After

The

Dawn

Stephanie Motes

Copyright © 2012 Stephanie Motes

All rights reserved.

ASIN: B009AVD51G

ISBN: 1475147341

ISBN-13: 978-1475147346

Second Kindle edition released: September 20, 2012

Edited by: S.S.M Editing House

www.StephanieMotesBooks.com

Twitter: @stephiemotes

Email: StephanieMotesBooks@hotmail.com

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or any manner, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to the men and women who risk their lives everyday so we can have the freedom to be ourselves. This goes out to anyone and everyone who has ever served our country. I am forever humbled by your dedication and honor.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Bonnie & Kenneth Strickland, also known as Granny and Grandpa: I would like to say how much I am blessed to have grown up with such supportive people in my corner. Your friendship and love have made me the person I am today, and I am forever grateful to call you family. Granny, most of all, you are my truest friend and confidante and the words I love you seem almost too little for what you have given me, but I do, with all of my heart.

Grace, your love has been a shining light for me, and your support has helped me see my dream turn into a reality. Without you, I wouldn’t be me.

Mom, thanks for being supportive and always telling me to follow my dreams.

Grace, Eron and Andrea, so much of your hard work has gone into this process alongside of me, and this book would not be here without any of you. We have worked through blood, sweat and tears so it had the chance to see publication, and I am forever grateful for your help, support and love.

Also, I have a few people I truly look up to. Reba McEntire, Chely Wright, R.E. Bradshaw, Amber Benson, Kate Mulgrew, Dolly Parton and Kristin Chenoweth just to name a few. Had it not been for any of these amazing women, I wouldn’t have had the courage to follow my dreams. Each, in their own way had to overcome so many hurdles to be where they are now. I admire their courage and talent with all of my heart. Thank you.

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

Chapter 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

TWO MONTHS LATER

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

For my father: Arvie E. Motes.

Whom I miss more than words can ever express.

AFTER

THE

DAWN

CHAPTER 1

Sammy stood in front of the bathroom mirror, leaning over the sink while avoiding her own eyes in the mirror. Forced to fight the fatigue that had been threatening to overtake her, she splashed cold water on her face in an effort to wake up, but the exhaustion was bone deep. Almost every day started out like this. She would ease awake, her dreams overlaying onto reality as she clawed her way out from non-existent gunfire and screams, fighting back screams of her own. As she gasped for breath, it was as if time itself stood still.

Blinking to erase the images of her friends dying around her under a scorching desert sun, Sammy tried to reign in the emotions that she wasn’t supposed to feel. Every morning, she was haunted with these feelings, leaving her sullen, alone, and scared. The psychiatrist at the hospital had told her that progress would be slow, but weren’t these overwhelming emotions supposed to have gone away by now?

Scoffing at that idea of “professional” help, she thought bitterly, Shows you what good a shrink does.

Steeling herself for the start of another day, she grabbed her toothbrush from the counter and dived into her habitual routine. Her morning ritual was something she could control, and after fighting with her subconscious night after night, Sammy sought comfort in it.

After a quick shower to help wash away the last bits of sleep, she headed straight to the mirror to style her hair. She picked up the black tube of gel and squirted a small amount of it into her hands. The smell of piña colada flooding the small room as she rubbed the gel through her inch-long brown hair, spiking it up carefully to make sure she looked put together and in control.

Finishing, Sammy checked herself out as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was one thing she liked about herself. When she had been an active member of the Marines, “don’t ask, don’t tell” had still been in effect, so she’d always worn her hair long and in a tight bun, and even though the long hair was bothersome, it had been one less obvious thing to worry about. With the constant fear of the rumor mill ending any gay soldier’s career with a court martial, they all did little things like keeping a normal haircut to blend in.

I never have to worry about regulations again; she thoughts as a sad smile crossed her face. As she watched in the mirror, the smile quickly faded, causing the lines of her face to deepen, making her appear much older than her thirty-two years. Taking a deep breath, her dull blue eyes trailed down her body, and a scowl crossed her lips.

She traced her calloused fingers over the rough, deep scar running down her left shoulder. The mangled tissue continued down her chest to just above her breast. As her fingers prodded the scar tissue, she winced a little at the stiffness in her shoulder joint, and her mind drifted to a time and place she couldn’t seem to escape.

∞

Sammy’s small squad had been on security detail outside the base for several days, and now they were being sent on one final mission before heading back to camp.

It should have been easy. The group of aid workers they had escorted to a small hospital on the outskirts of town had arrived safely, in no small part thanks to Sammy and her team. In the town, they were greeted by the sight of children welcoming their Humvees, begging for chocolate and excited to see foreigners. But no one in the squad could let this brief happy sight sink in; letting yourself get distracted, even in something as trivial as a child’s smile, could be a death sentence.

But even with the constant danger, it was just another day of work for the crew. They had been in this situation before, so much so that it felt routine. Ordinary. However, on the way back to base, everything changed with one radio call.

∞

Sammy was jarred back into reality by a pair of arms wrapping around her from behind. She found her arm instinctively being raised in defense, ready to strike at the person grabbing her. Breathless, she flinched away, which backed her into the cold countertop behind her. The cool surface against her skin broke the memory’s hold on her, and Sammy found herself back in her home, as she realized the arms reaching for her belonged to the short blonde woman she had brought home the night before.

The shorter woman didn’t seem to realize Sammy’s distress as she continued to pull her into an embrace, leaning up to whisper in the Marine’s ear.

“You didn’t come back to bed, so I figured I’d find you,” she sighed seductively, rubbing her hands down Sammy’s muscular back and leaning in to trail kisses up the taller woman’s toned arms, ready to take the fit woman back to bed.

Sammy decided she’d had enough and pushed the blonde away. She was ready for the woman to just leave. Playtime was over.

“Listen,” she started abruptly as she looked down to face the petite blonde. “Last night was fun, but I have to get to work.” Sammy didn’t care how cross her voice sounded. She wanted her space back; now was not the time for pleasantries.

“Oh.” The blonde stared dumbfounded into Sammy’s eyes, looking as if she’d never been asked to leave so quickly. She clearly didn’t know how to respond.

“I’ll just get my things then, I guess,” she stammered out, a hot flush rising in her cheeks. She quickly turned away to try to hide her embarrassment from Sammy’s hardened gaze.

“Yeah, that would be best,” Sammy replied coldly, turning back to look into the mirror as the blonde stormed out. Sammy knew she should feel bad for what she had just done, but she couldn’t make the emotions surface. She stared blankly into the mirror, wishing that she could just feel again.

“Gonna be one of those days!” she mumbled to herself, walking into the bedroom once she heard the front door slam, announcing her fling’s exit. She plucked a long-sleeved t-shirt off the hanger in the closet, quickly slipped it over her head, and then stepped back into the bathroom, tucking the cotton hem into her jeans and buckling her belt. Before she walked into the bedroom to find her shoes, she gave her reflection a once over, shaking her head, at how different the person in the mirror looked from how she felt.

At least I look okay, she thought to herself before lacing up her boots.

∞

Walking out of her apartment, she took in the sunshine flooding all around her. She was glad the weatherman had been wrong about the predicted torrential rain. But even with clear skies, she found it surprisingly bright at seven o’clock, for an early October morning anyway.

As she walked down the driveway, her neighbor from the apartment above, Tilly Jacobs, opened the door and poked her head out. The stout woman was wearing a pastel muumuu that looked to have every color of the one Easter basket Sammy had gotten as a child. She figured it was just something older grandmothers sometimes wore, but she hoped that if she ever reached that stage, someone would just take her out and shoot her. The woman’s dark gray hair, pulled up in curlers, made Sammy think she must have just rolled out of bed.

A brief annoyance filled Sammy, knowing from experience that if she didn’t hurry and get into her truck, she would be stuck talking for at least thirty minutes. The last time she had been cornered, Tilly had spent almost an hour telling her the proper way to plant roses, and this morning she just wasn’t in the mood for it. A flash of guilt washed over her, knowing this woman was one of her only friends, but she reminded herself that it was because they were friends that she didn’t want to make the old woman bear the brunt of her foul mood.

Waving up at the woman, Sammy lied, “Sorry, ma’am, I’m running late this morning.”

Mrs. Jacobs smiled kindly down at her as she yelled back, “It’s okay, dear. I heard you up, so I just thought I’d say hello. Have a good day!”

Sammy smirked, wondering to herself just how good this elderly woman's hearing really was. Especially with how loud the blonde had been last night, she thought, I hope Mrs. Jacobs has selective hearing. Regardless, Sammy smiled at the kindness the older woman showed, even with the smallest gestures.

“You do the same,” Sammy replied as she stepped up into her metallic blue, four-door truck— her baby— knowing she had saved herself from a long conversation.

Cranking up the radio, Sammy took a calming breath in and backed up onto the street. She would never admit it, but this was the first time Paul had sent her out to do an estimate for a job, and nervousness threatened to take over. She firmly shook her head at her nerves and forced them down, choosing to focus on the drive instead.

Pulling onto the main road, she loved how traffic in the small Florida town made the drive fly by most days. The relaxed atmosphere of the quaint little town of Oviedo was perfect for the ex-soldier, letting her blend in and get lost in the mix. Everyone was too busy with their own lives to really pay her much attention. Of course, her reasons had been more personal for coming. She had first laid eyes on the town just after military police school, when she had tagged along with her best friend Steve to visit his family. Sammy had immediately fallen in love with the easy-going lifestyle of the town. She had found it impossible to resist coming back after her stint in the hospital, finding some peace in the familiar areas where she and her friend had made so many good memories.

Turning the final corner on her journey, the project was the last house on the road according to the street signs, but it seemed a bit out of place sitting against a lush city park. Pulling to a stop in front of the house, she looked down at her clipboard, searching the client information sheet to make sure she had the right place. Sammy grimaced when she spotted the gold numbers on an antique-looking mailbox that confirmed that this dump would be her new project. Sammy was certain that the concrete steps leading to the front door were the only thing on the lot that didn’t need major renovations.

Letting out a sigh, she had secretly wished her move had been more welcomed by the only true family she had ever known. But now was not the time for a trip down memory lane, especially through such painful territory. Forcing herself to focus, Sammy threw the clipboard down perhaps a little harder than necessary, hearing it slam against the plastic console in her truck. She chided herself for letting these fleeting thoughts get her so riled up; it was time to get to work. Even if the place was a wreck, she still had to be professional.

Hopping out of the truck, she figured someone at the office must have given her the wrong address, considering the state of this house. Demolition jobs weren’t exactly her normal area of contracting, and Paul had specifically chosen her for this job. Glancing around at the surroundings, Sammy noticed how green the big oak trees growing next door to the broken home looked, somehow contrasting the dreary and dilapidated house. She glared at the house in frustration. It just seemed so out of place, even for an area known for its restoration projects. Reaching to her belt for her phone, she decided to call Jim, the guy who ran the office, to sort out what she was sure was a mix-up. He was a nice and always well-meaning man, but Sammy knew he could be scatterbrained from talking with the other workers who had been on the receiving end of his errors. She had even experienced it firsthand when he had lost some of her hiring paperwork.

All thoughts of calling Jim came to a sudden halt as she spotted a cute redhead in pink cotton running shorts and a simple grey t-shirt walking down the old house’s cement steps.

The petite woman heading in her direction carried a long cylinder in her left hand, and she almost seemed to bounce as she walked towards the truck. Her red hair swung back and forth in its ponytail with each step she took, peeking out from behind her head. Sammy guessed the shorter woman to be around her same age, and she couldn’t help but run an appraising eye up and down the woman’s body. She was way more appealing to look at than the house, and Sammy liked what she saw.

“Good morning!” came a perky greeting from the redhead as she stopped in front of Sammy, an almost childlike smile crossing her full ruby red lips.

Sammy had to give her some credit; the woman was awfully awake for seven-thirty in the morning. “Good morning,” Sammy mumbled in a somewhat more subdued manner. She couldn’t help but be a little on edge as she forced her eyes to stop roaming the shorter woman’s body.

The other woman didn’t seem fazed by the stiff greeting, shooting her another dazzling smile.

“I hope you didn’t have trouble finding the place. I guess I should have just told your office I lived by the park,” Sara said, her grin turning slightly sheepish.

“No, it’s okay. I live not too far from here, so I knew where to come. I just didn’t realize this was the project,” Sammy said with a question in her voice. She couldn’t hide the confusion on her face as she once again took a peek around the property.

The two-story home looked to be at least a hundred years old; paint chipped from the sides, the shutters were falling off the windows, and the porch railings had missing boards and were scrawled with graffiti. With the outside in such a state of disrepair, Sammy despaired to think of the rotted interior.

What the hell? This place is falling apart! Sammy thought, and the idea that this was all some sort of joke or gentle hazing from her good-natured boss crossed her mind.

The redhead looked at the taller woman as she scowled at the house. Her temper welled up inside her, and she felt the beginnings of rage that this stranger would look so dismissively at her home. She decided she would try to ignore these feelings, to focus instead on the positive, like the contractor’s amazing sea-blue eyes as they finally returned from the house back to her.

Pausing, she wondered to herself why she was so drawn to the taller woman’s eyes. Finally, she broke the silence with a simple introduction.

“I’m Sara Lawson.”

“Sammy Yates. Nice to meet you,” Sammy said as she extended her hand to meet Sara’s. As their hands met and she truly focused on the woman instead of the impending job, it almost took Sammy’s breath away at how stunning Sara was. As the sun started peeking out over the trees, Sammy squinted and pulled her hand away. Noticing Sara’s eyes still locked onto her own, she protectively slid the sunglasses down that had been resting on her head, giving her a barrier against such a perceptive gaze.

Needing to deflect the attention away from herself, Sammy focused on the job at hand. She asked, “So, my boss didn’t really fill me in on what you wanted done here, but I’m assuming it’s a demolition?”

“Oh, heavens no!” Sara almost shouted in surprise. She shook her head, shocked that the taller woman would even suggest tearing down her beautiful heirloom. With a sharper tone in her voice, she corrected her forcefully, “Basically, I want it new again, I want to redo the top level, but I want to keep the same basic features downstairs. I don’t want to take away at all from the Victorian style.”

Sara’s voice held no hesitation when she described what she wanted, and thinking of the house returning to its former glory slowly brought back a beaming smile to her face.

However, Sammy couldn’t help hide her annoyance. As she looked at the house again, trying to wrap her brain around not destroying it, she wondered how anyone would really want to put such time and materials, not to mention money, into something so far past its prime.

“Really?” Sammy finally asked, thankful that her shades kept most of the horror she felt hidden.

Sara decided to change tactics and try to plead her case.

“Listen, I know it doesn’t look like much now, but it will once you guys are finished.” Sara’s voiced filled with enthusiasm, taking a moment to wave the small cylinder she had been holding onto. “I have plans!”

Sammy couldn’t help but chuckle at her cavalier attitude. “I’m sure you do, Mrs. Lawson.” Sammy motioned for Sara to hand her the tube, saying, “Let’s see what you got.”

Walking to the back of the truck, Sammy pulled the tailgate down, carefully spreading the plans across it to get a better look at the big picture. Sammy knew the woman’s type: the kind that always thought everything could be fixed, and that it was simply a matter of enough plans and blueprints, cost be damned. Those kinds of people didn’t have a care in the world, so they used projects to fill the voids in their lives, and Sammy hated it. It would have been better to just do a demolition job to this place and start over.

“Mrs. Lawson—” Sammy began, hoping to convey the hopelessness of task she was assigning her, but she was immediately interrupted.

“Sara, please. Mrs. Lawson is my mother,” Sara said sweetly as she smiled up at the taller woman. She wanted to assert some control over this conversation, as nicely as possible, and she wasn’t able to resist correcting Sammy after the second “Mrs. Lawson” escaped her lips.

A small frown appeared on Sara’s face as she remembered the last conversation that she had had with her mother. No, not a conversation, but a full blown argument. Just as quickly, though, she remembered where she was and smoothed her features into something far more pleasant.

“Sara, then.” Sammy paused, intrigued at the emotions she had seen flitting across the fiery woman’s face. She could almost read her like a book, and she wasn’t able to hide her grin as she realized just how cute the redhead truly was. The charming southern accent that wove its way through Sara’s words didn’t help any with the thoughts now running through her head.

Sammy quickly forced her mind to shift back into business mode, sternly warning herself of the dangers and repercussions a quick lay with a client could have. The thoughts jarred Sammy, to say the least. The one thing she didn’t second-guess was sex, and she wondered momentarily why she now found herself doing just that.

Pulling her mind away from these thoughts all together, Sammy finally spoke, “The designs are great, but I’m afraid the frame structure on this house most likely won’t hold up. You would be better to just start over, demo this place and build a new home. It’d be cheaper, more cost-effective, not to mention safer for my people. We could still use the Victorian style, that wouldn’t be an issue.”

The contractor’s insistence that this project was doomed before it even began drove Sara past her limit. She let her annoyance at the taller woman finally show, as her eyes squinted up at her, faint lines forming a crease along her forehead, slightly marring her porcelain skin.

“Paul said you had vision,” Sara argued, her voice rising with each word as irritation seeped into her voice.

Now it was Sammy’s turn to feel anger. Shit, now she’s bringing my boss into the conversation, she thought, and for a few seconds she allowed herself to feel the mounting worry at screwing up her first solo job with Paul. She already had so much riding on this second chance that he had given her, due to the disaster that had befallen her last job. Taking a deep breath, she decided not to sugar coat her words.

“I do, but just vision for something that won’t kill me or my crew.”

Sara’s voice vibrated wildly with the annoyance bubbling over in her mind.

“You haven’t even looked at the house!” she said accusingly, gesturing wildly. “Do you think I would be stupid enough to go to all this trouble without getting it inspected?” She looked pointedly at the plans laid out on Sammy’s truck, motioning to some papers tucked behind the wider blueprint on top.

Sammy shook her head and replied in a matter-of-fact manner, “No, I don’t think you’re stupid, just naïve.” While she spoke, her hand made its way to the back of her neck, rubbing up and down in a small nervous tic. She had meant to de-escalate the tension between them with her response, but she couldn’t stand by while this woman endangered workers for an impossible dream home.

Sara was enraged at this; she wasn’t going to let someone come into her home and treat her this way.

“Naïve! I’ll have you know I’ve had several inspectors out here for the past three months, making sure everything was up to code! I’ve had people checking for termites. An electrician spent two weeks going through the wiring, and a county water inspector has looked at the sewer and water pipes for structural weakness.  You just can’t come here and make fun of me! I’m not naïve.” By this time, Sara’s face was blood red, with a fire in her eyes to match the heat in her words. Just as quickly as her temper had flared, it cooled to nothing, leaving her full of regret for speaking so harshly. Her gaze quickly shifted to the ground as she struggled to tame the anger and frustration simmering just below the surface.

As Sara spoke, her face had started turning the same bright color as her hair, and Sammy knew that she’d stepped into it again. She didn’t need to get fired from this job, not on her first time heading a project, so she decided to try and smooth things over. She carefully mulled over what to say next, hoping her words wouldn’t stoke the confrontation further.

“Listen, I’m sorry. This is just not normally my area of work,” Pulling in every ounce of courage while keeping her eyes steadily on Sara, Sammy waited to see if she would accept the apology, getting no response from Sara she spoke again. “If we do this, you're not going to be able to stay here. Do you have someplace to go?” she quietly asked. Perhaps practical questions would defuse the situation since the apology seemed to go unnoticed.

Looking up again, Sara found herself staring into her own reflection in Sammy’s sunglasses, hating the way she looked with her hair wildly playing in the breeze and her emotions plainly shuffling through on her face. Sara tried to take the contractor at her word, swallowing her pride and willing her thoughts to settle.

“Yes, I do as a matter of fact.” Pointing to the small garage next to the home that looked to have been renovated into a guesthouse, she continued, “That’s where I’m staying. I will also want it redone sometime, but I’ve actually been living there for the past few months, so my stuff has already been moved in. I figured when your company got the main house done, I could move into it and then you could do the work to the guesthouse.”

Sammy grinned; perhaps she had misjudged the redhead to some extent when she had assumed the woman was too carefree to plan ahead. “Listen, I’ll take a look inside, but you have to promise me something, okay?” She waited until she got a nod from Sara before she continued, “If I think it’s not safe, we start from scratch. I won’t risk my crew.”

For the second time that day, Sara reached her hand out to shake Sammy’s, feeling like a truce had been reached. She begrudgingly had to admit that Sammy’s dedication to her crew’s safety was quite admirable.

“Deal.”

Turning to walk back into the house, Sara realized how proud she was of what she had accomplished this morning, but then felt confused at her excitement when she felt Sammy watching her walk up the steps.

As Sammy caught herself looking at the shorter woman’s ass as they walked into the old house together, she forced herself to avert her eyes, wondering, What the hell did I just get myself into?

CHAPTER 2

The next week, Sammy was caught at yet another red light on her way to work. There were only five traffic signals in between her home and the job site, but this morning she had hit every one of them at exactly the wrong time. Today she felt as if she were stuck in a bigger city by all the stopping and going.

Feeling the urge for more coffee, Sammy sighed with relief when she spotted the glowing neon arches. She turned onto a side street and quickly made her way over to the restaurant for a pick-me-up, but the growling from her stomach made her realize that she would need to buy breakfast, too.

Sammy took a much needed deep breath as she sat in the drive through queue, trying to settle her nerves a bit. There was so much work to be done; she needed to get out to the new job site, not wait here. Was she just stalling?

Her new client had been on her mind since last week, but Sammy really didn’t know why. The redhead definitely wasn’t Sammy’s type, if she even really had a type. These days, she didn’t even go for dating. Her love life consisted mainly of love-them-and-leave-them one-night stands. And with her built frame and serious attitude, it was never difficult to take home one hot woman or another after a quick trip to the bar.

“Sex for sport,” Steve had once called it. She was certain the obtuse woman whose house she was heading towards would not like being put into that category. Shaking off the memory, Sammy pondered why she continued to sit here, seventh in line in the drive-thru. Needless to say, she was grateful when the cars in front of her finally started moving.

∞

Finally, she pulled into the driveway of the old house, quickly scarfing down the last of her food. Why had she let the redhead talk her into this? Grinning to herself, she was sure it had something to do with how radiant she had looked, even in the old, worn-out workout clothes she'd had on.

Tossing the trash into a small bag, she slid out of the truck with a practiced ease. She opened the back door to grab her leather tool belt, noticing while she did that her workers were already making their way around the property, readying it for the months of work ahead.

“So what do you think?” Sammy heard from a soft-spoken voice behind her.

Closing the crew cab door, she turned to face her boss, Paul. The middle-aged man stood evenly-eyed with Sammy, and his graying hair poked out from under the brim of the hard hat resting on his head. In his face, she could see the weathered lines that showed years of hard, honest work.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was a remodel?” she inquired, trying hard to look as irritated as she had felt the first day. Today, somehow, being left out of the loop didn’t seem the awful crime it had then.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Paul said with a sheepish smile, knowing he had missed her wrath only by being out of the office all last week. “I know building new houses is your specialty, but I see the potential for more in you, kid. I always have,” he continued while he gave her a reassuring pat on the back. “Besides, I trust you. And, to tell the whole truth, the owner is a friend.”

Paul’s faith in her made Sammy’s breath catch. The last time someone had told her she had potential, was in Officer Candidates School.

Shaking her head, she quickly snapped herself out of those thoughts; now was not the time to get bogged down by memories she couldn’t change. In an effort to put up a good front, she decided to joke with him, saying in mock anger, “You’re an ass!”

“Maybe,” he replied in a deadpan. The laugh lines around Paul’s face deepened as he decided to tease her to diffuse her embarrassment, knowing the tall woman hated any type of praise. “However, I’m an ass that hired you when no one else would!”

“Fine, but I’m only doing this because I owe you,” she laughed back, both knowing that statement went deeper than this job alone. With their little exchange over, they made their way into the house to start the day.

After a quick tour of the place, Paul left, leaving Sammy to run the show. Because she was his newest contractor, he had stopped by to make sure the crew had all the tools and supplies needed before leaving to tend to the seven other projects the company had in the works. It wouldn’t look good to her crew if he were to hover too much, even if he did feel the urge to do just that.

Sammy made her way onto the roof to talk to the crew working on tearing up old shingles. Pain shot through her shoulder as she pulled herself up the ladder, but she shook it off, hating this first sign of the pain she would feel in the upcoming colder weather. Making it to the top, she spotted three men crawling on their hands and knees, pulling up the roofing so they could see the extent of the structural damage below.

“Hey, boss!” came the enthusiastic greeting from Ricardo, one of the guys from her last crew who had made the move to Paul’s company with her.

Suddenly, Ricardo’s eyes got wide as a worker beside him nudged him a little too hard, sending him sprawling close to the edge. He let out a small, undignified squeak before finding his balance again. Fear flooded the chubby man’s face from the near-miss.

“Hey, watch it!” he turned to growl in the general direction of the other, careful of his footing as he moved farther away from the edge.

The younger Asian man, whose name Sammy hadn’t quite learned yet, straightened up and mumbled a muffled apology, which was barely discernible over the laughter of the rest of the crew working on the roof.

Sammy couldn’t help but join in the teasing. She stifled her outright laughter, instead allowing a wry grin as she asked, “What’s the matter Ricardo? You’re not scared of heights are you?”

Taking his baseball cap off, he rubbed his forehead before moving his hand over his bald head in a futile attempt to soothe his nerves, retorting, “No, not scared of heights. It’s just the falling part!”

Even as he spoke, a small self-deprecating grin sprouted on his face. Placing the faded trucker hat back on his head, he stood and looked up at Sammy.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing much, I just want to see how the roof looks underneath.” Shielding her eyes from the sun, she peered in, expecting the worst.

“Surprisingly, not that bad, boss,” he said as he expressed some of the same shock Sammy had shown the first day she had laid eyes on the old house.

“I mean, I halfway expected to fall through when we got up here! Looks solid, though. Mrs. Lawson wants the same black shingles put back on, right?”

Sammy smiled at the use of Sara’s last name, remembering how much it had annoyed the woman the last time they had spoken, as she pulled out a folded up paper from the back pocket of her jeans, pausing briefly to read over the order.

“Yeah, the material should be here in two weeks.”

“Great, that should give us just enough time to pull all of this up, treat the wood underneath, and repair anything that needs it.” Ricardo smiled as he spoke, finally relaxing from his near fall.

A cloud of emotions passed over his sun-weathered face. He paused for a moment, clenching his jaw as he tried to hide the fact he was embarrassed. However, he needed to say what was on his mind. He felt bad for what had happened to the woman because of him.

“I wanted to tell you thanks,” he started, but quickly looked away as he searched for the words to fully explain himself.

“For what?” Sammy responded. She knew what he was trying to say, but she really didn’t want to be thanked. She didn’t want to speak of it at all, to tell the truth; as far as she was concerned, it would have never occurred to her to act any differently than she had.

Ricardo motioned for her to walk over out of earshot of the crew.

“I know you took the blame for the screw-up last time. You did more than I could ever repay you for. Getting me this job, helping my family with the rent. Paying for rehab. You didn’t have to do any of that.”         

Sammy tried to speak, but Ricardo held a hand up in front of her, cutting off her interjection. The steadfastness in his eyes made her feel for the man, causing her to wait silently for him to finish.

“Let me say this,” he pleaded, wanting to finally say his piece. He again paused, collecting his words before finishing: “I haven’t touched a drink in six months. That part of my life is done and over. If you hadn’t done what you did, I don’t know what my family would have done. Thank you,” he said with conviction. Ricardo held out his hand for Sammy to shake, gratitude shining from his eyes.

“Don’t make me regret it.” Sammy pulled his hand into a tight grip, knowing the handshake would say more than her words ever could.

He smiled at the taller woman, knowing her rough façade well.

“Don’t worry, Boss,” he said, nodding at her as he looked back at his crew. “I’d better get back to work.”    

“Be careful up here,” Sammy couldn’t help throwing over her shoulder, smirking. “Long way down!”

Wincing at her, he couldn’t suppress a nervous chuckle. “Thanks, Boss. Just thanks for that!”

∞

After only a few short days, Sammy took in all of the work that had been accomplished.  The interior of the two story home was already in the process of being completely gutted. The kitchen was being measured and fitted for the state-of-the-art appliances it would be getting as well as a new hardwood floor. The living room walls were being stripped of their original wallpaper, and the old, ratty carpet would be  uprooted to make ready for the new tan Berber carpet that was to be laid. The lower bedroom and bathroom were also getting the same treatment, ridding them of the musty old furnishings, as well as scoping out any structural damage.

Upstairs, the two modest bedrooms would be combined to make a huge, loft-style master suite, complete with a private bathroom sporting a hot tub. Outside, besides the new roof shingles that would be installed, the wrap-around porch would also be getting new railings, and they would be installing new shutters to replace the rotted out ones currently hanging on each window. Basically, the home would be almost completely new, with no expense spared to make it look just like it must have looked on the exterior. Sammy wondered briefly why all the trouble was going into this old house. She still thought it seemed a little extreme to put all of this work into the project.

Lastly, the outside guesthouse would be converted into an office for the owner when the main house was done and Sara could move back into it. Looking out on the green yard leading to the run-down guesthouse, Sammy took a breath in, loving how fresh cut grass reminded her of watermelons and summer days on the base, having cookouts with her friends. Glancing over, she noticed the mowers had just finished loading up their equipment.  It was something Paul's team always did before they started. Sara’s yard had been well-maintained, but the shorter the grass, the less mess that would be dragged into the house during the remodel.

Sammy was tired to say the least; she hadn’t slept well the night before, as once again the flashes had taken over. Now, as she stood looking around at all the work being done, she felt a bit overwhelmed. Her workers went about their jobs like little bees, each knowing exactly what was expected of them.

However, Sammy always felt useless in this stage. Overseeing projects had not been what she had expected; she always figured there would be more actual work in this field. Standing around playing crew chief felt like laziness. She would have loved to get her hands dirty, even in the simplest of ways: a nail here, a crowbar there. Being tired made it even more important to her that she stay working to keep awake. She still hadn’t really figured out how to do just that, without the adrenaline from combat running through her body. At least on the battlefield, when fatigue overtook her, it only took a bullet whizzing through the air to make her forget how sleepy she was.

Back when Sammy was starting her coursework online, she had never thought it would lead anywhere. It all just seemed like a joke, something to do while killing time on base, and in Iraq on her first tour, it became something to do between missions. She had needed a way to stay sane, and the monotone keystrokes on a computer on her days off seemed to bring that. It was something that even for a short time made her brain turn off. When she finished her A.A. degree, she had been plucked out of enlistment for command school. Afterwards, she decided to continue and get an actual degree in something, picking contracting because of her love for building. She took what classes she could online, and then after the hospital, she finished her in-person classes needed to graduate.

These days, her life wasn’t exactly where she had thought it would be, but she was glad for her degree. Because of it, at least she didn’t feel completely useless as a civilian. It allowed her to rebuild things instead of always destroying them, and she took comfort in that. Even though she normally worked on new homes, it always made her feel proud to gut away the bad parts of a building and replace them with something great, transforming it back into something beautiful. Sammy sometimes wished she were an old house; maybe then she’d be easier to fix.

Sammy had made it a point to stay out of the owner’s way. But most days she saw her heading into the guesthouse for lunch. She still couldn’t get over the fact the redhead kept invading her thoughts. Sara always seemed to have a smile on her face, and that smile was etching itself in Sammy’s brain it seemed, whether she liked it or not.

Walking into the living room, thoughts of the owner were pushed from her mind as Sammy smelled the rank stench of cigarette smoke. Anger built up in her gut, and she stalked through the lower floor, trying to find the source. Looking into the living room, she located the two workers who had lit up while working on ripping out the carpet.

Command evident in her voice, she spoke loudly, “Put ’em out! Now!”

However, neither of the men seemed to care that their boss was irate about this. They shared a lazy smile before turning towards her.

“Relax, Chief. The owner will never know or care,” one of scruffy men said confidently. Sammy couldn’t stand people not taking her seriously, a trait left over from her time in the military. You didn’t question your leader. That had been the single most difficult thing to get accustomed to in day-to-day life.

“I know,” she said quietly, with steel in her voice. “I care. This house is almost a hundred years old. One careless flick and it goes up in flames. Do you want to be responsible for that?”

The men stared at her in disbelief. In their line of work, most ignored the bad habit, considering it a hazard of the trade. But they could clearly hear the dangerous calm in her voice and could tell they had crossed a line. Neither of them knew what to say, so they hoped their silence would be enough to pacify the woman.

“I didn’t think so. Now, put it out,” she said, turning and walking away with her head held high. Sammy hoped the conflict would help her reputation with the crew, showing that she was not only a capable boss and highly involved in the details of the job, but also that her orders weren’t to be taken lightly.

Just as soon as she passed out of sight, she heard the men muttering between themselves words they didn’t think she could hear.

“Fucking dyke!” one half-whispered, not nearly as discreetly as he seemed to think.

Her anger had already been stoked by their carelessness, but this last insult snapped something inside her, and she felt the pride being a Marine had instilled in her hardening in her veins. Sammy almost ran back to the duo, pure rage filling her at the thought that these men, her crew, would be so disrespectful to her, a superior. Leaning down, she picked up the squatting man by his tank top, slamming him backwards against the wall.

The shirt ripped in her hands, but it held him tightly in place.

Her blue eyes turned hard and cold as she glared into man’s scared expression.

“Care to say that to my face?” she snarled, hitting him hard against the wall again, causing him to gasp. A thud echoed through the home, and she felt the anger pulsing through her, pushing her into a frenzy.

Confident that she had gotten her point across, she abruptly let the man’s shirt go, causing him to slide down the wall, collapsing while gasping for breath. No sooner than he had fallen to the ground, the other man helped him back up and they both stared at her warily, fear and shock burning in their eyes at such a display of physical strength. Her focus on her surroundings returning, she noticed the small crowd that had gathered as the other workers had turned up to see where the commotion was coming from.

“Both of you get your shit and get the hell out of this house!” she roared. Turning to the crowd, Sammy added, “The rest of you get back to work! Show’s over.”

The two idiots hurried out of the home, but everyone else chuckled, and then quickly started getting back to work.

As she calmed down, she scolded herself for letting her temper get the best of her, while hoping that she hadn’t overdone it. Her lack of sleep combined with the rough words had pushed her over the edge, and had maybe hurt her shaky relationship with the workers, too.

Sammy hated her job sometimes, having to fight the same battles she’d had to in the Marines to get recognition, especially as a woman. The crews most places hired really left a lot to be desired, and although this company tried to do better in that respect, it was difficult to find workers with a strong work ethic who were also respectful. Rubbing her forehead, she worried she had gone too far when she saw Sara coming around the corner with concern radiating from her face.

Great. What a fantastic way to make yet another bad impression on the client. Especially when she knows Paul, Sammy thought dejectedly.

“Are you okay?” asked Sara, after she stopped scanning the room for damage.

“Yeah. I’m sorry you had to see that,” she said softly. Sammy rubbed the back of her neck, searching for the right words to say. She knew she had gone too far, she had been on edge all day, looking for someone to yell at. Now, with her client standing in front of her, she didn’t know how to explain what had happened.

But before she could say more, Sara interjected, “I’m not!” Sammy could only stare at her with a look of confusion before she continued, “Just remind me never to get on your bad side!”

Sammy chuckled as she nodded, glad that this wouldn’t escalate into a bigger conflict and amused at how the other woman was taking it.

 Amusement turned into questioning as she tried to remember the last time she had laughed. The confusion she felt around the woman made her frown slightly, so she tried to change the subject. She wanted to get back to a topic she was confident in with her expertise, not to mention their only common ground.

Reining herself back into serious mode, she questioned, “What are you doing here?”

It was Sara’s turn to be a little confused.

“Can’t I be in my own, dare I call it, home in front of you?” she questioned teasingly in return. Noticing the slight blush across Sammy’s cheeks, she decided that she enjoyed bantering with the attractive woman who stood in front of her. The teasing felt a lot like flirting, Sara thought, but it was just too much fun to resist.

“That’s not what I meant. I just thought you had work,” Sammy quickly stammered, hoping that her voice sounded more confident than she felt. Sara had a knack for keeping her off-balance in her presence.

“I have this wonderful thing called a lunch break,” the sarcastic reply rolled off Sara’s tongue easily. Smirking, she held up a white paper sack. “But since I’m such a generous employer, I got you and the crew cheeseburgers,” she finished with a mischievous smile. The smell that came wafting from the sack was mouthwatering, and Sammy’s stomach growled in anticipation.

 Owing to all of the drama from this morning, she hadn’t noticed the sun climbing overhead. Sammy was overdue for lunch. Looking around, she noticed the crew making their way into the kitchen like herd of hungry cattle, knowing just where to go.

Sammy soon became preoccupied with the redhead, noticing that she was indeed dressed in office attire, in a simple black skirt and a white button-up dress blouse. The shirt’s cut, stopping just above her perfectly round breasts, did nothing to hide the attractive figure beneath. All in all, the style suited her greatly and showed off her very feminine beauty without being too revealing.

Sammy felt a flush going to her cheeks, feeling embarrassed for checking out her client, especially since she would never have a chance with her; the woman was clearly straight. Clearing her throat, trying to shake the shyness that was threatening to derail her, she asked, “You staying for lunch?” Sammy pointed at the sack in Sara’s hand.

“It’s for you, actually,” Sara explained. “I noticed you normally head to the park next door for lunch, so I figured I might as well keep it separate.”

Sammy didn’t know what to say to that. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had brought her lunch, or a time when someone cared enough to notice small habits, like where she ate. It irritated her to the core that this short-tempered woman before her had done something nice for her.

Sara couldn’t help but tease her again, trying to make the atmosphere a little more lighthearted despite Sammy’s silence. “It’s not poison, even if you did make fun of my house,” she joked, beaming another smile up at her.

Sammy caught herself flashing another smile in return. She took the offered paper sack and muttered a self-conscious, “thanks.” Looking down into the bag, she spotted two burgers and one large fry.

“I can’t eat two burgers.”

Sara mentally gave herself a high-five, allowing a self-satisfied smile to show. Her slight southern accent became a little more pronounced as she chimed, “Well, since you insist, I’d be happy to eat lunch with you!”

Before Sammy could stop her, Sara was already heading outside to the park. With a heavy sigh, she muttered, “That’s not what I meant.” Feeling defeated, she reluctantly followed the redhead to a seat in the park.

The duo sat down on the large park bench which faced the small lake nestled in the center of the park. The lush park was completely enclosed by green shrubs, so they were hidden from sight from the surrounding homes or the road, except from the small gate where they had walked in. A slight tint of yellow had finally started to overtake the trees; it was the closest thing Florida got to the foliage changing colors this time of year.

Sammy took a long sip of her soda, trying to think of small talk, but she was long out of practice at how to hold a conversation with strangers. In fact, it seemed the only conversation she had these days was with Tilly, and that mainly consisted of listening to the woman ramble. She didn’t really feel comfortable opening up about any part of her life, and she was sure the other woman wouldn’t want to hear more about the job.

Sara finally broke the silence, asking, “How long have you lived here?”

A sinking feeling washed over Sammy. She hated talking about herself, and she was worried that the conversation would quickly steer to more uncomfortable topics.

 “About a year,” she finally mumbled, and then quickly took another bite of her burger, hoping to stall anymore questions by keeping her mouth full.

But Sara was persistent, waiting until she had swallowed the next bite to follow-up with, “Worked for Paul that long?”

“No. Only about six months,” Sammy again quietly replied, unable to stop herself from fidgeting.

“Where did you move from?” continued Sara, either unaware of her discomfort or unwilling to let it stop her. As she spoke, she stole a fry from the bag that sat between them.

“Tampa,” Sammy said curtly, while her mind flashed to the all too familiar scene of the hospital she had stayed at.

Taking another bite, she forced herself to focus on the here and now. Looking at the redhead, she couldn’t help but notice how the sunlight made the smaller woman’s hair almost look as if it were glowing. She tried to take the distraction, focusing on the woman’s beauty instead of the repressed memories that were welling up in her mind.

Sara, for her part, had hoped this would be a little easier. At first, she had thought Sammy was perhaps just shy, but now she wasn’t sure. Deciding to approach the problem head on, she finally stated plainly, “Boy, you don’t like to talk a lot, do you?”

“Not much to talk about, really.” 

Not able to hide a smirk, Sara firmly said, “I highly doubt that.”

Sammy pulled a fry from the box, stuffing it in her mouth to give her an excuse to not speak. She was beyond uncomfortable now. Sammy tried hard to push down the feeling that she was being interrogated as she ate another fry.

“You know, I hate seeing my reflection in your sunglasses when I talk to you,” Sara complained, her irritation driving her to speak up about something that had been bugging her the whole time.

“Sorry,” Sammy said as she pushed the glasses up to rest on her head. “I’m just used to always having them on.”

Her eyes now squinted as the sun peaked out from in between the leaves of the tall oak trees they were surrounded by. She really wasn’t used to not wearing her sunglasses. She had always heard that a person’s eyes were windows into their soul, so she wanted to keep her shades firmly down, letting them serve as a barrier from the world’s curiosity.

Sara was growing frustrated at their lack of conservation. She looked at the woman sitting beside her, peering into her eyes to try to find the source of her constant silence.

The first time Sara had seen Sammy, she’d had to restrain herself from yelling at her cockiness. People didn’t usually affect her this way, though. Normally, she was calm and in control, but something about this woman seemed to constantly get under her skin.

Just for one moment, when Sammy had removed her sunglasses, Sara caught the glimmer of some hidden emotion in those hardened blue eyes, but just as quickly, they glazed back over and the façade of cockiness returned. Sara began to wonder if all of this effort was worth it.

Over the past few days, Sarah had found herself watching Sammy with the crew, on and off when she would run home for a bite to eat at lunchtime. She always noticed that Sammy would pick the park to eat in, isolating herself from the crew she worked so well with. It made Sara sad for some reason, finally making her decide that today she would make an attempt to get to know the contractor a little.

Now, sitting eating her burger, Sara tried to come up with things to talk about, and the frustration she felt started to bleed over into her actions, making her normally graceful manner turn stiff and aggressive. It was her job to get people talking, so it was almost insulting how difficult this was.

“Where did you go to college?” she tried again, latching on to a new question, but she doubted that it would get her anywhere. Sara however, had no idea it would invoke the rage that filled Sammy.

Sammy hated feeling analyzed. Growing impatient with the questions, she finally snapped, “Is that why you bought me a burger, so we could play twenty questions?”

As soon as the words left her lips, Sammy regretted how harsh she sounded, but she couldn’t help but feel caged in with all of these questions about her life and her past. It had been only a matter of time until Sammy couldn’t take the questions anymore.

Quickly standing up, Sara threw what was left of her burger in the bag on the bench.

“No!” she said, the irritation flowing through her words. “I thought... I don’t know what I thought, but I can see this wasn’t worth my time. Good day!” Sara yelled, and then stormed off towards the entrance of the park.

“Shit!” Sammy said, abandoning her garbage on the bench so she could quickly catch up to Sara. Reaching out, Sammy grabbed Sara’s arm lightly, stopping the redhead in mid-step.

“Hey, I’m really sorry,” she said quickly, hating the apology, but knowing that she should have said something instead of snapping at the shorter woman for just being friendly. Putting her head down, Sammy didn’t know what else to add, and the shame she felt from how she had reacted to the questions made her stomach twist in knots.

Turning around, Sara saw a deep sadness in the taller woman as their eyes locked. For once in her life, words wouldn’t form. Sara didn’t know what to say, and all she could do was stare in the sad, crystal blue orbs that seemed to be searching her own eyes for answers.

“I can be an ass,” Sammy explained quietly as she exhaled the breath she had been holding. Her mind seemed blank, overwhelmed with all of the emotions she was struggling to keep in check, but to Sammy’s surprise, she heard herself speak again before she realized she was still talking: “Community college, then ITT Tech.”

It took a moment for Sara to register what had been said. She smiled encouragingly up at Sammy, hoping that the taller woman would be able to see the sincerity that she felt. It was evident by the nervousness flowing in Sammy’s voice just how hard that small statement had been.

Breaking eye contact, Sara glanced down for a moment before bringing her gaze back up into Sammy’s eyes, saying softly, “Thank you.”

“Only thank me if you like your house. Otherwise, what good is the degree?” Sammy said, trying to pass off the tense moment as a joke. A forced smile crossed the hardened woman’s face.

Sara couldn’t explain exactly why she found the situation so funny, but at that moment she couldn’t contain her laughter in any longer. She burst out in a hearty laugh and for the second time that day, Sammy again found herself laughing along.

CHAPTER 3

It had been a long time since Sammy had felt this exhausted. Thinking back, she figured the only time that had even come close to this was the hell that the hospital had called physical therapy. Thankfully, it was Friday. She was looking forward to getting away from the job for a couple of days, not only to rest, but to get some distance from a certain copper-haired woman.

As Sammy stumbled through her apartment door, she couldn’t help but yawn. Lunch had been more stressful than any single day of work this week, and the emotional toil of that conversation had been draining. Walking down the hall to her bedroom, Sammy peeled off her clothes, throwing them across the room into the hamper, and then continued into the bathroom and straight to the shower.

Turning on the water as hot as she could stand it, Sammy stood directly under the shower head, letting the water soothe over her sore body. Moving her left shoulder under the heat, she knew she had overdone it this afternoon and that she would be paying the price over the weekend for not respecting her own limitations.

After lunch, Sammy had helped the floorers take up the remaining living room carpet. Since she had thrown out two of the workers, she’d felt it was her responsibility to fill in. Plus, it had given her something to do to keep her mind off of Sara. That had been a chore in and of itself, and the burning of sadness for snapping at the woman’s kindness didn’t help matters.

Lathering shampoo into the little hair she had, Sammy let the bubbles run down her body. She had never enjoyed taking showers growing up; however, after Iraq, where showers had been a luxury not always given, she had grown to love the little bit of peace they brought.

Stepping out onto the cold tile, she regretted leaving the warm shower and thought for a moment about stepping back in. Eventually deciding against it, Sammy towel dried, then went back into her routine: deodorant, then cologne, finishing up by running a small bristle brush through her hair, deciding not to put gel in it, she quickly laid the tube down..

She hated how stinky she got during the day. In Iraq, getting dirty reached a whole new level.

Now back in normal life, the smell of sweat always made her cringe, especially when, like lately, her mind didn’t seem to listen to her wishes of forgetting the past. That smell and the emotions it made surface in her mind, were just another reminder that she was far from the normalcy she so craved. So being clean had become by far her favorite part of being at home.

Walking into her bedroom, Sammy quickly turned to the walk-in closet, pulling out a well-loved t-shirt. She pulled the soft cotton over her head and plucked a pair of basketball shorts off a hanger. She looked longingly over at her bed as she pulled the shorts on. She had planned to work out, figuring it was best way to get some of her energy to die down, but now after her shower, she couldn’t even make it to the kitchen. Her stomach loudly demanded food to refuel her after the long day, but instead, she chose to plop down on the king-sized bed, automatically grabbing for the remote for the TV.

The only thing she hated worse than doctors was silence, and as she drifted off to sleep, she took solace in the deep, steady voice of the anchor on the nightly news.

∞

“5016, this is Eagle 2, over,” came the tinny voice over the hand-held that lay on the dash. Picking up the radio, Sammy called back, “Eagle 2, this is Bravo 16. O.I.C, speaking.”

“5016, 5032 is pinned down. You’re five clicks out from their last known position. We need you to go get them, 16.”

Making a note of the information coming down over the wire, Sammy slammed the radio back on the Humvee dash. Shaking her head, she hated how narrow-sighted command could be. Her squad didn’t need this, and they were exhausted.

Steve was the only one in the truck brave enough to interrupt her fuming.

“LT, don’t sweat it. We’ll be outta here in no time!” he sang out, always the optimist. Never mind that they had been on patrol for days. Steve would probably smile on a march through hell, Sammy thought fondly as she glanced at her friend.

Sammy couldn’t help but feel better when she went out on patrols together with the energetic man. Besides, one of the responsibilities of command was making sure her people were motivated to do the job, so she couldn’t let her emotions get her crew antsy.

“Roger that, Steve. I call dibs on the shower!” The whole crew groaned at the joke at their inability to shower. It had been six weeks of sponge baths with wet wipes, and even that was only on the lucky days.

Sammy laughed loudly, using the time to quietly take stock of her platoon. She looked around at the four other soldiers riding with her. Emily, the driver beside of her, was the newest member of her crew; Sammy was finally glad to have another woman in the team.  Her soft smile went unnoticed by her crew as she turned her attention to looking over the road once again. They all looked exhausted, herself included. She knew the rest of the team in the Humvee behind them looked the same: they were all utterly dog-tired. Almost four days in the sandy countryside providing security detail had a way of doing that to you, and even though they were finally heading back to the base, the call had come through for more work.

Being military police, they ended up doing a bit of everything, from security detail to unofficial scouting missions. No women in combat, my ass, she thought wryly.

Shaking her head out of the fog of her thoughts, Sammy knew that orders were orders, and they would follow them no matter how they felt or how much they longed to just take a break.

Checking her watch, she quickly tallied up the minutes. ETA would be in approximately ten minutes. She mindlessly glanced down at the directions written on the map attached to her left arm. She had been looking forward to getting this armor off, but now she just had to hold on for a few more hours.

Turning again to her squad, she asked, “Ready for one more round, boys?”

∞

The phone ringing to life beside the bed startled her awake. For once, Sammy was thankful to get a phone call; it had kept her from the worst part of her recurring dream. Letting out a defeated breath, she wondered who could be calling. Few people even had her number, and most of them knew better than to call. Feeling around on her nightstand, the glow from the TV made it fairly easy to find the phone. When she turned the TV down, she was surprised to see Sara’s number flashing on the small screen. She had programmed Sara’s number in at the start of the job in case she had to talk to her about the work, but Sammy was unsure how Sara had gotten her personal number. Most clients called the after-hours number for questions. Pushing her own questions aside, she quickly slid the bar to answer.

“Hello?”

“Thank goodness, I was afraid you wouldn’t answer. It’s Sara, by the way,” Sara said breathlessly through the earpiece.         

Sammy rubbed her eyes again to try to wake up a little more, forcing them to focus on the clock beside her. She let out a guttural growl upon realizing it was only 10 P.M., and that she had only been asleep for three hours.

“Sara, I have caller ID,” Sammy said gruffly with more annoyance than she had wanted came out in her voice.

Sara felt stupid calling like this. But, it was partly Sammy’s fault she was in this predicament; she had been thinking about their lunch in the park all afternoon, and that had been part of the reason for the stupid mistake she had made on her way out.

“Oh, of course you do. Sorry.” Pausing, Sara had remembered jotting down her number for Sammy before she left on their first visit.  “I’m sorry to call so late. I got your number from Paul a few days ago. Listen, I hate to ask you this, but do you think by any chance you could come let me in my house?” she asked, mortified to admit that she was in a bind.

Listening to the other woman stumbling over her words, Sammy realized something might be wrong, and the thought worried her more than she would like to admit. Back on base, she had always been the go-to girl when someone was in trouble. Old habits died hard as worry crossed Sammy’s face.

“What happened? Are you okay?” she quickly responded, concern seeping into her question.

The change in Sammy’s voice had not gone unnoticed by Sara. “I’m fine. I locked myself out.” Searching for an excuse for her slip up, she added, “I hate the new auto-locking doors your workers put in today! I had no idea they put them in the guesthouse, too!” She knew this was technically a lie, but Sara hoped the slight fib would go unchallenged.

A slight snicker escaped Sammy’s lips; no matter how hard she tried to control herself around Sara, she couldn’t help but feel the pull of what happy used to feel like. She could specifically remember personally telling the redhead to be careful not to lock herself out, but she decided to let it go. It was clear the woman was already embarrassed enough as it was.

“Give me a few minutes, and I’ll be right there,” Sammy finally said, and she was happy to hear the small sigh of relief through the telephone.

Sara was glad that she would not have to sit on her porch all night, and that in a short time, she would get to see Sammy again. Shaking her head at the confusing thought, she mumbled, “Thank you so much.”

“No problem. I’ll be there shortly.”

Hanging up, Sammy tossed her phone to the side, rubbing her face as she stretched. Her body ran the length of the king bed, which had a nice mattress with memory foam that she had gotten to help with the pain after being discharged from the hospital. Once she pulled the covers down and sat up, she quickly started stretching her left arm in a sequence of movements that the hospital had taught her to help work out the stiffness in her joints. However, the work from the afternoon had made the daily pain she felt much worse than usual, and the motion didn’t help much.

Walking over to her closet, she discarded her basketball shorts for a pair of worn cargo shorts, and dug a bra out of the hamper. She shuddered at the thought of doing laundry this weekend;  it was one chore she just didn’t like doing. Add it to the list of things I hate, she thought. Once upon a time, she’d had a list of things she loved. However, these thoughts were too melancholy for right now. Shaking her head, she grabbed her baseball cap that hung on a small hook by the front door and the keys that dangled beside it, and she headed out.

Less than fifteen minutes later, Sammy pulled in front of Sara’s house. Spotting the redhead on the front porch sitting on an old milk crate, she caught a smile crossing her lips at how annoyed the woman looked.

Sliding out of her truck, Sammy made her way to the porch, taking a deep breath of the cool crisp air that had a sweet oak bloom smell to it.

“So, how did you manage this?” Sammy asked in greeting as she pulled her keys out of her pocket. Internally, she cursed herself for mindlessly throwing them there in the first place after exiting her truck, knowing she would need them in a few moments. She was always hard on herself for little things like that.

Sammy walked over to the guesthouse with the other woman following her as Sara began to explain, “I went out tonight, but I was in such a hurry, I forgot my keys. I didn’t think about this stupid door’s self-locking feature!” Here, Sara paused. She wasn’t sure she needed to be telling Sammy about yet another failed date. Changing the subject quickly, she asked, “Can we please change that damn lock?”

Sammy smiled at the curse word rolling out of Sara’s mouth.  She wasn’t sure she had ever heard the woman mumble a dirty word before now. Even with this being the mildest of curses, it was still amusing.

Finally getting the door open, they walked into the small guesthouse together. Sammy looked around as she followed Sara in.  She couldn’t help but notice stacks of plastic tubs in the corner and what looked like fast-packed boxes on top of that. It was a little untidy for Sammy’s taste, and it stumped her. The appearance of things out of order didn’t seem to match what she had in her mind for the carefully controlled redhead. Sammy however, was surprised to see that the room had a makeshift kitchen, complete with a mini-fridge. Sara pulled it open; thankful she had stocked it before her date. She grabbed two beers, motioning one bottle towards Sammy.

“Want one?”

Sammy couldn’t help but be amused at just how frustrated Sara still looked. Taking the beer out of the woman’s hand, she smiled down at her.

“Thanks. And to answer your other question, I will personally fix your door. I mean, not that I didn’t enjoy seeing you tonight. You look stunning—” Sammy stopped mid-sentence, mentally slapping herself. She certainly hadn’t meant to say anything like that.

Sara’s face turned a light shade of pink, and she wondered why she was letting the taller woman get to her with such innocent words. Looking down at her outfit, she guessed it was pretty plain to see she had gone out.

Sitting down at the dining room table, Sara realized Sammy was still standing and offered her a chair. The table had seen better days, and Sammy was sure it was an antique, much like the main house.

“I should go,” Sammy declined, fearing what else she would say, especially with beer in her system. She kept letting her guard down, and sooner or later she figured she would slip up and let the woman – her employer, she reminded herself – know too much about her.

“Hot date?” Sara couldn’t help herself. She figured turnabout was fair play, after all.

“Not as hot as yours, apparently,” Sammy said while pointing at her dress blouse with sparkles and tight black slacks.  

“Yeah, really hot. So hot, I’m back at ten o'clock. Alone!” Sara responded sarcastically as she took a swig of her beer. “Sit, please. At any rate, you can finish your beer. It’s the least I can do for you helping me.”

Sammy reluctantly pulled the old chair out and took a seat at the little round table. “Yeah, I had a busy Friday night planned, but look at what you did!” she responded, rolling her eyes. Pulling again on the beer, she added, “I hope he bought your dinner, at least.”

Realizing the stress Sammy had put on the word ‘he,’ a cocky grin crossed Sara’s face as she emphasized the gender in her response.

“She didn’t even have the decency to do that! Made us go Dutch. God, I sure know how to pick them!” Coolly taking another sip of her beer, Sara couldn’t help but blush as she glanced up and noticed the grin on Sammy’s face. “What?”

A teasing tone escaping her lips, Sammy said, “Can’t say I expected that,” before taking another long drink from her bottle.

“What do you mean? The part where I’m a lesbian or that she made me pay for my own meal?” Sara replied smugly. Am I flirting with her? She wondered, surprised by her own boldness. No, she concluded, she was just being an ass to someone who often annoyed her. Or, at least, that’s what she kept telling herself.

Sammy almost spit out her whole mouthful of beer upon hearing the daring words coming out of Sara’s mouth. “Both, I guess,” she finally answered after she finished choking, wiping away the liquid that had collected in the corners of her mouth.

“I guess I’m just full of surprises.” Feeling very proud of herself at catching the taller woman flatfooted, Sara took another sip. Why am I enjoying this so much?

 It was only then that Sara really looked at the clothing Sammy was wearing and noticed the faint lines on her face, the kind that were only caused only by a pillow. “You weren’t sleeping when I called you, were you?”

Tugging down on the brim of her hat, Sammy looked down at her clothes. She suddenly felt unsure of herself because of what she was wearing. “Yeah, actually, I was.”

“Now that, I didn’t expect!” It was Sara’s turn to be shocked; she had expected the woman to be enjoying a night out herself. It was a Friday night, and Sammy had always seemed like one of the players she would occasionally meet at bars, with a woman hanging off her arm.

“Why’s that?” Sammy asked amused, drinking down the last few sips of her beer. Placing the empty bottle solidly on the table, she gave Sara all of her attention.

“Well, I mean look at you. Why would you be alone on a Friday night?” Sara didn’t know why she caught herself blushing yet again.

 “Your house wore me out today,” the contractor replied matter-of-factly. She began to get ready to leave, hoping to catch the Chinese restaurant that she loved on her way home before it closed, but just then her stomach growled loudly, breaking the moment. She cursed herself once more for not having eaten earlier.

Sara looked concerned at the noise. “Have you eaten?”

Deciding she liked being able to make a blush appear on the shorter woman’s face, she once again teased her. “Yeah, a cute redhead happened to bring me a cheeseburger,” Sammy smirked.

Sara went into motherly mode, but the comment did not go unobserved. “That’s the last thing you ate?” She got up and went to the fridge, gathering ingredients from around her kitchen. She had a sandwich put together before Sammy even had time to complain.

Sammy turned around in her chair to face Sara as she worked. She felt awkward letting the woman fuss over her. “Sara, you really don’t have to do that.”

Finishing making the ham sandwich, Sara placed it in front of her on a paper plate, along with a fresh beer. “Sorry it’s not on a real dish, but I have this woman tearing up my house right now, and I really have no idea where my dishes are at.” Sara smiled as she once more took a seat at the table.

“Thanks.” She smiled before taking a bite of the sandwich, and Sammy suddenly realized how hungry she really was. “So, why are you staying here and not at a hotel? Or with some family?”

Sara laughed. “I’m not made of money, you know!” she exclaimed, conveniently ignoring the comment about her family. As she looked around the guesthouse, memories from her childhood started flooding her mind. “Besides, I feel closer to my grandmother here. This was her place. She passed a few years back and left me her home.”

Sammy took note of the new information and for the first time, felt badly for the way she had treated Sara the first time they met. The woman was holding onto her Grandmother, not just a home, and that, Sammy could respect.

Sara paused for a moment, wondering why she was telling Sammy her life story. Maybe what she lacked in conversational skills she made up for by being an excellent listener.

“Some of my best memories were made on that porch. Of course, it had more than just milk crates when I was younger. My grandmother had this amazing porch swing.” Sara hadn’t thought about that swing in years. When she was a kid, before her mother and grandmother had a falling out, Sara and her sister had spent summers in Oviedo. Sara had learned to read on that swing, and she had spent most of her summers curled up on it with her latest find from the library. To this day, she credited her grandmother with instilling a love of learning within her, and she attributed much of the professional progress she had made to the older woman’s guidance.

She continued, “I let the house sit for a while, not really knowing what to do with it. Funny though, life has a way of getting you where you need to be.” A hint of sadness flashed in her eyes as she picked at the label on her beer bottle.

“I hear that.” The melancholy that Sara felt was mirrored in the distant look on Sammy’s face, her posture stiffening as her eyes dulled. The battlefield flashed through her mind, and even though Sammy knew it was impossible, she swore she could taste Iraqi sand in her mouth. Feeling herself falling into another flashback, she forced herself to start counting backwards from one hundred in her head, trying to make herself snap back into reality.

Once she finally regained her composure, she couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, knowing how close she had just come to losing it in front of her client.    

Picking up on the change in Sammy’s body language, Sara softly asked, “Where did you go?”

Not knowing how to respond, Sammy just stared into the understanding eyes looking back at her. No one had ever noticed the start of a flashback before. Opting to take another pull from her beer instead of speaking, she struggled to find the clear cut rules she had let guide her since Iraq. She had always promised to herself that she would never tell anyone, for fear of someone finding out just how troubled she was. To that end, she had never let anyone get close enough to ask.

Really, what could I tell you anyway? I’m messed up in the head? I’m sitting here in your kitchen, trying to copy how normal people act. All I want to do is feel ordinary, but once again I’ve proven that I’m so far away from normal that I don’t even know what the word means anymore. No, she wouldn’t tell her anything. She couldn’t.

“It’s okay.” Sara reached out and touched Sammy’s arm. “I won’t judge you because of anything you tell me. I’m not like that.”

Briefly, the thought of letting someone in crossed Sammy’s mind. Looking into Sara’s eyes, her own softened as she saw something in Sara’s that made her believe, if only for a moment, that she could lose herself in them. That she could forget what had happened and start over.

Quickly brushing off the thought, she replaced it with her fail safe thought: God, I need to get laid. Thinking of sex, of the few precious moments of the blank mind and fuzzy feelings after an orgasm, had become her best hope against the overwhelming memories that had become an enemy she had no idea how to fight.

Taking some more courage from the beer bottle, in an instant her eyes dulled as she wiped away all emotion from her features. Forcing a smile, she lied, “It’s nothing, really. Just a brain fart.”

The strange feeling of needing to know this woman’s secrets flitted through Sara’s mind. It made her sad to think of her harboring any kind of pain. The flash in her eyes, as if the other woman’s real self had been visible, if for only a moment, had almost caught her off guard, and Sara wondered what had happened to make the sparkle disappear so quickly. Thinking back to the disastrous conversation from this afternoon, Sara knew she didn’t want to push. Sammy seemed so strong, but somehow also so fragile just below the surface; it was a feeling Sara could relate to.

Doing the one thing she could, Sara changed the subject. She didn’t know what came over her as the words flirted their way out of her mouth. “So, my contractor left me a note this afternoon, saying I had to go to the hardware store tomorrow to pick up paint, and I’d like to pick out shelving for here so I can organize a little better. However, I do not own a truck, so I’m not sure how I’m going to get the stuff home.” Briefly pausing, Sara quietly asked, “Would you possibly want to accompany me to the store?”

Sammy said a thankful prayer to whoever was listening that Sara had not pushed. Deciding to play along she smugly stated. “Your contractor sounds like an ass,” letting out a strained chuckle as the words left her lips. “You do realize the shelving would fit in the back of your SUV?”

“What? You know my contractor?” Sara shook her head. “What a small world! So does that mean you’ll go with me?”

“Perhaps on my days off, Ms. Lawson, I may not want to spend time in a hardware store,” Sammy said with a straight face, but the look on Sara’s face made it impossible to stay stoic. She almost resembled a small child who’d had a favorite toy taken away, with a pout on her lips. A very cute pout, Sammy thought, wondering how those lips would feel under hers. Shaking her head to clear out those thoughts, she said aloud, “You’re impossible.”

Sara leaned in on the table, putting a fist under her chin. “So, is that a yes?”

Taking another drink from her beer, Sammy answered with a grin, “Yes.” She wasn’t sure what kind of spell the smaller woman had over her, but she couldn’t help but feel excited at getting to spend tomorrow with her. And for once, she didn’t dread the night.

CHAPTER 4

 “Steve, you know I love you, but I’m not staying here. This place is a dump!” Sammy looked around the cheap motel room, holding tighter to her backpack, hoping that by clutching it close it would be safe. She was sure the sheets on the bed were older than she was, and doubted if they had ever been washed in all that time. The room gave off an odor of mold, mixed in with the heavy stench of beer.  Even the hot pink drapes that hung sideways on the small window had clearly been picked out by someone with no sense of design. Sammy couldn’t imagine why anyone would stay here.

“Oh, come on, Sammy! You know this is the only place I can afford. That’s why it’s up to you to help me make it special for Bobby.” Steve flopped onto one of the small double beds, but the springs seemed to break under his weight, and he quickly sunk into a well-worn rut in the middle. “Okay, so that won’t be romantic,” he grumbled, but the optimism in his coffee-brown eyes never wavered.

Sammy couldn’t contain her laughter as she shook her head at her best friend.  Reluctantly sitting down on the deathtrap of a bed beside of him, she suggested, “How about we get out of here? Let me chip in and we’ll go get a real hotel. I mean, we only get to go to England once, right?” Sammy was determined that before they shipped back to Iraq they would have an amazing time. Immediately, she regretted her choice of words.

“Well, if we are unlucky, I guess. I don’t know what’s going to happen,” Steve said slowly, his trademark grin fading as the uncertainty of the upcoming months hit him hard. They had both lost friends in the last deployment; it had been especially hard on Sammy since it was her first time in command. They both knew with each mission they might never come home. It was a reality every soldier had to face, but no one wanted to talk about. So Steve hadn’t told Sammy that he couldn’t shake the bad feeling he’d had since earlier that year when they had received their marching orders. The only time he felt similarly was when he and the whole squad had watched the World Trade Center towers crumble down on the base TV. September 11th had changed everything.

The duo had been stationed together ever since training for the military police. Steve was beyond grateful that he and Sammy were put together again when she had finished Officers Candidate School.  They had feared they would be split when she was promoted, but luck seemed to stay on their side when the squad they had both been stationed to needed a new Lieutenant, and Sammy got the gig.

This was going to be their squad’s third tour, and something just didn’t feel right. Deep down, Steve felt an ominous foreboding that he would never have the chance to travel for pleasure again. “I just want one special memory, you know? I don’t know how long Bobby and I will have.”

Sammy’s gut clenched. She wanted to shout at Steve that he had the wrong attitude to have before going into battle, to shake him until he saw reason. However, all she could do was pat his leg, because she had been feeling the same horrible dread.

“Listen, we are both going home, I promise. Besides, that’s an order; you know I can do that because I wear the shiny Lieutenant bars.” She smiled warmly at her friend, hoping that her words could provide him some peace even if she still felt unnerved herself.

“Yeah, thanks for going the extra mile all the time, busting your ass and getting noticed. You getting promoted has been hell on my love life; I mean, I lost my girlfriend to the Marines!” Steve chuckled. They had both known since the beginning that their “romance” could only last so long before either they were found out or one of them was promoted.

“Oh yeah, I know it was rough for you! So difficult having a girlfriend who looked the other way when you found a cute boy,” she joked, and they both cracked up as they looked at each other. “Guess you’ll just have to find another beard, Stevie!” Sammy ran her hand over Steve’s newly shaved head in a playful attempt to irritate him.

“Funny, LT. Really funny,” he responded as he batted away her hand.

“So, what time is Bobby getting here?” Sammy asked as she looked down at her watch.

“He left Kuwait about seven hours ago, so anytime now.” Steve’s face lit up at the mention of his better half; Sammy found it amusing since he had always been the one to tell her that sleeping around was much better than a relationship. That all changed almost a year ago, the first time Steve laid eyes on the tall, masculine army ranger while on leave.  From that point on, his heart wasn’t just his own any longer. It had been hard to keep up a relationship, neither knowing where they would be heading during the war, but somehow they had made it work.  Steve felt grateful that now they would all be stationed in the same city. No sooner than Steve had finished talking, Sammy was startled by a knock at the door.

“Guess that’s your boy.”

Steve jumped off the bed so quickly that Sammy didn’t have time to register the door flying open. Steve hugged Bobby tightly before planting a kiss on his boyfriend that made even Sammy blush. She turned her head to give their reunion a little privacy, but Emily, pushing her way through the door behind Bobby, quickly interrupted the men’s embrace.

Gunnery Sergeant Emily Thompson was a short little woman that always shocked people when she revealed she was a Marine, and a MP to boot. Her dainty looks were very deceiving, and she had often gotten the drop on one or another of her fellow squad members during a sparring match, using her size to her advantage and her opponent’s strength against him.

“Knock it off, you two!” Emily said in a loud voice, but everyone could tell that she was happy for her friends. It had been her idea in the first place to rendezvous in England.

“Jesus, this place is a dump!” she exclaimed, looking around with a critical eye.

Bobby’s face was flushed with happiness as he looked around for the first time, noticing his surroundings. “Boy, it’s… unique, isn’t it?” he said, trying to be diplomatic.

“Only if ‘unique’ is the new word for dump,” Emily snorted. Stepping inside the room further, Emily pushed the door closed.

Playfully, she wrapped her arm around Bobby, continuing in mock anger, “Steve, what have I told you about kissing my boyfriend?”

Sammy walked over to where the others stood, hugging first Bobby, then Emily, shaking her head at the silliness of the group. Figuring the lovebirds needed some more time to get reacquainted, she focused on the other woman, asking, “How are you, Em?”

“Other than being dragged to this grimy hotel, I’m great! I also just got transfer orders; I’m moving over to K Company before October’s tour.” The younger woman looked proud at her accomplishment.  She had immediately liked the group the first time she met them at a club that was trusted to be a safe spot to be free of the military for a night just off of base in California. Bobby had been on a short leave to attend to his father’s funeral, or at least that’s what the military thought. In reality, he had forgone the funeral for the man he hated, in order to see Steve. Bobby thought it was a fitting tribute to someone who had lived his life with so much hate.

Emily smiled at the memory of drinking with the group that night, due in no short part to her presence; she now would be under Yates’s command, and with Sammy’s track record, that was something to be proud of. In a few short years, Sammy had risen through the ranks, showing their higher-ups just what a woman could do. It made Emily proud, something she usually chalked up to hero worship.

Sammy nudged the shorter woman in jest, complaining, “Great, so I can have you as a pain in my ass all the time, and not just as Bobby’s date.”

“You’re the superior officer here, Ma’am. I’m just following orders.” Emily winked at Sammy as she walked past her. “Steve, if this place gives me crabs from using the bathroom, you owe me big time, buddy!”

“Fine, I get it, none of you want to stay here. LT, you got any suggestions?” Steve looked miserable as he realized how bad the place was, but he knew his finances couldn’t take much more.

“Well, as a matter of fact, I do have a backup plan.” Sammy couldn’t hide the smirk on her face.

Emily hurried out of the bathroom, quickly scrubbing her hands in a futile attempt to wash away the experience of the disgusting toilet. Turning to the rest of the room, she asked, “Boys, did you ever doubt our fearless leader? Really, Lieutenant Yates always has a backup plan!”

The group all laughed together as they grabbed their bags and headed out the door. None of them could hide the relief they felt that they wouldn’t have to spend the night in the moldy little hotel room.

∞

As Sammy pulled her truck into Sara’s driveway and turned the motor off, the memory of the long-ago trip to England faded away. Although for the first time in a long time it had been a happy memory that played in her thoughts, she wasn’t sure what to think about all of these resurfacing feelings.

Shaking it off, she decided to focus on the present. Sammy still didn’t know why she was here. Every instinct she had told her not to cross this line; that letting someone get close to her again was a bad idea. However, getting dressed this morning, she had done something she hadn’t done in a long time and told her instincts to just shut up.

Sammy had picked out clothes quite different from the work clothes Sara normally saw her in: a nice, white polo shirt with blue stripes, the cargo shorts from the night before, and leather sandals that hadn’t seen the light of day in quite some time. Thankfully, it was still just warm enough for this type of dress. She had even taken the time to iron out the wrinkles, and now, looking at her reflection in the rear-view mirror, she was worried that she might have overdone it. They weren’t the clothes she normally wore on a night on the town, but they were nice. Sammy certainly didn’t want to give the wrong impression to the redhead.

But what impression did she want to give off? She couldn’t quite figure that out herself. All Sammy knew was that today she really cared about how she looked when she left her house.

As Sammy sat in the driveway, caught up in her thoughts, Sara peeked out of the guesthouse and spotted the blue truck. She had on a nice pair of jeans that fit her in all the right places and a simple red t-shirt, with flip-flops to finish the outfit. Putting her red locks up into a ponytail, with just a hint of makeup, she felt sexy. She couldn’t remember the last time she had allowed herself that pleasure. However, now she was second guessing the move. She wasn’t even sure if Sammy was single.

Sara paused as that thought ran through her head. It’s not like Sammy was even the type of person she would want to date. Hell, for that matter, she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to date at all. But no matter how hard she fought the attraction, Sara couldn’t deny that something about the woman caught her interest.

Sammy furrowed her brow, wondering if Sara had seen her drive up. Stepping out of the truck, she headed for the guesthouse, hoping that she wasn’t too early. As she drew her hand back to knock, the door suddenly swung open, startling her.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” Sara exclaimed, just as surprised to see Sammy in front of her door. Balancing her purse on one shoulder, Sara reached in her pocket to check for her keys, not wanting to foolishly leave them behind again.

“It’s okay—” Sammy started, but looking down at the redhead, Sammy felt her face flush and she lost her train of thought. Sara looked amazing, even in such a simple outfit, and Sammy felt a sudden wave of desire. Fearing she would be caught staring, she wondered if it would be appropriate to tell the woman that she looked great, sexy. even. Thinking better of it, Sammy decided to ask a simple question: “So, are you ready to pick out paint?”

“More like, ready to pick it up. I called yesterday and ordered what I wanted. Hope its okay, I ordered from the one in Sanford.”

Perhaps she was just slow, but Sammy had been sure Sara had been asking for help last night. Or maybe she just wanted my company? She thought with a rueful smile.

Shaking her head, she said aloud, “I thought you said you didn’t know about these things?”

A vixen would have been proud of the smile that crossed Sara’s face. “Oh, did I? I think I said I didn’t own a truck…” she trailed off, smug in knowing that she had won this time.

Sammy chuckled, knowing she had been duped. Sighing, she reluctantly conceded, “Yeah, I guess you did.”

The redhead walked out of the house and onto the cement stepping stones that led to the driveway. Sammy tried with all her might, but couldn’t help but stare at Sara’s ass swaying as she walked around the truck.

Gawking up at the big truck in front of her, Sara suddenly felt even smaller, standing next to this giant machine.

 “How do you get in this monster?” she asked, with a look of frustration and awe on her face. The door frame landed well above her knees, and for the life of her, Sara couldn’t figure out how to leverage her way in.

Laughing, Sammy walked behind her, forcing herself to break out of the trance that was Sara’s presence. As she neared the woman, she caught a whiff of her perfume, a sweet lavender scent. Taking a deep breath of the flowery fragrance, Sammy pointed to the railing under the doors and instructed softly, “You step on that and just kind of swing in.”

“This was not designed for short people!” Sara complained, but she did as she was instructed, accidently brushing her backside against Sammy while doing so.

Sammy took a deep breath, forcing her body to ignore the contact. Had it been any other woman, she would have made good use of the massive cab of the truck  and took the opportunity to skip the outing in favor of a more intimate engagement. However, Sara was different, although she didn’t understand why. For these confusing, unexplainable reasons, Sammy brushed aside the lust she felt, locking it deep down inside of her. Shaking off the feeling, she walked around to the driver’s side, launching herself into the truck. She looked over at Sara, warmly smiling as the redhead looked in awe around the cab.

Sara noticed in amazement that the truck had everything one could want. A small LCD screen sat in the middle of the dash that looked to be some kind of GPS/radio system, and the grey leather interior and black dash seemed to have been cleaned recently. It was clear Sammy loved this truck. 

The big motor rumbled to life, and Sammy threw it in reverse. As she did, she spotted Sara looking at the three by five LCD screen which displayed the view from behind the truck. Noticing the redhead’s confusion, Sammy broke the silence, explaining as she pointed to the screen, “It’s a backup camera and GPS. Kind of an all-in-one system.” She couldn’t help a small smile of pride at the technology she’d insisted on installing.

“I thought my satellite radio was advanced!” came the surprised cry from the passenger side.

Sammy couldn’t hide the almost gut-wrenching sound that slipped from her mouth.

“What?” Sara wondered what she had said wrong.

Rolling her eyes, Sammy solemnly stated, “That’s the one thing I left off.”

Sara couldn’t hold in her laughter.  “Well, then it’s no good! You have a fancy radio that can do god-only-knows-what, but you still have to suffer through the same horrible radio stations as everyone else.” Her laughter started to overtake her, but she couldn’t stop giggling that such a high-tech vehicle would be so limited in a radio. Finally getting herself under control, she realized that Sammy really seemed to be sad to not have satellite radio. Straightening up, Sara added as a bit of an apology, “I can’t stand DJs or commercials!”

As Sammy put the truck in drive, she didn’t want to admit that she felt the same way. Instead, she pulled down the sun visor that held at least twenty CDs. “That’s why I have these.”

Pulling off from Oviedo’s smaller main road, they got on the highway, heading to the bigger nearby town of Sanford. The hardware store in town was good, but the one they were headed to had a much better selection. Thinking over the drive so far, Sara was glad she went with her first instinct and ordered the paint from that store instead of the local one; she was enjoying the morning so far, especially with how handsome her companion looked. Shaking her head, Sara wondered, where the hell did that thought come from?

Sara decided to be the first to break the silence, hoping small talk would push away her strange thoughts. “I can’t get over how great this truck rides!”

Beaming like a proud parent, Sammy couldn’t help but agree. “Yeah, I think I drove two hundred miles the day I bought it.”

The happy tones that radiated out of Sammy didn’t go unnoticed by Sara. It was the first time she had ever seen the woman get excited about something, and she swore, even if just for a moment, she had sounded almost happy. “Contracting must be a well-paying gig.”

 “It’s not bad, but this truck is paid for,” Sammy replied, but seeing the confusion as to how that was possible, Sammy continued, “I saved up until I had enough to pay cash for it. You’d be surprised how dealerships will haggle when you have cash.”

It wasn’t exactly the whole truth; the real truth was she saved all her sign-on bonuses from the Marines. Putting the money in savings and CDs, not to mention buying a few stocks while she was overseas, she came back to a nice sum of money. Not enough to retire or never work again, but enough to buy this truck and have a pretty good savings besides. The one thing she had learned growing up was you never knew when the next rainy day would come, and the only thing that ever got you out of that was a little savings.

 “Wow, you must have more willpower than I do. I’m horrible at saving money!” Sara paused, knowing how that must have sounded, and felt a little embarrassed. Her grandmother had left her a little money, and with her job she really didn’t have to worry.

“I’ve just never had a lot, so it’s easy not to want, I guess,” Sammy said, immediately wanting to smack herself for this slip-up about her personal life.

Sara caught the hint of annoyance in Sammy’s voice. She wasn’t sure she should press, especially since Sammy always seemed quiet about her past, but she was curious now, and she rarely let her curiosity go unsettled. “Was your family poor?” she asked, hoping the question wouldn’t be taken the wrong way. “Are you close with your parents?”

Pain filled Sammy’s eyes; she hated talking about her past. Now, however, Sammy wasn’t really sure how to get around talking about her family after her slip. The last thing she wanted was for Sara to feel sorry for her, like most did when she told the story. She had learned quickly it was normally better to just not talk about it, a motto she stuck to with just about everything.

Glancing over at the redhead, she felt a twinge of guilt that she had lied by omission on quite a few things over the course of their short… friendship? That thought confused Sammy. It had been a long time since she had been able to call someone a friend. Still not sure if Sara fit into that category, the only thing Sammy was certain of was with most people, a small omission wouldn’t have bothered her. Somehow though, this woman had a way of getting to her; perhaps, Sammy thought, it was because she saw something kindred in her eyes. Silently praying that wasn’t the case, she decided to answer.

Taking a deep breath in, Sammy glanced again at the redhead before turning back to the road; her posture stiffening before her words haltingly stumbled out.

 “I didn’t really know them. I basically grew up in foster care.” Pausing, she could feel the pain as if it had just happened yesterday. A horrible tightness in her gut made her thankful she had skipped breakfast. Now was not a time to vomit. “My mom died when I was little, and my dad…well, he was in and out of prison until I was about sixteen, when he was killed. About thirty days before he was to be released,” she added with a mirthless laugh. “So, I guess a short answer to your question is yes, I was poor.” 

Glancing at Sara, she wasn’t sure what else to say. She hadn’t realized how tense she had felt until she had felt the weight lift off her with telling her story. Sammy was struck by how open she had been with someone she barely knew.

Kicking herself, Sara knew she always did this, pushed too hard and got nowhere good. Why couldn’t she for just once talk about stupid, simple things?

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have,” she quickly apologized, her words tapering off as she realized how inadequate they sounded. She shouldn’t have? She shouldn’t have what? Pried? She shouldn’t have made her relive a traumatic incident from her childhood? She shouldn’t have been weaseling her way into the tall, muscle-bound woman’s life? She wasn’t even sure exactly what she was apologizing for.

 “It’s okay. Kind of felt good to tell someone,” Sammy said with a reassuring smile, surprised to realize that, for once, it actually did feel good to talk about her past.

Relieved at the warmth of Sammy’s smile, Sara answered honestly, “Thanks for telling me.”

Sammy surprised herself when the questions, “So what about you? What’s your past like?” rolled out of her mouth. It wasn’t like her to ask personal questions. But, she found herself hoping the redhead would answer anyway.

Glancing out the window, Sara looked at the road, noticing how fast it went by. Just as quickly, she dropped her gaze to her hands in her lap, knowing if she kept looking out at the scenery she would get sick. “I grew up in Charleston, South Carolina.”

Sammy grinned at the victory of getting some of the redhead’s past, too. “So that’s where the adorable accent comes from,” she said without thinking, shocking herself that she had said so out loud.

The comment caught Sara by surprise. A slight red tint crossed her face as the embarrassment set in. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

 “So, your folks… Are they still in the picture?” Sammy kept on, hoping to hear a little more about this intriguing woman. Maybe then she could understand the strange effect Sara had on her.

Sara inhaled sharply. The pain hit her like a dagger every time someone asked about her parents. Judging from Sammy’s face while talking about her own upbringing, she most likely could relate on some level to the pain she now felt.

“Not really. It’s a really, really long story, but the gist of it is, they didn’t agree with my last relationship choice. They told me that I was always determined to ruin my life, so we haven’t really spoken much since then.”

This was not the first time Sammy had heard a gay friend talk about his or her parents this way. A brief memory of her and Steve’s chats late into the night popped into her mind, before dissolving away just as quickly. “I’m sorry,” she said earnestly. She had never thought of her misfortunes in a positive light, but she now felt glad that she had never been close enough to her parents to feel the sting of rejection. “I take it they didn’t take you being a lesbian very well?”

Sara chuckled dryly. If it were only that easy, she could have coped with that. “That’s kind of true, but they got over it when I...They had kind of accepted it until I broke up with someone.” Pausing, she realized how false the words actually were. Sara had been sent to Oviedo as a teenager to live with her grandmother, something that had made her feel like worse than trash. Much later, they had slowly warmed to her a little, only to have that yanked back out from under her. She knew this was not the time to tell that story, so she made herself snap out of the haze. “It was the fact that I broke up with a wealthy doctor.”

Sammy’s eyes widened at the sarcasm running through Sara’s voice. “What? Really? Wow.”

Deciding that she might as well complete what she had started, Sara bluntly stated, “Yeah. I know. That’s my mother for you. The gay thing she decided she could spin at her country club for sympathy or acceptance, but the part about me breaking up with someone with money, not so much. I don’t really like to talk about it,” she finished weakly, her voice trailing off with unspoken emotions.

Sara was glad Sammy didn’t press further. The rest of the ride was more or less silent, and they both gave the heavy topics of family and their pasts a wide berth. Small talk about the weather or the reconstruction project was pretty much all that crossed either’s lips.

Finally pulling into their destination, Sara seemed to be able to hop out of the truck with much less difficulty than it took to get in. They made their way to the front of the store, and Sammy grabbed a shopping cart.  Looking in annoyance as the wheels squeaked, she put it aside, quickly grabbing another one. Pleased that this one seemed to be squeak-free, she turned to see Sara laughing.

“What?”

Sara pointed at the cart. “I always pick the wrong one. Nice to see it doesn’t just happen to me!”

Sammy rolled her eyes at the other woman’s laughter, but she was finding out that they seemed to have a lot in common, and it unsettled her more than she cared to admit. Trying to bring order to her thoughts, Sammy went through a mental list of what they needed to do. Switching quickly to work mode, she quietly asked, “What do you want to look at first?”

Great, Sara thought, she sounds all business again.

 “Ah, well, I just have to pick up shelving… but, other than that, I’m good.” Sara smiled, hoping Sammy wouldn’t be too upset with her ruse. Sara had the best of intentions, or at least that’s what she kept telling herself.

With a measured look at the shorter woman, Sammy couldn’t help but smile: she suspected Sara had just wanted her company today. With a teasing tone, she asked, “So, this trip was a set-up, Ms. Lawson?”

 “Not at all!” Sara exclaimed with a wink, and let out a small giggle as she nudged the taller woman’s side.

 “Okay, then, what do you want help with?” Sammy replied, her voice dipping lower with a hint of innuendo.

Sara’s face flushed, and she quickly tried to stuff the dirty thoughts that had momentarily crossed her mind back into the box they spilled out of. It was the first time in a long time she had felt the familiar pulsating between her legs. With a small, nervous clearing of her throat, she rushed to speak:  “Shelving… shelving… I’m, uh, not sure what to get.”

Although she was sure that Sammy had picked up on some of her discomfort, she was pleased that she had hid her embarrassment fairly well. Not wanting to let the feeling linger, she started quickly walking to the correct aisle, leaving Sammy to trail behind her in her wake.

The flush in Sara’s face had not gone unnoticed by Sammy. Catching up to her with long, unhurried strides, she decided to pretend to let the slip go unnoticed. Walking beside the cart she had given to Sara, Sammy decided to ask more about their mission. “What exactly are you going to be using your office for, if you don’t mind me asking?”

 “Well, I hope to have my own practice someday. It would be way easier if I didn’t have to pay on an office space. But for now, I just don’t want to be tripping over my stuff while the house is being renovated.”

 “Practice?” Sammy mumbled a small question in her voice. She was confused; she had never stopped to think long enough about what Sara did for a living. She knew she worked at a local office, and had a nicer, newer SUV, plus she had the money to remodel her home, but she had just assumed it was family money. However, after their conversation on the ride over, she knew that most likely wasn’t the case.

 “I’m a psychiatrist,” Sara explained. Noticing they had reached the shelving aisle, the redhead walked ahead of Sammy, not seeing the look of horror in the taller woman’s face.

 “A shrink!” Sammy was horrified. Fear bellowed up from deep within, and her face tightened. She could feel herself start to sweat profusely, and her heart hammered in her chest. Only one thought ran through her head: This was a setup. She’s been analyzing me. Damn you, Paul!

Sara laughed, knowing how most people felt about her job. The laughter stopped when she turned around to see the look on Sammy’s face. “Didn’t Paul tell you? I work with his wife. She’s my assistant at the clinic where I work; I just assumed he would have mentioned that.” Sara walked over to the taller woman’s side, truly fearful of the panicked expression on her face.

“No, he didn’t.” Rubbing her eyes, Sammy felt as if the blood was leaving her body. Briefly she felt the beginning of a panic attack. Over and over, the memories of how Sara had spoken to her in the park or asked her questions about her past flashed through her mind. Each time, her brain picked it apart, coming to the conclusion: So this was why Sara had been nice to me.

 Sammy had been in and out of shrinks’ offices since she was injured, but all it had done for her was get her kicked out of the Marines. And to think this time she’d thought she’d found a friend.

 “I’m sorry; I didn’t realize it would make you uncomfortable.” Sara was really starting to worry about Sammy’s reaction.

Wanting to ask what Paul had told the woman about her past, to find out just how deep the betrayal went, Sammy quickly made herself snap out of her trance and she grabbed Sara’s abandoned cart. She needed something to hold onto.

“I’m not uncomfortable,” she almost yelled, too forceful to be the truth. Her eyes darted to the floor, and she clenched the handle of the cart as hard as she could. Hell, I don’t even believe that. Why the hell would she?

Sara lightly touched Sammy’s arm, hoping that the gesture would be taken as non-threatening and friendly. Clearly something was going on in the woman’s head, and for reasons she couldn’t explain, it hurt Sara deeply.

 “Listen, I’m just me when I’m out of the office. I leave work at work. I just want to help people.” Sara smiled warmly at Sammy, who now was now looking in her eyes. Knowing that was a good sign, she decided to use humor to break the uncomfortable mood that had fallen over them. “Besides, I work with kids, so unless you’re secretly fifteen or younger, you have nothing to worry about!” Sara hoped it was enough to ease Sammy’s fears.

“Kids?” A weight lifted off of Sammy’s chest as the words registered in her mind.

“Yeah, that’s the other reason I wanted to have the office at home. They generally feel more comfortable in a place that doesn’t feel like a normal office.”

“That certainly explains why you like to ask so many questions.” Sammy forced a smile on her worried face.

Sara chuckled, glad to see color returning to Sammy’s face “Yeah, I guess it does. So… are we okay?”

Sammy looked at the kind eyes looking back at her, and she knew her thoughts hadn’t been correct. She felt a massive wave of relief in knowing she was wrong.  “Yes, we’re okay.”

“Good.  Now, how about we finish and go get something to eat?”

“I think I’d like that.” Sammy let her hands relax from the death grip she held on the shopping cart. Her hands felt wet from sweat, but she tried her best to pull herself together. Praying she had the strength to make it through the afternoon, she turned her attention back to shelving, putting the rest of her doubts and questions aside until she’d recovered from the surprise.

CHAPTER 5

After the shock of Sara’s profession had sunk in, Sammy had every intention of dropping the redhead off and heading out to get a beer, but somehow Sara had made her forget about the uncomfortable moment at the store during lunch. Then she had gotten talked into fixing the door to the guest home, leading to her now kneeling down in front of the house, working on the lock. She looked at her small assortment of tools spread out beside her, searching for the right wrench, thankful again she always kept tools in her truck.

Hearing a car door close, Sammy peeked out from behind the door to see the street. Looking around, she called out to Sara, who was in the kitchen pretending to read a magazine while watching Sammy work. “I think you have company.”

Setting her magazine down, Sara wondered who it could be. No one was supposed to come by today, and Mary was out on a date. Walking to the window, she couldn’t hide the fear in her eyes as she peered out and spotted the red convertible parked in her drive along with its owner walking up to the guesthouse. The tall, slender woman walking up the driveway sent chills down Sara’s spine, and bile rose in her throat.

Sammy quickly stood up; standing beside Sara, she couldn’t help but notice the change in body language with the tension she was giving off.  “Sara, are you okay?”

Sadness filled Sara’s normally bright green eyes. “Not really.”  She was finding it hard to breathe and couldn’t form whole thoughts.

Sammy knew that look, and although she didn’t know what was going on, she knew it wasn’t anything good. “What can I do?” she asked, rubbing soothing circles on the redhead’s back. She hoped it reassured the woman she was not alone.

The voice that came out of Sara’s mouth sounded cold and far away, nothing resembling the normally warm tone of the woman. “Don’t leave.”

Sammy let her eyes encourage Sara, speaking firmly, “Not a chance.”

Nodding weakly, Sara was grateful for Sammy’s presence. A knock on the open door made both of the women turn to face the tall brunette who appeared at the threshold. Not waiting for an answer, she took a step in, grinning ear to ear at Sara.

“Hey, gorgeous,” came the voice of a snake, cold and hard, deeply contrasting with the sweet words. Sammy’s skin crawled, both at the tone and at the implied familiarity.

Sara was filled with pain as her fear took over, and she felt as if the air was leaving the room. She had hoped never to see this woman’s wicked face ever again, but here she was in the flesh. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Sara suddenly asked roughly, the words tumbling out before she could think them through.

Sammy was shocked to hear the crude curse word leave Sara’s mouth. She had been around her on and off for a few weeks now, and had never even heard her raise her voice, besides the first time they met. Standing firmly beside Sara, Sammy couldn’t shake the bad feeling in her gut as she looked over the attractive woman who stood before her in a pinstripe dress suit.

“I see I’ve been replaced,” responded the other coolly, sizing up Sammy with a scowl.

Blue eyes locked into cold brown ones and the hardness etched into the woman’s face did nothing to hide the fact she was a bitch.

“Excuse me?” The woman looked like a million bucks, the kind of woman anyone gay or straight would want to bed; she oozed sex appeal, but Sammy’s defenses immediately were up, and the hair on the back of her neck stood at attention.

“I didn’t stutter. You got my sloppy seconds, I see.” A coy smile crossed her lips as she turned her sights on Sara. The lecherous gleam in her eyes made it clear she was undressing the woman in her head.

Sammy’s first instinct was to throw the woman out on her ass, but this wasn’t her house. She looked at Sara for a sign of what to do. Not getting any response, she noticed just how pale Sara’s face had gone; Sammy worried she might pass out and she seemed to be holding her breath.

Rolling her eyes at Sammy’s hesitation and Sara’s frozen features, the brunette sighed, “Sara can’t we go somewhere and be… well, private.” She smirked as she spoke; wanting to make sure Sammy knew she had been with Sara before.

The very thought sickened Sammy. Taking a deep breath, she could feel her blood pressure going up by the second.

Sara, too, felt sick at the implication that had just been made, and although fear radiated in her eyes, she stared coldly at the brunette, beginning to feel the adrenaline of the situation taking over and squashing her fear. Finally breaking her silence, Sara asked firmly, “I’ll ask you one more time, what the fuck are you doing here? How did you find me?”

The brown-haired woman let an angry snarl come out of her mouth. “I had to drive two hours just to see you! You changed your numbers, moved away from your parents… I wanted to talk to you. Work things out,” she pouted at the smaller woman. Taking a step towards Sara, her eyes turned calculating and devious: she knew the next words would have the effect she wanted. “Don’t you remember the fun we had last time—”

But her words were stopped mid sentence as Sara’s hand struck the side of her face.

Sammy quickly reacted, placing herself between the two women.  “I think, clearly, Sara does not want to talk to you. So how about you turn around and walk away.”

“Fuck that! I’m calling the cops. This is battery!” said the intrusive woman, her hand reaching for her cell phone, eager to play the martyr.

“Battery?” Sammy scoffed, “I saw you trip and fall, that’s how that lip got bloodied. Now why don’t you take your cue and leave,” Sammy said menacingly, cracking her fingers to emphasize her point. “Before you have a real reason to call the cops!”

Like the bully she was, the woman backed down when she saw the more muscular Sammy in front of her taking up for Sara. “Fine! Fuck this!” She shot one more jab at Sara, the venom clear in her voice. “She’s a lousy lay anyway.” Winking at the distraught Sara, she laughed as she slithered back outside.

Sammy raised her voice at the retreating figure, anger evident in her tone. “I think you need to get the hell outta here, now!” Slamming the door closed, she turned to face Sara, who was in tears.  Sammy took a step forward to comfort her, but just as quickly, Sara backed away.

Sammy knew that look: she wasn’t with her, but somewhere else. “Sara. Sara… it’s Sammy. She’s gone; it’s okay.” Slowly, she made her way over to Sara, with calm, careful movements, and gently placed her hand on the redhead’s shoulder. “It’s okay. It’s just me.”

Looking into the worried blue eyes, Sara couldn’t process what had just happened. How could she have found her? The questions mounted, driving her to tears. She tried to hold everything in, but, as if a dam broke, water spilled from her eyes. She couldn’t hold back the fear and pain any longer, and she broke down sobbing.

Sammy watched as Sara’s normally vibrant eyes went dead right in front of her, and her own heart felt as if it was shattering watching Sara. Sammy did something that surprised even herself: she pulled the shorter woman close, engulfing her into a hug. Wrapping her arms as tightly as she could, Sammy felt Sara’s face press into her chest as the tears flooded her face like a river.

Sara flung her arms around Sammy’s waist and hung on for dear life. She allowed herself to feel the terrifying emotions that Julia’s appearance had evoked in her: the helplessness, the longing to forget.

After some time, Sara finally pulled back from the taller woman, lifting her bloodshot eyes up to meet Sammy’s. She wasn’t really sure what to say. The crying jag had been cathartic, but now she felt exhausted and embarrassed.

Sammy knew that she should turn and walk out the door; she had enough shit in her own life she couldn’t deal with. However, something deep inside wouldn’t let her run away, not this time. “Come home with me,” she urged Sara quietly.

Seeing the confusion on Sara’s face, she felt the need to explain, to make sure Sara knew this wasn’t her hitting on the woman before her, only offering friendship and a safe place to stay. Sammy mumbled self-consciously, “I’m a decent cook, and I’ve got a stack of Blu-Rays calling my name.” Sammy smiled as she looked around the vacant living room, noticing that the only place to sit was at the small table in the kitchen or on the bed. “Well that and I have comfortable chairs.”

Sara didn’t respond to the attempted humor in her voice. Only a simple, defeated “Okay” crossed Sara’s lips. But Sammy took that as assent, steering the shell-shocked woman outside, making sure the lock engaged as she closed the door behind them. She was glad that she hadn’t completed dismantling the lock when she had been working on it before.

As they walked out to the street and Sammy put Sara into her truck, neither noticed the car parked down the street, watching their every move.

∞

The ride, although short, was painful. Sara sat balled up with her knees tightly against her chest, tears still leaking from the corners of her eyes. Sammy reached over, softly rubbing Sara’s shoulder.

Flinching, Sara turned to look at the taller woman, who looked fearful she had done something wrong.

“You know, it’s funny. I help kids every day, or at least I try. I tell them just what to do to fix their issues, how to get better, and then I can’t even handle this. I can’t even help myself,” she said, drawing a ragged breath in a futile attempt to gain any control over the situation. Quieter, she mumbled, “I can’t even stand up for myself in my own home. You wouldn’t understand.”

With a deep pain lancing her heart, Sammy felt almost as if she had been shot again. She wanted to separate Sara’s emotions from her words, to understand that this lashing out was just a part of the shock and fear, but before she could stop herself she answered coldly, “You might be surprised at what I’d understand.”

The rest of the ride passed in silence, both of the hurting women wrapped up in their own pain. Finally pulling up to the apartments, Sammy cursed to herself when she spotted Tilly outside watering flowers. Of all the times to run into her, this was by far the worst. As they got out of the truck, Sara pulled it together and plastered on her composure when she spotted the older woman, forcing the tears to stop. Years of practice had made that at least easy.

“Hello, dear!” The black woman straightened up and smiled at the women standing in front of her, tilting her head back to look up at the women. She noticed the new redheaded girl looked upset and wondered what was going on, but she figured Samantha would tell her if she needed her.

“Hello, Mrs. Jacobs. How are you today?” Sammy was always polite to Tilly, deferring to her age as well as her service in Vietnam.

“I’m good.” Looking at Sara, she smiled, knowing Samantha wouldn’t hurt a fly unless it hurt her first, but she just couldn’t help but butt in. “My Samantha treating you alright, dear?” She couldn’t help herself from at least asking that.

Knowing she looked like shit, Sara let out a small sigh. “Yes, she is. I’m Sara, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, dear. I’m Mrs. Jacobs, or Tilly if you prefer, but I can never get this one to call me by my first name.” She turned her attention back to Sammy as she patted her on the arm. “I wanted to thank you again for letting me plant here. I know you could’ve done something with the space, but oh, how I love my roses!”

Sara smiled through her bloodshot eyes, not surprised by the acknowledgment of Sammy’s kindness after what she had seen today. Thinking back to how she had reacted in the truck to Sammy’s attempts to comfort her, she was happy that she had such a caring friend, even if they hadn’t known each other very long yet.

Mrs. Jacobs had made an amazing rose garden in the small area under Sammy’s bedroom window. “Sammy is the best; she made this beautiful planter for me!” Tilly pointed down to a small brick enclosure that held about fifteen rose bushes. It went well against the tan color of the building.

“It’s no big deal, you know I wouldn’t use it.” Sammy easily laughed and played it off as no big deal, but right now she didn’t want to be talking about this. What she wanted was to get Sara into the apartment. She never quite knew how to get out of situations like this, so she supposed she’d have to wait until Tilly got the hint.

“Well, dear, it’s a big deal to me. Ever since I lost my John last year, you know, I need something to occupy my mind.” With barely a breath, she jumped right to the next subject. “I talked to the leasing office about those hoodlums that live in the next building! Do you know they painted my roses orange this time?” She pointed to the ground and the spray-painted bulbs she had carefully cut out of the bush.

“I’ll try to catch them next time, ma’am.” Sammy couldn’t understand why someone would do such a thing; Ms. Jacobs was such a nice older lady, even if she was a bit nosy.

“You do that, dear! If my knees were better, I’d chase the bastards!” Tilly laughed at the shocked look Sara gave her at the remark. Humor was really the only way she could deal with having to rely on the cane for mobility. She hated having to use it.

Gazing back at Sara, she recognized the look in her eyes, one of someone seeking shelter in a safe place. She realized that she had probably kept them too long, letting her mind and mouth wander. It was just so nice to have someone to talk to, now that her late husband wasn’t around to whine about her talkative nature.

“I’ll let you two get on with your afternoon. It was good seeing you, dear!” Tilly finally said and reached out to pat Sammy on the arm. She was pleased to see that the light had somewhat returned to Sammy’s eyes, even in the middle of whatever situation they were in.

“Yes, ma’am. Have a good day!” Sammy smiled. Finally free to leave, she motioned for Sara to follow her into her apartment. She held the door open for Sara, let her walk in first, then locked the door securely behind them.

Sara looked around the apartment, trying to take in Sammy’s life in the sparse place. She really didn’t know what to say after so much drama and emotion, so she thought about Mrs. Jacobs. “She seems nice,” Sara said, hoping Sammy would take the topic and let her skip the heavy conversation.

Sammy laughed as she hung her keys on the hook by the door. “Yeah, she’s kind of a hoot, served in the military like—” Sammy cut herself short, shocked that she had almost slipped to Sara about Iraq. She quickly coughed to cover her mistake, and then continued, “We got off easy, though. Normally I’m stuck with her for hours.”

Looking over at Sammy, somehow Sara couldn’t see her really minding the old woman that much. She continued into the apartment, readjusting her perception of Sammy as she took in the furnishings. It was fancier than she had expected, although she quickly scolded herself for the thought. When she made it to the dining room, she found a small, square wooden table that looked handmade, surrounded by four chairs with a similar design.

In the corner sat a mini fridge, with a bakers rack over it holding several beautiful decanters of liquor in addition to four long-stemmed glasses. Blue curtains hung over the window, adding a splash of color to the black and white room.

Across from the dining room, in the living room, was a leather sectional couch with a large TV. In the entertainment system, she could see a lot of different game systems with various games. The self-led tour ended in the kitchen, where she couldn’t help but notice how clean everything looked.

Even through her sadness, Sara couldn’t help but tease Sammy. “Do you actually live here?”

As she had hoped, that got a laugh out of Sammy. “Well, I can’t be certain, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say ‘yes.’ I’m just a bit of a… neat freak,” Sammy explained as she rubbed the back of her neck.

“Really? I wouldn’t have guessed.” For the first time since the encounter with Julia, a smile crossed Sara’s face. Just then, Sara noticed the dark black makeup stains on Sammy’s white striped polo. “Oh, god. I’m so sorry.” Now knowing about Sammy’s neat streak, messing up her nice-looking polo seemed even worse than it usually would. Walking over to Sammy, she ran her finger on the taller woman’s chest just above her breast where the stain had set.

Sammy felt as if bolts of lightning were jolting through her with the touch, causing her to back away quickly from the contact. “It’s okay. It’ll wash out.” Pulling off the polo, she was thankful that she had worn a tank top under her shirt today. With the shirt in her hands, Sammy went to the kitchen and opened the bi-fold doors that hid the washer and dryer, throwing the shirt in. As she efficiently set the wash to running, adding a few other clothes in a hamper over the dryer, Sammy turned to face Sara. “See? No harm, no foul.” Immediately, Sammy regretted the move as she noticed Sara’s eyes focused on the part of the scar visible.

Sammy realized what she had done. This woman kept getting under her skin, forcing her to reveal more of herself than she could afford to. Due to her rash actions, Sara was now transfixed by the scar that peeked out from the straps of her shirt.

Sara shuttered as her eyes trailed the length of the wound. “Oh, my god,” she gasped, and involuntarily her fingers reached out to run over the rough scar tissue. “What happened?”

“Work accident.” It was a lie, and it wasn’t. Sammy felt a twinge of guilt about once again stretching the truth.

Looking up at Sammy, Sara knew this was more than a simple work accident. Nevertheless, she also knew that, in her current condition, she was not in the right place to find the answers. One day, she hoped, she would finally get to understand the secretive woman. I wouldn’t mind spending quite some time getting to know her, Sara realized.

Sammy looked pleased she wasn’t asked more. “Do you want to take a shower while I cook?”

“I didn’t bring any clothes,” Sara remembered, but she regretted not being more aware as they left, because a shower sounded amazing.

“I have t-shirts and basketball shorts or sweats, if you’re interested. They’ll be a little big on you, but they are clean, at least.”

“That would be great actually. The shorts… if you’re sure it’s no trouble.” Sara wondered how she had missed the kindness in Sammy the first time they spoke. Not only was she willing to step into a fight that wasn’t hers, she had invited Sara to her home and was feeding her, giving her clothes as well, seemingly without a second thought. It was rare to find a person who was so generous.

The only troubling thought to Sammy was that her apartment only had one bathroom, so she would have to let Sara into her bedroom. She never cared when it was someone here for sex, because she knew that she was in control of the situation, and the women would leave soon enough, when she was done with them. Sara, however, was an unknown factor. Deciding not to dwell on it, Sammy pushed her feelings of insecurity deep down and locked them away. “No, you’re in luck. I cleaned my bedroom yesterday,” she said with a smile.

When Sammy saw Sara smile back, she knew she’d made the right decision. It had been so difficult to bear looking at Sara’s lifeless eyes after the harassment from that bitch, whoever she was. “Come on, it’s this way.”

Sara made her way down the narrow hall, and was surprised to see the perfectly made king bed in the center of the other end of the room, with a flat screen TV mounted on the wall across from it. Besides a dresser and two nightstands on either side of the bed, the room was pretty sparse, and like the other rooms, lacked photographs or anything that seemed personal.

Sammy pointed out the bathroom. “I’ll get you some clothes and leave them on the bed.”

Sara turned to Sammy, who had already started digging through her dresser for clothes. “Thank you, Sammy.”

Smiling, Sammy had liked the way her name sounded coming out of the redhead’s mouth. Sara nodded as they exchanged glances before she walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

Sammy let out the breath she had been holding, glad for some time to get her newly exposed emotions under control. Fetching the grey shorts and a plain t-shirt with the logo of a video game emblazoned on the front, she placed them on the bed. As she surveyed the room, the cover of a porno movie she had bought a few days ago caught her eye on the shelf under her TV. She quickly grabbed it and put it in her dresser, her face flush with embarrassment. She hoped Sara hadn’t seen it. After one final look around the room to make sure everything was in place, Sammy walked out of the room and closed the bedroom door to give the woman some more privacy. She would need to hurry to get a decent meal whipped up before Sara finished showering.

Sara heard the bedroom door close as she turned on the shower. Stepping out of her clothes, she noticed how tidy even the bathroom was. The sink had a mirror over it, and a shelf under the mirror. The only color to the small room sat on a blue plaid shower curtain. Sara smiled as she saw the designer colognes lining the shelf. That’s why she always smells so good.

Glancing to the right, she noticed a medicine cabinet. She knew she shouldn’t open it. Whatever was inside was private, but at this moment, she needed anything to distract her and let her forget about what had happened earlier in the afternoon. Opening the small door, she noticed it mostly lay bare, except for a package of Band-Aids, some rubbing alcohol, and two bottles of prescription pills. She picked up the first brown-tinted bottle and read the label: Fluoxetine, 60mg. Take once daily. She was surprised that Sammy would be prescribed such a high dose. Gently, she put back the bottle and reached for the second one. Tramadol, 20mg. One tab every four to six hours.

It was then Sara noticed the pharmacy location. The script had been filled at the James A. Haley Veterans’ Hospital in Tampa, Florida. A hand involuntarily flew to her mouth as she realized just what she had done. Quickly closing the cabinet door, she wished she had listened to her conscience about respecting Sammy’s privacy. Sammy had never mentioned being a vet, and Sara couldn’t help but wonder what the woman was going through, especially now that she’d seen her injured shoulder. Work injury, indeed, she thought bitterly, wondering how she could have missed the signs.

Stepping into the shower, the puzzle pieces of Sammy’s life slowly clicked into place. “Tampa!” She muttered to herself. She remembered the conversation in the park, when Sammy had tried to avoid speaking about where she moved from, and now she had a good hunch why.

Feeling dizzy as the emotional trauma of the day hit her full on, Sara closed her eyes and let the water fall down her face, bracing herself up with a hand splayed against the cold tile wall. She knew she would never be able to come clean to Sammy that she had snooped, and the very thought made Sara sick to her stomach. Having secrets herself, she knew how betrayed the woman would feel. She wanted to bang her head against the wall, cursing at herself, “Damn, I’m an idiot.” Now it made sense why Sammy had reacted the way she did in the hardware store.

As steam curled up from the shower and filled the room, she hung her head against the mounting stress. Sara reached for the temperature controls and cranked up the heat, hoping it would thaw the chill that had settled all the way into her bones.

∞

Standing over the stove, sweat formed on Sammy’s forehead from the heat of the gas range. She again flipped the chicken breasts she was frying and checked on the water that was heating up for the rice. Satisfied it would be okay for a few moments, she retrieved two plates and silverware from around the kitchen. Out of habit, Sammy started to set everything down on the bar, but she decided against it and put the items down on the table. She hadn’t really used the table much since moving here, just as she didn’t usually cook for anyone else. Hearing the bedroom door open, she walked back into the kitchen to put on the final touches to the meal.

Sitting down at the bar, Sara quickly found her attention on Sammy as she carefully finished cooking. Sara was grateful for Sammy’s generosity, that she had not been alone this afternoon. Suddenly, Sara realized that she had been asked a question, but she hadn’t caught what was asked since she had been so wrapped up in her own thoughts. “Did you say something?”

Chuckling, Sammy repeated her question, “Feeling better?” Glancing over her shoulder, Sammy couldn’t remember her t-shirt looking that good on her, ever.

“Yes” Sara tugged at the clothes, suddenly a little self-conscious. “Thanks, again. It’s funny just how a simple t-shirt makes you feel great.”

Sammy nodded in agreement. “I hardly ever wear anything else when I’m home. I hope you like fried chicken?”

“Kind of…” Sara hummed noncommittally, unsure of how she could tell Sammy about her little pet peeve without sounding silly.

Sammy looked as confused as she felt. “How can you kind of like fried chicken?” she asked, incredulous that anyone could not like chicken.

“You’re going to think I’m totally strange. I just hate eating off bones. It’s okay though, if that’s what you cooked.”

The taller woman chuckled at the redhead. “It’s your lucky day,” Sammy said as she pointed into the pan. “Boneless chicken breast. I find it pointless to pay for the bones. Besides, you get more meat this way.”

Sara was happy to see humor creeping back into Sammy’s kind blue eyes; she seemed to keep catching herself from getting lost in them. “Very practical of you,” she said as she nodded sagely, but a cheeky smile quickly lit up her face. Sara looked at the table behind her, wondering if there was a way for her to help, but she saw the table was already set. To her surprise, she saw an additional plate on the bar in front of her. “Someone else coming?”

A slight embarrassed smile crossed Sammy’s lips. “No, it’s for Mrs. Jacobs. Ever since her husband died, she only buys TV dinners, so if I cook, I take her up a plate.”

“That’s nice of you.”

Sammy’s face turned red at the complement. “Not really, I always overcook! Besides, it’s better than letting the food rot in my fridge.”

Sara questioned, “Why do you do that?”            

“What?”

“Try to act like you don’t care? Or like you don’t do things because you care, that it just… happens.”

With a huff, Sammy walked on the opposite side of the bar to face Sara. Shrugging her broad shoulders, she said, “You tell me, Doc,” letting a grin cross her face. The redhead in front of her looked stunned for a moment, before shaking her head and letting out a small snort.

“You’re a smart-ass!”

“Sometimes,” Sammy allowed a cocky grin to cross her face. “In all fairness, though, I did warn you.”

Sara’s gaze shifted to a photo in a magnetic frame stuck to the side of the fridge. The only photo she had noticed in the whole house. It was of Sammy, another woman, and two men.  Posing in front of what looked like Big Ben, Sammy’s hair was longer, past her shoulders, and she looked much younger. Sara was sure she had seen one of the men before. Pointing at the picture, she asked, “You’ve been to England?”

Following her gaze to the photo, Sammy nodded with a melancholic look in her eyes as she said, “Once, on vacation.” Sammy replied in a faraway voice, cursing herself again for not taking it down while Sara had been in the shower. Tightness filled her chest at the thought of the last trip with her friends.

Teasing, Sara asked, “Is one of them an old boyfriend?”

“God, no! One was my best friend.” Sammy paused, wondering if Sara knew the man. “Was?” Remembering her discovery in the bathroom, Sara felt the uncertainty creeping into her voice.

“Steve… he died a few years ago,” Sammy haltingly explained. Realizing Sara wouldn’t put the connection together, Sammy decided to not elaborate any further. It would be best to let the past stay in the past.

“I’m sorry; I’m really bad at this apparently.” Sara felt the stress of keeping her own secrets and keeping her snooping hidden mounting at the base of her skull, and the guilt of bring up bad memories was just making it worse.

“It’s okay. You didn’t know.” Sammy walked back to the stove, grabbing the food. “The other guy was Steve’s boyfriend Bobby, and the girl is Emily.” The thought of her friends made Sammy’s eyes water; in a way, it seemed like just yesterday they had busted out of the flea-infested hotel to go on to a bigger and better one, having the time of their lives in England for four days. In other ways, it seemed like it was a hundred years ago, a lifetime since she’d felt happiness. Walking back over to Sara, she sadly smiled as she sat the plates down.

Knowing Sammy well enough to know she didn’t like to be pushed for answers, Sara wisely let it go and they ate in silence.

After dinner, the pair headed to the living room to unwind.  Sara noticed Sammy sat on the sectional in the chair closest to the dining room, casually propping up her feet on the footrest as the chair reclined. Sara was sure that was her normal spot.

Sitting beside her, Sara tucked her legs up underneath herself and propped her right arm on the back of the couch and turned to face Sammy. “I feel I owe you some explanation for what happened this afternoon.”

Sammy shifted her body so she, too, was facing Sara. With quiet conviction in her voice, she stated plainly, “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

The kind eyes staring back at her gave Sara the courage she needed to speak. “I know… I want to.”

Nodding her head, Sammy couldn’t find the words to respond. Reaching over, she rubbed Sara’s shoulder before giving her a lopsided smile, hoping her actions would speak better than the words that wouldn’t form.

With a feeling of warmth filling her, Sara gathered her thoughts for a moment and then carefully spoke, “She and I met through work. Right out of college, I started at a hospital in Melbourne near Cocoa Beach. It was a great hospital, I was really lucky I did my residency there. That’s where I met Dr. Julia Niles.” As she said the woman’s name, sarcasm dripped from Sara’s voice. At first she had been star struck, too taken with the woman to see how full of herself she’d been. It still hurt how naïve her hero-worship had made her. “I was a nobody, but for some reason she took an interest in me. All of a sudden, I started getting to work on the best cases; doors just opened for me. Then one day, Julia asked me to go on a date with her. I was attracted to her, of course. I mean, you saw her, she’s a knockout…But despite her looks and her magnetic personality, I just knew it wasn’t right, so I turned her down. Just as quickly as I had become her favorite, I then became an outcast, and over the next few weeks my caseload got lighter. I realized what was happening.” Closing her eyes, Sara felt the embarrassment all over again. She had been so stupid, thinking it was her own hard work that had been getting the recognition, instead of being a pet for that bitch. Bitterly, she muttered, “What I should have done was go to the hospital board and tell them what had happened.”

After a pause, Sara decided to push through to tell Sammy all of the things she’d only ever told her friend Mary in confidence. “I really did think about doing that, but instead I called up the good doctor and told her I would love to go out with her. After that, things were great again: I was her eye candy at functions, she bought me nice things, and in return, I was ‘respected.’ In reality, though, I was just her whore.” Tears started filling Sara’s eyes as she let her mind wander to a place and time she would just as soon forget. “It was then that my grandmother passed away. I was heartbroken, so I moved in with Julia just because I really didn’t know what else to do. I needed someone to hold onto, and Julia took advantage of that. I let it go on like that for about a year. Letting yourself get caught up in something like that, it does bad things to your mind.”

In her mind’s eye, Sara was transported into the house she and Julia had shared. It had been beautiful and ostentatious just to let everyone know how successful and rich Julia was. That house, the way it was used as a status symbol instead of a home, reminded her clearly of how she’d been used herself. “I wasn’t happy, quite the opposite actually. I was miserable. When my time was up at that hospital, I told her I was leaving. I wish like hell I had just left. Julia had been drinking. When she walked into our bedroom and saw me packing, she screamed at me, telling me how ungrateful I was for all that she had given me. When I wouldn’t look at her, a glass whizzed by my head.” Sara could still remember the sound of the shattered glass tinkling to the floor while Julia’s voice grew louder and harsher.

Sara could feel the panic from the memory starting to settle in her chest. She quickly opened her eyes, trying to reassure herself that she wasn’t there anymore. Taking several deep gulps of air, she let her eyes fall closed again, plunging back into the memory of the worst night of her life.

“She had never been violent. Controlling, yes… but never violent. I had noticed her temper getting worse the weeks before, but I just shrugged it off, thinking she was getting tired of me and would be glad I was gone. This was different, though. She scared the shit out of me, with all of the yelling and throwing things. I had reached my breaking point, too. I gathered all of my stuff and told her I wasn’t going to stand around while she belittled me any longer. I tried to make it out of the bedroom. God, how I tried!” Sara looked down at the floor as she shivered. Her training as a psychologist reminded her on an intellectual level that experiencing trauma resulted in such emotional breakdowns, but now all of her schooling left her powerless. It felt like drowning, and she desperately wished she could claw her way through the emotions that were suffocating her. Anything would be better than this. She was a failure. She couldn’t help herself; and now her family hated her because she was too damn scared to tell the truth. Everything was all her fault.

Noticing the smaller woman starting to shake, Sammy reached over and firmly held Sara’s clammy hand. She wasn’t very good at comforting people, especially when they were crying, but she hoped this small gesture could convey some security and safety. But even her own demons from the war couldn’t prepare her for what Sara would say next.

Sara looked into Sammy’s eyes, searching for the courage to let her demons out into the light. “I wasn’t…I didn’t…” she tried lamely to explain, no longer able to hold back the tears. Salty droplets of the sorrow she’d been carrying for the last year spilled over her cheeks, and the taste of her own weakness on her tongue made her sick. “I could’ve fought. I should have done something. Anything. But she…she raped me.”

Letting out the breath Sammy hadn’t realized she’d been holding, she looked at Sara and cautiously moved in to hug her, letting her know she wasn’t alone; however, fear echoed through Sammy as she didn’t want to do anything to disrespect the smaller woman. Getting a small nod from the crying woman, Sammy protectively pulled Sara as close to her as she could, wrapping her arms around the redhead as she sobbed.

“The bitch raped me!” Sara said with horror in her voice, finally able to admit what had happened to her. She sobbed into Sammy’s shirt, letting her tears show the devastation she had felt.

Sara wasn’t sure how long she held onto Sammy before she weakly spoke again. The words tripped over themselves in a rush to get out, as she feverishly tried to explain. “After it happened, I came back here. I thought I was safe. I never told her where my grandmother’s home was. Julia knew my parents, but this was just an odd place I never referenced. My mom and her mother didn’t speak, so I thought it was safe, and I didn’t want her to know me that well. I wanted to forget what had happened. I thought if I ever laid eyes on her again, I could handle it on my own. I didn’t even go to the cops. I knew what I’d be put through,” she muttered between sobs. There was no filter any more, only plaintive whispers, begging Sammy to understand, pleading her case to herself, to her family, to everyone she had lied to and been silent about her own tribulation. After a few moments, Sara began to run out of steam, speaking slower, thinking through her words more.

“When I first moved back, I stayed with my best friend, Mary. She found me one night bawling my eyes out, laying on the bathroom floor... so, I told her. Besides you, she’s the only other person that knows. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been there today. I just froze.”

Sammy once again pulled Sara as tight as she could and hugged her with all her might. “I wish I’d known; I wouldn’t have restrained myself from the urge to beat the crap out of her!”

At the end of her much frazzled rope, the sentiment struck Sara as hilarious, sending her into peals of laughter that slowly replaced the hiccups and tears. Nuzzling her face into Sammy’s arm, she spoke softly as she enjoyed the warm embrace. “I would’ve liked to see that, actually.”

Picking up the hand Sara had hit Julia with, Sammy replied, “I think you did a pretty good job on your own, don’t you, Slugger?”

“I did, didn’t I?” Smiling, Sara snuggled closer to Sammy, her breathing evening out as she relaxed. She had never imagined telling anyone this story, but now that she had, she felt lighter.

Sammy smiled when she heard a muffled “Thank you,” and continued to hold Sara gently, giving her what she hoped was a comforting shelter from the world without making her feel constricted. The need to take all this woman’s pain away was overwhelming. Sammy certainly had not been expecting to hear this story. When they first had met, she’d thought this woman hadn’t a care in the world. Now, it broke Sammy’s heart that that wasn’t the case.

After a few moments, the smaller woman started to faintly snore as exhaustion finally took over. Sammy smiled at how adorable it was.  Gently, she stood up from the couch, and then leaned down and picked Sara up, carrying her into the bedroom.

Kneeling down and pulling the covers back with a hand she managed to free out from under the redhead, she placed Sara in bed. Sammy reached over and tucked in the sleeping woman, smiling at how peaceful she looked. “Sleep well,” she whispered, walking out of the room and noiselessly closing the door, hoping that Sara would finally get some much needed rest. On her way back to the living room, she stopped by the linen closet, pulling out a sheet and an extra pillow, then turned the off the lights and settled down on the couch for the night. Before she could let herself process any of what Sara had said, she quickly drifted off to sleep.

∞

“Tell me again, why did I let you talk me into this?” Sammy complained jokingly, a warm smile on her face as her bright blue eyes measured the mountains above. She and Steve were carefully scaling up the face of the cliff, with her trailing him up the path.

“Because you love me?” Steve called down, laughing. Even though he was above her, Sammy could see his wide smile.

“How much further?” She asked. They had been climbing for the last several hours, and she was beginning to think they’d never make it to the top. Of course Steve would pick mountain climbing. It was probably revenge for how soundly she’d beaten him at paintball last time.

“Anyone ever tell you that you whine a lot?”

“Only you!” Latching onto her next handhold, she forced her left arm to bear the brunt of her body mass as she shifted her feet to a higher position, giving her enough leverage to reach the next chink in the rocks. As she pulled herself up over the next boulder, Sammy looked up; Steve had managed to put quite a bit of distance between them as he climbed to the top. Shaking her head, Sammy knew she’d never hear the end of him beating her up the mountain. Shifting her weight to her right foot and lifting her left leg to maneuver farther up, Sammy didn’t realize the rock supporting her was loose until it was too late. She slipped backwards, her body weight pulling her free from the small gaps in the rock face. Grabbing blindly with her left arm, she managed to find a small crevice to stop her descent, just as the rope around her waist jerked taut painfully. Holding tightly onto the one rock she could get ahold of, she tried to stabilize her position, but the rope around her waist tightened the more she moved, leaving her in pain and making breathing difficult..

Peering over the ledge above her, Steve was frantic. “Hang on!”

The anchor holding the rope attached to her safety harness gave way, dropping from the ledge to dangle below her feet.

“Shit!” Pulling up harder on her left hand, Sammy tried to get a good grip on the rock with her other hand or find a foothold, but she could feel her left hand slipping. Just as Sammy was about to lose her grip, she felt a snap on the back of her harness.

“I got you!” Steve said as he leaned on his stomach over the ledge with only his head poking out, using the extra surface area of his body to keep him from following her over the ledge. Exerting all of the strength in his arms, he pulled Sammy up. “Come on, pull!” he yelled to himself, trying to keep his own precarious position steady while lifting the other Marine.

Pushing with her feet, she slowly made her way up the ledge to join Steve. With both of the pair safely on the ledge, Steve rolled over on his back, his arms shaking with the effort it had taken to lift her without using the rest of his body. Sammy scrambled away from the edge, taking a moment to get her heavy breathing under control. After a few moments of complete silence except for their labored breathing, Sammy looked at Steve. “Next year, I pick the vacation spot,” she said with a serious look, but it soon gave way to relieved laughter from both of them, so loud it echoed through the mountain range.

With a grin on each of their faces, they both picked up their gear and began the rest of the trek to the top.

CHAPTER 6

Sammy was awoken by the undeniable smell of bacon, while rays of light peeking through the blinds to shine on her face. Rubbing her face with her hand, she wondered how she hadn’t been woken earlier. She was not a heavy sleeper, especially ever since…

Groggily opening her eyes, she peered over the couch to see the redhead in the kitchen cooking.

Sara heard the rustling covers and turned with a warm smile towards Sammy. “Hope you like scrambled?” The perky tone her voice normally carried had returned.

Sammy groaned audibly. She had never been a morning person; it was the one aspect of the Marines she had always hated. Blinking rapidly trying to adjust her eyes, she stood up and stretched as she moaned, “I like coffee.”

“Good thing I figured out how to use your fancy one-cup coffeemaker then!” Sara couldn’t help but tease. She had felt both grateful and embarrassed when she’d woken up and realized she had been put to bed. Never would she have taken Sammy for a caretaker, and for the first time, she realized how wrong first impressions could be. It seemed like each time she spent time with Sammy, she was newly surprised by her.

“I’ll be right back,” Sammy said, then headed down to use the bathroom. Looking into the mirror, she couldn’t remember the last time she had thought about that day on the mountain, and how close she’d come to dying. Why now? Sammy thought, a twinge of guilt washing over her as she washed her face.

Doing the only thing she could, she shrugged it off and shoved the thought aside, before walking back into the kitchen. Sara had two plates on the bar full of eggs and bacon, but Sammy was soon distracted when she spotted her liquid salvation: coffee. Sitting down in front of one of the plates, she hungrily grabbed the cup and gulped down the scalding hot liquid. In the field, you learned to drink quickly and to go for the caffeine hit first, and it was a habit she hadn’t been able to kick since returning stateside, no matter how hard she tried.

Sara, who had just sat down across from her, looked at her as if she had two heads. “I guess you do like coffee!”

Putting the cup back down, Sammy got up and walked to the coffee maker to fix another cup. Drumming her fingers on the cabinet as she waited the two minutes it took to brew another single serving, she turned to Sara. “Want more?” she asked.

Sara couldn’t help but laugh. “No, I’m good with just one cup, thanks.”

Sammy sat back down with a fresh cup, this time sipping it in between bites as she started to eat. “Thanks for cooking.”

“You’re welcome. I figured it was the least I could do. I’m sure this wasn’t exactly what you expected when I asked you to go to the store with me yesterday.” As she spoke, a sad smile crossed Sara’s face.

Reaching out for Sara’s hand, Sammy rubbed the back of the smaller hand she held in her own grasp, quietly asking, “Do you have plans today?”

Sara smiled at the contact. “Not really. Why do you ask?”

Shyly, Sammy responded, “I want to take you somewhere… if that’s okay?”

“It’s more than okay,” Sara said as she sweetly smiled up at Sammy, giving her hand a gentle squeeze back.

∞

A short time later, Sara sat in the passenger seat, a look of confusion on her face as they pulled up to a marina on the St. Johns River. It was a huge place, with all kinds of boats lining the dock, from small cruisers to sailboats. A small restaurant sat at the end of the pier, right on the water. It looked to have a gas pump on the end where boats could pull up to fill their tanks or dock and have lunch.  Sara looked over at Sammy for some kind of reassurance, but her questioning gaze was just met with a smirk from the taller woman’s face.

“You coming?” Sammy laughed as she slid out of the driver’s side of the truck.  Walking to the back, she pulled the tailgate down, picking up a small red cooler. She sat it on the ground, taking care to shut the tailgate firmly but not too hard. After all, this truck was her pride and joy, and she did her best to keep it in tiptop shape.

Sara got out of the truck and went back to see what Sammy was doing. Spotting the cooler, she couldn’t help but send Sammy an impressed look. “When did you pack a cooler?”

“When you got a shower this morning.” Sammy leaned down, grabbing the cooler and hoisting it up on her shoulder as if it weighed nothing. “It’s just some sodas, a few beers, and some water. I wasn’t sure what you would want,” Sammy explained, thoroughly enjoying how confused Sara truly looked.

“Yeah, and asking me is overrated, apparently.” Sara teased. “I did wonder about your swim trunks…”

“Well, I didn’t want to give away the surprise. Good to know you’re paying attention to my ass, though.” Sammy waggled her eyebrows at Sara, getting a blush from the woman in return. Sammy wasn’t really sure where the comment had come from, but she decided to relax and enjoy the afternoon, smiling at the stunned woman then turning deliberately to walking down to the dock in front of Sara. Motioning over her shoulder for Sara to follow, she couldn’t help but bask in the warm glow she already felt in her chest. Sammy hadn’t had this much fun in a long time, and they were just getting started.

Sara shook her head and followed suit, heading towards the various water craft docked near the restaurant. Stopping suddenly, Sammy climbed aboard a four-seater speedboat. Sara stood looking over the boat: it appeared to be an older model, but the seats seemed to have been redone in the same grey leather of the truck. The outside of the boat was a suspiciously familiar metallic blue. It was definitely Sammy’s.

“You have a boat!” Sara said, a little surprised.

Sammy smiled, her pride in the craft shining through her eyes.  “Yeah,” she confirmed. Sitting the cooler down, she rubbed the back of her neck, but she quickly stopped when she caught herself. Cursing herself for letting her nervousness show, she made a mental note for the hundredth time to stop the tic. “So, you are coming aboard, right?”

Sara looked around and laughed. “Why not?” Grabbing onto the taller woman’s hand, she hopped over the side, gracefully landing in the boat. She found it a bit strange that the steering wheel for the boat was on the right side, and taking a seat beside Sammy, she realized she wasn’t really sure what to expect. But, for once, she was glad she was just going with the flow.

Sammy untied the boat from the dock and sat behind the wheel, turning over the motor, causing the boat to shutter with an audible rumble from the massive motor. Her craft may have been on the smaller side, but it definitely made up for it in power. Looking over at Sara, Sammy felt another smile make its way to her face. “Ready for some speed?”

Tentatively, Sara answered, “Should I mention I get carsick now?”

Not able to keep a straight face, Sammy teased, “Well, good thing we aren’t in a car!” With that, she hit the throttle and headed out to the open water, the force pushing them both back on their seats. Sammy knew she was breaking all kinds of safety harbor rules, and would have gotten a ticket if the wrong person was around, but in that moment, she just didn’t care. The look on Sara’s face made any trouble she could get in worth it.

They sped around for a while, jumping waves, talking, and just enjoying the water. Sara couldn’t believe how breathtaking the river truly was. She hadn’t ever had a day to just go boating, even though her family lived fairly close to the Atlantic. Until this moment, Sara had never realized what she was missing.

Sammy, seeing the look on Sara’s face, quickly pulled her phone out of her pocket and snapped a photo. Sara looked amazing, and, for the first time in a long time, Sammy honestly wanted to remember this day.

“So you wanna learn to drive this thing?” Sammy asked, hoping to get yet another dazzling smile from the redhead.

Sara looked around, thinking somehow she must have spaced out while they had picked up another passenger. “What? Me?” she spluttered, surprised that Sammy would even consider letting her drive this beautiful machine.

Mimicking Sara, Sammy looked around the boat as she chuckled. “I don’t really see anyone else out here, do you?”

“Okay, but what if I hit something?” Sara was a little taken aback by the offer. She had never driven anything like this before in her life, and she was nervous that she’d ruin the spectacular day.

“I think you’re safe. Besides, I’ll stand behind you to help if you want.” Sammy pulled the throttle back, letting the boat slow to a steady drift. Standing up, she gestured for Sara to take her seat. “Come on, it’s easy.”

Reluctantly, Sara moved to the driver’s seat, wondering to herself if in fact it was still called the “driver’s seat.” She figured she should be listening to Sammy, but she couldn’t help but giggle.

Sammy squatted down beside Sara and leaned over, speaking softly as she told what each dial and lever by the wheel did. It was clear the woman had experience teaching others. Sara couldn’t keep from thinking how cute it was. Before Sara could wrap her mind around all of the instructions, Sammy was saying she was done. “That’s all you do. See, I told you easy!”

“Okay… Here we go!” Sara pushed on the throttle, but much harder than necessary, sending the boat lurching forward while causing Sammy to fall backwards.

“Shit! Slow down!”  She heard Sammy yell over the engine from the back, and the front of the boat came out of the water as the engine roared. Sara could feel her pulse thudding in her chest, and her mouth went dry, but in the face of the raw speed of the boat, Sara went blank.

“What do I do?” Sara yelled in a panic, her face turning pale.

Sammy pulled herself up, grabbing firmly onto the back of Sara’s seat, reaching over to gently pull the throttle back to a safe cruising speed. The bow of the boat finally returned back to resting in the water, with the prow sending a heavy spray of water into the cabin. Looking down, Sammy couldn’t help but start laughing at the look of horror that crossed Sara’s face.

“I never thought I’d be driving a boat!” Sara yelled the shock of her experience clearly visible on her face.

Sammy couldn’t help but tease, “Driving? Using the term loosely, I see.”

Grinning wickedly, with the adrenaline of being at the helm of such a powerful boat still thrumming through her veins, Sara stood up to face Sammy. She quickly drew her hands to Sammy’s sides, tickling the taller woman.

Grabbing hold of Sara’s arms, Sammy held her easily, saying, “Oh, no, you don’t!” Sammy pulled the shorter woman close to her, holding Sara against her chest. Sammy wondered if Sara could feel how hard her heart was beating at that moment.

Looking up into Sammy’s sparkling eyes, Sara realized for the first time that Sammy didn’t have her trademark sunglasses on. Taking a deep breath in, Sara smelt the musky, woodsy smell of Sammy’s cologne. Basking in the aroma, she was lost in a sea of blue looking down at her.

Sammy ducked her head, pulling closer to Sara’s, until she was close enough to feel her breath on her own lips. Then, as if being awakened from a trance, Sammy quickly pulled away, jerking like she’d been stung.  Letting go of the redhead’s arms, she immediately felt regret at the loss of contact, but Sammy knew what was about to happen, and she wouldn’t wish herself on anyone.

Sara’s head was whirling. One moment she’d expected to feel Sammy’s lips upon her own, the next, Sammy was standing a good three feet away from her, as far apart as they could be in the speedboat.

Sammy had turned cold once again, her mask firmly in place. “You hungry?” she asked. She’d been so happy to be out here just a few moments earlier, but now she was eager to get some distance.

“What?”

“There’s a really good hot dog stand on Hontoon Island, if you are.” God how lame can I be?

Looking into the now hard eyes, Sara answered “Yeah, sure… Sammy, what—”

Throwing up her hand, Sammy stopped Sara from finishing that sentence, knowing she couldn’t answer. “I’m sorry… I, I’m just sorry.” Sammy flopped down behind the wheel, throwing her attention into piloting the craft.

Sara didn’t know what to say; she couldn’t help but wondered if Sammy was reluctant to kiss her because of what she had told her the previous night? No, she’s not like that… A little evil voice rang in her ear, telling her she would never be good enough for anyone. As these thoughts spread through her mind, tears started forming in the corners of her sad eyes. Pulling herself together, Sara silently sat down, looking over the water that was once again speeding by, keeping her attention anywhere but on Sammy.

As Sammy pulled the boat into the nearby park, neither of them could disembark fast enough. Grabbing a few hot dogs, they ate in silence, an awkward atmosphere replacing the carefree one from before.

After a quick trip to the restroom, Sara stopped for a moment to just take in the surroundings; it was simply amazing.  The trees shaded the park just right, and it was really something you would see in a nature magazine. She suddenly felt unbelievably lucky to be here, even with the uncomfortable scene earlier.

Walking up beside her, Sammy shyly asked, “Do you want to walk around here? Or we could just head back…?” She felt like she had hurt Sara, but she didn’t know how to explain, nor how to fix it.

Sara smiled, trying to give the woman in front of her the benefit of doubt, despite the doubts and worries filling her head. “Would you mind if we looked around?”

“Not at all, I’d like that actually,” Sammy replied, happy that Sara was willing to spend time with her. 

They took a walk down one of the nature trails, taking in all of the sights, when Sara was amazed to spot an owl sleeping in a tree. She immediately pulled her camera out of her pocket and snapped a quick shot.

“So, you always carry that?” Sammy asked, intrigued that Sara would have brought it with them even when she didn’t know where they had been headed.

“Of course! Thank goodness I had my purse today, I’d have been sad not to have pictures of this,” Sara exclaimed, then smiled as she noticed a couple walking towards them. Camera in hand, she walked up to them. Pointing over at a very bashful Sammy, she asked, “Would you mind taking our picture?”

The older gentleman took the camera out of Sara’s hand as he responded, with a soft “Of course.”  Sara walked back over to Sammy, in front of the sleeping owl, and shyly wrapped her arm around the taller woman’s waist.  After the camera flashed, the man checked the picture on the display, then smiled, saying, “Looks good.”

Sara walked back to the man, thanking him as she pocketed the camera.

“Anytime. Have a good afternoon!” he said before he and his wife returned to walking along the path.

“I hope you didn’t mind…” Sara looked at the taller woman, who was blushing, if she was not mistaken.

“Isn’t it a little late to ask now?” Sammy asked, with a teasing tone to her question. She hoped the blush wasn’t too obvious, but she never seemed to be able to control her response to Sara’s touch.

“I guess you’re right!” Sara’s laugh filled the path around them.

Sammy looked down at her watch and noticed it was almost four. “I don’t want to, but I have to get back. It’s a bit of a ride back to the marina, and I have to work early.” With a small smirk, she added, “I have this client; she keeps me working even through the weekend on this old junk heap of a house.”

With a small snort of indignation, Sara jokingly shoved the tall Marine’s arm, before dropping the scowl as she unexpectedly yawned.

Sara couldn’t help but feel a little sad that the day had to end, but knowing that she, too, had to work early, couldn’t really argue. Truth be told, she was exhausted. It wasn’t as if the weekend had been easy on either of them.

“Okay, but will you take me back out here again sometime? I mean, in between all the other women I’m sure you bring out here.” She had meant to continue the banter between them, but there was no mistaking the slightly jealous tone to the question. Why do I care who she brings out here?

Rubbing the back of her neck, Sammy shook her head. “I don’t bring women out here. I mean, I never have before. This is my place, where I can think, and after last night…I thought you might need a place to think too.” Sammy’s face was the same bright red as Sara’s hair. Hurriedly, she continued, hoping to be able to explain herself. “I’m not doing this very well. Uh, what I mean to say, is… yes, I’ll bring you back.” What was it about this woman that made her mouth go off without thinking? 

Sara walked over and wrapped her arms around Sammy’s waist, hugging her tightly, taking in the smell that was unique to the woman and intoxicating to Sara.

Sammy’s feelings betrayed her as she hugged Sara back just as tight. As they stood there, wrapped in a close embrace, the walls Sammy had spent years building up cracked ever so slightly, and truth be told, it scared the hell out of her.

Chapter 7

The inside of a Humvee always smelled like diesel fuel. Sammy crinkled her nose at the fumes that she could never get used to, but it sure beat standing outside in the sun. Here at least, although almost as dusty and sweltering inside as out, she got to rest her legs. As the bumps and dips of the road rattled through the vehicle, she fought to keep her eyes open. The road to Fallujah was no picnic, but the exhaustion from the trip was catching up to her. Just as she almost drifted to sleep, Steve tapped her shoulder, waking her up to hand her a protein bar.

“Wake up!” he smiled sweetly at her.

Wiping the sleep off her face with her free hand, she gave a check of their surroundings and then looked around at her squad. Everything seemed status normal, so she allowed herself to relax once more and rip into the small snack.

“Don’t worry, Sargent, I’m awake. I’m just really looking forward to seeing my bunk!” And she was… although, in reality, she was more excited to see the new MP from Kilo who she’d met in that same bunk just a few short days ago.

Everyone in the truck smiled, each looking forward to a little break. They made their way into the small Iraqi town; Sammy couldn’t shake a horrible feeling, especially as they crossed over a long metal bridge, a tactical weak point. It certainly didn’t help that it sounded as if it would fall apart under the Humvee’s weight.

They all felt that this city was cursed. It was a fact of living out here that you learned quickly or you died. After making it safely across the bridge and pulling past several blocks of the outskirts of the city, gunfire could be clearly heard nearby. It was time to roll. But she didn’t even have to speak an order – looking back in the car, she could see each of the soldiers under her command checking their equipment and getting into position, ready for whatever fresh hell they would find.

Out of the passenger side window she spotted a little boy playing with a soccer ball in the street, and for a brief moment, she smiled. Funny how just a few blocks away, all hell was breaking loose.

Pulling into a good strategic position, she radioed the other Humvee to park sideways at the corner so they could block off one end of the street. Like a well-oiled machine, her squad knew what to do, gathering their weapons, ready and awaiting Sammy’s orders.

“Listen up,” she said with authority, her features hardening and her voice taking on an edge as she switched into battle mode. It was times like this that you could understand why she’d made officer, and why her squads always performed well. The rest of the time she may try to smile and be a pal, but when the stakes were high, she had this ability to speak and inspire obedience. Looking at Steve, she ordered, “Sargent, you’re going to stay here.” She pointed to four other members of the squad. “You guys stay as well. Anyone tries to get out of this alley, consider them hostile. Light ’em up, you hear me? The rest of you are coming with me.”

After double-checking that everyone understood her orders, she reached for the radio on her shoulder. “Bravo 5032, this is Bravo 5016. Do you copy, over? ... 5032, do you copy, over?”

Steve shook his head at the malfunctioning radio. “You’d think we could afford better radios, the sand fucks these up!” he gave voice to the complaint everyone had.

Sammy frowned, knowing he was right. But they had to make do with what they had been given. “Alright, we are going to head down—” she started to say, but her words were cut off as the radios throughout the squad squawked to life. “16 . . . heavy fire . . be advised . .  .air support,” the jumbled words were mostly unintelligible before being silenced completely by more static.

Shaking her head, Sammy tried her radio one more time. “32, I did not copy, please repeat,” she spoke, carefully scoping out the surroundings. Something just didn’t feel right.

Steve picked up on this. “Everything okay, LT?”

Sammy rubbed the back of her neck; she didn’t want to spook the squad, but she decided it would be better to be honest. “No, I don’t like this.” She glanced around at the group. “We don’t have a choice, we have to move on their last known position. Check your ammo, keep your eyes open. Keep ’em safe, Sergeant.”

Steve smiled briefly back at his friend. “Only if beer is on you tonight, LT,” he said, causing the team to smile up at Sammy.

“Roger that, fellas,” she replied with a tight nod. Tipping her hand at Steve and the crew, her next words echoed with command.  “Let’s move!”

The five members of the team that were coming with her used the wall of a mosque for cover, slowly making their way down towards the firefight. Just as they rounded the corner, Sammy spotted the ranger squad pinned down about two blocks away. Using hand signals to alert her team, she looked at the building beside the mosque: most of it had been blown to bits, but a stairwell leading to a small cove on the second floor was still standing. It would give them good tactical position to take out whoever was shooting at the squad pinned down, as well as cover.

Sammy pointed to the mosque, and then moved her hand up and forward, giving the command to move out. The team made their way up the stairs carefully, checking the corners for holed up allies or an ambush. At the top level, the Lieutenant gave a signal with her arm and palm pointing in each of the four directions: disperse. Her soldiers reacted quickly, setting up in squatting positions that minimized the enemy’s ability to detect their presence while keeping someone on look out in each direction. Very quietly, Sammy tried once again to radio the squad. “32, this is 16. Do you copy?”

After a few tense moments, a husky male’s voice came through. “Roger 32, we copy. Sure is good to hear a friendly voice!” Sammy smiled as she recognized her friend’s voice over the radio.

 “We’re here to get your ass outta that hole you made. My guys are gonna provide cover fire. Do you see the mosque just behind you to your left?” she asked, adrenaline thudding through her veins.

“Roger, 32, we see it.”

“Great, make a run for that. We have transport waiting, 32,” she responded, but quickly threw down the radio as she noticed the glint from a sight from the roof of a building across the street.

“Fire at will!” Sammy ordered, emphasizing it with a sweeping motion with her right arm. As the sounds of gunfire and the burning stench of powder filled the air, Sammy was barely able to detect the sudden whiz of a bullet going past her face, but she ducked down on instinct. As she ducked, she was sprayed with a fine mist of blood from the young private who had been on her six. There was no mistaking the wound from a high-velocity sniper rifle: the .50 caliber bullet had exploded on impact, tearing through the boy’s forehead and killing him instantly.

She screamed, “Sniper! Shit, everyone get the fuck down!”

Sammy jolted awake, gasping for breath. She quickly turned her bedside lamp on and tore the top off her bottle water she kept nearby, drinking almost the entire bottle before taking a breath. Water ran out of the sides of her mouth as she stood up, still panting and looking at the shadows in her room with suspicion, looking for her gear. Reflexively pulling at her t-shirt, she realized it was sticking to her because she was completely drenched in sweat.

The shaking of her hands made it difficult to pull the shirt off, as the horror of her dream started setting in. The red numbers of the clock reminded her that it was only a little after one in the morning, almost mocking her inability to sleep.

“Damn,” she muttered harshly to herself, stumbling to the bathroom. She splashed cool water on her face, trying to rinse off the blood and guilt from her dreams, both figments she couldn’t get rid of. She hoped the cool water would be enough to calm her down so sleep could find her again; the disorientation she felt when she woke was often enough to keep her from falling asleep for several hours.

Filling both hands with the cool liquid, she poured it on her head first, then her face, letting it dribble down onto her neck and chest, then wiped away the excess water and sweat with a towel. Sammy reached for a clean, grey shirt, silently wondering what the point of even trying to sleep anymore was.

Turning back to look into the mirror, a loud gasp left her mouth when she saw Steve standing behind her in full combat gear, blood running out of his mouth and his neck torn open on the side. Her eyes grew wide as she turned to face him, her mind freezing at the horror of his wounds. “Steve?” she could barely whisper, unable to comprehend what she was seeing but equally unable to turn away.

Steve had none of the friendliness and optimism that had made him a favorite among the company. “You can’t protect her. You couldn’t protect me,” came the words, hollow and accusing.

Sammy’s voice cracked as she pleaded, “I tried! I tried to save you!” She had to make him understand, he had to know how hard she had tried.

Steve didn’t seem to hear her as his voice echoed coldly throughout the small room, and his eyes looked as if they were a million miles away. “You will fail her, just like you failed me. You failed all of us.”

Sammy reached out for the figure, desperate to reassure him and herself, begging for him to stop. Suddenly, Sammy’s world went bright white and she bolted straight up in bed, quiet pleas of forgiveness and help tumbling from her mouth. Realizing where she was, Sammy looked around at her bedroom, trying to figure out what had happened and how she’d gotten here. Her heart pounded so hard that her white shirt moved up and down in rhythm. She tried hard to control her ragged breathing, but she couldn’t tame the loud thundering of her heartbeat. Reaching over, she turned the light on and glanced at the clock:  5:17 A.M; rubbing her eyes, she felt at a loss. It was so… real, and it scared her, more than any of her other dreams.

Dread filled her body as Steve’s words echoed through her mind. She found herself reaching over for her phone, almost out of instinct. As she pulled up Sara’s number from her contacts, the picture she had taken just hours ago of the redhead sitting with her feet up in the boat displayed on the screen.

Sammy wanted to hear her voice and almost called. But just as she went to push the call button, raged filled her exhausted body, stopping her. She knew better than to let herself feel something! If you cared, you hurt, or you got other people hurt. Throwing the phone with all of her might, it hit the wall and shattered, as the pieces fell to the floor, she felt the floodgates crumble within her, and Sammy finally let herself cry.

∞

Standing on the job site the next day, Sammy still wasn’t sure how she had made it to work at all. Inside the house, the crew was busy putting up the new paneling and laying carpet, and she was supposed to be making an inspection on the overall progress.

Deciding it would be best to throw herself into her work, she carefully walked the outside perimeter of the house, marking on her clipboard what had been done as she went along. The process was time consuming, and she left nothing to chance, personally checking that the work had been done right the first time.

Finishing the exterior, she knew that next she would need to check the order status for the kitchen appliances before doing the interior inspection, but it was time for lunch and she was grateful for a break.

Sammy threw her clipboard in the back of her truck and grabbed her lunch box, heading over to the park. She just needed a few minutes to herself, not only because of the pounding headache she’d woken up to, but also for a chance to get away from the job. Everything that could go wrong today had, from several workers calling in sick or just not turning up on site to the wrong style of materials being ordered. Add to that the fact that her eyes felt like they would burn through her head under the Florida sun, it was a real winner of a day all around.

Deciding lunch was the last thing she wanted, she sat the soft padded box on the edge of the bench to form a makeshift pillow; laying down the full length of the bench, she pulled her baseball cap over her bloodshot eyes that were hidden behind her sunglasses.

“Thirty minutes. I just need thirty minutes.”

∞

Sara walked in the guesthouse, happy she had gotten out of work a little early. It would be nice to catch Sammy before she left, and perhaps if she was lucky they could have dinner together. Sara’s smiled brightened as she thought of the construction happening outside; the house was starting to come together, and it made her truly happy. Her grandmother would have been proud to see her home restored back to its former glory.           

Setting her briefcase on the small, full-sized bed, part of her wanted to just curl up and go to sleep. The past weekend had been stressful, to say the least, and she was exhausted. However, the other, more dominant part wanted to go and find Sammy. Even thinking about the woman’s name brought a smile to her face.

The time they had spent together on Sunday had been the best time she had experienced in years. It had taken her by surprise that she had let Sammy in so easily; she wasn’t exactly the type of woman Sara normally lusted after. Chuckling to herself, she realized she hadn’t felt those feelings of attraction at all recently, so she took it as a sign of healing, too.

Sara hadn’t been prepared for the feelings she was having for the woman, but for the first time in longer than she could remember, she’d actually had fun on Sunday. It had been freeing to not have to live up to anyone’s expectations. Sammy seemed content to accept her as she was; horrible and all.

Walking over to the tiny closet, she decided to put on some jeans and her old Harvard t-shirt. She quickly pulled her hair out of the ponytail it had been in all day and let it hang down her back. Running her fingers through her hair, she tried to work the kinks out of it, going for a casual look.

Back in the main house, Sara spotted Ricardo as she walked in looking for Sammy; Ricardo was busy at work measuring the area where the new bar would be. Sara proudly beamed when she spoke, “It’s looking like a new house!”

Ricardo smiled at the kind words, turning to face her. This woman was by far nicer than the last three homeowners he had been around. “We’re trying! The boss has had us hopping today, but then she disappeared at lunch,” he replied as he shook his head. “Not like her to just walk off.”

Sara was a little concerned, to say the least. Disappearing on the job was really out of character for Sammy. “Oh? I was just looking for her actually.”

“You and everyone else. If you find her, let us know,” Ricardo said, trying and failing to hide his annoyance.

“Will do. Keep up the good work.” Sara smiled, taking in the renovations as she walked out to the front yard.  Pulling her phone from her pocket, she dialed Sammy’s number as she checked the mail. All she got was the woman’s voicemail. But she saw Sammy’s Tundra still in the driveway, so she couldn’t have gotten far.

Suddenly getting an idea, she walked over to the park they had shared lunch in last week. Sara wished she could see around the thick trees and hedges the city maintained to keep the park secluded and shaded. As she pushed through the white wrought-iron gate to go in, her heart smiled at the sight of Sammy sleeping on a bench.

Walking over to the woman, she heard a faint snore. “Sammy?” she said softly as she squatted down beside of the bench, trying to rouse her gently. “Sammy?” Still no movement.  Sara couldn’t help but giggle at how cute Sammy looked when she was asleep. Reaching up, she slowly removed the baseball cap covering her face, then reached her other hand over and tickled Sammy’s nose.

Suddenly, Sara was thrust backwards, almost taken off of her feet as Sammy grabbed her wrist, squeezing tightly. She couldn’t see behind the sunglasses, but she was sure that Sammy wasn’t yet awake. The taller woman rolled off of the bench, pinning her down on the grass with her body weight and the tight grasp on her wrists. Sara’s wrist throbbed painfully at the vise-like grip, but as she struggled, Sammy’s grip only got tighter.

“Sammy, its Sara. Let go, please! You’re hurting me!” she pleaded, her voice panicked as she tried to get through to the woman holding her down. Sara felt her own breaths coming quicker and shallower, but she couldn’t move at all. She was completely overpowered.

After what seemed like an eternity of trying to snap Sammy out of it, the former soldier finally came to her senses, realizing her surroundings. Jumping off of Sara like she had been burned, Sammy immediately let go of Sara’s hand, stumbling back, putting distance between herself and the redhead. Frantically, she asked, “My god, Sara are you okay? I’m so sorry!” Her face went pale as she realized, Steve was right. I can’t protect her from myself.

Sara was shaken, but tried her best to put on a good front. She had seen that haunted look in her patients’ faces before, and she knew her reaction would be crucial. Looking at the trembling woman before her directly, Sara asserted, “Sammy, I’m okay.” She made sure to use Sammy’s name, speaking in low, gentle tones, hoping it would help pull her out of the shock she must be feeling.

In response, Sammy leaned down, pulling the smaller woman in her arms in order to carefully help her up. Looking her over warily, Sammy wanted to make sure she hadn’t hurt her as bad as she thought she had.

Sitting down on the bench, Sara couldn’t repress a small grimace of pain as her left hand went to massage the right. She tried to move it in short movements, but pain jolted up her arm. At least being able to move it was a good sign. She looked over at Sammy, who sat down beside her avoiding eye contact. “What happened?”

“Reflexes, that’s all,” Sammy said shortly, trying to stop that conversation before it started. In her mind, she had been in Iraq again, with the gunfire, screams from dying friends, and just plain evil filling her mind. But there was no way in hell she wanted to worry about that now; she had hurt Sara, and it killed her inside.

“I’m not worried about me. Are you okay? I mean, really okay?” Sammy asked worriedly, deflecting the questions while trying to triple-check Sara’s injuries.

Sara wiggled her wrist in front of Sammy a little, the dull pain showing on her face. “I think it’s sprained, but other than that, I’m fine. Really.” She pasted a smile on to reassure Sammy.

Sammy pulled her glasses off and rubbed her eyes. Without the sunglasses, Sara could see the dark circle and poufy bags under her eyes, and in an instant, she finally understood. It was more than just the bench and being startled awake. Sammy was starting to unravel, and she couldn’t hide the embarrassment she felt at not being in control.

When she turned to look at Sara, her eyes shone with fear and self-hatred.  “I would never, never on purpose… I would never hurt you. Please know that.”

The troubled look in Sammy’s eyes broke Sara’s heart. She knew Sammy needed to talk, but she wasn’t sure to whom. “I know that,” Sara said with conviction, hoping Sammy would see that she didn’t blame her for what had happened.

Sammy’s posture tightened and she pulled her sunglasses back on. Why can’t she just get angry? Why won’t she blame me? I’m just a fuck up, she needs to learn that. Sammy couldn’t let herself accept the younger woman’s kindness again, let herself hurt her again.

“I need to take you to the hospital. I’d feel better if they x-rayed your hand, just to be sure,” Sammy said, the words cold and clipped.

Sara’s heart broke more at the response, seeing just how hard Sammy was taking the guilt and blame.  “No, I really don’t think it’s broken,” she tried to persuade her, hoping that Sammy would be able to see that it was only a minor issue, no harm done.

Nodding, Sammy let out a defeated sigh before answering weakly, “If you’re sure. I should get back over to the site.” Reaching down and retrieving the baseball cap that had fallen on the ground, Sammy whacked it against her hand a couple of times to try to get out some of the dirt before placing the dusty white cap back on her head.

Sara stood up beside Sammy. Touching Sammy’s arm, she said, “I’ll walk with you,” but Sammy just shrugged off her hand.

“Sara, I can’t. I really… can’t,” Sammy tried to explain, searching for words that wouldn’t come. She needed to make Sara understand. “I’m no good for anyone, especially you Sara. I’m good at my job, but that’s about where I end. I’m nothing, not anymore. I wish it was different. God, how I wish it was…I…Need you to understand…” Sammy paused; she truly didn’t know what to say.

Sara’s heart was breaking. So much pain could be seen in Sammy’s face, and she wasn’t sure if anything she could do would help her. Placing her hand under Sammy’s chin, she brought the woman’s eyes in line with her own. “You might not see it, but you are something. You helped me when I didn’t feel safe with anyone. Somehow, I felt safe with you. I know we don’t know each other that well, but please, Sammy, just… Please, I’m here!” Her words became more desperate as Sara spoke, wanting the taller woman to see all of the good qualities she had: her generosity, even in small things like with Tilly, how quick she was to rush to Sara’s side when she needed help the most.

Tilting her head so that for a brief moment it was cupped by Sara’s warm hand and breathing in the lavender on the redhead’s skin, Sammy felt a brief longing to tell the woman everything about her life, the ups and the downs, the good and the horrible. A longing to finally let her guard down. But then those damn words echoed again, resounding deep in her soul: You will fail her. No, she wouldn’t let this happen again! Sammy jerked back from Sara, with a fire in her eyes.

“Just listen to me, for Christ’s sake. Back the fuck off, Sara!” Storming off, Sammy prayed Sara couldn’t see the tears flowing from her eyes. She had hurt her once, and never would she let it happen again. Even if it broke what was left of her heart, Sammy would walk away.

Standing by the park bench, Sara was in horrible pain, more so from her heart than her wrist. Less than twenty minutes ago, she had hoped that her life had finally taken a track she could be happy with again. Now here she was, alone and feeling helpless. She laid her head back and looked up at the sky, watching the clouds roll by. Deciding she had sat there long enough, she remembered the crude advise her grandmother had always given her: Piss, or get off the pot.

Making her way to the house, she texted the one person she had always been able to turn to, knowing that she needed a friend to help her sort out the mess she had made.

∞

An hour later, Sara found herself sitting in the booth at a local sports bar, known for a decent happy hour and a great burger. And even with the scene in the park and the confrontation with Julia, tonight she found herself laughing. It could have had something to do with the fact she was nursing her fourth margarita, but she couldn’t be bothered to care. Too much had built up around her lies of being alright. Tonight was just about letting herself feel, for good or for bad.

She looked across the table to her best friend Mary, who had her curly brown hair teased so much she looked like she belonged in an old eighties movie. She wore a bright spandex top, cut so low that Sara wasn’t sure how it was staying on her voluptuous breasts. When Mary went out for a drink, she made sure she was dressed to kill.

Despite their somewhat contrasting personalities, the two had been inseparable friends since high school, and some things never changed. Even when Sara had gone away to Harvard on full scholarship, they’d always kept in touch. Mary had stayed behind to work on her family’s dairy farm while taking classes at the University of Central Florida to get her teaching degree. Now, she taught energetic fifth graders at the local elementary school, meaning a night out was always a welcome suggestion.

Mary took another sip of her whiskey and Coke before launching back into the story she had been telling. “So, as he’s lying on top of me, heaving and hoeing, I look at the clock and think: Oh, god, I’m missing that dancing show!” By this point, Mary hooted loudly with laughter, Sara joining in with her. “And damn if that show wouldn’t have been more entertaining than that moron.”

Sara shook her head at her friend, tears flowing from her eyes and her stomach hurting from laughing so much. She noticed an older couple sitting behind Mary, looking very displeased with the story’s content and volume, but she just couldn’t stop laughing. She would be the responsible one some other night.

“When he finally finished, he had the nerve to ask me to pay for the mini bar drinks! God, I hate teaching conferences! The only straight man there and he’s a dud! If this is what we do to get laid, then I should’ve picked another profession,” she finished, snorting as she took another sip. Wiping her mouth from the alcohol dribbling out of the corners of her mouth, Mary immediately took out a garish red lipstick from her bag, perfectly applying the Fire and Ice color on her full lips. “So, I’ve told you about all my stories. You, however, have been too quiet. What’s up? Girl issues? Work issues? Spill it.” Mary threw a mock glare at Sara as she placed the lipstick tube back in her purse, before leaning her head on her arms, a look of concentration on her face.

Looking into her friend’s thoughtful brown eyes, Sara knew that all of the stories had been a cunning ploy to loosen her up before this question was asked. She wasn’t sure, now that it was her turn to spill, that she was ready to answer them, though. “I don’t know, I guess it’s just stress. You know, with the house remodel and all.”

A wicked grin crossed Mary’s face. “Bullshit. What’s really going on, Sara?”

Knowing she couldn’t lie to her friend, Sara kept her eyes focused on the table as she said in a hurried monotone, “Julia found me.”

“What…the…fuck?! How?” The words came out of Mary’s mouth louder than she had intended, causing people from around the bar to look towards their table.

Sara’s eyes once again met those of the older couple, who were now glaring at the women. Mouthing an apology to them, she turned back to her friend and answered, “I’m not sure how.”

Taking another sip of her drink, Mary was more than annoyed.  “I bet it was your dirt bag parents,” she said with a sneer. Ever since the shit that had gone down when Sara had come out as a teen, Mary had lost all respect for Sara’s family.

“No, I don’t think—” Sara started to say, but the words caught in her throat as she considered the situation. Her parents were wealthy, and appearance meant everything to them. They probably would cave to a well-crafted story from the affluent doctor. “You think?”

“Well, they basically disowned you for being gay, and sent you down here to live with your grandmother so you couldn’t ‘embarrass’ them, then came around when you started dating someone who was rich and prestigious. Then they told you to get lost again when you moved back here! You tell me, sweetie. God, I get whiplash when I think of your family! I can’t keep track of whether they love you or hate you this week,” Mary said bitterly, then gulped down the last of her drink.

“I feel sick,” Sara whispered, rubbing her temples in a vain effort to keep a headache at bay.

“I would too, if they were my family!” Realizing the magnitude of this situation, Mary reached across the table to gently squeeze Sara’s hand. “I’m here, you know.”

∞

Walking into the restaurant, Sammy looked around to see how crowded it was. She didn’t usually stop at the sports bar, the gay bar downtown was more her speed, but today she had been too upset to deal with more women issues, and she just wanted to drink. As she surveyed the layout for an open seat, she was surprised to spot Sara at a table with another woman.

This would be the perfect time to apologize, Sammy thought, and she started to make a beeline towards the table— until she saw them holding hands. Suddenly, rage filled her body. She turned on her heels and walked out faster than she walked in, her thoughts screaming: I’m so fucking stupid. Why did I think she would want me anyway?

Slamming the door as she got back in her truck, she knew she needed a drink. That’s why she had stopped by the restaurant in the first place. She knew she didn’t have any right to question the redhead, but she couldn’t help feeling stricken as the truth slowly dawned on her: Sara hadn’t felt anything for her. For the second time in one day, Sammy wanted to cry, but instead she started up the truck and headed downtown to the small gay bar that had become her haven.

∞

Sara smiled as she patted her friend’s hand. “Thanks. I just think sometimes my family would have rather had Julia for a daughter than me.” Sara hated how her ex had become relevant in her life again. She had prayed fervently that she would have never have to deal with the woman again, and she just wasn’t ready for the reality of having to deal with the abuse she had suffered at her hands.

“Then they are the stupid ones, Sara,” Mary said, her usual confidence bolstered with the warm buzz of liquor.

Even thinking over that horrible afternoon, Sara had to smile as she thought of Sammy. “I was just glad Sammy was with me. I really don’t know what I would have done otherwise when Julia showed up.”

Mary slowly put her glass down, looking bewildered. She had heard about this woman, and couldn’t help but tease. “Sammy? As in the cute contractor who works for your secretary’s husband? That Sammy?”

“Yeah.” What was so hard to understand about that, Sara wondered.

Raising an eyebrow, the flamboyant woman couldn’t help but get the wrong idea. “What was she doing at your house on a Saturday? The only reason my contractor ever came over on a Saturday was for a booty call,” Mary said with a wicked smile. Suddenly a look of comprehension sparked on her face, Mary almost bounced in her chair at the happy thought of her friend getting laid. “Sara! It was a booty call! We have to get more drinks to celebrate,” she almost yelled, making Sara want to slink down in her chair to avoid the looks of the people around them. Before she knew what happened, Mary had already ordered another round, despite her protests.

“Stop it! It’s not like that. We just went to the hardware store together.” Sara tried to explain as the waiter left, but she could tell by her friend’s raised eyebrows that she had somehow only made the situation worse.

“Boy, Sara, I didn’t know you went for that kind of lesbian! Things sure have changed since high school,” Mary teased, before taking a sip of the new drink the waiter had brought her. Mary couldn’t help playing dumb to get Sara riled up.

“Not that kind of hardware store, you perve!” Trying her hardest not to laugh, Sara took another sip of her drink, hiding a smile behind the glass rim.

“Oh, damn it all to hell! Here I thought I was going to hear something juicy!” Both women couldn’t hold on any longer, and peals of laughter broke out. But the laughter was short-lived and Mary’s face turned serious as she asked, “So what happened? When Julia showed up, I mean?”

“I slapped her. It felt… amazing.” Sara smiled as she remembered how great it had felt to finally stand up to the woman, even if it was only a minor victory.

“Hot damn! Now were talking!” Mary was now practically vibrating with excitement. The older couple behind her had finally had enough and decided to leave, glaring at the women as they passed. Mary, ever the clown, just stuck her tongue out at them. Turning her attention back to Sara, she gave a brief apologetic smile, and then gestured for her friend to finish her story.

“Julia wanted to call the cops, but Sammy stepped in, and she’s kind of muscular, so Julia backed down. I mean, she practically ran out of the house.”

“I wish I could’ve seen this!”

“So, after Julia left, everything came back to me. I was right back to the night it happened... But Sammy didn’t even bat an eye; she just held onto me and took me back to her apartment. She just took care of me… Mary, she doesn’t even realize how kind she is. Then on Sunday, we went out on her boat. It was just an amazing day, especially since how the weekend started, you know.”

Mary didn’t like the tone in her friend’s voice. “I’m sensing a ‘but’ coming.”

Sara quickly outlined what had happened in the park, then held up her bruised wrist.

 “Wow, no wonder you needed some drinks! So, the woman has a bad case of nightmares?” A slight crinkle crossed Mary’s brow at the thought of her getting hurt again. Mary never wanted Sara to feel anything but love, but so far that part of her life had been a bust. Perhaps I’m just overprotective.

“It’s not dreaming, not from a clinical standpoint. It was a flashback.” Taking a deep breath, Sara decided to just come clean, although she knew Mary was not going to be pleased. “I snooped in her medicine cabinet when I was at her apartment. She has PTSD meds from the Tampa Veterans’ Hospital,” she said guiltily, slowly putting her head down like a child waiting to be scolded.

“Whoa, Nelly! You snooped?” Her strict teacher’s voice came out, as she chided, “Sara, you know better than anyone that that’s not the right way to find out about someone’s history, especially with her taking those kinds of meds!”

“I know, and I wanted to tell her, I just… I couldn’t.” Even though she was trying to defend herself, Sara still couldn’t find the words to make it right. The excuse sounded lame and hollow even to her.

Mary saw the torment in Sara’s face. She felt bad that her friend was hurting; however, if they were dealing with a person with mental problems, all bets were off. “Do you think she realized her meds had been moved? Perhaps that’s why she went crazy?”

“No, I really don’t think that. She was completely asleep.” Sara searched her brain for the words to say that would make Mary understand. Defeated, Sara looked down at the table, tears threatening to flow from her eyes. 

“Honey, I think what Sammy did for you with Julia was great, but don’t you think maybe you need a little less crazy in your life?” Mary couldn’t help but worry about her friend. Sara was family to her, and this was a whole new ball game.

Shaking her head at Mary’s harsh comments, she wanted her friend to understand that Sammy wasn’t crazy. She knew that in her heart, as well as from a professional point of view. Putting every ounce of courage into her voice, she looked stoically at Mary.  “She’s not crazy, unless you are going to start doubting my credentials. Besides, I don’t know what I need. Hell, she’s not even my type. But the more we spend time together, the more I realize how much I am enjoying her company. I wasn’t prepared for what happened this afternoon, but I’m not going to let that ruin our friendship.”

Sara paused, her own words making her second guess herself. Cute, kind, caring… what about Sammy made her not my type? Was it because she was more on the butch side? Sara always prided herself on her insistence that she wouldn’t judge people for their appearance, but she had to admit that she always somehow ended up dating femme girls. Another sigh left her lips.  “I mean I think, I don’t know, maybe I like her? I mean, she’s hard not to like looks-wise, just more butch then I normally go for. . . I don’t know what I mean….”

Mary chuckled knowingly. She’s got it bad, and she doesn’t even realize it. Trying to keep things lighthearted, she joked, “Maybe you just need a trip to the other kind of hardware store?”

A deep blush settled on Sara’s face, but before she could respond, their food finally arrived, along with a fresh round of drinks. As the dug in, the conversation drifted into more lighthearted venues.

The two women were so busy enjoying the food and chatting about trivial things, neither one noticed the danger that sat just a few booths down.

∞

Sitting at the local lesbian bar downtown, Sammy was chugging down her fifth beer, followed by a shot of whiskey. Her third shot, in fact. She wasn’t sure it was such a good idea to be drinking so heavily, with the lights of the dingy bar dancing and swaying at an alarming rate, but she couldn’t be bothered to care. She motioned for the bartender to set her up with another round, sucking on a lemon slice as she waited.

Luckily, she had prepared in advance by emailing Paul before she arrived with an excuse about being out ‘sick’ tomorrow, but she doubted she’d even have a mild hangover, no matter how many she put back. Being able to hold her liquor was a perk from her time in the service.

Cigarette smoke, on the other hand, still sent her into coughing fits, and here it hung heavy like the fog on a deserted island. She hated smoke; it reminded her too much of her father. During the few short weeks she had spent with him as a child, he had chain-smoked constantly, and to this day the smell left a bitter taste in her mouth.

But yet, somehow she found herself here week after week. After all, this was the best place to come to meet up with women who didn’t want anything from her besides a quick lay. And that’s all I’m good for, anyway.

She’d already been approached by a few girls tonight, even. As she downed another shot, she wondered why she hadn’t taken them up on their offer. But she couldn’t let her mind go to the real reason, the pain in her chest that had driven her to drink so heavily tonight.

Sammy instinctively reached for her phone, but came up empty. Frustration hit her as she remembered how she had busted it to pieces, but she hadn’t really had time to look into a replacement. It wasn’t like she got so many calls either, except for work.

Taking another long pull on her beer, she looked around the bar. She could see a few others like her, trying to drown whatever might be eating at them. The square dance-floor was dead, but it usually was on Monday nights.

Mostly, everyone who was looking for someone to hook up with had already found them and had headed somewhere private.

As the alcohol suddenly started to hit her, she decided to go to the room behind her and play a few games of pool. It always seemed to clear her head. The small bar looked as if it hadn’t been updated since the eighties; it still housed an old school jukebox. The only new upgrade came last year; the carpet had been replaced with hardwood flooring. It wasn’t a bad place, just everything felt old and used, it fit with Sammy and how she felt inside, and she supposed it was why she always came back.

Leaning down over the pool table to line up the perfect break, Sammy drew her arm back in a quick, fluid motion and hit the balls with all of her might. It felt damn good to hit something. A few of the solid pool balls were knocked into the pockets, but mostly the wooden balls just scattered around the table.

Satisfied with the break, she reached behind her to a small round table to congratulate herself with another swig of beer.

“Can I get you another?” asked the petite black-haired bartender as she walked up to Sammy. As she spoke, she gave the taller woman the same flirty smile she had been beaming at her all night.

Sammy wasn’t really in the mood for flirting. Avoiding the bartender’s gaze, she answered flatly, “Yeah, that’d be good.”

The woman just continued smiling, either not hearing the disinterest in Sammy’s voice or not caring.

The bartender swayed her hips as she walked away, ignoring a few of the other patrons in her determination. Shortly, she returned with the beer and an extra shot for Sammy on a serving tray. She put the tray down on the small table and stood watching the ex-soldier as she made her next shot.

“I can take a break, if you’re interested?” she seductively whispered, as she leaned into Sammy’s personal space and put a well-manicured hand on her arm.

Sammy knew she cared nothing about the bartender, but the need to feel something, anything, was overwhelming. Still leaning over the pool table, Sammy turned her head slightly to face the woman, who boldly closed the gap between them to kiss.

The kiss quickly turned heated, and Sammy stood up, pulling the smaller woman into her strong embrace. She pushed the nameless woman into the wall behind her, passionately kissing her while circling her wanting hands around the woman’s delicate waist.

Pulling away slightly as Sammy kissed her neck, desire filled the woman’s voice, “Whoa, slow down, tiger!” Clearly enjoying what the taller woman was doing to her body, she rubbed her hands down Sammy’s lower back and into her pockets, pulling her hips closer to her own.  Breathless as she spoke, she ordered, “Bathroom. Now.”

Sammy let the smaller woman go and followed her like a horny teenager to the bathroom. They went into the larger accessible stall, as the music from the bar resounded loud enough in the small tiled space to make the walls rattle with the bass.

Once again pinning the smaller girl up against the wall, Sammy ripped open the snaps of the blue checkered western shirt the girl was wearing, kissing her neck with bruising power. Her hands wandered to the woman’s ample breasts, kneading them through her black silk bra. Sammy trailed kisses down her neck to her chest, skirting the lace around the bra with her tongue, before pulling it down just enough to suck on one of the erect nipples.

“God, that’s amazing,” the bartender moaned. As she got lost in the waves of arousal, her long fingernails raked down Sammy’s neck, digging deep enough into her skin to draw blood, but both were too far gone to notice.

Neither of the women was in the mood for “making love.” Sensing this, Sammy’s hands made their way to the girl’s leather skirt. Instead of trying to unzip it, she slid her hand underneath, using one of her own legs to spread the petite woman’s legs wider. In one swift motion, she had her hand down the sheer stockings, brushing against the woman’s pussy lightly, just enough to feel the wetness forming between her legs. As she rubbed antagonizing slow circles up and down the woman’s lower lips, Sammy bit harder on the nipple in her mouth, teasing it with her tongue.

The bartender couldn’t stand it any longer, her knees buckling from pleasure. “No more teasing! Fuck me!” she yelled, her cries echoing around the empty bathroom.

Sammy didn’t need to be told twice. With sudden ferocity, she ripped the pantyhose out of the way and kneeled down, trailing kisses as she made her way to black curls. Using her tongue, she explored the pink folds of her lips, but as she felt the woman’s hand dig into her head with insistence, she shifted over to the woman’s clit. Sammy worked like the expert she was, sucking and stroking it with her tongue. As the woman’s cries of pleasure became louder and more frequent, she pushed a few fingers in hard and deep. That was all it took, and Sammy felt waves of cum flow over her fingers and her face as the woman screamed in ecstasy.

After a few minutes of heavy panting, the bartender recovered and motioned for Sammy to stand up, then immediately dropped to the floor. Opening the fly on Sammy’s jeans, she couldn’t wait to bring the other woman to orgasm. Skipping any foreplay, she placed a finger inside of Sammy, judging how close she was to orgasming by how wet she was. The taller woman responded immediately, bucking her hips to try to pull her fingers deeper. That gave her all the reassurance she needed to continue the assault on Sammy. Removing her fingers, she replaced them with her mouth, she plunged as deeply as she could, tonguing her roughly. She was happy to feel when Sammy started rocking against her faster and harder, greedily seeking all of the stimulation she could get. Sammy’s calloused hands pulled at her hair, getting them both into the perfect rhythm.

At last, Sammy’s mind went blank as the explosion of a powerful orgasm overtook her body.  Going completely rigid, she pumped her hips a few more times into the bartender’s mouth, trying to draw out the pleasure for as long as possible. She stopped only when she felt she would fall over, legs weak from the experience.

After she caught her breath, Sammy helped the bartender off of the floor, each taking a moment to get dressed and straighten their clothing as much as they could. The small, raven-haired woman snapped up her shirt and fixed her skirt, but the hose were destroyed, so she threw them in the nearest trash. Meeting Sammy’s eyes in the mirror, she asked, “So, stud, wanna head to my apartment so we can do round two?”

Sammy smiled as she buttoned up her pants and tucked back in her black polo. She hated this part, because she genuinely didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but she refused to lead her on either. Had it not been for the buzz she’d felt from all of the beers before they had started, she wouldn’t be here right now. “No, I don’t think so.”

The bartender re-tied her shirt in a cute ball, showing her pierced belly button.  “Figures. Oh well, if you change your mind, you know where I work!” She winked at Sammy before opening the bathroom door. “I’m Amanda, by the way.”

“Sammy.”

“Hope to see you soon, stud!” she said with a tantalizing grin, and with that, she was gone.

Walking towards the door, Sammy stopped to really look at herself in the bathroom mirror. Staring at her reflection, for the first time she was ashamed of what she had just done. Ducking down, she quickly splashed some cold water on her face, trying to pull herself together, before heading out of the bar hurriedly, desperate for some fresh air.

She mindlessly made her way out of the bar, stumbling onto the street. After a few moments of blearily searching, Sammy found a payphone, and counted her lucky stars when she found enough change to use it after shuffling around in her pockets.

Sammy called the one person she knew she could. The alcohol made her slur her words, but she managed to piece together the words, “its Samantha… I’m sorry for calling so late. Can you come get me?”

Without waiting for a response, she slammed the phone back on the cradle, slumping back against the phone booth. Letting her back slide against the cold metal, she plopped to the ground, suddenly overwhelmed both by the drinks and her actions. Sammy wished for the first time that she had never stepped foot in this seedy hole in the wall.

Tears fell down her flushed cheeks, and she found herself staring at the full moon with something like longing. Longing to get away from what passed for her life these days, to run away from the knots in her stomach, the inability to sleep and the distain she had for the world. The only thing she knew to be a fact was that she was a screw up, so much so that even her own family had left her alone in this world

For almost two years she hadn’t let herself feel anything. Feeling was just something that got you hurt; that was proven when she had let friends in, only to have her ‘brother’ taken away from her. Now that her carefully avoided feelings were overwhelming, a flooding sadness in her soul was mirrored in the tear tracks on her face. No matter how she tried to protect herself, the universe just laughed in her face. She’d let herself be fooled, and pain seeped into the cracks in her armor. This time, however, she let it.

CHAPTER 8

“Shit! McGee is down! Get me a medic!” Sammy screamed to her squad. They were all trying to stay huddled down in the rubble of the building, adrenaline spiking through their veins. As bullets rained down from the street below and the buildings around them, each of the squad immediately went into defensive positions, but they were waiting for her orders, for a way out of this.

 Leaving the wounded soldier to another soldier who was already ripping his field med kit open, Sammy turned to peek her head through a crack in the half-standing wall she was crouching behind. She was searching the area where she had seen a slight glimmer just moments before all hell had broken loose. Concrete from the building exploded into fine powder and sharp fragments just above her head as bullets sprayed the area, but she kept scanning the area, ignoring her own safety because she had to.

Finally, she spotted the telltale flash of a scope in the sunlight, just enough to give away the sniper, West of their position. Taking a deep breath, she allowed herself a single moment to feel the terror of what she was about to do. Sweat poured off her face and a slight tremor ran through her hands; she knew this could very well be her last moment on Earth. But if it was, she was at least going to go out saving her team, she thought grimly, and tightly tamped downany remaining fear.

 Squatting on her knees, she quickly pulled her rifle into the firing position, holding the butt firm against her shoulder, and flicking the safety off. With a quick burst of speed, she raised her head and shoulders in a fluid motion above the small wall’s meager cover, firing at the gunner’s general position. Shots whizzed by her head, but she kept firing, ducking away only to change the magazine. When her bullet finally struck the enemy soldier, who fell from building window to the street below, the rest of the squad flew into action, providing cover fire for the Ranger team.

But the turn of the battle to their favor was short-lived. When a Ranger on the corner down the street went down, Sammy was quick to order everyone else back.

“Stay here, keep firing. I’m going down,” she yelled over the explosions. Her squad’s lives were her responsibility. These soldiers had families; she didn’t. Turning to Emily, she ordered, “Gunny, when we are safe behind the building, follow us with cover fire.” With that, she was gone.

Launching herself down the stairs and on to the street below, she made her way to the fallen solider. Helping him up, she was horrified to find that she recognized him. “Stay with me, Bobby. I’ve got you!”

She looked down at his arm; it had been blown off below the elbow and blood was rapidly soaking through the hastily applied field bandages. Time was quickly running out for him. Hauling him into a fireman’s carry, she hurried as fast as she could to the cover building.

 When they arrived safely, the other Marines followed, flooding from the protection of the concrete stairwell to rendezvous with them as ordered. One carried McGee while a second applied pressure to the gaping wound in his stomach.

They were almost back to the transport when an explosion rocked the small alleyway.

∞

Jerking awake, Sammy slowly lifted her pounding head and peered out from behind heavy eyelids, blearily trying to remember where she was. Sitting up on the floral-print couch, she turned stiffly, spotting Mrs. Jacobs coming out of the kitchen with two mugs of steaming coffee.

Taking the offered cup from Tilly, she muttered a quick thanks before slamming back a large gulp. The acrid taste and searing heat assaulted her mouth, helping to bring her out of her dreams and into the present.

“You alright, dear? You weren’t sleeping easy.” Taking a seat next to Sammy on the couch, the older woman looked concerned.

“Not really, ma’am,” Sammy hesitantly admitted, before chugging down the rest of her coffee. Setting the empty mug on the coffee table in front of her, she slumped back on the couch, her head in her hands. “I think I really screwed up.”

The pounding in her head wouldn’t stop no matter how hard she rubbed at her forehead. It reminded her, almost in a mocking way, that no matter how good she was at holding her liquor, she had really overdone it the night before. Taking a deep breath in, she realized she stunk. God, how she wished she was still asleep instead of making such an embarrassment of herself.

Reaching over, Tilly patted Sammy on the leg. “Oh, come now, I’m sure it’s not that bad. And how many times do I have to tell you, you don’t have to call me ma’am.”

Forcing a smile, Sammy looked up through bloodshot eyes at the kind older woman. “Ma’am, you’re still a higher rank than I am, retired or not. Respect is respect. Besides, I’m hung-over again on your couch, I screwed a girl in a bathroom… Oh, yeah, and the girl I like I ended up hurting, and she went on a date with someone else last night. So, I think I screwed up big time.” As she spoke her hand made its way to her neck, but the nervous tic only made her wince. Thinking back, she remembered vaguely, through a fog of alcohol and emotions, the bartender’s nails digging into her neck. The memory made her face color a deeper shade of red.

Taking a long sip of her coffee, Tilly looked at Sammy, trying to take in everything she had said. As the younger Marine shifted in her seat guiltily, she could just make out dark red scratches on the back of Sammy’s neck; her eyes grew wide at the implication that Sammy had had a very wild night indeed.

“In the bathroom? Is that even possible? I mean, I know, for men and women, but…” her words trailed off as she started to laugh with embarrassment, although she didn’t know if it was because of her curiosity or her lack of knowledge.

Sammy stared at her friend in disbelief. “Really? I tell all of that, and this is what you fixate on?”

“What can I say? I’m living my missed youth through you, child.” Tilly let a warm smile cross her face. She was so fond of Samantha; her only prayer was that one day she could see the light return to the young woman’s dull eyes.

Taking a heavy breath in, Sammy spoke in a whisper “I dreamed of Iraq again last night. I don’t think the meds are helping anymore.”

“Oh, trust me dear, they are. I’m not sure that the alcohol is, however.” Her years of nursing echoed in her tone, patient but reproachful.

Sarcastically, Sammy retorted, “Yeah, yeah, I know. Don’t mix the pills and booze.”

Tilly’s years of dealing with wounded soldiers let her hear the regret carefully hidden behind Sammy’s nonchalant demeanor. “Good, you do listen to me,” she replied lightly, smirking slightly behind her coffee cup.

Sammy shook her head at Tilly’s words, but immediately regretted the motion as the room started to spin once again. “I don’t know, I just thought that maybe she liked me. Hell, I don’t know why she would, though. I’m a mess. I basically told her to get lost.”

“Well, dear, if the ones we cared about always listened when we told them to get lost, the world would be very lonely.” She smiled softly as several memories of her own tumultuous relationship played through her head. “I mean, I can’t tell you how many times John and I fought. When he proposed, I slapped him!” Tilly’s eyes gazed off to the corner of her living room where the wedding portrait of her and her husband hung on the wall.

Sammy couldn’t help but let a chuckle escape. “You did not!” she said incredulously, trying to picture the sweet old woman with a temper.

“Oh, yes, I did. After we patched him up in the field hospital, he just kept coming back to see me. I wasn’t ready to settle down, but over time, before I realized it, I grew to love him. Hell of a time to find love, let me tell you, but we don’t pick when it finds us.” Tilly’s eyes left the portrait and looked Sammy in the eyes. “Or who needs us.”

Sammy knew better than to try winning this argument. Closing her eyes, she didn’t want to think about love, sex or anything in between anymore. Instead she just laid her head back on the couch in frustration.

Tilly wasn’t sure she should tell her the call she had just taken, knowing how much Sammy valued her job, Tilly however decided to tell her. “Honey, I know you don’t feel like it, but Paul called me when he couldn’t get you on your phone. He said he really needed you in today.”

“Great. I guess I should go shower and catch the bus then. Thanks again for picking me up last night.” Sammy wouldn’t question Paul or Tilly, if he was calling around to find her, she knew something was up. She stood up, stretching her tall body to try and get some of the kinks out from sleeping on the old couch.

“You know I’m always here for you. Knock on my door when you’re ready. I’ll give you a ride to your truck, dear.”

Sammy smiled once again at Mrs. Jacobs before heading for the door. “You’re a good friend.”

Tilly smiled warmly at Sammy. “You are, too, Samantha. You should give yourself more credit. Besides, I’m sure it’s all going to work out with… Sara? Wasn’t that her name?”

Sammy turned to look at the woman. “Yeah, I just wish I had as much faith in me as you do.” With a heavy heart, she walked out the door, not yet ready to face the day and the redhead who kept haunting her thoughts.

Tilly smiled as she watched her go, saying to herself, “One day, dear. One day you will again.”

∞

Sammy still felt like shit, but at least the fog was starting to lift and now her head didn’t feel like it wanted to explode. However, as she pulled into Sara’s driveway, she was struck by an overwhelming want to avoid her client. She didn’t know what she would say to the woman when she saw her, but at some point in the day, their paths were bound to cross. However, she knew she had gotten herself into the mess she was now in, so Sammy sucked it up and got ready to start her day.

Sliding out of the truck, she spotted Ricardo walking towards her.

“Hey, Boss,” He called. Walking up to her, he handed her his cup of coffee after seeing her face. “Looks like you could use this more than me,” he said with a lopsided smile.

“Hey, yourself,” she replied hoarsely, giving him a tip of the cup in thanks. Grateful for the coffee, Sammy gave herself a moment to savor a few swallows from the Styrofoam cup before asking, “What’s the status?”

“Everything’s on schedule, but we have an issue. We just got the new appliances in and they don’t fit the specs. That, plus when they installed the roof tiles last week, we found a rotten spot that we missed the first go around, so I’m gonna work on that today. I already have a few guys up there. Other than that, overall pretty solid work so far.”

Rubbing her temples that had started throbbing again, she now knew why Paul had asked her to come in. “Okay, let’s call the cabinet company. Get them to send someone out to fix the screw-up. Make sure our measurements were correct before I call, though. If we’re going to give them hell, we’d better make sure we cover our own asses. Sounds like you have a handle on the roof. Hopefully everything else can wait today.”

Ricardo nodded in agreement, but before he could respond, he noticed the claw marks on Sammy’s neck, jutting out over the top of her collar. Raising an eyebrow, he knew better than to say anything out loud, but he smirked just the same. “Well, I gotta get to it. Busy day, it seems. See-ya, Boss.”

Sammy turned around to grab her tool belt from the back of her truck, and as she bent over the back seat she heard someone walk up behind her. Turning, she found herself face-to-face with Sara.

Running her eyes over Sammy, Sara realized the woman looked like shit. “You don’t look so good,” she said, hoping that Sammy wasn’t still upset about yesterday.

Sammy really didn’t want to deal with this, not today, so she decided not to speak. If she kept her mouth shut, she wouldn’t be able to fuck up things even worse.

“Are you alright?” Sara asked, taken aback by Sammy’s silent treatment.

Sammy shook her head, wondering what she would have to do to get this woman to leave her alone. Sarcastically she retorted, “I’m fine, Ms. Lawson. Can I help you with something?”

Sara was taken aback by the use of her last name and the tone it had been said in, as well as the anger that vibrated through the clipped words. Or was it hurt coming out of Sammy’s voice? Furrowing her brow, Sara looked up at the taller woman trying to figure out what was going on.

Seeing the confusion on Sara’s face, Sammy knew she had no right to speak to the woman in this manner. She had done nothing but be kind to her from the start, and she slowly realized that they hadn’t even talked about girlfriends, other than the evil one. Sammy decided to try again, a little softer this time. “I’m sorry—”

Sara held up a hand to stop her, interjecting, “I’m the one who should apologize. After what I’ve been through, I should’ve known better than to sneak up on someone.” Taking a deep breath, she thought of what Mary had said before they parted: don’t push unless you want to push her away. “After talking to my friend, I realized I might have crossed a line between business and perceived friendship.”

Sammy was the one to interrupt this time. “It’s not perceived. I did warn you I could be an ass sometimes.” Forcing a smile, she looked into Sara’s green eyes. “I’m truly sorry.”

“It’s okay, really.”  Sara smiled until she noticed the marks next to a hickey on Sammy’s neck. Wincing inside, she scolded herself. She had known better than to let herself even try to have feelings for this woman. She guessed that when Sammy had realized she was damaged goods, she’d found some other woman willing to put out. “Been busy, I see.”

It took Sammy a moment to realize what Sara was talking about. “I…” She wanted to explain herself, but words failed her. What was she supposed to say? That sex let her feel something, however briefly? That she had actually fallen for Sara and this was just how she expressed the pain at having let her guard down long enough to get hurt?

Seeing Sammy’s inner turmoil mirrored in her eyes, Sara tried her best to sound convincing. “I’m happy you have someone.”

“Sara,” Sammy choked out, the first signs of anger building in her gut. Why the hell is she mad at me when she was the one who was on a date?

Trying to pull it together, Sammy mumbled, “I want you to know: I saw…” Stopping, Sammy rubbed her throbbing forehead, wondering why such a simple sentence was so difficult to force out.

Sara was surprised at the tone Sammy was taking with her, and was angry at herself for how hurt she felt at her rejection. She’d known the woman was a player, and no matter how many good qualities she might have, Sara had known better in her gut. Deciding to exit before this situation blew up in her face, she coldly stated, “Listen, I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve got to get to work.”

Neither one of them knew how to say what needed to be said. After a few tense seconds of silence, Sara’s face fell. Turning quickly to hide her hurt expression, in her best fake cheerful voice she added, “Have a good day.” Opening her car door, she leaned over to put her briefcase in. How stupid can I be?

Sammy took a few steps towards the redhead’s retreating figure. “Wait! Please,” she pleaded. Sammy’s iron will had brought her this far, but now as she stood behind Sara she found herself fighting everything inside of her that told her to just walk away. Hadn’t this been what she wanted? When her own heart had broken, a small, selfish part of her war-torn heart had wished to have Sara walk away with that look of hurt in her eyes.

Having to sort through all of these feelings stoked the rage burning deep inside her, until finally she reached a breaking point. She didn’t need this shit, and, besides, she wasn’t the one who had been leading her on. Dropping the pleading tone, anger poured out of Sammy’s voice as she asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend?”

Sara whirled around to face the taller woman in surprise, the hurt in her eyes fading as it was replaced by confusion. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“The woman you were with at the restaurant by the mall yesterday. I walked in to get a drink, and saw you. I was going to go talk to you, but you were holding hands. It was clear you didn’t need me.”

“What were you going to tell me?” Sara asked quietly, trying to piece together what exactly was going on.

“Dammit, it doesn’t matter! Look, I saw you holding hands. It was clear to everyone in the place that you were together. Now you’re mad at me for getting laid? That’s not fair, Sara. I don’t know what’s going on between us, but that’s, I don’t know… hypocritical!” Sammy was sure that, if it were possible, steam would be rolling out of her ears at this point. Staring down at Sara, she didn’t understand the hurt look crossing the smaller woman’s face.

Looking up at Sammy, Sara was shocked and hurt; apparently, she had come into the restaurant when Mary had been comforting her. Shaking her head, Sara didn’t know what to say. On one hand, she felt hurt by Sammy’s actions, and on the other, she felt sad over the misunderstanding. Quietly, she replied, “She’s my best friend. Remember? The one I told you about, that I stayed with?”

“What?” Sammy felt her brain freeze up, trying to process this information.

“Mary, my best friend. I told her what happened, so she took me out for dinner. And she’s not my damn girlfriend.”

“Fuck.” Closing her eyes, Sammy shook her head, fighting hard to suppress the need to vomit. How could she have been so stupid? She knew Sara would have told her something like this. Feeling like an idiot, she finally broke down, softly whispering, “I should have asked you.”

“I wish you had.” Sara felt sick inside. She had finally admitted to Mary that she found herself attracted to someone for the first time since she was raped, and that same person had just admitted to having sex with someone else last night.

Swallowing hard, she took a deep breath and forced herself to calmly think through that train of thought. She had no right to judge. After all, they held no claim to one another. They weren’t dating, and she hadn’t made her feelings known to Sammy at all. However, the anger in Sammy’s voice made it clear that the ex-soldier did care. The redhead knew from Sammy’s willingness to help others and her openness when listening to Sara, even about her darkest trials and some really uncomfortable topics, the woman before her was worth a shot. But if she didn’t handle this correctly, any chance they might have would be forever gone.

Thinking about all of Sammy’s good qualities, Sara fought against her strong instinctive need to get in her car and drive away, leaving the hard work of this relationship in the rearview mirror.

The silence was deafening to Sammy. Speaking quickly, she tried her best to make the smaller woman see her for just who she was. “Sara, I’d love to say I don’t do these kinds of things, but I just can’t, because it’d be a lie. I don’t know how to explain this. You scare me, and I’m afraid I’ll hurt you. Hell, I already have!” Sammy looked down at the ground; she could feel her heart breaking. She didn’t know how she had come to care so much about what this woman thought of her, but she couldn’t suppress the flicker of sadness in her eyes that betrayed her stony expression.

Looking up at the taller woman, Sara’s heart was melting as she listened to the heartfelt words. Taking a few moments to really look at Sammy, she could tell that, behind the Marine façade, she was as fragile and scared as Sara felt right now. Sara spoke. “Promise me something?”

Sammy wasn’t sure where this was going, but she decided to bite. “What’s that?”

“If you have questions from now on, just ask me. I’ll tell you the truth, good or bad.”

“I think I can do that.” Sammy forced a weak smile at the redhead, trying not to squash the small glimmer of hope from this simple promise.

Before either woman could say anything else, Sara’s phone came to life, blaring an obnoxiously cheerful tone. Pulling the intrusive device from her pocket, Sara grimaced as she looked down and read the text message.

“I’m sorry, I have to go. I’m late for an appointment.”

Nodding her head, Sammy smiled as she shyly asked, “Can we talk later?”

“Definitely,” Sara said as she smiled back at Sammy, before getting in her car.

Sammy gently shut the door for Sara and waved as she drove off. Walking over to the porch, she took a deep breath in, trying to calm her nerves. She looked around at the siding that had finally been finished. The installation had taken forever, but it looked great. A light tan color, it gave the house a bit more of a modern look. Stepping back on the grass, she looked at the porch railings that would have to be taken care of soon.

With an appraising eye, she looked at everything that was still undone. It was then that she remembered what Ricardo had said about the mix-up with the appliances. Sighing as she headed back inside, she knew it was going to be a long day.

∞

Sitting in the mall food court, Sara filled Mary in on the recent events. “I don’t know, Mary. I know I have no right to be upset. Hell, we’re just… we’re just getting to know each other. Friends, I guess, but I—”

Mary interrupted her friend mid-sentence. “Listen, hon, I know you like her, so cut the bull.  Secondly, no, you have no right to be mad. You’re single, she’s single, and you both can fuck anyone you want,” Mary said matter-of-factly as she munched on a crouton.

Sara shook her head. Getting fed up at just picking at the salad in front of her, she pushed her plate away. “You know I don’t sleep around.”

“Yeah, I know that, but that doesn’t mean she can’t.  I’m very, very glad you felt you could trust her. The fact you did… well, it’s amazing actually. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again, or pass up on something because of your damn pride. I really haven’t seen you this worked up since our senior year, when you were head over heels over what’s-her-name.” Mary could never turn down an opportunity to remind her friend of those awkward teenage years, especially with the crush she had held for a certain cheerleader.

“Stop it. You’re just trying to make me feel better.” Sara said with a smile, slowly warming up to her friend’s banter.

“No really, what was her name? I can’t remember worth shit anymore!” Mary continued on, hamming it up to distract the other woman. Upon noticing Sara suddenly becoming preoccupied with something over her own shoulder, she turned to follow Sara’s gaze. “What’s so— Oh.”

Spotting a tall, muscular woman walking into the food court, Mary whirled around, her eyes wide as saucers. She noticed the slight reddish tent to Sara’s cheeks and quickly put two and two together.

“Maybe she won’t see us,” Sara whispered, slightly slumping down in her chair to try to be less conspicuous.

With a roll of her eyes, Mary responded skeptically, “Sara, really? Your mouth might be protesting, but your eyes look like you wanna run after her. She looks like she’s hungry, so call her over.”

With a mischievous smile on her face, Mary began plotting ways to get the muscle-bound contractor to join them.

∞

Sammy had decided to take a long lunch, heading to the mall so she could finally replace her phone. But after dealing with the phone company for almost an hour, the smells of the food court were nearly driving her crazy. Walking out of the store, she heeded her stomach’s need for food and started scouring the nearby restaurants for something appetizing. As she neared a sandwich shop, she suddenly heard a loud “Ow!” from a nearby table.

Turning to see what the commotion was about, she spotted Sara and the same woman from yesterday sitting at a table. Shit. She quickly turned on her heel to walk away, hoping they hadn’t seen her.

“Sammy!” Sara called out, eager to get her attention. After Mary had kicked her under the table, she hadn’t been able to keep quiet, but she wasn’t going to let this opportunity go to waste. She waved as the taller woman turned around, beckoning her over to their table.

Slowly, Sammy walked over to their table, unsure how to handle the woman who she was obsessed with or the friend who nearly accidentally tore them apart. Just great.

 “Hey, Sara,” she said, a warm smile creeping its way onto her face. After a few awkward moments of standing around, she arched an eyebrow and nodded her head towards the other woman, gesturing for an introduction.

Sara quickly got the hint.

“Oh! Sammy, this is my friend, Mary.”

“Nice to meet you,” Mary said first, reaching out to shake Sammy’s hand.

“Likewise.”

Looking over the taller woman, Mary wasn’t sure what to make of her. She certainly wasn’t talkative. Sara was right: she was handsome and more masculine than anyone Sara had ever fancied before, but Mary figured that her friend might be attracted to the Marine for being the polar opposite of her ex. She just didn’t like what her friend had told her so far about their non-relationship.

Chuckling to herself, Mary thought, Hell, might as well get this out of the way. “So, I don’t know whether to deck you or thank you.”

“Mary!” Sara was appalled and embarrassed. But looking at Sammy, she noticed a slight smirk forming on her lips.

Sammy sat down in front of Mary. “Its okay, Sara. Well, I’d pick decking, but that’s just me.”

Mary smiled at the woman. Okay, add charming to the list. Mary firmly stated, “Just so we are clear, you might have more muscles than me, but I own a nine millimeter. No one will ever hurt her again. We clear?”

“Yes Ma’am.” Sammy felt like she could really like the woman sitting across from her; she was direct and to the point.

Mary looked over at her friend, flashing an apologetic smile for her behavior. “Well, kids, I have to get back to the dungeon now.” Smiling as she got up, Mary reached over to pat Sammy on the back. “It was nice to meet you.”

“Same here.” Sammy smiled, realizing Sara’s friend was leaving to give them a chance to chat. Blunt, yet willing to take a hint? Okay, I definitely approve of her.

Looking over at Sara, Mary ordered, “Call me tonight, if you decide you want to go see that movie.” Taking a breath, Mary knew she needed to help her friend out; romance wasn’t something Sara had ever been good at. So she turned to Sammy, offering, “You can come too, Muscles. If you want.”

Sammy laughed at the perky woman, surprised by her offer.  “I’d like that, actually.” Looking over at Sara she added, “If that’s okay with you?”

Sara couldn’t help but be grateful for Mary’s meddling. She’d have to remember to text a thank you later. Smiling back at the two women, she tried not to sound overly pleased with the situation. “Sure, that sounds like fun.”

Feeling proud of herself, Mary turned to leave. “Well, you kids have fun! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Looking at Sammy, Sara shook her head fondly as Mary walked away with a small wave.

“I’m sorry about that. She’s a mother hen. I know she put you on the spot, so you don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

Laughing, Sammy sat her plastic bag with the packaging from her new cell phone on the table. “It’s okay, really. It’s good to have friends like that. Plus, it’s been a long time since I went to the movies, so if it was a true invite, I’d love to come. However, I’m not sure how safe it is for her to have a gun.”

“I kind of feel the same way about the gun,” Sara smiled. Examining the bag Sammy had set down; she couldn’t help but ask her about it. “Did you buy a new phone?”

“Yeah, mine broke, so I didn’t really have a choice.”

“Broke? Really, I thought they had a clinic or something to take them to,” Sara teased.

“Not if they are in ten pieces and self-inflicted,” Sammy smiled grimly, regretting the statement as it left her mouth. Forging on, she explained, “I broke it, I should say.”

Looking around the food court, it was bustling with people. The shiny, metal chairs made it feel clinical and sterile, and just for a moment, Sammy let her guard down, something she found happening more and more around Sara. Only this time, she didn’t stop herself from saying out loud what came to her mind.

“I have flashbacks, like what happened in the park that day— from Iraq.” Looking into Sara’s eyes, she couldn’t believe she had actually told her. She somehow just felt numb inside.

Dread filled Sara. She knew the woman had just opened up to her, probably the first time since whatever had happened that she had opened up to anyone, and she knew that was huge. In her line of work, she’d treated several children with PTSD from traumatic violence, and she wanted to encourage Sammy to keep sharing, but she couldn’t let this happen with a secret hanging between them.

“Sammy, before you continue, I’ve got to tell you something. I did something really wrong.” Feeling a little sick to her stomach, Sara forced herself to come clean. “When I slept over at your apartment, I snooped. I know it was wrong. I’d love to tell you I was just looking for something and saw them accidently, but that’s not the truth. I don’t know what I was thinking… I saw your pills.” Putting her head down, Sara said the only thing she could. “I’m so sorry, Sammy.”

Not really knowing what to say, the words that came out of Sammy’s mouth surprised even her. “Thanks for being honest with me. I take it you know what the meds are for?”

Sara was shocked at the calm reply. She figured Sammy would yell, or at the very least walk away. “Yes. Well, I know what they are usually prescribed for: PTSD, among other things.”

A pause filled the air before Sammy mustered the nerve to speak. “I was a Marine…” Gazing off into the distance, she thought about the first time she stepped into the recruiter’s office and the pride she felt at seeing the uniform on the man.

Sara’s eyes grew wide. “What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I was injured,” Sammy said, and the images in her head shifted from the recruiting office to the hospital. “My ‘work injury’ was from three bullets, here.” Sammy pointed to her shoulder. She knew she could not tell Sara everything. Not here, not now. Hell, maybe never. But she wanted some closure, to give Sara the real truth, just like the other woman had shown her.

Deciding on the short version, she continued. “I came back to the states to heal and underwent a shoulder replacement. My joint was shot to hell. Then, I was diagnosed with PTSD. After that, they fast-tracked me to a discharge, and boom. Just like that, I was out of the Marines.” Sammy couldn’t help but feel the intense longing she had felt every day since then, once again missing the life she was supposed to have.

“Oh, Sammy,” Sara breathed. She could tell that this was only barely scratching the surface of what had happened, but she felt honored to be trusted with the story. At the same time, she couldn’t help but feel some pity for what it would be like to have your dreams ended with a bullet. Care radiated off of Sara’s face as strong emotions of sorrow resurfaced.

Noticing the emotions covering Sara’s face Sammy spoke. “Don’t feel sorry for me. When I signed up, I knew wars happened. And about what you did: it’s not okay. It took a lot for me to let you into my home. It’s hard for me to trust people.” Taking a deep breath, something inside Sammy clicked as she realized that, in that moment, she truly wanted Sara involved in her life in some aspect. “Let’s just start over. You make me the same deal I made with you. If you want to know something, ask. If I don’t tell you, don’t snoop.”

“I think I can handle that.” Sara echoed back.

A small vibration came from her purse, letting Sara know she had received a text. Reaching for her buzzing phone, she pulled it out, ready to respond to whatever lewd comment Mary had sent. But her happiness quickly turned to horror as she read the text message:

I’m watching you. -J

Showing the phone to Sammy, she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking as she looked wildly around the food court, trying to see where Julia could be spying on them from.

As soon as Sammy finished reading the text, she stood up, immediately going into protector mode. Standing beside Sara, shielding her from the rest of the mall, she said, “Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

They quickly headed out of the mall to Sammy’s truck. Once inside the large machine with the doors locked, Sara let the tears fall from her face. “Why is she doing this?”

Sammy had no answers; she could only shake her head at the thought of anyone putting Sara through such pain. Pulling the smaller woman into a hug, she whispered, “I don’t know, Sara. But I’m here for you, and I’m not going to let her get away with this.”

Looking up at the taller woman, Sara could see the kindness once again in her eyes. Somehow, even with all of the panic she felt, being in Sammy’s arms made her feel safe.

“Do you want me to drive you back to your office?” Sammy asked softly, shifting in her seat to start up the truck. It was an honest question: Sammy wanted to help in any way she could. If Sara asked her to fly to the moon right now, she would find a way.

Settling back into the passenger seat and wiping the tears from her face, Sara answered. “My car is here. If you don’t mind driving me back later to get it...”

Rubbing the woman’s upper back gently, Sammy replied, “I don’t mind. Besides, if you’re up for it, I think we have a date tonight.” Sammy stopped the awkwardness of what she had just said catching up to her. Feeling her face turning blood red, she tried again: “Not a date. A friendly three-way. Uh, no. Shit. A…a...” Embarrassment finally completely cut off her words. With as tongue-tied as she was at the moment, she knew better than to try to speak and make it all the worse.

Sara she couldn’t help but laugh at the words that had crossed Sammy’s mouth, and soon found her laughter growing into full belly laughs. In between giggles, she managed to say, “I think “date” is the correct word.”

Sammy chuckled as well, before shifting the truck into drive and putting Julia and that horrible message behind them.

∞

Not knowing when Sara would get off of work, Sammy had suggested being dropped off by the job site and letting Sara just drive her truck. It had surprised her when she said it, but it had surprised Sara even more. Reluctantly, she had finally gotten the petite redhead to agree, and now, with all the workers having left, Sammy was alone in Sara’s home.

Not content to sit around waiting, she started working on the front porch railing, knowing it was something she could do until Sara arrived.

The hammer felt great in her hands and putting up the simple banister around the porch felt liberating. When she had looked into being a contractor, she’d thought it would be more about creating things than overseeing them. She was a talented builder, and could do most everything on a job site, from electrical work to carpentry. However, these days she was stuck most of the time watching others complete the work while she dealt with the politics.

Kneeling down with a hammer in her hands, pounding nails into boards, she couldn’t help but think that it felt right, rebuilding something. Pulling another nail out of the pouch on her tool belt, she heard the familiar sound of her truck’s engine pulling into the drive. Lining up the nail, all of her might went into the hammer swing, driving it in with one swift swoop. Looking at her handiwork, she nodded with satisfaction.

As Sara walked up the drive carrying her briefcase and a bag of take-out, she couldn’t help but appreciate the sight of Sammy working on her porch. She had mentioned before to the woman how many good memories she had had on that porch, so she couldn’t help but wonder if that was why she now labored on it. As Sara neared Sammy, she stood close enough to be able to admire the new railing on the porch. “This looks great!”

Standing up, Sammy beamed back at her over her shoulder. “I thought I’d make it my pet project. I don’t get to do this enough.” Looking at what Sara had in her hands, she was confused by the food. “I thought we were going out?”

“Yeah, but I thought we could eat first, if you’re hungry,” Sara explained. It had seemed like a good idea on the ride over, but now she felt a little nervous at her presumption.

“Starving, actually.” Sammy said as another smile spread across her face, and together they both walked over to the guesthouse.

∞

Stepping out of the tiny bathroom, Sammy took a moment to check out Sara, who was seated on a bar stool in the kitchen, before making her presence known. After a few seconds of admiring her figure, Sammy cleared her throat softly to get the stunning woman’s attention.

Sara turned to face the Marine with surprise, marveling at how quickly she got clean and ready. And she looks amazing, too, she thought somewhat sheepishly. It was a good kind of nervous, going on a date again.

With a faint blush on her face, Sara finally said, “You clean up well.” She felt like a teenager all over again, but she hoped that the evening would go smoother than her adolescent attempts at romance.

Grinning bashfully at the complement, Sammy looked down at her jeans and polo shirt. “Good thing I keep extra clothes in my truck. The shower felt great.” Taking a seat beside Sara, she pulled a paper plate filled with food close to her.

The rich aroma of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and cornbread greeted her, prompting a loud growl from her stomach.

“I guess with outings like last night, you have to keep extra clothes,” Sara said, but as soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted how they sounded. She had been trying for teasing and lighthearted banter, but they now sounded jealous and angry. She had decided to let last night remain in the past, but her mouth betrayed her again.

Sammy didn’t know what to say, and although she understood where the anger was coming from, she was surprised to hear it all of the sudden... She had hoped, in a way that the whole ordeal wouldn’t be brought up, though she knew they should talk about it. “Listen, Sara, I was drunk—”

“Sammy, you don’t owe me an explanation. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” said Sara, quickly trying to recover the fun atmosphere. She didn’t want their first real attempt at dating to be ruined by her petty comment.

“I do owe you an explanation, though. I mean, maybe I don’t owe you anything, but I feel like I should anyway,” Sammy struggled to explain. Why were words so difficult around this woman?

“What I’m trying to say is this: I’m not good at the whole telling-people-how-I-feel thing. Maybe it’s my background as a soldier. Maybe it’s how I grew up. I don’t know. What I do know is that when I’m around you, I do stupid shit. And, well…You scare me, Sara.” Rubbing her forehead, Sammy fervently hoped that Sara would be able to understand her poorly formed thoughts. Her heart pounded in her chest, an explosive beat that she wished would just calm down so she could think straight.

Looking at the frustration overtaking Sammy, Sara felt at a loss for words. Deciding humor was the best way to handle the situation, she teased, “I scare you? Really? All four foot eleven of me, huh? And to think you are a big tough Marine, too.”

Sammy snorted with amusement at the teasing and the hammering in her chest slowly began to let up. Exhaling with relief, she couldn’t help but admire this woman. “Yeah, yeah, ease up, Carrot Top. You may look small, but I know you are a heavyweight in disguise.”

Sara giggled at the teasing tone in Sammy’s voice.

With her usual perfect timing, Mary strolled into the kitchen, using her spare key to let herself in. “Yum, looks good! Anybody save me some?”

“No, Sammy ate yours!” Sara said with a straight face, but she turned to wink at Sammy, mischief dancing in her eyes.

“No fair! You told me it was mine,” Sammy mock-argued back.

Mary walked up, rolling her eyes at the couple. Picking food off Sara’s plate, she told Sammy, “Yeah. Well, learn it now. If you’re going to stick around, it pays to know that she lies.”

“I do not!” Sara nudged her friend as her stern look dissolved into a fit of laughter.

“Yeah, you do. See, Sammy, in ninth grade when I met her scrawny ass, she said she liked Tom. By twelfth, it was…hell, what was her name?” Mary said with a laugh. Shrugging away the name of the old crush, she continued “The point is, she lies! I mean, she claims she never had a crush on me, but c’mon. Look at me, how could she not? See, that’s the proof! She’s a damned liar!”

Sammy thought she might roll on the floor laughing if the woman didn’t stop.

“Really? Want me to tell you about Mary during high school?” Sara asked, threatening Mary with a taste of her own medicine.

“I’d love to, but we are going to be late for the movie!” Mary quickly exclaimed before ushering them out the door, happy to see that all was right in the universe for her two star-crossed lovers. Even if story time did come around and bite her in the ass, looking at the smiles on her friend’s face, not to mention the normally somber soldier’s, she was sure it was worth it.

∞

Sitting side by side in the very back row of the theater, Sammy and Sara both fought to keep their attention straight ahead at the screen. The group of women had been joined by Mary’s latest boy toy, who had been quickly introduced as Tim before the lights dimmed and was now seated a few seats away with Mary. Neither seemed to care about the movie at all, instead partaking in a heavy make-out session.

Sammy wondered why they just didn’t get a room. Even though she had never had any teenage experiences like this, she felt all of fifteen again.

Catching Sammy glancing at her friend, Sara giggled. Tapping lightly on the muscular woman’s arm, she whispered in her ear, “They met at a teaching conference. Supposedly, she doesn’t like him.”

“I’d hate to see what she did to someone she liked,” Sammy whispered back, feeling a little lightheaded from the warmth of Sara’s breath on her ear.

Turning their attention back to the movie, Sammy remembered why she didn’t really like romance movies, with the never-ending cast of models who followed almost exactly the same plot in each new film. However, sitting next to Sara, she was surprised to find that it didn’t seem so bad this time.

As juvenile as it was, she also found herself holding her breath each time Sara’s hand went for some popcorn from the large bucket they had decided to share. Sammy once again was regretting the decision to put the bowl between her legs with each reach of Sara’s hands into the large bowl. When they bought it, all four of them were supposed to share, but now she was sure it would be wasted.

“I’m going to sit the rest of the popcorn over by them, unless you want more,” offered Sara in a hushed voice.

“No, that’s fine,” Sammy leaned into Sara’s ear again, unaware of her effect on the other woman as well. Sammy lifted the bowl, handing it over to Sara, thankful the distraction would be gone.

Sara sat it down closer to the other couple, who failed to acknowledge the gesture.  Scooting back in her seat, Sara realized that she was now able to put her plan into effect. Pulling up the arm rest that separated her from Sammy, she nudged Sammy’s arm, pulling it around her, and snuggled up close while tucking her legs under her. There are some benefits of being short she thought.

Smiling down at the redhead that was now resting on her shoulder, Sammy rested her chin lightly on the other woman’s head, inhaling deeply. Trying to calm the almost primal urges she felt, she tried to force her attention back to the screen. However, the smell of Sara’s shampoo and that something that was all Sara was like a drug to her, and she was sure that this was one mission she would fail.

∞

A few hours later, Sammy sat on her couch thinking about the night.  She had changed into her normal around-the-house t-shirt and soft, cotton shorts. Tonight had been the first night in a long time she had fun with a group, and she was startled by the thought that she had begun to make friends again.

A knock at the door jolted her out of her musing, but glancing at the clock, she realized that she didn’t know who would be at her house that late. Peeking through the peep hole, she quickly opened the door as she realized who was on the other side.

“Sara, are you okay?” she asked with alarm, and her training kicked in to allow her to survey the surrounding. After decided that the coast was clear, Sammy quickly assessed Sara for any injuries, but other than being shaken up, she looked okay. Stepping back, she motioned for Sara to come in, locking the door behind her.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” was all Sara could manage to say as she walked into the apartment, feeling frightened and nauseous.  Her first instinct had been to go to Mary’s house, but she’d remembered that Tim would’ve been there tonight. So she had found herself back here, even though she hated needing help from anyone, and she especially didn’t want Sammy to think of her as weak. Plopping down on the sofa, she felt helpless and overwhelmed by all of these emotions.

Sammy followed Sara to the couch, quietly saying, “It’s not a bother. It’s never a bother to help you.” With another scrutinizing glance, she asked again, “What’s wrong?”

Pulling her phone out, Sara handed it over to Sammy, too numb to explain. On the screen was a photo of the two of them at the movies cuddled together in the seat.

At first, Sammy wasn’t sure why this was alarming, but thinking back, she realized that Mary and Tim had been on the other side of them and wouldn’t have been able to snap this picture. Adrenaline and anger crashed through her veins, and she stood to pace as she asked, “What the hell? Who took this?”

“I can’t be sure, but I believe its Julia. I mean, especially with the timing between the other text message and this... I called the phone company after I got it and changed my number.”  Sara’s eyes were rugged from crying, Sammy looked into them while taking in the defeated tone coming out of the redhead, she decided to stop her pacing, and quickly she sat down on the couch beside Sara, Sammy pulled the worried woman into a hug, assuring her, “It’s going to be okay.”

“I…” Sara shook her head and pulled away from the hug.  “I shouldn’t have come here. I don’t want to drag you into this.”

“Sara, I’m already involved in this. I want you to stay here tonight. I have a friend who’s a police officer. I’ll email him and tell him what’s going on. Give him that number and see if he can come up with anything. Then we can go from there.” Sammy gave her a measured look, judging her reaction to this offer of help. She couldn’t help but feel that now was the time to act. Sara had already been through so much with this bitch; they needed to stop this now.

Looking over at Sammy, who was so calm and reassuring, Sara couldn’t help but feel better just by being there.  Their relationship, if you could even call it that, was so new that Sara didn’t want to do anything to hinder its potential. But right now, more than anything, she was just glad for a friend. “Thank you,” Sara said with muted gratitude, but she felt that Sammy understood.

“Don’t worry; we’ll get to the bottom of this. I’ve got to work early tomorrow, so I need some sleep. You can take my bed.” Seeing the look of protest forming on Sara’s face, she preemptively added, “No arguments, okay? I’m a tough marine, remember?”

Sammy could see Sara smirk a bit at the last statement, but she could only hope that the woman had caught the meaning she was trying to convey in the joke. I’ll protect you; you can sleep. Sammy paused briefly in her mind, thinking back to the words of hurt that the nightmare of Steve had said. “You will fail her.” For the first time she fought back with the ghost of her past. No, I won’t.

Nodding, Sara stood up. “No arguments.”

Sammy wrapped her arms around Sara for a moment, and then playfully pushed her towards the bedroom. “Now, Doctor, you should get some sleep.” Tomorrow they could deal with this.

∞

Everything seemed to move in slow motion the next day. Sammy kept pulling her phone out every thirty minutes to make sure no calls came through from Sara, and also hoping her friend would write back.

“Hey Boss, we have an issue with the water.” Ricardo stood expectantly in front of Sammy, who was in another world. He wondered what was preoccupying the woman, who normally was the first to notice issues as they came up, not the last to know.

Turning around, she noticed the look the assistant was giving her. “What did you say?”

“The water line busted to the house. We weren’t even working in that area, so I don’t really know what happened, but I put a few guys on it. The county said it’s our problem.”

“Of course they did,” Sammy absent-mindedly responded.

“Are you okay, Boss?”

Sammy shook her head. She didn’t want to share her personal life with the man, and even though he was close to her, some things needed to stay personal.

“I’m fine, just had a busy night.” She smiled, hoping that with her past reputation he wouldn’t ask more questions.

Smiling at his boss, he wondered how she managed to get more girls then he ever did when he was single. “Gotcha. Should we tell Ms. Lawson?”

Winking at the shorter man, Sammy figured she could have a little fun with him. “No, I think we should keep it just between us, don’t you?”

“Sure, Boss.” Not sure if they were still talking about the water valve or something else entirely, he rubbed his forehead and decided to nod his head in agreement.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll call the county. I know someone who works in the water department so hopefully I can get us some help. Just find the shut off valves. The last thing we need is to flood Ms. Lawson’s home.”

“Roger that, chief. I’m gonna go check on that. If you need me I’ll be around.”

Shaking her head as she dialed the water works number, she knew it was the start of another long day.

After the crisis of the broken water main was handled, the day went a little more smoothly. Deciding to wait around for Sara after the workers left, she started again to work on the railing. She hoped Sara wouldn’t mind her waiting around.

After some time spent working on her pet project, Sammy heard someone pull into the driveway and turned, smiling at seeing the SUV parked next to her truck. Stepping out of the vehicle, Sara grabbed her briefcase from the back. It had been a tiring and stressful day and part of her just wanted to take a long, hot shower, although seeing Sammy hard at work on the porch made her correct herself: take a long, hot shower with a certain incredibly sexy woman. Instantly, her mind was flooded with images, causing her face to flush a deep scarlet.

Ignoring the thrill running through her body, Sara called over to the contractor, “Hope I’m not being charged overtime for this?”

Sammy grinned up at her over her shoulder, a fine sheen of sweat covering her exposed skin. “No. Well, unless you didn’t bring food. Then I don’t know,” she quipped as she stood up, brushing her hands vigorously on her pants. The sawdust covering them went flying into the air.

“Damn, guess its overtime then.”

Taking a deep breath, Sara asked, “Did you hear anything back from your friend?”

“Not yet, but hopefully soon.” Although her words were optimistic, the soldier in her couldn’t help but be frustrated by inaction. Sammy knew these things took time, but each passing moment without some kind of progress seemed like it was inching them closer to danger, somehow.

“I hope so,” Sara responded reluctantly. She didn’t want to tell Sammy, but she had been on edge all day, even snapping at another doctor at the practice over a difference in opinion on a case they were working on. The stress was taking its toll on her, affecting even her professional life.

“Rough day at work?” Sammy timidly asked, noticing how defeated the redhead looked.

“Yes, and I’d love to tell you all about it, but I can’t. I can’t ever talk about work. On days like today, it really sucks.”

“I understand how that goes. When I was in the Marines, at times we couldn’t tell people when or where we were deployed.” For a moment Sammy stood with a thoughtful look on her face. She knew what it was like to have your personal life in shreds and to have to keep secrets for work. “I have an idea, if you’re open to it,” she finally said, looking expectantly at Sara.

Raising her eyebrow, Sara asked, “What do you have in mind?”

“Got a bathing suit?”

“Yes.”  Sara was a little confused, but she decided to play along, willing to see where this would lead.

“Well, go change. Can I use your bathroom to switch my clothes, too?”

“If we can cancel out the overtime.” Sara shot an impish smile at the taller woman.

“Alright, fine,” Sammy teased back, “But you owe me dinner, at least.” She nudged the shorter woman, she couldn’t help but tease her every chance she got.

∞

After a short drive out of town, Sara was already not sure where they were, much less where they were headed.

Even though she had lived in Oviedo with her grandmother as a teenager, they hadn’t really explored the surrounding areas, and now, as an adult, she had only learned the routes to work and a couple of her favorite shopping areas so far.

At the end of a dusty road, they pulled up to a large locked metal gate and Sammy pushed a button on a transmitter attached to her sun visor to open it. As they drove in, all Sara could see were trees, overgrown and wild. However, as they slowly drove down the steep road, the truck bouncing from the uneven ground, she spotted what she assumed was their destination: a big sparkling pond. Breathtakingly beautiful, the water glistened a dazzling blue in the sun, shining and smooth like a perfectly cut gem. Sammy pulled the truck close to the edge, parking so that the bed was facing the water.

“What is this place?” Sara asked in awe.

“It’s an old lime rock quarry. The company owns it, and it’s great for fishing or swimming!” Sliding out of the truck, Sammy grabbed blankets from under the back seat along with a couple towels.

Sitting in the passenger seat a little stunned, a confused Sara asked, “Swimming? It’s sixty-five degrees outside!”

“Prime weather! Another ten degrees lower, and it’ll be too cold,” Sammy cheekily replied, laughing at Sara from the back seat. Closing the rear door, Sammy energetically bounded to the rear of the truck, pulling the tailgate down and hopping into the bed in one swift motion. She spread the blankets down to cover the bed of the truck before climbed back down to stand in front of Sara, who had reluctantly slid out of the truck.

“So, are you jumping in?” Sammy asked as she pulled off her white t-shirt, quickly flinging it back on top of the blankets.

Sara immediately felt her cheeks turn hot and red. The sight of Sammy in a sports bra-style swimming top made a flame of desire spark deep inside her. The woman’s stomach muscles were toned more than any she had ever seen, and she couldn’t help but marvel at the woman’s physique. Greedily, her eyes raked their way up to her ample breasts, but she caught herself, forcing her eyes to dart back to the taller woman’s face. Embarrassed that she had let herself stare, Sara hoped the flush she felt burning on her face was somewhat hidden from the sun beaming through the trees.

Composing herself, Sara quickly asked, “We are really going to swim? In November?”

“Sure. It’s actually always the same temperature in the water, year-round. They tapped into a natural spring when they were digging, so as long as you have blankets for when you get out, it’s not bad. So what do you say we have a quick swim and then eat?” The drive-thru they had stopped at on the way would make a great meal after they had worked up an appetite.

After a moment’s indecision, Sara decided to just push herself to do it. She grasped the ends of her t-shirt, quickly pulling it up and off, then slowly peeled her jean shorts down, tossing them both to join Sammy’s shirt in the truck bed.

Feeling fire build between her legs, Sammy couldn’t help but stare at the perfect figure now standing in front of her in only a black bikini. To say Sara was exquisite would be an understatement. Though not as muscular as her own body, the other woman’s curves fit her short stature in just the right way. Just as Sammy was starting to shake herself out of her daze, Sara ran past her and was in the water before the Marine could recover her senses.

Sara called out, “Are you getting in, slow poke?” The sexual tension between them was palpable in the air. She was glad for the temperature of the water, thinking maybe it would help both of them cool down.

Running towards the water, Sammy took a leaping dive, splashing water all over Sara.

“Slow poke, huh?” she called to Sara as she came up for air, splashing water on Sara’s fire-colored hair. “Now who’s slow?”

Laughing at the banter, the bikini-clad woman started splashing water back. But it wasn’t long to see that Sammy clearly had an upper hand in their water fight, so Sara quickly headed for the opposite side of the lake, taking clean, smooth strokes to propel herself gracefully across the surface.

Not one to let a challenge go unanswered, Sammy took off after her in a fast swim to catch up. Effortlessly, Sammy moved through the water with amazing speed. Surprised by how fast Sammy could swim, Sara stopped, silently conceding defeat and switched to treading water to stay afloat. She found herself gasping for oxygen; lately she wasn’t used to this kind of exercise.

“This place is amazing,” Sara said through giggles, feeling truthfully content for the first time in weeks.

“Yeah, I come here sometimes after work just to relax. I thought you might enjoy the seclusion after what’s been going on.” Sammy couldn’t even bother to feel upset that she had inadvertently let another tidbit about her life escape her lips. All she could do was grin stupidly at Sara like someone with a schoolyard crush. This almost overwhelming attraction was a new feeling to Sammy— and one she was actually starting to enjoy.

Sara, too, was amazed at how much the other woman had opened up to her since their first meeting. Feeling close with her, for the first time in a long time, she felt hope.

Sammy prayed that Sara was okay with being brought out here. Knowing her past, and what had happened in the last few days, the last thing Sammy wanted was to make her uncomfortable. But all she could do now was make the best of it. She dove down under the water and out of Sara’s sights, deciding to have some fun.

“Sammy?” Looking around, Sara didn’t see her anywhere. Suddenly, she felt hands around her waist. Propelling out of the water, Sammy came up behind Sara, grabbing her. Sara most likely would have slapped anyone else, but she knew that Sammy was just trying to make her have a little fun to drown out the constant worries running through her mind.

Sammy turned her so their faces were only inches apart, and a mischievous look crossed the soldier’s face.

“No, Sammy, don’t even think about i—!” Sara exclaimed, but before she could get another sound out, Sammy pulled them both under water, dunking them down. Sara pushing away from the taller woman, using her for leverage to push herself to the surface. Sara laughed as her head rushed above the water. Just seconds behind her, Sammy came up just a few inches away from Sara, laughing heartily.

“You know you’re a devil, right?” Sara said with a smile. Leaning on Sammy she pulled her wet pony tail back in position and re-tied it back out of her face.

As she did, Sammy held on to her to let her fix her hair, and she couldn’t knock the feeling of how good the Sara felt in her arms. The need to kiss her was overwhelming, but since she wasn’t sure if either of them were ready for such a move, she pushed that feeling deep down.

“You hungry?” Sammy asked instead.

“Starving,” As Sammy pulled away, Sara couldn’t help but feel upset a bit from the loss of contact, pushing it down she reluctantly followed Sammy.

Swimming up to the shore, Sammy got out first, grabbing one of the towels and holding it open so she could wrap Sara up. She noticed Sara’s teeth chattering while she rubbed her smooth shoulders.

“You okay?”

Sara felt like she was freezing. “I liked it better in the water!”

“It’ll be better in a few minutes.” Wrapping a towel around her own waist, Sammy climbed up in the truck bed and, offering her hand to Sara, pulled the redhead up and settled down with her, nestling together in the blankets. Grabbing two beers from the small cooler she had bought at the gas station, Sammy masterfully pried off the tops with little effort and handed one to Sara.

With a muttered thanks, Sara took a long sip, finally starting to feel a little warmer. Of course, some of that feeling had to do with the fact Sammy still hadn’t put on a shirt, not to mention how close they were sitting together. Forcing herself to focus, she divided out the food, and they both dug into their take-out boxes.

Glancing at the skin peeking out from under Sara’s falling towel, Sammy had a difficult time trying to ignore the feelings that kept washing over her. She took a gulp of her beer, hoping it would calm her down. Looking out over the pond, she marveled at how the setting sun made the water appear to be a thick sheet of glass.

The alcohol didn’t help hide the fact that Sara kept blushing every time she would start to look at Sammy and they both were throwing a lot of longing glances, before suddenly looking elsewhere when they were caught. Deciding to make a move, Sara snuck closer. She laid her head on Sammy’s shoulder as they both looked upon the water, abandoning their meals.

The overwhelming urge to kiss Sara returned as soon as their skin touched. Sammy’s breathing deepened, but she consciously tried not to show how much the beautiful woman’s presence was affecting her.

Lifting her head up, Sara slowly moved to lightly touch the side of Sammy’s face.

Running her thumb over her cheek, she was pleasantly surprised to find it was softer than she had imagined it would be.

Even this simple touch sent chills down Sammy’s spine. She wondered if Sara knew what this was doing to her body. Straightening her legs in front of her, she hoped the move would relieve the pressure from sensitive areas which seemed not to care that she was trying to be good.

Something clicked deep within Sara. She knew in that moment she would have to be the one to make a move. Getting up on her knees, she straddled Sammy’s lap before her brain could talk her out of the move.

Sammy’s mind went blank as the redhead moved to sit in her lap. Her hands moving with a mind of their own, she pulled her close, fingers trailing around Sara’s waist, tracing random patterns on the exposed skin.  Her cool skin felt electrifying against her own, which was on fire.

Reaching her arms around Sammy’s neck, a smile crossed Sara’s lips: the taller woman was clearly shocked to have the other woman on top of her. It was good to know that sometimes she could surprise the other woman.

The sun sat in perfect position among the clouds, the sky an almost orange purple, setting a romantic backdrop against the sparkling crystal blue pond as the duo looked at each other, each hypnotized by the other. Neither was sure of what to do next, trembling with each move, fearing it would break the spell they each held over each other.

Sammy couldn’t take it anymore. She ran her fumbling hands up over Sara’s back, sending shivers through both of their bodies. Crimson flooded Sara’s cheeks as she tugged gently, pulling Sammy’s closer.  Slowly, lips edged closer to lips.

Sammy could feel Sara’s heartbeat as their bodies touched, and as she leaned in, their eyes locked, both self-conscious but neither able to look away.  Covering Sara’s mouth with a gentle kiss, Sammy let it say the words she couldn’t find: You’re safe with me.

Sara responded immediately. The softness of Sammy’s lips caused a low moan to escape her mouth as their tongues intertwined. As the kiss intensified, both of the women realized just how much they had been wishing for this.

∞

Sara had instinctively driven over to her friend’s place after Sammy had dropped her off and now found herself sitting in the living room of Mary’s house. Through a mouthful of popcorn, she’d told her friend about the afternoon.  Taking another mouthful, she waited nervously for a response.

“Maybe I should become a lesbian. None of my dates have been that great!”

Throwing a handful of the fluffy white snack in Mary’s direction, Sara couldn’t help but laugh.

“Really! I’m proud of you!  A little shocked, actually,” Mary said with a laugh of her own.

“Do you think I did the right thing?” Sara sheepishly asked.

 “Hell yes! You need to get laid,” Mary answered, not hesitating to give her advice.

Shaking her head, Sara answered shyly, “That’s not what this is about.  I—”

 “Oh no! Don’t go renting a U-Haul! Seriously, with a body like that, you’ve just got to get laid! I bet she’s a tiger in bed!” Mary dodged another handful of popcorn headed her way. “You know I’m going to make you vacuum if you keep doing that!”

“Shut up, Mary,” said Sara, playfully slapping her friend.

“All joking aside, Sara, if you like her and you feel comfortable with her, that’s all that matters. As long as she treats you well, I think it’s wonderful.” Giving a warm smile to her friend, the bubbly woman was genuinely happy for her. With the aftermath of her terrifying experience at the hands of Julia, she hadn’t been sure that Sara would ever be able to move on.  This step, even if the relationship went no further, was important for Sara.

Looking over at her friend, she could see how all of the activity of the day had tired the redhead out, but knowing her friend, she could see that Sara was hesitating to go home.

“So, kiddo, do you want to stay here tonight?”

“I don’t want to intrude…” Sara put up a good front, but this was the question she had secretly been waiting for.

“Yeah, Rocco and I really feel you are intruding. Yeah, right! You know you are always welcome here.  Besides, I’d feel better with you here now that Julia has decided to reappear.” Glancing down at the purring feline in her lap, she chuckled as she spoke.

“I just don’t want to live in fear anymore, Mary.”

“Then don’t. Get a security system installed, have Sammy sleep over,” Mary winked at her friend, “but stay here until you’re ready. Besides, I didn’t give you a spare key for nothing, you know.”

Smiling gratefully at her friend, she was glad the offer had been made. Sara knew she could take care of herself in most cases; however, around Julia, she wasn’t sure if flashbacks would overtake her if she ever had to face her rapist again.

“Thanks. I really appreciate everything.”

“Well then, tell me… does Sammy have a brother?”

Rolling her eyes, Sara couldn’t help but throw another wad of popcorn in Mary’s direction.

∞

Outside, parked on the street, Julia scowled at the two women, peering in the thin gaps in the blinds with binoculars. She seethed seeing them happy and laughing. For almost a year she had been plotting after getting fired from the hospital, losing her medical license, all of it. Now that she knew this cunt had something to do with it, all she had left was revenge. 

∞

 Crawling into the guest bed that night, Sara pulled out her phone. Hey, I’m at Mary’s house tonight. Didn’t want to be alone in my house. See you after work tomorrow? Or are you busy?

Across town, lying in bed not able to sleep, Sammy picked up her buzzing phone. Reading over the text message, she smiled at the thought that the redhead wanted to see her again. Thoughts of their kiss stoked the flames of passion she felt. She replied to the message: I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Not going to be at work.

Sara frowned at her phone as she thought of not seeing Sammy the next day. Are you okay?

Smiling as she read the text, Sammy replied, Yes, it’s for a shrink. You know how they are, haha.

I had a lot of fun this afternoon. We must do it again soon! Staring at the tiny screen, Sara was surprised to read the words she hadn’t realized she’d typed.

Nervously, Sammy decided to just bite the bullet: I know you’re busy, but if you could take off work, would you like to go with me tomorrow? Leaving at 8 am.

After a few moments of silence, Sammy found herself glaring at her phone, waiting for a response. Fearing the worst, Sammy berated herself for sending a reminder of how fucked up she was.

Curled up on the bed at Mary’s, Sara took a long breath while rereading the text message, knowing that any patient asking someone to accompany them to an appointment was huge. In Sammy’s case, it was monumental.  Knowing the current case load their small clinic had, she knew she shouldn’t take the day off; however, it didn’t stop her. As she pondered the situation, her phone lit up again.

Listen, I’m sorry. I know you’re busy. Just forget it.  I’ll see you soon.

Tapping quickly on the phone’s little keys, Sara responded with Mary’s address. Pick me up at seven thirty?

Reading over the message, Sammy didn’t know what to say. She had doubted Sara again, and once again she was proven wrong.

See you then.

CHAPTER 9

Driving on the highway this early bothered Sammy, and making the drive down to the veteran’s hospital in Tampa to see the doctor and get her meds filled her with absolute dread. “Shrink day” always was uncomfortable, but looking over at Sara in the passenger seat next to her, somehow she felt much better than usual about it today.

Sammy still wasn’t sure why she had asked the woman to accompany her. It wasn’t like she ever really said anything to the shrink anyway. Although Sammy had been given the option to go to a closer VA, she liked how separate this seemed from her day-to-day life. It was a requirement to get the medicine she needed to feel halfway normal, but she’d never liked the cajoling of the psychiatrist to bare her soul, and she hated it more and more with every trip.

Thinking back to officer training school, she wondered what her C.O. would say about being at the mercy of pills, he had pushed her harder than anyone she had ever met, he said he saw potential in her and was going to make sure she was the best officer that he knew she could be. He had been her first true mentor. Sammy, however, quickly shook off the thought; she knew he wouldn’t say anything— he had been killed last year. Deciding not to dwell, she turned her focus back to Sara.

“Thanks for coming with me today.”

“Anytime,” Sara replied, giving her a reassuring glance.

“I’ve got to warn you. Sometimes the hospital can be brutal if you don’t know what to expect. There are a lot of hurt soldiers. Hell, it’s brutal even if you expect it.”                                     

In response, Sara unbuckled her seatbelt and slid over to the middle of the bench seat, laying her head on Sammy’s shoulder. She could only hope that she had made the right decision by coming with her.

Leaning over slightly, Sammy kissed the top of Sara’s head. They could face this together.

∞

Walking into the hospital always felt surreal. Painted mostly white and tan, the campus was huge, housing three massive buildings. Everything a soldier would need in the recovery process was here. Sometimes, it seemed like just yesterday she had finally walked out. Other days, she couldn’t remember what it was like to be at the mercy of laying in the bed anymore. She had to admit that when they had tried again to get her to go to a closer hospital when she moved back to Oviedo, she had stayed here because of the connection she felt to this place.

Keeping pace with Sammy, Sara took in her surroundings as they went through the front doors of the main building. Doing her best not to stare at anyone, Sara felt very out of place among the broken soldiers. She locked eyes with a few of the soldiers, spotting the same hollowed, dull look that crossed Sammy’s face far too often. Some were missing arms, some legs, others nothing easily seen except for the life in their eyes. It shook Sara to the core, and even though she tried her best to put on a good front, she couldn’t shake the feeling of unease this place gave her.

 “You okay, Sara?” Lightly touching the woman’s lower back, Sammy wanted to make sure her companion wasn’t too overwhelmed.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Sara looked up at Sammy in, trying to force a teasing tone in her voice but failing, her voice sounding more monotone than she had anticipated.

A wry smile crossed Sammy’s face. “Well, I’m not the one who looks pale.”

Sara nodded at Sammy, realizing what effect the hospital was having on her. “I didn’t know so many,” she paused to swallow, her mouth suddenly dry, “so many were injured.”

Walking into the elevator, they were both pleased to find it deserted except for themselves. Leaning back on the cool, metal wall, Sammy said in a somber tone, “A lot more goes on than what the public is told.”

“I just don’t understand. I mean, I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an ass, but how do you sign up to fight when this is the outcome? Why?”

Sammy thought long and hard over that question. Had it come from anyone else, she would not have taken the time to explain, but she knew Sara had asked out of genuine concern and confusion.

“I can’t speak for everyone, only myself,” Sammy said slowly, thinking hard about how to let Sara this deeply into her life and her past. Turning to the control panel, she hit the button for the twelfth floor. “But I can show you.”

As the doors opened, Sara followed behind Sammy, stopping at a nurse’s desk. They seemed to be in a physical therapy ward, judging from the number of people with prosthetic limbs.

A tall black nurse smiled as she saw Sammy walking towards her. “Lieutenant, I was wondering if we would see you today!”

“Yes, ma’am. How’s she doing?”

“Well, it’s been a hard day today, but she’s still fighting through.” The nurse spoke with practiced cheerfulness, but it was easy to see that her happiness at seeing Sammy was genuine.

“Is it okay if we go in?” asked Sammy.

“Of course, I know she’ll be happy to see you.”

“Thanks, Tonya,” Sammy said with a nod. She had come early in order to make this stop before heading over to the counseling office, so she was happy to hear that they’d be able to visit.

The nurse walked around the desk and engulfed Sammy into a huge hug. “How have you been?”

Glancing at Sara as she pulled away from the hug, Sammy couldn’t hide the embarrassment from being hugged like a child. “I’m okay.” Pausing she turned to Sara. “This is Sara, she’s accompanying me today.”

Tonya raised her eyebrow, knowing that Sammy hadn’t had many visitors while in the hospital, she was glad the young woman finally had someone with her. Reaching her hand out, she shook Sara’s hand with a gleeful smile. “Pleasure to meet you, I’m Tonya.”

“Nice to meet you as well” Sara smiled back at the woman. Not really sure what to say, she was more than a little overwhelmed.

“Well I have to get back to work, but if you need anything, just let me know.”

Sammy smiled and said her goodbyes before she walked down the hall, Sara following close behind. Making their way to one of the small rooms, she knocked lightly before peeking her head in. “Officer on deck,” she announced loudly as she strode into the room.

The soldier lying in the hospital bed pulled herself up with the railings, saluting.

Sara looked at the woman. She wore a grey Marines t-shirt and workout shorts. Her black hair was tied back in a ponytail, and she looked exhausted. Sara recognized her immediately from the photo that hung on Sammy’s refrigerator. Waiting to see what would happen, she hung back by the doorframe, unsure of what to do.

Sammy walked next to the bed, saluting back. “At ease, Sergeant.”

“How are you, ma’am?” Quickly the woman pulled her hand up to meet Sammy’s with a firm handshake.

 “I’m good, Gunny. How about yourself?” Sammy took a seat beside of the sergeant’s bed as she spoke.

“Can’t complain. My folks just left. I think they’re getting tired of coming down from Georgia. All I can say to that is good. Great, even! I need some rest,” the woman said with a laugh. It was amazing to Sara that someone in her position could be so positive.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Sammy said, looking over at Sara, “But I brought someone with me today.”

 “LT, you dog! Please, come in!” She held out her hand to shake Sara’s. “I’m Emily.”

 “Sara. Nice to meet you.” The woman’s vivacious attitude was catching, and Sara couldn’t help but smile in response.

“Hope the LT over here is treating you right!” Emily said with a smirk, but seeing the confusion on Sara’s face, she realized that the civilian probably had no idea what the abbreviation meant. “It’s short for Lieutenant,” she clarified with a wink.

Blushing, Sara sat beside Sammy in one of the hard chairs, a nod her only response.

Here Sammy decided to interject, asking “How are classes going?”

“Great. Guess I’m not so dumb after all.”

“You were never dumb,” Sammy said firmly, looking at the woman with a serious expression.

“I don’t know, after all you taught me, I still managed to get my leg blown off. That’s pretty dumb.”

Sara’s head snapped up at the comment. Her breath caught as she finally noticed the prosthetic right leg propped up against the bed. Afraid that looking at it would be rude, she quickly averted her eyes.

Emily caught the look. “It’s okay, Sara, I don’t mind.” A reassuring smile crossed the young woman’s face as she spoke. Looking back at Sammy for affirmation, and receiving a slight nod, she continued, “Don’t feel sorry for me, or for looking. It’s natural. I’m just happy to be alive. I had to stay in the hospital longer than this rat, I mean, the Lieutenant, because I’ve had complications, infections, shit, you name it! But I’m alive and that’s all that matters. I got to propose to my girlfriend, too.”

Sammy quickly exclaimed finally letting the words her friend had said sink in, “Wait, you proposed? When?”

Emily beamed. “Last week. I’ve got to get the hell outta this hospital, though. Once I learn to walk again better, we’re going to get hitched!”

“I’m happy for you guys! God knows you’ve been through enough.”

“Congratulations!” Not knowing what else to say, Sara felt a bit like an outsider. Knowing this was important to Sammy, she did her best to hold fast, trying hard not to think about the strong woman she now knew was laying in a hospital bed, broken.

“Thanks. Now, when I finish my law degree, we’ll be set. It’ll definitely pay better than being a grunt.” Turning to Sara she finished her explanation: “That’s why I said don’t feel sorry for me. Had Sammy not pulled my sorry ass off that field, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be getting married. I just wouldn’t be. So yeah, it sucks I have a plastic leg, and maybe I got a bum deal, but… I can live with that.”

Sara was starting to think she really didn’t know Sammy at all. “She saved your life?”

Sammy had hoped this wouldn’t come up. “No, I just—”

Quickly interrupting, Emily reprimanded her former squad leader: “Don’t even finish that shitty excuse. Yes, Sara, she did. Not just mine, either; she took three bullets first and still came after me.”

Emily began explaining what had happened, no doubt cleaning it up a bit for a civilian who couldn’t be expected to understand war. Closing her eyes, though, Sammy could see that day replaying over in her mind, as if it was happening all over again.

“Come on, Gunny, we gotta move!” Sammy had just regained consciousness after being shot, but she knew that they couldn’t afford to stay in one place any longer. Pushing a small child into a side street to safety, she had turned her focus on her squad, screaming at the woman who was trailing behind. They had been pushed back again away from the Humvees, leaving them cut off from the rest their squad, which was a very dangerous predicament to be in.

Blood trickled down Sammy’s arm, and she could hardly feel anything on her left side and was finding it hard to breath. Explosions rocked all around. Hearing a scream from behind, she turned in horror to see her friend lying on the ground in a pool of blood, her leg laying on the ground beside her, about 10 feet away.

Quickly, she made her way to the wounded woman’s side, and she was dismayed to see that Emily hadn’t even gotten the reprieve of unconsciousness.

Emily looked at the world through a haze of pain, but she still was shocked when she spotted her own leg, torn away from her body. “Fuck! Fuck, that’s my fucking leg! LT, you’ve got to go. Leave me!”

It was rapidly getting dark, and between the chill of the night, the pain, and the blood loss, Emily struggled to her eyes open as Sammy worked quickly to make a tourniquet from her belt. Pain shooting through her left shoulder, the officer could feel fragments of something pushing deeper into the muscle as she worked, but she willed herself to focus on her fallen comrade as she pushed through the pain.

“Like hell I am. We are both going home, Gunny!” It was no use. Emily had passed out. There was no way she was going to lose another friend that day, so taking every ounce of strength she had left in her body, she lifted the lighter woman up, placing her over her uninjured shoulder as she frantically made her way to find help.

Sara let out a breath as Emily finished the story. Glancing between Sammy and Emily, she didn’t know what to think, and words simply wouldn’t come. Sara was realizing how badly she had misjudged Sammy at the start. Sammy sacrificed everything to save someone. Sara was ashamed to admit that she wasn’t sure she could ever make that call.

Emily turned to Sammy, adding quietly, “I still don’t know how you managed it, but I do know I’m the reason you needed the new shoulder. The doc even said so.”

Sammy shook her head. Looking down at the ground, she spoke softly, “Em, you would have done the same for me.”

“Of course, I just don’t know if I could have carried your muscular ass. You’re way heavier than I am.” Dry laughter filled the room as both Marines locked eyes. Sara wondered how the women could be laughing at all after experiencing more horrors than most even could dream of.

“I know it’s a lot to hear. That’s why I don’t talk about it. But you asked me why we do what we do.” Noticing that Sara was near tears, Sammy patted her leg. She looked at Emily as she said simply, “I did it for her.”

Emily met Sammy’s eyes, glad for her friend and the progress she was making. She was finally starting to resemble the person that had been taken away from them on the bloody battlefield. “And I did it for her,” she added, knowing that nothing else needed to be explained.

Regretting having to go to her appointment, Sammy reluctantly spoke, “I’ve got to get to Captain Royce’s office.”

“Well, leave me Sara at least!” Emily would be happy to have more time with a woman who was clearly good for her friend.

Standing up, Sammy glanced at Sara, trying to gauge how she felt about the idea. “It’s up to you.”

“Of course, I’d love to stay and chat,” said Sara, feeling the urge to get to know Emily a little better, thinking that it might give her a better understanding of Sammy.

“Good, it’s settled then! Go get ‘shrunk’ and I’ll entertain this beautiful girl.” Emily winked at Sammy.        

“She’s spoken for, and I believe so are you,” Sammy barked in a matter-of-fact tone. The words made Sara blush again, but it also brought a grin to the trio’s faces.

“Yeah, yeah. Go on.”

Sammy mock saluted as she walked out the door. After she had disappeared from sight, Emily turned her full attention to Sara. “So tell me, how is she, really?”

“Honestly, I can’t tell you that. This is all new to me. She hasn’t really talked about the Marines.”

“Figures. She’s a great person and an amazing friend, but she doubts herself too much. She just can’t see herself like I can.” After a pause and an appraising look, Emily added, “Something is different now, though. I haven’t seen her smile like that in almost two years, so if you have anything to do with that, you’re good in my book.”

The comment made Sara somehow both happy and sad, and she found herself staring for a moment out the small window overlooking the hospital grounds. For the first time, she found herself wondering what Sammy must have been like before all the horrors of war had touched her. Praying to whomever would listen, she begged Sammy would find some peace soon, and hoped to see the smile Emily talked so warmly about.

Returning her attention to the other woman, she was content to listen to the many stories Emily had of the past, soaking up all of the information she could about Sammy.

∞ 

On the ride home, Sara gazed out the window, still lost in her thoughts. Iraq, the military, and Sammy filled her mind, and she realized just how lacking her knowledge was about all of those things. Her family had never been active in the services, and coming from an affluent family, she had never really learned about those types of sacrifices on a personal level before. All Sara’s family had ever seemed to care about was who won at the golf range. She felt truly ashamed for the first time in her life for the blind eye she had let herself have over the war.

Sammy broke the silence. “Penny for your thoughts, Ms. Lawson?”

“I’m just thinking about you. Do you miss the Marines?”

“Yes,” Sammy replied confidently, not missing a beat, “if they would have me I’d go back in. I was good at my job, but it was more than that. I didn’t have a family like you did, Sara. Good or bad, the Marines were my family.” Sammy focused on the approaching horizon, mindlessly driving, hoping Sara would understand even though she doubted that she herself fully understood.

Taking a moment to compose herself, Sara softly spoke, “You know if you ever want to talk about Iraq, I’ll listen.”

Looking over at Sara, for the first time, Sammy didn’t shrug off the thoughts of talking about things.  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Pulling into Mary’s driveway, Sara leaned closer to Sammy. “Thanks for trusting me today,” she almost whispered.

Realizing that she had in fact trusted the redhead, Sammy quickly leaned over, lightly touching the side of Sara’s face with her rough hand, she smiled as Sara’s face rubbed against her palm. Sammy closed the gap between them, kissing the woman softly. Pulling back, she smiled as she watched the curtains near the front door of Mary’s house move.

“I think we’re being watched,” Sammy said, her lips moving against Sara’s.

“Let her watch!”

Pulling Sammy into a deep kiss, Sara let the world and their worries melt away.

CHAPTER 10

“Oh God, call 9-1-1, now!” she heard a man frantically call back to his wife. She tried to turn her head to see who was talking, but everything hurt.

Standing beside the mangled mess, the bystander knew better than to move the driver, but he couldn’t get the door open, so he reached in through the broken glass, trying to check on the woman. His first aid skills were rusty, but he couldn’t just not do anything.

“Don’t move. Help’s coming. Can you hear me? Help is on its way.”

Sammy’s vision failed her, as shapes and colors blurred into tangled shadows. “What happened?” The words came at a mere whisper out of her mouth.

Looking at Sammy’s head, the scared man noticed massive bleeding above her right eye. He figured it must have slammed against the steering wheel, and looking at her truck, it was clear that the woman was lucky to still be alive. He and his wife had been in the car behind her in the right turning lane. The arrow had turned green, signaling them to go, but just as soon as the truck had let off the brakes, he’d seen a white van blow through the red light and plow into the driver’s side-door. Somehow, the van was able to speed away.

None of it made sense, but maybe some of that was the shock of it all. Pulling a white handkerchief out of his back pocket, he put it over the wound.

Sammy couldn’t suppress a loud groan, grimacing in pain from the contact. It was more than she could bear. “Sara,” came an unbidden moan, but speaking just made the pain from each breath she took worse.

With sirens screaming in the background, she allowed herself to close her eyes and drift off, away from the pain and confusion.

∞

Exhausted, Sara sat beside Sammy in the tiny private hospital room, watching over the injured woman. The couch, she feared, had left a permanent crick in her neck, but she could not bring herself to leave Sammy. The new patient had been hooked up to wires and tubes running from her body to various machines around the room, her head had been bandaged, and it had taken almost twenty stitches to close her head wound.

In the three days since the accident, Sammy hadn’t woken up. The doctors were afraid of brain damage. After receiving her files from the veteran’s hospital, they’d discovered that she had suffered a concussion in Iraq and now feared that, with the recent trauma, her brain would be further injured. However, they stressed that they wouldn’t know anything until after Sammy woke up.

When Sammy tried to open her eyes, the pressure from her head made her eyes feel far too heavy, so she decided she would keep them closed just a little longer. She could hear beeping around her, and the air felt sterile. Great, I’m at the fucking hospital.

Taking stock of her body, she was upset to find that her mind was the only thing working. Come on. Wake up and open your sorry-ass eyes.

Still nothing; Sammy felt something warm covering her left hand, along with what felt like hair. She knew she was sitting up, or at least, she thought she was. Slowly, she was finally able to pry her eyes open, but the light in the room immediately forced her to shut them again. Even with her eyes firmly screwed shut, the florescent lights came through her eyelids like lightning rods. She couldn’t help but let out a stifled moan of pain.

Sara jolted up from where she had fallen asleep to find she had laid her upper body over Sammy’s hand.

“Sammy?” she said, scared to let herself hope the woman was awake.

“Lights. Hurting,” came the pained reply. Sammy pulled her right hand up to try shielding her eyes from the agony. She noted grimly that even speaking hurt.

Quickly, Sara made her way to the switch by the entrance, turning off all but the bathroom light and the one by the door.

With the room darkened, Sammy forced her eyes open, tracking the room in search of Sara. Her mouth felt like an Iraqi desert in the middle of a sandstorm. Begging her body to speak, only one word left her mouth: “Water…”

Sara reached to the tray at the end of the bed. She picked up a pitcher and poured a small plastic cup full of water, before lifting it towards the wounded Marine’s lips, helping to pour it into her mouth.

Sammy forced herself to sit forward enough to take a drink. Pulling back, she looked at Sara and forced a dry, “Thanks.”

Sara took the cup and sat it back down. She marveled at Sammy, never so thankful for someone to open their eyes. It was good to see her moving and to hear her voice again.

“I should get a nurse.”

“Wait,” Sammy said quickly and reached up to grab Sara’s hand. Realizing the pain that radiated throughout her arm, Sammy looked down at it and noticed the IVs attached to her.  “What happened?”

“You were in a car accident after you dropped me off, don’t you remember?” Concern seeped through Sara’s voice.

Before they could continue their discussion, the nurse who was making her rounds popped into the room. Her bored expression turned happy once she saw that Sammy was conscious.

“Samantha, good to see you finally awake,” she said loudly, bustling into the room. From the foot of the bed, she took her chart, checking it over before turning her attention back to her patient. Moving over beside her head, the nurse pulled a blood pressure cuff down from the wall and placed it around her right arm.

“Sammy, not Samantha,” Sammy quietly corrected her.

The nurse smiled slightly, taking it as a good sign that the patient was awake enough to care about her name. “Sorry. Sammy, do you know what happened?”

“Car accident.”

“Yes, dear. Are you in pain?” she asked with a motherly tenderness in her eyes.

But the pain and brightness of the room made Sammy’s temper shorter than usual. “What do you think?” Sammy answered, unable to hide her annoyance.

The nurse merely gave Sammy a stern look, one eyebrow raised in a practiced manner. Clearly, the woman had plenty of practice handling difficult patients.

After a few moments, the pain became too much, and Sammy caved with a sullen nod.

The nurse took the blood pressure cuff off, placing it back on the tall monitor with a satisfied look. “BP looks good. Any pain from your shoulder or back?”

“It’s sore. Both are sore.” Sammy was feeling sleepy again, barely able to hold her eyes open. She felt as if she floated on a cloud, but at the same time, her body felt heavy, as if the blood in her veins had been replaced with hard metal.

“Well, I’ve not seen a total shoulder replacement like that too often on someone your age, and I have no doubt that that alone must be giving you some pain. We were worried it was aggravated when you were hit.” The nurse wrote a few more things on the chart. “I’ll get you some medicine from the doctor’s written notes, but the doctor will be in shortly, and he’ll want to look you over, since you’re awake. If you need anything just push the button,” she finished, and with a fleeting glance in Sara’s direction, the nurse left to finish her rounds.

Groggily, Sammy looked over at Sara, who was holding tightly onto her hand.

“How long have I been here?”

“Three days,” Sara said briefly. She wanted to tell Sammy everything, but she knew that right now wasn’t a good time, so she held back. She was just happy the other woman was awake.

Just then, Mary walked in, carrying a balloon and a small bag of clothes.

“Hey, sleeping beauty, you’re awake!” Her infectious bubbly personality filled the room. She yanked at the string in her hand, making the bright yellow smiley face balloon dance. “I brought you this!”

Sara smiled over at her friend as she sat on the small couch by the bed. “She just woke up a few minutes ago.”

Sammy was too far out of it to acknowledge Mary or the gift. Nodding in and out of consciousness, she had only one thought on her mind. “Sara. My truck?”

Sara felt a wave of relief flow through her; if Sammy was thinking about her truck, she must be okay.

“I’m sorry, Sammy, it was totaled. They said if you’d been in anything besides the truck, you would have died.” Chills ran down her arms as she thought of how their new start could have ended before it even began.

Mary scoffed and added, “I can’t believe that bitch did this!” Mary regretted the statement as soon as Sara shot her the look of death, an ice-cold glare of anger that the woman would bring this up now, just as Sammy had finally woken up.

“What bitch?” Sammy dryly asked; sleep fuzzing out the edges of her words.

In a half-hearted attempt to retract her words, Mary sputtered, “Well, anyone’s a bitch that would do this, right?” Beside her bedside, Sara nodded with conviction, but she couldn’t bring herself to look into Sammy’s eyes.

Forcing her brain into action, Sammy fought to put two and two together. Frustrated that she was being kept out of the loop, she asked more forcefully, “What bitch?”

Sara pulled in a deep breath, hesitant to say anything. Will she hate me after this? Is this the thing that Sammy will finally say is too fucked up to handle?

With a sharp nod to herself, the redhead gathered her courage and cut to the chase. “Julia. They traced the van back to her.”   

Sammy tried to sit up in bed in reaction to the news, but pain shot through her new injuries. Instead of stopping at the pain, though, she seemed to steel herself to power through it. It was plain to everyone in the room that each movement was agony for the Marine. Quickly standing up beside the bed, Sara placed a hand on the woman’s forearm and begged, “Stop. Please just stop. You have to lie down.”

“I’ve gotta find her! She’ll hurt you,” Sammy replied, frantically. Being reminded of the looming threat of Julia put her into a panic, and she was desperate to protect the one person in this world who accepted her, even with her past.

Sara’s heart melted. Gently, she rubbed Sammy’s cheek to sooth her. “No, I’m fine. They’ve put out an A.P.B. on her, and they also have police around the hospital, Mary’s home, and mine. Apparently, you are liked by the police force here,” she said with a smile, careful to keep her voice calm and low.

Sammy felt her panic subsiding and being replaced with an overwhelming feeling of fatigue. Her energy had been low to start with, and the slight movement had overexerted her. With a soft smile at Sara’s touch, she succumbed to her exhaustion and drifted back to sleep.

Flopping down on the couch, Sara looked again at her friend with reproach in her eyes. “Why the hell would you say that?”

“Honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t think,” Mary mumbled as she hung her head in shame.

Immediately, Sara felt guilt at blaming her friend over a simple slip of the tongue. “I’m sorry, Mary. This is all overwhelming. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“It’s okay, I deserved it.” She sniffled a little bit, but soon the smile was back on her face. After a brief pause, she added “I’m glad she woke up.”

The tense moment between them over, the women’s attention turned to Mrs. Jacobs, who had just walked into the room carrying a single yellow rose.

Sara walked over and hugged the woman, excited to get to share the news. Tilly had been to the hospital every day to check on Sammy. “Hello, Tilly. She woke up for a little bit!” she gushed, and she could see the same excitement in her voice mirrored in the older woman’s eyes.

“Oh dear, that’s wonderful! Is she okay… memory-wise?” Tilly asked, almost singing with joy.

“She asked about her truck,” Sara chuckled.

“That’s my Samantha!” Tilly nodded over to Mary. “How are you today, dear?”

“I’m good, ma’am. Yourself?”

“Better, now that I hear Samantha is up.” Tilly let a bright smile escape her lips. She was even happier once she saw signs of the wounded Marine stirring awake again.

Drowsily slipping back into consciousness, Sammy heard her neighbor’s voice and playfully saluted the woman, although with between the exhaustion and the medication, it was a little sloppier than usual.

Walking over to the bed, Tilly looked down at Sammy with an appraising eye, her medical training kicking in to carefully measure her condition. Years spent in the hospitals of Vietnam as a nurse allowed her to recognize the hazy smile that Sammy now sported.

“I see the morphine is kicking in.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Sammy’s smile grew goofier. With her thoughts weaving and spiraling, it was difficult to keep a steady train of thought, but thinking back, she decided that compared to her last hospital stay, this one was much better: she at least had someone to wake up to. Her loopy grin didn’t falter even as she added, “I have a bit of a headache.”

“Well, dear, be glad you’ve got a hard head,” Tilly said as she busied herself with her newest patient, fussing with the pillows and putting the flower she’d brought in a cup with some water.

“Funny. Thanks for...” Sammy began, but before she could finish her sentence, she drifted off to sleep as the drugs took effect.

∞

The next day, Sammy had been much more coherent and had even managed to talk Sara into going with Mary to get a shower and some fresh clothes after they had talked with the doctor. Although she was feeling a little better today, her head hurt and it felt as though she had been kicked in the chest by a horse, probably from the impact of the air bag.

Mindlessly, she flipped through some magazines that Mary had brought, laughing when she got to a copy of Maxim. Laying the magazine down on her lap, she leaned her head back, closing her eyes for a moment. Her reprieve was short lived however as a slight knock on the door caused her to force her eyes open.

“Hey!” Paul grinned, standing in the doorway. “You know, if you wanted to get out of work, we could’ve thought of a better way to go about it,” he teased as he sat on the couch.

“Yeah, you know me, ever the slacker.” She laughed a bit, but the pain in her chest quickly stopped that. Instead, she quirked a boyish grin in his direction, happy to have him around. It was nice to speak to someone who didn’t treat her like a very fragile piece of china or something.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, a curious eye running over her assorted visible bruises and cuts.

“Like I got run over.”

“Funny,” Paul said with a short laugh at her dry sense of humor.

Looking at the door, Sammy felt a small twinge of hope in her gut. She knew his wife wouldn’t have accompanied him, but somehow she had hoped to see her anyway. It was the first time in a long time that that hope had escaped from the deepest recesses of her mind.

“Sammy, she’s not coming. She wanted to, she really did. She just can’t,” Paul tried to explain, the lines around his eyes tightening almost imperceptibly. He felt horrible about having to make excuses for his wife, but no matter how he had asked and cajoled this morning, she had been adamant that she was not ready to face Sammy yet, especially not in a hospital.

Clenching her jaw, Sammy vowed she would not cry. It was hard enough being back in a hospital, helpless again, she might have let her defenses down with Sara, but she couldn’t give herself that kind of release here. No, not in front of this man, who had lost everything. What right did she have to feel bad for his wife not being able to look at her? After all, Sammy had made it home; her son had not.

Picking up on the large amount of pain Sammy had to deal with; Paul stood up and patted her on the leg.

“You know we both love you, kiddo. She is just a little lost.”

With a pained expression, all Sammy could offer up was a pained apology. “I don’t know why I made it back and he didn’t.”

She had finally said it, the thought that had haunted her for years. Looking into Paul’s brown eyes, she felt tears forming. Unable to hold them in any longer despite all her effort, they dribbled down her cheeks slowly at first, but once they started, she could no longer contain the flood of hurt flowing out of her.

“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here.” Paul reached over and pulled Sammy into a fatherly hug.

“I’m so sorry.” Sammy hung onto Paul as if her life depended on it. She hadn’t hugged him since after the funeral when he had come to the hospital still in his suit. Sammy hadn’t been cleared to leave the hospital yet and thus had been denied the right to say goodbye to her best friend. It had been the only time she had hated being a Marine.

“I’m sorry I’m here and he’s not.”

Anger boiled deep inside Paul, making him furious at his wife. God, how he to missed his son. That would never change. However, he felt they both owed this woman more than they ever could repay her. Had it not been for Sammy, their son would have never found the courage to tell them he was gay. He would have never had the chance to tell his son how much he loved him, for exactly who he was.

But now, his wife refused to even see Sammy. It had started immediately after the funeral, when she’d refused to go to the hospital, and since that day she had not laid eyes on the person who might as well have been their own daughter. It made him want to yell and scream at her hardheartedness; instead, he did the only thing he could and held onto Sammy tightly. And even though he knew it was hopeless, he couldn’t help himself from praying his wife would walk through the door.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he said steadily, the conviction in his voice ringing through every word. Pulling away just long enough to look into Sammy’s eyes, he put everything he had into the next sentence. “I am so very glad you are here with us, Samantha.”

As she sobbed harder, he pulled her back into a protective hug. “It’s going to be okay.”

∞

Sammy had been cooped up for the last few weeks, recovering on doctor’s orders, but today as she sat alone in her apartment, Sammy was about to go stir crazy. She knew she was lucky. A wicked scar crossed her forehead, but thankfully, she would have no other lasting effects. This gratitude at being more or less unharmed didn’t keep her from feeling and frustration of inactivity, however.

As Sammy was pondering the different ways to rearrange her furniture, she shook off that thought realizing she would get a stern lecture from Sara about exerting herself. Picking up her game controller, she decided to try and take her mind off of the boredom by catching up on the videogame Mary had bought her; however, her phone had another idea as it chimed with an incoming message. She read the new text message with a furrowed brow before typing out a quick reply. Then, getting dressed, she headed out to her rental car.

After a short drive to the police station behind a nearby block of apartments, she waved to her friend, who stood leaning against his squad car in the parking lot. She parked beside the officer, slid out of the driver’s seat, and greeted him.

“How you doing, Bobby?”

“Oh, enjoying the good ol’ civilian life. You know how it is.” He said in a matter-of-fact way as they firmly shook hands.

Sammy glanced at his new prosthetic left arm. The last one had had a hook on it, but she hadn’t seen him in a few months. The only contact she had with him was when Julia had started harassing Sara and she had sent him countless emails trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Sammy felt a slight pang of guilt for not being able to see her friend more often. Especially now since he was more than willing to help her with whatever she needed. Glancing back down at the arm, she realized this one almost looked like the real thing; that thought jolted her out of the past.

“How’s that working for you?” she asked with a nod to the new appendage.

“Okay. There was a lot of jargon tossed over my head that I didn’t understand when they put it on me.” He replied with a self-deprecating laugh. “All I know is that it lets me be a cop, not just a desk jockey anymore, and, well, that’s okay with me.”

Sammy nodded knowingly, agreeing with her old friend.

After a beat, the cop continued. “How are you feeling?” He wanted to apologize for not coming to the hospital, he had been out of town when it happened getting his new arm, yet still he felt guilty. The right words wouldn’t form so he just listened with a kind ear as she answered.

“Better than I did, and I can go back to work on Monday, but from your text I take it you didn’t contact me to catch up. Did you find something?”

“Yeah. You were right, she’s a whack-job.” Bobby pulled out a folder from the front seat of his car, looking around to make sure no one was watching. “Listen, this is off the record, you got me?”

“I got you.”

Quickly, he switched modes from friend to cop.

“Forty-two-year-old, ex-doctor.”

Sammy’s attention immediately latched onto one all-important syllable.  “Ex?”

“Apparently she lost her medical license about two years ago, over sexual harassment on a patient. Several, actually.”

Sammy felt sick to her stomach at the implication.

Looking up, Bobby noticed her reaction. His brow creased with concern as he asked, “I take it you know something about her?”

“It’s my friend’s ex, Bobby. She hurt her… She didn’t want to tell your department that.” Sammy paused, wanting to tell Bobby everything; however, even though he was her friend, it was not her story to tell.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me? I can’t do my job unless I know everything!”

“Man, she doesn’t even know I’m talking to you now. She hopes what happened to me will be enough to arrest Julia. The good doctor has been sending Sara threatening text messages, even before the accident, and now she’s sent her pictures of my truck all mangled up. It’s fucked up, Bobby.”

The cop shook his head as he listened to her summary of what had been going on. Even after all the horrors they had seen in Iraq, it still surprised him sometimes how evil people could be, even outside of warzones.

“I think you should talk to her. If she gives me permission, I can pull up the text records of her phone and start to build a case. At the very least, we’d be better prepared.”

“I know.” Sammy’s eyes looked distant as she worried about what she had just learned.

Hesitantly, Bobby spoke, “There’s something else.”

“What?” Sammy asked, unsure if she could take much more.

“The woman has an arrest record. After losing her job, she was picked up for D.U.I’s a few times… Be careful. I have a bad feeling about this.”

“So do I.” As her hand massaged the back of her neck, Sammy wished seeing her old comrade could have been under better circumstances. Everything about the situation screamed danger, and she couldn’t stop the nagging worry in the back of her mind that bringing in Bobby just meant putting more people in harm’s way. “Listen, I’ve got to head out, since I want to make it back to my apartment before Sara comes over.”

“Roger that, LT,” came the quick reply. “If you need anything, call me, alright?”

“Will do. Hey, Bobby?”

“Yeah?”

Sammy poured all of her sincerity into one word. “Thanks.”

He smiled warmly at his friend, but he felt a slight tug on his heart with thoughts of what could have been. It didn’t seem right to see Sammy without Steve, but he was glad nonetheless for the memories they all shared, and he knew he would always stick up for Sammy, until his dying breath. It was one of the reasons he had moved back to his hometown, knowing that eventually Sammy would make her way here as well. They both had a connection that time couldn’t erase to this place because of Steve.

“Anytime.”

∞

Sammy was surprised when she walked back into her apartment and found Sara already relaxing on the couch.

“Hey.”

“Hey, yourself. I hope you don’t mind, but Mrs. Jacobs let me in.”

“It’s fine. I never mind seeing you. I just figured you’d be here a little later.” Sammy grinned widely at Sara. Walking over, she sat beside her, softly kissing Sara on the cheek before getting settled. “How was work?”

“Long and boring. There was lots of paperwork today. Where were you?”

Sammy started to tell Sara what her friend had found out, but she just wasn’t sure it was the right time, so she opted to bend the truth a bit. “I had an errand to run.”

“You know, you could have told me. I would’ve taken care of it after work.”

“Honey, I can do things for myself. I appreciate everything you and everyone else have done for me, but I’m better. Really.”

Sara cuddled into Sammy’s arms, smiling at the pet name.

“I just worry about you.”

“I thought I was supposed to worry about you.” Sammy tightened her grip on Sara, who giggled.

“I guess we are a good pair then, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Are you staying for dinner?”

“No, I promised Mary we’d have a girls’ night in. That is, unless you’re not feeling well.”

“Please, go have fun. You both have been fussing over me so much; you deserve to have some fun! Besides, I have some things I’d like to work on anyway.” Sammy couldn’t help but smile at Sara’s thoughtfulness, but she knew that everyone involved needed some time to unwind from everything that had happened lately.

Hugging Sammy tightly, Sara had never been more grateful for someone being alive.  “Alright. But if you need anything—”

“I’ll call,” Sammy finished her sentence with a chuckle.

After Sara left, she walked down to the small garage she rented with her apartment. Sammy had turned it into a workshop, and every day for the past week she’d been working on building a porch swing for Sara. Frustrated with the doctor keeping her on bed rest for another week, she’d had to find something to do, and this had seemed very appropriate at the time. Opening the door, Sammy sat down on a small stool and picked up some sandpaper, intent on her project.

∞

When Mary had suggested going out instead of staying in, Sara had no idea they would end up at the local gay bar in downtown Oviedo. Sitting at one of the tables that lined the dance floor, Sara sipped her mango-flavored “drink of the night.” She had not asked what was in it, learning long ago that sometimes, you just did not want to know. She pulled her phone out to text Sammy.

Mary made us come to the gay bar downtown!

Sara couldn’t contain her laughter when she spotted her friend being dragged to the dance floor by a middle-aged butch woman wearing a leather vest and blue jeans that were way too tight for her figure. As her phone came to life, she pulled it close to read Sammy’s response.

Should I be worried?

Sara giggled as she snapped a picture of her friend on the dance floor, sending it to Sammy.

Ah, why was I worried? You are way too femme for her! Sammy’s response made Sara laugh out loud.

Perhaps you should come save me! Sara texted back, having fun with the exchange.

Mary walked over to the small table, breathing hard. Sara couldn’t help but tease as Mary sat down.

“Sparky give you a work out?”

 “Why aren’t you being hit on? I mean you’re the gay one,” Mary answered after downing a shot.

“I’m not the one flirting with everyone,” Sara said, laughing.

“Yeah, well… someone has to!” Mary nodded to the bartender, who brought over a fresh round of drinks. “Keeps us in free drinks, doesn’t it?” Mary winked at the bartender as she walked away.

“God, I would’ve killed for this place to be here back in high school,” Sara exclaimed, unable to stop laughing.

“You mean your grandmother might have killed you for coming here?” Mary laughed. “On second thought, she was always so cool with everything. Your granny rocked!”

“I know! She told me to be happy. I wish her and mom would’ve gotten along better. I would’ve loved to have more time with her.”

Mary took a long sip of her new drink, finally deciding to try what Sara was having. “I miss my folks, too. I can’t believe it’s been three years since they died in that damn car crash.  When you told me Sammy had been in an accident, it just brought it all up again.” Mary’s eyes wandered for a moment as they flashed to the night she had gotten the call telling her that her parents had died. It was not a thought she liked to dwell on.

“They were so nice to me.” Sara paused. “We should all ride horses one day like we used to. We haven’t done that since before I left for Harvard!”

“Yeah, right! I said when I sold all the animals I would never get back on a horse again! I’d live on the land; enjoy the open space, but no more horses! You know they hate me!” Mary snorted. “Besides, can you see my fat ass on a horse again? Really?” Mary stared directly into Sara’s green eyes, deadpan.

“Okay, okay. No horses for you!” Conjuring up an image of the drunken Mary before her on a horse had Sara in stitches again in no time.

“Besides, don’t you have a stud to ride at home for free?” Mary shot a cocky grin at Sara. Seeing Sara’s face turning the same color as her hair, she teased, “I see. You haven’t tapped it yet! It’s okay, you’ll do it soon enough,” She was glad to see that at least her friend was finally flirting with the idea of sex again.

“Does everything have to be about sex with you?”

“No, it doesn’t have to be,” Mary said with a long drawl, wagging her eyebrows.

Taking a long sip of her drink, Sara retorted, “You’re incorrigible, you know that?”

Mary laughed, but her face quickly turned serious as a thought struck her. “Do you ever regret coming here, Sara?”

“To Oviedo?”

“Yeah. I mean, do you ever wish your sister hadn’t walked in on you and Tina?”

“No. I mean… Yes, I wish Allison hadn’t walked in on us, but I never regretted coming here. After I met you, that is. Who knew that taking swimming lessons could lead to so much trouble? Don’t answer that.” Both laughed, knowing that given the opportunity, Mary could have come up with at least ten ways swimming lessons could have gotten a young Sara in trouble, and nine of them would have been sex-related.

 “Looks like someone missed you,” said Mary, peering over Sara’s shoulder and pointing to Sammy, who had just strolled into the bar.

Sara’s face lit up when she turned to see the Marine walking their direction.

Sammy walked up, immediately wrapping her arms around the redhead.

“I believe someone said they needed rescuing?”

Mary cocked her head sideways. “Rescuing, huh?”

“What? You were dancing with Sparky and I wasn’t sure if I would have a ride home!” Sara shot Mary an evil grin.

“Uh-huh.” Mary giggled. Suddenly her eyes shot wide open, her mouth frozen in a surprised “Oh.” Turning around, she spotted the butch she had been dancing with, her hands deep in Mary’s back pockets.

Sammy looked down at Sara with a questioning look. Sara just grinned and shrugged her shoulders.

The butch spoke in a low husky voice, “So, babe, wanna go to the bathroom with me?”

It was Sammy’s turn to look shocked. The implication was very explicit to Sammy, but looking at Mary, it seemed like the innuendo had gone over her head.

Mary nodded as she reached for her purse. “Actually, yes, I do need to go.”

Sammy, feeling a great need to intervene, pulled her free arm around Mary’s shoulder, and looked the butch straight in the eyes. “Sorry, we were all just leaving.”

Mary and Sara both looked at Sammy, confusion filling their faces. But the butch clearly understood, backing away and slowly pulling her hands out of Mary’s pockets. “Sorry, I didn’t realize. No hard feelings?” She stuck her hand out to offer it in peace to Sammy.

Sammy released her right arm’s grasp from Sara’s waist, still clinging tightly to Mary with the left and shook her hand. “No hard feelings,” she said with a nod to Sparky, a half grin crossing her lips. She looked relieved as the woman walked away.

“What the hell was that about?” Mary asked, confused, as Sammy released her.

Before Sammy could speak, the bartender walked over, carrying fresh drinks for the table.

“Hey, stud! Finally come back for more?” she asked boldly, raking her long, wild hair with a perfectly manicured hand as her eyes roved the tall woman’s body with a lustful look.

Slowly closing her eyes, Sammy shook her head, wondering if the night could get any stranger. “No, Amanda, I’m afraid not.” She darted her eyes toward a confused Sara, hoping this wouldn’t ruin everything they had going for them.

“You’re one lucky bastard,” the bartender said to Sara, catching the look. Turning back to Sammy, she smiled. “I’m happy for you, though. Drinks are on me, ladies.” Brazenly, she stole a wink at Mary as she walked away.

Shaking her head, Sammy couldn’t help but smile, until she saw Sara gawking at her. She quickly backpedalled, stuttering, “Um, would you settle for ‘long story?’”

Mary chuckled at the clearly unamused look Sara shot towards Sammy. “I think this is a story I want to hear!” she exclaimed with a laugh.

∞

The next day, sitting at a red light heading to work, Sammy could not help but hate the rental car she was in. After being in the car accident, it only reaffirmed the thoughts she had about small cars, and the vulnerability they presented. She felt vulnerable enough without driving a death trap. But yet here she sat, in just such a vehicle. The weeks of inactivity made her even more impatient than usual; she wanted to get to the job and her crew as soon as possible.

Finally reaching Sara’s house, Sammy pulled her tool belt tight and allowed herself a critical look at the house. Truthfully, it had come along nicely in her absence. The outside was nearly done, with new shutters currently going up, and the porch would soon be treated with a deck coating. Inside, however, much work remained left to do.

The upstairs will be a beast to finish, she thought to herself. It was a good thing they would be doing it after the long Thanksgiving break. She had been keeping tabs on things through Ricardo and she didn’t know if the crew could hold up before they took a little time off. They had tried their best to stay on schedule, but it was difficult, even with long working hours.

Since the crew working on the shutters was one man short, she offered to help. Climbing up on the ladder, Sammy was thankful to be doing something outside with her hands, and it was a good way to get back in the saddle and re-establish her credibility with the workers. It was never a good thing when the boss was absent, even though it hadn’t been her fault, she still felt bad for letting her team down. Taking a deep breath in, Sammy realized that after being shut up for so long, it felt wonderful to take in the crisp November air.

As the crew left at the end of the day, ready to enjoy their long holiday weekend, Sammy felt a flash of relief that it was only Tuesday. Paul had given the crew a few extra days off, and she intended to enjoy them. Although, with the pain in her shoulder, she knew that she would most likely spend that time recuperating. With even just one day making her worn out like this, perhaps the doctors had been right. She may have overdone it today, and perhaps should have taken the day as well as the extended weekend off to finish fully healing.

Shaking off the idea, she went back to her pet project, happy that Ricardo had gone to get the porch swing for her earlier. She set about repairing the porch, working much slower than normal, but unwilling to let her injuries get the best of her yet. After thirty minutes, she found herself smiling with anticipation as she heard Sara’s SUV. She had been happy to get the text this afternoon to meet her and had immediately decided that it was as good of time as any to give Sara her gift. Sammy hoped Sara would like what she had built for her, especially since she had only just finished with the installation.

Putting away her tools, she walked over to the driveway to meet her. She noticed how Sara’s face brightened once she saw her and imagined that her own face must look the same way.

“Hey.”

“Hey, yourself,” Sammy said as she closed the gap between them in a few long strides, wrapping Sara in a hug. Taking in the familiar lavender scent that had now become Sara’s scent in Sammy’s mind, she felt the thrill of happiness that always ran through her at the redhead’s touch.

While hugging the taller woman back, Sara suddenly noticed the unfamiliar addition to her porch from over Sammy’s shoulder. “What’s that?” she asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

A huge smile crossed Sammy’s face, and taking Sara’s hand, she pulled her up onto the porch, proudly showing off the newly finished swing. “Surprise.”

Sara was floored by the gift. It amazed her that Sammy had remembered, when she had only ever mentioned this once. In awe, she asked, “Did you build this?”

“Yeah, I did. I took it little by little, so it took a while, but I wanted to do something nice for you. I guess I should have asked, but I know you said you loved to sit outside.” Nervously rubbing the back of her neck, Sammy found herself rambling, but she couldn’t interpret the look on Sara’s face. Had she made a mistake? She dug her hands deep in her pockets, rattling her keys and change nervously.

Wrapping Sammy in a tight hug, Sara felt overwhelmed with gratitude.

“Thank you. My grandmother used to have one out here when I was younger. It’s so good to see it out here again!”

Pulling her hands out of her pocket, Sammy hugged Sara tight, happy that she had been able to give something of herself to the shorter woman.

“I love it. Thank you!” Pulling back a bit, but still staying in the embrace, Sara said, “I wanted to come by and grab the rest of my clothes. Do you want to go to dinner afterwards?”

Sara had been staying at Mary’s house at night; all three women had decided it would be best until Julia was apprehended. Sara hadn’t felt comfortable staying with Sammy all that time; when she had fallen asleep on the couch with the woman while she was recovering, she’d found herself furiously blushing at thoughts of waking up in Sammy’s muscular arms.

“Sure, I’d like that.”  Sammy had secretly hoped to spend the afternoon with the redhead, and she was pleased to find that the other woman had been looking forward to her company too.         

“Good, come on in.” Pulling away from the hug, Sammy followed Sara into the small guesthouse. Sara felt a little flush, especially after realizing that the only good place to sit was on her bed, causing her to feel a little regretful about asking Sammy to come in. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the nervousness down.

“Have a seat. It’s really the only comfortable spot in here,” said Sara, pointing to the bed.

“I’m not really clean. I can just sit at the table,” Sammy argued, feeling self-conscious herself about how grimy she was after a day’s hard work.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.” Pulling her shoes off, Sara laid on the left side of the bed. Even though she had to gather her clothing, she knew if she didn’t sit down, Sammy wouldn’t either.

Shrugging her shoulders, Sammy sat uncomfortably on the edge of the bed beside of Sara.

After noticing the tension in the taller woman’s shoulders, Sara got onto her knees and hugged Sammy from behind.

“I missed you today.”

Reaching around with one swift motion, Sammy had Sara in her lap. Both giggling, Sammy edged back to the top of the bed and rested on the headboard. Holding Sara tightly against her chest, she whispered, “I missed you, too.”

Lying in Sammy’s arms, Sara felt a burning desire welling up deep within her body. Lifting herself up, she placed her lips on Sammy’s, kissing her tenderly. Her mouth was warm and inviting, and as Sammy’s lips brushed softly against her own, she felt the want and need thrumming underneath her skin intensifying. Teasing slowly with her tongue, Sammy deepened the kiss.

As the kiss grew lustful, Sammy grabbed the collar of Sara’s shirt and slid her hands down the front, moving to the first button without breaking the kiss. With no protest from Sara, she unbuttoned the shirt, expertly navigating the buttons. Sliding it off, Sarah’s hair fell over her shoulders, as she threw the shirt to the ground beside the bed.

 Sammy skimmed her hands over the narrow angles of Sara’s toned waste, marveling at her smooth, milky skin. Caressing Sara’s pert breasts through her cotton bra, she felt a hot, white core of longing burning in her chest. The pressure of her jeans, how they rubbed against her own sex, only served to stoke her desire higher. Breaking the kiss momentarily, Sammy laid Sara on her back, trailing kisses down her neck. She again made her way to her Sara’s breasts, kissing the hardened nipples through the fabric, before slowly traveled back up to Sara’s lips.

Sara felt like she was on fire. Lightly trailing her fingernails over Sammy’s muscular back, she could feel the woman tense above her, leaning into her touch. But as soon as Sara felt a hand ease gently down between her legs, fear filled her. The lust she felt evaporated, and she froze.

“You fucking whore, you’re not leaving me!” The words Julia had screamed at her on that horrible day rang through her mind. She couldn’t get away from the vivid memories of her ordeal, assaulting her senses until she couldn’t tell what was real anymore.

Slamming down on the bed, Sara felt her head hit something hard. She tried to fight her way up, but the stronger woman held Sara’s arms above her head and, lying with her full body weight on top of her, held her down with her knees. She pulled her belt off, tying Sara’s hands down. She couldn’t move, but she kept struggling. The weight on her chest made it so that she was barely able to breathe. Muted screams echoed through the room as Julia’s hands roughly ripped her underwear.

A hard punch to her nose made Sammy’s vision double for a moment. Seeing Sara’s body shaking, she ignored the pain and blood of her nose, and quickly pulled away, sitting up in bed. Mentally cursing herself for letting herself get caught up in the moment, she should have known better, Sammy wanted to pull the shorter woman into a hug and tell her how sorry she was. Instead she spoke softly to the trembling woman.

“Sara. Sara, it’s Sammy I’m here. You’re safe.”

Jolting out of the flashback, Sara was mortified. She pulled herself up until she was far away from Sammy on the opposite side of the bed. Eventually she gave in, sobbing as she reached for her anchor and held onto the woman for dear life. Embarrassment flooded her body, as she was sure Sammy would hate her. She was a woman who was used to having sex. What could Sara hope to offer her? Kissing?

Sammy ran her hands softly over Sara’s head, repeating, “It’s okay.”

“I’m so sorry.” Sara’s voice sounded broken and hopeless as she spoke. It made Sammy feel as if her heart was splitting in two.

“Shhh, it’s okay.” She held onto the smaller woman until the sobs stopped.

Sara finally pulled back, looking in horror at the blood trailing down Sammy’s face, her swollen nose crooked and turning purple.

“Oh my god! Did I—?”

“It’s nothing, really.” Sammy lied, of course; the pain in her face took all her will power to ignore.

Placing her head in her hands, Sara wished she was anywhere else at the moment. How could she have hurt this amazing woman?

“Baby, it’s okay.” She hoped that Sara could hear the sincerity in her voice.

Sara raised her face, surprised at the pet name. How can she still be this nice to me? Reaching out, she gingerly touched Sammy’s bloodied nose.

“I’m so sorry.” Seeing Sammy wince in pain, Sara began to realize the extent of the damage. “I think I might have broken your nose.”

Even smiling at the redhead caused pain, but Sammy did it anyway. “No, it’s not broken. This is just badly busted.” She wanted to give some reassurance to Sara, but she could only hope the lie sounded more convincing to Sara than it had sounded to her own ears.

Realizing she didn’t have her shirt on, Sara stood up and grabbed the first t-shirt she could find, suddenly feeling the need to cover up. Shaking, she turned back to face Sammy, speaking no louder than a whisper, “Come on, we need to get you cleaned up.”

Sammy followed, sitting at the small table with her head tilted backwards as Sara wiped the blood away from her face. When her nose was moved around, she wasn’t so sure it wasn’t broken after all, but then Sara wiped a little too hard and blood started gushing once again. 

Stars filled her vision as the pain overtook her. She had been shot, cut, bruised, and many other things during her time in the military, but… God, nothing hurt this bad, Sammy thought.

Pulling her cell phone from the briefcase that sat by the door, Sara dialed and held the phone up to her ear.

“Who are you calling?” Sammy asked in a nasally voice.

“Mary. I’m in no condition to drive, and you need to go to the hospital.”

∞

Lying down in the emergency room bed after an x-ray that confirmed her nose was, in fact, broken, Sammy was stuck counting seconds ticking loudly on a nearby clock, waiting on yet another doctor to come in to set it. She had talked Mary into taking Sara to the snack bar, since she knew the redhead needed a little time to process what had happened. Now here she sat, looking at the drab curtains surrounding her room.

∞

At the small snack bar, Mary was thankful to find a twenty-four hour coffee machine. When they had first arrived, she had called in to get a substitute teacher for her next day’s classes, and now, as it approached two o’clock in the morning, she was glad for that instinct. Sitting down in front of her friend, Mary placed a small Styrofoam cup of coffee in front of Sara.

“Drink this. You’ll feel better.”

“I doubt that.” Fear flooded Sara. Why was she letting Julia do this to her still? Hadn’t she let the woman do enough to her? After all the texts, then the car accident… it had been her own hand that hurt Sammy.

“I broke her fucking nose, Mary! I lost it. She touched me, and I broke her nose! What if I had hurt her, really hurt her? I mean, she just got out of the hospital!” Her ranting left her breathless, but as she ran out of steam, she was left with a horrible sinking feeling.

“I’m sorry, but first off, it wasn’t your fault, and second, be proud you even got a Marine to come to the hospital for a broken nose. I’m surprised she didn’t just grunt at you and say she was fine.”

Sara let a small smile cross her lips as she played with the coffee cup in front of her.

Taking a slow sip of the nasty coffee, Mary found it so disgusting, she couldn’t drink it and spit it back in the cup. “You know what? On second thought, don’t drink this toxic sludge. I think it’ll put you in this place!”

Sara chuckled, not knowing how her friend always found a way to make her laugh.  “Thanks.”

∞

The women walked back into Sammy’s room, just in time to see the doctor setting her crooked nose. Tears formed in Sammy’s eyes and she let out a pained sigh. Seeing Sara and Mary, she carefully pulled herself together. She didn’t want Sara to see her upset, so she pushed the tears back into the wells they came from.

Sara walked over, holding tightly to her hands, her knuckles turning white.

The doctor spoke, saying, “It’ll take a few weeks to completely heal. Try not to bump it if you can help it. I’d like you to take the rest of the week off work, too. It doesn’t appear you will be getting a black eye, but I would apply ice, fifteen minutes on, fifteen off, to reduce swelling.           

Regaining her composure, Sammy thanked the doctor before he left. “Are you alright?” she asked, turning to Sara.

Sara shook her head. “No, I should be asking you that.”

Laughing at the two women, Mary interjected, “Alright, enough. It’s neither of your faults. The only thing you need to know is this: both of you are coming home with me tonight. No arguments.” The stern look in Mary’s eyes let them both know better than to argue. Years of ordering children around had given Mary the ability to get just what she wanted, even from hardened soldiers and guilty friends.

∞

Sammy felt a little silly in the borrowed pink sweat pants, but was thankful for some clothes to change into after her shower. Staring at her face in the mirror, she winced again at the deep purple bruising across her face, her nose swelled to look more like an elephant’s.

“Looking cute,” Sara said with a snort as she stood in the bathroom door, watching Sammy brushing her teeth.

“Oh, yeah, I love rocking pink,” said Sammy with a sarcastic smirk. Turning a little more serious, she asked, “How are you doing?”

“Okay, I guess. I’ve been staying here for almost a month, so it’s normal for me. What about you?”

“I’m not used to staying anywhere but my apartment,” Sammy said with a shrug of her shoulders. Normally, she would never have stayed at someone else’s home, but if Sara trusted this woman, so could she.

“You don’t have to stay in the other room. You can stay in my room if you want.” Sara let the suggestion hang in the air for a moment, hoping she hadn’t scared Sammy away by what had happened.

Sammy spit out the last bits of toothpaste and turned to face Sara.

“Listen, I don’t want you to think sex—” she started before suddenly breaking off, her face red from pain and frustration as her hand made its way to her neck. “It is important, but it’s not the most important thing. If you can’t, or you don’t want to, that’s okay. I don’t want you to feel pressured, ever. If me sleeping in another room helps you, then that’s what I’ll do.”

“Sammy.” Sara took the taller woman’s hand. “I don’t think it would help me being without you, and tonight… I think it would make me feel worse, okay?”

“Okay.” Sammy followed Sara to her room, where they settled on the full-sized bed. Sara had stayed over at Sammy’s apartment before, but during those times, one of them slept on the couch, or had fallen asleep together on the couch. Now as they were in the same bed, Sammy was afraid that she would be the one to panic in the night.

Deciding to just get it out into the open, she said, “One more thing. Sometimes, I have flashbacks at night. If I wake you up, I’m sorry.”

Sara nodded and asked, “Do I wake you up if that happens?”

“If I don’t wake up to your voice, then no.”

“Okay.”

Sammy wanted so badly to reach over to kiss Sara, but she knew now it might be hard for the woman because of what had happened earlier, so she restrained the urge. Sammy wanted to make her feel safe, and for the first time, she thought maybe she could feel safe, too. She turned the light off, and in the darkness she mumbled so low as to hope Sara wouldn’t hear, “If you get scared in the night, its okay too, I’m here.”

Sara’s heart wanted to melt.  No one in her whole life had ever taken this much care with her; she had always been just a lay, even when she and Julia had first gotten together. It was more about the conquest of getting her into bed than getting to know one another or being kind.

Reaching out her arm, Sammy turned just enough to make room for Sara to rest in her arms.

Shuffling over to the taller woman, Sara inched her body into the embrace. She laid her head on Sammy’s shoulder, curving her arms and legs to fully embrace the taller woman. She didn’t raise her voice above a whisper to say “good night,” and she soon realized it had gone on deaf ears, as Sammy’s soft snoring filled the silent room.

∞

Sammy took in the early morning air as she stood in Mary’s back pasture, shocked by the open land spreading out before her. The woman apparently lived on a farm, and Sammy couldn’t remember ever seeing this much exposed space, except for when she was in Iraq. Mary walked towards Sammy, carrying a black box in a firm, slightly nervous, grasp.

“You don’t think we’ll wake her up, do you?” Sammy asked, hoping that Sara would sleep as long as possible.

“Hell, no! That woman can sleep through a hurricane! She did once, actually. Before my folks died, she and her grandmother bunkered down here.” Brushing off the memories of those no longer with them, she reached into the box, pulling out a nine millimeter. Mary didn’t remember the gun feeling this heavy before. “You know, I have no idea how to shoot this thing.”

Sammy laughed at the shorter woman, deciding not to pry into what had happened to her family.

“Yeah, that’s why I suggested target practice.” She pointed to the long barbed wire fence, where she had set up bottles on each post. Taking the gun from Mary, she took out the magazine and checked the chamber, finding it empty.

“It’d help if you had it loaded.” Chuckling, Sammy opened the box of bullets and loaded the gun, much slower than she usually would for Mary’s benefit.

“You know, we can’t all be fancy military people.”

Taken aback, Sammy hadn’t realized Mary knew about her history. “Sara told you?”

“No. I mean, she told me about what happened in the park that one day, and that you were in the Marines, but no details of your personal life. Besides, I have friends in the military. It’s in the way you carry yourself.”

“I did three tours in Iraq.” Pointing the gun, Sammy hit three targets in a row without missing. She handed the firearm to a shocked Mary. “Before I got hurt and shipped back home.”

“How the hell did you hit those?” Mary gazed down at the warm gun in her hands as if it had magically come to life.

“I was good at my job.” A stab of pain shot through her at the thought. She had been very good at her job. Now what good did it do? However, with Sara’s ex still out there, she wanted to make sure Mary could protect herself. If the accident was any indication, there was no telling what Julia was capable of.

Mary held the gun out as if it would bite her. Sammy stood behind Mary, positioning her arms in the proper shooting position.

“Try that.”

Shooting the gun, a bottle tipped over, after being nudged by the bullet.  Mary’s face scrunched in disappointment.

Sammy smiled at the woman, giving a few more suggestions before Mary took another shot.

As she did, a bottle burst into million glass pieces. Feeling like she could jump up and down, she shouted, “Hot damn!”

Walking out of the back porch, Sara was surprised to see the two women outside shooting.

Sammy walked up to the woman and wrapped her in a hug, and Sara was careful not to hit Sammy’s very bruised, sore nose.

“Good morning.”

“Damn Sara, your girl’s a good teacher!” said Mary, interrupting the embrace, pointing to the fence.

Sara laughed and looked at the broken glass lining the fence. “Yes, well if we are ever invaded by bottles, you will definitely be the first person I call!”

“Smart ass. I bet you can’t even hit one!” Mary shot back.

Sara however, didn’t reply, instead looking worriedly at the two women.

“What’s up, girlie?” asked Mary, picking up on Sara’s nervousness.

Sara held up her smartphone. “My mother emailed me this morning. She wants me to have Thanksgiving dinner at the house with the family.”

“Great, she gives you, what? One day’s notice? Hell, I’d go just to say “fuck you,” but that’s just me.”

Sammy, noticing Mary getting more careless with the gun, quickly she showed her how to put the safety on. Turning towards Sara with a look of confusion, she asked, “You okay?”

“Not really. I haven’t seen them in over a year.”

Seeing the pain written all over the redhead’s face, Mary handed the gun to Sara. “Here, try this. It’s liberating!”

Sara laughed at the idea. “Mary, I don’t know how to shoot a gun!”

“No, but your girlfriend does,” Mary reminded her, turning to Sammy looking for agreement.

Sammy’s first instinct was to correct Mary’s use of the endearing term, but taking a deep breath, she just answered,

“Yeah, I think it would be a good idea for you both to know how to shoot it.”

Sara stared back into Sammy’s eyes, searching. Catching the meaning behind the answer, she felt joy bubbling up in her chest. The word girlfriend had a very nice ring to it.

“Okay, well come here and show me, handsome. We might need to borrow this for my parents’ house, if you will come with me, that is.” She looked expectantly at Sammy.

Sammy really wasn’t sure what to say. She had never been taken home to meet someone’s parents, but the thought of leaving Sara alone with her crazy ex on the loose didn’t sit well with her either, so she answered the only thing she could.

“Sure, I will.”

Mary was happy for what had just happened, before feeling slightly fearful for Sammy when she realized she would have to meet Sara’s family, especially her sister. Patting Sammy on the back, she pointed to the gun and asked teasingly. “Want to borrow it?”

“Nope, I have my own,” Sammy assured Mary, joining in the laughter.

CHAPTER 11

Glancing at the rearview mirror of Sara’s SUV as she merged lanes to head North, Sammy felt the weight of the thoughts circling through her mind. She still hadn’t told Sara what Bobby had shared with her; she’d hoped to do it the day before, but that had been before things had gotten crazy. It was going to be a hard enough time going to her parents’ house without the added stress of what she’d uncovered about Julia’s descent into madness, so she figured it would be best to wait until they got back home. Like everything lately, she could only hope she was making the right choice.

The drive up I-95 always took forever, too, but Sammy had a plan for how to use the time. She had been looking for a way to tell Sara about the Marines, about everything she’d gone through, and figured this road trip just might be a good way to start. Without looking away from the road, she reached into the center console and pulled out a small red photo album from her well-worn travel bag. She spared a quick glance away from the road to give it a onceover, wondering how something so innocuous could hold all of the memories she had buried.

Handing the small time capsule to the redhead, she finally said, “I’ve never been good at writing things down, but I used to love taking photos.”

Looking down at the tattered cover, Sara knew the book had been through a lot. About three inches thick, it was crammed full of photographs, from older Polaroids to newer prints from a digital camera; the book didn’t look like it wanted to be opened.

“If you want to know me,” Sammy explained with a shuttering breath, “It starts in that book.”

Unable to resist a solid look at Sammy’s past, Sara slowly opened the cover. The very first photo, wedged in between the plastic cover on the first page, was of a very young teenage Sammy, dressed in jean shorts and a blue t-shirt, standing beside a two-lane road near a big sign that read, “We Make Marines.”

Knowing well which photo was on that first page, Sammy said, “I enlisted right out of high school. It was three years before September 11th, so the thought of war was the furthest thing from my mind. I had done some research on what was out there and realized the Marines seemed like a good fit for me. I was interested in becoming a military police officer, so I joined up. In hindsight, I should have joined the Army, because they actually have more police officers, but the first military person I ever laid eyes on was a Marine, and something about the uniform called to me, as silly as it sounds. You see, if I had stayed in Miami I felt I would end up like my dad. I didn’t really have many options; maybe I could’ve gone to college, but it just didn’t seem like a possibility, with all the money and tests required.” Grimacing at the memory, she continued, “So anyway, when we graduated they gave us two weeks off after basic, and we all got pictures in front of that to send our folks…I just kept mine.” Pausing, Sammy felt a small pang of hurt and longing once again for the family she never had.

Sara relished listening to the story from the Marine’s life, and looking over the photo in her lap, she could see not only hints of the Sammy she knew now, but small flashes of who she must have been before the war. “So you’re from Miami?”

“Yes.”

Sara decided she was enjoying this, as she flipped the page. The next photo was of a group of women in full combat gear, right down to the heavy vests, helmets and weapons. It was easy to spot Sammy’s youthful face in the front row.

“It’s called the combat swim. Basically, we all had to jump in the water with all of our gear on and not drown.” Sammy couldn’t help a small grimace; it had been one of the toughest aspects, physically, of boot.

“Wow.” Sara enjoyed swimming, but she couldn’t imagine treading water with that much weight strapped to her. How much did all of the gear weigh? she wondered, but another question suddenly struck her: “How did you get these photos? I mean, the ones of you doing this kind of thing?”

“There happened to be a reporter there that day to take photos of the base.” Leaving her left hand firmly on the wheel and her eyes on the road, she reached over, flipping the page to another photo. “He took this one, too.”

The new photo showed Sammy on her belly in perfect shooting position with an M-4 rifle. Next to the picture was a metal badge of two rifles crossed over an upturned laurel. On the rung above the weapons were the emblazoned words: “Rifle Expert.”

“I figured if I wasn’t going to wear it anymore, it might as well be in here.” Sammy explained, shrugging as she grinned at Sara.

Flipping to the next page, Sara saw the same young man that she’d seen on the refrigerator photo. He and Sammy were standing proudly together, both wearing tan dress shirts and what looked like green slacks with a little green hat on both of their heads.

“Graduation day. Steve and I went through military police school together, we were almost immediate friends.” A brief smile crossed Sammy’s worn face, once again longing for her friend.

Sara took in this information silently before flipping the page, sensing in her eyes that it hurt the other woman to see that photo. The next photo was of Sammy in front of a theme park sign.

“We both got stationed to the same platoon at Camp Pendleton after police training. She noticed the confusion in Sara’s face. “Pendleton’s in California. We were actually really lucky that happened, you’re normally not lucky enough to meet a friend in training and then get stationed with them. So to celebrate our first weekend leave, we went there.”

Sara looked up from the photo to Sammy’s grim profile, trying to make sense of the two soldiers’ relationship. Slowly, she asked, “So, you guys took trips together?”

“It wasn’t like that, really. I knew I didn’t like dick, and then I found out that he did.” Sammy chuckled at the memory of them telling each other they were gay. Steve had thought Sammy had a crush on him, and she thought the same of him. They’d went out to an ice cream shop far away from base, and, speaking over each other in their nervousness, had let the bomb drop, only to surprisingly find “I’m gay” coming from both of their mouths. The shock and relief had left both Marines bursting out with laughter.

“You have to remember, “don’t ask, don’t tell” was in effect then, so we had to stick together. We never let our secret affair get further up the chain, because they wouldn’t have let us stay in the same unit if we were in a relationship. But to the other grunts, we were the perfect Marine couple. Worked until I was promoted and we had to ‘end’ things.”

Sara flipped to the next page and saw Sammy standing in front of the Hollywood sign with her arms wrapped around a tan brunette, resting her head on the shorter woman’s shoulder.

“You two look cozy.”

“That’s Becky. I got a Dear John letter from her when I shipped to Iraq the first time, so not as cozy as I thought we were.”

“Sorry” seemed woefully lacking, but it was the best Sara could do, so she said it anyway.

“It happened to just about all of us. No one is ready for war when it happens, and that includes our lovers and friends, too,” Sammy said with a slight shrug, although Sara could see in the tight lines around her mouth that the betrayal still ached a little.

As Sara flipped through the next few pages and they spoke of the past, the scenery around them whizzed by. None of the drivers and passengers that surrounded them knew of the important moment taking place in the SUV. Sara saw random photos of Sammy doing pull-ups in a grey Marines workout shirt and green shorts, different shots of California, including the beach, some of Iraq. One that really caught her eye was one of Sammy with an “MP” band around her right arm, sitting around a Humvee in the desert with four other women, including Emily, the woman she had met in Tampa, looking dead tired. Water bottles littered the ground around their feet.

A few shots after were of the base, including a cute one of Sammy stepping out of a tent with a sign of schedules when men and women could shower. Below that was another sign with simple lettering, hastily painted on some spare wood: “women in shower.” Another showed Sammy in full combat gear, including the sunglasses she still wore, giving an Iraqi child a candy bar. Flipping through a few more pages of the same types of photos, she stopped when she came to one of an older looking Sammy, an official looking man in dress blues pinning something to her uniform. As she looked closer, she could see the red stripe running down her blue slacks, something she hadn’t seen in any of the pictures before.

“I exceled in my first tour in Iraq, so they recommended me for Officers Candidate School, and after thinking about it for a long time, I decided to take them up on the offer. I’m getting my second lieutenant bar there. Then I rejoined my unit in California, and after that, I went back to Iraq for my second and third tour.” As Sammy finished speaking, she reached over and pulled the little book gently back into her own hands.

“Let’s stop there, okay?” she asked with a sad glint in her eyes.

Sara nodded, understanding how difficult it must have been to open up that much, into a happier time in the past.

Sammy still felt the need to explain, though. “It kind of goes downhill from there,” she said, the images from the album already burned into her memory. The rest of the book housed photos of Sammy and Emily in the hospital, clippings about Steve’s funeral, and various other memories from her time in Tampa.

“Maybe you’ll tell me about it sometime?” Sara tried to let all the support in her soul come out in her voice.

Reaching out and holding Sara’s hand, Sammy allowed a short “Maybe,” uncertainty making her voice waver. Her head pounded, although whether that was from the memories or her fear of the parents she was going to meet, or both, she didn’t know.

Sara could sense a change in Sammy’s attitude. Deciding that a change of subject was in order, she asked, “You’re not scared to meet my folks, are you?”

“Perhaps a little bit,” Sammy admitted, glancing over at the redhead.

“Well, if you’ve met one bigot, you’ve met these,” Sara said with false cheerfulness. “I wouldn’t even be going, but… I guess I do miss them.” Her head rolled back against the headrest and her eyes fell closed as she struggled to admit how much it had hurt to be cut out of her family’s lives.

In response, Sammy moved the middle arm rest up. “Come here,” she invited, moving her arm to give Sara a place to cuddle against her.

The rest of the ride was uneventful, and a few hours later they pulled off the interstate, making their way past the downtown area of Charleston and into an upscale residential area. Fancy mansions lined the streets, and although Sammy had assumed they would be heading further away from the affluent homes, each road the GPS lead them past seemed to be a wealthier block than the last. Finally pulling into the driveway of a three story home with huge Roman pillars, she felt her eyes grow wide with astonishment. Thinking of the cargo shorts and t-shirt she was wearing, she suddenly felt very underdressed.

“You grew up here?” She looked over at Sara, hoping some mistake had been made.

“Yes, yes I did. Well, until high school, and then I lived with my grandmother in Florida. I was sent away after I was caught kissing my swimming instructor.” Looking sadly over the pillared home, Sara now felt out of place. It had been too long since she had been invited here to call it home anymore.

As they both got out of the SUV, an older woman who strikingly resembled Sara exited the house to greet them.

“Darling! How good to finally see you! Your sister and her husband are already here,” the woman said with a smile as she reached for Sara, hugging her daughter.

Sammy couldn’t help but notice that the hug was forced, and the smile didn’t quite reach the woman’s eyes.

Sara pulled away from her mother, saying, “Mother, this is Sammy, my girlfriend. Sammy, this is my mother, Claire.”

As Claire walked over to the taller woman, a scowl briefly contorted her lips, but she turned it quickly into a smile.

“Pleasure to meet you, Sammy.”

“You as well, ma’am,” Sammy said quickly, hoping her manners would be up to snuff in this aristocratic household. Needing something to do, she turned to grab their bags from the trunk, but was quickly stopped by Claire.

“Don’t worry about that, our butler will get them and take them to your room. Just be sure to leave your keys with him so he can park the SUV in the garage.”

A scowl now crossed her own face at the woman’s haughty tone, but she was determined to be on her best behavior, so she forced a smile. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Sara, I’ve put you two in the pool house. I remodeled your old room into a workout studio. Hope you don’t mind, dear. Besides, it has two bedrooms.”

“Sure, that’s fine, Mother. However, we will only need one bedroom,” Sara bit back with sarcastic happiness, a fake smile pasted on her face.

Some things never changed.

“Yes, well, dinner will be in a few hours, if you’re hungry.”

As Claire led the couple through the house, Sammy quickly found herself overwhelmed by the opulence in every room. She had never set foot in a place that was this nice, except maybe once in Iraq, when they had cleared out one of Saddam’s places, but even it had been riddled with bullet holes and bomb blasts. This place was ridiculous; it looked like it had been designed by a professional designer, and held all the trimmings of someplace Sammy had only dreamed about. She was in awe of the grand staircase that led up to the top levels, especially. The contractor in her was already adding up the material costs and labor it would take to build something like this.

As they turned the corner, Sara’s sister walked out of one of the many rooms, letting out a happy forced squeal to see them. Sara felt a little nauseated that she hadn’t seen her in a while, but Allison and their mother had always been very close, and it had often meant that Sara was the odd person out.

“Sara! You look great,” she exclaimed, leaning down to hug her shorter sister. Sara smiled lovingly at the woman, and then looked back at Sammy, hoping that this all wasn’t too much for her.

She stepped back out of the hug, and, gesturing towards her guest, she introduced, “Sammy, this is my sister, Allison.”

Allison looked at Sammy, then back at their mother, eyeing up everyone in the room to see how the drama was going. Finally, she responded with a polite, “Pleasure to meet you,” shaking Sammy’s hand firmly. 

“Where’s Joe?” Sara asked, looking around for her sister’s husband.

“Oh, he and Daddy are at the golf course. You two should’ve gotten here earlier. Sammy, you could’ve played with the men folk.”

Keep your cool, thought Sammy. She knew the women were judging her, she could tell that just from the looks she was getting, once again regretting the way she was dressed. However, she knew, even if she was dressed like Sara in more feminine attire, she still would look out of place. She hated labels, hated feeling judged. Both which were taking place, and Sammy hated it.

“It’s alright. I’m not really into golf anyway.”

“No, I don’t imagine.” Noticing the purple tint around the taller woman’s nose, Allison asked with curiosity, “Boxing more your speed, perhaps?”

Sammy caught the look Sara’s sister shot towards her wounded nose, and quickly she spouted back “Work related accident, actually. I’m not really a sports fan.” As she touched her nose lightly, Sammy tried her best not to scowl.

“Guess all stereotypes aren’t true,” Allison scoffed, her semi-polite manners dropping into a cold demeanor.

“Allison, enough,” Sara said firmly, jumping into the middle of it, hoping stop an argument before it could start.

“What? I’m just getting to know your girlfriend.”

“Girls, that’s quite enough. You haven’t even been in the house twenty minutes with each other. Sara, perhaps you would like to show Sammy the way to the pool house so you can both freshen up before dinner.”

“I think that’s the best idea you’ve had, mother,” said Sara, relieved. Tugging on Sammy’s hand, she urged, “Come on, it’s this way.”

Leaving the two scowling women behind, Sammy felt happy to have Sara’s hand in her own.  As they exited the back of the home through the mazelike house that was sure to confuse her later, Sammy’s eyes sparkled at the huge pool in front of them. Glancing to the left, she spotted the pool home. It was about the same size as her apartment, but Sara’s family kept it fully furnished just for guests. When they walked in, their bags sat waiting for them on the couch.

“Wow.”

Sara closed the door, pulling the blinds shut so they had complete privacy. Turning to face Sammy, she looked apologetic.

“If we sneak out now, I’m sure they won’t miss us.”

Sammy laughed at Sara and pulled her into a hug.

“What, and give your mother fodder to gossip about with her friends?” Sammy truly wanted nothing more, but she wasn’t about to leave Sara to face these vultures alone.

 “Point taken,” Sara conceded as she giggled. Pulling away from the hug, she looked up in Sammy’s eyes. “I’m sorry if they made you feel uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I’ve felt that way my whole life. I was glad when they sent me to be with my grandmother. And now… it’s just strange being back here. I haven’t been since Julia came with me.” She paused, thinking about how Allison had treated her girlfriend. “I just hate the way they looked at you. You’re such a better person than that. Just because you don’t fit into their Barbie mold, they think they can treat you like something beneath them, and it’s not fair.”

“Sara, I’ve dealt with it all before. Even in the Marines, I had to try to fit in, dress-wise at least. When I got out, I said to hell with it. I’m not trying to make a statement, I’m just me. You sort of get used to people acting that way.”

“Well, I think you look just fine. Much better than fine, actually.”

In response, Sammy leaned down, brushing her lips upon Sara’s, pulling her into a deep kiss.

Sara could feel a familiar tingling, and shivers running up her spine at the contact. Pulling back, she could see the depths of Sammy’s loyalty and bravery shinning just below the surface in her deep, ocean-like blue eyes. Resting her head on Sammy’s chest, she hugged her tightly, hoping some of that courage could magically transfer to her own body.

∞

Sitting at the Lawson’s dinner table, Sammy was astounded by the feast before her. When she had been growing up, she’d been lucky to get a warm meal on the holidays, and this? This was just overkill. Anything you could ever think of wanting at Thanksgiving was in front of them. Her mouth watered at the sight of a bowl of cranberry sauce sitting in front of her, and the savory scent of turkey permeated the air around them.

Sara chuckled to herself at Sammy’s expression. Perhaps it was the strong woman sitting beside her, or maybe it was the fact that she finally felt okay in her own skin, but she proudly looked around at her mother across from her and Sammy, her sister and her husband to her left, and her father, Dean, who sat at the end of the table, and for once didn’t want to hide.

“So, Sammy, how are you liking Charleston so far?” her father asked, trying to start some conversation.

“Seems really pretty, sir. We didn’t get to see much on the drive up, so perhaps on the way back down we can do a bit of sightseeing.” Sammy felt madly out of place and was sure her face flushed a bit, but she tried to answer him as calmly as possible. At least he looked kinder than the rest.

Sara squeezed Sammy’s leg under the table, looking knowingly at her. “Daddy, how was your golf game?” she asked, hoping to take some of the pressure off of Sammy.

“Good, Pumpkin, except I do believe Joe cheats.”

Joe, a clean cut man that looked as if he had stepped out of a magazine, cleared his throat at the accusation, but even Sammy could see that their banter was all in good fun.

“I don’t cheat, Dean. As I’ve told you before, it’s skill.” Joe chuckled as he took another bite of turkey.

“Right, the kind of skill that lets you cheat!” replied the patriarch with enthusiasm, pantomiming to check that no one was looking before changing the score.

Allison patted her husband’s arm. “Honey, enough about golf. You know you’re supposed to let Daddy win,” she patiently explained, to much laughter from around the table.

Finally speaking, Claire shot her first question at Sammy. “So, Sammy, do you like to shop, dear?”

Sammy snuck a glance at Sara, trying to gauge where this was going. After a beat, she replied, “Not really, ma’am. I’m not a big fan of crowds.”

“Oh, dear, I was hoping you’d come with us tomorrow for the big sales! The girls and I do it every year. It would be nice to have Sara with us again!”

“Mom, I’m not really in the mood to shop this year,” Sara lied. Their Black Friday shopping spree had been a family tradition since before she knew what tradition was, and she hadn’t gotten to participate since… Julia.

However skillful a liar Sara was, though, Sammy picked up on her tone of voice. Forcing a smile, she smoothly changed her mind, saying, “Actually, Claire, I think we should go. I need to shop for Sara anyway.” As Sara’s eyes lit up, she knew she’d done the right thing.

“Really? Sammy, you really want to?” Sara asked. She was shocked and couldn’t hide it in her voice.

Sammy grinned at Sara, but Claire spoke before she could answer. “Then it’s settled. We leave at 4 A.M.!” At Sammy’s shocked look at the announcement, everyone found themselves chuckling.

As the laughter died down, Joe asked, “So, what do you do, Sammy?”

“I’m a contractor. It’s actually how we met,” said Sammy, looking over at Sara.

“Sammy is overseeing the remodeling of my house,” Sara gleefully told her family with a touch of pride in her voice.

“Oh, wow. That is great. I can’t even think about being out in the heat every day,” Joe answered honestly.

“It’s not that bad. Not as hot as Iraq.” She closed her eyes for a brief second, as the words escaped her mouth. Sammy wanted to crawl under the table at the slip.

“Iraq? Why the hell would you go there to do contracting? It’s a danger zone,” Joe scoffed.   “Some of my buddies went there for contract work. They had them in barracks like they were cattle or something.”

“At least they had running water and electricity.” Sammy said plainly. She could feel the anger building up inside her at hearing this rich boy talk as if he knew about Iraq.

Looking around the table for some reassurance, Joe laughed and asked, “What, your Hilton didn’t?”

Sammy allowed a scowl to show on her face, before shortly replying, “I didn’t go for contract work.”

Noticing the confusion in her family’s face, Sara spoke for Sammy. “Sammy was a Marine.”

The silence that met her words was deafening.

After a few moments, Claire broke the subdued quiet. “Why on earth would you have wanted to do that?” she asked in a small voice, unable to comprehend what would motivate a person to leave their home and their family for that godforsaken desert.

Sammy knew she had to be civilized, but knowing the family was looking down on her even more now, it made her furious. People like this always looked down on grunts. However, if it weren’t for people like her, they wouldn’t have the freedom to live in their fancy houses, with butlers and lavish guesthouses.

Forcing herself to calm down, she felt Sara’s hand land on her leg. It gave her enough comfort to be able to answer the ignorant question.

“I didn’t grow up privileged, so I joined up. I’ve never regretted it.”

Of course, no one would just leave it alone. Allison dove right in to the conversation, putting little thought into her careless words. “So, since ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ has been overturned, will you go back in? I mean, that’s why you’re out, right? What did they call it, “conduct unbecoming” or something like that? I mean, you couldn’t have been an officer, so whatever they call it for the… lower ranks.”

Sammy could take a lot, but her patience was running thin. She corrected sternly, “Your assumptions are wrong once again, ma’am. I was a lieutenant, a commissioned officer. So the correct term you are looking for would have been ‘conduct unbecoming an officer.’ But that is not why I was discharged, if you must know.”

Joe chuckled at his wife’s flustered face, but quickly found himself at the end of an icy glare.

Instead of knowing when to drop the subject, Allison just wouldn’t stop. “In that case, are you in the reserves or something? I was under the impression no one could get out.”

Gritting her teeth, Sammy ground out. “I was injured. I spent a year in the hospital when I was shipped stateside, trying to recuperate. Left with an honorable discharge, and a Purple Heart, if you care to know. So now, I’m just a contractor.”

Looking at her glass, Sammy wished something was in it besides sweet tea. She took a long sip, hoping that now; at least, the tide of questions would be stemmed. When she looked in Sara’s direction, though, she was surprised and honored to see pride beaming from the redhead’s face.

“Well, I salute you. It’s wonderful what you did for your country. My brother didn’t come home from Vietnam,” Sara’s father quietly interjected.

“I’m sorry to hear that, sir. It was a hard war; I have a friend who is a Vietnam vet.”

Sara assumed Sammy was referring to Tilly, she was sure she had mentioned it one time; however, she made a mental note to confirm sometime. She was shocked at her father’s tone as well, since he never spoke of her uncle to strangers.

Allison, however, looked furious at their father’s simple acceptance. Sara had always been the apple of his eye, and now he was giving special treatment to her fling. Scowling, she decided to bring the conservation back to her favor.

“I talked to Julia the other day.”

The hair on the back of Sara’s neck stood up at the rapist’s name being used so casually in this house. “You did what?” she said with force, her blood boiling at such a betrayal.

“Oh, she and I have stayed in contact. She’s a nice woman, really. Told me she had stopped by to see you. Why on earth didn’t you tell her you moved to grandmother’s old place?”

With that comment, Sara’s anger turned to panic, knowing that Mary had been right to some extent: Julia had been using her own family to stalk and terrorize her. “Why would you stay in contact with her after we broke up?” she asked frantically.

“Sara, calm down. She’s a great person and she misses you,” Allison said calmly, an evil look in her eyes. As if suddenly having a thought, she turned to Sammy, smirking, “Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable.”

Underneath the table, Sammy grasped Sara’s hand, knowing the redhead could explode at any time.

“Doesn’t bother me any; I know all about the woman,” Sammy said calmly, with a deadly thread of rage running through her words.

But Allison was clearly either too upset that she hadn’t been able to cause a rift between them or didn’t have a sense of self-preservation, because she merely scowled in their direction, only saying a small “Oh.”

Sara’s panic and worry got the best of her and she lashed out. “Allison, I’m only going to tell you this once. I do not ever wish to see her or hear her name again in my presence. I don’t want her to know about my life. Do you understand?”

“God, Sara, get a grip. The world does not revolve around you. I can have friends, you know. Besides, she said if you hadn’t left the hospital, you would’ve been set to take over as chief of the psychology staff by now, so I don’t think you are in any position to tell me what I should have done,” Allison exploded back, all of her pent up frustration adding to the venom in her voice. As she added that last bit about Sara’s professional life, she directed her attention to their mother, knowing that this, more than anything else, would bring the older woman in line with her own thinking.

“Really?” Claire couldn’t help but perk up at this. She had been devastated that her youngest daughter had left the prestigious career at the hospital to set out on her own. “Perhaps she could help you still,” she added thoughtfully, already mulling ways to get the women back in touch.

Sara couldn’t get over what she was hearing. She knew Allison had always had a chip on her shoulder, but this just took the cake.

“Listen, I am opening my own practice one day. I don’t need anything from that bitch, ever!” Sara was on the verge of telling her family what had happened, but decided it wasn’t worth trying to justify why the woman would be trying to hurt her. It was still too painful to admit to herself, even.

“Sara, watch your language at this table, young lady,” her mother scolded her as if she were a small child.

“Why don’t we all take a step back,” Sara’s father suggested. “Claire, Sara decided to follow her own path, we need to respect that. Allison, I don’t think what you said tonight was called for. You both wonder why she stays away, but look at how you treat her and her guest. Allison, you owe your sister an apology.”

“Like hell I do!” Allison slammed her napkin down on the table and stormed out of the dining room.

“I’ll go get her. Sara, I’m sorry,” Joe said with an apologetic grin.  Standing up, He didn’t look particularly shocked at the outburst, either. Instead, his face was one of resignation, a look that said he’d seen it all before.

“Joe, let her go be miserable by herself. You didn’t do anything.” Sara gave a heartfelt smile to the man, feeling sorry he had married her sister.

Joe nodded and smiled before taking a seat at the table once again. For once he would let his wife stew by herself.

“Well, I don’t know about you, Joe, but I need a drink,” Dean said with a weary cheerfulness. Looking at Sammy, he asked, “Would you care to join us, dear?” He loved his youngest daughter, and although he had let his wife talk him into sending her away “for her own good” in high school, he had always regretted it. After seeing her again tonight, he knew he would do anything he could to keep her back in his life, including treating her girlfriend like one of the boys.

Sammy looked at Sara, who nodded at her to take the invitation. Politely, she spoke, “Yes, Mr. Lawson, I’d like that.”

∞

The three sat in Dean’s office, a moderately large study decorated with hunting and golf accessories, each holding a glass of scotch.

“I tell you, the Lawson women are nothing if not full of passion,” the patriarch said with a chuckle as he took a sip of the well-aged scotch.

“That’s one way of putting it.” Laying his head back on the leather couch, Joe let out an exasperated laugh.

Sammy looked over at Sara’s brother-in-law, amused to see the flush in his face and the wince he displayed every time he took a sip of the scotch. Taking her own drink, she smiled as it burned on the way down. It was somehow very funny to her to know that the man beside her couldn’t hold his liquor.

“Is it wise we leave them alone?” she asked cautiously.

“Hell, that’s the only thing to do when they are like this! They’ve been perfecting ways to kill each other via argument since birth.” Dean raised his glass at the taller woman in a salute. Looking over at his son-in-law, he shook his head at the boy who had passed out. He took the glass from the younger man’s hands and poured the contents into his own glass, before settling back down in his wingback leather chair.

“That boy can’t drink for shit.”

Sammy laughed at hearing the curse word coming out of the poised man. Holding her glass up, she and Dean clinked glasses.

“Glad I finally have someone to really drink with,” he joked. Taking a deep breath, he spoke softly. “My daughter seems to care about you. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her smile like that.”

Sammy wasn’t sure where this was going, but she wanted to be blunt with the older man.

“I care about her too, sir.”

“Good. Listen, I’ll be the first to admit I wasn’t keen on the whole lesbian thing. I’m not proud of the way we handled it, and I want things to be better between us now. Seeing her here in the house again, acting more at ease than I’ve seen her since she was a kid, it made me realize just how wrong I’ve been.”

“Well, sir, I think just admitting that… you’re doing well.”

He nodded at the woman. Everything he had ever been taught told him to hate the person sitting in front of him, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel that way.

“Don’t tell my wife, but I never liked Julia anyway.” He smiled as he took another sip from his now full glass.

Feeling a sense of camaraderie with the man, she followed suit, emptying the contents of her glass.

∞

Stumbling into the pool home a few hours later, Sammy hadn’t realized just how drunk she’d become until about halfway back to their dwellings. Hoping she could muster enough self-control to not to wake Sara, she was startled when she flicked on the light and spotted the shorter woman on the couch.

Sara chuckled at the dazed look on Sammy’s face, looking up from her book.

“I must say, this is a first for my father. Getting my girlfriend drunk—”

Sammy staggered over to the couch and plopped down beside Sara, giggling softly to herself. “I’m not drunk.”

“Sure you’re not. Tell me that in a few hours when I make you go shopping with us,” Sara said knowingly, caressing the tipsy woman’s cheek with the hand not holding her book.

The touch felt amazing to Sammy and being drunk only heightened her cravings for sex.  Looking over at Sara, her vision was hazy with alcohol and lust, and she found her eyes darting towards the shorter woman’s inviting lips. Quickly, she leaned over and crashed their lips together, begging entrance with her tongue.

Sara tasted the faint hints of scotch on Sammy’s lips and was instantly transported back into that last horrible encounter with Julia. Her breathing became shallow and rapid as she tried to ignore the waves of nausea that kept crashing over her.

But Sammy didn’t notice Sara’s hesitance, instead focusing on pulling the small throw blanket from between them. She was surprised to find that the redhead had a silk nightgown on, and her hands greedily roaming the other woman’s body. As she travelled from her back to her sexy waist and up, she found pert nipples poking through the thin blue material. She teased and caressed them into hardening, before gently pushing Sara down onto the couch. She followed her down until she was laying on top of the smaller woman, never breaking the kiss. Between the liquor running through her veins, the feel of silk on her skin, and the warm, deep kisses she was coaxing from Sara, Sammy was on fire.

In the back of her mind, Sara knew they shouldn’t be doing this. Not only was Sammy drunk and bringing up bad feelings with the taste of scotch on her breath, but she also wasn’t sure she wanted their first time to be at her parents’ home, especially if something happened like last time, she wasn’t sure how she would explain to her family another episode, especially if Sammy once again ended up in the hospital. Feeling breathless, she lightly pushed against Sammy’s head, trying to get enough space to speak.

“Sammy, I—”

Sammy took the movement as an invitation to attack the redhead’s neck. Planting fervent kisses starting at her collarbone, she trailed up to her ear, seeking out any sensitive spots with her tongue.

Sara was losing her resolve. Her brain and her groin were battling for dominance, each telling her something completely different. Finally, though, she recognized that she was hitting her limit and forced herself to quietly speak:

“We should wait.”

Sammy normally would have pulled away at these words, but right now she was too turned on to hear the words. She continued pressing warm, deep kisses into Sara’s neck, running her lips back down to her chest. She reached up with the hand that wasn’t holding her own weight up, pulling the top of Sara’s gown down to get easier access to her breasts.

Sara felt a flash of panic, and rushed to grab Sammy’s hand to keep this from happening, and she soon found herself nearly clawing the muscular hand in hers in an effort to overpower Sammy.

“Stop!” she commanded in a near-scream, desperate to get the woman to back off…

…and just like that the trance broke: Sammy pulled her hands back and hoisted herself up into a sitting positing, as if she had been stung. She ashamedly looked anywhere but Sara’s eyes, regret etched onto her face.

Sara sat next to Sammy, at a loss. She knew Sammy would never do anything to hurt her, not intentionally, but the alcohol had taken Sara back to a place she didn’t want to be. 

Standing up rigidly, Sammy spoke softly, tears trying to overflow before she took a deep breath, forcing them back in. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

“It’s okay. I just don’t want our first time to be like this,” Sara answered, her own inability to be intimate crushing her. Fed up with her terror and her past, she couldn’t imagine losing Sammy, not like this. She could barely put this feeling into words, but eventually she whispered, “Please don’t hate me.”

“Sara, I’m the one who pushed too hard. I should have known better,” Sammy said firmly, squarely taking the blame for what had happened. “Besides, I could never hate you.”

Sara picked at her thumb as she looked down, trying to blink back tears, the little signs of weakness that just proved that she would never be good enough for Sammy. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay for you.”

Sammy wanted to kick herself for her actions. It had taken so long for each of them to tear down the barriers that each had around their heart, and now one stupid move had made this incredible woman feel worthless. Pulling Sara into a hug, she whispered, “You’re already okay for me.”

Sammy felt torn: should she give Sara some privacy, give her some peace from the memories she had dredged up? Or should she stay, try to work through this together? Seeing the fear and sadness in the redhead’s eyes, she decided that they might both need some space in order to be okay. She gently kissed the top of Sara’s head, then pulled away and stood up. “I’m going to go get a shower. Do you want me to stay in the other bedroom?”

“No, I trust you.” Reaching up, Sara tentatively squeezed Sammy’s hand.

After squeezing back, Sammy beat a hasty retreat to the shower. She hoped the water here went very, very cold.

∞

Sara felt a weight beside her as she woke up the next morning, bleary eyes reading the red-lit 3:00 on the alarm clock, as well as tightness across her chest. When she tried to turn, she realized that Sammy had her wrapped in a bear hug, and her yawn turned into a smile. She didn’t remember the other woman coming to bed last night; Sara had fallen asleep long before the other woman’s shower was done. Gently, she squirmed out of Sammy’s grasp and made her way out of the bed and into the bathroom, trying her best not to wake Sammy. She searched the medicine cabinet until she found a bottle of aspirin, then filled a small glass with water, placing both beside the bed. Grabbing her clothes for the day, she quickly got dressed and headed over to the main house.

Thirty minutes later, Sammy woke with a wicked headache. “God, I’m never drinking scotch again!” She looked around, judging by the darkness that it was before dawn. She found no signs of Sara and wondered if she had left to go shopping with her family alone.

Turning her attention to the pills by the bed, she gratefully popped off the top and took several, chugging them down with the full glass of water before crawling out of bed. After a quick shower, she made her way into the living room, only to find Sara entering the pool home at about the same time.

“I was just coming back to wake you up.” She held up a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast, adding, “I brought you breakfast.”

“Thanks,” said Sammy, pulling Sara into a hug. She took a piece of bacon from the outstretched plate and munched on it happily, before shuffling over to the couch. She was sure she was one of the only people who actually woke up hungry from a hang over. They sat facing each other as Sammy ate, but the Marine didn’t feel like she could let this opportunity to set things right go. “Listen, I’m sorry about last night.”

 “Really, it’s okay. I kind of overreacted,” Sara said while shaking her head.

“No, you didn’t. I lost my self-control and for that I could not be sorrier.”

A moment of silent understanding passed between them as Sara placed a hand on Sammy’s, before urging her to finish her meal.

 “You’d better eat quickly. Are you ready to face the festivities?”

“It can’t be that bad, can it? I’ve never been one for shopping, but I guess I can hold the bags.” Sammy smiled, before asking back: “What about you, did you talk to your sister?”

“A little bit. We’re never going to see eye to eye, but I think I made it clear enough that my personal life is my own.”

Sammy knew that she should tell Sara everything she had found out about Julia, especially with the things her sister had said, but she didn’t know how to admit that she’d been withholding the information, and she still didn’t want to add more stress to this already volatile situation. Setting her plate down on the coffee table, she rubbed the back of her neck, trying to puzzle through her options to find the best choice.

“You only do that when you’re nervous. What is it?” Sara asked matter-of-factly.

Sammy didn’t know why Sara’s comment caught her off guard, but she sheepishly dropped her hand back to her lap. It was new to have someone know her tics again.

“I guess I do. I spoke to my friend Bobby, the cop, a few days ago.”

“Why am I just hearing about this now?” Sara asked, frustration tingeing her words.

“I was trying to wait until we got back home. I figured you had enough going on as it was,” Sammy tried to explain, aware of how lame the words sounded as they were coming out of her mouth.

“So what changed your mind?” Sara huffed; piqued that Sammy would keep something like this from her. This wasn’t some dark and hidden part of Sammy’s own war-torn past, but the answer to the question Sara had been asking her everyday, about her own life.

“Your sister. I don’t know what she’s told Julia, so I figured it’d best to let you know what I found out.”

Impatiently, Sara stood and walked over to the window, leaning against the wall in an effort to calm herself down.

After a few moments, Sammy spoke into the silence. “Apparently she lost her medical license.”

“Why?” came the muted question back.

“Sexual harassment of patients. Apparently it happened about the same time sh— that you left her.” Sammy chose her words carefully, hoping to lessen the blow.

Sara’s face darkened. Had Julia hurt more people besides her, because of her cowardice not to tell someone? Maybe if she had told someone, others wouldn’t have been hurt.

“God, that’s horrible,” she whispered, but she didn’t know if she was talking about Julia’s actions or her own.

“Yeah. Also, she’s been arrested for D.U.I’s. Bobby thinks it would be best to start the procedures for a restraining order when we get back.”

“Did you tell him what she did to me?” Sara asked in horror. She couldn’t handle the idea of this random person knowing about what had happened. About her cowardice.

“Of course not, Sara! I just said she had hurt you. He thinks it would be better to play this safe, because he thinks she’s unstable. With the accident and all, he’s afraid she’ll snap, if she hasn’t already.”

Sara rubbed her face in frustration; it was almost too much to take in. She couldn’t squash the anger she felt towards Sammy for holding this from her. Knowing it was done out of kindness didn’t help the matters any.

“Unstable? Really, you think?” she said, the sarcasm and anger leaving an acidic taste in her mouth. She knew she shouldn’t be taking this out on Sammy, but Julia had been controlling her life for far too long, and, hell, even the previous night had been dictated by the bitch.

“Sara, I should have told you.”

“Yeah, you should’ve.”

“Sara, whatever you decide to do, please know: I’m not going anywhere.” Sammy said quietly as she moved to stand beside her. She couldn’t do anything to fix her mistakes over this weekend, but she could make sure that Sara knew she wasn’t going to abandon her.

“I know that.” Her anger melted a bit as she spoke. Reaching out for Sammy’s hand, they stood for a moment in silence. Taking a heavy breath, Sara grumbled, “I need talk to Allison.”

“Why?” Sammy asked with evident confusion.

“She’s got some kind of misguided respect for Julia, and I don’t want her getting hurt because I refused to stand up again.” Sara’s eyes drifted back to the pool on the other side of the window, and she felt herself being swallowed up by a longing to be a kid again, swimming in that same pool, where nothing mattered except the next stroke.

Sammy’s warm hand on her cheek broke her out of the reverie. “I’ll wait for you here. I think you need to do this alone.”

“Unfortunately, I think I do.” Sara leaned over, giving Sammy a quick kiss before standing.  “If I’m not back in thirty minutes, you better use your fancy training to come save me.”

Sammy smirked at the lighthearted comment, happy to be on even footing with the feisty woman who had a stranglehold on her heart. “Roger that, ma’am,” she said with a mock salute. Flopping back down on the couch as Sara walked out, Sammy was glad to put off going to the mall, even if it was only for a few more moments.

∞

As Sara climbed the stairs, her heart grew heavier with each step. She and her sister had never seen eye to eye, but she prayed that somewhere, deep inside, her sister would relent and they could go back to being friendly antagonists, instead of this horrible, spiteful feuding. Lightly knocking on Allison’s room, Sara was surprised when the door flung open quickly.

Scowling at her baby sister, Allison said coldly, “I’m almost ready, okay? Just give me, like, five more minutes.” Allison walked back into the room, leaving the door open. Tentatively, Sara walked through the open door, inviting herself in.

“I didn’t come up to rush you, Alli.”

“Surprises never cease. I figured Mom sent you after me. I mean, God forbid we are thirty minutes late getting to these sales,” Allison fumed as she pulled on her tennis shoes, falling over on the bed while doing so. Sara smiled down at the shoes; she couldn’t ever remember her sister wearing sneakers.

“It normally helps if you unlace them,” she said, lightly teasing.

“Yeah, well, I’m not like you, okay? I don’t do frump!” her sister instantly shot back angrily.

Keep calm, Sara. Don’t stoop to her level, Sara thought to herself. Taking a calming breath, she asked simply, “Then, why do you have them?”

Allison couldn’t help but take another jab. She was still furious at her sister for the embarrassment she’d had to endure at dinner the night before, but she took solace in the fact that Sara would leave soon and life would go back to the way it usually was, the way it was supposed to be. It was just the way their family worked.

“I figured if Soldier Boy was coming, we’d have to keep up.”

Sara wasn’t amused, and made her displeasure known with an arched eyebrow as she asked, “Why do you do this, Alli?”

“What do you mean? I haven’t done anything.”

“Sammy is a great person! God, I came up here to try and talk to you about something important, and once again—” Sara paused, trying to rein in her frustration bubbling over. Shaking her head, she continued, “Just don’t be like that, okay? Don’t judge her!”

“What, me? Look at how you judge Julia! Yet I’m the one who is always wrong! Sara, my family has been great since you left in high school. Why didn’t you stay gone?”

Sara was shocked and furious. “Left? You make it sound like I had a choice! I was forced to leave after you told on me!”

Allison yelled, “Oh, cut the crap, Sara!”

“I’m just telling the truth about what happened!” Sara yelled back, almost in tears.

“You chose to be a freak! Mother and Daddy were just trying to do what was best for the family! Do you realize how embarrassing you are to us?” Standing eye to eye with Sara, Allison let venom flow from her like never before. “Finally, we let you back in when you show that you’ve grown up. Julia was great for you and we could call you one of us. But now you’re with some commando. God, Sara, if you wanted a man, why not just be with one? When will you ever learn not to be a freak?”

Sara could no longer hold back the flood of tears. Looking at the woman who stood before her, she wondered if Alli had ever really loved her. With all of the pain she felt from her sister’s rejection and everything that had happened in the last month, Sara found herself confessing the truth before she knew the words were leaving her mouth.

“She raped me, Alli. Julia’s not great for me, she a fucking rapist!”

Allison erupted with cruel laughter. “Oh, that’s rich, Sara, even for you. Boy, Julia will love this new set of lies you’re telling! Raped, like that can even happen. God, you play house with a woman, and now you are going to drag Julia down with false accusations of something that is physically impossible. I guess you’re even a bigger freak than I thought!”

Sara felt her arm moving in slow motion, until suddenly everything snapped back into real time as she felt the cold flesh of Allison’s cheek under her hand. Allison’s face jarred to the left, a hot red mark marring her pale skin.

“Let me tell you something. I know more about rape than I pray you ever find out about. That woman, that… predator, she lost her medical license because of her despicable actions, because I didn’t have the guts to speak up. People like you are the reason I didn’t have the courage! That’s on me, and I will have to live with that for the rest of my life, but, by God, I won’t live in fear any longer. To think I came up here to warn you about her.” Sara pulled in a deep breath, looking over her stunned sister with utter disdain. “I don’t know what the fuck happened to you Alli, but stay the hell out of my life.” Sara turned to leave the room, but didn’t get any farther than the doorway, where she ran straight into her father. Sara refused to look him in the eyes, scared to think of what he could’ve heard.

“Pumpkin, look at me,” he implored, lightly pulling Sara’s chip up to bring their eyes to meet. Kind green eyes peered down as Dean smiled at her. “Do you know how much I love you?”

Words wouldn’t form in Sara’s voice; she still refused to look directly in her father’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry we weren’t here for you, darling, but I promise you it won’t ever happen again.” Dean noticed Sara shaking at his words, and he pulled his daughter into a tight embrace.

“Oh, Daddy, I’m so sorry,” Sara sobbed in her fathers arms. Years of pressure lifted off her chest with each tear.

“My dear, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Pausing, he looked up at the older sister, disappointment in his eyes. “Allison, you have no right to continue this vendetta. Haven’t you hurt your sister enough?”

Allison stood in her old room, her mouth hanging open, staring at Sara in their father’s arms. It made her want to scream. She had been the good child, always doing what was expected, married to a great, wealthy man, and had been there when Sara had run away to Florida. Now this is how she was to be repaid?

“Daddy!” she squealed in disbelief. How can he not see that I am not the one to blame here?

“Allison now is not the time to discuss this. I love you, just like I love your sister, but I will no longer idly stand by while you try to destroy her.”       

“Mother will never stand for this embarrassment!” she exclaimed as she tried to appeal to his duty to the family.

“Yes, yes she will.” Allison looked over her father’s shoulder to see her mother standing behind him, her glare as stern as her words. Claire’s heart felt as if it would break, from both guilt and sorrow. She had followed her husband up the stairs and had heard everything. Knowing she had played a part in her daughter’s devastating pain, she wanted to cry, too. But no matter her intentions, she had such a hard time finding the words she wanted to say.

“Sara, I don’t agree with how you live your life, but that doesn’t mean I want anything bad to ever happen to you. If I had any part of making you feel like you couldn’t talk to us when you needed to, I’m so very sorry,” Claire finally choked out, running her fingers through Sara’s hair as her daughter stayed anchored in her husband’s arms.

Sara pulled away from her father, turning to her mother to be enveloped in her arms as well. She hadn’t been hugged like this since her fifteenth birthday, right before she was sent to Florida.

“Oh, Mama, only you could make an apology sound like a political statement.” Sara dryly laughed at her mother.

Allison couldn’t believe her eyes; her world was crumbling right before her. “Fine! If all you want is the loser freak daughter, then that’s all you’ll have!” Allison grabbed her purse and started marching towards the door. Sara quickly pulled out of the hug, reaching out for Allison’s arm.

“You don’t have to like me, Allison, but be careful for Mom and Dad’s sake. You’re playing with fire and you don’t even realize it.”

“You’ve won. Bask in the glory all you want it, but just know: you’re not even worth it. Just go to hell, Sara!” Allison shrugged off her sister’s hand, making her way out of the home.

∞

The next morning, Sara sat in the passenger seat of the SUV. They had said their goodbyes early and were now hitting the road back to Florida.

“Glad to be heading home?” Sammy asked softly. Sara had come back to the pool house the day before, her face puffy and red, and told her what had happened, so they had all decided not to go shopping. Instead, Dean, Claire, and Sammy had hung around the house, getting to know each other.

Sara was so thankful Sammy was with her on this trip. She had planned for it to extend past Friday originally, but she knew she didn’t want to stay with her family any longer. She was equally reluctant to head back to reality and Oviedo just yet.

“Well, I have a surprise for you,” she said with a small smile, thankful that through the miracle of the Internet she had been able to make some last minute plans.

“Okay, should I be worried?” Sammy said, but the easy grin on her face belied her words.

“I booked a hotel downtown, since I know you want to see the city.” Sara smiled, happy to see the surprise on driver’s face. “Besides, I figured it was the least I could do for you, after putting up with my family.”

Sammy was shocked, and she couldn’t stop herself from beaming at this incredible, thoughtful woman in the passenger seat.

Finding the hotel wasn’t as hard as she’d thought it might be, and, now, walking down the streets of Charleston, they took in the many sights of the tourist town. Sammy noticed the sideways looks they were getting strolling down the streets hand in hand, but she didn’t care, she just held onto Sara’s hand tighter.

The air had been colder here the last few days, but it still wasn’t a typical winter day. Sammy was thankful for that; the metal in her shoulder hated bitter cold.

Taking a horse and buggy ride around the downtown area of the city, she took in all the historic buildings, leaving the Marine in awe. Since rebuilding Sara’s home, she’d felt a spark for renovating, and looking at these buildings, she wondered what had went into making them ready for the public again. Sammy put her arm around Sara’s shoulders, pulling her into a warm hug.

Sara smiled up at Sammy.  Laying her head on her chest, she breathed in the smell that now felt like a warm blanket to Sara: a woodsy scent, mixed with the winter ocean air in Charleston.

The buggy ride let out by the pier, and Sara leaned against the railing, seeking some form of peace from the waves, praying it would calm her down. Waiting on Sammy to return from the restroom, she jumped a little as she felt arms embrace her. Looking down, she smiled at the sight of a single rose, made out of sweet grass, hovering in front of her. Sara turned to face the taller woman, taking the small rose from Sammy’s strong hands.

“They were selling them over there. You probably know more about them than me, but they said it’s made out of sea grass.” Sammy said with a small grin, gesturing at the small artificial flower.

Taking in the kindness that always surprised her, Sara softly corrected Sammy. “Sweet grass. It grows in the dune lines of the beach. They fish it out and make these, as well as baskets. Actually, all kinds of neat things.” She looked down at the simple rose and back into Sammy’s eyes.  “I love it. Are you hungry?”

“Starving.” The statement came out a little more eagerly than Sammy had intended, causing Sara to giggle.

“Back to the hotel then?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Sammy smiled, taking Sara’s hand as they walked back to the hotel.

∞

Sara had been in the hotel bathroom for almost an hour after getting out of the shower, and Sammy could hear the blow dryer running. For the second time, she went to the mirror by the door to straighten up the red polo shirt that was tucked into her black slacks. Taking a seat, she sat looking out the window at a magnificent view of downtown Charleston, enjoying the moment. A few moments after the blow drying stopped, lithe arms wrapped around her, and she could hear the smile in Sara’s voice as her lips brushed her ear.

“Ready for dinner, handsome?”

Turning around, the sight of Sara took Sammy’s breath away.

“Do you like it?” Sara coyly smiled.

As Sammy stood up, she found herself looking Sara up and down. She looked radiant in a formfitting, sleeveless black dress that hit all of the woman’s curves in just the right places, with three-inch heels to boot. Her hair was styled to perfection and cascaded to just below her shoulders, straightened to fall just right to frame her face. Sara was always beautiful, but now she was simply stunning.

“You look amazing,” Sammy stammered as she smiled at Sara, who was now blushing. She wished with all of her heart that she was more eloquent, but she just couldn’t find the words to convey what she felt. Sara also was silent, and Sammy imagined it was because she was too afraid to slip up and say something embarrassing as well. “Are you ready?” Sammy managed to squeak out, finally.

“Lead the way,” Sara said as she locked her hand in Sammy’s.

∞

The restaurant, like Sara’s parents’ home, was decorated with things one would see in an art magazine. Feeling a little uncomfortable, Sammy wasn’t completely sure of what the waitress had said, she had been staring at her surroundings so she just smiled in response.

“Very well, I’ll give you a few minutes to look over the menu,” the server said while filling their drinks then walking away. Sammy decided to try and focus, she stared at all of the options, surprised at how many of the dishes she had no clue about. She could see a large list labeled Pasta, but of course there wasn’t anything as boring as spaghetti. She quickly flipped through the pages, trying to find a familiar food and was happy to find the wide variety of steaks they offered.

With a grin at Sara, she silently decided on a nice well-done filet mignon. It was more expensive than she would usually pay for food, but this was a special occasion.

When the waitress returned, Sammy was surprised to find that Sara had chosen a medium-rare rib-eye. She had assumed the refined woman would pick something… fancier. Somehow the choice just endeared her to Sara all the more.

Soft music started playing in the background, and in the lighting, Sara radiated a beauty that surpassed words. Sammy could feel something magical in the air as she once aging caught herself staring.

“Care to dance, Ms. Lawson?” she asked softly.

“I would like that,” Sara said, smiling at the seductive way Sammy said her name.

Standing beside Sara, Sammy offered her hand. She led them to a small dance floor and wrapped her arms around Sara’s waist.

Sara clasped her hands behind Sammy’s neck in return. Looking into her eyes, she felt lost in the sea of blue that seemed to wash all her worries away. Acting instinctively, she pulled the taller woman down until their lips met, and they shared a kiss like no other they ever had.  Electricity shot through her body, sending shivers through out her limbs and making her heart bound in her chest. Pulling back, she looked curiously at Sammy’s expression, wondering if the other woman had felt it, too.

Sammy grinned back at her, trying to keep her libido in check. She knew this was going to be a long night combined with a massive lesson in self-control.

∞

After finishing the steaks and a bottle of red wine, they walked hand in hand back to the hotel room, neither sure what to do. Sammy wanted to take Sara to bed, but she wasn’t sure if Sara would be ready yet. Am I actually feeling shy? She couldn’t remember ever feeling shy around another woman.

Flopping down on the chair, Sammy looked up and smiled when she realized Sara looked as nervous as she did. Weakly, she asked, “Wanna watch a movie?”

Sara walked over to the chair, standing in front of Sammy. Her body wanted to have sex, but she wasn’t sure her mind got the memo. She wasn’t one hundred percent sure she should trust herself to try again. She hadn’t since the attack, and the one time they had even come close had ended with Sammy needing to go to the hospital for a broken nose.

But after finding herself lost once again in the kind blue eyes staring back at her, Sara knew she at least wanted to try. Straddling Sammy on the chair, she let a wicked grin cross her face.

“Movie? Is that the best you got?” She leaned down, hungrily kissing the stunned woman.

Taking all the strength she had left to rein in her absolute need for Sara, Sammy lightly pulled back. She had to make sure that Sara knew that the smaller woman didn’t owe her anything. Sara had to be in control and choose what was best for her.

“We don’t have to do anything, you know,” she said seriously, her eyes searching Sara’s face for any hesitation or nervousness.

Lightly putting her index finger over Sammy’s soft lips, Sara responded, “I know that. I can’t promise anything, and at some point I might have to stop, but I want to try. Unless you don’t want to?”

Pulling Sara down, Sammy’s lips hungrily pushed Sara’s lips open. She poured her soul into the kiss, trying to convey the love and want and need she felt in this moment, before breathlessly pulling back.

“That’s not an issue, trust me.”

Sara realized in that moment, she did. She trusted Sammy more than anyone else on this planet. “I do,” Sara murmured and pulled Sammy into another kiss.

Wrapping her arms around Sara’s waist, Sammy ran her hands over the shorter woman’s tightly toned ass, feeling the lace panties through the thin black dress. As she did, Sara rubbed her hands through Sammy’s short hair, trailing them to her neck, continuing down Sammy’s arms.

Sara had never taken the time to realize just how muscular Sammy was, but now as her hands roamed freely, she took in every tight muscle. Untucking Sammy’s polo shirt, Sara ran her hand underneath along Sammy’s stomach; trailing her fingers lightly over her well-defined abs. Desire overtook her, so she tugged at the hem of the shirt, breathlessly commanding: “Off.”

The shirt was disrobed by Sammy in one quick swoop.

Running her fingers over Sammy’s plain sports bra, Sara’s eyes lingered on the ample cleavage that had been kept hidden underneath the shirt. She let herself indulge in the sexy body that sat before her for the first time, letting her hands roam wherever they pleased. The feel of her hard nipples, the strong, muscular lines of her body, and the small noises of arousal that she was coaxing from the Marine made her mind and pulse race.

Staring again into Sammy’s eyes, she couldn’t stop herself from uttering a heartfelt “You’re beautiful!”

Sammy’s face flushed a dark red at the words. No one had ever called her beautiful before. Handsome, sure. Fit, of course. But beautiful had always been saved for more feminine women, women with long flowing hair and well-made faces.

Sammy slowly stood up, Sara’s legs wrapped around her waist, carrying the woman towards the bed. With a nod, she asked, “Bed?” She had to make it clear that Sara was in control.

Sara’s reply was a guttural moan as she greedily kissed Sammy, leaning into the taller woman as she carried her to push to body flush against Sammy’s. Careful not to break the kiss, Sara was gently placed on her back as the bed softly squished below her.

As Sammy hovered over Sara’s body, shivering with desire, the small light from the bathroom engulfed the room in a soft blue glow, giving her just enough light to admire Sara’s soft body.

Sammy’s skin glistened from the first signs of sweat under the low light. Sara’s fingertips trailed the scar on Sammy’s left shoulder, amazed at how long it actually was: almost ten inches total. Tenderly, Sara reached up, kissing the mangled flesh, her tongue tracing the crests and valleys of the scar tissue.

 Sammy trailed the hand not supporting herself along Sara’s body while she lavished kisses along Sara’s neck. Making her way to the end of the dress, she softly caressed the smooth leg with her calloused fingers, slowly making her way back up her firm thighs underneath the sheer material.

Bringing her head back, Sammy looked up to Sara’s eyes and was taken aback to see them filling with tears. She immediately froze; worried that she had once again been too hasty, too greedy.

“Are you okay?”

Lust filled Sara, a feeling she had feared was lost forever, and looking into the kind face staring back at her, Sara knew for the first time she was indeed okay. She pulled Sammy down into a passionate kiss, until they were both breathless. Sara pulled back just enough to whisper, her breath hot against Sammy’s ear: “Samantha, make love to me.”

Even in the darkened room, Sammy couldn’t take her eyes off the beauty that was in front of her. Wiping the tears from Sara’s eyes, Sammy realized that she also felt safe. Loved. Gazing into the eyes of the woman who had stolen her heart, she cupped Sara’s face, saying words she had never said to anyone.

“I love you, Sara.”

Feeling as if her heart would burst from happiness Sara simply replied. “I love you, too.”

As if a dam had burst, each woman hungrily abandoned herself to her desires, allowing their hands to roam freely, exploring each other’s bodies and discovering each other’s turn-ons. The walls and barriers that had been built long ago crumbled, signaling a new beginning for both of them.

CHAPTER 12

The last few days Sara had spent with Sammy were the best she’d ever had. Now at work sitting at her desk, she was almost growling at the paperwork she had to catch up on. Rubbing her temples, Sara couldn’t remember ever feeling this tired, especially with the “stops” they’d had to make when they couldn’t keep their hands off one another.

A knock on her door jolted her out of the fresh memories. Sara smiled as Kelly, her assistant, stood at the door with a fresh cup of coffee in hand.

“I thought you could use this.” Setting the coffee on Sara’s desk, Kelly smiled at her boss, trying to remember the last time she had seen bags under Sara’s eyes.

“Thank you,” Sara said with gratitude in her voice for the middle-aged woman’s thoughtfulness. At 5-foot-6, Kelly was taller than Sara, but then again, with her short stature, most people were. She kept up with her body, eating healthily and playing tennis on the weekends, but didn’t fuss over a few extra pounds. The past few years had not been kind to the woman, but Sara was sure that losing a child would do that to anyone.

“So when is our first client in today?” Sara asked, hoping that her assistant would say that she had some time to reorganize her thoughts before heading into professional mode.

Looking down at her ever-present tablet, Kelly pulled up the day’s schedule. “Looks like eleven.”

“Good! I have some time to catch up.” The extra day they had taken in Charleston had put her a little behind.

“Enjoy your holiday?” Kelly teased, knowing that the woman in front of her so rarely took days off.

Sara couldn’t hide the embarrassment that crept on her face. “Yes. Sammy and I had a great time.”

Kelly stiffened, a flash of pain flooding her face before a stoic mask fell in place. “How is Samantha?” she asked, keeping her voice carefully neutral.

Sara was taken aback by Kelly’s use of Sammy’s full name. Sure, Sammy worked under Paul, Kelly’s husband, and she had mentioned the woman on a few occasions but she didn’t think they’d ever actually met, especially as she was a new employee to Paul’s company.

“Good,” she said hesitantly, trying to gauge the older woman’s response. “I didn’t realize you knew her.”

“Oh, I just assumed. I thought you two were… Yes, I know her. Knew her.” Kelly looked like a deer caught in headlights.

Confused, Sara didn’t know what the deal was. She was sure Kelly had heard of the woman from Paul, but her reaction made it seem like there was a much bigger connection here than she was trying to let on.

“Kel, what is it?”

“I’ll be right back.” She quickly walked out of the room, leaving Sara to wonder if she’d upset the woman. However, before she could decide whether she needed to check on Kelly, she returned, carrying a small photo frame. Sara had it seen on the woman’s desk many times.

“I’ve known Samantha for many years,” Kelly said with a sad smile as she sat down across from Sara. Gently, she handed the small frame that housed two photos over to Sara.

Sara’s eyes flew to the picture a boy in his dress uniform in front of a flag, a standard family photo of a Marine. Trailing down with her eyes, she spotted another photo of him and Sammy in Iraq, holding their guns and waving at the camera. Both looked almost unrecognizable in their gear, and Sara shivered thinking how many times she had passed this photo.  Now however, Sara could spot Sammy anywhere.

“Steve! I didn’t—” Rubbing her forehead, Sara felt lightheaded; she’d known the boy on Sammy’s refrigerator had looked familiar but couldn’t place it at the time. And now he was in her hands, in a photo she passed every day for almost two years. She had just started at the office when Steve had been killed in action. Sara had never met him personally, but from the stories he seemed like a great man. She cursed her own stupidity at not being able to connect the dots as she handed the photos back to Kelly.

“I can’t believe I didn’t recognize him.”

“She showed you his picture?” It was Kelly’s turn to be surprised.

“Yeah, at first it was by accident, but then she showed me an album from her time in the Marines.”  Taking a deep breath, she continued. “I feel so stupid. Kelly, I’m so sorry.”

Kelly almost had tears in her eyes as she looked down at the photos.

“They were my children. Paul and I took Samantha under our wing, she was a part of our family from the first day we met her. However, when Samantha came back, it broke our hearts seeing her in the hospital so broken. Then they wouldn’t clear her to come to the funeral… I’m sorry; she should be the one telling you this.”

“Please, tell me what happened,” Sara pleaded.

Kelly looked into Sara’s eyes, taking a deep breath before she told the story.

“I don’t know everything. Samantha would never talk about it– the past I mean– only saying she did everything she could, and she was sorry she was the one here and not Steve. I think she felt that it was a waste for her to come back, since he had a family and she didn’t.”

Tears started filling up in Sara’s eyes from the pain she’d only be able to guess at from the hints Sammy had dropped.

“She blamed herself. Still does. She screwed up on a job awhile back when a home caught fire. She almost lost her contractor’s license, but Paul kept tabs on her as she made it through physical therapy and as she hopped from jobs. He reached out to her.” Here her voice broke and she had to take a moment to compose herself. Stammering, Kelly continued, “We always thought Steve would take over the business, but Sammy always showed more interest when they came here on leave, so he talked her into coming to work for him. Truthfully, I think he wanted to keep an eye on her for Steve.”

Kelly started sobbing as years of shame finally broke loose.

“I fear it’s my fault she carries so much pain inside. I’m ashamed to say this, but I haven’t seen her in a very long time. I wanted to go to the hospital a million times after she was in that car accident, but I just couldn’t see her like that again. I’m a horrible person.”

Coming around to the front of the desk, Sara reached over and closed the door before pulling up the extra chair next to Kelly and wrapping the woman in a hug.

“No, you’re not. You just miss your son. It’s okay.” She knew the woman was torn up inside, and all of this being drug up again couldn’t be good for her. She pulled back from the woman, adding, “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? I’ve got so much paperwork to do, so you’ll just be stuck in the office without anything to do.”

Kelly pulled a tissue from the box on Sara’s desk, blowing her nose, sniffling as she said, “If you don’t mind, I might just do that. I think it’s time I go and at least try to talk to her.”

“That’s up to you. Either way, I’m here if you need to talk,” Sara replied, hoping the woman could see her as a friend despite the circumstances.

“Thanks, Sara,” Kelly said, nodding to herself as she gathered her things and left the office, preparing to do something she should have done a long time ago.

Sara walked back around and almost flopped behind her desk. Pulling a small black frame off of her desk, she trailed the outline of Sammy’s face in the photo. The picture had been taken the day Sammy had taken Sara out on her boat. It seemed like so long ago now. Looking lovingly at the photo, Sara silently prayed that Sammy would be okay.

∞

Sammy sat in the park by Sara’s house, her leg nervously bouncing as she replayed the phone conversation in her head. A call from Kelly had been the last thing she expected while working today and her stomach was tying itself in knots as she waited. 

“Samantha,” Kelly called as she walked up towards her with a nervous smile.

Sammy stood up from the bench, standing in front of the woman with no idea what to do. Suddenly, before she realized what was happening, she was wrapped in a hug. Pulling her arms around Kelly, she embraced the older woman tightly.

“Samantha, I don’t really know what to say.” Kelly pulled back and looked at the taller girl.

“I’ve always been told hello is a good place to start.” Sammy tried her best to give a reassuring smile towards the woman.

Kelly briefly smiled back before turning serious. “I don’t know how to convey to you how sorry I am. I should have contacted you before today. You trusted me, and I let you down.”

“I let you down, Kelly. I promised to always look out for him.” Sammy sat back on the bench, hunched with the weight of the world on her shoulders as she hung on to the thought of Steve and the family that would never see his bright smile again.  “It should have been me.”

“No! It shouldn’t have been either of you!” Kelly exclaimed with surprise and horror, wondering how this bright girl could have ever thought that her own life wasn’t important enough. Sitting down beside Sammy, she lightly rubbed her back, trying to figure out a way to convince Sammy of her own worth.

“I failed Steve,” Sammy whispered as tears started to build, spilling over the walls she had carefully erected against the pain of her memories. Sitting on the bench, with the woman who should have, by all rights, hated her for the loss of her son, all of the pain and anger she had been holding inside erupted, sending her into sobs. Sammy instinctively turned to Kelly, who pulled her into a motherly hug, joining her in crying for everything that could have been.

Neither was sure of how long they sat on the bench, Kelly gently soothing the broken Marine in her arms, stroking her hair and whispering words that should have been said long ago.

As their tears died down, Kelly pulled back from the embrace to look Sammy square in the eyes, knowing the woman needed to hear the words she had failed to say.

“You didn’t fail my son. You were his best friend, his sister. I don’t know what happened over there, but what I do know is that the time came and he passed from our world, he didn’t do it alone. You were there with him. I’m grateful you made it home. I’m sorry I ever made you feel otherwise.”

Looking over at Kelly’s face and seeing the honesty in her eyes, Sammy felt as if a weight had been lifted off her chest. She had prayed in the hospital that she would hear these things, but Kelly had never come. Now, in this moment, she felt free of this horrible burden.

“Thank you,” she choked out as a fledgling smile graced her own lips.

∞

Emotionally drained, Sammy sat draped across her couch, flipping through the new video game magazine she had picked up on her way home. She had thought of calling Sara to see if she wanted to come over, but, knowing the woman had a lot of work to catch up on, she had decided against it.

However, the ringing of the doorbell soon broke her flimsy concentration on the magazine. Walking over to the peephole, Sammy saw the sight she had longed to see all day: Sara standing at her doorway. She opened the door and immediately pulled the smaller woman into a slow, heated kiss.

“I could get used to this kind of greeting!” Sara exclaimed, giggling.

“What are you doing here?” Sammy asked with surprise.

“I wanted to see you. Is that okay?”

“You mean you aren’t tired of seeing this ugly mug after our trip?” Sammy asked jokingly, gesturing for Sara to come in.

“I’m honored to get to look at the most beautiful woman on a regular basis. She even lets me touch, if I play nice,” Sara replied saucily, but she couldn’t keep a straight face and soon dissolved into a fit of laughter. Catching her breath, she requested, “Sit on the couch with me for a bit.”

“Sure.” They settled, sitting next to each other, limbs tangling together as they cuddled.

“So, did you have a good day?” Sara asked softly. She didn’t want to pry, but at least she could give Sammy a chance to talk if she wanted to.

“Yes, I did, actually. And I think you might have had something to do with it. Kelly?” Sammy was sure that somehow Sara had put the pieces together.

“Yeah, that’s kind of the real reason I’m here. I wanted to check on you. I didn’t realize Steve was Kelly’s son.”

“Yeah, I wanted to tell you, but it never seemed like the right time.” Sammy rubbed her forehead. “We met in the park today.”

Sara was surprised. “Really?”

“Yeah. I figured you knew.”

“No, we talked for a bit, but she didn’t say what she would do.”

“Well, I appreciate whatever you said. It felt good to see her.”

The psychiatrist knew better than to push the issue. Whatever had transpired between the two women was just for them to know. But, as she stroked Sammy’s cheek, she noticed that Sammy’s smile seemed so much brighter, and her face more relaxed, than Sara had ever seen it.

“It’s good to see you smile like that. It looks good on you.”

Sammy laughed, replying with a wicked smile, “I know something else that looks good on me.”

Immediately, Sara felt her face blush, but she arched an eyebrow and played along. “Oh, really? And what might that be?”

“You.” Knowing how cliché that sounded, Sammy grinned and leaned over to kiss the lips of the woman who had been running through her thoughts all day.

Leaning into the kiss, Sara knew that she needed more. Standing up, she held out her hand for Sammy and smiled seductively, asking, “How about we test your theory?”

Sammy took Sara’s hand and let herself be led to the bedroom. Maybe my life is finally falling into place.

CHAPTER 13

Standing at the job site and surveying the property, Sammy couldn’t believe this was the same house that had been all but condemned two months ago. The whole downstairs was practically done, and the only thing remaining was the replacement of a crooked countertop on the bar. The upstairs would be done by the end of the week. Officially, Sara was staying with Mary, but they spent most nights together at her apartment. A twinge of guilt hit Sammy as she wished that the remodel would take longer; she liked having Sara in her arms at night. Looking at the hot tub being installed, she hoped she’d get the chance to share it with Sara soon.             

“Are you daydreaming, Boss?” called Ricardo from across the room, expecting a scowl in response.

“So I am.” She gave the man a friendly pat on the back, smiling all the while. Sammy zoned out for a moment, imagining Sara lathered up in suds, enjoying the hot tub on a cold winter night. Suddenly she snapped out of it as she heard Ricardo say, “You’re not angry?”

“At what?” she said, wondering what she could’ve missed, but trying to play it off as concentration.

 “I said we ordered the wrong tub. That one is two thousand more than the one Ms. Lawson approved.”

“Oh.” Damn. “I’ll pay the difference.” She wanted Sara in that tub.

“Okay…Ricardo hesitated. You sure you’re alright, Boss?” Ricardo asked, trying to figure out if Sammy was angry or not.

“I’m great, Ricardo. Really.”

“Well, Boss, I got to say… off the record? I’m glad you met Ms. Lawson.”

Normally, Sammy would’ve snapped at the man, but all she could do was smile back as she answered, “So am I, Ricardo. So am I.” Turning her attention back to the job, she asked, “So we’ll be finished by Friday, then?”

“Should be, Boss.”

“Good. I know Ms. Lawson will like that.” Friday. I can wait that long. Maybe. Smirking, she handed her clipboard over to Ricardo.

“How about you let the crew off early today, after they get done with the bathroom.”

“Really?” the man replied in shock, used to Sammy pushing them right up until quitting time to get everything done.

“Yeah, they deserve it. The house looks amazing.”

“Alright! I’ll let them know.”  Turning around, Ricardo added, “Boss?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks again for what you did for me. Paul wants me to head up a job when we get done, since I did so well here when you were in the hospital,” He said as he beamed proudly.

“That’s fantastic!” Sammy said with shared happiness. She’d already known about the promotion, but she was proud of the man and all he had overcome.

“I’m starting my class work so I can become an official contractor. I couldn’t have done it without you. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

With one last smile over his shoulder, he turned and went on his way to tell the crew the good news.

“I’m so bad,” Sammy muttered to herself, blushing as she looked at the tub coming up the stairs.

Trotting back down the stairs, she pulled out her phone and texted Sara to meet her at the house that afternoon. Right now, she counted her lucky stars that Julia seemed to be MIA. She had spoken to Bobby when they returned from Charleston and, with Sara’s permission; the police had started an official investigation on the former doctor. Sammy hoped that Julia would soon be apprehended and they could finally put all of this behind them.

It took the crew about two hours to install the rest of the bathroom fixtures and clear out. While she waited, Sammy worked on the bar in the kitchen, enjoying the silence. But she was so caught up in her daydreaming that she didn’t hear the footsteps sneaking up behind her, and didn’t even realize anyone else was in the home until she felt a sharp pain radiating outward from the back of her head. Falling to the floor, white tennis shoes flashed before her eyes right before her world went black.

∞

“Thanks for stopping by the office today, Mary,” Sara said, “I really needed a break from all that paperwork.”

“That’s what I specialize in, isn’t it?” Her friend giggled back, hoisting up some mixers she had brought for an after dinner treat.

Sara turned the bronze handle to the main house and silently hoped that the builders hadn’t left things quite as unfinished as they had been when she last saw them. She hoped Sammy wouldn’t mind, the text she received was vague, but Sara was sure Sammy had been up to something; however, she had been unable to get away from her well-meaning friend after she had stopped by her office.

“Wow, it looks amazing in here, Sara!” Mary gushed, beaming at the new appliances and decorations.

“Yeah, it’s getting there. It’s starting to really come together.” She said with a distracted smile, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. A chill went through Sara’s spine; she suddenly felt out of place in her own home.

“Babe, you in here?” She called out in a loud voice, wondering at the quiet in the house. With all the time the two lovers had been spending together, Sara had started to get used to the day-to-day “Sammy sounds:” her whistling, the jingling coins in her pocket, the noise she made in her general restlessness. Maybe she was out back?

Sara took a few hurried steps across the living room, a feeling of apprehension slowly taking hold as she called the Marine’s name.

“Sammy?”

“You’re such a sap,” Mary teased.

As they rounded the corner to the kitchen, Sara turned back to Mary, teasing her back as she said, “Weren’t you just sweet-talking Tim on the phone? Remind me again how you went from not being able to stand, him to—”

She didn’t get to finish her sentence as Mary suddenly jumped back, as if stepping on a landmine, letting out a shrill scream that cut Sara off in mid-sentence. As Sara turned to the kitchen, she too was stopped dead in her tracks in horror and disbelief.

“Oh my god! Sammy!” Crumpled like a rag doll, Sammy lay on the floor, her white t-shirt covered in blood, her hands and feet bound roughly behind her back.

“Mary, I don’t see her breathing! Call 911!” Sara yelled as she moved to run towards the injured woman.

“That’s close enough.” The stench of sweat and alcohol filled the room as Julia spoke, stepping out from behind the open pantry door. Sara and Mary froze as Julia casually waved a black handgun in their direction. “So kind of you to join us, Sara. Oh, and you brought your little friend with you, I see.”

“Julia! What the fuck? What did you do to her?” Sara screamed in fear.

Ignoring Sara’s outburst, Julia turned her attention to the other woman. “It really is a shame that you’re here, Mary,” she said quietly, and for a moment, Mary could understand how Julia had fooled so many people for so long. But then Julia slithered closer to them, sliding the cold steel pistol into Mary’s shirt, between her visible cleavage, her voice suddenly turning harsh and demonic, adding, “Such a waste of nice, warm flesh.”

Mary winced, too scared to move. Her mind flashed to the few encounters they had together in the past. Something about Julia had always made Mary uneasy, but she didn’t even recognize the woman standing before her with evil in her eyes. Mary knew what Sara had gone through, but she couldn’t believe she was actually reliving that nightmare herself. Why couldn’t she run? Why couldn’t she move?

“Go to hell!” Mary seethed through clenched teeth.

At that, Julia suddenly raised her arm up, punching Mary’s face with the pistol. Mary fell to the floor, stunned, her face bloodied from a cut to her cheek and a broken tooth.

“Julia, stop! I’m the one you want. Leave Mary alone.” Sara screamed, horrified that yet another person would be hurt because of her. No, because of Julia, said Sammy’s voice in her head.

“Do you think I’m that stupid? This bitch would have the cops here in ten seconds,” Julia said as she towered over Mary tying her hands up in the same fashion as Sammy’s. “It seems all is in order now. As it is, I have the perfect plan. I’ve been watching, waiting.” Julia grinned, a maniacal laugh accompanying her words. In an instant though, her face was the picture of sorrow as she sobbed as she tied Sara’s hands. “Wasn’t it just tragic how the good Lieutenant went crazy and shot them both? I was coming to check on an old friend and saw what happened, but I couldn’t do anything. It was so awful.” Her voice turned brittle and hard at the last word, dropping the sad act into one of horrible glee.

“Oh, if you’re wondering, Sara, I’m going to have some fun with you before I kill you.” She ran the barrel of the gun down Sara’s throat and over her breasts. “I remember you like it rough.”

Sara shivered, barely registering Julia’s words as she found herself just replaying a loop of her rape over and over as she tugged at her restraints. Her mind just couldn’t cope, and in an effort to block out the horrendous situation she found herself in, the edges of her vision started dimming as she eased her way towards unconsciousness.

Sammy could hear voices. Everything was hurting, and she couldn’t figure out what was going on. She tried to move, but soon realized she was pinned. She knew she needed to fight her way free, that she had to protect Sara, but in a flash, she was back in Iraq.

∞

 Picking Bobby up, she ordered her team to move. “Let’s go now, double time! These fuckers are everywhere! Move! Move! Move!” Gunshots firing all around them, Sammy could feel the insurgent troops getting closer. They only had to make it one more block before they would be at the Humvees. “Move it, Marine, you can do it. Keep going,” she kept telling herself. The group ran towards the trucks, some of the Marines providing cover fire as they ran. When they could finally see the trucks, a weak smile crossed Sammy’s face as she saw Steve safe behind the Humvee, providing picking off enemies behind her for her and the team. Running to the trucks, she ordered, “Get on the horn; get us some goddamn air support, now!”

“Aye-aye, ma’am,” Steve replied trying hard to do his duty and not run after his injured boyfriend as he pulled the radio pack off his back.

Placing the injured soldier in the truck, she turned to fight the wave coming their way.

“Gunny, get those fucking mortars set up!”

“On it!” As Emily set up a mortar, the blast echoed in all of their ears.

 It was a bloodbath, and the insurgents just kept coming, no matter how many they took down. More came around the corner. Sammy knew in that moment that they had to get out fast.

“Lieutenant, we have a problem,” came a voice from her right.

“What now?”

“They’ve got us blocked in.”

“Shit!” There would be no retreat now. Sammy had picked this spot because she thought it would be defensible; of course, she hadn’t realized the whole damn guerilla army would arrive.

“Fight it out boys; we’ve got to hold this position until air support shows up.”

Steve’s voice broke in. “Command says ETA is five minutes.” Five minutes. We can do that.

“Alright, you fuckers, you wanted to mess with the Marines.”

They gave it all they had, milling down the troops heading their way. Sammy could only hope it would be enough.

Hearing the roar of helicopters, her heart jumped. They were actually going to make it. Smiling, Sammy looked over at her friend and right-hand man, Steve, who looked up just for a moment as the choppers flew overhead. But just as she caught his eye, the side of his face exploded as a round found its way to the base of his skull.

 Pain shot through her shoulder as she rushed to her friend. “Steve!” She screamed, but he fell to the ground before she could reach him, dust blanketing his body.

“Tell—” Coughing, Steve’s breaths came in horrible rasping gasps, making it almost impossible to talk as blood pooled around his head.

“Medic! We need a fucking medic!” Sammy yelled frantically before looking down at him. “You’re going to be okay, man, okay? You have to be okay! We’re almost out of this, come on!” She said, shaking him to get a response.

“Mom. Dad. Love—” He choked out before his eyes rolled back in his head. Tears flooded out of her eyes. Knowing that it was too late now, she gently pulled his eyes closed and laid him back on the ground.

 She didn’t have time to mourn; that would come later.

Picking up her rifle and ignoring the pain and the hot, red liquid running down her arm, Sammy started firing again. The Apache helicopters above rained down a sea of bullets on the insurgents, and they began to make some headway. Turning to order her small remaining troops to concentrate on an escape route, her heart jumped as she spotted the boy with the soccer ball.

He would die if she left him there. Sammy couldn’t let that happen, not after losing Steve. She wouldn’t let someone else down.

“Cover me, gunny!” Emily was startled as she followed Sammy.

“Aye-aye, ma’am!” Running over to the boy, Sammy picked him up. As if in slow motion, she felt more bullets target her left shoulder. Feeling her bone burst this time, she fell to her knees in pain. As a last ditch effort, she grabbed the boy with her uninjured arm and dragged them both to safety behind the truck before another explosion hit and knocked her out.

“Wake your sorry ass up, Lieutenant.”

Sammy looked around, but it was all black. She couldn’t see anything. Standing up, she tried to find the voice.

“Where am I?” Turning around, she saw a glowing light around a familiar figure. “Steve!”

He smiled at Sammy, looking sharp in his dress blues.

“Where are we? Am I dead?”

“No, it isn’t your time yet.”

 “You need to wake up right now, soldier!”

“Wake up? Steve, I don’t understand.” Tears trailed down Sammy’s face.

“Wake up, Samantha. Let me rest. Live your life. WAKE UP, MARINE!”

∞

Sammy’s eyes jolted open. Immediately they darted to Julia running a gun over Sara’s breasts. Tamping down on her frustration and anger, she knew she needed a clear head to get free.

Twisting her way to a sharper corner of the cabinet, she carefully used the edge to help pry the duct tape from her wrists, and then made quick work of the thick strip binding her ankles together. Thinking quickly, she felt for the phone in her pocket, happy to find that Julia had left it behind. Dialing 911, she waited to hear the voice of a dispatcher before dropping the mobile noisily, and resumed the position Julia had left her in, purposefully catching Julia’s attention but not giving away her escape from her bonds.

Upon hearing the thud of the phone, all three women including Mary who had just stood up again turned to see Sammy moving around on the floor.

“Ah, decide to join us Lieutenant?” Julia growled, angry at the interruption.

“You better put that gun down untie the two women.” Sammy said calmly, making sure to state clearly what was going on for the police dispatcher. Deciding that she couldn’t afford to play possum any longer, she stood up, hoping that the cops would arrive quickly enough.

Julia looked shocked at her recovery and escape, but Sammy was just happy to see that Sara and Mary seemed unharmed for the most part. From a standing position she could take better stock of the situation and would be able to step in. Trying to divert Julia’s attention to herself, Sammy goaded, “What? Shocked a Marine got out of a little bit of duct tape?”

“I have the gun, so I’d watch what you say,” Julia spit out, leveling the gun at Sara’s head. But instead of backing off, Sammy quickly lunged forward, stepping in front of Sara and placing herself in front of the gun.

“Do you really think that little thing scares me?” she asked, knowing that she needed to look calm and collected for the other women’s sakes.

“Sammy, run! Get out of here!” Sara pleaded, aghast that Sammy would once again put herself in the line of danger.

“Sara, I’m not leaving you.” Looking back at Julia, she offered, “How about we end this right now? If you walk out, we’ll forget this and it’ll be done.”

“Why the hell would I do that? This bitch ruined my life! She took my medical license, my home, everything! She took it all away!” Julia shouted in a haze of anger, the gun swinging wildly in her hands.

Sara snapped, the fear she felt rapidly shifting into pure rage. “What the fuck are you talking about? I didn’t do anything to you!”

“Right, Sara, so after our last night together, everything just fell apart? You had no hand in that?” Julia seethed.

“Our ‘night together?’ You raped me!” Sara spat, furious that even her rapist wouldn’t admit the truth.

“No, that’s a lie, I did no such thing!” It was clear the woman was coming unglued. “You wanted it!”

Sammy was reaching her boiling point, but she didn’t dare move, though she ached to hold Sara, especially with the hurt and the pain echoing in her voice.

“I didn’t want it! I wanted to leave,” Sara screamed through tears.

“You’re lying! You told the board, and you got me fired,” the deranged woman roared, her grip on the gun tightening.

“No, I was too ashamed to tell anyone,”

“Then who?” Julia looked confused for a moment before raising the gun at Sara; an evil grin plastered her face. “No, it was you. You’re just trying to save your skin.” She quickly turned the gun back on Sammy. “Or perhaps her. You never were anything but a whore!”

Mary couldn’t stay silent any longer. “You’re just a rapist, you sack of shit. If you lost everything, then you deserved it!”

Julia moved swiftly, hitting Mary squarely on the temple, causing more blood to gush from the head wound and sending Mary collapsing to the floor once again.

Sammy saw an opportunity and reacted quickly, grasping Julia’s arm. The gun went off, sending a bullet behind Mary’s head and shattering the newly installed paneling.

Screams erupted throughout the house. And Sara closed her eyes as fear brought her to her knees. She silently said an earnest prayer: Please keep her safe.

Sammy swung at Julia, who in return clawed at her face. All of her Marine training came back to her; however the strength coming off of Julia surprised Sammy and the two fought for what seemed like an eternity.

Sammy tugged at the long arms holding the gun, knowing if the woman had half a chance they would all be dead, she pushed herself even harder. Her muscles started aching at the combat as she tried her best to get the upper hand. Finally noticing Julia’s legs spread too far, Sammy instinctively pulled her leg tight against Julia’s, Sammy pulled hard, sweeping the woman’s legs away from her and in one swift motion, she overpowered the weaker woman. Wrestling her to the ground, she managed to kick the gun away, sending it skittering across the floor to the corner of the cabinets by the sink.

Sitting on top of Julia, the rage Sammy felt for what Julia had done to Sara overcame her, and over and over again she smacked her fist onto Julia’s face, each punch harder than the last. Until blood gushed from the demon’s face.

Fearful of the change in Sammy’s demeanor, Sara screamed, “Sammy, stop! She’s not worth it!”

Hearing Sara’s voice snapped Sammy out of the trance she was in. Seeing the knocked-out woman under her, she stood up, making her way over to the tied-up women, undoing their constraints. As soon as she was free, Sara pounced on Sammy.

“I was so scared,” she sobbed as she held onto the woman for dear life.  Sammy kissed her briefly before leaning down to help Mary.

Mary looked around the room not sure what to make of anything. Touching her forehead, she quietly mumbled, “Fuck.”

The trio didn’t realize the movement coming from the other side of the room.

Julia used what was left of her strength to make a lunge for the gun. Sammy caught this out of the corner of her eye, kicking herself for not picking up the sidearm. Her eyes trailed to where it was pointed, and as if time stopped and moved forward in slow motion, she quickly stood up and lunged in front of Sara as shots rang throughout the home.

At the same time Julia fired, the police busted through the door, immediately shooting and killing the insane woman. She crumpled, blood seeping through the kitchen tile as she bled out.

Sammy pulled both herself and Sara down as she fell to the floor, blood gushing out of the gunshot wound to her stomach. Sara laid her on her back, putting pressure on the wound, blood covering her hands in the process.

“Sammy, no, don’t do this to me,” she quietly pleaded over and over again.

Sammy looked up at Sara, pulling from all of her remaining strength to smile as she reached up to touch the redhead’s face.

“I know now,” she said confidently.

The background noise faded from this one, intensely personal moment; it felt as if they were alone in the busy room. Tears poured down Sara’s face uncontrollably.

“Know what?” Sara asked her voice cracking from the crying, desperate to understand.

“I know why I made it back.” Blood ran down Sammy’s mouth as she succumbed to a coughing fit. Opening her eyes once more, she finished, “It was for you Sara.”

“Samantha, don’t you give up, do you hear me? Don’t you dare!”

Sammy’s eyes closed. Don’t want her to see the way eyes look when you die. This is going to be bad enough for her. It was getting harder to breathe with each breath and she tasted iron from all the blood spurting into her mouth. Feeling herself drifting off, Sammy let her hand fall from Sara’s face. She let everything go, feeling peace surround her as she prayed that Sara would forgive her.

When the paramedics arrived a few moments later, Mary held a hysterical Sara back to let them do their job.

“No! God, please no!” Sara wailed, begging for just a few more moments. Just one more miracle, please. I can’t live without her, not now.

Pulling her friend in a hug, Mary held her tight as the tears broke and they both came undone.

TWO MONTHS LATER

Sara’s head pressed firmly against the cold passenger side window as she watched the palm trees flash by on the highway. Her phone buzzed again, but she ignored it. Her dad had called or texted almost every day, but today she just couldn’t bring herself to answer. The long, silent drive hadn’t been easy. She had spent most of it second-guessing her choices and beating herself up for mistakes she couldn’t change. It was a pattern she had been repeating for the last two months.

As Mary glanced over, she didn’t know how to help Sara, who looked so small with her knees pulled to her chest.

Finally, the duo pulled off the highway, following the nearly deserted road until they came to their destination. As they pulled under a big metal sign, Sara glanced around at the gravestones that lined the cemetery.

The sun peeking through the overshadowing trees gave the place an otherworldly glow. Sara didn’t like it. Taking a deep breath in, she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking as she put her heels back on as Mary pulled the car to a stop.

The gravel crunched loudly under their feet as they made their way through the massive rows of graves to the newly installed headstone. Standing by the grave, Sara noticed grass growing over the uprooted dirt. She felt like it was too trivial of a thing to notice, too silly in such a somber place.

Sara tried to make sense of what was going on. Her life was upside down. One moment, everything was finally starting to come together for her; now, she stood here, staring down at the cold, hard ground.  She couldn’t wrap her head around the fear that had taken up a seemingly permanent residence in her heart.

The cold air brushed hard against her face, stinging as it made its way into her lungs, causing her to cough. Sara slightly wanted to walk away, to get back in Mary’s car and run away from this, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave. Tears ran softly down her red cheeks, chilled by the wind.

Mary stood by her side, trying to give her space while also letting her find closure. The past two months had been the roughest on her friend she had ever seen. She had been there to pick her up off the ground, hold her when she couldn’t stop crying, and soothe her when things looked the most bleak, but now, as they stood here in the sea of headstones, she once again felt helpless, not knowing what to do to help her dearest friend.  Rubbing Sara’s shoulder, she spoke gently but firmly, hoping to break Sara out of her stupor.

“Sara, I know this is hard.”          

Sara scoffed at the words but remained silent, leaving Mary to second guess whether she should have brought Sara here.

“I just need a few minutes.” Sara glanced down at the grave once more. Chills ran through her body as she asked herself how this could have happened. Where did it all go wrong?

She hurt for not being strong enough to protect the one person who had ever loved her, hurt for not standing up for herself, and most of all, hurt that they had all had to endure this pain because of her. Taking another deep breath to try and calm her heart rate, a chilling thought ran through her head. She had wanted to come, to see it for herself, but seeing it made it all too real. Perhaps it had been too soon to come here.

Mary continued to rub her friend’s back, secretly hoping that some of the comfort she wanted to give the woman would somehow seep through her hand. She had known this trip would be hard, but seeing Sara hurting this badly made her heart ache.

Sara felt shock, then relief, as familiar arms wrapped around her small body, causing her to let out the breath she had been holding. A smile crossed her worried face as Sammy leaned down and lovingly kissed Sara’s cheek.

“Where did you come from?”

Resting her head on Sara’s small shoulder, Sammy trailed her eyes towards Mary.

“I followed you two here. I was going to stay out of sight, but I got a text that said to come find you.”

“What?” Sara asked as she turned to face Sammy.

Mary looked a little guilty as she spoke.

“I told her. Please don’t be mad. I know you wanted to spare her this, but I thought she should be here, or at least somewhere nearby. When I saw what this place was doing to you, I told her what row we were in.”

Sara nodded at her friend. Of course she needed Sammy here; she had just been too scared to ask.

“You don’t have to spare me from anything Sara. I’m here for you. Always.” Sammy gently reminded the shorter woman, before pulling her into a warm embrace.

Sara’s green eyes looked distant as she looked over at Julia’s grave once more.

“Always almost got cut short by her. It could have been you down there and it would have been my fault.”

Sammy used both of her hands to pull Sara’s face directly in front of hers as she leaned down to be eye to eye with her lover.

“Sara, it wouldn’t have been your fault. It would have been Julia’s.” Sammy tried her best to make sure Sara knew she was not alone nor to blame. Taking the woman’s hand in her own, she caressed Sara’s soft skin, intertwining their fingers.

Sammy then turned to finally look at the grave herself. Julia had almost taken her life, and worse yet, had almost taken Sara away from her. She pulled Sara even closer, unable to get her head around the thought that she might have missed the chance to be with this amazing woman.

The doctors had said it was a miracle recovery. The bullet had punctured her intestines, and she had to fight hard to survive and come back to live the life she had craved since meeting Sara. She was glad it was a battle she had won.

Sara hugged Sammy back tightly. She had wanted to spare her the pain of coming here and being reminded of how close she had once again come to dying. But now as she stood, protected in her arms, she realized how stupid her request to Mary to keep this trip secret had been. Sara had thought the trip might free her and help her move on, the whole time not realizing that the arms wrapped around her were the freedom she had been searching for.

Sammy briefly closed her eyes, taking in the wonderful lavender smell she had come to love so much.

“You can take as much time as you need Sara, but I think this bitch has gotten more than her due.”

Mary couldn’t hide a chuckle at Sammy’s words as she flashed a smile at the Marine.

Sara let herself laugh as well. “I think I agree with you.” Glancing at Mary, Sara pulled away from Sammy’s embrace to hug her friend, whispering in her ear, “Thanks for knowing what I needed.”

Mary pulled back, winking at Sara. “Well, you keep me around for a reason, right?” She was relieved when a glimmer of light shined through Sara’s stormy eyes. Deciding to push the playful tone a little further, she couldn’t help herself. “Can we go now? I didn’t like this bastard when she was alive, and I sure as hell don’t want to think about her anymore. Besides, Timmy is coming over tonight.”

Sara let out a small laugh, and it felt wonderful to leave it all behind. Turning to Mary, she kept the banter light, asking, “So it’s Timmy now, eh? The teacher?”

“Okay, so he’s bad in bed. We can work on it!” Mary winked at the duo.

All three laughed as they walked back to Sammy’s recently replaced truck and Mary’s car, grateful they were each still alive and had formed a deeper kinship in the process.

“Mary, I’m going to ride home with Sammy, if you don’t mind.”

“Fine with me, more time to get ready for tonight,” She said and waggled her eyebrows suggestively, causing Sara to snort.

Sara then turned her attention to Sammy.

“Can I drive home?”

Sammy looked a little surprised but then held out the keys for Sara.

“What the hell?” Mary couldn’t help but stare. Sammy was so uptight about her truck, especially her new truck, that she didn’t figure this would go over well.

Shooting a grin towards Sammy, Sara laughed as she pulled the keys away from Sammy’s hand. “My girlfriend said this truck makes you feel powerful. Today I need that, so I’m driving us home!” Stepping up to the new blue truck, Sara opened the driver’s side door, hopping in with practiced ease.

“Sammy, really? Why? You know she has a short person complex!” Mary couldn’t contain her teasing, as Sara looked almost like a child as she got behind the wheel of the massive truck.

Shaking her head, she had been so sure she was going to die in that ambulance, but all she could hear as she drifted away was Steve’s voice, over and over, saying, “Not your time yet, not your time.” And now here she was, with friends who cared about her and accepted her, even with her demons. She knew the stress from the war would be a battle she would always have to fight; however, now she lived with the knowledge that she never had to fight it alone.

Sammy pulled her sunglasses over her eyes as she walked over to the passenger side of the truck, turning to Mary before she got in. In a tone she hadn’t used in ages, Sammy teased, “She can do whatever she wants; she bribes better than you.”

Mary almost never blushed, but her face turned a brilliant scarlet, staring dumfounded as Sammy hopped in and closed the truck door.

Sara turned the keys in the ignition, making the engine roar to life. As she checked her mirrors and settled in, Sammy hit the button on the dash to turn on the satellite radio, cranking up the volume so that even Mary could hear it from inside her car beside them. The satellite radio had been a gift from Sara, one she hadn’t known about until she’d picked up her new truck.

“I do believe I made her blush,” Sammy said about Mary, proud of her accomplishment.

“Be prepared for payback,” Sara warned, shaking her head at the impending friendly battle of wits.

“I’m a Marine, remember? I’m always prepared.” Both chuckled as Sara put the truck in gear and two cars headed out of the cemetery to make their way back to Oviedo.

∞

Standing on her front porch, Sara couldn’t help but feel some apprehension at returning to the house. She hadn’t stepped foot into the home since the day of the shooting, but Sara was now determined to finally put her demons to rest. She glanced over once again, glad Sammy was there to give her courage.

 “Sara, she can’t hurt you anymore. Ever,” Sammy reassured her, a calloused hand coming to rest on the small of the woman’s back.

Taking a deep, fortifying breath, Sara shakily unlocked the door, slowly turning the handle to open the door. Taking a few steps in, she looked around, amazed that instead of the fear she had expected, she felt at peace as her grandmother’s presence radiated from every nook and cranny of the home. She couldn’t explain it, but the love in this house seemed to expunge all of the evil of that night two months ago.

Looking around, Sara quickly noticed that her furniture had been set up around the house, and she felt relief at not having to worry about arranging it all. The home was ready and waiting just for her, and she finally let herself relax and enjoy it.

Sammy finally walked into the home, closing the door behind her.

“Welcome home, Ms. Lawson.”

Walking over, Sara embraced the taller woman, taking great pride that Sammy had been the one to create this now immaculate home they were standing in.

“Thank you for this.”

“You’re welcome. I wanted to make sure you didn’t have to worry about anything, so I might have told the crew to do some extra work and given them access to the storage shed with the furniture. I hope you don’t mind.”

Sara lightly kissed Sammy’s lips. “How could I ever mind? This is amazing.”

Sammy lightly rubbed her nose against Sara’s before she told her the rest of the details. “I’m glad you like it, but you’ll have to put up with the crew a little longer I’m afraid. They are still working on your office, but it should be done in a week or two.”

Walking into the living room, Sara noticed one piece of new furniture, in the form of a sectional that looked just like Sammy’s. She ran her hands over the cool leather and glanced back at the taller woman.

“What’s this?”

Sammy grinned sheepishly at her girlfriend. “You loved mine so much I had to get it for you. Yours was kind of falling apart.” Sammy rubbed the back of her neck, hoping she hadn’t overstepped.

Sara let a huge smile cross her face upon seeing Sammy look so nervous.

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re very intuitive?”

“Once or twice, perhaps.” Sammy allowed a bright smile to cross her lips, happy that Sara was pleased with the choice.

Sara walked back over, hugging Sammy tightly and breathing in the woodsy scent from the cologne she adored on the woman. Pulling back slightly, a wicked grin crossed her face.

“So, weren’t you saying something about a huge hot tub upstairs?”

“Why, yes, actually I believe I did mention that a few times while I was stuck in the hospital.”  Sammy paused. “Race you up the stairs?”

Sara couldn’t hide the desire filling her features at the thoughts of her and Sammy in the tub together. Deciding to play along, she glanced towards her feet.

“You do realize I’m in heels, right?”

It only took a moment for Sammy to reach down and in one quick swoop, pick up the shorter woman, holding her tightly in her arms.

Sara’s feet dangled from Sammy’s right arm as she wrapped her arms around the taller woman’s neck. She wiggled in a playful attempt to be set free, but it was just a game. She in no way wanted to be let out of the grip she felt so lovingly around her body.

“What are you doing? Put me down right now! You’re gonna hurt yourself,” Sara tried to protest, but she couldn’t control the giggles escaping her mouth.

Smiling at the woman, Sammy responded, “I keep telling you that I’m fine. Besides,” Sammy paused, nodding towards Sara’s feet, “Now, you don’t have to worry about your heels!”

A warm smile crossed her face. Sammy’s once dull eyes were now full of life and seemed to glow like brilliant sapphires in the sun, especially when she was near Sara.

Readying herself to head upstairs, Sammy added, “However, if you would be so kind as to hold on, I’d appreciate it.”

Using the leverage she had from holding onto Sammy’s neck, Sara pulled Sammy’s head closer to her own, brushing her lips lightly against the taller woman’s. Speaking softly but seriously, a seductive smile crossed Sara’s lips.

“Don’t worry, beautiful. I have no intention of ever letting you go.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Stephanie Motes lives in Central Florida with her partner, Grace and their 8-year-old Pekingese, Princess.  She is a native Floridian hailing from Sumter County, where she spent her youth playing softball and enjoying life in the country.  When she entered college, she studied theater and video production and was cast as a featured extra in the 2003 Oscar winning movie “Monster.”

In her free time, Stephanie enjoys playing the guitar, biking, seeing historical sights and riding theme park rides.  She has overcome many obstacles in her life, including a debilitating back disorder.  The physical effects of severe scoliosis, however, were not enough to hamper her dreams. She has been writing since she was a child, finding it to be the one outlet that she could always turn to, especially in times of hardship.

With the completion of her first novel, “After the Dawn,” Stephanie is finally realizing her dream of publishing a book, and is hard at work on the second novel.

Please visit:

www.StephanieMotesBooks.com

For more information

Also follow Stephanie on Twitter @StephieMotes

And on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/stephaniemotesbooks