 ~ The Chronicles Of Ratha ~
Book Four: The Root Of All E-Vel
by Aurelia

DISCLAIMER: This is an original work of fiction. All characters are the property of the author and cannot be used without permission

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Each 'book' is an adventure in its own right but each is woven together with a central thread tying the exploits together into one overall saga. Some questions raised in one book will be answered and some will be left hanging, to be answered in a later tale.

THANKS: Thanks to my beta Heather for giving it the once over and giving me the benefit of her experience.

FEEDBACK: I love to hear from the readers, so please drop me a line at aurelia_fan@yahoo.com.au
Or join me at my Yahoo Group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/aurelia_fan/.

© August 2009

I must have missed something because the next thing I knew Beri was patting me on the cheek.

"Wha... what happened?"

"You fainted," Beri said with some amusement.

"I do not faint. I have never fainted in my life!" I sounded almost indignant. I was trying to remember what Beri had said before my... my... blackout. Maybe it was the head trauma and not whatever Beri said for me to take a respite from the universe. I carefully avoided using that word. Fainting was for the weak-hearted and I was anything but that.

"Now, what did you say?" I tried to focus my attention on her.

"I said I'm pregnant and you're the father." I must have had a gob-smacked look on my face because Beri was grinning at me.

This was getting to be a habit. Beri was slapping my face again, this time a little harder. Damn it! My body had taken another holiday from reality.

"Get a grip, J! We're not falling into a black hole. It's only a baby!"

"How... why... who?" My finger was flying through the air pointing in all directions. It's not the sort of news you drop on a person without at least an explanation, especially if the person concerned had no idea how it had happened.

"Let's see...," Beri made a show of thinking about the answers, "when you kissed my hand... because you asked me to open up to you... and who? Well, the fact that no one else has come within ten feet of me, it had to be you."

"Kissing your hand? That's it?" If it were that simple I'd have children all over the place.

"It seemed so."

Was this piece of news going to be the final straw for me? As if I didn't have enough to worry about now I had a pregnant woman claiming I was the father. Beri looked at me uncertainly as I absorbed the news. Maybe my face was telling her something different so I had better set the record straight. "It's wonderful news, B." I reached out from my pallet and patted her arm. "You will make a great mother."

"And you? What about you?"

"Me? I'm not the one having a baby."

"But I sense that you are less than happy about the news."

"Of course I'm happy, B." I pulled her closer and gave her a hug then I quickly pushed her away. "Get away from me or you might end up with twins or something!" She chuckled. "I'm sorry if it's not the reaction you want, Beri, but I'm still trying to get my mind around the fact that I'm going to be a father, so if I sound incredulous that's because that's how I feel." Now was not the time for fancy words but they had a habit of coming out when I least expected them. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure!"

"Sorry, B." I looked sheepishly at her. Everything that was coming out of my mouth at the moment was trash, utter rubbish. No wonder she looked a little sad. Even to me I sounded like I was trying to get out of it. That was not my intention but my mouth had other ideas because it was spewing out everything that I was thinking without editing out the negative bits. "Who else knows?"

"I haven't told anyone else, so you can keep it a secret if you want."

"Now, Beri..." Oh crap, now she's getting defensive.

"No, it's fine. I can see that it's a problem for you." She started to back away.

"Beri! Come here!" I said forcefully. I sat up gingerly and met her half way, both of us on our knees. The ring decided at that moment to make a statement and my brow creased in pain. My hand dropped to the crotch of my pants and fumbled around in an effort to pull the material away from my folds.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine." I said abruptly. "Now listen to me. This news is wonderful and I am ecstatic. I know I'm not making much sense at the moment but my head is sore and my crotch is on fire. But believe me, my dear friend, I am very happy for you." And then I had a thought. "And what about you? Are you happy about it?"

"Yes... and no."

"And no? Why?"

"My life will no longer be my own. I have to take up the mantle of Ashman so that my daughter can follow in my footsteps."

"What about your mother?"

"When the next generation is born, the Ashman stands down for her daughter to take over. When my daughter has a child I will then step down for her to rule."

"So you're scared you're going to miss out on all the fun, huh?"

"Fun? We never have fun."

"Never?" I said impishly.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no. Get that thought out of your head. We are a holy order. We do not have fun."

"But everyone should have fun, even if it's just once." If I planned to do anything about that I had two weeks to accomplish it.

"We're about to land. Everyone take their seats!" The announcement over the intercom interrupted any further conversation and for that I was grateful. As if there wasn't enough going on in my life, now I was going to be a father. If someone so much as sneezed at me I would collapse because I just couldn't take any more news right at this moment.

"We'll talk about this later," Beri warned.

"Sure," I replied and smiled. Beri was going to make one hell of an Ashman.

* * *

"By the stars! What happened to you?"

"Good to see you too, Epi." I stepped gingerly down the ramp to the plateau to meet up with Beri's third-in-charge. It seemed they had moved the trooper ship to the outer landing pad so that I didn't have too far to walk. My feet finally touched soil and I breathed deeply. It was good to be home. There was a small group congregating at the top of the path at the edge of the plateau to greet us. Beri walked next to me, her hand taking my elbow in support.

"Don't think I can walk on my own?"

"Don't you?" she quipped back. "After all you fainted."

"Fainted?" Epi asked.

"I did not faint," I said but they were ignoring me.

"Yes. Twice." Beri was having too much fun at my expense.

"Twice? Impressive." Epi laughed. "Can you do it on demand?"

"If you two don't stop I may just have to exercise my right as Ratha and paddle both your behinds." I looked from one to the other as they turned and walked away in disgust. "Then again," I muttered, "you may enjoy that." I followed behind them taking the familiar path to the plateau rim with care. I wouldn't say anything to them but I was feeling a little woozy. Whether it was my head, my crotch or the nap or two I took on board the ship it was taking its toll on my stamina.

Malt and Badger were amongst the gathering on the rim of the plateau and they shortened the few steps between me and them. "Are you all right?" I could hear the panic in Malt's voice. Badger looked at me and then at Malt. I think she was trying to tell me that her friend had been upset.

"Sure. A little sore and sorry for myself, but I'm in one piece."

"What happened?"

"Vel caught me and took me to Juno. Sasha and the boys rescued me and here I am." But Malt wasn't convinced. "I'm fine, kid, really." I reached over and ruffled her hair affectionately.

"But... but... what was that lady doing to you? Was she torturing you? I heard you scream."

Oh boy. This would be the one final thing to send my sanity over the edge. "No Malt, she wasn't torturing me." At least not the sort of torture you would understand, kid. "Could we leave this conversation until later because it's going to take a while to explain everything." I probably had one chance in a trillion that Malt would forget all about it so all I could hope for was that my two weeks were up before she asked again.

I looked over Malt's head to the lone figure now waiting for me. Fen. I ushered the two girls on ahead to follow the procession back to the cave, leaving me alone with my dark-haired beauty. Flashes of my dream played in my mind like a shattered holomovie disc, the scattered remnants random and fleeting. Fen's hand rose to her throat and she took a deep breath. Her flaming cheeks gave her a rosy glow and set my own thoughts racing, which only made her blush more. I broke eye contact because if I hadn't we would have both exploded from unfulfilled desire. I wonder what she made of my time with Deson?

She cleared her throat and took a few steps towards me. "Are you all right?" That sexy voice shot right through me.

I cleared my own throat. "Yeah, I'll live. Ran into Vel."

"So I hear, and not in your best position either."

"Who blabbed?" My heart picked up its pace and I could feel the thumping in my throat. "It was Sasha, wasn't it?" If it wasn't her there was only Rales left and he would be too embarrassed to pass that sort of information on. Still, it solved my problem as to how I was going to tell her.

"I promised not to tell."

We slowly made our way along the path towards the cave. "I'm sorry. I..."

"What are you sorry for? You did what you felt you needed to do and I certainly couldn't help you."

"It meant nothing... really. I just needed to know if I was still capable of having sex. That damned tattoo has taken away so much of me I had to find out."

"Then why are you worried?" Fen glanced sideways to look at me.

"Because..." Could I say it?

"Becaaauuussseeee..." Fen encouraged me.

"Awwww hell! Because it felt like I was betraying you!" I kept my eyes fixed to the ground.

"Betraying... me?"

"Please Fen don't make me explain!" I pleaded.

"Why? What are you afraid of?"

"You, my dear Fen, you."

"Me? What did I do?" Fen's guileless eyes gazed into mine.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Was there any point putting myself through this? Firstly, it was an unrequited love and, maybe more importantly, I would be dead in two weeks. Then again, did I want to die without telling her how I felt? "I like you Fen, more than anyone else I have ever known."

"Like?"

"Well, you get the idea." I just couldn't say 'love' no matter how hard I tried. Maybe it had something to do with if I don't say it, she can't refute it. There was that little kernel in me that had hoped one day she would say 'yes'. I now knew that I would never hear that word. We had reached the entrance of the cave by the time I had said the word 'idea'.

"Ahhh, there you are. I was wondering if you had fainted again," Epi joked.

"Once and for all, I... do... not... faint!!!!!" I had had it up to here with their teasing and I now had a headache the size of a fenniball. My hands grabbed my head in an effort to stop my brain rolling around inside. I felt Fen's hand on my back, slowly rubbing in circles in comfort.

Grit stepped forward to cut the argument short. "Beri has told me of your discomfort. Come." She held out her hand to guide me to a spot she had set up as a healer's cot towards the back of the cave. Frankly, she was just what I needed right now. The headache was jumping ahead of my crotch, which now simmered with a low throbbing. I had only taken a few steps when I was intercepted.

"Ahh, there you are. How long am I going to be in this infernal place?" Sertech Lorin had been here less than five minutes and he was already being a pain in the ass.

"As long as it takes to find a cure and give me my retribution." I wasn't in the mood to debate the issue.

"You!!!" Floric appeared out of nowhere and yelled.

"Oh Carn!" Lorin turned to face the man yelling at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Some real work for a change. I had hoped never to see you again."

"The feeling is mutual, Floric. The best thing the Consortium ever did was to kick your sorry ass out."

"And what have you been up to, Sertech?" I suspected Floric emphasized the title to insult him.

"None of your damned business!" Lorin made a move towards the old man, forcing me to step in between them.

"Now, just one minute!" I placed a hand on each of their chests, pushing them apart. Suddenly this didn't seem a good idea. "What in the heavens is going on?"

"This... this... so-called sertech is a fraud."

"No more than you, you trumped up little upstart!"

"A fraud?" I asked, "You mean you're not a doctor?" Oh crap.

"I am most certainly a sertech!" He insisted on using the correct title, which should have told me something.

"You better be able to fix up what you have done otherwise the last thing I will do is take you with me!"

"What? What did he do?" Floric looked from Lorin to me and back again.

"He tortured me, Floric."

"What did he use?"

"That is none of your concern," Lorin intervened but I ignored him.

"I don't know what it's called but it looked like two pieces of clear film."

"The neural net? You used the neural net on her?" Floric's tone was one of incredulity.

"Neural net?" Was that what it was called? No wonder I've got a headache the size of the mountain we lived in.

"It's an insidious piece of technology that destroys whatever it touches." Floric looked at me with some concern. "When activated, it emits thalium rays that spread over the brain like a 'net'. It then burrows into the tissue to seek out the area occupied by the memory. Unfortunately it has a nasty side effect of destroying brain cells as it goes. If you survived, Jordana, then you are truly special. No one has ever survived the procedure before."

"And tell her why you know so much about this, Parmenter." Lorin sneered at his adversary.

I had a feeling I knew the answer before Floric even spoke. "Because I was one of the team who invented it."

"You?" Suddenly I wanted Floric off Heaven and as far away as possible from Malt.

"I objected strenuously to its use." He said as if the excuse would make it all right.

"You still made a weapon, Parmenter."

"Yes, I did, but I also petitioned to have the procedure banned. That is why I am no longer in their employ."

"Thank Carn for small mercies." I said, but it was too little too late. "So you two will have to work together to find a cure."

"There is no cure, Jordana." Floric said sadly.

"And I'm not supposed to be here either. Just do it!" My voice hardened as I spoke. I was sick of their excuses and now wanted some action.

"I injected her with Flarisil to bring her out of her confused state. Vel made me give her an extremely large dose and now this woman's brain will burn out if we don't reverse the effects of the drug." Lorin spoke matter-of-factly and it was rather disturbing to hear myself spoken of like that, like I wasn't even in the room with them.

"So we have to find a counter-agent for the Flarisil?"

"In a nutshell, yes."

The two men suddenly became the best of friends, at least that was what it sounded like. Maybe the common scientific interest would put aside their feud for a while. Did I want Malt in their presence as they race against the clock to cure me? Both of them had dubious scruples and could inadvertently give Malt the wrong idea about cutting corners to achieve a positive result. I wanted her to know what was right and what was wrong.

"Since you two are best buddies, now go and find me a cure. After that I want something to kill Vel." It was blunt and to the point I know but they seemed to understand and I was in no mood to dance around the issue.

"What sort of something?" Floric narrowed his eyes as he looked at me.

"Something slow and extremely painful." I had had enough and just wanted to find a corner to curl up and die.

"She needs rest," Grit intervened as she pulled me towards the healer's cot. Thank Carn for the small woman. Maybe she had read my mind but at this point I didn't care. "Strip off and lie down!" she demanded, ignoring any resistance I may have offered. While I removed my pants Grit pulled across a packing box to block the view. The cool air hit the ring and I winced.

"What is the problem?" Grit said as I lowered myself gingerly to the bed. She looked at me without emotion and examined me with professional detachment. Switching on one of the portable lights, her hands then touched by crotch and I twitched. She removed them and rubbed her hands together to warm them up. "Sorry." Slowly she pried my lips apart to look at the ring. "That is barbaric."

Barbaric was not a word I applied to the ring. Exotic was maybe a better word. I had known many women who had indulged in this sort of submissive behavior or just liked the idea of body jewelry, but it was not something that I myself ever thought of doing. Barbaric I applied to Vel's method of giving me the ring.

"Ka ne bajee si!" Holy shit! I'm sure Grit didn't mean what my mind translated it as. Maybe it was an ethnic thing.

"How does it look?"

"A little...ummm... red."

"I thought it was always red."

"I cannot say, Ratha. This is not what I normally have to look at."

"Look, if it's-"

"Oh, no no no. You are in need of assistance. I will do what I can." While Beri, Fen and Epi's dialogue had become lax, Grit still tended to speak the way I remembered when I first met the Noorthi. She left me for a moment and returned with a mortar and pestle. There was something already in the mortar, which I assumed was ochre as it seemed to be the base for everything they used, and she added a leaf or two and a drop of liquid. She pounded the mixture into a paste and gently applied it to the inflamed area. "Do you wish me to remove it?"

Now that it was done I was thinking it would be cool to have. However as it was Vel who did the damage, that was enough for me to make up my mind. I was certainly not going to be that bitch's slave! "Yes. Get rid of that thing." There was pain and tugging as Grit struggled to get the metal out of my skin but the ochre had dampened the harshness of the pain. It seemed to have a slightly anesthetic effect, leaving me floating above the soreness and the embarrassment as Grit went about her healer's business.

"Ratha?"

"Hmmm?"

"Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"A headache," I responded. Unaware that I had done so I told Grit of my torture. She nodded wisely from time to time, as if digesting what I had told her. I wasn't expecting any help from Grit for this because I was pinning all my hopes on Floric and Lorin.

Grit scooped the paste out of the mortar and cast it aside. She reached for fresh ochre and a different liquid in a small vial and a leaf that she had wrapped in cloth. The concoction was mashed together with her pestle and towards the end she added some water before pouring it into a cup. "Drink."

"You must be joking," I replied because I had seen her put the ochre in. "I'm not drinking dirt!"

"Then put up with your headache." Grit was not going to take any shit from me and I rather liked her for that. Not many people stood up to me, at least not many that were still standing after the show of defiance.

I gave her the 'eye' as I took the cup from her hand. Experimentally I sniffed the contents and screwed up my nose. There wasn't a smell as such but drinking down the muck she had given me was just so wrong. The headache was still there and growing slowly in intensity. It wasn't going to go away on its own and left me with no choice but to pinch my nose and drink.

"Ah, ah, ah. All of it." Grit placed her finger on the bottom of the cup and pushed upward, forcing me to continue drinking.

"Oh crap! That was so..." I couldn't find a suitable word to describe the taste in my mouth. Suddenly a wave of lethargy rolled over me. "What was in that?" I looked into the cup to see the dregs.

"Ochre-"

"I know that, Grit. It's making me feel groggy."

"It is just a little something to help you sleep." She found a blanket and draped it over my rapidly relaxing body.

"You don't play faiiirrrrr..." I was slipping away fast.

"Sleep well, friend."

Grit's face was the last thing I saw, fading to black as sleep took me.

* * *

"It's about time you woke up!"

The cave faded in again and Epi was standing over me. "Whaaa- d-d-do you waaaantt," I slurred. My mouth tasted of ochre and I could barely form the words with the weird sensation residing there.

"Heh! I see Grit's given you one of her concoctions."

"Bleh!" I commented by sticking my tongue out. "She-s dang-er-ous."

"She sure is but she knows her stuff."

I had to admit that the headache had gone and my crotch was nearly back to normal. Actually I doubt that my crotch will ever be the same. Vel had defiled me once too often and she had left her mark. "So it seems." The words started to come to me more easily now as my jaw became more flexible. "So what's going on?" I tried to get up but Epi shoved me back on the bed.

"Grit's orders."

"Not to me they're not." I tried again, pushing harder against Epi's hand. "Unless you want to break your precious vows, get out of my way."

"You are the most stubborn piece of..." She stopped there but must have been content to think the last few words.

"Can't say it? Or won't say it?"

"You have put impure thoughts in my head, Ratha."

Oh oh. Epi was not happy. I don't think I ever recall her calling me that. "Sorry, Epi. I'm fine, really. There's too much to do for me to hang around in bed all day." I had no idea if she knew how long I had to live. Since just about everybody on the ship heard I figured it wouldn't be too long before it had spread to the rest of the colony.

"We are all here to help you, J. You have to learn to delegate." She smiled sympathetically.

"Don't you start! None of this pity stuff, Epi."

"But, J, it's just so-"

"Yeah yeah, but I'm not giving up yet. I've got Floric and Lorin working on it, okay? And if I catch you trying to do stuff for me so help me I'll tan your hide." My independent streak was glowing red. I would shoot myself before I became a burden to anyone. My legs had other ideas about getting up, collapsing underneath me every time I tried to bear my own weight. Epi extended her hand and looked amused as I glared up at her. "Alright, just this once," I grumbled, "but don't make a habit of it."

I was finally upright but conspicuously naked from the waist down. Epi at least showed some modesty, only glancing briefly at all my exposed skin. She reached for my pants and handed them to me, turning around and offering her back for support as I struggled to get them on. "So what have the Noorthi been up to?"

"I thought you didn't want the sympathy."

"Why? What did you do?"

"We held a Septil, a vigil for you for safe health while you were asleep."

"Thanks."

"No 'don't do that again'?"

"At this point I could use all the help I can get on that front, so I'll let this one pass." I turned around and waited for her to do the same. Smiling I pulled her into a fierce hug and expelled some of the pent-up anxiety inside me. "Thanks, my friend," I whispered into her ear.

"You are most welcome, Jordana Laren... or should I say 'Ratha'." Epi's arms encircled me and she returned the warmth in a hug as I had shown her. "You are not alone in this, my friend." She pulled away from me, once again putting a little distance between us.

"You think after dying once I'd be used to it," I said absently, "but this time it seems every bit as real as the first time, but now I have to also live through the anticipation of death."

"There are some things in this universe that are unexplainable... some things that have to be taken on faith."

"Faith, Epi? I was never one to put my faith in faith."

"Then maybe you should start." Epi smiled in gentle entreaty.

My thoughts turned to Beri and her unborn child. Hadn't I asked Beri to do the same thing? And look at her now. Did I have anything to lose by letting go and accepting that all things were possible if I had enough faith? "Hmmm... maybe I should."

"Why are you not in bed?" Epi and I looked over our shoulders to find an irate healer standing there with her hands on her hips.

"Because Epi and I are going to skip through the valley naked and pick flowers." I put on my best straight face as I said it and I was hard pressed not to laugh when Grit's jaw dropped. I didn't even look at Epi but I would imagine her face was a reflection of Grit's. "I'm joking!"

Grit shook her head. "You are a strange woman indeed, Ratha."

"I've been told that a time or two." Well, more than that but I didn't want her thinking I was some sort of raving lunatic. The rest of the known universe knew that but I wanted to keep these women blissfully ignorant of who they had put their trust in. "I can't lie around, Grit. There's too much to do."

"You need rest."

"I need time, Grit, something you can't give me, so excuse me but I have more important things to do than lie down." Trying to push past the small woman I heard the click of her tongue in disgust. For some reason I just couldn't help myself and leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. I stepped back for a moment and watched her cheeks blush. Sometimes I can be a real troublemaker, but as an afterthought I prayed that I hadn't just made her pregnant. With the Noorthi you just never knew.

As I walked away from the healer's cot I felt a presence behind me. "Where do you think you're going?" I knew who it was even without looking, but I still glanced over my shoulder to see Epi there grinning at me. "Come on, spill it!"

"The Council thought it prudent that I take care of you."

"Take 'care' of me? Are you implying that I can't take care of myself? Hang on... the Council? When did that happen?" I felt like a huge slice of time on this moon had been cut out of my memory. Then again, that particular piece of information may have been in the section where my brain cells were demolished.

"While you were taking a nap."

"That's a relief. I thought I may have missed an entire section of my life." I had an idea of who would be on the Council but I wanted to hear it. "So who decided they would run my life?"

"Beri and Fen."

"That's it? That's the entire Council?"

"Of course not, but they were the... how you say...?"

"Instigators," I said absently, letting my newly acquired vocabulary skills handle this one on their own.

"Ahh, yes, instigators of the decree."

"Decree? You mean it's not just a suggestion? I'm now a decree?"

"As far as you were concerned? Yes. You would ignore a suggestion so they made it a decree."

Sighing deeply I started to walk forward. "Come along then." The back of my hand sat on my shoulder and my fingers signaled Epi to follow.

Like my shadow, Epi remained a step or two behind me as I went about my business. She stayed in the background, being there only if I happened to have a fall or two. In actual fact I kind of liked the company, even if it was a silent one. But that was about to change. If Epi was going to follow me then I would find out all about the Noorthi. With some luck she'd feel sorry for me and surrender the knowledge that had been kept from the universe for hundreds of years.

We took the path towards the speeders parked near the plateau. I had wanted to see how work was progressing on the other side of the escarpment, so we talked while we walked.

"How do you girls have children?"

"Pardon?" Epi increased her pace until she was walking beside me.

"You know... kids. You have kids without sex and without a male. Neat trick."

"It's no trick, my friend. It's our sacred duty to the sisterhood to produce an heir to our name."

"So part of the name is handed down? Sort of like a surname?"

"In a way, but different. Our name is our identity, our soul."

"And yet you don't use it fully."

"How did you know that?"

"When I was in the basement Beri's mother visited me. She asked for Beristh... Bersha... damn it! I can't remember!"

"Beristhamée," Epi said with quiet reverence.

"Yeah, that was the name."

"It's our Noorthi name and we protect it from the outside. Only at the most solemn of rites is our Noorthi name ever revealed."

"And what's yours?" Now she had me interested. But Epi hesitated and it was obvious she didn't want to say. "Don't worry about it, my friend. You can keep your soul." She gently smiled at my acceptance of her silent request. "But I'm curious about the whole falling pregnant thing."

Epi seemed to weigh the pros and cons of answering my question in her head. Maybe I was going to go away empty handed after all. "What do you want to know?" Then again, sometimes I can be lucky.

"How the blazes do you fall pregnant without any contact at all? Is there some sort of drug involved?"

"When one is ready she informs the Ashman of her desire for a child. It is the most sacred of all our ceremonies and it is shared by all."

"Shared? You mean you all watch??" Suddenly it lost its appeal.

"The child will be brought into the sisterhood. Is it not something she should share with her future sisters?"

"Well, I don't know. Doing it in front of someone..."

"But did you not do the same?"

"That was an accident, not by design. When we make love it's something for the two to share intimately. Not a public spectacle." There was no way I was going to elaborate on that and give her ammunition for her argument. "Okay, so let me get this straight. Let's say you and whoever you wish to be your partner in this go to the Ashman to ask for a baby. Then you all get in a circle and watch you and whoever... what?... meditate?"

"There is chanting!" Epi sounded almost defensive. I suppose I was not giving her beliefs their due so I decided to keep my smart aleck comments to myself.

But I knew there had to be more that this. For one thing the Noorthi used ochre in just about everything they did. "No offering or ceremonial drink?"

"The Ashman presents a blessed drink to each participant. It is to cleanse the body and spirit so that a suitable receptacle is ready for the most holy of gifts."

I had noticed that Epi's casual dialogue had become more rigid as she spoke about the Noorthi, sounding more like Grit than the woman I had come to know. It was obviously a response to long years of tuition and lifestyle and put into perspective the Noorthi way.

However, I suspected that the whole pregnancy ritual had the ochre at its heart, and it certainly raised a number of questions for me. Was the ochre solely responsible for the pregnancy, or even partly responsible? The thought that this dirt could reproduce life was just too incomprehensible to accept. Or maybe it was what was added to the dirt that produced the miracle. Still, the thought that one could fall pregnant by drinking a liquid was a little far-fetched for me, irrespective of the spiritual aspect of it.

Okay, if that were true how did Beri fall pregnant? Even by Noorthi standards what happened between us was a miracle. But I said nothing, leaving Beri to tell them when she was ready. Did I really want to know the truth? Such a revelation may turn out to be too much for me to handle.

Still, I hadn't seen any Noorthi children since my contact with them. Beri led a group of young and middle-aged women when I first met her. Later, of course, when we found the mine there were elderly Noorthi there. But no children. So was the reason for no children a conscious decision not to have them or that they were unable to conceive? Did the place have a part to play in the ceremony? No. I suspected it was more a conscious decision to wait. Who would want to bring new life onto a planet such as Rigeus? Surviving was hard enough without trying to look after a baby as well.

"There weren't any kids on Rigeus."

"No." I could hear the sadness in her voice. Something had happened that had halted their instinctive need to reproduce.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

For a moment I thought she wasn't going to answer me but after a short delay she spoke, "The conditions were not good. It was hot and dry, and we barely fed ourselves."

"You didn't try?"

"Yes, we did, but the babies were sickly and weak. We barely kept the mothers alive." Epi's voice wavered a little, as if she was reliving the time. "After that, we did not waste the gift given to us."

"But what if you have remained on Rigeus? Wouldn't there be a point where you would decide that your fate was on that planet and it would be necessary to try again?"

"We had faith that our destiny would not end on that planet."

"You were expecting me?" Now that was a surprise.

"We did not know your name but yes, we knew that someone would come to free us."

"Well, thanks for the 'hello'! You were far from friendly."

"If we had welcomed you with open arms you would have run off."

"Me? Run off? You do know who you're talking to?" I thought about it for a second. "But I suppose if you had run up to me and said 'welcome savior' I would have thought you were all crazy."

"Exactly. You could have been one of Vel's minions."

"You have a point. You're excused then," I said smugly. Luckily it got a smile from Epi in response. "That's better," I whispered. I didn't like seeing her sad because I thought she had a trait or two that I found in myself. Apart from her passivity she had balls. The speeders came into sight and I stopped in front of the nearest one. I logged into the on-board computer and put my leg over the seat. "Hop on!"

"What?" I looked at Epi as she backed away. "I am not getting on that thing!"

"I hate to tell you but if you're going to stick with me you'll have to climb on board."

"Do I have to?" She looked at the speeder uncertainly.

"Is this the same woman who flew into deep space in the trooper ship? Are you scared of one little speeder?"

"In space I didn't look outside the ship, but this... this... it... it's..."

"Smooth and fast?" And that was the best thing about it as far as I was concerned.

"So open. Oh, no, no, no, no, no."

"You are such a coward!" I taunted.

"There's not a lot that scares me, J, but that's one of them."

Epi's dialogue relaxed and I was pleased because that meant she was feeling comfortable around me again. Time was too short for me to be surrounded by sadness.

I extended my hand. "Please? For me?" I was playing the sympathy card, I knew that, but I sort of liked her company.

"That is so unfair," she whined as she lifted her leg over the seat. "Don't ask for a favor again!"

"You'll enjoy it, I promise."

"Yeah yeah. Let's get this over with."

"Hang on." I touched the screen and the speeder sprang into life. "You might find it easier to wrap your arms around my waist." But there was hesitation from Epi and I chuckled. "You won't fall pregnant or anything." I really couldn't promise that after Beri's sudden pregnancy but it was the only thing I could think of that would nudge Epi into touching me.

If I had been riding alone I would have opened the throttle and driven at break-neck speed, but Epi was with me and decidedly nervous about the whole experience. I moved the speeder forward at a leisurely pace towards the cave, stopping short of the escarpment before pushing another button to ascend. The sudden squeeze around my waist told me what Epi thought about the idea.

"Hang on tight." It was a bit redundant to say that because she had a death grip on me, but I felt she needed some verbal reassurance that everything would be okay. We ascended the wall smoothly, taking the lift in a steady even pace. I could feel the slight shake from my passenger's body as we reached the zenith. Epi was obviously a girl who liked her feet firmly planted on the ground.

"I've got something to show you," I shouted in an effort to get over the sound of the speeder.

"The ground?"

"Yeah... the ground," I said but it was probably not the same ground she was hoping for. I steered the speeder towards the point of the outcrop, landing it gently on the plateau. "You can open your eyes now." There was silence behind me. Maybe she didn't believe me. "It's safe, Epi." I couldn't move until she moved. The speeder dipped and I lifted my leg over the seat to get off.

She looked terrified. Epi tried to keep her eyes on me so that she didn't have to look anywhere else.

"It's a beautiful view," I explained in the hope she would actually look.

"I'm sure it is," she said as she steadfastly stared at me.

"You're not afraid of heights, are you?"

"No! Of course not!"

"You haven't convinced me."

"Can we please just get on with whatever it was you wanted to do?" Epi sounded like she was riding the edge of panic.

"What makes you think it wasn't this?" I joked. Sometimes it was just too easy. But she was breaking out in a sweat. "Look, we're quite safe here. I just wanted to show you the view. It's quite spectacular."

Timidly Epi turned towards the edge and gazed out over the vast vegetation that covered the valley and beyond. She was safely a few feet away from the edge but that didn't stop the apprehension. Her gaze dropped to what she was standing on and she turned to glance back along the vast expanse of rock that was the plateau.

"I wanted you to know that there was more beyond the valley. See?" My finger pointed towards the river that bisected our valley. "The river continues to here then splits into two to go around that outcrop over there."

"Why are you showing me this?"

"Epi..." I really didn't want to bring it up but it was something that needed to be done. "When I'm gone you will have to decide whether you want to stay and live here. I'm showing you that there is a lot of land out there that still needs to be discovered. If you don't want to stay, I'm sure Rales and the boys will take you wherever you want to go."

"Don't talk like that. I have faith-"

"I think we both know better, Epi. I'm not getting out of this one."

"You must have faith."

"I have faith, Epi, but let's be realistic here."

"If you had faith, my friend, you wouldn't be talking like this."

"Let's say it's just in case... you know. I want someone to know what I was trying to accomplish. Of course when I'm gone it won't matter one way or the other to me if you accept what's been done or abandon it."

"But J-"

"Just indulge me, okay? I'd be foolish not to at least put my affairs in order." Epi stared at me. "What?"

"You've lost your fire, J."

"My fire?"

"You were all fists and cussing when we met you but you've lost that."

"It's that damned ochre. It's taken away a lot of me and I'm not sure I'm the same person anymore."

"Maybe you should re-discover that. Find you fire, Jordana Laren, and then maybe you'll fight a lot harder."

She was right, of course. I had let the ochre call the shots in my life, and now a moment of impulsivity and random insanity was needed. Some of the boys were heading off-world to the bars of Arcus on Telgan when it was dark and maybe it was time that I joined them. Getting drunk and finding a good bar fight would probably help me find myself. And if not, then I'll have one last good memory to take with me.

"Let's go." Once seated on the scooter I shifted forward for Epi to sit behind me. "Now let's look at the hangar bay." Normally I would just open the throttle and let the scooter drop but I had Epi on board... ahhh, screw it. The scooter dropped like a stone and I pulled back on the stick before we hit bottom. A girlish scream nearly deafened me as Epi expressed her terror. "Is that fire enough for you?" I asked over my shoulder.

"You are a... a..."

I suppose Epi was trying to find a word that her mind didn't censor. "Idiot? Insane? Rapscallion?" That last word just jumped out of my mouth unbidden.

"Irresponsible," Epi finally offered.

"Yeah, but that's what you love about me. Remember you're the one who said go find my 'fire'."

"I have no one to blame but myself. I should have said that after this inspection and the scooter was safely back at the landing pad."

The scooter hovered next to the wall near where excavation had begun. There was not a lot to see but they only had the lasers for a couple of days, one of which was spent rescuing me. But there was an outline made and the boys were using hover mats to cut away the stone.

"How's it going?" I hollered.

"You don't want it done already, do you?" Rales was standing on his own mat supervising the work. I was glad that he had taken a passive role in the cutting because he wasn't getting any younger and his worth would be sorely needed in the weeks to come.

"Nah, I was just wishing for these guys. I'm sure they already want it to be all over."

"Yeah." "You got it sister." "A-men." There was a chorus of approval.

"You guys still going to Aston's tonight?" It was one of the bigger clubs in Arcus and was known for its liberal supply of women.... okay, prostitutes. Arcus was not the place to be looking for a permanent relationship.

"Sure. Why? You comin'?" The big burly guy who spoke was Dorin. Rales knew him from the old days when he worked with Dorin's dad. The skinny runt of a kid grew... and grew... and grew, and had an appetite to match.

"Sure, why not!" There was silence for a moment as the comment was digested. They weren't expecting that, and that told me in no uncertain terms that I had indeed lost my fire. Oh, I had a mouth on me, that was for sure, but the core of me had become I little soft lately. Epi was right... damn her!

I was waiting for some kind of comment from behind me but there was silence. If Epi was going to express an opinion she was keeping it to herself. "Don't work too hard!" I yelled as I tapped the button to go up. As the workers receded in the distance I felt sort of guilty that I wasn't lending a hand but I'm sure that there would have been a hue and cry if I had so much as lifted a finger to do some heavy work.

"You've got nothing to say?" I asked.

"I'm sure you have your reasons."

She sounded nearly condescending when she said it. "I do." That was all I said and left it at that. If she was disappointed with me then I would just grin and bear it. The scooter skimmed across the plateau to the other side and we descended rapidly to the valley floor. "Do you want me to drop you here?"

"Sure. Why?"

"I thought I'd spend some quality time with my girl." I debated in my mind whether to tell Epi that it was just Bessie I was talking about or let her worry for a little while longer. It was probably better to come clean now in case Fen heard about it. "I finally got my ship back and I thought I'd spend a little time re-acquainting myself with her."

Epi chuckled nervously. "You have no idea-"

"Oh yeah, I do." I grinned wickedly at her.

"Why you... you...."

"Go on, get out of here." I put the speeder into gear and set off to meet with my first girl, leaving Epi to walk the short distance to the cave.

The speeder made quick work of the distance and within moments I was landing the bike next to its mate. I didn't have far to look to find her. The broken antenna sat above the line of the trooper ship and it was like coming home. Bessie had been such a big part of my life that I was incomplete without her.

I strode across the field that we used as a makeshift landing spot, Bessie slowly being revealed to me as I moved around the trooper ship. Carn, it was good to see her! Before I knew it I was hugging her hull, my hand wandering aimlessly over her outer skin. "Hey girl," I whispered, "long time no see." My gaze followed her somewhat imperfect lines and scarred skin but to me she was perfect. It was what was inside her that was important to me. Her heart beat in sync with mine and we did everything as one.

Slowly I moved along her hull towards the ramp, letting my hand drag along the skin as if to reassure myself that she was really here. I was almost hesitant to step onto the ramp in case she was angry with me for abandoning her. "It wasn't my fault... really. She got the drop on me and took you away."

The interior was cold and maybe that was the reception I was expecting from her. All Bessie knew was that she was alone and I couldn't be found. It was at that moment that I realized that I wasn't Jordana Laren, carrier pilot and adventurer, any more. My life had taken a hard right turn and I was moving further and further away from my own identity.

Yeah, I admit that all those mornings watching the sun rise was oddly soothing but now that I took a seat in Bessie I began to wonder whether it was the ochre that was enjoying the sunrise and I was along for the ride.

My hands slid over the dashboard in an easy familiarity, finally resting on the stick in front of me. So many good memories existed in this ship and I had promised her many more. How could I break that promise?

But would I get that chance again? Less than two weeks left in my life were full of the Noorthi. Maybe I was being selfish but I had a sudden urge to spend that time on myself. I had given a lot of myself, and lost a lot as well, and I felt that now was the time to step back and end my days enjoying what I had liked the most in my former life.

Knowing that the Noorthi were in safe hands with Rales and Sasha I kicked Bessie into gear and took off for the stars. There were a few credits hidden away on the ship and I would need them soon to drown myself in mind-numbing anonymity.

* * *

I found an establishment that was practically empty and walked up to the bar and ordered. "A bottle of your most potent." The square bottle slid across the tabletop to stop in front of me, followed by a glass. I tossed down a handful of credits onto the counter top and grabbed my poison, taking refuge in a quiet corner. This was probably way past foolish but I was having a crisis here.

The bottle called to me and I unscrewed it, watching as I poured it into the glass. Was this really the solution? Probably not but it would give me instant gratification and that was all I could hope for. If I was going to die I was going out as Jordana Laren... adventurer, boozer, womanizer... and not some Noorthi wannabe. I was being stupid I know but Epi had planted the seed in me and it was sprouting at breakneck speed. I wanted... no, I needed my identity back.

The glass sat in my palm and I looked at it intently. Before I could think too hard about it, and the ochre had a chance to stop me, I threw the liquid down my throat, ignoring the bitter taste, the burn settling in my stomach and the nausea that followed. It was a victory of sorts, beating the ochre at its own game, and it encouraged me to try again. Slowly and steadily I worked my way through the bottle, each swallow easier than the one before it.

"Don't you think you've had enough?"

I didn't look at the speaker, instead taking another swig of alcohol synth from the glass. "Nowhere near enough. Bartender!" I pointed to the empty bottle and he nodded at me in understanding. Finally I looked up into the eyes of the person trying to spoil my fun.

"And what are you hoping to accomplish?"

"To lose my memory for one. I'm trying to find myself, Rales."

"And that's in the bottom of that bottle?"

"Not this one." I held up the empty bottle and handed it to the bartender, who swapped it for a fresh bottle. "This one." My hand was on the top when Rales' hand came down on top of mine, effectively stopping me from opening it.

"You're being such an ass."

"You're probably right."

"Come on, J. Come to Aston's with the guys."

But I knew it was so he could keep an eye on me. The room moved as I stood but I didn't fall down so I was not quite as stinking drunk as I wanted to be. "Why?"

"Come on, J. Just come with me, all right?" Rales grabbed my arm and slowly pulled. I think he was hoping that I wouldn't resist and just go along with him. Did I want to drink alone or join the party? Drinking alone was not all it was cracked up to be and at least I was still conscious enough to know that.

"Now where did I put Bessie?"

"Not now, J. We'll get her later."

"But I can't remember..." My fingers rose to my temple and circled gently over the skin as another headache began. It was like the net thing that Lorin used, which started the same way right before it fried my brain.

"J, there are only so many places you could park her. The boys will collect her later." The tugging got stronger as he wanted me to move. "Come on and have a drink with me."

"Why not have a drink here with me?"

Rales looked around the joint, then back at me. He let go and sat in the seat opposite where I had been seated. I flopped back into the booth and reached for the bottle, only to have it snatched away by Rales. He opened the bottle and poured a small quantity into my glass before signaling the bartender for another glass.

"That's it?" I held up the glass in question.

"Yep. You've had enough." The glass was delivered and he poured himself an even smaller drink. He looked at me for quite a while without saying anything as if sizing me up for a conversation. "What in Carn Almighty do you think you're doing? Taking off in Bessie like that without telling anyone. You know, those women are anxiously awaiting your return."

"They'll live."

"What did they do to make you grumpy?"

All the words had been swirling around in my mind since I had taken off impulsively. Could I make some sense of them or, more importantly, could Rales? "Who am I?"

"Ahhh, the hard stuff first." Rales smiled at me as if I had said something inane.

"Damn right it's hard. I don't know who I am any more."

"You're still Jordana Laren."

I took a mouthful of the alcohol and swallowed hard. The liquid stung my throat all the way down to my stomach, leaving me gasping for air. "But which Jordana?"

"There's two?"

"Sure, there was carefree Jordana who loved to drink, fight and love. Then there's the other Jordana... responsible, caring and almost a pacifist."

"And what's wrong with either of them?"

"I can't be both, Rales." I slouched in the booth as if I had admitted defeat.

"Sure you can. Each Jordana has her place, honey."

Honey? I let that one pass. "But Jordana number two has ruled my life of late. What happened to Jordana number one? I feel like I've lost a bit of myself."

"She's there inside you, J, she always has been." He laughed quietly and shook his head. I suppose I appeared a fool to him but he didn't seem to care. Rales had seen me in a lot of states over my life... drunk, angry, injured, jovial and serious just to name a few. He knew me better than anyone alive so I could let my guard down around him without judgment. "You've just recently found another side of you."

"But I don't know if I like that side of me. It's that damned ochre!"

"What ochre?" Rales asked.

Oh. He didn't know about that. "I sort of got dragged into the Noorthi culture. I'm their 'Ratha'... their defender."

"Well, that was... errr."

"Stupid? If I only knew then what I know now." I lifted my wrist and studied the tattoo before turning it around for Rales to see. "They put this on me and used some sort of ochre as the ink. According to them it has some special properties which, for one thing, has turned me off drink." He looked at me then at the glass. "I'm forcing myself." I was sobering a little with all the talk and I wasn't sure I wanted to be in that state. Rales had his hand firmly on the bottle so I couldn't grab it easily. "You don't know how much it's changed me. Suddenly I've developed scruples, Rales! Me!"

"And that's a bad thing?" As we talked he sat there fingering his glass without actually drinking any of the alcohol.

"Bad? Different maybe. But I feel my life has been taken out of my hands; that I'm no longer in control. The Noorthi did that to me!"

"No!" Rales barked. "You listen to me, young lady. Vel did this, not the Noorthi. It's because of her and that Count guy that you, and the Noorthi, were abandoned on Rigeus. She was the one hunting them down, forcing you to take action. She was the one torturing you. There is no one but Vel who is responsible here. She is at the root of it all."

"Yeah, but she's not here. She's not the one expecting me to solve all their problems for them. She's not trying to change me."

"True." I didn't expect that answer but Rales continued, "But she put you in that position in the first place. These women didn't ask to be marooned on some hellhole like Rigeus. They are doing the best they can with what they have been given. To them you are a gift, Jordana."

"A gift," I mumbled, "Bah!" I drained the glass of its last two drops of alcohol and held it out for a refill. "I want my life back!"

"Well then let's get rid of Vel then everything can return to normal."

"Hel-lo!!!! I have..." I mentally counted the days, "ten days left to live. Unless Vel will accommodate me and drop dead at my feet in that time it ain't gonna happen!" As for the alcohol, there was none coming my way.

"You don't know that."

"The doc said so."

"And you believe him?"

Rales was beginning to piss me off. He had been brainwashed by those women and now believed I wasn't dying. "Of course I believe him! He's a sertech for crying out loud!"

"Maybe he said it so you would let him go."

"Yeah yeah. And the Noorthi can fly."

"You don't now that," he said jokingly.

"If you don't stop this shit I may just have to do something about it!"

"And what would Sasha say?"

"I don't know but I would give her my condolences." Even drunk my vocabulary instincts were shining. It must have been from a misspent youth.

"Have you finished?"

"I haven't even begun. Give me that bottle."

"No, have you gotten it all out of your system with all this ranting and raving?"

"No!" I sat there not amused.

"At least come to Aston's, okay? It looks lively there tonight. With some luck you'll get knocked unconscious and give us all a rest." Rales stood and urged me to follow. I reached for the bottle and he took it out of my hand and slammed it down on the table. "There's plenty at Aston's."

"But... but... I just opened that!" I objected to paying for a full bottle when seven eighths of it was still there.

"Here..." Rales tossed the coins on the table and grabbed my arm, pulling me along with a surprising amount of strength. "Say goodnight."

"Goodnight!" I yelled as we passed the bartender on the way out.

It was nice to step out into dark when it was supposed to be dark. In fact it was so dark that I stumbled all the way to Aston's. "Where's the lights?"

"They went out ages ago, J."

"Really? What time is it?" Not that I really cared. Just steer me towards another drink and I was fine.

"Later than you think, young lady."

I was blissfully unaware of Rales' stern tone and just wanted to find sweet oblivion in the bottom of a glass.

The darkness finally gave way to light as we found Aston's, its glittering lights sparkling like the askeran of Doogan. The tiny bug-like flyers filled the night sky of Doogan, a bit like the fireflies of Earth but more volatile. Once I was there during the mating season and I watched them fly erratically in the dark, dancing their final mating dance before dropping to the ground in a fiery crescendo. Why did such beautiful creatures have to die just to mate?

My thoughts were all over the place and I didn't even know why I suddenly felt sad for the askeran. Who cared? They were a universe or two away and had no bearing on my own life and yet their demise was important to me.

"Come on." Rales steered me into the bar and the sights and sounds bombarded my aching brain, pushing my headache up to the next level. It took several moments for my eyes to focus on the hive of activity taking place. Maybe it was pay week because the place was busy. Rales took the lead and dragged me along after him. "I found her!" he called to the small party sitting in a corner booth.

"How did you find me?" Finally I could make some sense.

"Malt tagged Bessie," he said as he pushed his way through the crowd.

"She tagged my girl?"

"Stop complaining. Don't forget she tagged you." Rales smiled as he spoke.

"Oh, please! She caught me off-guard."

"That's not what I heard."

"She told you?"

"She was talking to Sasha. It seemed you didn't want to explain everything to her so Sasha did."

"Oh, Almighty Carn!"

"It was quite an education!" He laughed out loud. "But the girl kept talking to herself. I don't know why."

"Rice."

"I can order some if you really want it."

"No, a Noorthi spirit named Rice lives inside her."

"Oh, come on! I know they're strange but they're not that strange. Besides, how could you possibly know?"

"Because Rice was in me for a while before I died."

"You died? My, my, you are making a habit of it." He snuffled a bit before sobering. "And you'll get through this one as well."

But he did have a point. I had already died once. I made Beri pregnant without any obvious help. I was still alive after a procedure that should have killed me. Depending on how I looked at it, either I'm due for my luck to run out or I'm the luckiest bitch in the known universe.

Just as we reached the booth someone shoved me in the back, sending me sprawling over the table and into the drinks. "Hey!" I drew the line at an alcohol bath.

"What's your problem?"

I struggled to stand up from my position over the table and I turned to face a behemoth of a man. "Was that really necessary?"

"Sorry," he said blandly.

"It don't think you mean it." I looked him straight in the eye. "I think you owe these men fresh drinks and a sincere apology would be nice."

"It ain't gonna happen, sweetheart... on either account." He grinned crookedly at me as if I were some kind of joke. While I may not be known in these parts yet, I soon would be.

"Leave it, J."

"No, Rales! This guy owes me an apology."

"And you got it, sugar. Don't push your luck."

"You shoved me in the back and I'm supposed to be sorry? I think you've got it wrong, flabby."

"Flabby? Who are you calling 'flabby'."

"If the shoe fits, flarthead." I had just given him the worst insult for being fat. 'Flart' was the nickname for the derid of Rexus Armid. It was an unassuming thing in its native habitat, a sort of round herbivorous creature that lived in the swamps, but when threatened it inhaled the swamp gases and expanded to breaking point, often quadrupling its size to scare off predators. Of course with all that gas inside it, its pock-marked skin was highlighted and it gave off the most foul-smelling odor on this side of the spiral arm. Somehow its body converted whatever gases it had inhaled into something so insidiously potent that quite often it drove its own species away for days at a time.

"Why... you..."

"What? Quit while you're ahead, baldy. You wouldn't want me thrashing your ass in front of your drinking buddies now would you?" The alcohol put a fire in my belly and I was itching to hit something.

"You?" He threw his head back and laughed. He directed his comment to Rales and the boys. "I hope you have somewhere to bury her."

His fist shot out with amazing speed for someone of his weight, hitting my jaw with a loud crack. My head snapped back and my headache jumped to life, throbbing insistently in my head. I moved to the side quickly to get out of range of his left hook because where I was I was boxed in between him and the table.

The floor cleared and I was left alone to face him. "It's your last chance to walk away," I said, not that I expected him to do so. I could see he thought I was an easy target and seemed quite content to beat up a woman while I, on the other hand, would have preferred someone a little less weight challenged to take my frustration out on. However it seemed I wasn't going to have a choice.

My usual fighting style wouldn't help me here, leaving me to dance around and throw a punch when the opportunity presented itself. Meanwhile his plan was to just come at me and crush me in his beefy arms. My first punch landed in his stomach and it bounced back with all the fat he carried, leaving me no option but to go for his head.

"You call that a punch?" he yelled so that everyone could hear. He was trying to sound impressive to those watching but even in my inebriated state I could see that he didn't have a lot of support. Obviously they thought picking on a woman was a cowardly act.

Rales started yelling at me. "Is this a good idea? He might have a family." We both knew it was a game of strategy, especially when my opponent was the size of our intended hangar bay.

"He won't feel a thing," I yelled back.

"Too damned right!" he countered. "You won't even touch me." He turned around to his fellow drinkers and chuckled at his own smart comment.

But I was waiting for him, my fist slamming into his jaw when he turned his head back to face me. He staggered back and fell on a table, which promptly collapsed under his weight.

"Damn." I shook my aching hand. "He must have a titanium jaw."

"No time to talk, J." Rales called, his finger pointing at the space freighter of a man charging at me. He was going to slam into me with everything he had, and I prayed that the people behind me had the sense to get out of the way. Side-stepping his enormous bulk of a body I found some clear space to move.

My headache slowly pounded in my head and made concentration nearly impossible. I would have to finish this fight... and fast. He let out a growl and charged again, his arms outstretched as if to pull me in if I try to escape. But I didn't wait for him to come to me, launching my own attack with a high kick to his head. He staggered for a moment and dropped to his knees, and while he was down he was not out. I took a few steps back until I touched the crowd standing behind me.

Then everything happened so quickly I barely registered it. A hand grabbed my shoulder and turned me around to face one of my opponent's friends. He balled his fist and punched me in the face, hitting high on my cheekbone. The force sent me staggering backwards until I fell over the kneeling giant, hitting my head on one of the bar chairs as I went down.

It was all a blur after that. Voices sounded like they were far away and images twisted and turned in front of my eyes. I heard Rales saying, "J! J, are you all right?" a second before I passed out.

* * *

"Corda aya ni sa!" You cannot use that!

I opened my eyes and I was back in the cave, but I was not exactly sure how I got there. The brightness from the lights was blinding and forced me to close my eyes. The throbbing in my head was constant, being a slow steady beat out of sync with my heart. In a way it was indicative of my health... beating at a different rhythm to the rest of the universe.

"Vi cuy nui cha." We have no choice.

Grit and some of the elder women were obviously discussing my treatment. I was really of no help to anybody because opening my eyes sent shards of white-hot agony into my brain, so testing it by sitting up was not an option.

"Bui ka dii krak sha!" But it will kill her!

Should I speak up before they killed me? Now was the time to be asking for a second opinion.

"Deah. Ka dii postui krak sha om cree sha." Yes. It will either kill her or cure her.

"A-hem." I cleared my throat. "I can hear everything, you know." My eyes were still closed so I couldn't see which elders were involved.

"What is it you want to know, Ratha?" Grit asked.

"For one thing, I understood everything you said so cut the clap-trap. What is it you want to use that will kill me?"

"It is an old root that we have not used in centuries."

"And you managed to get a hold of it how?"

"Before we left our Great House Jama collected some of our most potent ingredients." I still hadn't opened my eyes so I couldn't see who Grit was talking about. "What is wrong with your eyes?"

"Headache. It hurts to open them." I stopped for a moment before continuing. "How... how long do I have?"

"We do not know. We are unfamiliar with the technology that damaged you." Grit tried to sound positive but even without my eyesight I could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

"Talk to Parmenter Floric. He invented it, so he should be able to answer any questions you may have." There was silence for a moment before I could hear footsteps leaving us. "What is this root that will kill me?"

"It is a rare root from the Karis system, where our sisterhood sprang from. It has been passed down from generation to generation awaiting the time when it will be used for a great purpose."

Ohhh great. Now I was a 'great purpose'. All I wanted to do was to live my life and they were dragging me further into the sisterhood. "Don't waste it on me, okay? I'm not your 'great purpose', so stop trying to make me something I'm not!"

"And what are we trying to make you, Ratha?"

"Nothing," I mumbled, "nothing."

"Then why do you complain?"

"Stop it!" I forced my eyes open, trying to put the pain aside as I did so.

"What is wrong, Ratha?"

"That's it! That's what's wrong! I don't want to be a hero!"

"A... hero?" Grit seemed amused by it all.

"I'm no hero, all right? I like to drink, I like to fight and I love to make love. I cheat, I steal and I manipulate. I'm not a very nice person but at least my life was my own. Now you've changed all of that."

"And yet here you are protecting us. You can do what we cannot." Grit was not taking 'no' for an answer. "What is worrying you?"

"Me?" I wanted to say 'nothing' but it was too late for that. "You are maneuvering me into a corner, Grit. Since I've met you I have been killed, tortured and abused. I don't know how much longer I can take this."

"Ten days?" she said drolly.

"Oh, ha ha." Who knew Grit had a sense of humor? "If you're trying to make me feel better you're failing miserably."

"Why is it so hard to accept your destiny?"

"This isn't my destiny. It's my sentence." Grit went silent and I suddenly realized what I had said. "Oh, no, no, no. I didn't mean that."

"One does not say what one does not mean."

"Look...," I forced myself to sit up, one hand holding the top of my head so it didn't pop off. "I didn't mean it, really. It's just that I'm at the crossroads of my life. There's so little time left and I'm trying to find a place in me that can be content with how things have panned out."

"You give up so easily?"

"Me? Of course not! But even I can see that time is running out."

"But you have, otherwise you would not be thinking in such a way." She took a step towards me and pinched me. "Now stop this nonsense!"

"Owww! That hurt!" I rubbed the sort part of my arm and looked up at her. "What was that for?"

"Stop all this doubt and look forward!"

"Am I the only one in this madhouse who has a handle on what's happening here?"

One of the elders came in and whispered to Grit. "One moment, Ratha." She held up a hand in the stop position and turned away to consult with her peers.

While they talked in hushed tones I ran my hand through my hair. Was it the thought of imminent death that was causing me to have this crisis? As they all said, I really needed to get a hold of my emotions and get on with what was left of my life, but something was blocking me. Something stopped me from taking that final step and accept what the universe had deemed was in store for me.

There was frenetic movement around the bench which held the Noorthi herbs, leaves and potions. Half a dozen of the elders were crowded around the mortar as Grit placed various ingredients into the bowl. Each of them had some advice to give, the voices scratching on my last nerve like the cackle of hyriads. The tiny scrawny four-legged birds lived in the Galaxis Universe, for which I am forever grateful because it was as far away from me as possible. Their high-pitched squeals could be heard all over their home planet of Amaris Prime, driving all living creatures to either escape the planet or commit suicide. Amaris Prime was their unchallenged domain and I swore one day I would return and incinerate every single one of them.

"Here!"

My body twitched at the harsh word. I looked up at Grit who handed me a wooden bowl. I studied the contents then looked at her again.

"Drink it!"

That was Grit. Always to the point. She was a no-nonsense woman who didn't suffer fools lightly, even though she seemed to be ignoring my past foolishness for now.

"Why?"

"Do not argue, Ratha. Drink it if you want to live."

Of course I wanted to live. What sort of stupid question was that? I didn't air my thoughts because I knew Grit would argue and my head was just not up to the task so I did what she asked. "Oh stars! What is this shit?" And I thought the ochre for my headache was horrible.

"This is not, what you say, shit." Grit must have known what the word was because she blushed.

"Sorry," I said. I have got to stop these women cursing, but trying to stop myself may well be impossible.

"Finish it."

"You're kidding, right?"

"FINISH IT!" Her voice rose in volume and became stern, telling me in no uncertain terms that if I didn't drink it myself then she would sit on top of me and pour it down my throat. I was tempted to refuse just to see her try.

"Yeah, you tell her Grit!"

I recognized Sasha's voice but I was unable to focus on her while my eyes were scrunched up. The concoction sat heavily on my tongue like sludge and I couldn't stop myself from sticking my tongue out a number of times in an effort to get rid of it.

"Oh, now that's a pretty picture!"

"What do you want, Sasha?" I wasn't in the mood for word games, at least not Sasha's version of it.

"I came up to see how you were doing, but if you're going to be all snippy..." She made a show of turning away in preparation to leave.

"Hang on, shorty. Come here." I motioned to her with my hand and my head and instantly regretted using either of them. When Sasha moved closer I stood up and pulled her into a hug. "I didn't get much of a chance to thank you for saving me." I kept the conversation between us by whispering so to save some embarrassment but I think it might have been more for my embarrassment than hers.

"No problem, J."

We separated and I stood face to face with my rescuer. "You certainly got the drop on Vel."

"Yeah," she replied, "I did, didn't I?"

"You sure did. The look on her face when you ordered her to step into the holding cell."

"Oh yeah." Sasha laughed. It pleased me to see her finally find the emotional armor to fight her bad memories. "I thought she would swallow her tongue."

"I only wish." I sobered. "It was a risky plan though. What if the real Marius had turned up?"

"Then I suppose I would have arrested him and put him in the cell with Vel."

"No. Seriously, what was the backup plan?"

"I was supposed to have a backup plan?"

"Stop kidding around here, Sash. You could have gotten us all killed." Why was I worrying about this?

"But I didn't. The plan worked and we all got out alive. Stop worrying."

I was about to open my mouth again when I stopped myself. "You're right." Sasha's eyes widened at my sudden about-turn. "No point in wondering what might have happened. As you said, we all got out alive. End of story." I extended my hand and waited for Sasha to do the same. "Thanks again. You earned your stripes, young lady."

Sasha's eyes lit up as I praised her. It seemed that was what she had been waiting for all this time. My approval.

"I'm not too sure about that other Noorthi who came along for the ride."

"Why, what's going on?"

"She's not too happy about being here and there's been a bit of arguing going on."

"Her and Beri?" Maybe bringing back Tars was not such a good idea after all. I didn't want Beri upset, especially now.

"Yep, and those sertech fellows. They can't agree on anything."

"I had hoped they would have put aside their differences in the name of science."

"Unless science involves a hairy rocah and a bulbous chetan I don't think they found any common ground at all."

"I don't believe this..." I took a few steps towards the cave entrance when Grit blocked my way.

"Where do you think you are going?"

"I've got things to do and I can't do them here." I tried to side-step her but she moved with me. "Grit. Please!"

"You have no regard for our ways. You must stay here and rest."

"I have every respect for your... our ways, memesh." I had no idea where that word came from and I suspected that Grit was wondering the same thing. I was thinking of 'healer' but I wanted to attach some affection to the word. Suddenly it was there in my head and those damned vocabulary skills took it upon themselves to just say it.

"How... did... you... ??"

"I have absolutely no idea, Grit. It just popped into my head." I moved again to get around the wiry middle-aged woman, this time shuffling left then right before she had a chance to change direction. "I'll be back and then I'll rest."

"Yes you will," she called as I left the cave with Sasha. Somehow it sounded more like an order than a prediction.

Sasha waited for me on the valley floor. "How did you know that?"

"Like I said, it just popped into my head."

"You're getting really scary, J."

"Imagine how I feel." I slapped her on the back and pushed her along the path. "Come on, let's get this sorted out."

I had ignored Malt for way too long and I was feeling a little guilty about it. She had brought back an innocence into my rather jaded life and, well, I kind of liked to see her smile. She and Badger were seated outside the makeshift hut that had been designated for research. There was an argument going on inside and I looked at Malt.

"This is normal," she commented before she rolled her eyes.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Since they arrived."

"Son of a ... Sorry, Malt. How are you?"

"We're fine." Malt glanced at Badger, who looked back adoringly. Had something already happened?

"Really? Nothing I should know about?" I was almost afraid to ask.

"Nope," she said innocently, but that spoken word said so much more. Why did I feel that our positions had changed? Malt was looking at me as if I was some kid.

The argument became heated and I was forced to leave one problem for another. "Hold that thought." I held up my finger in the air. "Sash, keep them company," I suggested then stopped. "And no more advice, okay?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Uh-huh. I heard about the talk, Sash."

"You've got no one to blame but yourself. If you had answered Malt's question in the first place..."

I waved my hand in dismissal. "I'll talk to you later." I walked under the branch canopy to the cleared area that was designated for research. Lorin was bent over a bench looking at a sample through a rather crude magnification device, while Floric was seated at the other end of the table sorting out various plants that had been collected.

"You've got it all wrong!" Floric argued.

"As if you would know!" Lorin countered.

"I'm the Parmenter here and don't you forget it!"

"How can I? You won't shut up about it!"

"Stop it you two!!!!" I bellowed. "If you two can't play together then I'm sure I could find some other job for you... say, helping with the excavation?"

Floric looked liked he was going to cry while Lorin's jaw dropped. It was obvious that both of them had thought they were immune from performing manual labor.

"Now... stop this bickering and get back to work!"

They looked at one another for a moment before Lorin answered. "We can't."

"You... can't? Or you won't!"

"We've tried everything we can here. It can't be eliminated."

It was the worst possible news I could have hoped for. "What are the plants for?"

"In case we came up with another idea," Floric answered.

"What's the problem?" Not that I would have any idea what they were talking about, but I was hoping that talking about it would prompt a new solution.

"We cannot break down the Flarisil."

"Break down?" I was lost already.

"Each molecule of the medication is impervious to any kind of modification." Lorin explained.

"Okay, so you can't get in. Is that right?"

"Exactly." Floric said.

"Well, if you can't get in can you stop it from getting out?" My brain had kicked into gear and was thinking without my knowledge.

"What do you mean?" Floric straightened up in his seat. Had I said something right?

"Is there something that you could put around these moles to isolate them?"

"Molecules." Lorin stroked his chin. "Interesting idea. Very interesting."

"Our supply of Flarisil is exhausted from the previous tests. Unless we could-"

"Would my blood do?"

"Of course it would!" Lorin said excitedly. "What do you think?" He looked at his co-worker.

"That might be the answer!" Floric stood up and grabbed Lorin's shoulders in his hands. So that was the secret to harmony-the chance of common success.

"So now what?"

"Now we take some blood."

I came out rubbing my arm. Obviously they had never taken blood that way before, opting instead for the more clinical stance of allowing someone else to take it. A lot was riding on my blood and I hoped that the fighting would stop long enough to actually cure me.

"Rice? How are you?"

Malt stood and looked at me for a moment before realizing what I had asked. Her eyes wandered then tracked back to mine. "She says she's fine."

"Can I talk to her?"

"You are."

"No, I mean really talk to her. Without you in the middle." Malt looked a little hurt. "It's okay, hon. I just miss talking to her, that's all. After all, she was in my head before she was in yours."

"Stop picking on the kid, J."

"Have you been behaving yourself, Rice?"

"Sure." That probably meant the opposite.

"Uh-huh. What have these two been up to?"

"Up... to?"

"Come on, Rice. They're not going to tell me so it's up to you."

"Well..."

"Don't you dare," Malt interceded.

"I'm not the one doing all that touchy stuff, Malt. It was... it was... ewwww. It was yucky."

I chuckled at Rice's naïveté. "It's not really, Rice. You just haven't come in contact with it before." But she was swaying me from the point. "What else did they do?" I heard the scuffing of feet as I interrogated Rice, which told me all I needed to know.

"But, J! She was chanting in my head!" Malt whined.

"Is that what that was?" Badger inquired. "I thought you were singing because you were happy."

"They were kissing and... and... other stuff." Rice paused. Suddenly the words tumbled out. "I didn't know you could do that with four hands, J. Do I have to tell you everything?"

"No, Rice. Thanks for the truth." I turned my attention to the two naughty girls standing in front of me. They were nervously waiting for my response and I let them wait. But it would have been hypocritical of me to judge them. Didn't I do the same thing as them at their age? "Okay, who started it?"

Fingers pointed accusingly at one another. If they were going down they were going down together. "I hope no one saw you."

"Only Rice."

"She can't be avoided. Please don't do anything in front of the Noorthi, all right? They're celibate!"

"What's celebrate?"

"Celibate, Malt. It means they not interested in sex. They're holy women for crying out loud!"

"Jordana!"

"WHAT!" My shouted word echoed through the valley.

"Can we see you for a minute?" Floric stood at the entrance to the lab. Surely they couldn't have found the cure already.

I pointed my finger at Malt's face. "Just be careful," I warned, shooing them off with a wave of my hand. Malt and Badger had taken a few steps away from me when I called to them. "And no picking on Rice either!"

Inside the lab two faces looked at me somberly. This was not good.

"We can't help you, Jordana." Lorin had taken it upon himself to break the news.

"That's it? My life is dismissed like that?" Now I was angry. "Had you tried hard enough? Geez, man, I only gave you my blood a few minutes ago. How could you come to that conclusion so quickly? Or it is that you wanted to get home to a nice comfortable bed. I should have-"

"Whoa, Jordana!" Floric held up his hands to stop me rambling. "We didn't say that you were going to die. We only said that we couldn't help you."

"That's one in the same in my book. Makes some sense h-"

"You're already cured." Floric said over the top of me.

I stopped. "Sorry? Say that again?"

"I said you're already cured. We both looked at the blood sample we took from you and there was no Flarisil in your blood stream."

"No Flar... how is that possible?"

"Either you are one remarkable woman, Jordana Laren, or some outside influence cured you." The incredulity of the situation tinged Floric's words.

"Outside infl-u-e-n-cc-eee." I didn't have to think too long or too hard to know what that was. Come to think of it, my headache had disappeared once I drank that shit Grit gave me. "All right," I said absently, "work on something to kill Vel with."

"You still want to do that?"

"Now more than ever, Floric. She is an evil stain on the universe, Parmenter, and I intend to remove her." I walked out before they had a chance to argue.

Once outside I let my façade slip. Almighty Carn! Cured! I staggered over to a nearby tree and leaned heavily against it. Things were happening at light speed around and to me and I wasn't sure I could keep up with it all. I needed somewhere to take a moment to collect myself so I made my way to the one place that I had always found peaceful.

I shouldn't have been surprised to find Beri sitting on the rim of the plateau that was our landing platform. "Hey!" I called as I approached her.

"Hey!" She said as she looked seriously at me.

"Let me guess... your mother." Then I added as an afterthought. "And the baby."

"Correct on both accounts."

I have to say that she looked utterly miserable, so I put aside my problems to address hers. She patted the ground next to her and I accepted the invitation, seating myself close to her. If I had been her I would have found somewhere to bury myself, so I figured if I was Beri I might want the opposite. I offered her all that I had-my closeness and my attention. Perhaps I was the only person in this universe that truly knew everything that was going on.

"So you mother's being an ass, huh?

"Ass?"

"You know, a fool, idiot."

"Yes, she is being an ass."

"Have you told her yet?" But I knew she hadn't because if she had her mother wouldn't be such an ass.

"The opportunity-"

"-hasn't arisen. Yeah, I've heard that before. You have to tell her, B."

"I know!!!" Beri sighed in resignation. "I know."

"Then what are you arguing about?"

"She won't step aside."

"I thought you said you hadn't told her." Now I was confused.

"I told her I was pregnant."

"But not the 'who'," I said matter-of-factly. "Should I be insulted?" Was she afraid to tell her mother that I was the father? "You can always say it's one of the other Noorthi." I hoped she wouldn't but her own succession as Ashman and the continuation of the Noorthi was at stake.

"I cannot lie."

"But I can." I reached for Beri's hand to hold in my own. "I can save you the embarrassment." My fingers started tracing the veins on the back of her hand, and I prayed to Carn that I wasn't adding another baby to Beri's already burgeoning problems. "Let me be your Jadwa."

Suddenly Beri's attention was on me. "Who told you that?"

"I didn't tell anyone, if that's what you're asking. The word just popped into my head," I said calmly. Just like the other one.

Her eyes narrowed as if trying to gauge if I was telling the truth or not. "That word does not translate easily, J. Someone would have to know the circumstances that you wanted to use the word in to advise you."

"I told you it popped into my head."

"That is not possible, Ratha!"

"Why don't you believe me? Don't you think if I had confided in someone they would have approached you by now? I don't lie all the time, B, and usually not to my friends!" It was painful to have Beri verbally slap me in the face but I knew that my reaction would be hers if I were in her shoes.

"Then how?"

"I've got news of my own." My heart thumped hard against my ribcage. "I'm cured."

"Those two men solve it for you?"

"Nope but they confirmed that I was cured. It was Grit and her cronies."

"Grit?"

"They used some plant that they'd been holding onto in case of an emergency."

"The lintani from the Karis System."

"Yeah, I think that's the one. Six of Grit's friends all crowded around a pestle and threw all sorts of stuff into it like they were baking boitons." Now that took me back to my childhood. A favorite recipe of my mother's, Carn rest her soul, I always knew she was the best cook in the whole wide galaxy because of them. Suddenly I had a craving for one of those little pastries that she so lovingly prepared for us.

Beri finally smiled. "That's Grit."

"She sure is a character."

"And our best healer." Beri said proudly. Even I could see Beri held the older woman in high regard.

Pulling on Beri's hand, which still sat in my palm, I drew her attention back to me. "Please, B," I implored, "Let me be your Jadwa."

"Do you know what you are asking?"

"I think so." I certainly hoped so.

"Then dazzle me with your knowledge."

I had to look twice. "Dazzle?" I asked. "I've been hanging around you way too long."

"Try Sasha."

"I'll-"

"Stop the excuses. Do you really know what jadwa means?"

"It means 'confessor', sort of, but it's more than that. I...," I frowned as I had trouble trying to verbally express something so abstract that the words were out of reach. "I... ahhh... Damn, this is hard."

"Take your time." Beri's voice had softened. I think she was interested to hear how I interpreted the word.

"It means that I would stand in your place to plead your case to the Noorthi congregation. I will represent you in all matters concerning, in this case, your pregnancy and your right to take up the mantle of Ashman." The tenseness in my body eased as I uttered the last word. I looked up expectantly. "Did I get it right?'

"In essence, yes. It's the sort of word that has many connotations depending on the circumstance. Your have expressed your intentions for your jadwa to me and I'm content to accept it. Thanks Jordana for your support. I just hope the rest of them are as understanding."

"They will be. I'll just dazzle them with my new-found vocabulary skill."

Beri laughed.

"What do you want me to do about your mother?"

"She's not happy staying here." Beri's sad expression nearly broke my heart.

"Do you want me to take her back to Juno?"

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"Probably, but I'll do it for you." Beri's hand contracted in mine, squeezing my palm in appreciation. "Are you okay?"

"I finally found her again, J, and now she wants to leave. Is something wrong with me?"

Beri needed a hug so I gave her one, putting aside the fear of spontaneously impregnating her... again. "Nothing's wrong, my sweet Beri. Tars is no longer the mother you once knew. Maybe her path is no longer yours."

"All she does is criticize me and complain how the Noorthi have lost their way."

"Have you ever thought that maybe it's her that's lost the way?" Then there was the matter of the husband and kids at home on Juno. The woman was being hypocritical.

"But she has a point."

"This is how I see it. The Noorthi were thrown into a harsh environment where you had to change to survive. All the basic principles of the sisterhood were adhered to but some things had to change. You are still, in essence, the Noorthi but you have discovered a freedom that your sisters haven't yet found. You are a new generation of Noorthi, different but still the same. Am I making sense?"

"A little. But the Noorthi-"

"Is it the name that's bothering you? Don't you think you deserve that name?"

"Maybe." Beri answered but I could see that was exactly what she thought.

"How about 'Children of the Noorthi'? Noorthi-Cha."

Beri didn't say anything straight away but she was thinking about it. Did that solve her crisis of faith? I did nothing more but just sit with her until she was ready to continue.

"Let's call a meeting of the Noorthi on the landing pad in the morning." I offered. Beri still didn't speak but just nodded her acceptance.

The morning sun was shining brightly on the valley as the Noorthi gathered on the landing pad for this special meeting. I had gone over in my mind what I wanted to say but still hadn't formed any convincing arguments to sway my audience. Suddenly being jadwa didn't seem like a good idea.

There was one hundred-odd women standing there waiting for me to say something and I had no idea what to tell them. I just hoped by new and improved brain would jump in and do the talking for me.

"Ma soosa!" My sisters!

Now I had their attention.

"E vooka da pishkei corda iyi uk akadishu!" I wish to petition you for an audience!

My words had begun a wave of murmuring. Even if I didn't know what they were saying I could guess quite easily. I had impressed them with my use of the Noorthi language. Maybe at a later stage I would tell them that it wasn't me doing the talking, but that it was a side effect of Grit's inventive healing.

"Sisters!" I began. Oh boy! I took a deep breath and released it slowly if, for nothing else, than to buy me a few extra precious seconds to think. "I come to you as Beristhamée's jadwa to plead her case." They now knew that I was serious because I had used Beri's hidden name.

"There seems to be a conflict between her and her mother, Ashman Tarsthamée. Beri has recently found out that she is pregnant." There were low words of approval and surprise. "Now I know that this pregnancy was not conceived by Noorthi ritual and some would then call her right to ascend to Ashman invalid. But I say to you is not all life blessed as a gift?" Suddenly I was speaking like them, and my use of contractions had disappeared.

"You are all well aware that the last ten years or so have been a great upheaval for the Noorthi. Many of you suffered at the hands of Vel, while the rest of you had to endure the harsh environment. You had been abandoned on Rigeus to die and yet you lived." The murmurs became louder. "Your faith survived and made you stronger." The random words turned to cries of joy. "Just as you had to adapt to the heat and the desolation, so did your faith. Your elders were taken away from you one by one until you were left with no one to teach you the Noorthi way. You were left to survive as best as you could." I allowed the noise to rise up and settle over the plateau. This had been the first time that they'd been given the chance to express themselves about this catastrophic event in their lives.

"Now Tarsthamée here...," I extended my hand to indicate Tars standing next to me, "...will try to tell you that this life is not the Noorthi way. That you have all lost the true meaning of your sisterhood. But I say to you that your faith had been tested and you prevailed. Maybe the rituals are no longer practiced in the Great House but you have something far better. Your faith resides within each of you, so to find the Great House all you have to do is to look within yourself."

"'What has this to do with Beristhamée' I hear you ask? This is not the Great House-we can all see that-so while the ritual of conception was not adhered to, the intent and her faith were deep in Beri's heart and Beri's soul."

"'But how was it possible?' you say. And you have every right to ask. Somehow she fell pregnant without the blessed drink and the chanting. Beri had conceived outside the Noorthi way without any apparent help. She had done nothing against Noorthi beliefs nor had she ever contemplated to do so."

"So I am asking you to judge her gently. Tarsthamée does not wish to withdraw as Ashman, as is Noorthi tradition, as she believes that Beri's child is an abomination conceived without regard for Noorthi beliefs and laws. But I say this, the ceremony for conceiving a child is just that-a ceremony. It is not a law but a ritual."

"Tarsthamée does not wish to reside here, instead petitioning to return to Juno. I am inclined to let her return so I ask if there are any among you who wish to return to Juno as well seek me out later. But be warned, Juno will not welcome you. The Great House is still in the hands of the Count, Marius Grimm, the man who condemned you-and me-to Rigeus."

"Now the reason for this meeting. As Beristhamée's jadwa I am announcing her petition to ask her mother to step down so she may take up the mantle of Ashman, as is our tradition." I looked at Beri before continuing, looking for some signal from her that I could say it all. Her eyes dropped to the ground and her head nodded gently. "And as far as her pregnancy is concerned, we believe that I may be responsible for her current state." There was utter silence. "That was my reaction as well."

"And this is why I refuse to hand over Ashman to someone who has perverted the ideals of the sisterhood!" Tarsthamée interceded.

I turned my back on the crowd and uttered to Tars, "Don't start a fight you won't win."

"Are you threatening me?" she answered with some hostility.

"For a peace-loving holy woman you know what a threat is? Learn that from your husband?"

Her eyes narrowed as she regarded me. Yeah, lady, don't mess with me. "What do you want?"

"For you to give in."

"Impossible!" She addressed the Noorthi, "Sisters! How can you put your trust in an outsider? Outsiders do nothing but cheat, lie and deceive. She is no different. You are all too trusting of this woman who claims to be your friend."

"You have been away from your sisters for ten years," I countered. "How could you know their wishes?"

"You know very well I was a prisoner on Juno."

"A prisoner? You had no freedom in the Great House?"

"I was a prisoner."

"Are you sure you want to stick to that excuse?"

"I have nothing to hide."

"Sisters! You heard her! She said she had nothing to hide!" I would have preferred that Tars had stepped aside gracefully but she was calling my bluff and I had no choice but to reveal the truth. "Lorin!" I yelled at the top of my voice. "Sertech Lorin!"

"Did you call me?" A masculine voice carried on the breeze.

"Can you come to the landing pad please?"

"One moment!"

"He is not allowed here!"

"Tarsthamée, he is not joining the meeting, however he will answer a few questions and then will leave."

"His words mean nothing."

"Let him speak!" A lone voice spoke out.

I looked out over the audience and found the owner of the voice. "Thank you Clead. I beg your indulgence sisters. Sertech Lorin will shed some light on this matter."

"You wished to see me?" The old man wheezed gently as he reached the top of the rise.

"Would you mind answering a question or two for these women?"

"If I can."

"You were in the service of Marius Grimm?"

"Not technically, no. He sent a request for a Sertech to the Consortium. It seemed his son was in need of medical help."

"He has a son?"

"Three, Jordana."

"And where was the mother?"

"The Noorthi woman was present whenever I saw the child. I saw no other female at first then Vel entered the household a few days before you arrived at the Great House."

"So Tars here was the only female in the compound?"

"That I was able to ascertain. There may have been more but I didn't have access to every room."

"However, as far as your treatment of the boy was concerned, Tars was always present?"

"Yes. As was Grimm. He was standing close by her."

"Then what happened?"

"The child's health improved. Before I had a chance to return home Vel approached me about you." If he was waiting for some kind of reaction from me, I gave him none. "She said she needed a drug to make you talk. I suggested a less extreme measure but she wanted the neural net."

"She mentioned it by name?"

"Yes, and she seemed well aware of its dangers."

"I'm not surprised. Who knew about the neural net?"

"Only the team that invented it and the upper hierarchy of the Consortium knew about it."

"And you."

"Yes... and me."

"How did the neural net come into your possession? I thought it was banned."

"Vel gave it to me."

"Vel had it?" I didn't like this news one bit because the conspiracy had now jumped from Juno to Consortium space.

"Is there a point to all this?" Tars asked impatiently.

"Yes, because now I'm going to tell you all a story." I directed my next statement to Lorin. "Thank you Lorin for your candor. You can leave." I watched him make his way down the path until he disappeared from sight.

"Sisters! I think I finally know what is going on, and I think you deserve an explanation. This particular tale begins about ten years ago, just before your incarceration..."

"A man came to Juno with his small army and took over the Great House, condemning the Noorthi residing there to Rigeus and a slow death. But the Count, as he came to be known, kept one Noorthi-the Ashman-as a prisoner. He had heard things... mysterious things... about the Noorthi. Things that he hoped would give him everything he had ever wanted." I looked around the myriad of faces watching me as I spoke.

"Finally the Ashman told him part of what he wanted to know, leading him to start an ochre mine on Rigeus. But the most important part was still eluding him; the part that changed the ochre into a mind control drug. But his scientists found how to turn the ochre into an addictive drug so powerful that once the body had accepted it, it had to be fed constantly otherwise the user would die."

"So the Count had nearly limitless customers hooked on drugs for as long as they lived. But he wanted more. He wanted the secret to mind control, and with that the whole cosmos would be his. He pressured the Ashman for the rest of her secret and she eventually gave him what he wanted. But what she has been hiding from him was only part of the secret."

"But the Noorthi were good at keeping secrets. After all they had been guardians of the greatest secret of all for over four hundred years. They knew only too well how to protect that secret, scattering parts of the information to the four quadrants of the cosmos. No one Ashman knew it all, and it was safer that way."
"But this Ashman had revealed her part to the Count and he sought to find out the rest. When she had told him 'other Noorthi' he mistakenly believed it to be the Noorthi he had left on Rigeus."

"We now jump to four years ago when Vel arrived on Rigeus. Her job was to find the Noorthi the Ashman spoke of. That was why she was hunting you down. If you knew nothing you were sent to the mine. She probably would have succeeded in eventually hunting down all of you except for one thing. Me."

"I haven't quite figured this part out yet, but the Count wanted me dead as well, prepared to leave me in the desert with no food or water to slowly die of dehydration. If it weren't for you all he might have succeeded. But who would have known that putting us together on the same planet would change everything?"

"You are all aware of what happened next so I won't go over it again. I had known Vel before her arrival on Rigeus, but the woman I had re-acquainted myself with on that planet had changed. Whether it was the power or the credits the Count gave her, I don't know, but she was out of control, taking as much pleasure from the pain and humiliation as she was from the hunt. My sisters, take heed. Vel is more dangerous that this man called the Count, Marius Grimm. Do not underestimate her."

"That is a lie! He is not evil! It is her!" The words slipped from Tars' mouth before she could stop them.

"Ah, yes. The Ashman. Tars, you had been Grimm's prisoner for ten years. Even the hardiest of prisoners wouldn't last that long, and I doubt that Grimm's patience was endless. So I asked myself 'why would Grimm keep you around for ten years?'"

"At first it was for the secret, yes, but things changed between you two, didn't they? It was something that he felt for you that kept you alive." I looked Tars squarely in the eye. "Something that you felt also." There was a low hum through the crowd.

"Do you want to tell them or will I?" I gave Tars the opportunity to talk but she remained tight lipped. "Alright then."

"The reason your Ashman wants to return to Juno is to be reunited with her husband and three children." There was audible gasp. "So I put to you, why is she clinging to being Ashman of a group of women she longer relates to? Is she afraid that losing her title will jeopardise her marriage? Does she think so little of his love that she fears being cast aside?"

"So, here is the dilemma. We have an Ashman who refuses to step down and another who is ready to take up the mantle. What do we do? Nothing is clear in this case. By Noorthi tradition neither of these women are without some guilt. The fear that she may have contributed to the straying of the sisterhood weighs heavily on Beri's mind. I have tried to assure her that the sisterhood is alive and well on this planet and that she has done an admirable job to uphold Noorthi beliefs."

"I now offer a solution to this quandary. Some of you may feel that you no longer should be called Noorthi, so I have a suggestion. Are you not the next generation of Noorthi? Can you not rightfully claim to be 'Children of the Noorthi'? Would this not be a more suitable name for us all? If this were to take place then Tars could remain Ashman of an empty Great House while Beri could take up her position as Ashman of the Noorthi-Cha."

"The only fair resolution to these questions is a vote. Fen and Epi will be available to accept your vote over the next solar day and we will announce your decision soon. Is that acceptable?" There was a resounding 'yes' from the assembled women. "Any questions?" There was silence but I suspected it was probably more from confusion than understanding. "I know I have given you a lot to think about but now you know it all. No more secrets. Thank you for your time, sisters." I said with finality and started to move away as the women began to chatter.

Carn, that was exhausting! I knew I had talked for quite a while but I had a lot I wanted to get off my chest as well as Beri's. Come to think of it, I think I talked more in the last ten minutes than I had all last year. Talking was not really my forte, or so I thought, instead content to let my fists do the talking for me. However, I did have a rather colorful selection of epithets and smart-ass remarks to draw upon had the occasion called for it.

"And you said you weren't a talker," Epi commented.

"I didn't mean to talk that long, but there were a few points that I wanted to bring up and it seemed the right time." I looked at Beri, Fen and Epi, each in turn. "Did anyone fall asleep?"

"I couldn't tell. My eyes were closed," Epi jibed.

"Figures. So what do you think will happen?"

"The young ones might agree but I don't know about the Elders." Beri said quietly.

"Fen, Epi, when you talk to each one tomorrow, ask them where they want to live. Are they happy here? Do they wish to live somewhere else? Or do they wish to return to Juno and the cloistered life once The Count has been removed?"

"That's going to make it difficult." Fen said.

"True, but it's better to know now. I think you could all live here quite comfortably but that's my opinion. Some may wish to go back to the old ways and the Great Hall, and that will be their decision, but you have an opportunity here to break free of your guilt and pain. Here you can live by your own beliefs without fear of trying to conform to rules imposed by your Noorthi sisters."

"She has a point," an older, more experienced voice spoke as Grit approached the group. "Not all of us will be able to take up the mantle of Noorthi once more. It has been too long." Grit moved slowly into the small ring of women.

"And what about you, memesh?" I heard the quiet chuckles as I addressed Grit. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing." Epi held up her hands in surrender. "I just didn't know you and Grit had become so close."

"Don't start...," I could see the conversation could get out of hand very quickly if I didn't stop it soon.

"Episthanamene!" Grit scolded. "Show some respect for your Ratha!"

"Hah!" I grinned at Epi as her Noorthi name was revealed. She looked suitably chastened but I knew even before that I wouldn't have used it, even in jest. Her gaze caught mine, looking uncertainly for some sign as to what I would do with this information, so I looked back sympathetically and nodded gently. Her smile slowly returned, for which I was grateful. While Beri was the serious one and Fen was an object of my love, Epi was the one I could joke with. Of the three of them, Epi was the one I could relate to the best. It probably had something to do with her keeping me sane.

"Grit, what would you do?" Seeing how some of the Noorthi treated her, I knew Grit's decision would carry a lot of weight.

"It is not an easy decision, Ratha. I have known both worlds and both have an appeal to me."

I had hoped that it would be an easy decision for her to make, but it looked like Grit was going to make it hard. "You want to return to the cold, lonely halls of the Great House?"

"I did not say that, child."

"Then you want to stay here?"

"I did not say that either."

"Then say something! You're killing me here!"

"I thought she was perfectly clear," Epi offered.

"Me too," Beri added. She was a little more at ease now the talking was done.

"And what about you?" I asked Fen. "Are you going to make fun of me too?"

"No." she replied seriously. I looked for some sign that she was lying but she seemed sincere. "You seem to be doing an admirable job all by yourself."

"Well, thank... you... all... so... very... much!" They were all laughing at me, but I could handle it. Yeah... sure. These girls didn't get to laugh often so I could ignore my embarrassment for the experience. "Now can we get back to business?"

"What, J? Having trouble?" Epi prodded.

"Enough!" Grit said with authority, and the three Noorthi stopped. How did she do that?

"What if you could combine the two cultures into one? Would you stay here?"

"And what's wrong with Juno?"

"Nothing, I suppose." There wasn't any definite reason as such but the place just gave me the creeps. "But in my opinion going back there is going back to the old ways."

"The old ways survived for four hundred years," Grit answered. "And it will survive for many more."

"So, that's it then?" I was disappointed. Were they going to give up this paradise to live in a dusty mansion?

"You give up so easily, Ratha."

"Well, Grit, what you've told me so far seems to point to Juno."

"I am just not sure that we should dismiss the Great House so easily. After all, it was where we all came from. Can you give up all your memories so easily?"

"I'm not asking you to give up your memories, memesh. I just don't want you to go back there. Can't this be your home?"

"And why do you want us to stay here?"

"I... I don't know, I just do." I wasn't really making any sense to myself, so I probably confused them even more. "It'll be easier to visit you." I offered.

"You're not staying?" I could hear the desperation in Beri's voice.

"No. I still have things to do."

"But... but... I thought-"

"Did I ever say I was staying?"

"No." But Beri sounded defeated.

"I can't stay, and you know it. How can you be Ashman with me around, huh? No, you must take charge, as you should."

"Then why are you against us returning to Juno if you will not be staying?" Grit asked the obvious question.

"Don't you think if I knew I'd tell you?" The words left my mouth tinged with impatience and frustration. But Grit just stared at me patiently, making me wonder if she was imposing her will on me to answer. Hell, if it gave me an answer, then I'd let her do it.

"Maybe...," I stopped for a moment and let my mind settle. "Maybe I'm afraid that if you go back there you'll become all mysterious and unreachable again and I'd lose you all."

There was silence.

"Won't somebody say something?"

Grit turned and walked away, not uttering a word. Beri, Fen and Epi each, in turn, did the same.

"Hey, Epi! What did I do? Won't you talk to me?"

Suddenly I felt like a pariah. Had I just destroyed the best thing in my life? Besides my dad and Bessie, these women were the closest thing I had to a family.

For two days they ignored me, carrying on secret conversations and meetings that I was no longer privy to. Had I somehow insulted them by not wanting to stay? It also raised the question of what did Fen think about all this. I knew that I was just fooling myself that she would ever come to me. Whatever the Noorthi taught their sisters it was ingrained deeply into their psyche.

No, whatever I had said they didn't accept with their normal stoic demeanor. In the long run, maybe it was all for the best.

Now that I had made the decision I wanted to be gone as quickly as possible. Long, drawn-out departures never turned out well, and this one would be particularly painful, at least for me.

I went to see Floric and Lorin to see if they had some good news for me, because I could certainly use some right about now. The floral canopy overhead was at odds with the work that was being carried out underneath it. Overhead the roof was just bursting with life and yet the two men were working on death.

"Any news?" I asked hopefully.

"Right on time." Lorin replied from his bent position over the table.

"We think we have something," Floric added, "but I wish you would re-consider using it."

"If she wasn't going to use it she wouldn't have asked for it, you stupid man!"

"Please, stop it." I asked.

"There's no harm in asking, so stop being an ass."

"Gentlemen, please," I voice was steadily getting louder.

"Look who's calling me an ass! You... you..."

"STOP IT!!!" I yelled. "You two are acting like two nine-year olds. Can't you talk to each other civilly?" There go my vocabulary skills again.

"What?" Lorin looked up from the magnifying device.

"What did we do?" Floric looked confused.

"You mean you like the fighting?"

"We're not fighting." Lorin just smiled at me.

"No, it's more a healthy conversation," Floric added.

"I don't get it. Anyway, what have you got?"

Lorin raised his hand and waved me over. "Look at this." I sauntered over to the table and looked over his shoulder. "This should do nicely."

"Well, you don't have to be so happy about it," Lorin said sullenly.

"What is it?" All I saw was a dark red oily substance on a small dish. My finger instinctively reached out to touch it.

"Don't do that!" Lorin yelled, smacking my finger out of the way. "It works by absorption through the skin."

"Oh." At least now I knew where Lorin stood because he could have easily said nothing and I would be dead on the ground. "Okay, so how do I give it to her?"

"Don't you want to know what it'll do?"

To my mind, Lorin sounded just a little too enthusiastic about the damage the goo would inflict. "Sure." I may as well know what could happen to me.

"You are a sick man!" Floric said as he backed away from the table. He was content to stand a few feet away, as if distancing himself from ever making it.

"As I said, it absorbs through the skin. Once in Vel's system it should begin to break down her body. You'll know it's working when she begins to bleed from every orifice."

"We should destroy this." I could see Floric was distressed by the whole thing, which made me wonder what he had experienced with the neural net.

"Just ignore him," Lorin said absently. "From there, organs and vessels will slowly be eaten away."

"Enough! I get the picture." Was this too much even for Vel? If I used this did it make me any better than her? Granted, it would make sure once and for all that she was dead because there would be no coming back once the poison hit her system. "How long will it take?"

"I have absolutely no idea."

Considering they had accomplished this in a few days I suppose I couldn't expect an answer to everything. "How do you know it works?"

"We experimented."

"On the Noorthi?" I was horrified.

"Of course not!" The way that Lorin said those three words made me think he was adding mentally "you stupid woman!"

"We used fruit mainly and a rodent of some sort that we managed to catch. Even if it doesn't work exactly as we think it will, it will be sufficient for your purposes."

"So how do I stop myself from being poisoned?"

"Just keep it in a vial-"

"No, Vel will probably search me and find it. Knowing her as I do, she'd probably use it on me." That particular thought sent a shudder right through me. "No, I need to get it close to her without her knowing."

"You could try smearing it on a glove." Floric piped in.

"But wouldn't it get me too?" I wanted to make sure that if I died they wouldn't need a bucket to clean up off the floor.

"Not if it were sealed. The weave in cloth would be no good so something more... more..."

"Modern? Impervious?" I think I had an old pair in Bessie but I had to check. "But isn't this stuff like an acid?"

"Yes... and no." Lorin shifted so his ass was perched lightly on the table. "It's normally dormant and only becomes viable when it touches living tissue."

"Are you sure of this?"

"No," Floric butted in. "We're not sure of anything. This is a suicidal idea."

"Have you got anything better?" Lorin snapped, but Floric didn't answer. "I didn't think so."

"Okay, let's do it."

"Floric's right, you know. Are you sure you want to use this because it means you're walking into trouble."

"I want to be there when she realizes what's happened."

"Is she that bad?" Lorin struggled to understand.

"After all you saw her do to me, you still need to ask?" I said angrily. "I saw her kill a young girl because she spoke, Lorin. Gutted her right where she stood. Now, you tell me if this stuff isn't the right punishment for her."

"I could think of a more humane way to die."

"Humane? She gave up her claim to that title years ago, Lorin. She is nothing more than an animal that needs to be put down. Believe me when I tell you she is already plotting to get rid of Grimm and take over his empire. No one will be safe if she succeeds."

"And sacrificing yourself is worth it?"

"Oh yeah. I'd die ten times over if I could take her with me." Okay, that was a little bit of an exaggeration, but I wanted these men to know for sure how serious this was. If no one stopped Vel now then it would be too late and her influence would spread across the universe like a plague.

"And how exactly are you going to get close enough to use it?"

"Well, I'm sure that Grimm would like his wife back."

"You do know they'll be waiting for you."

"Of course. In fact, I'm counting on it."

Two days passed and still the Noorthi weren't talking to me. Finally I couldn't stand it any longer and cornered Fen on the landing plateau.

"Maybe I can get an answer out of you." I began. "Just what the Carn is going on?"

Fen looked around nervously. Was it that bad? "I'm not supposed to talk to you."

"Who did I insult this time?"

"You didn't insult anyone."

"Then why are you all acting like I'm not even here?" Now I was really confused.

"Grit called a tantuu."

I searched my mind for some translation but I only had vague images. It seemed that Fen would need to explain this one. "Okay. What's a tantuu?"

"When a life-altering decision has to be made all full-blooded Noorthi withdraw from the outside world and come together to discuss it."

"I could see that, but why ignore me?"

"Is it supposed to be all about you?" Fen asked gently.

"No. Yes. Maybe. I just wanted to know what I did wrong so I can fix it."

"A noble thought, Ratha, but this can't be fixed by you. Time is a good healer."

"I don't get it. You keep telling me I'm a Noorthi and now you kick me out?"

"Exactly, you don't get it. You've left us with a dilemma and now we have to make a decision we're not ready to make."

"Is this about where to live? Look, if it's such a problem live where you want to. I don't care."

"But you do care, J, and therein lies the problem. You have come into our midst and we are conflicted. The decision is now not as simple as it would have been."

"Well, tell them from me that when I visit Juno if they don't let me in I'll kick the fucking door down!"

At least Fen smiled, and it was an image I knew I would take with me to the end of my days. "Um, look, I'm leaving in a few days to take Ashman home. In case I don't see you..."

"By the time you get back the tantuu should be over. I look forward to seeing you when you return." Fen left me and I watched her walk over the top of the rim and disappear from my sight.

"Yeah," I whispered, "when I return." If she only knew. But I couldn't dwell on what was to come because there was too much to do before then. I turned and went to the second landing site and hopped on a speeder to go in search of Sasha.

I found her where I thought she would be. The excavation site. Sasha had nothing in common with the Noorthi so she tended to hang around the men. Of course, her dad was there too and that was probably a deciding factor for her.

"Hey, Sash!" I called out from the speeder as it dropped down the escarpment.

"Yeah?" She looked up at me on the rapidly descending vehicle.

"I've got a job for you, if you're interested!"

"Sure!" If she were like me she'd jump at the chance to get off this lump of dirt called Heaven for a while. "Who have I got to kill?"

The saliva in my mouth slid into my throat and made me cough loudly. I knew it was just a coincidence but still... "Nobody! Just deliver a package!"

"Awww, J, that sounds so boorrring!"

"Well, if you're not interested, maybe one of the boys would enjoy a leisurely cruise into Consortium space."

"Consortium? Did you say Consortium?"

I heard the excitement in her voice Adding a little danger to the job could sway Sasha in a heartbeat. "Yep, sure did. Still not interested?"

"Can a Jinduan hidge swallow its own tail?"

We both knew the creature could so it was a done deal, but the nature of the package I planned to keep a secret until the last possible moment because I knew it was going to cause trouble. "Great. Can you be ready in an hour?" I started to ascend the wall. "Oh, and take your ship!" I yelled. Now I went in search of the package in question.

I found my package still arguing right where I left him. It was time for him to go home.

"Lorin." I entered the laboratory as the two men were having one of their lengthy 'healthy discussions'. How an argument could be a discussion was beyond me. All I knew was that I'd be grateful for the peace and quiet after he was gone.

"Jordana," he replied, interrupting his rather colorful description of Floric's mother.

"You're going home."

"Really?"

By the sound in his voice I don't think he was expecting to ever go home. "I said once you'd done your work you could go home. Well, you've done your work... now, go home!"

"Hhrrrmmp. One would think that you don't want me around here!" Lorin tried his best to sound affronted.

"I'm not a cold-blooded killer like Vel, you know."

"But you will be," Floric said softly.

"Please, don't start. It's hard enough as it is." I pleaded.

"Then don't do it." Floric said matter-of-factly.

"It's not that simple, and you know it. This is something that the Consortium can't fix. Don't you see? If I don't do this now we may never get the chance again." It was as if I was trying to convince myself.

"We?" Floric argued, "Or you?"

"Me. Because I'm the only one who could get close enough to her to strike."

"She's got a point."

"Thank you, Lorin. Now, kindly gather your belongings and meet me on the landing pad in an hour."

I intercepted Lorin as he was making his way up the steep path to the plateau. There was a burning question I needed an answer to before he left.

"Are you going to tell them?"

"I suppose I should."

"You'd betray us?" Maybe I was wrong about Lorin.

"No. What are you talking about?" He glanced at me quickly before returning his gaze to the uneven path before him.

"Are you going to tell the Consortium about us?"

"You? No. Grimm? Yes."

"It's time they stepped in. My only worry is that they've left us alone up to now. Will this be an invitation for them to occupy here as well?"

"I can't speak for them, Jordana. I suppose it's a matter of the lesser of two evils. Maybe my plea will go unanswered."

"Someone high up in the Consortium is a traitor, Lorin. If Vel has the neural net she had to get it from somewhere."

"That makes it even more difficult. Who do I trust?"

I thought for a moment as we were about to reach the summit. "Who gave you the order to see Grimm?"

"It came from the Council."

"A messenger?"

"No, actually one of the councilors came to see me himself. I didn't think it was strange at the time."

"Do you know this councilor well?"

"Only by reputation. We sertechs don't have a lot of contact with the council."

"Oh no!" Sasha's voice carried across the short distance from the ship to the plateau rim.

"If you are able, Lorin, see if a distress call was ever received from Grimm. You may have your man."

"And what about Juno?"

"Approach the whole Council all at once. Don't talk to this councilor..."

"Councilor Rebbah."

"...Councilor Rebbah alone. Protect yourself with as many witnesses as possible."

"You two finished yakking?" Sasha's impatient voice yelled.

I grabbed Lorin's hand and shook it firmly. "Good luck, and thank you."

"Good luck to you too." He then grinned devilishly at me. "And what's to stop me from turning you in?"

"Well, I still have that neural net use over you. Let's just say I have a few friends in all sorts of places." My eyebrow rose in warning. It wasn't a threat exactly but more a friendly reminder of what I knew.

"You'd use that?" Suddenly he was nervous.

"That depends on you." I let him sweat for a moment longer before smiling.

"Come on you two. Time's a wasting!"

"Yeah, yeah. Keep your shirt on!" I turned my attention back to the man standing in front of me. "Have a safe trip."

"You know, when I was first kidnapped I thought you were the devil incarnate."

"And now?" Was he going to get all mushy on me?

"Now? You confirmed my first impression of you." He turned on his heel and walked toward the ship, laughing loudly at my expense.

"Sasha!"

"Yeah?"

"A moment before you go!"

Sasha sauntered over toward me. "I have a bone to pick with you!"

"I want you back here as fast as you can."

"Believe me I'll be pushing my gal to the limit to get out of there. I'll remember this, Jordana Laren, sticking me with that sertech."

"I needed someone who could get him there safely, Sash. It's important. Then get your ass back here." My voiced dropped to a low murmur. "I'm taking the Noorthi woman back to Juno."

"Are you nuts???!?!?" Sasha exclaimed. "Do you have a death wish?"

"I need you here if something goes wrong, Sash. Get the women to safety... for me."

"Why return her at all?"

"It's all part of a plan."

"Jordana, you should give this some extra thought."

"Take care of Bessie for me."

"J, now you're scaring me."

"Get going, okay. Contact me when you're able." I pulled her into a hug and slapped her on the back. "Thanks, Sash."

"Err, yeah... okay." Sasha looked me in the eye and she was thoroughly confused and intensely concerned. She left me and walked toward her ship, looking over her shoulder at me a number of times.

"We'll meet at Ix!" I called.

She didn't say a word but held up her hand in affirmation. Would this be the last time that I see her? I hoped not.

"What's going on?"

The adolescent voice of Malt had me jump. "Malt! I wondered where you had gotten to. What have you been up to?"

"I finished the cam-thingie."

"Camouflage?" Nice try kid!

"Yeah, that. I wanted you to be the one to try it."

"Sure. Let's go." I glanced over my shoulder at the disappearing ship as it headed off to the stars, then threw my arm over her shoulder. The ever-present Badger walked behind us as there was not enough space on the path for the three of us to walk side-by-side. We got to the valley floor when Malt stopped me with a hand on my arm.

"So... what's going on?"

"What are you talking about?" One thing I had learned about Malt was that she was persistent. If she wanted to know something she asked and asked until you just gave in to get some peace and quiet.

"Sasha is flying off in a hurry."

"She's taking Sertech Lorin back home. You know very well that she hates him."

"Then why didn't you take him home?" Damn, the kid was smart.

"I'll be heading off soon to take the Ashman back to Juno."

"Can I come too?" There was a hint of excitement in Malt's voice.

"Sorry, kid, there won't be any passengers on this trip."

"Why?" Malt looked pleadingly at me, knowing damned well that she could make me give in with that look.

"It's just a quick trip, Malt. Fly in, drop her off and fly out. There'll be no stopping off for shopping on this one."

Malt's eyebrows knitted together.

"What?" I asked.

"Rice says you're lying."

"And what do you think?"

"I think you lying as well."

"And I need you here, Malt. If things go wrong Rales and Sasha will need your help to get the Noorthi off this rock and to safety."

"But-"

"No 'buts' this time, Malt. Please, just do this for me, okay?"

"Okay," she sullenly replied but to me it didn't sound very convincing.

As soon as Sasha contacted me I went in search of Tars. Her return to Juno needed to be done now because if I thought too much about it I wouldn't go at all. I made light of my departure, promising that I would return soon. But Rales was argumentative, forcing me to make him promise to look after the women. His reaction sort of surprised me because he, of all people, should have understood my position.

But Beri was sad, like she had the power of insight. She looked into my eyes and I knew I wasn't fooling her for one minute. I think we both knew that what I was contemplating had to be done, and I appreciated her silence as I left.

As the small ship lifted off I looked down on the serene scenery and remembered my reaction when I first saw it. Heaven was a diamond in the rough and something I didn't know the true value of until I was about to lose it.

For the sake of trying to keep our location secret, Beri got hold of one of Grit's sleeping potions and I slipped it into Tars' drink. I looked at the sleeping woman in the co-pilot's seat. "At least you're going home." I said.

I flew the vessel over the secondary landing spot to get my final view of my girl. Bessie sat there, her broken antenna still not fixed despite my best intentions. Oh, well. This would be how I would remember her, broken antenna and all.

I gave the valley and the cave one final glance and muttered, "Have a good life, my friends" then without looking back I flew the ship toward the stars and whatever my fate was destined to be.

THE END.

Concluded in Book 5. Big Bang Theory.

Aurelia's Scrolls
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