly, then bending to wrap Rob's frail body in a gentle embrace. She'd held him a breath longer than usual, feeling a small shudder as she whispered her delight at seeing him again. Drawing back, she'd looked intently at him, seeing an almost imperceptible flash of relief and sadness deep in denim blue eyes.

She'd stepped back then to allow Jan room to push the chair into the living room, but as the chair started to roll, Rob's foot fell off the stirrup. Instantly Terry stepped in front to halt the chair's progress and knelt down to replace the dangling extremity on the footrest.

Emily noticed that even as Terry carefully bent Rob's leg back, she couldn't meet the man's eyes. When she was done, the young woman stood up and Rob thanked her casually. Terry nodded, mumbling 'no problem' as she stepped out of the way.

The stiffness between the two was tangible, and Emily couldn't help a small sigh as she trailed after the group. She knew that Terry genuinely cared about Rob and had regretted the impasse between them almost as much as the loss of Jan's companionship.

Emily was suddenly grateful for the crowd she expected for dinner. Maybe being surrounded by noisy, laughing people would lighten the tensions and let the friends recover something of their former ease with each other. Ruefully, she realized she wouldn't lay odds on that happening however.

The older woman's delight in the gathering dimmed a little as she allowed herself to worry about her daughter and about the man whose bright, intelligent eyes belied his hunched, debilitated body. For a brief moment she felt an unreasoning anger at Jan for allowing this situation to get out of hand, but she was too fair to blame it all on the woman who was even now smiling affectionately at her husband as she held a cup to his lips.

It's no one person's fault, but it's such a damned mess! Emily had wracked her brains trying to come up with a solution that would leave all three of these cherished people intact, but hadn't been able to find one. She knew that Terry and Jan weren't about to run away together and abandon Rob, but she worried that the two women would be unable to contain the passion clearly growing between them.

A tiny hand tugging insistently on her left arm brought her mind back as Kelly demanded her attention. Emily smiled at her granddaughter and picking up the toddler's sipping cup, tucked it firmly into food-covered fingers.

Leaving the child sucking contentedly on her milk, Emily cast a glance over the tables, checking to ensure everyone had enough to eat and that serving dishes weren't running too low. Satisfied that no one was in imminent danger of starvation, she turned her attention back to her own plate.

"Hey, Jordy," Terry's voice rang out over the noise. "What size are your ski boots?"

Jordy looked up quizzically at his sister. "Eight, why?"

"Darn, too big." Terry shook her head in disappointment. "I was hoping your boots might fit Jan so she wouldn't have to rent some."

Emily's attention was instantly riveted on the far end of the table even as she made steady inroads on her dinner.

Jordy brightened as he asked, "When are you guys going and what hill are you heading for?"

"I thought we'd try Lake Louise next Saturday. I was listening to the ski report this morning and they've had 40 cm of fresh powder in the last week so conditions should be great." Terry grinned at her little brother as his face fell in disappointment.

"Aw, I have to work all day Saturday," he complained.

"Yeah well, it's not like you're not going to get in tons of skiing on spring break since you've got my car all week," Terry teased her ski crazy brother.

Karen spoke up. "Mine are a six, Ter. Maybe they'd fit." Turning to Jan, she smiled, "You're welcome to borrow my gear for the day if you'd like."

"That'd be great. I really appreciate that," Jan answered gratefully. Then with a rueful laugh she added, "And I promise to replace anything I break. It's been quite a while since I last hit the slopes."

Terry chuckled and leaned into her. "Yeah, and I'm sure you'll be 'hitting' the slopes more than once!"

Jan nudged her friend's shoulder in response and warned, "Just don't be taking me down any black diamond runs! I promised Rob I'd come back with all limbs intact."

"Aw, would I do that?" Terry bantered, smiling engagingly as a chorus of hoots exploded from her brothers.

Emily chuckled as she listened to her sons retell the story of one memorable day on the ski hill when a ten-year old Terry had led her three older brothers out of bounds and into deeply forested ravines where they'd gotten bogged down and had to spend the rest of the day hiking out in waist-deep snow.

Under the cover of raspberries, catcalls and laughter, Emily studied Rob's reaction to his wife's plans for the following weekend. As if feeling her gaze, Rob turned his eyes to meet hers, and the matriarch read pensive bemusement in his glance before he shifted his attention to Gord at the head of the table.

Troubled, Emily wished she could see what he was thinking. Outwardly the affectionate interaction between husband and wife hadn't changed, but Rob was too alert not to notice the byplay between Jan and Terry. It has to be worrying him.

Painfully aware there was nothing else she could do, Emily sent a quick prayer heavenward for the troubled trio and turned her attention to Kerry on her right who was banging her highchair with a plastic spoon to indicate her demand for 'more'.

As she tended to her insistent granddaughter, Emily listened with half an ear as Claire spoke up.

"Michael, I almost forgot. Lisa called earlier this afternoon and asked if she and Robyn could come over later tonight to talk to you."

"To me?" Michael asked in bewilderment. "Are you sure she meant me?"

Claire nodded. "That's what she said. I told her we were coming here for dinner and she said she'd call before they came to make sure you were home."

"Huh, okay." Turning to Randy, Michael asked, "We weren't going out anywhere later, were we?"

Randy laughed and patted his belly. "Not likely, Mikey. I don't think I'll be able to move after this meal."

Emily suppressed a snicker. Michael must really be in love to allow that nickname.

With a comical leer, Michael patted Randy's belly too. "No movement at all, huh?"

Smirks and guffaws greeted Michael's comment and Emily watched with amusement as the big oil rigger turned a bright red before leaning over and whispering something in his slender partner's ear.

Michael beamed and didn't even protest when Randy firmly moved the smaller man's hand away from his flannel-covered belly, setting it between their plates and holding it there.

* * *

The foursome clattered noisily into the house, jockeying for space in the narrow hallway as coats and boots were tossed aside. Randy headed for the door to the basement and Michael trailed after him.

"Hey, don't you two be starting anything!" Terry called after them. "Remember Lisa and Robyn will be over soon."

"Aw," Michael pouted with a small grin. "Do we really have to behave?"

"Geez, Michael. It's not like I'm asking you to pledge lifetime celibacy here," Terry said with exasperation. "Just put a knot in it for an hour or so."

Randy smiled over the head of his smaller partner. "Don't worry, I'll make him behave."

She shook her head. "Good luck. Hey, try tying him up if he can't keep his hands off you."

"Ooooh, kinky! Does that mean we can borrow your cuffs?" Michael teased.

Randy clipped him over the head with one large hand and began to drag him down the stairs.

"What!? It's not like I asked to borrow her nipple clamps!"

The protesting voice vanished down the stairwell as Terry felt the heat rush up her neck to warm her face.

"Oh, that is so much more than I needed to know." Claire slipped by her with an amused chuckle.

Terry turned and leaned her head against the wall, thumping lightly as she wondered what she'd ever done to deserve Michael. Finally, with a rueful grin, she poked her head around the entrance to see what Claire was doing in the kitchen.

The other woman was making a pot of coffee and looked up when Terry's head came into view. "Want some?" she asked, raising the pot.

"Um, yeah sure," Terry agreed, then added sheepishly, "He was just kidding you know."

"Oui, of course he was," came the dry response. "Why don't you try and find some clean cups?"

Finally coming up with a chipped relic of bygone years and a tin camp cup, Terry set them on the table and retrieved the cream and sugar. When the phone rang, she grabbed it quickly, grateful for the diversion. By the time she'd chatted with Lisa and confirmed that Michael would be home, the coffee was ready.

The two women sat at the table and sipped their coffee in peace for long moments until Claire broke the silence.

"You're doing better now?" It was more a statement than a question, but Terry nodded her head.

"Yeah, I am. Look, I'm really sorry for being such a rotten roommate for the last few weeks. I know I wasn't very easy to live with."

She shifted uneasily, unsure of how much her quiet friend knew of what was going on. Claire tended to keep her own counsel, but Terry knew that she rarely missed much of what was happening around her.

Hazel eyes surveyed her calmly as the Quebecoise sipped her coffee and considered her words. Finally, with a little shrug, she set her mug down. "What's done is done," she said pragmatically, before adding with a little smile, "Still, it is nice to be able to talk to you again."

Terry grimaced at the mild rebuke. She'd been short to the point of rudeness to both her roommates since the New Year and by the third week of her self-imposed exile, Claire had ceased even trying to draw her into a conversation. Uncertain if she should even open the subject given Claire's conservative views, she rubbed her neck and eyed her companion. "Um, do you know..."

"What's been going on?" Claire filled in for her. "Oui, Michael and I spoke about it."

When she didn't say anything more, Terry squirmed but pushed herself to inquire. "And?"

Claire sighed and leaned back in her chair. "What exactly are you asking, Terry? Whether I know about you and Jan, or what my opinion on the matter is?"

"Both?" Terry had a hunch she wasn't going to like hearing the other woman's answer, but she respected Claire and valued her insight.

Fixing astute eyes on Terry, Claire spoke deliberately. "I didn't know that you two were anything more than friends until Michael told me. I won't deny I was surprised. You may have been...active since I've known you, but I've never known you to be unethical."

Terry flinched at Claire's blunt assessment and she mumbled, "We haven't done anything you know."

Claire shook her head. "You fell in love with a married woman, Terry. Worse, from what I understand, she fell in love with you too. She is not free to love you, and you should not be having those feelings for her. I thought Rob was your friend too. How can this possibly come to a good end, whether you've gone any further or not?"

Forlornly, Terry looked across the table and said, "We didn't plan this. It just happened."

Claire's stern features softened and she reached a hand across the table to pat Terry's arm. "Oui, je sais, Terry. Le couer n'est pas logique. I'm sorry, my friend. I know you didn't set out to hurt anybody, but the fact is people are being hurt, yourself included, and the bottom line is that you are contemplating adultery."

Her expressive eyes left no doubt in Terry's mind what her friend thought about that particular sin. She was tempted to defend herself with what Jan had told her about the physical aspects of their marriage, but didn't want to break a confidence. Nor did she think that would carry any weight with Claire anyway. She was pretty sure that the Quebecoise took 'till death do us part' and 'for better or for worse' very seriously.

Claire picked up her mug again. "Terry, it is not my place to tell you how to live your life, however you asked me and I'm not going to lie to you. I think you know that this is not right or you wouldn't have been so miserable."

Terry nodded her head slowly. She couldn't deny the validity of Claire's words, but she'd tried to do the right thing and it hadn't worked, for any of them. As much as she valued the other woman's opinion, the truth was she wasn't going to deny her love for Jan anymore. Twisting her cup in her hands, she mumbled, "Guess maybe you should light a candle for me, eh?"

Claire gave a noncommittal murmur. Deciding a change of topic was in order, Terry asked casually, "So did I see my brother chatting you up tonight?"

It was Claire's turn to drop her eyes, but Terry saw a tiny smile flicker across her lips. She grinned and leaned forward.

"C'mon, Claire. 'Fess up. Is something going on between you and Matt?"

With her characteristic shrug, Claire replied, "He talked to me. I talked back. What's to know?"

Terry snorted. "I've known my brother my entire life. I know when he's flirting, Mademoiselle, and he was flirting with you! The real question is whether you were flirting back."

With an inscrutable smile that piqued Terry's curiosity, Claire took a long, deliberate sip of her coffee. Finally, displaying some pity for the inquisitive woman, Claire gave a little nod. "I enjoyed talking to him. I've never really spoken to him at length before and he was quite different from what I'd pictured."

"How?" Terry asked curiously.

Claire considered her answer carefully. "He wasn't really flirting in the traditional sense. He actually seemed interested in the things we discussed and he had some unusual insights that I wouldn't have expected."

Matt? Insightful?? Huh! Surprise was clear on her face and Claire chuckled.

"I think perhaps you do not give your brother much credit, Terry."

Biting her tongue to cut off the acid answer that sprang to mind, Terry decided on a more tactful, "Uh, yeah, maybe you're right." Shaking her head a little, she asked what she really wanted to know.

"So, are you two going out or what?"

Claire was saved from answering when the front doorbell rang. As Terry rose to go answer it, she winked at her roommate and said, "I just need to know if your intentions are honourable. Wouldn't want you sullying my brother's reputation or anything."

The sounds of Claire's laughter followed Terry down the hall and she opened the door with a big smile on her face.

"Well, that's a definite improvement!" Lisa declared in approval. "I was beginning to think you'd forgotten how to do that."

Terry rolled her eyes and stepped aside to let her friends in. Robyn took Lisa's coat and hung it up before doing the same for her own.

The large woman looked very nervous to Terry's eyes, but Lisa radiated confidence. She motioned her friends to follow her and once they'd been directed into the living room, she went to the basement door and hollered down the stairs.

"Michael! Lisa and Robyn are here. Drop whatever you're doing and c'mon up!"

Returning to the living room she asked, "Do you guys want any coffee before I leave you alone?"

Robyn bolted upright on the couch. "No, no. You have to stay here!" Her voice was slightly panicky and Terry blinked in surprise.

"Are you sure? This is pretty personal after all."

Robyn nodded her head vigorously and Lisa added, "If you don't mind, Ter. We both thought it might go smoother if you're here too."

"Yeah, sure. If that's what you want, I don't mind. I'll just sit quietly over here for moral support." Terry walked over to the far easy chair and took her seat just as Michael sauntered into the room.

"Ah, such a bevy of lovely ladies!" he drawled with a big smile. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

Lisa and Robyn looked at each other and somewhat to Terry's surprise Robyn was the first to speak up.

"Michael, Lisa and I had something we wanted to talk to you about." The large woman gestured at the empty armchair between the couch where they sat and where Terry lounged, watching the proceedings with interest.

Michael raised one elegant eyebrow but obediently sat down and focused his attention on Robyn.

Before the gentle giant could launch into her spiel, which Terry was willing to bet was carefully rehearsed, Lisa cut in.

"Look, Michael. We don't want you to feel pressured or anything, and we're not going to be angry if you can't agree. Hell, we know we're not exactly your kind of people."

Robyn frowned in exasperation at her partner as Michael blinked in bewilderment. "Lisa, we agreed that I'd handle it, now shush!"

When Lisa opened her mouth to protest, Robyn laid one huge hand on her arm and squeezed lightly. Much to Terry's amazement, the fiery little woman subsided and allowed her partner the floor. Sighing, Robyn turned back to the puzzled man and began to lay out her case.

"As Lisa says, we have something to ask but we will understand if it's not something you can do. I don't know if Terry's mentioned it or not, but Lisa and I want to start a family. We've considered all our options and would really like to have a donor who we know and respect. We both think you're a terrific fellow. You're smart and funny and kind, and we were wondering if you would consider being the donor for our baby."

With fascination, Terry watched Michael turned progressively paler and paler as what the two women wanted from him became clear.

When it became obvious that the women were waiting for a response, Michael attempted to speak, but his voice came out in a squeak. Clearing his throat, he tried again.

"Uh, so what you're saying is that you want me to father a child with one of you...or did you mean both of you?"

Robyn shook her head. "Just Lisa. It would be too hard for me to keep slinging luggage if I was nine months pregnant, but Lisa can keep her office job right up until delivery." Glancing shyly at her partner, Robyn added, "Besides, I don't want to stick our child with my genes."

Lisa frowned at her partner's rampant insecurities. "Any child would be damned lucky to get your genes, sweetie!" she insisted.

Before that argument could take off, Michael interjected weakly. "Um, exactly how...I mean what do you..."

Terry saw the mischief in Lisa's eyes before she even opened her mouth and knew Michael was about to be tormented.

"Well, Michael, it's like this. Ya know we just bought our home last year and we're a little short on available funds, so we thought if it was okay, we'd just do it the old-fashioned way to save money."

"Turkey-baster?" Michael managed to croak hopefully.

"Nah, I mean, we did a lot of research into this and I gotta tell you, the odds of successful fertilization are way higher if we go with the original method of delivery, and after all, we don't want to have to impose on you too much. I figure you and me, a little candlelight and wine, and voila! The deed is done."

Terry was certain she'd never seen a healthy man look so sickly and she shook her head at the women on the couch. Robyn grimaced and elbowed her partner.

"Michael, she's pulling your leg. We've already contacted a clinic and made preliminary arrangements. Your only part would be showing up at an appointed time and um, well you know, in a cup and all." Robyn blushed as Lisa chuckled unrepentantly.

Standing abruptly, Michael announced, "I think we should have some tea." Wavering slightly, he blurted, "Or rye. Rye is good." His blue eyes widened as he remembered. Spinning, he waved his arms apologetically. "Oh! I'm so sorry. You can't have rye when you're pregnant. Tea it is."

Lisa and Robyn gaped at him as Terry fought mightily to control her laughter. She hadn't seen Michael this flustered since his parents' unexpected visit. He sat down heavily but bounced up again.

"But you're not pregnant yet. Right, that's my part. Okay tea and rye it is." Turning to march out of the room, he promptly tripped over his feet and fell face first at Terry's feet. All three women stared at him in shock, as he lay unmoving.

Tentatively, Terry reached out and poked his shoulder. "Michael, Michael? Hey buddy, are you okay?"

Without turning his head, the young man's muffled words could be barely heard. "Just fine, thank you. Would you mind terribly if I took some time to consider their request?"

Terry bit her lips and tried to smother the grin that threatened to erupt. Looking down at the supine man, she said, "I'm sure that Lisa and Robyn didn't expect an answer right away. You just take all the time you need."

Standing and stepping over the inert body, she gestured to her stunned friends to follow. Lisa and Robyn cast worried glances to where Michael still lay, and followed Terry out to the hall. By the time Terry opened the front door for them, she was rapidly losing her battle to control her mirth and little giggles kept slipping out.

She trailed her friends outside and finally gave up the attempt. Exploding in laughter, she asked, "Are you two sure you want that boy to father your child?"

The two women looked vaguely insulted but gradually a smile crept over Robyn's face and she began to chortle. Lisa soon joined in and within moments, the trio was united in raucous hilarity at Michael's expense.

Gradually subsiding, Robyn asked with some chagrin, "Do you think we maybe should have softened him up more first?"

Terry wiped the tears from her eyes and shook her head. "Robbie, I don't think anything could have prepared him for this." Sobering then, she added, "Let him think things over, guys. He just needs a little time, okay?"

Lisa nodded and slipped her arm through Robyn's. "Don't worry. We won't bug him about it. We'll just wait until he makes a decision."

Terry watched the two walk down the stairs, smiling at how carefully Robyn shepherded her smaller partner over the icy walk. Shaking her head as she turned back in the house, she pondered with a small grin how ultra-protective the big woman would undoubtedly become if Lisa did get pregnant.

Returning to the living room, she leaned against the doorframe as she examined her friend. Michael didn't appear to have moved an inch. Suppressing a small grin she walked over and sat down on the vacated couch.

Michael finally turned his head and glared at her. "You guys were laughing at me!" he accused.

Terry realized he couldn't help hearing them out on the porch from his position. "Aw, I'm sorry, buddy. But you have to admit, it was pretty funny."

Michael rolled to his back and folded his arms under his head, demanding, "Funny? I've just been asked to father a new generation and you think it's funny?"

Terry snorted. "For crying out loud, Michael. They aren't asking you to found a dynasty. Just contribute a few of your swimmers so they can have a baby."

The young man pulled himself up off the floor and came over to sit beside Terry. Leaning one arm along the top of the couch, he said seriously, "But that is it, don't you see?" Uncomfortably he shifted and Terry watched him curiously.

"God, this is going to sound so snobbish, but I don't know how else to explain it. I like Lisa and Robyn. I really do, and I think they'll make terrific parents, but..."

"But?" Terry asked, unsure where this was going.

He drew in a deep breath and continued. "But my parents have always had certain expectations of me, in a dynastic sense I mean, and I don't think this is exactly what they had in mind."

Terry frowned, not liking the implications. She challenged her friend, "So basically you're saying your genes are too good for Lisa and Robyn?"

"God, no! Not at all!" Michael looked at his friend with a hurt expression. "You know me better than that, Ter!"

Terry nodded in relief. Michael had never exhibited any superiority based on class, breeding or wealth. He did constantly emphasize his superior fashion sense, but she had to admit that was warranted. "Okay, so what exactly do you mean?"

Choosing his words carefully, he explained. "I'd like to help them, Terry. I kind of like the idea of helping to bring a child into the world, you know? After all, it isn't exactly like Randy and I are breeders."

The two friends grinned at each other before Michael continued. "My concern is what happens if the parental units ever find out. I don't think Mom would take kindly to being shut out of her grandchild's life and Dad would have a heart attack at the whole idea of me having children with a lesbian couple."

Terry considered his logic. "So basically, if it was just up to you, you'd say fine, but you figure if your folks find out they'll what...disinherit you?"

Little worry lines creased Michael's forehead. "I don't know what they'd do, Ter, but I do know it has the potential to become really unpleasant. What if they sued for some sort of rights in the baby's life or something? It's been known to happen and God knows they have the money to hire the best lawyers. What if they find out I'm gay and decide this is their only chance for a grandchild? Lisa and Robyn could end up cursing the day they ever asked me for help."

Terry shook her head in puzzlement. "Michael, I've met your parents. They're good people, especially your mother. There's no way they'd go all psycho and try to take control of Lisa and Robyn's child. Hell, the law wouldn't let them anyway. Not to mention that I can't see how they'd ever find out in the first place if you don't tell them. I'm sure if you're worried about it, Lisa and Robyn will sign any legal documents you want giving up any rights to support for the child. That's not what they care about. They just want a terrific guy for the father and they don't come much better than you."

Michael sighed. "I know that's not what they want, and for crying out loud, Terry, I would help support my child so that's not even a question. I just think if my parents ever find out I'm gay that the shock of it might cause them to do dumb things, and I know if they wanted to, they have the power to cause a lot of problems should the child's existence become known."

Terry scratched her jaw and wondered if a confession that Michael's mother already knew he was gay would alleviate or exacerbate her friend's concerns. Remembering her promise to Elizabeth, she gave her head a small shake.

"Michael, I think it boils down to what you want to do, irrespective of your parents. Are you going to live in fear of something that probably would never occur in a million years, or are you going to help out some friends and do what you'd really like to anyway? It's entirely your decision, and I suggest you take some time before you make it."

The two friends sat in a comfortable silence then, both deep in thought. Finally Michael reached out and took her hand.

"You know, if it were you asking me, I probably wouldn't have to think twice about it."

Terry grinned at him. "Hold that thought, buddy, I may be by to see you in a few years."

They chuckled together before Michael squeezed her hand and stood up to leave.

"I think I'll go talk to Randy about this."

"Great idea. He's got a good sound head on his shoulders. You should listen to him," Terry advised approvingly.

Michael walked across the room but stopped at the door. Glancing over his shoulder with a small, devilish grin he asked, "Do you think you can have deliveries catered?"

He ducked the pillow Terry threw at him. The young woman shook her head, relieved to hear his laughter echo down the hall.

Chapter Twenty-Six

UNABLE TO TURN his head, Rob couldn't see the clock by the bed to check the time. He amused himself for a few minutes trying to guess the hour by the shadows in their bedroom, but the late winter dawn made that difficult. He'd been awake most of the night and was starting to feel the strain in limbs left in one position too long. The knowledge that Jan was going skiing that day had made him reluctant to tire her out by waking her up too often through the preceding hours to turn him.

The last time his sleepy wife had rolled him over a few hours ago had left him facing her side and he let his eyes study Jan's slumbering form. A small smile crossed his lips as he noticed her habitual shedding of covers. It didn't matter how cold the night was, Jan couldn't stand bedding up around her neck and inevitably pushed it down during the night. It made for an interesting logistical quandary because Rob preferred being tightly tucked in. Over the years they'd negotiated a truce that inevitably saw their bedding angled from corner to corner by the morning.

Not that I'm complaining! Rob waggled his eyebrows in appreciation of his wife's smooth back, pale in the dark room's shadows, then his smile slipped and his eyes saddened. Listening to Jan's deep, even breathing, he grieved for what might have been and what was lost, even as she lay sleeping beside him. Most of all, he grieved his inability to reach across the small space and caress the woman he loved.

Companion to his sorrow was a profound worry about the future. Even as his head assured him of Jan's steadfastness, his eyes saw the deep connection between his wife and her friend, and his ears heard her renewed joy at Terry's return. For the moment, he was fairly certain that they hadn't taken things any further than friendship, but always on the back of his mind was the terrible inevitability of his disease.

Rob's eyes closed as his mind drifted back in years to another man with MS. He'd befriended Harry when they were both in the hospital during a relapse. At the time, Harry had been in better physical shape than Rob was, but then the man's wife left him. Almost before Rob's eyes, Harry went into a mental and physical slide. Rob tried hard to get him interested in the outside world, inviting him to their home for dinner, and trying to convince him to join he and Jan for a night at the movies or theatre.

Harry refused most of Rob's invitations, retreating into himself and hiding inside the safety of the hospital's walls. Within nine months, Rob could clearly see the cognitive deterioration as Harry's memory failed and the once sparkling conversationalist could barely hold up his end of a simple chat. Long before his body gave out, his mind shut down. When he died within two years of his wife's departure, Rob knew Harry had wished himself to death out of despair and loneliness.

Rob knew Jan wouldn't physically leave, but what if he too became mentally disabled? MS, to the degree he had it, was usually accompanied by some degree of cognitive impairment. If his intelligence, his wit and his memory were all lost, would Jan turn to Terry for companionship and stimulation? If he became Harry, could he even blame her if she did?

Rob worried at every minor slip of memory. He tested himself continually, doggedly recalling bits of songs learned decades before and the minutest details of current news stories. In his darkest moments, he prayed to lose his life before he lost his mind.

He was jolted out of his melancholy thoughts as the radio alarm went off and Wynonna's powerful voice filled the room, rousing Jan from her slumber. He watched as she yawned and stretched before turning toward him and beginning the ritual they'd shared a thousand times.

Her eyes still half-lidded, Jan carefully rolled Rob on his back, straightened his legs and moved the catheter bag to the far edge of the bed. Rob sighed with relief as cramped muscles flexed and eased. Jan slid in next to him, lifted his left arm and settled it around her shoulders as she snuggled into his body. She snaked an arm over his sunken chest and hugged him.

"Morning, angel." Her sleep-husky voice never failed to warm his soul.

"Morning, love. Did you sleep well?" Rob's fond question was answered by a nod and a kiss on the nearest bit of flesh.

"You?" Her murmured question failed to elicit an answer and Jan rolled her head back to look up at Rob. "Didn't you sleep again?"

Rob shook his head ruefully. "I seem to have forgotten that particular skill."

Jan frowned. "Rob, this can't go on. You have to sleep sometime! I think we should talk to the doctor about this. Maybe she can prescribe something to help."

"Maybe," Rob answered noncommittally. "Don't worry about it though. I'll just nap during the day when I need to."

With a muffled grunt, Jan settled back and pulled Rob's arm back into place around her. "We will talk about this later," she insisted, even as she cuddled back into him and closed her eyes.

A small grin was the only sign that Rob knew his stubborn wife had her teeth into something and wasn't going to let go. Betcha she has me in to see the doctor by the end of the week. Content then to bask in the moment, Rob closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of his wife nestled against his body and listening to the soft sounds of country music filling the air.

Reluctant to disturb their cozy nest, he allowed them ten minutes by the now visible clock before he coaxed his dozing wife fully awake.

"Hey, Jan. I think we should get up now," he cajoled patiently, knowing from long experience that Jan liked to ease into the day. A soft moan of protest vibrated against his chest, and he smiled. "C'mon, sweetie. You know we have to get up. Donny is supposed to be here by eight."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm up," said the somnolent woman.

Rob chuckled. "You don't look like you're up." When she still didn't stir, he sighed and pulled out the heavy artillery. "I'd really like to get through my bathroom routine before people arrive, Jan."

With a sigh, Jan wiggled out from under his arm and sitting up, yawned deeply as she stretched her arms over her head. Rob gave a little wolf whistle and his wife laughed before cuffing him affectionately.

"Lech!" she chided amiably as she scrambled out of bed and grabbed her robe.

"Yeah, but I'm your lech," he called after her as she vanished into the washroom. As her laughter floated out to him, he stared at the ceiling and wondered how long he'd be able to say that.

* * *

An hour and a half later, Rob was comfortably seated in his easy chair, listening to Jan give Donny the day's instructions. A car pulling up in front caught his eye, and he glanced out to see Terry emerging from the Tin Can. He watched as she double-checked the skis strapped to the roof carrier before starting up the walk.

"Terry's here, Jan," he called out.

"And don't forget to make sure he lies down for a nap this afternoon, Donny," Jan said as the two came out from the kitchen. Walking over to Rob, she tapped his nose affectionately. "And no giving Donny a hard time about it either, Mr. Spencer! When he says its naptime, it's naptime!" Relenting then, she grinned at him. "I left money on the table so you two can order in chicken for supper, okay?"

He smiled back at her as the doorbell rang. "That sounds suspiciously like a bribe to me, Mrs. Spencer."

As Jan walked over to open the door, she grinned over her shoulder at him. "Did it work?"

He nodded, his smile vanishing as Jan opened the door and let Terry inside. The young woman nodded at him and Donny then ducked her head. Rob could see the tension in the stiff line of her shoulders but he said nothing to lighten the atmosphere.

Turning to Jan, Terry asked, "Karen drop off all her stuff okay?"

Jan nodded. "Yup, everything's in the back room ready to go."

"Why don't you give me the skis and poles and I'll get them loaded up." Terry's suggestion was readily accepted, and Jan quickly retrieved the gear for her friend. Once she had them, Terry said, "I'll wait for you out in the car."

The young woman was on her way out the door when Rob relented enough to call out, "Make sure you bring my wife back in one piece."

Terry stopped and faced him directly. "I'll bring Jan back intact, Rob. I promise."

Oblivious to the clash of intense blue eyes and unreadable brown eyes, Jan gathered up the rest of her gear as Terry left the house.

"Okay, I think I have everything," Jan laughed as she set the boot bag down to pull on her ski jacket. Shrugging into it she walked over to Rob to kiss him good-bye.

"Be careful," he cautioned her seriously.

"I will. Don't worry, Rob. I'm not going to do anything stupid," Jan assured him. "You two have fun today and we should be back by nine or ten tonight."

She picked up her boot bag and waved at the two men as she left the house. Rob watched as Terry hurried back up the walk to take the bag from her.

"Can I get you a coffee, boss man?" Donny asked, interrupting his observations.

Rob glanced over and nodded his assent. By the time he turned back, Terry was holding the door open for Jan, who smiled up at her as she slid into the passenger seat.

Long after the car had pulled away, Rob stared out the window, ignoring the cooling coffee cup.

* * *

Jan's gaze followed Terry as her tall friend left the car and walked to the doors of the Tim Horton's. She giggled as a teenager passing Terry tripped over his own feet, twisting to ogle her companion. She couldn't blame the boy. She was doing a little ogling of her own.

Terry was wearing a white turtleneck under a form-fitting black one-piece ski suit with scarlet slashes of colour on her thighs, shoulders and sides. The suit more than did her figure justice and left little to the imagination. Jan glanced down at her outfit and sighed. Her old blue down ski jacket and pants would keep her warm, but they'd never make a boy stumble in adolescent lust. She chuckled wryly. Not that she was interested in adolescent boys anyway.

She settled deeper in the seat, idly watching the stream of people entering and leaving the doughnut shop while she waited for her friend to return. When Terry exited the shop, Jan's eyes widened at the size of the travel mug she was carrying. She leaned across the car and opened the door for the young woman.

Terry handed her a small brown bag and climbed in behind the wheel. Jan peeked into the bag and grinned with pleasure at its contents.

"For me?" she asked delightedly.

"Know anyone else in this car who's crazy about blueberry muffins?" Terry teased, taking a deep swallow of her coffee and wincing at the heat.

Jan chuckled as she removed the muffin and tore off the top. "Geez, Ter, do you think you have enough coffee to last you the whole way there?"

"Doubtful," came the deadpan answer. "But I can always stop for refills. Are you sure you don't want one?"

Jan shook her head and munched her muffin contentedly. When the bite was gone she said, "No thanks. I've had enough coffee already this morning."

"No such thing as 'enough'," Terry joked as she reversed the car and pulled out of the lot.

In ten minutes they were on the highway heading west for the mountains. Jan loved this drive through winter-browned prairie and rolling foothills towards snow covered peaks looming on the horizon. It was a near-perfect day for their trip. Minus twelve temperatures would make the skiing comfortable and a skiff of new snow overnight would give them some fresh powder to play in. The sun broke in and out of clouds, revealing patches of azure that gave them hope for clear skies later in the day.

They passed the miles in lively conversation, teasing and joking until Jan felt her sides ache from laughter. Terry had seemed quiet when she'd picked her up earlier, but her mood had improved dramatically since. Jan decided her friend had just needed a burst of caffeine to wake her up.

They'd gotten to Canmore, a beautiful little town overshadowed by the towering mountains surrounding it, when Jan noticed Terry beginning to squirm uncomfortably.

Guessing the cause, she ventured with a smile, "Do you want to pull into a service station?"

"Nope, no need," Terry asserted firmly. Jan grinned to herself but kept her counsel.

By the time they'd passed through the gates to the Provincial Park and paid their daily entrance fee, Terry was in obvious discomfort, however there was no place to stop since they were bypassing the town of Banff and heading directly for the ski hill at Lake Louise.

When they turned off the double highway onto the smaller road leading to the hill, Terry was practically driving with her legs crossed. Jan tried to restrain her giggles, but broke out laughing when her friend glared at her.

"Why did you let me drink so much coffee?" Terry moaned.

"Let you!?" Jan chuckled. "Hey, you're a grown-up. I didn't 'let' you do anything!"

They slowed as they approached the parking lots, and Terry groaned as the traffic controller motioned them on down the road to the farthest lot.

"Damn! I knew we'd have to park out in the back forty on a Saturday," she grumbled. "I'm never going to make it!"

Jan diplomatically kept her mouth shut, but set about gathering her gear to make a rapid exit once they stopped. Terry found a spot on the far end of the plowed lot, and quickly scrambled out of the car, unsnapping the skis and retrieving their poles from the trunk. Jan looped her poles over her ski tips, balanced them on her shoulder, picked up her boot bag and waited for her friend. Terry grabbed a small backpack out of the trunk and picked up her equipment.

They set off at a rapid trot across the huge parking lot, but Terry stopped abruptly before they'd reached the far side. With a slight look of panic on her face, she thrust her gear at Jan and blurted out, "Gotta go...NOW!"

With that, she scaled the ten-foot wall of snow that had been plowed up at the edge of the parking lot and vanished into the thick forest.

Jan balanced both pairs of skis against her body and tried to ignore the curious looks of other skiers walking past. When Terry reappeared at the top of the snow wall and slid back down to the ground, Jan burst out laughing.

"Feel better now?" she got out as she handed Terry back her skis.

The younger woman grinned sheepishly and nodded. "Never, never let me drink that much coffee again when we're going somewhere!" she insisted as she shouldered her gear.

"Okay, but you remember you said that," Jan replied as she fell into step. "I don't want any whining that I'm depriving or abusing you!"

"Ooooh, you can abuse me all you want," Terry teased as they walked through three more lots towards the lodge.

Jan rolled her eyes and shook her head in amusement. "You are so incorrigible, young lady!"

"You have no idea." Terry's low drawl sent a tremor right down Jan's spine, and she couldn't help the involuntary shiver that made the younger woman chuckle softly.

Jan was grateful that they'd reached the large log structure, which was bustling with skiers. They leaned their skis and poles against the stands and went inside the lodge to change their footwear and secure their street boots.

After stuffing their boots and Terry's backpack in a locker, Jan pressed fifty dollars into her friend's hand and said, "Can you pick up the passes while I find the ladies room?"

"Sure," Terry agreed cheerfully before quipping, "You know, you could have had the tree beside mine. There was no waiting line."

Both women laughed as they separated in different directions. They met up a few minutes later by their skis and Terry handed over a bright pink day pass.

Jan affixed the pass to her jacket zipper and glanced over curiously. "Where'd you put yours?" she asked.

Terry was bent over her skis, but stood and held out her glove, which had a pink triangle dangling off it. "Rather appropriate, don'tcha think?" she grinned.

Jan laughed and pulled her skis off the rack. Tugging toques snugly around their ears and adjusting sunglasses, the two were soon skiing over to the multiple lineups waiting for the high-speed quad lift. Despite the long line-ups, loading went quickly and the two women soon found themselves seated with another couple.

As the chair rose into the air, Jan gazed at all the skiers underneath her and felt a slight qualm of doubt. Terry glanced over at her and asked, "Nervous?"

She shrugged a little and smiled at her friend. "Maybe a little. I skied all the time as a kid but it's been a lot of years since then."

Terry studied her soberly. "Do you trust me?"

Jan's answer was instant and instinctive. "Of course!" She was rewarded with a dazzling smile from her young friend.

A hand snuck over hers and, with a quick squeeze, Terry said, "I'm not going to take you anywhere you can't handle. We'll start with slow, easy runs, and if you feel more confident later in the afternoon, we'll find something a bit more challenging."

Jan relaxed against the back of the chair and smiled at her companion. "Thanks. I appreciate that." She surveyed the wide, moderately inclined slope below her. Gesturing with her pole, she said, "I don't think I'll have any problems handling something like that."

"Then that's the one we'll start with," Terry assured her. "I'll bet you find it all comes back to you by the time we finish our first run."

The trip to the top went quickly and the women slid smoothly off the chair, skiing out of the way to the left and stopping to adjust their poles. As Terry bent over to tighten a buckle, Jan surveyed the incredible sight in front of her.

"My God, Terry! This is so beautiful!"

From where they stood, the panorama of mountains and valleys spread below them as far as the eye could see. Terry nudged Jan and pointed to a solid white area down the valley to the west.

"That's Lake Louise over there. We're on Whitehorn right now and you can see about a dozen peaks from here that top ten thousand feet. It is pretty awesome, isn't it?"

Jan only blinked, overwhelmed with the sheer majesty of the view. Oddly, for all the skiers that passed them, there was no sensation of crowding, only of all the space one human could ask for. Struck by a dual sensation of insignificance in the face of the ancient mountains and power at mastering them however briefly, Jan shivered.

Noticing, Terry urged, "Let's get moving before you freeze. C'mon, follow me but don't be afraid to stop as many times as you want while your legs get used to this."

The tall woman pushed off and began a controlled descent down the slope. Jan followed and found, much to her delight, that her muscles remembered how to do this. Her technique was a bit rusty, but she easily kept up with her friend and by the time Terry slid to a stop on the far edge of a bunch of moguls, Jan gleefully swooshed to a halt just above her, spraying her companion with snow.

"Hey, lady!" Terry grinned, as she brushed snow off her ski suit. "You're getting pretty cocky there!"

Jan laughed delightedly. She'd forgotten how much she loved this sport. Impulsively taking the lead, she grinned at Terry's squawk behind her as she started down the run. Within moments a black streak whipped by her and Jan heard Terry's merriment at regaining the lead.

The next few hours flew by as Terry slowly increased the difficulty of the runs she chose and Jan easily adapted as her skills returned. They'd paused midway through one run and were standing together on the edge of the trees, when Terry pulled back her glove and checked her watch.

"Almost one thirty. You want to stop for lunch soon?"

Jan nodded. She'd been having so much fun she'd forgotten about eating but with Terry's reminder, she realized she was hungry. "Yeah, sounds good. Did you want to stop at the base lodge or the one halfway up?"

With a tiny grin on her face, Terry cocked her head and said, "Well, actually I had something else in mind, but we do have to make a pit stop at the base lodge."

Curiously Jan regarded her friend, wondering what she had planned. She was willing to go where Terry led though, so she smiled. "All right, o mystery woman. Lead on." Then as a thought occurred to her, she added, "Why don't you pull out the stops for this run and I'll meet you at the bottom."

Terry glanced at her uncertainly. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't mind sticking with you. I'm having a great time."

Jan looked at the younger woman affectionately. "Ter, you know you're dying to cut loose. Go ahead, I'll be fine. We've done this run three times now. I'm sure I can find my way."

She could tell Terry was wavering, torn between concern for her and a desire to ski full out. "Go!" she ordered, pushing the younger woman's shoulder lightly.

Terry grinned. "Bossy old woman! Okay, I'll meet you at the lockers, all right?"

"Right behind you, youngster," Jan teased. "Better watch your tail 'cause I'll be on it!"

"Ooooh, promises, promises!" Terry yelped as a pole smacked said tail, then snickered as she pushed off into a semi-tuck, quickly gathering up speed.

Jan stood, enjoying the sight of her graceful friend. Terry was an expert skier, and only now did Jan realize how much she'd been holding back for the older woman's sake. The tall woman flashed over the snow, barely seeming to touch the ground and never missing a beat as she soared over a small jump.

When Terry had disappeared around a bend, Jan pushed off and took the same route at a more moderate pace. By the time she reached the bottom and skied over to the equipment racks, Terry was nowhere in sight. Entering the basement of the lodge she found her young friend waiting by the lockers, backpack in hand.

"Be with you in a moment," Jan said as she headed off for the ladies room. When she returned, she grinned at Terry and asked, "Are you going to be looking for trees again this afternoon?"

"No, ma'am. I just had so much time to kill waiting for you that I've already been." Terry snickered as Jan deliberately banged into her. "Hey careful, lady! I'm carrying lunch here, ya know!"

Jan stopped short and looked at the backpack. "You made lunch?" she said suspiciously.

"Geez, Jan. Even I can handle sandwiches," came the insulted protest.

Jan chuckled and held the door open for her friend. "Well, that's not what I hear, but right now I'm so hungry that just about anything would taste good. Are we going to eat on the deck?" she asked, referring to where groups of skiers in colourful wear sat eating and relaxing in the open air.

"Um, no. Actually, I wanted to take you somewhere special."

Jan was surprised to see Terry duck her head shyly and wondered again what the younger woman had in mind. Terry hurried ahead to the ski rack and Jan followed, grabbing her skis and poles as she joined her friend. Deciding to let Terry surprise her, Jan held back on questions as they took the lift to the top.

Once at the summit, Terry led her off on a run they hadn't tried previously. It was more difficult but Jan handled it competently, up until Terry stopped and pointed off into the trees.

"We're going to go cross-country for a little bit, Jan. Follow me and go exactly where I go, okay? We'll take it slow."

Jan looked at the proposed route apprehensively, but not wanting to disappoint her companion, agreed. She followed Terry into the forest and within five minutes was questioning both their sanities as she side slipped her way down a steep hill and between trees. She was about to call a brief halt as her legs ached from the strain of maintaining rigid control when Terry broke out into a clearing.

Close behind her, Jan slid to a stop, her mouth dropping open in amazement. Clearly not a part of the groomed runs, they stood atop a large granite outcropping with a panoramic view of the valley below them and the mountains rising on the opposite side. Thick forest surrounded them and deadened the sounds of other skiers, giving the impression that they alone inhabited the mountain.

Terry knelt and snapped out of her bindings. She sank into the snow but waded forward to the back edge of the outcropping, sinking her skis in a deep vertical position.

"Here, give me your skis too," she instructed Jan, who was still staring at their glorious surroundings.

Shaking off her awe, Jan followed suit and handed over her skis. Terry drove them into the snow beside hers, and then settled down, resting her back against the skis with her legs propped on the snow-covered granite. Jan made her way up to join the younger woman and as she leaned back in comfort, realized it felt like they were on the edge of the world.

"Wow! Ter, this is incredible!" Jan enthused, shaking her head in amazement.

"Worth putting up with my sandwiches for?" Terry kidded as she opened up the backpack.

"I'd eat cat food for this view!"

"Sorry, no cat food. I must have left that on the kitchen table." Terry handed over a thick sandwich and a napkin before taking one for herself.

Jan unwrapped her lunch and enthusiastically bit into it. "Hey, these are great!" she said in surprise, savoring the crunchy, nutty bread laden with roast beef, turkey, cheese, lettuce, tomato and pickles.

Terry chuckled as she tore into her own sandwich. "Wait 'til you see what I brought for dessert."

The two women ate in contented silence. Jan couldn't take her eyes off the magnificent view. The sun was breaking through scattered clouds again and the rays descended to the valley floor in a manner reminiscent of Renaissance paintings. Slowly the clouds cleared away enough to bathe the two women in sunlight. Terry grabbed a bottle of sunscreen from the backpack and handed it to Jan.

"Better put some of this on, paleface."

"Thanks. I can already feel it," Jan agreed as she took the offering and applied the lotion. Refusing the offer of a second sandwich, she waited to see what Terry would produce from the magic bag next. She wasn't disappointed when her friend pulled out a bag of huge cookies and a silver thermos.

"Triple chocolate chip!" Terry said, taking one before handing over the bag and twisting off the top of the thermos. She poured the liquid into the cup and handed that over too. Jan inhaled the intoxicating aroma of rich, hot chocolate and took a sip.

"Aren't you having any?" she asked as Terry concentrated on her cookie.

"Only one cup. I'll have some when you're done."

Jan held out the cup with a smile. "I don't think it'll kill us to share."

Terry grinned and accepted. They spent the next few minutes passing the cup between them and munching on cookies. After finishing, they carefully gathered up their debris and replaced it in the backpack. Leaning back on their skis, they soaked in the sun like contented cats.

"This is wonderful, Terry. How'd you find this place?" Jan asked curiously.

"I discovered it when I was a kid. I kinda had a thing about going off runs to explore and I was by myself one day when I found this place. I never told anyone about it. I used to come here when I needed to think. In fact, I was sitting in this exact spot when I finally figured out why I hated my best friend's boyfriend so much."

Jan glanced over to see her companion staring out over the valley pensively. She allowed herself the indulgence of studying Terry's strong profile at length until dark eyes turned to meet her own. Softly she asked, "And you hated him because...?"

"Because I loved her. I couldn't have her but he could, and I hated him for that." Terry's rueful chuckle still echoed with a long-ago pain, and Jan instinctively reached for her hand.

"That's when you knew?"

"Yes and no. I mean I was starting to put together the equation that falling in love with my best friend wasn't quite the norm for most girls, but the pieces only fell into place for good a few months later."

Fascinated by this glimpse of Terry's youth, Jan forgot about the scenery and focused on her friend. "What happened?"

"Sure you want to hear this?" Terry asked lightly. When Jan nodded, she gave a tiny shrug and turned to stare out over the valley again. "I was fifteen but athletic and pretty tall for my age. The senior girls' coach recruited me for the basketball rep team and I ended up traveling to tournaments with them. This one time we were going to a season ending tournament in Vancouver. There were a bunch of teams there from all over the west, and they had us booked into dorm rooms for the week. Normally you bunked in with a teammate, but flu swept through the dorms and they ended up sorting out the sickies from the non-sickies and luck of the draw, I ended up in with an older girl from Regina."

Terry stretched a little and Jan could tell from the faraway look in dark eyes that she was years in the past.

"Jodie, that was her name, Jodie was a pretty free spirit, and she sort of took me under her wing. My teammates always treated me like the 'kid' because I was a couple of years younger than them, but Jodie treated me differently. Within a couple of days, whenever our teams weren't playing, we'd be hanging out together. Half the coaches were down with flu too so nobody was paying much attention to what we were doing."

Terry stopped and Jan, seeing the direction this was heading in, squeezed the hand she still held. "You don't have to tell me if you'd rather not, Terry."

The younger woman smiled a little and lifted Jan's gloved hand to her mouth, kissing it lightly. "No, that's okay. I'm sure you know where this is going. The tournament was due to end on Sunday and by Friday we were inseparable. We snuck out of the dorms that night, counting on no one being around to check on curfews. We just went to a coffee house but we spent about four hours there talking, making wildly unrealistic plans to stay in touch and get together once we were home again. We couldn't stop touching each other, you know?"

Jan smiled down at their interlocked hands and back up to meet Terry's wry grin. "Yeah, like this. Anyway, by the time we got back to our room, we were all over each other. I had no idea what I was doing, but Jodie did. Let's just say she spent the rest of the night teaching me."

Terry chuckled and shook her head. "My coach was so pissed off at me the next afternoon. I could barely move I was so sore and I was exhausted to boot. I've never played so poorly or cared less that I did. Jodie was waiting for me when I left the locker room and we picked up where we left off. By the time we had to say good-bye on Sunday, I was pretty clear on my orientation."

"Did you ever see Jodie again?" Jan asked quietly, watching Terry keenly.

Terry shook her head. "Nah, we kept in touch for a while but by the end of that summer we'd drifted apart." She turned her head to look at Jan. "All in all, not a bad way to lose your virginity though," she commented casually.

Jan murmured noncommittally. Terry looked at her curiously. "Was Rob your first?"

"No." Terry was clearly surprised by answer but before she could follow up, Jan forestalled her. "We have to talk, my darling girl."

The younger woman sighed and looked down at her boots. "I know."

Gently, Jan cupped her friend's face and turned it to face her. "You know how much I...care for you?" Terry nodded and Jan saw the resignation in her eyes. "No, don't look like that. I need you in my life. You're my best friend, but you're so much more than that."

Jan shook her head and blew out a deep breath. "God, Terry! I've never felt like this in my life before and I'm not sure how to handle it." She turned more fully to face the younger woman, bracing their legs against each other. Taking both Terry's hands in hers, she held them firmly and gazed into deep brown eyes.

"I love Rob. You know that I do, but you're in my head all the time. I can't stop thinking about you, wanting to be with you. I mean it's you I see when I..."

She broke off abruptly and felt herself blush. A low chuckle told her that her reaction hadn't gone unnoticed. Helpfully, Terry filled in, "When you do the 'laundry'?"

Jan ducked her head, convinced that the heat in her face could melt the snow. "Um, yeah."

She felt a gloved hand come up to cradle her cheek and looked up to see Terry's eyes brimming with so much love and passion that it took her breath away.

"Oh woman, you have no idea how you haunt my midnight hours too," Terry whispered, caressing Jan's cheek.

Jan thought her heart was going to thunder out of her chest and when Terry began to lean toward her, she met her halfway. Lips frantically sought out lips, arms wrapped around willing bodies, pulling themselves tightly together.

Lost in Terry's embrace, Jan barely noticed when the skis fell over and the women sank back in the snow. All she could feel was the delicious pressure of Terry's body covering hers, Terry's tongue hotly probing her mouth and the sounds of little moans and pleas coming from her own throat.

When Terry finally pulled back, gasping for breath, Jan seized her head in two hands. Dark eyes blazed at her, and Jan felt like her whole body was on fire. She almost cried when Terry jerked upright, pulling away with a visible effort of will and turning away. Panting, she lay in the snow, trying to calm her racing heart and still her roiling mind.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Terry breathed out. "I didn't mean to, Jan..."

"No, stop right there!" Jan sat up and grabbed Terry's arm. "It's just as much my fault. I wanted that as much as you did."

With a rueful laugh, Terry shook her head. "I doubt it."

Jan scrambled to her knees behind her friend and wrapped her arms around the younger woman's shaking body, hugging her closely. In a low, insistent voice she spoke, demanding belief from her agitated companion.

"Terry, you listen to me. I love you. I want you like I've never in my life wanted anyone before. I'm not playing with you. You're not an experiment. You are a part of my heart. If I were free, I'd be in your bed before you could blink an eye...but my darling girl, I'm not free."

Jan could feel Terry hanging on her every word and she gentled the intensity of her tone. Softly she swayed, feeling her friend's body relax back into her.

Quietly she went on, saying what needed to be said between them. "I also love Rob, Terry. I can't hurt him. I won't leave him. I honestly think he would die without me, and I'll never abandon him."

"I know." The soft words from the woman in her arms reassured and saddened Jan. Soundlessly she rocked her friend for long moments before continuing.

"He can't know about this, Terry. It would devastate him." Jan was puzzled as the young woman stiffened in her arms. Surely she knows we can't tell him what we're feeling?

She shuffled around awkwardly in the snow until she was facing Terry, who refused to meet her eyes. "Darling, you do know that, don't you? He would be terribly hurt if he knew I loved you. As far as he's concerned, we're just friends." Jan studied the downcast face intently, wishing she knew what the other woman was thinking.

Finally, Terry raised her head and met Jan's eyes. "You're right. He can't know," she said with firm resolve.

Jan exhaled in relief, and sank back down beside her companion. They were silent for a while and then Jan sighed and said what she knew she had to.

"Terry, you know I don't expect you to, um, be...well, you know...celibate or anything." She winced, the thought of Terry in another woman's arms too painful to contemplate. "Just don't tell me, okay?"

Dark eyes stared at her in shock before a rueful smile spread over the young woman's face. "I hate to tell you this, Jan, but you've put a rather sizable crimp in my love life. God, I haven't been with anyone since..." She cocked her head in consideration. "Geez, since last September, I think."

Jan couldn't help the relief she felt at Terry's words, but she chastised herself inwardly for being selfish. Wryly, she said, "Aren't we too bloody noble."

Terry laughed at that. "Got nothing to do with nobility, Jan." Turning serious, she leaned back on one elbow and gazed up at the smaller woman. "It just so happens that I love you too. In fact, I'm crazy about you and being with someone else just doesn't hold any appeal for me. If we can't be together, then I'm not going looking for a cheap substitute.

Jan's eyes were soft and loving as she considered the young woman offering her heart so openly. She laughed gently and reached out a hand to stroke Terry's leg. "Oh my darling girl, aren't we a pair?"

Terry quirked a small grin. "Guess we're both gonna be doing laundry overtime, eh?"

Jan chuckled and slapped the leg she'd been caressing. "Got that right. I think I'd better lay in a super sized detergent!" Enjoying Terry's answering laughter, she glanced up, and noticed the winter sun getting lower in the sky.

"Hey, if we're going to get a few more runs in, we should probably get going."

Startled, Terry checked her watch and whistled. "Wow, it's almost three. Where did the time go?"

When Jan raised one eyebrow and looked at the snow, which still held the impression of their bodies, Terry blushed. "Oh yeah," she said weakly as she began to gather things together.

With their skis back on, Terry began to move out but halted as Jan laid a hand on her forearm.

"Since you provided such a wonderful lunch, dinner's on me," Jan insisted.

Terry grinned. "I'm not going to refuse an invitation like that. I know a terrific little steakhouse in Banff we can go to."

"Sounds great! Now, all we have to do is get out of here in one piece," Jan said as she surveyed the terrain doubtfully.

"Tchh, have I let you down yet?"

"No, Terry. You haven't."

Terry's dark eyes sparkled at Jan, and she turned to start a slow descent through the trees, angling back to the nearest run.

Jan cast one wistful glance over this little piece of paradise and turned to follow her friend.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

ENTERING HER BEDROOM, Terry tossed her keys and wallet on top of the desk. She stretched luxuriantly, enjoying the slight burn in her arms and legs as muscles served notice of how hard she'd pushed them that day. Smiling, she dropped into her easy chair and began peeling off thick socks. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt such an incredible sense of well-being.

Terry hoped that she and Jan could get at least one more day of downhill skiing in before the end of the season, though they'd spoken of trying cross-country on their next outing. She grinned as she thought of their arrival for dinner in Banff. She driven straight to the small restaurant she favoured two streets over from the main tourist drag, and parked half a block away.

As the women exited the car, Terry noticed that Jan's eyes had gone wide and she was staring past her. Curiously checking over her shoulder, she instantly understood what had grabbed her companion's attention. Three winter-shaggy elk were ambling down the street behind her, ignoring a car that was trying to edge by them. Locals walking by on the sidewalk barely glanced at the large animals meandering past, taking their customary presence in stride.

"Um, Terry, are those...?"

"Elk? Yup, they wander all over the town. They're no big problem at this time of year though you don't want to mess with them when they're rutting. Its just part of living inside a provincial park. They know they have nothing to fear from man."

Jan gazed at the beasts, which were within five metres of them now, and unconsciously backed up a little. Terry walked around the car and put herself between Jan and the elk. Placing a comforting hand on the older woman's back, she steered her toward the restaurant. Jan never took her eyes off the animals, but Terry could see wonder, not fear, in her companion's countenance.

Thick rare steaks and dark microbrews had proven the perfect après-ski for the two friends, and the next couple of hours flew by until they reluctantly agreed it was time to return to Calgary. When they'd arrived at Jan's home, both women had been loath to end the day, but Terry had begged off when Jan invited her in.

"Are you coming over for Sunday dinner tomorrow?" Terry asked hopefully.

"No, we can't. It's John's birthday so we're going to Kate's for dinner. Why don't you give me a call in the afternoon...or e-mail me," Jan suggested.

"How about I call and e-mail you?" Terry grinned at Jan who regarded her affectionately.

Leaning towards her, Jan brushed her lips lightly across Terry's and murmured, "You do that." Pushing open the door, the older woman stepped out before leaning back in to say, "Thanks for an incredible day, Terry. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun."

Without waiting for an answer, Jan closed the door and started up the walk to her house. Terry stared after her, absently touching her lips.

Wadding up her woolen outer socks and thinner cotton inner ones, Terry threw them towards the brimming laundry basket, shaking her head as they glanced off the edge and onto the floor. With a little shrug, she stood and began unzipping her ski suit. She was down to her thermal long johns when a soft knock sounded at her door.

"Yeah?" she called, pausing in the disrobing process.

"It's Randy. I just wanted to say good-bye," came the rumble from the other side of the door.

"C'mon in, Randy."

The big man opened the door and poked his head around cautiously. Terry grinned at him and waved him into the room. "Hey big guy, are you heading out now?"

Randy walked over and sat on Terry's unmade bed. "Yeah, we're going to the airport in about ten minutes. I'm catching the last flight out tonight. Gotta be at work tomorrow morning."

Terry leaned over and squeezed Randy's knee. "I'm really glad you made it down for the week. It was great seeing you and I know Michael was thrilled to have you back."

A cloud passed over the man's amiable features, and Terry regarded him curiously. "Randy?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm glad I could make it too. Gonna be awhile before I make it back though." He smiled uneasily at Terry. "You keep an eye on that boy of mine now, eh? Try and keep him out of trouble."

Terry frowned at him. "Okay, cough it up, Randy. What's going on? Don't tell me there's trouble in paradise."

"No, no, nothing like that," Randy assured her. "It's just hard having to go away all the time, ya know? I know Mikey's not very happy about it." He hesitated and then mumbled, "Sometimes I worry he'll just give up on us and find someone more reliable."

The young woman snorted. "Shit, Randy! They don't come anymore reliable than you! But look, if being away in the oil patch is causing a problem, why don't you consider something here in the city?"

Randy scrubbed a massive paw over his face and shook his head. "All I know is being a rigger, Ter. I don't have any other skills to offer an employer."

Terry was quiet for a minute as she thought about her friends' situation. "You know," she began slowly. "If you were serious about staying here permanently, I'll bet my Dad and brothers would take you on in a flash."

Warming to the idea, she sat forward eagerly, waving off Randy's anticipated protests. "Yeah, I know you don't have any experience in contracting, but look what you do have to offer. You're strong and reliable. You work harder than any three men put together, and my brothers know that 'cause they saw you when we were moving Lisa and Robyn into their house. You could learn the skills you need on the job. Betcha Dad would jump at having an employee like you. You just say the word and I'll talk to him for you. They always need more men come summertime. You'd have to start at the bottom, but it wouldn't take you long to work your way up. You could even go after your journeyman papers eventually if you want."

Terry could tell her suggestion had an impact as Randy's brow furrowed in thought. Wanting to ice the cake, she played her ace. "Just think about it, Randy. I know it's a big decision, but this way you and Michael could have a future."

She was taken aback at the pain that flashed over Randy's face. When he raised his eyes to hers, the stark misery in them shocked her.

"We can't have a future, Terry. Look at me! I got a grade ten education and I work as a rigger. Michael comes from the finest schools in the country. He's old money and his Dad already has a seat lined up for him on Bay Street once he has his MBA. The only reason he's out here at all and not in Queen's is because he somehow convinced his parents he needed some space before he settled down. His family has plans for him, and you know damned well there's no way in hell they could ever include me! Best I can hope for is that Mikey will stick with me until he's done university, and even that's a pretty far-fetched hope."

Terry stared at him in amazement. She'd never heard the placid giant sound so pessimistic. "Jesus, Randy! Michael loves you..."

He cut her off. "No, Terry. I love him. Even told him so this week, but he couldn't say it back. Got all flustered and red so I let him off the hook. Laughed it off. Told him I musta had too many beers."

The startled woman protested, "No! Now come on. I saw how he acted when you were coming back. That boy does love you!"

Randy stood and looked for a long moment at the upset woman before shaking his head. "I know he cares, Terry, but he's more of a realist than you are. You don't harness a thoroughbred to a draft horse and think it'll last forever." He patted her on the shoulder. "But hey, I didn't mean to lay this on you. I just wanted to say good-bye and thank you for the hospitality. I'll see you next time around, okay?"

Terry stood and wrapped her arms around the big man, hugging him tightly. He returned the embrace, and then stepped back. "Look, I'll give serious thought to your proposal, alright? Might not be a bad idea to find a new career in town. Would've had to one day anyway, so this might be a good opportunity."

Terry nodded dumbly and watched as Randy left the room before sinking back in her chair. Her earlier euphoria over the day with Jan had ebbed away. She shook her head sadly. Sighing, she stood and stripped off the last of her clothes, grabbing a robe to wrap around herself.

Deciding a hot bath would be just the thing to prevent sore muscles, she picked up a book and headed down the stairs. An hour later, her mood much improved by bubbles and a good mystery, she returned to her room and flopped down on the rumpled bed. She'd resolved to speak to Michael about Randy, but had accepted that Randy's take on the situation was probably accurate. For now though, she set it aside and propped the pillows behind her, opening the whodunit.

Ten minutes later she realized she'd been rereading the same page and ruefully set the book aside. Tucking one arm behind her head, she let her thoughts wander, warmed by images of Jan filling her mind. She grinned as she recalled the older woman's delight at rediscovering the joys of skiing, laughing softly as she remembered Jan spraying her with snow and racing her down the hill.

Unbidden, her thoughts turned to their tryst on the side of the mountain. Closing her eyes, she remembered the sweet pressure of Jan's lips, the taste of her mouth and the pleasure of the redhead's body writhing under hers. She heard the woman's small sounds of passion echoing in her ears and one hand began to unconsciously drift down, stroking her body lightly.

Arching slightly into her own caresses, her other hand slid from behind her head and reached for the robe's tie. Casually she edged the robe apart and ran one hand across her belly, the heat of the bath still lingering on her flesh. Returning one hand behind her head, she trailed the fingers of the other tantalizingly over her body, not allowing them access to the spots most urgently demanding attention as she enjoyed the heavy sensation of arousal begin to coil and build within her.

Fingers tracing a path down soft inner thighs as long legs unconsciously parted, Terry summoned the image of Jan as she'd looked that afternoon, staring up at her, dark red hair spilling over the snow, ardent green eyes reflecting her own passion back to her, wet lips parted and inviting. In her mind, Terry slowly began to lower the zipper of Jan's ski jacket, inching it down to expose...multiple layers of thick sweaters and cold weather wear.

Terry's eyes flew open and her wandering fingers stilled. Shit! Okay, let's try this again. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and reset her fantasy. Now Jan was reclining on the pillows of Terry's bed, arms outstretched to welcome the younger woman as she crawled up beside her. Pausing before she reached her, Terry sat back on her heels and grinned wickedly.

As her fingers traced a line up the centre of her body and edged around the lower curve of one breast, Terry's mind's eye watched with fascination as Jan slowly followed her instructions and unbuttoned her blouse, exposing a black satin teddy...

Jan looked down and then back up at her lover, raising one eyebrow. "A teddy? Really, Terry, I've never even owned a teddy!"

Terry groaned, her fingers stilling again, just as they'd reached an eager nipple. Alright, no teddy...but you're wearing a black lace bra! Obediently, her fantasy lover was instantly clad in a black lace bra and Terry sighed happily, settling in to enjoy watching the disrobing. Her other hand now joined in, sliding deep between her legs just as Jan's pants were slowly being lowered over a black thong that barely covered a nest of dark red curls...when a knock sounded at the door.

"Arghhh!" Terry groaned, quickly pulling her robe together and re-tying the sash. She'd barely covered herself when Michael pushed open the door and stepped in.

"Hey, Ter. I saw your light on. Hope you weren't asleep or anything," he said, his expression despondent as he ambled over to sit beside her on the bed.

"Nope, not sleeping," Terry managed to croak, trying to dry one telltale hand discreetly on her robe while grabbing for her novel with the other. "Just doing a little reading before I turned out the lights." She waved the book weakly, desperately hoping Michael wasn't settling in for a long heart-to-heart.

She sighed as Michael kicked off his shoes, grabbed one of her pillows to tuck under his head, and made himself comfortable across the foot of the bed. Sadly, she gave up the idea of returning to her fantasy any time soon and tried to pay attention to her depressed roommate.

"Randy's off then, is he?" she said to get the conversation rolling.

"Yeah," Michael mumbled, picking idly at Terry's duvet.

She regarded her uncharacteristically morose friend with a raised eyebrow, and then nudged him gently with her foot.

"Hey, he'll be back soon. In fact, he may be back sooner than you think," Terry told him optimistically.

Dark blue eyes looked up at her sadly. "He told me about your proposition, Ter. It was really sweet of you to offer."

Puzzled, Terry stared at him. "Then why so glum? If this works out, he could be back in town for good before summer."

When her friend didn't say anything, she asked, "Isn't that what you want? To have Randy around all the time?"

Michael rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling. "Of course it is, Terry. It'd be great to have him working in town."

"Uh huh. So why do you look like Cindy Lou Who just discovering that the Grinch stole Christmas?"

He didn't say anything, but Terry knew her friend well enough to know he was wrestling with something. She lay quietly, giving him time to decide whether to unburden himself or not. When he rolled back toward her, she knew he was ready to talk.

"Terry, he told me that he loved me a couple of days ago," Michael said seriously.

She nodded encouragingly and said, "And? Isn't that a good thing?"

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" The young man frowned and Terry's heart ached at the sadness on his aristocratic features. He covered his face with his hands, and she had to strain to hear his mumbled words.

"I couldn't even say it back. I'm such an asshole!"

"No, you're not. If you don't love him..."

Terry's words were cut off as Michael sat up abruptly and leaned toward her.

"But that's the thing, Ter. I do love him! I've never met a guy like him before. He doesn't play games, you know? He's the most honest, strong, straightforward man going. With Randy, what you see is what you get. He makes me feel safe and so loved..."

Slowly, her brow furrowed in puzzlement, Terry asked, "So if you do love him, and he obviously loves you, what's the problem?"

Michael snorted. "It should be so easy! I froze. As soon as he said that he loved me, I froze. Couldn't say a damned thing. And the worst part was, I could see the hurt in his eyes, but he still tried to make things easy for me by laughing it off. God! I don't deserve him!"

Terry ran a hand through her damp hair, trying to figure out what words would ease Michael's conscience. "Look, I'm sure Randy's okay about it. I mean he is seriously thinking of moving into town, so he must want to be with you and all. I'll bet that he knows you just need time, and you'll say it back to him when you're ready."

The young man hung his head. In a near whisper he confessed, "I'll never be able to say it to him, Terry."

Dark brown eyes blinked as Terry absorbed that. A growing indignation on behalf of the gentle rigger began to fill her. More sharply now, she demanded, "Why?"

Michael's head jerked up and he stared at her, frowning. "It's the same thing as with Lisa and Robyn's request, Terry. I have to think of my family. You know that!"

Terry's cool voice responded. "You do, do you? So because you're one of the Toronto Seatons, you can't tell a decent, honourable man who thinks you bloody well walk on water that you love him...when you do!"

Michael's eyes had widened in surprise. "Terry, it's not like that..."

"The hell it's not! You're not even living your own life. You're living the life that you think you're expected to! You're taking an MBA when you have zero interest in business because Daddy has a partnership waiting for you. You're balking at fathering a child for two wonderful people when it may be only chance you ever have because your parents might find out about it. You were even thinking of marrying a woman you don't love to meet your social obligations, being totally unfair to both of you. And now, when you admit you're in love, you're rejecting a wonderful man because why? He doesn't fit into your father's life plan for you? Jesus, Michael! You're completely screwed up!"

Terry's diatribe clearly angered her friend, and she could see the blue eyes snapping with resentment.

"I'm screwed up? Christ, woman! You're in love with a married woman who loves you too but will never leave her husband, and you have the nerve to say I'm screwed up?? Hell, you won't even have a discreet affair together. What the hell are you going to do? Spend the rest of your life playing with yourself while she heads home to her husband every day?"

Michael's furious words shocked both of them and the two friends stared speechlessly at each other.

Michael blinked first, reaching out a hand to pat Terry's ankle. "Aw shit, Ter. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean anything by it."

Terry shook her head. "No, you did, but it's okay. You're right. We're both messed up." She shuddered a little, trying to shake the gloom his stark assessment had settled on her. Looking up, she saw that he was studying her with a worried frown. She smiled at him weakly.

"To answer your question, rhetorical or not, I don't have the vaguest idea what I'm going to do. All I know is that I love her and I'm going to take it day by day."

Her friend hopped off the bed and came up beside her, bending over to wrap her in a warm hug. She responded with an affectionate embrace of her own and the two of them sighed in relief.

"Here, shove over and make some room, ya bed hog," Michael instructed as he wiggled onto the bed beside her. Terry grinned and moved over to clear a space for him. Calm restored, the two reclined against the pillows, shoulders braced against each other.

Unwilling to break the tenuous harmony unless he wanted to speak first, Terry held her peace.

"What do I do, Ter?" His plaintive question tugged at her heart and she glanced at the man who'd become her fifth brother.

Gently she responded, "I don't have the answer for you." With a rueful laugh she went on, "Hell, I don't even have any answers for my own life! No way am I going to take on the Seaton dynasty."

Michael dropped his head on her shoulder. "I don't want to take them on either."

The mumbled words stirred the young woman, and she asked curiously, "What do you want? I mean if you didn't have to worry about your family and nothing else was a factor, what would you do about Randy and Lisa and Robyn?"

He was silent for a few moments and she waited patiently. "I'd built Randy a ranch on a huge acreage in the foothills where he could run all the horses he's always longed to, and spend the rest of my life telling him I loved him every day. I'd father as many children as Lisa and Robyn wanted to have and be the best uncle to them that I possibly could." He looked up at Terry wistfully. "It sounds so simple, doesn't it?"

"Maybe it is that simple," she suggested slowly. "Maybe you need to figure out exactly what will make you happy and forget about everything else. I know your family has had expectations of you from the moment you were born, but it's your life. You only get one. Do you really want to waste it doing what everyone else expects of you rather than what you truly want to do?"

When Michael didn't immediately jump down her throat, Terry continued. "Is it the money, Michael? Are you afraid of being cut off from the family fortune if you don't toe the line?"

Her friend shook his head. "No. I mean I like the money and all, you know. I've always had it so it'd be weird to be disinherited, but to tell you the truth, I'd still have my grandfather's trust fund so I sure wouldn't be broke."

"Then what's stopping you?" Terry sat up straighter, jostling Michael in the process. "Why don't you do exactly what you want to do, regardless of your parents?"

He regarded her with puzzled eyes, as if he'd never seriously considered that option. "I guess...I don't know, Terry. I...I suppose..." His voice trailed off, and Terry could see he was wrestling with the whole concept.

A curious awe filled his voice as he said, "I could, couldn't I? It's all possible if I really want it to be." Excitedly he bolted upright and whirled sideways to face her. Grabbing her hands, he blurted, "I could do it, Terry! I could be with Randy, and father their child, and make a life out here rather than going back to Toronto!"

His face fell then and he shook his head. "But I might lose Mom and Dad." He looked up Terry with anguish in his eyes. "I do love them, Ter. They're my family. It's always been the three of us, you know?"

Terry bit her lip, wishing she hadn't made that promise to Elizabeth Seaton. Taking a deep breath, she concentrated on Michael intently. "Listen to me, Michael. I can't claim to know your parents well, but I swear to you, if you decide to be honest with them, I know without a doubt that at least your mother will understand, and I'll bet you anything that she would help your father eventually accept it, though it might take a long while."

She stared at him, desperately wishing he'd read between the lines without asking for explanations. When a cautious hope dawned in his eyes, she let herself relax a little, grateful that she might have gotten through to him.

"Do you really think so?"

Firmly, she nodded. "Yes. I really think so, with all my heart."

He searched her face before giving a noncommittal grunt. She grinned a little, content that she'd planted a seed, no matter how long it might take to bear fruit. She didn't press him farther, knowing he had a lot to consider and a lifetime of expectations to overcome.

Michael settled back beside her and a companionable silence ensued. Terry was concentrating so deeply on reviewing their conversation that she almost missed the question until he elbowed her lightly.

"Huh? What did you say?" she asked, looking at him blankly.

He smiled at her wryly and repeated himself. "I said, now that we've solved my life, what are we going to do about yours?"

Terry snorted. "Not much we can do, is there?" When he frowned at her, she shook her head. "No, it's okay. I'm really happy just to be friends with her again. I had a fabulous time skiing with her today, and I'm looking forward to our next day together."

"Is it enough?" The question was honestly curious.

"Has to be, doesn't it?" Terry answered lightly, ignoring the painful tugging at her heart.

"Hmmm." Michael's head tilted and he looked at her seriously. "Got a hypothetical question for you. If she wanted to make love with you, would you say yes?"

"She does want to make love with me," Terry said ruefully. "But she's too loyal to Rob and too honourable to do that to him. I don't blame her for that. Hell, I even admire that about her...not that it makes it any easier."

"No, that's not what I mean. If someday she does decides that you and she can have a quiet little affair without anyone finding out, what are you going to say?"

It was Terry's turn to be silent as she contemplated Michael's question. Slowly, she answered him. "Well, not that I think that'll ever happen, but if she ever said yes, I don't think I'd be strong enough to say no."

She glanced over at Michael shamefacedly, but there was no trace of judgment on his classical features. Instead, all she saw in his eyes was a compassionate affection.

He nodded, as if she'd just confirmed what he'd suspected. He was about to say something else when a big yawn overtook him. Terry grinned at him and asked, "Haven't been getting much sleep lately, Mikey?"

"Hey!" a smirk belying his growl as he smacked her shoulder. "Only Randy gets to call me that!"

Terry rolled on her side and punched him back. " And doesn't that tell you everything you need to know?"

He cocked his head reflectively, and then smiled broadly. "You may be right at that. You just may be." Michael stood up and stretched, before reaching over to ruffle her hair. "Thanks, Ter. Hope I wasn't keeping you up, but I do feel a lot better now. I'll let you get back to your book and see you in the morning. I think I'm going to go leave a message on Randy's machine."

With those parting words, he strode out of the room, leaving Terry looking morosely at her abandoned novel. Sighing she set it on her night table, tossed her robe at the chair and slid under the covers. Reaching for the lamp, she turned it off and stared into the dark, watching the shadows resolve into shapes and forms before finally closing her eyes.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

TERRY ROUNDED THE corner, shuffling the bundle of mail in her hand. Aware that she'd reached her route's favourite street, she glanced down the block at the Spencer bungalow and instantly froze. An ambulance was just pulling up in front of the small green and white house. As she stood rooted to her spot, holding her breath, two men in dark blue uniforms exited the van, extracted a gurney from the rear and walked up the path.

Even as she bolted up the street, heavy bags thumping against her sides, a rational part of Terry's mind pointed out that the ambulance warning lights weren't on, but panic overwhelmed logic. Her adrenaline fueled sprint ended as she burst through the Spencers' front door and slammed to a stop, only to see four surprised faces gaping at her. One of the attendants stood beside Jan, his pen poised over interrupted paperwork. The other attendant was squatted by Rob's easy chair, their casual chat rudely interrupted by Terry's precipitous entrance.

Jan shook off the shock first and quickly came to Terry's side. Placing one hand on the panting woman's shoulder, she asked worriedly, "Hey! Are you okay?"

Terry sucked in deep lungfuls of air, striving to bring her breathing under control. She stared from Jan to Rob, both of whom looked fine, before wheezing, "I saw...the ambulance."

Jan nodded her understanding. "And you thought something was wrong. Oh Terry, I'm so sorry. No, nothing's wrong. It's actually a private ambulance that does patient transfers. We saw Rob's doctor yesterday and she arranged for him to have a sleep study at Foothills. She also detected a few minor crackles in his lungs so he's going to have a course of IV antibiotics for two days to head off trouble before it starts."

Terry's face cleared and she grinned sheepishly at her misunderstanding before a quizzical look crossed her face. "How come you're not just taking him to the hospital in the van?"

Now it was Jan's turn to look embarrassed. "Because the van died on me. I've been having some trouble with it lately but I've been putting off getting it into the garage. My own stupid fault, but naturally when I need it, it won't start!"

"Well, I'm glad it's nothing serious," Terry said, shrugging off her bags. Jan turned back to the attendant who was impatiently tapping his pen on his clipboard, while Terry walked over to Rob's chair.

Hands on her hips, she shook her head at him. "Don't scare me like that, Robert Spencer!"

Relief flooding through her, she impulsively leaned over and hugged him. Pulling back, she was met by startled blue eyes and an emerging smile.

"Well geez, lady! That's what you get for jumping to conclusions," Rob teased her lightly. "But thanks for caring."

Terry dropped to her knees beside him as the other attendant left his side to retrieve the gurney. She laid one hand tentatively on his arm, and said seriously, "I've always cared, Rob. I never stopped."

Her words were quiet, meant only for his ears, but she could tell by the brightness in his eyes that her meaning had reached him. Smiling at him, she patted his arm and stood up. Turning to retrieve her bags, she almost missed his soft "thank you", but looking back she caught the genuine smile directed her way.

She winked at him and strode over to pick up her bags. Shouldering them, she looked over to where Jan was finishing up with the paperwork and asked, "Anything I can do to help? Will you need a ride home from the hospital?"

"Thanks, Ter, but I don't know how long I'll be. I want to make sure he's settled and that the sleep clinic is all teed up for tonight, so I'll just take a cab home when I'm ready. I'll give you a call later, okay?"

Terry nodded at Jan, then looked over to Rob. "Take care of yourself, big guy. Jordy and I'll pop by for a visit tomorrow night."

"Bring me a chocolate milkshake?" Rob asked hopefully.

The young woman laughed. "One chocolate milkshake as ordered," she agreed. "And if you're really good, I may even coax Mom into coughing up some cookies for you."

Exiting, she grinned as she heard him call after her, "I'm good! Really, really good, honest!" She made a mental note to call her mother after work and put in a special request for his favourite homemade oatmeal raisin cookies.

Walking back down the street she'd run up so frantically minutes before, she felt drained by the ebbing adrenaline but relieved that her fears had been misplaced. Picking up her route where she'd left off, she soon saw the ambulance pulling away up the street.

She smiled to herself as she turned into the next house. For the first time in months she felt a ray of optimism that the tension between she and Rob might ease with time. They'd both been on their best behaviour with each other around Jan but she'd keenly missed the easygoing camaraderie that had marked the early months of their friendship, and hoped they could get that back to some degree.

Terry knew that neither of them could overlook the adversarial subtext between them, but since they were inextricably bound by their love for Jan, they weren't going to be able to avoid each other either. If all they could reach was an amiable détente, it would at least be an improvement over the simmering uneasiness that had marked their relationship since that revelatory day in Rob's hospital room.

* * *

Jan tapped the thermostat up a couple of degrees. A bitter northerly wind had been blowing by the time she'd left the hospital that night and without Rob's warmth beside her, she knew their bedroom would feel uncomfortably cool. Covering the birdcage, she made sure the doors were locked and the lights off before heading for bed.

Sliding between cold sheets, she shivered a little. She was hopeful that the sleep study would pinpoint why Rob's slumber was so erratic, but she missed his comforting presence. Her last thought before slipping off was gratitude that he wouldn't be away too long this time.

Jan was never sure what woke her hours later, whether it was a sound, a light or the simple sense of another's presence pervading the room, but without any conscious decision, she found herself sitting upright, arms locked around her knees as she looked at Rob standing at the foot of their bed.

Hazily, she wondered how he'd gotten up without waking her, and then her eyes widened as the rational side of her brain reminded her that Rob could not be standing there or anywhere. She was torn between pinching herself to wake up, and wanting to stay in this dream as long as possible.

She stared at the strong, robust figure rocking back on his heels mere feet away from her, his hands tucked casually in the pockets of a dark blue flight jacket that fit snugly over broad shoulders, a forage cap pushed back on thick brown hair, and those familiar denim blue eyes shining with love at her. He's so tall! The thought rattled inanely in her brain as she strove to make sense of it all.

Instinctively she reached out to him, but he gave his head an almost imperceptible shake and she let her arm fall. When he ran his hand casually through his hair and adjusted his cap, she stared in fascination. His hand entranced her, its thick, sturdy muscularity so different from the thin frailty she was accustomed to. An unseen light gleamed dully off the gold band she'd placed on his finger so many years ago.

When she raised her eyes to meet laughing blue ones, she couldn't help smiling. He beamed back at her and she was struck by his cheerful vitality. Slowly his smile faded and he regarded her intensely. Love still shone in his eyes, but it was accompanied by urgency and she sensed he wanted to tell her something.

She nodded at him, unconsciously signaling her acceptance of his surreal appearance.

"I love you, Jan."

The words he'd spoken thousands of times sounded strange to Jan. The voice was his, but as she'd never heard him–deep, husky, resonant. She blinked and the corner of his mouth quirked in amusement.

"I know you know that, my love, but I couldn't leave without telling you one more time."

"Leave?" The sadness sliced through her and was echoed now in his face.

He only nodded and they stared at each other for long moments, words superfluous as they reaffirmed the love they'd shared.

Choking, tears filling her eyes and obscuring Rob's image, Jan whispered, "I'll miss you, angel."

"As I will you, Jannie, but you'll be okay. My love--thank you."

His words were softer now and Jan frantically scrubbed at her eyes but even clearing away the tears didn't stop his image from fading.

"No. Please no," she whimpered. His eyes caressed her as his form lost substance. She felt his absence even as her eyes desperately clung to the afterimage burned into her brain. When her room was dark and silent again, Jan's head dropped to her knees and she murmured in agony, "Save me a dance, angel."

She didn't start when the phone began to ring discordantly on the bedside table. She made no move to pick it up. She didn't need to. She knew who it was and what they had to tell her.

* * *

Claire threw back her covers and stumbled out of her room, cursing in expressive patois over idiots who phoned in the middle of the night. The only drawback to her second floor apartment was being closest to the communal phone since Michael always turned off the basement phone at night. She'd tried to ignore the insistent sound, but after five rings decided that whoever it was wasn't giving up.

Grabbing the receiver, she snapped, "Allo?"

"Claire? I'm so sorry to wake you, but I need to speak to Terry, please."

Claire almost didn't recognize the broken voice, but alertness quickly set in as she identified the anguished caller. "Jan? Are you all right?"

A muffled sob met her inquiry and Claire hastened to add, "Just a minute. I'll go get her."

Hastily setting the phone down, Claire ran for the stairway. Dashing up the stairs in twos, she hurried down the landing to the garret, flinging open the door and flipping on the light.

"What the hell?" A tousled Terry sat upright and looked blearily at the clock. "Claire! It's only five AM for crying out loud!"

The Quebecoise beckoned to her urgently. "You have to come right away! Something's wrong!"

Terry responded with alarm, swinging her feet out of the bed. "What are you talking about? What's wrong?"

Claire had grabbed her arm and was hustling her out of the room. "Jan's on the phone and there's something very wrong."

Terry stopped short and stared at her. "Jan?"

"Oui, Jan. Hurry!" Claire didn't have time to say anything more before Terry tore off, taking the stairs in giant leaps and thundering down to the main floor. Claire followed close behind at a safer pace, awed that Terry hadn't broken a limb in her mad dash.

She arrived in time to hear Terry's strained voice saying, "Oh God, Jan! I'm on my way, sweetheart. Just hang on!"

Michael popped his head out of the basement door, sleepy eyes taking in the scene. "What's going on? Sounds like a damned herd of elephants up here!"

Terry dropped the receiver in the cradle and turned wild eyes towards her roommates. "Rob died tonight. I've got to get over there."

Claire and Michael gasped as Terry ran back up the stairs. Claire sat down heavily in the hall chair and Michael crouched beside her. They stared at each other and then Claire reached for Michael's hand. They stayed there, silently comforting each other until Terry dashed back down the stairs scant minutes later, hastily clothed in jeans and a sweatshirt.

As the distraught woman jerked her jacket out of the closet and fumbled with her boots, Michael asked gently, "Do you want me to drive you over, Ter?"

She shook her head and when she looked up, Claire could see the tears running down her cheeks. "No--thanks, but I gotta get going. I have to get to her."

She was up and running down the hall to the back door before they could utter another word. They waited until they heard the roar of the Tin Can through the wide open door before Claire suggested, "Why don't I put on some coffee?"

Michael nodded sadly and stood, pulling her up with him. Walking to the kitchen he asked, "Do you think we should call her family?"

Claire considered that and then nodded. "Oui. Emily would want to know what's going on and Terry may not have time to phone her."

He softly pushed the back door closed and followed into the kitchen.

"Why don't you make the call and I'll make the coffee," Claire suggested as she turned on the cold water.

* * *

Terry barreled around the corner, grateful that near empty roads had facilitated her race through city streets. She swerved into the curb and ripped the keys out of the ignition, running up the path before the Tin Can had even stopped rumbling. Flashes of her last frantic sprint up this path less than 24 hours ago streaked through her mind, but with the dread knowledge that there was no happy ending this time.

Hastily she fumbled to fit her key in the lock and pushed open the door. Suddenly apprehensive, she took a deep breath and stepped inside. The sight that greeted her caused her throat to close up. Jan was curled up in Rob's chair, rocking slightly as she clutched Rob's favourite old plaid blanket to herself. Reddened eyes stared up at her in misery and Terry crossed the room in a second.

Dropping to her knees, she gently wrapped the forlorn woman in her arms, murmuring softly, "I'm here, Jan. I'm here." She could feel Jan's body shake with sobs and knew her own tears were soaking the woman's shoulder.

They stayed like that for a long time until Terry sensed that Jan had calmed a little. Pulling back just enough to see the anguished face, Terry brushed a few red hairs back and waited for her friend to speak.

"He was finished at the sleep clinic and they'd transferred him back up to his room. He was settled in by four AM and the nurse said he was fine then. Somehow, he slipped away between then and when she next checked on him." Jan's eyes filled again as she stared at Terry. "They didn't even try to revive him because of the DNR on his records from the last time he was in. God, Terry! What if they could have brought him back if I hadn't let them put that on?"

"Oh no you don't," Terry stated firmly. "There's no way you're going to feel guilty about this. Remember what Rob's wishes were and remember what they told you would probably happen if he did have a stroke or heart attack? You know damned well that he didn't want to hang on hooked up to machines. That wasn't Rob!"

Jan nodded reluctantly and Terry softened her voice as she stroked the other woman's back. "Listen, Jan. Do you remember telling me that you always hoped he'd slip away easily in his sleep rather than lingering in some hospital hooked up to tubes and machines? Well, sweetheart, that's exactly what happened. He went to sleep and didn't wake up."

The older woman ran a hand over her eyes. Her voice barely above a whisper, she said, "But I'd always hoped I'd be there for him, you know? I wanted to hold him, send him from this world to the next knowing how much I loved him, how lucky I was to have met him and to have shared my life with him."

Feeling hopelessly inadequate in the face of her friend's grief, Terry insisted, "Oh Jan, he knew that! You let him see your love every day that you cared for him."

Jan looked up at her pleadingly. "Terry, I want to go see him."

Without hesitation, Terry stood and offered Jan her hand. "Let's go see him and say good-bye."

As they walked to the front door, Terry almost missed Jan's soft words, "He already said good-bye." Puzzling over the odd statement, she helped Jan into her coat, but decided to leave any questions for a better time.

The drive to the hospital was quiet, both women lost in their thoughts. When they got there, a sympathetic nurse escorted them to Rob's room.

"We'll be moving him soon, dear. But since he didn't have a roommate, we thought we'd leave him there until you arrived." The nurse, accustomed to the rhythms of life and death, patted Jan comfortingly on the arm and left the two of them alone.

Immobile, Jan stared at the quiet form covered by a white sheet. Terry struggled to push her own grief down, determined to be strong for her friend. When Jan finally crossed the room and peeled back the cover however, Terry lost her battle with the tears and let them flow unchecked. Her sorrow was compounded by a growing sense of guilt that Rob's final months had been overshadowed by her own relationship with his wife.

Gently, Jan brushed her hand over Rob's face, pushing back his stubborn forelock and rubbing at a bit of gel on his temple left over from the sleep testing. Terry had never seen a dead body before and was struck by the absolute stillness, the absence of...everything.

Softly Jan whispered, "Thank you too, angel."

Terry knew she was witnessing a private moment and was about to retreat to allow Jan space when the woman turned to her and took her hand. Squeezing it for emphasis, Jan said, "He's not there, Terry. That's not him."

Startled, Terry glanced over to reconfirm it was Rob's body on the bed. Jan smiled slightly at that.

"No, Ter. I mean that's only a shell that he left behind."

Jan turned back to pull the sheet back up, rested her hand on his chest for a minute, and then led Terry out of the room.

* * *

The mild breeze caressing the small crowd gathered at the front of the Springbank airport hangar held tantalizing hints of a spring only weeks away. Terry glanced around, musing on the people who'd come to bid Rob farewell.

Jan stood between her and Kate, with John and Kevin hovering close. Michael and Claire stood with the entire Sanderson clan, along with Lisa and Robyn. Donny and his wife were there as was Rob's family, who had come from the East for the funeral. Eric had not only arrived with an impressive collection of Rob's old pilot buddies, he had conducted Rob's service too.

Terry had been mildly surprised to hear that the irreverent former jet jockey was a lay minister in his church, but Eric had done Rob proud, drawing equal parts laughter and tears in their send-off. She closed her eyes as she recalled the moment that left not a dry eye in the funeral chapel.

Eric reached inside his suit jacket and extracted a sheet of paper. Looking up at the gathering, he smiled gently. "I want to wrap this up today by reading a letter, one that Jan wrote Rob the day he died." Fumbling with his reading glasses, Eric began.

"My dearest Rob,

It's only been a few hours since you said good-bye and I still can't believe you're gone. It's like a huge hole has opened in my heart. I hope you can hear me because I need to tell you this. I know that I was a thousand times blessed to have you in my life. Countless times through the years I was awestruck at your courage as you handled every obstacle thrown your way with incredible grace. Beloved, you made us laugh when any other would have sobbed at the humiliations your own body inflicted on you. You had no time for self-pity, and no one else thought to pity you for your very nature demanded so much more: respect, admiration, love. For the rest of my days, your life will be my shining example of how to live to the fullest the human spirit is capable of. Beautiful man, I love you...I miss you."

Terry realized she must have made a sound as dark green eyes looked up at her curiously. She smiled reassuringly and Jan turned back to face the line of Eric and four of his and Rob's old comrades. Jordy stepped out from where he'd stood beside his parents and walked steadily to Jan. When he stopped, she carefully handed over the bronze urn she'd been holding. He nodded gravely, accepting Rob's remains before joining the group of pilots.

Watching her little brother climb into the small plane with Eric, Terry was struck by how he seemed to have grown these past few days. Despite his grief over his idol's death, Jordy had been steadfast in standing by Jan and helping her in every way he could. Terry knew it was his way to honour Rob's trust in him. In turn, Jan had asked him to take charge of Rob's ashes, and he had accepted the responsibility with dignity.

The five small, assorted aircraft taxied to the runway, led by Eric and Tom's red and black bi-wings. Terry felt Jan edge closer as the formation began to roll and lifted off. She wrapped a comforting arm around the older woman's shoulders as they watched the flight head west. Once there, she knew that Jordy would open the urn and let the wind pull Rob's earthly remains out over the mountains.

The small crowd waited, conversing quietly until someone spotted the formation returning. Terry felt the smaller woman under her arm straighten, and she did the same, letting her arm fall back to her side. As the flight approached the airfield, one lone aircraft broke away, soaring heavenwards as Rob's old friends honoured him with the Missing Man formation.

Everyone was silent as the planes roared overhead. Glancing behind her, Terry saw the flight bank and turn back for approach to the airport. The crowd began to drift then as people made plans to regroup at Jan's house for a reception. Emily walked over to speak to them.

"I'm going to head over to the house to get things going," she addressed Jan gently. "Kate, did you want to join me and we'll get everything set out before the crowd arrives?"

Kate nodded her agreement, gave Jan a quick hug and walked off with the older woman, leaving Terry and Jan alone. The young woman turned to her companion and took her hands.

"Hey," she said softly. "How are you doing?"

Peaceful eyes looked back at her with a new serenity in their depths. "I'm okay, Ter. It really was a beautiful send-off, don't you think? He'd have loved his friends' tribute."

"It was perfect," Terry agreed. Hearing the sound of aircraft behind her, Terry turned to watch the flight taxi in. Feeling an arm slip around her waist, she glanced down to meet a warm smile.

"Thank you for being here for me. I don't know how I'd have gotten through these last few days without you and your family."

Terry wrapped an arm over Jan's shoulders and hugged her. "Always," she murmured, as they quietly awaited Jordy and Eric's return.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

TERRY STROKED THE thick gray fur, absently pleased that Spooky had long ago forgiven her for that Christmas insult to his dignity. She glanced up as Marika returned from the kitchen with a refill for her coffee, accepting the steaming mug handed her. The blonde woman resumed her seat across from Terry and gracefully curled her legs up underneath her body.

Sipping her own cup, Marika picked up the thread of their conversation. "So, do you think it's serious with Matt and Claire?"

Terry laughed. "Well, I think it's serious for Matt but, honestly, Claire is not making it easy on him. She has no intention of becoming one more notch on his bedpost."

Marika smiled at that. "I take it that she's looking for a relationship with a little more depth than he's used to?"

"I think he's going to have to go out to Quebec to pass her family's inspection before he even gets beyond her front door," Terry snickered gleefully. "You know what the best part is though? He's so crazy about her that he'll jump through any hoop she sets. You know what I caught him reading the other day? What Women Want. I thought he was going to kill me, but then when I didn't tease him or laugh at him, he actually asked me some questions about what he was reading. Man, I never thought I'd see the day that Matt would choose chivalry and cold showers over the nearest available bimbo!"

"Yes, it's amazing what love will do to you," Marika said softly, staring into her cup. Terry glanced at her friend sharply but the gray eyes that rose to meet hers were calm and clear. Her tone light, Marika asked, "Did you hear back from the publisher?"

"Yeah," Terry said ruefully. "Unfortunately, it was another rejection slip. Jan's trying to convince me to post it on the net. She asked me if the forum really mattered as long as people were reading my work. She makes a good point but I want to think about it first."

Eager to change the subject, Terry asked, "Hey, did you ever find a replacement for your legal assistant?" When a heartfelt groan met her question, she grinned. "I'll take it that's a 'no'?"

Marika shook her head wryly. "Not only is it a 'no' but I only have a couple of weeks before she starts her maternity leave, which means I have to find someone fast so they can be briefed before Marian leaves. I'm swamped with cases so I haven't had time to do more than glance at resumes."

"Don't you have a pool of assistants in the firm or something?"

"No, every lawyer has their own assistants assigned, though we do share floaters occasionally depending on the workload." Marika shook her head in resignation. "I'm going to end up hiring the first one who shows up for an interview just to get it over with. Anyway, let's not talk about it. It'll just ruin my weekend." She grimaced, and then smiled at her friend. "Did I hear you mention that Randy is due back in town soon?"

Terry nodded. "He starts working for my Dad at the beginning of the month."

"I imagine Michael is pleased?"

Scratching the purring furball under the chin, Terry laughed. "You could say that. The boy hasn't been this excited since Lisa and Robyn broke the news that his swimmers had done their job. God, I thought he was going to have a coronary that day!"

She chuckled as she remembered Michael strutting around the house proclaiming his potency. "You should have seen Sunday dinner that week. I don't know who was prouder, Michael or Duncan. You'd have thought both of them did it all by themselves. But the best part was when Lisa and Karen looked at each other, rolled their eyes and began telling the guys exactly what was going to happen in about seven months time. By the time they were done, Michael and Duncan were as green as the broccoli. Sure shut 'em up though."

The two friends smiled at each other, enjoying the return to reality of the cocky fathers-to-be. Then Terry asked curiously, "Did you ever think of having kids, Marika?"

The elegant woman coughed as her coffee went down the wrong way. When she recovered, one raised eyebrow emphasized her incredulity. "I'm not exactly the maternal sort, Terry. Spooky's just lucky that he's reasonably self-sufficient. No, I don't think motherhood is in the cards for me. Why, are you thinking about it?"

"Maybe someday," Terry mused. "I'm not in any hurry or anything."

"Well, you're not exactly ancient so your clock must be fairly quiet yet," Marika said as she shifted in her chair. "How's Lisa doing anyway?"

"Pretty well actually. Not a lot of morning sickness so she got off lucky." Chuckling, Terry added, "Robyn is driving her crazy though. She won't even let Lisa carry in the groceries from the car. Lisa wanted to play on the team this summer and Robyn put her foot down. First time I've seen that happen, and darned if Lisa didn't back down too. We sure miss her at shortstop though. Our record's only two and two without her."

"Does Jan play on the team?"

"No, but we put her to work as the equipment manager. Told her that if she was going to come to the after game beer calls, she had to earn her way." Terry glanced up to find gray eyes regarding her gravely.

"So things are going well with you two?"

Terry flinched at the off-hand question and hoped her murmur of assent would satisfy her friend. She sighed inwardly when Marika refused to let it drop.

"You know, Terry, you can't avoid this forever," she said seriously.

The tall woman squirmed and mumbled, "I'm not avoiding anything!"

A snort from her companion let her know how well that had gone over. "Right, you're not avoiding anything," Marika agreed sarcastically. Then softening her tone, she said, "Terry, it's been three months now since he died. I know you love her, and from what you've told me, she loves you too. When are you going to do something about it?"

"Like what?" Terry muttered, refusing to meet Marika's gaze.

"Oh for crying out loud! Do I really have to paint you a picture?"

Terry flinched at Marika's clear exasperation. "Well, it's not like I'm not around her all the time, you know. We go out and do things, and we spend hours on the phone when we're not together."

"Yet here you are on a Friday night, keeping Spooky and me company, when you should be making wild, passionate love to the woman you adore." Marika's dry response drew a grimace from Terry.

"She had a meeting tonight. Besides, maybe I like hanging out with you and Spooky," Terry protested weakly.

"And maybe you're just scared spitless," came the acerbic response. "Have you even gone any further than kissing her?"

Terry felt the warmth spreading over her face as she shook her head.

"Well, it's certainly not that you don't know what comes next," Marika said pointedly. "So what exactly is holding you up?"

"Geez, Marika! She just lost her husband for crying out loud! I don't want to rush her before she's ready."

Terry's reasons sounded feeble even to herself. Jan had mourned Rob's loss deeply, but hadn't let it prevent her from going on with life. Taking some time to decide what direction she'd go in, and with no pressing financial need to work, she'd filled her days the last couple of months volunteering with the MS Society, the food bank and a hospice. Terry had often caught Jan's curious looks when they parted after an evening out and knew the older woman was simply waiting for her to make the first move.

"Alright, Terry, enough bullshit! Exactly what is going on?" Marika demanded. "This isn't like you at all."

The dark haired woman sighed and looked up to meet curious eyes studying her. "I feel guilty," she murmured, glancing back down at the contented cat on her lap.

"Excuse me?" Marika's puzzlement was clear. "Guilty about what? You certainly didn't cause Rob's death."

"What if I did?" Terry blurted out, voicing for the first time the thoughts that had haunted her ever since she'd seen Rob's still form under white sheets in his hospital room. "What if the stress of knowing what was going on between Jan and I ended up killing him?"

Terry saw Marika stare at her in astonishment. "Good lord, Terry! Surely you don't really think that?" she finally said, shaking her head in disbelief. "From what you've told me, the man had been living on borrowed time for years! This is in no way your fault!"

Leaning forward urgently, Terry didn't even notice an insulted and slightly squished cat bound off her lap. "Even if I didn't directly cause his 'death', what about how unhappy I made him the last couple of months of his life, huh? I interfered with the only thing that mattered to him. He gave my family and me nothing but kindness and how did I repay him? I got involved romantically with his wife. For God's sake, Marika! He was a helpless invalid and I stabbed him right in the heart."

"But you two didn't do anything. You didn't have an affair or anything," the other woman protested.

Terry sat back and looked at her intently. "We didn't have to. It was agony enough for him knowing that we were in love."

The two women fell silent then until Marika broke the quiet. Her voice compassionate, she said, "And that's why you won't make love to Jan? Because you feel guilty for 'falling' in love with her?"

Terry nodded wordlessly and the blonde sighed. "Terry, that's just about the dumbest reason to deny yourself and her that I've ever heard."

Frowning indignantly, Terry was about to dissent when Marika stood up decisively.

"My friend, I'm kicking you out," she said, gesturing towards the front door.

"You're kicking me out?" Terry asked in disbelief.

"Yes. It's for your own good. I'm not letting you hide here anymore." Marika had gently but firmly taken Terry's arm and was steering the shocked woman towards the front door.

"But, but..."

Terry's sputtering did not seem to have any effect on the determined blonde, who pressed her jacket into her hands and opened the door. Relenting a little, Marika cupped Terry's face in her hands and kissed her cheek.

"Ter, I love you dearly, but you're driving me nuts with all the moping around you've been doing. Go see your lady and straighten this out. I don't want to see you darkening my door again until you do." Marika smiled at Terry's despondent expression, and patted her shoulder. "Besides, some of us do still have a life. I have a date tonight, my dear, and you're not invited."

Terry gaped at her friend. "You have a date?"

Marika rolled her eyes, but shook her head affectionately at the befuddled young woman. "It does happen from time to time. Now go! You have business to attend to."

With that, she firmly shut the door in Terry's face. The young woman stared at the closed door for a few moments, then slowly turned and walked down the hall to the elevator. Pressing the button to summon the lift, she muttered, "A date. She has a date."

When the doors opened, she glanced somewhat forlornly back down the hall and, sighing heavily, made her departure.

* * *

Still moping over Marika's blunt words, Terry ignored the soft hum of voices in the living room and headed directly up the stairs. Hearing Michael's laughter, she assumed he was entertaining friends and was guilty grateful that she would be allowed to sulk undisturbed.

Walking into her room, she was startled to see that it had been tidied up. The usual heaps of clothes and damp towels had been collected and removed. Her bed was neatly made and even her carpet appeared to have been vacuumed. A slow smile crossed her face as she decided Michael must have finally been unable to take it anymore. She grinned as she recalled his disgust with her housekeeping two nights ago when he'd dropped into the garret for a visit.

"God, Terry! Don't you ever clean in here?" her friend asked as he cleared a chair with obvious distaste, pushing the pile of clothes under her bed with one foot. "How can you live in such a pigpen?" He ostentatiously dusted off the chair before taking his seat.

Momentarily cheered, she crossed the room and opened the window, letting in the fragrant spring air. Slouching on the window seat, long legs folded under her, she twisted her body to look out over the backyard. Staring at the tall old crabapple tree that had burst out in brilliant pink blossoms that week, she let her mind drift.

Terry knew her current romantic stasis couldn't go on forever, but she didn't know how to break out of it. Every time she contemplated finally making love to Jan, an image of Rob as she'd last seen him, came into mind. She hated the fact that guilt was crippling her and worried constantly about how long Jan's patience would last.

Lost in her thoughts, she never heard someone quietly enter through her open door, close it softly and come up behind her.

"You look like you're a million miles away."

"Aack!" Terry jumped and veered dangerously towards the open window. Jan grabbed her arm quickly and pulled her around until long legs were safely planted on the floor.

"Damn! You scared the life out of me," Terry exclaimed, her heart thumping wildly. "I could've gone right out the window!"

"I'm sorry," Jan said, but Terry saw the unrepentant twinkle in green eyes. "I wouldn't let you fall."

The redhead deliberately moved closer and, suddenly nervous, Terry retreated a little, abruptly sitting down as she backed into the window seat. Jan smiled at her and Terry unconsciously tugged at the neck of her shirt to ease her oddly rising temperature.

"I, um, thought you had a meeting tonight?" Terry asked self-consciously.

"I did. Somehow your Mom and I even got maneuvered into being on the organizing committee for the summer food drive," Jan said ruefully. Then she added with a smile, "Your Mom asked me tonight to sit with the family for Jordy's grad next month."

"That's good," Terry said, keeping a nervous eye on her friend. "I'm glad you two get on so well."

Jan nodded thoughtfully. "Emily's a terrific person. A lot like her daughter actually." With a small grin, she reached out a hand and drew one finger down the middle of Terry's shirt. "Anyway, the meeting was over a couple of hours ago and I decided to drop by and see my favourite girl."

"Uh, good...good. Yeah, I'm glad you did," Terry babbled, wiping her hands surreptitiously on her jeans.

Something was different about her friend tonight. Determination emanated from the small body and a deep resolve lay in normally gentle green eyes. The charged atmosphere between them excited and scared Terry in equal measure. Forgetting to breathe, she watched with fascination as the tip of a pink tongue slowly ran over Jan's upper lip.

Tingles running up her back and settling between her legs alerted Terry that this was rapidly getting out of hand, and she frantically sought a distraction.

"Room!"

Jan blinked at the non sequitur and Terry hastened to add, "Don't you think my room looks great? Michael cleaned it up for me."

Amusement rippled over Jan's face, and Terry got the impression the older woman was biting back a laugh. "So Michael cleaned it up for you, did he? That was awfully nice of him."

"Well yeah, at least I think it was him. I mean who else would clean it?" Terry said with honest puzzlement.

This time Jan didn't bother to stifle a chuckle. "Maybe somebody who thought a tidy room and clean sheets would be conducive to...a good night's sleep."

"Oh. Ohhh!" Terry said, finally cluing in. Then the full import of what Jan was saying sank in, and her mouth dropped open as she gaped at the older woman.

Jan gently reached out two fingers and closed Terry's mouth.

"You'll catch flies, darling," she admonished sweetly. Fixing determined green eyes on startled brown, she deliberately stepped forward into Terry's personal space. Terry jerked reflexively, but had nowhere to go. Gulping, the younger woman felt her heart race and her breathing shorten. Hypnotically, she felt Jan's fingers trace a soft path across her hairline, along the side of her face and down her throat.

"So soft," the older woman murmured as Terry swallowed convulsively. Glancing up, Jan suddenly hesitated, studying the younger woman's face. For a long moment, the two were frozen in mid-seduction. Then Terry saw doubt cross Jan's face, and the redhead let her hand fall away from where it had seared the younger woman's flesh.

Taking a step back, Jan looked at the floor and whispered, "What's wrong, Terry? Don't you want this anymore? Have...have your feelings changed?"

The pain in her friend's voice galvanized Terry and she jumped to her feet, pulling Jan into her arms.

"No! Oh God no, Jan! I love you! With all my heart I love you. Please believe that!" She clung to the smaller body desperately, aching at the hurt she'd caused her love.

"Then why?" The muffled voice was genuinely confused.

Terry sighed and gently eased Jan back so she could look into uncertain eyes. "Jan, I love you. I want nothing more than to lead you over to that bed and spend the rest of this night making love to you. And then I want to do it all over again the next night and the next and the next, until I've spent a lifetime loving the most wonderful woman in the world."

Jan had slowly brightened as Terry poured her heart out, but the younger woman could still see the confusion in her eyes. Releasing Jan, she turned slowly to stare out into the gathering dusk. Trying to collect her thoughts in a coherent pattern, she was startled to hear Jan's soft voice speak first from behind her.

"We have to talk, my darling girl."

Terry snorted quietly as she recalled the last time Jan had said those words. Resting her hands on the window seat, she lowered her head and rocked forward on her toes. "I remember you saying that on the edge of the mountain," she said soberly.

"Yes. I did," she agreed. "And a lot has changed since then, Terry. But one thing hasn't. I love you and I long for your touch every bit as much now as when we practically melted the snow that day, probably more."

Terry straightened but didn't turn around. "One big change," she said slowly. "Rob's gone."

"Yes, he is." The soft voice was contemplative and Terry could almost hear her friend reasoning things out. "That's what this is all about, isn't it, darling?"

Terry nodded her head shakily, unable to reiterate the guilt she'd voiced to Marika earlier that night.

"Oh Terry, that's what's been bothering you?" Jan asked sadly. She fell silent then and Terry stood motionless, afraid to move and afraid to say anything, but desperately hoping she hadn't completely made a shamble of their relationship. Just when she was sure she would crack from the tension, a low, adamant voice demanded her attention.

"Terry, you listen to me. Our love does not dishonour Rob. It does not diminish the love he and I had for each other. Even knowing what I do about myself now, I would not change my choice to marry him and care for him all those years ago. I will always cherish what we had between us, even if it wasn't exactly a conventional marriage."

Hanging on every word, Terry felt Jan step closer.

"But as you said, Rob's gone now. I will miss that dear man for the rest of my life, but Terry, I will not deny what I feel for you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone...anyone, Terry! I want to be with you, tonight and every night. Tell me, how long would you have me wear the widow's weeds? Three months? Six months? A year? Do you really think Rob would deny me a chance at happiness? Do you think he would take pleasure in me sitting by myself at home, weeping for him? Or would he delight in knowing that someone loved me, that I didn't have to be alone?"

Terry felt the shock of Jan's words, as the truth of them was suddenly, vividly clear. The one thing never in doubt had been Rob's love for his wife. The love that he'd fought for so fiercely in life wouldn't condemn Jan to loneliness after his death. Jan loved her. She knew that with every fibre of her being. She wasn't hurting Rob by denying them the expression of that love now. She was hurting the woman she loved, and that was unacceptable.

Firmly she pushed residual guilt down, unwilling to let it paralyze her any longer. Her shoulders straightened and her head came up. Just as she was about to turn around and claim her love, Jan pressed firmly up against her back and sturdy arms slipped around her waist.

Terry gasped at the feel of Jan's body stretched fully against her own. She froze as determined fingers slowly began to undo her top button. Hypnotized, she stared as each button was deliberately unfastened and her shirt was gently tugged out of the front of her jeans.

Warm hands ran delicately over her belly, and Terry moaned at the sensation. Unmoving, she stood as gentle fingers cupped and caressed her breasts. She watched in fascination as a single finger lightly teased her nipples through the fabric of her bra.

Her knees weakened and her mouth dried up, as Jan firmly drew her shirt back over her shoulders and down to her elbows, trapping her deliciously. Terry's eyes closed as nimble fingers unclasped her bra and slid that too down her arms. It was only when the cooling evening air flowed over her naked breasts that she realized she was still standing in front of an open window, but before she could protest, loving hands came up to cover her exposure.

She tried to speak, but all that came out was a groan as soft wet lips grazed the nape of her neck. A trail of kisses seared across her shoulders as hands began to softly caress and stroke her flesh. When one hand slipped away down her belly and under the waistband of her jeans, her knees finally gave out.

With a delighted laugh, Jan caught Terry and pulled her strongly back into her body. Panting, the younger woman allowed the smaller body to support her for a moment.

"I think we'd better lay down before I fall down," Terry whispered hoarsely, clinging to Jan's hips, the curves of which nestled so deliciously against her.

Jan turned her just enough to press a fiery kiss onto receptive lips, before ripping off the shirt and bra dangling haphazardly from the younger woman's body. The redhead took Terry's hand and she blindly followed her partner to the bed.

One astonished thought ricocheted through her mind before Jan's urgent body covered her naked torso. She's never done this before?! Demanding hands fumbled with the buttons of her jeans even as Jan's mouth ravaged hers. Terry whimpered when the redhead slid away and down her body. Unconsciously, she lifted her hips, allowing Jan to strip away her pants. She was almost shocked when she realized she was lying naked under a very triumphant Jan, who straddled her hips, eying her body appreciatively.

"Hey," she protested. "One of us is severely overdressed here!"

Jan grinned down at her as Terry ran her hands over the older woman's thighs. With excruciating slowness, the redhead crossed her arms and pulled her sweater up over her head, tossing it to the floor.

Terry sucked in her breath, staring at the ivory satin bra cupping generous breasts. She felt like a fifteen year old again, awed with desire and ready to burst at the touch of a hand. She raised her eyes from the tantalizing sight to find ardent eyes locked on hers. So much desire was mirrored in their emerald depths that Terry was overwhelmed. She struggled not to cry as the full impact of this woman's love for her finally sank in.

Stretching out a trembling hand, the younger woman touched her lover's face. Jan closed her eyes and leaned into the caress with a tiny sigh. More than anything, that small sound told Terry how much her partner was affected too, and that knowledge steadied her.

Firmly she unfastened the ivory satin and tugged it away. Taking a long moment to admire the lush flesh presented to her, she unfastened Jan's pants and pulled the woman down, hearing her gasp as their bodies came together.

Enjoying the friction as Jan squirmed against her, Terry ran her hands down the redhead's back and under her pants. Cupping her lover's bottom, she pulled Jan tightly against her as she started slowly rocking upwards.

Small whimpers told Terry that Jan was every bit as aroused as she was. "Let's get these off," she whispered, pushing the redhead's pants down as far as she could. Rolling the smaller woman to the side, she quickly divested her lover of the rest of her clothes.

"God, you're beautiful!" Terry's words were hushed but fervent as she stared at her lover. Jan blushed and turned her head, but Terry cupped her face and gently turned her back. "You are, my love. Never doubt it."

"I'm not 18 anymore, Ter," the older woman said ruefully, glancing down to where Terry's hand ran over the soft curve of her belly.

"I'm glad." Terry's simple truth seemed to reassure her partner, as soft eyes regarded her searchingly.

The younger woman bent and took gentle possession of eager lips. Her earlier urgency had ripened into a need to love Jan without reservation, to fully convey all the pleasure she was taking in this act of consummation. She was determined that Jan would have no doubt how glorious she was in Terry's eyes by the time they finally slept this night.

The tall woman slid over her partner and between legs that willingly parted for her. Slowly, thoroughly, she began to explore her lover, delighting in Jan's quiet moans of pleasure. Working her way over and past soft curves and hardened nipples, she drifted down to the centre of Jan's desire, nosing through dark red curls as her lover's hips surged upwards seeking more.

Humming her own approval, Terry slipped her tongue into the wet heat, thrilled when Jan cried out at the first touch. Bringing her hand into play, she listened as the older woman begged her not to stop. No chance of that!

Steadily she drove her lover higher, her own excitement mounting as Jan panted and writhed under her touch. Feeling the telltale shudders, she increased her pace until Jan called out her name in a litany of pleasure.

Gently extracting herself, she crawled back up the bed and took the still quivering woman in her arms. Rolling onto her back, she held Jan, whispering lovingly into fragrant hair and softly stroking her partner's sweat dampened back.

"Oh God! Oh Terry, that was incredible!" Jan's throaty tones vibrated against Terry's neck and she tightened her arms around the trembling body. "I've never, I mean it was never like this...Terry...wow!"

Terry couldn't help grinning smugly at Jan's uncharacteristic incoherence. She loved this woman's responsiveness and wondered how long it would be until she could do it all over again. Before she could continue that line of thought, Jan raised her head and gave her a brilliantly mischievous grin.

The younger woman loosened her grip as the redhead slid down her side, into the space between her legs and then up Terry's length, dragging forcefully against the tall woman's sensitized flesh. Now it was Terry's turn to groan as Jan stopped to lavish attention on two very demanding nubs. Arching her back as she sought to increase the pressure, Terry felt Jan's laughter against her breasts.

"Eager are we?" she teased, tantalizing the tall woman with flicks of her tongue. "That's the problem with you youngsters. No patience!"

Terry answered by locking her hands behind a red head, trying to pull Jan harder against her, but the older woman resisted, chuckling at Terry's desperation.

Taking Terry's wrists from behind her head, Jan pressed them firmly down to the bed, pinning her in place with a surprisingly strong grasp. Sliding higher, she began to nibble on the younger woman's neck.

The sensory stimulation already had Terry on overload, but when her lover snaked one hand down between them to part her swollen lips and began rhythmically pressing into her, she almost screamed. Frantically she grabbed Jan's bottom with her free hand, trying to increase the delicious pressure, but the older woman returned the impudent limb to its loving imprisonment beside a dark head.

Thrashing, Terry pleaded wordlessly for more but Jan kept the rhythm consistent and the pressure firm. Every nerve in the young woman's body was vibrating with intense arousal. She couldn't remember ever being wired this tightly and she couldn't stop herself from begging for relief.

Suddenly her hands were released, and Jan swiftly descended her body without stopping until she came to rest between Terry's legs. The younger woman almost wept with relief when she felt the caress of a firm tongue where she needed it most and long rapturous moments later, Jan sent her over the edge as sobs of ecstasy filled the room.

The exquisite thrumming still wracked her body, as Terry opened her eyes to find Jan hovering over her, a look of such intense love and caring on her face that Terry was filled with gratitude.

"How did I get so lucky?" Terry whispered, her voice hoarse with emotion.

Soft lips bestowed an answer as Terry savoured the taste of Jan's mouth, redolent with her own essence. With a deep sigh of satisfaction, the older woman sank into Terry's welcoming embrace and the two women snuggled into each other.

Long moments went by before Terry whispered, "Are you all right, sweetheart?"

"Very, very all right, my darling girl," came the soft answer.

"I thought you were new at this," Terry chuckled quietly. "Some beginner! I may have to nominate you for rookie of the year!" She enjoyed the sensation of Jan's giggles shaking their conjoined bodies.

"I read a lot...I mean a lot!" came the teasing response. "You'd be amazed what you can learn from books and the Net."

"Ah, so what you're saying is that you had the theory down cold, and you just needed the practical experience?" Terry delighted in their banter, glad that moving their relationship to the next level hadn't altered the bedrock of their friendship.

"Uh huh," Jan agreed. Tickling Terry's ribs lightly, she added, "Did I mention that you were the perfect guinea pig?"

Terry laughed out loud at that. "Well, anytime you want to put in more lab time, you just let me know," she chuckled, hugging Jan tightly.

There was silence again as they basked in the warmth of their union, until Jan rolled her head back against Terry's shoulder so she could meet dark eyes that regarded her lovingly.

"I feel like I've finally come home," Jan murmured with a contented smile.

Gently, Terry drew Jan's head back down, tucking the beloved face into her neck and reveling in the warm breath on her skin.

"I know exactly what you mean," she said in utter, perfect, simple truth.

The End

Table of Contents

Disclaimer

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine