Copyright © 2018 by Ella Fields

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, copied, resold or distributed in any form, or by any electronic or mechanical means, without permission in writing from the author, except for brief quotations within a review.

This book is a work of fiction.

Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

TITLE PAGE

COPYRIGHT

DEDICATION

ONE

TWO

THREE

FOUR

FIVE

SIX

SEVEN

EIGHT

NINE

TEN

ELEVEN

TWELVE

THIRTEEN

FOURTEEN

FIFTEEN

SIXTEEN

SEVENTEEN

EIGHTEEN

NINETEEN

TWENTY

TWENTY-ONE

TWENTY-TWO

TWENTY-THREE

TWENTY-FOUR

TWENTY-FIVE

TWENTY-SIX

TWENTY-SEVEN

TWENTY-EIGHT

TWENTY-NINE

THIRTY

THIRTY-ONE

THIRTY-TWO

THIRTY-THREE

THIRTY-FOUR

THIRTY-FIVE

THIRTY-SIX

THIRTY-SEVEN

THIRTY-EIGHT

THIRTY-NINE

EPILOGUE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

FIND ELLA HERE

For my readers.

Thank you for giving my words a home within your hearts.

Seven years old

The grass whipped at my ankles, my lungs burned, and tears ran down my cheeks as I ran as fast as my legs would carry me into the field under the cover of a purple, darkening sky.

“Daisy!”

His voice penetrated my ears, but I didn’t stop. Couldn’t stop. That is, until a hidden ditch betrayed me and sent me tumbling to my butt.

Fudge nuggets.

Breathing heavily, I checked my ankle, then groaned, falling backward into the sea of dandelions as his nearing footsteps set the weeds swishing in a soft cadence that had my eyes closing.

I could feel the cool mud, thanks to this morning’s rain, seeping through my leggings and t-shirt. Even though Mama would spit fire at me, I couldn’t bring myself to sit up.

“There you are.” His footsteps stopped right next to my head. “Crap, I almost stepped on you.”

“Say it, don’t shout it, booger breath. Sheesh.” My eyes opened to find Quinn’s face blocking out the last hues of the sunset.

He laughed, then plonked to the ground, laying beside me. I kept my gaze facing upward, watching as night bled the last color of day from the sky, and a few stars started to twinkle into existence.

“What’s wrong?” Quinn asked after a minute. “Is it the rooster?”

I sniffed, wanting to lie, but I couldn’t. “Why’d your dad have to do that to him?”

“He says you can’t have too many roosters. Causes trouble among the flock.” He sighed. “Whatever that means.”

“Yeah, but I could’ve taken him home.”

Quinn laughed again, and I couldn’t help but smile at the sound. “What? And have it join Frederick? Your mama is already not on good terms with him.”

Quinn’s dad reluctantly let me rescue Frederick, the rooster, a few months earlier. He wasn’t exactly friendly or the cuddliest pet, but Mama took one look at the squirming chicken in my arms and my pleading, wet eyes, and said we could keep him until she found it a home. Turns out, no one really needed another rooster in our small town.

Good for me and Fred. Bad for Mama.

Fingers brushed against mine in the grass. I turned my head as Quinn’s warm hand wrapped around my own. “Your mama’s going to be mad you got all muddy when you didn’t need to,” I blurted out.

Quinn just smiled, displaying teeth too big for his eight-year-old face. And still, I thought he was the most handsome boy in all of Clarelle. Even when he pulled my ponytail too tight or thought it was funny to make mud pies and throw them at me. “She won’t care when I explain.”

“She’ll think I’m a crybaby one of these days.” The thought made my heart drop. But I couldn’t help it; I just saw another rooster run around without its head.

I just knew I would have another nightmare when I fell asleep.

“She’d never think that. She’ll call me smitten again and give me that weird look.”

My lips twisted to the side, and I watched his long lashes flutter as he kept his eyes steadfast on mine. “What’s smitten mean?”

He seemed to think about it for a moment, before shrugging slightly. “Heck if I know. Probably that I’m doing something silly again.”

“Did …” I swallowed thickly. “Did the rooster die?”

His light brows furrowed. “Yeah, Dais. It’s dead.”

Wetness trailed down the side of my cheek, escaping into my messy blond hair.

“Don’t cry.” Quinn’s face crumpled, and he squeezed my hand. “Hey, maybe we can bury him?”

Sniffling, I asked, “Really? How?”

He smiled and let go of my hand, getting up before grabbing it again to help me to my feet. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

We raced each other back to the barn, the sky now blanketed in black, and heard Quinn’s mom calling him from the porch of their big ranch-style home.

He hollered, “Two minutes, Mama!”

Grabbing the kid-size shovel from the set he’d gotten last Christmas, he led me over to the willow tree in the back field where our favorite tire swing swung gently in the breeze.

Sitting down, I watched as Quinn struggled to dig, then decided to help him.

I got on my hands and knees, digging at the dirt with my hands until we had a shallow hole that just might be big enough for the poor rooster.

Sitting on the tire swing, I watched as he raced back to the barn, listening to the sound of the crickets chirping while the cool air washed over my flushed cheeks.

He returned five minutes later, telling me to close my eyes. I did, knowing what he was about to pull from the sack in his hands. I heard the dead rooster tumble to the dirt with a thud.

“Okay, want me to cover him up?”

Nodding, I opened my eyes but kept them averted while he shoveled the dirt into the hole we’d dug. When he’d finished, I quickly collected some rocks from the nearby creek and placed them in the shape of a star on top of the dirt mound.

“Why a star?” Quinn asked.

“So he’s not alone. He can play with the other roosters and chickens in the sky in his dreams.”

Quinn was looking at me funny when I stood, brushing the dirt from my hands onto my pants.

“What?” I asked absently and started walking back to his house.

“I’m gonna marry you someday, Daisy June.”

My breathing stopped at the same time my feet did.

Spinning around, I stuck my hands on my hips and planted a smirk on my face, hoping it hid the weird feeling bubbling in my tummy. “Really?”

He nodded, grinning like he did when he acted like he knew everything. “Yep. One day, after we get done with college and I take over this farm, you’ll be my wife.” He stepped closer, and my heart started beating scary fast. “And I’ll make sure you never have to see another rooster get its head chopped off again.”

Grabbing my hand, he leaned down, and I felt the warm brush of his lips on my sticky cheek.

He didn’t say anything else, and neither did I. We trudged back through the weeds with grins on our faces and the stars glowing behind us like a smiling audience.

I didn’t realize what had happened at the time. Why I felt like I could hear my heart echoing in my ears, or why I couldn’t stop smiling for days afterward.

Looking back, I realized that was the first time Quinn Burnell stole a huge chunk of my heart.

Present

Unpacking my comforter from one of the last boxes, I tried not to roll my eyes.

“Mom, you seriously left like an hour ago. I’m fine.”

She made a whining noise in my ear. “Oh, I’m sorry.” Sniffling, she murmured, “You’re just going to be so far away. I thought I could handle it … and, oh hell. Just let me wallow and worry for a little longer, okay? I need it.”

I wedged my phone between my ear and shoulder, tucking the last corner of the fitted sheet over the single mattress. “Okay,” I said, resigned. “I can allow it for another minute or two, I suppose.”

She sputtered out a laugh. “Don’t give me sass. Eighteen or not, I’ll make your daddy turn this car around, young lady.”

My dad said something to her in the background, and she sighed. “Okay, your dad says I’m being clingy, and that if I want you to still answer my calls, I need to ease up.”

I laughed then, grabbing my comforter and dragging it over the bed. “I love you, Mom, and if I miss your calls, I will call you back. Okay?”

She heaved out a loud, labored breath. “Okay.” She paused a second. “I love you, honey.”

“Behave!” my dad hollered. “Stay away from any alcohol you don’t pour yourself. Better yet, just stay in your dorm. If you party, you’ll fail. You don’t want to fail, do you?”

“Joseph,” Mom scolded. “Okay, we’re going. We love you!”

Smiling, I said, “Love you, too. I’ll call you soon.”

After hanging up and dumping my phone on the old beechwood nightstand, I grabbed my pillows and tossed them to the head of the bed before taking a step back to survey my new digs.

Not bad. Not great either, but I knew not to expect too much the minute I’d walked into the tall, brown brick building. I’d done my research online. No, more like obsessed. If I somehow managed to get lost after all the hours I spent squinting at maps, buildings, forums, and streets, then I figured I deserved it.

Gray Springs University. Finally.

Grinning, I glanced at the painted brick walls of the small room. They’d make it hard to hang much of anything on, let alone my art. But I’d sure try.

I’d just flattened the empty boxes and was putting them in the top of the wardrobe next to my old sketchpads and portfolios when the door opened.

“Mom, shit.” A girl with mousy brown hair stumbled in behind a small, robust woman. “You should’ve …” The girl glanced at me, wincing. “Knocked.”

“Hi,” I said, closing the doors to the wardrobe and tucking my hands in front of me. “You must be my roommate?”

“Pippa, the walls are bricks! How on earth will you stay warm in winter?” The woman clucked her tongue and glanced from the empty single bed to my freshly made one, realizing then they weren’t alone. “Oh,” she squeaked, her hand flying to her ample chest and a beautiful smile lighting up her softly lined face. “Sorry, I’m Terry, Pippa’s mom.”

She moved to shake my hand, and I slowly unfolded mine to let her.

The girl—Pippa, I was guessing—groaned. “I’m so sorry.”

I took my hand back, and Terry glanced at her daughter, her dark brows crinkling and her hands going to her hips. “Don’t be embarrassed, Pip. I’m just …” She stepped farther into the room, her nose scrunching as she ran a finger over the dust that lined the nightstand next to the other bed. “Worried.”

“Well,” Pippa said, “less worrying and more unloading, yeah?” She smiled at me. “What an introduction. What’s your name?”

“Daisy. I, uh, got here a few hours ago.”

She looked around. “Wow. You don’t waste any time.”

No, I thought to myself. I’d lost enough time. “Excited, I guess.” I swung my hands a little, then my eyes fell on the radiator. “There’s heating.” I pointed at it as Terry kept scanning the room and muttering under her breath. “My mom was worried, too.”

Terry stopped her fussing and glanced at the radiator. Walking over to check it, she smiled. “Good, good. Okay.” She clapped her hands. “Why don’t we all go grab coffee?”

I stood frozen, my eyes ping-ponging back and forth between Terry and Pippa.

“Mom, class starts in a few days. I need to get unpacked and organized.”

Terry’s lips twisted in thought, her eyes lighting up when they landed on me. “Daisy? We should get to know each other.”

“Mom!” Pippa practically growled, and I suddenly realized I had it pretty easy with my stage-three clinger of a mom. “Please. Let’s go grab my stuff.”

“Okay, okay.” She sighed.

“Can I give you a hand?” I asked, not wanting to stand around while they battled the three flights of stairs.

They both sent me grateful looks, and we spent the next twenty minutes lugging three suitcases, ten boxes, and three backpacks from their small SUV to our dorm room upstairs.

“That desk clerk doesn’t appear to be very lively,” Terry murmured as we made the last trip past the front desk.

She didn’t. She had her chin on her hand and her eyes glued to a magazine, only moving to lick a finger and turn the page.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Pippa muttered breathlessly, dragging the last suitcase behind her.

I placed the box I was holding on the floor by her bed and dusted my hands off on my dress. I needed a shower and cringed, remembering I had to now share a bathroom with other girls.

That could be interesting.

Pippa’s mom got to work, unpacking sheets and making the bed, folding clothes and putting them in drawers, and hanging the rest in the wardrobe. I was getting tired just watching her fast, efficient movements. She made it look easy with a smile on her face and purpose filling her every step.

Turning to me, Pippa whispered, “Wanna get out of here?” I glanced at her mom from my perch on my bed, uncertain. “She won’t know, trust me. I’ve got at least thirty minutes until she’s done.”

Shrugging, I followed her out of our dorm room, grabbing my keys hanging from the door, just in case.

The early September sunshine was beautiful, and being this close to my hometown had me breathing in nostalgia and exhaling excitement.

“Where’re you from?” I asked as we skirted around a shirtless guy who was carrying a mattress on his head from a tall building a few doors down from ours. Pippa dragged her wide eyes from the guy’s bare chest and looked at me. “Willowmina.”

“Close by, then. What’s that? Around three hours north?”

She nodded and asked, “You?”

“Originally, Clarelle. Moved to Watson a few years ago.”

“You wanted to be closer to Clarelle?”

“Something like that.” I lifted a shoulder, my chest filling with bubbles of nerves and hope. Swallowing them down, I felt them curdle back to life in my stomach when we approached a group of guys on the sidewalk tossing a football back and forth. Talking, laughing.

My eyes widened, desperately seeking the one thing they’d been craving to gaze upon for two years. Realizing I’d been staring, I finally blinked as we passed them, whistles and catcalls following our slow gait.

Where are you?

“Must be one of the boys’ dorms,” Pippa surmised, glancing over her shoulder briefly. Pulling a tin of mints from her pocket, she popped the lid and held it out to me. “Breath mint?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

With a tilt of her shoulder, she chucked a couple in her mouth. “It’s a little weird, I know.” She tucked the tin away. “But I like to hold them under my tongue. I’m addicted to the burn.”

“So you like sour stuff?”

Her button nose wrinkled. “Blegh, no.”

“Oh, okay.”

We walked for another five minutes until we reached the outskirts of the university, crossing the street to find a string of shops. Despite not talking much and not really knowing Pippa, I felt comfortable.

I didn’t know what I expected to see days before classes started. Perhaps a frenzy of students everywhere. There were plenty of them, but Gray Springs was a relatively small university, compared to most, with a big focus on the football team, the Tomahawks. I assumed most people had arrived earlier than we did.

Pippa paused outside an ice-cream parlor that had a help wanted sign in the window. “Do you mind if I run in and grab an application?”

The wind knocked some hair free from my bun; tendrils tickled my lips and cheeks before I shoved them back. I gazed through the glass window. “Not at all. I’ll wait over here.”

Sitting down on a block of sandstone surrounding a garden bed, I watched Pippa through the windows as she walked to the bright bubblegum pink counter and spoke to a man who was wearing a cute old-school hat.

The sun was changing color as afternoon dawdled toward early evening. My hands clenched at the skirt of my dress, itching to recreate the color of the golden orange light dancing over the large brick buildings. Flowers littered the stunning greenery of the gardens in almost every color. I made a mental note to do that before classes started and fall slowly leeched the campus of its vibrancy as winter approached.

A giggling girl walked by, dragging her boyfriend behind her. With my chest twinging, I drew in a long breath and slowly let it out.

What if, after all this time, he’d decided not to come here?

It felt so serendipitous to simply show up. As if it was where we were always meant to reconnect and continue our path into the future. Together.

I was a little naïve—always had been—and full of ridiculous notions and far too much trust.

But it was Quinn. If there was anyone I could put my faith into, could leave my heart with for so long, it was him.

Always him.

“Sorry,” Pippa said, stepping outside. “But he said he could probably give me some part-time hours. I just need to recheck my class schedule.”

I stood, smiling at this girl who wasn’t a friend yet but not entirely a stranger either. “Well, that worked out well. Who doesn’t like ice cream?”

“Right?” She clapped her hands, almost ripping her application. “Shit, whoops.”

Laughing, I turned back toward campus. “Your thirty minutes are probably almost up.”

“Oh, yeah.”

We returned to the dorm, where Pippa shared the news of the ice-cream parlor job with her mom, who then insisted on taking us out to dinner before she left.

“I’m good, but thank you,” I said. “I had a big lunch.” It was true, and I didn’t want to intrude on the little time Pippa had left to spend with her mom for what could be months. Plus, I knew I’d feel awkward, not knowing them very well and all. I also needed time to let it settle in. This new place, my feelings, and the racing of my heart whenever I thought too far ahead.

There was nothing I could do. Short of stalking him down at the registrar’s office, if I was even allowed to do that, I’d just have to wait. Besides, my sappy heart had me thinking it would be more romantic to see each other again by chance encounter.

If attending the same college we’d always planned to could even be considered something as simple as chance.

Grabbing my sketchpad, I opened the sheer white threadbare curtain over the window next to my bed. Gazing outside, I drew as the light from the sky drained and the streetlamps lit the sidewalk in puddles of yellow.

After braving the showers and feeling relief at the ample amount of privacy, even if it was still kind of weird, I’d returned to my bed by the time Pippa walked in.

“Oh, Jesus. I thought she’d never leave.” She toed off her ballet flats and locked the door behind her.

I sat up, closing my sketchpad and turning off the music on my phone. “Did she try to take you with her?”

She laughed, plonking face down onto her freshly made bed and propping herself up on an elbow to look at me. “Almost.” Her smile turned sad after a few seconds. “Does it make me a wimp? If I already …”

“Miss her?” I shook my head. “No, it makes you a daughter who loves her mom.”

She stared at me for a moment. “You and me, we’re going to be friends.”

“Yeah?” I tucked my legs underneath me.

“Yep,” she said, popping the p. “I thought I’d get stuck with some horrible roommate, you know, like you hear about and see in the movies.”

“Me too,” I admitted.

“There’s still time.” She raised a sleek brown brow.

Laughing, I nodded. “I‘m not a neat freak. I’m clean, but I like a little clutter.”

Pippa scrunched her nose. “Ugh, no.”

“I’ve also been told I snore if I didn’t get enough sleep the night before.”

She grinned. “I’ll smother you with a pillow.”

“You might kill me.”

She flopped onto her back. “I’ll do it just right.”

We both laughed, and I laid back down, staring at the popcorn ceiling.

“I sometimes talk in my sleep,” Pippa said a minute later.

“I’m a deep sleeper.”

“I’m a neat freak. I’ll probably clean up your stuff, and you’ll wonder where it is.”

“That could be problematic, depending on what it is.”

She hummed. “I also like to do crosswords and word searches in pencil. I’ll steal any pencil I see lying around.”

That made me gasp. “Oh, nuh-uh.” I opened my nightstand drawer, pencils and brushes rolling around inside it. “These cost a fortune. Paws off, lady.”

Giggling, she asked, “Art major?”

“How’d you guess?” I asked dryly, closing the drawer and lying down again.

“Besides the pencils and the sketchpad, you’ve just got a vibe.”

Vibe? “Can you read people or something?”

“My grandmother liked to dabble in fortune-telling and whatnot. She was a weird lady.” She picked at her cuticles. “Said you could tell a lot about a person by watching their mannerisms. The way they hold themselves. Fidgeting, posture, stuff like that.”

“Interesting.”

“Favorite movie?” she asked.

“The Lion King. You?”

“Oh, Simba is badass. Umm, Anchorman.”

“Good choice. So, what made you choose Gray Springs?”

“Besides the partial scholarship?” She paused. “Would you believe me if I said it felt right? Looking at the pamphlets, the pictures, I just felt it. Right there is where I need to go.”

“I believe you.”

Quiet filled the small room for a minute. “No friends, new people. It seems crazy.”

“Totally crazy,” I agreed, my pulse kicking.

“You don’t know anyone either?”

I rolled over onto my side, mulling over how much I could tell this new friend of mine. I decided to let the truth fall off my tongue to see how it tasted and sounded. I wondered if it’d sound crazy to someone else. “Maybe, I know someone. A guy.”

She rolled over to face me then; her green eyes alight with interest. “Go on …”

“He, well, he’s my best friend. Was, is, I don’t know. We grew up together; it’s the classic tale of childhood friends evolving into first love. We’d planned to come here together after high school.”

“Then you moved away?”

“Then I moved away.” I let the sinking pit in my gut tremble for a moment, then puffed out a sigh. “I haven’t seen him since. It was left so unfinished, but I just couldn’t do it.”

Pippa adjusted her blue pillow under her cheek. “Do what?”

“The long-distance thing. It was killing me. It felt like …” She waited while I tried to find words adequate enough to describe it. “Like every time we spoke, the distance between us could be felt, and we were slipping even further away from each other. Eventually, my parents took my phone from me, and when I got it back and switched it on, I discovered he’d hardly tried to contact me at all.”

She winced. “Ouch, that’s pretty brutal. What did you do?”

“I got angry. I didn’t want us to end, to just fade away by loss of interest and distance. I changed my number and decided that if I was so easy to forget about, I’d make it harder for him to find me when he finally felt like it. It didn’t take long for me to regret it, though.”

Sympathy leeched from Pippa’s creamy face, the softness in her eyes, and I absorbed it, choking up a little as I remembered those dark days. “It was changing me. I was … I don’t get too sad or down. That’s not me. But I didn’t know what was happening to me. So I agreed with my parents, with my friend Alexis back home who I still spoke to sometimes, and cut him loose.”

“And what, you think he still decided to attend college here?”

That was the terrifying part. What if he didn’t? Then he didn’t. I’d have to get over it once and for all. I couldn’t believe that, though. “We made a promise. And I promised myself that if I crawled out of my funk and remained the girl he once said he loved, then it’d be okay.” I laughed humorlessly. “Sounds so cheesy and dumb, doesn’t it? Who does that?”

Voices traveled out in the hall, doors slamming as we both absorbed the quiet notes of uncertainty that lay ahead. New lives, new beginnings, and a chance to rekindle old flames or find new ones.

“A brave girl who gave her heart away to someone she felt worthy of it. That’s who does it,” Pippa finally said.

A tear snaked its way down my cheek as I smiled at her and repeated her earlier words. “You and me, we’re going to be friends.”

Nine years old

“You’d better be home before dark, missy, or I’ll have to keep you locked up all weekend, you hear?” my mama chided from the front porch of our small cottage, which sat among an acre of wildflowers and long-forgotten gardens and crops.

“I will!” I leaped down the stairs, jumped on my bike, and followed the dusty dirt road for a few minutes until I reached the entrance to the Burnell’s property.

They were technically our neighbors, though if I were to walk, it’d take me ten minutes to get there. Their farm was huge. Quinn’s daddy was a dairy farmer, and the fields were littered with livestock and hay bales as far as the eye could see.

Waving at Quinn’s mom, who was sitting on the porch with her book and a cup of tea, I rode around the side of their house until I reached the ladder.

Quinn had put it there a little over a year ago, making it easier for me to come and go when I pleased.

His dad wasn’t impressed and told him I should just use the front door. But then his mom gave him a look that had him affixing it to Quinn’s window so there was less of a chance for me to fall.

Sticking my feet in the rungs, I climbed and then stopped just as my head neared the top.

His window was cracked open, just enough for me to hear him gently humming something and the sound of repetitive whacking.

Leaning up farther, I looked in and saw him lying on his bed, his football flying over his head before landing back in his palm. Over and over.

I pushed the window all the way open. “Boo!”

“Knew you were there,” he mumbled without turning his head.

Tumbling to the rug on his floor, I tilted my head, watching him, before getting up and sitting on his bed. “Why so glum, chum?”

Taking the football from him, I frowned at it when I threw it and missed catching it.

“Butter fingers.” He chuckled, rolling over to get it from the floor beside his bed. “And I’m not glum. Just tired.”

I scooted over farther until my back met the wall and my legs rested sideways over his shins.

“Tryouts?”

He nodded, swinging those hazel eyes to me. “I don’t know if I’ll even make the team this year.”

Scoffing, I poked him in his hard stomach, making him smile. “You’re full of it, Q tip. You know you will. Just wait, you’re going to get drafted as soon as you get to Gray Springs.”

He hummed. “Better not, you promised you were coming with me. So I’ll be busy waiting for you.”

My heart leapt into my throat at hearing the familiar promise we’d made a few years ago when we barely knew what college was. In fact, if I was being honest, I still didn’t really understand it. I just knew it was where I had to go. “You’d better be.”

“You know I will.” He grabbed my hand, tugging it closer and peering at it. “Drawing in math again today?”

Confused, I glanced at my hand. He ran his finger softly over the charcoal smudges on my palm. “Quit.” I giggled, my face reddening at the fluttery feeling that erupted in my stomach from his touch.

He frowned as I tugged my hand away, but let it go. “What’d you draw?”

You. I didn’t say that, though. I had drawn many things over the years, but the easiest was always him. Mama teased me by saying that creating something was always effortless when the heart was involved.

“Frederick,” I lied, glancing away.

“Quinn! Daisy!” his mom hollered. “Alexis is here.”

I smiled at Quinn’s scowl, knowing he wasn’t in the mood for any company this afternoon, but he didn’t get a choice with me. Besides, we hung out so much that our parents joked about us becoming part of the furniture in each of their homes. So I didn’t think I really counted.

Alexis swung open the door, her dark brown hair pulled tight into a bun and her blue eyes glittering with her smile. “Hey.” She closed the door and took a seat on the floor, pulling out her homework.

We didn’t talk about it, but we knew the Brooks family wasn’t one that went unnoticed.

Alexis’s mom worked at the bar in town, and her dad stayed home, drinking away all her mom’s hard-earned tips.

Regardless, Alexis was popular at school. She was too pretty not to be. Sometimes, I got the feeling she hung out with us because we knew about her home life and didn’t judge. No, instead, our moms would send her off with snacks and a belly full of whatever meal she’d arrived in time to eat.

She could be a bit blunt, but she was our friend and always stuck up for me if someone tried to give me trouble and Quinn wasn’t around.

Shoving my glasses farther up my nose, I asked, “Math?”

Alexis groaned. “Yes. I swear, they taught us this crud last year.”

“Highly likely,” Quinn surmised, tossing his football into the air again.

Leaning over him to his nightstand, I tugged the drawer open and pulled out my sketchpad and pencil that I kept there. If they were going to be boring, I’d draw.

My mom always said that as soon as I could hold a crayon, I’d decorate any surface available. They chalked it up to me getting bored easily. I agreed, in a sense, but really, I just didn’t like to sit idle with nothing to do. I was never much of a reader or one for too much TV, so drawing and painting it was.

“Where’d you put that picture you made me last week?” Alexis asked a while later.

Glancing up from the smudged lines of the football I’d been sketching, I blinked. “What?”

Alexis stretched her legs out then crossed them again. “You know, the one you drew of me.”

“Oh.” I vaguely remembered slipping it inside one of her books at recess and told her as much.

Her blue eyes seemed to glaze over with sadness, her chest heaving with a quiet sigh.

“What’s up?” I asked. Glancing over at Quinn, I saw that he was sound asleep. Huh, he really must’ve been tired.

“It’s nothing.” She picked up her sheet of paper, inspecting the answers she’d finished. Alexis was smart, but she had to earn it rather than it coming naturally. She took school so seriously that one time Quinn told her it was only elementary school and to maybe take it easy while she still could.

She’d met his eyes with a hard look and told him that she’d be better equipped for high school if she wasn’t completely clueless.

That shut him up.

But I couldn’t let it go. Something about the melancholy that passed over her face had me wanting to discover its source. I climbed off the bed and took a seat beside her on the floor, the sound of Quinn’s soft snores filling the room.

Taking her hand in mine, I gave it a gentle squeeze. She eyed the stains on my hands but didn’t pull her hand away. “Tell me.”

Tucking her lip between her teeth, she met my eyes and said quietly, “My dad spilled his bourbon all over my English book last week.” My brows furrowed. I felt annoyed on her behalf. She continued, “You said you put the picture in one of my books.”

“Oh,” I breathed, wincing apologetically. “Crap.”

“Yeah, it was soaked, so I had no choice. Threw it right in the trash.”

“I’ll draw you another one.” I nodded eagerly, willing to do anything to erase the disappointment that radiated from her in harsh waves.

Her eyes watered. “You’d … you’d do that?”

I released her hand and shoved my glasses up the bridge of my nose again. “Ugh, I’m going to have to get these refitted.”

Alexis giggled. “In order to do that, you’d need to actually remember to ask your mom.”

I shrugged. “True.”

Smiling, she reached over to gently situate my new purple frames on my face properly. “I like these glasses. They make you look …”

“Smart?” I waggled my brows. “Mature and wise beyond my years?” Shoulders slumping, I murmured, “Or just plain stupid.”

I’d been getting purple frames for years. I knew I should stop it at some point because I wasn’t a little kid anymore, but I couldn’t.

“Never stupid.” Her smile was soft and followed by a wink. “But maybe, they do make you look smarter.”

Grinning, I breathed out a laugh, then quickly glanced at the bed to make sure I didn’t wake Quinn. “I’ll bring you in a new picture tomorrow. Okay?”

Alexis just stared at me, but after a moment, she threw her arms around my shoulders. We fell to the floor giggling until we heard Quinn’s mom, Amy, calling us down for dinner.

We both stood, and I looked at Quinn. “Should we wake him?”

Alexis looked over at him, too, then back at me with a smirk and swung her arm around my shoulders. “Nah.”

Present

Days passed, classes began, and my head swam in a sea of shark-infested waters as I tried to stay afloat and keep clear of the razor-sharp teeth.

While the upperclassmen watched with giddy fascination from the sidelines, freshmen scampered around in a haze of stressed-out confusion or excitement, inundating the campus.

“Shit on a stick of shit,” Pippa hissed one night at the local diner. “I’m so tired. I feel like my eyeballs are going to fall out, and my savings account is dying. I’m going to starve. Die from no sleep and starvation, I tell you.”

Her green eyes were wide and full of playful fear. I smirked, lifting a piece of cheese pizza to my mouth and inhaling it. “We’ll be fine. It’s just a matter of getting used to it, I guess.”

“Yeah, but when? It’s all so different from how I thought it’d be.”

“Maps. I told you, the answers you often forget to seek lie in the maps.”

She grumbled around the straw of her soda. “You and your damn maps. It’s not the getting lost part I’m worried about.” She chewed her pizza, then swallowed. “It’s the three papers I need to write already.”

“You’ve got time.”

“Two of them, yes. One of them is due in a few days … like, what the hell?”

I didn’t comment that she could’ve been writing it for the past two nights instead of watching reruns of Gilmore Girls because I couldn’t talk. I had one due in a week myself, but I’d get to it eventually. Right now, I was just trying to adjust to this new normal and the sinking realization that I might never get my heart back.

I hadn’t seen Quinn. Even though he was a sophomore, I guess I’d still expected to by now. It wasn’t a huge campus, so maybe it was time to admit that this foolhardy plan of mine was just that. A fool’s wish, made from desperation and a boatload of immature dreams.

I was just worried about what might happen to me after holding onto that dream for so long. No, not worried. Terrified.

I wiped my hands with a napkin and took a huge gulp of water, watching a group of girls in the booth across from ours laugh and talk loudly about a party they were attending this weekend.

“They clearly don’t give a shit.” Pippa sighed, shoving her plate away. “Maybe we’re doing this all wrong.”

“Oh? And what makes you say that?”

She sucked her full lips into her mouth, thinking. “Just … everyone else seems to be either stressed out or having the time of their lives.”

I could agree with that, and I did. “You want to go to a party?” I didn’t know if I had the guts to show up at one just yet. I wasn’t exactly shy, but parties didn’t really interest me.

“Maybe.” She lifted her shoulders. “After I get at least two of these papers done, we’ll revisit the subject.”

I laughed. “You make us sound like an old fuddy-duddy couple who need to discuss a vacation.”

Her green eyes twinkled with mirth. “Shut up. I’m not some innocent girl. I’ve …” She shifted in her seat. “Had boyfriends and, um, stuff.”

“Stuff?” I raised a brow.

She threw her napkin at me, and I dodged it right before it smacked me on the cheek. “You know what I mean. My mom might be a little crazy, but she’s always been very encouraging about experiencing love and life before settling down.”

That had me dropping my chin to my fist and leaning forward over the table. “Continue …”

She smirked. “You’re ridiculous.” Shaking her head, she went on. “Though, that might have something to do with her settling down so young with my dad.”

Pippa stared at her soda, twirling the straw around. I sensed this was a bit of a sensitive subject, but I was curious, so I waited to see if she’d say more.

“He left when I was fourteen.”

I sat back, trying not to let my face screw up with pity because I knew she didn’t want that. “What happened?” I asked.

“He had … issues, I guess you could say. Mental health stuff. My mom always supported him, but still, it stressed her out. To the point she probably not only felt like she was walking on eggshells around him, but she even looked like she was.”

“He was depressed?”

“He suffered from that and some other stuff. Borderline bipolar is what they always told us.”

Well, crap. I didn’t know what to say. I knew I had as normal an upbringing as anyone could wish for. Dreamlike, really. I couldn’t relate and felt terrible about it.

I watched her features—the way her pretty eyes stared at her drink yet seemed like they saw something else. Tucking some hair behind her ear, she sighed. “He was never a bad dad or anything. Quite the opposite really. But those days, when he’d disappear inside himself, they were hard.”

“Why’d he leave?”

She bit her lip, and when she looked at me, her eyes were wet. “He said we were better off.”

“Oh,” is all I could think to say.

“Yeah. Anyway, we still talk sometimes. But he has a new girlfriend now. Someone he met in therapy a few years ago.”

I felt a pang of sorrow in my heart when I thought about Terry. Her bubbly personality and her obvious innate need to care for those she loved most. “How did your mom handle that?”

“I don’t think she did. She ignores that Felicity exists. And I can’t blame her. I do too. It’s just …” She blew out a loud breath, slumping back in the booth. “He still loves my mom. He’s always said he never stopped. Even when she stopped talking to him because it became too much for her. She said he couldn’t have it both ways, leave us and still try to come to us when he felt like it. So now he only calls me and my brother on our cell phones.”

“Is your brother okay?” She’d told me she had one and that he was a junior in high school, but not much else.

“He acts like it. Drew hides his emotions well, though. So who really knows.”

A beat of silence passed. “It hurts my dad, a lot. Not talking to Mom. So I don’t get it.”

“I wouldn’t either. Maybe he thinks this new woman can handle his, uh, issues better?”

“Yeah, that’s how I see it. Which is dumb. Like he only deserves someone who’s as messed up as he is.” Reaching over the table, I grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. “Your turn. Tell me all about your screwed-up childhood, parents, something.”

“You’ve heard the worst of it,” I said softly.

She swallowed, nodding and squeezing my hand back before letting go. “Do you still think he’s here?”

“I don’t want to admit that he’s probably not.” Standing, I started cleaning up my leftover pizza and tossed our garbage into a nearby trashcan.

“Hey.” A guy’s voice startled me as I was pulling my cardigan on at our booth. I looked up, then up some more. Dude was tall and had the darkest eyes I’d ever seen. Combined with his knockout grin, square jaw, and huge, broad frame, I stumbled back a step, right into Pippa.

“Oomf.” She grabbed my arms.

“You dropped this into my booth.” He held up the crumpled napkin Pippa had thrown at me.

“Um.” Pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose, I glanced at Pippa, who was looking around the diner with her hands in her jacket pockets. I was on my own then. “Sorry?” I laughed a little, uncomfortable and feeling awkward.

I moved to take it from his hand, but he reached out and grabbed mine, the napkin falling to the black and white checkered floor. “Callum.”

His grip was firm and warm, but he didn’t shake my hand, just held it. “Well, hi, Callum.” I tugged my hand back. “I’m Daisy.”

His grin was almost blinding as he tucked his hands into his jean pockets. “I haven’t seen you around. Freshman?” I nodded, and he asked, “Boyfriend?”

The boldness and abruptness of the question had a snort-laugh escaping me. My cheeks flamed. He only continued to grin, though. “It’s …” I was about to say it’s complicated, but that would be a bit of a lie and not something I wanted to explain. “No, no boyfriend.”

“There’s a party this weekend at the frat house just off Pellington Ave. You should come.” With a glance at Pippa, he bit his lip before looking back at me. “Bring your friend.”

“Welsh! Let’s roll.”

I looked behind him where three guys and a girl were walking out of the diner.

He threw me a wave, taking a step back, then spun around and disappeared outside.

“Holy shit, he was hot,” Pippa whispered.

He was. Picking up the napkin, I tossed it in the trash and dumped some money on the table beside Pippa’s. “He’s … tall.”

She laughed, grabbing my arm and hauling me to the door. “You’re so weird. He was sexy as hell and wants you. Maybe we should go to this party.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for any of, um, that,” I said as we stepped outside.

Leaves danced around our feet as we meandered down the sidewalk toward campus. The streetlamps’ glow lighting the dark streets.

“Well, when you are, I bet he’ll still want you, judging by those freaking eyes. God, intense. So dark yet so sexy.”

“Shush.” I laughed, nudging her in the ribs. “Why don’t you go? You’re not pining for some guy who might not even exist anymore.” I paused. “Wait, are you?”

She rolled her eyes when I looked at her. “No. But … well, I can’t even describe it without sounding stupid.”

I guffawed. “Try me.”

“I don’t know. I’ve gotta have that gut feeling, you know? I’m sick of wasting time on boys who don’t matter.”

“You want your forever man? Already?”

“Says you,” she said, and yeah, she had a point. “Nah, but I’m willing to hold out a while for something that matters. Who knows, maybe my forever man is here.”

Groaning jokingly, I mumbled, “Great, so we are both pining after mysterious beings. Let’s just go buy a ton of cats and be done with it.”

“I’m allergic.”

My feet paused, and I glared at her. “We can’t be friends anymore.”

We were both still laughing when someone called out, “Daisy?”

That voice had my heart galloping instantly. “Alexis?”

I spun around, and there she was, leaning against the front of the ice-cream parlor where Pippa had just started working.

I thought my smile would break my face as I rushed over to her, throwing my arms around her and hugging her tightly. “Holy shit,” she breathed, standing back and grasping my arms. “You’re here.”

“You’re here,” I said back, shaking my head. “What? How? I thought you were going to New York.”

She looked away, her dark hair falling into her face before she nudged it back. “Things change, I guess. I never thought …” She stopped, running a hand over her mouth.

“This is, wow,” I said, feeling Pippa stop beside me. “Unbelievable. Oh, this is Pippa, my roommate. Pippa, this is the friend I was telling you about from back home. Alexis.”

Pippa waved, and Alexis gave her a weak smile.

I was so lost in my excitement that it only just occurred to me to ask. “Oh, you’d know! Is Quinn here?”

Alexis turned to the ice-cream parlor just as the door opened and the boy himself walked out, eyes fixed on the ice cream he was carrying. My mouth dried, my eyes watering.

“Here.” He passed Alexis a small cup of ice cream. “They were out of cookie dough.”

He looked so different. No longer a boy in any shape or form, but now a man and freaking huge. Muscles shifted under his brown Henley and his jeans hugged his thighs. His blond hair was a tussled mess on top of his head, sitting this way and that.

He was everything I remembered, yet so much more.

My heart was in my throat, beating alongside my racing pulse as butterflies flooded my stomach. I stepped back to face him fully, trying to think of what to say, all the while he stepped closer.

To Alexis.

She leaned her head toward him, and he quickly kissed her temple.

Finally, he looked up, our eyes met, and the pizza I’d just eaten started to make a reappearance as my brain finally connected the painful dots.

His hazel eyes widened, my name a rasp of breath leaving those traitorous lips. “Daisy?”

Fifteen years old

The music followed me as I trudged from the house to the barn.

I didn’t like the fuss, the coddling, or seeing so many smiling eyes directed my way. I wanted away from it just for a little while. Mom would scold me for staying away too long.

Rude, she called it. And I suppose she was right, so I’d have to head back soon.

Sitting down on a hay bale, I tugged my phone from my pocket and resumed my earlier game of Angry Birds.

“Quinn.” My father’s voice had my head snapping up and my hand putting my phone away. He gave me a knowing smile, stepping closer and leaning against the wooden door. “You’ve never liked being the birthday boy.”

“That obvious?”

He stuck a piece of hay in his mouth, mumbling around it, “‘Bout as obvious as your mom telling me she’s made chicken pot pie.”

My dad’s favorite dish. She always used it to get something she wanted.

Chuckling, I shook my head to get some hair out of my face. “She know I left?”

“Nah, not yet.” I nodded, and he glanced over his shoulder, a slow smile creeping over his face. Looking back at me, he said, “Your secret’s safe a while longer. But don’t be too long.” Straightening from the door, he came forward to clap me on the shoulder, then left, whispering something to Daisy just as she rounded the door of the barn.

Even after seeing her almost every day for as long as I could remember, the sight of her was like a kick to the gut. Blond hair, wild and untamed. Purple framed glasses and light brown eyes that were like sponges, studying and absorbing everything around her and filing it away for later when she had a paintbrush or pencil in hand.

“Hey, birthday boy.” She smiled timidly and jumped up to sit beside me. “Sick of the shenanigans already?”

Blinking and tearing my eyes away from her long, tanned legs, I cleared my throat. “Yeah. What did my dad say to you?”

“Just saying hello.” She kicked her feet out, crossing her ankles. My eyes stayed glued to the drawings on her white Chucks to stop them from roaming up those legs again.

Warm breath washed over my cheek, sending my head turning and making our lips end up only centimeters apart. She smelled like that caramel lip balm she liked so much and looked like a golden-haired goddess. My dick stirred immediately, standing at attention behind the confines of my jeans. I thanked God she was looking at my mouth and hopefully wouldn’t notice.

“Can I give you your present?” she whispered, her eyes darting from mine, to my lips, and back again.

It wasn’t the first time we’d ended up in a position like this. But it was the first time since we were kids that our lips had been so close. And seemingly on purpose, too.

“That depends.” My voice turned croaky as if something was stuck in my throat.

“On what?” She giggled, and my heart jolted like it’d been struck with a live wire.

The song inside the house changed, and I got an idea. “On if you’ll dance with me first.”

She leaned back, grinning and wide-eyed, and I wanted to growl at the injustice of finally having her that close, only to lose it a second later. “Why, Quinn Burnell.” She laid the Southern charm on thick, which did nothing to help the situation in my pants. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to hit on me.”

Jumping up before I snapped and tried to make out with her right there on the hay bale, I grabbed her hand, tugging her to me and wrapping my hands around her slim waist. She slowly moved her arms up over my shoulders, stepping forward until her chest brushed against mine.

“Fifteen,” she murmured. “Think of all the things you can do now.”

I rocked us side to side, not taking my eyes from hers. “Like what?”

She shrugged, and I squeezed her waist.

“Like … dating.” Her cheeks turned pink, and she looked away.

Pausing, I waited until she looked up at me again. “Since when do people have to wait until they’re fifteen to start dating?”

“That’s just what Mama says. She said she wasn’t allowed to until she was sixteen. But that she secretly started dating my dad when she was fifteen.”

Her voice was soft, like she was afraid to talk too loud, for fear of me discovering what she wasn’t saying. I found it anyway and latched onto it with a smile on my face and confidence filling my chest. I huffed out a short laugh.

“What?” she asked.

“You don’t need to worry about that.”

I started rocking us from side to side again, loving the feeling of having her in my arms. Her tank top had ridden up, and my fingers found the bare skin on her lower back, making small circles over it. Goose bumps lifted under my touch, which only made me harden more. If she could feel me pressed up against her, then thankfully, she didn’t comment. Though some part of me shamefully wished she would.

Fourteen. Christ. She was only fourteen. That kind of stuff would have to wait.

“Why don’t I need to worry?” she asked, stars filling her eyes.

“Because … you’re already spoken for. And I don’t think your mama will mind.”

Raising a blond brow, she asked dryly and a little nervously, “Oh, really? And why won’t she?”

“You and I both know the answer to that,” I said quietly. She swallowed, and I made my move, lowering my forehead to rest on hers. “Will you go out with me, Daisy June?”

A stuttering breath left her parted lips, landing on mine. “You want to date me?”

My brows furrowed. Not liking the disbelief in her voice, I countered with, “Hasn’t that always been obvious?”

She shook her head slightly, her eyes dancing so much that I could almost hear the whirr of her thoughts. “That’s why you haven’t taken any of the girls from school out yet?”

What? A stunned laugh left me. “You’re crazy, you know that?”

“Why? They follow you around like you’re a chocolate popsicle and they’ve been left out in the sun too long.”

Chuckling, I lowered my head even more and whispered against her caramel scented lips. “I didn’t notice. Maybe because all I see is you.”

I was about to close the gap, to meld my lips softly to hers, when she jumped. Her arms and legs clung to me as she stuffed her face into my neck. “You’re not scared?” she whispered into my skin.

Holding her ass, I turned and sat down on the bale again with her in my lap. “Scared of what?”

She unstuck her head, her glasses falling askew. I righted them as she mumbled out, “That if you decide you don’t like dating me, we won’t be friends anymore.”

“I’m not scared. You and me … like the moon and the stars, we’re permanent.”

Her breath stuttered out of her. “You’re a real smooth talker, booger breath.”

I tucked some of her hair behind her ear, smirking. Then, as fast as lightning, her lips were on mine. One second, I was staring at her, and the next, she’d dived on my mouth as if she just realized she could.

My eyes closed as her soft lips pressed firmly to mine, and her small hands gripped the sides of my face. I’d never kissed anyone before, but being with Daisy, everything felt instinctual. Like it was second nature for my lips to part hers, a known fact that my tongue should skim the inside of her lips and that she would always meet me, touch for touch.

“Guys! Hey, whoa.” Alexis’s voice had our mouths pulling away and Daisy flying off my lap so fast, she almost fell smack on the dirt-covered floor. My hand flew out, catching her wrist to steady her before I looked over at the entry to the barn where Alexis was staring at me, something foreign crawling over her face.

“Happy Birthday.” She cleared her throat when her voice caught and fixed her attention on Daisy, who was busy looking at the ground. “Want to give him your present yet? It’s starting to get hard to … contain. If you know what I mean.” Alexis turned and left, leaving us alone again.

Daisy smiled shyly at me as I stood and grabbed her hand. I kissed it, and she fluttered those damn lashes as she watched me. Tugging her to my chest, I was about to kiss her again when she planted a hand on my stomach and said, “She’s right. I really do need to give you your present.”

As we walked back over to the house, I reluctantly dragged my feet, but as we got closer, I heard it.

An unmistakable sound of a whimper.

Looking around, eyes scanning the dark, I tried to find the source when Daisy grabbed my hand in both of hers. “Come on.” She laughed, walking backward up the steps and tugging me along. The door flew open and out ran a golden ball of fluff, heading straight for us.

“Holy shit.”

“Quinton Benjamin Burnell,” my mom scolded. “Birthday or not, fifteen or not, I’ll still wash that mouth out if you’re not careful.”

Picking up the puppy trying to scratch the hell out of our legs, I gave her a sheepish smile. Mom shook her head, her eyes softening when my dad wrapped an arm around her waist.

“A puppy?” I asked as it licked my face. “You got me a puppy?”

Daisy bit her lip, reaching over to pat its head. It turned its attention on her, trying to lick her hand off. “Mom and Dad, too. It’s a golden retriever.”

“Unbelievable,” I breathed, not caring if I looked like I was five instead of fifteen. They got me a puppy. I’d wanted a dog for years. Ever since our old cattle dog passed away when I was eight.

“He’s a boy,” Daisy informed me. “And he’s given me hell for the past two days while trying to keep him happy at our house.”

“Ate my good pair of running shoes,” Joseph, Daisy’s dad, said with a scowl.

Her mom, Henrietta, elbowed him. “You haven’t been running in years.”

He huffed, and my mom laughed with Henrietta.

“Your parents said it was okay. I checked first.” Daisy righted her glasses when the puppy tried to lick them off her face.

“You’re cleaning up after it, and your mother’s already enrolled it in puppy school at the town vet. Lord knows that thing’s gonna need it,” my dad grumbled but with mirth in his voice. He loved dogs, too. And I knew the reason we hadn’t gotten another one until now was because of how attached he was to Donny, our old one.

I didn’t answer him, though. I just stared at Daisy, barely registering all the eyes of the guests who were filing out onto the porch or the puppy licking my earlobe. “Thank you,” I said quietly, hugging the dog closer to me. Daisy’s face turned pink after a moment, and I tore my eyes away.

“Where’s Alexis?” Daisy asked later as we watched the puppy run through the barn, kicking up hay and bits of dirt while he raced in circles.

“No idea, think she went home.”

Daisy yawned. “So what are you going to name him?”

Pulling her to my side, I fiddled with a long strand of her hair as we watched the ball of energy try to dig its nose into a sack of potatoes.

“Spud,” I blurted.

“Spud.” Daisy’s voice was curiously soft, as though testing the name. “Spud!” she called, but the puppy kept working that bag as if he didn’t even know we existed.

I chuckled. “Guess it’ll have to grow on him.” She rested her head on my shoulder, and I turned my own to press a kiss to her forehead. “Best birthday ever.”

Present

Fissuring. My heart was fissuring, and I couldn’t breathe. I swallowed. Swallowed again and again as my stomach rolled and my heart slammed into my ribcage repeatedly.

“Daisy,” Pippa whispered, tugging on my arm.

But I couldn’t move my eyes from Quinn’s. They were stuck. As if something was keeping them there and forcing me to see this moment. To face the surprise, wariness, and sadness that filled those hazel depths in quick flashes.

“I …” I started, my lips trembling. I clamped them together and finally looked away once the shock started to wear off and made way for the stinging of tears.

Quinn’s voice hit my ears. “What are you—?”

“Quinn.” I saw Alexis place her hand on his arm, and the burn intensified, spreading everywhere.

“Nice to meet you, I guess,” Pippa said dryly, taking my hand and tugging me down the sidewalk.

My feet dragged, my head swinging over my shoulder to look at Quinn, who was talking hurriedly with Alexis. And then he was following us.

“Stop,” I croaked.

Pippa stopped. As he jogged over to us, she asked, “Want me to stay or go?”

“I don’t know.” My words were a shadow of my voice.

She squeezed my arm. “I’ll just wait down there on the bench, okay?”

I think I nodded, but then Quinn was in front of me, swallowing up my complete attention and making my hands itch to touch him.

Except I couldn’t.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, raking a hand through his hair and narrowing his eyes on mine. When I didn’t answer, he tried again, his voice softer this time. “Daisy?”

“College. I applied, got in. I’m here.” Something about his question had me feeling defensive. Or maybe it was the continuous rupturing of the vital organ in my chest as I stared at his finely chiseled jaw, his eyes, that straight nose, and the dusting of his blond brows, lowering over his brown lashes.

He didn’t respond for a long-drawn-out minute. Just stared at me. His face a tense mask of disbelief. “I didn’t think …”

“That I’d come here?” I offered when he trailed off.

He nodded, then sighed. “How are you?”

How am I? I found it insane that he’d asked such a thing when it felt like the blunt force trauma I just experienced, was still experiencing, was evident for the whole world to see.

When we hadn’t seen each other in years.

When I came here for him, and he was with my old best friend.

“What’s going on?” I shook my head, sick of trying to ignore the craziness of the situation.

“What do you mean?” He stepped out of the way for someone to walk past.

“You and Alexis?”

He openly winced, then wiped a hand down his face before looking over his shoulder at where she was standing outside the ice-cream parlor, watching us. His broad shoulders loosened with a long exhale. “Daisy …”

“It’s obvious,” I laughed out. “Really. You don’t need to sugarcoat it.”

His eyes blazed golden and green, his jaw clenching. I tensed, not used to seeing him angry, and feeling like I should be the angry one here, not him. “You left.”

“I know,” I whispered.

We stared. Voices of passersby drifted around us as we continued to stare, and when his eyes finally disconnected from mine, a piece of myself slithered into the shadows surrounding us.

“This was a mistake. I’m not doing this,” he finally said. “I’ve gotta go.”

“Quinn, wait.”

He wouldn’t look at me. “No, Daisy. Look.” He drew in a sharp breath, releasing it with his next words. “We were young, and it was a long time ago. I’m happy to see you, but”—he looked at me then, resolve filling out any soft edges of his handsome face—“I think we should maybe steer clear of each other.”

Despite agreeing that would probably be a good idea after what I’d just discovered, I couldn’t let go quite that quickly. “Why?”

“Things just … change.” He stepped backward, away from me, toward Alexis. “Take care, okay?”

Take care?

Pippa was there again, hooking her arm around mine. “Come on.”

I didn’t realize I’d been watching Alexis and Quinn walk off in the opposite direction until she tried to drag me away. Quinn looked back over his shoulder just before they rounded the corner at the end of the street, but he was too far away for me to see his expression.

Then he was gone.

Back inside our dorm, Pippa closed the door and led me to my bed, sitting down beside me as I kicked my shoes off.

“That was him, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“But now, he’s with her.”

“Apparently.”

Her hand made circular motions on my back. “Well, fuck.”

That night, we laid in silence, me glaring at the ceiling with tears brimming my eyes. Everything felt different now. I felt no excitement as I laid on this bed, in this room. No, now I saw it for what it was. Old and outdated.

Much like I was.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Pippa asked when the silence started screaming.

I didn’t. I did, but I didn’t. “I think I’m still in shock.”

“She was your best friend?” Her voice was tentative, hesitant.

“Was, yes.”

More silence, followed by the howling of my heart and thoughts. How could he? He’d moved on. With her. He’d been kissing her, touching her, loving her, having sex with …

I jumped out of bed and raced out into the hall, careening into the wall outside the bathroom and shoving a hand over my mouth as I stumbled inside, almost slipping in my fuzzy socks.

I retched into the first toilet I saw, hurling until tonight’s pizza was a gory mess staring back at me, and my stomach started to convulse again.

“Ew, you okay?” someone asked.

“She’s fine,” I heard Pippa inform them. “Ate some bad pizza for dinner.”

Laughter. “Oh, totally. Stay away from the Chinese place on Waymen Drive. Hilary, my roommate, spent like two days puking everywhere.”

Standing on shaky legs, I flushed the toilet and grabbed some toilet paper to wipe my chin.

“Thanks, noted,” Pippa said, then helped me out of the stall and to the sinks. “Here.” She passed me my toiletry bag, and I gave her a grateful smile.

“What a waste of twenty dollars, huh?” I tried to laugh it off, but then the tears well and truly came. Thankfully, we were alone by that point.

“Shh, come on. Let’s get your teeth brushed, then you can cry all you want back in the room.” She squirted some toothpaste onto my toothbrush, ran it under the tap, and passed it to me. Somehow, I managed to keep the tears to a slow trickle as I rinsed, brushed, rinsed again, and then walked back to the room.

Once back on my bed, lying on my stomach, the tears became a torrential downpour that seemed to never end.

Take care.

His departing words felt like knives, piercing the flesh of my breastbone and plunging beneath, causing my heart to bleed instantly.

Pippa sat beside me for a while, passing me tissue after tissue until I finally suggested she should get some sleep.

“Only if you try to do the same.”

I reluctantly agreed, and her weight disappeared from the bed. The sound of her sheets swishing as she got comfortable in her own bed filtered through the room, and my eyes closed.

I didn’t think I could sleep; I had no idea how I was supposed to do anything but try to wake up from this nightmare.

It was one thing for him not to want me anymore or to get sick of waiting. Both things would still destroy me, force me to crumble and reevaluate what the hell I’d been doing all this time.

Except he didn’t just do that.

He’d moved on with the only other person I’d ever considered a lifelong friend. Someone I’d known almost as long as I’d known him.

The hours that ticked by as I stared at the wall with my back to Pippa seemed to make the memories swim into each other, blending then separating, making me question everything.

Was this what he wanted all along? To be with her?

It’d make sense. Alexis was the kind of beautiful you rarely encountered. Yet I still couldn’t bring myself to believe he’d always wanted her. It had never felt that way. There’d never been any doubt he’d wanted me once we finally took that next step.

Things change.

They did. Oh, my fucking God, how they did.

Her eyes stared back at me in the dark, glowing like twin beacons of blue triumph.

I couldn’t think the same of Alexis, and it made me feel stupid. It was obvious now.

She had always wanted him. But he was all I saw; I never saw anything else.

I don’t know if I could ever exist without you.

Well, he clearly could.

I squeezed my eyes shut once more, forcing the tears to stop. Eventually, sleep slithered into my body, turning my tense limbs soft. Like iced water over a burn, I welcomed it, wanting desperately to slip away.

Turned out, it offered little respite, thanks to the dreams that insisted on tormenting me further.

Fifteen years old

Stuffing my books under my arm, I followed Alexis outside. Well, I wouldn’t say followed. People parted for her like she was the queen, but as soon as she was clear, they’d fold back in, and I was left to wait my turn.

It was fine. It didn’t bother me.

John Newman bothered me. “What’s up, brace face?” He nudged me in my side, making me wince. “What? Think just because you got Burnell wrapped around your dirty, paint-smeared finger means you’re too good, do ya?”

I didn’t say anything, knowing that if I did, it’d just get worse.

I made it outside the classroom and was halfway to my locker when he started in again. “Ya know, you used to be kinda pretty before you got all that metal put in your mouth. Kinda.”

Still ignoring him, I kept walking to my locker. “One of these days, Burnell won’t be around to protect you, gangly legs. Whatcha gonna do then, huh?”

When I still didn’t answer, he stuck his foot out to trip me. I dodged it but lost my balance, falling on my butt anyway. My books landed around me. Someone stepped on my hand, and I heard something crack, a sharp stinging pain shooting from my finger and zinging up my arm. “Oh, gosh. So sorry,” someone said, before rushing away.

“Dais?”

I was whimpering, cradling my hand to my chest when I looked up and saw Quinn shoving people back to get to me. “Daisy, what the hell happened?”

I shook my head, biting my tongue to keep from crying. The pain in my finger throbbed so badly it sent my stomach lurching. He bent down, taking my hand off my chest. I couldn’t suppress my yelp, and his expression grew even more concerned. “Are you okay? Is your wrist sprained or something?”

I looked around for Alexis, but she must’ve gone to our next class already. “I-I don’t know. I think my finger maybe.”

Putting his hands under my arms, he effortlessly lifted me from the floor while Jordan, one of his teammates, picked up my books for me. “Thank you,” I said, moving to take them from him.

He looked at me with a tiny smile. “Nah, open your locker, and I’ll put them in for you.”

Jordan was okay, so I nodded, moving a few lockers down the hall until I reached mine and opened it. He put them inside as Quinn asked, “Dais, tell me what happened, or I’ll ask someone else.”

When I hesitated, Annie, one of the girls from the cheerleading squad, piped up, “John Newman tripped her, Quinn. He was saying some horrible stuff too.”

I knew she was just sucking up to Quinn and didn’t actually give a damn about me. Still, I was grateful for not having to spill what happened. He didn’t need any more details than what Annie had already provided.

Quinn grabbed my chin, turning me to face him. His eyes darted back and forth between mine, his jaw clenching. “That true?”

Swallowing, I nodded. “Yeah, but—”

“No buts. The dickhead has messed with you for the last damn time.”

“Quinn,” I said, but he’d already turned to Jordan, talking too quietly for me to hear. Turning back to me, he wrapped an arm around my waist and grabbed my bag from my locker. “Need anything else in here?”

“No thanks.”

He shut the door and guided me down the hall to the school nurse, who wrapped my finger and gave me an ice pack to rest my hand on. Quinn stood by the bed, his expression growing more enraged and distant by the second. “Hey,” I said, looking at him upside down. “Come here.”

“What’d he say to you this time?”

“It’s not important.” I took his hand with my uninjured one, placing it on my belly and running my fingers over the top of his hand.

His face relaxed some, but not enough. “This is bullshit, Daisy. Everyone knows we’d end up together anyway. Why not just admit we already are?”

We’d been going out for almost eight months, but I didn’t want anyone to treat me differently. I guessed they’d treat me how they wanted regardless, though. “Yeah, I’m done caring about that.”

He blinked. “You are?”

Smiling sheepishly, I said, “It won’t make much difference to people like John Newman, so who cares.”

“I do,” he said. “I don’t want you doing anything that makes you scared or uncomfortable.”

It still stunned me. Made me want to pinch myself to see if this sweet, beautiful boy was really mine.

“I’ve got you.” I blinked tears away, feeling so much as I looked up at his face. Always feeling too much around him. If I feared anything, it was that I’d run out of room to contain it, and I’d burst.

His face softened, and he sat down beside me, dropping his head beside my stomach. My hand left his to run through his hair. His eyes shut, a sigh leaving him that made his whole body shudder and droop. “I can’t stand it. It makes me feel sick. Physically sick.”

“I know,” I said. “But he’ll give it up. One day.”

His eyes opened, the green specks battling the gold around his dark pupils. “You don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

He chuckled, then groaned, rubbing his forehead into my side with the shake of his head. Looking back at me, he said, “He likes you. So did Daniel, who used to pick on you in math.”

I scoffed, trying not to laugh. “Don’t make me laugh right now, Quinn. It’ll hurt.”

His grin was both beautiful and menacing. “I’m not kidding.”

Frowning, I thought about it for a second. “Where is Daniel?” Quinn dropped his head and started tracing circles on my palm. “Quinn.”

“Fine,” he grumbled. “I had a talk with him. He thought it’d be in his best interest to transfer to McMullen’s class instead.”

The ice shifted on my hand as I tensed. Quinn gently reached over and moved it back in place. “You had a talk?”

He tilted a shoulder, laying his head back down. “Yeah.”

“Really.”

“Really.”

“Quinn, don’t you even try to lie to me.”

Groaning, he sat up. “Okay, it was more of a really big suggestion.”

“Suggestion?”

We were interrupted by the nurse, who came to check my finger. She whistled. “This is going to be quite sore for a while, missy.”

Quinn asked, “Is there anything else we can do?”

She shook her head. “Nope. Afraid not. Just keep it strapped to the next finger. I’ve called your mom; she’s just left work to go pick up some pain medication, then she’ll be right on over.”

I nodded, thanking her as she walked back to her little office.

“You’re going to bully John Newman for being a bully?” I asked when I was sure she was out of earshot.

Quinn blanched. “No.” I raised a brow. “The guy is an annoying turd. He’s gotta learn when enough is enough.”

“I don’t need you to fight my battles for me,” I said, sitting up. He grabbed my arm, steadying me when my head spun.

“But there’s no greater honor.” Giggling, I slapped his arm, and he stepped toward me to place a soft kiss on my head. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Mr. Burnell, I think it’s time for you to get back to class.” The nurse appeared in the doorway, her brows bouncing as her eyes swung back and forth between us.

Quinn hesitated, so I said, “Go. And behave.”

Winking, he grabbed his bag. “I’ll come see you when I get home.”

I watched him leave, the throbbing in my pinky finger not feeling as bad.

The nurse tsk’d. “Oh, girly. You got it bad.”

Flushing, I ducked my head.

The crickets chirping outside my bedroom window stopped, and then came the thump as Quinn heaved himself inside and rolled to a stand on my yellow rug. “How’re you feeling?”

“I’m okay.”

He took a seat on the bed, kicking off his shoes before lying down beside me. “Show me.”

Carefully, he took my hand, lifting the tape and inspecting it with help from the late afternoon light that shone through the window in bursts of burnt orange. “Looks sore.”

“It is, but it’s not as bad now that I’ve had some painkillers.” I was just glad it was my left pinky finger, since I was right handed.

He hummed, gently folding the tape back over and placing my hand down on his hard stomach. My breathing sped up, and I drew in a few quick breaths, hoping it wasn’t obvious. “Where’ve you been?”

I wasn’t the nagging type. But if he said he was coming over after school, then he’d always come straight here. Besides, I had a really good hunch where he’d been. “Nowhere, just hung back for a while with Jordan and a few of the guys.”

I picked up his hand and brought it to my face. No bruised knuckles or scrapes. Still, I didn’t believe him. “What’d you really do?”

“Daisy …” My mom opened the door, halting when she saw Quinn. She clucked her tongue. “Up, Quinn. Joseph’s just gotten home.”

He jumped to his feet, a contrite look on his face as he scratched the back of his head.

I sat up just as my dad walked in the front door, hearing it clang to a close behind him. “Where is she?” he asked my mom, who’d walked out to greet him.

“In her room with Quinn.”

He grunted. “Door open?”

He didn’t wait for her answer. I could hear his heavy footfalls heading to my room a second later.

“Daisy.” The lines on his face creased with worry when he looked at my hand. “Hey, Quinn.” He jerked his head at Quinn, who was trying to look busy with my stack of … Jane Austen novels.

“Hey, Joe.”

Trying not to laugh as Quinn shrugged helplessly behind my dad’s turned back, I returned my attention to dad. “Which punk did this to you?”

“No one did this to me. I fell and someone accidentally stepped on my hand.”

He didn’t seem appeased. At all. The creases lining his forehead deepened, and he turned to Quinn. “A word?”

Quinn nodded. Getting up and following my dad out the door, he winked at me before he disappeared.

I strained to hear, but they’d moved out to the front porch, and my window was on the back of the house. Sighing, I sat back against my pillows and waited.

Quinn came back a moment later, his and my dad’s laughter traveling down the hall.

Leaving the door ajar, he sat back down on my bed. “Did he ask you for names, ages, addresses, and their last known whereabouts?”

Snickering, Quinn shook his head. “Nah, just made sure I took care of it.” He flopped backward onto the bed, below my feet.

“And that’s what you were doing earlier? Taking care of it?”

His finger started tracing lazy circles over my ankle, making some of my irritation flee. “Yep.”

That was all he said. “You going to elaborate?”

“Nope.”

Grumbling under my breath, I turned my gaze out the window, feeling petulant but unable to stop it. I knew he was just looking out for me, and I loved him for that and a million other reasons, but I didn’t want him getting in trouble because of me, and I told him as much.

“Dais,” he said, rolling onto his stomach to look at me. “I didn’t do anything bad. I just … scared him a little.”

“How?”

His brows scrunched adorably. “What do you mean? We just went to talk to him.”

Oh, boy. “We? How many of you?”

Pursing his lips, he twisted them and hesitated. “Uh, just half the team.”

“Oh, for crying out loud.”

Chuckling, he yanked on my ankle, then placed a soft kiss on top of my foot. “I don’t think you get it, Dais. I’ll never stand by and just let stuff like that happen to you. No one treats you like anything other than the kind, beautiful ray of sunshine you are.”

“I think I do,” I whispered.

“You do what?”

“Get it.”

Eyes melting, he quickly glanced at my bedroom door before scooting up the bed lightning fast to press his lips to mine.

“Quinn?” my dad asked from what sounded like the kitchen. He had a sixth sense, I swear.

Grinning, Quinn backed away. “Yeah?”

We heard my mom tell my dad to shush, his answering grumble, and then both rolled our faces into the sheets to muffle our laughter.

Present

“I’m just gonna crash tonight, got early practice in the morning.”

Alexis’s blue eyes narrowed. “Are we going to have issues? Now that …”

Jesus. My head was shaking before she could even find the rest of her unfinished question.

“No.” I grabbed the back of her head, placing a kiss on her forehead. “We’ll be fine. I’m just shocked is all.” Which was true. Yet I couldn’t help but worry my lip between my teeth as she pulled back to look up at me.

Daisy showing up at Gray Springs was the last thing I expected. God knows why. We’d planned on coming here together since we knew what college was. I just thought when she cut me out of her life, she’d cut out any plans for the future we’d made together too.

“Okay,” Alexis said. “Text me before you go to bed?”

Nodding, I watched her walk off toward her dorm before getting back inside my truck.

Once she was inside, my head thumped back against the seat, and I stared out the windshield. The night seemed to blacken the stars from the sky. It felt eerily quiet, or maybe my heart was thundering so hard, it was all I could hear.

After scrubbing my hands down my face, I started the truck and began the five-minute drive to the townhouse.

Toby, who played wide receiver on the team, had been living there since we started at Gray Springs together last year. This year, he offered to let me move in with him. His dad owned the place. The rent was dirt cheap, and I was sick of living in the dorms, so I took him up on the offer. Toby was pretty OCD about his things, so he rarely had parties or anything crazy. It also made seeing Alexis a lot easier.

My chest burned, and I sucked down a long breath, trying to smother it.

Why? After all this time, why did she just show up? Planting herself in front of me like I’d been waiting for her to. She should have known I gave up waiting a long damn time ago.

Anger gripped my heart in a fist, squeezing and making my teeth grit.

She could do what she wanted. Didn’t change what she did, or what’d happened as a result of it. We were over long ago. She made sure of that, and I simply cemented it.

Pulling into the drive, I shut the truck off and jumped out, noticing the glare from the television inside. I pushed the door open, closing it behind me as Toby looked over the back of the couch. “Sup, where’s the lady?”

“Dropped her at her dorm.”

“She got her period or some shit? You guys have spent every night together since she got here.”

I tossed a pillow at him, which he caught and tucked behind his head with a shit-eating grin. “We don’t need to spend every night together.” Sitting down on the opposite couch, I kicked my boots off and lifted my feet to the coffee table.

Toby scowled. “Feet off, asshole.”

Smirking, I let them slide off and stretched my arms over my head. “You going to that party this weekend?”

He shrugged, turning back to the TV, where some crime show was playing. “Don’t know, got two essays breathing down my fucking neck.”

I grunted, staring unseeingly at the TV.

You left.

I know.

Take care.

“You take something?” Toby’s voice rocked me out of my head.

“What?”

“Did you take something? Don’t forget, Coach might seem lenient about it, but they’ll still test our asses when we least expect it.”

I barked out a laugh. “I didn’t take anything.”

His blue eyes squinted a little. “Something’s not quite right.”

“Jesus,” I groaned. “Leave it be.”

“You getting over Alexis? Dude, if you are, set her free. Many an asshole in this place would take her off your hands.”

My fists clenched, and I practically growled. “Shut up. Alexis has got nothing to do with it.”

He grinned like the devil we all knew he could be. “But it’s something then.”

“What are you, a fucking shrink?”

His mouth clamped shut at that, and he slumped back against the couch. “Forget it, I’m being a dick. This place messes with my head, and I get bored.”

I watched him for a moment, the way his hands opened and closed beside him on the couch. Toby had always seemed a bit different from my other friends. Some days, he’d barely say two words to me as if he didn’t want to know the world existed, let alone anyone in it. Other days, he wanted to know everything, talk about everything and nothing.

He had two speeds. And the scary thing was, there was never any warning of when he was about to downshift or speed up. It just happened. Like a switch flicked in his brain.

I’d seen the medication in the bathroom. I also knew he didn’t touch it, thanks to the dust coating the unopened packets and bottles.

Whether it was because of the drug testing that came with being on the football team, or whether he thought he didn’t need it, I wasn’t sure. Either way, he’d never seemed too off for me to be too concerned, and it was none of my business. I figured if he wanted to talk about it, once he got into the right mood, he would.

I stood. “I’m going to hit the shower and crash, I think.”

“Whatever, don’t jack off in there unless you’re willing to clean the damn shower.”

“Like you fucking do.”

“True. But your aim is shit.”

Chuckling, I trudged upstairs and grabbed my sweats and a gray t-shirt, heading into the bathroom.

The water was hot, but I couldn’t resist turning it hotter. As if I could sweat the events of tonight out of my skin, let them slide down my body, and disappear into the drain.

Grabbing my cock, I wrapped my fist around it, pumping once, twice. Blue eyes, big tits with dark, rosy nipples, and even darker hair that spilled over them in tempting ribbons. I twitched in my palm, hardening.

Brown eyes, small breasts with dusky pink nipples, and messy blond hair that drove me wild anytime I touched or looked at it. My cock shot up like it just realized it’d slept in way too late. Angry, hard, and throbbing.

Fuck.

My teeth ground together, and my stomach twisted. Dropping my hand, I finished washing and got the hell out, feeling frustrated, excited, and guilty for a crime I had no plans of committing.

Sixteen years old

Pegging my painting on the line in the abandoned art classroom, I stepped back to take a good look at it.

It was a portrait of Spud, who was now fully grown yet still acted like a puppy most days.

Still, his happiness and loving personality were infectious. And no matter how many cows and chickens he scared, or how many pairs of shoes, articles of clothing, and handbags he stole and took to the barn to chew on, everyone loved him.

And painting him from the picture I took was seemingly effortless. I barely had to glance at it.

Shouting and cheering penetrated my foggy, affectionate thoughts, and my heart stopped.

Damn it. The game.

Grabbing my bag, I slung it over my shoulder and raced out of the classroom, down the hall, and burst out the double doors, almost falling down the steps.

My hair was stuck to something on my cheek, but I shoved it back and kept running as fast as I could until I reached the field. Once there, I tried to squish my way through the people in the bleachers to find a seat and ended up sitting half on some poor girl, who I recognized from biology, and half on the seat.

“Sorry,” I muttered hurriedly and shoved my glasses up my nose as my eyes frantically roamed the field for Quinn.

In the off season, he sometimes played baseball to help stay in shape. I found him just as he slid into third base, colliding with the baseman as he reached to catch the ball.

Quinn was up a second later, and my heart resumed its normal beating. That is, until he glanced up, scanning the crowd for me. He found me just as the girl got up beside me to cheer, sending me tumbling onto the concrete step. Ow.

Knowing Quinn would’ve seen, and despite feeling like I wanted to die from mortification, I scrambled back into my seat and sent him a wave.

He was leaving his base, walking toward me while the coach was yelling at him with a red face to pull his head back into the game. Seemingly appeased by my smile and shrug, he gave me a grin that even with the distance between us, made my scalp tingle and butterflies swarm.

“Sorry.” The girl next to me snickered cattily.

I ignored her, not really caring about her stupid revenge tactics when Quinn had my sole focus as he was running back into position.

My boyfriend. The word still made me trip on my own thoughts at times.

He was mine, he wanted me, and because of how obvious he was about it, I didn’t let the jealousy or mean things some people said about me get under my skin.

We were different, sure. I wasn’t a nerd, by any means, but I was a girl who was often found with a pen, pencil, or paintbrush in hand, and my head someplace else.

Yet I wasn’t so distracted that I didn’t know what people sometimes said. That I’d be hot if I had more boobs and ass, didn’t have a mouth full of braces, and if I did something about my wild hair that seemed to have a mind of its own.

Let’s not forget my lack of style. Chucks, sundresses, or jeans and a t-shirt.

I had no desire to dress up, and the only makeup I owned was my lip balm and mascara.

The game ended a little while later, and I had no idea who’d even won until the other team dragged themselves off the field. My cheeks threatened to turn pink over the fact I’d just been blatantly watching Quinn the whole time. Oh well.

He ran over, face red, helmet in hand, and his hair dripping with sweat as I walked down the stairs. He leaped up onto the rail and grinned so huge I was almost blown backward by the effect it had on me. “Dais.”

I smoothed back the strands of hair that’d fallen onto his forehead, not caring if they were sweat soaked. “Good game, booger breath.”

“One of these days, you’re going to have to stop calling me that.”

“Really?” I smiled when he took my hand and pressed a kiss to it.

“Really,” he whispered. “I have it on good authority that you love my mouth on yours, which wouldn’t be the case if my breath was always rank.”

He was right. Still. “I wouldn’t care if it was.”

“Well, in that case …” He grabbed my cheek with his damp palm, bringing my lips to his for a quick kiss.

“Burnell! Get down here. You’re still on school time, no fraternizing with the ladies,” the coach barked.

Pulling away with a chuckle, he bit his lip and poked my one dimpled cheek. “That why you were late?”

I was still trying to clear my head from that kiss. “Huh?”

“Paint, Dais. You’ve got it on your cheek.” His eyes moved over my body, and he laughed again. “Shit, and all over your dress and arm, too.”

“Oh.” I glanced down, finding white paint on my arm and yellow paint on my blue sundress. “Damn it.”

“Better go.” He jumped back down. “Wait for me?”

I nodded then made my way through the crowd of students to the front of the school.

“Hey,” Alexis puffed, running after me as I neared the front steps. “I looked for you. Where’d you sit?”

“Next to some girl who wasn’t very happy about it.” She raised a brow, and I blew a piece of hair out of my face. “Never mind. I lost track of time.”

“Again?”

I shrugged. Quinn never made me feel bad about it. If anything, it only made him smile. I liked his smiles. I knew them, too. Like the back of my hand. If he was annoyed, I’d be able to tell.

“What are you doing now? Wanna hang out?” she asked.

“Not sure, but yeah.” A senior winked at Alexis as he walked by, but she ignored him.

We talked about our history projects until Quinn came out. Freshly showered, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

“Great game.” Alexis punched him playfully in the arm, and he mock-winced, making her roll her eyes and laugh.

“Thanks. It was fun.”

“Ready to retire the football?” Alexis waggled her brows. “You looked great out there. You’re going to have scouts eating out of the palm of your hand.”

Quinn smiled at her. “Only one thing I wanna play, and one college I wanna play it at, unless this one changes her mind and wants to go someplace else.” He squeezed me to him, then lowered his head to my ear as we walked into the parking lot. “My place or yours?” He nibbled my earlobe, and I giggled, pushing his head away.

“Yours.” I paused when we reached his truck. “Coming, Alexis?”

She stared at us for a beat. “Nah, actually. Just remembered we’ve got that paper due on Monday.”

Quinn’s lips tugged to the side as he opened the door for me and chucked his bag in. “And what, you mean to tell us you haven’t already finished it?”

She glared at him. “Shut up.” He waited, and she relented. “Oh fine, yes. But I need to double check some facts.”

“‘Kay, need a ride?”

Alexis shook her head. She was acting a little off, which was happening more frequently when the three of us had hung out this past year.

I could tell she was growing uncomfortable, so I waved and climbed into the truck. “See you tomorrow?”

She nodded and began to make her way to the bus stop. “Wish she’d take a damn lift when offered,” Quinn grumbled as he got in and started the engine.

“Yeah, but you know how she is.”

He backed out and joined the line of cars leaving the lot. “We’ve known her almost as long as we’ve known each other, though.” He tapped the wheel as we waited. “We know where she lives and what her parents are like.”

That was true, but it was still, and probably would always be, a sore subject for Alexis.

We pulled into his driveway ten minutes later, and he led me straight up the stairs to his room.

“Won’t your mom be home soon?” I asked as he closed the door and started walking me backward to his bed.

He brushed my hair aside, and his lips lowered to my neck, placing soft kisses there. “Book club. It’s Friday.”

Oh, right. He tugged my dress up and over my head, leaving me in my white cotton bra, matching panties, and Chucks. I kicked the Chucks off, biting my lip when Quinn threw a muscular arm behind him and pulled his shirt over his head.

There was never a lot of opportunities for us to be completely alone unless we were out in the fields. But that kind of weirded me out—cows watching with beady eyes and being out in the open.

I backed up until the back of my knees hit his bed, then flopped down onto it. Quinn followed, climbing over me. “You’ve still got paint on your face,” he whispered.

“Probably,” I replied, my eyes stuck on his face as his gaze roamed over my chest before meeting mine. He grinned, then ducked his head, licking the paint on my cheek.

“Don’t lick it.” I giggled.

Resting his forearms on either side of my head, he pressed his forehead against mine. “Thanks for coming today.”

He always said that, as if he thought I might not one day. “Always. I’ll always be there. Even if I am a little late and … uh, unkempt.”

He nudged my nose with his. “I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

“Careful, mister.” My pulse started fluttering.

“Or what?” He breathed out huskily.

“Or one of these days, I just might slip and tell you that I’m madly in love with you.” It all came out in one breath, but I didn’t regret saying it. I’d always loved him. He had to already know that, yet his eyes widened.

“You love me?”

“You’re such a goober.” I smiled nervously. “You knew that.”

“I did. But it’s …” He blew out a loud breath that tickled my lips. “It’s one thing to know, and a completely different thing to actually hear it. To watch those words spill from your lips.”

My hands drifted up his bulging biceps, feeling them twitch under my touch until they found his face and then his lips. I traced them, prompting them, almost, to say the same words back to me.

Because I knew too, and I also wanted to hear it.

He bit my finger playfully, then kissed it, his eyes glowing with specks of gold from the late afternoon sunshine spilling through the crack of his curtains. “I think I’ve been in love with you since I could remember, but it’s changed.” Noticing my sudden concern, he pecked my lips, then continued against them, “Gotten stronger every fucking day, month, and year. To the point where you’ve become a permanent part of me, and I don’t know if I could ever exist without you.”

With my heart slamming viciously in my chest, I breathed, “Like the moon and the stars.”

He grinned, laughing softly. “Yeah, like the moon and the stars.”

With his gentle lips on mine, I ran my hands through his still damp hair, moaning when his hips lowered, and I felt him hard at my core. His tongue found mine and the two of them licked, rubbed, and sucked in a familiar rhythm that had wetness quickly gathering between my legs, and my breathing turning ragged.

Quinn pulled away, his voice deliciously rough when he asked, “Can I touch you again?”

“Don’t ask, please just do.”

With his top lip curling, he tugged down the cups of my bra and took an already hard nipple into his mouth while his hand smoothed over my stomach, traveling south until he reached the elastic of my panties. My legs spread wider and shivers assaulted me as he teased the skin above it gently, running his finger over it. He moved over to my other breast at the same time his hand dipped inside my panties, gently parting me with a groan as his lips released my nipple.

“God, you’re so wet.”

“Uh-huh,” I mumbled, my throat turning dry when he found my entrance and lightly teased it. It felt too good to feel embarrassed about it. Returning his lips to mine, he carefully pushed his finger inside. It was something we’d only done a few times over the past few months, but I liked it. A lot.

I wanted to touch him, too. I was beginning to love touching the silky hardness of him. It was kind of fascinating and made me feel lightheaded, watching how he reacted to my skin on his.

I reached down to do just that when he released my lips and removed his hand from my panties. “Wha—oh.” He tugged them off and tossed them to the floor somewhere, then his mouth was on me. Right there.

Holy crap. I tried to close my legs and squirm away, but he held my thighs open.

It was so foreign. But so good. My eyes rolled back, my hips bucking off the bed to meet his roaming tongue. Despite never having done this before, he seemed to know enough, which I chose to be thankful for and ignored the urge to stalk his web history for porn sites.

My body grew hotter, tingles racing down my spine to my toes. Which curled when he sucked on me, hard. My thighs clamped around his head, and I came apart.

“Christ.” He sat up, wiping his chin with the back of his hand—which I found ridiculously hot. “Can we do that again?”

Laughing breathlessly, I grabbed his hand and pulled him back over me. The high he’d just given me had me feeling brave. “Why don’t we do something else instead?” My limbs felt like jelly, and my attempt at a suggestive smile probably made me look dopey.

He got it, though. “What?” Swallowing, he glanced away briefly. “You’ve only just turned sixteen, Dais, we can’t—”

“Why?” I grabbed his cheeks, bringing his gaze back to mine. His eyes were turbulent as he struggled with indecision. “Moon and the stars, remember? What’s it matter if we do it now or a year from now?”

He sighed. “Well, you’ll be older for one, and two, your dad might kill me quickly if he finds out then. Now? Well, he’d torture me slowly, I’d bet.”

“They won’t know.”

“You really believe that?”

I wanted to. As perceptive as our parents could be, it was mainly our moms we had to worry about. “I don’t think they’ll know. I just know I want this … with you.”

He scowled. “It would never be anyone fucking else.”

“All right.” I grinned, his show of anger lighting another fire in my belly. “You know what I mean.”

His restraint gone, my bra came off, then he shoved his jeans down to the floor. Lying there naked, I wasn’t all that nervous. Quinn had a way of making me feel comfortable in almost any situation. The fan whirred over our heads, the nightstand drawer opened and closed, and I gasped. “You have condoms?”

His face turned a bit pink, and I tried to reach for him to feel his flushed cheeks. It was such a rarity as he grew older, but still happened now and then. “Dad got them for me when I turned fifteen. Said I’d better not need to use any for a long time, then proceeded to try to give me the most embarrassing sex talk known to mankind.”

“How did that go?” I watched as he stood, dropping his boxer briefs and carefully rolling the condom on, my eyes wide and stuck on that impressive part of him.

“I’ll tell you later, when I’m not hard as stone and dying to do something about it.”

“Fair enough.” I reached for his length when he climbed back onto the bed, but he gently nudged my hand away.

“Don’t, I’m …” His cheeks reddened further, and I wanted to squeal at how much it made my heart fill with affection. “I probably won’t be very good, or last long.”

“Come here,” I said.

He did, climbing over me. I grabbed those warm cheeks, smoothing my thumbs over them. Picturing him just like this in my head for later, I couldn’t wait to recapture everything about how he looked in this moment on paper. The way his lashes fluttered and his eyes swam with vulnerability, and how I knew if I pressed my hand to his chest, I’d feel his heart pounding just as fast as mine was. “You’re so beautiful.”

He guffawed. “What?”

“You are.” I tugged his head lower, kissing his lips quickly. “I could stare at you all day, every day, for-freaking-ever.”

A pained sound left his mouth. “Fuck, Dais. This is all backward. I should be the one saying you’re beautiful.” He blinked, eyes sweeping over me. “You’re everything good in this world. You glow so brightly, I never stood a chance.”

Breath wheezed out of me in a rush. “I love you. Whether this lasts seconds, minutes, or an hour, it’ll last forever where it counts.”

His throat bobbed. “You’re right.” Grinning suddenly, he whispered, “Plus, we’ve got forever. There’ll be many more chances for me not to embarrass myself.”

Giggling, I pressed my mouth to his, and he spread my legs wider, taking a few seconds to align himself.

Oh, God. What we were about to do started to penetrate my woozy brain. Nerves arrived, starting up a jig in my belly, but then he was pushing, his lips pausing on mine as he tried to work himself inside. “Is this going to work?” I asked after a minute.

His only answer was a drawn-out groan as he reared his hips back and pushed all the way in, breaching that barrier in one hard thrust and making my legs tighten around his hips while I let out an embarrassingly pained sound.

It hurt like nothing else I’d ever felt before, and it was all I could do to breathe through it.

“Shit.” His head tilted back, his eyes hooded, and his breath heavy. “That wasn’t meant to happen so fast. I just thought I needed to maybe push harder. I’m sorry.”

“Like a Band-Aid, right?” I tried for funny but failed as the burning grew stronger when he shifted.

I cringed. He stilled. “Sorry, but God”—a throaty sound left him—“it feels so good.”

I didn’t know much about sex, other than what they’d taught us in school and that one time I’d walked in on my parents doing it in the kitchen years ago when I’d gotten out of bed for some water. But I knew hymens had to break. And that it wasn’t something that would be pleasant, so I simply said, “Don’t hold back, move. It’s going to hurt either way until I get used to it.”

Staring at me intently for a moment, he swallowed and said hoarsely, “’Kay. Love you.”

I nodded, and he started easing slowly in and out of me, eyes locked on mine and his hands shifting under my shoulders, one tangling in my hair, softly stroking.

No matter how much my nether region felt like it was about to burst into flames, watching him was heady. The small grunts that left his parted lips. The slight furrow of his brow. The way his pupils dilated as he got lost in the sensations that had his big body shuddering and thrusting.

He was exquisite. All bronzed skin, beads of sweat dotting his forehead, and the silky smooth expanse of his broad chest.

I wanted to live in these minutes forever.

“You okay?” he asked, though it was more of a garbled pant of words.

“Yeah,” I said, not lying. The burn had faded just enough for me to imagine that this thing called sex might be worth all the fuss.

“I think I’m gonna come … shit.” His head dropped to my neck, his teeth gently sinking into my skin as his hips started rolling and thrusting with no finesse whatsoever.

Then they stopped, and he groaned loudly into my ear, his body trembling. I ran my hands over the damp skin of his back, thinking he’d maybe fallen asleep for a minute there until he blew a raspberry on my neck and lifted his head.

“Goober.” I squished his cheeks together and scrunched my nose.

Those luscious lips curled over straight white teeth. “That was out of this world awesome.”

“Yeah?” I asked.

He kissed me gently. “Amazing.”

Kiss. “Mind blowing.”

Kiss. “Unforgettable.”

Kiss. “I want to do it again.”

I laughed, pushing him away. “I think I’ll need a few days to recover first.”

His brows shot up. “A few days?”

“Yes. At least.”

He groaned, dropping his head to my breasts. “Did you like it?”

“I loved it. Mostly, I loved watching you.”

He lifted his head. “Dais …”

“Don’t worry.” I poked his cheek. “It’ll stop hurting.”

“The more times we do it, right?” His eyes lit up, brows waggling.

“Oh, my God. I’ve created a monster.”

Chuckling, he gently pulled out of me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and rolled until I was sitting on his stomach.

“Ew. I might be bleeding, Quinn.” I tried to lift off him, but he grabbed my hips and held me firm.

“Don’t care.” He pulled my hair over my chest, trailing his fingers over it, down my breasts to my stomach. “Goddess.”

I smiled, my heart feeling fuller than ever before. But then the bedroom door burst open, and someone squealed.

Present

I found it strange, inconceivable even, how the heart, the main organ in which provides our life force, could keep functioning throughout unending trauma.

How could something so vital to our well-being, to our survival, sustain such injury, such destruction, yet continue to beat? It didn’t seem right.

I didn’t mean to sound so dramatic, so ungrateful. Because for all the sorrow and pain that caused my throat to tighten every second of every hour of the days that followed seeing Quinn, I was somehow getting up each morning and surviving. I was proud of that fact, even if I felt irrevocably and interchangeably broken. Not to mention, kind of lost.

“Am I boring you, Miss …?” The professor’s gruff voice boomed through the lecture hall.

Lifting my head from the desk, I wiped some drool from my bottom lip and grimaced in apology and embarrassment when I realized he was talking to me. “Ah, Daniels. And, um, no. Not at all.”

Oh, my God.

He gave me a small smile, shaking his head before returning to the presentation of Egyptian artwork on the large screen below.

“Hey,” some girl whispered from a few seats over.

I glanced over, startled. I thought I’d managed to nab a seat in the corner on my own.

“Hi,” I whispered back.

She studied me, the freckles dusting her nose shifting as she scrunched it. “I think you’ve got a Cheerio in your hair.”

Ugh. I reached up, feeling around my messy bun until I found it dangling from one of the curled ends. “Thanks.”

“No worries,” she said, still eyeing me. “Late night?”

“Something like that.” I turned back to my notes, or lack thereof. I needed to get my shit together. Art history was one of the classes I couldn’t breeze through with minimal effort.

I was tempted to ask the girl if she’d mind sharing her notes, but then thought better of it.

It was my own fault for not paying attention.

When the lecture was over, laughter and chatter filled the cavernous room as students moved up the stairs and out the doors, one after another. I only went to get up when the girl beside me had left, slowly shoving my notepad and pen into my backpack.

“Miss Daniels, a word if you don’t mind.” My eyes bulged at hearing the professor’s voice once again.

I’d never been one to get in trouble at school, though it probably would’ve done my popularity rating a little good. Right then, though, having it happen in college was downright humiliating.

Relieved that most everyone had left, I sulked down the steps, shifting my gaze anywhere except for the professor’s stony expression.

“Here,” he said, holding out a sheet of paper. “First and last time I’m offering. You snooze, and you’ll well and truly lose, Miss Daniels.”

Bewildered, I reached out, taking today’s class notes from him. “Thank you. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”

He looked at me for a moment, his whiskered jawline shifting with his twitching lips. “Pardon me for saying so, but you look like someone’s tossed you into the clothes dryer and forgotten about you.” He peered at the nest of hair on top of my head, shaking his own. “Get some sleep. This isn’t high school. You don’t keep up, you might just fail.”

I nodded, thanking him again. My cheeks were crimson, and my gait hunched as I walked back up the stairs and out the doors into the early fall sunlight.

Football season had definitely begun, the university bedecked with the Tomahawks colors.

Flags of burnt orange with a crest of two steel tomahawks crossing over in the center hung from every building, shopfront, and even street signs. Orange and gray streamers were interwoven throughout the gardens and swinging from the trees.

My throat tightened, the cool breeze hitting my wet eyes. I lifted my backpack higher over my shoulder, keeping my head down as I made the short walk back to my dorm.

Idly, I wondered how long I might feel like this. Like some giant boulder had taken up residence in my chest, nudging its way into my throat whenever it pleased and making it hard to breathe.

Take care.

A laugh spewed out of me as I walked upstairs, dry and foreign as it departed my cracked lips. Take care. Who says that?

Quinn. He said that.

I closed the door, falling back against it and trying to curse him out with every creative name that filtered through my mind.

But I couldn’t. It was like my stupid body refused to poison the sound of his name with anything vulgar.

I just didn’t understand. Why? After all our years together, the friendship, the laughter, the love, the memories … why would he do this to me?

You left.

I did leave, but it wasn’t what I wanted. It killed me to leave, but I had no choice. Unlike him. He made a choice I never saw coming. Did he seriously think I wouldn’t care if he moved on? With her?

And the fact they’d clearly survived being apart his first year of college? Why her and not me?

Confusion and anger swept through me as I dumped my backpack on my bed, a few pens and my phone falling out. Tears burned my nose, my eyes, and my throat as I picked up my phone, dialing the one person who might be able to help me get some answers.

“Honey?” my mom answered. “Hey, I thought I’d have to be the one chasing you down after you dodged my last call.” She laughed a little, but stopped when I remained silent. “Daisy?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

Her voice grew wary. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“He’s here, too.” Flopping down on my bed, I gazed out the sheer curtain covering my window, watching the shadows of students below, walking to and fro from behind it.

She didn’t say anything for a long while, and my mind started whirring, my head spinning. Oh, hell. “You knew he’d be here, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t, not for sure,” she said quickly. I knew she spoke with Quinn’s mom, Amy, sometimes, just not as much as they used to. I also knew that Quinn had tried to call the house a few times after I’d changed my number, and that he eventually stopped.

My breath hitched, eyes closing. She’d never said anything. Unless … “You’ve known, all along, that he’s moved on?”

“Daisy, honey.”

“No. What the hell, Mom?” I sniffed, brushing a hand under my nose. “With Alexis?”

“Shit.” She breathed the word out, and I could almost picture her pacing the floor of our kitchen. “You saw them?”

“Of course. You had to know I would eventually.”

“I’m sorry.” She paused. “I didn’t know how to tell you when I found out.”

“When? When did you find out?”

She blew out a loud breath. “Almost a year ago.” Her voice was quiet. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know if it would last and neither did Amy. And she’s never spoken about it again. The last time she even mentioned them was months ago.”

My brow scrunched, tears tracing salty, silent lines down my cheeks as I tried to think back to all the times I’d heard her on the phone to Amy. But she’d always made a point to talk to her when I wasn’t around. Questions raced through my head. I wanted to know so much yet didn’t know if I could handle the answers or if she’d even know them.

As if knowing where my thoughts were, she murmured, “She wouldn’t say much, sweetheart. I don’t think …”

“What?”

“I don’t think she liked it, never sounded too enthusiastic about it. More, um, apologetic, I guess.” She sighed heavily, and my head fell against the window frame. “She mentioned Quinn was in a bad way after we left.”

My head jerked up. “What do you mean?”

“The reason we took your cell from you was to try to help you let go a little, move on enough to be happy again. But, well, it was also because Amy said whenever Quinn got off the phone with you, he’d either sleep or go out drinking.”

“Drinking?” I asked. He used to hang out with his friends, sure, but he’d rarely drink.

“Yeah, that’s all I know. You weren’t the only one struggling, honey. We thought it best to give you guys a break.”

A humorless laugh left me. “And now look what’s happened.”

“I’m sorry. We didn’t think you’d still feel this way, not after so much time had passed.”

But I did. And it only made it worse that everyone else seemed to know.

The door to our room opened, and Pippa smiled briefly before closing it and dumping her backpack on the floor.

“I’d better go.”

“Daisy, please don’t—”

“It’s okay, I …” I stopped, and swallowed. “I just need some time to process it all.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. Make sure you call if you need me.”

“I will.” I hung up with a sigh, tossing my phone on the bed.

Pippa sat down at the end of my bed, undoing her long braid. “Feeling any better?”

I wasn’t, but I tried to offer her a smile. She cringed. “Yeah, no. Don’t force it, woman. I’m capable of handling the truth.”

She snapped her elastic band around her wrist and grabbed my sketchpad from my bag, flicking through it. She pointed at the last picture I’d drawn, which was last week, staring out this exact window. “You haven’t drawn anything since this?”

I shook my head. “Only in class.”

She made a disapproving sound, then closed it and tucked it back into my bag.

“Have you ever had your heart broken?” I didn’t know what made me ask. Maybe I didn’t want to feel like I was so alone. And I knew she had. When her dad left.

But she knew I wasn’t referring to him. “No. Not in the way I think you’re suffering.”

Nodding, I sniffed and looked back out the window. People were drifting in and out of buildings, slowly scattering as the afternoon leeched some of the vibrancy from the sky.

“Hey, the parlor is looking for someone to work a few nights a week. I asked if they’d hold off on hiring until I checked with you.”

I looked at her, observing her clear, porcelain skin and the pity in her green eyes. “Why?”

I wasn’t exactly rolling in money, but I had some left in my college fund.

She shrugged, standing up and walking to her dresser by the end of the bed. “Just thought it’d do you some good. Being in a bright place with a happy vibe. Because hey, who doesn’t like getting paid to look at ice cream all day?”

“You just started working there. You might hate it in a week.”

“True,” she said, opening and closing her drawers. “But I like it enough.”

Something sour filled my taste buds, creeping into my mouth at the thought of working at the same place where I’d had my heart returned to me in itty bitty pieces. “I don’t think so, but thanks.”

Lifting a shoulder, she stuffed her pajamas under her arm and grabbed her toiletry bag before opening the door. “Suit yourself. But I think you should at least think about it. This will eventually pass. One day, you won’t feel so bad, and you don’t want to find yourself in a mess when that happens.”

With those words, she left.

Yeah, so I didn’t think she’d been in love before, but still, her words held some merit. Enough to have me dissecting them, twisting and turning them over and over in my mind until they lay flat and empty. Useless.

Groaning, I scrubbed my hands over my face. I was letting this suck me into a whirlwind of nothing good, and I needed out.

Resolved, I got up, then promptly sat right back down as my gaze landed on the paintings I’d managed to hang above my bed. I stared at Spud. A ball of happy yellow fur that I missed so much. Almost as much as his owner, who sat beside him, smiling at something in the distance of the fields on his parents’ farm.

As we grew, I’d memorized every inch of his face while every week and month passed, noting the changes and the way his eyes started to see the world differently. To see me differently. And just as I’d done many times before, I’d painted this picture of him. Knowing I’d never capture the essence of all he was and all he made me feel, but I was desperate to try.

The result had my breath trapped in my lungs as I continued to stare at the painting. The fine golden brushstrokes in his unruly hair, the emerald green specks in his hazel eyes, the soft pink that edged his lips.

Sadness encompassed me, washing over my head like a bucket of ice water as it dawned on me that he wasn’t mine to stare at anymore. I shouldn’t even be looking at him like this. Shouldn’t have this picture on my wall, let alone above my bed.

Ignoring that newfound, bruising knowledge, I crawled across the bed and hesitantly reached up to touch it. Reverently, I stroked my finger over his lips, remembering how warm and gentle they could be when pressed against mine.

Holding my breath, I reached for the edge of the paper, but paused.

I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t tear it down. I should. But I was desperate not to let go.

Not yet, not again. I’m not ready.

The moon and the stars.

It didn’t seem right for one to exist without the other. Yet here I was, being forced to do so anyway.

My hand fell, and I slumped onto the bed, a sob leaving my chest and echoing out of my mouth, filling the small room.

I should’ve known he’d move on—that something might happen—instead of foolishly believing we’d end up together again.

My heart, even now, refused to listen. It was failing to comprehend what my brain kept repeating to it. That access to its counterpart was now suddenly forbidden.

Or maybe, it simply felt too betrayed to care.

Sixteen years old

Quinn flipped me over on my back, covering me with his body. Which was sweet, except I feared I was soon going to resemble a pancake. “Who’disit?” I mumbled, my face and lips melded to his pec.

“Alexis?” he asked, shock raising his voice.

Well, that answered that.

Alexis sounded more shocked. “Uh, sorry. I’ll just …”

I pushed at Quinn until my head could peek out from under his arm. Alexis stood in the doorway, looking anywhere and everywhere around the room with wide eyes, her gaze repeatedly swinging back to Quinn’s butt. I couldn’t really blame her. He had a great one.

“I’ll wait outside. Let me know when, um, the coast is clear.”

The door closed, and Quinn relaxed over me, stuffing his head into my neck and laughing quietly.

“Busted Custard,” I said through a few laughs of my own.

“So awkward,” he muttered, then lifted his head. “Suppose we’d better get dressed.”

“Yeah,” I breathed, lost in the eyes staring back at me.

Lowering his lips to mine, he kissed me thoroughly before hopping up and getting rid of the condom.

“What are you going to do with it?” I eyed the small trash can beside his bed while tugging my panties, bra and dress on, then slipped my feet into my Chucks.

He stared at the trash for a moment, pulling his briefs over that fantastic butt with his free hand. My shoulders deflated as I watched it disappear behind the fabric. I quickly tried to tame my hair as Quinn tossed it into the trash can, pulled his jeans and shirt on, then grabbed the bag of garbage.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “You? Taking the trash out? They’ll know something is up immediately.” His mama did everything for him, much to his dad’s annoyance.

He bopped me on the nose. “Hush, you. I’ve got an idea.”

He tied the bag then disappeared, his footsteps sounding on the steps. Intrigued, I quickly cleaned up in the upstairs bathroom, wincing at the sting between my legs and the blood I saw on the toilet paper. After washing my hands, I took a seat on his bed and waited for him to return.

He walked in with a new bag in hand, a bag of chips, and an apple, which he placed on his dresser. “You’re going to eat the food and toss the garbage into it? So smart.” I forced out a dreamy sigh. “How did I ever get so lucky?”

He replaced the bag, opened the chips and stuffed a few in his mouth, mumbling around them. “Right?” He waggled his brows, and my heart panged with how much I felt for this giant dork in front of me.

I got up to steal some chips from the bag. “You haven’t even washed your hands.”

He shrugged, chewing loudly then swallowing. “Not gonna. I like smelling you on my fingers.”

My nose wrinkled. “You’re a bit dirty, Quinton.”

He kissed me, his lips tasting like potato chips, which made me stick my tongue out to lick them. He huffed out a laugh, pulling back and adjusting my glasses. “You secretly love it.”

“No secret about it,” I said, chucking my handful of chips into my mouth and crunching down. “Better put Alexis out of her misery. Guess she changed her mind about hanging out.”

He looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, “Yeah, she didn’t say anything when I went downstairs. She’s sitting at the dining table, though. Want me to drive you guys home?”

“Nah, it’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

He nodded and grabbed my hand, tugging me to him and laying a firm kiss on my lips. “I love you, Daisy June.”

My brain turned to mush at his sweet, deep voice saying those words. “I love you.”

Walking downstairs, I found Alexis exactly where Quinn said I would. She was fiddling with her phone but looked up when I approached, her eyes roaming over me. “Looks kind of obvious, Daisy.”

I glanced down at myself in dismay. “Really?”

She sighed and got up. “Not overly.” Walking over to me, she tried to fix my hair and adjusted my dress. “There. Want me to walk you home? I don’t really want to hang around now.” She laughed.

“Sure,” I said, my cheeks heating a bit. This definitely was a little awkward. “Looking forward to summer break?” I asked, trying to defuse the tension as I retrieved my bag from Quinn’s truck on the way out.

“I guess.”

Slinging it over my shoulder, I followed Alexis out of the dusty driveway to the even dustier dirt road that led to my house.

“So …” she said after a few minutes of stale silence. “You guys did it?”

The sun was starting to make me sweat, but it wasn’t the sole reason my cheeks and neck grew hot. “Yeah, we did.”

“Wow.” She kicked a rock with her sneaker. “How was it?”

“You really want to know?” I chewed on my lip, sneaking a glance at her and finding her curious eyes on me.

“Of course. This is huge … I was just shocked. I mean, you’ve always seemed like—”

“Like I’d hold onto my virginity until I got married?”

She gave me a small grin. “Maybe not that long, but yeah.”

We walked in silence for a while before I finally admitted, “It hurt.”

“Yeah?” She sounded intrigued. “How much?”

“Not too much, but it kind of steals your breath for a while, you know? It’s more of a burning sensation.”

She let out a nervous laugh. “God, I think when I give it up, I should make sure I’m wasted then.”

“Don’t,” I said, grabbing her hand with mine as we neared the front gates to my house. “Give it to someone who deserves it. That’s the only reason I did it now.”

“Do you think it’d make it hurt any less?”

That made me smile. “Yeah, probably not. But …” I took a steadying breath, missing Quinn already. “It makes everything feel way better.”

“You’ve got no one to compare that to, though.” She arched a dark brow at me, adjusting her bag over her shoulder. “It’s always just been Quinn.”

Ignoring the bitter lilt that accompanied her words, I turned to walk up my front steps. “I just know. It would never have felt that way with anyone else.”

I waved and walked inside, closing the door as Alexis continued down the road to the bus stop.

When I was eight years old, I drew on the walls of my bedroom. But even then, my drawings weren’t half bad, so my parents reluctantly let me add to it over the years. The four walls kind of looked like a mural that changed as I grew.

The long wall opposite my bed was full of wildflowers and dandelions, a tire swing hanging from an old willow tree in the corner, branching off onto the next wall. Which showcased the flat fields and distant rolling hills of the Burnell’s farm.

But the wall behind my bed was my favorite.

It held the faces of Quinn beginning at the age of nine. Some would say that was creepy, but I didn’t care. Alexis was there, too. Spud and also my parents.

I laid on my bed, a slight burn still evident between my thighs. Staring up at the faces above me, I was sure my heart was displaying everything I felt on my face when my mom came to get me for dinner.

“What are we having?” I rolled over, sitting up and hoping like hell she didn’t decide to give me a quick assessment with those knowing eyes.

“Ravioli, come on.” She left, and I followed her out to the kitchen. She seemed a little distracted, but I was too relieved to think much about it.

I flopped into a chair at the dining table just as my dad’s car pulled in the driveway. “Dad’s home early.”

Mom hummed and put my plate down in front of me. “You do that paper yet?”

“Uhh.” I shoveled some ravioli onto my fork and shoved it into my mouth. Her brown eyes narrowed, and I tried for a smile. “I’ll do it right after dinner, promise,” I said around a mouthful of pasta.

“You’d better, missy. And don’t talk with your mouth full.” She sat down across from me, muttering about manners.

“There are my girls.” My dad kicked off his shoes, walking into the kitchen and kissing Mama’s cheek. He washed his hands in the kitchen before joining us. “How was your day, Daisy June?” he asked, sprinkling some salt over his pasta.

“Fine.” I averted my gaze to my food.

“Quinn play in the game today at school?” he asked.

“Uh-huh.” Crap on a cracker. I was so bad at this.

My mama’s eyes felt like twin pools of fire, burning into the top of my head. Slowly, I lifted it, keeping my gaze pinned on my dad. He nodded, thankfully getting busy with his dinner.

The silence stretched as we ate. When my mom was halfway through, she pushed her plate away and turned to my dad. “Honey?”

He sighed, swiping a palm over his mouth and taking a sip of water. “All right.”

“What’s up?” My eyes darted back and forth between their apprehensive faces.

“Your father’s been offered a new job,” Mom said, eyes steadfast on the salt and pepper shakers in the center of the small round table.

“Oh?” I slouched back in my chair. “That’s great. Where?”

He worked at the plant in town, and the pay was good. This one must be even better for him to consider leaving.

“Watson.”

My stomach dropped. No, it didn’t just drop; it grew legs and ran away to find the closest ledge to throw itself off, splattering into a messy heap on the ground.

My head shook. I couldn’t be hearing this right. But looking at the apologetic expression my mom was wearing and the averted gaze of my dad, I knew I had.

Mom rushed to say, “It’s better hours, so he’ll be home more. Isn’t that great?” When I didn’t say anything because I couldn’t yet, she went on. “He’s been offered a management position in the plant there. Better money and fewer hours.”

“But …” I blinked. “What about your job?” She was an elementary school teacher; that was why she was such good friends with Mrs. Burnell. They’d worked with each other since they graduated college.

“I’ve been there a long time, honey. Might be nice to go someplace new.”

Someplace new.

Someplace a whole state away.

Someplace without Quinn.

Without Alexis.

Without Spud.

Without everything my heart cared about.

“So you’ve already made up your minds then?”

My dad’s face pinched, and he reached over to grab my hand, but I shifted it away, tucking it under the table. “Baby girl, it’s a great opportunity.”

“When?”

“Honey …” my mom tried.

I spoke over her. “When?”

“The house is already on the market,” my dad said. “We have a young couple coming to view it on Sunday.”

“Sunday.” I swallowed.

They nodded. “We know how much being here means to you …” My mom trailed off, not daring to say his name. I was grateful for that but too upset to remain sitting there with them. Scooting my chair back, I went straight to my room and slammed the door. With tears brimming my eyes, I threw myself face first onto my bed.

Watson. We were moving to Watson.

A place I’d never been but knew must be more than nine hours from here by car.

My parents let me be, which I was thankful for. I wasn’t prone to the usual teenage drama other teens put their parents through, so they knew better than to try to reason with me right now. But I still heard their hushed voices, and my dad murmuring, “Just give her some time.”

Time.

Just half an hour ago, it felt like I had all the time in the world.

That we did.

Now the clock was ticking, and soon, we’d have none at all.

We left three weeks later, a mere month after my sixteenth birthday.

Quinn and I should’ve felt closer to each other than ever before, but instead, we were being split further apart than either of us ever anticipated. With a U-Haul trailer attached to the back of my dad’s truck and my mom following behind in her Toyota Camry with another trailer, our lives in Clarelle were officially upended.

A moving truck would bring the rest of our furniture, they’d said. All the things we couldn’t bring with us. I’d wondered with all my heart and soul if I could persuade them to let me bring Quinn.

“There’ll be other boys,” my mom had said. “And honey, if he doesn’t hold out until you guys can meet up again, then maybe he’s not the one for you.”

Like my heart gave a damn about her well-meaning advice. It was too busy deciding whether it’d give up on me, or jump out of my chest and simply stay behind.

Before we left, I found Quinn in the field, sitting against the willow tree. He was right next to where we’d buried that rooster all those years ago, Spud lying near his booted feet.

Telling him hadn’t gone too well. Especially seeing as I only told him a few weeks ago, blurting it out over lunch at school, of all places. Don’t ask me why, my mind worked in mysterious ways sometimes, especially when fear was involved. I think a huge part of me just wanted to ignore it even though I knew I couldn’t. It wasn’t until Alexis had nudged me when Quinn started talking about summer plans that it exploded out of me in a rush.

He’d dropped his sandwich and just stared at me, a thousand and one emotions flitting over his face before it settled on one. Hurt.

He got up and left. I went after him, of course, but Alexis came after me, telling me to give him some time. I understood his need for that, so I did. Even though it killed me that he’d barely spoken a few words to me since.

“Hey.” Slowly, I sat down beside him. “I’ve, um, gotta go in a minute.”

He didn’t answer me, just kept staring straight ahead at a cow who was munching on the grass in the field facing us. “Quinn …” My voice broke. “Please, talk to me.”

He made a pained, groaning sound, dropping his head to his bent knees and roughly palming his hair. “This is fucked, Dais. I can’t …” He lifted his head, glassy hazel eyes falling on me. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Daisy!” My dad hollered from the Burnell’s drive, but I ignored him.

“Just go,” Quinn muttered, turning his head away.

“That’s it?” Tears clogged my throat. “You’re just going to stay mad at me and let me leave like this?”

“How the hell am I supposed to say goodbye to you, huh?” He almost yelled. “I can’t do that. Ever. I never thought I’d have to. You can’t expect me to just say it like I’ll see you tomorrow as normal. You’re fucking leaving me!”

He hardly ever swore, and that he was doing so now had my heart splintering into even more pieces. “I’m sorry. You know I wish I didn’t have to. More than anything.”

He blinked, and his shoulders dropped. Then, he pulled me into his arms, resting his head on top of mine as I cried into his soft t-shirt. “Please don’t hate me. I don’t want to go, Quinn. I just … didn’t know how to tell you something that I wish wasn’t real.”

“I could never hate you, Dais. Never.” Grabbing my cheeks, his choppy breath ghosted over my parted lips before he took my mouth roughly with his. “This isn’t over,” he said, resolve lighting up his eyes as he pulled back and leaned his forehead against mine. “We’ll make it work. Somehow, we’ll make it work.”

I nodded as my dad’s voice sounded again, louder this time.

Quinn grabbed something from the barn on our way back to the house. “Here.” He held it out as Spud raced around our legs. “I thought, you know, so we could text and stuff. Guess it’ll prove to be more of a good idea than I thought now.”

I took the small box that housed a smart phone inside. “You got me a phone?”

“I’ve bought you art supplies since we were kids. I thought it was time for something different. Besides, you’re probably the only sixteen-year-old out there without a cell phone.” He smirked, but it fell instantly.

“Not anymore.” I tried to smile, but it wobbled and fell, too. “Thank you.”

Our gazes stayed locked for an excruciating minute before he gathered me into his arms and kissed me again. We didn’t move our lips, just kept them glued together.

I felt wetness fall to my cheek and realized then that we were both crying. “I should …” My voice broke, and I stepped away. “I have to go.” I can’t go.

“Yeah.” Quinn cleared his throat and moved backward into the shade of the barn. “Text me?”

“Of course.” I sniffed.

“Moon and the stars, Dais.” He turned, sinking into the shadows that I felt invading my soul with every step my feet had me taking away from him to my father’s truck. Which was now idling in their driveway as he patted Quinton Sr. on the back and said goodbye.

Filled with fear and an indescribable sadness, I ignored both men, opening the door and flopping down sideways onto a box in the back seat.

With the phone clutched to my chest and tears flooding my vision, my father got in the truck, honked the horn, and drove away from the other half of my heart.

Present

The numbness was a feeling I welcomed over the past few weeks. But last week, after sleeping or staring at the walls whenever I didn’t have class, I finally pulled my head out of my butt and decided that Pippa might be right.

So here I was, standing in front of glorious rows of brightly colored ice cream. Maybe that wasn’t helping so much with the numb feeling, being in front of a freezer for a few hours on end, but I enjoyed it. The work was easy and kept me busy. Tim, the owner, was a friendly older man with a slight German accent and a bushy mustache, and he smiled all the time. I’m not even joking, all the time.

It was kind of infectious. And that kind of infection was one I gladly accepted rather than the rolling sickness I still felt within every vein and cell of my body.

I wanted to absorb the bright pink, blue, and white of the parlor, and the black and white striped floor—let it soak into me and eradicate the darkness that refused to leave my body.

“Your hair, it glows like the sun,” Tim said, scooping some chocolate chip ice cream out and dumping it with careful skill on top of another two sitting atop a waffle cone.

It took me a moment to realize he was talking to me and not the brunette he was handing the cone to. He took her money and gave her a voracious goodbye before turning to me. His graying brows rose, and he poked me in the cheek. “You also have one dimple,” he said, grinning as if I didn’t already know this fact. “Who is your boyfriend? I must meet him and tell him to keep a good eye on you.”

Despite only knowing him a few days, I’d quickly learned that Tim could be overly friendly, but not in a way that made me cringe or want to seek legal advice. He was genuinely happy, warm, and affectionate. Nothing like I thought my first boss would be like.

“I don’t have one,” I said, taking the empty tub in my hands to the sink behind us and pulling out the hose to rinse it. He was still standing there when I turned the water off and tipped the tub upside down to dry.

“Why not?” he asked. I shrugged, and he hummed, a finger smoothing one side of his mustache. “I see … you are already spoken for in another way?”

I could feel my eyes spring wide. “What do you mean?”

He lifted a shoulder. “I see many brokenhearted young women walk in here.” He huffed. “Even some men. It’s an ice-cream shop, after all. I know the look.”

“I’m fine.” I fidgeted with my blue apron, feeling uncomfortable. “Really.”

He nodded. “You will be, Daisy.” The way he said my name sounded more like Daizee.

“I have some paperwork waiting. You’ll be all right for a while?”

I was the only other person working until the shop closed at nine. “Sure,” I said. It was quiet, and the register was the only thing I seemed to struggle with, but I was figuring it out.

We had a total of twelve customers over the next hour, and as the clock approached nine, I yawned, wondering if I had time to get a head start on my English lit paper when I got home.

When the next customer left, I started to clean up. After stacking the chairs, I wiped down the tables and swept the floor before Tim came out and told me he’d finish the rest. I gave him a grateful smile, removed my apron, and grabbed my bag after clocking out.

“I’ll see you on Friday,” I called over my shoulder.

“That you will, Daisy.”

My shifts were short, and I was only working two to three of them a week. But it was something to do on my days or afternoons off more than anything, so I wasn’t complaining.

I was still smiling as I stepped outside, then immediately shivered, wishing I’d brought my coat. Fall was fast turning into winter, and the air carried a bite that left a sting on my exposed skin.

“Hey.”

My breath caught at the voice, and I turned to see Alexis leaning against the building next door to the parlor. She straightened. “Sorry. I just, I saw you working in there earlier and knew it closed at nine. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh.” My feet shifted on the pavement.

She huffed out a laugh. “God, this is so awkward.”

I didn’t know why she felt awkward. Just the sight of her made me want to stick needles in my eyes, so I turned my gaze away and started walking toward campus. She didn’t take the hint and joined me. Great.

“I’m on the other side. Near the street that leads to the mall, which isn’t good for my savings account.” When I didn’t say anything, she blew out a breath. “I’m sorry, I know it must’ve been a shock to show up and see …” She didn’t elaborate. We crossed the street and walked along the lit garden path toward the girls’ dorms. “I didn’t think you’d come here.”

“I could say the same about you,” I retaliated, immediately feeling wretched. But it was true. She’d always planned big. Ivy League big. Not a small town, cutesy college only known for their football team.

“I know.” She sighed and stopped walking. I did too, though I wish I hadn’t. One look at her sorrow-filled, beautiful face had me wanting to throw her to the grass and tear her stupid, luscious dark hair out while screaming, “Give me my boyfriend back!”

Shocked by the image playing so vividly behind my eyes, I shook my head and cleared my throat. That wasn’t me, but I was frightened by how quickly the urge took root, growing thorns that pierced the backs of my eyes as my gaze slid over her long, lithe body. The full breasts and ass, and eyes that glowed so blue, you could probably see them in the dark.

He probably saw them in the dark. Ugh, shit. “Look, I’m just gonna go.” I moved to walk away, tears invading my eyes.

She grabbed my arm. “Wait.”

I tugged it free, my top lip curling as I hissed, “Don’t touch me.”

Alexis raised her hands. “Okay, sorry. Look, I don’t even know what I wanted to say, really.” A dry laugh slipped past her pouty lips, and she stared at me for a long moment. “I didn’t think I’d see you again. Neither of us did. You believe that, right?”

Sniffing and taking a step away from her as fire filled my blood, I said, “I want to. But I also know you liked him. When he was mine.”

She blinked, something moving over her face. “I love him. It’s serious.”

I could feel myself pale, my whole body probably turned whiter than snow. My vocal cords weren’t working properly, but I croaked out, “Cool, have fun with that.” I walked away, muttering under my breath, “Boyfriend stealing ninja.”

“What?” she asked.

Surprised she heard, but not really caring, I flipped her off with both hands over my head. She just laughed. Like this was all a joke we could have a good giggle over and forget about.

Enraged, I stomped over the grass to my dorm, throwing open the door and marching up the stairs. I could believe she thought she’d never see me again. Hell, I could believe even Quinn thought that, but still, it felt wrong. What they’d done to me felt too big a betrayal to simply accept and move on with a cheery smile and a, “I totally get it. Let’s catch up and have lunch sometime. Hang out like we used to.”

Yeah, no thanks.

Swinging open our door, I tossed my bag on the floor, growling when my stuff fell out of the undone zipper. “Damn it, I really need to remember to zip that stupid thing up.”

“Yep,” Pippa agreed from her perch on her bed, knees up with a textbook open next to her. “Then your dramatic entrances might be a little less dramatic.” Closing her book, she sat up. “What’s up?”

“That … she …” I stabbed my finger toward the window as if Pippa could see Alexis, though she was probably long gone. “Her!”

“Oh, no.” She stood, grabbing my shoulders and making me sit on the bed. Putting some of my stuff back into my bag, she asked, “You saw her? Alexis?”

“Yes.” I took my glasses off, tossing them onto the nightstand.

“You’re not in any of the same classes?”

“No, she’s pre-law. Unless she’s changed her mind about that, too.”

Pippa snorted, and I glared. “Sorry, you’re just kind of funny when you’re mad.”

Sighing, I fell backward on my bed and rubbed my hands over my eyes. Then remembered I actually bothered to put mascara on this morning and cursed. “Jesus,” I groaned.

“She’s in my psychology class.”

“You didn’t tell me that,” I said, dropping my hands.

She put my phone on the nightstand then dumped my bag on the floor at the end of my bed. “You needed to know that I sit three rows behind her and stare death daggers at her shiny hair?”

“Ugh, see. Even you agree she’s beautiful.”

The bed dipped as she sat down. “Dude, she totally is. But you can be the most beautiful person in the world and that doesn’t mean a damn thing if you’re a shitty human.”

My heart. Christ, it still felt as if it was racing way too fast. “Why did she have to do it? Why?”

“Break girl code or confront you about it?”

“Both.”

Pippa laid down next to me. “He must be quite a guy. But then again, I’ve only known you for like, maybe three weeks, and gloomy, depressed moods and all, you’re not so bad to be around.” She took my hand and held it in hers. “She probably feels bad and misses her friend.”

A pitiful sound came out of me. “You say the nicest things sometimes. Will you go out with me?”

“I don’t swing that way, but if I did, it’d be for you.” She laughed, then paused, asking quietly, “What did she say?”

Drawing in a slow breath, I released it through my nose. “That she was sorry. She loves him, and it’s apparently serious.”

“Bitch. So basically, she felt bad but also wanted to stake her claim.”

“Yup,” I agreed.

“What did you say?”

“I think I said to have fun with that.” Pippa burst out laughing, and I dug my finger into my ear. “Shit, burst my eardrum, why don’t you.”

“Sorry,” she wheezed. “Holy hell, you did not say that.”

My face started to heat, and I groaned, rubbing my hands over my cheeks. “I did.”

“It’s official. You’re my favorite person ever. What else happened?”

Twisting my lips, I stared at the ceiling. “Uh, nothing. Well, I may have flipped her off as I walked away.”

“Ohhh, Daisy Daniels has got a bit of steel in her after all.”

I laughed then. “Yeah, maybe. It’s a shame it takes having your heart run over by a Mack truck to find a little.”

Silence reigned over us for a few minutes. The dorms were quieting down for the night, doors closing, TVs and music turning off.

It’s serious.

Wetness ran down my cheeks, and I closed my eyes. “This sucks, Pip. So bad.”

Taking my hand again, she squeezed it. “I know. But you know what?”

“What?”

“I think you’re going to be just fine. Hell, better than fine.”

I was glad she thought so.

Sixteen years old

Three months. It had almost been three months since we’d moved into our new home. I’d just started a new school, but trying to do this thing called life with a vital part of me missing felt impossible.

“My teeth feel so weird,” I said as I ran my tongue over them. “Like they’re smaller or something now that all the metal is gone.”

Quinn hummed. I could hear the slap of his football meeting his palm and could picture him lying on his bed and tossing it into the air. “When are you coming home to visit, so I can see?”

Coming home. Those words felt like a dream. I was lying on my own bed, staring at the blank white walls of my new bedroom. I couldn’t bring myself to decorate them, even at my parents’ urging. I didn’t want to lay roots, pretend I wasn’t longing to be someplace else.

I hadn’t painted a thing since I found out I was leaving Clarelle.

“I don’t know,” I said quietly. “Mom says it could be a while. That it’s expensive to fly me there and back, and I’m too young to do it on my own.”

“That’s bullshit. Loads of teenagers fly on their own,” Quinn stated heatedly.

“I know.”

Silence engulfed me. Our conversations had gotten quieter every time we called. At that point, I was only calling a few times a week. It was hard. Sometimes harder to speak to him, to hear that silence on his end of the line, than it was not to call him at all.

My phone beeped with an incoming call.

“I’ve gotta go.” I pulled the phone away from my ear, seeing Alexis’s name on the screen. “Alexis is calling.”

He didn’t say anything for a long moment, then exhaled heavily into my ear. “Okay.”

“We’ll talk soon?” I bit my lip to stop the tears gathering.

He cleared his throat. “Yeah. We’ll talk soon.”

“Good luck tomorrow,” I whispered. “I know you’ll do great.”

His team had a pre-season game. “Thanks. Bye, Dais.”

He hung up, and he’d done so without saying those three words. Without letting me even say them to him. I almost gave in to the sorrow but kept it together and called Alexis back.

“Hi, stranger.”

“Hi.”

“Uh-oh. What’s wrong? Things still weird between you and Quinn?”

I didn’t know what to tell her, or if there’d be any point in saying anything. But I was becoming desperate. I still had almost two years left of high school.

Two years until we’d be together again. “I guess you could say that. God, Lex. It’s just …”

“A bit too hard?” she suggested quietly.

“Yeah.” I picked at a loose thread on my white comforter. “He seems, I don’t know, different.”

She didn’t respond for a minute. I was starting to get really sick of silence at that point and was tempted to hang up. If no one wanted to talk to me, then I might as well wallow in my anguish alone.

Then, finally, she said, “People change, Daisy. Relationships, too.”

“What are you saying?” My teeth gritted together.

“Calm down.” She laughed. “All I’m saying is that the long-distance thing doesn’t always work out.”

“It can.”

“Come on, we’re all so young. Do you really need to be questioning everything you’re not saying to each other over the phone, or what the other might be doing?” She sighed. “All I’m saying is you’ve been miserable for a long time, and so has he. You both deserve to be happy, you know?”

She had a point, which set my stomach turning and my eyes closing. I took a deep breath. “We are.” I swallowed. “Happy.”

“Whatever you say. Anyway, there’s this new guy who started here last week …”

I listened to her ramble on about some new senior for ten minutes before my mom called me down for dinner, and I said I had to go.

Sitting down at the table, I put my phone next to me, eyeing it as I ate my mashed potatoes and trying to ignore Alexis’s voice, her words, which seemed intent on tormenting me.

“How was your day?” my dad asked, taking a seat. “Make any new friends yet?”

Flattening my potatoes with my fork, I shrugged.

“Honey,” my mom said, voice soft. I glanced up, noting the concern in her eyes. “I’m just going to come right out and say it. You’re starting to worry us.”

“What did you expect?” I asked, not being able to help the bitterness coating those words.

My dad scowled, putting his utensils down and giving me a hard look. “Enough, Daisy. You’ve been wallowing for months now. You’re sixteen. Get out, have some fun, meet new people, and for God’s sake, stop staring at that phone like your life will end if it doesn’t make a sound.”

“Joseph,” my mom whisper-hissed, then turned to me. “But your father does have a point.”

“What is this?” I scooted my chair back, cringing as it scraped over the fancy wood floor. “You, Alexis, hell, probably even Quinn, want me to just move on? Like I didn’t leave half my life behind in Clarelle?”

“Alexis?” My mom’s brows rose.

“That doesn’t matter.” I stood. “Don’t you all know I’d give anything not to be feeling like this? Do you honestly think I want to feel like this? I can’t help it!”

“Daisy, watch your tone,” my dad scolded softly.

I shook my head, heading for the stairs and the comfort of my bed, but then realized I’d forgotten my phone and spun around to grab it.

My mom had it in her hand. “You can help it, by getting out there and living instead of going through the motions of someone grieving. I think it’s time you give this thing a break.”

Grieving? I didn’t think I was that bad. But after looking at my parents’ worried faces and feeling the emptiness in my chest, I had to admit, maybe they were right.

The thought hit me like a hammer to the gut, almost sending me to the floor. My mind reeled as I slowly hauled myself up the stairs, then flopped down onto my bed.

A while later, my mom came in as silent tears still coasted down my cheeks, getting absorbed by my hair.

The bed dipped as she sat down next to me, her hand smoothing some of my hair back from my face. “Oh, honey. Is it really that bad?”

She didn’t sound like she was making fun of me. She genuinely sounded like she wanted to know. Maybe she’d understand better if I explained it. “I love him, Mama,” I rasped out.

She stared at me, realization dawning. “Oh, you didn’t.”

When I nodded, she tsk’d but laid down next to me, pulling me into her arms like I was a child. And at that moment, I was happy for it. I needed it. “I’m sorry.”

“Were you at least safe?” she asked quietly. “Do not let your daddy know.”

“We were. It was only one time.” I started crying harder, remembering how we’d thought we had all the time in the world.

“Shh, it’ll be okay.” She patted my hair. “I’m sorry you had to leave him behind. We knew it’d be hard for you, but nothing like this, Daisy.” She held me a bit longer until my tears dried on my cheeks, and I felt like I could sleep for a month. “Is this what you want? To let it control you? I understand young love.” There was a smile in her sad voice. “But I also understand heartbreak and how it can change people. Don’t let it change you. You’ll see him again, and you don’t want to be someone he doesn’t recognize when you do.”

She kissed my head and closed my bedroom door behind her, leaving me with her words and newfound fears.

Was this how I wanted to spend the next two years of my life?

No. A voice echoed inside me, so loud I almost winced.

My parents kept my phone for the next month, and I thought I’d go insane. But somehow, it got easier, and I even managed to make two new friends, Hannah and Zelda.

When I finally drew my first picture, they gave my phone back. Only, when I switched it on, I found just three missed calls. One from Alexis a few days ago. One from Quinn three weeks ago. And another from him two weeks ago.

That almost broke my heart worse than leaving a chunk of it behind. Anger and hurt might’ve had a lot to do with it, but I understood now that moving on was harder than I ever thought it’d be. And making a new life for myself was only going to get harder the longer I let my old one play on a constant loop in my head, controlling my emotions and life.

Bitterness, desperation, and a huge amount of fear had me making an impulsive decision. Yet deep down, I knew I should make it anyway. I got a new number and decided to keep my heart on hold.

I vowed to still be the best version of myself I could be when I saw him again.

The same girl he fell in love with.

Present

The pages in my portfolio from the start of the semester appeared buoyant. Colored in bright, loud strokes of excitement and new beginnings. Then, as I turned the pages, it dulled. Everything after that seemed to lack any heart at all. Unless heartbreaking and depressing depictions counted.

I reached the most recent pages, finding two drawings I’d done in charcoal after I’d crossed paths with Alexis last week. They didn’t need color to have my heart beating with pride. To anyone else, they might appear a hot mess, even ugly. Something that made no sense. To me, they represented the anger and injustice that had been feasting on my insides, begging me to unleash some of it. Harsh lines of rain over a football field of shattered stars stared back at me. Each shard glittering or melting into the soft earth in puddles or between blades of grass.

A mess that made complete sense to me.

With a small smile, I closed my portfolio and looked over at Pippa, who had her head stuck in a word search book, belly down on her bed. “Now that my muse seems to have made an angry reappearance, I realize how bad the work I’ve been doing these past few weeks really is.”

She snorted, rubbing something out with the end of her pencil. “You’re kidding, right?”

“No.” I threw on my work shirt, buttoning it up and tucking it into my black slacks.

“Daisy, you create art like you do everything else. Full of emotion and honesty.”

My hands paused in tying my hair into a topknot. She laughed, glancing at me over her shoulder. “So shut up and get out of your head. You’re going to be late.”

How she always knew the time was kind of freaky, but picking up my phone, I realized I was indeed going to be late. “Shoot, okay. Going.”

Grabbing my bag, I stuffed my phone inside, then stuffed my feet into my Chucks on my way to the door, almost tripping. Pippa’s snickering followed until the door shut behind me and I was racing down the stairs.

I hit the sidewalk, still trying to right my hair as I hustled past groups of students smoking and talking near the campus exit. A head full of long dark hair across the street almost had me freezing on the spot, but thankfully, it wasn’t her. I kept walking, pushing open the door to the parlor and smiling at Tim, who was serving a couple of freshman girls I recognized from my English lit class.

They smiled at me briefly before heading outside with their ice cream, and I put my bag away in the small office. “Sorry, I’m a bit late.” I quickly tied my apron on.

Tim leaned against the door, one eye on the parlor and one on me. “You’re one minute late, hardly late at all.” He winked as I walked past him to wash my hands at the sink. “I’ll be back here for a while.”

“No problem,” I said, already grabbing a cloth to wipe up some spilled milkshake from a recently vacated table. After making myself a milkshake, I washed some of the empty tubs next to the sink while it was quiet. It seemed to only get busy after lunch and dinner, which made sense. I guessed most people followed the rule of dessert after a meal.

Not me. I sucked back more of my strawberry milkshake and hummed under my breath to the old sixties song that was playing softly through the surround sound speakers.

A while later, the bell over the door jingled, and it only got busier from there.

It was nearly closing time when a bunch of guys from the football team came in. Their laughter was the first thing I heard, my head snapping up from sorting the register.

Callum grinned at me. “Daisy, right?”

I nodded, slowly closing the drawer and righting my messy bun, which I could feel tilting to the side of my head with its weight. “Um, Callum?”

I didn’t forget his name, but it seemed important that I didn’t admit that fact. Still grinning, he leaned over the counter as a few of his friends stood near the door, chatting and laughing at something on their phones.

“What can I get you?” I asked after a few awkward, drawn-out seconds.

“Huh?”

“Ice cream? Milkshake?” I offered, pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose.

“Oh.” He chuckled. “Nah, I heard talk of a hot freshman with messy blond hair working here and thought I’d stop by. Check her out.”

Heat tingled over my neck, slowly climbing up into my cheeks. I ducked my head. “Well, I haven’t seen any, but I’ll be sure to keep an eye out.”

His laughter was nice, deep and a little raspy. It had me looking at him once more, noticing the tiny dent in his chin and his white teeth. They were all straight except for the bottom two, which overlapped each other. It was kind of cute.

“You’re funny,” he said.

My nose wrinkled. “Not really.”

Still leaning over the counter, he reached out to touch a spiral of my hair that had come loose and was dangling near my neck. I couldn’t help but shiver, and stayed so still, I feared I wouldn’t breathe until he backed up.

“Welsh! Hurry the hell up.” That voice. I stepped back, causing Callum’s hand to fall away.

Quinn was there, standing in the open door with an unreadable expression on his face. It was too blank.

Callum turned around. “One minute. Jesus.” Turning back to me, he asked, “Movies this weekend? My treat.”

“You … you’re asking me out?” I stammered, trying to keep my eyes on him and not on Quinn. Just knowing he was there had tiny ping-pong balls bouncing into each other in my stomach.

“I sure am. Now that I’ve found you again, I’d be stupid not to.” He frowned, dark eyes taking in my no doubt stunned expression. I hoped I didn’t look as panicked as I felt. “Unless, of course, you don’t want to?”

“No,” I found myself blurting. Why did I say that? He was good looking, really good looking. And maybe it was because I could feel Quinn’s gaze on us, but I decided to hell with it. “That’s not it.”

He continued to stare at me, his top teeth sinking into his bottom lip and dragging. I blinked, following their every move as he murmured, “Well, I just thought it’s the least you can do after leaving me hanging at that party I invited you to weeks ago.”

“What?” I lifted my eyes to his.

“The first time I met you? I invited you to a party.”

Well, crap. He did. “Sorry.” I shook my head, laughing quietly. “I haven’t done much of that since I started here.”

“I’ll forgive you. If you come out with me on Sunday.”

Not being able to stop them, my eyes slid over Callum’s shoulder, soaking in the sight of Quinn in his gym shorts and team hoodie. He wasn’t looking at me, though. He was staring at the back of Callum’s head with his eyes narrowed slightly and arms crossed over his broad chest.

Callum started to turn, and I panicked, blurting, “What time?”

His smile was slow to spread across his face, but it was nice. His full lips curving and his eyes lighting up in a way that held my attention. “Eight. Girls dorms, right?”

Nodding, I smiled shakily at him, thinking he’d leave now.

Before he did, he reached over the counter and gently grasped the side of my head, planting a kiss on my cheek. “See you then, beautiful.”

He swaggered to the door while I held the counter with a death grip, trying to figure out what just happened.

Quinn stood by the door as the other four of them moved out onto the sidewalk, laughing and slapping Callum on the back. I didn’t know what to do, or if I should do anything at all. So I just stared. He stared back, and my heart thumped its way into my ears. I wondered what he was thinking. If that slight tic in his jaw still meant he was annoyed about something. And if the otherwise tense, immovable stance of his body had something to do with me.

I wondered and wondered, and I opened my mouth, breath sifting through my parted lips as I battled the urge to ask him what he was doing. To ask him anything at all.

When it became too much, I cleared my throat and could only settle on, “Your friends are gone.”

He didn’t respond but seemed to snap out of whatever daze he was in by shaking his head. The door shut behind him, and I watched as he tucked his hands into his pockets, walking by the windows with one last glance at me through them before disappearing.

After my shower, I padded down the dingy hall to our room, still thinking about the events of tonight. Pippa had just gotten in from her study group and was unpacking her backpack as I put my toiletries away in the little stand on my dresser.

“So Callum came into the parlor tonight.”

“That tall guy on the team from the diner a while back?”

“Uh-huh.” I flipped my head forward, running the towel through the wet ends of my hair.

“What happened?” She plugged her phone into the charger and sat on her bed, rummaging through a notebook.

I hung my towel up and grabbed my moisturizer. Squirting some into my palm, I smoothed it over my face. “He asked me to the movies.”

“For real? You said yes?” She didn’t sound enthusiastic. But then again, I guess I didn’t either.

“For real. And I did. But … Quinn was there.”

She gasped. “Oh, get fucked.”

Capping my moisturizer and tossing it onto my dresser, I admitted, “It was awkward, to say the least.”

“He say anything?”

My bed bounced as I jumped onto it. “Nope. Not a damn thing. Oh, he did call out to Callum to hurry up while he was talking to me.” Pippa’s silence had me turning my head, looking at her pinched lips. “What?”

“Did he seem annoyed?”

Thinking about it, I said, “I don’t know. A little maybe.”

“Figures,” she scoffed. “He’d better not be pulling the whole ‘I can’t have her but neither can anyone else’ bullshit.”

“I doubt it.” I yawned. “You’ve seen Alexis. Besides, if he wanted me, I was right there, arms open and dumb as hell, all his for the taking when I first saw him again.” Laughter from out in the hall broke the silence that followed, and I sighed. “I don’t even know why I said yes.”

“You do,” Pippa said, getting up to get her pajamas out of her dresser.

My brows furrowed as I gazed at the ceiling. Maybe I did. Still, I asked, “Why do you think I did?”

She slammed the drawer. I could feel her eyes probing me but kept my own facing upward. “Because Quinn was there. Because you’re too nice to say no to someone’s face. Because the guy is gorgeous. Oh, and let’s not forget, because Quinn has moved on.”

“Ouch. Say it, don’t shank me with it.”

“You know I’m right. And I think you did the right thing by saying yes.” She walked out of the room, leaving me with only her departing words for company.

The sun peeked through the thin gaps of the closed venetian blinds, throwing tiny slashes of light into the otherwise still dark bedroom. The arm around my waist shifted, and I glanced down. Alexis’s dark hair lay piled in a mess on top of her head, her dark lashes resting over the perfectly sculpted apples of her cheeks.

My throat tightened, and I glanced away.

This feeling of waking yet still dreaming flogged every one of my senses, making my skin burn from the inside out as my mind tangled with threads from the past.

My eyes shut, and I dragged in a slow breath, releasing it as quietly as possible. Right now, I was struggling. Unable to look at the young woman in bed beside me when my thoughts insisted on traveling someplace else. A place I thought I’d blocked out, that I had under lock and key. A place that was both old and new and now entirely forbidden.

I wouldn’t be that guy. I’d promised myself I had it under control.

Not seeing her helped that. I thought I was fine. But seeing her last night, or rather, knowing that she might now move on too, well, it rattled me. Made me realize this was no longer about my simple plan to live, love with what I have left, and survive.

This could turn into an all-out war.

“Hey, sexy.” A husky, sleep-coated voice pulled me from my head.

Shaking it, I stretched my arms above my head to grant myself a few seconds to wipe my features clean, and what I’d been thinking about from my eyes.

“Hey, sleep well?” I blinked my eyes open and looked down at her.

Alexis snuggled closer, a grin tugging at her plump lips. “You bet I did. What was that?”

My brows and arms lowered. “What was what?”

She rolled her eyes. “Last night. You fucked me like you were sure it was your last day on earth.” Biting her lip, she whispered, “I didn’t know you had it in you, my sweet man.”

Unable to avoid wincing slightly, I tried to laugh it off. My laughter broke into a groan. “Shit, I didn’t … I mean—”

Pressing her finger against my lips, she shushed me. “Don’t. I loved every second.” Her hand drifted lower, over my chest, nails tickling a trail down my abs to my dick. “In fact, I think we should do it again. Right now.”

My dick stirred, as it would with any drop-dead gorgeous woman making her way between my legs, but fuck me, I couldn’t do this right now. I needed air, and I needed to get my head on straight. As I was passing out last night, I’d vowed I wouldn’t fuck her like that again. I took her like an animal, and in the back of my mind, I knew it was because of what I’d seen at the damn ice-cream parlor just an hour beforehand.

My ringing phone thankfully gave me an out. “Shit. I think that’s my mom’s ringtone.”

“What a buzzkill.” Alexis sat up, grabbing her shirt from the floor and pulling it over her head, sans bra. “You can go a week without speaking to her, you know.”

Reaching across the bed to the nightstand, I froze, my skittish pulse kicking up a notch. “What?”

“Your mom.” She stood, grabbing her bag and tossing her own phone in there before tugging her panties on. “It was cute at first, don’t get me wrong, but don’t you get annoyed by it now? You’re in your second year of college, for Christ’s sake.”

My mom had always been a bit of a thorn between Alexis and me. Poking and prodding when she felt like it. But Alexis didn’t help matters by being so … cold about the relationship I had with her.

“Why would I? I call her almost as much as she calls me. Besides, we haven’t spoken in a while.”

She tugged on her jeans then got to work retying her messy bun. “Forget I said anything. I’ve gotta go anyway. Just remembered I’ve probably got a pop quiz in biology this morning.”

I sat up as she walked over to the bed, the gray sheet falling over my naked waist. Grabbing my chin, she tilted my head, searching my eyes for a heartbeat that made my own thud with every passing second. “I love you,” she whispered, lips resting on mine quickly before pulling away.

“I love you, too,” I said as she grabbed her bag and headed out the door.

And I did.

Did I feel bad about getting with Alexis? Of course. At first, I felt like the worst kind of son of a bitch that ever lived. But she made me feel … better. Her friendship saved me from some of my darkest moments. And perhaps I leaned on it a little too heavily. Started to rely on it. Depended on it to keep me afloat. Because something changed, and when she made her move, I wasn’t in any kind of place to turn her away. Hell, I think I welcomed it.

I knew she liked me. She’d never kept that much of a secret from me, and as the weeks turned into months, the months turning my heart to ashes, I decided to trust the branch of more she was extending. For fear of what might happen if I continued to spiral into something I wasn’t.

One kiss. One hesitant kiss. The shaky brush of her lips planting themselves on mine, and over time, I found a glimmer of something I never thought I’d be able to have again.

I’d always thought she was attractive. But I was a guy who no longer owned his heart, and so I never did more than briefly acknowledge it. As soon as I did, long after my heart was left bleeding at my feet one sunny afternoon, the attraction grew. Raging like a long-forgotten inferno deep in my gut.

Though, in hindsight, maybe it was more of a burning desire for revenge. I didn’t know. All I knew was that I didn’t expect to lose the remaining parts of my heart to someone else.

And the guilt I felt for letting that happen, well, I thought I’d let go of that a long time ago.

Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair then snatched my phone from the nightstand. Hitting call, I laid back down on the bed and watched the lines of light dance over the sheets as I waited for her to pick up.

“Hey, baby boy.”

“Hey.” I smiled. “Sorry I missed your call.”

“Don’t worry.” She sounded like she was busy, dishes rattling in the background. “How’re you doing? I haven’t spoken to you in a few weeks, which isn’t like you.”

She was right. The truth was, I was kind of pissed at her and didn’t know how to deal with that or broach the reason. It’d make it sound like I still cared more than I should. But I knew I had to. She’d have to have known. “Did you know Daisy was coming here?” I tried to keep my tone neutral, but if I could hear the accusation in it, then so could she.

Silence. Not even a sound in the background. “Mom?”

She cursed softly. “Yes?”

Groaning, my hand met my face. “Don’t play dumb, please.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Mom—”

“Did Dad text you about the calf? He was born last week you know—”

“Ma …”

“And Mary is doing well; she’s such a fusser. As we predicted she would—”

“Mom!” I yelled. Silence again. Great. I rushed to say, “Sorry, I’m sorry. It’s … please just tell me.”

After heaving out a loud breath, she finally admitted, “Okay, fine. I might’ve known that maybe, there was a slight chance. Not a big one, just a tiny one. Retta might’ve mentioned it once in passing, I mean …”

“Mom.” My fist moved to my mouth so I could bite down on it to stop from growling at her again.

“Sorry,” she said, voice meek. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to, um …”

She trailed off, but I caught what she wasn’t saying. “You didn’t want to risk I wouldn’t come to Gray Springs again this year?”

Clattering reached my ear. “Maybe. Look, I have lots of dishes to do. Chickens to feed. Busy, busy. I should really be going, darling.”

“Don’t you dare. You’re not allowed to keep this from me then leave me alone to deal with it.”

“Oh,” she whispered. “What’s happened? You’ve seen her then?”

Anyone could detect the excitement in her voice. Despite knowing that she likely did this on purpose, that she’d never really liked Alexis and me getting together because of Daisy, I still needed to talk to her. I needed to tell someone who might understand what had happened, and let how I was feeling out. Hopefully then I could find a way to leave it behind. Keep moving forward.

“Yeah, a few times now,” I said, resigned.

“I’ll put the teakettle on.”

“You look like Taylor Swift circa 2009. Next.”

Blowing a piece of curled hair from my face, I tugged the plaid blouse and denim shorts off and rummaged through the wardrobe for something else. “It’s just the movies. Why do I need to get so dressed up?”

I heard Pippa’s book shut before she appeared beside me. “The trick is to look like you didn’t go to much effort yet still look amazing.” She started tossing hangers aside in her side of the wardrobe.

Staring at her in nothing but my yellow cotton bra and matching panties, I wondered how the hell I was supposed to figure out that kind of jigsaw puzzle.

Laughing, she glanced at me over her shoulder. “What? You seriously had no girlfriends around in school to tell you this crap?” Blinking, I looked down at my mint green toenail polish, my toes curling over the coarse old carpet. “Sorry,” Pippa whispered.

“No,” I said. “It’s fine. I had friends at my new school, but I never dated. So whenever I heard about this stuff, well, I guess I kind of ignored it.”

“You didn’t date anyone after Quinn?”

Looking at her, I tried to smile. “No. No one. I didn’t want to.”

Her green eyes filled with sympathy. “Jesus, no wonder you’ve been such a mess.”

“Thanks? I think.”

She pinched my cheek, then grabbed my favorite navy blue dress with white daisies on it from a hanger on my side. “Just be you. Fuck the stupid dating rules.”

Taking it from her, I felt tears rush to my eyes and swallowed. “Okay.”

“But pair it with these,” she said, grabbing some flat heeled boots of mine and a faux leather jacket of hers.

Grinning, I rushed to finish getting ready.

As it crept closer to eight, the panic slowly set in. “Oh, shit.” My hands started flapping at my sides. I smoothed them over my dress, over and over. “What if he’s really a huge creep?”

“Stop,” Pippa said, rummaging through my bag. She passed me my caramel-flavored lip balm. “Put this on and go wait downstairs. I’ll wait with you if you want.”

Taking it from her, I swiped some on with a shaky hand, then checked my makeup in the mirror one last time. “Will that make me look like a loser? Too eager? Crap, I think I used too much mascara. My lashes are starting to clump.” I turned around, eyes wide on Pippa who was biting her lip to stop from laughing. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

The laughter left her eyes, and she stepped closer. “Okay, time for some tough love.”

“Tough love?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, hit me.” I braced myself, and she giggled.

“You’re ridiculous. Seriously, though.” She grabbed my shoulders. “It’s time. Don’t hate me, don’t slap me, just listen to me.”

“Listening,” I said, nodding and drawing in a deep breath.

“If Quinn was coming back to you, don’t you think he would’ve done so by now?”

“I’m not so sure I like this kind of tough love,” I muttered, exhaling roughly.

She rubbed my upper arms over the faux leather of her jacket. “I know. But you need to think like this, or you’ll never move forward. He’s hurt you. Badly. He’s made it clear he’s not coming back to fix that. You’ve let it hurt, and now it’s time to stop hurting even if that means doing things that scare you.”

My heart twitched with stubborn outrage, then seemed to give in with the slumping of my shoulders. “You’re right.”

“Besides.” Her hands slid down my arms, grabbing mine to squeeze tightly before releasing. “Would you even want him back after what he’s done? After how he and Alexis have made you feel?”

Out of all the things I’ve thought about over the weeks since I’d seen them, that had never actually crossed my mind. I wanted to scream, “Yes!” but I couldn’t. Something stopped me and made me turn those words over slowly in my head. Maybe I wouldn’t.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I could.”

“But it doesn’t lessen how you still feel about him, I know.” She grabbed my purse and passed it to me. “So time to see if you can feel that way about someone new.”

Nodding, I said, “Thank you.”

“No thank yous, just give me every detail when you get back. And you’d better let him at least kiss you!”

Those last words followed me out the door and almost had me tripping over my feet. Shit.

Kissing? I felt like I’d been catapulted back to childhood when things like kissing made you cringe. I was cringing, but I was also petrified. And as I stared at Callum’s full lips under the dash lights in his car, maybe a tiny bit excited.

“You look great,” he said, taking his eyes off the road to flick them over me. “Leather looks good on you.”

I was about to blurt out that it belonged to my friend, but thought that might ruin whatever street cred I’d just accrued. “Thanks.” Eyeing his jeans and bomber jacket, I tried to think about what to say in return. “You look … warm.”

Oh, Christ. Just send a bolt of lightning down from the sky to land on my head right now. Please and thank you.

Callum bellowed out a laugh, and I twisted in my seat to watch him swipe underneath his eyes, and the way his whole face crinkled. “Shit, you’re cute.” He pulled into an underground parking lot, flipping on his blinker when he saw a car pulling out. “You don’t date much, do you?”

Warmth instantly filled my cheeks, and I looked away as he parked. “No, not really.”

He turned the car off, then his fingers were gently turning my face to his. My heart started pounding so hard, I thought it might burst free of my chest and splatter all over the leather seats of his Lexus. “I kind of like that.”

“You do?” My voice sounded breathy.

With his teeth running over his bottom lip, he nodded. “Yeah, you’re different. I don’t know how the hell you managed to stay so …”

“Naïve?” I offered.

“Innocent,” he said with a smirk. “For so long. But I fucking love it.”

“Fetish of yours?” I asked, watching his dark eyes heat as his lashes fluttered. God, he really was sexy. In a way that spelled bad things.

He chuckled. “Not until now.”

We stared at each other for another few racing heartbeats, his thick fingers feeling heavy on my chin. When they started to drift toward my lips, my stomach jumped. “We should go. Might miss the movie otherwise.”

Blinking quickly, he dropped his hand and opened his door. I got out just as he was rounding the car to my side. “You’re supposed to wait. A gentleman will open your door.”

“I didn’t peg you for much of a gentleman.” Confidence bloomed inside me. Maybe it was the way he looked at me, or how he still wanted me, despite my awkward quirks, but I started feeling comfortable enough to spar with him.

“Ah.” He poked the end of my nose, then grabbed my hand as he locked the car and tucked his keys away. “First mistake, beautiful. Don’t assume shit when it comes to me.”

With his large hand holding mine, I used my free one to right my glasses, trying to distract myself from the feeling of excitement unfurling in me.

Callum grabbed tickets to some horror movie while I was in the bathroom, and I couldn’t help but ask, “Why? I don’t really like horror movies.”

Winking, he said, “Exactly what I was planning on. Trying the old junior high trick.” I actually rolled my eyes, which earned me another chuckle. “Come on, popcorn?”

We got some soda, popcorn, and candy before making our way into the half empty theatre and taking a seat in the back corner. I eyed him with a brow raised as he took a seat and patted the one next to his. “Another junior high trick? Back corner, second base?”

“You’re catching on, beautiful.”

Smiling, I sat down and got comfortable before chancing a glance at him. He looked huge, trying to get his large frame comfortably seated in the cheap movie chair. Despite not touching me, he even felt huge just sitting next to me. I’d almost forgotten I was on a date with a football player.

“What position do you play?” I asked, shoving a handful of popcorn into my mouth and trying to ignore the sting elicited by the subject.

The opening ads started, and he tucked his hand into the box to dig out some popcorn for himself. “Linebacker.”

“Oh, wow.” I tilted my head. “You love it?”

He nodded. “Fuck yeah, I do. I’m hoping the scouts rumored to visit Gray Springs show up this semester. We’re in for a great season. Did you come to the first game?”

I looked at the screen as the movie started. “Nope, didn’t know about it.” I did, just pretended otherwise.

“You like football?”

I didn’t. “Sure.” I grabbed my soda, chewing a bit too hard on the straw after taking a big sip.

“You should come to a game sometime then.”

The movie was well and truly beginning by that point, and he thankfully took my half nod for an answer and turned his curious gaze from me to the screen.

At an hour in, I was just returning from a pretend trip to the bathroom after watching some woman get tortured to death. “I’m so going to have nightmares,” I muttered, sitting down as the screaming began anew.

“What’s up?” Callum asked.

“Nothing.” I painted a smile on and tried to think about puppies, kittens, and cute little baby lambs as I stared at the side of the movie screen with Callum’s arm around my shoulder.

He seemed to be pretty invested in the movie, and I didn’t know whether to be grateful for that. Obvious reason being that I didn’t think I was ready to try any bases tonight, let alone in the back of a movie theatre. Though, I didn’t know if I should maybe be annoyed that he didn’t care about my tensing body under his arm every time someone was brutally murdered.

Ugh, this dating thing was for the birds.

He smelled really good, though. Like some expensive aftershave. Kind of shower fresh, yet a little syrupy too but not too overpowering. I finished the popcorn, clutching the box a little too high in my lap like it was a barrier between me and the gore on the screen, right until the credits started.

Callum seemed a little stunned. “Well, shit. That was fucking awesome.”

Totally awesome. “Uh-huh, ready to go?” I wanted to go home and watch an episode of Care Bears on YouTube or something.

“Sure. You don’t wanna grab a coffee or anything?”

“I’ve got an early class,” I lied, standing up and dusting the popcorn from my lap.

He stretched his massive arms over his head, twisting his torso side to side. My mouth fell open when I saw his shirt ride up. Abs on abs followed by a dark trail that led down into his pants.

“You’re cute when you get flustered.” He stood, grabbing my bag for me and wrapping his hand around mine.

“I’m not flustered,” I mumbled as we trudged slowly down the steps behind the other people.

“Yeah?” He poked me in the cheek. “These things give you away, every time.”

I scowled at him, and he chuckled. “I’m going to kiss you. Just throwing it out there so you have enough time to wrap your brain around it.”

I sucked in air way too loudly and prayed to God he didn’t hear it.

The drive back to campus was filled with questions, which helped to take my mind off what might come when we got there. Callum asked where I was from, what I was majoring in, and what I did for fun. And even though my answers weren’t all that interesting or forthcoming, he seemed to be genuinely interested.

“My dad wants me to major in poli sci.” He scoffed. “It’s the pits. Good for you for doing what you want. You wanna teach, open a studio? Or sell your art?”

“I’m not sure yet. I can’t seem to make up my mind.” My hands curled around my purse in my lap as the soft lights from campus grew closer at the end of the long road.

“Luckily, you have plenty of time then.” Turning, he drove slowly down the narrow streets, pulling up outside my dorm.

There were a few people standing around outside, two girls and a guy. They all glanced over when they saw Callum’s sleek gray Lexus pull in, then averted their eyes back to each other. I waited for him to open my door this time, my lips pinched tightly between my teeth. Perhaps if I kept them there, he wouldn’t be tempted to kiss them.

Offering his hand once the door was open, he smiled and tugged me out of the car with enough gentle force to send me falling against his hard chest.

“Uh.” I didn’t know what to say or where to put my hands. The door was shut behind me, then he was backing me up a few steps until my back lay flush with the cool exterior of the car.

My hands were placed around his neck, and he leaned in until his forehead was almost resting on mine. I was tall, at least five-foot-eight, but he had to duck his head a fair bit, and that alone sent a reminder of what it had been like with Quinn. How he used to have to do the same, and it’d make me feel like I was just the right size, instead of all gangly limbs.

I can’t do this.

“You smell like caramel,” he whispered.

“It’s my lotion and my, um, lip balm.”

The smirk that edged his lips sent tiny flickers of excitement zinging through my body. Maybe I could do this.

“Will you see me again?”

“I’m sure I probably will.” I felt kind of hypnotized by his dark eyes.

His chest rumbled against me with his laugh. “Fuck, let me taste you already.”

Not waiting for my answer, he grabbed my cheeks with his large hands and tilted my head back at the same time his warm, soft lips pressed against mine. It felt nice … different, but nice.

He tasted like Coke, and a little salt from the popcorn remained on his lips. It made it easy for my own to part as he willed them to, his tongue slowly dipping into my mouth and finding mine. They touched, and I shivered. He groaned, and I started to recoil at the unfamiliar sound of it.

I pulled back, almost whacking my head against his car, and breathed in a heavy lungful of cool air. His eyes slowly opened, and when I looked into them, my stomach lurched. To my embarrassment, tears sprung to my eyes like prickling needles that insisted I needed further punishing.

His brow creased. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m …”

“Shit.” He stepped back a little, giving me some much-needed space. “Did I hurt you?”

His eyes searched mine, and I felt like the biggest idiot. “No, you didn’t hurt me at all. It’s just …”

“Tell me,” he pleaded when I hesitated.

“I can’t really do that. You’ll think it’s stupid.”

Staring at me for a beat longer, he cursed under his breath and wiped a hand down his face. “You’re messed up over someone?”

Well, holy steaming crap. Was it that obvious? Or was he that perceptive? And what should I do? I guess honesty was the least I could give him. He was nice, sweet enough, and he was actually interested in me. “Yeah, a little.”

“A little,” he repeated slowly.

Nodding, I glanced up at the sky. The stars were hiding tonight, but I knew they were still there. Feeling defeated, I dragged my gaze back to Callum. “I understand if that’s kind of weird for you. But it … it’s taking some time to get over.”

His lip disappeared into his mouth as he seemed to think something over for a minute. “How about this? Put my number in your phone, and when you feel like you might be ready, you’ll know how to reach me.”

Tucking some hair behind my ear, the tears long forgotten, I smiled a real smile at him. Then I reached into the car for my purse and handed him my phone.

“So you’re not going to call him?”

It was the following Friday night, and Pippa and I were lying on her bed, swinging our legs in the air and waiting for our toenails to dry. We’d painted them a color called Appleberry, a deep burgundy, but I wasn’t completely sold on it. “He said to wait until I was ready. I don’t want to call him just because I’m bored.”

“But you might never be ready,” she said. “What a cop-out. The dude doesn’t want you bad enough if he hasn’t tried to see you since.”

I guffawed. “He’s waiting for me.”

“Yeah, like a pussy.” She sat up, inspecting her toes. “Wanna watch a movie?”

“Nope. I’m still trying to get over the nightmares after last weekend. Just the word movie is enough to bring them running at night.” A shiver rolled down my back.

Pippa laughed. “You’re such a wimp. Again, he’s not the brightest crayon in the box for not using that to his advantage.”

“He was so invested in it. It was almost creepy itself.”

Shouts echoed out in the hall, laughter and chatter flowing underneath our door. Pippa sighed. “Another weekend, another party.”

“Where’s this one?”

“I think there are two. Biggest one is the frat house.”

I sat up, prodding at my now dry toenails. “How do you know this stuff?”

“I listen,” she simply said, getting up and wandering to the wardrobe. “Well, if we don’t want to join them, let’s have our own fun.” Plastic bags crinkled, and she cursed, picking up fallen articles of clothing before she emerged with a bottle of vodka.

“Um.” I tilted my head, my eyes darting back and forth between her smug smile and the full, one liter glass bottle. “How’d you get that?”

“My mom’s. Took it before I left.”

“Why?”

She stuffed some things back onto the top shelf of the wardrobe. “When I got accepted here, I read this blog, and it was full of dumb stories. Basically, some chick who complained incessantly about college life. However, one thing she mentioned stuck. And that was to keep alcohol nearby. Or a joint. Because you never know when your head might be near exploding with stress … or something.” She closed the doors.

“We’re not that stressed,” I said.

“Nah, but we’re bored as fuck. Am I right?” She twisted the seal off the cap, tossing it into the trashcan next to her dresser.

I was still stuck on how she got it, though. “Your mom won’t notice it’s gone?”

“She only drinks wine. This was given to her by an old boss three Christmases ago. She’ll never know. Even if she did, I doubt she’d care. She trusts me to a certain extent, anyway.” Pippa grinned, undoing the cap and taking a big gulp. She quickly turned red, then choking and gasping ensued. “Holy motherfucking shit balls of fire on a frog pond’s lily pad of fuck.”

Laughing, I fell back onto the bed, holding my stomach as tears leaked from my eyes. “Oh, my God.”

“Shut up,” she said, but she was laughing too.

I sat up, wiping my eyes. “You’ve never drunk before?”

Pippa eyed the bottle as if it’d betrayed her. “Yeah, just not straight vodka. This stuff is brutal.”

“And you expect me to have some?” I shook my head. “No way, lady.”

Chewing her lip, she looked around for a moment, then her eyes twinkled. “Be right back.”

Grabbing her purse, she dumped the vodka on my dresser and ran out the door. I smiled awkwardly at a few girls who walked by. Pippa came back a minute later with her arms full of orange juice.

“Jesus. Give me a hand, would you?”

I got up and grabbed some from her, and she closed the door with her butt. “What are you doing? Mixing these with it?”

“Yep. Like a Screwdriver, baby.”

I didn’t let on that I didn’t know what that was. Standing there, I watched as she grabbed a glass from the dresser and filled a quarter with vodka, the rest with juice. “I suppose that’d go down a bit easier.”

“Oh, yeah. Here.” She handed it to me.

“What?”

Rolling her eyes, she said, “Drink it. Did you really think I was going to do this on my own?”

“You didn’t even ask me first.”

“Got anything better to do, oh Daisy, dearest?” She quirked a brow.

“Touché.” I shrugged, taking the glass and watching her fill another.

“Besides, these puppies cost me three bucks a pop from the damn vending machine. We’re drinking. Ready? On three.”

Holding mine to my lips, I waited as she counted to three. Then it was down the hatchet. Licking my lips, I acquiesced. “Not bad. Not bad at all. There’s a bit of a tang, but the orange juice really overpowers it.”

“You remind me of a guest judge from MasterChef.” She laughed.

Laughing too, I continued to drink.

Soon enough, only half of the vodka remained and hardly any orange juice. We’d somehow ended up on the floor, having a staring match.

“You blinked first,” she said, a bit of a slur to her words.

I was feeling warm, deliciously warm. And happy. I couldn’t stop smiling. “Okay,” I said. “Again?”

“I don’t know what you just said, but let’s go.”

She stood, and I followed, using my bed to help me. “Where we gonna go?” I asked.

“Everywhere, baby!”

I followed her out the door, just remembering to grab my keys before the door slammed shut. “Crap,” I muttered, staring down at my green cotton dress and bare feet. My head spun a little as I tilted it back up to call after Pippa. “Pip! We have no damn shoes on our feet!”

I heard her say, “Oh, my God,” right before she was climbing back up the stairs and marching down the hall. “Shit, no keys.”

I held up mine, grinning like I’d found treasure. She snickered, and it took me a good minute to get the door open. “We should probably wear jackets too. It’s a little cold out there.”

I tugged on my Chucks, then snatched my long, gray knit cardigan, and followed her back out the door.

“Should we go to a party?” I asked as we slowly navigated the stairs.

Out on the street, excitement had my feet moving quickly until Pippa grabbed my arm and said, “Which one?”

“Go big or go home.”

We headed across campus to the alumni buildings that skirted the back of it like tall, intimidating sentries keeping watch over the grounds. As we walked over the damp grass, people came into view. A thumping bass filled my ears, and Pippa whispered loudly, “We’re really doing this? I don’t know if I’m drunk enough.”

“We’re just the right amount.”

Holding my hand, she walked on, and we weaved in and out of people who were spilling down the steps onto the front lawn. Inside, it was crowded. People were dancing, playing pool, or making out in the corners of the room. We kept moving, found the kegs, and poured ourselves a beer each.

“Ew,” I hissed, smacking my lips together. “Gross.”

“Right?” She tipped hers back. “Just one. Liquid courage to explore, then we’ll get the hell out of here.”

That sounded like a good plan to me. Holding my nose, I chugged back half of the frothy warm liquid before giving up and leaving it behind on the counter. “Let’s explore then.”

We moved out the back, discovering a lot more people. Twinkling fairy lights were strung up through the maple trees, the gardens littered with solar lights, beer cans, and half squashed flowers.

“Hey, hey. What do we have here?” Some guy who smelled like a cigar wrapped his arms around our shoulders from behind.

“Nothing for you.” Pippa tried to shove his arm off, but it wouldn’t budge.

“Don’t be like that, sweetheart.” He moved us over toward a group of guys who were sitting around a small fire pit in deck chairs, girls on their laps or sitting in groups around them.

“Ray, where the hell did you find them?” someone asked.

“They just walked on out here,” he replied. “My lucky night.”

Someone scoffed. “Yeah, fucking right. Who are they?” My eyes tried to find who was talking, but it was sensory overload, and my gaze kept darting everywhere.

“Two freshman chicks,” the guy supposedly called Ray slurred. “I’m guessing so, anyway. Haven’t seen these ones yet.”

Pippa finally shoved his arm off, scowling up at him. I did the same as he took a drink from his Solo cup.

“What are their names?” one guy asked, getting up and walking over to us. He had mocha skin and a glowing smile that twinkled with mischief as he approached.

Ray pointed at me. “Legs for days.” Then he pointed at Pippa. “And curvy delicious.”

Laughter ensued. I noticed one of the guys closest to me staring at Pippa, his blue eyes raking up and down her body as she adjusted her dress and flipped Ray off.

The guy approaching stopped in front of me, snorting at Ray’s nicknames before holding out his hand. “He’s wasted, ignore him. I’m Paul, and you are?”

I was hoping that being more than a little inebriated would stop my blushing. No such luck as his brown eyes glittered, and he took my outstretched hand, bringing it to his lips.

“Get your mouth off, Henderson. That blonde is the one Welsh has been trying to get with,” someone called out behind Paul. He dropped my hand before it reached his lips.

“The fuck?” He spun around, arms going out to his sides. “Welsh! Where are you, motherfucker?”

“He’s inside. With Renee,” came Quinn’s voice.

And I didn’t know what shocked me more. Knowing that Callum was with another girl when he was supposedly waiting for me, or that Quinn was here and I didn’t even notice.

Paul moved back over to his seat, and there he was. In the corner, seated on a chair with a beer can clutched on his lap and his hazel eyes on me. “Quinn?” I asked, like I couldn’t actually see him right there. Meters away from me.

His small smile made my stomach flutter. “Hey, Dais.”

“Oh, great,” Pippa muttered, realizing Quinn was here. “Let’s go, Daisy.”

She tugged my hand, but my feet wouldn’t move. I knew I probably looked like some lovesick fool—just standing there staring at him—but I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Maybe it was the alcohol or his use of my old nickname, but I wanted to keep looking at him a little longer. I wanted him to keep looking at me a little longer.

“You two know each other?” the guy who’d been looking at Pippa asked.

“They used to,” Pippa said. “He’s now going out with her ex-best friend.” My eyes unglued themselves then, and I glared at her. “Sorry,” she said. “But it’s true.”

“No shit,” the guy said, whistling. “You pull a swifty on this beautiful girl, Burnell?”

“Shut up, Toby. You don’t know shit.”

Toby chuckled, glancing up at us. “Oh, but I think I do. Want to join us, ladies?”

My tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth, my heart galloping as I fought to keep my eyes from returning to Quinn. “No, we should probably go.”

“What’s your name?” he asked Pippa.

“None of your concern,” she said, turning us toward the back door. We walked away to the sound of more raucous laughter.

Back inside, I saw Callum making his way downstairs with a redhead kissing his neck. He was still tugging his shirt on. When his eyes finally met mine, I looked away.

“Wait,” I told Pippa, turning around and heading for the keg. We poured another drink each, clinking them together as I said, “Fuck parties!”

“Fuck parties!” Pippa repeated.

We chugged and slammed our cups down on the counter.

“Daisy, hey.” Callum touched my arm. I pulled it back.

“We were just leaving,” I said without looking at him. “Have a nice night.”

Pippa flipped him off, then we were laughing and barrelling out the door. “Holy shit, I need to burp.”

“Do it,” she said. “No one’s gonna hear anyway.”

I did, and it was tiny. Pippa laughed again, and we stumbled down onto the cold grass, far enough away from the frat house but still within view.

“What an adventure,” I murmured, kind of breathless.

“Yup.”

My head swam with seeing Quinn, with seeing Callum with another girl, then back to Quinn.

“You okay about Callum?”

I thought about it for a minute. “I think I’m too drunk to care.”

“Maybe we should sleep here,” she said after some time had passed.

The moon was covered by a blanket of clouds, but they were slowly drifting, and inch by glorious inch, it was unveiled. “I’m good with that.”

“I don’t think so,” Quinn said from above us.

My heartbeat skipped as his head appeared over mine, blocking out the moon. “What are you doing in the sky?”

His lips twitched. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

“Oh, no you won’t,” Pippa said.

Ignoring her, Quinn hollered, “Hawthorne! You coming?”

The Toby guy appeared a second later, offering his hand to Pippa, who scrunched her face comically at it. “Yeah, no. I can get up myself, thank you.”

But when she tried, she wobbled like a newborn foal, and Toby caught her by the waist. She looked up at him, and I knew she was blushing. It made me laugh until a throat cleared above me. Oh, yeah. “What’s up?”

Quinn swiped a hand over his mouth. “You gotta get up and head home. It’s pretty late.”

“Home is pretty far away from here,” I said airily.

“It sure is. Come on.” Walking around me, he held his hand out. I stared at it a moment, noting the light dusting of blond hairs on it, even in the dark. And the size. He’d always had large hands. Strong, capable, and caring hands.

With those thoughts floating through my head, I took it, and he grabbed my waist when I teetered, making the warmth already overrunning my body increase tenfold. His eyes burned everywhere they landed, and I forgot all about Pippa and Toby standing a little way off, arguing about something. It was only him and me. His hand on my waist, and his eyes on mine, and the night sky beckoning my heart to remember.

He looked away, and the moment dissolved into mist that rained over me in sharp, icy pricks. “Where’s your dorm? We’ll walk you back.”

Pippa ditched Toby, linking her arm through mine as we silently followed them back through the lamp-lit streets and sidewalks. Toby kept glancing over his shoulder, grinning at Pippa like he knew all her dirty secrets and could unleash them one by one if she didn’t play fair.

Her bristling was evident without her saying a word.

We stopped outside our dorm, and that was when my head un-fogged enough for my stomach to drop. “The keys.”

“What?” Pippa asked.

“When we went back in to get our shoes, I don’t know where I put them.” I started searching the pockets of my cardigan, feeling their eyes on me. They weren’t there, which I already knew. “Shit.”

“It’s late,” Toby said, moving to the door. “You could get in, but not into your room. I’ve heard of people crashing on the couches in the common room when this happens.”

Pippa’s face paled, likely thinking about the ancient lounge chairs we’d have to sleep on.

“They can’t do that,” Quinn said, and my heart lurched at his voice and nearness.

I kept my gaze averted, letting it drift back and forth between Toby and Pippa.

Toby shrugged. “Let’s go then.”

“What?” Quinn and Pippa asked in unison.

Toby was walking backward down the sidewalk. “They can stay at our place for one night. At least we know who’s jizzed on our couches.”

Pippa balked, and I felt like I might throw up. My mouth opened and closed, no words coming out.

“I’m not sleeping on your semen-infested couch,” Pippa said, her hands going to her hips. She swayed a little, and Quinn quickly grabbed her forearm. She smiled, then remembered she wasn’t Team Quinn and stepped away.

I snorted, and Quinn’s gaze fell on me, his top lip curling a little before he sighed. “Well, shit.”

“Yep,” I agreed and moved to the doors, peering inside. “Come on, it’s only a few hours until the sun comes up. We’ll survive.”

Pippa grumbled but followed.

“Wait,” Quinn said.

We turned around, and he ran a hand roughly through his sandy blond hair, making it stand on end. “Just stay at our place. He was joking. The couches are fine; his OCD wouldn’t let a crumb fall on them.” He jerked a thumb at Toby, who was leaning against the wall, a knee bent and his foot against the brick.

Toby huffed, ducking his head. “Whatever.”

“You’re a bit of a neat freak, are you?” Pippa asked, not even trying to hide how much she liked the sound of that.

Toby straightened then, stepping closer to Pippa. “I like to call it hygienic. Tidy.”

She regarded him thoughtfully for a moment too long. I was starting to get tired. “Pippa, what do you want to do?”

“Pippa?” Toby asked, eyes steadfast on hers. “Fuck, that would sound amazing rolling off my tongue when it’s between those beautiful legs of yours.”

I knew she was probably blushing again. Hell, I was. Quinn laughed and said, “Let’s go already. I’ll drive or walk you girls back in the morning.” He slapped Toby on the back and started walking down the sidewalk.

With one last glance at Pippa, who was now scowling at Toby, I followed Quinn. I heard her say, “So you’re a neat freak with a filthy mouth.”

“It’s about to get a whole lot filthier, I hope.”

She scoffed, and that was the last I heard as I tried to catch up with Quinn’s long strides. “You don’t have to do this,” I said. “Really.”

“I know I don’t.” He kept looking straight ahead, kicking a stray stick as we neared the exit to campus.

“This kind of reminds me of the time we snuck out into the fields that night, and you got locked out of the house. Before the ladder became a statement by your window, of course.” I laughed nervously when he didn’t say anything. “And I snuck you into my bedroom through the window.”

Crickets. Legitimate crickets chirped as he remained steadfast in his silence.

I didn’t know what else to say or do, but the alcohol in my system made me feel a little bolder than usual, so I couldn’t help myself. “Do you hate me or something?”

He almost tripped. “What?” I didn’t repeat myself. I knew he’d heard me. “No,” he finally said after a minute. “I don’t. Though it would make things a lot easier.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Forget about it.”

I wish. Anger ignited in my belly. “I can’t forget a damn thing, Quinn. That’s the problem. Though, apparently, you can.”

He stopped, pinning his narrowed eyes on me. “You really want to do this now?” At my shrug, he went on, “Fine. Tell me, what it is you thought might happen when you got here, Daisy?” I couldn’t give him that answer, but he knew it anyway. He saw it in my eyes and laughed humorlessly. “Right, you thought I’d just dump my girlfriend and get back with you?”

“I didn’t know you’d—”

“Yeah, because you left. No”—he paused, jabbing a finger at me—“you didn’t just leave. You left me completely.”

With my hands shaking, I cut in. “Never where it counted. Did you really think I wouldn’t keep my promise? We said so many times that we’d come here together.”

“Yeah, we did.” His voice grew colder. “But that was then. Back when I had no idea you’d be okay with breaking some promises and fine with keeping others. “

“Quinn, please.”

He ignored me. “No. For weeks and weeks, I called you. I lost count of how many times I begged your parents to let me speak to you, but every time I called, every damn time, you were out with your friends or asleep. And when I asked them why the hell I couldn’t reach your cell anymore, they said it was best to ask you. Convenient, right?”

My eyes filled with tears, my heart hurting so much I wanted to rip it out of my chest and be done with it. He clearly wasn’t finished letting his own hurt and frustration out, though, as he continued. “What did I do to deserve that, huh?”

My head shook furiously. “Nothing. I-I didn’t know you tried that much. Before I changed my number, when my parents gave me my phone back after taking it, I saw that you’d only called me a few times.”

“What?” His brows knitted.

Before I could respond, Toby and Pippa caught up with us, and we kept walking. My head spun, my stomach sinking and rising tumultuously, as I kept myself from looking at Quinn again.

Regret made a nice little home inside my already wounded chest. I couldn’t go back, and I couldn’t make him understand. It was too late now anyway.

A few minutes later, we arrived at a cream and white townhouse with a familiar truck and an old vintage car parked in the driveway.

“Home sweet home,” Quinn muttered tiredly, opening the door for me to walk in ahead of him.

Taking my glasses off, I wiped them on the hem of my dress, still blinking the tears back.

I didn’t even want to look around. As soon as I stepped into the living room, I saw the large dark brown sectional and nose-dived onto it, kicking my Chucks off and curling onto my side.

My head was still spinning. Badly. But I was too drained to hydrate or do anything other than drop my glasses on the floor and lie there with my eyes closed. I vaguely remembered the sound of Toby arguing with Pippa. Saying something about how much better his bed would be before sleep thankfully took me under.

Brightness burned into my closed eyelids. I blinked them open, then immediately squeezed them closed. My head. Oh, dear God, my freaking head. It felt like ten baby elephants were stomping around inside it.

“Ugh.” I heard a familiar voice grumble and carefully lifted one eyelid open, squinting across the living room to find Pippa asleep on the other side of the sectional. Right. Because we weren’t at home in our dorm.

Panic filled my stomach, making waves that traveled throughout my body and threatened to spill out of my mouth. “No. Oh, no.”

Jumping up way too quickly and grabbing my spinning head, I tossed the blanket someone had put on me and raced out of the room with a hand over my mouth. It took a few tries, laundry room, linen closet, but I finally found the downstairs toilet.

I heaved over it for a few minutes, feeling like I’d eaten something rotten and the taste was festering in my mouth, but nothing came up. I had a feeling I’d feel a lot better if it did but was too chicken shit to force it. So I did my business and flushed the toilet.

Moving to the sink to wash my hands, I searched the vanity and opened some mouthwash. I swished some around in my mouth, almost swallowing it when I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror.

I looked like a Barbie doll that had been through a terrible makeover. Mascara smeared underneath my eyes, something red on my cheek, and my hair a fuzzy, teased beehive. The ends curling or straightened out at odd angles.

Trying not to whimper, I grabbed some tissue paper and wet it, doing my best to clean up the black smears on my face. And the red, I had no idea what that was. I’m guessing lip gloss gone wrong. But my hair, I couldn’t do much about that without some really good conditioner. Which was back at our dorm. A dorm we were locked out of.

This officially sucked.

Finding a hair elastic around my wrist, I threw my head forward and tossed my hair into an extra messy bun on top of my head before leaving the tiny bathroom.

Pippa was sitting up, staring at the blank television as if she couldn’t figure out what it was when I returned. “Hey,” I said, sitting down and pulling the blanket over my bare legs. I spied my glasses on the floor and leaned forward to pick them up, inspecting them before shoving them on. “Why are we only in dresses? It’s kind of cold.”

She shook her head, drawing in a deep breath and setting it free. “I don’t know. I don’t think we really cared. We were only worried about shoes.”

“Wanna walk back?” I offered, wanting to shake her out of her stillness. It was starting to freak me out.

“I think I’m gonna …”

Oh. “Third door down the hall.”

She was up and running, almost slamming into Toby, who watched her go before turning back to me with a raised brow. “You guys got pretty hammered last night, then.”

“Not really. We just don’t have much of a tolerance, I guess.”

He nodded, taking a seat on the arm of the couch. “So that’d be a no to coffee?”

I smiled. “No, thanks.”

He stared at me for a long beat, and I tried to hold his gaze. It was hard. He wasn’t the best-looking guy I’d ever seen, but he was definitely attractive in a dangerous, edgy, and mysterious kind of way. Crystal blue eyes and dark brown, almost black hair. A rugged jawline covered in stubble. Oh, and he was huge, too. Freaking football players.

“So you’re the girl. Hey.”

“I’m who?” I asked, averting my gaze and fidgeting with the knitted pattern in the blanket.

“The one who makes him look like he’s in a faraway place sometimes.”

I looked back at him, my brows furrowing. The front door opened, cutting off any chance I had to berate him with questions.

Alexis walked into the living room, and my heart fell into my unsettled stomach.

Toby glanced at us, whistling low. “Well, damn. Didn’t predict this happening. At all.” He got up, calling out, “Burnell!” Putting his coffee mug down, he mumbled something about Quinn probably being asleep.

“What are you doing here?” There wasn’t an all-out accusation in her voice, but it was still there. I think she was shocked more than anything.

I watched her move her sunglasses to the top of her perfectly styled head of hair and cleared my throat. Toby thankfully took pity and intervened. “Daisy and her friend were at the party last night. They got locked out of their dorm, so they slept here on the couch.”

Alexis twisted her lips, looking from Toby to the blankets strewn on the couch. “Her friend?”

“That’d be me,” Pippa said, scooting past her and dumping herself back on the couch.

Toby watched her every move as if she was about to perform a magic trick any second.

Then finally, Quinn arrived. “Ah, hey,” he said, tugging a shirt over his head.

Abs, holy abs. And fucking hipbones that had my jaw dropping. I snapped my mouth shut and made my eyes look away. They didn’t like it, but I could feel Alexis moving that feline-like gaze of hers over us, so it was best to be safe. “What’re you doing here?” he asked.

Alexis’s head reared back. “Oh, sorry. I came by to see you, my boyfriend, and found two girls on your couch. Why are you asking me questions right now? Because I’m a little bit fucking confused by that.”

Toby snorted, making everyone’s eyes swing his way. “Sorry, sorry. Carry on,” he muttered, picking up his mug and taking a seat next to Pippa.

“Lex,” Quinn started, and oh how my heart pinched at hearing him give her a nickname.

“No.” She laughed. “What the hell?”

“I think we should go,” I said quietly, looking at Pippa.

“Seriously? And miss the fight?” Toby asked.

Pippa nodded in agreement. “Yeah, just wait a minute.” She waved her hand in a downward motion as I rose to stand.

I rolled my eyes, almost growling behind clenched teeth. “Come on. Please.”

Heading for the exit of the living room, I hesitated, waiting for either Quinn or Alexis to step back so I could pass without touching one of them. They didn’t move. Taking a quick peek, I found Quinn looking at the ground, and Alexis throwing her icy glare back and forth between me and Quinn.

Fine, then. I held my breath and walked between them, then realized I didn’t have my shoes.

God damn it.

“Got them,” Pippa said with a smirk, shouldering past Alexis and Quinn and dropping them to the floor so I could slip them on. Toby offered to drive us, but we declined, and he walked us back to our dorm instead.

“Do they fight much?” Pippa asked him as we walked outside, Alexis’s voice escaping the closed door.

Toby shrugged, tucking his hands into his jean pockets. “Not really. Which is surprising. That chick is pretty high strung.”

“He’s known her for a long time,” I said without thinking.

“So I guess he’d know how to handle her then.” Toby said what I didn’t say.

Pippa made a grunting sound. “She’s got a reason to be pissed, I guess. We aren’t just two random chicks sleeping on her boyfriend’s couch.”

Toby hummed. “You and Quinn, you went out then?”

“A long time ago,” I said even though it felt like mere months ago. I pulled my cardigan tighter around me as we walked across the grass, the morning dew still clinging to the deep green blades.

“It wasn’t that long ago. What, two years?” Pippa asked even though she knew.

“Yep. Which is a long time,” I added.

The campus was quiet, as it usually was early on a Saturday morning. I felt like I could sleep for the rest of the weekend. But the paper I had due on Monday morning kind of messed with that plan.

Toby looked thoughtful when I glanced over at him but remained quiet.

When we reached our dorm, I climbed the steps, knowing he wanted some time with Pippa. “Thanks for last night.”

He gave me a wink, and I went inside. After spending a few minutes arguing with the probably hungover desk clerk, that no, I didn’t lock myself out just to piss her off, she finally handed me a key. “Return it in two minutes.”

“Fine,” I mumbled. Yeesh. As if people locked themselves out just to make her life hell.

Once inside, I saw my set of keys on the floor by the dresser, right next to a discarded bottle of orange juice. Which was sitting next to the still opened bottle of vodka.

Crinkling my nose, I put the cap on the bottle quickly and hid it on a shelf at the top of the wardrobe before snatching my keys and returning the spare downstairs.

Pippa came in just as I headed back toward the stairs. “I need a shower, sleep, food, and then more sleep.”

“Agreed. What’s going on with Toby?”

“Nothing,” she said quickly, ducking her head as we reached the second landing.

I scoffed. “Don’t even try that.”

She kept me in suspense until we were back in our room, grabbing our stuff to take a shower. “He asked me to go to his game next week. He wants to hang out after.”

“Are you going to go?” I asked, making sure I had my conditioner.

“I told him I’d think about it, but if I went, it wasn’t to watch him.”

I laughed, leaning back against the dresser. “You’re going to play hard to get?”

She snickered, closing the drawer with her butt. “Nah, but a little hard work never hurt anybody.”

Showered and lying on my bed, I stared upside down at the painting I still had hanging above it. “Do you think it’s time I take it down?” I asked Pippa when she came back into the room. Even to my ears, my voice was almost childlike, as though I feared the answer I might get.

“You want my honest answer or a bullshit one to make you feel better?” I didn’t know, so I stayed quiet. “I think you should, if only to make it a little easier for you to move on.”

“I’m supposed to be doing that, aren’t I?”

“What, moving on?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Yep. And no offense, but you’re kind of failing spectacularly at it.”

“I always aim high,” I tried to joke, my breath hitching on the last word.

My thoughts strayed, and I wondered if they were still fighting. If they’d even fought at all. A part of me was kind of happy that they still deemed me worthy enough of that kind of attention. And I didn’t even feel bad about that. I was sick and tired of feeling guilty for something I had no control over. I might never move on, but at least I was willing to be honest with myself.

Still looking at the picture of Quinn, I declared, “It can stay a while longer.”

“Is she still pissed at you?” Toby asked, scooping a huge spoonful of cereal into his mouth at the kitchen counter.

I poured myself some orange juice, then put it away, looking at the empty contents of the fridge with a grumbling stomach. “Nah, I don’t think so.”

He mumbled around a mouthful, “Then why you still moping and shit?”

It’d been a few days since drunk Daisy and her friend had crashed on our couch. Christ, just waking up and knowing she was under the same roof as I was had my stomach somersaulting, followed by some extreme knotting. “There was nothing for her to be mad about, so she got over it pretty quick.”

“But?” Toby asked.

Damn guy had always been too inquisitive for his own good. Not long after I’d met him, before our freshman year had even started, he had me pegged. “You have a hot-ass girlfriend, a full scholarship, and play for one of the best teams in the state, yet you look like something isn’t quite right,” was what he’d said two days after meeting me.

And that was just it. Something wasn’t feeling quite right. At all. Especially after what she’d said walking back here the other night.

“It’s just not adding up, I guess. Daisy.” He knew the deal. Ages ago, after one too many beers, I’d told him the whole sordid tale. Even though I left out her name, it didn’t surprise me that he figured out it was her.

“You got that right. She still looks at you like you hung the fucking moon.”

Rummaging through the pantry, I was thankful he couldn’t see me wince at the mention of the damn moon. Or how what he said affected me.

Drawing in a sharp breath, I set it free slowly and closed the doors, grabbing my juice and leaning against the counter. “She changed her number. Wouldn’t talk to me. She even admitted it.”

Nodding, he swallowed another mouthful of cereal before saying, “Have you asked her why?”

Putting my glass down, I coughed, thumping my chest as the juice choked the air from me with help from that question.

“Jesus Christ.” He laughed incredulously. “You haven’t, have you?” Getting up and taking his bowl to the dishwasher, he muttered, “All twisted up inside over something he could easily fucking find the answers for. Idiot.”

“Whatever. You’re missing the point. It’s too late now,” I said with a slight wheeze in my voice.

He paused in the kitchen doorway. “Enough about you and your patheticness. You think her friend will give me a shot?”

I stared at my juice as if it was the culprit of all this rising doubt and these questions inside me. “She doesn’t seem like the hit and ditch type.” Toby went quiet at that, looking at the tiles when I glanced over at him. “Holy shit, you’re considering getting serious with someone?”

Flipping me off, he walked away. “Don’t act like you know me, Burnell.”

I was still laughing as I got my gear ready and headed over to campus for practice.

“Can you please send me Henrietta’s number?” I asked my mom when I got back in my truck after class that afternoon.

“Uh, why?” She told Spud to get down in the background, and I smirked, my heart aching a little. I missed him. “The last time you got off the phone with her, you cursed me out for having a crappy friend who wouldn’t let you speak to your girlfriend.”

Sucking air past my teeth, I closed my eyes and thumped my head back against the headrest. “I know. I need to talk to her though.”

“All right, I’ll text it to you.” She paused. “You’re not handling this so well, are you?” The fact she didn’t sound pleased and actually seemed worried this time made me feel marginally better.

“I don’t know what I am right now,” I admitted. “But I gotta go. How’s Spud?”

I could almost see her roll her eyes through the phone. “Spud, God. Need I say more?”

I chuckled. “So he’s fine, then.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Okay, I’ll call you in a few days. Bye, Ma.”

“Don’t forget!” she hollered.

We hung up, and I straightened, ready to start the truck and get home when my phone pinged. I opened the text my mother sent me with the number, staring at it for way too long before I decided to call.

I was afraid it’d go to voicemail, knowing Henrietta was probably still teaching and maybe wasn’t finished working yet. Maybe that was for the best.

She picked up. “Hello?”

“Hi. It’s, ah, it’s Quinn.”

A beat of silence. Then, “Quinn Burnell?”

“The one and only,” I tried to joke, but my smile fell instantly. “Do you have a few minutes?”

“One sec, honey.” Muffled sounds filled my ear, and then it was quiet. “Sorry, moved back into my classroom. The students have just left, so it’s much quieter in here. What’s up?”

“I wanted to ask you about Daisy. What, well, you know, about what happened?”

“What do you mean?” Her voice was hesitant.

“She stopped answering my calls. She changed her number. And when I tried to call the house, you or Joseph would say she wasn’t available.”

More silence. I waited, hearing nothing but my choppy breathing and watching my hand fist the steering wheel. “I’m sorry. I don’t really know what to say. Have you spoken with Daisy?” It was my turn to hesitate, and she sighed. “Quinn, look. I’m happy you called. But I really think you should talk to Daisy about it.”

“I don’t know if I can,” I practically whispered, not caring if I sounded like an idiot. “But I need to know. Why did you guys lie?”

“Quinn …”

“Just, give me something. It’s not making sense anymore.”

“What isn’t?” she asked.

“That, well, I thought we just fell apart. I thought she lost interest and moved on.”

Henrietta made a slight coughing sound. “Oh, no. Honey, I wish I could tell you that she did.”

Breath, I couldn’t catch it. “Then, why?”

She exhaled loudly and said, “We thought it was for the best. She was miserable. She wasn’t making any friends or drawing and hardly left the house. We took her phone. Told her she could have it back after she made some changes. And Alexis …”

I blinked, trying to catch up with all she’d said. “Alexis?”

“I don’t know what she said exactly, but Daisy once mentioned that Alexis said that long-distance relationships didn’t work out, and that you both deserved to be happy instead of sad all the time.”

At a loss for words, my clammy hand dropped from the steering wheel, falling to my lap with a quiet thud as I stared out the front windshield at the old buildings on campus, barely seeing a thing.

“Quinn?”

“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “I’m here, sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I don’t have much else to tell you. That’s all I really know. Joe and myself wanted to see our girl smile again. You’ve got to understand. We felt so guilty for moving her away from you. But we didn’t think it’d be so …”

“Life changing,” I blurted without thinking.

“Yeah. It was turning her into someone else, and even after she stopped talking to you, she was never quite the same. But she had goals; she smiled again and kept going.”

Emotion clogged my throat, and I cleared it again. “I’ve gotta go. But thanks. For talking to me and, um, not hating me, I guess.”

“I could never hate you, honey. But I’d be careful around Joe if you ever see him again.” She laughed. “Take care, but please, don’t upset our girl.”

I couldn’t promise something I was pretty certain I’d already done, so I simply said goodbye.

Tossing my phone onto the passenger seat, I tried to process what little information I’d just discovered. Little information that was a huge deal.

Guilt slithered through my gut, and my head fell into my hands. She was struggling just as bad, if not worse, than I was. And Alexis …

My head snapped up, and my teeth gritted. Starting the engine, I checked my mirrors then made my way to the other side of campus.

I pulled in outside the tall, gray buildings covered in ivory and standing tall against the bright autumn blue sky. Getting out, I grabbed my phone, sending Alexis a text to let her know I was downstairs. It was Tuesday, and I knew she’d finished her last class at one o’clock. She’d either be here or at the library.

Leaning against my truck, I waved to a few girls from my calculus class and waited.

She came out the wide double doors a few minutes later, running her hands through her hair as she jogged down the steps. “Hey.” She smiled, leaning in to kiss me. Not returning it, I gently grabbed her upper arms and moved her back a step. She frowned. “What’s up?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about Daisy?”

Her frown turned into an annoyed scowl. “What? Why are we even talking about her?”

“Just answer me. Why didn’t you tell me how bad she was doing?”

“What do you mean?” Her blue eyes flitted over my face.

“You told me that every time you spoke to her, after she left, she was happy. That she’d made new friends and sounded like she was doing just fine.”

She visibly swallowed and stepped back. “She did sound fine.”

“Don’t lie to me,” I hissed.

Alexis paled, glancing around at the few passersby on the street. “Can we not do this here?”

Anger filled every cell in my body. “We’re not doing it anywhere else. Talk.”

Looking at the ground, she ran a shaky hand through her dark hair. “I’m sorry.”

I straightened from the truck. “Did you tell her to cut ties with me?”

“Quinn, come on,” she said, her voice getting raspy.

“Did you or did you not tell Daisy to stop talking to me?”

I was met with silence, and a bitter laugh left me as I turned to go. “Wait, stop.” I turned around, watching her black flats skim nervously over the sidewalk. “It wasn’t exactly like that.”

“Then how exactly was it?”

“You were miserable, partying all the time, which is something you never used to do. And whenever I spoke to her, it was always Quinn this or Quinn that, and I was sick of it. So yeah, I might’ve said something about how it might not last, and that you both should be happy instead of so torn up all the time.”

I blinked at her, not knowing what I was supposed to do now. My shoulders slumped. “That’s messed up, Alexis.”

She shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. “Yeah, but I thought I was helping.”

“Helping?” I scratched the scruff on my chin for a beat, the uptick of my heart invading my ears. “So you thought lying to me was helping?”

Sucking her lips between her teeth, she shook her head, stepping closer. “I said I was sorry. Look.” She placed her hands on my arms, smoothing over them until they reached my own, and she stared up at me. “It was only a few years ago, sure. But we were so much younger. I didn’t know what I was doing. Only that I wanted you, and she wasn’t coming back. I didn’t think I was hurting anyone.”

While I could empathize with that, the part of me she had a hand in destroying was struggling to see reason. “I’ve gotta go,” I said, stepping back and getting in the truck.

“Quinn.” She grabbed the door before I could close it. “You’re not …” She blinked, and a tear rolled down her cheek, making me feel like shit. “You’re not breaking up with me over this, are you?”

Staring at her for a moment, I wondered if that was what I was doing. But I knew, even with all that I’d discovered, that I couldn’t change what had already been done. “No,” I finally said, offering her a tight smile. “I just need some time. I’ll call you, ’kay?”

She bit her lip, then nodded and backed away for me to close the door.

With one last look at her worried face, I started the truck and got out of there.

“A young man out front is asking for you,” Tim said in the doorway of the storeroom.

I looked up at him from my spot on the floor where I’d been taking inventory. “Who is it?”

“That same fellow who was in here the other week.” My heart rate gathered speed until he said, “Dark hair and eyes?”

“Oh.” Ignoring the pang of disappointment, I put the notepad and pen on the shelf in front of me and got up.

“We’re not busy yet, so take your time.” He winked before walking off to the staffroom.

Heading out front, I crinkled my brows as I took in Callum, who had his back turned to me and hands in his jean pockets as he rocked back on his heels. “Callum?”

“Hey.” He spun around then came forward to the counter, which I was using as a barrier between us. “I wanted to come by and see you after, ah, the other night.”

Not knowing what to say, I just nodded.

He rubbed a hand over the back of his head before dropping it to his side with a slap. “I’m sorry, it wasn’t … I didn’t.”

I smiled as he stumbled over his words and said, “It’s fine.”

“It’s not. I took you out with full intentions of taking you out again. It’s just … Renee. She’s my ex. It’s kind of complicated.”

I could understand that and said as much. “I get it. Believe me.”

“You never called, and I know I said to only do so when you’re ready, but well …”

“You were drunk; she was there.”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “I’m an asshole.”

A laugh burst out of me, and looking into his brown eyes, I realized I wasn’t all that upset over it. We weren’t a thing, and he didn’t owe me anything. He could do what he wanted. I was just glad I hadn’t developed any feelings for him beyond friendship.

“So are you guys getting back together?” I grabbed a box of straws from under the counter, refilling the dispenser to keep my fidgeting hands busy.

“No, we’re not. She, well, kind of cheated on me.” He leaned his hip against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Kind of?” I looked up at him.

He shrugged. “Yeah, guess there’s no kind of about it. She fucked my friend.”

My eyes widened, and he chuckled, snatching a black straw from the dispenser and shoving it into his mouth. I got a little sidetracked from my task, watching the way his teeth clamped down on it as he talked. “I haven’t completely blown my chances of taking you out again, have I?”

Blinking, I met his gaze. “What?”

He smirked, removing the straw from his mouth. “You and me. Will you still consider going out with me again? If I promise to behave myself?”

I looked back down at the box of straws, unsure how to answer that. I knew in my gut I didn’t really want to give him another chance. I still wasn’t even sure if I was ready for this whole dating thing. “I don’t know.”

“I know,” he said, and I looked up at him again. “Why don’t you come to our next game? We can hang out after, or if you’re still not sure, we can hang out another time.”

“I really don’t know.” I reached up, fidgeting with my hair.

“Just come and watch. That’s all I’m asking.”

I thought about it for a minute, side eyeing him as he smiled at me, and finished refilling the dispenser. Stuffing the box back under the counter, I straightened and sighed dramatically. “Fine.”

His grin made me smile, and I actually felt a little bit of excitement over going. It’d been so long since I’d been to a game. I tried to ignore the very loud voice in my head that warned me of a certain quarterback who’d obviously be playing. I could deal. I’d hung out with him last weekend. Kind of, I guess.

“You seemed pretty drunk on Friday night. If I’m being honest, I didn’t expect to see you there.”

“You and me both,” I laughed out. “It was stupid. Pippa, my friend who I was with, and I got a little drunk in our dorm room, and yeah. That’s where we ended up.”

He nodded, his lips tugging to the side as he regarded me thoughtfully. “Just be careful. Heard Burnell and Hawthorne took you guys home?”

Not wanting to explain how that went down, I simply said, “Yeah, they walked us home.”

“Good. Anyway, I gotta jet. Got a chemistry paper due. But here you go.” He pulled out two tickets from his pocket and slid them across the counter. “Bring your friend if you want.”

Grabbing my hand, he placed a quick peck on top of it. A little stunned, I watched him walk out the door, and then stop to talk to someone.

That someone was Quinn, who glanced inside at me, before watching Callum walk away.

My heart started dancing a very unnatural rhythm as he stepped inside.

“Hey,” he said, and I couldn’t meet his eyes.

“What can I get you?” I asked.

He huffed. “Uh, actually, I just want to talk to you.”

The door opened behind him, a few girls chatting together as they walked inside. “I can’t right now.” Even though I was dying to know what he needed to talk to me about, I couldn’t keep socializing with guys at my place of employment.

“When are you off?”

I looked over at the clock. “In an hour,” I said.

“I’ll be back then.” He tapped the counter, and I still couldn’t look at him, but I watched his large hand fall away before he headed for the door.

“Good Lord, he’s hot,” one of the girls said.

“What can I get you?” I asked yet again, curbing any more Quinn admiring before they got too enthusiastic. I’d admired the guy all my life; I didn’t need any reminders of what I threw away.

The hour after he left dragged just as I knew it would. I felt itchy almost, anxiety and nerves hitching a turbulent ride on the contents of my stomach, making it bubble and gurgle dangerously. I didn’t know if I could do this. Talk to him on my own with no one else around. But my curiosity and my stupid heart had me clocking out and saying goodbye to Tim as soon as the minute hand slid into place on the clock.

He was waiting outside as I walked out, adjusting my messy hair and wishing I’d at least slicked some lip balm on. I rummaged through my purse for it as he stood from where he was sitting by the garden, but I couldn’t find it and gave up.

God, I’d almost forgotten how tall he was as I came to a stop in front of him. At least six-foot-three now. I looked up and backed up a bit. “Hi,” I croaked. “So what’s up?”

His lips twitched as if he wanted to smile at me. I pushed my glasses up my nose and started walking, my stomach and heart making it very difficult to keep looking at him.

He caught up with me in two long strides. “Can we go sit somewhere maybe?”

His voice was tentative, and I was burning with the urge to find out why. “Sure.”

“So what’s with the job at the ice-cream parlor?”

I didn’t know if he was just trying to make this less awkward, or if he was actually interested, but I answered anyway. “A way to fill the time, at first. I like it, though.”

We crossed the street and walked into the quad. It was quiet, only a few people loitering around or walking by. I took a seat on the bench in front of the fountain, dumping my purse in my lap and staring at the water. The trickle and splashing calmed me some, but not enough to breathe properly as he took a seat right next to me. I could smell him. That clean, shower fresh yet kind of citrusy smell he had from his body wash. Nice to know some things didn’t change.

He broke the silence with a nostalgic timbre to his deep voice. “Remember the summers I spent chasing you around with the garden hose?”

I realized he must’ve been staring at the water, too. Still looking at it now, I couldn’t see it as my mind took me back to the last time he’d hidden behind the barn, jumping out at me and unkinking the hose to spray me with it. It was a few months before I turned sixteen, and I remember being mildly annoyed and shocked that he’d still want to indulge in something we did as kids. “Even when I was fifteen,” I said dryly.

His laughter hit me in places I’d rather it didn’t. “Yeah, though admittedly, I just wanted your top to get wet. So I could …” His words broke off into a cough.

I ducked my head, biting my lip to stop from laughing. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t make me smile after he’d chosen her. I wouldn’t let him.

“I’m sorry, Daisy.”

A little taken aback by that, I glanced over at him. “Why?”

Slumping back against the bench, he scratched at his jaw. “For everything. Not calling you enough when you left, not digging deeper when you stopped talking to me, and for … Alexis.”

Oh, okay. I was stuck on the first things he’d said. “Why are you saying this now?”

He shook his head, and when some of his blond hair sprinkled onto his forehead, he swiped it back. “I didn’t know that you weren’t handling the move very well and how badly it had affected you. I was stuck in my own head; missing you combined with all the usual teenage hormones kind of sent me crazy.”

A long breath whooshed out of me. “You … how do you know about that?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, looking away.

What? “No.” I laughed, confused and a little pissed off. “It does.”

“Dais.”

“Don’t Dais me. You don’t get to call me that anymore.”

His hazel eyes shuttered, and my chest clenched with guilt. “It’s not like it changes anything, does it?” he muttered quietly.

Staring back at the water, I swallowed thickly. “No. I guess it doesn’t.”

The long stretch of silence that followed felt like it would strangle me with my own emotions. I didn’t know why I asked what I did next, maybe to torture myself some more, but I had to know. “When did you guys get together?”

“Daisy.”

“Just tell me.”

A sigh left him. “Almost a year after you’d moved.”

My voice shook. “Do you love her?”

He only hesitated for a second before saying, “Yeah, I do.” He groaned. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

More silence as I beat back the tears with every ounce of strength I had. Which wasn’t much at that stage. “Makes sense. You guys survived being apart for what, a year then? We barely survived a few months.”

“That’s not fair. Two hours is a lot different than nine. And what happened with us was—”

“Whatever. So why did you want to talk to me then? To apologize?” I kept looking at the water, wishing I could dunk my head in it. Though it was probably freezing, I would bet a hundred dollars it’d feel better than what I was feeling right now.

“Yeah, and I don’t know.” He paused. “No, I do know. I was hoping we could maybe be friends?”

Wow. Well, out of all the things I’d expected or hoped he’d say to me, none of what had actually been said was it. I didn’t know what I’d expected. That he’d say he’d made some big mistake? That he’d want me back? Would I even want him back?

I couldn’t answer any of my own questions, so I answered his with a begrudging, “I suppose we can.”

He chuckled, and my stomach dipped at the sound. “Don’t sound too excited about it.”

I looked over at him with furrowed brows. “To be honest, I don’t even know why you’d want to be friends. Is it pity? If so, I’m good, thanks.”

Covering his mouth as his shoulders heaved with laughter, he shook his head. “No, it’s not pity. You’ve been my best friend since I can even remember. Why wouldn’t I want to keep you in my life?”

That made sense. Too bad it’d probably suck for me. “What about Alexis?”

He sucked his lips into his mouth, and my own fell open as I watched him roll them between his perfect teeth. He’d never needed braces like I had growing up. It used to drive me insane with jealousy. “She might not be very happy about it. But it’s not like …”

“We’d hang out and have sleepovers all the time? Yeah, I figured that. And really …”

“You couldn’t deal with that?” he offered, eyes twinkling with humor.

Ugh, finishing each other’s sentences was only cute when you were in love. When you were in unrequited love, it just plain sucked. “Yeah,” I said, turning away and thinking I should probably just go before I lost the battle with my raging emotions. “I’d better go.”

I grabbed my purse, standing while he said, “Hey, just be careful.”

“With what?” I stopped a few feet away from the bench.

“Callum.” He leaned forward, elbows bent on his knees and his hands clasped together as he stared up at me. I wished he wouldn’t do that—look so concerned and so damn good while doing it. His eyes, the same ones I’d known since I was a child with years of memories shining luminously at me, still made my breath catch.

I almost forgot what we were talking about. “What?”

“Callum. He came to see you tonight?” His brows lowered.

“What about him?” I fidgeted with the zipper on my purse.

“He isn’t known for getting serious with anyone since his ex screwed him over.”

I failed to see what this had to do with him, or maybe that was still my emotions getting the better of me. The pesky things wanted to surface and either have me throw myself at him or lay at his feet in a puddle of my own sorrow. God, I wished this would just end. “Why do you care?”

With a lift of his shoulders, he said, “Friends, remember?”

Scoffing, I started moving away. “You don’t get to do that. I’m trying to move on, just like you did.”

“Daisy.” He stood. “Just because I … moved on doesn’t mean I don’t care.” When I raised a brow at him, irritated, he continued, “As I said, you’ve always been my best friend.”

And I was done tormenting myself for tonight. For a lifetime. “All right. Well, I’ve had enough friending for tonight.” I turned and walked away, calling out over my shoulder, “Bye, Quinn.”

After putting in my order for a chicken salad, I took a seat in an empty booth near the back of the diner. I would’ve felt a little awkward, sitting on my own, but one glance around had me noticing I wasn’t alone. People sat in groups, in pairs, or by themselves.

Pulling my clunker of a book out of my bag, I flipped it open to continue my English lit reading while waiting for my food.

“Here you go,” the waitress said, placing my salad and water down on the table.

Pushing my book aside, I thanked her and tugged my plate closer, unwrapping my cutlery from inside the napkin.

Feeling eyes on me, I looked up just as Quinn slid into a booth at the opposite end with a bottle of water. I tore my eyes away from his, ignoring the way my heart raced, and started eating. I hadn’t seen him since our random chat last week, the one where he tortured me some more, then rubbed salt in all my wounds by asking to be friends.

My feet scuffed over the floor, my hand twirling the fork over and over. I couldn’t concentrate. Could hardly eat, knowing he was seated just tables away from me.

A few minutes later, I closed my book just as Quinn sat down across from me. “Hi.”

Glancing around the half full diner quickly, I mustered up some courage and brought my gaze to his. “Uh, hi.”

“Saw you sitting by yourself, and well, I was by myself, so I just thought …” he trailed off, and we both laughed nervously.

This eye locking business was getting hard to fight. So I gave in and let my eyes do what they wanted, which was to study his brows, the way they rose up and down a little as he looked at me, and the way his hands twisted around a menu.

“You ordered yet?” I asked.

He shook his head, then nodded. “Yeah, no. I mean, I have.”

Laughter again. Okay. This was awkward.

And to make matters worse, I went and asked something I’d been too curious about. “So I forgot to ask. Did you get in trouble? Um, after the other weekend?”

Looking confused, he parted his lips slightly and then licked his upper lip. I think my thighs clenched under the table. I started eating my food, for something to do, if nothing else. “Not really, no. After I explained it, she was okay, I guess.”

“You guess?” I blurted around a mouthful of chicken, instantly wanting to stick ice on my flaming cheeks.

He just grinned, which didn’t help. I swallowed my food without chewing enough, then reached for my water, gulping it down to keep it from getting stuck in my throat.

“Naturally, she wouldn’t be happy about it.”

Couldn’t argue with that, so I didn’t push any further. His food arrived. A huge burger, fries, and a salad. He dug right in, and we ate in silence until he’d almost demolished everything on his plate.

He’d always eaten a lot. Apparently, football had a lot to do with that. I remembered his mom used to gripe, albeit lovingly, that she was glad they only had the one child. As he ate enough to empty their bank accounts some weeks.

I finished as much of my salad as I could, which was a lot, considering my stomach wouldn’t stop bouncing around, making me think I would end up with a serious case of the hiccups, or indigestion if it didn’t cut it out soon.

“You’ve always hated tomatoes,” he said.

“Huh?” I glanced up from where I’d been scooting one around my plate, catching the warmth in his eyes. “Oh. I don’t know, something about them—”

“Just isn’t right,” he cut in, and I almost choked on the crouton I’d just put in my mouth.

My mom used to say we were possibly twins in another life with the way we used to finish each other’s sentences, and the way we gravitated toward each other from the moment we met. I used to think that was cool until I started recognizing my feelings for him, and how they’d started to change. Then I’d scrunch my nose, tell her she was gross, and storm out of the room like the petulant young teenager I didn’t get to be very often.

His eyes on mine felt like a trip down memory lane. One filled with dandelions, stars, hay, and a tire swing underneath a willow tree. My mouth went dry, and he seemed to blink out of whatever thought he was thinking.

“How’s your mom and dad?” I asked to maybe break the tension a little. I couldn’t tell if it was all in my head and just one sided, or if he was still feeling the same pull that had always been there.

His knitted brows and the way his teeth were stuck in his bottom lip as he stared at me had me thinking that maybe it was still there for him too. “They’re good,” he finally said, then shoved a handful of fries into his mouth and chewed.

“I bet your mom is missing you.” I smiled, remembering the way she’d fuss over him.

His answering smile was full of affection. “Nah. At first, yeah. She’d call me like three times a day. This year, it’s lessened some.”

“Once a week?”

He barked out a laugh, picking up his water and taking a sip. “Yeah, something like that.”

I wondered what they thought of Alexis. Of the fact they were together now. Then pushed it away when I realized that was stupid. Of course, they loved her. They’d loved us all.

“What was your new school like?” he asked, his softer tone of voice and the way he was now avoiding my eyes knocking me from my thoughts.

“Well, it was—”

“Hey, babe, Tina said you were here.” Alexis seemed to appear out of nowhere. Or maybe that was my fault for seeing nothing but the boy in front of me. Not a boy anymore, I reminded myself, watching his huge shoulders tense as Alexis wrapped an arm around them. She didn’t even notice me until she sat down. “Oh, she didn’t say you weren’t alone, though.” She grabbed one of his fries, biting it clean in half as she stared me up and down.

I couldn’t tell if she was just looking or scrutinizing and inwardly cursed myself out for wearing my old, baggy gray Black Sabbath sweatshirt. Which was more like a short jumper dress that I’d paired with black leggings.

Quinn cleared his throat, and the skin on the back of my neck prickled as he leaned in to kiss her cheek, resulting in her turning her head for him to kiss her mouth instead. Her lips pried his open, her tongue forcing its way inside. His startled eyes moved to mine briefly before he grabbed her slim shoulders.

He laughed, pulling away, and I glanced down at my stomach, hoping my food stayed down. “I’ve just eaten a shit ton of onions,” he said.

Looking back up, I watched her shrug and take another fry. “I should go,” I muttered, grabbing my bag and reaching for my textbook.

“No,” Alexis said. “Don’t be stupid. You haven’t even finished your food.”

“I’m not that hungry.”

Quinn frowned down at my plate. “You’ve barely eaten half.”

With a lift of my shoulders, I smiled, hoping it didn’t look too forced. His eyes narrowed, and he turned to Alexis. “She was eating alone, and so was I. Thought we’d catch up.”

I wanted to kiss him for not throwing me under the bus in any sort of way. Scrap that, I wanted to do way more than kiss him. But remembering who’d actually just did that, and looking at the beautiful woman who got to do that whenever she wanted, I took the thought, scrunched it up, and threw it away.

“Fair enough.” Alexis nodded. Leaning forward and clasping her hands together, she rested her chin on them and smiled thinly at me. “How do you like college? It’s a bit different than we thought it’d be, huh?”

She’d gotten that fucking right. I coughed, grabbing my water and taking a big sip before replying. “It sure is.”

“What’s your favorite class?” She paused, pointing a finger at me, my eyes almost crossed as I took in her glossy pink nail polish. I was tempted to ask her what brand it was, but then remembered she’d stolen my heart away from me and thought better of it. “No, let me guess. Art.”

Tilting my shoulders again, I let out a stilted laugh. “You got me.”

She grinned, and envy, thick and slimy, slid into my bloodstream. She’d always been so pretty growing up. Now, there probably wasn’t another woman, young or old, who compared.

Leaning back in the seat, she looked around. “God, the food in this place smells so good.”

“Why don’t you grab something?” Quinn suggested, finishing his own.

Alexis sent him a glare. “You know why.”

He looked like he wanted to roll his eyes. “There are healthy options.”

“Are you kidding?” She pointed at my plate with an accusing finger. “The salad is soaked in dressing.”

“So order it without,” Quinn said with a shrug.

Yeah, I really needed to go. “I have to get home; this bad boy isn’t going to read itself.” After tossing a ten-dollar bill on the table, I picked up my book again and stood with my bag.

Alexis looked at me, a glimmer of something in her eye. I couldn’t read her. I thought I used to be able to, but I’d been wrong about a lot of things. “Okay, see you round, I guess.”

“Yeah, see you round,” I mumbled. With one last glance at Quinn, I found remorseful eyes pinned on me.

I didn’t want his remorse. And I most certainly didn’t want to spend another second in their company, so I turned for the door, shouldering past someone and muttering an apology.

Outside, the autumn wind whipped at my face, thankfully ridding my eyes of the tears that’d gathered.

God, that sucked so much.

There was no point in wondering if seeing them together would get easier.

If anything, I knew it would only get worse.

Waiting for the long line of students to file out the door after algebra, my phone started ringing. I pulled it out and saw Pippa’s face on the screen. Her eyes were crossed, and her tongue was poking out. Smiling at the picture, I hit answer. “Wassup?”

“Not much, lady. I’m just grabbing some dinner from the cafeteria. Want something?”

I moved forward and squeezed past a couple talking heatedly by the door. “Sick of the new microwave in the common room already?”

She scoffed. “You bet your tiny ass, I am. So what’ll it be?”

Heading down the hall of the math building, I stepped outside. “Just grab me some mac and cheese. I’ll pay you back when you get in.”

“Don’t bother, you can buy next time.”

After reaching around to tuck my phone in my backpack, I swung back around and almost collided with a huge chest. Large hands landed on my shoulders. Looking up, my eyes met hazel ones. Quinn. “Sorry.”

He gave me a small smile. “You should watch where you’re going. Isn’t that what the glasses are for?”

Without thinking, I made a face and pushed them farther up my nose. He chuckled, and I watched in fascination as the tiny lines near his eyes crinkled, wondering how deep they’d get as the years rolled by. I knew the years would be kind to him, and my chest hurt when I remembered I wouldn’t be around to witness that for myself.

The warmth of his skin started seeping through the thin cotton of my orange sweater, and I glanced away as he realized and dropped his hands, putting them in the pockets of his jeans.

“What are you doing over here?” We started walking down the pink and red rock path that led to the quad. I half expected him to say something about the last time we saw each other at the diner a few days ago, but half of me was glad he hadn’t.

“I have calculus here on Tuesdays. I didn’t show this week and needed to grab some notes. Gillard loves to spring pop quizzes on you when you least expect it.”

“You’d probably ace it without the notes.” He’d always been good at any kind of math. It came naturally to him, just like sports. I remembered him struggling with reading and writing when we were little kids. Our moms were teachers, though, so he’d caught up with everyone else by fourth grade.

He guffawed. “Doubtful. I swear, she makes it her mission to find everything you don’t know, so she can throw it at you.”

“Yeah, remind me not to take any of her classes next year.”

Chuckling a bit, he said, “Noted. Though I guess that’s why we’re here. To learn and all.”

“It’s easy to forget that sometimes,” I admitted.

He hummed. “So you’ve already picked your major?”

“Yep.” I shifted my bag higher over my shoulder as we rounded the corner and neared the quad. The fountain was off today, and it looked smaller, duller without the rushing water. The color that normally bled from the gardens around it not as luminous.

“Fine arts,” he said with a short jerk of his head.

Smiling up at him, I let my eyes soak in the way the last rays of sunshine skimmed over the deep cut of his cheekbones, highlighting his almost dimples.

I remembered the way I used to tease him, asking how it was possible to end up with two sets of half dimples. He’d laugh and say it was better than having one before poking me in the cheek.

Lashes bobbing, he shifted his eyes from my cheek to meet mine, and the universe seemed to shrink in size.

He cleared his throat, and it expanded once again. “Well, I’ll see you.”

“Bye,” I whispered, watching him walk back the way we’d come.

I was going to kill Pippa.

Okay, maybe killing was a little dramatic. I’d simply mess up her lingerie drawer. Maybe even put some of her nice dresses in her pajama and comfort clothes drawer.

I was such a rebel. And a total pussy because, as annoyed as I was, I probably wouldn’t do it.

Staring across the fire, I tried to ignore the burning in my gut, the flames of jealousy that grew higher until I thought they might come out of my mouth in a giant scream of rage.

It wasn’t enough that I had to watch them just days ago. No, now I had to watch her put her hands on him again. I needed to look away but couldn’t. He had a look on his face that seemed to say he was unaccustomed to her being so touchy-feely, but she kept doing it anyway. Up his chest, fingers skimming over his jaw, her lithe body folding into the side of his giant one as she sat on his lap. Alexis looked like a panther curling up to a lion. I wished he’d bite her head off and be done with her.

“Beer?” Toby offered, holding one in front of my face.

Quinn’s eyes connected with mine, and I looked away, up at Toby. “Why not?” My tone was dry, and he chuckled, taking a seat beside Pippa. She was the reason I was here, at another party, much sooner than I’d anticipated. Toby had asked her to come. No wonder she’d wanted to buy me dinner.

Staring into the fire burning in the center of the small residential backyard, I idly wondered if one of the neighbors would call the fire department or the cops. Then I figured the neighbors were probably college students too and took a sip of beer.

When Toby got up, I leaned into Pippa. “You didn’t say he’d be here.”

“He?” she asked, a pointed brow raised. “Or she?” Squinting at her, I sagged back in my chair as she laughed. “Chill, we’ll go soon. I’m not down for being ignored anyway.”

I glanced over at Toby, who was talking to one of the guys I recognized from the last party we attended. “He’s being social.”

“Don’t defend him.”

“Don’t make me endure this torture then.” I said it like I was joking, but she didn’t get it. It really was fucking torture, and it took gulping down the rest of my beer to keep me seated.

Hearing the music come on inside, Alexis and one of her friends got up and swayed their hips as they wandered in through the back doors.

Pippa moved down a few seats and started chatting with someone from her biology class, and I relaxed back into my chair, breathing a little easier. As long as I kept my eyes away, I could probably wait Pippa out.

But then he just had to sit next to me. “You probably shouldn’t do that,” I murmured, beer and annoyance giving me courage to speak my mind.

“What? Sit next to you?” The plastic chair groaned as his body dropped onto it.

“Yeah.” I watched the door, just waiting for Alexis to come back outside and see what he was doing.

Warmth hit my hand, which was resting on the arm of the chair, or more like holding it in a death grip. Quinn gently pried my fingers off the plastic. “You’re tense.”

“Uh-huh.”

He knew why, but his fingers didn’t let go. Instead, he wrapped his hand around mine between our chairs. I glanced at him, horrified and elated. “Quinn.”

“Mmm?” He was studying our hands, turning mine over to lay flush against his palm.

“How much have you had to drink?”

He met my gaze and grinned. “Not too much.”

He was lying. Maybe he wasn’t drunk, but he definitely wasn’t anywhere near sober.

Not my problem.

But it wasn’t like him, and I couldn’t help but wonder what had him doing something he usually wouldn’t.

He had questions of his own, though. “Dais, I need to know something.”

I was still a little stunned and captivated by his hand touching mine. “What?”

“Why’d you change your number?”

My heart stopped, then started racing. “Quinn.” I struggled with words. “It doesn’t matter now.”

“It does.” His voice was surprisingly hard. “Tell me why. Was it something I said? Or did? Did I—”

“It just got too hard, okay?” I spewed out, my chest heaving. I tried to calm my breathing. “I… I got really upset and angry.”

Looking kind of shocked, he asked, “You mean when you got your phone back? And you thought I didn’t care because I didn’t call enough?”

“I know it sounds petulant. It was, and I regret it, so let’s please just drop it.” I slumped sullenly, trying to pull my hand from his. He wouldn’t let me.

“You know,” he said after a minute. “The moon and stars look different out here.” Staring at him, I didn’t know what to say as I swam in the sea of his eyes. “They’re not as clear, and it gets murky. Things block them, intruding on the view.”

“Oh? I hadn’t noticed.” I swallowed, my beer almost slipping out of my sweaty hand.

He leaned in until I could smell him and the beer on his breath. “Liar. I miss you.”

“Quinn, you’re drunk.”

His head shook, blond strands sprinkling onto his forehead. “I’m not, but I just can’t stop looking. The sky. You.” His tongue darted out, wetting his bottom lip. “Why can’t I ever stop looking?”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that,” I whispered, knowing I should lean away from him yet not able to make myself move.

“Say you miss me, too.” He said it like it was so simple. As if it was nothing to bare even more of myself than I already had. I’d exposed enough.

My throat tightened, wanting to lock my words inside. “You already know I do.”

Heartbeats felt like minutes as he stared at me. “I’m sorry. It’s just … confusing. Hard.”

“Oh, you think it’s hard?”

The clenching of his jaw drew my gaze. “I know. I know you think it’s easy for me, but it’s not. It’s anything but. I feel fucking terrible. Constantly torn.”

“You do?” I tried to infuse my tone with ire, but I failed.

“You know I do. And as fucked up as it is, I can’t help but think, no, I know, that things should’ve been different.”

I felt sick. Like I’d drank ten beers instead of half of one. “Maybe in another life, Quinn.” Giving him a weak smile, one I didn’t feel like he deserved, I got up, dropping my beer and his hand.

“Dais,” he called, but I ignored him and headed for the side gate, wanting to avoid the crowd inside. Without looking back, I pulled the gate shut behind me, but then it was tugged back open. I spun around and Quinn stepped into me, the gate closing with a click behind him.

“Don’t do that.” His chest was noticeably rising and falling, his breath clouding the air between us.

“Do what?” I went to take a step back, needing to breathe without inhaling him, and almost tripped over the garden ledge.

Hands grabbed my waist, and I was once again too damn close. “Don’t just walk away from me.”

I didn’t know what to do. His hands held my hips firmly; his thumbs shifting over the material of my dress made my stomach spasm violently. Feeling a bit lightheaded, I went to move his hands off me when one of them lifted to my cheek, palming it gently.

Meeting his gaze, I barely had two seconds to catch a much-needed breath before his lips descended, crashing into mine.

I forgot what we were talking about, or what we should be doing. But it was most definitely not this. Everything fell away. It was only the firm press of his lips on mine, the hand that drifted to the back of my head, tilting it as his tongue separated my lips, invading my mouth and every one of my taste buds.

He tasted like beer but also just like I remembered. My hands clenched at his shirt, my tongue melting into his as my heartbeat echoed in the far-off distance, and my lungs screamed for air. I’d go without it. I didn’t need air. I just needed this.

“Daisy? You out here?”

The world returned, and I pulled away, almost stumbling into the garden again before Quinn caught me. I let go of him, keeping my gaze fixed on the ground as I tried to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. My feet felt heavy as I walked to the front of the house.

Pippa was just about to close the door and head back inside when I managed to say, “Hey, ready to go?”

Her bewildered look would’ve made me laugh if I weren’t still trying to breathe properly.

She closed the door and met me in the driveway. “What are you doing out here?”

Quickly, I looked back toward the side of the house, but Quinn had already disappeared into the shadows. “I didn’t feel like walking through the house, so I just came through the side.”

We walked down the street, the lights from campus glowing in the near distance. “What did Quinn say? He looked a little drunk.”

My heart thumped, my hands itching to reach up to my lips, which felt as though they were burning. I was still struggling to comprehend what just happened. “Not much. I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Yawning, she said, “Fair enough.”

“Toby?” I asked, kicking a stray rock on the sidewalk.

“Don’t really want to talk about it.”

We both snickered and made the walk home in thoughtful silence.

We were late.

Squeezing past rows upon rows of knees that didn’t seem to want to move the tiniest bit for us, we took a seat near the end of the row, and I sighed with relief. “Well, this is different from high school football.”

“You already knew that,” Pippa said, shoving her soda straw into her mouth and side eyeing the loud group of people seated next to her.

“It’s one thing to know and another to see it in person.” I looked down at the field, squinting behind the lenses of my glasses from all the glaring lights. “I can’t see them. Who’s who?”

She winced when I looked over at her. “That was Quinn.”

“What?” I looked back at the field, spying Quinn getting up off the ground. “Oh.” My stomach clenched as it always used to when he played. That, and the things he’d said and done the night before still hadn’t left me.

The kiss.

He was drunk. I kept repeating that to myself all day, yet it didn’t help. The urgency, the familiarity, how right it felt, it was hard to forget. Impossible. I didn’t think I ever would, no matter how hard I tried.

“He’s fine. They’re used to it,” Pippa said. “Fucking crazy, if you ask me, though.”

I shifted in my seat. “Agreed.”

As though he could feel us watching him, number eight looked straight at where we were sitting. And even behind the helmet, with the distance between us and the field, I knew he was smiling. He should’ve looked tiny from where we were seated in the stands, but he didn’t. To me, he’d always seemed larger than life, and never more so than when he was doing something he loved. I knew he must be feeling pretty crappy after drinking last night, but he didn’t let it show.

A dark head turned in the stands a few rows in front of us as Quinn ran off. Alexis. Her eyes connected with mine. Guilt flared inside me, but I didn’t look away. She shook her head slightly, then finally turned back around.

My tongue felt thick, and I swallowed hard. Let her assume what she wanted. I knew Quinn probably hadn’t said anything to her, and I didn’t even come here for him. Okay, so it was a perk, sure, but I came because Callum invited me. Mostly. Where was he?

“I think I’ve forgotten what position he plays.”

“Who?” Pippa asked over the screaming fans as someone on our team made it to the end zone. “Was that Toby?”

I shrugged, opening a pack of potato chips. “We suck.”

“That we do.” She shoved her straw back in her mouth, leaning into me and away from the rowdy fans next to us. “I’ve never dated a football player, though. Hockey, yes. Football, no. You have, so you should be teaching me this stuff.”

My eyes ran over the field, the floodlights not doing a damn thing to help me find Callum.

“I wasn’t really interested.”

She guffawed. “Quinn knew that?”

“Of course, he did. He knew I was interested in watching him, though,” I said with a grin before remembering not mine, not mine. I changed the subject. “So you’re dating now?” I knew they weren’t but felt like prodding.

Pippa finished her drink and set it down, plucking her mints from her pocket. “No, but you know what I meant.”

Thirty minutes later, I was out of snacks and the whistle blew.

“It’s over then?” Pippa asked, looking at the Tomahawks crowding each other on the field, then at all the fans standing, screaming, stomping, and yelling around us in a sea of orange and gray. “At least we know they won.”

We waited until the people seated in our row had moved, then made our way out of the stands and waited in the parking lot. I didn’t really want to wait for Callum, knowing Quinn would see, but I at least wanted him to know I’d shown up, in case he hadn’t already seen.

We watched the crowds disperse a while, and I pulled my coat tighter as the door burst open and the players came flooding out into the lot. Toby was in the front, talking to Callum, and was the first to spot us.

“Hey, Pip,” he said, walking over and tugging on a strand of her long hair. “You feel like putting me out of my misery?”

She rolled her eyes. “Not tonight. And don’t call me Pip.”

“Ah, another night, then?” He sidled up to her, and I turned to Callum, who was pulling his drink bottle out of his bag.

“Good game,” I said, feeling like a chump.

He grinned at me around the lip of his bottle. “Did you watch?”

Tucking my hands into my pockets, I nodded. “Sure did.”

“Wanna come to a party? Burrows is throwing one at his apartment across town.”

I looked at Pippa, but she was too engrossed in conversation with Toby, who had an arm bent on the car behind her, trying to cage her in. “Nah, I think I’ve had enough partying for a while.”

Chuckling, he put his drink away, then grabbed my hand from my pocket, using it to pull me toward him. His hair was damp, and he smelled like soap. “I’m glad you came,” he whispered against my lips, his eyes darting back and forth between mine.

I was sure they were huge, and my glasses started fogging with my harsh breathing.

Feeling a set of eyes on me, I glanced to my left and saw Quinn look away as he approached Alexis, who was waiting by his truck. I averted my gaze before I could see them touch, giving my attention back to Callum. Who didn’t miss a beat. “You friends with Alexis?”

I didn’t know how to answer that, but I did it as honestly as I could. “No.”

Tilting his head, he pinched his lips together as he studied me, looking as though he wanted to ask something else. “So you and Quinn?” I’d wondered when he might say something. I waited for him to continue with my pulse whistling in my ears. “He’s the one who messed you up?”

“I guess you’ve heard about that, then.”

He jerked his shoulders. “The guys on the team gossip like no woman I’ve ever met.”

That made me laugh, and his hand reached up to stroke my cheek. I froze, admitting quietly, “It’s now in the past, as you can no doubt see.”

Because kiss or no kiss, I wasn’t the one he walked to a minute ago. I couldn’t help but wonder if he regretted it. He probably did.

Humming, Callum said even quieter, “But maybe not where it counts the most.”

I wasn’t as stunned by his perceptiveness as I should’ve been. “Not yet, but I have hope.”

“Me too,” he said. “It gets better, right?”

I knew he was talking about his ex, and I had the strongest urge to wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze all his pain out of him. I knew how badly it hurt. How it either kept you awake or haunted your dreams. So that was what I did. I threw my arms around him and whispered, “I don’t know if it gets better, just easier to live with.”

His strong arms wound around my waist, and my eyes closed. I’d forgotten. Misplaced the memory of how nice it felt to simply be held in someone’s arms like this.

Pulling away, I offered him a watery smile, which he returned before grabbing my cheeks and staring into my eyes. “He’s an idiot.”

“So is she,” I said with complete sincerity.

Then he kissed me.

It wasn’t lewd, or wet, or a promise of more to come. It was a gentle press of his lips to mine. A sharing of skin, emotion, and empathy, which I absorbed as if it was a painkiller. He pulled back, his thumb brushing against my cheek before he walked off toward his car where one of his teammates was waiting for him.

Blinking and shifting on my feet, I found Quinn staring straight at me over Alexis’s shoulder, his jaw tight and his eyes filled with something I couldn’t read. I looked away when Alexis noticed who he was staring at, and with my stomach flipping, I turned to Pippa.

She was laughing at something Toby had said. “I’m going to head home. You coming?”

She looked from Toby to me, bit her lip, and then nodded. “Later, Tobes.”

“Hey! You can’t call me that,” he said as she linked her arm through mine.

“Then don’t call me Pip!” she called over her shoulder as we walked out of the parking lot.

“You let me call you Pip.”

“He hasn’t earned the right,” she whisper-hissed.

“You don’t want to hang out with him?” I asked once we were out of earshot and heading back toward the dorms. Despite being late, the streets were full of students and people hanging around, chatting, drinking, smoking underneath the streetlamps, or sitting on garden ledges.

“I do, but I don’t.”

“What?” I asked.

“He’s … pretty full on.”

Well, that was true. “But he seems extremely invested in nabbing you.”

She laughed. “Yes, and Christ, he’s, I don’t know. There’s something about him. He’s not only good looking, but he’s also got this magnetism that sucks you in.”

I was confused. “So why not give him a chance?”

Silence fell for a minute. “Do you believe in gut feelings?”

“I do, yes.”

“Well, mine is telling me to give it a try, but for once, I don’t trust it.” We skirted around a large family.

“I’m really confused. Why?”

She waited until we were inside and headed upstairs to our room before saying, “The way he ignored me at the party.”

I closed the door, locking it and kicking my shoes off. “Yeah. That was weird.”

“He kind of acted like he didn’t even want me. It was not only embarrassing, but I also didn’t get it.”

“What are you going to do?” I asked, looking at her.

“I have no idea. And after seeing him again tonight …” She sat down on her bed, plugging her phone into the charger.

“He was hot again. You’re worried he’s going to be hot and cold?”

“Yep,” she said.

That was understandable. “Shit. If we can’t trust our guts, what can we trust?”

The smile she gave me was sad but comforting at the same time. “Our hearts, I guess.”

My sigh was more of a groan. “Well, I’m screwed.”

Slamming my locker closed, I tried to ignore the comments and questions hurled at Welsh about Daisy. It’d been days since the game, and he saw her; it’s not like she even came out afterward. Yet they’re all acting like he’s bagged some virgin and it’s the best thing since they got their first cell phones and realized they could use them to watch porn.

It grated. Badly.

As much as I’d been trying otherwise, she was filling my every god damned thought. Ever since I laid eyes on her again, it was like I saw nothing but her. My neck was getting stiff from all its swiveling around, my eyes constantly on the lookout for something I couldn’t have anymore. Yet I’d tried to take it anyway.

I felt fucking wretched. As if I was being torn in two uneven, jagged halves.

Her lips, fuck. I messed up just kissing her like that. But what I couldn’t understand was why it didn’t feel like a mistake.

“If you break her hymen, dude. Get evidence.”

“Yeah, it didn’t happen unless we see some blood,” Burrows jeered, making me spin around. With my fists clenching, my eyes locked on Welsh’s, and he sent me an apologetic look. Yeah, he knew. He probably knew I’d already been there too but kept his mouth shut. Wasn’t sure if I was thankful or annoyed about that.

“Shut up about it, already,” Callum said, slipping on his sneakers. “You’re acting like a bunch of prepubescent idiots.”

Burrows snorted. “You’re the idiot if you pass that shit up. Or what, waiting for the bitch to come begging you for another chance?” He sneered. “Again?”

Callum tensed, slowly looking up from where he was tying his shoes on the bench seat.

Burrows raised his hands, and I glanced at Mike, who was wisely minding his own business on the other side of the locker room. He’d wanna be.

He and Renee, Callum’s ex, had somehow ended up in bed together after a wild party last year. Despite swearing he didn’t sleep with her, one of Renee’s friends—or not friend, I don’t know—had a photo of them both practically naked together in Mike’s bed.

Coach Lawrence walked in, tugging his ball cap over his balding head. “All right, ladies. Playtime’s over. Get up and get your asses out there.”

Callum’s head shook as if he were trying to clear it. I did feel bad for the guy but not right then. My blood boiled instantly every time I thought about him and Daisy kissing last weekend after the game. But I couldn’t say anything. Not a damn thing.

“You good?” I heard his voice behind me as I jogged out onto the field.

“Fine, why?” I didn’t look at him, afraid I might’ve punched him in the face.

“You know why. Look, it’s not—”

A hollow laugh flew out of me. “Don’t,” I gritted out. “I kind of want to kill you right now, and I feel like an asshole for even feeling this way, so just … give me some space.”

Without looking at him, I jogged over to the other side of the field to join the guys there for warm-up.

“Hey, stranger,” Alexis said, leaning against the front door.

Shutting the truck door, I walked over. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Haven’t seen you since the weekend. I missed you.”

Her arms came around my waist, and her head took up residence on my chest, right above my traitorous heart. Feeling like a world-class douchebag, I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight.

“I thought we could hang out. Maybe watch a movie?” she asked, following me upstairs once we were inside.

I didn’t know if I could spend that much time with her. I’d fucking cheated on her. And the worst part was that, slightly drunk or not, I was scared if given the chance, I’d do it again. “I’ve got a lot of studying to do, rain check?” I needed to get my head straight and figure out what the hell I was doing.

She didn’t answer me, and I looked over from where I was rummaging through the stuff on my desk, searching for the notes I’d taken last week. Her blue eyes were narrowed, and her arms were crossed as she leaned against the doorframe. “What?”

She shook her head. “Nothing, I’ll just leave you to it then.”

“Lex.” I moved over to her. “Don’t do that. Spit it out.”

“It’s just, a rain check?” she asked. “Really?”

My brows lowered. “You always say it to me when you need to study. What’s the big deal?”

Sucking her lip into her mouth, her eyes moved to the ceiling before dropping and nailing me on the spot with their ire. “What’s the big deal? The big deal is that we’ve hardly seen each other in weeks. In fact, the last time we even had sex was weeks ago when you took me like an animal.”

Cringing at the reminder, I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

Her raised hand shut me up. “It’s not that. I told you I liked it, loved it even, and nothing since.” She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “It’s Daisy, isn’t it?”

“What?” My mouth dried.

“You came to my dorm, all messed up over some crap I might or might not have done years ago. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have done that.”

She had me by the balls, and she knew it.

Sitting down on my bed, I ran my hands up and down my face, trying to think. I didn’t know what to do. I felt stuck, as though I’d backed myself into a corner with no exit in sight.

What the hell was I supposed to do? Tell her, just tell her now.

Sitting down next to me, she reached out, taking one of my hands in hers. “I love you, Quinn. And I know, I’m not stupid. I know what you and Daisy had. But that was then, and this is now.”

“What do you mean by that?” I looked at her, and she gave me a hesitant, sad smile.

“I understand you’re going to have residual feelings. She was your first in a lot of ways, and you guys meant a lot to each other. But I need to know, is it the shock of seeing her? What’s happening to us?”

She was my first in every way, in a way that messed up something fundamental inside me when I realized we weren’t going to be each other’s last. But residual feelings? Maybe that was what this was. Maybe I’d been overthinking it. I could only hope because it was getting to be too much. And that hope meant that over time, they might fade away.

“Yeah,” I said, stumbling over my thoughts. “I think it is. It’s just … weird. And I feel like a dick. Us being together.”

“Because she came here with ideas in her head that she’d be with you?”

I didn’t like the harsh tone of her voice when she said that. But it was true. “Who knows what she came here hoping for exactly. But it was clearly a shock, and none of us knew what really happened after she left.”

“That’s not your burden to bear, Quinn. Anyway, she seems like she’s moving on now. Callum might be good for her. He’s nice enough if he can get over Renee.”

I wanted to smash something.

That was what I was worried about. If anyone could make a man get over someone, or be willing to try, it was Daisy. She was so different now. No longer just a teenage girl but a young woman. Yet she was still the same. Beautiful, golden, and intensely addictive to be around.

“Maybe,” I said, thinking, maybe never.

No one seemed good enough for Daisy. Especially not me.

Leaning in, Alexis pressed her lips against my cheek, her hand leaving mine to tilt my head to hers. Her lips met mine, and I shut my eyes, trying to rid my thoughts of golden hair by letting her take control of the kiss. It started slow, sweet, but when her hands began to roam and a whimper slipped out of her mouth and into mine, a chilling sensation worked its way down my spine.

I pulled away. “I’m sorry, I really meant what I said. I’ve gotta finish a paper.”

Blowing out a resigned breath, Alexis sat back, her fingers combing through her hair as she stood. From the doorway, she asked, “We’re okay, though?”

Not wanting to outright lie, I sent a smile her way and nodded.

Toby paused in the doorway to my room a few hours later. “Oh, shit. You are home.”

Tossing my pen down, I turned my chair around to face him and stretched my arms up and over my head. “Apparently.”

His head bobbed up and down. A little too fast for my liking. Cracking my neck, I studied him. He was wearing jeans and a band t-shirt, and I could smell his aftershave. “Got a date?”

“Kind of.” He walked off, saying, “Pippa’s coming around. She and Daisy should be here any minute.”

What the fuck?

Getting up from my chair so fast that it almost fell backward, I marched out of my room to the top of the staircase. “Daisy? Why?”

He looked up at me from the bottom. “I offered to make Pippa agree to come over. She’s harder to crack than a block of concrete. And Daisy’s cool, so I’ll deal.”

I heard the TV turn on a minute later and cursed underneath my breath. Great.

Walking back to my room, I sat back down in my chair, scooting it toward the desk. But my concentration was shot. My brain taking off elsewhere.

Voices sounded downstairs, and I looked down at my attire.

Pajama pants and a white t-shirt I’d pulled on after my shower. Studying was bad enough. I liked to at least be comfortable.

I could stay up here, I thought to myself. Just ignore that she was here.

Yeah right, you fucking wish.

Groaning quietly, I got up to get changed, then thought better of it. I didn’t care. I wasn’t supposed to care. I had a girlfriend.

I repeated that last nugget of important information to myself as I made my way downstairs and into the living room, thinking I’d just say a quick hello so I didn’t seem rude.

“Hey, asshole,” Pippa said, chucking some popcorn into her mouth from where she was seated next to Toby on the couch. I was more surprised he didn’t care she was eating popcorn on the couch than the fact she’d just called me an asshole.

“Yeah, hey.”

“Pippa.” Daisy laughed.

“What? Dude is going out with your ex-best friend. Asshole.”

“I’ll take it,” I said, flopping down on the couch beside Daisy. “Hi.”

Her smile was shaky, but it was there at least. “I’m a third wheel,” she whispered. “Hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” I said distractedly, noticing how the faint freckles on her nose had faded even more since we’d been apart. I was tempted to drag her back home to the fields beneath the sun to make them reappear.

The movie started with a round of gunshots, and I reluctantly gave my attention to it.

A while later, I heard Daisy curse softly and looked over to see her digging her pencil out of the crack between the couch cushions. Drawing. She had her sketchpad on her lap and a familiar poised concentration in her posture. Though to anyone else, she’d look completely relaxed.

My heart seized a little as I watched her hand, flying and twisting over the paper at different angles, charcoal rubbing off onto the side of her hand. I remembered when we were kids, before she became a little more diligent with washing her hands, she’d sometimes wipe them on her face and not realize she’d smudged charcoal or paint onto it.

“What’re you drawing?” I couldn’t make out what it was, her hand was moving over it this way and that, too fast for me to see.

“Toby and Pippa,” she said without stopping.

And there they were. I looked from the almost exact replica of them taking shape beside me over to the couple seated on the other side of the couch. Toby’s arm was around Pippa’s shoulders, his fingers playing with the tips of her hair. Her head was resting on his shoulder.

At that moment, with how comfortable they seemed, they looked like they’d been together for years, rather than just getting to know each other.

When the movie entered a quiet scene, I could hear my phone ringing from upstairs and went to see who it was. It was my mom. Setting a reminder to call her in the morning, I put my phone down and went back downstairs. I found Pippa and Toby making out, and no sign of Daisy.

I’d walked through the kitchen to get to the living room, so I knew she wasn’t there. Glancing at the front door, I noticed it was open a crack.

Walking outside and quietly closing it behind me, I saw her seated against the cement rendered exterior of the house right next to the window. Her sketchpad was beside her, and she’d pulled out a pen from somewhere and was doodling on her thigh instead.

Her shorts had ridden up, and one look at those long legs and creamy white thighs had me swallowing what felt like a boulder.

She paused, looking up as I took a seat beside her. Her brown eyes were wide behind the lenses of her black framed glasses as if she hadn’t expected me to follow her out here.

That made two of us.

“Didn’t your mama get mad at you enough times to make you stop drawing on your skin?”

The tense silence broken, she smiled down at her leg where she’d drawn a few daisies clustered together. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

That made me laugh. “You’re becoming bolder with old age.”

She smirked, looking over at me, and I didn’t realize how close we were until I watched her breath catch. “Eighteen is hardly old. But as you said, things change.”

Things change. I tried not to openly wince at having her repeat the same words I’d said to her. Nodding slowly, I said the first thing that popped into my head. “No braces.”

“I told you when I got rid of those torture devices.” With her cheeks flushing, she moved her gaze toward the street, peering through the gap in the small hedge that lined the porch.

“Yeah, but I never got to see.” I couldn’t stop looking. At her hair, her hands, those damn legs. I was greedy for everything. Everything I couldn’t have and shouldn’t want. Like this might be one of the only chances I had to really notice all the changes in her up close, to let my eyes eat their fill. “What happened to your purple glasses?”

“They broke after we moved. I had them repaired, but I don’t know … They never felt the same.” She laughed dryly. “Man, that sounds dumb.”

“I get it,” I said.

She looked back at me, a soft smile edging her pink lips, and fuck if I didn’t want to kiss her again. Reaching out without warning, she took my hand, laid it flat on her warm thigh, and started drawing something on my palm.

My throat tightened, my arms prickled with goose bumps, and my dick jerked to life at the soft strokes of the pen tip on my skin. “About the party,” I croaked, trying not to breathe in that familiar scent of caramel that drove me crazy.

Her dark brown lashes fluttered, and her hand paused. “Are you about to apologize?”

“For what?” I knew what she meant, but I wanted to hear her acknowledge it all the same.

“I know you were drunk, but you shouldn’t, we shouldn’t …”

Okay, so I was a little drunk, but not enough not to know what I was doing. “I know, but I can’t.”

“Can’t what?” Her thumb brushed the side of mine.

I could hardly think about anything other than how soft, how perfect her hand felt against my own. “I can’t apologize when I’m not actually sorry.”

She shook her head, going back to her doodling, but I’d felt more than heard her small intake of breath. “That’s not fair, Quinn. For anyone.”

“Yeah, that’s what I am sorry for. I’m sorry if I upset you or made you uncomfortable,” I admitted.

“You played a good game last weekend,” she said, changing the subject. I didn’t want to, but I let her, knowing it was probably for the best.

She bit her lip and twisted my hand sideways for a better angle. I didn’t even look at what she was drawing, still too caught up in looking at her. “You watched?” I asked.

“A little,” she said, a smile in her gentle voice.

She’d never liked football all that much. Well, I wouldn’t say she didn’t like it, but she just wasn’t all that interested in it. It was kind of refreshing. I loved the game, and I’d played it as far back as I could remember. Tossing a football in the fields with my dad were some of my first memories. But my world didn’t revolve around it, not like most other players on the team.

No, only a portion of my heart belonged to football. The rest belonged elsewhere. And I liked knowing I could enjoy this beloved game of mine for as long as I wanted. Then, when it was all over, home was where I would stay. Not out of obligation to my dad, but because that was where my soul remained. Under the soil of my family’s farm.

“Daisy?” Pippa called out just as Daisy finished drawing. She blew on the ink, and I couldn’t help the shiver that coursed through me like a flicker of lightning.

Her tiny hand folded over my fingers, closing my hand into a fist. “Don’t open it until I’m gone.” Her brown eyes stayed locked on mine a second, her voice filled with nerves. “Promise?”

It was all I could do to answer and not pull her into my lap. “Promise,” I rasped.

Pippa came outside, and Toby said something about walking them back to their dorm.

I think I nodded, but the ink on my palm felt hot. As if it was burning me.

I opened my hand, finding a mini constellation etched onto my skin.

With my heart sticking to the roof of my mouth, I looked up just in time to see Daisy walk out of sight. Alexis’s earlier words echoed in my head.

Meant a lot to each other.

We more than meant a lot to each other.

We were the breeze that ruffled the dandelions. The sun that scorched our skin red until we searched for reprieve under our favorite willow tree.

And underneath the stretch of dark skies, we were each other’s stars.

I was beginning to think I was an idiot for hoping those things would fade.

The small crowd inside the Bean Stream could be seen clearly through the window. I didn’t know exactly how this would play out, but I thought I’d better tag along.

Alexis got wind of it and insisted on joining us, which only made me feel more uneasy.

Robbo, a freshman on the team, was playing at the café’s open mic night, which was held once a month on a Thursday. And judging from the snickers and jeers coming from the guys behind me, we weren’t here for moral support.

I didn’t get coffee here often, but Robbo was a decent kid, and maybe I could help lessen the blow somehow.

Alexis linked her arm through mine the second we walked inside. The little bell’s tinkle was faint underneath the sound of someone adjusting an amp on the tiny makeshift stage.

“Oh, free table over there.” Alexis grinned and tugged my arm until we were seated on some purple and gold stools near the door to the store room on the left side of the stage.

The guys filled the remaining seats around us and the booth behind, Ed hollering the second Robbo peeked his head outside the store room where he must have been warming up. “Come on, rock star!”

Laughter ensued, and I flagged a passing waitress to ask for a coffee. Alexis shook her head when I asked if she wanted anything.

Under the guise of stretching, I pulled my arm from hers, then let my eyes roam over the small yet charming cafe. It kind of reminded me of the one we had back home—just with way more young adults and way less elderly reading the town paper and eating scones.

I sipped my coffee when it arrived, Alexis nudging her toe up the leg of my jeans as we waited for Robbo to come out.

I didn’t know whether I should be worried or relieved about the lack of activity in my pants.

My thoughts tugged back and forth between being here and wondering what I’d be doing if I were someplace else. With someone else.

The past week had almost driven me out of my own head. I was so sick of this game of tug-of-war. Awake or asleep, I only saw brown eyes surrounded by a head full of unruly golden hair. All I could think about was her touch on my hand, her lips on mine—and felt like the worst son of a bitch for something I was helpless to control.

My dick decided to harden, and I coughed, shifting my leg away from Alexis and feeling even worse.

A young girl playing a ukulele took a small bow to a short, clipped applause and vacated the stage, heading into the store room as Robbo finally moved onto the stage.

“Hey,” he said, resting his guitar against his leg as he adjusted the mic stand and pulled the stool closer. “So, ah, this is my first time.”

“Whoo, you naughty boy!” Ed called out.

“Yeah, at least let us buy you a drink first!” Callum hooted.

More laughter followed, and Robbo ducked his head. I knew he was trying to laugh it off, and if he was nervous, he didn’t show it. “What I was going to say, before I was rudely interrupted, is that this is my first time playing here in Gray Springs.” He sat down and positioned his guitar. “So try to go easy on me.”

“I’ll go easy on you, baby!” Burrows called out before he promptly shut the fuck up when Robbo flipped his hair from his forehead and proceeded to floor us with a voice that seemed to come out of nowhere and everywhere.

Dude could sing like nothing I’d ever heard live, which admittedly wasn’t much, but still. He kept his gaze focused down as he played a cover from the Rolling Stones.

“You guys are dickheads. He doesn’t even suck,” Callum said, getting up from his seat on the stool near Alexis right before Robbo’s time ended.

“Shut up, Welsh.” Burrows stuck a straw in his mouth and chomped down on it.

“Yeah, how were we supposed to know he was any good?” Paul laughed.

Callum just shook his head, checking his phone before tucking it back into his pocket. “Whatever, I’m out.”

“What? Dude, the guy’s a serious chick magnet.” Ed gestured to the girls sitting on the other side of the stage. “Look.”

Alexis scoffed, crossing her leg over the other and snapping her gum.

Callum’s gaze shifted from the girls to the door as someone walked in. Not just someone.

Daisy.

His posture morphed until he seemed to stand two feet taller. “Maybe I’ll hang around a bit longer.”

My hand tensed around my mug, and I vaguely remembered that I should be mindful of the woman sitting next to me, but I couldn’t remove my eyes from Daisy or stop every synapsis in my body from firing into hyperdrive as I watched Callum stalk over toward the counter where she was ordering.

It was almost eight at night, and I just knew she was ordering a hot chocolate.

“Sweet. We’re gonna get Grellerson to grab us some beers after,” Burrows said to Callum’s back.

“Say it a little louder, dickwad. I just love getting pulled over by campus security and having them steal all our shit,” Paul grumbled.

Daisy looked over at the stage after ordering, her eyes widening a fraction when they met mine. She was wearing some kind of green sweater dress with small pom-poms on it. Her hair was tossed into a beautiful mess on top of her head, and her cheeks were slightly pink. My dick jolted at the same time my heart pounded heavily.

“Hey,” Alexis said, her fingers grabbing my chin to turn me to face her.

Judging by the cheering, Robbo’s time slot had come to an end. The girls standing near the stage and a few other patrons hooted and hollered for more.

Robbo’s shy voice came through the microphone as I tried to wipe my features clean. “Thanks, guys. Ah, yeah. I guess I can do one more.”

“What’s up? Wanna go?” I asked Alexis when she just continued to stare. Hanging out in coffee shops wasn’t really my thing, and I’d usually be cool with bailing. Plus, Robbo was doing just fine. But now, well, the muscles in my neck strained as I tried to keep myself from turning my head back to the reason my heart was using my stomach as a trampoline.

Alexis’s blue eyes searched mine some more, or more like scrutinized. “No, I was going to ask if you wanted something else.” She gestured to my coffee, her lip disappearing behind her teeth. “But maybe we should go.”

Trying to keep my tone neutral, I picked up my mug. “Nah, I’m good to hang out a bit longer.”

“Okay, then dance with me.”

I almost spat out my coffee. “What?”

She laughed a little, standing up. “Come on.”

Robbo’s voice crooned another Stones song through the cafe, “Wild Horses” this time, making the hairs on the back of my neck and arms rise.

I stood warily, glancing around. The guys had fists in their mouths as they watched Alexis grab my hand and drag me to the front of the stage where only a few girls were swaying side by side.

“Lex …”

“Shush, just put your hands on me and hold me.” She grabbed my hands, situating them on her hips before wrapping her arms around my neck.

And just like that, I was taken back to my fifteenth birthday, one of the only times I willingly danced. That fact had everything to do with the woman I could feel burning holes into my back with her eyes. My head spun, and my hands felt clammy. I felt like I was betraying her in some way.

We swayed side to side, Alexis leaning her head on my chest as the guys’ laughter and catcalls subsided.

Eventually, we turned enough for me to catch sight of Callum tucking a stray piece of Daisy’s hair behind her ear as they stood by the side of the counter.

When she lifted her head, our eyes connecting again, my breath froze in my lungs at the brief sight of her pain.

Callum said something, and she smiled; a small laugh I couldn’t hear, but would give anything to, left her mouth as she looked back up at him.

My hands clenched around Alexis’s hips, and I barely stopped myself from squeezing them out of frustration. But not before I heard a little moan leave her mouth. Shit.

And still, my gaze remained stuck. Daisy was holding her takeout cup with both hands; those eyes still on Callum even though I knew she was aware of me more than anything else in the small shop.

He just had to look at her, and I wanted to walk over there and tip her damn drink over his fucking head. When he continued to find ways to touch her and make her smile, I wanted to tear his head from his shoulders and use it at practice for the next week.

While I kept her locked in my room where no one else could touch her.

I shook myself out of my violent thoughts. Thoughts that should alarm the hell out of me but felt justified right now; that is, until Alexis looked up at me, batting her lashes.

I couldn’t do this. At that moment, it hit me like a brick to the forehead. I suddenly had no idea why I hadn’t done anything about this messed-up situation already. But when I opened my mouth to say so, Alexis rose onto her toes and tilted my head down to slip her tongue inside it.

Looking over her shoulder before I pulled away, I saw Daisy and Callum walk outside and vanish down the lamp-lit street.

The song ended, Robbo’s voice fading into the quiet chatter that started after another round of raucous applause.

Alexis asked, “Wanna get out of here?” Her teeth nipped at my chin, but my brain was still trying to figure out where Daisy might be and why she’d left with Callum. “It’s been a while, Quinn.”

I cleared my throat. “Lex, I think I … I don’t even know.” I felt flustered, too hot.

Her confused frown had me looking away and more guilt swimming throughout my veins. I walked back over to our table where I finished off my coffee, the guys all getting up to pester Robbo outside the store room.

Alexis followed. “Seriously? This is bullshit.”

“What? You wanted to come here with us.”

“I thought it’d be fun. We need fun, Quinn. But I thought we’d gotten past this already.”

Trying to control my breathing, I put the mug down, staring at her with narrowed eyes. “Past what?”

She rolled her eyes, throwing her arm out to where Daisy had been standing just minutes before. “Daisy. You turn into some kind of zombie whenever you’ve seen her or she’s mentioned.”

I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. I decided to try the truth, my shoulders slumping with relief at maybe setting some of this right-side up again. I’d been hanging upside down for too damn long.

I loved Alexis, but this wasn’t fair. It wasn’t the kind of love she deserved. Not when I’d loved someone else since before I even knew what the word meant. “Lex, maybe we should talk about this someplace else.”

She stared at me for another long moment, then her eyes flickered and she picked up her purse. “You know what? I need to call Tina. I told her I’d maybe stop by afterward.”

No. I needed to finally tell her what’d happened, what I’d done, and shook my head. “Wait, but you said …”

“She just broke up with her high school boyfriend and is taking it really hard, okay?” She looped her purse strap over her shoulder and grabbed my chin to lay a quick kiss on my lips. “Love you.”

She walked away, but I wasn’t ready to let this go. I thought she wanted me to be honest. “Lex, wait,” I said, skirting clusters of students as I jogged to the door. “You were right the other day. I think we—”

She held up a hand, a forced smile on her face as she opened the door. “Call me tomorrow. We’ll hang out again, maybe catch a movie and some dinner.”

She didn’t wait for an answer as the door shut behind her, the little bell jangling like a gong inside my head.

I threw my hands into my hair, stepping out of the way for someone to walk inside.

My gut sank, the remnants of coffee souring on my tongue.

“Double dating feels so …”

“Amateur? High school?” Pippa offered as we walked down the main street of Gray Springs toward the arcade.

“Weird. I was going to say weird.” Tucking my hands into my cardigan’s pockets, I looked around.

People here were still pretty social leading into winter. Halloween was right around the corner, so pumpkins, cobwebs, and freaky looking dolls lined a lot of shopfronts and sidewalks.

We were meeting Callum and Toby. Pippa and Toby were now officially seeing each other.

Hence the double date. Pippa had a case of the new boyfriend guilts, it seemed. No matter how many times I told her I was happy for her or that Callum and I were just friends, she ignored me. So here we were.

I still couldn’t bring myself to tell Pippa about the kiss. I didn’t know why. But as each day passed, it almost felt as if it hadn’t really happened, and by voicing it, I’d be making a liar out of myself. Especially after seeing him with Alexis just two nights ago at the Bean Stream.

For the first time in a few weeks, I’d gone home and cried into my pillow. It felt like he’d lifted me from the remains of my sorrow, only to drop me, causing me to sink all over again.

I was stupid to think anything might change after that kiss.

But he said he wasn’t sorry, which terrified me and made me uselessly hope for something I couldn’t have. Yet I wasn’t sorry either, despite feeling like I’d only tortured myself even more by allowing it to happen.

That was the thing about first love. People often said a first love stayed with you long after you met your second, third, or even fourth love.

What they failed to mention was that kind of permanence resonated deeper for some and made it almost impossible to let go. Leaving you to walk the earth feeling as though you were constantly missing a part of yourself.

I thought I’d been trying to let go. And it wasn’t as if I had a say about any of it since I first saw Quinn and Alexis at the start of the semester.

But what if I did have a say?

It didn’t matter, I told myself. Not anymore.

I wasn’t the type to steal something. If it was supposed to be mine, then I’d earn it the right way.

Only, I couldn’t earn him. Couldn’t work my ass off to get the one thing I wanted most.

This thing called love didn’t work like that. It never played fair.

Though it was painfully and humiliatingly obvious now, if he did pick me, I’d probably take him back. I was delusional to ever pretend otherwise, which made me feel disgustingly disappointed in myself, but also oddly at peace for finally admitting the truth.

Callum smiled as we approached—his hands in his black coat pockets and a pair of dark combat boots on his feet. Combined with his gray shirt, perfectly windswept hair, and dark denim jeans, he looked like a walking advertisement for Abercrombie & Fitch.

While Callum looked stylish with a good hint of badass, Toby wore his band t-shirt, ripped jeans, old worn Timberlands, and messy dark hair like he owned the bad boy trophy. He dressed as if he didn’t care, but I wondered if that was really the case.

His smile was radiant, and even my stomach flipped at the sight of all his white teeth and the way his blue eyes glittered under the streetlamp as he watched Pippa. Taking two long strides, he grabbed the sides of her cheeks and tilted her head back. She let out a surprised squeak as his mouth ravaged hers. Right there. Out in the open.

With reddening cheeks, I tucked some hair behind my ear and glanced away. I was happy for her; I really was. Even if it stung to remember how that felt. Having someone look at you like that and touch you like you were made for them. A part of me wanted to get on my hands and knees and beg her to savor every single moment, to cherish it for the magic it was.

For magic had a way of disappearing, leaving you with an empty illusion of what you thought you once had.

“You look nice,” Callum said, grabbing my hand in both of his. He rubbed his hands over it, warming my cool skin. “Doing okay?”

Smiling up at him, I said, “Yeah. A little embarrassed we’ve been dragged out like this, though.”

“I think they feel sorry for us. It’s best to just humor them,” he whispered, and I laughed. His dark eyes pinned themselves on my face. “But I am glad to see you. I honestly didn’t know if you’d want to hang out with me like this again.”

I didn’t know if I would either. Despite him being just as emotionally unavailable as I was, I liked being around him. And after he’d walked me home the other night, I realized I liked talking to him and felt comfortable with him. “I don’t think there’s any harm in being friends.”

He tucked my arm through his as we followed Toby and Pippa inside the bright, noisy arcade. His warm breath ghosted over my ear, and tingles ignited over my skin. “Friends who kiss?”

Laughing again, I gazed up at him, taking in the handsome lines of his face. “One kiss for every toy you win me.”

Straightening his shoulders as if he was preparing for battle, he said, “Well, come on then, milady. I have a dozen kisses to earn.”

He didn’t get his dozen, and not even an hour later, we’d lost Pippa and Toby by the basketball hoops.

I lined up my next shot, and squinted at the tiny net. The ball flew from my hands toward it, missed, ricocheted off the barrier, and fell between the rows of games. “Damn it.”

Callum used his foot to nudge it out and handed it back to me, laughing.

“Shut it,” I grumbled, taking the ball with a mumbled thank you before trying again. “It’s noisy in here, very distracting.”

“Right.” He nodded.

He was almost doubled over as I missed the hoop each and every time. Then, finally, I scored. By that point, I was too embarrassed to do anything more than shove my glasses up my nose, turn to Callum, and nod with my hands on my hips.

He tried and failed to suck back more laughter, and wisely suggested we move on to something else.

After half an hour of trying, he finally won me a small stuffed frog at a claw machine. My smile must’ve been ridiculous because Callum laughed his ass off as I carefully took it from him and gazed at the little green toy.

I touched its big, beady eyes, then its little legs. “It’s adorable!”

“Not as much as you right now,” he said, voice laced with humor.

Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, he held me to his side as we slowly meandered toward the exit. “Where do you think they went?”

“Back to Toby’s. He’s got the place to himself tonight, I think.”

Oh. I tried not to think about what Quinn might be doing. I was quite proud of myself for being able to count the number of times I thought about him in one day on only two hands now.

Before, I needed my feet, a pen, and a piece of paper. Baby steps.

Besides, I could still love him, know I couldn’t have him, and accept it a little easier now.

There was no getting over Quinn Burnell. It was just something I’d live with and hope the hurt continued to lessen as each day passed.

“Have you seen your ex?” I asked Callum, stopping by the exit.

The sigh he let out felt all too familiar. “Seen her, yes; spoken to her, no.”

I bit my lip, my hand reaching out to catch his when his arm dropped from my shoulders. “You still love her?”

He looked at me with a sad tilt to his lips. “It’s complicated.”

“I understand that.”

Grinning, he said, “I suppose you would. Guess we’ve got no choice but to move on, though, right?”

Tilting my head, I stared at him, then down at my frog. “I don’t know all of what she did, but I bet she regrets it.” I touched the frog’s pink mouth. “You’re quite the catch, you know?”

He didn’t say anything, just watched my fingers fidget with the frog. “I guess what I’m saying is, you don’t always have to move on. Sometimes you can go back and try again. Or if not, it’s okay to let it hurt.”

“Is that what you’re doing?” he asked.

“Well, I have no choice. I can’t go back. So you know which one I’ve been doing.”

Lifting his hand, he brushed his fingers over my cheek. “Come here.”

I stepped into him, and he lowered his head to place a kiss on my forehead, whispering, “I won’t take my hard-earned kiss right now because a certain someone is watching. But I’ll come collecting soon enough.”

He moved away, and I spun around, spying Quinn sitting on a bench seat a little ways down the sidewalk. His phone was dangling from his hand, and his eyes were on us. He glanced away when he saw me looking. “What’s he doing over there by himself?”

“No idea. Ready to go?” Callum asked.

I was about to nod and take his outstretched hand, but something made me look back at Quinn, who was looking at us again. “Um, actually. I think I’ll catch a cab.”

Callum looked back and forth between Quinn and me, his eyes narrowed slightly. “You sure?”

Nodding, I tried to give him a reassuring smile. I wasn’t completely sure. In fact, I knew I should just go with him and head home. But I couldn’t.

“You still owe me,” he said, puckering his lips playfully. “Don’t forget.”

I watched him walk off down the street toward his Lexus, then I pivoted, heading over to where Quinn was now fiddling with his phone. “Hey,” I said, taking a seat and wrapping my cardigan around me, my little frog tucked inside it.

“Hi,” he said, not lifting his eyes from his phone, though I could see he wasn’t really doing anything with it. Just staring at an internet page.

“So,” I said, feeling a bit stupid for not going home now. “What has you sitting out here, alone on a cold bench?”

My eyes followed every move he made. The slight fluttering of his lashes as he stared intently at his phone, the hunched, tight shoulders, and his rigid jaw.

After heaving out a long breath, his shoulders drooping, he sat back and tucked his phone into his pocket. “I was hanging out with Alexis.”

Ignoring the sting that resided under layers of skin, I looked around. “Where is she?”

“In the bar down the street. Saw a few of her friends after we got done with dinner and wanted to hang out with them.”

He didn’t sound too disappointed, but something in his voice had me thinking he was irritated about something. “And you didn’t feel like hanging out with them?”

It figured. Quinn was okay hanging out with his friends for a while, but he mostly preferred doing his own thing.

“Nah.” His hands clasped together over his stomach, his thumbs twisting around each other. “Not my scene, but I don’t know. Guess I didn’t feel like going home yet, knowing Toby’s got Pippa over.”

“Ah, yes.” I smirked. “They kind of bailed on us.”

The wind picked up, stirring my hair onto my face. I swiped it back over my shoulder and looked at Quinn. His gaze was fixed on my hair. “Yeah, you and Callum?” I blinked a few times, unsure of what he meant by that. His eyes shuttered briefly as he stuttered out, “Are … are you guys a thing now?”

“Oh,” I breathed. “No, we’re friends, though.”

His nose twitched a little, as did his jaw. “Friends who kiss?” I laughed, loud and with my head thrown back. “What?” he asked, his top lip lifting slightly as he stared at me.

I wiped under my eyes to check for mascara. “Nothing. He said something similar is all.”

He made a grunting noise and looked away. “Sorry, I know I shouldn’t ask. It’s none of my business. It’s just that I saw you leave the café with him Thursday night, too.”

The silence stretched between us. I didn’t know what he expected me to say to that. It wasn’t any of his business, not after he’d had Alexis’s mouth on his, and his hands on her. But I couldn’t lie to myself. It felt good knowing it might be bothering him. “I’m surprised you noticed. You looked like you were kind of busy.” When he didn’t respond, I sighed quietly. “He just walked me home.”

“Home,” he muttered absently.

“Yeah. Speaking of, how’s Spud?” My words were hesitant.

Quinn seemed to be shaking off his thoughts. Giving his attention back to me, he frowned. “Ah, he’s good.” I nodded, my lip between my teeth. He continued, “Giving Mom hell and not doing a damn thing to help Dad.”

My heart warmed. “God, I miss him.”

“Me too.” His shoulders sagged, and I saw it. He didn’t only miss his dog; he missed everything about being home. “Mary had a calf not long ago.”

My eyes widened. “You’re kidding. I remember when she was just a baby herself.”

His sudden smile was radiant, his teeth glowing under the streetlights. “Yeah, she had a bull.”

Pulling out his phone, he opened a picture and passed it over to me. “Oh, my God.” I touched the screen, zooming in on the tiny calf. He was completely black, save for two white splotches. One on his neck and one on his nose. “He’s beautiful.”

I handed it back, and Quinn smiled down at it. “Dad was pissed it was a bull. But he’s turning out to be a real winner. He’s considering showing him at the fair next year.”

Nostalgia and longing wrapped me in its dizzying, cold embrace as I wondered when I might get to go back there again. Home.

“You miss it, don’t you?” he asked, tone quiet and gentle.

Wetness slid down my cheek. It surprised me, and I reached up, removing my glasses to quickly wipe it away when Quinn’s finger beat me to it. We both froze, looking at each other with frightened eyes.

“I should go,” I said a heavy moment later but didn’t move.

His hand dropped onto his lap, and he stood. “How’d you get here?”

“I got a cab with Pippa. I’ll call another one.” Putting my glasses on, I reached for my phone, but his voice stopped me.

“No,” he said. “I’ve gotta go back that way to get home anyway. I’ll drop you off.”

Ungluing my eyes from his white t-shirt, which was clinging to his abs from sitting down, I said shakily, “Okay. Thanks.”

We skirted around people on the sidewalk, walking down the street until we reached his old white truck. He opened my door, and I smiled my thanks as I climbed inside.

“Sorry about the mess,” he said, turning the truck on. It was loud but warm as hot air filtered through the vents. Glancing around, I didn’t notice anything all that messy. There were a few notebooks, his gym bag behind the seat, and a pair of sneakers on the floor.

“I don’t really know what you’re talking about.” I laughed.

He did too. “Sometimes I forget. I’m so used to Toby’s standards.”

“Pippa is the same. Always cleaning up my already clean enough side of the room.”

He turned down the heat a little, then turned into campus. “We sure lucked out, didn’t we?”

“I’ll say,” I said with affection.

We pulled up outside my building, and I jumped out, about to say thank you for the ride when I saw him already rounding the truck. “What are you doing?”

A beautiful, mischievous smile lit up his face. “Seeing what your dorm is like.” When I just stood there, my nose probably all sorts of crinkled, he chuckled. “Come on, before someone kicks me out.”

A riot of flutters took my stomach hostage at the thought of being alone with him, just us in my small dorm room, and then his words registered. He held open the door for me, and I walked in ahead of him, glancing around like at any moment, someone was going to jump out and screech, “Boy!”

“Um, I don’t think you’re allowed to be in here,” I whispered as we walked up the stairs, almost tripping as I kept glancing around.

Laughter was still lingering in his voice as he grabbed my bicep to stop my fall. “You really think I’m the first guy to come into these dorms?”

I didn’t know. And my not saying anything said as much. “Sometimes, I forget how …”

“Dumb and naïve I can be?”

He stopped next to me when we reached my door, and I dug out my keys. “I was going to say beautifully unsuspecting,” he whispered. Right near my ear.

The door swung open, and I stared up at him. He stared down at me, his eyes darting from mine to my lips. “Don’t ever change, Dais.”

Walking in first, he took his time looking around our room. “Pippa might kill me for this.”

“Lucky she’s a neat freak who doesn’t leave her panties lying around then,” he said while rummaging through the items on my dresser. “Here it is.”

Holding up one of my caramel lip balms as if he’d found the holy grail, he spun around.

I straightened from where I’d been leaning against the door and closed it behind me before anyone could see him. “I should really buy you your own.”

His face screwed up, and he uncapped it to sniff it. “Why?”

“Because of that.” I pointed at what he was doing. “And I remember catching you swiping it on your fingers, then licking it off many times.”

“All right. You got me there.” He capped it, putting it back, then walking over to the bed.

My heart plummeted when he stopped on the rug, his eyes zeroing in on the pictures on the wall.

Barely holding back a cry of embarrassment, I rushed over, jumping onto the bed to tear the picture of him down. It was bad enough Spud was in it, but him? I was a special kind of stupid, getting so caught up in him, just letting him in here without remembering it was still taped to my wall.

“Wait.” He grabbed my wrist, turning me to face him from where I was standing on the bed. “Stop, don’t. You …” He swallowed.

I closed my eyes and prayed this moment was just a bad dream. I reopened them, and he was still there, though. “It’s stupid. I don’t even know—”

My mouth slammed shut when he grabbed my cheeks, stepping closer to the bed. His hazel eyes were like twin storms, turbulent and unrelenting as they gazed up at me. “It’s not stupid,” he whispered.

“It’s … it’s not?” I was all breath, and he was overwhelming me in every possible way. His scent was everywhere, and his touch threatened to send my knees buckling.

“No,” he said. Using his hands, he lowered my head, his eyes dropping to my lips.

My breath tumbled out of me, then my arms were around his neck, and my legs around his waist.

He caught me as if I were made of feathers, and that was exactly how it felt to be held by him again. As though I were floating. Adrift someplace wonderfully foreign, yet home at the same time.

“Quinn,” I rasped when a hand moved up my back, tangling in my hair. “We shouldn’t.”

“I know.” His breath melded with mine in short puffs and pants as our lips grew closer, until they hovered a hair’s breadth apart. “But I don’t want another life. I want this one. With you.”

His lips touched mine, and as though it’d been ready and waiting, every part of my body lit up like a firework display. Unlike the night of the party, they were soft, gentle, and his breath was sweet with a slight tang of mint. My tongue couldn’t wait another minute and dived out of my mouth, parting his lips to find his. He met me lick for lick, stroke for stroke. His groan a thing of beauty that I thought my ears would never bear witness to again.

“Fuck.” He tore his mouth away, and I panicked until he tossed me gently on the bed, then removed his shirt.

My mouth fell wide open, my eyes trying to comprehend what they were seeing. Which appeared to be smooth, golden skin, wide, strong shoulders, and biceps that bunched as he moved over top of me, and a sparse trickle of blond hair, almost nonexistent, on his chest that matched the trail leading into his briefs. The tiny hairs on his chest were new, and my throat dried with the urge to touch them. To press my lips against them.

“Dais?”

“Huh?” I shook my head, my cheeks heating.

Lowering his mouth to my cheeks, he laid kisses over them. “I still get so fucking hard when your cheeks turn pink.”

My breath caught, and I grabbed his face, bringing his forehead to mine. “Is this really happening?”

Staring at me, his eyes full of wonder, he said, “I can’t stop. I can’t do this anymore. It’s you and me. It was always meant to be you and me, and I’m done trying to fight it.”

My heart soared so high that for a moment, I feared how much it might hurt when it hit the ground once again. But then his lips returned to mine, only breaking apart to remove our clothing.

Left in only my panties, I watched him slowly drag them down my legs, his rough fingers running over my skin. “You’ve only gotten more beautiful. How the hell does that even happen?” He seemed to be talking to himself, but I blushed anyway. My heart pounding a mile a minute.

His dark blue boxer briefs were the last thing to go, and I almost looked away, feeling so exposed and nervous I could curl into a ball. Desperation and excitement grew stronger by the second, though, and I knew. I couldn’t and wouldn’t stop this either.

He crawled between my legs, and I tried not to watch his long, thick length bob against his stomach as he did. Tried and failed, according to his grin.

“Come here,” he whispered, tilting my chin and skimming his lips over mine. “I want inside you, so bad. I don’t think I have a rubber, though.” My hesitancy must’ve been obvious, for he said, “I’ve never been with … never with anyone without one.”

I could feel him, rubbing my wetness, which helped me to ignore the knowledge he’d been with anyone else at all. And I wanted it this way. Just us. Nothing else. “I’m on the pill.” His scowl made me laugh. “That’s a good thing. But I should warn you, I haven’t …”

“Haven’t what?” His scowl morphed into bewilderment. “You haven’t been with anyone?”

“No. Just you.”

“Just me,” he repeated, sounding stunned and a little choked up. “Fuck, Dais. I don’t deserve that, this. You.”

I was too absorbed in what I was feeling right now to get lost in sorrow and regret. His skin felt like it was burning mine, his breath coasting over my lips and his eyes only on me.

“Just you,” I croaked, as he started raining kisses over my face, moving down my neck and laving at my chest.

His large hands were everywhere, covering my small breasts entirely and tracing and licking every indent and curve of my body. His warm tongue dipped into my belly button, and I giggled until he reached the apex of my thighs and opened them.

“Whoa.” I almost screeched when his tongue spread me open, licking long, gentle lines over my most sensitive area. He groaned against me, and the tremor sent goose bumps sailing over every bit of heated flesh.

“Uh, oh, my,” I moaned, and his arms wrapped around my thighs, his hands squeezing them gently as he drew circles over me with his tongue.

I came with a cry wrenched from me without my permission and would normally care that someone might hear me, but I was floating again. Differently this time, with stars and half-moons creating a film over my eyes.

Quinn wiped his chin, moving over my body and hooking my leg around his back. I felt him right there and stared dazedly up at his face. I watched the way his nostrils flared as he aligned himself, then pushed forward an inch. “Let me know if I hurt you, ’kay?”

“Okay,” I croaked, still feeling deliciously warm and tingly.

Rearing his hips back, he slowly eased inside, stopping when his pelvis met mine, and I was completely full of him. “Oh, Christ,” he hissed, his head diving into my neck.

I stared at the ceiling, feeling a pinch of pain but also something else. As though with the connection of our bodies, a part of myself was locking back into place.

Ignoring the discomfort, I let my hands explore the skin of his muscled shoulders and arms. My fingers traced the ridges and bones, making his whole body twitch and shiver over mine.

We laid there, unmoving besides our breathing and the almost silent movement of my hands on his skin for an unmeasurable amount of time.

The only light came from the window by my bed. The moon glowing outside sent shadows dancing off the walls. The sound of voices in the building met my ears, but all I wanted to hear was the beating of his heart as it lay resting next to mine. The steady rush of his warm breath as it stirred the hair from my neck. And the suction of his lips, which didn’t seem to want to let go of the skin covering my racing pulse. “You smell and taste like my heart,” he whispered to the underside of my chin, pressing lazy kisses. “And you feel like fucking heaven.”

My arms squeezed him tight, a tear leaking out of my eye. “I don’t know if I could handle losing you again,” was all I could muster in response. Because I couldn’t. My fears demanded to be heard, and I gave them what they wanted. What they deserved.

Quinn made a pained sound, rising onto his forearms and brushing some hair gently off my face. “You won’t. Never.” His eyes searched mine, that ability to read one another resurfacing. “I’ll make it right, I promise.”

Wishing on every star that filled the sky he meant those words, I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist. His silky-smooth skin touching mine elicited a wave of heat that rolled over me from my toes to my fingertips.

His hand sank into my hair, his fingertips grazing and rubbing my scalp as his hips rocked. Once, twice, and on the third, his eyes looked like they’d combust. Air escaped his parted lips in sharp exhales against my own. His golden hair tousled in every which way.

He was magnificent. Larger than life rising above me, moving inside me, his heat all over me. The image imprinted on my brain, and I knew the second I was alone, I’d want to recreate it on paper.

Picking up speed, he lost his slow pace and rhythm when our lips and hands started a frenzied dance. Quiet grunts and moans filled the room, and my heart beat out of control as he licked the curve of my throat and hit a spot inside me that had my toes curling.

“You’re tightening,” he murmured to my lips, eyes lazy and so hooded I was surprised he could see me. “Feel good?”

All I could do was make some pitiful whimpering sound, which made his lips tilt. Seconds later, my stomach quivered violently, and there it was again.

“Yes,” he groaned out, his teeth dragging my bottom lip into his mouth then slowly releasing it. Hips swiveling, he pumped faster as my brain turned to mush, and my legs had his torso in a vise grip. Shivers were still assaulting me, but I managed to open my eyes, just in time to watch him throw his head back. His jaw locked tight, a hiss of breath and a curse flew from his mouth, and his body stilled. Some kind of aftershock rolled through me at the sight.

He collapsed, heavy on top of me and breathing hard into my neck. I didn’t care. I took his weight like a hard-earned medal. Soaking in the feeling of holding something that belonged to me with a desperation that had my hands shaking as they slid into his damp hair.

“Just you,” he whispered.

The rain was the second thing I heard waking up the following morning.

The first was Quinn’s repeated promise when I was half asleep. “I’ll be back. I’ll make it right again.”

Which did nothing to soothe the sting his absence had created.

Rolling over, I blinked my eyes open, letting them roam the room. His whispered promise felt like a fraying piece of string that he expected me to hold on to. He was gone.

I tried not to let the knowledge choke the air from my lungs and blinked back sleepy tears.

Sitting up, I shoved my hair back from my face, wondering if maybe it was all a beautiful dream. One that felt entirely too real and left a lingering soreness between my legs.

No, it wasn’t. Though if he didn’t mean all that he’d said, not only with his words, but with his every touch, then maybe I could convince myself it was. If only to make the crushing weight of my heart sinking once more lessen. Just a little.

Not wanting to overindulge my paranoia and overanalyze everything we’d done and said, I grabbed my sketchpad and pencil from the nightstand and opened it to a fresh page.

Hours passed, and I briefly wondered if I should get up. Take a shower and do something about what I was sure was one hell of a rat’s nest on top of my head.

But I couldn’t. I continued to stare at the fat raindrops hitting the window through the gap in the sheer curtain, and I drew.

Sometime later that afternoon, the door opened and Pippa walked in, looking almost as somber as me. “Hey,” I said, closing my sketchpad and putting it down beside me.

“Hi,” she said, sniffling.

She dumped her bag then plopped down face first onto her bed. I gave her a minute, knowing she was upset and likely mulling over what to tell me.

Something had obviously happened. It was the first time she’d spent the night at Toby and Quinn’s, and I figured that should’ve resulted in smiles and endless looks of wonderment. Not sighing, sniffling, and looking like she’d just been slapped in the face.

“Toby … he lied to me,” she whispered, her green eyes looking at the wall.

“How?” I laid down, rolling over to face her.

Heaving out a weary sigh, she finally fixed her gaze on mine. “A lie of omission really. He didn’t tell me …” She swallowed. “He has depression, anxiety. I don’t even know.”

I hoped my shock was well veiled, but apparently, it wasn’t, as Pippa smiled, swiping underneath her nose. “Yeah, I think I might’ve looked the same when I found the prescription bottles.”

“What, but he …” I broke off; it seemed stupid to finish that sentence.

Pippa did anyway. “Happy? Fine? Yeah, I know.”

I could understand why she was upset. This wasn’t just news of some new boyfriend who suffered from mental health issues. This was Pippa, remembering all her family went through when her father left them, due to his own struggles.

“What are you going to do?” I asked as gently as I could.

She didn’t answer for a long minute, then whispered. “Right now? Nothing. It’s not something I should even be mad about, really. But, well, he doesn’t know about my dad.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I’m not sure.”

Time ticked by as we both lay staring at each other and random items around the room, our heads and hearts full of unending questions.

After a while, I finally admitted, “I slept with Quinn last night.”

“Well, shit.” Pippa’s eyes bugged out, and she slowly pushed herself up from the bed. “I’ll go grab us some chocolate from downstairs.”

As soon as nine p.m. arrived Monday night, I grabbed my purse from the backroom and clocked out. Tim had his head in some inventory papers all evening, thankfully not commenting on my less than stellar customer service.

“I’ll see you Wednesday.”

He glanced up, a pen hanging from his mouth and another between his fingers. “Oh.” He spat the pen out, and I made a mental note to use my own from now on. “Right, right. Can you ask Pippa if she can work on Thursday afternoon? I can’t remember if she has class, but Sara’s gone home. Family emergency.”

“Sure. I hope Sara’s okay?” I’d never met the girl. She only worked a few shifts a week like I did, and we never worked on the same day. The parlor wasn’t busy enough to warrant more than two people working the same shift.

“She’s fine. Between you and me, I think she just needs a break from school.” His mustache curled on one side, his mouth tilting grimly. “It can get a bit overwhelming for some. Especially those who’ve come a long way from home.”

Nodding, I said, “Most definitely.” Then waved goodbye.

The Halloween decorations twirled and shimmered in the dimly lit storefronts and on the street. The weekend was sure to bring enough Halloween parties that people would struggle to pick which one to attend. I pulled my cardigan tighter over my chest, wishing I’d brought something warmer. Fishing out my phone from my bag, I fired off a quick text to Pippa, letting her know that Tim wanted her to work on Thursday, then put it away.

As the weather grew even colder, the streets emptied earlier each night. Passing a couple who were laughing and cozied up on a bench, I had the fleeting thought of them being lovers, meeting out in the dark under the cover of stars. The moon and a few strangers their only witnesses.

Shaking my head, I tried not to laugh at myself. Just because I’d turned into some kind of boyfriend stealing hypocrite didn’t mean everyone else deserved my suspicion.

Would it make me feel better if I knew of all the people out there betraying and hurting one another? No, I didn’t think it would. But I could admit that it’d feel good, just a little, to have someone to empathize with.

To not feel so alone in this.

Funny how emotions and lust could blind you and make your focus narrow to only right then. Right now. Forget what could happen after.

It’d only been a few days. A few miserable days since I felt like everything slipped back into place. Like I might be able to finally breathe easily again.

But regardless of his reasons, a few days was a long time to be left abandoned after you’d risked so much. All the minutes, all the hours. Waiting, wanting, wondering. The thinking. The constant fucking thinking. Overanalyzing every damn thing.

There really were no winners when it came to games of the heart. Unless you count your miseries as victories.

Did I regret what happened? No. Though I was starting to feel like an idiot. Blindly trusting and thinking everything would work out, I couldn’t regret anything that had to do with Quinn. But I could regret the way we went about it, and how it had only seemed to make me feel worse. Like maybe I was a mistake.

Walking upstairs to our room, my head was so full of questions that I didn’t even hear the murmuring, the quiet laughter and gasps, until I’d almost reached the door. Only then did I notice them. And only then, as I saw the already open door, then glanced around, did I realize all the buzzing activity on our floor was because of me.

“Oh, my God, what a hussy.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty messed up, though.”

What was messed up? My stomach filled with dread, heavy and sickening as though I’d swallowed a cup full of cement. I pushed the door open farther, and the sight that met my eyes had my heart plummeting to the carpet. I could almost see it there, thrashing, beating on the ground, getting tangled in the coarse fibers and grit as it tried to decide if all this was really worth it.

My side of the room was trashed.

My clothes were flung all over the floor, some of them shredded with scissors that I saw lying discarded next to what looked like ripped paintings. Tears flooded my vision, and I stepped inside slowly, my blurry eyes darting over the destruction, unable to stick to any one thing.

The picture of Quinn and Spud, torn up into tiny pieces on my bed, had a sob breaking free of my mouth. My hand crept up, covering it as I saw all my art supplies. Paint, brushes, pens, trays, stencils—everything—scattered throughout the room.

Something yellow caught my eye, and I looked at the wall beside my bed. There was a clumsily painted black daisy there, with the stigma painted yellow. And beside it was three words. Is a slut.

Daisy is a slut.

The paint was still drying, tiny globs dripping down the wall.

But that wasn’t the worst part of it, I realized, as my gaze finally landed on the rest of the paper that littered my bed. My sketchpads. The covers lay strewn near my pillow, all my artwork in pieces below it.

Holy shit.

No.

Air, I needed air.

Rushing to the window, I pushed it open. It wouldn’t budge at first, but my panic and hysteria wouldn’t take no for an answer. Finally, with a creaking groan of the old wood, it went up enough for me to stick my head in the crack. My lungs were greedy. My heart was still somewhere on the floor in the chaos of the room. Tears dried on my face as the biting breeze slithered into the room, filling my mouth.

“You okay?” asked a voice I didn’t recognize.

I didn’t know how long I’d been there, but I must’ve looked pretty crazy.

Moving off the edge of the bed, I took in a short girl with red hair. “Yeah,” I whispered, feeling anything but okay.

She eyed me up and down, then looked around the room. I noticed then that Alexis was careful not to disturb Pippa’s side of the room.

I was thankful for that much at least.

“Want me to call someone for you?” she asked.

I was about to say no, but another sweep of the room had the words stuck in my throat. I swallowed. “Uh, that’s okay.” Grabbing my bag off my shoulder, I got my phone out. “I’ll just call my roommate. Ask if she’ll come home.”

Pippa was probably with Toby, which only made me feel worse, but I needed someone.

The girl nodded, looking back out the door. “They all seem to be over it. I’m down the hall, first door at the stairs, if you need anything.”

With that, she left, and I was both thankful and incredibly sad. That out of a dorm full of girls, most of them would prefer to watch someone’s world get rocked upside down instead of asking if they were okay.

Hitting call, I brought the phone to my ear. It went to voicemail, and I sniffed, calling again.

“Daisy?” Toby answered. “What’s up? Pip’s in the shower.”

Closing my eyes, I drew in a sharp breath. “Um, can you maybe ask her to come home? When she’s done.”

“Sure, is everything—”

With trembling fingers, I hung up before he could ask anything else. I was sure this news would be all over campus by morning. The last thing I wanted was Quinn finding out when it was clear he was already struggling with something that had kept him from seeing me since the weekend.

A part of me was desperate to run to him, ask him what the hell had happened, and to just have him hold me. Make all this disappear. I’d already made too many mistakes when it came to him, though. And right then, I couldn’t decide if doing so would only be another.

Closing the door, I looked around the room once again, my shoulders heaving.

Trying not to collapse, I grabbed a plastic bag and started gathering the pieces of paper off the floor. Picking up a piece that had half of Quinn’s hazel eye on it, I dropped it, gave in, and let myself curl into a ball on the floor. Tears fell from my eyes, each one gathering more speed than the one before until I couldn’t see. My chest hurt, and my breathing became labored sobs that I tried to keep quiet.

But I couldn’t.

She’d destroyed everything that mattered to me.

And rightfully deserved or not, I needed to let it hurt.

“Holy motherfucking fuck on a shit sundae of asshole dick.”

Opening my eyes, I sat up and leaned against the bed, taking off my glasses and rubbing my eyes. “Got any tissues?”

Pippa closed the door, grabbing a box from her dresser and bringing them over to where I was sitting on the floor. She squatted down in front of me, taking both my cheeks in her hands. “You didn’t see this coming, did you?”

Her raised brow made me laugh, and then cry. “No.”

“Oh, my lovely Daisy.” She sat, gathering my head to her shoulder and smoothing back the loose bits of hair that had escaped my messy bun. “This is absolute bullshit. How did she even get in here?”

She knew who did it then. “No idea,” I mumbled. “I guess you’ve only gotta sweet talk Cherry downstairs.”

“God, that damn woman needs her ass fired already.” A gasp lifted her shoulders. “Is that…?” She got up and walked over to the bed. “So not only has she vandalized our fucking wall, she’s gone and wrecked all your artwork?” Her voice rose on the end of her question, full of disbelief as she picked up the torn-out pages and crumpled pieces of paper. “I’ll kill the bitch.”

“Pippa,” I said, a small smile on my face as I looked at her angry one. “What’s the point? I slept with her boyfriend.”

“He was yours first!”

I swiped a palm down my cheek. “God, how ridiculous. We sound like an episode of Days of Our Lives. One that wasn’t good enough to make the cut.”

She hummed the theme to the TV show, making my heart jump back into my chest and leaving me feeling a little lighter. “Stop it,” I sputtered with laughter.

She only hummed louder, shoving tubes of paint back into their case and carefully picking up my brushes. “Want me to wash these two?” She bent over, picking up the two Alexis had used to graffiti the wall.

“It’s evidence,” I joked, picking up my glasses and putting them back on.

Her eyes narrowed. “We don’t need evidence. We won’t be playing by the damn rules. Not anymore.”

She marched out of the room, and I carefully laid out all the bits of paper that made a puzzle of Quinn and Spud, as well as a few from my sketchpads and portfolios that broke my heart to see in ruins.

I was taping them together when Pippa walked back in. “You need them to air dry?”

I nodded, and she laid some tissues down on the window sill by my bed, placing the brushes on top of them. “Honey, you’re seriously doing that?”

Pausing with a string of tape over Spud’s ear, I glanced up. “What?”

Her lips pursed, her eyes filling with sympathy, and I got it. “Oh, no, no. I’m just putting them back together enough to take a photo.”

“Oh. So you can paint them again?”

“Maybe. I’d like to know the option is there at least.”

I wiped my nose on my sleeve and grabbed my phone when I was done to take a picture of them. Putting my phone away, I carefully gathered up the six hastily taped pieces of artwork from the bed and went to put them into a bag with the rest. I couldn’t do it, though. My hands shook, and my steps faltered halfway to the door.

“Here,” Pippa said softly, taking them from me. “You go clean up, and I’ll finish this.”

I was so grateful, but all I could do was nod my head robotically.

Sorting through the clothes Pippa had just folded, the ones that escaped Alexis’s wrath relatively unscathed, I found some leggings and an old t-shirt, then grabbed my toiletry kit and took a shower.

The halls and bathroom were thankfully abandoned, and I realized why when I returned to the room, putting my stuff away. It was just after midnight.

“Shit, you’ve got class at eight.”

Pippa waved a hand, picking up the last few pens and pencils off the floor and putting them in my nightstand drawer. “Don’t worry about me. I just … I can’t understand why someone would do this. She knows you. She knows how much all this meant to you.” She gestured to my ruined work. Now trashed.

That was exactly why she did it. And I couldn’t help but feel like even though Alexis had broken my heart twice now, she was the one hurting the most.

It made me sick, and a fresh wave of tears infiltrated my eyes. “She must be so upset. So mad. I wonder how she even found out.” If Alexis even felt half of what I felt for Quinn, she’d be devastated. It was kind of disturbing how you never knew just how selfish you could be until you came face to face with everything you’d ever wanted.

I grabbed a tissue, wiping my nose as I sat down on my cleared off bed.

Pippa’s dark brows tugged in. “Yeah, I get that. But this isn’t okay, Daisy. You might deserve her anger and the guilt she’s making you feel, but do not for one minute think you deserved this.”

Looking at all the bags piled up by the door, I wished I could feel that way.

I was angry, sure. But right now, the guilt outweighed the anger.

Pippa changed into her pajamas. “Get some sleep and we’ll clean the paint after class tomorrow.”

Waiting for sleep to arrive, I stared at the wall, at those cruelly painted words, and my thoughts strayed to Quinn again.

Where was he? And what had he said to her?

“Yo, Burnell,” Ed Grellerson hollered behind me on the way out of my last class for the day.

Spinning around, I flexed my fists at my sides. I had shit to do and didn’t need to be held up any longer than I already had been.

His teeth flashed as he slapped me on the arm with a large notebook. “Heard you’ve been a busy man, my friend.”

Brows crinkling, it took a second for that comment to register. My gut churned. “What?”

He continued walking outside, and I followed as he said, “The blondie? Glasses? The one Callum’s been trying to hook up with.”

“What about her?” Yeah, I was still trying to play dumb even with my heart rate accelerating faster by the second.

His guffaw had heads turning to look at us. “Don’t even, dude.” Voice lowering, he asked, “So how was it? Huh? You big player, you. Who knew you had it in you.”

“I’m done talking about this.” Shouldering past him, I jogged down the steps and kept walking.

“Come on, man! Give me something!”

I flipped him off over my head, his loud laughter following me.

Marching through campus, I tried not to keep my head down, but it felt like everyone was staring at me. If Ed knew, who else? Alexis.

Shit.

I didn’t want it to be like this. Hell, I never set out for anything to pan out as it had. But when it came to Daisy … let’s just say I should’ve known.

I’d always lost sight of anything and everything when I was around her.

I was willing to take the blame. For all of it. That was kind of hard to do, though, when Alexis had been avoiding me.

Like an asshole, I’d left Daisy alone in bed as the rain started to sprinkle onto the sidewalk. I didn’t know what the fuck to do. All I knew was when I woke up, her golden soft hair sprinkling over my chest, and her tiny hands reaching for me, I had to get out of there and figure out what the hell I was doing. I knew what I needed to do, which was to fix all of this. Leaving her was the worst test of self-control when what I longed to do was stay wrapped in the warmth our bodies had created for the rest of the day.

I’d gone home with a plan. Find Alexis, tell her everything, and, as much as it’d suck, end it.

Yet she’d remained elusively out of reach. She wouldn’t answer my calls or texts and wouldn’t even see me when I went to her dorm, begging some poor chicks to let her know I was downstairs.

She knew. She had to. The question was, how?

Daisy wasn’t the type to tell everyone about what’d gone down between us.

The questions had my head spinning, and I stopped, taking a seat on the bench seat outside the commerce building. Running my hand through my hair, I sucked in a long breath, letting it out as I glanced up.

A pair of crystal blue eyes met mine, and I shuddered at the vehemence in them. The hurt and the anger I could feel even with the distance separating us.

She said something to one of her friends, then darted down the steps.

I was up, practically jogging over the damp grass to catch her. “Lex, wait.”

She spun around, hissing, “Why? We both know what you’re going to say.”

She kept walking, and I kept following. Nearing her dorm, I grabbed her hand. “Please, just listen to me.”

Tugging her hand back, she deadpanned, “You fucked her.”

I flinched, couldn’t help it. What Daisy and I did was not fucking. Not to me. I wasn’t about to make matters worse by saying something like that, though. “How do you know?”

My eyes searched hers, noticing how they’d filled to the brim with tears, yet they wouldn’t overflow. She was refusing to let them fall. “Besides the fact that people have eyes and saw you leaving her dorm Sunday morning? It’s written all over your face.”

“Lex.”

“No,” she cried, running a hand through her hair. “I should’ve known this would happen. We haven’t been together in God knows how long, and you’ve all but shut me out ever since you laid eyes on her again.”

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t and wouldn’t lie to her. So I said the only thing I could. The only thing that mattered, even if it felt redundant. “I’m sorry.”

She scoffed, a tear slipping out of her eye before she quickly scooped it up with a long nail. “You led me to believe you loved me, then you cheated on me, and you’re sorry?”

“I do love you,” I pleaded. Because even after everything, I did. She’d been a part of my life since we were kids. She knew me, and I knew her. We had a bond. Not the kind that Daisy and I shared, but it was there, and it was why I’d felt like I might be okay to move on with her in the first place.

“Yeah, just not as much as Daisy, right?” I didn’t answer that. After a minute, she sniffed and I could feel my face crumple. “Were you even in love with me? Ever?”

I wanted to take her in my arms, hug her, and try to take some of her pain away. But my head said no. I’d already made too many mistakes. And something as simple as a hug right now would only cause more drama if the curious faces of the women passing us were any indication.

“You’re one of my best friends. What we had—”

“Wasn’t good enough in the end, was it?” she spat. “God, sweet Quinn Burnell. The golden good boy. You’re finally learning how not to be so perfect, aren’t you?” My brows lowered, and I took a step back. She let out a wet laugh. “It’d be awesome. If it weren’t me you decided to hurt on your journey to asshole city.”

“You’ve gotta believe me, I had no intentions of ever doing that to you. I wouldn’t have …” I trailed off, frowning at the leaves on the sidewalk. That wasn’t right. I knew what I was doing, and I still did it. “You’re right. I’m a huge asshole.”

“Ugh, don’t. The sad thing is, I believe you. I believe you’d never want to hurt me like that. But you have, Quinn. You have, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, glancing up at her.

Our eyes stayed locked for a minute. And all the smiles she’d pulled from me over the months since Daisy left, all the laughter I thought I’d never feel rumble through me again, it all came back. The lonely nights and overwhelming days, all made more bearable with her by my side.

“I love you, Quinn.” Her slim throat bobbed. “And I … I’m …” She shook her head, shutting her mouth.

“What?”

“Nothing. Have a nice life with Miss Perfect.”

She turned around, heading up the stairs and disappearing inside.

I’d just pulled into the driveway when my phone rang from my gym bag. Knowing my mom’s ringtone, I thought about calling her back later.

The hurt, the accusation and anger in Alexis’s eyes, it felt like a noose slowly strangling me.

I felt wretched, like the worst son of a bitch alive for what I’d done to her. But I just didn’t know what else I could do. I didn’t want to be with her anymore. Which didn’t mean I wanted to hurt her, but either way, it had to happen.

So short of standing there and apologizing a thousand times, I had no fucking clue what else I could say to take some of her hurt away. If there even was anything. She was my friend, but I knew nothing would be the same now.

It was either Daisy and me.

Or Alexis and me.

It wasn’t even a thought which one I’d pick—had already picked.

I just wish I could go back to my seventeen-year-old self and punch him in the face. Tell him to wake up, and to stop thinking with his broken heart and constantly stiff dick.

Regret. What a motherfucker.

Did I regret being with Alexis? I did, and I didn’t. I cared too much for her to wish away everything that’d happened between us. But if we’d never happened, if we’d just stayed friends, well, then things might be very different now. No one would be suffering from the fallout of decisions I’d made when I wasn’t in any state to be making them at all.

I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t repair all the damage I’d done, but I could repair some.

I grabbed my gym bag and pulled out my phone, hitting redial on my mom’s missed call. “Hey, boy,” my dad’s voice greeted me instead.

It made me smile as I opened the door. “Hey, Dad.”

“How ya been?” There was a hint of curiosity and knowing in his question. Mom and I had always been close, but my dad was the one who could read between the lines, read me, almost as well as Daisy could.

“That’s kind of a loaded question. I haven’t even walked through the door,” I joked, pushing the key into the lock and walking inside.

“Well, I was making a delivery to the pub in town after lunch, and Darlene Brooks happened to be working.”

“When isn’t she working?” I muttered, kicking off my shoes and closing the door. Heading upstairs, I dumped my bag in my room.

“True. Anyway, she had quite the story to tell me. Apparently, Alexis made a call home yesterday that had Darlene almost throwing a tray of beer at me.”

I’d worry, if it weren’t for the humor in his tone. “Yeah, about that.” I let out a sigh and flopped down onto my bed. “Bit of a long-winded story.”

Silence, then, “I’ll put the teakettle on.”

Turning the shower off, I stepped out and dried myself, rubbing the rough fabric over my face.

It’d been hours since I got home from finally seeing Alexis and talking to my dad. He’d calmly listened to all the shit I’d caused and not chewed me out.

No, all he’d said before hanging up was, “Well, you’ve made your bed. It may look untidy as hell right now, but it’s up to you how and which way you want to fix it.”

He’d always had this uncanny way of making me feel like a man. Always making sure I realized I was responsible for my own actions. Even back when I was only as tall as his belly button.

I’d fucked up. Royally. Like I’d never fucked up anything before in my life. Yet he still made me feel as though there wasn’t anything that couldn’t be fixed, so long as I was willing to own up to my mistakes.

Even though I’d been desperate to, I knew I couldn’t see Daisy again until I’d broken things off with Alexis, but now that I had …

God, I was a pussy. Did I really think she’d be okay waiting for me? I didn’t know. All I knew was that I needed to do it right this time. And it wasn’t like we had each other’s numbers anymore. I couldn’t even text her to reassure her.

I felt like a dimwitted idiot for not realizing that. A huge fucking asshole that just kept making shit worse. All I could hope was that she’d understand, and that I could remember I owned a set of balls and muster up the damn courage to go see her.

I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked into my room, tugging out sweats and getting my gear ready for practice in the morning.

After getting dressed, I microwaved some lasagna and sat alone at the dining table downstairs. Toby must’ve been with Pippa somewhere. I didn’t know, but the place felt as quiet as a tomb.

The silence started eating at me more than I was eating my damn food, until eventually, I gave in. Pushing my chair back, I dumped my food in the trash and washed my utensils. New girlfriend or not, Toby would still have a shit fit if I didn’t clean up after myself.

Grabbing my keys off the counter, I paused halfway to the door, cursing under my breath when I realized I wasn’t wearing a shirt.

My head had been so scrambled, I was surprised I even knew what day it was.

Tuesday, I reminded myself. It’s Tuesday, and you’re late.

I was tugging a Henley on, running back downstairs when my phone rang from the dining table.

Snatching it up, I saw Toby’s number and tucked it into my pocket as I stuffed my feet into my Chucks. I’d see him later or tomorrow. I had to do this before she worried even more, and this fear that grew hour by hour smothered me until I couldn’t do anything at all.

She loved me, right? Christ. I’d just upended it all for both of us. All three of us. I broke my friend’s heart, and I didn’t even know if Daisy still loved me as she once did.

My mind flicked back through the memories of Saturday night. A sequence of short filmed movies that rolled through my head and made my dick jerk to life instantly as I locked up and jogged toward campus. I should’ve driven; it was cold, and I wanted to get there as quick as possible before I chickened out, but I decided to spend a little time reminiscing, reliving and clinging to the feeling of her soft hands ghosting over my skin.

Her thighs, the way they quivered every time I moved inside her, wrapped tight around my waist. And the sounds, the tiny whimpers and breathy moans. I groaned. Fuck me.

I let it all roll over me, shivering and feeling my blood simmer. But not once did I remember her saying she loved me. Come to think of it, I didn’t think I did either. Which seemed crazy. It felt like it was obvious for the world to see.

Resisting the urge to slap my forehead, I slowed to a steady walk as I approached campus. My phone rang again, and I pulled it out, seeing Toby’s name on the screen. He wouldn’t call twice unless it was important and he needed something.

I stopped walking, hitting answer. “What’s up?”

“What’s up? Do you legit live under a rock?”

My breath plumed in front of me. “Last time I checked, no.” Laughing, I said, “I live with you, so that’d mean you do too.”

“Don’t make jokes. You aren’t funny. So you haven’t heard?”

“About everyone knowing what went down with Daisy?” I asked. “I’ve heard.”

He said something to someone in the background—Pippa, I’m guessing. “What a crazy bitch. Yeah, I mean. You guys pulled a dick move doing that to her, but shit, she had to have known you guys wouldn’t last with Daisy here, right?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Alexis.”

“Yeah, I finally saw her earlier. I, uh, told her about it.”

“You saw her?” He cursed. “You don’t even know. Jesus Christ.”

Looking over at the lights on the campus grounds, the buildings that leaned into the dark sky, I asked, “Know what?” A long silence met my ears, and I growled, “Know what, Toby?”

Clearing his throat a bit, he almost knocked my feet out from under me with his next words. “Alexis. She got into Daisy’s dorm yesterday. Trashed it. Wrecked all her artwork and shit…”

He went on, and each word he said felt like a blow to the gut.

The look on Alexis’s face this afternoon. Her unsaid words.

My stomach hollowed, then lurched threateningly. This had happened because of me.

Because I took my sweet ass time getting my shit together.

But mainly because I tried to live without my heart.

“You there?” Toby asked.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Look, man. Go home, I’ll be there soon. We’ll hit the punching bag in the garage. Don’t be—”

“No.” Emotion choked my voice. I coughed. “I need to see her.”

“Who? Alexis?” He sighed. “There’s not much point, Quinn. What can you even do?”

“Not Alexis.” Just saying her name had venom filling my taste buds. “Daisy.”

He was quiet for a beat. “You sure?”

“Yeah, I’ve left it too long as it is.”

He chuckled. “It’s been like … what? Two days?”

Pippa shushed him in the background. “All right, yeah. Apparently, that’s a fair amount of time. Go forth and prosper.”

I was already walking again. “Star Trek? Really?”

“Don’t hate. The fact that you know what I meant means you can’t say shit.”

With that, he hung up, and I marched across the damp grass toward the dorms, hoping like hell she was still as forgiving as I remembered her to be.

Strong hands gripped my thighs, pushing and spreading them open farther. I felt so full I thought I might combust. “Feel good?”

“Daisy!”

Shit. Startled, I shot straight up, making my head spin. I tried to work out where I was and what happened to all the good feelings that had engulfed me just moments ago.

I shoved my hair out of my face, then slapped at my nightstand until I gripped my glasses, shoving them on.

Pippa stared back at me from the end of my bed, smoothing her hair into a high ponytail with a smirk on her face. “Good dream?”

I groaned, my head dropping into my hands. “What gave me away?”

“Oh, not much. Just a little moaning,” she said, the bed shifting as she got up.

Well, that was a bit embarrassing. Peeking out between my spread fingers, I saw she was busy getting ready for class and relaxed somewhat. Until the events of last night resurfaced like a punch in the boob.

Looking up at the wall, I saw the paint was still there. It hadn’t magically disappeared. Unfortunately. “I guess I should do something about that.”

“I don’t know,” Pippa said. “It’s kind of growing on me.” Scowling, I grabbed my pillow and tossed it at her. She laughed, dodging it. “Joking, joking. We’ll figure out how to get it off.”

“It’s water-based acrylic. I’ll have to get my Google search on.” I yawned, tilting my head to take in the badly painted Daisy. I had to admit I kind of liked it. Not the words, but the flower. The sweeping, sharp, and uneven black edges of the petals.

Pippa tossed my pillow back to me, and I put it behind my head, flopping back down onto it with a groan. “Can I skip today?”

“Of course, you can. Should you, though?”

Mulling over it, I thought maybe I should. “I think so.”

The bed dipped as Pippa sat back down, swiping on some gloss as she stared at me. “You’re afraid of what people might say?”

Trying to swallow over the knot in my throat, I nodded.

“Daisy, this isn’t as bad as high school. Will people maybe talk about you?” She lifted her shoulders, capping her gloss. “Yeah, but you can’t control that. They’ll move onto something else in a matter of minutes.”

She left for class, and I picked up my phone. I had ten minutes until I needed to be in the art studio across campus. Blowing a loud raspberry, I heaved myself out of bed and rushed around the room to get ready.

It was true. I couldn’t control what anyone thought or said about me.

But I could damn well control what I did.

Putting the cap back on the bottle of acetone, I stepped back and looked at the wall.

Not perfect, some black and yellow specks remained in the dips and tiny bumps of the white paint that covered the brick, but it would do.

I tossed the dish sponges into the trash, put the acetone away in the top of our wardrobe, and went to wash my hands.

“Oh, is that the one who had her dorm trashed?” someone said when I passed an open door on my way back to my room. Closing my eyes briefly, I went back inside and shut the door, leaning back against it.

Today wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. It helped that I only had two classes and only heard whispers in English lit. Besides feeling like everyone’s eyes were on me as I walked off campus to the little shopping village a few hours ago, nothing else had really happened.

Tugging on some sweatpants, I snapped the elastic around my waist and went to open the window so we didn’t suffocate from the fumy smell coming from my wall.

Something flew inside as soon as I opened it, landing on the carpet. Twisting, I frowned at a small white pebble, then jumped as a round of tap, tap, tapping ensued on the glass window.

Great, I’d spoken too soon. People were throwing rocks at me now? What the hell?

Wrenching it up higher, I tried to see who was throwing things at me and caught sight of Quinn, almost falling backward in the garden of small shrubs below.

Warm. My chest grew instantly warm, and a smile tried to take over my face.

I stopped it in its tracks, telling myself to get it together. He’d always been able to make me ignore everything else. But after two days of not seeing him, and all that had happened, I wouldn’t let him do that now.

I shut the window halfway, determined to ignore him, and shrugged on a baggy blue fuzzy sweater. The tapping didn’t stop, and I soon became worried he’d crack the damn window with that throwing arm of his.

Downstairs, the common rooms were quiet, and the lights dim as I approached the doors. Opening them, I stepped outside, wrapping my arms around my mid-section.

I heard rustling, then he came barreling out of the garden. “Dais, hey.”

I stopped on the top step, sitting down on the cold concrete. “Hi.”

He stopped in front of me, his eyes pinging back and forth between mine. “Sorry, I just didn’t know how to get you to come down.”

“I wasn’t going to, but I thought it best for the longevity of our window.”

He rubbed a hand over the back of his head, looking a little sheepish. “I need your number.”

“Yeah, that might help. Or staying long enough to get it in the first place,” I said sullenly.

Wincing, he bent down on the step in front of me. “I’m sorry, I’ll explain. But first, are you okay? I heard about …” He sniffed, his nose crinkling adorably. “Why do you smell like you might catch on fire at any second?”

“Because I’m too hot.” I couldn’t help it. It was right there, waiting for me to take the bait.

His head fell back, a loud laugh bellowing out of his mouth and sending breathy plumes into the night air. Looking back at me, he leaned forward, his smile slowly waning as he rubbed his palm against my cheek. “Seriously. Why?”

Grabbing his mammoth hand, I gently removed it from my face, ignoring his confused frown. “I had to clean some paint off my wall.”

It took a moment, but realization dawned, and he cursed gruffly. “No.”

Tilting a shoulder, I glanced down at the yellow and brown leaves sitting on the step beneath my legs. “Yeah.”

“W-what”—he cleared his throat, trying again—“what did it say?”

“Does it matter?”

He was between my legs then, on his knees on the step below, both his hands gripping my face and tilting it back to look at him. His eyes were wet, and his throat bobbed. “It does. Tell me.”

Breathing the same air, I kept my eyes on his thanks to his hands and whispered, “Daisy is a slut.”

Eyes shuttering, he breathed out raggedly, “You know that couldn’t be further from the truth, right?”

I did know that. “It still hurts, though.”

His throat rippled as he swallowed. “Did she really wreck your stuff?”

“Yeah, she did.” I averted my eyes from his, wanting to erase the anguish I saw there.

“I’m so sorry, Dais.”

“You didn’t make her do it. It’s not your fault.”

“But your art.” I sucked my lip into my mouth, biting down on it at the reminder. “I can’t believe she’d do that.”

Neither could I. But she did. We all did. “It shouldn’t be like this, Quinn. All this hurt. All this mess.”

“We’ll fix it. I’ll fix it.”

“I don’t know if we can.” My eyes squeezed closed.

His lips landed on my forehead, resting there. I could feel his hands shaking slightly. “I’m sorry, so fucking sorry.”

A tear escaped my shut eye, and I croaked out, “Where’ve you been?”

I opened my eyes, finding him sitting back on his haunches. “I told you. I had to make everything right first.”

“Why?”

“Because when I saw you again,” he said, “I knew I’d do something like this.” He leaned forward, his lips landing on mine and melding to them perfectly. One minute. I let myself get lost in them for one minute, then I pushed him away and rose to stand.

He looked so confused, so hurt, and I wanted nothing more than to climb into his lap and smooth the worry creases from his forehead. “What we did, Quinn …”

Standing up, he rushed to say, “We can’t regret it, Daisy. It’s us.”

“That’s not an excuse,” I said, backing toward the door.

“I know,” he said, his voice beseeching. “But it was inescapable. We’re inescapable. So it’s my fault. I should’ve known we couldn’t dance around what was meant to be. I should’ve ended things with Alexis weeks ago. Hell, I never should’ve let them begin.”

And that part had me opening the door. “But you did,” I whispered, my words thick as they rolled over my tongue. “And you even said you loved her.”

Hesitation and wariness were plastered all over his face. “Dais.”

Shaking my head with tears sliding down my cheeks, I stepped back inside and closed the door.

“You didn’t tell me about the paint.”

“What?” Toby panted as we ran around the outside of the field.

“The paint,” I breathed out. “Alexis painted on Daisy’s dorm room wall.”

He didn’t say anything for a minute, and we overtook Ed, who cursed us out. “Honestly? I didn’t know. What’d it say?”

My teeth gritted. “Not important. It isn’t true anyway.”

Glancing at him quickly, I saw him nod and knew he’d probably figured out what it said.

Or something close enough.

“Less chitchat, Burnell! Or you can do twenty more while everyone else hits the showers.”

Cringing at the coach’s booming voice, I shut my head off as much as I could and picked up speed.

The locker room was abuzz with talk of the upcoming away game against Allenby Heights, one of our greatest rivals, but I didn’t really give a shit. My stomach wouldn’t stop curdling, as if I’d drunk spoiled milk. The look on Daisy’s face before she closed the door remained on the forefront of my mind. Shutting off the shower, I grabbed my towel and padded out to my locker to get dressed.

The last thing I felt like doing was heading to a day of back-to-back classes. I’d rather be at home, nursing my wounded pride and trying to figure out what to do next.

“So,” Toby said, catching up with me outside, “you saw her last night?”

I kept walking. “Yes, for all the good it did me.”

“Aww, you got your ass turned down for once, Quinny boy?”

Flicking some damp hair from my face, I muttered, “Shut the fuck up.”

Toby chuckled. “You know, some might say you’re crazy for jumping right into another relationship anyway. Or at least trying to.”

That had me stopping and turning to face him. “Why?” The look he gave me was full of amused surprise. I sighed and continued, “I tried to move on. Hell, I thought I damn well did.”

“And there she was again.” Toby nudged my shoulder, and we started walking again.

“Yeah. Made me feel like all I’d done was put a Band-Aid on a gaping wound. What’s the point in trying to ignore that kind of ache? It only gets worse. It’ll always be there.”

“It’ll always be her, you mean?”

I liked Toby for a lot of reasons, the main one being that we could discuss shit like this without getting called a pussy or being met with awkward, stilted answers or silence.

“Yeah, just her.”

We walked into the cafeteria; the smell of pancakes, sausage, and bacon filled my nose and made my mouth water.

“Well then,” he said as we joined the short line. “Why you still moping about it?”

“What do you mean? I’m not moping.” My shoulders pulled back defiantly.

With laughter in his voice, he said, “Yeah, man. You’re totally moping. Looking like someone stole all your presents on Christmas morning.”

“That bad?”

“Yep.”

I ran a hand through my hair, tousling the wet strands. “I don’t know what to do.”

After ordering, I stepped to the side to wait. When Toby joined me, he asked, “About Daisy? Why?”

“What do you mean, why? She shut the door in my face.”

He shrugged, shaking his head like it was nothing. “You haven’t been shut down much in your life, have you?”

When I thought about it, I realized that no, I hadn’t. “Don’t give me shit. Just tell me what I should do.”

Toby smirked, walking over to grab a few napkins. “You simply keep knocking, dude.”

“Hey, Quinn,” some brunette said, wiggling her fingers at me as her and her friend stepped by me to walk inside. I had no idea who she was, so I gave her a small smile and returned my attention to my phone.

Waiting outside Daisy’s dorm on the steps didn’t exactly feel like my finest moment. The rain didn’t exactly help matters either, but whatever. I’d do what I needed to.

The only problem was, I’d been here since three, and it was now nearing six p.m. I had no idea where she was, if I’d missed her, or if she’d seen me and decided to avoid me.

I thought about seeing if she was at work, but then I worried if I moved, I might miss her coming or going.

Looking down at the game I’d been playing on my phone, I watched as it hit six o’clock and got up. I’d been sitting under the small awning, so I wasn’t completely drenched, but I was fucking cold.

My ass felt numb, and my backpack was kind of wet as I slung it over my shoulder. Ducking my head, I stepped down the steps then stopped when I saw another brunette running down the sidewalk toward me.

No, not toward me, toward her dorm.

“Pippa,” I said, stepping back out of the rain, my chest filling with relief.

She froze, her hand going to her chest. “Jesus, don’t scare me like that.”

Smiling apologetically, I asked, “Is Daisy in?”

Pippa studied me, her brows lowering over her green eyes. “No, she’s not.”

Okay then. This would be harder than I thought. “Can you tell me where she is?” I gave her my best pleading look. “Please?”

Sighing, she looked around, then leaned against the doors. “Making her wait after what you guys did was a pretty shitty thing to do. No, what you guys did was pretty shitty. A lot shitty. But she felt bad enough. She’s been torn up about you ever since we started here, and then this?”

“I know,” I murmured, looking away as my guilt manifested into something big enough to rip me in half. But I couldn’t give in to it. Or else I might miss out on another chance—what could be my last one—with the person who’d always mattered most to me. “I want to fix it. I’m trying to. I can’t do that if she won’t see me.”

“How long have you been sitting out here?”

Scratching the back of my head, my cheeks grew warm. “Uh … a few hours.”

“A few hours?” Her voice rose high above the pattering of rainfall.

“Yeah.”

She bit her lip, looking unsure for a second before saying, “She’s at work tonight.”

I cursed roughly, feeling like an idiot. “Right, I’ll head there then.”

“Quinn,” Pippa said, halting me at the bottom of the stairs. Raindrops splashed onto my cheeks, sliding down my neck and under my hoodie. “Don’t fuck it up again.”

Giving her a hopeful smile, I said, “I won’t. I can’t.” Then I marched off in the rain to find my girl.

Leaning over the counter, I watched the rain come down outside in silver sheets that shimmered in the darkness. The parlor was dead. Probably due to the weather. I’d been cleaning for the past two hours and served only two people.

Tim was in the back, reading a book at his desk, and I was fast running out of things to do.

Drumming my short nails on the stainless countertop, I leaned my head on my other hand and tried not to think about Quinn. Touching Quinn. Kissing Quinn. Or how I got so lost in Quinn that I didn’t even think about the repercussions.

I was not only a bad person, but I was also an extremely confused one.

And as if the universe wanted to rub that in a little harder, a figure appeared at the door, pushing it open and walking inside.

He was soaking wet. His jeans dark blue and his usually light gray team hoodie now charcoal and hanging from his large frame. I straightened, adjusting my glasses as my breath left me in a nervous puff.

His smile turned into a grimace as he glanced down at the water droplets he was leaving on the clean floor. “Well, uh, this wasn’t exactly a well-thought-out plan.”

Smirking, I said, “One sec.” I went into the back room, causing Tim to look up from his book when I asked if I could borrow a towel.

“Sure.” Leaning back in his chair, he glanced out the door. “You have a friend here?”

“Yeah, he’s a little soaked from the rain.”

Tim nodded, rubbing a hand over his chin. “Why don’t you get out of here then, yes? We’re not going to get a lot of traffic with this weather anyway.”

I stopped in the doorway. “Are you sure?”

“Of course. I’d rather you walk home with your friend than alone.”

Giving him a thankful smile, I clocked out, grabbed my bag, and made my way back out front.

“It might not help much, but here.” I passed the towel to Quinn, then grabbed my umbrella from the stand near the door. “You want anything before I go?”

He looked at my bag and umbrella. “You’re off?”

“Yeah, Tim said I could go early, what with the lack of customers tonight.”

“Right, okay. No, I came to see you.” He wiped the towel over his face, tiny droplets falling from his hair and running over his forehead before he trapped them with the towel. “Can I walk you home then?”

I should’ve said no, not knowing where the hell my head or his was at, but I didn’t. “Okay.”

The wind blew my umbrella inside out and sent it flying as soon as we stepped outside, and I laughed, squealing a little as the icy rain peppered my face. “We’re just gonna have to make a run for it. Ready?”

He grabbed my hand, and I took a deep breath. “No, but okay.”

Laughing, we ran through the water over the sidewalk, and I prayed to God we didn’t slip. It was raining so hard that my glasses were completely fogged over, the lenses covered in splashes of water by the time we reached campus.

We cut through the grass instead of using the sidewalk, and I shrieked as mud and water flew up my legs, covering my shins and soaking my Chucks and socks. “Jesus,” I said with another laugh as we reached the small awning of my dorm building.

“Yep.” Quinn held up the towel, which was almost dry.

“How on earth?” I frowned at it, and he let go of my hand to remove my glasses.

“Tucked it under my hoodie.” He carefully wiped the water from my lenses, inspecting them before handing them back. He knew I didn’t like to be without them for too long for fear of one of my eyes turning in.

“Thank you,” I whispered, taking them from him.

He shifted closer, brushing my hand away when I went to put them on. “I still remember when your first pair broke.” His voice was decadently soft, and I glanced up at him with slightly blurred vision. After sliding my glasses on, his hands grabbed my face, his thumbs gently stroking underneath my eyes. “John Newman used to call you the wonky-eyed girl.”

My lashes lowered. I didn’t like being reminded of that. “I know.”

“It was only for a day, and you went home from school early, not wanting anyone to see you.”

“What are you getting at?” I wanted his hands off me before I dissolved into him.

A smile edged his lips, and he brought my face closer, whispering, “Your mom was home sick, and your dad had no idea what kind of frames you’d like. You refused to leave your house until you had them, even going as far as trying to tape your old ones together.”

My mind twirled backward, my sorrow and embarrassment over something I could never help jumping into my chest, making it hard to breathe. “Masking tape. It didn’t work. But then Dad came home with a purple pair, and they had rainbow arms.”

“I wanna paint until I’ve used every color in the rainbow, Quinn. Every single one.”

“You’ll be painting forever, Dais.” He poked me in my dimple.

“I know. Isn’t that just the greatest?”

The memory hit me so hard, my knees quaked. “You went with him?”

“I did,” he said, pulling me to his damp chest.

Salt filled my nose, my throat closing as I gazed up at him. “To this day, they’ve always been my favorite.” A little laugh fluttered out of me.

“Just like you’ll always be mine.”

“Quinn,” I said when his head lowered.

His lashes bobbed, and he blew out a rough breath that fanned over my cheek as he stepped back, dropping his hands. “I know, I’m sorry. I just … I needed to see you. And whenever I do, everything else kinda runs away from me.”

My eyes caught sight of his truck out on the street. “You’d better get home, get dry.”

He didn’t move. “I’d rather talk to you. See you.”

His eyes pleaded, but not only was it freezing out here, I also didn’t know what to do. “Another time?”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Before I could move inside, he stepped forward and grabbed my face again, placing a lingering kiss on my forehead.

I watched him jump the steps and jog to his truck before going inside.

“Hey, you.” Glancing up from my table in the library, I found Callum.

I closed my textbook. “Hey, how are you?”

“Have coffee with me and I might tell you.” Shifting his books under his arm, he nodded at a guy walking past.

I chewed my lip for a moment, thinking I could sure use a coffee. With midterms behind us and end of year exams approaching, I wondered how much studying I could take before my brain exploded. “You’re not going to make me pay up on my debt, are you?”

I tucked my notebook and pen into my bag, then stood and tossed it over my shoulder.

“Maybe, maybe not.”

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I grabbed my textbook and followed him through the aisle of tables, heading to the lower level, where we walked past rows of books until we reached the entrance. “I must warn you, though, I’ve got the hangover from hell. I kind of just want to stare at you and hope some of your freshness rubs off on me.”

That made me laugh as we headed out into the quad. “I’m not feeling so fresh, but thanks, I think.”

Glancing at me, he asked, “Burnell?”

I moved my gaze straight ahead. “I guess. Mostly studying.”

I was surprised he didn’t comment on what had happened until we reached the cafeteria and ordered. “You doing okay? I heard about …” He waved his hand around, a pack of sugar clutched inside it.

I stirred some sugar into my cup. “Define okay.”

He looked thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged, prepping his drink. “I think that definition is different for everyone.”

I mulled that over. “I think you’re right.”

He took a sip of his coffee. “For what it’s worth, I don’t agree with what you guys did, but I don’t think you deserved what happened to your dorm room.”

“It wasn’t. We didn’t plan—”

Smirking, he raised a hand. “No need to explain. Besides, it’s obvious to everyone that Quinn’s head has been all over the place since you showed up.”

I didn’t know why, but I felt compelled and comfortable enough to tell Callum a bit of our history. “We grew up together.”

“Yeah? How cute.”

Sighing, I took a sip of my coffee and continued, “It was more than that, though. It’s hard to explain. We just … we were kind of inseparable. Our friendship progressed into more, and right when we’d just started to comprehend how seriously we felt about each other, my dad got a new job, and my family left Clarelle.”

Callum stared down at the table, his finger running through sugar granules. “And you lost contact.” Rubbing his fingers together, he glanced up. “Must have been a huge blow to discover he’d moved on.”

My lip quivered, and I bit it. “Huge is an understatement. And yes, we kind of fell apart when I left. I just stupidly thought we’d end up here, where we’d always planned to go to college, and somehow find our way back to each other.”

“Then you saw him with Alexis.”

“Yep. She’s known us since elementary school.”

“So she was your friend?”

Wrapping my hands around my coffee to warm them, I nodded.

He sat back, a disbelieving sound leaving him.

“I know.” I laughed. “And now I feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions. It doesn’t seem right to just … take what I want.”

“That makes sense, especially after the way they’ve hurt you.” He grabbed my hand, interlocking his fingers with mine. They looked so pale next to his tanned skin. “Burnell is probably one of the most decent guys I’ve met.” He chuckled. “Some of the guys call him mama’s boy. The dude pays for a stranger’s coffee and rarely has a bad word to say about anyone. I don’t think he did what he did, knowing he’d see you again.”

I was still staring at our hands but looked up at that. “You don’t?”

His head shook. “No. It sounds to me like you’re imbedded in the guy so deep, that he maybe took the next thing closest to you both, and thought it’d help him keep going.”

Shocked, I sniffed, pulling my hand back. “College feels crazier than high school.”

Callum snorted. “Tell me about it.”

“So, how was the away game last weekend?”

“Good.” A smirk lifted his upper lip. “Which you probably already know.”

Shrugging, I took another sip of coffee.

He continued, “As always, he was on his best behavior.”

Some of the tension left my shoulders. “I didn’t ask about him.”

“But you wanted to.” He grinned, and I tried in vain to hide my smile.

Tilting my head, I watched his eyes skim over the people in line behind us. “Have you been doing okay?”

Brown eyes met my own. “No need to worry about me. Incoming …”

Confused, I was about to turn around when a sketchpad landed on the table with a resounding thwack.

“Welsh,” Quinn’s voice came from beside me, a hint of annoyance in it.

Callum’s smile was goading. “Can we help you, Burnell?”

Quinn grunted, grumbling something under his breath as he dragged the chair next to mine out and dropped into it. “For you,” he said, pushing the sketchpad toward me.

Looking from it to him, I raised my brows. “What?”

He gestured toward it, and I pulled it to me, flipping it open. He’d bought me a new one. “Wow, Quinn. You didn’t …”

“Don’t. It’s yours.” He was annoyed.

“Thank you.”

Callum cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’ll be going now.” Getting up from his seat, he walked around the table to whisper in my ear, “Give him hell.”

Quinn watched him leave the cafeteria, his entire body tense. Reaching over, I touched his shoulder, and he flinched. “Shit, sorry.”

I pulled my hand back. “You okay?”

“Crap sleep, I guess.” He watched as I finished my coffee, my fingers running over the rough black sketchpad cover. He knew exactly the type I liked.

“What are you doing?”

“Sitting, having coffee?” Bewildered amusement colored my voice.

He drummed his fingers on the table. “No, I mean after.”

“I have class in ten, why?”

“Can I walk you?”

“Only if you tell me what has you looking like you’re smelling something bad.”

His shoulders dropped, his head falling into his hands as he scrubbed them harshly over his face. “Coffee. You’re having coffee with Callum?”

His hands fell, revealing cloudy, irritated hazel eyes. “I did just have coffee with him. Briefly, yes.”

Another noncommittal sound.

I couldn’t handle it anymore. “Quinn, Jesus. Just spit it out.”

It flew out of him in a rush. “I don’t like you hanging out with him. Or any other guys. It’s … it makes me itch. Like my damn blood is boiling.”

His shoulders heaved up and down, his brow furrowed severely. I could feel a few onlookers staring but ignored them. He looked strung out, like he didn’t know what to do with how this made him feel. I guess it’d be weird for him. He’d never had to worry about other guys. In high school, everyone knew I was his. Not that I thought anyone was interested anyway.

Still, I didn’t know how to reassure him especially when I wasn’t sure about anything.

I did know one thing, though. “Callum and me … from the start, we realized we’re much better suited as friends.”

His fists clenched on the table, and a dry laugh erupted from him. “Friends.”

Grabbing one of his closed hands, I held it between mine, brushing my thumbs over it. “Let it sink in. You know I’m not lying to you.”

With that, I left him muttering to himself at the table. It took a minute, but he caught up with me and silently walked me to class.

The following week, I was lying on my bed, surrounded by textbooks, notes, and highlighters when the door opened, and Pippa hollered, “Up! You’re coming with me, grumpy.”

I lifted my head from my bed, brushing a sticky note from my cheek. “I’m not grumpy.”

“She says while grumbling,” Pippa mocked from the wardrobe.

Sitting up, I pushed all my stuff farther up the bed and stretched my arms over my head. “God, I think my neck has a crick in it.”

“Serves you right for lying on your stomach to study for hours at a time,” she said. Closing the door, she turned to me, a small pile of clothes balancing on her hand. “Come on then.”

“What?”

“You’re coming to the townhouse. The time for ignoring the world is up.”

Twisting my lips, I pinched the air with my fingers. “Can’t I have just a wee bit longer? And I don’t want to go there.”

She huffed, dumping the clothes into her small overnight bag. “Why not?”

I made a face at her back. “Uh, because you know who lives there.”

Snorting, she said, “He’s not Voldemort.”

“Thank God for that.” I picked up my phone, glancing at the time. Holy hot damn. I’d been studying, or trying to, for hours. It was almost six thirty. “I’m hungry.”

“We’re ordering pizza. Get dressed.”

I glanced down. “I am dressed.”

“Suit yourself, but you know who will be there.” Her brow arched.

Indecision had my eyes rolling over the room, then back down at my outfit. I was wearing an AC/DC t-shirt and a pair of sweats. I shrugged. “He’s seen me in worse. Let me find where I tossed my bra, then I’ll be good.”

She clapped her hands, her head dropping back dramatically. “Praise the Lord!”

“Shut it, snot-burger.”

After putting on my bra, I fixed my hair as much as I could, then swiped on some lip balm and grabbed my water bottle and keys. “Just so you know, I’m only going for the pizza,” I said, walking past her and into the hallway.

Pippa locked the door, pulling it closed. “Whatever you say.”

Her smug tone grated. “Let’s roll before I change my mind.”

We trudged over the grass, cutting through the gardens to the other side of campus where residential streets lined the outskirts. The townhouse sat on the first street with two cars parked in the driveway.

“Did Quinn put you up to this?” It didn’t make sense that she and Toby would want a third, no fourth wheel.

“Nope,” she said, a tad too unconvincingly.

Quinn was lying on the couch, one leg hanging off the side and the other extended out over the arm. He was wearing a navy blue t-shirt and sweats, which made me smile. I hid it behind my water bottle, unscrewing the cap to take a sip.

He looked up at me from where he was lying, his eyes lighting up in a way that made the water almost go down the wrong pipe. He sat up a bit, lifting his legs out of the way. Looking at the other end of the sectional where Pippa was getting comfortable, I swallowed my pride and sat down near Quinn’s feet.

“How’s the studying going?” he asked. He’d walked me home some days over the past week, a new sketchpad waiting for me every time. I now had four. Not that they made up for what happened to my old ones, which weren’t empty but full of my heart, but they still made me smile. It wasn’t his fault, yet he was trying to make up for it anyway.

“Horribly bad.” I pretended to shiver, capping my water bottle and putting it on the side table.

“Coaster,” Toby said, walking into the room. “What’s up, Daisy duke?”

Sucking my lips together, I leaned over the arm of the couch and put the bottle on a coaster. Pippa caught my eye, a twinkle of affection in them at Toby’s curious ways. “Not much, Toby one Kenobi.”

He guffawed. “Haven’t heard that one before.”

“Really?” Quinn asked, looking perplexed. “You watch Star Trek.”

Toby looked affronted. “Used to, as in, when I was a kid. And dude. Star Trek and Star Wars are not the same thing. Like not even remotely.”

Quinn looked even more confused, his brows almost joining together. “I know that. I just thought—”

“Quinn never watched much TV growing up,” I cut in. “Unless it was sports.” Gesturing to the game on the TV right now, I ducked my head, feeling kind of lame for coming to his rescue.

“It’s okay,” Toby said. “Every man needs a nerdy fantasy phase, though. We’ll get you there, buddy.”

Quinn tossed a throw pillow at Toby, who scowled and carefully set it down beside him on the couch, making the rest of us laugh.

The pizza the guys had ordered showed up five minutes later, and with the ice well and truly broken, we all went to the dining room and dug straight in.

“Going home for Thanksgiving?” Toby asked Pippa. She was sucking pizza sauce from her finger, and Toby’s eyes zeroed in on the movement. She wiped her hand on some paper towel, not even realizing he was watching her every move with rapt attention. “I don’t know, maybe.”

She’d been waiting to see what he was doing and used the opening. “Are you?”

Shrugging, he took a bite of pizza and swallowed before saying, “Maybe.”

He grinned as she rolled her eyes, and Quinn bumped my foot under the table with his. “Come upstairs with me?” I was finished eating, but hesitated. “I promise not to pull any funny business.”

“Go with the boy scout. Pippa and I have shit to discuss.”

She giggled as he pulled her into his lap, licking some pizza sauce from her lip.

I followed Quinn upstairs, trying not to look at his ass, but well, I gave in. The top of his briefs showed, the white band of elastic calling out to females everywhere. Pull me, tug me, slip your hand underneath me.

I glowered at it and walked behind him into a bedroom near the top of the stairs. “Toby got the master, being his place and all,” he said, dropping down onto his bed and tucking his hands behind his head.

His biceps flexed tauntingly as he got comfortable, watching me slowly walk inside and look around. He had some trophies sitting on the corner of his desk, papers littering the surface with a few pens and highlighters. The rest of the room was kind of bare, besides a dresser with a small flat-screen on it and a team jersey hanging on the wall.

“You still aren’t one for decorating much,” I observed.

“I’ve never had to. That’s always been you.” My hands clenched at his words, fingernails digging into my palms. “Come here, I won’t bite. I just want to talk to you, and you’re making me feel uneasy with how nervous you are.”

“I’m not nervous.”

“You’re not comfortable either,” he said.

Turning around, I went to sit on the other side of his large bed. “I’m not uncomfortable. It’s …”

“You don’t know what to do.”

“I guess.” Crossing my legs, I played with my fingers in my lap.

He sat up. “Is it because you don’t trust me? After what I did with Alexis? You’ve gotta know, I didn’t think I’d see you again. Not here or anywhere.”

“No,” I whispered.

“Then is it because of what we did?” Pausing, he said, “Jesus, you don’t think I’d do the same thing to you, do you? You know me, it’s just … it was you.”

Looking up at him, I reached out to run my finger down the straight bridge of his nose. Some of the tension left his face. “I trust you. I’m not sure what it is or isn’t. A lot’s happened, that’s all.”

Taking my hand, he kissed my fingertips then held it with his on his thigh. His very thick, hard thigh. I swallowed, trying to keep my gaze on his and not look away as my blood seemed to bubble inside my veins. “What I said,” he started, then stopped, searching for the words. “Or rather, didn’t say … when you said that I’d told you I loved her.”

My eyes dropped then, and he gently tipped my chin up, making me look at him. “I didn’t hesitate; I just didn’t know how to explain it.”

Blinking away tears, I moved away, not sure if I wanted to hear this. He grabbed my hand before I could. “Stop. Please.” I stopped but still wouldn’t look at him. “I couldn’t find the right words, nothing that would make you understand. Then, instead of looking at you, the door was facing me. So this is me, knocking. Would you please open the door? Just a crack? Enough to let me explain it to you now?”

With nothing else to do, and hearing the desperation floating in his voice, I nodded. “Okay.”

Letting out a quick breath, he said, “What I told you all those weeks ago was true. I did love Alexis. But what I kept to myself was that I loved her in a way you love someone after you’ve already given your heart away.” I lifted my head, locking eyes with his as he continued, “Never with the full depths of your soul. Never with the feeling of something clicking into place whenever you were with them. Yeah, I loved her, sure. But I wasn’t capable of loving someone the way I love you, Daisy. So it was incomplete and probably not fair to her at all.”

“Quinn,” I rasped.

He held up a hand, stopping me. “Yet I found myself fortunate enough to have found even that amount of room in my heart again. So I’m sorry, but I meant what I said, to some extent. It all changed, though, and my heart was put to a test it would fail with flying colors as soon as you appeared in front of my eyes once again. I knew that, yet I was upset, angry, but I was also stuck. I couldn’t get out of the bed I’d made for myself in your absence.”

It made sense—everything he said made perfect sense—and had my heart rocking from side to side, humming like a love-drunk fool in my chest. “Why didn’t you wait for me?” I asked, tears falling onto my lips. He rubbed them away with a thumb then licked them off as I watched through blurred eyes.

“I didn’t know,” he said, taking my glasses off and cleaning them with the hem of his shirt. “I thought you were done with me.”

“My mom told me you started partying more after I left.” He didn’t respond. “Quinn?”

Cursing quietly, he said, “I was so pissed at you. At everything. You lived hours away, and when I thought about it, it seemed stupid to think we’d hold on when we were so young.”

“But I did. I held on.”

“I know that now, but I didn’t then.” He gently wiped my eyes then put my glasses back on. “And we’re still young; we probably don’t know shit. But this? Us?” His smile was luminous and had my breath stalling as he said, “It’s pretty clear what we feel will never go away.”

I climbed into his lap, unable to stop myself. My arms looped around him, and my nose burrowed into his neck, breathing in his clean scent.

It took a few pounding heartbeats, but his arms wrapped around me, holding me so tight as his head dropped to my shoulder.

Time passed, but I held on until I noticed he was hard beneath me, and my belly ignited with fluttering heat. I got up, and he reached out, catching my hand as I climbed off the bed. “Wait, stay.”

Squeezing his hand once, I pulled mine free. “Not tonight.”

I needed to let his words sink in and figure out what to do with my lingering guilt.

Sniffing, I swiped underneath my nose, stopping in the doorway. “But FYI, you’re still a bit of a goober. Albeit, a sweet one.”

His laughter followed me downstairs, where Toby was waiting and offered to run me home.

Quinn’s words rattled around in my head the next day, making my brain feel like a piece of cotton candy. So much so that, instead of studying after class because I couldn’t focus to save my life, I was doodling.

“Is that a brain? Wrapped in cotton candy?” Pippa asked, leaning over the desk in the library.

“Yep.” I popped the p, keeping my attention focused on the fluffy round edges created by my pink pencil.

Pippa muffled her laughter behind her hand, but I still heard it. “Shush, it’s relevant.”

“To what? How you’re feeling after last night? You should’ve stayed.”

Sighing, I tucked my pencil away. “I couldn’t.”

The librarian glared at us, and Pippa got up, tucking her chair beneath the table. “Why?” she asked, looping her bag strap over her arm.

Someone’s gaze was hot on my back; I could feel it burning as if I’d been marked. Turning, I saw Alexis walking down the steps, her eyes darting away.

“That’s why?” Pippa said, lifting her hand and scratching her nose with her middle finger, discreetly flipping her off.

Trying not to laugh, I motioned for her to stop it. “Not entirely, but I just feel like … I don’t know. Like a child who threw a tantrum and got what she wanted. Only now, I feel wretched about it.”

“That’s not what happened, and you know it.”

I lifted my shoulders, packing my stuff away. I wasn’t getting anything done anyway. “Daisy.”

“Hmm?” I shoved my stuff in my bag and stood.

“You did something wrong, yes. But you’re not a horrible person because you love someone. In your mind, he’s always been yours. That’s hard to shake. But you tried. I saw you; we all did. And Alexis, well, she’s the one who threw the damn tantrum, if you ask me.” She scoffed. “A fucking epic one.”

The librarian shushed her, and Pippa sucked her lips.

I headed to the stairs with Pippa beside me. “She had more than enough reason.”

“Oh, God. Would you stop?”

I stopped, and Pippa grabbed my arm. “Not literally, you dork. I meant stop beating yourself up. I’m getting exhausted just watching you try to keep yourself from giving in. Give in already.”

Easy enough for her to say. I knew how it felt to have my heart trashed, and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Even Alexis.

Yet that was exactly what I’d done.

Pippa left me to go check in at the front desk for a book she needed, and I made my way outside, my head down and still clouded so badly that I walked right into someone. “Crap, sorry.”

Pushing my glasses up, I stepped back, about to walk away when I saw who it was. “Oh.”

Alexis righted her skintight sweater. “Yeah, oh.”

She kept walking, and I caught up with her, not even knowing why, just knowing I had to do something. “Wait up.”

“Why? So you can cry over me trashing your room?” She stopped near the quad. “Speaking of, why didn’t you call campus security?”

I fidgeted with my bag strap. “I-I don’t know. I didn’t even really think about that.”

She made a snorting sound, her pretty lips pressed tight as she eyed me up and down. “You’re still too nice for your own good. Oh, no wait.” Her blue eyes filled with venom. “That changed the night you screwed my boyfriend.”

Wincing, I struggled for what to say, and bumbled out, “But you took him from me.”

“You left. There’s a difference.”

I stepped closer, my voice lowering. “You were my best friend. So, yes, there’s a huge difference, and you know it.”

She swallowed, her eyes glazing over. “I had feelings for him. I fell in love with him.”

“He wasn’t yours to fall in love with,” I spat, shocking myself enough to take a step back.

The smile she gave me was full of amusement. “My, my. She’s grown thorns underneath that innocent looking exterior.”

“One guess as to why that happened.”

She sniffed. “Whatever. Anything else? I have a class to get to.”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Why what?” Her dark brows lowered, her arms crossing over her chest. “Why’d I take Quinn?” She shrugged. “Same reason you did. Because I wanted him.”

“No.” My breath shook, my anger lowering to a simmer that now left me feeling a bit sick. “My sketchbooks.”

She didn’t answer, and I was beginning to think she wouldn’t when she all but hissed, “Because it hurts, doesn’t it? Having your heart crushed.”

“I already knew that. And you knew I did.” My hands were shaking, and I clenched them. “You didn’t need to do that.”

Alexis looked down at the ground, and I knew she felt bad; she just wouldn’t admit it. “I’m done with this. Have fun with the boyfriend you stole.”

I said to her back, “He’s not my—”

“Oh, come on.” She turned around to face me. “I’m willing to admit being the fool here. But you just couldn’t let go, could you?” An apology was on the tip of my tongue, but I held it back. She grinned sadly, as if she knew. “No point in saying you’re sorry. We both know you’re not.”

Alexis walked away, the sun shining down on her long dark hair, making her look like some kind of winter queen.

“No, Mom,” I said, stepping into the line at the diner. “I’m fine, seriously.”

“Really? So that’s why Amy called me, telling me some interesting news?”

I could feel my eyes bulging and whisper-hissed into the phone, “What the hell? What did she say?”

I heard her tinkering around, making dinner in the background. “Oh, nothing, nothing.”

Handing the cashier my card, I pointed at the spaghetti and meatballs, just as Quinn showed up at my side. I held up two fingers, knowing even if he’d eaten, he’d demolish mine if I didn’t. “Spit it out, already.”

“Oh, fine. She just said that you and Quinn had, um, maybe gotten friendly again.” She lowered her voice. “You’re taking the pill I got filled for you before class started, right?”

With my cheeks flaming, I moved aside, and Quinn mouthed, “Your mom?”

I nodded, and seeing my embarrassment, he grinned and took the phone from me, walking outside the diner while I got the food to go and tried to figure out how it was still possible for your parents to embarrass you when you lived thousands of miles away.

“Sure thing. She’s just grabbed some dinner, got her hands full.” He nodded, listening. “Uh-huh. I’ll tell her you want her to call you later.”

He hung up, slipping my phone into my bag and taking the food from me. “Thank you,” I said. “Jesus, I love her, but I’m eighteen, and still, she has this freaky ability to make me feel two feet tall with just a few words.”

Quinn’s laughter was muffled inside the brown bag as he shoved his face inside to see what I ordered. “I don’t think that’ll ever change. You got me some?” He looked over at me with a huge grin. “Thanks.”

“It’s to stop you from eating mine. I’m starved.” We moved around a guy yelling into his phone.

“My place?”

Spying his truck down the street, I agreed and followed him. “What were you doing here anyway?”

He opened my door, waiting until I was in before climbing in on his side and answering me. “I was actually going to grab something to eat. Toby’s gone out to dinner with Pippa. Didn’t feel like cooking.”

“And by cooking, you mean heating something up in the microwave?” I put my seat belt on.

He guffawed. “And what, you don’t?”

“Touché.”

We pulled up a minute later, and even though he lived close to campus, I was glad he decided to drive. It was starting to get freezing out.

Once inside, he set us up with plates at the dining table and got some glasses of water. True to my word, I was so hungry I barely said two words to him.

“Shit, Dais.” He wiped his mouth with some paper towel. “You miss lunch?”

“And breakfast,” I mumbled around a forkful of pasta.

“You can’t do that, Daisy.”

“I know, but I slept in.”

I could tell he was smirking without taking my eyes from my food. “Some things don’t change.”

“Nope. I’ve come to learn I’ll never be the most organized person. I’m good with that.”

“Good,” he simply said, finishing his food.

I took our containers to the trash afterward while Quinn washed our forks. “Really?” I asked, leaning on the counter and watching him get the cheese off them with the scrubber.

“Really,” he said, dumping them on the dish rack then going so far as to get the dish towel from the oven door and dry them, then put them away in the drawer. “He doesn’t harp about it all the time, but I can tell it bothers him.”

Knowing he was talking about Toby, I asked, “When things are messy?”

“Yeah, he struggles to relax or something. Hard to explain.”

“Pippa told me some of it,” I said. “That he suffers from anxiety, depression too?”

Leaning back against the sink, he dried his hands. He looked at me, hesitating, and I smiled, which must’ve reassured him enough to tell me. “He does. You wouldn’t pick up on it, just looking at him. Not unless you knew him well enough. He hides it well, unless he loses control.”

“What’s that like?”

Hanging the towel up, he gestured for me to follow him to the living room, where he pulled out some DVDs. “I’ve only seen him get real bad a handful of times. It can be small, or it can be huge. He can either fly off the handle, getting mad about shit real easy, or worst of all, he sleeps for days.”

“Really?” Pippa hadn’t said much, just that she was willing to give it a chance. And she was in too deep not to.

“Yeah. At playoffs last year, he lost his shit. Got into a fight with someone on the opposing team. Coach almost didn’t let him back this year, but well, he’s a damn good player.”

“Why’d he get that mad?”

He held up two DVDs, and I pointed at the one with cars on the front, not really caring what we watched. “No one really knows. It can be as tiny as something of his going missing, or maybe someone egging him on. As to why he gets down, I have no idea about that. Only that I think it all gets too much for him and pulls him under. He doesn’t like to talk about it.”

My brain was rolling over all he said, trying to match the new knowledge with the guy I’d recently gotten to know. Who was dating my closest friend.

“So he has aggression issues then?”

Hearing the alarm in my voice, Quinn’s eyes widened. “No. Well, yes.” He cursed quietly. “I’m not doing a good job explaining it. The truth is, I don’t know enough about it. But I do know him. He’d never … I know he wouldn’t. Besides, I’d never allow that to happen.”

The conviction in his voice had me believing him. “Okay.”

He changed the subject. “You going home for Thanksgiving?”

“Nah, it’s too far to travel when I’ll probably see them for Christmas. You?”

He put the DVD in and sat beside me. “After the game. Are you gonna come to that this weekend?”

“Your game?” He nodded, relaxing back on the couch. “Um, if you want?”

“I want,” he said. “I’d also love it if you came home with me after for the weekend.”

I was just getting comfortable next to him, the heat from his body making me warm all over, but then I tensed. “You want me to go home with you?” I thought I might choke on my heart.

He regarded me thoughtfully, his finger running over his brow. “You don’t want to?”

My mouth, which was gaping open, snapped closed. I did want to, but … “That’s a pretty big deal, Quinn.”

Grabbing my hand, he tugged until I was lying over his body. “It is. And it’d mean everything to me.”

The earnestness in his eyes had me tempted to agree right then and there. “I can’t.”

“Dais, please. I’m a desperate man who’s willing to get down on his knees and beg. Just let me take you home.” He tucked some of my hair behind my ear. “Let me make you remember.”

The sound of screeching tires filled my ears, coming from the movie behind me.

“I’ll think about it,” I finally said.

His eyes dropped to my lips, and I pressed my finger to his, murmuring, “Don’t get too ahead of yourself, Q tip.”

“I’ll give you more than my Q tip. Just gotta tell me when and where.”

I burst out laughing, my head dropping to his hard pec. “You did not just say that.”

His chest rumbled with his own laughter beneath my cheek. “You had it coming.”

Moving me around to lie half on his side, half on the couch with my head resting in the crook of his arm, we settled in to watch the movie.

I didn’t remember watching much of it, but I did remember breathing in his scent and feeling like I fit perfectly against him.

Cheering ensued, Quinn making a perfect pass that had another player, I think it was Paul, gunning for the end zone.

“This shit gets intense,” Pippa mumbled around some popcorn.

“Oh, yeah. One time, I saw a bunch of fans from opposing teams get in a fight. It was a freaking high school game.”

Pippa laughed, her eyes stuck on Toby, who’d been benched for the first quarter and didn’t look very happy about it. “He’s pissed,” she said, her posture getting stiff.

“He looks it. Why’d he get benched?”

“No idea. Must’ve done something Coach didn’t approve of.”

When the second quarter rolled around, he was up and on the field before the coach could even send him on.

“Ax ’em, Tomahawks!” a guy hollered from behind, making us wince. His friends all joined in, getting louder as we neared halftime.

A person standing a few rows down facing me snagged my attention, her arms waving above her head. The man sitting beside her was trying to tug her back into her seat.

Quinn Sr. and Amy, Quinn’s parents. Nerves erupted, filtering through every cell in my body. She didn’t look mad, though. She looked happy. So hesitantly, I waved back before Quinn’s dad managed to get her back in her seat.

“Who was that?” Pippa asked.

“Quinn’s parents.”

She nudged me in the ribs. “Don’t be nervous. She was waving at you like a lunatic.”

I couldn’t help it. It’d been so long, and I didn’t know how they’d feel about me now. After these past few months.

“Oh, shit.” Pippa stood.

“What?” I asked, glancing around. Then I saw it, in the corner of the field, two players from either team, pushing and shoving each other. A fist flew, and I gasped. “Toby?”

“Yeah.” Pippa’s hands were covering her mouth, her body tense as if she was about to run down there but wasn’t sure if she could even move.

They were on the ground, rolling around, fists flying, before some of the other players broke it up. We watched, the crowd silent as the ref chewed their asses out, and the coaches got involved. Our coach stabbed his finger toward the sidelines, and Toby tore off his helmet, his arms spread out wide.

Murmurs and jeers filled the stands, but all we could do was watch silently.

Toby finally made a beeline off the field. His helmet was tossed to the ground, and he kicked a basket of water bottles over. He didn’t stop there, though. No, I could almost see the sweat bouncing off his hair as he roughly shoved his hand through it, then swore up a storm in the coach’s and referee’s direction. You couldn’t hear what he was saying, but you definitely could feel the anger and vulgarity of it.

“Oh, God.” Pippa sat down as Toby disappeared under the stands. The water boys scrambled to collect all the drink bottles Toby had scattered over the side of the field.

The Tomahawks all seemed to be unmoving, even when the whistle blew and the ref called halftime.

“I need to find him,” Pippa said, collecting her stuff.

“Wait.” What Quinn said to me earlier that week about Toby had me concerned. “Don’t you think you should let him cool off?”

She was already shuffling out of our row. “It’ll be fine. I’ll call you later.”

I wanted to believe her. I mean, she knew him much better than I did.

I finished watching the game with my stomach in knots, worried for Pippa, for Toby, and also about what the hell I would say to Quinn’s parents.

Turned out, I didn’t need to worry about that last part very much. I made it out of the stands and into the parking lot before Amy found me, immediately engulfing me in a hug that almost choked the life from me.

“Oh, my goodness,” she whined into my ear. “You’ve grown so much. You’re a real woman now.” Pulling back, she grabbed my shoulders, her eyes teary as they swept me up and down. Her hands moved up to frame my face, her lips wobbling. “You’ve always been effortlessly pretty, but now, you’re beautiful. Effortlessly beautiful.”

Quinn Sr. cut in. “Let her go, Ames.”

Reluctantly, she did, and my nerves resurfaced as familiar hazel eyes stared back at me. Then he smiled, and I knew I was okay. “Come here. Shit, look how tall you are.” I was gathered to his chest for a hug, Amy joining us.

“Don’t tell me you’ve had the reunion without me,” Quinn’s voice sounded from behind. We separated to find him standing there. He dumped his bag to the ground, his hair soaked and his shirt wet as if he’d taken the quickest shower known to mankind.

“Great game, kiddo.” His dad ruffled his hair, then pulled him to his side. It was crazy how much they resembled each other. Their large, broad frames, hair, eyes and the hard, square cut of their jaws. They even had the same smirk. But now, Quinn was almost an inch taller.

“Yeah.” Quinn sighed, looking around the lot.

They’d won, but I could tell he was thinking about what went down with Toby. “Have you seen him?” he asked me.

“No. Pippa went to find him as soon as he left the field, though.”

Brows furrowing, he nodded, and his mom clapped her hands. “Let’s go. It’s getting late. Have you got your bag packed, Daisy?”

Stumped, I blinked a few times. “Sorry, what?”

Quinn’s dad glanced away, laughing quietly.

I looked at Quinn, who was busy studying the ground. “Quinn.”

“Huh?” The look he gave me was so rueful, I wanted to smack him and kiss him stupid at the same time.

“Did you tell them I was going home with you?” I tried to keep the panic out of my voice. Tried.

“Maybe. I might’ve mentioned it, can’t really remember.”

“You can’t remember?” My brow rose.

His mom chortled behind us. “Not much changes, does it? Would it help if I told you I’ve already started preparing a feast for tomorrow?”

My lips twitched, and I pushed my glasses farther up the bridge of my nose, not removing my eyes from Quinn, who was openly grinning at me now. “Maybe.”

“Then it’s settled. I’ve already got everything ready, just in case we’re asleep when you arrive.”

Giving us a brief hug, they walked off to their car, Quinn Sr. telling Quinn, “Drive safe.”

“Oh, you’re so sneaky,” I hissed, whacking him in the chest once they were driving away. He grabbed my hand, pulling me to his body. He smelled like his shower gel, and I wanted to stick my nose into his neck and inhale. I tilted my head back, glaring up at his face. “What did you tell them?”

He licked his lips, eyes hooding as his arm tightened around me. “Just that you were thinking about it. Which you know translates to a yes when it comes to you and me.”

Scoffing, I pushed out of his arms. “That confident, are you?”

“Just waiting you out, but yeah, as I said, inescapable.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, beautiful,” Callum said, his arm looping around my neck and pulling me into his front. Quinn actually growled, which made me laugh. Callum smacked a kiss to my cheek before freeing me. “Chill, Burnell. She owes me a kiss because I won her a frog. Should I just take what’s mine now? Or would you prefer I wait until you’ve finally won her back?”

Quinn’s jaw was granite as he gritted out, “You put your lips anywhere near her again, I’ll rip them clean off.”

Callum gave me a wink. “Later then.”

Quinn moved, and Callum jogged off, laughing as he waved at me over his head.

“Fucker,” Quinn grumbled. “What the hell did he win you?”

“A stuffed frog.”

“The one you left in my truck that night?”

Ignoring the heat behind his husky words, I said, “I’ve been wondering where it went.”

Back at my dorm, Quinn waited for me downstairs while I packed an overnight bag.

Pippa wasn’t in, so I quickly pulled my phone out and sent her a text to let her know I’d be back on Monday.

Excitement and trepidation funneled through me as I walked slowly down the steps, unable to believe I was actually doing this. Not only was I spending two whole days with Quinn, but I was also going back home.

Quinn was on his phone when I opened the truck door. “Can’t get a hold of him.”

I climbed in and shut the door, putting my bag on the floor. “Toby?”

“Yeah.” He sighed. Putting his phone away, he turned the ignition over. “I hope he’s okay. Coach is pissed as hell.”

“Pippa’s probably with him.”

He hummed, the lights from the dash illuminating the worry on his face.

Grabbing his hand, I played with his fingers as we started the two-hour drive back to Clarelle.

Stretching my legs, I felt my foot nudge something in the foot well.

My frog. I picked it up, setting it between us with a sly smirk. Quinn looked down at it, looked back at the road, then looked at it again. His jaw was clenching, fingers drumming over the steering wheel.

Then, as we got onto the highway, he said, “I hope you’re not too attached to this.”

“What?”

His window wound down, and he grabbed the frog, tossing it out of the truck. “Now you don’t owe him a damn thing.”

“Quinn!” I spun around, watching it bounce toward a car driving behind us. “I liked it. It was cute.”

“I’ll get you a bigger one.”

His parents were indeed asleep when we arrived, and my heart grew ten sizes too big as I gazed at everything in his ranch-style home. It was exactly the same with only a few minor changes. “New fridge,” I commented.

Quinn tossed his keys onto the whitewashed entry table, kicking off his shoes. “The other one died right after Mom had made a huge grocery run for Christmas last year. She almost cried, I swear.”

“Oh, yikes.”

“Come on, it’s pretty late.” He took my hand, leading me upstairs to his room, which had hardly changed at all, save for all the pictures I’d drawn him that used to hang on the wall beside his bed. They were now gone. It stung, and tears welled.

Quinn put our bags down on the floor. Moving behind me, he wrapped his arms around my waist. “They’re still here. Mom saw me tearing them down and took them all. I know she kept them.”

Sucking in a shuddering breath, I nodded. “Where should I sleep?”

“Right there.” He pointed at the king-size bed. “With me.”

His parents had always been a lot more relaxed about letting us do things like that than mine were. Well, my mom wasn’t so bad. My dad was. “I’m hungry. Want something?”

I shook my head, and he squeezed me, lifting my feet off the floor and making me smile before letting go and heading downstairs.

Getting ready for bed, I felt unusually tired all of a sudden. I had a feeling it was the nostalgic and surrealistic haze that had swept over me as soon as we’d driven into town.

I just couldn’t believe it. That I was back here, and with Quinn.

After brushing my teeth, I climbed into bed and waited for him. He returned eating a sandwich and an apple at the same time and used his foot to nudge the door closed. “Your mama will probably still slap you stupid if you get crumbs all over your bed.”

He grinned, then shoved what was left of the sandwich into his mouth, stuffing it in with a large finger and struggling to chew. “Less chance of crumbs now,” he mumbled around it.

I laughed, covering my mouth with my hand to keep from waking his parents down the hall. “You’re real special, Quinn Burnell, know that?”

He leaped over me, his apple falling to the bed as he peppered peanut butter-scented kisses over my cheek. “Ew, no, no.”

He grabbed my cheeks, pinching them together with one hand, then put his lips on mine. It started out playful, but then I got over the peanut butter residue and pulled him down on top of me. “Want you,” he whispered, his hips rolling into me.

“Not here,” I said, though I was starting to feel desperate enough not to give a damn.

Groaning, he grabbed the apple, got up and went to get ready for bed.

Coming back into the room, he dropped his pants, giving me a shameless smile over his shoulder, and slowly tugged out a pair of sweats from his bag. His shirt came off next, but he didn’t put a new one on. And even in the dimly lit room, I was mesmerized by his thick arms and smooth, muscled back, and when he turned to face me, those damn lickable abs.

“Not going to wear a shirt?” I asked a little too huskily as he climbed into bed. My thighs clenched together. I really needed him to wear a freaking shirt.

“Nope,” he said, mischief evident in his grin and tone.

“Fine,” I huffed, rolling over to face the wall so I wouldn’t throw myself at him or start salivating.

He pulled me back to him, turning me. “I’ll be good. But look at me. I need to see you.”

I made a face. “Better?”

“Much.” He laughed, then reached out to take my glasses off, placing them behind him on the nightstand. “I need to ask you something.”

“Okay.” He hesitated, his bottom lip rolling between his teeth. I grabbed it, plucking it free. “Ask,” I whispered.

“Was I the only one you’d kissed before Callum?”

“Yes,” I answered quickly.

His eyes closed. He seemed to be struggling with that, which was made even clearer when he said, “I’m such an idiot.”

“Quinn.”

“No, Dais.” He touched my lips, tracing them. “These. They’ve always belonged to me. Your every first was mine to keep, and I threw it away when it all collapsed around us.” He inhaled a shaky breath, his shoulders rising, then let it out. “Now someone else has touched them, and that kills me.”

Blinking away tears, I whispered, “But you went further than that. Much further.”

He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth again, his eyes glazing over. “I know,” he rasped. “I’m sorry.”

I knew he was, but it’d still happened. “Were you her first? And was … was it only her?” My stomach curled into a thousand angry knots as his eyes shut. I looked away toward the window.

“No, I wasn’t her first.” Fingers on my chin turned my gaze back to his wet hazel eyes. “And there were a few before Alexis. I won’t lie to you.” I nodded, my throat swelling and my heart contracting. “But you’re the only one who’s ever made it feel like more. Like I couldn’t ever get enough if I tried. We’ve got the rest of our lives for me to show you that.” Vulnerability swam over every perfect inch of his face, his lashes fluttering as his eyes roamed over my own. “If you’ll have me?”

With the way he said those words and the whispered plea buried beneath them, it was all I could do not to bawl like a baby. Maybe it’d always hurt when I remembered what he’d done, and the regret I still held. But I knew, deep down, the hurt would be so much worse, quite possibly endless, if I couldn’t forgive him. “I’ll have you,” I whispered thickly.

He let out a gust of breath that blew warm over my face, his head dropping to my neck where he inhaled deeply and nuzzled his nose into my skin. His body shifted, lying flush over mine, and I welcomed the weight, the strength of it, by wrapping my arms around him. One over his waist and the other around his shoulders, my fingers running through his hair, holding his head against the crook of my neck.

I’d forgotten just how beautiful watching the sun rise over the sprawling fields could be. How the color slowly leeched from the horizon onto the farm. Inch by inch it crawled, spreading its glory in rays of golden pink.

I’d risen before the sun. Some instinctive part of me knowing I’d want—no, need—to see this, I’d carefully untangled myself from Quinn and grabbed my sketchpad before quietly heading downstairs.

As if predicting my early arrival, Quinn Sr. had been there, drinking coffee and eating bacon and eggs while reading the paper. He scooted an already full mug over to me and wordlessly pointed at the sugar and milk on the table. As soon as I stepped outside, Spud woke up, his tail flapping sporadically as he walked alongside me. He was now snoozing next to the tree, pawing at a fly that kept trying to land on his nose.

Putting my pencil back in its case, I leaned forward, resting my arms and chin on my bent knees to watch the sun’s final ascent into the sky.

Maybe you didn’t always need to try to capture beauty. Sometimes, you simply needed to experience it, let it seep into you and fill your soul with color instead.

My soul was happy here. So happy, I felt a tear leak out of my eye. Taking a sip of coffee, I brushed it away and leaned back against the trunk of the willow tree.

The swing was gone, but the rocks were still here, a few feet away. They’d sunken into the earth where the grass stopped, undisturbed. The memory of what we did all those years ago felt silly. But it also felt like that was where the magic began.

With a dead rooster.

Shaking my head, I laughed a little, putting my mug down. Crunching footsteps met my ears, and I looked up to find Quinn walking over, hands tucked into his jean pockets.

He sat down, and I squeaked as he picked me up and placed me between his spread legs.

He pulled me back to his chest, his arms like boulders resting on me, trapping me. “Why’d you leave me?”

My throat tightened. I knew he was trying to be playful, but I could hear it. The slight hint of fear in his tone. “Sorry. I wanted to watch the sunrise.”

He moved some hair from my neck, resting his lips there. His breath tickled my skin, and after a minute, I felt him relax a bit more. “I thought it was a dream. When I woke up, expecting you there. For a split second, I thought I’d been transported back to two years ago, and this had all been a dream.”

I grabbed his arm, my other hand reaching up to brush his cheek and chin. “I know what you mean.”

“Alexis tried to call me while we were asleep.”

My hand dropped. “Are you going to call her back?” I selfishly hoped he wouldn’t, but I knew it wasn’t that simple.

“I thought about it, but then, what would I even say? I’m pissed about what she did to you, but I still feel like a dick.”

“Don’t worry about me,” I whispered.

“That’s impossible.” He squeezed me. “Have you had breakfast?”

“Always trying to feed me.”

He chuckled into my neck. “Don’t give me sass. It’s the—”

“Most important meal of the day.” I laughed as he reached down to tickle my stomach. “I know.”

A rooster crowed, and Quinn reached over to grab my mug and take a sip. I took it from him after, taking another drink before he polished it off.

“Hey,” he said, hands climbing under my shirt and splaying over my stomach. “What ever happened to Frederick?”

“Oh, it’s horrible. You don’t want to know.”

“Dais, I’ve helped Dad with a lot of horrible stuff here; I can handle it.”

Sighing, I relaxed back into him, my head resting on his shoulder. “He got run over.”

Quinn tried to hide his laughter, but I felt it and turned around to glare at him. “Sorry,” he said.

“He wasn’t used to it, okay? Living in a residential neighborhood. He didn’t have road smarts.”

“Road smarts?” He snorted.

“Shush, I loved him.”

He quietened then, pushing my head back down onto his shoulder and smoothing my hair back from my forehead. “I know. Sorry.”

“He did okay for a while. But then he just wandered off. Dad found him by the curb on the next street a few days after we noticed he’d gone missing.”

“Did you bury him?”

“Dad did,” I said. “He was driving the neighbors nuts. Wouldn’t be surprised if one of them saw an opportunity and took it.”

“Assholes,” Quinn said. “We’ve got three again. Take your pick.”

I laughed, feeling a little giddy from how relieved I was. Being here. Smelling the hay in the air and feeling the crisp, clean breeze stirring tendrils of my hair around my face.

“Sometimes, I come down here just to remember where we began. To remember that we happened.”

My voice was a whisper. “You don’t know how good it feels to see it, to know it did.”

“I’m gonna marry you someday, Daisy June.” My chest caved in at those words. “Shit, don’t cry.” He grabbed my chin, brushing his lips over my cheek.

“No, it’s … they’re happy tears.” I sniffed, not realizing they’d escaped. “Does your offer still stand?”

“It was never an offer. It was a statement. A feeling I had in my gut.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. How you can simply look at something or someone and just see it. Feel it.”

“What?” I asked.

“You. Us. Years from now. Always.”

“Yes.” My heart was buzzing in my ears.

He hummed, holding me tighter. “When you see it, what are we doing?”

“We’re right here. On this farm.”

“You’re painting on the porch, and I’m working out in the fields, trying to catch just the tiniest glimpse of you.”

Sniffling, I choked out, “Yes, all of that. Yes.”

“What else do you see?”

I shyly admitted, “A little girl with sandy blond hair, following you around.”

“A little boy, too,” he said. “Sneaking into your art supplies and painting the walls whenever our backs are turned.”

The image we’d created felt so real, so beautiful, so right, that a sob escaped me. “I want it so bad. I always have.”

“Well, time for us to wake up. Because we’re gonna have it.”

We stayed out under the tree until our butts grew sore and our bellies grumbled. After a huge breakfast, Quinn went out into the fields to help his dad fix some fencing while I helped Amy prep lunch.

“Have you met Pluto?” she asked, handing me tongs for the salad.

“Not yet, but I’ve seen pictures. He’s gorgeous.”

“Quinton is quite proud of him,” she said, a fond smile in her voice. “You’ll have to go out and meet him.”

“I will.” I checked on the turkey in the oven as she washed some plates from breakfast.

I passed her the dish towel to dry her hands, then moved to the fridge to grab drinks and set them on the dining table.

“You know,” she said, hanging the towel up. “I heard what happened.”

My face turned crimson in an instant, and she laughed. “Not just that. But what happened after. Have you seen her?”

“Yeah, I have.” I wrung my hands together. “It didn’t turn out so well, but I guess I can’t expect forgiveness or that we can fix everything.”

The gentle lines on Amy’s pretty face tightened. “There’s no single person to blame or forgive here. The way I see it, you’ve all done wrong by each other. You and Quinn, you should never have gone about things the way you did.”

“I know.” Shame filled me, just when I thought I could finally shake it.

“But you were already betraying her,” she went on. “It didn’t have to be physical. But really, Alexis already knew how you felt. And I’m sure she knew how Quinn felt too. She just ignored it. Hoped it’d go away.”

“She still didn’t deserve it.”

Amy gave me a warm smile, stepping closer to touch my cheek. “You’re a good egg, my girl. But do me a favor?” I nodded. “Don’t beat yourself up for it. If you want my opinion, Alexis and Quinn shouldn’t have ever tried to make something out of your absence. It never would’ve worked out how either of them wanted it to.”

With a pat on my cheek, she left the kitchen, and something in my chest loosened even more.

“Psst.”

In the living room, I spun around from my perch near the window. Quinn was in the doorway, a blanket and torch underneath his arm and a mischevious smile on his face.

With a jerk of his head toward the front of the house, he walked away.

I followed, curious about what he was up to. It was nearing ten o’clock, and his parents had only just gone up to bed.

Spud groaned from his bed on the porch, but otherwise let us be as we made our way into the fields. Torchlight shone over the grass, and Quinn grabbed my hand, tucking it in his arm so that I didn’t trip over any grooves hidden beneath the blades of grass and weeds.

He set the blanket on the grass to the left of the willow tree and placed the torch on the ground before sitting down and tugging me onto his lap.

His arms felt like a warm blanket, and I snuggled back into his chest. I was about to ask him why we’d come out here, but then the peace settled over me in the silence.

Alone. We were blissfully alone save for the cows in the far-off field and the insects brave enough to chirp in the cool night.

“So much clearer out here,” I said, my head resting back against his shoulder to gaze at the starry sky. His lips slid side to side over my jaw, causing goose bumps to rise that had nothing to do with the looming winter chill.

“Can I kiss you?”

I turned my head, my lips a breath away from his. “I’ve been waiting for you to.”

His eyes were luminous, even in the dark. “I didn’t want to push you.”

“Push me,” I whispered. “I’ve been ready to fall since you brought me here.”

A rush of breath hit my lips, then his hand was in my hair and his lips were on mine. Like fire on ice, I melted into him, the cold making way for the kind of heat I’d gladly let consume me.

He pulled away, resting his forehead on mine as his fingers dug into my hair. “What I said last night? What I did when you stopped talking to me, the other girls …”

My gut churned. “Stop. I don’t need to know.”

“No,” he croaked, his thumb moving between our mouths to run over my bottom lip. “You’ve gotta know I was desperate, going insane. Always searching for these god damned lips.” I turned around completely, my legs winding around his waist and my hands gripping his head. His hands crept under my shirt, climbing up my back, the rough pads of his fingers tickling over my flushed skin. “Because without the stars, the moon is left alone to battle the dark.”

“I’m sorry.” I stroked my thumb over his cheek.

“Me too.”

Tilting his head back, I dropped my lips to his. “I love you.”

His eyes shut, and when they reopened, they were full of urgency. “Forever, I’ll love you. It’ll never stop.”

Our lips fell into each other, desperate yet gentle as they glided over and dipped under, our hands clutching and our hearts banging against our sternums.

He fell back, and I fell over him, sinking my tongue inside his mouth and growing dizzy from his taste, the way he touched me, felt against me, and met my every move with a fervor that rivaled my own. “I want you,” I repeated his words from last night.

Groaning, he rolled me over, and I pulled the drawstring on his pajama pants.

He shoved them over his ass, and I reached down, lifting his Henley to touch his stomach first. Abs twitched, contracting beneath my hand, and his breath stuttered. “Dais.”

“Let me.”

“There’s no way in hell I’m stopping you.”

Grinning up at him, I reached down, fingertips following the tiny trickle of hair that led to his hard length. His whole body shuddered over mine when I wrapped my hand around him, gently moving it up and down.

Nostrils flaring, he cursed. “I need inside you, or I’m gonna blow real soon.”

He took my hand off him, kissing it when I pouted. Slowly, he moved down my body, tugging at the waistband of my leggings and panties, then pulling them off my legs.

He crawled back over me, leaning on an elbow while his other hand spread my legs open, his fingers trailing over the sensitive skin on the inside of my thigh.

My head fell back when he reached my center, a finger drifting over me until I was spread open for him to dip inside. “So warm.”

I garbled out something incoherent in response, and he chuckled. “I think you’re more than ready for me,” he said, plunging his finger inside then pulling it out to rub wetness over my most sensitive area.

“Yes,” I moaned.

Settling between my legs, he hooked my thighs behind his back and gently eased himself inside. He stopped when he was all the way in, his hands searching for mine and linking our fingers together on either side of my head.

He moved slowly, confidently, yet his body felt like it was shaking. “Are you cold?” I asked.

“No, too fucking warm.” He kissed me hard, and my body melded with his, my hips tilting upward and my breath quickening.

We gasped and groaned into the heat of each other’s mouths, and under the stars, beside our favorite tree, we crashed and came together.

Afterward, with our limbs tangled, we gazed up at the night sky, naming stars until our bodies demanded to become one, and we gave in all over again.

As if we’d never even been apart.

Curled into my body perfectly, Daisy mumbled something in her sleep. Careful not to wake her, I leaned on my elbow and stared down at her. Her dark brown lashes rested against her pale cheeks, her pink lips slightly parted. I could’ve stared at her for hours on end and always found something that made my heart stop beating a nanosecond too long.

She was beautiful but in a quiet, unassuming way that tugged almost painfully at something inside me. Her golden hair and bright smile drew me in, like a patch of sunlight when you’re stuck outside in the middle of winter.

And she was mine again.

That fact alone sent my dick standing upright instantly. It didn’t matter that I’d had her three times the night before; I couldn’t be sated when it came to her.

Softly, I ran the pads of my fingers over her bare arm, watching the tiny hairs rise in their wake. She stirred, and I wrapped my arm around her waist, dropping my head to her neck. “Morning, beautiful.”

She croaked something like, “What time is it?”

My only answer was to move my hand lazily over the skin of her stomach, lifting her shirt. She melted into me, like butter meeting a hot frying pan, her ass pressing against my hard dick.

Fuck. My hand moved, making its way to the edge of her cotton panties, rubbing over the elastic. Her gasp had my fingers slipping under, her thigh shifting to rest on my leg, giving me better access.

She was smooth and soft, and when I reached her silky warmth, finding her already wet, my finger tunneled inside. “Quinn,” she whimpered. “We shouldn’t …”

“Shhh.” I nipped her neck gently, moving my finger in and out of her until I felt her legs spasm. Pulling my hand free, I sucked my finger and ignored her mewling protests. I’d soon take care of her. Once I’d gotten rid of my damn briefs.

Kicking them off somewhere beneath the covers, I tugged her panties off then laid back down behind her. Her leg lifted again, and I aligned myself before grabbing her thigh and sinking inside. “Holy shit.” The room went hazy.

She said something I couldn’t hear; I was too lost in the warm heat that enveloped my cock, clutching me tightly and making me want to plunge in and out of her like a madman.

Calming a little, I took it slow. Deep, long strokes that had her body shaking against mine. Sex without a condom was fucking magic, but combined with Daisy, it was out of this world incredible. I’d never get enough, so I hoped she’d be able to keep up.

“So good,” she murmured.

“I know,” I agreed, sucking at her shoulder where the sleeve of her sleepshirt had ridden down. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let you sleep in your dorm again.”

She laughed quietly, squeezing me. I groaned, picking up speed until my balls smacked against her flesh with a quiet slapping sound. The sound, her caramel smell, the feel of her in my arms, and her tight heat wrapped around me, her hips rolling back into every thrust—my orgasm appeared out of nowhere, screaming through my body. I was surprised I was coherent enough to press my hand over Daisy’s mouth, muffling her moans as she grinded back into me, her thighs squeezing together as she came, milking every last drop from me.

I stayed inside her for a while, our panting breaths finally slowing as the sun crested the gaps in my bedroom curtains. “I was serious. I think I need to start every day like this.”

“Do you?” she asked, amusement coating her sleepy, sated voice.

“Uh-huh. Every day. Just like this.” I kissed her neck, burrowing my nose into her skin. “Just you.”

“Just you,” she repeated.

“It looks so different.” Daisy had her hand up against the glass of the truck window, as though she could touch the house through it. “But still the same.”

They’d repainted her old house, so what was once a white and yellow cottage inspired home now looked like something you might find situated by the water. Except there was no water here in Clarelle. Not unless you counted the creeks on some of the properties, or the river that ran along the outskirts of town.

The house was now white and blue. Seashells decorated the pots all over the porch, and a seahorse hung next to the door. “The family you sold it to came from California.”

She smiled, glancing over at me. That smile still made my heart do funny things. I didn’t think that would ever change. “Do you think they painted over the murals in my room?”

I didn’t have the heart to tell her I’d often stalked this house after she’d moved, like some creep looking for any sign or leftover part of her. I’d always made sure they weren’t home first, and I’d look in her bedroom window, seeing pale blue walls instead of her creativity marring every one of them. It ruined me. Every time. “I think so.”

Her lips twisted as she mulled it over. Probably trying to decide how she felt about that. “It’d make sense, I guess.” Turning back to the window, she continued to gaze out of it.

“Wanna get out? Maybe see if you can get a closer look? Doesn’t look like they’re home.”

She didn’t answer for a beat. “Nah. I’m okay.”

“Yeah, you are.” I took her hand, kissing her fingertips before starting the truck.

I’d helped Dad milk the cows, then we’d had breakfast with my parents before packing our bags. Daisy had laughed, watching as Spud chased after my truck in the rearview mirror until Dad called him back.

Now, it was time to go back.

It felt good, though. Better than good. Having her by my side, her feet on the dash, and her sketchpad on her knees with the sun warming us through the windows as we flew down the highway back to Gray Springs.

We’d needed this. To go home, back to where our souls first intertwined.

“Do you think your mom’s already called mine?” she asked as we neared the exit of the highway.

I laughed. “Most definitely.”

Tucking her sketchpad away, she pulled out her phone. “Figures. She would’ve called me otherwise. But … there’s been nothing.”

“My mom would have told her all the information she needed. Without having to coax it out of you.”

She sighed. “You’re right. Bunch of gossips.”

“They mean well,” I said, trying to ignore my hardening dick when she rested her hand on my thigh and curled toward me for the last ten minutes of the drive.

We pulled into the driveway of the townhouse at midday, and Daisy jumped out, not even asking why I didn’t take her home. I was grinning like a cocky idiot as I grabbed our bags from the back and made my way inside.

Daisy paused in the entryway, and I dumped the bags on the floor, the smile falling from my face as I took in her worried one. “What is it?”

Her hands wrung together in front of her, and I kicked the door closed before taking them and putting them around my neck. Her chest brushed against mine as she exhaled loudly. “Nothing. I’m … I guess I’m trying to take it all in.”

My hands moved up her back, pushing her body flush against mine. “Look at me.” She lifted her head, her gaze meeting mine as she bit her lip. “I love you.”

Her brown eyes softened, her shoulders relaxing. “I’ll never get tired of hearing that.”

Dropping my head, I skimmed my lips over her neck, backing her into the wall. “I love you.”

Kissing her silky skin, I kept repeating those words until her lips sought mine, and my dick became rock hard, nudging against the part of her it wanted inside as I picked her up. Her legs and arms held me tightly, her tongue seeking out mine with a gentle yet desperate force.

After a minute, I pulled away. “Upstairs.”

She nodded, then the doorbell rang.

Frowning, I looked around, just realizing that Toby wasn’t home thanks to the silence that met my ears. After one last peck, I lowered Daisy to the floor, and she moved back a bit for me to open the door.

Alexis was standing on the other side, a hesitant smile on her face. “Hey, can we talk?”

Can we talk?

Three words nobody wanted to hear asked of their boyfriend. Especially when the person doing the asking was their ex-girlfriend.

Quinn looked like he was running over a myriad of possibilities for why she was here, asking that question. He’d said he’d never been with anyone without a condom. And I believed him, but still, that niggling fear was there. Condoms broke.

I didn’t know what I should do, but judging from the stilted silence, I thought maybe I should just leave. “I’ll head back to my dorm. I’ll, um, see you later?”

Quinn’s brows lowered as he turned to me. “No, you’ll stay.”

My heart leaped. “It’s okay—”

“You can stay down here or go upstairs. But you’re not leaving.”

Alexis made a huffing noise, but I ignored her and quickly brushed my hand over Quinn’s arm before walking farther into the house.

“Can I at least come inside? It’s freezing out here,” I heard Alexis ask as I reached the stairs.

The house was quiet—Toby obviously not home—so I climbed up the stairs and sat on Quinn’s bed, feeling like I was intruding on their conversation but unable to ignore it.

“Thanks,” she said, followed by the sound of the door closing.

“Are you going to wreck the place like you did Daisy’s dorm?” Quinn asked, a sharp edge to his tone.

“Quinn,” Alexis started, but he stopped her.

“No, that was so fucked up. I still can’t believe you did that.”

“Yeah? Well, I can’t believe you betrayed me like you did.”

Quinn didn’t respond for a minute. “Why are you here?”

Her laughter tinkled throughout the house, light and airy, making the hairs on the back of my neck rise. “Why am I here?” She threw his words back at him. “I wanted to maybe talk to you. Alone.”

Silence encroached, then, “I’m not kicking her out. I’m sorry for what we did to you, and I’ll probably always be sorry for how things played out, but I can’t and won’t ask her to leave because of it.”

My cheeks warmed, and my heart as well.

“Right. So you’ve made your mind up then?”

“About what?” Quinn sounded confused.

Alexis’s voice rose in volume. “About her! You … you’ve picked her?”

I cringed, pulling my knees up to hide my face in them.

“It was never like that. Never a choice, hence what happened. It’s … I can’t explain it, and if I try, it’ll probably only upset you more.” He paused. “I don’t want to do that, so please don’t ask me to.”

“You cheated on me.” I could almost feel her anger from all the way up here. “And now you’re saying you didn’t even consider giving us another chance?”

“What?” Quinn asked. “Lex …”

“Don’t Lex me.”

“Sorry. But where … why …” He struggled, and I wanted so badly to fix this for him. I couldn’t, though. “I don’t understand why you’d want to make it work with me. Not back when I could only give you parts of me, and certainly not now.”

Quiet fell, and my heart raced.

“This was stupid,” she finally said. “Coming here. It’s just … she said you weren’t together, but clearly, you are. So it doesn’t matter now.” My eyes bulged. I didn’t realize what I’d said to her would give her hope. She continued, her voice softer, “We were friends. You and me. All of us. But you, I can’t imagine not having you in my life somehow.”

Quinn didn’t respond, and she went on, sounding as if she was crying. “I don’t even know what I’m saying. I-I just miss you.”

My stomach sunk. Heartache could be felt for not only yourself, but also for those around you. Even when they’ve hurt you. I felt it for her, and I struggled to battle down my guilt. In the end, I let it out, not seeing the point in trying to smother something that demanded freedom.

A minute later, the front door slammed closed, and Quinn came upstairs, dumping our bags on the floor.

Unsure of what to say, I glanced at the black sheets. “You got new sheets.”

“I changed them before we left.” He came and sat down on the bed. “Hey, you’re crying?” He lifted my face from my knees, taking off my glasses and setting them on the bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know she’d come here.”

“Or that going home would mean we couldn’t run away from what’s happened?”

His thumbs glided underneath my eyes, then he pulled me onto his lap, his hand tucking my head into the crook of his neck. “I don’t know what to do to make it better.”

“I don’t think we can.”

A minute later, his quiet voice pulled me from murky thoughts. “If we could go back, would you?”

My immediate response should’ve been yes. A million times yes. It wasn’t long ago that I wanted nothing more than to fill the hollow pit that’d formed in my chest. The one that only grew larger every day I woke up and realized what was mine never would be again.

I couldn’t and didn’t say that, though. “I’ve wished for so many things. But even though it …” I pulled my face from his neck, meeting his troubled eyes. “I think I needed to become more aware of the world, of what people can do to you, and to each other.”

“Dais, no. I hate that. I was desperate and had no idea what to do with a broken heart. Eventually, I had to fix it and did it the only way that seemed like it might work.”

“I know,” I said. “And that’s something I never expected of either of you. Which might make me sound stupid, but I needed to realize that every action has a reaction, and things don’t always turn out how you believe they will.”

He swallowed. “I reacted.”

“I did first.”

“Not as bad.”

Smirking, I asked, “Are we trying to out idiot each other now?”

Pulling me tighter to him, he kissed my cheek. “I’d win. Every time. So quit while you’re ahead.” I nestled back into him, my body relaxing from the feel of him, despite what had happened not even ten minutes ago. “Dais?”

“Hmm?”

“I hope you’d never …” His throat moved next to my nose. “That you’d never think I’d react so badly again, right?”

Lifting my head again, I ran my finger down the side of his jaw. It loosened, relaxing a little. “No. I believe you when you said you thought you’d never see me again.”

“This might make me sound like a dick, but even though it all kind of blew up spectacularly, I’m really glad I was wrong.”

I leaned forward, resting my nose on his. “Me too.”

Because even with all the ammunition fired at our hearts, we’d found our way back to each other.

“So I’ll pick you up at three?”

I tried not to roll my eyes. Quinn had gotten back from practice and said he’d take me home so I could unpack and get ready for class. “Five. I need to do some laundry.”

Opening the door, I grabbed my bag, about to jump out when his hand snatched my wrist. “Not so fast.” He tugged, but I went willingly, crawling over the seat and pressing my lips to his. “I can help you do laundry,” he whispered, biting my bottom lip and sucking it into his mouth. I pulled it free. “I’d get nothing done.”

“We’d get something done.” His tongue swept into my mouth, his hands plucking at my sweater dress, trying to crawl underneath. I pushed his hands down and licked his upper lip before pecking him quickly and moving backward out of the truck.

He watched me, his elbow resting on the door, his head on his hand, and a lust-filled smile on his beautiful face. “Ugh,” I grumbled, grabbing my bag. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” His eyes roamed my body, and I shut the door in his laughing face, grinning like a goofball the whole way upstairs.

The grin fell off my face when I stepped into our dark room. There was a sheet hanging over the gauzy curtain, making the room look and feel like the perfect place to hang out if you had a migraine. But when I found Pippa lying on her bed, tissues piled around her like white flags of surrender, I had a sinking feeling a migraine wasn’t the problem.

“Pip?” I shut the door quietly, nerves jangling in my tummy as I crossed the room, dumping my bag on my bed. “What’s going on? Are you sick?”

She stared vacantly at the side of my bed, a hand at her mouth holding a crumpled tissue. Her green eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, but otherwise dry. I wondered how long she’d been lying in that position for.

Not getting an answer, I hesitantly sat down next to her and touched her back. She sniffled, her head moving a little, as if she’d only just noticed I was there. “I didn’t realize it then, but I do now. You’re a soldier, Daisy June.”

Confused, I shook my head. “What?”

“You survived having your heart destroyed.”

Toby. What had he done? “Pip,” I said, my hand moving to her face and shifting some of her brown hair back from it. “What the hell happened?”

“He’s gone.”

“Toby? What do you mean gone?”

She reached blindly for her nightstand, gave up, and just pointed.

There was a note. “Found it when I went to his place. In his room.” A shuddering breath left her, followed by another loud sniffle. “He’s gone.”

If Quinn was annoyed I couldn’t sleep over very often the week following our return to Gray Springs, he didn’t show it. If anything, he was trying to be as supportive as possible while I spent my nights eating ice cream straight from the tub with Pippa and drawing her funny pictures.

But with finals approaching, Pippa grew determined and at least got out of bed long enough to shower and attend class. Tim had given her all the time she needed off from the parlor, and I picked up one of her shifts for her until she returned.

As Christmas break neared, she perked up enough to allow Quinn to take us out for dinner and even came over to the townhouse once or twice to watch movies with us.

Quinn hadn’t said a lot about Toby’s sudden disappearing act, just that he’d heard he’d been kicked off the team and nobody had seen or heard from him since he left.

I could tell it bothered and worried him, though, and did my best to remain positive. I knew, though, or rather, had heard enough from Pippa. Football was everything to Toby. Getting kicked off the team and losing his scholarship would’ve crushed him.

It was just too bad he had to crush someone else in the midst of his despair.

Pippa had excuses some days. “He doesn’t think the same way we do. He’s unable to see outside himself when it gets that bad.”

Other days, she was just plain angry. And rightfully so.

I didn’t know much about mental health disorders, but I still didn’t think it was right that it’d been almost a month since he left, and he hadn’t even bothered to return calls or contact anyone.

But I’d learned a lot in my time at Gray Springs. Funnily enough, not all of it had anything to do with academia. The biggest thing being, you couldn’t control everything. Least of all how others were going to act or feel.

I did something horrible. But I wouldn’t let the guilt drown me, and I wouldn’t let it define who I was or who I was becoming.

Friday afternoon, the week before Christmas break, I was leaving the visual arts building, stopping to button my coat with my portfolio wedged between my legs when the professor called me back. I walked into the room with my heart pounding, wondering if maybe my final project wasn’t good enough. Or if I’d flunked my final exam.

“Have a seat,” Professor Sanders said, digging around for something in her desk drawer.

I did, sliding my portfolio onto the paint flecked counter in front of me and sitting on a stool.

“Now,” she said, closing the drawer and smiling. “I was supposed to catch you before you left, but you were in a hurry.”

Her smile made me feel a little more at ease. A little. “Sorry.”

She waved a hand. “Don’t be. Congratulations.” Pressing a sheet of paper down in front of me, she tapped it with a long, silver nail. ‘You’ve been nominated for the Claire Davies award.”

“What?” I wheezed out.

I’d heard about the award, how it could open many doors with studios, art museums, and other job opportunities. Three students were nominated each year.

Claire Davies was a student who had attended Gray Springs in the early nineties. A very talented woman whose work still hung throughout the walls of the art building and auditorium on campus. She suffered a long battle with depression and bulimia, and no one was ever certain of how she died. But the rumors all circled around suicide.

“Your piece. The Heart Left Behind?”

I nodded, knowing exactly which one she meant. It was of two hearts, holding hands and walking away, bright red and pink in color. The third was a deep burgundy heart left at the bottom of the page, bleeding and reaching after them, lying squashed on the floor crumbling beneath it.

Tears blurred my vision. The feelings I’d felt while painting it briefly resurfacing.

I didn’t give much thought to it after completing it. Just left it hanging in the drying room. Nothing I’d made during that time felt worthy. In fact, that painting felt childlike. Half assed. As though I’d created it without wearing my glasses. I’d done it in class, during the first few weeks of having my heart broken after finding out Quinn had moved on.

Except he hadn’t. Not really.

I frowned, glancing from the paper to the professor. “But I didn’t submit it.”

Her red lipped smile was a bit crooked. “Let’s just say you did.” She winked, walking back to her desk, and leaving me dumbfounded.

“It’s not … it’s not even that good. I was in a bad place and not myself when I painted it.”

I had half a mind to beg her to let me submit something else in its place.

“Ah,” she tsked. “That’s where you’re wrong. We don’t always need to be tortured to create. But I won’t lie; heartbreak, recklessness, and heavy emotion have sprung some of the best works of art I’ve come across.”

At my gaping expression, a little laugh tinkled out of her. “Its brutality and honesty leap from the paper.” Her hands spread out in front of her. “You can’t look at that painting without feeling it. The pain, the sorrow, and the fear. It’s all there. And the rough, raw, unpolished quality to it only makes the emotion speak louder, telling a story that’s hard to read but important and real nonetheless.”

After she’d excused me, my feet carried me out of the room as though I were made of air, and I’d disappear or splinter apart at any moment.

I stopped in the hall on the way out, my eyes roaming over the artwork on the walls until they landed on the largest piece made by Claire Davies.

Reaching up, I brushed my fingers over the golden frame, my excitement dimming as I surveyed the harsh strokes and red lines running violently over the old piece of art paper. A stenciled face stared back at me from beneath the chaos. A beautiful, expressionless face. It was a mess. An incredible, soul wrenching mess of despair, created with slashes of paint that told so much yet so little at the same time.

Happy endings didn’t always arrive for a lot of people.

I stepped back, letting the sorrow of that particular truth wash over me. But instead of feeling miserable, I sucked in a deep breath and set it free with a wobbly smile.

I could acknowledge how fortunate I was and had no intentions of taking it for granted. Especially after I thought he might be lost to me forever.

Running outside to the steps, I saw Quinn standing at the bottom, waiting with a hand over his eyes to shield them from the winter sun as he watched me.

I leaped down them, almost stumbling in my haste to get to him.

He jumped forward, collecting me before the pavement did, and swinging me around. “You’re still a bit of a clutz.”

“And you’re still capable of making me trip and fall whenever I see you.”

His loud laughter was absorbed by my mouth, seeping into my heart and soul as I clutched his head and devoured his lips with mine. My legs wrapped around him, and my portfolio fell to the ground. But I didn’t care.

It was true. Not everyone would get a happy ending.

But I’d gotten mine.

And I wouldn’t apologize for it anymore.

Ten years later

Sweat rolled down my temple, the summer heat that filled the barn to the rafters made even the smallest of tasks hard to bear. I wouldn’t change it for the world, though.

It felt like I was right where I was meant to be.

Standing back from the workbench, I eyed the gate I’d been reconstructing all afternoon. Almost done.

I put my tools away and grabbed a rag, swiping it over my hairline and neck as I glanced out the door. Twilight had come to visit once again. Days out here felt infinite with the rise of the sun, yet never long enough by the time you saw it fade from existence for the night.

Tossing the rag on the bench, I locked up and made my way to my truck.

“Quinn!” My dad’s voice had me stopping inside the opened door.

He walked down the steps, his gait a little slower nowadays, but otherwise, for a man in his fifties, he was pretty damn fit. Farm life had a way of ensuring that, no matter how much I told him he needed to take it easy now that I was home.

“You called Rutley’s back?”

The livestock courier we sometimes used. “Sure did.” I closed the door, leaning against it. “Did it first thing this morning. She’s halfway to the border by now.”

His posture eased, and I smirked. Slowly, but surely, he was letting go of the proverbial reins and handing them over to me. “Good. Oh, and here.” He handed over a bag, and I opened it to find some clothes. “Y’all left them here yesterday. Your mom’s gone and washed them already. You know what she’s like.”

Smiling, I lifted my gaze to the house, where Mom was probably in the kitchen cooking dinner. “Thanks, we seem to always be forgetting stuff.”

“Part of the territory.” He slapped me on the shoulder and walked back to the house.

The headlights illuminated the bugs and grasshoppers, jumping out of the way on the short dirt road home.

Home. It wasn’t the house I grew up in, but it was the next best thing.

The blue and white sea theme had been restored back to its white and yellow. Brightly painted pots overflowing with even brighter flowers nestled along the pathway and on the porch. Parking behind Daisy’s SUV, I turned the truck off, watching through the window as Daisy walked by, oblivious to me sitting here as she rocked our son in her arms.

A warmth made from love and contentment washed over me.

We’d moved back here almost nine months ago after I’d torn my ACL for the second time playing for the Bears.

I was drafted in my third year of college but chose to stay and wait it out. I couldn’t leave. Not until she could. But despite our fears of being separated, and at Daisy’s urging, I went straight from Gray Springs to Chicago as soon as I graduated.

I wasn’t happy that I’d made it. Sure, I’d dreamed about playing ball until I could head home and spend my days on the farm.

No, I was happy that we’d made it instead.

Perhaps, the hard lessons we’d learned years ago helped, or maybe it was just our time. Every chance I got, I flew Daisy out to see me until she graduated and joined me in Chicago.

She didn’t give me a chance to feel bad for squandering any of her dreams. I was her dream, and anything else was just a bonus, she’d said.

And what a bonus she got.

Her art was in museums within months of her arriving in the Windy City. She got so overwhelmed that she didn’t create a thing for anyone for years, not until the offers finally stopped coming in and she felt the pressure roll off her slim shoulders.

Now, she had her sights set on teaching art at the same elementary school we’d attended as kids, despite having earned almost half of the large sum of money that sat in our savings account.

Grabbing the bag from the passenger seat, I jumped out and made my way inside before she discovered me sitting out here like some creeper.

Life sometimes called for that, though—not being creepy, but appreciative. I had a lot to be appreciative for, and I damn well knew it.

As soon as the door shut behind me, arms wrapped around my legs. “Daddy!”

I kept walking, and she clung on as she usually did until we reached the kitchen. I set the clothes on the counter and picked her up. “Did you draw me something today?”

Ivy nodded, her tiny four-year-old hands lifting to clasp my cheeks. “It’s a super-special secret.”

“Is it?” I made my eyes widen.

She giggled, then unknowingly ruined her secret. “The cow is supposed to be dancing, but it just looks like he’s walking real fast. Lemme go gets it.”

I set her down and watched as she ran out and down the hallway to her room, dumping my keys on the counter just as Daisy walked in. “He’s finally asleep.”

Even looking like she hadn’t slept in a month, she was the most breathtaking thing I’d ever seen. I tore my eyes from her rumpled hair and the baby puke covering the neckline of her shirt, shifting them to our son, Ben.

Stepping forward, I ran a finger down his feather soft cheek. At four months old, he was a chunker and liked to party at night. Ivy had slept through the night after only a few months, so we were unaccustomed to the late nights.

“Want me to take him to bed?”

“You’re covered in sawdust.”

Grinning, I tugged off my shirt, tossing it on the floor and loving the way her brown eyes went from tired to instantly alert. “All right, wise guy. No need to show off.”

Washing my hands, I chuckled quietly, then took our boy from her and gently situated him against my chest. He stirred but shoved his fist into his mouth and resettled as I walked down the hall to our room.

I set him in his crib by the end of our bed and carefully pulled his light blue sheet over his tiny body.

“Daddy,” Ivy hissed from the doorway.

I glanced up, and she waved a sheet of paper in the air.

Looking back down at Ben one last time, I smoothed my palm over the light blond fuzz on the top of his head before closing the door halfway behind me.

“Come on, then.” I took Ivy’s picture and her hand in my free one, moving to the living room where Daisy was cleaning up Ivy’s pencils.

The picture kind of resembled a penguin, not a cow, but I didn’t dare tell her that. “He looks like he’s dancing, all right,” I said, tapping the paper. “I think we should put it on the fridge.”

Ivy gasped, jumping up and down excitedly on the couch. “Really? It’s good enough for the fridge?”

I bit back my laughter. The fridge got so overloaded with Ivy’s artwork that we had to cut it back. So now, only a select few made the cut, while the rest went into a special folder Daisy had gotten her.

“What do you think, Mommy?” I asked, leaning against the couch.

Daisy put down Ivy’s pencil case, tapping her chin thoughtfully as she eyed the paper I was holding up. “Hmm, I dunno.”

“Please, oh, please!”

“You know what?” Daisy said after keeping Ivy in suspense a moment longer. “I think it might even deserve a prime piece of real estate.”

I followed them into the kitchen, where Daisy had rearranged the thirty odd pieces of paper that already covered the fridge and were clinging on for dear life, thanks to a hundred magnets.

Grabbing a magnet to attach it in the middle, Daisy stood back with her hands on her hips. “There.”

Ivy clapped her hands, and I scooped her up. “Time for bath and bed, little Miss Picasso.”

Once she was tucked in bed, her star night light setting a soft glow in her rainbow painted room, I pulled the door closed halfway and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

I’d just stripped out of my jeans and worked my briefs over my ass when the door opened, and I turned around to find Daisy watching me.

She closed it and immediately stripped out of her clothes while I stood there, growing rock hard with my jaw hanging open.

I snapped it shut as she sauntered slowly toward me, her nipples hardening with every step. “Aren’t you getting in?”

I kicked off my briefs, still eyeing her perky tits, which had grown a little bigger due to breastfeeding. “That depends.”

“On?”

I turned on the water, testing it while keeping my eyes on her body. Her hips flared slightly, another change since having kids. One that I loved to run my hands over and grip as I drove into her from behind. “On where I’m getting in to.”

She ducked her head, trying to hide her smile.

I stepped into the shower, wishing it was a little bigger but knowing we’d make do. We always found a way with what little time or space we had these days.

Her wedding ring glinted as she followed me into the shower, her hands reaching for my waist. I shivered, not only from her touch and having her pressed against me, but from also simply remembering she was mine. Forever. I’d made sure of that when we came home for summer break in her junior year, and we’d married a few weeks later. Just us, our parents, and close friends under our willow tree.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked, her hands moving up my back. “Your eyes are swirling.”

“You.”

“Just me?” She kissed my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her, moving us under the spray as I hovered my lips over hers. “Just you.”

Lifting her, her legs wound around my waist, her neck arching as the water sprayed down on our faces, my lips and tongue roaming over her fluttering pulse.

“One day,” I said, testing her entrance. I moved myself into position before grabbing her ass cheeks. “I’m gonna put another baby in you, Daisy June.”

Her gasp was loud, and I wasn’t sure if it was from my words or the friction of my cock sliding inside her, but either way, I absorbed it. My hips stilled, her thighs clenching around me as we breathed heavily into each other’s mouths. “Really?” she asked, trying and failing to sound defiant as I pulled out of her and slid back in.

“Really.”

Her brown eyes glazed, her breath coming in tiny pants that mixed with my own. “Forever, I’ll love you.”

My chest expanded, my mouth diving on hers.

Forever was a term often thrown around with too much ease and little thought for what it really meant. I was an idiot to lose hope once our forever had been interrupted. To think that what we had couldn’t endure anything that came our way.

Some things were simply irrefutable and inescapable. The stars, the moon, and the way my heart would always beat in sync with hers.

And with enough forgiveness, love, and trust, not even forever could stop us.

The end.

Ella Fields is a mother and wife who lives in Australia.

While her kids are in school, you might find her talking about her characters and books to her two cats. She’s a notorious chocolate and notebook hoarder who enjoys creating hard-won happily ever afters.

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A special thanks to Jeannine and Billie. You two helped save what was left of my sanity with this one.

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