RELATIONSHIP PERSONIFIED

BY

ALEX TRYST

Ebook by
PDAFiction.com

Copyright February 2005

Dedication: To Rosa for being a great editor on this piece. It wouldn't be what it is without you. Next (but certainly most important), to my wife, you are my fondest wish. And to my inspiration, my favorite Valentine's presents of all time courtesy of my truest love (Thanks, honey!), my Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues. This is the point in which you all call me a womanizing mongrel and figuratively slap me upside the head like my wife does at all my drooling over babes in bikinis, but I have to believe (or have wishful thinking) that there is far more to these women than what is on the page. In my mind, this story is about just that, what more they could possibly be. Enjoy! And drop me a line if you feel like it at

alextryst@hotmail.com

RELATIONSHIP PERSONIFIED

THE WARM PACIFIC Ocean breeze swept over me as I emerged from the small private lagoon in front of our bungalow. I had been snorkeling for the past hour enjoying the sights of the spectacular marine life that inhabited the shores of this fabulous island. It was as if I was in another world completely, observing the colorful fish and green sea turtles as they swam authoritatively through the current. Up until our arrival three days ago, I had never seen anything like it and quickly became fascinated with spending as much time in the water as possible, discovering nature's underwater treasures.

You had indulged me in my quest, giving me time to myself away from you and our daughter. I knew you thought our private paradise was amazing as well, but wonderful locations such as the one we now occupied were commonplace for you. After all, you were flown to exotic locations all the time for work. Nevertheless, I knew you appreciated the serenity this place afforded us.

It had been a frenzy for the last two years when you, the face of fashion, had been outed by the media with some racy photos of the two of us when we had thought we had been alone. However, you had handled it with the grace and style you did the rest of your life. You publicly admitted that your personal life was not up for speculation but that we were indeed a couple, a move that stunned many. Even more, you made it known that we were to be married, which had made my life complete, for it was all I had ever fantasized about since meeting you four years ago this week. I remember it well, the day we met.

*  *  *

I was walking through the streets of Venice, pondering ideas for the paper I was writing for an art history magazine. I had just left my hotel in search of yet another museum when I saw you across the street. There you were with a flurry of people and activity around you. At the time I had no idea who you were, having lived most of my adult life so far lost in books, so I didn't have to face the reality of not having a life of my own. Sometimes I overheard my students commenting on that very subject when they thought I wasn't around. It was always the same, how attractive I could have been if I had social skills, but I had none to share, or at least no one I felt interesting enough to share them with until I saw you.

There you were standing in the square, leaning against the fountain. You were wearing heavy winter garments, even though it was summer, but it was obvious you were part of a photo shoot in progress as there were other models dressed similarly milling around waiting. Not in a hurry to be anywhere, I merely drew closer and watched. My mind observed as you struck several poses, and I couldn't help but think of how you looked like a statue, standing there perfectly still. Wanting to capture the thought, I dug out my own camera from my bag and snapped a photograph. As soon as I did though, I felt your eyes seek me out under the brim of that winter hat you were wearing. As our eyes locked, I couldn't tell what your thoughts were, but the seriousness of your face made me wonder if you were displeased with what I had just done.

Deciding I didn't want to wait around to find out, I headed down the block to a café where I wanted to eat breakfast. I had just been delivered my coffee and meal when I felt a presence shadow over me. Looking up, I saw a burly man dressed in dark clothes staring down at me in disapproval. "Are you the one that took a picture of Miss Mueller?" he gruffly inquired in perfect English.

"Who?" I asked in confusion.

"Jana Mueller," he repeated.

"I'm sorry. I don't know who that is," I answered honestly, although I had a suspicion it was the model I had just photographed.

Just then from behind the bulk of a man, I heard a sultry voice say, "Me."

Peering around the strange man, I saw you standing there. You were no longer in winter clothes but a pair of linen trousers and cream silk blouse. "Oh, you? I'm sorry. I didn't know your name."

Your eyes left mine and went to the man still imposing himself on my table. "Franc, I can handle this," you said to which he gave a nod. With a glare for me, he exited the café, leaving you standing there.

Not knowing what to say, I said the first thing that came to mind. Gesturing to the chair across from me, I asked, "Would you like to sit?"

That seemed to catch you off-guard for some reason. Unsure of yourself, you replied, "Thank you." Taking a seat across from me, you inquired, "Why did you take a picture of me? That is quite rude, you know, photographing people without their permission."

"I'm really sorry about that, ma'am," I apologized, looking deeply into brown eyes. "You just inspired me, and I had to capture that moment before it was lost. I really didn't mean to offend you."

Intrigued you inquired, "Inspired you? How?"

"Well, I'm here on sabbatical doing research on an art history essay. I was pondering what approach to take, thinking sculpture might be the best topic, and then I saw you across the street. I was fascinated, because you seemed so fluid in your motion, and then you would just freeze momentarily, like a statue. I just found that interesting and wanted to be reminded of it when I was writing. That's why I took the picture. Truly, I meant no offense."

You cracked a smile. "Do you know who I am?" you questioned.

I shook my head. "Sorry. Maybe I should. It's obvious you're someone important enough to have a bodyguard, but I can't say that I know of you."

With another grin, you answered, "No harm done then. Tell me. What's your name?"

"Cameron. Cameron Grant," I responded, extending my hand.

"Jana Mueller. Nice to meet you, Cameron."

"You too. Again I'm sorry about the misunderstanding. I didn't realize Europeans had a thing about being photographed without permission."

"What makes you think I'm European?"

"You look like a German girl through and through to me. Your name also sort of implies that."

You laughed, causing your whole face to light up as you did so. Shaking your long gorgeous mane of white blonde hair, you said, "Well, I suppose you are right about that. I've been living in New York since I was eighteen though, so that feels like home to me now. Where are you from?"

"Actually I also reside in New York City. I'm a professor at NYU in art history, but I grew up in the South. Texas was home for most of my childhood."

"I thought so. No one says ma'am in New York. And by the way, please don't ever call me that again."

Feeling safe to tease, I cracked a smile of my own as I answered, "Yes, ma'am." I got a sudden punch in the arm for the comment, causing me to laugh. "Could I buy you a cup of coffee, Jana? It's the least I could do for upsetting you."

"That's sweet of you, but I actually have to get back. Some other time maybe."

"Anytime," I said as she stood. I did the same to be polite.

Looking at me, you paused as if contemplating something. "Cameron, I'm only in town until the morning, but would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I hate to think of you here by yourself."

"Oh, I'm used to being alone. It doesn't bother me." Seeing your lovely smile falter, I wasn't sure what I had said wrong.

"All right. I guess I should go. It was nice meeting you."

As you turned your back to me, I realized what I had just done. I had just declined an invitation to dinner from the most stunning woman I had ever met. Mentally I hit myself in the head but quickly found my voice to try to correct my mistake. "Jana, wait a second. You know, as much as I am used to being alone, it would be nice to have some company for once. I would love to have dinner with you."

The brilliant smile that graced your face made me sure that I had made the right decision. "Great. I'm so glad. Say seven?"

"Sounds wonderful."

"Good. Just give me the name of your hotel. My bodyguard Franc will come and get you." Pulling a slip of paper from my bag, I wrote down my information and handed it to you. You smiled again. "Great. He'll meet you in the lobby."

"I look forward to it, Jana."

*  *  *

As I stepped out of the water onto the beach, sand clung to my feet and toes. However, my sights were set on you, lounging in a chaise. You looked so enticing, my sun goddess in all your golden glory. You were dressed in a tiny suit bottom with the strings untied, so your tan line would be minimized but nothing else. I was extremely glad for our privacy. Even though you were not shy about your body, I was skittish about being intimate with you out in the open after pictures of the two of us had circulated in the public domain. In this place though, I knew we were alone in our solitude. We had rented all the bungalows on the strip to ensure we would not have observers, and the hotel had been accommodating enough to put up a temporary fence along a section of the beach for us. Moving to your chair, I paused at the foot of it. With your sunglasses hiding your eyes, I wasn't sure if you were awake or asleep, but the smile you gave me proved that you were indeed aware of my presence.

"Hello, lover," you cooed. "Aren't you a sight?"

I self-consciously crossed my arms over my naked chest. Unlike you, I had more sense of modesty when it came to my body, and I already felt exposed without a top. "Hello, my dearest. Where's Lily?"

You cracked a smile. "Franc offered to take her for the whole day, so we could have time alone. He was going to take her on some of the hotel's activities."

I laughed at the thought of your bodyguard, so rough in appearance, with our young daughter. I bet they were a sight together. Our bouncing baby girl astride Franc's broad shoulders as was her favorite spot when he was around. For all his foreboding presence, he was a gentle soul with a soft place in his heart for our little Lily. "Well, at least they both can have a little fun."

"And so can we," you said. "Come lie with me." I slowly moved onto the lounge chair with you. You turned on your side, so you could curl up into me. Our bare breasts pressed together, and the bottom of your suit fell away as you hooked your leg around mine. Kissing my chest, you asked, "What are you thinking about?"

"Actually I was thinking about the day we met. It's the four year anniversary, you know."

"You mean it's the day you refused me for a date," you joked. "Did you know that was the only time that has ever happened to me?"

"I believe it, but I was too dense to recognize that you were asking me out. What would a young woman like you want with an old studious bookworm like me anyway?" I asked playfully.

"Well, truthfully I didn't think you were as old as you were. I never would have guessed there was ten years between us. You looked much younger, still do."

*  *  *

That evening I sat in the lobby of my hotel waiting on Franc. Even though I now knew he was only trying to protect you, I was not thrilled that he was going to be my escort. Nevertheless, I figured you had your reasons for having him fetch me. While I waited on him, I read the latest textbook I was considering using in my class the next semester. I was so engrossed in it though, that I hardly realized I was being watched at first. Although after a few minutes, I felt that threatening presence near me and looked up.

"Professor Grant," he greeted seriously. "If you would come with me."

Slipping off my reading glasses, I placed them in the front pocket of my shirt and then closed my book. I followed him outside to the awaiting car. Neither of us spoke as he opened the door for me. Silently we drove through the streets until we came to another hotel, much grander than the one I inhabited. Without a word Franc walked me inside and then took me through a series of complicated hallways and finally to a secluded elevator that we took to the top floor. He then proceeded to escort me into a suite and left me in the living room area.

Minutes passed and then I heard your voice behind me. "Good evening, Cameron."

Turning I smiled at you. "Jana, hi," I said, curling my book more tightly to my chest. I suddenly felt nervous at the sight of you. You were wearing a short summer dress that revealed more than I felt comfortable, for it made me think thoughts inappropriate to have of a stranger. Nevertheless, I tried to push them aside.

Crossing the room to me, you put your hand on my forearm. "They have already brought up dinner. Let's go into the dining room. Tell me how your day was."

"It was nice. I actually got a lot accomplished. What about you?"

"Me too. Although that shoot was much longer than it needed to be."

I waited until you were seated before taking my own near you. I placed my book on the table. "Well, thank you again for having me to dinner. This was an unexpected surprise."

"I'm glad for the company. What are you reading?"

"Oh, I was just reading this textbook to see if it was suitable for next semester. The only thing more boring than bad lesson plans is a bad textbook with which they are written. I was hoping to bring some modern art discussion into my lessons next semester. Although I have to admit, the best modern art I have come across was today seeing you at that photo shoot. It really has stirred my interest. I think I might do a discussion on that actually. Maybe I can arrange for my class to see a shoot even."

"Well, you could always bring them to one of mine. I wouldn't mind at all."

"I appreciate that. We'll see how it goes. It's just an idea right now."

"Well, tell me about you, Cameron. How did you get to be a professor at NYU?"

I shrugged, running my hand through my shoulder length brown hair. "Oh, I've always loved art and history. Fortunately I had a professor who took me under his wing and showed me the beauty of combining my passions. From there I went on to graduate school and got my Masters and then Doctorate in the discipline. It afforded me an opportunity to travel Europe several times, and I started teaching at NYU, because I found that I wanted to pass that passion onto others."

Flashing an adorable smile, you touched my hand. "So, it's actually Dr. Grant then?"

"Yes but only my students call me that."

"You are quite accomplished for being so young," you mentioned.

"I'm not that young. I'm thirty-six."

"Are you really? I can hardly believe it. I didn't think you were over thirty," you complimented. "You're in incredible shape."

I smiled. "Well, thank you. I work out quite a bit, but I'm nothing compared to you. You are stunning," I confessed, sensing that you were reluctant to let go of my hand. Flattered by the attention, I put my other hand on top of yours. "May I ask how old you are, Jana?"

"Twenty-six."

"Really? You seem so worldly and sophisticated beyond your years."

"Well, I've been modeling for a long time, ten years actually with no sign of stopping."

"Do you enjoy it?"

Brown eyes sparkled brightly. "I love it. I've gotten to travel the world and wear clothes most only dream about. I've lived a privileged life, but it can be hard work. Sometimes the days can be truly long. Today for example, I was awakened at three thirty in the morning for hair and makeup, because the photographer wanted to use morning light."

"You must be exhausted. I shouldn't be here. You should be sleeping."

You shook your head. "It's all right. I'll sleep on the plane tomorrow. You're much more fun than being curled up alone in bed."

"Is there someone you miss in particular when you're away?"

You shook your head. "Just my dog. He's my baby. I don't have much time for dating or anything. What about you?"

I laughed lightly and slowly pulled away from your touch at the subject. "I don't have anyone either, not even a pet. Books have been my life for so long that I don't know any differently. It's probably for the best, though. I'm not sure I would make a good girlfriend or spouse to any woman. My last girlfriend complained I spent too much time with my head in the books." Seeing the look on your face, I thought I may have offended you. "Jana, have I said something wrong?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"You just looked shocked. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable. I am surprised but pleased too."

"Pleased?"

You nodded. "Yeah, pleased that I can still read people that well. I don't get to meet a lot of real people in my line of work, and when I met you I thought maybe you were a lesbian. I just feel pleased that I haven't lost my touch for reading people."

"So, you're fine with that?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I have gay friends and employees. Franc is a perfect example."

"Franc? Your bodyguard is gay?"

"As the day is long. You never would have guessed that though, would you?"

"Not at all. He's so... he's so butch," I joked.

"He's paid to be. On the inside he's a teddy bear."

"I'll believe that when I see it."

For the next several hours the two of us chatted easily about life as we dined. As tired as I could see you were, you refused to let me go, so our conversation lasted long into the night. Finally I bid you a goodnight with a promise to meet with you again in New York upon my return at the end of the summer. It was only upon getting back to my hotel that I realized I had left my textbook on your table.

The following morning I was awakened by the front desk telling me I had a package. I dressed leisurely and then went down to retrieve it. When they handed it to me, it was wrapped in brown parcel paper with feminine script across the front stating it was from you. I figured it was just my book, so I stuffed it into my bag before heading out for the day. It was only after getting to my usual café for breakfast that I unwrapped it. Sure enough it was my book, but I noticed a piece of paper sticking out from under the cover. Curiously I opened it, surprised to find a black and white photograph of you, my hostess from the night previous, dressed in a revealing bikini lying provocatively on a beach. Across the top left corner there was the inscription, "To the beautiful Dr. Grant. For inspiration. Hugs and kisses, Jana Mueller." Behind it was a short note expressing thanks for my company and contact information.

*  *  *

You chuckled at my recollection of that event as you clung tighter to my naked torso. "I remember that night clearly," you admitted. "It took all my willpower not to throw myself at you. I was so turned on by your intelligence and wit, not to mention your beauty. From that moment I knew I was going to fall hard for you," you said. "And I did. The whole rest of the summer I thought about you constantly."

"I know. That seemed like the longest sabbatical ever. I could hardly work. I kept that photograph of you next to my bed, and I stared at it every night as I fell asleep. I couldn't believe I was falling for you, a woman I hardly knew. For the rest of the summer, I spent time online surfing for any information I could find on you. I had no idea what a celebrity you were at first. Then it sort of became overwhelming. All those photographs and articles on you. I sort of got discouraged, because I thought I was going to get back, and you would have forgotten all about me."

"Not a chance. In fact, it was me that was discouraged when you didn't call. I thought I had blown my chances by being too forward with that photograph."

I laughed. "Funny because I had no clue you were trying to hit on me. I was so dense. It never even crossed my mind. I just thought you were trying to be friendly, and I felt bad, because I had developed a crush on someone I thought I could never have. I figured it was just better not to call and make it that much worse for myself."

"Good thing I was persistent then, wasn't it?" you teased.

*  *  *

It was October, and I had been back from Venice for six weeks. As I sat working on my essay for the art magazine, my eyes wandered to the photographs I had placed discreetly on my desk. They were of you, one that I took, the other the one you gave me. They were hidden mostly by books and papers making it almost impossible for my students to see them if they happened by my office but letting me have a clear view from how I sat in my chair.

Not a day had passed that I had not thought of you. In fact, you constantly plagued my thoughts at every possible free moment. I sighed to myself as I tried to resign myself to the fact our brief time together in Italy had been a fluke, but I was having a hard time letting go of the image of you in that summer dress the night we had dinner.

Distracted by my thoughts, I stared into the photograph I had taken of you, and it wasn't until I heard a knock on my mostly open office door that I came back to reality. "Dr. Grant," a familiar feminine voice called.

My eyes flitted up over the top of my reading glasses. Seeing you standing there though, I jumped to my feet and ripped them off my face. "Jana, hi. What are you doing here?" I stammered, quickly stuffing my glasses in the pocket of my shirt. Nervously I ran my hands over my clothes, straightening them.

"I was just in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd drop by. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. Sure. Come on in. Have a seat. Can I get you something? Coffee, water, soda?"

"No thanks," you answered, taking a seat in one of the two chairs. You patted the empty seat next to you. "Come sit and talk to me."

I did as you requested, taking the chair next to you instead of the one behind my desk. My eyes floated over my messy desk for a moment, making sure the pictures of you could not be seen. "So, how are you?" I inquired, not knowing exactly what to say.

"I'm good. How are you?"

"Fine. Busy with school of course. My students are always a challenge, and I'm still working on that composition for that magazine. I'm almost finished with it." You nodded. I could tell you were also nervous, which I found intriguing. "So, where's Franc?"

"He's outside in the hallway. I thought you might rather see me without him, but I can bring him in here if you want."

"No, that's fine. I was just curious." I paused for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. Finally I said, "Look. I'm sorry I haven't called. I just figured you were busy."

"Well, I am busy, but I thought we were going to have that coffee you promised me in Venice."

"If you still want to."

"I do. Otherwise I wouldn't be here, Cameron."

"Right. Of course," I mumbled, wanting to slap myself for the inane comment. My own fortitude was faltering in your presence. Checking my watch, I noticed I didn't have much time before class. "Well, I'd love to take you now, but I have class in half an hour. I'm not sure we could get there and back in that much time."

You shook your head. "I can't even get down the block that fast sometimes. It's probably best we don't try it."

"Well, what about afterwards? My class is only an hour and a half."

"I can't stay that long. I'm supposed to be giving an interview later today. In fact, I was on my way there, but I decided to stop by on the chance you were here first." Your hand reached out and touched mine.

"I'm glad you did, Jana. How about this then? What about dinner tonight?"

"That would be nice. My place?"

"I can cook. In fact, I'd like to cook for you."

"That's sweet of you, but I'm on a strict diet. Better to let my chef make my meals."

"You have a chef?"

"She likes to think of herself as a dietician more than a chef, but yes, I do. My career is based on my looks. I can't go around eating anything I want whenever I want it."

"I suppose that's true. What if she were to tell me what to make? I'll make it for us."

"You would do that?"

"Sure. I'd like to have you over for dinner. If that's what it takes to get you there, I'll do it."

"And you promise not to cheat on the directions?"

"No cheating, I promise," I pledged with a smile.

"All right then. I'd love to have dinner with you. How do I get to your place?"

For the rest of the day, I could hardly concentrate on what I was doing. Instead my mind was on dinner, hoping it would turn out well. As you had promised, your chef had faxed me the instructions for your meal, which I found more complicated than I wanted to admit. Nevertheless, I promised to do it, and I was determined to make it happen.

Rushing home after work, I made an effort to clean my place as fast as I could, stacking up the books and papers into neat piles in my library and throwing all the odds and ends into my bedroom. Then I started on dinner, which I was still making when you arrived. That evening you were wearing a pair of tight jeans, leaving little to the imagination and a casual red sweater. Your feet were adorned with a stylish pair of boots. I hadn't bothered to change from work and felt a little strange in my pressed slacks and blue oxford. However, you smiled brightly and told me how good I looked.

"You look nice too," I replied as my stomach fluttered. I couldn't believe I was reacting the way I was. Taking a deep breath to gain some control, I offered, "Would you like something to drink? I have wine."

"That sounds nice. Thank you, Cameron."

Gesturing toward the kitchen, I said, "I'm still cooking, but it's almost ready. Why don't you just have a seat here, and I'll bring you your wine?"

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I shrugged, not wanting to admit that I could use a hand, but you took that as an invitation and headed toward the kitchen on your own accord. You chuckled upon entering. "You don't cook much, do you?" you teased, seeing the mess I had made.

"Can't say that I do, Jana, but I thought it would be nice for a change."

"Well, I'll tell you what. Why don't I set the table and then help you with this food? I know a thing or two about cooking."

The smile you gave me made my knees weak, but I managed to nod my head. Standing at the stove, my eyes subtly watched what you were doing. I couldn't believe you were there in my home, my modest abode. I hadn't had any woman there in quite some time, and I never imagined the likes of a woman of your caliber not only in my apartment but also eagerly assisting me with a meal for the two of us. It was at that moment in which I realized everything I had learned about you through our time apart was not accurate. No one truly knew the real you, for you were not as you appeared to the public. Instead I realized the real Jana Mueller was standing in my home, seemingly content with your domestic task.

*  *  *

Silence surrounded us for a few minutes on the beach. However, then a soft laugh floated up to my ear. "What's the laugh for?" I asked in good humor. You pulled your body on top of mine and grinned down at me. Your brown eyes were so full of love that it made me mute, even after all the time we had been together. My left hand came up to your face. I caressed your cheek tenderly before brushing your blonde hair off your shoulder.

With a smile of your own, you whispered, "Kiss me, Cam."

I obliged, pulling your head down toward mine. Our lips met in a gentle kiss at first but slowly became deeper. When it ended, I panted for breath as I confessed, "You still make me lightheaded when you do that."

"Good. I never want that to end."

"I don't think it ever will, Jana. From the first time we ever kissed, I knew I would forever love you. Although until that night you kissed me, I had no idea you were even a lesbian. I thought I was the only one with feelings in our relationship, and it took me by utter surprise."

Ruffling my hair, you replied, "I think I proved you wrong that night."

"You certainly did, and I had never been happier to be wrong about something."

*  *  *

It was New Year's Eve, and you and I had been seeing each other several times a month since October. With your schedule you were out of New York quite a bit but were never far from my thoughts. Over the course of time, we had started talking on the phone and e-mailing daily, especially when you were out of town. I knew I was falling in love with you, which filled my heart with song, and yet I got no indication that my interest was returned. You acted as you always had with me, touching me all the time but giving no evidence of intimate interest. That made it bittersweet, because although not a stranger to unrequited love, I had wanted something deeper between us, even as much as I thought it wasn't possible.

That night I was sitting in my library listening to the melodious CD you have given me for Christmas, drinking a glass of your favorite wine, and reading a book on American Indian artistry. In the background the TV was on mute, showing the traditional countdown special. Less than ten minutes to go. I knew you were out at a party, one I wish I had been invited to, because I couldn't bear the thought of who might be near you as the clock brought in the new year, but you had not asked me to go.

I had attended a high-society gathering with you a few weeks prior but found it not to my liking. I felt too overwhelmed by the notoriety of my fellow party-goers and spent most of the evening near the bar, trying to stay out of the way as you worked the room. I found myself feeling jealous as you greeted everyone with a hug and kiss, because you never kissed me whenever we saw each other. Your touches were always lingering, but I had never felt your lips against my skin, and it had been an obsession of mine, the wanting of that carnal knowledge. I knew though that I would never attempt to gain that wisdom for fear that you might be undesiring of that kind of attention from me.

Going home that night had been awkward between us. You accused me of sulking, making it difficult for you to enjoy yourself. I knew you were right, but I lashed out instead, griping about the shallowness of everyone in attendance, you included. As soon as I had said it, I realized how hurtful it had been as tears formed in your eyes. I had immediately tried to apologize but to no avail. You simply staved me off when I attempted to hold you and gave a curt goodnight in front of my building. The following week my Christmas presents from you had come by courier, making me realize how upset you still were at me. The only time we had spoken since was Christmas day, and it was a fairly brief conversation, in which you happened to mention your New Year's Eve party. No invitation for me to join you came though, leaving me to my own solitude on a night meant for lovers.

Suddenly there was a loud pounding on my apartment door. Confused as to who could be knocking, I consulted my watch, a few minutes before midnight. At first I considered ignoring it, but the banging continued, forcing me from the comfort of my chair. Sliding my glasses on top of my head, I leaned to look through the peep hole. The sight that greeted me caused me to immediately pull open the door.

There you were in a black evening dress, a black fur wrap around your shoulders. You had never looked more alluring except for the tears in your eyes. Those were the only things that mattered at the moment. Without a word I opened my arms to you, and you immediately clung to me, burying your face into my neck as I managed to shut the door. You just cried for a few moments. "Cam," you whispered.

"Yes, sweetie?" I answered in equally hushed tone. You had never called me that before nor had I used an endearment with you, but it felt so familial, so right at the moment. Brown eyes met mine. Unable to stop myself, I brought my hand to your cheeks, gently trying to wipe them of the wetness. "Are you all right?"

You shook your head. "I was at a party, and I started thinking about you, about what you said the last time we were at a party together. Do you really think I'm shallow and fake?"

The question caught me by surprise. "No, not at all. Why are you even listening to me? I'm just a bitter old woman, mad at the world when really I should only be upset with myself. Jana, you're one of the most real people I know, but we all act a certain part in our careers. I was just jealous, and I took it out on you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Jealous? Why?"

I shrugged and tried to pull away from you, but you refused to let me out of your arms. "I'd rather not talk about it. It's stupid."

"No. I want to know, Cam," you stated.

Giving a sigh I confessed, "Fine. Whenever we're together, you make me feel like I'm the only person in the room. It's a nice feeling. That night though, you were focused on everyone else, and I'm not used to being ignored by you. I was wrong in the way I acted and what I said. I'm an adult, and I could have behaved more appropriately."

You nodded and gave a tentative smile. "I'm sorry, Cam, for making you feel left out." Pausing for a moment, you admitted, "You are the only one that matters to me whether it's a room of a hundred or just us."

There was a moment of silence as I contemplated what that possibly meant. However, then I was taken aback when I suddenly felt warm lips pressed against my own. I moaned as my eyes fluttered closed. My head started spinning, and my knees began to buckle as your tongue probed into my mouth demanding a surrender, which I gladly gave. The moment seemed an eternity, but when you finally pulled away, I had to reach back and grab hold of the entry table to steady myself.

I guess my face must have showed my complete shock and confusion, because you leaned in with concern and asked, "Are you all right? You look like you're about to faint."

"You just kissed me," I muttered, disoriented.

The brightness of your face fell at my exclamation. Your tears immediately started again. "Oh, God. I was wrong," you whispered, starting to back away.

Somehow I quickly found my balance and pulled you back into my arms. "No. You weren't wrong," I said. "I'm sorry. Don't cry, Jana. It pains me to see you in tears. You weren't wrong. In fact, you don't know how right you were."

"Really?" you questioned in uncertainty.

I nodded and gave a reassuring smile. "Really. That's why I was so jealous. You were kissing everyone, but I wanted to you to be kissing me."

"Cam, why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Me? What about you? Up until this moment I didn't even think you were gay, Jana. I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

You laughed and wiped your own eyes. The mascara was still smeared down the side of your face, though. "I felt like I did everything but throw myself at you. All the touching, all the revealing clothes. I've never had to work so hard at getting someone's attention."

"I've never been good at this. I'm usually too slow-witted. Who would ever think such a ridiculous notion of you being interested in me anyway?" Sighing, I kissed the top of your fair head. "Well, now that we both know, I feel better. What about you?"

"Much better."

"Well, why don't we get you out of this dress and into something a little more comfortable for lounging around at home? Go into my bedroom and change. I'll pour you a drink, and then we can talk."

You nodded your head in agreement. Pulling away from me, you started for where my bedroom was. However, you looked over your shoulder as if you suddenly remembered something. "Cam."

"Yes?"

"Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, Jana."

That night even though we both promised each other talking, there wasn't much of it. Instead there was more intimate exploring of each other. I didn't want to move too quickly, and I felt as if you were of the same mind, so even though we didn't make love that night, you still found a place in my bed and fell into blissful sleep in my arms. Looking down on you that night, I knew I was forever lost to you and wondered what the future might hold.

*  *  *

"When did you first know we were meant for each other?" I inquired as you rested on top of my body. Your fair head snuggled against my right breast, and you drew lazy lines across my skin with your fingertips.

"The first time we made love," you answered softly.

"That long into our relationship?"

"Well, I knew I loved you long before that. As far as knowing you were the one though with my entire being, it was that night. That's why I made us wait so long. I had to be sure. I had to be sure you would have me. I knew I wanted a long-term relationship with you, but I had to know I could please you, and you could please me."

"You about drove me insane over that year, though. There were so many times I wanted to be with you that way."

"You weren't the only one, Cam. I was driving myself crazy, too. But you knew it was important to me."

"Well, I did after the fact. You could have told me why, though. I would have understood."

"You know I couldn't. I already felt so young and inexperienced in your arms."

"As if I had a lot of experience," I joked. "It was like the virtually blind leading the completely blind."

"Still I felt so innocent with you, so scared that I wouldn't be able to please you. I didn't want to disappoint you."

"You never could, darling," I said, leaning to kiss your forehead.

*  *  *

It was New Year's Eve a year later. Instead of at a party, though, we found ourselves at your place. We had decided to stay in that night and relish our time together. You and I had spent almost every hour you were in town with each other that we could over the past year, but your travels made it difficult. Not a day had gone by without us speaking with each other. Countless hours on the phone and long nights curled up in bed discussing life satisfied my heart only so much. I felt like I hardly ever slept when you were near. My need for rest had been replaced with my need to be with you in every way. However, I could tell you were slow to feel the same. I knew your love for me was true and deep, but you had yet to want to give yourself to me completely. I never pressed you, for I knew my own heart was already lost, but my desires still tortured me.

That night as we sat in front of the fireplace these thoughts played on my mind. You seemed preoccupied as well. Nevertheless, neither of us voiced our thoughts. Instead I focused on my task of creating roasted marshmallows in the fire. As I did so, I gazed over at you, leaning with your back against the coffee table, your long trim legs extended toward me. You held your wine glass at your lips, sipping from it slowly as your eyes kept mine in a strong lock.

Looking back to the fireplace, I watched as the marshmallow caught fire. Quickly I blew it out and pulled it from my stick. The gooey treat instantly started to disintegrate, but I rapidly inhaled it, licking my fingers as I went. "You sure you don't want one?" I asked, as I stuck another into the flames.

"You know I can't eat that. My trainer would kill me."

"But they're so good," I said, toasting the one I had into a golden brown crust. Pulling that one off, I scooted over to you and held it up. "Not even a bite?" You shook your head reluctantly, but I could tell your resistance was waning. "Just one. I won't tell a soul," I pressed. Again you shook your head, so I popped the treat in my own mouth. However, as I began to lick the residue off my fingers, you pulled my hand away from my mouth.

Our eyes met and stayed locked as you started sucking my index finger between your lips. I moaned as I felt your tongue swirl around my digit and your teeth scrape the tacky sweet off my finger. You repeated the process on my other fingers before whispering, "Maybe just one."

I nodded my head and went back to the fire. I toasted another and then brought it back to you, holding it up in offering. You opened your mouth for me to feed you. Placing the sweet on your tongue, I watched as it started to melt. Once you had swallowed, you took my hand again and repeated the process of sucking off the excess. By then I couldn't stand it any longer.

I leaned in and kissed you softly, showing my love, even though at that moment ravaging you was closer to what I had in mind. Your arms came around my shoulders. "I love you, Jana," I murmured as we exchanged loving kisses.

"I love you too, Cam, so much."

Smiling at you reassuringly, my right hand reached for the hem of your sweater and slipped under it. Your skin was so inviting as my touch trailed up your stomach to your breasts. I caressed you reverently through the satin material as our mouths came together once again. It only took a few moments for you to reciprocate, except you pulled off my sweater and then started methodically on the buttons of my pressed white shirt. I allowed you access to do what you wanted, and you took the opportunity to shed everything I was wearing from the waist up. Since we had gone that far before, I had no idea your mind was taking you further, but then you began to remove your own clothes. I watched in fascination as your sweater and bra were removed. I had seen you like this before, but I always responded the same way. As if I was adoring a piece of sculpture, my hands worshiped the planes of your skin in awe.

You clung to me, pressing our bodies together as our mouths found each other's again. Trying to make you more comfortable, I stretched us out against the rug. Your hands felt so good as they glided along the contours of my back. "You are so lovely," I whispered. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known, Jana."

"No, you are, Cam," you responded with a gentle smile.

I flushed lightly, because whenever you said that my legs weakened. To think you would ever compliment my looks when you were such a radiant creature always left me speechless. "Thank you for thinking so," I finally answered.

Your face grew serious as you took my hand. Pressing it to your left breast, you asked, "Do you feel that?" Your heart was beating hard in your chest. I nodded at you. "Every time you're close to me my heart starts to pound, and I feel like I can hardly breathe."

"I feel the same way," I said, taking your hand and putting it against my chest, so you could feel my heart.

Meeting my eyes, you asked, "Cameron, do you love me?"

"Yes, of course, I love you, Jana. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. I love you more than everyone else in my life combined. You're the sustenance that gives my life meaning. If it weren't for you, I'd still be stuck in a book somewhere, watching life pass me by instead of living it. I love you more than I could ever possibly express."

"Do you think about the future? Do you see us together?"

I took a deep breath to bolster my courage. I knew in my heart what I wanted our future to hold but had not expressed it in those terms to you. "You have my heart, Jana. It's my most precious commodity. I gave it to you long ago, and I never want it back. For as long as you want me, I am here to love you, to protect you, to hold you for better or worse."

The smile that graced your face assured me that you were pleased with my declaration. Your hand left my chest and reached to my face. You kissed me softly. Our activities resumed in a leisurely manner. However, after another few minutes passed, you pulled away and looked into my eyes again. "Cameron Grant," you whispered.

"That's me," I said with a half smile. You looked unsure of yourself, and I could feel your body tremble slightly in my embrace. "What is it, love?"

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. "Cameron, will you make love to me?"

I was struck silent for a moment as I let your request settle in my heart. It was what I had wanted for such a long time, and you finally reciprocated those feelings. I could tell you were anxious, though, so I did my best to assure you. "I would love to pleasure you, Jana, in whatever way you desire."

There was another pause before you nodded your head as if taking in my words. Reaching up, your fingers traced across my open mouth, the tip of your index just barely passing between my lips. I sucked it gently, drawing it in further. I watched your breathing become labored as my tongue teased your finger. Finally though, you pulled it out of my mouth. "Come to bed with me, Cam," you whispered.

"As you wish," I replied. "Just let me put out this fire, and I'll be right there."

"Take your time. I want to do something special. Give me a few minutes?"

"Sure. I'll clean up our mess in here first." I watched as you left the room. I was nervous and excited at the opportunity I had just been presented. My ultimate fantasy was about to become reality, but I had my doubts about being able to satisfy you. We hadn't spoken of past lovers much, but I knew a woman like you could have anyone you wanted and that you probably had done just that before we met. I had never wanted to come across as naive, so I made it a point not to mention my limited knowledge in the ways of physical love. Knowing from what little experience I did have, feelings would dictate the night more than anything else. Trying to maintain my composure, I got off the floor and began to gather our dishes. I took them into the kitchen and put them in the dishwasher before returning to the den to put out the fire. Not knowing how much time you wanted, I paced the room, watching the clock on the mantle until the long hand had moved ten minutes. Figuring that was enough, I swallowed my nerves. This was the moment I had been waiting for, right then. My hands started to sweat and my breathing began to come in erratic heaves, and I struggled to calm myself. My legs felt like stone, making it difficult to move, but I slowly walked back toward the bedroom.

You had left the door cracked just slightly, but I could see the lights were off. Instead there was the glow of fire in your bedroom fireplace. Stopping at the end of the hall, I took a deep breath, for I had no idea what to expect. Slowly I pushed open the door. The sight that greeted me made me gasp. There you were sitting on the tiny bench at the foot of your bed. Your legs were parted revealing a silver thong with sparkles on it. You were leaning with your forearms on your thighs, making a dazzling display as your breasts threatened to tumble out of a bra of the same material. On your feet was a pair of silver stiletto heels. Even though I had seen pictures of you like this before, I was totally dumbfounded at the sight of it in real life.

"My God," I whispered. You said nothing as I managed to close the door and come over to where you were on shaky legs. They gave out as I reached you, and I found myself kneeling in front of you. "Jana, you are a goddess."

You flushed shyly and cupped my face. "You make me feel more beautiful than any other woman in the world, Cameron."

My eyes roamed your body, taking in all that was on offer. However, I was suddenly distracted by your outfit and furrowed my brow. "Are those diamonds?" I asked. You nodded. "Real diamonds?" Again you nodded. "My God, I can't believe it. That whole bra is nothing but diamonds?"

You chuckled, and I sensed your nervousness fade a little. "It's all real diamonds. It's actually a million dollars worth of jewelry between the set."

"How do you wash that?" I asked curiously.

You laughed loudly. "You aren't supposed to really wear it. It's just for show, but I suppose you could wash it by hand. I know I'm going to have to after tonight," you added somewhat breathlessly.

"Well, it's quite a show. Where on earth did you get this?"

"It was a gift. I've been doing the same runway show for this lingerie company for ten years. This was sort of a reward. It's not practical and just sits in my safe, but I thought this was a special occasion."

I nodded in agreement. With a pause in conversation between us, the moment grew serious once again. I truly had no idea where to start, but I allowed my emotions to guide me as I leaned in and kissed your mouth sweetly. You returned that sentiment, responding in kind. For several minutes we just kissed, arms around each other. I could feel you shuddering slightly. Breaking away from your lips, I met your eyes. They spoke volumes as to your desires but also your anxiety. Deciding to ignore it for the moment, I simply slid my right hand down your thigh over your calf to your foot. Gently I worked open the buckle of your heel before slipping off the shoe. I repeated the process with the other. I could feel your hands tentatively moving along my naked torso to my belt. Unsteady hands worked it open before they moved on to the button and then the zipper. For a moment that was the only sound I could hear, the releasing of the zipper on my pants. It made my heart rate speed up even faster than I thought possible. Your hands planted on my waist and lingered as if you were waiting to fortify your resolution, but after a moment, you pushed my clothes down my legs until they dropped to my knees. I swallowed hard, trying to remain confident. You had never seen me completely naked, but your eyes told of your approval.

Releasing the breath I was holding, I decided it was time for action on my part. My hands went to the front clasp of your bra and popped it open with ease. Immediately your breasts spilled freely out of the diamonds and satin. Pushing the straps from your shoulders, I was distracted for a moment with how heavy the garment was but quickly put it and my thoughts aside to focus on you.

Taking your hand, I stood both of us up. I made quick work of my pants that were pooled at my ankles, gently kicking them aside, so I was naked. You were still in your minute jeweled thong, but I didn't make a move to remove it, sensing that you weren't quite ready to be completely bare. Instead I took you by the hand and rounded the side of the bed. We stood there for a moment just kissing and gazing deeply into each other's eyes before you finally made a move, taking position on top of the bed. For a moment I just looked at you, a vision posed so provocatively but with eyes that spoke of uncertainty. Moving onto the bed, I stretched myself out next to you, mirroring your posture and hoping that I could pull it off half as well.

You reached for me, cupping the back of my head in the palm of your hand and bringing me to you. It all seemed so tender, so gentle, the way we were kissing and holding one another. I smelled the longing wafting up between our bodies, proving that we both wanted this connection desperately. Feeling the confidence surge through me at the evidence, I made a move to escalate our ardor and started to slip my hand down to a place it had never been. Fingers burrowed beneath the diamonds to cup your passion, but your body jumped at the touch.

Concerned I met your eyes. "Are you all right?" I asked in a hush, leaving my hand in place but not moving it. The feeling of your wetness seeping into my palm provoked my wanton yearning even more, but I refrained from taking what I so deliriously craved. Something in you told me patience was what was needed.

You swallowed and broke our gaze. "I'm sorry, Cameron. I'm just nervous," you confessed.

"That's okay. So am I," I admitted with a smile and a kiss to your forehead.

"I've just never loved someone the way I love you. I can't even explain it."

"I know, Jana, and I have never loved anyone the way I love you either. Let's just take our time."

You nodded in agreement. With that I pulled my hand away and took in other landscapes. Soon we were lost in the feeling of each other's bodies, kissing and stroking over skin. The diamond thong scraped against my legs as your hips rocked in rhythm against my thigh. I could feel your wetness soak through the material and knew it was time to remove the last barrier.

Moving my hands to either side of your waist, I looked deeply into you brown eyes, trying to show all the love I had for you in that one gaze. "May I please take this off, Jana?"

"Please," you answered.

Once you were naked, my hand found its way home again between your legs. Your body shivered in my arms as we kissed. "Tell me how to please you, darling. I'll do anything you ask of me."

"Please, Cameron," you begged. "Touch me... on the inside."

Granting your wish, I slipped into you delicately. You cried out as your hips rose toward the touch. I was amazed at the tightness that welcomed me. You felt so taut and warm around my fingers. Meeting your lips again, we started to kiss while I began a methodical pace, going just slightly deeper with each passing moment. My thumb joined in caressing the outside while two fingers continued pace inside. However, when I tried to add a third, you winced. "Is that too much?" I whispered into your neck, feeling your arms clasp tighter around my back in conjunction with your grunt of discomfort.

You shook your head and panted, "So tight, so good. You feel so good, Cam."

"So do you, Jana. God, you're beautiful. I love you so much," I reassured, thinking how timid you were even with all the excitement.

"I love you," you moaned as I started a rhythm you seemed to enjoy.

However, just then you cried out in pain. Panicked I stopped what I was doing immediately and remained still. "Oh, God, did I hurt you? What did I do?"

You said nothing for a moment just giving several pants of uneven breath. After a moment, you mumbled, "That hurt."

"I'm so sorry, Jana. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"It's okay, Cam. It's fine. It just hurt for a moment. I'm fine now. I promise. Please don't stop," you said with a shy grin. "It felt really good until just then."

Nodding in agreement, I answered, "I feels good from my end too." With that I went back to task, hoping that the pain I had caused wouldn't linger. It didn't appear to, and soon after I recognized the signs of peak about to come to fruition. You clutched me tightly, calling my name and proclaiming your love as you shook in my arms. I held you closely vowing myself to you once again until you settled. When you gave a content sigh, I slowly withdrew, causing you another set of tremors.

Neither of us spoke for several minutes, but finally you said, "That was amazing."

I smiled at you, happy that you were pleased and that I was able to give you that satisfaction. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Again I'm sorry about hurting you. You must have not had sex in a really long time. You are so small," I mentioned conversationally.

You cast your eyes down and shook your head. "Actually I've never had sex before," you admitted.

Completely startled by the confession, I just lied there mute for a minute. "Are you serious? You mean I'm the first?"

You nodded. "Yes, Cameron, you're the only one. I know it sounds crazy, but it's the truth."

"But you could have anyone."

"I've only ever wanted you," you answered. "It's hard to explain why I waited so long, but it meant something to me that way."

"I had no idea, Jana. It definitely meant something regardless of whether you were a virgin or not. I'm completely floored. Why did you decide to wait until now?"

With a shrug of your shoulders, you expounded on your thoughts. "I started modeling when I was sixteen. Back then I knew I didn't like boys, but it wasn't acceptable to be a model and a lesbian. I hid that from everyone, because I was afraid of what it might do to my career. Even now most people don't know except for my closest friends. Not only that, being who I am, it's hard to date. I was so attracted to you not only because you were beautiful and smart but also because you had no idea who I was. It made it so much easier to be myself instead of what people think I should be. There is also this whole idea of people seeing so much more of my body because I am a model. Sometimes I feel like I don't even own my body. I go places, and I see it up on billboards and in magazines, like an object in the public domain, something belonging to everyone. I mean, you've seen pictures of me naked, and that isn't something I would necessarily want my lover to see ahead of time. My virginity felt like the last piece of me that was truly mine. I owned it, not the public, just me. It was mine to do with what I wanted."

I nodded in understanding. What had just taken place suddenly felt like so much more. The meaning had multiplied tenfold. "And you felt I was worthy? Jana, I'm blown away. I don't even know what to say. To say that I'm honored doesn't even come close to expressing how I feel right now. Why me?"

"Because I love you, Cameron. You're the only person in this world that loves me for me. You have always understood how complicated my life is, and you've been nothing but supportive. Your arms are the only place I call home, Cam, and I wanted to give you as much as you have given me."

I shook my head in amazement. "Wow, Jana. That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. You're my home too. When you're gone, it's just not the same, but I do understand following dreams, and I want all of yours to come true."

With a beautiful smile you leaned up and kissed me. "There's something I wanted to ask you tonight. I just can't keep going on this way without at least asking, and if you don't want to do this or aren't ready, we don't have to, but it's how I feel about us."

Thinking I knew what the question was, I preempted you. "If you are going to ask me to move in with you, I have news for you. I already live here, because you're here," I stated.

You nodded at me. "I know that. There was actually something else. I'm twenty-eight years old, and I have always wanted my own family. I want to have a baby, Cam, your baby."

I couldn't help the smile that broke out on my face. "Oh, Jana, I have always wanted kids, but I thought my chance was gone because of my age. I would love to have children, especially with you." Growing serious though, I continued, "There's just one thing. I really want to be married to the mother of my children."

"I was hoping that would be the case," you said with a tentative smile, reaching under the pillows. You pulled a small box out of its hiding from under the bedding. Instantly my heart started to hammer, because I immediately knew what it was. However, I decided not to say anything yet and let you do the talking. "Cameron, ever since I met you, my life hasn't been the same. It's been so much better, because you're in it. You mean everything to me. I could lose it all tomorrow but still be content if I had you. You're all I really need in life, but the idea of having our own family, of a child, our child growing inside of me fills me with happiness that I can't even explain. It would be like the perfect gift to the bond that we share. More than that though, I want to be with you always. You are the most perfect gift I have ever been given, and I love you. I've loved you practically since the moment we met. The last year and a half I've just grown to love you even more, and I know that's never going to change. Everyday that I wake up next to you, I am so thankful that you're here. And everyday that I wake up alone, I just long to be in your arms again." You paused for a moment, breaking our gaze, and I wondered if you would be able to bring yourself to say what you so obviously wanted. Meeting my eyes again, you took a deep breath. "Cameron, I can't imagine my life without you. I want us to be together. I want us to have a family and live this wonderful life that we've created." I watched as you opened the box and pulled out a platinum ring studded completely with diamonds. You reached for my left hand, holding it in your right one before meeting my eyes again. "You already make me so happy, but I really would love it if you and I could be married. Cameron, will you take me as your wife? Will you marry me?"

As soon as the words left your mouth, I felt all the air leave my lungs. Even though I knew what your intention was as soon as I saw the ring box, I still have no idea what it would actually feel like to be the recipient of such an offering. "Jana, I love you. I really do, and I would love to marry you and spend the rest of our lives together. You have breathed life back into my lungs, and because of you I am able to see the beauty of the world in a way I never had until I met you. I will marry you, but are you absolutely sure this is what you want? You have a career to consider here."

I watched as you slipped the ring onto my hand and then dug under your pillows once again to get a second box, which you handed to me. "Career and money mean nothing to me if I don't have you, Cam. You're the only thing that matters to me. Now please put this ring on my hand."

I did as I was told, taking the other ring from its box and placing it on your left ring finger. Yours was more traditional with one large stone accented by smaller ones. For a moment I felt bad that you had bought your own engagement ring. "These are stunning rings, Jana. I wish I was able to buy you such nice things."

"Money doesn't matter, Cameron. You've given me more than these rings could ever be worth. You've given me your heart. I just wanted the rings as a symbol of that love. All my monetary possessions are yours just as all of yours are mine. They are ours, now and always."

I smiled and nodded. You seemed sure of your feelings, making me even more so in my own. "I love you, Jana Mueller," I said with a smile as I pulled your body against mine and found your neck with my lips.

"I love you too, Dr. Grant," you giggled followed by a needy moan as my hand found its way back between your legs. "Now make love to me again."

*  *  *

Our mouths met slowly as you slipped your thigh between my legs. Even in my wet swimming trunks, I could feel the pressure building inside both of us as you rubbed against me seductively. Straddling my leg you sat up enough for your right hand to slither between our bodies to the tie on my suit. "All this reminiscing about our lovemaking makes me amorous," you whispered with a giggle. "You are wearing too many clothes for what I want to do to you."

"You know I am always up for intimate time with you, love, but I feel awkward out here in the open. You know what happened last time we got carried away outside of the privacy of our house."

You groaned and rolled off me. "Don't remind me. That was awful."

*  *  *

It was three months after our engagement, and life couldn't have been much better. I had moved into your place, and the two of us were spending every available moment together, lost in love and each other. We hardly were able to keep our hands to ourselves whether at home or out with close friends. However, it never seemed to affect our careers until one day when it all came to a horrific turning point.

I had gone to work as usual and had just come back from class when I got the news. Walking into my office, my boss was standing there waiting on me. "What's the matter?" I questioned seeing the scowl on his face. He thrust a magazine in my direction.

"Something you need to tell me?" he asked gruffly.

I looked at it. On the cover was my fiancée with a tag line of a sexual exposition. My stomach sank a little as I opened it and saw pictures of you, my lover, and me sharing a private moment in Central Park. "Oh, God. I can explain this."

"I sure hope so, because we don't like seeing our professors in flagrante delicto!" he snapped.

"I'm so sorry. Jana and I are engaged. We thought we were alone. This is really bad. I have to call her."

"Well, I didn't realize you were engaged. Congratulations. However, this is not appropriate for NYU. The president is furious."

"I understand, and I'm sorry. It will not happen again."

"See that it doesn't or else it might cost you your job."

As soon as I was left alone, I decided I had time to warn you in person and headed out to our apartment, knowing that you were still there and hoping you had not seen the photos. Getting home I heard you on the telephone. I could tell just by the sound of your voice that something was wrong. Going to where you were, I stood there in the kitchen as you paced back and forth yelling at the person on the other end of the line. Tears cascaded down your face. Finally when you slammed down the phone, I made a move toward you.

"Are you all right?" I questioned.

You shook your head as you ran your hands through your fair hair. "My life just took a turn for the worse. I've been outed with some risqué photos of us."

"I know. I saw the magazine. My boss actually confronted me with it. He was not pleased," I mentioned, placing it down on the counter.

You picked it up and flipped through it. "God, this is not good. I look like a whore," you said with a sigh.

I said nothing at first as I took another look at the pictures. There were several of us kissing, but the most disturbing one was of me with my face in your bare breasts. The article explained in great detail our escapade in the park, one in which we had thought we were alone. My name was in print right along with yours, and I felt overwhelmingly violated. However, knowing this was about you at the moment, I tried to remain strong. "What can I do for you?" I asked, wrapping my arms around your shaking shoulders.

You turned in my arms and sobbed into my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Cameron. I never intended for this to happen."

"I know, but being who you are, we have to deal with it. The article didn't say anything derogatory really. I mean it just basically talks about our date in the park and our intimate moments there. They don't make either of us out to be anything we aren't. It is the truth, you know. We were making out in the park."

"It's the pictures, Cam. People expect to see me a certain way, and this isn't it. They don't expect to see me cradling another woman's head into my chest and panting in ecstasy. Damn. My PR people are already getting calls on this. People want answers."

"Who says you have to give them any? I mean, can't you just tell them to bug off?"

"Cameron, I have to say something. We were practically having sex in a public place. I have to say something to pacify them and the sooner the better."

"Then what do you want to say?"

You shrugged. "I am not ashamed of our relationship, and I never will be. I suppose I should admit to it and put it to rest. Otherwise, it will just plague me indefinitely."

"Are you sure that's the wisest choice?"

"I think it's the only choice. It's what I have to do to be able to live with myself. I will not deny you to anyone. You're my lover and my life. Even though I didn't have intentions of telling the entire world, it would just be better if I did."

"But your career," I said.

"My career was built on my looks."

"And sexuality, Jana. People think sex when they look at your photos. That's what sells. Now your sexuality will be linked with lesbianism if you tell the world that we are together."

You sighed and pondered the statement. Breaking out of my arms, you went back to the magazine. "You know, these pictures are awfully racy. Is that what I really look like when we make out?"

Confused by the turn in the direction of the conversation, I didn't answer for a moment. Looking over your shoulder at the pictures, I curved my arms around your waist. "You're even more erotically beautiful, but yes, you do get this look on your face. It's usually the last look you get before you ask me to make love to you."

Shaking your head, you mumbled, "I look like a prostitute."

"You look strikingly radiant like that in my opinion."

You gave a soft chuckle. "Thank you for thinking so and for being here. You're the reason I'll be able to make it through this."

"Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do here. I'm here to support you regardless of what you decide. I'm going to stand with you no matter what. You need to make the best choice for you. If you choose to deny this relationship, I will understand your reasons for doing so."

Glancing over your shoulder, you gave me a teary smile. "Thank you, Cameron, for the support. You truly are my champion, and I will never deny you, not to anyone, ever. No, I should just be honest and let people decide what they will about me. If this ends my career, then it ends my career. I still have you, and that's what means something. I have more money than I need to support our family, and you still have your job. This will work out fine."

"Are you sure?"

You nodded. "You know, when I was a little girl growing up in Germany, I didn't have very much. My parents were humble people that worked incredibly hard, and I just happened to fall into this business by fate. A talent scout just saw me on the street with some friends. If I hadn't been standing on that corner just at that exact moment, my life might be completely different. I believed fate brought me into the business, but now I believe that chance meeting all those years ago was not just to become a model but to find you. You were my destiny, Cam, not this career, not necessarily this life. The real reason for it all was you. I know that in my heart. No matter what happens, you are what gives my life meaning."

"You are a brave woman, Jana Mueller, and an inspiration. If this is your decision, then I'm with you."

"Maybe I could even introduce you to the world. They might be more accepting if they see how wonderful you are."

"Oh, I don't know about that. I'm not sure the world is ready for Cameron Grant."

"I think they are. I mean, if I'm going to go out there and tell everyone that we're in love and going to get married, you might as well be along for the ride. After all, as soon as we are married, you're my escort to all my major events for the rest of our lives. You're going to have to get used to it sometime. It might as well be now."

"I'll do whatever you want, Jana, but I'm still not sure I'm meant to be in the glamorous spotlight."

"You belong there with me." There was silence for a few minutes as we just held each other. You sighed deeply, and I felt the tension beginning to fade from your frame. "I love you, Cam. Thank you for being here."

"Always, love, always."

*  *  *

"You were so brave to come on interviews with me after that. People were curious there for awhile about you."

"Yeah but once they realized I was just a bookworm, I lost my fan base, and they all went back to being Jana Mueller lovers," I joked.

"In the end it really didn't make that much difference at all. I still have work, you and Lily."

I nodded. "Yeah and I never liked you modeling lingerie anyway. Didn't like everyone seeing my goods."

"Sucked that after ten years with the same company they tried to ask for my diamond bra back, though. They really were assholes. I was just too lost in my own world to realize it. I'm glad they let me go, but I was even more thrilled to be wearing that bra the day they terminated my contract and being able to flash it in their faces before leaving," you chuckled.

"You still have your swimsuit covers, too. Apparently jocks are a little more forgiving about their swimsuit models," I teased. "And you are still one of the most popular supermodels in the world. I think you have more respect now, though. After all, when you got canned for being gay that was such great press for you and terrible for them. You got even more offers from just that one event."

You nodded in agreement. "Much more respect, which has been more valuable than I ever realized. People now take me seriously and admire my mind as much as my looks, and it's all because of you, my sexy brainiac."

Silence encompassed us for a few minutes as we both glanced up into the sky. The sun felt good on our bodies. Reaching for your hand, I smiled at you. "Come swimming with me," I suggested.

Giving a nod, you allowed me to pull you out of our chair. My heart sped up at the sight of you standing there naked. Tugging you out to the lagoon, we waded in up to our chests. I watched as the ends of your hair became soaked in the salty water. You gave me a bright smile as we embraced each other.

"How did I get to be so lucky as to get you?" you asked.

I blushed and shrugged. "I'm the lucky one here. You could have anyone in the world, and you chose me. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how fortunate I truly am that you picked me as your spouse and as a mother to our child."

"Lily," you said. "Such a blessing. Our little wedding night miracle," you teased. "I never thought you had it in you."

"I promised you a night you'd never forget, and I did my best to deliver. It wouldn't have been possible without you, and I know that."

"But just because I was ovulating, I had no idea what you had in mind. You really surprised me in the best way possible."

*  *  *

The day had started before dawn. Our wedding day, so full of promise as we rose at three in the morning. Sleepily I looked at you as you dressed. You had too much energy for such an early hour, but I knew the excitement of it all was why you were up getting ready before the alarm had even awakened us. Even though I too was ecstatic about the arrival of our special day, the thought of venturing out in the cold of night was less than appealing than the warm bed in which we had been sharing.

Nevertheless, I rose and headed for the shower that you had occupied half an hour before. I was tired but adrenaline kept me going as I bathed and then dried my body. By the time I was clean and had finished drying my hair, I could hear you on the phone ordering us a light breakfast. I thought you looked adorable standing there in your thermal undergarments and wool socks. I started dressing, pulling on the same type of clothes you were already wearing and then adding all my black snow gear while you did the same, except your clothes were bright white.

"You know I love you when I agree to go hiking in Alaska in the middle of the night, so we can have a dawn wedding in the snow."

"I know you do, but this is the perfect way. No one will be able to find us, especially the press, and if by chance they do find out the location, there is no way they could get out there in the dark. It will just be you, me, the photographer, and the minister out there in nature."

I shrugged and smiled. "You said that's what you wanted, so that's exactly what you're getting. Our families and friends are going to be surprised when they wake up to find we've already been married. Most of them are expecting a service this afternoon. We should have told them all."

"We told our parents. They can't make this hike anyway. It's too dangerous for them. This is the wedding I want, not what they want, and we all agreed that it was fine. Our parents are going to tell everyone at breakfast this morning."

"Well, you are getting exactly what you want then. Do you think anyone is going to be upset?"

"I hope not. My Oma might be, but my parents will explain, and we'll have the pictures. This is a private moment. They are lucky you talked me into letting the photographer come along."

Breakfast was fairly quiet between us as we were both lost in thought. However, then the phone rang. It was our guide, who happened to also be doubling as the minister, telling us that he was in the lobby waiting for us. Knowing it was time, each of us pulled on our last bit of apparel, securing out hats and gloves before heading out. It was brutally glacial when we stepped outside as wind whipped against our faces, stinging the exposed skin. For a moment I thought we were both crazy, but you seemed perfectly content, and we started off with nothing but flashlights guiding the way.

The next few hours were spent hiking through ice and snow. No one talked, not even us, even though we walked side by side through the rough terrain. Glancing skyward, I took in the wonder of the stars. This was the beginning of not only a new day but also of a new life where we would live as one. The thought was simultaneously terrifying and thrilling. Needing something to steady my emotions, I reached down for your hand and clasped your heavy glove in my own. We hiked the rest of the way with our fingers interlaced.

Just as the sun began to announce the dawn, we reached our destination. I was overwhelmed momentarily as I glanced out over the expanse of the icy Pacific Ocean to where chunks of ice buoyed along the surface of the water and mountain landscape layered in pure snow surrounded us in the small cove. The loveliness of this sacred place touched my heart deeply, especially as I thought of how you had chosen it just for us. The fact that you thought so much of me to bring me to this secret place of perfection made my heart feel as if it would burst from my chest.

Looking at you I smiled. Your face was flushed but smile luminous. You truly were in the place of your dreams, and I was glad to be there with you. Pulling you into my arms, I hugged you closely as we just gazed at our surroundings for a little while, largely ignoring the fact that we were not alone. At that moment we truly were in our hearts.

"Well, was it worth getting up early?" you questioned lightly.

I nodded. "Every step with you is worth it, Jana. Now are you ready to take our first steps together as a married couple?"

"I'm more than ready for that. I've been ready to become your wife for my whole life. What about you?"

"I've been ready to have you as my wife for my whole life, too," I replied with a laugh. With that I motioned over the minister, who had been standing at a distance to give us privacy, to begin our short ceremony.

Even though both of us were covered head to toe to protect us from the elements, I thought you had never looked more angelic standing in your white outfit, your fluffy faux fur cap nestled tightly over your fair hair and the ringlets tumbling over the shoulders of your white down jacket. Even in all that gear, you managed to look incredibly sexy. Your eyes and smile showed all I ever needed to know, that you loved me as much as I loved you.

Both of us began to cry as we recited our vows to each other, but the cold froze them as they trailed down our faces. It didn't matter though as we held one another closely, committing ourselves to a life together and promising with every breath never to forsake each other. Kissing you that morning, I felt reborn a better person for having pledged myself to something greater.

Our hike back to the hotel where we had been staying took longer than the trek out as we constantly got sidetracked with each other, kissing, hugging, and frolicking in the snow. Our guide and photographer had the decency to give us distance, allowing us to feel alone in that stunning white wilderness. By the time we returned, it was already time to prepare for the reception, so we raced off to our room to change.

Everyone was thrilled to see us when we arrived, and we were immediately swept up into the excitement of the party we had orchestrated for all our family and friends, which went into early evening. Finally though, we were sent on our way out to the yacht we had rented for our honeymoon, and once we were onboard alone with the exception of the crew, I sighed.

"What a day," I mentioned, wrapping you in my arms as we watched our loved ones get smaller on the horizon until they were out of sight.

"An incredible day," you said with a smile for me. "It's getting cold out here. Maybe we should go inside."

I nodded and took your hand. Immediately a crew member appeared seemingly out of nowhere and offered to give us a tour of our accommodations for the next ten days. We agreed and allowed ourselves to be led through the large boat. I found it interesting that the entire crew was female and mentioned it to you, but you only responded that you had wanted it that way. Even our captain was a woman, and we spent an extended amount of time discussing our itinerary with her. I think she saw the desire on my face to be elsewhere though, and finally suggested that we make ourselves comfortable in our quarters with the assurance that anything we might want was only as far away as a phone call.

Being escorted to our room, the crew member said to let them know if we needed anything and then promptly departed. I opened the door to our room and then flashed a grin. "Shall I carry you over the threshold?"

You didn't even answer, instead jumping into my arms. I managed to catch you in mid-air and took you into our suite, closing the door behind me with my foot. Sitting you on the bed, I also took a seat and slipped off my shoes. "It's so nice to finally be alone."

You nodded in agreement. "I'm so glad you agreed to a cruise for our honeymoon. I really just wanted some privacy, and this was the best way to assure it."

"It's a wonderful idea. How did you manage to get an all-woman crew?"

"I asked my assistant to call the lesbian cruise line and tell them what I wanted. They were more than happy to oblige. All of them have signed a privacy contract, so we're safe. Everything that happens on this boat stays here."

"Do you think they're all lesbians?" I asked curiously.

You nodded. "You should have seen the way they were looking at you when we came aboard, practically drooling over your hot body. I bet you made them all wet," you teased.

I laughed. "No, I think they were drooling over you, darling, but thanks for trying to stroke my ego anyway." Checking my watch, I said, "It's been such a long day."

You agreed. "I'm actually sleepy."

"Well, we've been up for seventeen hours already, and we've had quite a busy day at that. We started with that seven hour hike and then immediately had to go to a party. Between the food, the alcohol, and the dancing, I'm about ready to skip dinner and hit the sheets."

Giving a seductively grin, you said, "That sounds really good actually. Maybe a soak in the hot tub first, though."

"Whatever you want, love. Tonight I want to give you anything you need."

"I hope so, because I have lots of needs tonight," you whispered, leaning to kiss me.

"Hot tub first," I reminded after a few moments of intimate kissing.

"Hot tub," you mumbled.

Together we had a long soak. Even as much as I wanted to escalate our activities, I decided to wait. I didn't want our first time after being wed to be in a hot tub, opting instead for something more traditional. Knowing that I had my own little surprise for you, I left you soaking in the tub and headed back into our bedroom. The crew was supposed to leave my package in the floor of the closet, and I found it there just as I had requested. Quickly preparing it, I moved to the bed, slipping in without even bothering with clothes. I knew I wasn't going to need them anyway.

Minutes later you came back into the bedroom. You were wearing a brilliant smile and that fantastic diamond lingerie set that I hadn't seen since the first time we had ever been together with a white satin robe. "Starting without me?" you inquired lightly, moving over toward the bed.

"Never. I just like getting the full effect of when you walk into a room. You're beautiful, Jana. You never cease to amaze me."

Crawling onto my frame, you didn't answer with words. Instead you claimed my mouth sweetly. "I've been waiting my entire life for this moment. Take me. Make me yours, Cam."

I did just as you asked. Taking our time, we loved each other thoroughly. However, after we both had peaked once, I pulled back and said, "I have something I want to give you."

"Oh, I love presents," you answered flashing happy eyes at me. "What is it?"

"Close your eyes and keep them closed," I instructed.

Gamely you did what I told you. Pulling the gift out from under my pillow, I put it on and adjusted the straps. As much I didn't particularly like the idea of loving you with assistance, I knew it was a chance I wanted to take this once, in hopes that something wonderful might become of it. Without a word to you, I rolled you onto your back and pulled myself between your thighs. I kissed you deeply and pushed my way into you.

You gasped and opened your eyes in surprise. "Cameron?"

"It's okay. Trust me, love. I'll make this so good for you."

You simply smiled and nodded, showing full trust in me. Since I had both hands free, I took the opportunity to adore you even more slowly than I usually did, just allowing our hips to find the right rhythm. It wasn't long until our passion had taken hold of us again, and we were grinding together, trying desperately to find fulfillment. Feeling that you were about to reach the summit, I knew it was time to go through with my plan and reached down between our bodies to do just that. The look on your face as you climaxed was divine, head thrown back crying out your pleasure.

However, as the moment subsided, your hazy eyes met mine. "Something you forgot to tell me, Cam?" you joked. "Last time I checked, which was all of half an hour ago, you were still the woman I married, but I could have sworn I just felt you come inside of me."

I shrugged with a sly grin. "Surprise," I said.

"Indeed. I didn't know you possessed such talent. How did you just do that?"

"Actually, I just wanted one chance to conceive a baby the old-fashion way. Since I don't have any swimmers of my own, I took the liberty of getting some from the donor we decided on. Special measures call for special equipment," I explained, pulling out of you.

Immediately you threw back the covers to investigate. "Cameron, you're the sweetest. I can't believe you would think to do that."

"I just thought it would feel more like ours if we did this the fun way," I teased. "We don't have to do it again if you don't want."

"Are you kidding? Oh, this is the way we're going to have a baby, or at least, we'll have a ton of fun trying. For now though, take this off, so I can see the woman underneath. She's the one I married and that I want to make love to again."

*  *  *

You giggled as your fingers trailed through my damp hair. "I still can't believe you got me pregnant from that. I've never been so thrilled for something than the day I found that I was pregnant from our wedding night. It just made it that much more special. You really did make all my dreams come true that night."

"Outside of marrying you, Lily's birth was the most incredible thing that's ever happened to me. Even now just thinking about it makes me feel so emotional. I felt so close to you that day, in a way that I never had before. It was magical."

You nodded your head. "I know what you mean. Although if we ever have another child, I swear I will not be talked into having a natural birth without drugs. I wanted to kiss you and kill you at the same time for allowing me to think it wasn't going to be that bad. All that nonsense about not remembering the pain once your baby is born is just garbage. I still remember the pain. It was worth every second of it, but I still remember," you teased, ruffling my dark hair.

"That makes two of us," I joked with a smile.

*  *  *

The day had started like any other. I woke up curled against you to find you still sleeping. Your round belly protruded out from under your cotton pajamas. I thought you looked adorable and just lied there gazing at you. However, the moment was short-lived as you soon awoke, wincing in pain.

Immediately concerned, I reached for you, placing my hand delicately over the baby and asking, "Are you all right?" You shook your head. "Tell me what's wrong," I softly requested. You didn't answer at first, but I quickly realized the problem as I felt something soak through the sleeping pants I was wearing. Your water had just broken in bed.

"I'm sorry, Cam," you said regretfully, but I shook off your apology.

"No need to apologize, love. It just took me by surprise. Looks like today is the day. I should call the doctor. You stay put and try to relax."

You did as I instructed while I went to make the call. Pacing at the foot of the bed, I spoke to your obstetrician about your condition. I was excited but nervous as I observed you struggling to get out of your soiled pajama bottoms and looking decidedly uncomfortable. Hanging up the phone, I announced, "The doctor and the midwife will both be on their way shortly. Are you sure you want to do this at home?"

"I don't want to go to the hospital if I don't have to, Cameron. You know that."

"I know. I just want to do what's best for the baby."

"The doctor said she was perfectly healthy, and there was no reason we couldn't do this here at home. I don't want to leave if I don't have to. You know the press is out there just lurking for a picture of me like this, and I don't want to give it to them. Not today," you stated firmly.

I shrugged, knowing it was not worth a disagreement. After all, you were having our baby, and I was thrilled just to be able to be apart of the wonderful experience. Taking a tentative seat on the bed next to you, I once again touched your stomach. "What can I do for you? Are you hungry? Do you want to shower? Do you want something to drink? Tell me what you need."

"I should walk a little. The doctor said walking would help if I could stand to do it. Help me out of bed."

Assisting you from the bed, I slowly escorted you around the room. However, every time a contraction struck, you squeezed my arm tightly. I felt bad witnessing your suffering, and I wished there was something I could do for you, but I knew there was nothing. At that point in time I could only lend my support. Leaving the bedroom, we toured the top floor of the apartment. I was too concerned that if we got you downstairs we wouldn't be able to get you back up again, so I opted to lead you from our bedroom to various rooms, including the baby's room next door.

Even though I knew our little girl was going to be sleeping in our room for the next several months, you and I had taken a great deal of care and time to create a room just for her, a place that we hoped she would love when she was old enough to appreciate it. Standing by the side of her changing table, both of us gazed at all the little clothes neatly stacked and waiting to be used. In an effort to distract you from your discomfort, we had a lengthy discussion about what outfit we should put her in first.

That having been decided, we started talking about what she might look like when she made her grand appearance, placing bets on what hair and eye color she might have. I predicted she would be like you with golden hair and brown eyes. You, on the other hand, were convinced she would have my darker hair and eye coloring. I thought it was incredibly sweet that you wanted our child to look like me. We had decided on a donor similar to my own background for that reason, but secretly I fantasized about an angelic little girl just like I imagined you were in your youngest years.

When you grew tired of walking, we returned to the bedroom. I sat you in the most relaxing chair we had and then proceeded to change our bed linens. You protested my actions, saying it wasn't worth the effort, but I refused to let you lie in a bed that wasn't clean. Then I gently moved you back to the bed, propping you up on the pillows for comfort.

By that time the midwife arrived and took over duties from me. I patiently waited, sitting by the bedside holding your hand through every contraction. As they grew closer together, I began to get anxious. The pain and perspiration that appeared on your brow was a clear sign of your hurting, but I was helpless to stop it. It made me feel weak and inadequate. All I could do was hold you and tell you it would pass, but what I really wanted was to be able to alleviate it with whatever means necessary. I had vowed to protect you from pain, and it hurt me to see you in it, voluntarily submitting to it to bring our baby into the world. Your will and determination appeared so much stronger than my own, and I was awed by you in that moment.

By that afternoon, your doctor had arrived, announcing that it was time. The midwife instructed me on what to do, give your left foot something on which to brace to keep your knees bent while she did the same with the right. My heart pounded heavily, but I followed her directions. I knelt next to you on the bed and took your leg, propping your foot up against the muscles of my upper chest. Extending my right hand to you, you grabbed it with a grip much stronger than I expected.

You were sweating profusely and breathing erratically but resolve was set on your face. Our eyes locked. I was terrified for you of the unknown about to follow, but I did my best to remain strong. "You can do this," I coached, trying to motivate you.

You didn't respond as the doctor told you to push. The scream that broke the air petrified me. I had never heard you make a sound like that in all the time we had known each other. You clasped my hand so tightly that I wanted to whimper, but I did my best not to, knowing you were in far worse shape. Instead I bit my own bottom lip.

"You're doing great, darling," I applauded. "Keep going."

"Cameron," you groaned. "This hurts."

"I know, but it'll be over soon. You have to keep pushing, though."

We went on for long minutes until the doctor declared that he could see the head.

Intrigued I looked down to try to see for myself. Sure enough there she was, the crown of her head making its emergence. I was fascinated. You, my wife and lover, were bringing a child into the world.

"Jana, you're doing it, love. I can see her head. Keep pushing."

Bearing down harder on my hand and chest, you grunted as you continued to push her to freedom. Another scream burst from your lungs as the doctor proclaimed the shoulders were out. A few minutes later you gave an exhausted sigh as another cry broke the air, but this one rang in my heart like music, creating a song my soul would never forget.

Putting your leg down on the bed, I moved up to your head and cuddled you close to me. I was as emotionally exhausted as you were physically, but adrenaline kept my attention rapt on you as the doctor and midwife tended to our daughter. Kissing the top of your wet head, I whispered, "I love you so much, Jana. You did it."

"Love you too," you mumbled barely able to speak in your fatigued state.

A moment later a crying little girl was placed against your stomach. Her eyes were tightly shut, and she was shaking slightly in her displeasure as she shrieked, but I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen just then. We were allowed to linger in that moment for a short time, but then the doctor asked if I wanted to cut the umbilical cord. With shaking hands I did so before she was taken away once again to be cleaned up a little.

Once the doctor was gone, the midwife stood by the bed and gave us an impromptu lesson on breastfeeding. I watched intently as your right breast came into view. They had changed over your pregnancy, becoming heavier and fuller, but you were still as beautiful as you always had been in my eyes. Seeing you place our little girl to your breast to feed was fascinating. Both of you seemed to take to it naturally.

It was only when we were alone that the weight of what had taken place struck me. Standing in the doorway of the bedroom, I watched you gazing down at the tiny infant swaddled tightly in a pale pink blanket. On her head she wore a matching little cap. I smirked to myself thinking that she was a girl of fashion already, just like her mother.

You and I were the mothers of this innocent being. She was a completely blank slate for us to impress our hopes, dreams, and values while at the same time allowing her to discover her own. She was a book of life just starting to be written. You and I were to guide her in creating her own story, and the thought of it frightened and exhilarated me.

Coming to where you were sitting in the bed, I sat next to you. You passed our daughter to me to hold for awhile. She was settled, sleeping soundly.

"Looks like I lost the bet," you said with a smile.

"Yeah. She looks just like you, love. She's the most perfect thing in the world."

"Yes, she is," you agreed. "Thank you for giving me this, Cam. You two make me whole. I love you."

"I love you, too, Jana, more than you'll ever know."

*  *  *

You gave me a grin as you pinned me against the sand. "You are the most wonderful spouse anyone could ever have. You are always so sweet to me. Right now I want to prove how grateful I am by loving you senseless," you growled, kissing along my neck.

"It's my job to be the greatest spouse in the world. You deserve only the best," I mentioned, feeling the sand scraping against my back and floating up my shorts as your body pressed me harder into shallow tide of the beach. "Whoever came up with the idea that having sex on the beach was romantic was full of it. Sand is getting all up in places it shouldn't be," I joked.

Both of us laughed. "Maybe you should just take me inside," you proposed, straddling my hips and sitting up.

Looking up at you, my breath caught. The sun cast a halo around your wet white-blonde hair, and the salt water trickled down your golden skin, creating an erotic vision as it dripped from the tips of your breasts onto my body. "Whatever you wish," I whispered. "I am your love slave forever, you know."

"You're more than that, Cameron. You're my entire life," you confessed. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Jana. You make my life complete." With that I picked you up out of the water and headed back to our cabana, leaving our clothes and the world behind to reunite ourselves in our love and by doing so vowing ourselves to our future together.

END