If Only in Cranbury Park

Part One

Courtney watched the cat twitch as he slept in the lamb’s wool kitty bed too small for his fifteen pound body. Downstairs the rumble of boxes and plastic storage containers Joanna carted out of their house reverberated in her ears. The acoustics of mosaic tile and refinished hardwood floors precluded a silent escape. Courtney closed her eyes, woozy from the echoes below, and wondered what kind of demented impulse compelled her to stay home this morning.

“Courtney,” Joanna shouted from the foot of the staircase. “I’m leaving the keys on the dining room table.”

Courtney sniffled and swallowed. “All right,” she shouted back after clearing the sadness from her throat. Was it so surprising it’d come to this after the last tumultuous year? She stroked Oliver’s ear and hoped Joanna wasn’t going to come back for him, too.

“Hey, Court,” Joanna called again, her voice this time stilted with hesitation. “I’m leaving. Do you want to say good-bye?”

What a question. Courtney sighed and shuffled her cross-trainers across the frieze throw rug in the hall. She leaned over the railing and looked down on the fly-aways on top of Joanna’s dark chocolate hair. “You were right. I should’ve gone for coffee or something this morning.”

Joanna’s deep green eyes were glassy and anxious. “Courtney, someday we’ll be friends again. I really hope so anyway,” she said and walked away after a solemn nod.

When Courtney heard the door close, she walked downstairs and gazed at the holes left by Joanna’s missing antique rocking chair, mystery novels, and Hummel collection. The picture frames of them during holidays and summer vacations were gone too, but Courtney had appropriated those herself last week when Joanna had come back from her sister’s house with her brother-in-law and his SUV and announced she was leaving. They’d moved her armoire, treadmill, business files, and most of her clothing. Today was the day the seasonal clothing left and Joanna did too, for good.

Courtney collapsed on the loveseat and sank into the hollow silence. After a while, she remembered to breathe. It was a long, deep breath, but she couldn’t suck in enough air to distill her despair into something she could use. She finally picked up the cordless, pressed Julian’s speed dial number and closed her eyes.

“She’s gone,” she said when he answered.

“I’m sorry, honey.” The somberness in his voice only made it worse. “You wanna come over? Ted’s bringing home pizza after work.”

“I can’t move, Jules. I literally can’t move. I don’t even know how I made it to the living room.”

He sighed, and Courtney knew he’d finally depleted his arsenal of perky ant moving rubber tree plant speeches. She felt guilty knowing her ongoing drama with Joanna had been the cause.

“Do you want me to come over? You probably shouldn’t be alone right now especially since you’re there at the scene of the crime.”

“Crime,” she chuckled. “What crime? First degree stupidity? Guilty as charged.”

“Stop calling yourself stupid. You fell in love. Sorry, but that’s never a victimless crime.”

“But I should’ve known from the day we met it wouldn’t work.”

“But it did work, for four years. Sometimes even the greatest loves of all time aren’t meant to last forever.”

“Jules, I know you’re trying to spin this into one of those you’re a better person for having loved her allegories, but I’m just not in the mood. I wanted forever, and I didn’t get it, didn’t even come close.”

“It was a sweet ride, though, wasn’t it?”

“It’s a nightmare, is what it is. Joanna’s a coward, a spineless chicken shit who cut and ran at the first sign of a challenge.”

“Look, you know you’re my best friend, and I’m not taking her side by any means, but I can kind of understand why she couldn’t handle it.”

Courtney’s mouth dropped. What did he just say? “Well, it’s terrific that you can be so sure since I don’t even know what’s real anymore.” She tried not getting riled, but her knees, spread apart, were bobbing up and down like buoys in a choppy ocean. “I mean she’d already given me a litany of excuses from the club, to I’m never home, to we want different things from life. Her latest was that I’m still obsessed with the bar scene, and therefore, must not be happy with her. What kind of neurotic, half-baked excuse is that?”

“You’re seventeen years younger than her, Court. You run one of the most popular lesbian bars in the Village. You meet women all the time, and you travel a lot, mostly without her. Doesn’t sound so neurotic. She’s probably just looking for more stability. I mean she is getting up there.”

“She’s forty-eight, and Jesus, Julian, what are you, her attorney?”

“I’m sorry. I know the last thing you want to hear right now is the truth.”

“What was I supposed to do, give up everything I am for her?”

“Did you expect her to?”

“No, I just wanted her to have a little more faith in us, maybe try to be a little supportive of me once in a while.”

“You know, if you sold even one of those clubs you’d make a fortune. Take the money and do whatever you want with it.”

“I like running nightclubs, traveling and meeting new people. What’s so wrong with that?”

“Courtney, I better go now. If we stay on the phone, you’re going to end up hating me.”

“Come on, Julian. I already feel like shit. Just say your piece once and for all. You’ve obviously been dying to.”

He cleared his throat. “Okay, the club’s five-year anniversary party in August.”

“What about it?”

“You were out there doing your best Tom Cruise from ‘Cocktail’ behind the bar, and as usual all the dykes were clambering around, trying to get a piece of you. And you smiled and winked and had them practically creaming their Levi’s.”

She sat forward on the sofa and mounted her defense. “So what? It’s part of how I keep the bar solvent. See, you sort of need lesbians to run a lesbian bar. Otherwise, you have an empty space with lease payments piling up.”

“But I saw how uncomfortable it made Joanna. You left her hanging in the shadows like some anonymous troll while she watched you work the room. And I gotta be honest; you feed right into it, Court. You go way beyond hospitality; you’re a big ole flirt.”

Courtney wiped her face with her free hand, exhausted by the conversation. She was this close to inviting him to piss off, but right now, her best friend was all she had left. “I have to go now, Julian. Luckily, it’s Saturday, and I have to fill in for Wanda tonight, which is just what I need. I gotta escape all this relationship bullshit for a few hours.”

She slammed the phone down, realizing that her first choice for the afternoon, crying her eyes out on the loveseat, would’ve been more productive than her phone call to Julian. Joanna’s hang-ups were her problem, not Courtney’s. Let Joanna’s sister deal with her now. She was through.

As Joanna stood in her modest commercial kitchen, the stainless steel prep island inspired a graphic memory of the day she and Courtney met. But now wasn’t the time to drift into the past. She had four dozen mini pastry cups to stuff with lobster, shiitake mushroom, and herb filling. It was an original creation Courtney had taste-tested and given an enthusiastic seal of approval. Was there some hidden meaning in Joanna choosing that hors d’oeurve for the TV soap exec’s birthday party she was catering tonight in Belle Haven? Just another sign of how indelible a mark Courtney had made on her.

Zach, her culinary student assistant, carried in a large tray of kiwi and raspberry tarts.

“Hey, Jo, check these out,” he said with a proud grin. “Do you want me to load them into the van now?”

She kept slathering the creamy mixture into the pastries, oblivious to Zach.

“Jo,” he said louder. “Are you in or should I leave a message?”

“Sorry, Zach. I am kind of out of it today.”

“Oh, shit,” he said with a dramatic expression. “You moved out this morning. How’d she take it?”

“The best I can say is nothing got smashed.” Joanna stood up straight and gave her lower back a stretch. “I’m glad we have this party tonight.”

“I feel bad, Jo. That really sucks.” He pulled off a long sheet of industrial plastic wrap to cover the dessert tray. “I was psyched about the idea of you opening your own restaurant. You’d get all famous and I’d get to learn under an awesome chef in a real, live kitchen.” He dialed it down to an appropriate level. “You must be pretty bummed.”

She nodded and rubbed an itch on her chin with the back of her hand. “I’ll do it eventually on my own, but now I have to wait until I get everything straightened out with her.”

“Did she like back out on the idea or something?”

“No, she kept saying she wanted to, but it just never happened. She’s got those two clubs, you know? A person can’t be in three places at once.”

“Damn, she was hot, too,” he gushed, forgetting himself as he absently patted his bulging pectoral. “I’d love to be a lesbian for a day.”

Joanna glared at him as she pulled off a large sheet of plastic wrap for her tray.

“Sorry,” he said. “Like I need to tell you. You’re the one who had her.”

“Zach,” she snapped. She inhaled a deep, calming breath through her nose and blew it out her mouth. “Can we just change the subject please? Let’s talk about your love life. How’s Becca doing these days?”

“Great, except she won’t leave me alone. She calls me twenty-four seven, wants to spend every waking moment with me, but I’ve got work and school. I love her, but I wish she’d find something to occupy herself and give me a little space.”

“Be careful what you wish for,” Joanna warned. Her stomach suddenly dropped when she remembered she’d be going home to her sister’s house in Stamford rather than to Courtney after the soap exec’s shindig.

“Well, look on the bright side,” Zach said, his chiseled face goofy with optimism. “These entertainment industry gigs are usually full of gay people. Now you can go for it.” He smiled even bigger than Joanna thought possible.

No, he did not just say that. She shot him a baffled look.

“What?” he asked innocently.

She tried not to smile but couldn’t help it. “Just load the damn van, okay?”

Lucy was distressed, darting back and forth from one end of the bar to the other as the Saturday night crowd at Tango started pouring in. It was after ten-thirty when Courtney meandered through the masses over to the bar.

“Where the hell is Wanda?” Lucy shouted over the throbbing house music as she squirted club soda and Coke into separate glasses.

“She’s not feeling well. Guess you’ll have to make do with the boss tonight.”

“I’d make do with anyone right now. Get your butt back here.”

Courtney forced a smile and joined Lucy behind the bar. Forcing Joanna and her hang-ups out of her mind was another story. She’d stared at the television most of the day, floating in and out of lucidity as Oliver perched on her chest at intervals. Joanna’s departure had left her numb; not even her tear ducts functioned properly. It was after seven o’clock when Courtney had finally dragged her ass off the couch and jumped into the shower. The hour or so drive down to the Village, dodging love songs on seemingly every radio station, did little to distract her.

“What can I get you, beautiful?” she asked an African-American woman with dangling jewelry.

“I’ll take a Cosmo, that is unless you’re tonight’s special,” the older woman replied. She casually licked her front teeth as she inventoried Courtney from the neck down.

“No, that was last night.” Courtney flirted. “But I’ll make you a Cosmo that’ll rock your world.”

“Mmm-mmm, bring it, baby.”

Holy shit. Was Julian right? No, I’m just friendly. It’s my job.

As Courtney mixed the Cosmo, Jade, a petite, wild-haired regular with curve-hugging jeans and cat eyes shoved through to Courtney’s side of the bar.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Jade drawled. “How about a Stoli Razberi, ice cold?”

“You got it,” Courtney replied with her signature wink.

Jade hopped on a recently vacated stool and took a swig of her cocktail. “So what’s new with you?” she asked when Courtney reappeared with several bottles of Corona for a young jock stuffed in sideways against the bar.

“You know, same old,” Courtney offered Jade. “Thanks, girls,” she said with an alluring grin to the jock’s entourage of college girls. P. R. work she had called it once when Joanna asked why she laid it on so thick with the newcomers.

“So Court, can you get some breakfast at the diner after closing, or do you have to head right home to Mama?” Jade teased before Courtney had a chance to escape.

The “Mama” comment hurt. She knew Jade had called Joanna that out of jealousy, but now that Joanna was gone, it was like twisting the knife. “I’m pretty tired. I’m only here because Wanda’s sick. Take a rain check though,” she added for good measure.

“Yeah, I’m getting sick of your rain checks, honey. You live in the Brazilian jungle or something?” Jade said. She looked offended. “I’m gonna do a lap or two around. Maybe I’ll find myself a chick who’ll appreciate all this.” She leapt off her stool, whipped auburn curls around and displayed herself like the grand prize on a game show.

“Have fun,” Courtney said with a salute.

Lucy wandered over. “She’s relentless, isn’t she?”

“Some people only want what they can’t have,” Courtney replied, wondering if she was really referring to Jade after all.

“But she’s seen Joanna in here with you a million times. She knows you two are a couple.”

Courtney tossed her dish towel on the counter and rubbed her tired eyes. “Were a couple.” The words sounded as eerie as it felt saying them.

“What? Are you shitting me?” Lucy asked.

Courtney glared at her. “Do I look like I’m shitting you?”

“Man, I can’t believe it. I mean I know she hasn’t been in here for a while, but I never suspected… Did this just happen or what?”

“It’s been slowly happening for several months, but she moved out this morning.”

“I’m sorry, Court. Are you all right?”

Courtney nodded and popped open two Millers for an older lesbian couple, Saturday night regulars, so perfect together it was easy to forget they were separate people. For the first time, Courtney had actually taken notice.

“At least you know when you’re ready, there’s plenty to choose from here,” Lucy said.

Courtney glanced around at the variety of faces and frowned.

“I’m sorry. That was unbelievably insensitive,” Lucy said.

“It’s okay,” Courtney replied. Lucy was right, but what did it matter? It was like showing up at a buffet with a stomach bug. True, she could have her pick of Tango’s finest, but the only woman she wanted was Joanna.

It was after two a.m. when Joanna finally collapsed into the downy flannel sheets on the queen-size bed in her sister Nancy’s guest room. It felt unnatural alone, without Courtney spooning against her and Oliver balled up between their legs.

She was exhausted, her head a bowling ball indenting the pillow, yet she couldn’t sleep. When she closed her eyes, a vivid silent movie reel from the day she met Courtney rolled against her eyelids. She was too sapped to stop it.

When Courtney had walked into the cramped store-front reception area of Joanna Hilliard Catering, Joanna’s stare bordered on rude. She couldn’t look away from the young woman’s creamy skin and dazzling smile, scruffy sun-bleached hair, and toned deltoids rounding off the short sleeves of her Tango baby doll tee.

As they huddled at the round table discussing menu options, Joanna had trouble focusing on business. She kept saying things like excuse me or what was that whenever Courtney would lean closer, accidentally bump her knee into Joanna’s, or lick her full, glossy lips.

“Do you see anything else you want?” Joanna asked and knew by Courtney’s cocky grin, she’d better be careful about how she turned a phrase around this one.

“Oh, you mean on the menu?” Courtney teased.

“Yes, Ms. Wade, on the menu,” Joanna said with contrived professionalism. She tried not to smile. This kid had some nerve.

“Nope, I think I’m all set.” Courtney got up and tucked her shirt into her jeans with her thumb.

“I’m sure everything’s going to be delicious. My mouth’s watering already.”

“Okay, then. That’s all we need for now.” Joanna played it ultra cool. She clicked her pen, stuck it behind her ear and folded up Courtney’s deposit, flipping shut her leather-bound writing tablet. Joanna had been single and contented for over two years, but this girl had her grappling for any reason to extend the conversation. “So give me a call if you change your mind about anything. I’m very flexible.”

“That’s good to know,” Courtney said with a lustful gleam.

Joanna blushed, but quickly recouped. “So did you find me in Yellow Book?”

Courtney shook her head. “Word of mouth. I hear you’re the best.”

Joanna walked her to the door. “Really? From whom? I think I owe someone a fruit basket.”

“Hannah St. Claire.”

“Oh, yes, Hannah,” Joanna said with a dubious grin. “The famous lesbian eroticist. She certainly knows how to throw a soirée.”

“She said she couldn’t decide what her guests raved more about after the party, the food or you.”

Joanna looked away and giggled. “They were a tad disappointed when I had to break the news that I wasn’t the main course.”

Courtney smirked through a penetrating gaze. “Some people can be so tacky. Well, I’d love for you to stay as a guest at Tango’s anniversary bash, but I make no promises that the women there won’t wonder the same thing.”

“What makes you sure they will?” Joanna asked.

“Because Hannah was right.” Courtney scanned Joanna from head to toe as she wrapped her fingers around the door handle. She started heading out, and then suddenly swung around. “You know, there is one more thing.”

Joanna grinned. Before she knew it, they’d burst through the kitchen door in a blistering embrace. Hands explored the sensual terrain, and lips sizzled as they kissed with insatiable desire. They braced against the prep island, smearing the stainless steel with fingerprints as Courtney lifted Joanna up on the counter. Courtney then leapt on top of her with smooth athleticism. They melted into each other, lips locked in sweaty synchronization, tugging at each other’s pants. With jeans unzipped and unbuttoned, they slid off the counter and leaned against it as they vigorously stroked each other. Joanna threw her head back in ecstasy as Courtney’s tongue flicked against her neck. Their pleasured cries echoed through the sparkling metallic kitchen until unison orgasms left them panting, tangled in each other’s arms.

After catching her breath, Courtney smiled sweetly. “I see why you come so highly recommended.”

Joanna’s skin flashed like a road flare as she zipped her jeans. “I swear I have never done this with a client before.”

“Now you have no choice,” Courtney stated. “You have to attend my celebration.”

Joanna didn’t speak to Courtney again until Tango’s anniversary party, so mortified by her outrageously unprofessional antics. But they both knew from the moment they’d met the chemistry boiled over between them. Courtney had committed a professional faux pas of her own the night of the party when she refused to leave Joanna’s side.

As the digital clock blipped to three thirty-two a.m., Joanna flipped on her side, dogged by restlessness. In the murky silence, it was easy to think being without Courtney was a dream. How did it get to this point? One minute they were consumed by the obsessive mania of new love, days filled with eager phone calls and text messages and nights of intense passion. Was she simply expecting too much time and attention from Courtney? Sleep wouldn’t come, but she knew what she wanted in a partner and had lived long enough to know settling for less only gets you alone anyway.

A week later at Tango, Jade was on a mission, more driven than ever to get her intentions across loud and clear. As Courtney trolled the perimeter of the club, checked in with bartenders at both stations to make sure operations were running smoothly, Jade was her shadow. When Jade finally snagged her, it became apparent to Courtney that, despite her somewhat annoying, gnat-like presence, this girl had an undeniable appeal. Her body was amazing, with a tight ass, succulent cleavage and a raw sexuality Courtney found tough to resist, even in the throes of emotional disarray.

Jade jumped in front of her to secure her undivided attention. “I’m not looking for a relationship,” she stated. “I know you need time, and I respect that, but I also know we can have some serious fun back at my loft tonight. I promise you won’t regret it.”

Courtney studied the small facial features as Jade pouted, gazing up at her. She knew Jade was right, too; they’d no doubt have a wild time together. Maybe raunchy, uninhibited sex with someone she didn’t give a shit about was just what she needed. “I’m flattered Jade, but I’m afraid I can’t tonight,” she replied with all manner of diplomacy.

Jade sucked in her cheeks. “What the fuck? Am I a butterface? Too short? You don’t like redheads?” She fired off the rounds so fast, Courtney could barely defend herself.

“No, none of those things. You’re really attractive. It’s just that I’m kind of grieving right now. The breakup wasn’t exactly my idea.” Courtney kicked herself the minute it slipped. What would it do to her street cred if all of Tango’s clientele found out she’d been the dumpee rather than the dumper?

Jade’s shoulders slumped. “Sorry, I didn’t know. I’d just assumed you kicked her to the curb. I mean what idiot would let you go?”

“Joanna’s not an idiot.” Wait, did she just defend Joanna? The woman who trashed her heart, the woman whom she’d loved more than she’d ever loved anyone who walked out on her without even looking back?

“Then let’s just go out as friends,” Jade suggested. “How about tomorrow night? We’ll grab some dinner and a movie. Get your mind off your troubles for a while.”

“I don’t think I’m ready yet, it being only a week and all. My fuzzy blanket and the television are all I can think about right now, but hey, thanks for the offer.” She pacified Jade with a gushy smile.

Jade’s expression softened as she threw a hand on her hip. “Okay, lady, but just know you’re not getting off the hook that easy. I’ll be around.”

“You’re a peach, Jade,” Courtney said and fake punched her shoulder.

Courtney wore her dazzling smile until Jade disappeared into the crowd. She dreaded the idea of Jade or any one of her regulars reading the defeat on her face, seeing the truth behind the Courtney Wade mystique. She was the lesbian bar scene’s hottest young entrepreneur living a charmed life with her sexy, sophisticated partner by her side. Now what separated her from the swarm of barflies constantly buzzing around her, hoping to be Courtney Wade’s next lover or latest hookup? She was one of them now, single, lovelorn, and hating Joanna. Of course, they hated Joanna. They knew there wasn’t one among them who stood a chance.

As she stepped out onto the sidewalk, Courtney sighed. She watched her breath billow out like clouds in the icy night air. Had she always been that shallow, reveling in something as trite as popularity? She trudged over to the parking garage, lost in contemplation. When she started her Acura TL and the dome light faded, a deluge of emotion poured out like she’d never known. She covered her face with her leather-gloved hands and bawled over the roar of the heater.

“I fucking hate you,” she cried, smashing her fists into the steering wheel.

“Are you just going to keep pushing that salad around in your plate?” Nancy asked.

“I’m not hungry.” Joanna sighed and gazed out the window of the downtown Westport bistro at a craggy mound of plowed snow. “It’s so dirty and gray out. It feels like spring’s never going to arrive.”

“I wish I could say I know what you’re going through,” Nancy said, munching a strip of grilled chicken. “But Sam and I are going to the grave together.”

“The curse of marrying the high school sweetheart,” Joanna drawled. “You can’t commiserate with the rest of us poor slobs who can’t seem to hang on to love.” She used her fork to slap an olive across her plate.

“Jo, are you sure there isn’t more to this story? Did she cheat on you or something?” Nancy brushed wispy, dyed-blonde bangs from her eyes as she awaited the answer.

“No. Well, I don’t think she did. I mean I have no proof.” Joanna suddenly got cranky at Nancy’s intimation. “And what do you mean by more? Isn’t what I told you enough?”

“I’m just asking.”

Joanna tapped her middle finger on the table cloth. “Well, she and her business partner run another club in South Beach. How do I know what she’s up to when she’s down there?”

“You think she fools around with the business partner?” Nancy asked.

“With Dawn?” Joanna grimaced. “You remember Ernest Borgnine?”

Nancy nodded.

“Dawn is the last person she’d fool around with, of that I’m certain.”

“I don’t picture Courtney as the philandering type anyway. And besides, why would anyone cheat on you? So you’ve got almost two decades on her. You’re a very well-preserved forty-eight.”

Joanna threw her cloth napkin on the table. “Is this supposed to be making me feel better?”

“It’s supposed to make me feel better. I’m a well-preserved fifty-two.”

“Nance, can we just drop this conversation? What difference does it make now? It’s over. And you did try to warn me about her. I guess I should’ve broken tradition and listened to you.”

“Hey, don’t go dragging me into this. Sure, at first I was more than a little wary of the age difference, but once I got to know Courtney, it wasn’t even an issue.” Nancy smiled in fond reminiscence. “I’m quite sad about it; I liked her. And you were so interesting with her, especially when you first started dating. I never knew you were such a horny devil.”

“Have yourself some incredible, earth-shaking sex and see if it doesn’t turn you into one,” Joanna replied.

“Thanks. Rub it in. You know that Sam is the only guy I ever…”

“I know,” Joanna interrupted with her hand. She moved the half-eaten salad to the edge of the table.

“Look, if you’re not going to eat a nutritive meal, order a gigantic hot fudge sundae. Might as well get all the mileage you can out of this calamity.”

Joanna nodded and glanced blankly out the window.

“Are you thinking it was a mistake leaving?” Nancy asked after a few moments.

Joanna glared at her. “No, of course not. Why would you even ask that?” She huffed as she returned her gaze to the winter landscape.

“You don’t have to bite my head off,” Nancy sniped. “It’s not an unreasonable question. And what do you keep staring at out there?”

Joanna faced her, determined to convince any doubters. “I had to get away from her. I hated who I was turning into. Believe me, Nancy. This was definitely the right decision.”

“If you say so,” Nancy replied and signaled for the waiter. “All I know is someone’s getting a sundae out of this.”

The Grind coffee house on Christopher Street bustled with its usual eclectic crowd.

An unkempt man in a linty pea coat jockeyed for position in line with what was either a drag queen fueling up for an early curtain or Reba McIntyre’s cousin from Flatbush.

Courtney studied a teenaged couple smooching and sharing secrets at a corner table. “Was love that easy for you, Julian?” she asked, still gawking at the teens.

“Why, of course,” he drawled, stirring Splenda into his coffee. “The entire Notre Dame High School football team fought over who’d get to take me to the prom.”

“I don’t mean then, I mean now. You’ve been with Ted for seven years, and you hardly ever complain about him. I’m just wondering why it’s never been that way for me. There was Maya and Lisa…”

“And a whole slew of others.”

“I really believed Joanna was the one. It felt so right, for most of the relationship. I mean we had our share of conflict, but we always managed to resolve it. And the make-up sex? I think that’s half the reason we fought.”

Julian rolled his eyes.

“God, Julian, if she isn’t the one, who is?”

He offered a sympathetic shrug. “I guess you just haven’t met her yet.”

She stubbornly folded her arms and shrunk into the wrought iron chair. “Impossible. She has to be the one.”

Julian tore a piece from his whole wheat bagel with organic vegetable and goat cheese spread. “You have to start consuming something other than coffee,” he said as he nibbled. “I suggested this place because I know how you love their sun-dried tomato bagels.”

She grimaced. “I can’t even think about food. I just feel so… dismantled.”

“Yeah, I can tell. I’m getting worried about you. You really look…” he seemed to struggle for a sensitive word, “bad.”

She took a sip of her dark roast blend. “What should I do, insert a feeding tube? It’s been five weeks, and it’s only gotten worse. Whoever the fucker was that said time heals all wounds should be shot.”

He handed her a piece of his bagel. “Here, gnaw on this for a while.”

She took the bagel and held it between her fingers as her knees rocked their round table. “Do you know what my new favorite pass time is, Julian? I pick up my cell phone, key in her initial; look at her number and then press Send, just long enough to watch the little dots attempt the connection. Then I press End just before it goes through. This is what I do every day.”

“You want some of my Xanax?”

Courtney sighed and glanced around the coffee shop, listening to the plaintive cries in Elvis’ “Suspicious Minds” and shook her head. “Who picks the music in this joint?” she called out to no one.

“Maybe you should let the little dots connect tomorrow.”

“What would be the point of that? You think I didn’t already beg and plead before she left? There isn’t any new fight we can have about this. She wants to move on, so if meeting some old bag to shack up with will make her feel more secure about herself, then I say have at it.”

After devouring the rest of his bagel, Julian snatched the piece he’d given Courtney and popped it in his mouth. “So are we ready to head to the club?”

They got up, gathered their trash and hit the exit.

“Are you sure you’re feeling up to this?” Julian asked.

“Are you kidding, Jules? I’m on top of the fucking world.”

“This oughtta be a night to remember,” Julian muttered as they left.

Joanna hugged herself tightly in the February night air as she stood outside Tango and watched the door swing shut. What had possessed her to jump in a cab outside the midtown Marriott and ride all the way down to the Village just to freeze out on the sidewalk? She didn’t even know for sure if Courtney was in there, although it really wasn’t much of a gamble.

She entered the club, her feet stepping in slow motion, ready to hand Debra the cover charge.

“Oh… hi, Joanna,” Debra said, waving Joanna’s money away. “Nice to see you again.”

Joanna produced a smile and knew by Debra’s broadsided expression that the word was out. She milled through the crowd, unsure what to expect. Would she be stoned by an angry mob for dumping Her Royal Hotness, or would she be lauded for freeing her up for someone else? Like she cared. Edging just close enough to the main bar to see without being seen, she spotted Courtney serving customers beside Lucy. What am I doing here, she wondered when Courtney tossed her head back in laughter before a captive audience. She looked spectacularly sexy in a too-tight Tango shirt, a V cut to reveal a hint of cleavage, and clearly wasn’t all that broken up by the turn of events. The spectacle confirmed what Joanna had suspected about her all along.

Joanna had washed her hands of the club months ago and now the smell of sweat and cologne, the driving beat of house music vibrating her ear drums shot her into schizophrenia – the reason they’d met, the place that cracked and splintered them until nothing but little pieces remained.

The tremor in her hands spread to the rest of her. “This was a mistake,” she mumbled.

At the bar, as Lucy took a crisp twenty from a customer’s hand, she craned her neck to follow Joanna’s shape as it headed toward the entrance.

“Hey, Court,” Lucy said. “I could swear I just saw Joanna turn around and leave.”

Courtney was off like a shot, charging through the crowd, spraying “Sorries” over everyone she bumped and slammed on her trek to the door.

“Joanna.”

The voice in the frigid night air jerked Joanna’s Blahnik boots to a halt. How the hell did she… oh, never mind.

She stopped but didn’t turn around, listening to the thump of Courtney’s Timberlands trot toward her.

“What are you doing here?” Courtney asked with a semi-smile.

God, she’s beautiful. “I, uh, I don’t know, to be perfectly honest. I’m supposed to be asleep at the Marriott in the room next to my sister, niece, and great-nephew.”

“The Lion King,” Courtney said with a knowing smile. “How did Nicky like it?”

“He loved it. Chrissy and Nancy are probably still trying to get him to sleep.”

“Why did you leave so soon?” Courtney asked. She rubbed her bare arms to stave off hypothermia.

“Because.” Joanna grasped for words. “I wasn’t sure how you’d react.”

“I’m not sure how to react either, but we don’t have to stand out here. I mean you’re welcome to come in.”

“I think I should just go.”

“Why?”

“Because I shouldn’t have come here in the first place.” Joanna withered at the pained look on Courtney’s face.

“But you did,” Courtney said.

“I know, but I can’t stay.” She started walking down the street toward the subway entrance.

“Jo, wait. You’re not going to take the subway this time of night,” Courtney shouted as she ran toward her.

“I’ll hail a cab.”

“There are no cabs around here. Let me zip you up Seventh. My car is in the lot right across the street.”

Joanna sighed, weakening from the lure of Courtney’s magnetism and sweet, pleading eyes. She tried to be tough. “I’ll call a cab from my cell. Will that make you feel better?”

“Let me drive you back to your hotel. That’ll make me feel better.” Courtney’s gaze was unnerving.

Joanna sighed, her eyes aimed at the sidewalk, and finally nodded.

“Let me get my coat and keys. Don’t disappear,” Courtney demanded as she jogged back to the bar.

The heat blasting in the car made Joanna’s cheeks flush, or was it Courtney? She loosened the seatbelt rubbing across her neck and then re-clasped her fingers in her lap.

“Mind if I put on the radio?” Courtney asked.

Joanna puzzled at her asking. Since when did Courtney ask to do anything? “Sure, that’s fine.”

Courtney pressed power and the CD came on. Toni Braxton’s “You Mean the World to Me,” their song, blared. She quickly fumbled for the FM button.

“There’s a nice, uncomfortable coincidence,” Joanna said.

“Or is it irony? I always get those two confused.”

They both laughed. “I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t want to be quizzed on it,” Joanna replied.

The release felt good. Joanna unclasped her fingers and wiggled the blood back into them. “So, how are you? Seeing anyone?” She cringed the moment it came out. Just her luck the light turned red.

Courtney’s head whipped toward her. “Seeing anyone? No, Joanna. No, I’m not seeing anyone. Are you?”

“No.” Joanna kept looking forward. She recognized that tone. It meant pissed with a capital pissed. But wait, why wasn’t Courtney veering the car to the curb so they could launch into another screaming match? Maybe she’d changed, evolved from the incendiary personality that kept things between them as volatile as they were passionate. Or maybe she just didn’t care anymore. So much for releasing the tension.

The next few blocks were even more excruciating as traffic crawled along. Joanna concentrated so hard on the tail lights of the cab ahead of them, her vision blurred.

“Why did you ask me that?” Courtney finally asked.

“Ask you what?” Joanna deflected, glancing out the passenger window.

“If I’m seeing anyone,” Courtney replied impatiently.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just wondering if you’ve moved on.”

“Oh, I see. Can’t stand the guilt.” Courtney’s voice began overtaking the din of the radio, her knuckles whitening on the wheel. “Look, I don’t know what exactly you expect of me, but I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you. I haven’t moved on, okay? I’m still stuck here simmering in my own shit, so it’s really hard for me to offer you any absolution right now.”

“The reason I asked wasn’t to absolve any guilt,” Joanna said, managing a calm tone. “I asked because I still care about you.”

Courtney laughed and shook her head. “That’s brilliant, Jo.”

The passing streetlights flashed intermittently across Courtney’s profile. She was agitated. A twitching bottom lip signaled her fight to suppress her emotions. Joanna glanced out the window, away from the sting of her actions. What have I done? Knowing it was the right thing didn’t seem to matter at that moment.

Luckily, by that time, Courtney was pulling up to the hotel lobby entrance. She pressed the unlock button, but Joanna didn’t move.

In her folly, Joanna had assumed an overnight stay in the city with Nancy and the kids would boost her spirits. But arriving that afternoon had only sprung Courtney into the forefront of her mind. Throughout dinner, and the lavish musical, and later as they scoured the theatre district for a cappuccino, Courtney stalked Joanna’s consciousness. At Sardi’s, Joanna had preached to Nancy that she wouldn’t see Courtney until a reasonable period had passed, yet there she was, only hours later, seated next to her in the discomforting proximity of Courtney’s leather seats.

“Thanks for the ride, Court, and I’m sorry about this. A confrontation was not at all my intention.”

Courtney turned to her and managed a sincere smile. “Call me crazy, but it was good to see you again.”

“You, too.” Joanna was grateful for the self-restraint not to lean over and kiss her. She’d convinced Nancy at dinner the reason for not seeing Courtney was for Courtney’s benefit, but at that moment, the real story made itself known with a warm tingle between her legs.

An hour later, with make-up washed off and sleep shirt thrown on, Joanna was still unable to sleep. She curled her legs half inside the bed linens and popped bubbles from a wad of sugarless gum as she studied a Times crossword puzzle through narrow reading glasses. The knock on her door made her bobble the pen.

“Hi?” Joanna said it in the form of a question, peering over her reading glasses.

Courtney smiled. “Finish the puzzle yet?”

Joanna pulled off her glasses. “Almost.”

“I know I won’t be able to sleep either; that’s why I’m not even going to try.”

“I guess after four years, some things you don’t forget.”

“I haven’t been able to forget anything about you, not that I haven’t tried,” Courtney said quite casually as she breezed past Joanna into the room. “Wanna see if there’s an old Joan Crawford movie on?”

“It’s almost two-thirty.” The tantalizing wake of Courtney’s Calvin Klein Euphoria invigorated her.

“At least when the movie’s over it’ll be time for breakfast.”

Joanna studied her for a moment. “Court, do you really think this is a good idea?”

“I don’t want to go home, all right? Not in the dark, it’s hard being alone and awake in the dark. Besides, you’re the one who said you hoped we can be friends.”

“I did say that, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did.” Courtney snagged the remote and plopped herself down at the foot of the king-size bed. After surfing around, she settled on a rerun of “Magnum, P.I.”

Joanna resumed the crossword puzzle, reading the same clue over and over again. The sounds of Courtney clearing her throat, giggling at a Geico gecko commercial and just breathing were impossibly distracting. She watched the waves of Courtney’s light brown hair roll across the top of her T-shirt. Her eyes traced the curve of Courtney’s back down to the waistband of her low-rise jeans. The small of her back peeked out from her shirt as she stretched forward.

Joanna got up and poured herself a cup of iced water, forgetting that her sleep shirt covered only the top half of her thighs. Courtney’s eyes checking her out in her periphery reminded her.

“Can I have a sip of that?” Courtney asked, walking over to the dresser.

Joanna held up an index finger as she gulped the rest of the water. Her thirst seemed unquenchable. “Here, let me refill it.”

Courtney’s eyes seared into hers. When Joanna offered her the cup, Courtney’s warm hand caressed her fingers in the transfer. But the cup never made it to Courtney’s lips. Instead, her lips landed on Joanna’s in soft, sensual pecks. Joanna closed her eyes and let Courtney’s firm hands sneak up the outside of her thighs, catching the hem of her sleep shirt and dragging it slightly up. She took Courtney’s head in her hands and plunged her tongue into her mouth, savoring the velvety wetness. Courtney stroked the back of her thighs, caressed her ass.

The throbbing between her legs unsettled Joanna. Why was she reacting this way? After all, she wasn’t happy with Courtney anymore. She knew she needed to end the relationship, to reclaim her sanity. As Courtney slid her fingers under her sleep shirt and began tickling her back, Joanna desperately tried to remember a time when Courtney’s touch didn’t arouse her. Just one time when she’d pushed her hand away in indifference; one time that would prove there was nothing left between them.

As Courtney backed her toward the bed, Joanna kissed her roughly, bit her luscious bottom lip, gripped handfuls of her silky hair, furious she came into Joanna’s room and was doing this.

Joanna stopped her before they fell to the bed. “Court, you gotta leave,” she whispered. Her lips skimmed the baby fine hairs on Courtney’s cheek.

“I will,” she said, rolling her tongue behind Joanna’s ear. “Right after we make each other come. We both need it.” Courtney shoved Joanna down on the bed and slithered on top of her with an urgency and aggression that sent Joanna’s pulse racing.

She tried to stop Courtney’s hand as it inched up the inside of her thigh, but Courtney clutched her wrists, threw them down over her head and tongued the spot on her neck that always made her squirm. Joanna considered protesting as Courtney pulled her sleep shirt up and panties down, and then sat up and stripped herself naked. But when Courtney pressed her hot skin into Joanna’s and began grinding against her wetness, Joanna stopped kidding herself.

She skimmed her hand between Courtney’s legs and glided her fingers over her silkiness.

“I wanna fuck you, Joanna,” Courtney groaned as she thrust herself into Joanna’s hand.

Joanna wrapped her legs around one of Courtney’s thighs and they began grinding together slowly, sensually. She closed her eyes and lost herself in the pleasure of Courtney’s body on hers, her soft upper thigh rubbing her aching clit. Courtney held her tightly as she thrust harder and faster against her.

Joanna clawed Courtney’s back and gasped for air as the climax started in her toes and surged through her entire body. She felt Courtney coming, too, as they held each other and rocked in rhythm until they shrieked with explosive pleasure.

They kissed again and gazed into each other’s eyes, searching for words that didn’t exist. What was left but to fall asleep in each other’s arms?

The orgasm had been more intense than Joanna had ever remembered experiencing, so intense the thought of it was making her horny again. No, she had to get Courtney out of there before Nancy came knocking.

“Court,” she whispered, gently shaking Courtney’s shoulder. “You have to wake up now. I have to meet my sister and the kids in an hour.”

Startled, Courtney sprang up. “Huh?”

Wrapped in a robe, Joanna was antsy to hop in the shower. She ignored the flutter of her heart at the sight of Courtney, all adorable and sleepy and sheet wrinkled. “I’m sorry to shove you out like this, but you really need to go. Who wants to listen to Nancy over eggs Benedict?”

“So then, I guess I’ll have to just wait for you to show up outside Tango again,” Courtney snapped. She pulled her clothes on, still looking groggy.

Joanna sighed. A knock-down, drag-out was all she needed right now.

“Don’t worry. I’m not stupid enough to think last night meant anything,” Courtney added. “Of course, if I do happen to catch you darkening Tango’s doorstep again, I might have to start thinking otherwise… isn’t that right, Miss Being with You Feels Toxic?”

There was the Courtney she knew. Vindictive, childish, sarcastic. Joanna clenched her fists to keep from wrapping them around Courtney’s neck and throttling her as she whisked by her and out the door.

Joanna let the hot shower stream bead down on her face, hoping the colored dots on the inside of her eyelids would blot out the images of last night and their last fight, which Courtney was kind enough to resurrect with her toxic comment moments earlier.

That night in late December, the tension had boiled over in their bedroom as they rolled down the comforter and tossed the pillow shams on the built-in window seat.

“Jo, I just don’t get why it keeps coming down to the bar,” Courtney said, rolling her eyes in frustration. “You knew I ran nightclubs right from the day we met. It’s why I used your catering service.”

“I don’t need a refresher course on four-year-old history, Court,” Joanna said. “And you know damn well why this keeps coming up. It’s the lifestyle that goes along with running the bars. You said three years ago when we moved in you were going to scale back your involvement. You didn’t want to drive from Westport to the Village every weekend and since the clubs were doing a steady business, you were thinking about hiring managers to handle the day-to-day details.”

Courtney sat on the edge of the bed, silent.

“Isn’t that what you said?” Joanna pressed.

“I’ve already told you I’m not ready to hand over the reins yet. Dawn is a little too much of a silent partner for me to back out totally.”

“I never said back out totally. You’re at Tango at least three weekends a month and when you’re not, you’re jetting off to South Beach. I’m tired of being alone all the time.”

“You know you can come with me whenever you want. I love having you with me.”

“My catering business is me and two other people. I can’t drop everything and cling to your arm while you schmooze it up and down the eastern seaboard. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I’m dating a teenager the way you always have to be right in thick of every party.”

Courtney clenched her teeth. Age digs cut twice as deep, and Joanna knew it. “Okay, now we’re getting at the truth. It isn’t that I run nightclubs, is it? It’s that you think I’m too immature for you and those snobby Greenwich friends of yours. It all makes sense why you hardly ever bring me when you hang out with them. I obviously embarrass you.”

“Courtney, come on. You’re drifting way out to sea here. I’m home more than I’m anywhere else. Besides, I earn my livelihood on the Greenwich party circuit, I don’t live it. I’m long past my nightclub days, and I want a partner who is too; I don’t care what age she is.”

Courtney shot up from the bed. “You have one hell of a nerve calling me immature, Joanna, when this is such petty shit. You’re grasping.”

“I don’t need to justify how I feel, Courtney. And you shouldn’t expect me to.”

“What is so goddamn bad about Tango? Some people might be impressed by the fact I’m thirty-one and own two thriving nightclubs.”

“I don’t mean to downplay your accomplishment, but I’ve had my fill with Tango and those women throwing themselves at you knowing I’m standing ten feet away or at least somewhere in the vicinity. It’s demeaning to me. That whole scene is shallow and frankly, sometimes so is the way you respond to it.”

Joanna could see she’d dug even deeper this time.

“Is that what you think of me?” Courtney walked over to the window, shaking her head.

“Courtney, you love the attention; it’s clear that you do. But I don’t particularly feel like sitting around at home while you’re out test-driving newer models.”

“Newer models? What are you saying, I’m out cheating on you? That’s total bullshit, and I can’t believe that’s what you’re thinking when we’re not together.”

“It’s not bullshit. It’s a very legitimate concern given your vocation. Look, this just isn’t working for me anymore.”

“Fuck you, Joanna, just fuck you.” Courtney was about to bolt from the bedroom.

“Court, wait.” Joanna tugged her arm. “Can we talk about this for once without you storming out and telling me to fuck myself?”

“You don’t get it, do you? I love you. I don’t want anyone else, not at Tango, not in South Beach. I just want you.”

Joanna leaned against the doorframe trying to manage the brain-numbing conflation of emotions. “What about the restaurant? Were you even remotely serious any of those times we talked about it?”

“Of course I was. You think I was just blowing smoke up your ass?”

Joanna’s shrug probably hurt more than an insult. “For the record,” Courtney said, “I think it’s a great idea, but I’m just not ready to go there yet.”

Joanna scoffed. “That’s the whole problem with this relationship, Courtney. How long do I have to wait for you to meet me halfway? I feel like I’m suffocating. I need to move on with my life. I need to be with someone who shares my values, who wants to be part of my dreams, who doesn’t expect me to just follow her around while she chases hers. I feel like I’m losing who I am in this. I’m sorry, but being with you has started to feel toxic, and I just need to get out.”

Courtney stood at the foot of the bed and stared for a moment as if she didn’t even recognize Joanna. “All right, I’ll sell the goddamn clubs. Is that what you want?” she screamed. “I’ll sell out to Dawn and do any fucking thing you want, Joanna. Is that what it’ll take to make you happy? ‘Cause I’ll do it, I’ll do it because that’s how much I love you.” Courtney swept a picture frame from the dresser and whipped it at the wall, leaving a large gash in the paint through to the sheetrock.

Joanna recoiled at the crash and the crazed look on Courtney’s face. “I’m going to my sister’s.”

Her tears mixed with the shampoo and hot water pouring down her face. She hated their fiery battles as much as she loved their fiery love-making. How could someone who made her body feel so good make her heart feel so miserable? She despised making Courtney cry as much as she did when Courtney reciprocated. Thank God those days were over. As surreal as it had been without her since she’d moved out, things were finally calm again. She could gather her thoughts, clear her head and get on with it. Making love with Courtney last night was a major misstep, and as she turned off the faucet and hugged the plush hotel towel, she realized even a small dose of that drug could lead her right back into the rage of addiction.

Part Two

Joanna sat at the granite breakfast counter in a swivel chair and pressed a thumb into a ball of pasta dough Nancy placed in front of her. She gazed into the sunken family room at Nancy’s husband, Sam, asleep in front of the television as the Uconn men battled to survive the Sweet Sixteen.

“Does Sam have a gut?” she asked in whisper.

Nancy nodded. “Holiday glut. He gained twelve pounds this season, and if you noticed, that elliptical machine I bought him for Christmas hasn’t been touched.”

“I envy you,” Joanna said as she absently rolled a fork over a gnocchi ball.

“Are you being sarcastic?”

“Not at all. I mean look at everything you have. I’m at the stage in life when I hoped I’d have this, too. Stability, comfort, napping in front of the TV on a Sunday afternoon.”

“You know what envy is?” Nancy countered. “You and Courtney in the hot tub at that Stowe ski lodge last year. That’s envy. I swear if I had to hear one more of your steamy sex stories, I was going to beat you over the head with a blunt instrument.”

Joanna laughed. “Seems like when it comes to the perfect relationship, you and I split the difference.”

A cough echoed from the family room. “Need any help, babe?” Sam asked, still half asleep.

“We got it under control, darling,” Nancy called back, smiling at Joanna. “You can parade a dozen sexy, shirtless firemen in front of me, and I’ll always choose Sam,” she said lovingly. “Well, ninety percent of the time.”

They shared a conspiratorial laugh.

“Considering the proximity of that rolling pin to your hand and my cranium, I probably shouldn’t tell you what happened the night we saw ‘The Lion King’.” Joanna wiped flour off her fingers and braced for the reaction.

Nancy glared at her. “You didn’t. You slept with Courtney?” she accused in hardly a discreet whisper.

Joanna rolled her eyes. “How do you know these things all the time?”

“Because you’re so damn predictable. Does this mean you’re back together?”

“No. No, we both realized it was a mistake the next morning and that’s that.”

“That was over two weeks ago, and you’re just telling me now?”

“Needless to say, I’m somewhat chagrined about it, and I hate it when you give me that I can’t believe you did something so stupid look when I’m already painfully aware of it.”

Nancy wiped her hands on a checkered dish towel and pulled out the chair next to Joanna. “I’m not looking at you that way, hon. If you want to know the truth, I’m not at all convinced this breakup’s gonna stick.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Jo, you’ve been here something like two months. Have you decided what to do about the house? Have you even started looking for a place? No. You stay at work ‘til all hours and, when you aren’t working, you mope around here and follow me like the cats when I open a can of tuna.”

“Are you saying you want me to leave? Does Sam want me out?”

“You can stay as long as you want. We have plenty of room. But hanging around here isn’t you, dear sister. You’re a woman of action who loves her own space, which makes me think you don’t really want to move on without Courtney.”

“Well, thank you, Dr. Bombay, for that intriguing analysis, but you’re reading way too much into this. Yes, I may still be in the mourning phase, but I’m surprisingly comfortable being without her. In fact, I feel quite pneumatic, like an enormous emotional burden’s been lifted.”

“If you’re so comfortable without her, why are you two still having sex?”

“We’re not having sex,” Joanna shouted.

“Who aren’t you having sex with?” Sam called out from his recliner.

“Go back to sleep,” Joanna snapped, and then returned to Nancy. “I’m not getting back together with her. It was… closure, that’s all.”

Nancy smirked at the rationale. “Look, I know the reasons why you left, and I understand you feeling that way, but trying to talk yourself out of loving her because it’s more convenient or less complicated isn’t gonna work. You’re still mad about her. I can see it all over you.”

Joanna leaned back in the chair and shot Nancy a defiant look. “Okay, let’s suppose for a second you’re right. Big deal. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter if I’m still in love with her right now. What matters is that in time I will get over her.”

Nancy didn’t look up as she sprinkled the gnocchi with flour. “Sure about that? Because I remember when you and Martha split.” She shifted her weight and looked Joanna in the eye. “Now that was a burden lifted. Yeah, you were down for a while, but there was always forward motion. And that was ten years together. But this girl? Her essence is completely imbedded in you. You’re not ready to let her go.”

Joanna felt her face get hot. “You know what I think? I think I’ve had enough of your domestic bliss for today,” she snarled. “I’m going upstairs to read.” She wasn’t sure what pissed her off more, Nancy’s presumption that she knew Joanna so well or the possibility that she might be right.

Another week and Courtney was still waiting for the pain to subside, to feel something that resembled her former self. Joanna had been gone for almost three months and getting back on track was a more daunting task than any business venture she’d pursued. She sat at her desk in their home office, preparing tax paperwork for both clubs. She clicked the print icon and gazed out the window at the grayness. She thought about taking a jog through Cranbury Park, but she knew she couldn’t outrun the shadow of Joanna that would trail her. Was she the only one in Westport whose life had imploded when a lover changed the rules halfway through the game? She picked up the phone and dialed Joanna’s cell as the printer hummed. This time she didn’t hang up.

“Hello, you’ve reached Joanna Hilliard Catering. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you soon. Thanks.”

Now she hung up. Joanna had a lot of nerve sounding so normal. Although Courtney knew Joanna had recorded that greeting months before, she couldn’t help resenting her for getting on with her life.

As the last document landed in the printer tray, Courtney heard the doorbell ring. She’s back, slammed into her brain. She stumbled off the leather office chair, flew down the staircase, and flung open the front door.

“Jade.”

“Hey, baby. We’re getting worried about you at Tango.”

“How did you find out where I live?”

“It’s the technology age. You can find out how often the President farts if you really want to know. Are you going to invite me in?”

“Sure,” Courtney said and reluctantly stepped aside.

As Jade walked into the living room, Courtney admired her shapely, compact ass sway with each step. Hey, she was despondent, not dead.

“Wicked place you got here,” Jade said.

“Thanks. Have a seat.”

Jade dropped down on the fluffy cream sofa, taking in the Madame Monet and Her Son print Joanna had left on the wall. “How are you holding up?”

“Aces,” Courtney mocked with two thumbs up. She slowly lowered herself onto the arm of the loveseat. “Did Lucy send you on this mission of mercy?”

“Nobody knows I’m here. You’ve missed three consecutive Saturdays, plus the “L-Word” parties, and considering the state you were in last time we talked, I just wanted to see that you’re all right.”

Courtney smiled. An expression of concern not laced with sexual innuendo. Did something leak into the tri-state area’s water supply? Why was everyone she knew suddenly acting like someone she didn’t?

“Relax, Court. I’m not going to jump your bones the minute your back is turned.” Jade smiled. “Unless you beg me to.”

Courtney slid down onto the loveseat cushions. “Shit, Jade. I just needed a break from the scene, you know? I see Julian occasionally when I need someone to talk me down.”

“Oh, him. I’m kind of hurt though that you never took me up on my offer of dinner and a movie. I had a nasty break-up in college, and the only way I got through it was with lots of diversions. You need to get out of your own head for a while.”

“I know that, but my head keeps sucking me back in. I have this knot in my stomach, and my sleeping is for shit.”

“Have you tried yoga or meditating?” Jade asked, absently twirling one of her curls.

Courtney laughed and shook her head. “That New Age crap isn’t for me.”

“You should give it a try. It really works. For instance, I can show you these pressure points that’ll relieve some of your symptoms.”

Courtney gave her a skeptical look.

“No, it’s true,” Jade said. She got up and sat next to Courtney. “Here, give me your wrist.” She grabbed Courtney’s wrist without waiting to be handed one. “There’s a pressure point about an inch or so below your palm. If you squeeze it, you’ll feel that knot in your stomach relax.” She pressed her thumb into Courtney’s wrist. “Feel it?”

Son of a bitch, it was true. “Yeah, I kind of do feel it.”

Jade was pleased. “Just give it a try whenever it’s really bothering you. How about a stiff neck? Ever experience that from tension?”

“All the time.”

“Well, there are two points at the base of your skull that’ll fix that. They’re a couple of inches apart. Here, turn around.”

What the hell—the wrist thing worked.

“They’re right around here.” Jade pressed her thumbs into the muscles on Courtney’s neck and held them for a moment. She began rubbing gently.

Courtney closed her eyes as the tension eased away under Jade’s touch. “Looks like I won’t be trashing New Age anymore. This really feels good.” She felt herself relaxing, falling against Jade’s hands.

“You know, you don’t always have to be in control of everything,” Jade said and began massaging Courtney’s shoulders.

“Who says I’m like that?”

“Oh, please, if you’re not the epitome of high-strung Type-A personalities, I don’t know who is. You should try letting someone else take the reins once in a while.”

“You obviously know nothing about me,” Courtney joked, but Jade’s small hands were strong and effective. Her muscles hadn’t felt this relaxed in weeks.

Jade kept working Courtney’s left shoulder, but with her right hand, she gently turned Courtney’s chin toward her. She leaned in and kissed Courtney on the corner of her mouth.

Jade’s lips smelled like watermelon. Courtney let their softness graze across her own lips, enjoying the warmth from Jade’s face radiating to hers. Jade stopped rubbing her shoulder and focused on kissing her. She took Courtney’s cheeks in her hot hands and kissed her more firmly, tickled her lips with her tongue.

Courtney’s instinct screamed push her away, but the unfortunate truth was Jade was incredibly sexy. She craved this type of connection again. She craved Joanna, but...

Jade eased her back against the cushiony armrest and got on top. Her warm, taut yoga body molded itself into Courtney’s. Courtney couldn’t resist running her hands up the side of Jade’s smooth torso as Jade kissed her, open-mouthed and fervently. She tingled with arousal as Jade ground against her and whimpered with pleasure. She reached up the back of Jade’s shirt and snapped open her bra.

“I want you so bad, Courtney. I want to make love to you right now,” Jade breathed. She rolled up Courtney’s shirt and began undoing her belt buckle as she kissed Courtney’s stomach.

Jade’s words and the fumbling at her pants jolted Courtney back to reality. Make love? Joanna’s fingers, her French-manicured nails digging into her back, the citrus scent and sweet taste of her skin flooded Courtney’s senses.

“I can’t, Jade,” she said in a whisper. She took hold of Jade’s hands, which had already started making their way into Courtney’s pants.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this.”

“Why the hell not?” Jade asked, her breath escaping in staccato puffs.

“It’s not fair to you, for one thing.” Courtney tried to nudge Jade off of her, but the little firecracker wouldn’t budge.

“Don’t worry about me, babe. I know you’re still hung up on Joanna. I want to fuck you, not marry you.” She dove onto Courtney’s mouth again, but Courtney pushed her back.

“This is just gonna complicate things.” Courtney exerted a little more effort and easily extricated herself from Jade.

Jade flopped against the other armrest and wiped strands of hair off her sweaty forehead. She sighed. “You need this, Courtney. You’ve got nothing to lose. And it won’t complicate anything between us since I don’t expect anything from you.”

That’s the problem, Courtney thought. “I wasn’t talking about us, Jade. Doesn’t the fact that I’m still in love with someone else make you hesitate for even a second?”

Jade’s expression morphed from vexed to vulnerable. She sat playing with her fingernails for a moment. “All right, you wanna know the truth?” She jumped up and began pacing in front of the coffee table. “I want you for more than just sex. I like you, okay? I have for months. Every time I’d watch you and Joanna together at Tango, I’d fantasize about all the possible reasons why you could break up. I wished for it. Shit, I’m not proud of that but that’s the way it is. I just want my chance with you. And I figured if I played it cool, like there weren’t any feelings...” She stopped and sighed. “I don’t know.”

Courtney smiled and shook her head. Jade with a weakness: epic mind-blower. “I get it, Jade, but I still wish you hadn’t come here.”

“Okay, maybe throwing myself at you wasn’t the smartest way to convey my sincerity.”

“It’s not that. You just threw in my face what I’ve been trying to deny all along.”

“Which is?”

“I’m still completely in love with Joanna. God, I miss her so much.” Courtney’s voice broke up before she could stop it. The sobs came fast and uncontrollable, and she buried her face in her hands. What the fuck? She hadn’t even lost it with her best friend; now she was having a three-alarm meltdown in front of Jade?

Jade sat next to her and threw her arm around Courtney’s shoulder. They sat together while Courtney cried.

“I’m sorry I came on to you,” Jade said after a few minutes. “I had no idea trying to open your pants would open Pandora’s Box.”

Courtney laughed through her sobs.

Later, Courtney walked in from one of the pointless drives she’d gotten into the habit of taking. This one brought her to an Xtra-Mart to refill her Acura and the supply of powdered doughnuts and Vitamin Water she’d sustained herself with in recent weeks. She dropped the bag and rushed over to the ringing telephone.

“Why do you keep calling and not leaving a message?” Joanna’s voice was even.

Fucking Missed Call feature on cell phones. “Quite frankly, I thought I was hanging up before the call registered,” Courtney replied, matching Joanna’s evenness. She could tell Joanna tried not to laugh, but a barely audible titter still escaped.

“Well, what did you want?”

“You know all your tax files are still on the computer?”

“Yeah, I was going to ask you to email them to me.”

“Why haven’t you?”

Silence. “After that night at the Marriott, I thought we definitely needed some distance.”

“I think we’ve already established that, don’t you? Besides, what did you think would happen, we’d get into some hot and heavy email sex?” Courtney clenched her fists the minute it came out. Joanna was being civil, and it took all of sixty seconds for her to go bitchy.

“It wouldn’t surprise me,” Joanna replied with some attitude of her own.

The tension was unbearable.

“Do you miss me at all?” Courtney blurted. Shit. Did she not have any control over what spewed out of her mouth anymore?

Silence again, longer this time. “I do,” Joanna croaked and then cleared her throat. “I do.”

My God, Courtney thought, now what do I say? Had Joanna just given her an opportunity? “Uh, wow. Well, I guess I don’t have to tell you I miss you, too.”

“Would you mind emailing me those files when you have a chance? We’re gonna have to talk about the house, too, at some point.”

Fuck her. “You can buy me out. I’ve been looking at places in the city anyway.” Let Joanna sit and stew in this haunted house like she’d been doing for the last stretch of damnation. Her chest felt heavy as she glanced around the kitchen, remembering the array of luscious smells of primavera, Alfredo or whatever tweaked recipe Joanna was testing.

“Maybe we should just sell,” Joanna said.

The words catapulted Courtney back to the distasteful present. “Whatever,” she replied. “Call me when you’ve made up your mind.” She hung up without saying good-bye. And the next gash put into the wall matched the shape of the cordless phone.

“Thanks for playing mediator for me.” Joanna smiled as she fingered her cup of green tea at Nancy’s counter.

“I’m not playing mediator, Jo,” Nancy replied. “I really don’t want to be here when you talk about this with Courtney. It’s very uncomfortable.” She poured herself a glass of Chardonnay and drank it too fast.

“You think?” Joanna countered.

“And would you turn off that friggin’ song,” Nancy griped, pointing to the portable CD player spouting Andy Williams’ “Lonely Street.”

“What have you got against Andy Williams? Mom loved him.”

“I don’t have anything against him, but you’re playing that same depressing song over and over again. Are you planning to kill yourself or something?”

Joanna got up and shut off the song. “You don’t have to be in the room. I just want to know that you’re around. In case… well, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. Look, I just want to state for the record that I’m profoundly conflicted about enabling you like this,” Nancy said and took another large sip of her wine.

“Exactly what do you think you’re enabling?”

“This ridiculous act of martyrdom. It’s been three months and you aren’t anywhere near getting over her.”

“Oh, really? Is that why I’m having her over to talk about selling the house? This is it, Nance. It doesn’t get any more over than that.”

“If you’re over her, then you’ll meet Marcia Landino for coffee.”

“Who?”

“Marcia Landino. I told you about her last month. She’s in my scrapbooking class. She’d like to have coffee with you.”

“I’m not having coffee with someone from your scrapbooking class.”

“Why not? She’s a charming woman, Jo. I think she’s around my age, maybe a couple of years older. Her partner died about three years ago and she’d like to meet new people.”

“So how did I come up?” Joanna sat down and finished her tea.

“I showed her your photo, and she said you were exquisite.”

Joanna smirked and shook her head. Nancy tore off a sticky note from a multi-color block by the phone and began scribbling.

“Here, at least give her a call. I’m telling you, she’s really nice.” Nancy slapped the note on the counter next to Joanna.

The doorbell startled Marcia Landino from her mind.

“So whose lawyer do you want to use?” Joanna asked after the long moment of uncomfortable silence. Courtney had slipped into a deep brooding when Joanna had presented her with the list of debt and joint financial holdings they still hadn’t sorted out.

“Just use yours and send me my half of the bill. I trust you,” Courtney said as she pushed herself away from the kitchen table. She walked over to the refrigerator to peruse the display of Disney characters Nancy’s grandson had colored for her.

Joanna downed a couple of aspirin while Courtney was occupied. Watching Courtney’s eyes water intermittently throughout the last hour’s discussion killed her. Her head pounded and she wanted to run upstairs and shut the door on everyone and everything.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Courtney muttered, still facing the refrigerator.

Joanna approached her with caution. “I’m sorry, Court. But we’ll both be better off in the long run. You’ll meet someone younger, someone who shares your enthusiasm and interests.”

“I don’t want anyone else.”

“Court, will you look at me?”

Courtney turned around, and her eyes were pooled with tears. God, why was this so hard? Joanna thought. “You will meet someone some day,” she said and hated how it sounded.

She’d planned to buffer the finality for Courtney with a pep talk about how wonderful she was and how easy it would be for her to find someone new, but suddenly and inexplicably, the vision of Courtney naked and intertwined with another woman turned Joanna queasy and selfish.

“You’re so beautiful,” Courtney said and surprised her with a gentle kiss. She threw her arms around Joanna’s neck and kissed her hard, devouring her lips, backing her up against the breakfast counter.

Joanna’s lower back met with the firm edge of the granite, but the ache was effaced by Courtney’s swirling tongue and fingers flitting through the back of her hair. She thought about Nancy in the other room and cursed her sister’s cowardice.

Joanna managed to wrench her lips free. “Courtney, stop. This is only making it harder.” Joanna pried Courtney’s arms from around her neck, but mornings at the gym had sculpted her into a formidable opponent.

“You know what harder is, Jo? It’s every night I go to bed without you. It’s every minute I’m wondering what you’re doing; where you are; who you’re with. I can’t focus on anything but you.” Courtney spotted the note on the counter and snatched it. “Marcia Landino, 479-8666. Call her, Jo. Who the fuck is Marcia Landino?”

“Nobody, it’s nothing.” Nancy, I wish you’d get the fuck in here.

“You’re dating already? Wait a minute, is this why you left? And you had the balls to accuse me…”

“No, no, she’s just someone Nancy knows.”

“So are you seeing her or not?” Courtney seethed.

“No, Nancy just gave me her number.”

“Nice,” Courtney said. She slammed the note down on the counter with her fist. “Thanks a lot, Nancy,” she shouted.

“Courtney, calm down,” Joanna said. She recognized that look and feared one of Nancy’s belongings was moments away from getting implanted into the wall.

Courtney shoved the stool out of her way, knocking it to the pristine hardwood floor. She stormed past Joanna and Nancy, who’d just appeared in the door way.

When the front door banged shut, they both exhaled.

“A wrinkle in the negotiations?” Nancy asked with a timid grin.

“Your Marcia Landino note,” Joanna replied. She shook her head in disgust. “I’m going to work. Don’t wait dinner on me.”

“Jo, I’m really sorry.”

Joanna ignored her sister’s earnest apology. She draped her jacket across her shoulders and hurried out to the front porch. Jingling her car keys, she glanced around hoping Courtney’s Acura was still parked in the driveway. Instead, a set of brake lights glowed at a stop sign in the distant dusk. Exactly how many months was this supposed to take?

At the Landmark diner, Courtney watched in envy as a guy in a Rutgers cap in the booth across from her crammed a forkful of blueberry pancakes in his mouth. He chased it with a bendy strip of greasy bacon. Breakfast at nine o’clock at night. Sounds good. Joanna would’ve crinkled her nose and said, “Really?” But Courtney wasn’t waiting for Joanna. She scanned the menu and decided on the turkey club on whole wheat, salad instead of fries. Her appetite was coming back. She was running again, too, had even showed up at a couple of yoga classes. It was early May and new life was springing up everywhere, especially in the courtyard garden of her Greenwich apartment complex. On second thought, get the fries.

“Look who I found cruising the parking lot,” Jade joked as she made her way to the booth with Julian.

“Yeah, and I would’ve caught one too, if she hadn’t scared him off,” Julian replied.

Courtney stood up and hugged her friends, flashing them a broad smile. “Ted pulling another double at the hospital?” she asked Julian.

“Isn’t he always? You look great, Court,” he said. “Better than the last time I saw you.” He rolled his eyes.

“I feel better,” Courtney began with reserved optimism. “I know I kind of blew you guys off, but I really needed to be alone. When it hits the fan, I need space to think things through.”

“We know,” they replied in unison.

After the waitress took their order, Courtney seized the opportunity to steer the focus away from herself. “So, what’s new with you guys?”

“Well, I’ve met someone,” Jade said with a coy grin. “Her name is Angie Lopez and we met at work, if you can believe it.”

“The Grand Dame of Tango meets someone at work?” Courtney joked.

“Yeah, it gets even wackier. I haven’t been to Tango in over a month. It just wasn’t the same without you, Court.”

“You hear that?” Julian said. “The loyalists are demanding the return of their queen.”

“As of Monday, I won’t be anyone’s queen anymore,” Courtney replied. She fingered the fork and knife rolled in a napkin.

“What?” Julian’s mouth dropped open.

“What do you mean?” Jade asked.

“I’m selling out my half of Tango to Dawn. I’m still keeping half of Calypso, but Dawn can run that one. She lives right there in South Beach.”

“I can’t believe it,” Jade said.

“Yeah,” said Julian. “What did Joanna say about all this?”

Courtney shot him a quizzical look. “I haven’t told Joanna. We’re not together anymore, remember?”

“But I thought that’s what this whole thing was about,” Julian said.

“It was a major part of it, but if she and I were truly meant for each other, something like that wouldn’t stand in the way. She did what she needed to, and now so am I. I’m doing this for me because I’m finally ready to move on.”

Julian and Jade’s proud smiles didn’t temper the bitterness that came with the acknowledgment.

“What are you gonna do?” Jade asked.

“I’m thinking about a bistro. It’s time for another challenge, something to get my blood pumping again.”

“Court, don’t you think you should mention this to Joanna?” Julian persisted.

“Julian, she’s going to find out eventually. I’m opening it in Darien.”

“You mean you have the place?” he asked.

Courtney rolled her eyes. “I wanted it to be a surprise. I was going to invite everyone to the grand opening and throw this lavish affair, but now you’ve ruined it.”

“I’ll take lavish, surprise or not,” Jade offered. “That’s so cool, Court.”

“For some reason I would think you should be happier about this,” Julian observed.

“Look, I said I was ready to move on. I’m going to have to get back to you on the being happy about it part. It wasn’t exactly in the plan to do it alone.”

“I know a great caterer you can hire for the opening,” Julian said.

“Jules, it’s a restaurant. We make food; therefore, the caterer is sort of redundant.”

“Now that depends on the caterer,” Jade added with a nod.

Courtney glared at her. “By the way, weren’t you supposed to be waiting for Joanna and me to split? I see you didn’t waste any time finding someone else.”

“I’m not blind, Court. I know the real thing when I see it.”

Courtney frowned. “You need an eye exam.” She caught Julian and Jade exchanging glances. Wallowing was never her style. “So anyway,” she said with a bright smile, “welcome to the latest chapter of my life.”

Julian raised his water glass. “Here’s to Courtney’s latest chapter. And may there be a nice, juicy plot twist.”

Courtney pondered that one as they all clinked their glasses.

Joanna decided to clock some “research” time with the Food Network. She reclined in Sam’s broken-in La-Z-Boy and observed the Barefoot Contessa prepare stuffed artichoke hors d’eourves for an intimate gathering of friends in the Hamptons. All the while, though, her mind replayed the thud of solitary footsteps along the dirt path during her morning jog in Cranbury Park.

“We’ve decided to convert the garage into an in-law apartment,” Sam barked. His arms were folded expectantly over his belly.

“Done with your elliptical workout already?” Joanna teased.

“Don’t you have some place to be?” he replied.

She slowly lifted herself up. “This is a comfortable chair, Sam, especially the section your ass caved in.”

“Yo, Nance,” he called out. “You told me to inform you when Joanna’s presence was starting to piss me off. Consider yourself informed.”

“Joanna, stop picking on my husband,” Nancy replied from the hall.

Joanna shot him a menacing glare. “You’re lucky your wife’s home.”

“Now she’s threatening me,” he shouted, nodding at Joanna with an imperious smile.

“Jo, come out here and look at this new chintz valance,” Nancy requested from the living room.

When Joanna saw Nancy pulling the silky valance from its package, she made a face. “Good luck trying to position that over the rod.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s gonna slide off right onto the floor. I know because Courtney and I easily made a dozen failed attempts before we finally stuffed ours back in the package and hauled it back to Neiman Marcus.”

“Let’s just give it a try before you dump all over my idea.” Nancy took down the rod over her bay window as Joanna assisted at the other end. “We’re meeting the Kirschners for Japanese tonight in the city. Wanna come?”

“No, thanks. I have plans,” Joanna replied.

“With who?”

“No one.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Really?” Joanna asked. “You’re just gonna accept that answer?”

“Of course not. Who with? Did you finally call Marcia?”

“No, but I will hitch a ride with you into the city.”

Nancy lowered her half of the rod. “You’re going to Courtney’s club again, aren’t you?”

Joanna shook her head. “I’m going to visit Crystal and Roz. You remember them from our Halloween parties.”

“Yeah, don’t they live in the Village?”

“So?”

“Where Courtney’s club is?”

“So what?”

Nancy smirked. “You may have come out of the closet in the eighties, but you still do denial better than anyone I know.”

“You’re out of your mind,” Joanna said. She held up her end of the valance to determine which side was the front.

“Me? You’re the one going to visit friends you haven’t seen in a year because they live near Courtney’s nightclub. That’s so Freudian.”

“I’m going to visit friends I haven’t seen in a year because I haven’t seen them in a year. You don’t need to tie all this intrigue into it.”

“Jo, it’s been four months. When are you going to face reality? Sure, you may not be in a tizzy fighting with Courtney all the time, but you’re not any happier. What exactly did leaving her solve?”

“For one thing, I’m not getting tension headaches anymore,” Joanna snapped.

“If it were me, I’d take Extra-strength Tylenol rather than walking out on someone I really care about. But then, this is classic you.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Come on, Jo. Ever since you were a kid, everything had to be done to the extreme. If you wanted to light a cigarette, you’d set the house on fire and then later say, ‘Gee, I could’ve struck a match, huh?’ You always do this.”

Joanna could feel her ears burn. “Okay, first of all, I smoked for about ten minutes in high school. Secondly, what do you know about what I feel and experience? You were born with this laid back, ‘who gives a crap’ gene, which I have no idea where that came from. So don’t you stand there with your chintz window accents and your perfect life and perfect family and judge me.”

“You really think I have a perfect family?” Nancy beamed with pride. “Because you know I could’ve killed Sam, Jr. when he called to tell me he went base jumping in Peru while he was on that archeological dig with the university…”

“Yeah, it’s perfect,” Joanna said. She gazed out the bay window at the lush green lawn, the vibrant tulips lining both sides of the brick walkway.

“Jo, you know I’m not saying this to hurt you. We sling honesty at each other. It’s just what we do. Besides, you’re still my kid sister, and I worry about you.”

“Nance, I can take care of myself.”

“I know that, but I think the walls you’ve built to protect yourself are closing in on you. Yeah, you had a lot of ups and downs with Courtney, more than with anyone else as I recall, but I loved you with her. You were radiant and spirited. You egged each other on in a good way.”

“She made me feel like a jealous, controlling fool,” Joanna countered.

“She made you? I don’t know, Jo. I saw a woman with energy and drive to take on the world. In the time you were together, your business flourished, you lost twenty pounds running with her, and you laughed all the time… until you starting expecting, well, whatever it is you’re expecting.”

Joanna rubbed the silky fabric between her fingers.

“Do you even know what you’re looking for?” Nancy asked. “Another Martha? Another ten years of indifference because it was easier?”

“I’m not looking for easy. I just want balance. I want to be in a place where my emotions aren’t spiking off the chart all the time. You say I always go to the extreme, but that’s why it didn’t work with Courtney. I hated how much I love her.”

The room fell silent. They looked at each other, still clutching their ends of the chintz. Joanna gulped air as Nancy’s smile affirmed the realization.

“So we finally get to the bottom of it,” Nancy said warmly.

Joanna plunked down in an antique wing back chair. “Oh my God, I’m one of those pathetic, emotionally retarded women afraid of her own feelings. When did this happen?”

“My guess is the moment you realized you were truly in love.”

“That wasn’t the answer I was looking for.”

Nancy laughed and Joanna turned to the window to let the early afternoon sun warm her face.

“Are you giving up on this valance because it’s too difficult?” Nancy asked.

Joanna smiled and patted Nancy’s cheek. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Courtney stared absently at the dust and debris she’d swept into a pile in the empty square footage of her newest commercial lease. Her first solo accomplishment. This time next month, she’d be open and ready for the summer rush of weekenders, shoppers, and the New York Times’ food critic who could make or break her riskiest venture.

She leaned against the glass display case left by the previous owner, a French baker whose legacy was the intoxicating scent of baked dough probably ingrained in the woodwork. Tomorrow the contractors would arrive to tear down the back wall and start the project of modernizing the kitchen to suit the tastes of the persnickety chef of a Nuevo Italian bistro.

She bent over to sweep the rubble into a dust pan. When she rose, Joanna was standing in front of her. Her hand went limp, and the contents spilled to the floor, erupting into a mushroom cloud.

“Any chance I’m on the guest list for the grand opening?” Joanna said. After whirling around the room, her eyes landed on Courtney’s.

“Uh, sure,” Courtney replied. “But you know you don’t need an invitation.”

“Actually, judging by our last conversation, I was certain I’d earned a lifetime ban from all Courtney Wade properties.”

Courtney smiled at Joanna’s keen perception of the former her. “Well, six months ago, you would’ve been right.”

Joanna glanced around the empty space, and Courtney knew Joanna’s creative mind was envisioning the possibilities. Courtney may have the business instincts of Donald Trump, but her talent as a decorator was on par with the Donald’s style in hairdos.

“So who dropped the quarter on me about this, Jade or Julian?”

Joanna swung around and faced her. “Neither. For some strange reason I found myself at Tango again last Saturday night. Your merry serving wench, Lucy, was only too eager to spill the beans.”

“She’s going right to the top of my list of people who need a slap.”

Joanna shoved her hands in her pants pockets, her usual move in awkward situations. “This place is going to be amazing, Court.”

The compliment sailed over Courtney’s head. “What were you doing at Tango?”

Joanna sighed. “What do you think?”

“Another booty call?”

Joanna walked over and leaned against the display case. “No, Court, that’s not it.” She sounded impatient at first. “I was so sure leaving was the answer; at the time it really felt like the only solution. I just wanted the drama to stop. I wanted to feel I had some measure of control.” She paused, unsure how much to reveal. “Do you still hate me?”

Courtney shook her head with a tentative smile and clutched the broom handle.

“Look, I’m sorry to show up here and lay this on you,” Joanna said. “Obviously, your hands are full and for all I know, you’re probably involved with someone else now, too.”

Courtney laughed. “Between all the drowning in my own sorrows and taking out business loans I don’t even know if I can repay, you think I’ve had time to get a new girlfriend?”

“You were always a remarkably efficient multi-tasker.”

Courtney rested the broom between herself and Joanna. “It’s different now. This is the first time in my adult life women and sex haven’t clouded my vision. The clarity is refreshing. I actually like the slower pace. It sounds corny but I’m enjoying the little things I never bothered to notice, the fuchsia blossoms on Rose-of-Sharon bushes, sparrows fluttering in the sand, the firm ground under my feet in Cranbury Park. We went running there all the time. If only we’d stopped, just once, and sat in the grass. Who knows?” She shrugged wistfully.

“I wanted to, I really did, but I figured you think it was lame.”

Courtney offered an ironic smile. “I probably would’ve. Anyway, one thing I know for sure. I’m gonna have to purge you from my system before I can let anyone else in.”

Joanna released a cathartic breath. “Is there room in your system for another friend?”

“Always.”

Joanna motioned toward her. At first, a reserved embrace, but when Courtney felt the strength of Joanna’s arms wrapping over and under each shoulder, she gripped Joanna even tighter. When they finally disengaged, Courtney snatched a piece of loose leaf paper off the top of the display case.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing,” Courtney blurted. No, that wasn’t too obvious.

“If it’s nothing, let me see it,” Joanna teased.

Courtney quickly balled up the paper. “It’s just a piece of scrap.”

“Then let me see it.”

“What do you care about a piece scrap paper?”

“Don’t make me wrestle you to this filthy floor.”

“Fine, here.” She shoved the paper into Joanna’s chest.

Joanna pulled open the crinkled edges. It was a sketch of the proposed front of the restaurant, Joanna’s.”

“What’s this?” Joanna asked.

Courtney outstretched her arms and glanced around. “This is Joanna’s.”

“Oh, Court.” Joanna’s eyes welled.

“So now you know.” Courtney threw her hands on her hips and posed like a prosecutor during closing arguments. “I’m not over you, Jo. I don’t care if I can’t have you. I refuse to get over you. Trying to fight it was paralyzing. I finally realized the only way to get on with my life is to live it still loving you.” She shrugged as if the decision was as simple as choosing what to cook for dinner.

Joanna smiled and wiped her cheek with her shirt sleeve. “You think you’re the only one capable of having epiphanies?”

“I don’t assume anything anymore,” Courtney replied with a playful grin.

Joanna cupped Courtney’s face in her palms and kissed her tenderly. “I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered.

“I missed you, too,” Courtney said, stroking the back of Joanna’s hair. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed this rush, the quivering, the tingling, the dipping of her stomach whenever they touched. She closed her eyes and relished the sensation of Joanna’s tongue dancing with hers. She grabbed Joanna’s ass and squeezed, pulling her body into her own, and listened for the delicate whimper of desire it never failed to elicit.

“Just so you know,” Joanna said breathlessly, “this is the booty call.”