book boyfriend

Copyright 2015 DC Renee

Published by DC Renee at Kindle

Kindle Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.  This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people.  If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient.  If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy.  Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Epilogue

Other Works by DC Renee

Excerpt from Let Me Go

Excerpt from Let It Go

Excerpt from A Brutal Betrayal

Coming Soon: Three Loving Words

Connect with DC Renee

Dedication

As always, to my Babulya.

And to my Deda.

We miss you both.

Acknowledgements

Thank you to my family.  They support me in everything that I do, think my writing is magic, and believe I’m truly something special.  If it wasn’t for my hubby, my sister, my parents, and my in-laws, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  A special shout-out to my sister though because my stories wouldn’t be mine without her ideas, insight, critique, and praise.

If it weren’t for Jenny Sims, my editor (Editing4Indies), and Rebecca Marie, my cover creator (The Final Wrap), my words would just be stories on a page.

Thank you also to Carrie Sutton at Graphics by Carrie and also the ladies at Saints and Sinners Books for helping with my promo!

There are quite a few phenomenal ladies I’ve met along the way that I’m proud to call friends.  They deserve a major shout-out too for all their help, advice, support, pimping and just being awesome!  Catherine Gray, Suleika Santana, Janett Gomez, Rebecca Bennett, Sheri Hursh, Heather Cicio, Elaine Hudson York, Jennifer Hagen, Shelly Wygant, Jen Wildner, Monica Perez, Jettie Woodruff, my book club – On The Same Page.

I wish I had a phenomenal memory and could name every single blog that has helped me along the way, but alas, I don’t, but know that I appreciate you all.  Thank you so much to all the blogs out there that reached out to help Indie authors like me!   I need to mention a few that I’ve had a special relationship with over the years: All About Books, Author Groupies, Just One More Page, Three Chicks and Their Books, Nichole’s Sizzling Pages Book Blog, Red Cheeks Reads, Literary Love/Melt Your Heart Book Blog, Nerd Girl, BJ’s Book Blog…and so many more!

Most importantly, thank you so much to all the readers who’ve taken their time to check out my books!

prologue

What would you do if you met one of your favorite book boyfriends in real life?  You’d scream, cry, drool, or maybe a combination of all three.  You’d go all Fifty Shades style with a tie, handcuffs, and an assortment of kinky toys.  You’d insist on being his only female friend to guard your heart … and maybe other parts as well. You’d suddenly believe in vampires or angels, and maybe sexy demons as well.  You’d play hard to get. You’d cheer on his band and punch out any groupie hanging on him.  You’d watch all his games and cheer the loudest.  You’d wait for him to open up to you all while being frustrated he hasn’t yet.  You’d revel in his god-like body and piercing stare because what’s a book boyfriend without those two defining qualities?   You’d get him to fall head over heels for you.  And of course, in true book fashion, you’d fall heads over heels for him. 

What did I do? 

I ran. 

Literally.

chapter one

I knew I wasn’t typically hot, but I was a decent looker.  My nose was a bit crooked and my forehead was kind of big, but I had blue-green eyes and full lips, high cheekbones, and a curvy but skinny body.  All my features somehow managed to come together nicely.  And with the right makeup, hair, and clothes, I could pull off sexy.  As long as you didn’t catch me in the mornings—that was when I was tired, my hair was a mess, and the bags under my eyes didn’t match my bubbly personality.  All that being said, I was a sophomore in college, and although I hadn’t gained the “freshman fifteen,” I was still worried that eating would catch up with me sooner or later.  So I decided one day to go to the gym on campus.

I walked in wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. My hair was pulled up, and I was wearing no makeup.  Ha!  Shocker!  I know, I’m not stupid. I realized that the campus gym was like the in-person version of a dating website.  The guys all wore tight shirts to show off their bodies while the girls looked more like they were walking a runway than trying to sweat off some calories.  But, to me, I wanted to get in shape and I didn’t really care about getting picked up by some hottie at the gym.  I could go out any night to a club with my friends and fake ID, flaunt my C cups, and get a guy.  So, I was pretty much one of about five girls who looked “real” at the gym that day.

I was never one to work out, so I decided to get a feel for the lay of the land and then determine which machine to tackle first.  I walked by a “butt blaster,” and my ten-year-old mind snickered before I made a mental note to actually use that machine later.  Yes, I am secretly that much of a dork.  As I approached what looked like a ring, there was a circle of spectators—people who had stopped working out to watch the “show.”  What they were really watching were two guys kicking the shit out of each other.  I didn’t really much care for it, but the fact that there were about twenty people watching piqued my interest.  It also didn’t hurt that the two guys fighting had abs that could cut diamonds.  Hey, I liked eye candy as much as the next girl did.  Unfortunately, the bruises and cuts didn’t do much for me.  Both guys were lean and muscular.  And both sported tattoos that covered much of their arms and some of their chest, but with how quickly they moved, I couldn’t make out what they were.  After about a minute of watching, I caught sight of a friend—well, more like a classmate from my biology class—standing a few feet away.  I made my way over. “Hi, Brent.”

“Oh, hey, Kim, what’s up?  Never seen you at the gym before.”

“Yep, decided I’d try it out.” I shrugged.   “What’s with the free show?” I asked.             

“Oh, those guys?  They’re both amateur MMA fighters.  This is just practice, but they’re good, so they draw attention.  See that one with the buzz cut.” Brent pointed to one of the guys. “He’s a buddy of mine, so I come to cheer him on and get a bit of a workout.”

“Gotcha, well, I think I’m heading for the treadmill. See you in class.”  But just as I was about to walk away, the guys finished their fight and the buzz cut guy walked over to Brent.  He had a cut over his eye, new and fading bruises on his body, and his knuckles were a mess. But there was a glint in his eyes that said he knew he was sexy, even when he looked like someone had run him over.  And damn was he sexy.  I stood, kind of frozen, not able to walk away as I had initially planned, and then I heard Brent call out, “Yo, Trav, that was good.”  Trav?  Huh?  Couldn’t be.

And then Mr. Buzz Cut fighter walked over to where I was standing next to Brent.  He clapped Brent on the back and turned to me.  I was still staring like an idiot and clearly checking him out.  When I looked back up, he was smirking as if he knew what I was thinking.  He probably did.  I wanted to eat him, every inch.  And by the looks he was getting from all the giggling women at the gym, they wanted to, too.  And he knew it.  He couldn’t not know it.

I was still speechless when Brent cleared his throat and introduced us.  “Travis, this is Kim.  Kim, this is Travis.”  And then it hit me.  This was a real-life Travis Maddox from Beautiful Disaster.  The irony of his name DID NOT escape me.

“Travis?  Really?” I squeaked out.

Both guys had exchanged some kind of look before Travis held out his hand. “Yep, name’s Travis.  Nice to meet you.”

And that was when I flipped.  “Holy shit!  Travis Maddox!  Beautiful Disaster!  You’ve got to be freaking kidding me.”  And now both guys were staring at me like I was some kind of freak. Which, really, I was.

“Oh God, I’m sorry.  I’m an idiot.  Nice to meet you, too. Gotta go, bye.”  And that was when I turned and ran, not so graciously, toward the door. Right until I tripped over a dumbbell and fell flat on my face.  Yes, a dumbbell, and this time, the dumbbell wasn’t me.  Someone had left a real dumbbell on the floor, conveniently blocking my escape.

Two seconds later, Travis and Brent were at my side, helping me up.  And I was mortified.  “Kim, you all right?” Brent asked, trying to sound worried, but I heard the laughter he suppressed as I stood up.  And I stared right at both of their smirking faces.

“Damn!  First, I rant at you like a dummy, and now I can’t even manage an escape without being an idiot.  Could this be any more humiliating?”  Yes, I actually said that out loud.

“Well, if you were looking to get noticed, you got it.” Travis snickered as people around us were laughing and murmuring.

“Ugh!  Okay, this can’t possibly get any worse, so I’ll just explain.  You,” I said pointing at Travis, “are a real-life book boyfriend.”

“Not following,” he said as his eyebrows drew together in confusion, and then he winced, probably from the cut on his face.

“A book boyfriend is the male lead in a romance fiction book or novel that makes us girl readers fall head over heels in love with his character.  In other words, those guys are our secret crushes, fake or not.  Don’t believe me? Ask any one of the non-brainless bimbos around here who actually read and they’ll tell you it’s a real thing.”

“Okay, still not following.”

“Usually ‘real’ book boyfriends just refer to a type, like the preppy, good all-around college boy, or the bad-boy rocker, the football star, etc.  You get the point.  You, however, are way too freaking ironic.  There is a very popular book called Beautiful Disaster—great book, by the way—and the male lead in that book is an underground fighter with a lean, muscular build, buzz cut brown hair, and brown eyes.  He’s good looking, which thus gets him lots and lots of girls, which means he’s a player. And I’m going to take a wild guess and say that fits you pretty well.  And the kicker … wait for it … dun, dun, dun … his first name is Travis.  You get what I’m saying here?”

Travis smiled wide as Brent looked a bit shocked.

“Seriously, you guys?  No one ever made the connection before?”

“Nope,” Travis said right before he burst out laughing, followed by Brent.

“I do not really see what’s so funny.”

They laughed for a few more minutes before Travis finally spoke. “So, let me get this straight. You and a bunch of other girls have a crush on some book version of me, and when you meet the real me, you freak, scream, and run?”

“Well, I’m sure there is a ton of girls who have a crush on the real you, but yep, that about sums it up.  So, yeah, now that I have thoroughly and completely embarrassed myself to the max, I think I’ll be heading out now.  Feel free to forget this little ordeal.  God knows I’ll pray to.  So, Travis, it was nice to meet you. Well, sort of.  Brent, I’ll be sure to hide from you in biology, at least for the foreseeable future.  You both have a nice day.”

And then I turned and left very quickly before either of them had a chance to laugh in my face anymore.

chapter two

I rushed all the way back to my room, where thankfully, my roommate, who was also my best friend, Lauren, was studying.  I spilled the entire fiasco to her where she proceeded to laugh her ass off.

“Hardy har har, I’m so glad you find my misery hilarious,” I said dryly.

To which she only laughed harder.

After about a good five minutes or so, she finally started to calm down and then spoke, still snickering and gulping for air. “Seriously, Kim?  Seriously?”  She shook her head in mock disgust.  “I don’t get it.  You put on a skimpy dress and some mascara and you ooze confidence and sex and can walk in sky-high heels as if your life depended on it. But you put on tennis shoes, I repeat, tennis shoes—things that are made for running—and you manage to somehow fall on your ass while doing the exact thing they are made for—running.”

“Face,” I grumbled.

“What?”

“I fell flat on my face, not my ass.”

She chuckled. “Oh, even better.  So, what are going to do Miss ‘Oh My God, you’re a real book boyfriend, oh no!’?”

“Hope the earth opens up and swallows me whole?”  I looked at Lauren, and she just shook her head.  “No?”

“No.”

“Drat!”  Yes, I actually used words like “drat” in real life.  “I’m going to avoid Brent until he forgets this happened. I am also not going back to the gym for a long, long time so I won’t see Travis, and there, problem solved.”

“Oh, and exactly how are you going to avoid Brent when he’s in your bio class and you guys study together sometimes?”

“Easy, with this,” I said as I took out a very large floppy hat, the kind some rich woman would wear to the Kentucky Derby or something but much larger and much cheaper.

“Oh, yeah, real subtle. No one will notice you with that.  Not at all.  Can you scream, ‘Hey, look at me’ any more?  And, freakin-a, Kim, where the hell did you get that hat and why?”

“It was cute and on sale.  Okay, nixing the hat.  Seriously, I’ll just walk into class at the last minute, sit in the back, and leave first. Luckily, we don’t have a midterm for another two weeks, and I shouldn’t be so mortified by then.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

And that’s exactly what I did for the next week.  And it worked, too!

Then I was sitting at one of the coffee shops on campus, where I was supposed to be studying. But I was, in fact, reading another book with another drop-dead gorgeous male lead who was, of course, broken but just needed a good girl to get him to open up.  Swoon.

“Is this one about me this time?”

Yep, totally didn’t hear anyone sneak up behind me, and I certainly wasn’t expecting anyone to speak into my ear, so naturally, I did what any sane person would do. I screamed.  Sane, all right.  But I didn’t just stop at that; I jumped in my chair, causing it to lose balance and it went down, with me still in it.  I, of course, looked absolutely graceful, you know, with flailing arms and legs and a loud thud when I connected.  At least I fall nicely.

And then I looked up and saw Travis and Brent trying desperately to hold back their laughter.

“Oh, for the love of God, why does this keep happening to me?  Okay, go ahead and laugh.  I give you about one minute to get it out and then I’m cutting you off.”

And what did they do in response?  They freaking laughed more!  At least they helped me up while they did it.  I brushed myself off as I spoke. “Why is it that every time I see you, I manage to end up on the floor somehow?”

Brent snorted and Travis smirked.

“Oh God, pervs,” I said even though I had totally walked right into that one.

“You said it,” Travis responded, then cocked his head to the side like he was thinking before adding, “Maybe it’s because you like to worship at my feet?”

“Yeah, not so much.”

“So like I said, am I the book boyfriend this time?” Brent asked, pointing at the book that somehow managed to fall on the table instead of the floor.  Brent was definitely good looking.  He was tall and built, light brown hair that was grown out a bit with hazel eyes and a strong jawline.  He knew it too, which was why he shamelessly flirted with me the first time we met in bio when he sat next to me.  I knew he was a player the instant I looked at him, same as Travis, so I didn’t let it get any further than flirting back and studying together.  He was surprisingly smart.  He figured out by about the third time when he tried to not-so-subtly hint that he wanted to take me back to his room that I loved to flirt just as much as he did. But I rarely acted on it.  So that was why we managed to get along so well as acquaintances until now that is.  I would have to rethink my acquaintances list.

“Why, oh why, did I ever tell you about the book boyfriend thing?” I moaned.

“Because you completely embarrassed yourself and needed to justify the reason,” Travis added.

“Thank you for that reminder,” I added sarcastically.  “So what can I do for you guys?”

They didn’t answer. Instead, they pulled up chairs and sat down at my little table.

“So, let me get this straight. You have a crush on me?” Travis asked with a hint of a smile.

“What?  Where the hell did that come from?”

“Well, you said you and all other women had crushes on your book boyfriends and then you told us that I was a real-life version of one of them.  So, I may not be all that great at math, but if A equals B and B equals C, well, then you have a crush on me.  Don’t worry. It’s kind of flattering.”

I buried my head in my hands and groaned out load.  When I lifted it up, both guys were staring at me with smiles.

“That’s not how it works, and no, I don’t have a crush on you,” I responded

“But you think I’m hot?”

“Shoot me now.  Yes, you are good looking and don’t you pretend as if you don’t know it.  Either of you,” I said, glaring daggers at them.

“Well, good to know,” Travis responded.

“Okay, so that still doesn’t answer my question.  What can I do for you?”

“Nothing really,” Brent responded.  “It was just pretty funny watching you try to avoid me in bio.  Who knew you were so entertaining.  We just happened to be here, saw you, and decided to stop by.  But damn, Kim. Seriously, you are better than cable TV.”

“So, I’m your go-to source for entertainment now?”

“Yep, pretty much.”

“Lovely.”

And that was how I became friends with Brent and Travis.

chapter three

I ended up hanging out with Travis and Brent about once or twice a week for the next month or so.  They thought I was a riot, even though I still didn’t fully comprehend how or why.  It seemed as if their goal in life was to scare me so I’d make a fool out of myself. Like when I was coming out of bio and Brent had me so distracted that I screamed when Travis stepped around the corner and simply said, “Boo.”  That would have been okay if the guy behind me – who I’d crashed into – didn’t have a cup of coffee in his hand that proceeded to spill all over us.  I had grabbed napkins and started patting him down and apologizing profusely until I noticed Travis and Brent and even the guy laughing hysterically.  And that was when I realized that I had been patting down his special area.  When I had stopped and blushed, the guy had asked me out.  He was cute, and I would have said yes if his next words hadn’t been, “If you can turn me on just by doing this, then I wonder what you’re like in bed.”  Yep, I had bolted as fast as I could as I heard Travis and Brent’s riotous laughter behind me.

They also liked to ask me stupid questions just to hear how I’d answer, and apparently, all my answers were funny.  For example, “Would you rather be caught having sex with a male professor or a female professor?”  Really?  How was that a good question?  Or even a relevant one?  And how did these two chumps come up with questions like these?  My reply: “First off, why would I have sex with a professor?  Are you implying that I can’t get the interest of a guy my age or one who isn’t ‘off-limits’?  Or are you saying that I’m not smart enough to get a good grade on my own and would, therefore, have to seduce my professor?  And why would you think I would be having sex with a female professor?  Last I checked, I was into guys; although, I guess sexual experimentation would happen at college if it were going to happen.  And I guess experiencing that with an older, educated female would be beneficial.  Hmm, never thought of that.  But hey, wait, even if I did get it on with a professor, why would I get caught?  I mean, if I slept with one, I’m assuming I did it because I was head over heels because why else would I do that, right?  And that meant he would be head over heels for me too, and we wouldn’t want to jeopardize our careers. So we would be totally secretive and then all would be okay.  Unless I tried to push him away for his own good and then someone saw that happening, got the wrong idea, and then reported him as a sexual predator. Then I would tell them that he wasn’t to blame, but he would take the fall for me because he loved me so darn much.  But then that would mean that I, technically, wouldn’t have been caught.  So, there’s your answer, boys.”  I might have rambled just a bit.  A tiny bit really.  What can I say?  I had an analytical mind.

Travis and Brent had incredibly amused expressions.  I thought I gave a well thought-out answer.

“How the hell do you come up with that stuff? My God, Kim, seriously, the stuff that comes out of your mouth sometimes … really entertaining,” Travis said as Brent nodded.

“Well, I may have read something similar to that in a book.”

“Ah, another book boyfriend, huh?” Brent joked.

“Ugh!  I should have kept my mouth shut.  Then I would have just been the crazy girl who ran away because you guys would never have given me a second look. We wouldn’t be friends, and more importantly, you wouldn’t keep looming that over my head!”

Brent chuckled. “Well, we’re glad you told us.  Seems like this book boyfriend thing is pretty good stuff for our enjoyment.”

“Oh, like you guys know anything about book boyfriends other than what I told you.  You,” I pointed at Travis, “haven’t even read the book you are based on.”

“I’m based on?  Me?  You mean the book based on me, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.  The point is that I pretty much told you there is a book sort of devoted to you, and the more time I hang out with you, the more you seem like him. Yet you haven’t once asked me about it.  I bet you couldn’t even get through half of it.”

“Sounds like someone is offering a challenge,” Brent chimed in.

“All right, Kim, I’ll take that bet.  I’ll finish reading that book and I win.  I don’t, you win.”

“Hmm.” I pretended to ponder.  No way was he going to read the book.  This would be easy, but that meant I needed something really good for the bet.  But what?  Before I could answer, Brent interrupted.

“This is a stupid bet.”

“Oh?” I asked.

“Yeah, we both know that either Travis will truly read it and gag, or he’ll get one of his many groupies to read it and summarize and then you lose.  The outcome is obvious.  Thus, a stupid bet.”

“Fuck, Brent, you’re supposed to be on my side.  This was in the bag,” Travis practically whined.

“Yeah, but it was no fun,” Brent responded.

“And you have a better idea?”

Brent seemed to think for a minute before his face lit up.  “Yeah, I think I do.”

“So?” I asked.  “What is it?”

“Well, there are book boyfriends, right?”

“Yeah,” I answered.

“So there must be book girlfriends, right?”

“I guess, in theory, there are, but I’ve never really heard of that.”

“So who is Travis’ book girlfriend?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Just bear with me, yeah?  Tell us about Travis’ book girlfriend.”

“Well, let’s see. Her name is Abby.  She’s a good girl.  She doesn’t really swear or drink, but when she does, she can outdo us all combined.  She’s really smart and good at math.  She’s pretty with light brown hair and gray eyes.  But the kicker is that she’s secretly a poker genius.”

“And she falls for Travis in the book?”

“Yeah. She doesn’t sleep with him like all the other girls do, so they become friends and then, of course, he starts to care about her.  There is some drama and then they get together and they even get married at the end.”

“All right, so, if Travis exists, why doesn’t Abby exist?”

“Not following you, Brent,” Travis responded.

“I bet you,” referring to Travis, “that you can’t find your Abby and get her to like you.”

“Dude, too easy. Just got to find a nice girl and get her in bed.”

“Nope, can’t be someone willing to sleep with you. And she’s got to like you, not the Mr. Badass thing you got going on.”

“Wait,” I interrupted. “You want Travis to get some sweet, innocent girl to fall for him, if that’s even possible with his obnoxious personality, all for the sake of a bet?  And what happens to said sweet, innocent girl?  She falls for you and then what?  You break her heart?  No way, no how.  I am not okay with this bet.”

“All right, fine. The girl just has to like Travis and then nothing will happen.  I’m sure you’ve liked guys and when things ended, you weren’t heartbroken, right?”

I nodded.

“I’ll even let you guys team up because God knows Travis will probably mess this up on his own.  So you both against me.  If you guys can get a girl like Abby to like Travis, then you win.  You don’t, I win.”

“What’s the Abby criteria?”  Travis asked before I could even answer.

“She either has to be named Abby or look like her or be a ‘secret poker genius,’”  Brent said with a smile.  “She has to be nice and smart, and she can’t be willing to sleep with you before she even meets you.”

“That will be a problem.  Every girl wants to sleep with me when they see me,” Travis responded completed straight-faced.

I spit out my soda across the table before falling into a fit of giggles.  “Really, Trav?  Really?”

“Like you didn’t want to sleep with me?”

I laughed harder. “Cocky much?  And for your information, just because I thought you were hot didn’t mean I wanted to sleep with you.  You are eye candy, honey.  And when I first met you, you were bruised up and bleeding.  Not exactly appealing.”

Travis scowled before glancing away.  I think I even saw a bit of hurt flash across his face, but Travis was too cocky to care what I thought, so I didn’t give it another second.

Travis turned to Brent. “Seems too easy, but fine, I’m in.  What do I win?”

“If you win, then I’ll help you restore that bike you wanted.”

“Bike?” I squealed.  “Please tell me you mean bicycle, or better yet, a tricycle.”

“A motorcycle, Kim.  Why?”

“How could I know you over a month now and the irony just keeps on coming?”

“What happened?” Brent asked.

“Freaking Travis in the book has a motorcycle!  Damn, Trav, you seriously keep getting weirder.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Travis responded wryly.

“It’s fate,” Brent added.

“All right, you help me with the bike,” Travis stated, “and if I lose, which won’t happen, but if I do, then what do you get?”

“You have to finally train me.”

“No way, no how.”

“Why not?”  Brent asked.

“You already know why not.  I won’t be responsible for you getting your ass kicked.”

“What the fuck, man?  Why would you think I’d get my ass kicked?  And isn’t that the point of fighting?  Besides, if you train me, then I won’t have anything to worry about.”

I, of course, had been snickering the entire time they argued about Brent training.

“No,” Travis said again.

“All right, fine. No bet then,” Brent said as he crossed his arms, clearly pissed.

“What the hell is so funny?” Travis asked, turning his attention to me.

“You guys,” I responded.  “I just had a mental picture of you guys fighting, and it was hilarious.  I saw you afraid you were going too hard on Brent, so you backed off. Brent was pissed you didn’t want to train him, so he lunged at you, but he slipped on the sweat you both left on the mat and ended up falling into your arms.  It was actually kind of romantic if you think about it.  I’d love to see that.  But, really, I don’t get why you won’t train Brent.  Are you afraid he’ll be better than you?”

“Seriously, Kim?  First off, I still don’t know how your mind works and those are some messed-up thoughts about Brent and me.  Unless you wanted to try a threesome with us, then that would make sense.”  I gasped and was about to smack Travis when he laughed and put his hands up.  “And second, there is no way Brent could be better than me.”

“Then what’s the problem.  Besides, aren’t I supposed to be on your team?  You know two against one sounds like pretty good odds for a win.  Unless you doubt your charming ability.  Oh, my God!  That’s it!  You don’t think you can get with a girl without sleeping with her!  I’m right, aren’t I?”

“No!” Travis exclaimed.  Then he turned to Brent. “Fine, I agree, but only because I’m not going to lose.”

Then they shook on it.  “Hey!  What about me?  What do I get?”

The two guys turned to me as if they only just realized I was there.  “Oh, come on, Kim,” Brent whined, “you know you are going to help us with this whether there is something in it for you or not.”

“Why would you think that?” I asked, not completely dismayed.

“Because you are a sucker for this book boyfriend shit, and I know you are eating this all up.  Think of it as one of your books coming to life.  You’ll probably be the only one actually enjoying this shit.”

They had me.  Damn, they had me.  This would be so much fun!

“Argh!” I sounded like a cross between a pirate and someone who’d hit their funny bone.  “Fine, I’m in.  But when I win … I mean, when we win, I’m buying myself some Jimmy Choos.”

“Sounds kinky.” Travis smiled.

“Yeah, if you like super hot, fuck-me heels.”  Not sure why that didn’t sound so kinky in my head, but I thought I was proving my point that they weren’t kinky.

“Hot damn!” Brent whistled.  Yep, apparently “super hot, fuck-me” sounded kinky.  Who knew?

“All right, all right, what’s the timeline?” I asked.

“One month,” stated Brent.

“Oh, this is going to be easy!” Travis said at the same time I spoke, “Oh, shit!  How am I going to groom Travis and get him a girl in one month?”

Both guys turned to me.  “What?  You think Mr. Slick over here can just waltz up to a girl with the panty-dropping smile, and he’s going to get a nice girl?  No way.  He needs to rein in his bad-boy ways, and we need to do research on some girls.”

“Rein in my what?  Panty-dropping smile, huh?”

“Don’t worry about it.  Just know it exists.  Have no fear, Kim is here.”  Yes, I actually said that right before Travis and Brent burst out laughing.

“Oh, stop.  I’m a dork. We’ve already established that.  But Trav, don’t worry.  I’ll have you being a gentleman in no time.”

“Oh goodie,” he answered sarcastically.  Yep, oh goodie indeed!  This was going to be so much fun!

chapter four

I forced Travis to meet me at the mall the following day, and Brent wanted to come too because, in his words, he said, “I have got to see this.”  Not sure why he thought this would be fun, but whatever.

“Why are we at the mall?” Travis asked.

“Because we need to fix your wardrobe.”

“What?  Why?  What’s wrong with the way I look?”  His confused expression was actually kind of adorable.

“You actually have to ask?”

“Uh, I asked, didn’t I?”  Yeah, I guess he did.  Huh.  Thought he knew he looked like a poser already, but I guess he didn’t.

“Well, it looks like you are having some sort of identity crisis,” I informed him.  “Your clothes can’t tell what style you’re trying to pull off.  Are you metro?  A preppy college boy?  A wannabe skater?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Definitely adorable.

“I’m saying you need some help with your clothes.”

“If that’s true … if I look so off, then tell me why I have never had any problem getting girls?”

“Because the girls you get don’t give a damn what you look like with clothes. They only care about what you look like naked.”

Brent choked on his soda, and Travis laughed.

“That’s not a compliment, Mr. Player.  I mean, look at you right now.  You have a button up dress shirt with rolled up sleeves that screams metro, but then you pair that with cargo shorts and what the hell kind of shoes are these?  Do you own a skateboard?”

“I look good.”

“Yeah, your face,” I snorted.  I was great with the comebacks, wasn’t I?  “Dress shirts can only go with jeans, not shorts.  You can wear cargo shorts, but they need to be a bit more fitted and only with t-shirts.  You can get away with wearing them with a polo, but only if you truly want the preppy college boy look, which we don’t.  And shoes?  Converse or loafers only… oh!  Or maybe boots. Yeah—rugged but dressy boots but not with shorts.”

“And why should I trust your opinion of my clothing?”

“You think I’m good looking?”

“Yeah.” Both guys agreed, which kind of made me feel pretty damn good.

“You wouldn’t mind getting me in bed?”

“Well, damn, Kim, is this all it takes?” Travis asked.

I rolled my eyes. “Just answer the question.”

“Yeah, I bet you’d know a few good moves.” If I had any doubts about Travis’ player ways, he was definitely getting rid of them.

“For your information, I could drop you to your knees begging me for just another tiny taste before I left you high and dry after getting my fill. So yeah, I know some moves.”  Okay, so that was so totally not true. You know how they say when people brag about their sex lives that means they suck in bed—yep, that was probably me, although how a girl could suck in bed was beyond me.  Thoughts for another time.  “But that’s not the point.  The point is that I am a female you wouldn’t mind finding you attractive enough to sleep with.  That means you need me to find you attractive.  And if I find your style funny looking, then why wouldn’t other girls find you funny looking?”

“Didn’t you just say I was hot?”

“Your face!  Once again, you have great bone structure and you even have a pretty good body.”

“Pretty good?”

“Well, your clothes kind of kill it.”

“You are the most frustrating woman I’ve ever met.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Now, let’s get started.”

“Who’s buying the clothes?” Travis asked.

I had giggled to myself for a moment before I shot Brent a look. “Brent.”

“What? Why me?” he asked.

“Because you insisted on coming and you’re not doing anything productive, so here is your way to contribute.”

Then the fun began, and what made it even better was that Travis had absolutely no clue that I was messing with him. I had way too much fun playing dress-up with him.  I insisted he try on clothes that were completely outrageous and not him at all.  I had him trying on just about every color that existed — neon purple, hot pink, you name it.  I think Brent caught on faster than Travis did because he started pointing to bright yellow and polka dot shirts with a smile on his face.

After Travis finally realized why we kept laughing, I had another trick up my sleeve. I kept giving him clothes that were too small and swearing they were the right size.  I could hear him mumbling about needing to lose some weight in the fitting room, and I was practically in tears, I was laughing so hard.

“You are evil, Kim,” Brent whispered.

“Evil genius.” I laughed.

“Remind me not to get on your bad side. If this is what you do to a friend, then I’d hate to see what you do to enemies.”

It only took about five shirts and three pairs of jeans for Travis to finally look at one of the tags. Only. He busted out of the fitting room sans shirt and shorts, boxers only.  My jaw might have dropped a little.  What?  I wasn’t blind.  I knew a good body deserved to be looked at.

“Kim!  What the fuck?”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.  I get bored sometimes, and you guys use me for entertainment.  It was my turn to have some fun,” I justified.  “Besides,” I added, “you can thank me.”

“Thank you for what?” he asked, completely unaware of the current situation

“Well, in case you didn’t realize how you are dressed currently,” I said as waved my hand up and down his body.  “You’re showing off quite a bit of skin and the fine women around the store are staring. I think I might have just helped you get laid tonight.”  I winked for good measure.

“I don’t need help,” he huffed before going back to the fitting room.

“Aw!  Is Travis shy about his goods?” I chuckled.

“I show more skin than this when I train,” he yelled at the door.

“And yet, you blushed when I saw you in your boxers.  Maybe you’re just shy around nice girls.”

“You’re not nice!”  I laughed and so did Brent.

“Sure I am, and I thought it was endearing.  Let’s remember that when we are working on winning our bet.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled while Brent and I continued laughing.  Suffice it to say, it took far longer than the boys thought to get Travis a new wardrobe, but it was totally worth it.

chapter five

The next step was getting Travis to flirt without trying to get a girl into bed within five minutes.  He was a charmer all right, a really good one. A little too good in fact.  I asked him to flirt with a girl while within earshot so I could figure out what needed work.  Within mere seconds, he had his tongue down her throat.  Seconds!  And the worst part was that it was broad daylight in the middle of campus, and no one freaking cared!

I had to literally go pull him off. “What the fuck, Kim?” he sneered as I dragged him away.  “I was minutes away from getting her to head back to my room.”

“And that’s the problem,” I hissed, frustrated.

“Don’t really see a problem there.”

“Yeah. On your own time, fine, take girls back to your room by the dozens. But the point is not to find someone willing to sleep with you without even knowing a damn thing about you except your name and your nice stupid smile.”

“Nice stupid smile, eh?  Never heard it called that, but I’ll take it.” Right then he was wearing a smug smile, and I wanted to wipe it off his face.

“Ugh!  You are so frustrating!” I ranted.

“Kim, chill.  Why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong.”

“You need to be able to win a girl’s trust.  You need her to want to get to know you.  You.  Not your body or your sexual skills.  She needs to want to be friends with you, go on a date with you, maybe kiss you at the end, but not want to jump your bones within two seconds.  There are exceptions to the rule, but most good girls?  They don’t go for sex right off the bat.”

“Damn, this bet is gonna be harder than I thought,” he mused.

“You’re telling me.”

“Well, what about you?” he asked me.

“What about me?”

“I’m friends with you.  You know me, and you didn’t want to sleep with me.”

“Trav, you’re hot.  You’re too hot for your own good, and you know it whether I tell you that or not.  I couldn’t help but stare at you when I saw you and I thought nasty thoughts, just like all other women.  However, I have only slept with guys I was serious about. And the cocky look you had the first time I met you said you were the kind who only slept with girls you weren’t serious about.  If you flirted with me, truly flirted with me, then I would have run screaming for the hills and wouldn’t have stayed around to give you the chance to be my friend.  I guess, fortunately for me, since I actually like being your friend—although if you ever repeat this, I’ll deny it—I embarrassed myself, had to talk to you to explain, and that led to friendship.  However, I highly doubt the same situation will present itself.  Plus, we’re friends now. That means we don’t want to sleep with each other.  So I don’t think I’m a good example.”

The entire time I was talking, Travis had eyed me curiously. I also saw a myriad of emotions pass his face as I spoke, but I didn’t understand them.  I wanted to ask him about it, but we had work to do, so I pushed aside my curiosity.

“You can, however, practice subtle flirting with me.” I grinned, which caused Travis to smile.

“All right, my place or yours,” he asked.

I laughed and smacked his arm.  “You don’t even realize you are doing it, do you?  It just comes naturally, huh?”  Travis just shrugged, but he was grinning ear to ear.  “Yours, big boy. Take me to your place,” I answered in my best sultry voice, and Travis laughed.

Twenty minutes later, we were sitting on Travis’ couch, and I was coaching him.  “No sexual innuendos, at all,” I emphasized.  “Your goal is not to get her into bed.  And come on, seriously, Travis, don’t you ever get tired of your endless string of bimbos?  Don’t you ever want someone to actually want to get to know you?  Someone who wants to hang out with you in their free time and not just for your body?  Don’t you want to get to know someone on a deeper level than just to get off?  Think about all that when you’re flirting.”  He nodded, although I wasn’t sure if he was actually listening.

“Okay, I’m a nice girl, and I fit the Abby bill. You want to flirt with me, so what do you do?”

“I approach you?” he asked.

“Well, yeah, how else is she going to notice you?”  At least he had the first step down.

“Are you implying I don’t get noticed?”  Or maybe he was being serious.  After all, I saw him in action.  Plenty of girls actually walked up to him.  I don’t think he ever really had to make a move unless he felt like it.

“Yeah, Trav, you get noticed, a lot, but not by the girls we want you to get noticed by.  Well, that’s a lie.  Even good girls have eyes, for example, yours truly, but notice and stay versus notice and move on are two different things.  I would have moved on.  The girl you sucked face with earlier today, clearly, she would have stayed.”

“Okay, fine, I approach you.”

“And then what?”

“Hey,” he said in a confident, deep voice.

I had to admit it made me shiver a bit, but then I responded with, “Hey,” and nothing else just to prove a point.

“That’s it?” he asked.

“What did you want me to say? ‘Oh wow, you are so hot!  I can’t believe you are talking to me.  Me! OMG!’” I added the “OMG” in a high-pitched squeal.  “You approached me, remember?  What the hell do you want from me after just saying hi?”

“Well, what would you say if you were me?”

“How about I tell you what would work with me instead.”

“Okay.”

“You need to seem vulnerable.  I need to feel like I’m the first and only girl who you actually approached instead of approaching you.  You need to draw me in within those first few seconds and make me feel special because I know you are too good to be true and I don’t want to be a notch on your bedpost.  You want to know what’s worked for me?”

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“Do you always do that when you are concentrating?”

“Huh?”

“That’s what I asked the guy, too.  And he responded, ‘Do you always scrunch your nose in that cute way when you are concentrating?  Because I noticed you were so deep in thought, not noticing the world around you, and then all of a sudden, you scrunched your nose and it was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.  I had to know if you do it all the time.’”

“What the hell?” Travis asked.

“You know what happened?  I stuttered.  Me!  Yes, me, big mouth who doesn’t shut up, ever.  I stuttered.  You know why?  Because he noticed something about me.  Me.  He didn’t say I was cute or hot or sexy, or whatever.  He noticed a small detail.  He had me hook, line, and sinker.  He proceeded to ask if he could personally find out if I scrunch my nose at any other moments, which meant, of course, we needed to go out.  So, we did, and then we kept going out, for about six months until he cheated on me. He had been cheating on me, apparently, broke my heart, and I found out he was just a player wearing a good guy’s disguise.  That’s why I was so not okay with hurting someone just for a bet.  A harmless date, fine, I’m in, but anything more, and, Travis, I will personally hurt you myself.”  I could feel my bubbly walls start to crumble.  It had hurt when I found out what kind of guy Will truly was; it hurt even worse that I had fallen for him and that he was my first, but I learned my lesson. I had also become Miss Personality so I would never have to worry about being too deep with anyone.  I couldn’t believe I had shared this with Travis, but I wasn’t going to let it go further.

Travis stared at me with sadness and pity in his eyes. Pity for me, and I didn’t want it.  I didn’t like it.  I was a big girl, and I was moving on from this.  He reached out a hand, and I knew he was going to try to comfort me, which was pretty shocking actually. Travis wasn’t the comforting type, but I didn’t want that from him or anyone.  So before he could, I spoke, effectively killing the slightly sad moment. “The point, Trav, is that he made me feel like I wasn’t just fun for him.  Hence, he got the good girl.  That’s what you need to do.  You need to take a moment to study the girl you plan to flirt with and learn something about her. Find something small to make her want to get to know you better and allow you to get to know her.  ‘Hey’ is not sufficient.  ‘This might sound forward, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off you.  Your eyes are the most brilliant shade of blue I’ve ever seen.  It’s like a mix between the ocean and the sky, and I had to come see them in person.’  That, Trav, is sufficient.  Yes, sure, it’s a line, a cheesy one at that, but you took the time to write it in your head.  You took the time to find a line that would fit the girl.  That is what is going to get her.”

Travis just nodded.  I had tried to lighten the mood a bit by switching it up on him with that line, but it hadn’t helped.  I was down, and I knew Travis felt my mood.  I wasn’t happy-go-lucky Kim right now, and I didn’t want to be.  I needed to go find Lauren and eat a ton of ice cream.

“So I think that’s enough for today.  Tomorrow, we’ll find you an Abby, and we’ll try it out.”

I got up, brushed my hands on my legs, and Travis stood to walk me out.  He gave me a quick hug, as he usually did, but before he closed the door, he softly spoke words I thought I’d never hear from someone like him. “For what it’s worth, you do scrunch your nose every time you concentrate, and it really is cute.  And that guy was an asshole for using that against you.  I may be a player, Kim, but at least I’m upfront with the girls.  They know who they are getting when we hook up.  I make no promises and neither do they.  But, if I did make them, I would keep them. I’d never hurt you.”

I nodded. “I know, Travis.  That’s why I told you that I was fortunate that I became your friend after all.  You’re a good guy.  A player but a good guy.” I smiled, but it was forced.  He smiled too, but it was strained.  “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.  And remember, Brent is coming to watch, so you better not crash and burn.”  And just like that, I was back.  Travis laughed, and I went home to stuff myself with junk food.

chapter six

The following day, Brent, Travis, and I met up on campus.

“So which one is Abby?” Brent asked.

“This is just practice,” I responded.

Brent’s eyebrows drew together in confusion.  “Practice for what?”

“To see if Travis can flirt the right way,” I stated matter-of-factly.

“Oh, Kim, sweetheart, I think Travis can flirt with no problem.  Not sure where you have been hiding out, but his bedroom door is definitely a revolving one.” Brent chuckled.

“Exactly!  That’s the wrong kind of flirting!” I exclaimed.

“Hello!  You guys know I’m right here, right?” Travis chimed in, but we ignored him.

“How in the hell is there a wrong kind of flirting?” Brent asked.

“That’s what I asked, too.” Travis tried desperately to fit into the conversation, but again, his voice fell on deaf ears.

“The bet isn’t for him to get a girl in the sack,” I scowled.  “All he has to do is smile flirtatiously, and he gets a girl to go back with him.  We don’t want that, remember?  We want a good girl—one who doesn’t want to jump his bones, one who wants to go on a nice date with him and like him—and poof, we win.  So stop sabotaging our bet!” I yelled.  “I don’t even know why you’re here anyways,” I said in frustration.

I wasn’t even all that sure why I was getting so upset with them.  Maybe it was the fact that they were extremely good looking and fairly intelligent and could get just about any girl they wanted and yet, they didn’t know the difference between the various types of flirting.  That meant that all they cared about was getting some tail, and although I knew that was who these guys were, it still kind of bothered me.

“All right, master, why don’t you show us how it’s done then?” Brent challenged.

“Master?  Me?  I don’t know.  I mean, you are so good at everything you do.  You’re smart, and I should know since you help me with bio all the time.  And you’re nice and charming, and girls scowl me at constantly because I get to hang out with you.  But me?  I’m just trying to get through college and maybe have some fun along the way.  I guess I was really lucky you and Trav decided I was worth being friends with.  I’m just plain old me, nothing special here.  Definitely no master or anything.  I mean, come on, I haven’t had a boyfriend in as long as I can remember.  I don’t even know how I think I can teach you guys anything.”  I said the entire thing with an increasingly sad note and a tiny hint of mockery, but I knew the boys didn’t catch on to that little bit.

“Kim, you’re wonderful and smart too, and entertaining. Come on, you have to know you’re beautiful.  You have a great personality, always happy.  We’re the lucky ones.  You know if you so much as batted your eyelashes at one of us, we’d fight it out to see who could get a piece of you.” Brent tried to cheer me up and then he pulled me into a hug.  He was really a nice guy underneath it all.  When he pulled away slightly, I looked up at him with a giant grin on my face and then proceeded to bat my eyelashes in mock fashion.

Brent stared at me for a moment before the realization of what happened flashed across his face and then he pulled back. “Oh, oh, damn, you’re good.”

“I’m still confused.” Travis stared at us.

“That, my friend, was watching a master.” Brent laughed.  “She,” he pointed at me, “just played us. She made us think she was vulnerable and in need of comfort, to which I, unsurprisingly, since all I said was obviously true, fell right into that role.  All I wanted at that moment was to be there for her and make her feel better instead of thinking about how she looks naked, which,” he looked at me, “I do all the time.  Just so you know,” and then he smirked.

Travis turned to look at me, and I saw the awe in his eyes.  As I said before, I knew I wasn’t a knockout, but I knew how to work what I had, especially after Will had broken me down.  I wasn’t going to be a weakling ever again, so I made sure I knew how to use every skill available to me.

“I think you might have a bit of drool right there,” I said and pointed at Travis’ lips.  “Mouth closed or people will think you have issues.   But Brent got it spot on.  And it’s what I said last night. You need to find something that will draw her in.  You can appear vulnerable, you can use a line on her, and you can compliment her, or even jokingly insult her, as long as it’s something unique to her.”

“Right, and how will I do that?”

“Do I have to do everything?” I huffed.

“Hey, don’t look at me,” Brent said, holding up his hands. “That’s why I offered you up to help Travis.”

“Ugh!  Okay, fine. Let’s see.”  I scanned the unsuspecting girls sitting around.  “There,” I pointed to a fairly attractive blonde sitting under a tree reading some textbook.

“What am I supposed to say to her?” Travis asked.

“Hmm,” I thought for a moment.  “Okay, go say something like, ‘Hey, you’re in my spot.’  But you have to say it playfully.  She might flirt with you, but most likely, she’ll get an attitude with you, or she might even think you are crazy.  Then, you can tell her something like, ‘Okay, so I should confess it’s not technically my spot, but I saw you sitting here under the shade, and you didn’t look like you were anywhere near falling asleep, which is impressive considering it looks like you’re studying.  So naturally, that meant this must be the perfect spot.  But I’m no jerk, so how about we share it.’  You don’t give her a chance to answer before you plop down.  And then you don’t say anything.  You open your book, your phone, I don’t care what you do, but you don’t say anything.  Trust me. She’ll talk to you. Just don’t go into sex-flirt mode. Got it?”

“Where do you come up with this crap?” Travis asked, but he looked impressed.

“Reading, remember, book boyfriends and all?  Plus, if that were me, that’s what I’d want someone to say.”

“You sure it’s gonna work?” Travis asked.

“Positive!”

Then I slapped his ass, probably a little too hard, and said, “Go get ‘em, tiger.”  Travis’ step actually faltered while Brent tried desperately to hold in his laugh.

“What?” I asked innocently.  “Athletes slap each others’ asses all the time!” I cried.  “I was cheering you on!” I tried to plead my case, in vain.

“Kim, you want to slap my ass, you can do it any time,” Travis replied in a deep, husky voice.  “Any way you want to put your hands on me is fine.  Just remember, I like to give as good as I get.”  Did someone have a fan I could borrow?   The air around me seemed to become stifling all of a sudden.  I wasn’t going to lie; I thoroughly enjoyed the way Travis and Brent flirted with me.  It made me feel pretty and wanted, even though I knew they were just having fun.  It didn’t stop me from getting all tingly inside, though.

I shook my head to get a hold of myself. “I’ll keep that in mind, so no ass slapping, huh?”

“No, Kim.” Brent chuckled. “And besides, athletes don’t slap, they tap, and they sure as hell don’t say, ‘Go get ‘em, tiger.’”  They were both laughing by this time.

“All right, all right, no tigers either.  Now, you,” I said to Travis, “go over there and flirt, but nicely. None of that crap you just pulled with me.  That’s instant sex stuff right there.”

He lifted his eyebrow as he seemed to process my words, but then he just nodded and walked away toward the tree with the girl.

Brent and I watched as he approached her.  We didn’t hear what he said, but by her dumbfounded look, he must have used my line.  And then he said some more and sat next to her before she got a chance to say anything.  He pulled out his phone and started fiddling with it.

We saw the girl steal glances at him from the corner of her eye.

“Holy shit!  It worked!” Brent exclaimed in surprise.

“Of course, it worked.  I’m a master, remember?  Now, he’s on his own.  If he’s smart, then he’ll get her name and number and a date in the next five minutes and then we can try someone else.”

“Why does he need to try someone else?”

“Because I had to tell him what to do.  We want the girl to like him, not me,” I pointed out.  “That means he needs to learn from me, but then be able to use his own lines.”

We were silent while we watched nothing happen with Travis.  He was starting to look bored, and I was getting nervous.

“Kim, you know what you said about yourself earlier. You don’t actually think you’re nothing special, do you?” Brent asked, catching me off guard.

“Well, no, not exactly,” I admitted.

“What does that mean?”

“Well, I know I’m no bombshell, but I’ve learned enough tricks that I could keep a guy entertained if I needed to.  All about the game, right?  And I learned my lesson anyway. I don’t allow myself to get close to the guy every girl wants anymore.  For fun, sure, but the long haul? I’m not the type of girl a guy like you or Travis is going to keep around forever.  I know my limits, and I’m fine with them.”  I wasn’t sure why I opened up to Brent.  Lauren knew my feelings on the subject—she was my best friend, after all—but talking to a girlfriend was completely different than talking to your guy friend.  It must have been opening up the wound from Will the previous night – it had me in a funk, but I should have just brushed Brent off. Especially after I saw the look of pity and shock on his face.

“What lesson, Kim?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, it does.  You’re my friend, and you’re dead wrong.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything, and I’m sorry I did.  Please drop it.  We have work to do, and I’m telling you right now that this conversation is over.”

“For now.”

“Forever.”

He didn’t look convinced, nor did he look pleased, but I knew he would drop it, so that was fine with me.  We turned back to Travis, the silence hanging a little too heavy between Brent and me.  We watched for another minute, and I was about to say something, anything, to break the tension, when the girl finally looked up and then she started talking to Travis.

“Yes!” I yelled, a little too loudly, and then jumped up and down.  This was going to work.  Travis was answering her.  Everything looked good, and then wham!  She slapped him.  I swear we heard the smack all the way from where we were standing.

“Oh, damn!” Brent had yelled out right before he started laughing so hard I thought I saw tears.

Moments later, Travis was next to us with a red handprint on his face, a snarl on his lips, and a confused look in his eyes.

“What did you do?” I asked, accusingly.

“I didn’t do anything!” he said and threw up his hands.

“Then why did she slap you?”

“It all went like you said it would.  She finally talked to me after I was dying of boredom.  She asked why I had to sit in that spot if all I was doing was playing on my phone.  I admitted that it had all been a line just to be able to get close to her.  I thought you’d approve of that.”  I did, and I nodded.  “She smiled and asked my name.  I told her and then asked for hers.  I told her I’d like to get to know her better.  She said she’d like that, too.  I gave her my phone so she could put her number in it, and then I may have had a naughty text from a girl pop up right on the screen,” he said sheepishly.

“What kind of naughty text?” I asked.

“The kind you’d probably not want to see,” he answered seriously.

“Fine, whatever, you’re probably right.  Okay, so you did damage control, right?  Told her that this was an ex who wanted you back, or your friends messing with you, or even the truth, that you may sort of have a rep, but that doesn’t reflect on her because you are not looking to get into her pants, right?”

“Not exactly.”

“So then what exactly did you say?” I asked, my voice rising a bit.

“Well, the text kind of caught me off guard, so I may have sort of implied that if she thought that text was something special, I could make her believe it was pretty PG within the hour.”

“You didn’t!” I huffed, more like yelled.

“Kim, you are the only girl I’ve had any kind of conversation with that didn’t involve sex.  I’m just not good at this kind of thing, especially with some random girl.  Look, I can flirt with you, I can talk to you, and I can even tell you that I had some pretty awesome sex last night after you left my place, but seriously, you are the only girl I can do that with.”

“You knew this, didn’t you?” I pointed an accusing finger at Brent.  “You knew Travis wouldn’t be able to get a good girl to like him because he doesn’t care enough about any girl enough to try.”

“Don’t go there,” Travis interrupted.  “They always want more with me. They just know it’s not gonna happen, so they take what they can get.  And the so-called good ones, yeah, fine, they stay away because they aren’t looking for a one-night stand.  But I’m not looking for a relationship, so why the hell should I put in the effort to try to get to know them, sleep with them, and then dump them?  I told you, Kim.  I may be a player, but I’m not an asshole.  Fine, okay, I’m not good at this getting-to-know-you crap, but that’s why you’re here, on my team.  We are going to win this stupid ass bet, and you’re going to stop bitching and help me.”

“You’re right,” I whispered.  “I’m sorry.”  I felt so small all of a sudden.  I had insulted Travis, and I felt horrible about it, especially after his little speech.  He was absolutely right, and I was judging my friend for no reason.

“Well, I think that’s enough for today.  Dinner and drinks, anyone?” Brent stepped in to deflect.

“I’m in,” Travis said, a smile playing on his lips, probably from my apology.

“You paying?  I’m definitely in.”  And my happy-go-lucky self was back.

chapter seven

Dinner was good; we laughed, we talked, and I got made fun of for a variety of things, ranging from the fact that I was afraid of squirrels—yes, squirrels, those little fuzzy creatures are deceptive.  They only want you to think they are cute and cuddly, but they are vicious and steal your food—to the fact that I’m an adult and I still like to watch the Disney channel.  Hey!  They have the best cartoon movies.  Anyone remember The Lion King?  Critically acclaimed?  Oh, and hey, guess what? It was a Disney movie.

And then we started drinking.  Drunk Kim was always a lot of fun, or so I was told.  I was a major lightweight, but hey, at least that meant I was a cheap date.  So, after about two whole tequila shots, I was pretty freaking buzzed; after four tequila shots, I remembered dancing on the table.  Apparently, I liked to pretend I was a stripper with clothes on and bump and grind on just about everything—girls, guys, chairs, walls, you name it.  Why did I do this to myself every time?  Because one of these days, I would beat this stupid phase, I knew it.

And then my memory went a little hazy.  I remembered having tons of fun, I remembered Travis attempting to flirt with someone “nicely,” and it not going so well.  I remembered Brent saying he wanted to try and actually succeeding.  Good job, Brent!  And I remembered Travis and Brent telling me how happy they were to be friends with me because I was not only fun and funny, but I was nice and easy to talk to.  I think that made me cry.  Actually, I’m pretty sure that made me cry, but they were happy tears.

And then, things went downhill.  I remembered Travis and Brent walking me home and I remembered them giving me an interrogation regarding Will. I remembered spilling everything—my thoughts, my feelings, how hurt I was, how I became Miss Bubbly personality to cover up the pain, and then just sticking with it.  How I started guarding my heart, and most importantly, how he had been my one and only, and my vagina was growing cobwebs.  Yes, I managed to sneak a weird-ass metaphor into my crying spiel.

I think I remembered them saying they would make Will pay and telling me how amazing I was, but I couldn’t be too sure as I had drunk way more than four tequilas by this point.

And then, my best friend, Mr. Toilet, kept me company all night.  At least he got some action from me.

And that was why I avoided Travis and Brent for the next two days.  It didn’t last more than that though because they ambushed me after class.

“What the fuck, Kim?  You avoiding us?”

“Yes.” I sighed.

“Why?” Brent asked.

“Because I know you guys tricked me into telling you my dirty little secrets and that was so not cool. As embarrassed as I always manage to be around you guys, this takes the cake.”

“What? Why?” Trav asked, completely confused.

“Because falling on my ass is the Three Stooges type embarrassment. I can take it, I’m clumsy, and it’s not a reflection of me.  But this—my history, you guys getting to know how stupid and naïve I was, how I couldn’t see what was right in front of me, that shows you what kind of dumbass I am, and I don’t like it.”

“Kim, you’re not a dumbass, and that doesn’t change our perspective of you in any way, shape, or form,” Travis replied.

“Yeah, if anything, it just proves everything you’ve been trying to teach us. You’re human, you’re a good girl, you fell for an asshole that wasn’t upfront, and you got burned, so you’re naturally protecting yourself.  That just proves that you have a head on your shoulders,” Brent added.

“Nothing to be embarrassed about.  You know we are your friends and we could never  think of you as anything but fun and dorky. But now we know you truly have a deep, sensitive side,” Travis said with a wink to break up the tension.

“It’s actually kind of refreshing to know you’re not perfect.”  Travis and Brent finished their intertwined rant.

“You guys thought I was perfect?” I squealed.

“Out of everything we said, that’s what you took out of it?”

“Well, no, I love you guys too, but that was really nice to hear.” I smiled wide and then pulled them into a group hug.

“Thanks, you guys.  I guess I needed to hear that all was okay.  But I better not see any pity stares or sneaky glances like I’m a china doll waiting to break,” I threatened.

“I wouldn’t dream of it. Well, unless you want me to break you in,” Travis smirked.  And this time, I knew he was purposely providing the sexual innuendo to lighten the mood.

“If I need that, then you’ll be the first to know,” I said and winked back.

“Hey, what about me?” whined Brent.

“Okay, fine, it will be a threesome.” I laughed back.

“That’s more like it,” Brent added.

“Now, Kim, get your big girl panties on because we need to get back to work.  And I’ve been practicing while you were out of commission,” Travis added.

“Oh, yeah?  Practicing with whom?”

“Well, okay, so maybe practicing wasn’t the exact right word.  I’ve been studying.”

“Huh?”

“Okay, I’m not a creeper, I swear, but I may have sort of followed a few guys around and watched them flirt, and I think I know what to do now.”  Totally sounded like a creeper, but I had to admit that I was sort of impressed that he not only thought to do that but actually did it.

“Yeah, it was pretty funny watching Travis try to blend in as if he wasn’t the third wheel.  And when the couple would turn around, Trav would try not to look like a stalker.” Brent laughed.

“Damn!  I missed a lot avoiding you guys the past two days.  Can I get a replay?”

“No,” Travis immediately answered.

“I did get some awesome videos,” Brent added.  “I’ll show you later.”

I couldn’t wait to finally be able to laugh at one of them instead of them laughing at me.  “All right, Trav, let’s go see what you got.”

chapter eight

They walked around campus and Travis pointed to a girl sitting and sunning herself sans any real clothes.  Well, okay, she had a bikini on—if that counted as a bikini and not just some strings with little scraps of cloth attached.

“How about I show you what I can do with her?” Travis asked.

“Oh, hell no.  We are not going to watch you get your groove on.  That girl is practically begging to get into bed with you.”

“Ah, is Kim getting a little jealous?”

“Trav!  We want a good girl, not a ‘come and get it’ girl.  She’s dressed like that because she wants to be noticed.  Good girls want to blend in because they don’t want the dogs to come out and try to take a bite out of them.”

“Like you,” Brent added.

“Yes, all right, fine, like me.  But I don’t really fall into that category because I have no shame when it comes to flirting and getting attention.  I just know when to stop.  And I may or may not dress up on occasion when it can get me into a club,” I pointed out.

“You dress like that?” Trav asked incredulously.

“Well, I don’t own a bikini that’s not really a bikini, but yeah, guys, did you think I was a nun or something?  I get dolled up when I go out.”

“And why haven’t we seen this before?” Brent chimed in.

“Because we’ve never gone clubbing before.”

“Oh, no, that won’t do.  We’re going out this weekend!” Travis responded.

“Okay, fine, whatever,” I grumbled.  I went out with my girlfriends so I could dance and be free.  I dressed up so I felt pretty and blended in with the throngs of oversexed people.  Now I was going to be self-conscious thanks to my big mouth and Tweedledee and Tweedledum’s curiosity.  Maybe they’d forget by the weekend.  Maybe. Hopefully … Oh, who was I kidding, I was getting my game on whether I wanted to or not.  “We’ll see when the weekend rolls around, but for now, less talking and more flirting.”

“Doesn’t flirting involve talking?” mused Brent.

“Oh, shut it, smartass.  You know what I meant.”  Infuriating.  Even though he was technically right.  Hey, I never said I was a genius with words.

“Okay, Travis.  That girl,” I said pointing at someone.  “The one walking and not paying attention to anything but the book in her hand.  She is studying for either a midterm or she is a nerd like me and oblivious to her surroundings.  Let’s hope she’s a nerd because if she’s studying on the go, she’s probably stressed and things might get interesting.  But, hey, it’s worth a shot.”  Travis started to speak, but I held up my hand.  “No, no help from me.  You said you’ve been practicing, so let’s see it.  Go.  May the force be with you.”

“Well, that was better than ‘Go get ‘em, tiger.’” Travis chuckled while Brent smiled.

“Oh, shut up,” I snapped at Brent.

“I didn’t say a word,” he practically sang.

“You were thinking it.”

“You really need to stop being so cute.  Oh, wait, on second thought, don’t.  You are way too funny as you are.”

We watched Travis stroll up to the unsuspecting girl.  We couldn’t hear what he said, but whatever it was, she smiled.  She freaking smiled.  That meant Travis was doing something right.  Ah!  My little boy was growing up.

They spoke for a little longer and then Travis handed her his phone, and he got her number.  Oh, yeah, he got her number!  I was doing an internal happy dance at this point. Was it slightly wrong that I was cheering on a guy for getting another girl’s number?  Nah!  But I did sort of feel bad for her because the chances of Travis calling her were slim to none.  But, hey, that was part of life.  It had been done to me, no biggie.  Getting your heart stomped on, now that was a biggie.

Travis came back with a giant grin.  “I did it!” he practically yelled.

“Keep it down. We don’t want the world to know you flirted on purpose,” I responded.

“Aren’t you supposed to flirt on purpose?”

“Oh! Exasperating!  You know what I mean.”

“Of course, we do, but you make it too easy.” Brent laughed.

“Whatever,” I grumbled. “Okay, back to important matters.  Trav, how did you do it?”

“Well, I took your advice and when I walked up to her, I said ‘If you’re doing last-minute cramming, then I should probably walk away, right?  Wouldn’t want to distract you like you’ve distracted me.’”

“Smooth,” I had to respond.

“I know, right?” Travis asked as if he was surprised.

“And then what?”

“Then she said she was just reading between classes and got to a good part, so she couldn’t put it down. I told her that I didn’t want to take her away from that and then asked if I could call her so maybe we can talk when she’s not as focused on the book.”

“Damn, Trav, you really have been taking notes. I’m really proud of you.  But wait, I just thought of something. Would you have thought of the test cramming thing if I didn’t say anything?”

“Do I look like an observant girl?” he asked in mock annoyance.

“So, then what would you have done if I hadn’t handed you that little tidbit?”

“Probably would have said ‘Hey.’”

“Ah!  Just when I think you’ve got it down ...”

“Hey, I took care of the rest of the conversation myself.  So I need you to get me a starter, no big deal.  It’s not as if you’re not going to help me find the girl anyways.  So, when we find her, you point me in the right direction, and I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Yeah, okay, I guess that will work.  But what about that girl?  You going to call her?”

“Come on, Kim, you have to ask?”

“You weren’t upfront with her.”

“Fine, I’ll send her a text and tell her I’m sorry. Happy?” I knew he was just appeasing me, but it wasn’t nice to lead her on.

“Yes, very.”

“You know, I wouldn’t do that for anyone but you,” he pointed out.

“Well, duh!  Because I am uber special and amazing and I am your master,” I responded.

“Uber special?  Seriously?”  He chuckled, and I heard Brent laugh lightly as well.

“Admit I’m uber special or I’ll steal your phone and send every girl in your phonebook a text telling them they should get checked out for herpes,” I threatened.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Who knows, but do you really want to find out?” I asked in a teasing tone.

“Oh, you’re special all right,” Trav mused.

“Good enough.”

And then we all laughed.

chapter nine

We spent the next few days watching Travis flirt his way into the hearts of good girls around the campus.  Okay, fine … we watched him flirt with like two more girls because I just couldn’t take him getting their numbers and never calling them back, thus crushing their little girl hearts.  And then I made him text them that he was sorry.  At least they wouldn’t wait for a call that way, even though it was still a bit cruel.  But alas, some things you have to do for a bet. A bet I was going to win.

I did have to remind myself a few times that I wasn’t truly winning anything and I got suckered into this by two charming guys who had their own agendas.  I would be lying if I said I didn’t love every second of it, though.  Brent and Travis were fun to hang around, and we always managed to laugh.  Okay, they always managed to laugh while I glowered at them.

And now it was time to party.  Oh, goodie. Yay me.  Could you hear the sarcasm?  No? Okay, let’s try again.  I was so freaking excited to be going out to practically a meat market and being on display for my two guy friends who loved to laugh at my expense because I was a dork.  And of course, I had to prove to them that I was not just a nerd, but that I could be sexy. Which I normally only reserved for my girlfriends, so I was going to be totally self-conscious, even though I was not normally that way around strangers.  I knew I was going to manage to somehow fall on my ass while dancing because I was going to be too nervous to be smooth.  Oh yeah, most definitely an amazing time.  Couldn’t wait.  The sarcasm might not have been very subtle there.

I had tried desperately to get out of going to a club with Brent and Travis.  And by desperately, I meant I came up with all the usual excuses, to which they had very good answers: I had a midterm (liar!), I had too much homework (like you’re going to be doing that Saturday night), I had to wash my hair (good, so you’ll look nice when we go out, and maybe you’ll smell good finally), I had to walk my dog (I’m going to tell your roommate you called her a dog).  Gee, and I wondered why none of them worked.

I begged Lauren to come with me as my buffer, especially since she had somehow managed to not meet either Brent or Travis, but she was busy with her boyfriend.  God, I hated that she was blissfully happy.  Okay, so, I didn’t really hate it.  I was super happy for her, but right now, I would have hated a cuddly baby if they didn’t offer to help me out.

She did, however, stay until I was all dolled up and helped me primp and get ready.  I wasn’t sure if she was all that much help though since she insisted I couldn’t wear a muumuu. I had to straighten my hair, and I had to put on the smoky gray eyeshadow that made my eyes pop.  Why I “had” to do these things, I didn’t know.  When all was said and done and Lauren yelled out some catcalls – yes, my friend is a dork too, just not as bad as me –  I finally looked in the mirror, really looked, and I had to admit that I liked what I saw.  It gave me a boost of confidence. I could do this; I could really do this.

Lauren hugged me and pinched my butt and said, “You’ll be fine, you sexy beast, you.”  And the guys told me my encouraging lines needed work …

She left and then there was a knock on the door, and I opened to find Brent and Travis as delectable as ever.  No, scratch that, they were even more so.  Hot damn.  Those two boys were fine.  Travis wore dark gray jeans with a tight black v-neck shirt that outlined his impressive muscles and the lines on his stomach.  Brent was wearing blue jeans, but he had on a deep blue button-down with his sleeves rolled up.  He had even taken the time to style his hair. It still looked messy, but I know he did it on purpose.  Was it sad that I noticed that?  And of course, my short-lived confidence took a dive.

You know those awkward moments when you should say something, but you don’t?  Yeah, that was happening now.  I could feel the blush creep up my neck as I started thinking about what people would say when they saw me walk in with these two hotties.  “She doesn’t deserve two.  Who does she think she is?  Why are they with her?”  But, after a moment, I realized neither of the guys was saying anything either.  So, I searched their faces and I swear I saw awe, shock, pleasant surprise, and even raw lust in both their eyes.  Well, damn if that didn’t make a girl feel instantly better about herself.

So, I took pity on them and finally spoke. “Stop gawking and let’s get this show on the road.”

That snapped them out of their daze real quick, but it didn’t stop them from stuttering, “Wow, Kim … I mean, you look, well … Trav, help me out.”

“What he means is that you, uh … damn.”

I giggled.  Yes, I freaking giggled.  I was one of those girls, all right.  So shoot me.  It felt great!  And just like that, I was back to my bubbly self. “Yes, I know, I’m hot. I told you I clean up well.  You didn’t believe me.  Should I also tell you I have some mad moves?”

“Mad moves, huh?”

“Yes, and should we discuss the rules for tonight?”

“What rules?” Brent asked.

“Well, we’re all going there together, but come on, I don’t expect us to leave together.  I know you two pretty well.  I just don’t want to be stuck there looking for you guys.  So, if and when you leave, let me know so I can grab a cab and get back here.”

“Wait, what?” Travis asked.

“Don’t worry, I’m a big girl. I can dance by myself or with other people.  And I already know not to take drinks from strangers.  So, feel free to find yourselves some girls once we get there.  I won’t be butt hurt, I swear.”

“Kim, I don’t think you understand,” Brent responded.

“Don’t understand what?”

I watched him sharing a knowing smile with Travis.

“You aren’t going to be dancing with anyone but us.  We really don’t want to have to get into any fights tonight, and the way you look, you better stay close or we’ll be knocking guys off you.”

“No wandering eyes, missy.  We’re going out with you, so that means you’re going out with us too.  You think we’d ditch you just for a quick fuck?  Nah, Kim, you’re our friend.  We go together, we come back together,” Travis added.

Well, golly gee, if that didn’t make a girl tingle all over.

*****

For once, I managed to be around the guys without making a fool of myself.  It was awesome.  I think that deserves repeating: It was awesome.  Heck, the whole night was pretty awesome.

We went to a twenty-one-and-over club.  No problem for the guys, and really, no problem for me.  There was a line and the guys started to get in before I called out, “What are you doing?’

“Uh, getting in line, what does it look like?” Travis asked.

“Oh, honey, I don’t wait in line.  Watch and learn,” I said with a wink.

They followed me to the front where I shamelessly flirted with the bouncer.  He didn’t even give my fake ID a second glance, and when I leaned in close to his ear and told him to come find me later, I knew I had him when I heard his breath hitch.  I told you—I was a great flirt.  I swear he scowled when I told him he had to let my two guy friends and me in, but he let us through right away.  Thank you, push-up bra.

The guys were thoroughly impressed.

“From now on, I’m taking you with me everywhere!” Travis yelled.

“Yeah, you are like a little magic surprise.  Nerd by day, sex by night, and always full of surprises.”  I smiled.

And that was when things got a little complicated.  I don’t know if it was the music beating through my veins, the amount of alcohol I had consumed, or the numerous strangers pushing me up against Travis and Brent, but I felt like I was high up in the clouds.  I had actually managed to let go and be carefree.  And before I knew it, I was drenched in sweat and in a Brent/Trav sandwich, one guy dancing in my front, the other on my back, and then they switched places.  I felt like we should be having our own little porno scene, minus the taking off clothes and the sex.  Okay, maybe just having our own dry humping scene because ooo-wee, was it hot.  We were clinging to each other, and I was able to forget they were my friends.  To me, they were two hot strangers I would never see again.  That meant I was dancing as if my life depended on it.  I was in the moment.  I was having so much fun.  We were touching and laughing, and it didn’t feel weird.  And then I felt a nuzzle on my neck. I let it go.  Someone pushed Travis into me, that must have been it.  But then later, I felt Brent’s warm breath too close to my ear.

They must have forgotten I was just their sweet, clumsy friend.  They were living in the moment, too.  And then I finally opened my eyes when Travis was in front of me and he was staring at me with a look; a look I couldn’t describe if someone held a gun to my head, but it sent a shiver down my spine. The good kind of shivers. And I felt Brent press closer to my back.  And that was when I knew this whole night was definitely a bad idea.  Alcohol and music and dirty dancing with friends who would only ever remain friends, especially when the guys were known players, would never end well.

So, I pulled away, told them the body heat and alcohol were getting to me and it was time to call it a night.

We took a taxi back and the guys dropped me off first.  None of us said anything, the silence saying more than we could with words.  I couldn’t look at either of the guys when I mumbled that I had a great time.  Which, really, I did … up until I crawled inside myself and let myself get paranoid.  That was probably all it was, paranoia.  There was no way the guys felt something for me more than friendship.  Even if they found me attractive, there was a difference between appreciating that like appreciating art and wanting that for yourself.  They only wanted quick lays, and I wasn’t that.  And they’d never do anything to jeopardize that; they’d told me so on multiple occasions.

I rushed home, crawled into bed, and pushed all my thoughts out so that I could fall asleep.  And I promised myself that the next day I would be back to normal.  I would be my normally cheerful self and I would pretend as if any awkwardness from today didn’t exist. After all, it was only awkward because I’d made it so.  If I didn’t act as if it was, then it wouldn’t be.  It couldn’t be.

chapter ten

As I texted Brent and Travis and asked them to meet me at my place.  It was Sunday, and we hadn’t planned on meeting, but after the weird way I had acted the night before, I needed them to know I was a-ok.  I just wasn’t sure what I was going to do once they got to my place.

By the time they got there, I was slightly panicking, but when I opened the door to see them both looking casual and smiling, I had an idea.

“This better be good,” Travis moaned.

“It’s too early to be up on a Sunday,” Brent whined.

“It’s noon!” I cried.

“It’s Sunday,” tossed back Travis.

“Argh! You guys are so frustrating.”

“Hey, it’s your fault I stayed up all night,” smirked Travis.

“Huh?  I was home by one forty-five am, which means you were home by two am.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t go home in my dreams.” Travis smiled.  For a brief moment, my heart soared at the compliment then plummeted at the thought he could be serious.  And then I regained my composure and realized it was his trademark flirting.

“Oh, you,” I said, jamming my finger in his chest.  “I thought you learned you can flirt without making everything sexual.”

“I thought I didn’t have to pretend with you.” He pouted, and it was kind of adorable.  I threw my hands up in frustration. He was right, but that didn’t make it any better.

“So, Kim, I’m guessing you’re feeling better?” Brent asked as I stepped aside to let them in.

“Huh?” I asked a little confused.

“You know, last night, you wanted to leave kind of early and abruptly.  And then you got all pale and said you weren’t feeling good.  No hangover for you?”  Oh, thank God, boys were so oblivious.  That just reinforced my notion that I was being paranoid.

“Yep, took some Alka-Seltzer before I went to bed.”

“Wait. What?”

“You guys don’t know about Alka-Seltzer?”

“Yeah, but isn’t it for indigestion or something.”

“Maybe, I don’t know, but you take it before you go to sleep after heavy drinking, and it’s like you never drank before.”

“How do you know that and we don’t?” asked Travis.

“What?  You think I’m this sheltered little girl?” I asked, and they both nodded.  They freaking nodded.  “Oh boys, didn’t you learn your lesson last night?  I party like the best of them.  I’m also a major lightweight, and the nice white porcelain buddy of mine was getting tired of my shenanigans, so I did what any normal person would do. I Googled.  Then I tried a bunch of remedies and this was the best.  And now, I can keep up with you two.   That’s right, damn straight.  I just outsmarted you,” I sang and did a stupid little dance. Not sure why I was so happy about knowing something that helped in a social situation that the two of them didn’t, but I totally was.

I finally stopped and looked over at them. They were smiling, looking like little devils on my couch.

“What’s so funny?”

“You,” they both said in unison.

“Oh, shush it.”

“All right, all right, so what was so urgent that you had to wake us up early on a Sunday?”

“Noon is early,” I grumbled.  “We only have a couple of weeks left before I have to win this bet, and Travis hasn’t found his book girlfriend and wooed her yet. Time is of the essence.”

“Okay, so what are we doing today?”

“Research.”

“Ok-ay,” Brent drew out.

I flipped on the TV, found Netflix, and started searching for some chick flicks.

When I got to Pretty in Pink, I heard a loud, “Oh, hell nah.”

I turned to see both guys shaking their heads.  “What do you mean ‘hell nah’? And who says ‘nah’?”

“You say ‘nah’ when no isn’t enough,” replied Travis.

“And there is no way we are watching chick flicks all day.”

“Was this some kind of way to get someone to watch a movie with you?  You could have just asked.  Or wait … was this payback for us making you go out last night?  Because you had fun. I know it.  And I sure as hell had fun.  I’m sure Trav here did, too.”

“You guys need to see what gets us sappy girls to fall for bad boys.  If you won’t read it, then at least watch it.  Maybe it will give you some perspective.”

“Kim, I told you I’m in this bet, but I’m not a douche.  I don’t want a girl falling for me.  I just need her to like me enough to get this over with.  After that, I’m back in the game,” Travis admitted.  It actually made me kind of sad.

“You don’t get it.  Having a five-minute conversation with a random girl I pick out is great and all. But what do you do when you are stuck with her for a few hours and are trying to get to know her when you don’t really care?  And what about the fact that we can’t pick a random girl? We have to find your book girlfriend match.  She might tell you to eff off.”

“Did you just say ‘eff’?”

“That’s what you got from this whole conversation?  You’re hopeless!” I cried.

“Fine, whatever, movie time.  But if we are doing this, I need some food first.”

“Agreed,” Brent added.

“Fine, let’s go grab lunch.”  I grabbed my sweater, and we walked out.

*****

We went to the diner around the corner from my place.  We were back to normal, laughing—well, laughing at me—and joking—yeah, yeah, joking about me.  It was nice.  I was glad that things had worked out the way they did.  Otherwise, I wouldn’t be friends with these two.  And I was really enjoying being their friend.  They were both smart but in different ways.  Brent was book smart; he knew it and wasn’t afraid to tell anyone.  And it was really unfair that he was that good looking and that smart and barely had to study.  Travis had to study to be where he was at, but he didn’t mind.  And if he didn’t understand something, he went at it until he got it.  I guess he was more like me in that sense.  Although, I didn’t think I really studied to learn so much as I studied to get good grades, but I guess that involved me learning a few things along the way anyway.

I also got to know them beyond the insanely good looks and the flirting.  For example, Travis rubbed his bottom lip when he was deep in thought or focusing on something.  He crossed his arms when he was upset, and he looked to the right when he was trying to avoid something.  Brent had two laughs, a real one and a nervous one, and I didn’t think he even knew that.  He scratched his ear when he was confused, and he stared deep into your eyes when he wanted your attention.  It was almost as if he was trying to keep you in place with his mind.   It always worked for me, so, hey, maybe he had some kind of x-man thing going on.  Who knew?

When Travis got up to use the restroom, I was a little lost in my thoughts when I heard Brent call out my name.

“Huh?”

“Where’d you go?”

“Sorry, was just thinking.”

“About?”

“Nothing in particular,” I responded and caught him doing the stare.

“Oh, stop with that weird stare-y thingy. I’m back and I’m listening.”

“What stare thing?”

I proceeded to explain, and he laughed at my x-man comparison.  And then he asked what else I had noticed, so I told him all the little things I knew about him.  He listened and then he seemed as though he was deep in thought before he finally said, “Huh.”

I looked at him in confusion.

“It’s just that no one’s ever noticed these things about me,” he spoke softly, still staring, making sure he had my attention.

His voice was low as if that admission made him vulnerable.  And for a moment, I imagined him saying, “And that’s why I care about you as more than a friend.”  And that was when I realized I was starting to care for Brent.  Damn, stupid bet.  I wasn’t being paranoid about the previous night; I was just aiming my panicking in the wrong direction.  I shouldn’t have been worried about Travis and Brent; I should have been worried about myself.  Well, none of that.  I was shutting it down, especially since I really and truly liked being friends with him.  And especially since nothing could ever happen between us.  I was his goofy friend—who happened to be a girl—and nothing more.

I swore I probably looked like a weirdo staring back into his eyes and not saying anything, but then Travis saved us. “You’d think I went to the women’s restroom with the freaking line I had to wait in.  When in the hell is there ever a line for the guy’s?”

The moment was broken, and I was back to me.  I chanced a glance at Brent, but he looked like he always did, calm and cool.  Yep, it was all definitely just me.  The rest of the day was fine.  We spent it watching half of Pretty in Pink before the guys gave up and then we hung out and watched TV until it was time to go.  Yep, I definitely liked having them as friends.

chapter eleven

I woke up early the next day.  I had a restless night and didn’t sleep much. Gee, I wonder why.  Could it have been because of the extremely vivid threesome dream I had starring none other than Beavis and Butthead.  Whoa! Back up there, not the real Beavis and Butthead; my version of them – Travis and Brent.  It started off amazingly; that’s ah-mazingly, thank you very much.  It was steamy and hot and probably a little too much to share.  But two major hotties whose purpose in the dream was to pleasure me and see to my every whim … oh yeah, it was awesome.  But, apparently, I am a freak even in my dreams. Because, suddenly, the two sexy guys turned into some weird lion/bear hybrid animals that decided to pee in a circle around me to mark their territory, and I was still freaking naked.

Since I was up so early, I decided I was going to be good and attempt to exercise again.  No more gym for me, though.  I went for a run, which quickly turned into a jog, which quickly turned into a power walk, all within the first half mile.  I tried, and I failed, but at least I tried. Surprisingly, my power walk wasn’t doing all that much to clear my head.  It could have been because I was listening to Selena Gomez’s Slow Down on repeat.  Yes, I was secretly a twelve-year-old with a girl crush on Selena, so sue me.  It was that song about bumping and grinding all night long, on the dance floor, of course, because there could be no possible sexual innuendos in such a song.  The shame!  Well, in my version, there was no dance floor, and I was reliving the first part of my dream.  Which was why I screamed like a banshee when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned, fist raised – mama didn’t raise no fool, I was not about to let some asshole kidnap me while I was singing and walking to the tune of my darling Selena.  And there was Travis, laughing his ass off and motioning for me to remove my headphones.

“Damn, girl.  Lower your fist and your voice.  I think you woke up all the sleeping co-eds.”

“Well, who the hell sneaks up on an unsuspecting innocent girl?” I snapped back.

“You?  Innocent?  Oh, please.  And I didn’t sneak up on you. I called your name at least a dozen times, but you didn’t hear me.”

“What are you doing out here?  Are you following me?” I asked.  Why Travis would follow me was beyond me.

“Uh, I run around here,” he answered with furrowed eyebrows.

“Here?”

“Well, yeah, this is a known area for runners, hence all the other people trying to bypass your slow ass, although, what a mighty fine ass it is.  It was especially nice watching you sway your hips to the tune of whatever you were listening to.”

“Oh, you.  One of these days, you’re going to get bored of flirting with me.”

“Never. You are way too fun riled up.”

“So, why do you run here?  Don’t you train at the gym?”

“Yeah, and I run there too, but I like to be outside sometimes.  It’s a more pleasant view than when I’m on the treadmill.”

“Travis enjoying the outdoors in solitude away from your adoring fans. Who knew?  Surprise, surprise.” I laughed.

“I’m the surprise?  How about you running, correction, walking here being a surprise.” He chuckled back.

“I was trying it out.  You know, since I won’t go back to the gym after my epic fail.”

Travis smirked, definitely remembering the first time we met.

“Yeah, that was pretty awesome.  But why don’t you join me?  I’ll show you what to do, and no one will touch you if you’re with me.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Did you just say ‘nah’?” he asked, sounding pleasantly surprised.

“What can I say?  You’re rubbing off on me.”

“Then come work out with me at the gym.  I’ll help you.”

“Maybe.  How about I start off with walking, and maybe attempting to jog, a bit more around here for a few more days?”

“All right, fine, then I’ll join you.”

“But you run,” I stated the obvious.

“So, I’ll walk for a few days.” He shrugged.  And then he walked with me.

We walked in silence for a while, but surprisingly, it wasn’t awkward.  It was actually nice to enjoy the trees, the low buzz of insects, and Travis right beside me.  He still had a light sheen of perspiration from running before slowing down to join me, and it glistened in the low hanging sun.  I might have snuck a few glances at him, and it was well worth it.  He looked great.

“So, what were you listening to?” he asked, breaking the silence.

I was debating whether to lie and say something like Pink Floyd to earn his respect and, yes, I knew who Pink Floyd was.  I happened to like a very wide variety of music.  But I decided to go with the truth, “Promise not to laugh.”

He eyed me as if I was asking him to jump off a cliff. “No can do.”

“Why do I bother?  Fine, whatever.  I was listening to Selena Gomez.”

“Is she that hot little number who was stupid enough to date Beaver or whatever his name is?”

I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped my mouth.  “Yes, that’s the one.”

“Not my cup of tea, but whatever floats your boat.”  He didn’t laugh.  Color me speechless; he didn’t laugh.

“It’s an upbeat song with a great rhythm, and it pumped me up.  Well, it should have pumped me up.  But I may have forgotten something when I started running.”

“What did you forget?”

“That I hate running.”

Travis chuckled, and I found it endearing.  It was nicer than him laughing at me, even though I kind of liked that, too.

“What about you?  You listen to anything when you run?” I asked, noticing he didn’t have an iPod with him.

“Nope.  This is my time to just kind of get away from everything.  I don’t have to worry about training, about school, or even about my next hookup.  It’s just me. I don’t really like anything crowding out the space and solitude.”  My mouth dropped.  Never had I imagined Travis saying something so deep.  Well, it wasn’t the deepest thing I’ve ever heard, but it was deep for him.  And I appreciated it.  But then it hit me, and I stopped walking.  It took him a moment to realize I wasn’t beside him and then he stopped and turned.  “What’s up,” he asked.  “Why’d you stop?  Are you okay?  You didn’t pull anything?” he asked, concern beginning to etch his face.  It warmed my heart a bit.

“You’re walking with me.”

“Yeah,” he said, stretching the word out like it was obvious.  Yes, him walking with me was obvious, but that wasn’t it.

“Well, yes, no, argh!  What I mean is that I interrupted your solitude.”

He just shrugged as if it was no big deal.  “I like hanging with you, Kim.  You don’t try to change me. Well, aside from the whole bet thing.  You’re fun.  You don’t expect me to be on top of my game at all times.  I can be myself around you.  I don’t mind sharing my time with you.  In fact, I kind of like it.”

I couldn’t help the wide smile that filled my face.  I felt the same way with him.  I could be myself.  I could be dorky and feisty, a nerd or sexy, and it didn’t matter.  I didn’t feel like I really had to pretend.  Sure, I got self-conscious; who wouldn’t with my self-esteem?  But, overall, I was comfortable with him.  After all, here I was, wearing no makeup and walking in comfortable silence with him.

I noticed Travis studying my face with something akin to contentment.  And then he broke into a smile as well.  It wasn’t his trademark panty-dropping smile.  It was his genuine, happy smile.  And then I felt it, the little flutters in my stomach.  Oh, damn.  Oh, just freaking great.  I liked Travis!  This couldn’t be happening.  First Brent, and now Travis.  I was in danger of losing my ever-loving mind.  No!  No!  I pushed those thoughts down.  The boy just told me how great it was to have me as a friend.  I was not about to do anything to jeopardize that.

So I tried to lighten the mood, “Well, it’s very humbling to know that I don’t bother your mind thinking of your next hookup.” I laughed, surprising myself with how sincere my laughter sounded.

He mumbled, but it sounded something like, “You don’t even know.”  We started walking again, and the rest of the walk was back to a mix of silence and light banter.  Even so, he somehow talked me into promising to work out with him.  I would suck, but at least Travis would get a kick out of it.  Come to think of it, that was probably why he convinced me to work out with him.  More chances for laughter.

chapter twelve

Brent had offered to help me when Travis had class.  I wasn’t entirely sure that Brent helping me was a good idea.  He was probably trying to sabotage our chances of winning.  Travis and I had decided that the easiest thing to do was to find girls named Abby and try our hand at them.  So Brent and I were searching for all girls named Abby, Abbi, and Abigail on campus.  And thanks to social media, it wasn’t hard at all to find a giant list and even seeing if they would fit the bill.  There were some atrocities.  I mean, call me crazy, but I think skirts and shorts should cover your hoo-ha.  Otherwise, why wear them?  Anyone wanting that kind of attention online was out.  Then there were those who thought wearing clothes two sizes too big or two sizes too small was the way to go.  Didn’t they have people who cared enough about them to tell them otherwise?  And then there were the artsy folks.  Not saying that being creative was bad, but when your favorite quote had something to do with death feeling like love, well then, maybe “artsy” wasn’t the right term anymore.

“Oh, God, Kim, look at this one.” Brent laughed, pointing to the screen.  Now, I know laughing at unsuspecting people was bad and all, but hey, I was human.  And these people shouldn’t post pictures like that of themselves if they didn’t want to be laughed at.  The funny part was that we weren’t even laughing at an “Abby.”  We were laughing at her boyfriend.  Apparently, he’d decided that dressing like a Playboy Bunny was hilarious.  Well, it totally was.  Tight white leggings on a muscular guy, bunny ears, fuzzy tail, even pink fuzzy nipple rings.  Damn.  That was awesome in a “you are clearly fine with your masculinity” type of way.

And all our laughing and joking and teasing poor, helpless people somehow ended up with Brent convincing me that we needed to mess with Travis.  As I said, clear sabotage.  Well, we were going to find the best, and by the best, I meant the worst, girls for Travis.  There wasn’t necessarily anything wrong with them, but put any of them with Travis and the results would be classic.  So good, we knew we needed to stalk and videotape the interactions.

I was having a ton of fun with Brent, and it was so natural that I didn’t even notice I hadn’t thought about him romantically at all, not once.  Well, okay, maybe a few times, but I’d  easily squashed my feelings after looking at some of the pictures online.  That was until Brent decided he needed to open his big mouth. “So, Kim, do you really think of me as a player?”

I snorted.  Yes, shocking and extremely lady-like, but I couldn’t help it.

“What does that mean?  You think Travis is a player, and I am nowhere near anything like him.”

“Oh, so you need to bring a new girl home every day in order to be a player?  Once a week doesn’t count?”

“Hey,” he answered, seemingly offended.  “It’s not once a week and what do you even know about me sleeping around.”

“Oh, come on, Brent.  I know what I hear, and I know what I see.  Before this whole bet thing, we were friends, right?”  That’s the thing, we weren’t truly “friends,” and I knew that, but I knew Brent thought otherwise.

He nodded, just as I expected, so I continued, “And friends hang out, right?”  Again, he nodded.  “Yeah, so then why didn’t we hang out, huh?  We flirted, we studied together, and that was it.  I was a girl, a potential piece of ass, and when that didn’t work out for you, everything stayed casual.  When I saw you at parties, I bet you didn’t even see me because every time I saw you, you had a different girl hanging on each arm.  And let’s pretend all those girls were your friends and nothing more. You can’t seriously expect me to believe that a guy like you doesn’t find a new girl to keep him company whenever the hell he wants.”

“A guy like me?”

“You are good looking, no, scratch that, hot.  You’re smart.  You’re clean and work out.  You’re nice and charming.  And you know how to flirt into a girl’s heart.  And you’re young and not looking to get serious.  And even if you were, who would believe it with the number of girls who throw themselves at you and Trav?  Every time I’m with you guys, I get either death stares, envy stares, jealousy stares, and sometimes, I get lust stares.  Not sure what’s up with those.  Are those girls into me or are they thinking orgy?” The last two sentences were sort of mumbled.  I tended to ramble in certain situations if you hadn’t noticed.

“Okay. First off, I’ve never really had any friends who were girls because they didn’t care enough to stick around and try to get to know me. That’s not my problem.  And I didn’t see you trying all that hard to be my friend.  This,” he pointed between us, “is all because of me and Trav.  And are you telling me that you wouldn’t believe I would be faithful to someone I’m with just because I can get someone else?  And yeah, sure, Kim, I’m a guy.  Why the hell would I turn down free ass if I’m single?  But you know me.” His tone softened as he stared into my eyes.  “Do you really think I’m such a dick that I would cheat on a girl if I cared enough about her to be exclusive?”

No, I didn’t think that.  I might have at one time, but after getting to know him, there was no way I could think that of him.  I couldn’t really speak, so I just shook my head.

“And why would you put yourself down?” he asked; his voice low.

“I didn’t. I mean, huh? When?”

“You implied that all I ever wanted from you was to get you into bed and when that didn’t work out, we became study buddies.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“And you implied you’re not wanted.  Why would you ever think that?  Don’t you see the way guys look at you?  You think you’re the only one who gets stares?”

“I …” I didn’t have an answer.  But really, I did.  “Will.” I said it so quietly, I didn’t think Brent heard me, but I felt him tense next to me.  And then he took my face in his hands and forced me to look him in the eyes.

“He was an idiot.  Anyone who is honored enough to have your care and trust and throw that away doesn’t deserve it.  Never doubt that.  I don’t. Even Travis doesn’t.”  His touch was so tender, so gentle.  The sincerity in his voice almost broke me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.  I was sorry for many things at that moment.  I was sorry I stereotyped him and judged him. I was sorry I’d told him my feelings.  I was sorry we had a mini argument moments ago.  I was sorry he had to be my shoulder to lean on right then.  Mostly, I was sorry that I cared about him more than I should.  But I didn’t elaborate on all this, and he didn’t ask.

“Don’t be.”  My eyes dropped to his lips.  He was close, yet not close enough.  I wanted to move just a bit closer, but I was frozen; my mind not thinking about the consequences. And then I looked back into his eyes, and he was still looking at my face. I couldn’t read his expression, but I know he caught me staring at his lips.  That sobered me up real quick.  I pulled away.

“What brought about this conversation anyway?” I asked.

“I don’t want you to think any negative thoughts about me.”

“I don’t,” I stated.

“You did.  And I care about you.  It was important to me that we cleared any lingering preconceived notions you had about me.”

“I … I’m sorry,” I said again, casting my eyes down.  He was my friend, and he was right; I did think of him as heartless when it came to women.  It wasn’t fair to him.

“All good now,” he responded.  We were silent a moment before he spoke again. “So you think I’m hot, huh?”

I threw a paper at his head.  It didn’t quite reach, so it definitely didn’t have the desired effect.  But it lightened the mood.

“Death by paper cut. That’s a new one,” he laughed.  And we were back.

chapter thirteen

“So, did you guys find good candidates for me?” Travis asked the next day when we met up to start really working on the bet.

“We sure did,” Brent answered with a smirk.

I only nodded, seeing as I was sure I would burst out laughing if I opened my mouth.  Travis eyed me warily as if he had never seen me being quiet.  Come to think of it, I really was very rarely quiet.  Hmmm.  Thoughts for another day.

“It took some research, but if we hurry, we can catch Abby number one getting out of class,” Brent stated.

“Abby number one?  Just how many did you find?  And how many do you think I need to charm?”

“Just a few, some back-ups just in case,” I finally spoke, my voice squeaky.

We headed toward the history building.  When I spotted Abby, I pointed her out to Travis.  His eyes grew a bit wide.  She was gorgeous, stunning actually.  She was tall enough to be a runway model with smooth, porcelain skin. She had boobs worthy of being a Victoria’s Secret Angel and hips that curved out just enough to make a guy’s mouth water.

“Well, well, well.  Looks like I can count on my friends after all,” Travis spoke smoothly.  “Piece of cake,” he added.

I stifled my laugh, and as I looked over at Brent, he was having a hard time holding his in too.

“So, game plan.  Trav, what are you going to do?”

“Uh … aren’t you supposed to help me with that?”  Bingo!  Game on.

“All right, fine,” I huffed as if this was horrible for me.  “I don’t really know too much about her, so I can’t think of something to woo her with.  Hmm … maybe walk really quickly and bump into her on accident and then help her pick up her stuff.”

“Okay, but then what do I say?”

“Oh, hmm, how about, ‘You are probably expecting me to say some cheesy line like “Your beauty distracted me,” and I know I shouldn’t.  But, really, I’m sure you already know that.’”

“Wait, aren’t I supposed to come up with something deep?”

“Well …” I had to think of a good excuse. “The fact that you cared enough to admit it’s a cheesy line should work.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” I said confidently.  “Now, go make me proud.”

“Better.” Travis laughed.

“Yeah, if you’re a soccer mom,” added Brent.

“One of these days, I’m going to come up with a kickass send-off, and you guys won’t know what hit you.  Oh, hey, that gives me an idea for the next send-off.”

“Oh, God, no,” mumbled Travis before heading off.

As soon as he was out of earshot, we couldn’t hold it in any longer.  Brent and I started laughing at the impending doom.

What we didn’t tell Travis was that yes, sure, Abby number one was beautiful, but apparently, thanks to obvious poems and rants, she was tired of people only seeing her as an object and nothing more.  Not only that, but she was a lesbian.  And wait for it, it gets better.  She was a man-hating lesbian because it was the opposite sex that kept trying to fit her in some beauty box.  Travis didn’t stand a chance.  Especially after my help.

“That was a good one, with the whole beauty distraction thing,” Brent said.

“I know, right?  I’m so awesome.  Sometimes, I just want to live in my own head and laugh along with myself.”

“Oh, Kim.” Brent chuckled some more and shook his head.

And that was when we heard it.  I was pretty sure the entire school heard it.

“You asshole!”

“Huh?” Travis’ confused remark could barely be heard over the next string of curse words that came out of Abby’s mouth.

“Oh, you think that just because I have a pretty face that I’m nothing more?  You think because I have a great body that I have no feelings?!?!  I hate you! I hate all of you!  What right do you have to label me?  Who’s to say I’m pretty and someone else isn’t?  Why is society so fickle?  And you, people like you,” she jabbed a finger at Travis, “continue this biased, stupid tradition.  I am a person.  I’m not an object. I’m not beautiful.  I’m not ugly. I am just me.  And I am certainly not a ‘distraction,’” she screamed.

I looked at Travis’ horrified face.  He looked shocked and embarrassed, and I felt a momentary twinge of guilt.  And then Abby continued and I went back to laughing.

“Thank God, I don’t like penis, or I would probably kill myself.”

“Wait, what?” That snapped Travis’ head.

“My girlfriend understands me better than any of you pigheaded, dull-brained, think-inside-the-stupid-box idiots.” She said this while waving a hand at all the gawking onlookers.

“Next time you decide to hit on an unsuspecting person, how about using some tact you stupid, selfish, testosterone-induced, no brained, muscled caveman.  God!” And then she stormed off.  By this time, everyone around was staring—some with wide eyes, some with jaws dropped, and others full on laughing like Brent and me.  We were clutching each other because we were laughing so hard.  Not only was the situation hilarious, but we had anticipated it.  And we knew Travis; we set it up.  It was classic.  The look on his face was unreal.  It couldn’t have gotten any better if we had tried harder.

Travis walked back to us, almost like he was in a daze.  “What the hell just happened?”

As Brent and I tried to come down from our laughing high, I momentarily realized that I was holding on to Brent, and it felt nice being that close to him, sharing a moment with him, our own secret.  Then I sobered up, calmed down, and let go.  I immediately felt the loss of the heat his body was giving off, and he seemed a little stunned, too.  But that was obviously at Travis’ expression.

“I don’t get it.  Even lesbians love me.  They may not want to sleep with me, but they still love my charm.  What went wrong?”

He hadn’t even noticed our amused faces.

“I’m sorry, Trav, but it looks like this one was a bust.  She clearly has issues with men.  Obviously, we wouldn’t have been able to tell that from a few pictures.  Next time, though, we’ll get it next time.”

That snapped Travis out of it.  “Damn straight.  Fuck, that girl was crazy.  Don’t worry, Kim, I got this.  I’m Travis McLeod.  No way is another girl turning me down.”

“That’s right,” I said but shared a smile with Brent.  We had many more Abbys to go.

chapter fourteen

I swore I didn’t know how Brent and Travis talked me into things, but here I was at the gym with Travis.  I had told him that I wanted to start slow and try walking around outside for a bit. But apparently, when Travis turned on his charm, I wasn’t as immune as I thought I was.  Dammit!

So, here I was on a treadmill next to Travis.  I was walking, and Travis was running in all his slick and sweaty glory right next to me.  He was oblivious while I stared at his muscles rippling from exertion.  Maybe this scenery was actually better than being outside after all.

And then he slowed his pace and looked over at me.  He reached over and increased my speed.  What?  I liked walking like a grandma!  Now I had to walk like someone my age?  Hell no!

“Next time, we’ll try getting you to walk faster than a snail.” Travis laughed as if reading my thoughts.

“You’ve been doing this since forever!” I whined.  “You can’t expect me to start running like you right off the bat.”

“You call what you’re doing attempting to run?”

“No, but it’s fast walking.”

“I think a little kid could walk faster than you.”

“They have a lot of energy, those deceptive little bastards,” I pointed out.

Travis shook his head in mock dismay and laughed some more.

“You wonder why I like having you around.  There’s never a dull moment with you.”  We had walked next to each other in silence for a few minutes before Travis spoke again. “So, Kim, tell me about yourself.”

“Huh?  What is this, an interview?  If I don’t pass, then you won’t work out with me?  Because, if that’s the case, I’ll give you whatever answers you want if you stop torturing me with this stuff.”

“You’re not even doing anything!  You’re just walking.  How is this torture?”

“This is more than I’ve done in a while. I’ve already,” I looked down at the treadmill, “walked three miles!  Three miles!  That’s a record for me or something.”

“And you have three more to go.” He smirked.

“You’re killing me.  My feet are killing me.  When can we stop?” I whined.

“Start talking and I’ll think about letting you stop earlier today.”

“Okay, what about me?” I asked.

“I’ve known you for a couple of months now, and I know what gets you going and what coffee you like to drink.”

“You do?” I interrupted.

“Yeah, white chocolate mocha with extra whip cream.  You always order it.”

“You noticed,” I said softly.  It made my heart skip a beat.

“Hard not to,” he responded as if it was no big deal.  But it was.  I had ordered that same drink for as long as I could remember, and Will never got it right when he was my boyfriend.  And yet Travis had it after a short time.

“As I was saying, I can state a few facts about you, especially how you hate to work out and read like it’s a sport. But I don’t know anything about you.  Your family, growing up, past lives, high school heartbreaks, what you wanted to be when you were a little kid.  We’re friends. I want to know these things about you.”

“Do you know these things about Brent?” I asked.

“Yep, known him since we were in junior high.”

“Okay, well, then you have to give me the same after I tell you all about my embarrassing childhood.”

“Deal.  So?”

“Hmm, okay, where to start.  Well, I wasn’t this absolute knockout when I was younger.” I laughed at my sarcasm, but Travis didn’t find it amusing. “Okay, okay, fine.  I had braces when I was in seventh grade, but I hated wearing my retainer.  I have a younger brother who is still in high school.  Jared.  He’s a pain in the ass, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world.  He used to let me dress him up like a doll when we were growing up.  Of course, he didn’t really know better, but he just liked being around me. He looked up to me, and I, being the self-absorbed person that I am, loved it.”

              “You’re the least self-absorbed person I know,” he interrupted.

              “Ha, thanks.  Don’t get me wrong. Just because I got to punk him around doesn’t mean anyone else did.  I would kill for him, but he shot up and grew into a giant pretty quickly, so he ended up taking care of me a lot.  I was always kind of clumsy and nerdy.  And I can’t say I wasn’t popular. I wasn’t unpopular, but I was the one everyone got a laugh out of.  And it’s not the same as you and Brent chuckling at my dorkiness.  Sometimes, kids are mean and they don’t realize it.  But Jared would find me, tower over everyone, give them one look, and they would run away like scared little rabbits.  I miss him, and I don’t get to see him enough since I went to college.  Best brother ever.”

“I like him,” mused Travis.

“Yeah, me too,” I laughed.

“What else?”

“I used to hate reading.”

“What!?” he asked, shocked.

“Yeah, for school, we’d have to read. I’m sure you did, too.”  He nodded.  “Well, I hated reading because it was demanded.  I was slow at it back then so I couldn’t get through all the assigned pages in one night.  I wouldn’t even bother, and I always failed those tests.  But I was good at the rest of the English stuff, so I passed just fine.”

“I can’t imagine.”

“It took me a while, but I got into it one day and then couldn’t stop.  And now I love it.  It’s my sanctuary, my escape.  When I don’t like the day I’m living, I get entranced by the fake one I’m reading.”

“Your parents?”

“We’re close.  They were actually the ‘cool’ parents.  They let me have friends over whenever I wanted.  They let me drink alcohol if I wanted.  I didn’t have a strict curfew.  They had decided that if they let me do all these things then they wouldn’t be as ‘forbidden’ and I wouldn’t want them as much.  They were right.  I never really got shit faced … well, not much.  And even if I did, I didn’t feel awkward telling them.  I felt their disappointment and that was enough for me not to want to displease them, but they never yelled or anything unless I did something really bad.”

“You couldn’t do something bad.”

“Oh, yeah?  Well, one time, I had a party at my place.  My parents knew about it, but they’d made me promise not to let anyone drink the alcohol that they had locked up because they were saving it for a special occasion.  Well, this was one of those times I did let alcohol get the better of me.  I was trying to impress, what was his name?  Jack, I think.  Well, Jack was the hottest thing since sliced bread.  What’s up with that saying? I don’t get it.  Well, anyway, I wanted to impress him, but he had his tongue down my friend’s throat the entire night. He didn’t even look at me once.  So I might have had a few too many shots. The next thing I know, I, me,” I said as I pointed a finger at myself, “was drinking my parents’ special liquor.  I was grounded for that.  But, even then, it was only for a week.”

“Jack was an idiot.”

“Well, then so was Tim and Jace and Adam and a few others. Oh and don’t forget Will,” I murmured.  “I’m starting to believe they're not the idiots.  Obviously, it’s me.”

The next thing I knew, I was off the treadmill, and Travis was holding my chin in his hands.  “Don’t talk about yourself like that,” he said forcefully.

“All right, I’m sorry.  It’s just that it’s always been someone else.  Someone better than me, prettier than me, sexier than me, better in bed than me.  So, I can’t help but feel like I’m lacking.”

“Kim, you’re anything but lacking.  You’re pretty perfect.  You just need to stop choosing losers.”

No, nope, he was pretty perfect, and he was making it really hard for me to remember we were just friends.  He was all man, but there was this sweet, caring, sensitive side that I doubted most people got to see.  But I saw it, and I liked it.  I wanted it to be mine.  I wanted him to be mine.  When he looked at me the way he was now, I actually felt like maybe there wasn’t anything wrong with me.  Maybe I was just looking in the wrong places.

“Hey, Trav,” a high-pitched voice called out to him, and I snapped out of my thoughts.  Yes, sure, Travis might be a great guy, but that was as a friend.  Nothing more.  There were plenty of girls around, clearly, who wanted to give him exactly what he was looking for.  And my hang-ups and I weren’t it.  And I wasn’t going to jeopardize the affection he did show me.

He ignored whoever called him, still staring intently at me.  “Say it,” he told me.

“Say what?”

“It’s not you.  It’s them. Tell me you know that.”

“I, uh … what is this, Dr. Phil?  You can’t make me believe something overnight, Trav.  But I appreciate you being a good friend.”

I pulled away and he let me go, but I thought I heard him murmur, “Friend,” as if it was a disease.  Wishful thinking.

“You know I’ll always stick up for you.  If Jared can’t be here, then I’ll be here,” he said after a minute.

“Thank you.” I had to stop the tears that threatened to run down my face at the thoughtfulness of his offer.  “I’ve learned a thing or two since coming to college.  And except for you and Brent, and maybe Lauren, no one’s laughed at me or gotten the better of me yet.  Hey, come to think of it, since you laugh at me, does that mean you have to kick your own ass?”

“As if anyone could kick my ass, even me.” He laughed.  And after realizing I had walked for seven miles instead of six, Travis let me off the hook for the rest, promising that he’d fill me in on his life the next time.

chapter fifteen

It was another day and another fake Travis/Abby situation.  I was losing precious time, but stupid Brent and his charming smile got me every time.  What was with the power of charming persuasion that Brent and Travis had over me?

“Come on, Kim, we have this awesome list of Abbys that Travis has to hit up.  We can’t pass that up,” he whined, and I caved.  Damn him.  After this, I was going to get Travis a real date, one he couldn’t mess up, and we’d win the bet.  Damn, who knew I was this competitive?

“All right, Trav. We’ve got another Abby for you,” Brent practically sang as we walked toward the music rooms.

“Why are you helping again?” asked Travis.  Hey, the guy was smarter than I thought!

“Because I don’t believe that you can pull this off, even with my help, so I might as well join in on the fun.”  Ooh, Brent was good.  Smooth.  Wait, maybe he really didn’t think Travis could pull it off.  Of course, he could. With me helping him out, he’d win them all.

“So, this girl is into music.  She spells her name with an ‘i’ instead of a ‘y.’ She seemed pretty artsy based on the info we got about her. The only thing we saw was that she was shy.”

This felt wrong.  The girl was pretty, in a demure kind of way, so that wasn’t an issue.  But from what we had gathered, the girl was like a hermit. She only came out to play music and she didn’t talk to anyone; she didn’t have friends.  We couldn’t figure out why because she seemed okay from what we had learned.  But the point was to see Travis try to talk to her and fail because she literally didn’t talk to anyone but authority figures.  Again, see how wrong this was?  Maybe she had anxiety issues?  Maybe she had some other kind of issue and we were exacerbating it?  Or maybe we were making fun of her, and we didn’t even know it?  Brent spoke, breaking me from my thoughts, and I jumped.  Stupid, stupid hormones; stupid, stupid emotions; stupid, stupid boys.

“Apparently, she doesn’t mind when people listen to her play because she’s that good and people come to listen.  But that’s about the only area she’s confident in.”  At least that much was true.

“Don’t worry, guys, I got this.  I’ll have her talking up a storm in no time.  Just, Kim, an opening line, please?”

I really didn’t have a good one.  “Compliment her music, but maybe do it in a subtle way.  Like, I don’t know, tell her that the emotions she brought out in it mirror your own.”

“Hey, that’s some good shit.” Travis nodded.

“Atta boy!” I said before sending him off.

“Oh, no!  Worse!  Much worse than last time.”

“Really?” I turned to Brent to see him shaking his head vehemently.

“Really,” he stated.

“I hate you guys!”

“You love us,” they both practically said in unison.

And then we went to listen to Abbi play the violin.  And damn was she good.  My opening line for Travis wasn’t even a joke.  She played some classical piece that was vaguely familiar to me, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.  And it was amazing.  It was up and down, and high and low, hard hitting, yet not.  And she made it look effortless like it was nothing.  If I could play like that, then I would walk around the school as if I was the shit.  Yes, I tended to even think in 90s slang, not just speak it.

We waited patiently and when she was done, no one approached but Travis.  I swore he walked slowly, hesitantly even, but whatever got him to her.  We heard him say his line, and he delivered it so smoothly.  It made me proud.  But she didn’t even look at him.  Burn.

She went about getting her things while Travis tried to tell her how great she was and the entire time she just kept ignoring him.  He tried and tried, and she wouldn’t budge as if he wasn’t even there.  I could see his frustration and that was when he started getting all sexual innuendo on her.  Oh, God, no!

“If you want to practice some more, I have a really nice piece of equipment you can practice on.”  That was so bad I couldn’t hold in my laughter and neither could Brent. And then there were more and that kept us going.

“Are you playing the violin or are you playing hard to get?  Because I can work with hard.”

“Maybe you can make some sweet, sweet music with me.”

“We can record you playing and use it as background music for when I make you sing.”

Oh, the cheesiness wouldn’t stop, and I could practically see steam coming out of Travis’ ears.  Poor, poor girl having to endure him. But damn, this was hilarious.  Not necessarily the Travis being shot down part but the horrible pick-up lines.  Who knew he was such a cheeseball?  Smooth Travis was currently a dud.

And then the unexpected happened.  Little Miss Meek apparently wasn’t so meek.  She burst out laughing. She laughed so hard she was doubling over.  If I weren't so shocked, then I would have fallen over myself.  Travis stood dazed, and Brent grabbed my hand. What the hell was happening?

“Oh my God, you suck,” she finally spoke.  She had such a soft voice; I could barely hear her.

“Uh, thanks?” Travis answered.

“No, I mean you really suck.  This is why I took a vow of silence, but I couldn’t hold it any longer.  I needed you to stop.  My ears were starting to bleed.”

“Vow of silence, huh?”

“Oh, God,” she said as she still laughed.  Well, looky there, she thought his lines were just as horrendous as we did.

“Come on, really? ‘Want to play my violin? You can stroke my keys anytime you want.’  Seriously, how the hell do you get girls?”

“Wait, what?” Travis asked, but even he was smiling.  At least he knew his lines sucked.

“I know who you are.  I know all about you.  It was guys like you who had me keeping my mouth shut.  I couldn’t handle listening to them speak, so I figured if I didn’t answer back, they’d leave me alone.  It kind of transcended into other people after a while, too.  Come on, you’ve heard me play.  I’m one of a kind.  I’m no match for any of you losers.  I have to come to this school because my parents thought it would be good for me to mingle with the common folk.  But I am so much better than any of you.  I am going to be something special.  I ignore you because you’re beneath me.  I don’t even want to acknowledge you. And you proved my point Mr. ‘I’ll give you a violin right here.’  Now, go. Shoo.  Get out of my breathing space.  You’re contaminating it.”

Well, hot damn, little Miss Quiet apparently had no issues at all. At least not with herself.  She was clearly damaged, though, and a little too high up on her pedestal.

And this was all fun and games when Travis was being an idiot, but no one talked to my friend that way.  No one, not Miss High-And-No-Right-To-Be-Mighty.  No one!

So before Travis could even respond, I stepped up to the plate.  “Abbi, is it?”

“Oh great, another worshiper.  Come, give me the ‘your music is so great speech.’”

“You know what, your music is great.  It’s just such a shame it’s attached to such an undeserving, ungrateful bitch.”

Her head snapped back as if I had slapped her.  Maybe I had.  Maybe no one had talked to her like that before.  Well, if she thought I was done, she had another thing coming.  “That’s right, you are a pretentious bitch.  And I think the reason you don’t speak to people is because once you open your mouth, they realize what a waste of space and talent you are and want nothing to do with you.  You put on your little ‘airs’ because you know no one wants to be around you if they know the real you. This way, you actually get to hang around real people instead of your imaginary friends.  You think Travis is contaminating the air you breathe?  Oh, honey, you aren’t even high enough to breathe his air.  You’re a tiny speck, a little peasant.  He’s one of the best people you have ever had the pleasure of setting your eyes on, let alone being able to say you actually had the opportunity of speaking with him.  I’d rather suck in his air if he were poison to me than even be anywhere near you.  You’re a rotten human being.  You’re scum.  The only thing beneath us here is you and your lack of class.  Grow up, get a life, and stop pretending you’re something you’re not. You’re not famous. You’re not a prima donna. You’re not even special.  Come on, guys. Let’s leave before we catch whatever bitch bug crawled up her fucked-up ass.”  It might not have been the classiest speech or even the best, but I was riled up and I was on a rambling roll.  And like I said, no one spoke to my friends that way.  Fuck her.  I stormed away.

chapter sixteen

I barely registered Brent and Travis calling after me as I made my way across campus.

“Kim, damn, where are this speed and energy when we work out?” Travis laughed as they caught up to me.

“Ugh!  Who does she think she is?” I ranted as Brent still held onto my arm after stopping me midstride.

“Just some stuck-up bitch,” Travis retorted.

“Don’t let her get to you,” Brent added.

“Are you serious?” I asked them.  “Trav, how are you not pissed?  That stupid idiot just totally bashed you.”

“Yeah, and then you bashed her. Quite nicely, I might add.  Thanks for defending my honor.” He tried to smirk, but it ended up more like a smile, one that reached his eyes, and my anger quickly deflated.

“I can’t believe you aren’t pissed.”

“Why would I be?  She doesn’t matter to me.  She caught me off guard at first, and then I was just shocked. So she doesn’t think I’m hot shit?  Big deal.  There are plenty of others who do.”

“I just couldn’t stand by and watch her talk shit to you as if you were nothing.  You are far from nothing.  You are funny, and kind, and easygoing. Sure, you have some man whore ways about you, but fuck, you are in college, you’re young, and you are supposed to be that way.  Doesn’t mean she or any other girl has to like it, but they can’t hold it against you.  You’re great. You’re a wonderful friend to a girl, by the way, and an amazing guy.  I just can’t believe she couldn’t see that and had the audacity to act as if she owns the world and you are just a speck in her realm.  She was lucky that you even gave her the time of day,” I huffed.

I stood there panting as if I had run a few miles. Er, maybe a mile, considering it was me, of course.  And the next thing I knew, I was enveloped in a big, strong, warm hug.  I was startled for only a moment before I realized Travis had wrapped his arms around me. He was holding me tight like if he let me go, I might disappear.  My hands were at my sides, and I was kind of in shock.  Sure, Travis had touched me but never like this.  It was in a flirting way or a gentlemanly way, or even when he tried to get my attention or help me work out.  But this was the first hug I got from him, at least that I could remember.

I took a moment to breathe him in; he smelled like a hint of spice mixed with something woodsy.  He squeezed me a little tighter, and I felt awkward with my hands at my side, so I lifted them tentatively before I hugged him back.

“Thank you,” he whispered into my hair.

“For what?”  For defending him to some evil witch?  It was not as if he really needed it or cared; it looked like I was the one who was fuming from the ordeal more than either of the guys were.

“Just being you.” He said it so quietly that I had to strain to hear.  I didn’t understand it, but I really didn’t have a response.  I was dorky and opinionated, and loud, and clumsy, and a bunch of other things I didn’t think were all that, but if it floated Travis’ boat, who was I to complain?

He finally pulled away, and I felt cold suddenly. It was as if his touch was keeping me warm all along, and now that he was gone, so was the comfortable bubble I was in.  He mumbled something under his breath, and if I were delusional, I would have thought he said something along the lines of me being the best.  Well, duh!  Glad he finally got it.  Tee hee.  I crack myself up.  But I knew he hadn’t said that.  It didn’t matter anyways, Brent cleared his throat, and the moment was broken regardless, even if it was just a moment in my head.

“I don’t know how you have survived college thus far without us.” Brent spoke first, clearly trying to break up whatever tension was just created since his words sounded slightly forced.

“What do you mean?” I added in my usual “all is peachy keen” voice since I didn’t want any more weird moments.

“Going all alpha on that chick makes me wonder how you haven’t had some bitch fights along the way.  Wait, come to think of it, that might not be a bad idea.  You and another girl, fighting dirty, shirts come off, clothes come off, add in some Jell-O.  Yeah, I could picture that.  Maybe we should step aside.” Brent laughed and Travis joined in.

“Now, that would be worth seeing Kim all pissed off.” Travis laughed, too.

“Any chance you feel like starting a fight now?”

“Yeah, with your face,” I joked back.

“Hey, now, what did my face ever do to you?”

Besides making my insides quiver when I look at you too closely?  Oh, not much.  “It hurts to look at your face.” I laughed.  Because it’s too pretty, I added in my mind.

“Damn, girl’s on a roll.” Travis laughed.

“You can’t get me riled up and not expect some payback.  Shit, have you checked out these guns?” I added, holding up my toothpick arms and attempting to display some muscle by holding the back of my arm with my other hand.

The guys were practically on the floor laughing.

I joined in.  Somehow, they’d made a shitty moment into something fun and playful and they still managed to laugh at me.  They were seriously the best.  And they wondered why I would defend either of them against some wicked witch of the west?

“You are becoming two of my best friends.  I love hanging out with you and spending time with you.  You both look out for me and I know if shit ever hit the fan, you would be there for me in a heartbeat.  Heck, you turn down chicks to hang out with me.  If that doesn’t deserve my loyalty and me standing up for you, then I don’t know what does.”

“We know, Kim.  We know,” Brent replied.

“And that’s why we lo-care about you and why we want to be there if shit hits the fan.”  The tiny little slip of Travis’ didn’t go unnoticed.  But I knew he thought it was probably weird to proclaim love for a girl, even if it was just platonic.  He had probably never said the words to anyone other than family before.  It was actually kind of funny thinking about him trying to say it to a girl for the first time.  I imagined him stuttering, “I lo … I low … I … I … I la-ov … dammit, I love … you, I love you.”  Ha, that would so be Travis.

“And that’s why I love you both.” I put on my big girl panties and said the words.  I meant it as friends, but something about saying it out loud to both guys made my heart flutter for a moment. I just brushed it off and pulled them both into a hug.  “Group hug,” I announced.

After a few seconds, Brent and Travis pulled away. “Uh, Kim, can I stop touching Brent now?  He’s nice and all, but not really my type.” He laughed.

“Yeah, yeah, wiseass.  I’m sure you’re not his type, either.”

“Psshhh, I’m everyone’s type.”

“No, man, really, you ain’t mine,” Brent added, smiling.

“Are you saying if you were into guys, you wouldn’t be into me?”

“Nope, your player ways would scare me away,” Brent added cleverly.

“Well, you couldn’t get this body even if you tried,” Travis scoffed.  Yeah, he scoffed.

“Ah!  You guys are giving me a headache. Let’s grab a bite to eat.”  I pulled both their arms as we went to get sandwiches while they argued about who would want who if they were gay.  And they thought I was entertaining?  Better than cable TV, these two.  Much better.

chapter seventeen

The next day, Travis convinced me that I needed to work out again.  Seriously, why did I let these guys talk me into this shit?  We were losing the bet thanks to Brent’s charm, and I was about to lose my dignity thanks to Travis’ smile.  Oh, and did I mention that Travis still didn’t know we were setting him up with those fake Abbys?  Brent promised just one more.  I argued with him, especially after the last fiasco, but he just argued right back that we needed to end on a better note than that.  So, after about a whole two minutes of me asserting myself and him deflecting every point I made, I caved.  It was a hard fought battle, but clearly, he was the better man.  Two minutes, folks!  It had taken two minutes before I gave in. I’m pathetic.

And don’t even get me started on how quickly Travis got me to agree to work out with him.  I think it went something like this: Travis asked me if I wanted to work out, I snorted, gracefully.  He said it would be fun.  I said, sure, for him.  He took off his shirt and said he’d stay shirtless if I came with him.  I didn’t think I formed a coherent thought as I nodded vigorously and salivated.  Stupid abs. Stupid, stupid abs.

We had already walked three miles on the treadmill.  Okay, I walked like a grandma, and Travis ran like ten miles in the time it took me to finish my three.

“So time to do some weights,” Travis announced.

“You mean I’m not done?” I panted.

“How are you having a hard time breathing?  You walked!  Three miles!” He raised his voice in shock.  I didn’t have the energy to giggle in response.

“Yeah, well, being this out of shape isn’t easy. It takes skill and practice.  You try wanting to die after walking a mile and then come talk to me.”

Travis just laughed and shook his head.

“What?” I asked.

“You.  Just you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.  I’m a riot.”

“You are.  The things you say. The things you do.  There is no one out there like you.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” I replied wryly.

“You should.  It was totally meant to be one.”

“Oh, pssh, whatever.  Let’s go do some butt blasts. I didn’t get to do that when I first came to the gym because I was too busy falling on my butt in front of you instead.  Does that count as a butt blast?”

“Not sure.” He chuckled.  “But I would love to work out your butt,” he added.

“I’m sure you would, you perv, but I wouldn’t mind tightening my glutes.  Is that what people say?  God, I need to learn gym lingo.”

“So let’s go butt blast.”

“Don’t sound so happy.” He smirked in response.

“So you know what that machine does?” he asked as we approached.

“Uh, not quite.”

“Well, there are different kinds, but the one here has you sort of balancing with your butt facing partially up and then you have to kick a weight back with your leg.  In other words, it’s flex, unflex, flex, unflex the entire time.  And I get to watch.  How can I not sound happy?”

“Ah, has poor wittle Travy wahvy not been getting any lately?  And now he needs to see me flex to get his jollies?”

“If you only knew,” he muttered.

“All right fine, you can watch my butt.  Damn, that sounded wrong, and maybe a little right.” I winked for effect.

“And you say I’m the flirt.”

“I never said I wasn’t. I just said I don’t act on it.  You, on the other hand, get laid the minute you open your mouth.”

“I haven’t gotten you into bed,” he retorted.

“That’s because we’re friends.  And you wouldn’t want me in bed even if we weren’t.”

“And why is that?” he asked, his eyebrows raising toward his hair.

“I’m not your type.”

“You’re a girl.”

“Oh God, do you really have such low standards?  Any girl will do?”

“No, but a beautiful girl who is fun to be with, easygoing and not clingy, and can handle me? That’s my type.  And I say you fall into all those categories.”

“Oh, you charmer, you,” I cooed and batted my eyelashes.

“And who says I don’t want to sleep with you just because you’re my friend?”

“Because you don’t do relationships and now that we’re friends, you wouldn’t just use me and toss me, would you?  Oh, crap, you would, wouldn’t you?” I backpedaled.

“No, no.  I wouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean I don’t find you attractive and want to take advantage of you sometimes, or rather, all the time.  But I would never use you.  You’re right. You’re my friend and I care about you. Probably more than I should,” he mumbled the last bit.  “I wouldn’t be able to toss you even if I tried.  I like being with you.  You’re one of my best friends, and that’s saying something since Brent is the other and I’ve known him for most of my life.  But I feel comfortable with you. I feel good around you.  I can be myself without the whiplash most girls cause.  It’s like hanging with one of the guys but better.  You are much more appealing to the eyes.”

I laughed.  “Thanks, I think.”

“But don’t worry, Kim. I won’t do anything to jeopardize you being in my life.  I like your presence too much.  Even if I have to go take a cold shower after this workout.” I groaned at that.  “It will totally be worth it,” he continued, “because I get to hang out with you.  Just the two of us.  It’s kind of nice, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” I agreed.  “It is.”

“Good.” He nodded.

“Right,” I added. It was starting to get awkward, so I grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the equipment.  “Come on.”

I pretty much gave up working out for the day after the butt blaster.  Who knew that deceiving machine would be so much work?  Travis let me go after he slapped my ass and told me it felt great to him.  That got a few tingles and a giggle from me.  And I might have sort of slapped him right back and said, “Not as great as yours.”  I swore I saw a little drool in the corner of his mouth when I did that.  It was nice being a girl sometimes.  Just sometimes, though.  Okay, maybe most of the time.  I crashed when I got home, but not before an image of Travis, shirtless, his amazing smile beaming at me, flashed before my eyes.  Flirting with him was getting hard. I just had to keep remembering that it was all innocent and platonic.  Just friends having fun.  Too bad my heart wasn’t quite getting the memo.

chapter eighteen

We were evil; we were just plain evil.  Okay, really, Brent was evil, and I was his stupid sidekick.  I swore that boy could get me to strip and run around campus sans clothes.  Stupid smile.  Stupid, stupid charm.  And damn stupid feelings.  I got all tingling around him lately, and I knew it was wrong.  I kept telling myself that having feelings for Brent (and Travis, for that matter) was a no-go.  But my traitorous body wasn’t listening to my mind, getting all goosebumpy and whatnot.  Not to mention the fact that I finally understood how women could have feelings for multiple guys.  Just bag me and tag me “Exhibit A.”  Wow.  That sounded a lot dirtier than I had meant it to.

As Brent and I were walking over to get Travis, and Brent was filling me in on the last “fake” Abby, I told him that we were mean.  He had clearly saved the “best” for last.  Poor Travis.

“Travis is going to kill us. No, scratch that.  He’s going to kill me.  I’m supposed to be on his team.  But no!  I go and let you talk me into fooling him.  I was sure he was going to catch on with the other two Abbys.  But he didn’t.  He will with this one.  I know it.”

“Kim, relax,” Brent said as he stopped and grabbed both of my upper arms.  He was facing me and staring at me, willing me to calm down.  “Trav isn’t going to kill you or me.  He won’t know we messed with him, and even if he did, he'd pat us on the back for getting him, and we’ll all laugh about it.”

“You remember what happened the last time?  With the she-hating-the-world wannabe diva drama bitch?”

Brent laughed.  “‘She-hating-the-world?’ Yes, so?”

“She went off on Travis like nobody’s business, and that was our fault.”

“First off, we didn’t know she was going to go all man-hating on him.  And Travis didn’t care.  Besides, you took care of her anyway.”

“This is just mean.”

“Kim, do you trust me?”

I nodded.

“Good because I would never want you to feel bad or uncomfortable.  I would do anything to see you happy and carefree.  If you really don’t want to do this, then we won’t.  It’s not worth the fun to see you freaking out like this.  It’s not a big deal, and you mean so much more.  But if you trust me, then I promise you this will be fun.  If you want, we’ll even tell Travis, and he’ll laugh about it afterward, too.”

I sighed.  See? Freaking charmer.  How could I say no to that?

So here we were, meeting up with Travis so we could have one last fun interaction before Travis and I got down to business and won the bet.

“Kim, you all right?”  Travis asked.  Brent gave me the stink eye. Well, the guy equivalent of the stink eye.

“Yep, just nervous after the last disaster,” I said.  I wasn’t lying either.

“Aw, Kim.  But you protected me from the big bad she-wolf.” Travis laughed and put his arm around me.  I might have melted a little into him, pushing the guilt aside for the very nice feel of his arm around me.  Damn.  I was in trouble.  Liking two guys?  Not good.  Liking two guys who were best friends?  Even worse.  Liking two guys who were your own best friends?  Not even allowing myself to go there.

“Besides,” he added, “it was totally worth it to see you go off on her.  Now throw in some bikinis and a mud pit, and that would have been awesome.”  Brent nodded in agreement.

“Ugh!  Guys!” I said out loud.

“So who do we have today?”

“This one seems normal.  Not bad looking, outgoing, lots of friends.  No declared major, supposedly.  Shouldn’t be too bad,” Brent responded.

Brent was actually right about all the above, but he left out an itty, bitty, tiny little detail.  Abby used to be Abe—Abraham to be exact, I think.  He made a pretty good-looking girl, actually.  And if I hadn’t known from all the clubs and posts he had written on his websites, I would have thought he was a girl. Well, except for the Adam’s apple.  And I think I read somewhere that his voice was still pretty low, but who knew.  Not like I talked to her.  As I thought about it more, the situation actually became pretty funny, and I was starting to appreciate Brent talking me into this.

“Third time’s a charm, right?” Travis said, sounding slightly disappointed as if he felt he should have nailed this on the first try.  If he only knew.

“So, where is she?” he asked, and I had to cover up my snort by coughing.  Travis wouldn’t appreciate our version of “she” in a bit.

Just then, Abby/Abe came out of the science building near where we were standing.

“Right over there.” Brent pointed with a huge smile.

“I got this,” Travis said as he started to stroll away.

“You don’t need me to tell you what to say?” I asked.

“Oh, hmm, might be a good idea.”

“How about something like, ‘Hi, sorry, can you help me?  This is the science building right?’ And when she responds yes, then maybe feign appreciation and tell her that science isn’t really your thing and you’re not sure how she does it.  That should lead to something.”

“Hmm, yeah, I could work with that.”

“Good, now go get yourself some sugar!”

“Oh, Kim.  That’s not even the right way to say it.” Brent laughed.

“I know that, but I was paraphrasing for the appropriate occasion.”

“Oh, God, please, please, whatever you do, don’t stop trying to get it right.  Don’t ever stop.” Travis was sputtering.

“Whatever, just go get a date, stud.” I shooed him away.

“One of these days …” I trailed off.

“That’s what you always say.”

“And I’ll get it right eventually.”

“Why can’t you just say good luck or break a leg?” Brent asked.

“What’s the fun in that?”

“You’re something else,” he said as he shook his head, but the smile playing on his lips said he liked that I was different.

“You just realized this now? Where have you been? I’m the shi-at!”

“I think I’ve always known,” Brent said with a touch of seriousness and a hint of playfulness.  He knew just how to melt my heart.  This was why I had never been friends with guys before, especially hot ones.

“Look.” I pointed at where Travis and Abby/Abe were talking.  They were laughing at something, and it looked to be going really well.  Huh. I guess the voice wasn’t a giveaway, unless Travis didn’t care, and then well, hey, more power to him.

“Oh man, I can’t wait until he figures it out,” Brent mused.

“How is he going to figure it out? It’s not like Abby is just going say, ‘Oh, hey, by the way, I’m really a guy.’”

“Just wait.  Unless Abby over there has had a sex change, which, come on, what are the chances?  She’s still fundamentally a guy.”

“Okay, so?”

“So guys have traits, tendencies.  No matter what.”

“I don’t get it.”

It was almost as if Abby/Abe was listening to Brent because right then, he reached for his junk. And was that a scratch? Was that a re-adjustment?  Whatever it was, it wasn’t conscious.  It looked like he didn’t even realize he did it, but I saw Travis falter.  And then I saw his head move as his eyes roamed Abby’s body and finally paused at his throat.  And I swore I saw Travis swallow hard. And was that a bead of sweat on his forehead?  It was hard to tell from where I was standing, but the sudden tension was definitely palpable.

“Oh, God.  Look at him.  He’s panicking.  He doesn’t know what to do.” Brent was dying.

“Poor Abby!” I said out loud.

“Poor Abby?  What about poor Travis?” Brent looked at me as if I’d grown two horns.

“Yes, poor Abby!  She - or is it he -  was probably so happy she finally got some attention from a good looking guy.  Things were going great and now she is going to be embarrassed and humiliated!” I cried.

“Oh, and you referring to her as ‘she/he’ isn’t any better than what’s happening over there?” Brent asked mockingly.

“She/he can’t hear me,” I pointed out.

“Oh, no!  No, don’t reach out!” Brent mused out loud looking over my shoulder.

I turned back to the scene to see Abby reaching out a hand to touch Travis’ shoulder.  He was silent, and I saw him follow her arm.  What would he do?  Oh, crap!  What if he was a homophobe?

Brent must have read my mind because he said, “Don’t worry. Travis doesn’t have anything against gay guys.  But that doesn’t mean he wants to be hitting on one and giving him the wrong impression.  And considering he just spent a good five minutes doing just that, he’s sweating balls over there.”

“Then why not just play it off and walk away like he’s done with all the other girls?”

“Hard to explain, but it must be a guy thing.  It’s okay to hit on a girl and never call her. It’s kind of flattering to be hit on by a guy, as long as nothing comes of it, but it’s not okay to hit on a guy if we’re not into guys.”

“Don’t get it,” I responded.

“You won’t. Don’t sweat it.  Just enjoy watching Travis suffer.”

Travis had pretty much stopped talking.  He was now just nodding and looking around, trying to find an escape.  He looked like he was constipated, actually.

I must have said it out loud because Brent was suddenly practically on the floor.  “Oh, God, I’m going to tell him you said that.”

“Oh, no!  No! You can’t.  Look at him.  He looks like he’s on the verge of passing out!”

“He’ll figure a way out of it. I have faith.”

After about another minute, Travis was walking back toward us looking like he’d seen a ghost.  Brent couldn’t control his laughter, and I couldn’t keep the distress from my face.

“What happened?” Brent asked between laughs.

Travis’ head snapped toward him, and he narrowed his eyes.  “You knew, didn’t you?”

“Knew what?” Brent feigned innocence.

“You set me up!  Dude, I’m not into dudes!”

“You were doing just fine there for a while,” Brent answered.

“She was a he!”

“And you’re a homophobe?” Brent asked.

“No! But I don’t want to date a guy!”

Travis swung his gaze to me. “You let him set me up?”

“I, uh … I …” I stuttered.

Travis looked like he was fuming for a minute before he finally broke into a smile. He clapped. “Well played, well played.  I can’t believe I fell for that.  Damn, you guys. I am so getting you back though. You better watch your backs.”

I literally felt a weight lifted off my chest.

“Told ya,” Brent said as he nudged me with his elbow.

“Told you what?” Travis asked.

“Kim thought you were going to kill her.”

“Ah, Kim.  I could never do that to you.  Now, Brent, that’s a different story.  Next time, you’re on my team, and he is going to get it.”

I finally smiled.  “Deal,” I said and reached my hand out to his.

We shook and then he held my hand a moment longer. “It will be nice to have you on my side.”

I just nodded.  Whew.  That wasn’t too bad.

chapter nineteen

Travis, Brent, and I spent the next few days looking through some viable Abby options.  I knew Travis would have no trouble sweeping any of them off their feet, so it didn’t matter which girl we picked.  She just needed to be named Abby, be kind of sweet/innocent based on what we could tell about her from her social media sites, and not bad looking (a Travis requirement, go figure).

So we made an initial list of three girls.  It was kind of good we did because it turned out that girl number one on our list had just started seeing someone.  Watching Travis’ interaction with her was actually kind of endearing.

He met her at a coffee shop near campus while she was studying or reading some book and drinking some frilly drink.  I had him go up and ask her what she was drinking.

“Do you mind telling me what you are drinking?  It looks good.”  She had been taken aback momentarily and then Travis recovered, “I know, I’m supposed to like black coffee and all, but shh, don’t tell anyone. It tastes bitter to me.”

He did so well. I felt kind of proud but a little jealous, too.  I pushed that down quickly though.  Abby giggled and told him what she was drinking.  He asked if he could join her after he ordered one for himself.  And then her face fell a bit, but she let him know she had just started seeing someone. She said it wasn’t serious, but she didn’t feel right flirting with someone else.  She was just the type of girl we were looking for.  And even I appreciated that she didn’t fall at Travis’ feet, as charming as he was.  She was loyal, and I hoped Travis understood the beauty of that.  I thought he might have when he came back to a shocked looking Brent and myself.

“Well, I’ve never been turned down for another guy before,” Travis mused.

“I don’t get it.  You had her,” Brent stated.

I turned to him. “She was flattered, she might have even liked Travis and would have gone with him, but he never had her because that’s what real girls are all about.  They are loyal, and sweet, and honest.  They don’t let some fun get in the way of something that could be good for them.  If the guy she is seeing is good to her and she likes him and she likes spending time with him, then why would she risk that for something she doesn’t know?  How would you feel if you were with someone and you thought things were going great only to find out that she wasn’t as into you as you apparently were into her?”

“I, uh …” Brent faltered.

“It would suck.  So both of you pay attention here.  That was a good lesson for you both.  That girl right there, you want to keep and hold on to her kind.  Go have fun with the girls who would ditch their men at the first smile you give them but don’t expect them not to do the same to you with someone else.  Find someone like that Abby there to be your true girl.”

“Damn, Kim, since when did you get so deep?” Travis asked to break up the tension.

I glared at him.  “Really?  You’ve known me how long and you are shocked by this revelation?”  They both shook their heads.  “Good. I’m glad we got that out of the way.  Actually, I’m really glad that happened,” I beamed.  “Let’s go.  Time’s running out.”

“That made you happy?  Sometimes I wonder about you.” Brent laughed.

“Hell, yeah!  Travis got dissed for a good reason!”

“Yeah, Kim, I guess I did.”  Well, snap.  Looked like they actually got it a bit.  Go me!

*****

The next Abby was the one. I knew it!  About a week was left before the bet was over, and Travis had a date the next day.  We were going to win.  All we had to do was get the date to go well and have her wanting a second one.  If she did, then that meant she liked him, like really liked him, and we’d win.  We’d win!

This Abby was actually Abigail but went by Abby.  She had light brown hair and a straight nose, perfect white teeth, and big gray eyes.  She didn’t exactly look like my idea of Abby from the book, but she was very cute and had a nice body, with a slender waist and proportionate hips and bust.  She was quiet and shy, and from my understanding, she had two overprotective older brothers, which made it hard for her to date.  They also beat it into her head that guys only wanted one thing, which made her innocent and perfect.  I learned all this from friends of friends, so it might have all been idle gossip, but her first interaction with Travis made me believe it could be true.

She was working at the bookstore, and I sent Travis in to get a shirt for his mom.  I made him ask her for her opinion.  At first, she seemed hesitant, but when Travis explained he wanted his mom to have some school spirit, she actually said, “Aw,” out loud.  Hooked!  Damn, I should have been a guy in another life; I would have gotten so many girls with my mad flirting skills.

“Kim, I’m taking you with me every time I try to get a date,” Brent told me as we watched Travis work.

“I know, right?  I’m awesome!” I squealed.

“Yeah, Kim, you are,” he said a little wistfully.  I looked over at him, and he was looking back at me.  If only there was true longing in his eyes, then I would have been on cloud nine.  No, wait, I wouldn’t have been.  Stop having feelings for guys you can’t have, I told myself.  So I smiled big, which caused him to smile back.

We watched Travis flirt and finally pick out a shirt and buy it.  He told Abby he had to thank her for her help, especially since his mom would love the shirt.  She had to let him buy her dinner.  She protested a bit, but he insisted (just as I’d taught him!  Aw, my baby was all grown up!).  And she relented (duh!) and now they had a date the next day.  He was going to take her to that quaint little Italian restaurant a few blocks down.  It wasn’t fancy, but it was no diner, so it was perfect for a first date with a girl like her.  He’d show her that he cared about her more than just to grab a quick bite, but he was down to earth and didn’t expect diva behavior, not that she would give him any trouble.  So naturally, Brent and I were going on a “date” to the same restaurant.

Brent had made a grand bow as if he was from Shakespeare’s time toward me. “Milady, will you do me the honor of spying on Travis and his fake date?”

“Why, Brent, are you asking me on our own fake date?”

“Yes, yes, I believe I am.”  We all laughed.

“Well, then I guess my answer is yes.  But you’re paying,” I added.

“I knew you were only friends with me for one reason.”

“Oh?”

“You’re trying to get a free meal from me.”

“Yes, that is exactly it.  I’m a gold digger with very low ambitions.  You’ve found me out.  Too bad I won’t let you off the hook.”  Yes, I was a dork but that didn’t stop Travis and Brent from laughing some more.

“Oh, and Travis’ date isn’t fake,” I added and turned to Travis.  “It’s not fake, mister.  You’d better treat her right, and I want your full cooperation and participation.  You better like this date!”

“Yes ma’am!”

Now, I had to get him prepped. He needed to be himself, just less him.  Dear Lord, how was I going to get him to understand?  If I could pull this off, then I was a miracle worker.

chapter twenty

I spent a good hour picking out what Travis was going to wear that night.  It would have taken me about five minutes if he hadn’t kept arguing with me.  And it only took me about forty minutes to realize that he was doing it on purpose to get me all riled up.

“What the hell is wrong with this shirt?” I asked after he shook his head for the hundredth time.  “You wore this when we went out!  You looked good!”

“So you finally admit you like how I look,” Travis smirked.

“Ah!” I yelled. “You’re impossible!  You know you are a hottie so stop trying to get compliments out of me.  Tell me what’s wrong with this shirt.  Now!”  I demanded.

Travis cocked his head to the side, seeming to think before taking a step toward me.  He was invading my personal space, but I didn’t mind.  Nope, I didn’t mind at all.  Not one bit.  He dropped his voice so that it was low and husky and then lowered his gaze to my lips. “Because if I wear that shirt, I won’t be able to think of anything but the feel of your body against mine.  That’s what wearing that shirt does to me.” Oh. My mouth might have gone a little dry.  And he looked so serious when he said it that I almost wanted to believe him.  Okay, I didn’t almost want to believe him.  I wanted to, desperately, but I wasn’t a dummy.  I finally figured it out.  Stupid Travis wanted to see me frustrated so he could get his kicks for the day.  Well, he wasn’t going to win.

I composed myself so quickly that he didn’t even notice I was frazzled and laughed.  “Damn, you are good.  No wonder the girls fall at your feet.  You’ve been playing with me this entire time, haven’t you?” I said and stepped back from the inviting cocoon his body was forming.  I even started to clap.  “Well, then it’s the perfect shirt, Trav,” I told him.

“Huh?  What?” His gaze snapped up to my eyes, and the confusion in his eyes clouded the hooded look he was sporting a minute ago.

“Well, it seems only fair that you’ve been having your fun with me this entire time.  Now, I get to have my fun with you.  I want you to wear this shirt. Every time it rubs against your body, I want you to imagine it’s me.  Let’s see how well you do on your date then.”

“I thought we were supposed to win.”

“We are.”

“And how am I going to concentrate on my date when all I’ll want to do is be with you?” He sounded so sincere.  People do say you hear what you want to hear – I clearly wanted to hear sincerity.

“All right, all right, fine, you win.  Just stop with the overt sexual tones, will you?  I can’t even one-up you anymore.  You’re just too good.  It might be all fun and games with me, but you can’t do that with Abby tonight.  She doesn’t know this is part of your nature to have fun.  You need to be serious and show her you care.”

“I was serious,” he mumbled while he turned around away from me.  I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but I clearly had some work to do if he wasn’t going to drop the “let’s go have sex now” attitude he was constantly sporting.

“Okay, so you don’t really care what I pick out for you to wear?”

“No,” he responded grumpily, his back still turned to me.

“Okay, the dark blue polo and the gray jeans.  I love the way you fill them.  Might as well let Abby have some eye candy too, not that the face isn’t enough.  You don’t realize how appreciative we are of a nice ass, and I must say yours, Trav, is pretty nice.”

That got him to turn around. Actually, he whipped around, a smile playing on his lips.  He reached out and grabbed the jeans I was holding.

“You like these on me?”

“Uh-huh.” I nodded.

“Well, then I’ll be sure to wear them often, starting now.”

He proceeded to take off his jeans and put those on then.  He was wearing black boxer briefs, and I tried really hard not to look.  Yeah, right.  I was staring. Oh boy, was I staring.   Well, hot damn, it was getting stifling in his room suddenly.  And I swore he was taking his time on purpose.

“You have a bit of drool there, Kim.” He chuckled.

“Well, then get dressed quickly so I can stop looking.” I didn’t bother trying to deny it.  Hell, he knew I looked.  Didn’t mean anything, right?  Right?

“Okay. Now that you are dressed, let’s deal with the conversation aspect.”

“What’s there to deal with?”

“What are you going to talk about with her over dinner?”

“I don’t know.  We’ll see, I guess.”

“Yeah, just go wherever the conversation takes you.  But you need to be engaging and let it flow naturally.  Want to practice?”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Let’s have a conversation.  We’ll talk about random first date type of things, and you can get a feel for how it’s supposed to flow.  It will obviously be different with Abby, but you’ll get an idea.”

“Sure, why not.  Maybe I’ll learn a few interesting things about you.”

“Yeah, you wish,” I added.

“Okay, so …” he trailed off.

“Do I have to do everything?”  He nodded and then motioned for me to sit down, and he sat right beside me on his bed.  He was so close his leg brushed up against mine.  It sent a little shiver through me, and as much as I liked it, it wasn’t practical.

“Scoot back, bud.  How can you face me and have a normal conversation if you’re practically close enough to eat my face.”

“Maybe I want to eat your face.”

I laughed. “That probably sounded way sexier in your head, didn’t it?”  He only laughed in response, but he did back up a little.  “So, Travis, did your mom like the shirt?”

“What shirt?”

“Ugh!  Already?  I’m trying to start a conversation as if I don’t really know you. And as Abby, the only thing I really know about you is that you bought your mom a shirt.”

“Oh! Oh, okay.  I haven’t had a chance to give it to her yet.  I won’t see her for a few weeks, so I’ll give it to her then.  But I know she’ll love it.  She likes anything I get her where she could be proud of me.”  Travis seemed to be lost in thought when he chuckled.  “I remember this one time. I must have been like twelve or something.  We made these Mother’s Day gifts for our moms in school.  You know how teachers in elementary school used to make you do those?”  I nodded.  “Well, at twelve, we don’t do that anymore.  But according to my English teacher, we needed to appreciate our moms or something like that. I don’t remember her exact words.  I think hers had recently passed away, so we didn’t actually give her any shit about it.  And it was a free period essentially, so we were all up for it.  Well, our assignment was to incorporate the book we had just read into some kind of card.  The problem was that I hadn’t read the book.  I don’t even remember what it was about.  All the girls in the class made these fancy cards with love quotes from the book.  Well, not only could I not figure out what to add from the book, but I wasn’t very creative.  So my card was pretty much an ‘I love you’ on the front and something like ‘Thanks for being a great mom’ inside.  It literally looked like a first grader had made it.  But when I gave it to my mom later that day, she cried.  At first, I thought it was because the card was so terrible. I was seriously rethinking the idea that I should have given it to her instead of trashing it, but then she hugged me and told me it was the best thing ever.  That I was her sweet boy and I made her so proud. She couldn’t wait to show it off to everyone.  I was dying of embarrassment when she proceeded to show it to all her friends.  It was really stupid, but later on, I kind of realized that it was because I took the time to make it even if it wasn’t anything good.”

My eyes were watery by the time he finished that story.  He was still smiling, lost in the memory, and I took that chance to study him.  He looked so young and vulnerable at that moment.  I didn’t know what possessed him to tell me the story, but it warmed my heart.  I knew Travis was a good guy, but the way he remembered that said something about his character and his family values.  I couldn’t help myself.  I launched myself at him and hugged him real tight.  He was stiff at first, but then I felt his arms start to wrap around me.

“Thank you,” I whispered into his shoulder.

“Uh, you’re welcome?” He said it more like a question.

“That was an amazing story.  Thank you for sharing it with me.”

“It was silly.  I’m not even sure why I told you.  It was just something I remembered.”

“It was perfect.  You’re perfect,” I said before I caught myself.  “I mean, you are going to be perfect today.  You don’t need me.  You know exactly what you are doing.  Just be yourself and she’ll not only like you by the end of tonight, but she'll also be head over heels!”  We broke apart and I smiled at Travis, but he was looking at me kind of funny.  I couldn’t tell what it meant, but it didn’t matter.  He was going to be great tonight, and we were going to win.  And then this whole mess would be over and I would be able to continue being friends with both of them without all this hanging over our heads.

“Don’t worry, Trav.  Tonight will be a piece of cake for you.  I just know it.”

“Yeah,” he added quietly, but there was still something odd in his expression.  I didn’t let it bother me.  We had a bet to win, and I needed to go get ready for my fake date, too.

chapter twenty-one

“My, my, my, don’t you look delish!” I exclaimed as Brent picked me up for our “date.”  He was wearing a black v-neck sweater and dark blue jeans.  He really did look pretty yummy.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” He smiled.

“Oh, this ole thang?” I drawled in my best Southern accent.  I had worn a flowing deep sea green cotton dress that was tighter on top and had a little belt right under my bust, accentuating my nice perky boobies.  Yes, I said boobies. Sue me.  Even though this wasn’t a real date—it was only Brent, and we were just going out to spy on Travis—I hadn’t been out like this in a while and I deserved to get all dolled up.  I had curled my hair so it hung in loose curls around my shoulders, and I had done my makeup so it was subtle but allowed my eyes to pop.  Lauren had said I looked edible before she headed out to hang out with her boyfriend.  I swear if we didn’t live together, I’d never see her anymore.

I could tell by Brent’s appreciative gaze when he looked me up and down that I had done a good job of sprucing myself up.  I told you before that I knew how to work my assets and make myself appealing when I wanted.

“You ready to watch Travis crash and burn?” Brent mused as he held his arm out for me to take.

“Oh, puh-leez, you know he’s going to do great. We are winning this bet with a week to spare, hands down.”

“No way. Just because he’s had a few good moments doesn’t mean anything.  I am going to win this.  But don’t worry, I’ll still let you buy those shoes you wanted.”

“Let me, huh?  What a sweetheart,” I sniped.

“I know, I know, I am amazing. I can’t help it. I was born this way.” He chuckled.

“Yeah, not so much.  But, whatever, let’s go.”

“Did you manage to get us a booth where we could watch them easily?” he asked.

“Who do you think I am?  Of course, I did.”

I had stopped by the restaurant earlier and handpicked the tables I wanted Travis and Abby to sit at, as well as Brent and I.  It took just a bit of flirting and eyelash batting to convince the young, cute host that he should save those tables for us.  I might have implied that I would be forever grateful if he did.  What?  I didn’t say how I would thank him, just that I would.  A small peck on the cheek and a pat on the back should suffice.

We went to the restaurant and immediately saw Travis standing with Abby.  They looked like there was a fire between them, and they couldn’t cross it to touch each other.  Oh, God, maybe Brent was right.  This wasn’t good.

So I did what I had to do.  I pulled Brent along and made my way to the front where Travis was.  “Come on, slow poke.  I need your help.”

“Oh, so you admit Travis sucks?”

“Yeah, fine, whatever.  Are you going to help me or just stand there staring at me?”

“Well …”

“Oh, stop it.  And just play along,” I mumbled as we got to Travis.

“Hey, Trav, fancy seeing you here,” I said as I went up and hugged him.  I did that so I could whisper, “Watch,” in his ear.

“Hey, Kim,” he responded a little startled and looking a bit amused.  His eyebrows were drawn together, waiting for instructions.

He then did the stupid guy fist bump thingy with Brent.

I was waiting for him to introduce Abby—you know, the normal, polite thing to do—but I must have missed giving him that lesson because he didn’t.

I stuck out my hand. “Hi, I’m Kim.”

“Hi, Abby, nice to meet you.”  She sounded so shy and sweet; it almost made my heart break to know that Travis wasn’t one hundred percent into her.  He should be.  She was nice and cute and decent.  And maybe it was time for him to change his man-whoring ways.  I mean, I got that he was young and having fun, but how long could he go on like that?  I just also sort of envisioned it was me instead of her.

“Nice to meet you, too,” I said and then narrowed my gaze on Travis quickly to make sure he was paying attention.  I rested my hand on Brent’s arm and nuzzled a little closer to him, forcing him to put his arm around me.  “This is a date, huh?” I teased while holding Brent close.

“I, uh …” Abby started to stutter.

“Yes,” Travis responded, finally finding his manhood somewhere along the way and moving closer to Abby.  Good start, but not enough.

“I love this place.  This is where Brent and I had our first date, too, and look, here we are,” I said as I gazed lovingly into Brent’s eyes.  He parted his lips as if he was going to say something, so I shifted my gaze back to Abby and Travis and spoke before anyone could contradict.  “So it’s got to be good luck, right, babe?” I asked Brent and nudged him a bit. 

“Uh, yeah, that was the best day of my life,” he added with a giant smile.  Damn, he was good.  Maybe I should have bet that Brent would find an Abby.  Oh well, too bad. Too late now.

I turned back to Travis and tilted my head toward Abby.  It took him a few seconds, but he finally got the picture and put his hand on the small of her back.  I saw her sigh into him.  That was a good sign.  But that was thanks to my help.  It wasn’t as if I could sit with them all night.  I needed a cushion just in case.

“And Abby, I love Travis like a brother, so be easy on him, yeah?  He can be rough around the edges and a bit of a flirt, too.” I chuckled. “But if you caught his eye, he’ll treat you right.  Don’t let him fool you, but you hurt him and you’ll answer to me.  Come on, babe, let’s leave these two to enjoy themselves.”  I might have sounded like a possessive sister; I hoped I did, at least.  I didn’t need her thinking I was a jealous ex or anything, but I needed her to know he was a good guy and not to take any of the bullshit I was sure he would spew today to heart.  Damn, why couldn’t he act the way he acted toward me?  Why was it so easy for him to be himself around me?  Oh yeah, because I was like “one of the guys” with him, just with tits.

“So since we are dating and in love, do I get a kiss?” Brent laughed as we followed the host to our table.

“Let me think … hmmm … magic eight ball says ‘Not today, you don’t.’”

“So there is a possibility for one tomorrow?  Who knew all I had to do was wine and dine you and we’d be a happy couple giving Travis some pointers on his first date?”

“Oh, shush!”  He laughed.  I tried to see if I could hear Travis and Abby, but with the commotion in the restaurant, there was no way.  I’d have to settle for just observing.  They had sat down, and he had waited until she was seated before he sat.  Wow, I was impressed.  Good boy.  Then I watched them have a few moments of awkward silence.  “Damn.”

“What?” Brent asked.

“They’re not talking.”

“So?” He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“So how is she supposed to like him if she doesn’t get to know him?”

Brent laughed really hard at that.

“What?” I asked.

“That’s probably the only way she’ll like him. If she doesn’t know him.”

“Oh, you …”

And then I turned back and I saw their lips moving.  They were still a little stiff, but that was progress.

“When was your last date?” Brent asked.

“Now,” I teased.

“I’m serious, Kim.  When was the last time you went on a real date?”

“Uh, I don’t remember.  It’s been a while.”

“Why?”

“Why haven’t I been on a date in a while?” I asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“I don’t know. Ask the tons of guys who never asked me, I guess.” I laughed it off.

“But you are you,” he pointed out, and I chuckled in response.

“Yes, Brent.  That is an astute observation.  I am me.  I can see that education you are getting is really paying off.”

“Stop being difficult.  You are smart and beautiful and easygoing and nice.  Why aren’t you dating anyone?”

“I haven’t since Will,” I answered honestly.

“Why?”

“Because he hurt me, and I didn’t want to be hurt again. I was stupid and naïve and look where trusting a cute guy who charmed me got me.”

“Not all guys are like that.”

“I know, but we’re in college. How many of the campus population aren’t like that, really not like that?  Or like you and Travis, just wanting to have fun.”

“I guess.  But if you tell anyone I said this, I’ll deny it. I think if a guy like me found the right girl, we wouldn’t want to have fun anymore. We’d want to be with that one girl,” he told me.

“I kind of believe that too, but you’d have to allow yourself to get to know a girl for more than one night in order to even get to that point,” I responded.

“I guess you’re right.  It just doesn’t seem logical with you.  Anyone would be lucky to be with you.”

“Thanks, Brent,” I said and reached over to put my hand on his.  He looked down at my hand, and I swore he swallowed hard but didn’t move his hand.  “I appreciate you always being there for me and trying to make me feel good about myself.  But I’m a big girl and I’m fine.  When the right guy comes along, he’ll know what to do to get me to open up again.  I have to believe that, or I’ll be stuck in a rut.  So don’t worry about me.”

“I-” Brent was cut off by a loud laugh, and we both turned to see Abby’s head thrown back and Travis smiling.

“Well, I’ll be damned.  You might win this after all,” Brent said; whatever he was going to say before was forgotten.  I wondered what he’d wanted to say, but the moment was gone and it didn’t matter.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. Well, except for Brent and me getting a little drunk, er, a lot drunk, and laughing at every little stupid thing from the bread looking like a cloud, yes, a damn cloud, to Travis and Abby talking and getting along.  Something about Travis being a normal human being was seriously funny when we were drunk.  I knew I should have been paying a lot more attention to Travis to make sure he was doing okay. But he looked to be holding his own, and my clouded mind didn’t really care at the moment.  I was having a grand old time myself.  I was going to hate it the next day, but for now, it was awesome.  Hanging out with Brent was fun, and after a while, I even forgot it wasn’t a real date because it felt so good to be able to let go like that.  And he was sweet and nice, super hot, and smelled like heaven. He even paid for me and escorted me by my arm, making sure I got home safely.  It was really nice. I leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek at my door.  In my drunken stupor, I probably would have gone for his lips, but I was sane enough to realize that was a no-go.  I also had it ingrained in my mind so deeply not to kiss on the first date—leave them wanting more—that even if it were real, it wouldn’t have happened.  Thank God for small favors.  But even with a cheek peck, I saw Brent touch his cheek as if it was the most reverent thing in the world.  Kind of made me feel good until I fell into bed and passed out.

chapter twenty-two

“You looked pretty cozy,” I whispered after I met up with Brent and Travis the next day.

“Why are you whispering?” Travis asked.

“Shh, not so loud,” I responded, lowering my sunglasses and then quickly regretting my decision.

“What’s wrong with her?” Travis asked Brent.

“She might have had a little too much to drink last night.”

“I’d say,” I snorted and then had to clutch my head.  “Damn.  Brent, I hate you.  I blame you.”

“What? Why? What did I do?” he asked.

“You let me drink too much.”

“It’s not like I was all that coherent enough to prevent you from drinking,” he replied.

“Then why the hell don’t you look like you were run over by a freight train, too?”

“Because I weigh like double what you do,” he pointed out.

“Ugh! I hate guys.”

“No, you love us,” Travis chimed in.

“Yeah, yeah, only you two.  And Brent is currently on my shit list.”

“You’re kind of cute when you’re all grumpy like this.” Brent laughed.

“You may have just been bumped back to the okay list.”

“Just okay?”

“Yep,” I said and popped the “p.”  “Damn, I need to remember my head hurts.  Okay, back to the matter at hand.”  I turned to Travis. “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Are you serious?  How was the date?  You guys looked okay after a few minutes of weirdness.”

“Well, yeah, I guess.  It was weird at first.  I didn’t know anything about her, and it’s not as if I was trying to get her back to my place.  And the fact that the bet was riding on it was at the front of my mind.  And I didn’t have you to tell me how to start.”

“So then how did it start?”

“It was actually thanks to Abby.  She pretty much stated the obvious.”

“Which was?”

“That it was starting to be awkward and a shitty first date.”

“No way!”

“Yes, way.” He laughed. “Who says that anymore?  Anyway, she actually slapped her hand over her mouth after that as if she couldn’t believe she’d said it out loud.  But it totally broke the tension.”

“Good!” I clapped, completely forgetting my headache or, really, just not caring.  This was great news.

“So what did you guys talk about?”

“A lot of stuff, but nothing really all that important.”

“Like?” I asked.

“What in the hell is this? An interrogation?” Travis questioned.

“I’m a girl!  I want details.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not a girl. I don’t do details.”

“Ugh!  Just give me the highlights at least. Please, pretty please,” I begged and batted my eyelashes.

“That shit doesn’t work on me.” He chuckled.

I kept batting my eyelashes.  “Fine.”  And he said it didn’t work on him. Ha!

“School, family, movies, I guess the usual ‘get to know you’ type topics.”

“Perfect!  And?”

“And …”

“Do not keep me in suspense,” I practically yelled.

“Well …”

“Dammit, Trav, spill!”

“She said she had a good time and when I asked if she’d go out with me again, she said yes.”

“YES!” I yelled, squealed, and jumped up and down.  The pounding in my head didn’t matter.  “We won!  We won!” I chanted and then jumped into Travis’ arms.  He was laughing as he wrapped his arms around me and stumbled from the force of my jump.

“Settle down there, sparky.” He chuckled.

I let him go. “I get Jimmy Choos!  I get Jimmy Choos!”

“Like you wouldn’t have bought them regardless,” Brent added. He didn’t look all that upset at losing.

“As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t have.  As much as I want them, I technically don’t need to spend that much on a pair of shoes, but this is my excuse.”

“Not a gold digger, eh?” Brent smirked.

“Nope!  Just a happy camper.”

“We aren’t in the 90s.  No one says things like that anymore,” Travis said.

“I do!” I cried, deliriously happy.

“And that’s why we’re your friends,” he retorted, but there was a smile on his face.

“So that means you’re helping me with my bike,” Travis beamed at Brent.

“I would have helped you anyway.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Whatever.”

“Ha, sore loser.” I giggled and poked Brent in the chest.  He finally cracked another smile and grabbed my hand before I pushed my finger into his chest again.

“No more poking.  I’m happy you’re getting your shoes.  Really, I am.  Just can’t say I’m not disappointed Trav isn’t training me.  But you guys won.  Never thought it was going to happen, but fair is fair, I guess.”

“Hell yeah, it is.  And what do you mean you never thought it was going to happen?” Travis added.

“So, Trav, when is your next date?” I asked, just remembering about Abby.

“What do you mean?”

“When is your next date?  You said you asked her if she’d go out with you.”

“Yeah, Kim, I asked to win this bet.”

“But, but … now she’ll wait for a second date,” I whined, feeling bad for her.  It wasn’t because I actually wanted Travis to date her; it was just empathy.

“Nah, I know you’ll kick my ass if I don’t let her know there won’t be a second date, and I will.”

“But you said you liked her,” I retorted.

“When did I say that?” he asked.

“You implied it.  Besides, you had fun yesterday. I know you did.  I saw it.”  I didn’t know why this was so important to me.  Maybe it was the fact that if he were dating someone else, then I wouldn’t keep lusting after him.  Maybe it was because I felt bad for Abby because, essentially, she was just like me.  Or maybe I just wanted to push Travis for whatever reason.  I didn’t know, but as I said the words, I realized I was waiting for him to go out with her again.

“Yeah, I had fun.  So I admit dating isn’t all that bad, Kim.  Happy?  See, you won a little something else, too.  Lesson learned.”

“So go out with her again!”

“Why?”

“Because you liked her.”

“Obviously not enough.  Kim, just drop it, okay?  I’m not going on another date.  Leave it.”

“But-”

“Not gonna happen, so don’t waste your breath.”

“Ugh!  Fine, whatever, but I’m dragging you both with me to pick out shoes.”  If he thought I was dropping it, then he had another thing coming. But I was smart enough to know the conversation wasn’t going to get anywhere right then.  So I did give it up but only temporarily.  And then I literally dragged two grumbling boys to help me pick out my winning shoes.  Yay!

chapter twenty-three

I found every opportunity I could over the next few days to pester Travis about Abby.  I said things like, “Oh, I bet Abby would like this place,” to which he replied, “I bet she would.”  Or, “Oh, Trav, look at these pretty flowers.  If only you had someone to give them to.  I wonder who,” to which he gave some kind of snort and shook his head.  I had a few more extremely witty and very subtle comments.  Oh, who was I kidding; I was blaring it from the rooftops that Travis should date Abby again.  But every time I told him, he brushed me off, or wouldn’t listen, or just reminded me that he wasn’t interested.

I ended up volunteering to go for a run with Travis a few days later.  Yes, I freaking volunteered; that was how badly I wanted Travis to date Abby.  I woke up early. Gah!  And I tried desperately to run.  I kept up with Travis for almost a whole mile.  Damn!  I was getting good.  But with about a quarter of a mile left, my not-so-energetic side kicked in and I found myself bending over trying to catch my breath and holding my side.

It had taken Travis a few more feet before he realized I wasn’t next to him, and he jogged back laughing.

“Seriously?” He kept laughing.

“It’s this stupid cramp.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure that’s what made you stop.” He smirked.

“Oh, you, shut up,” I snapped and took the opportunity to look up at him through my eyelashes while I was still bent over.  He hadn’t even broken a sweat yet, but his hair was sticking up from the wind, his face shone with the early morning light, and the smile on his face was genuine amusement.  He was truly amazing to look at.

“Tell me why you won’t go out with Abby again,” I blurted out.

“God, Kim, just drop it already,” he whined.

“I can’t!” I stood up straighter and looked him in the eye.

“For the love of God, why not?” he asked, clearly frustrated.

“Don’t you for a second think I haven’t noticed that you’ve stopped partying so much.  And don’t think I didn’t realize that you haven’t been hooking up with girls for quite some time now.  You haven’t even flirted with anyone legitimately for weeks.  And this whole bet thing doesn’t count.  You barely look at girls.  Maybe a glance of appreciation, but I don’t see you eye fucking anyone anymore.”  I had noticed that some time before, and I totally liked it, but I honestly didn’t think Travis even realized he had been doing that.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m saying you’re not living up to your man-whoring ways.”

“I don’t do it around you out of respect for you,” he retorted.

“I call bullshit!” I screamed.

“And how the hell would you know what I do when I’m not around you?  How the hell would you know if I had some girl up against my bedroom wall last night while she screamed my name as I thrust into her?”  He wasn’t yelling, but his voice was raised, and the husky tone  actually turned me on a bit.

“Damn you, Trav!  That’s fucking bullshit and you and I both know it.”

“It’s-” he started to protest, but I cut him off.

“You’ve changed.  Just admit it.  Those things don’t interest you right now.  Maybe they will again later on—who the fuck knows, but who cares?  You aren’t a player right now.”

“What the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“Why aren’t you banging anything with legs, huh?  Why aren’t you in bed with last night’s conquest, huh?  I’ll tell you why,” I said without letting him respond.  “Because you don’t want that.  This bet was about more than just some fun.  It got to you.  All my stupid lessons got to you.  You don’t want a meaningless fuck.  You want the real thing.  I can see it.  Don’t think I don’t know you.  You liked flirting with girls without taking them back to your place and forgetting them later.  You liked hanging out with someone who was interested in more than what you look like naked.  Tell me I’m right.”

“You don’t know shit about me.”  His tone said he didn’t like this conversation. Well, too bad.  He needed an eye opener – something that friends did for each other, and if the shoe fit …

“I know you are fighting this for some stupid ass reason.  You liked Abby—you admitted it yourself.  You liked your date with her.  She’s nice, and you guys were laughing and having a good time.  What in the hell happened?  Why won’t you go out with her?”

“Kim, this was all fun and games. Maybe you were a little annoying in your pursuit to try to get me to date Abby, but now this is starting to piss me off.”

“I don’t understand why you don’t want to be happy?  Why don’t you want to allow yourself to see where things go with her?  It’s not as if you are making a lifelong commitment.  Why not just hang out with her and see?  You deserve to have someone who wants you for more than just bragging rights.”

“I don’t want to fucking date Abby!” Travis screamed at me and turned, ready to storm off.  If there were people around, they would have been getting some free entertainment.

Shit!  Maybe I had gone too far.  But everything I had told him was true.  He had stopped being a player.  I had seen a slow change in him for a few weeks, and now, he was like a different person.  I couldn’t figure him out.  I knew he liked hanging out with her. Why the hell didn’t he want to keep it going?  Maybe he thought he didn’t deserve her?  Because he was a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy?  Maybe he was right and he just didn’t do that kind of thing around me?  No, that was still bullshit.  He was different.  And if he was insecure and couldn’t see what I saw, I was going to make him.  But, first, maybe I should apologize.  So I reached him and pulled his arm, forcing him to turn to me.

“Trav, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to push you.  I just want you to be happy,” I whispered.  He was staring into my eyes. Actually, he was boring a hole into my eyes with his own.  They were filled with a myriad of emotions, most I couldn’t pinpoint, but I could see pain.  Damn, I didn’t want to hurt him, even though I didn’t know what I did that would cause any pain in the first place.  I hadn’t released his arm, and he hadn’t spoken, just kept looking at me.

“I just want you to be with someone who knows or at least wants to know the real you.  You deserve that.”  He still didn’t speak, and the tension was starting to build.  I couldn’t look into his eyes anymore, so I lowered my own.  They stopped on his chest, and I could see the rise and fall that meant he was breathing heavily.  Crap, I really messed up. But damn if I knew what I had done.  I wanted to know what he was thinking, so I started to lift my gaze and I paused briefly at his lips.  What?  I couldn’t help it.  They were luscious, and I was a red-blooded female.  When I finally looked him back in the eye, there was a new emotion there—a mix of longing and lust.

I think he mumbled, “Fuck it,” right before his lips crashed into mine.  The force of his lips and the fact they were touching mine was shocking at first.  I knew I stiffened.  But I’d be lying if I said his lips didn’t feel amazing brushing mine, and somehow, I relaxed into his arms that had found their way around me.  One minute we were talking—well, I was talking—and the next, I was in heaven.  He didn’t stop his assault.  No, this wasn’t a sweet kiss; this was full of passion and built-up desire.  He wrapped his arms tighter around me, and I parted my lips in surprise.  He took this opportunity to coax my lips open as he brushed his tongue lightly along the part.  I opened instinctively, and our tongues melted into one.  God, at that moment, I felt more wanted and more fire than I had in forever.  I knew I moaned into his mouth, his taste and touch reverberating through my entire being.  This was the best first kiss ever.  Fuck, I didn’t want it to stop.  And I could tell Travis didn’t either. And that was what snapped me out of it.  This was Travis.  This was Travis.  He was one of my best friends.  He was a player, er, former player.  I was just trying to set him up with someone else.  I couldn’t do this.  I couldn’t lose him.  And this was definitely going to cause some awkward scenarios between us. I could already see our friendship crashing and burning.  I pulled back, even though it pained me to do so.

“Travis,” I whispered, his lips just a breath away from mine as I struggled to pull away.  His arms tightened, not letting me go.  “Please,” I begged, although I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what I was begging for.  Him not letting me go was one of the best feelings, wrong as it was.

“Please, Trav, this was wrong.”

“Because I want you,” he whispered.

“Huh?”

“You asked me why I didn’t want to date Abby.  Because I want to be with you.” And then his lips found mine again, and I let him kiss me. I let him devour me.  I couldn’t comprehend his words, but they were melting a path through my spine, touching every nerve ending I had.  Wait, this was still wrong.  What would happen when he was done with me?  I didn’t want to lose him.  I loved being with him.  I couldn’t take it if another guy rejected me after I was with him.  So I broke free again, this time with more force, and pushed out of his arms.  He looked startled but then started walking toward me.  I stopped him with my hand shooting up and palm out.

“You kissed me back, Kim. I felt it.  Why are pulling away?”

“This changes things, Travis.  We can’t go back from something like this unless we stop now.”

“I don’t want to stop.  God, Kim, don’t you see?  You’re right.  I’ve changed, and it had nothing to do with any of the other girls I flirted with.  It’s been you.  I don’t even have the desire to look at anyone else because you’re all I see.  Fuck,” he said and ran his hands through his hair.  “I don’t want to fuck anyone, and I don’t want to date anyone. I don’t want to even be around anyone unless it’s you.  You, Kim, you.  I want to hang out with you and not be watching myself every minute so that I don’t cross some damn line.  I want to be able to touch you the way I’ve been dreaming about for weeks.  I want to be able to show the fucking world that you are mine and that you, and only you, are what I want.”

“But …” I trailed off.  I didn’t have any words.  I was shocked and speechless, and my mind was going a mile a minute.

He walked up to me at that point, my defenses down.  “I’ve been too afraid to do anything because I didn’t want to lose you.  And I know you didn’t feel the same way about me.  I would take you any way I could get you.  But being with you and not being able to actually be with you was killing me,” he admitted softly.  “If you tell me right now that you don’t have feelings for me, then I’ll turn around, walk away, and we can pretend this never happened.  I’ll act as if my heart isn’t beating out of my chest and we’re just friends, nothing more.  I won’t lose you, no matter what,” he added adamantly.  “But that kiss, Kim, that wasn’t a friendly kiss.  I felt it. I felt you.  Tell me I’m not wrong.”  He didn’t say it as a challenge.  His words were pleading, and his eyes showed fear. Fear that I might tell him he was wrong.  But, damn, he wasn’t.  This was wrong, so very fucking wrong.  But it was also right.  I couldn’t help myself.  I leaned in, slowly, and I heard him inhale.  My lips were just touching his when I spoke. “Are you going to kiss me or what?” He closed the miniscule distance.  I could feel the tension in his body leave as he melted us together.  I could feel the smile on his lips as he pressed them against mine.

I had desired Travis for a while, but I never allowed myself to go beyond that.  And I was one hundred percent sure the feelings were one-sided anyway.  But, now, this moment, it was pure bliss.  We kissed and embraced for what seemed like forever.  Finally, we broke apart, needing air. The tenderness in Travis’ eyes was what almost broke me.  This was real.  This wasn’t a dream or a fleeting fantasy come to life.  He brushed a strand of my hair from my face, a huge smile on his own.

“Better than my dreams,” he whispered.  “Perfect,” he said, his voice low, caressing me.  I shivered.  “You didn’t answer me,” he said, but I could hear the lightness in his voice.

“That wasn’t answer enough?” I chuckled.

“I want to hear you say it, Kim.  I want to know you are mine because I sure as hell am yours.”  Best. Feeling. Ever.

“Yours.”

He kissed me again, a sweet kiss.

“Good. Now it’s time for our first date.  Breakfast.” He sounded so exuberant that I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Isn’t dinner considered a date?”

“Can’t wait that long,” he said as he put his arms around me, and we walked to the diner.  Holy shit!  I was dating Travis.

chapter twenty-four

Breakfast was a blur, a wonderful blur, but a blur nonetheless.  Travis sat on the same side I did, which I used to find totally weird when I saw couples do it, but it suddenly was really, really nice.  Go figure.  I got some evil looks, but Travis was completely oblivious as his arm hung loosely around my shoulders.  He was animated and exuberant, explaining how difficult it had been to keep his emotions bottled up around me.  How he had wanted to pin me against the nearest wall time and time again and crush my body with his.  Talk about getting all hot and bothered in public.  I was pretty ready to have him do just that if he kept telling me all the details of his feelings—or more like fantasies, I guess.

“Why now?” I asked.  I wasn’t going to ask the cliché “Why me?”  I sort of knew why me.  Because he actually had the opportunity to get to know a girl, me.  That had never happened before.  And if we weren’t friends first, I didn’t think he would be feeling the way he did now.  But we were.  And he liked hanging out with me.  He was comfortable.  Heck, he was even attracted to me, which didn’t hurt I’m sure.  He grew to like me.  It could have been someone else, but it was me.  I wasn’t going to question that.  I was too happy.  But I knew that liking someone didn’t translate to wanting to date them, exclusively.  So I didn’t want to know why me.  I wanted to know what changed his mind about fucking around with everyone and anyone.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Why do you want to date someone?  Why don’t you want to go out with a new girl every day?  Why do you want to settle with one?  I mean, why now?  Why not earlier if that’s what you wanted?  Or why not later on in life when you’ve had all the fun you could possibly have?”

“You don’t understand.” Travis shook his head.  He moved his face a little closer to mine and placed his hand on my cheek.  His words were soft, but his tone said he meant business.  “I don’t want to date someone, Kim.  I don’t even want to date you.  I want you to be mine, wholly and completely.  Only mine.  Like I’m all yours.” Heart. Stopped. Beating. 

“You didn’t answer my question,” I stuttered.  His proclamation was doing wonders for my body and heart, but my mind wasn’t completely sold.

“I love you, Kim.  I’ve loved you for a while now.  It’s not about any timeframes or why now and not later.  I didn’t have you before.  And I found you now.  I kept my distance because that’s what I thought was right.  But I couldn’t do it anymore.  I need you.  I need you in my life, and I’ll take you any way you give yourself to me.  But fuck if I’m not ecstatic that you want to be with me, too.”

“Love, Trav?  Really?  Because we both know I was just at the right place at the right time.  If you let someone else get close to you instead of me, then they could be sitting here.  You feel comfortable with me.  You feel free with me, but that’s because you allowed yourself to be friends with me.  Give another girl a chance, and you might be with her instead.”  Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to be the girl on Travis’ arm, but I wasn’t going to be delusional about it.

“Dammit, Kim.  You’re not fucking listening to me.” He raised his voice, and I saw a couple of heads turn from the corner of my eye.  Travis didn’t seem to care, though.  “You think you’re the first girl who wanted to be my friend?”

“I didn’t want to be your friend. You and Brent forced yourselves on me, technically.” I had to add that in.  Even in the midst of a nice moment, I was still me.

“Exactly my point.  There was always something about you.  You, not another girl.  I wanted to get to know you, and I never had that desire before.” He shrugged.  “At first, it was nothing more than fun and intrigue, and yeah, sure, friends, why the hell not?  But there is no one else like you out there.  You captured my heart, not someone else.  I know this is coming from your insecurities.  You put up a tough front, but I’ve seen you down before. Don’t belittle my feelings.  Don’t downplay them because you can’t see yourself the way I do.  You are special, Kim.  It’s not someone else.  It’s you.”

I opened my mouth to provide a rebuttal, but he silenced me with a soft kiss.  “I mean it.  I love you.  And I’m not telling you because I expect you to say it back.  I’m telling you because I do and you deserve to know.  And it’s only going to be you.”

I wanted to say it back, I really did.  But there was something … something stopping the words in my throat.  I had feelings for Travis, that was for sure.  I loved him, yes, at least as my friend, and maybe even a little bit more, but was it the kind of love he wanted?  This entire day had come out of nowhere.  I needed to process.  And even though he said he didn’t expect to hear it back, it didn’t mean he didn’t want to. So I did what any good girl would do.  I distracted him with a searing kiss.

He walked me to my place.  I started to invite him in.  It wasn’t to get down and dirty, although my body would have highly appreciated that.  It was because we were friends, and I should invite him in, even though my nerves were on high alert after the unexpected events of the day already.  And let’s be honest here, sex seemed like the perfect next step.  It might have been a fresh romantic relationship – really fresh – but it wasn’t a new relationship by any means.

“No,” he whispered against my lips as he pulled me close to him.  “You’re special, so it will be special for us.”  Well, damn, melt my heart a little more, why didn’t you?  Who the hell knew Travis was such a closet romantic?  Hmm, maybe it was me.  Maybe I was drawing the “aw” factor out of him.  Well, whatever it was, I was so not going to do anything to make him stop.

“Brent is going to flip,” Travis beamed when we pulled away.

“Huh?” My mind was still fuzzy from his intoxicating lips.

“He’s probably going to be over the fucking moon that he doesn’t have to hear me complain anymore.”

“Wait, what?”

“I might have been drunk, but I told Brent how I felt about you, and I might have gotten drunk a few more times after that.  And apparently, every time I get drunk, I bitch and moan about not being with you.  He’s probably sick of my shit by now.  But now he won’t have to listen to me anymore.”

“Really?” I squealed, for more reasons than Travis could possibly comprehend.  I was in shock that Travis loved me or at least thought he did. I was in denial that he just admitted to me that he cared so much that he complained to Brent about it.  And I was feeling guilty that I hadn’t thought of Brent the entire time I was with Travis.  But what was there to feel guilty about really?  I cared about Brent, yeah, but I also cared about Travis. And it was Travis who felt the same way about me, not Brent.

“I told you, Kim.  I’ve loved you for a while.  You just don’t believe me.  It’s all right, though, I’ll make you believe it.” He smiled that multi-million dollar smile of his and leaned in for another kiss.  “Dinner, tonight.”

“We just had breakfast.  Aren’t you supposed to like wait three days or something?  Aren’t those the rules?”

He chuckled.  “You should know by now that I don’t follow those types of rules.  And besides, now that I have you, I’m not giving you a chance to get away.”  And just like that, I forgot about Brent again.  That was until Travis left and I started to process everything.  Well, fuck.  How the hell was I supposed to act around Brent now?  It wasn’t like I just magically shut off my feelings for him.  But before it was stuffed in the back, just like my feelings for Travis were.  But now they were running around—free rein.  Well, shit.  This would be interesting.  I just hoped interesting didn’t translate into disaster.

chapter twenty-five

I was distracted all day.  I had kissed Travis … wait, scratch that, I was dating Travis.  How the hell did that happen?  I was going on a date with Travis later that night.  I needed to stop thinking about Brent and how this would affect all our relationships.  Shit, I needed to stop thinking about Brent period.  No, I needed to find out if Travis had told him, and I should man up and tell him, too.  I was his friend, after all.  Not that Brent would care about who I was dating.  He might be shocked that Travis had settled down, but I was pretty sure it would be awkward for him to be around us if he felt like the third wheel.  It was always just friends and now two of his friends were dating.  How was that going to work for him?

“I don’t get it,” Lauren called out from the bathroom as she got ready for her own date with her boyfriend.

“What don’t you get?”  I had told her all the details the minute I came home.  She proceeded to tell me to shut up.  No, literally, she said, “Shut up.  No way, shut up.”  And when I clammed up, she had thrown pillows at me to keep going with the rest of the details.  Dorks run in packs apparently.

“You want me to talk or to pipe down?  Make up your mind,” I responded.

“Oh, ha-ha, very funny.  You know what I mean when I tell you to shut the front door.”  She’d then ooh’d and aah’d and hugged me, telling me how romantic it all was.  Yeah, I guess it kind of was.

“Why are you frustrated?” she called out.

“How the hell can you tell I’m frustrated?”

She stuck her head out and gave me a pointed look that said, “Are you really asking me that?”

“I just … I don’t know.”

“Is this about Brent?” she asked as she stepped out of the bathroom.

“Why would it be about Brent?”  It was totally about Brent.

“Um, I don’t know, maybe because you’ve been crushing on him this entire time, too.”

“Duh.  He’s cute and sweet.  Why wouldn’t I crush?  But that doesn’t mean anything.  You have a boyfriend, and you’re ‘madly in love,’” I mocked, “but you don’t shy away from looking and appreciating other guys.”

“Uh-huh.  Keep telling yourself that,” she responded.

“Okay, so, maybe I’m a little worried about how he will take all this new information.”

“I’m sure that’s all it is,” she chided in a mocking voice.

“Oh?” I asked, wondering what she meant.

“Okay, let me ask you this.  If both Brent and Travis magically confessed their love for you at the same time and both asked you to pick one of them, then who would you pick?”

“What does that have to do with me being concerned about Brent’s comfort level?”

“Answer the question,” she demanded.

“It’s not applicable.  Brent doesn’t care about me that way.”

“And if he did.”

“He doesn’t.” I was adamant.  I was in shock that Travis did, but there was no way Brent did, too.

“You know, the fact that you aren’t answering my question sort of answers it.” She smirked.  She freaking smirked.

“It does not!” I yelled in response.

“Okay, fine, I love you too much to argue with you and get you all worked up before your date with Travis.  So forget about Brent for tonight.  You can tell him tomorrow and ensure him it won’t change things.  And I’ll bug you all about it after.  Now, go get ready,” she said as she gave me a peck on the cheek and a slap on the ass.

I followed her advice to go get ready for my date.  I couldn’t worry about Brent today anyway, not that I was sure why I was worried in the first place.

Travis had picked me up, took me to dinner, and then took me for a walk in the park.  Kind of cliché, but totally cute and we had an amazing time.  I got to see him be the guy I’d only had moments with before.  He told me about his childhood and about funny things growing up.  We talked about school and about the future.  It was absolutely perfect.  My feelings for him were climbing in one short day.  It could have been because I finally allowed myself to actually feel them instead of bottling them up or it could have been how carefree I felt with Travis.  And the way he looked at me.  Forget looking at me as if I was an ice-cream cone he wanted to lick.  To him, I was probably the entire ice-cream truck, stocked with all his favorites.  He could try me all night long and the sugar rush would just have him keep on going.  Energizer bunny, I was sure.  Okay, maybe he got me a little hot and bothered, too.  Could you tell?

Damn, it was perfect.  There was a moment when I’d compared this date to one with Will, but I realized within seconds that I hadn’t felt like this even with Will.  And looking back, all his lines were just that—lines.  Travis didn’t say anything he didn’t mean.  I had known him long enough now to figure out his tells.  And all the ones that were on tonight were the ones pointing toward truth, desire, oh, and lust.  Definitely lust.  Did I mention I felt super sexy and on fire?  Kind of nice, no?

The only time I thought about Brent was when Travis brought up telling him.

“I think Brent might be afraid he’s losing you as a friend,” Travis had mentioned when we were still at dinner.

“Oh, why is that?”

“Don’t know really, just a vibe I got.  I told him about us, and he was happy for me and all, but there was something else there.  Maybe talk to him tomorrow.”

I nodded.  Darn. I knew Brent would find this weird.

Travis quickly pushed those thoughts away when he leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips.

“No frowning today.  You are all mine, and we are going to enjoy it.”

And just like that, I enjoyed the rest of the night.

*****

I texted Brent and asked if he had time to meet up.  It took him a bit to respond, but he finally said sure.  So now I was waiting for him outside his place.  We were supposed to meet at the coffee shop, but I was anxious, nervous, and a ton of other emotions which I couldn’t pinpoint.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” he asked as he walked out and saw me smiling.  As nervous as I was, I couldn’t hide how happy I was to see him.

He reached me and gave me a quick hug.

“What can I say?   I’m impatient.” I giggled.  It sounded a little forced to my ears, but I hoped Brent didn’t hear it.

“So, what’s up?” he asked as we started walking toward the coffee shop.

“Oh, not much.  I aced my test, and I bought a new pair of shoes, again. Travis and I are dating.” I said it like it was nothing, even though it was something, and Brent already knew.

“So I hear,” he said as he stopped and looked at me.

“Yeah, weird, right?  It kind of just happened.  One minute, I’m trying to set him up, and the next, I’m the one who’s set up.  Why he would want me of all the girls out there, I don’t know, but hey, I’m not complaining.”

“I love Travis like a brother, Kim.  I want him to be happy.  But listen when I say, he’s lucky.  He’s lucky that you want him and not the other way around.” He said all this while holding onto my arms and looking into my eyes.

“I … uh … wow, thanks.”

“You don’t believe me,” he whispered.

Nope. Nope, I didn’t.

He just kept staring at me, his gaze penetrating through me.  “Nothing I tell you seems to get through that thick skull of yours.  Any guy, and I mean any guy, would love to have you as theirs.  So I repeat—the fact that Trav got to be the one means he’s lucky.”

I licked my lips.  It wasn’t on purpose or to be sexual. I was nervous and couldn’t fidget with my hands since Brent still had a hold of them, so I licked my lips.  And I saw Brent’s gaze drop to them.  And for a brief moment, I imagined him licking my lips, parting them with his own.  And then I realized how wrong that image was for numerous reasons.  So I leaned in, breaking free and wrapping my arms around him.

“Thank you,” I whispered into his chest as he hugged me back.  “Thank you for always making me feel special.  You are literally one of my best friends.  I don’t think I could take it if you pulled away because of what’s happening between Trav and me.”

“Not going anywhere,” he responded.

“Good,” I stated.  It was good.  It was great, actually.  The rest of the time went by like all the other times.  We laughed, we joked, and we flirted.  We were our usually friendly selves.  Things had worked out.  They were great.

chapter twenty-six

Things were…well, they were great, actually.  I seemed to be thinking that a lot lately.  Who would have thought?  Travis and I had been dating for a few weeks and things were fantastic. Travis was new at this whole dating thing, and he was taking things slowly; a little slower than even I would have liked.  It was adorable to watch him fumble.  Sometimes, he’d say something about a girl he had hooked up with and then he would stutter once he realized he was talking about a random hookup with me and his neck would turn crimson.  I might have been jealous had it not been for how uncomfortable he got each time.  All I could think about was trying hard not to laugh. Although, the other day I hadn’t succeeded, and a little snort escaped my closed lips.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, still red in the face.

I had giggled for a little before I calmed down enough to turn to him.  “Trav, I know your past.  Hell, I was there to witness some of it.  Sure, it doesn’t mean I want to talk about a girl who you may or may not have bump and grinded with. So, yeah, try to work on it, but if it bothered me, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

You’d think I would be more jealous considering my past and my insecurities, but Travis made me feel like I was literally the only girl in the world, even when he brought up someone else.  The way he looked at me … whew.  I guess, looking back, I saw glimpses of it when we were just friends, but I couldn’t believe it then like I was having a hard time believing now.  It also meant that maybe I hadn’t seen things around Brent either, and I couldn’t think of that.

“God, I love you,” Travis interrupted my thoughts as he leaned in and kissed me with such passion that I thought I might catch fire.  But that was pretty much it.  We could kiss like nobody’s business, but when things started getting more serious, he would stop, breathe heavily for a few minutes, and then tell me I was special and he needed to go slowly for me.  How cliché!

If I wanted slow, then I would date a minister, not the notorious playboy.  Didn’t he realize that?  So when he pulled away yet again, I pulled him back and I might have sort of, maybe found my way to grabbing his special place.  He gasped and tried to pull away again, but it was a little hard (pun intended) while I was holding on to him.

“Kim,” he panted.

“Uh-huh?” I asked, stroking him and pressing light kisses on the edges of his mouth.

“You need to stop.”

“Oh, I do?  Hmm, I wasn’t thinking about stopping.”

“Kim, please, you need to stop.” His words were pleading, but he wasn’t making any real effort to move away.

“Why is that?”

“Because I want you so badly. I think I might explode, and this is not helping.”

“Funny. Last time I checked, this is exactly what helped,” I teased.  It had been a damn long time for me, and Mr. Cuddles wasn’t cutting it these days.  Yes, I named my vibrator Mr. Cuddles.  It was the jackrabbit, after all. Rabbits made you think of bunnies and bunnies were cute and cuddly.

“Kim, please.”

“Yes, exactly, Travis, please.”

“God, you are killing me.”

“I am hoping to pleasure you instead.” I tried to make my voice seductive, but there was a hint of teasing there too.

“Oh, fuck, please don’t say things like that.”

“Things like what?  That I’ve been playing with myself and fantasizing it’s you instead.  Or how about that every time I take a shower, my body wet and slick, I imagine you lathering me up.  Oh, maybe I shouldn’t tell you how badly I want you inside me.”  Well, shit, I was a sex goddess in disguise.  Thank you all my romance fiction books for giving me hot steamy words because I highly doubted I was clever or witty enough to come up with those all by myself.  Not saying they weren’t true or anything, but to put it in words, yeah, so not clumsy me.

“Kim,” he breathed.

“My place or yours, Travis, but no more taking it slow,” I whispered against his lips. Like a man possessed, he nodded slowly, took my hand, and led me to his car.  He took me to his place; it was closer, go figure.  We weren’t two steps over the threshold before I was pinned against the wall and Travis’ hand was slowly finding its way under my shirt.  Uh—even in a lust-filled haze, be sure to check your surroundings.  My eyes snapped open at the sound of a throat clearing, and they landed on Travis’ roommate elbowing his friend for probably making said noise.  And right beside them was yet another friend. So I was getting mauled by my boyfriend in view of three horny guys with their mouths hanging open and gawking at us like we were live porn. Which I guess we sort of were.  Travis must have felt me stiffen under his touch because he started pulling away just as friend number two said, “Don’t mind us. We are enjoying the show.”

“What the fuck?” Travis whirled around and the look on his face was pretty comical, a mix of confusion and anger.

“Hi guys,” I squeaked out and gave a sort of half wave, still pressed against the wall.  They all said, “Hey,” in unison and waved back.  “Uh, maybe I should go home,” I whispered to Travis, and he slowly nodded.  If that wasn’t a mood killer, then I didn’t know what would be.  But, alas, that was only the first in the misadventures of Travis and Kim attempting to have sex.

Three days later, after ensuring with his roommate that Travis was going to be alone for the evening, I decided to take a page right out of a movie and surprise him.  Did you know how hard it is to get up the courage to wear a tiny matching bra and underwear set, and nothing else under a large jacket?  Yep, I did.  Here was something I learned while doing it: it was a bad idea to wear brand new, not broken in yet, six-inch stripper shoes while giddily trying to climb a flight of stairs.  I swore there must have been something on the damn step because just two steps shy of Travis’ floor, one minute I was up and practicing my swagger, yes, up the damn stairs, and the next, I was on the floor with my foot twisted and my elbow graciously catching my fall.  It was not that much fun having to call your boyfriend and tell him, “Uh, hey … I’m on the stairs outside your door, and I sort of need some help.”  At least Travis had the good sense not to laugh.  Okay, fine, at least he had the good sense to pretend not to laugh.  It was embarrassing having to go to the ER wearing your boyfriend’s way too big sweats and a t-shirt.  I was sure the doctor thought we were into some kinky stuff.  Either that or he thought Travis was a feisty one, but the amused look didn’t go unnoticed.  I had a sprained ankle and elbow.  How did you manage to sprain both was beyond me, but then again, we were talking about me.  So, that put me out of commission for a week.  It was not as if I was going to have weird elbow-in-sling sex as our first time.

Oh, and then there was that time that Travis fell asleep as I was primping and prepping.  Yeah, really made a girl feel special.  Oh, how about that time when I got food poisoning that managed to set in right when we started getting hot and heavy.  Stupid, stupid cafeteria food. Never eating there again. Oh, who was I kidding?  I loved their damn pasta station.  And then, as if the universe hated us, I got Mrs. Flow a day early.  Seriously, I couldn’t catch a break.  We were cursed.  Even Mother Nature didn’t want us doing the deed.  And the worst part?  I couldn’t stop the thoughts of Brent that crept in.  Would something like this keep happening if it were Brent and me trying to find time for ourselves?  I had no right to be thinking that because 1) it was probably all me and the universe would see that my lady parts went unused regardless of who I was with, 2) it wasn’t fair to Travis, and 3) it was not like there would be anything between Brent and I even if I weren't with Travis.  Clearly, Travis had told Brent about his feelings for me, and if Brent had any himself, he would have maybe tried to be with me instead?  Or at least confide in Travis too, and then I would know something was up, right?

Other than that, things between Brent and me were the same as before, great and wonderful, lacking a little something, but that was the usual.  When it was all three of us together, Travis and I had some unspoken understanding that we wouldn’t be all lovey dovey in front of Brent, so it was like the Three Stooges, like pre Kivis. No.  Hmm, Trim.  Yikes.  Krav?  Oh, God, our names sounded horrible together.  Either way, it was Travis and Brent against me, just like before.  I made a fool of myself, and they laughed.  And things were normal when it was just Brent and me, too.  And God help me, but I enjoyed spending time alone with Brent just as much as I enjoyed spending time alone with Travis.  I reasoned it was because I was so comfortable with both, and they were both my friends equally.  Travis just had kissing rights.  And don’t get me wrong, I loved being with Travis.  He was unbelievable and caring, and smart, and funny, and so freaking sweet and gentle.  And not to mention he was really yummy to look at.  I knew I was incredibly lucky to be with him, which was why I was in a constant state of guilt that I still harbored feelings for Brent.  They would go away eventually.  I just knew they would.

chapter twenty-seven

I was a horrible girlfriend.  A horrible, horrible girlfriend.  I cheated on Travis.  Well, not actually cheated on him.  I would never, ever do such a thing.  But my very vivid dream thought I should be doing the hibbidy dibbidy with Brent instead of Travis, so therefore, I cheated.  Subconsciously, sure, but I still felt like an asshole.  The thing was it’s not like I didn’t care about Travis or that I cared for Brent more.  I loved being with Travis, loved it.  And when I was with him, everything else melted away.  It was always either me feeling like I had no knees around him or like I was a vixen ready to pounce.  That was what he did to me.  So then why couldn’t I let go of Brent?

Oh, and as if dreaming about Brent wasn’t bad enough, I managed to call Travis “Brent” the other day.  Thank God it wasn’t while we were making out or anything, but I was trying to get his attention while he watched TV and I randomly called out Brent’s name.  Stupid, stupid subconscious.  Luckily, Travis didn’t hear me or I would have had to scramble to play it off.  He just said, “Huh, babe, what’d you say?”  So I went and kissed him to ensure his brain was still a little fuzzy on what exactly I said.

It didn’t stop me from thinking about all the possible excuses I could have come up with just in case afterward.  Wasn’t it funny how after a fight was done, that was when you think of all the clever and witty comebacks?  Well, apparently, that was what happened with “oopsie” situations as well.

“Uh, I forgot I need notes from Brent.”

“Didn’t Brent say he was going to come over? … Oh, he didn’t, must have misunderstood.”

“I forgot to call Brent back.”

Those were all nice, plausible excuses.  Of course, my mind wasn’t plausible, so I also came up with a few off the wall excuses, too.

“Brent, uh, wanted me to buy him ice cream.”

“Brent got his ass kicked yesterday.”

“Brent mentioned he wanted a sex change the other day.”

I snickered at my own stupid thoughts.  I also wondered whether any of those would have gotten Travis’ attention just as much as kissing him did.  Maybe the sex change one.

I mentioned I was a horrible girlfriend, right?  Well, I dreamed of Brent, I called Travis Brent’s name, and I might have sort of almost kissed Brent, too.

The good news was I didn’t think Brent realized what I did.  Hell, I didn’t fully realize what I almost did.

Travis had a study group, and Lauren was off with her boyfriend, again.  I swear I saw less and less of her.  At least she always responded to my texts and frantic phone calls when I needed her.  And I knew if I asked her to drop everything for a girl emergency, she would.  But sometimes, I missed having a best friend.  And that day, I was missing her, and Travis wasn’t around to give me comfort.  So, naturally, I sought out Brent.  He, being an awesome friend, obliged.

“Hey, what’s wrong,” Brent had asked sweetly when he saw me. There was nothing particularly wrong.  I was just in a mood.  But he knew right away there was something off about me, and that warmed my heart a bit.

“Nothing, nothing, I’m good.  Just missed having a quiet evening with a good friend, but now you are here and it’s all good.” I plastered on a smile.  I did feel instantly better with Brent around.  He didn’t look like he was buying it, but he knew to drop it, so he nodded and stepped inside.

An hour, too many boxes of Chinese food, and half a bottle of wine for me and three or more beers for Brent later, and we were watching a movie and eating popcorn.  It could be borderline date-ish, with my snuggling up to him.  When I first put my head on his shoulder, he tensed.  Was it wrong to do that?  I did it with Lauren all the time.  Just because he was the opposite sex shouldn’t matter, right?  A friend was a friend. So what if it was a little bit of torture for me?  It wasn’t for Brent.  And after a minute or so, I felt him loosen up and he even put an arm around me.  He probably felt like a brother protecting his sister from the cheesy action movie he had picked out, but it felt nice.  I felt safe and comfortable, and apparently, even watching guys kick each others’ asses hadn’t prevented me from falling asleep.  I know I woke up at some point because I felt a light caress against my hair, a nice kind, as someone was stroking it.  It felt wonderful, but I ended up drifting back off to sleep without even opening my eyes.  And then the next thing I knew, I was awake, fully and somehow, my head was on Brent’s lap.  At first, I was confused and didn’t understand what was happening, but then I remembered watching the movie and not getting to the end of it.  When I looked up at Brent’s face, his head was against the back of the couch and his lips were parted just a bit.  His even breaths and the rise and fall of his chest made it apparent he had fallen asleep, too.  He couldn’t have been comfortable like that, but he, being the gentleman that he was, probably felt too bad to move me.

I rose slowly, not wanting to startle him.  He stirred a bit but didn’t wake.  I had never seen Brent like that.  I had never seen him sleep; it was such a vulnerable position for a person.  They were at the mercy of those around them.  And here he was, asleep on my couch, trusting me with his subconscious mind.  He was so beautiful, it almost hurt to look at him, but I couldn’t stop staring.  I vaguely remembered the feel of his soft hands running through my hair.  I know he had murmured something, but I was too far into dreamland to remember much else.

It occurred to me that the position we found ourselves in was intimate.  This was something I imagined only people who were in some sort of a relationship did.  I took a moment to think about how I felt with Brent.  Travis made me feel alive, passionate, sexy, and cherished.  Brent made me feel safe, comfortable, beautiful, and an angel.  They were both different and yet the same.

Brent’s head moved a little to the side, but his eyes stayed closed and his breathing stayed steady.  He couldn’t be okay with that position.  So I reached my hand to his cheek, lightly caressing it.  I told myself it was because I didn’t want to startle him and that was how my mom used to wake me up from a deep sleep.  She said a gentle touch was much sweeter to wake up to than a feeling of an earthquake shaking.  And she was always right, but a part of me also wanted to touch him.

“Mmm, you’re beautiful,” he whispered just as my hand reached his cheek.  I stilled.  Had he really said what I think he said?  Not that he hadn’t complimented my looks before, but in a moment like this, those words meant more.  But he was still asleep.  He hadn’t said them to me.  He was dreaming.  The selfish part of me wished it was about me, but I knew it probably wasn’t.  It didn’t mean I didn’t pretend it was.

“Brent,” I spoke softly.

“Only you,” he whispered again.  I could tell he was still dreaming, but I closed my eyes and envisioned him saying those words to me.  And there it was, the pull I couldn’t release.  I didn’t know how it happened, but my lips were just inches from his now.

“Brent,” I said his name again, but I did not intend to wake him up this time.  And what happened?  He started to freaking wake up.  I jumped back as if I had been in contact with scalding hot water, and I yelped, too.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, rubbing a hand over his face, looking like he was in a daze.

“Uh, you looked uncomfortable, and I was trying to wake you up.”

“Oh.” He looked kind of disappointed.  Yeah, well, he wasn’t the only one.  I briefly wondered what he had been dreaming.  Who had filled his mind?

“Sorry I fell asleep,” he told me.

I snorted. “I guess I should be sorry I fell asleep, too.  But I’m not.  You’re comfortable, and I really needed that.  Thanks.”

“Glad I could be there for you.” He said it with such sincerity that I might have melted a little.

And then my phone beeped and it was a message from Travis telling me he was only making it home now after his study session and didn’t want to wake me up.  So, yeah, I was one horrible girlfriend.

At least no one knew what a little shit I was.  Brent slowly rose, we said our good-byes, and I went to bed. Dreams of me being a royal bitch plagued my mind.  This wasn’t fair to Travis.  Did that mean I should let him go?  Or was that even worse?

chapter twenty-eight

I avoided Brent for like a week, which felt like a huge chore and not so great.  Just because I was a stupid girl didn’t mean I didn’t miss him.  The good news was that when I woke up the day after I almost kissed him, I had come to a decision.  I was not going to like Brent anymore.  Travis loved me.  I loved him too, even if it wasn’t the same.  I didn’t want to hurt him, and breaking up with him because I was a dummy would hurt him.  So I would just stop having improper feelings for Brent.  There.  Simple.  Yeah, who was I kidding?  And that was why I had avoided him for a week.

I was planning to avoid him for much longer, but the universe decided I had no such luck.  It would have been so appropriate if I had run into him and made a fool of myself or if he caught me in an awkward moment or if I saw him with his arms wrapped around some bimbo.  But even that didn’t work out the way it was supposed to.

I made my way over to Travis’ place after class one day.  I had told him that I’d stop by later but hadn’t given him the exact time.  So, when I heard yelling when I was just outside his door, I figured he either had friends over or was playing video games with his roommate.  No biggie; I’d hang out with them, maybe get some work done in Travis’ room.  But I stopped short when I heard Brent’s angry voice.

“Are you fucking kidding me with that excuse?” he yelled.

“What fucking excuse?” Travis screamed back.

“How do you think Kim would feel if she had seen you guys?”

My heart sank. I was torn between running away and staying rooted to the floor, waiting to hear what Travis would respond with.  Just because I had been thinking about Brent didn’t mean I would cheat on Travis.  And yes, I almost kissed him but almost didn’t count.  That two-timing, no-good, cheating asshole!

“So what!?  I didn’t do anything!” Travis yelled.

“You didn’t throw her off.  You didn’t set her straight!”

“She fucking hugged me, Brent.  You’re acting like I let her give me a blowjob or something.”  Wait? What?  Huh?  I was so confused.

“She likes you, man.  And you’re not discouraging her.”

“She knows I have a girlfriend.”

“She’s the type who wouldn’t give a fucking damn if you had a wife and kid.  She’s going to try to get you to take her to bed.”

“What the fuck is it to you?”

“Kim is my friend.  I care about her.  How would you feel if she was friends with someone who wanted to get into her pants and was just fine with it?”

“Really?” Travis asked sarcastically.

“What the fuck do you mean?”

“Nothing, man.  Nothing.  Look, I don’t want to fight with you.  And I sure as hell don’t give a shit about some fucking chick who does or doesn’t want me.  I don’t want her.  Never will.  I just want Kim.  The chick is just someone in my study group.  I already told you that I ran into her today and she asked for some notes.  She thanked me after and hugged me.  That’s it.  I don’t know what you think was going on, but I fucking love Kim and I would never do anything to hurt her.  Fuck, I don’t even want anyone but her.  You, of all people, should fucking get that.”

Travis’ voice strained as if he was frustrated and pissed and hurt all at the same time.  And I felt like an even bigger ass after listening to their fight.  I had jumped to conclusions, and I had justified my actions as being nothing compared to Travis’.  And here he was, fighting with the second objection of my affection about hugging some bimbo, pouring his heart out about how much I meant to him.

“I know, Trav, I know.  You’d never hurt her.  I know how much you care.” Brent sounded defeated.

“I wouldn’t and I do.  But that’s not even what I meant.”

“What did you mean?” Brent asked, his voice sounding hoarse, maybe from the yelling.

“You’re my best friend, Brent.  You think I don’t see, that I don’t understand?  I see it. I know.  Fuck, I don’t blame you.”

I heard a sharp inhale of breath, and I wasn’t sure who it came from, but I could have guessed it was Brent.  What the fuck were they talking about?

“I’d never,” Brent stuttered.

“I know, don’t worry.  I know,” Travis cut him off.  “I won’t keep her from you, if you’re worried about that, either.  I’ve known for a while, and I trust you both.  And if I have to admit, it makes me feel better knowing you’d protect her with your life if need be.”

Now, I was really fucking confused.  I was sure they were talking about me, but I didn’t have the slightest clue what they meant.  Of course, Brent would protect me; he cared about me, and the rest didn’t make any sense whatsoever.  I racked my brain for a few minutes and managed to miss some of their conversation before I gave up.  Guys.  I didn’t think I’d ever fully understand them, and it was probably better if I didn’t even try.  My brain was starting to hurt from doing too much thinking, and I was getting emotional whiplash.  And I was sure I heard the telltale noise of guys slapping each others’ backs.

I decided this was as good a time as any to announce myself.  Wouldn’t want them to open the door and see me there gawking or eavesdropping.  I guess in my worst-case scenario that I could pretend to faint.  It wasn’t as if they wouldn’t believe me.

I took two more steps and knocked on the door before pushing it open and plastering a giant smile on my face.

“I thought I heard the voices of my two favorite guys.  Well, aside from my dad, but if you tell him that, then I’ll never hear the end of it, so you better not rat me out.” I was rambling.  What’s new?

Travis tensed a little while Brent’s faced looked like he would rather be under a giant sumo wrestler, getting the life squeezed out of him than here.

“Why the long faces?” I asked, blocking the conversation I’d heard out of my head.

“Oh, uh, Brent’s a sore loser,” Travis covered.  Wow, the boy was learning.  I felt proud. He must have gotten it from me.

Brent just kept staring at me.

“What?  I have toilet paper stuck on me?  I wouldn’t be surprised.  Why the look?”

That snapped him out of it pretty quickly.

“Uh, nope, just a little out of it.  Had a long night,” Brent replied.  And wow, he was getting good at bullshitting, too.  Aw.  Good boy.

I was tempted to call them both out and tell them I heard them going at it. Tell Brent he was incredibly sweet and wonderful for defending my honor, especially since he had to do it against his best friend.  And then tell Travis that even though I wasn’t jealous, he better make that skank back down or I’d have to cut a bitch.  But I kept those thoughts to myself and just kept smiling.

“So how about I make us all dinner,” I replied to cut the tension.  I was sure one or both of them were going to protest, but I put my hand up to stop them.  “No buts.  I’m making dinner and we are all hanging out.  The three musketeers.”

“Uh, they were all guys,” Travis replied, smirking.

“Yeah, well, I’m a girl. Deal with it.”

And just like that, Kim the magician broke the tension.  And the rest of the night was surprisingly without drama.  And my pasta was the bomb.  Brent and Travis both agreed.  Of course, they knew if they didn’t, I might have to stick the heel of my shoe into some unwelcoming places, but I was sure they meant it anyways.  Now, if only every day with both or either of them could go so smoothly.  If only.

chapter twenty-nine

Things were more or less back to normal the following week.  Brent and I were good; well, as good as we had been before.  That was me avoiding thoughts about him as anything but a best friend and him being said best friend.  Things with Travis were still great.  He was still the ever devoted, amazing boyfriend.

And now we were finally getting a night alone, just me and him—no roommates, no distractions, and no freak interruptions.  Travis made dinner; well, okay, he ordered dinner, but he had laid it out nicely.  We even drank wine as if we were sophisticated or something.  I could see the lust-filled look in his eyes all night, and it was making me feel like goo inside.  I was going to finally get laid.  My lady parts were doing a secret victory dance.  Yes!

After dinner, I somehow found myself wrapped in Travis’ arms, his hands gently rubbing the bare skin at my back while his tongue found the sensitive spot just beneath my ear.  I was in my own little la-la land, the feel of his lips on my neck and his touch was unnerving, which was probably why I didn’t hear my phone blaring.  But Travis did because he stopped what he was doing.

“Why’d you stop?” I asked.

“Your phone.”

“Huh?”  And then I heard it.

“Ugh,” I groaned.  “I should have put it on vibrate.  Just ignore it and keep doing whatever it is that you were doing.”

He chuckled. “Why do I feel so used?”

“You love it,” I teased.

“You can use me whenever you want,” he said and went back to work, but this time, I heard the ringing again.  What the fuck?!  I tried to ignore it and focus on what Travis’ extremely experienced tongue was doing to my body, but I couldn’t.  The moment was ruined and whoever was calling clearly needed me or they would have stopped after the first time.

Travis must have felt me pull back because he stopped. “You should probably get that.”

I groaned again but went to retrieve my phone.  I had three missed calls from Lauren, and I was about to call her back when she started calling again.  I was officially freaking out before I even had a chance to say hello.  She never called me like this. And she knew I was out with Travis, so this must have been an emergency.  Oh God, please don’t let anyone be dead, I thought before finally answering.

“What’s wrong?” I said instead of saying hello.

I heard her sobbing and my heart sank.  Crap.  Not good.  “Lauren, babe, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m calling in the girl code,” she said between sobs.

“What?! Why?”  The girl code was what we called “sisters before misters.”  It was always said in jest, but it was the unspoken rule that if we needed each other, we would be there, come hell or high water.  We had never needed it before.  Even when Will had messed me up, I was in too much shock to call Lauren, but when she finally came home, she took one look at me and canceled all plans she had for the next week.

“Brian is a lying, cheating piece of shit,” she gritted out.  It was hard to understand her through her tears, but luckily, I understood Lauren-speak, even when she sounded like that.

“You home?” I asked.

“Uh-huh.”

“On my way, babe.”

I started gathering my things before I realized I had left Travis, sitting on the couch, waiting to find out what was wrong.

“Uh,” I started.

“I kind of heard.  Well, sort of.  I figure it’s Lauren?” he asked.  I nodded.  Funny, he hadn’t met her yet, but he knew all about her.

“Some sort of emergency?” he asked.

“You could say that.  I’m sorry, Trav.  I have to go be with her.”

“I know,” he responded dejectedly. “Sucks for me, but your loyalty is one of the many reasons why I love you.”  Turn my insides into mush, why don’t you?

I leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.  He pulled me to him and held on, increasing the intensity of the kiss, but it was still soft and sweet.  There was some other emotion in it, something I couldn’t figure out, but I didn’t have time to process it. Lauren needed me, and I had to go be there for her.  I pulled away, and I couldn’t help but notice the defeated look flash across Travis’ eyes.  I kissed him once more and left.

It turned out that Lauren’s amazing, wonderful, loyal, exceptional boyfriend was anything but.  He had even fooled me; I’d give him that.  I thought he was all that and a bag of chips, too.  Apparently, he thought so, too.  And he thought the entire female population deserved a chip from his bag.  I didn’t know how he got away with it for so long.  Will hadn’t lasted nearly as long, but I was also naïve at the time.  Both Lauren and I had learned our lessons after that, and we were cautious when something sounded sketchy.  But Brian had covered all his bases.  I mean, Lauren had even surprised him at his place and at work, on numerous occasions, and there was never anything going on there.  He had scheduled a certain time where he would meet with his ladies and every semester, it was different, so it was like he had a class.  Why would Lauren question one of his classes, right?  And he was very clear with all his hookups that he had a girlfriend and this was just fun.  And for months, they were all okay with it, until one she-devil, or maybe we should thank her, decided she wanted some more and when Brian wouldn’t give her any more, she confronted Lauren and physically dragged her to see Brian in action.  Needless to say, Lauren was devastated.  So was I.

I spent the next few days binge eating junk food, watching sappy movies, and bitching about guys until I thought Lauren was okay enough to go out on her own.

*****

I had been spending my days with Lauren, alternating between cheering her up and trash talking her ex.  I only saw Travis a few times for short periods –  a quick lunch, a cup of coffee.  But after a week, we were finally going to have some time together.

Lauren had signed her and I up for some fundraiser months before.  It was like a cheaper version of bidding on a date, considering it was all college students who were attending.  Girls were up for auction for the evening.  It was only for the duration of the dinner-and-dancing event, but it was for a good cause, so I had agreed.  I had also been single at the time, so I didn’t care.  When I had told Travis about it after we started dating, he said he would win me for the night because the thought of someone else having that time with me was “unbearable.”

That would be the first real evening I would have spent with Travis after Lauren and Brian broke up.  And it would have been the time when Lauren finally met Travis.  Notice I keep saying “would be” or “would have been” as if it didn’t happen.  Why?  Because it didn’t happen.

I swear the sex gods hated Travis and me, or maybe just me.

“Kim, I’m so sorry,” Travis said over the phone as he coughed and sneezed through the entire sentence.  Needless to say, he was sick.

“No, I’m sorry,” I told him, and I meant it.  I felt so bad for him, and I really wanted to find a way out of the fundraiser so I could go take care of him, but I knew I couldn’t do that.  “I’ll come over right after it’s done and bring you some soup and medicine,” I told him.

“I don’t want you getting sick.”

“It’ll be worth it,” I responded.

I literally heard his smile through the phone when he said, “And whoever wins you better keep his hands off of you.”

“Then how will I dance with him?”

“You won’t,” he deadpanned.  I knew he was only half-joking.  He wasn’t jealous, but he had shown his possessive side a couple of times.  It was flattering and endearing.

Lauren and I got all dolled up and were just about to head out when there was a knock on our door.

“Who’s that?” she asked as I went to open it.  I think my jaw literally hit the floor when I saw Brent in slacks and dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a half-smile playing on his lips and one eyebrow raised up.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Travis?” Lauren called out.

“No, Brent,” I yelled back.

“I’m your escort and I plan on being your date,” Brent responded to my question.

“I … uh ... what?” I asked.

“You didn’t think Trav was going to let you be auctioned off to some random guy, did you?”

“Why am I not surprised?” I asked.

“I don’t blame him,” Brent said.  “I’d never let anyone else get my hands on you if you were mine.”  Then he looked me up and down as if to make his point, but I definitely felt a blush creep up my body at his perusal.

“Wow,” Lauren said right beside me.  I hadn’t even heard her walk up to me.  “So you’re Brent,” she said with a knowing smile.  I almost elbowed her, but that would have been too obvious.

“The famous Lauren,” Brent replied.  “Nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise,” she said.

“We gotta go,” I said as I looked at the time.

“After you,” Brent said and stepped aside as we walked out. The event was only a couple of blocks away, so we all walked together.  Lauren asked Brent questions about himself, like if he had any siblings, where he was from, what was his major – the usual small talk.  When we made it to the building, Kim and I had to go to our meeting spot and check in.

“Don’t worry, Kim, I got this,” Brent said with a wink as we separated.

Lauren grabbed my arm and pulled me down some hallway as soon as Brent was out of earshot.  “How are you so blind?” she practically hissed.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“You seriously think he doesn’t like you?”

“I know he doesn’t,” I responded.

“We need to get your head checked.  No guy would come and play rescue-date for a girl he doesn’t like.”

“He did it for Travis.”

“And did he stare at you like a blind man seeing light for the first time for Travis too?” she asked mockingly.

“Shh, people can hear you.”

“So?” she retorted. “Stop trying to change the subject.  Brent likes you.  It’s pretty freaking obvious.  And you have liked him since before you guys even became friends.”

“What? No,” I scoffed.

“Oh, yeah?” she asked smugly.  “Then why did I know about him even before you guys got close?  ‘If it wasn’t for Brent, I wouldn’t understand this crap.’ ‘Off to study with Brent.’ ‘I have to share a joke Brent told me today in class.’”  She said all these sentences with a high-pitched voice as if she was mimicking me.

“That’s because we studied a lot together,” I told her.

“Whatever, Kim,” she said.  “You have a choice to make here.  Travis or Brent.”

“Wait, what?” I screeched.  “Brent is off the table,” I told her.

“He’s not, but fine, let’s pretend that he is. But what if he wasn’t?”

“I’m with Travis,” I told her.

“That wasn’t an answer.”

“That’s the only answer you’re getting from me tonight, so shut it, and let’s go check in.”

She dropped it for the moment, but I knew that was only because we had to get a move on.

We ended up mingling a little with the other girls before it was time for the auction.  I was so freaking happy for Lauren when the bidding wouldn’t stop.  She really needed that confidence booster after Brian.  And I was pleasantly surprised at the number of guys bidding for me.  But as promised, Brent won me.  I knew it was only for his best friend, but it sent a little thrill through me to know I’d be his date for the night.

After the auction, all the ladies were supposed to dance with the men who won them.

“May I have this dance?” Brent asked and made a swoop of his arm as he bowed a little.  I giggled and placed my hand in his.

The music started, and although I didn’t recognize the song, I knew it was a slow song.  Brent wrapped one arm around my waist and held the other in his hand.

“Thank you for doing this,” I told him as we swayed together.  “I know you did it for Travis’ sanity, but it means a lot to me that you were there for me tonight,” I said.

“It wasn’t just for Travis,” Brent admitted.  “We haven’t been spending a lot of time together lately, and I missed you.  This was for me, too.”

“I missed you, too,” I told him, and his face lit up with a smile as his hand let go of mine and snaked its way onto my waist.  My hands found his shoulders, and we rocked back and forth to the music.

I don’t know if it was the lyrics singing, “I’ll be there for you,” or if it was the way Brent’s eyes were captivating mine, or if it was just the mood in the room, but I found myself only seeing Brent, only feeling him.  Everyone else faded away as I stared into his eyes.  They really were quite striking, deep pools of emotion.  I wanted to read them, understand the depth behind them, but I didn’t know how.  I just kept looking, feeling his body move effortlessly with mine as he pulled me closer and I rested my head on his chest.  I breathed in his scent, and I was lost in the moment.

The spell he’d cast over me was broken almost as quickly as it started.  “Song’s over, lovebirds,” Lauren said to my right.  “You can stop dancing like you’re making love now.”  She tapped me on the ass and then walked away with her date, leaving me in Brent’s arms.

I had pulled back to look at him, but he made no effort to release me.  If I didn’t know better, I’d think maybe Lauren was on to something.

“Thank you,” I whispered because I felt like something needed to be said.

“I’ll always be there for you, Kim,” Brent echoed the words of the song we’d just danced to as he lifted his hand from my waist and brushed a strand of my hair away from my face.

I hadn’t even realized how close our faces were, how our lips were just inches apart—ready to touch, to taste, to melt into one—until Brent pulled back suddenly.

“I can’t do this to Travis,” he muttered and then walked away.  I stood there for a moment longer, trying to figure out what in the hell just happened.

Lauren walked back over, my saving grace.  “Still think he doesn’t like you?” she asked teasingly.  “Like I said, Kim.  You have a choice.”

“I’m with Travis,” I repeated the same words from before.

“Tell that to your heart,” she responded.  I didn’t have an answer.  “Come on,” she said after a beat, taking pity on me.  “Cool off time in the bathroom,” she told me as she dragged me to the restroom and ordered me to splash some cold water on my face.

“We have a couple of more hours here.  Put your big girl panties on, smile that wonderful smile of yours, and pretend like nothing happened. Have fun with your friend Brent, and then we’ll go home and you can spend all night thinking it through.”

“I need to go take care of Travis after this.”

“Then you can spend all of tomorrow thinking this through,” she responded.  Notice I didn’t tell her there was nothing to think about?

But she was right about having to spend the rest of the evening doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing – having fun with my friend.

We walked out of the bathroom, and I found Brent waiting for me.  Lauren squeezed my arm and headed off.

“Kim, I’m sorry,” he started, but I cut him off.

“Sorry for what?” I asked with the best fake smile I could manage.  “Oh no, you are not ditching me,” I told him as if it had just occurred to me that he might be trying to tell me he was heading out.

“Huh?” he asked, clearly confused by the short exchange.

“You’re my date tonight, Brent, so that means you are staying until this is over,” I told him, and although it didn’t help completely, I knew my nonchalance attitude had relieved some of his tension.

I can’t say the rest of the evening wasn’t tense, but it wasn’t all that bad.  We laughed, talked, joked, and danced some more, but we stayed away from the slow songs.

When it was over and Brent had walked us home, I changed and headed to Travis’ place with a can of chicken noodle soup and some Nyquil.

To say Travis was happy to see me was an understatement.  We didn’t do anything seeing as he was sick like a dog, but we fell asleep in each others’ arms.  The problem?  I kept imagining I was still in Brent’s arms. Instead, I was with Travis – Brent’s best friend.

chapter thirty

Travis was pretty sick for the next couple of days.  Naturally, being the good girlfriend I was, I stayed with him, which meant … you guessed it … I got sick.  Travis wanted to repay the favor and stay with me while I got better, but I convinced him that I’d just get him sick again, then he’d get me sick, and the cycle would continue.

I know he felt pretty bad about not being there for me, but in all honesty, I needed some time away from him.  Some people liked having someone take care of them when they were sick.  I wasn’t one of those people.  My whole face felt like it was swollen, I couldn’t breathe easily, and my throat thought it was made of coarse sandpaper.  I just wanted to be left alone.  Also, when I was with Travis, I tried – and was pretty successful – at pushing any and all thoughts of Brent aside.  It was only when I had some “me” time, like when Travis slept or even took a nap, that I thought about Brent, or more specifically, what Lauren had said about Brent’s feelings for me.

Now that Travis was all better, all I could think about was feeling like crap and Brent – not together of course.  And I might have thought about the fact that the sex gods still hated me.  Although, maybe it was a good thing that Travis and I had yet to seal the deal considering my feelings were all over the place and it was unfair to him, Brent, or me. Well … the “unfair to me” part might have been a stretch.  I’m pretty sure my girlie parts were saying their lack of use was the unfair part.

“So?  What did you decide?” Lauren asked the minute I was back home for more than a couple of minutes.

“Not now,” I whined.  “Can’t you see I’m dying?” I asked.

“Oh puh-lease.  You have a little cold. Blow your nose and you’ll be fine.  So?  Brent or Travis?  Or maybe a Brent and Travis sandwich?” she asked and wiggled her eyebrows.

I laughed, then I pictured said sandwich, then I threw a pillow over my head and groaned.

Lauren lifted the pillow from my face, pressed her hand to my forehead and announced I didn’t have a fever, which apparently meant she could torture me some more.  “If both guys walked up to you right now and asked you to choose, which one would it be?”

“How is that a fair question?” I asked.

“It’s not, but answer it anyway.”

“I can’t answer it, though,” I admitted.

“Why the hell not?” she scoffed.  “I can answer that question for you just fine.”

“You don’t even know Travis,” I responded a little louder than I intended to.  It didn’t take a genius to know who Lauren had been rooting for.  I wasn’t even sure why.

“I didn’t know Brent either until recently, and I still knew he was it for you.”

“You don’t even know if he likes me,” I retorted.

“Really?” she asked and raised her eyebrows, staring at me as if I was crazy.

“I’m with Travis,” I said.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be,” she responded.

“I really like him, Lauren,” I told her.  It was true, after all.  He was gorgeous to look at, sure, but that wasn’t even why I liked him.  He was so sweet; he treated me like I was worth something special.  He looked at me like I was a gift to him.  His slightly possessive streak made me feel more loved than when he used those words on me, like he was truly afraid of losing me.  I had never had someone like that before.  And yet … I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I loved him.  I mean, I did … just not in that way.  “And he loves me,” I added.

“I’m sure he does,” she said sincerely.  “You don’t understand what a catch you are.  Will really did a number on you, but any guy would be lucky to just have a moment of your time, let alone the honor of loving you.  But if he truly loves you, then he’ll want you to be happy, even if it’s not with him.”

“But I am happy with him,” I told her, and I meant it.

“I’m not saying you’re not, but would you be happier with Brent?”

“I … I don’t know,” I admitted, and it hurt to say the words out loud.

“And besides, as his friend, don’t you think he deserves to have someone love him the way he loves you?” she asked, and I nodded in response because I did agree with that.

“So let’s say I break up with him.  He’ll be hurt, I might lose him as a friend, and I still can’t be with Brent even if he wanted me.”

“Why not?” she asked like it was the oddest thing I’d ever said.

“Because he’s Travis’ best friend!” I cried.  “Forget the fact that it would be incredibly awkward between us all. Forget the fact that even if Brent wanted a relationship with me, which we still don’t know if he does, that he probably wouldn’t pursue anything with me on account of Travis and the “bro code.” But I’m not a “jump from one guy to another” type of girl.”

“It’s not jumping from one guy to another if you’re choosing the one you’re supposed to be with.”

“Your logic is flawed,” I told her.

“And this itty bitty cold is apparently affecting your brain cells.  Yeah, sure, it might be strange at first.  I won’t deny that.  But you can’t live your life around what makes other people uncomfortable.  You have to do what’s right for you.  And Brent?  Kim, he’s right for you.”

“And what about hurting Travis?  I really care about him.”

“You think he’d rather you be with him just because you ‘really care about him’?” She said the last part with air quotes.

“Maybe not, but I’m pretty sure he’d rather I not dump him and go after his best friend.”

“So then don’t go attacking Brent right away.  Give it some time if you must.  When things cool down, I’m sure the universe will align itself, and you two will be in ‘happily ever after’ land together.  But at least don’t lead Travis on in the meantime.  Let him go so he can get over you and move on.”  She paused for only a quick breath before continuing.  “Okay, that’s it.  That’s all I’ll say for now.  Now go take some meds because you look horrible,” she said with a wink.  “Love you, Kim.  I’m off to class, but call me if you need me,” she said and kissed my cheek before heading out.

Maybe Lauren was right.  As much as I liked Travis, and as absolutely happy I was with him, I was constantly feeling guilty about having feelings for Brent.  Maybe the right thing to do would be to break up with him?

I’m really not sure how I did it, but I managed to avoid having an internal conversation with myself for the remainder of my sick time.  I focused on trying to do schoolwork, while really not being in the mood, and getting better.

After a couple of days and a ton of absolutely adorable text messages from Travis telling me how much he missed me, how he hoped I was feeling better, and how he was seconds away from disobeying my ‘no interaction while I was sick’ rule, I was ready to catch up on my missing school days.

I was heading out the door in true Kim fashion.  This meant I was totally oblivious to the world.  I’m talking tunnel vision.  Like if there was a car vehicle headed straight at me ready to crash into me and send my body flying a dozen feet in the air, I wouldn’t notice it until it was too late.  That being said, when I heard, “Kim,” being yelled really loudly somewhere to my left, I yelped – more like screamed really – then dropped everything I was carrying and clutched my chest like I was trying to hold it in place.

“Jesus, Kim, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Brent said as he ran over to me.  “I was just trying to get your attention.” He laughed.

“Freaking A, warn a girl next time,” I told him as I calmed my racing heart.

“Technically, I was.” He chuckled.  “I called your name like ten times before the last one freaked you out.”

“Whatever,” I mumbled but smiled at the same time.  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I was coming to bring you my notes from class,” he told me.

“Oh shit, my stuff,” I said as I realized I had yet to pick up my notebook and pen.

“Here, let me help,” Brent said as we both bent down to grab my things.

In true movie fashion, our hands collided.  In true rom-com style, I felt his heart beating in sync with mine as our hands touched, the warmth of his skin heating my own.  In true chick-flick style, we had “a moment.” Neither of us moved our hands, but our heads came up.  It was like looking in a mirror as I stared into his eyes.  All the emotions I felt were written in his features, but I wasn’t even sure which emotions I was feeling.  There were too many of them all at once.

I just knew I had an overwhelming desire to lean in and find out what his lips tasted like.  I’m pretty sure I licked my own because I saw his eyes dart to my mouth.  His lips parted and his breath hitched.  I forgot to breathe.

I think I really might have leaned in, or maybe he did because I realized I was balancing on the balls of my feet and his face was suddenly closer.  A little more. Just a little more.

“I was hoping I hadn’t missed you.” Ice. Cold. Water.  Like an entire bucket was thrown over my head at the sound of Travis’ voice.  And guilt.  Overwhelming guilt as I jumped shot up as if Brent’s touch had scolded me.

I could tell it took Brent a moment to compose himself as well, but as he grabbed my notebook and pen and stood up slower, he was handling it better than I was.

“What’s going on here?” Travis asked as he walked up to us, looking back and forth between Brent and me.

The weird look he shot Brent didn’t go unnoticed by me, but either Brent didn’t see it or he wasn’t affected by it.  “I was just bringing Kim some notes from class.  I scared her when I called her name and down went her things.”  He said it like “oh, you know her” was supposed to be tacked onto that sentence.  Then he chuckled, but it wasn’t lighthearted like his laughter usually was.  The moment was tense.  At least for me.  I’m sure Travis and Brent felt it too, but I found a way to push my unease aside.

“That’s what you get for sneaking up on unsuspecting girls,” I teased, trying to ease the awkwardness.  “You’re lucky I don’t carry pepper spray.”

“You’d probably somehow manage to spray yourself,” Brent responded with a genuine chuckle.

“Probably,” I admitted with a laugh.  “What are you doing here?” I asked Travis.

“I missed you, so I wanted to see you before you headed to class, but my training ran late.  It was a long shot catching you, but I guess I should thank Brent for keeping you here.”  I wholeheartedly couldn’t tell if he was being sincere about that last part or if there was some bitterness mixed in.  Brent and I weren’t technically doing anything wrong.  Sure, my feelings for him were not of the wholesome nature, but it’s not like Travis knew that, so I chose to believe he had meant what he’d said.

Either way, we were all silent for a moment.  I looked down at my watch and yelped in surprise at how much time had passed.  I had already skipped classes the previous two days.  I couldn’t afford to skip anymore.  “Oh crap, I gotta run.”

“Walk you to class?” Travis asked.

“Sorry, Trav, but I literally have to run.”

“Okay,” he said disappointed but perked up a second later.  “You coming over tonight, right Kim?”  The hope in his voice almost tore me apart.

“Yeah,” I said and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.  I didn’t want to look at Brent, but I glanced over for just a moment and the look on his face spoke volumes; I just wasn’t one hundred percent sure what were in said volumes.

“Thanks for the notes,” I said to Brent.  “I’ll copy these and give them back to you later.”

“No need, I made a copy for myself already.” He shrugged and smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Oh, okay. Thanks then,” I said lamely because I didn’t have a better response.  “Okay, now I really have to go.”

As I sprinted away, I didn’t care that I was going to be late for class.  I didn’t care that I was still feeling a little stuffy.  I didn’t care that I was going to have a bunch of stuff to make up for school.  I only cared about two things at that moment – Travis and Brent.  What the hell was I going to do?

chapter thirty-one

That evening, I was at Travis’ place.  We had just come back from a quick bite to eat, and we were watching TV.  I was tense, and I noticed the tension rolling off him as well.  I tried to rub his shoulders to ease whatever was paining him, but it didn’t do much good.  God, I hoped it wasn’t because of me.  But I knew I was at least a major cause if not the entire reason for Travis’ odd mood.  How much did he know about my feelings?  About my guilt?  About what wasn’t going on between Brent and me?

Maybe it was the shame I felt for wanting Brent. Maybe it was wanting to do something for Travis, who had done so much for me by just simply loving me, or maybe it was one last-ditch effort to see if I could not only rid my feelings for Brent but also figure out if Travis was the guy I was meant to be with … so I decided I was going to take matters into my own hands.  I straddled Travis and kissed him hard.  I wanted to feel close to him, let passion take over, let my mind focus solely on him, on us.  I wanted it so badly that my kiss wasn’t just hard, but forceful.  He wasn’t expecting it and my lips crashed against his teeth and his head bumped mine. 

I couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of me.  This wasn’t working.  I felt momentarily bad for Travis while he looked like a fish out of water, staring at me laughing like that was the funniest thing to ever happen to me.  And come on, with the things I’d been through, this was nothing on the funny scale.

I think Travis finally understood the hilarity of the situation – that we just couldn’t get our act together – and maybe my laughter was contagious because Travis started laughing, too.  I climbed off, and we kept laughing at the absurdity of the circumstances.  Even when nothing was interrupting us, we were interrupting ourselves. 

Finally, when we were heaving from the chuckles, Travis took my hand and I looked at him, really looked at him. He was breathtaking, and he was mine … only … I wasn’t his.  This wasn’t fair to him, and I think the sad look in his eyes told him he knew.

“This shouldn’t be this hard,” I said after a while.

“Love isn’t always easy,” he responded, but I could hear the defeat in his voice.  He hung his head for a moment before lifting it back up and looking into my eyes.  “But, no, you’re right.  It shouldn’t be this hard.”  He paused and I didn’t speak because I didn’t know what to say.  I think Travis understood where this conversation was heading even before I truly did.  “Maybe the universe is telling us something,” he said.

“Trav-” I started, appreciating that he was taking the lead on this, but I didn’t want to put him through that.  I thought, no, I knew, that he was doing this to spare me, to make it easier for me.  He deserved me to man up and tell him what he’d obviously figured out – this wasn’t working.

“I love you, Kim, I do.  And I know you love me.  I can feel it even if you haven’t said it,” he cut me off.  “But the difference is that I’ve fallen in love with you, and even though, like I said, I know you love me, you’re not in love with me.  God help me, I wish it did, but your heart doesn’t lie with me.”

“I do love you,” I admitted for the first time out loud.  “I love you so much,” I told him.  He deserved to hear it.  “I don’t want to hurt you.  I don’t want to lose you.  I can’t lose you.  You’re one of my best friends,” I cried.

“That’s not a reason to stay together,” he responded.  “And maybe that’s why things were so easy for us when we were together.  Like maybe we were so close because we were friends and attracted to each other that it naturally progressed to this.  Just somewhere along the way, I reached another step and you didn’t.  It’s okay, though,” he added.  “You won’t lose me, Kim, I promise.  I won’t deny it won’t hurt being around you for a while, but I don’t want you out of my life.”

“I’m so sorry,” I told him.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” he said.  “That’s life. You can’t choose who you fall for.  I just want you to be happy, Kim, even if that means it’s not with me … even if it means I need to watch you with someone else – a great guy who loves you as much as I do, who deserves your love.”  Did he?  Could he?  He couldn’t possibly mean … no, he didn’t mean that … did he?  Maybe he did. Maybe he read my thoughts or maybe he just meant it in general, but I had a feeling Travis knew exactly what he was saying.  “Follow your heart, Kim.  It won’t steer you wrong.”

“Oh God, I’m so sorry Trav,” I said as I pulled him into a hug.  “I never meant for this to happen.  I didn’t want to hurt you.  I love you.”

“Well, duh,” he said as he held me tight.  “How could you not love me?”  His sad tone was peppered with the lightheartedness he was trying to portray.  “I mean, one-hundred-eighty pounds of pure awesomeness.” He waved his hand up and down his torso as we pulled away.  “Add in my rock hard abs, my killer smile, and the huge fucking package you sadly never got to experience, and seriously, Kim, I’m totally loveable.”

“You are.” I laughed and punched him lightly on the arm, completely grateful for his attempt at lightening the tension.  He truly was awesome, and loveable, and a whole slew of other amazing things.

“You’re going to make the right girl extremely lucky one day,” I told him.

“Fuck yeah.” He chuckled.  “Multiple orgasms, baby.”  We both laughed. 

“Damn. I can’t believe I didn’t get to sleep with you,” Travis mused after a moment.

“Seriously?” I asked, pretending to be appalled, but Travis just smirked.

“What?  I’m still a guy, and you’re still hot.  And hell, Kim, you’re the first girlfriend I had and I couldn’t do the deed,” he said as he wiggled his eyebrows and chuckled.

“Oh, you.  I believe you just broke up with me.  You know, that whole you just broke my heart thing, and you’re already joking.”

“Can’t break what was never mine,” he teased back, but his words held some truth.  He had my heart as a friend, but not the love he deserved from a girlfriend.  “Now, are we going to finish watching this movie or what?” he asked, breaking the moment of awkwardness.

“Yeah,” I responded, and we settled in to finish the movie.  And it wasn’t awkward for the rest of the night.

When the movie was over, and I was heading out, I hugged Travis and told him I loved him.

“Word of advice, Kim,” he said as I was halfway out the door.

I turned back to face him.  “What?” I asked.

“Don’t hide your feelings.  I’ll never regret the time we had together, and I never would have gotten it in the first place if I’d kept what I felt for you inside.  I’m happy I told you I loved you, and I’m happy I got those couple of months with you.  I wouldn’t change them for the world.  So … just … don’t keep your feelings too close to your own heart.  Let them out.  You deserve to be happy.”

I didn’t have a response.  Not one word.  No witty comeback or thoughtful remark.  I just nodded because he deserved an acknowledgment.  “Thank you, Trav,” I whispered and headed out.

If only I had a response for myself.  But as I walked home alone, I still had no words.  Not out loud or in my head.  But I hoped like hell I’d have some soon.

chapter thirty-two

“You look weird,” Lauren said the following morning when I woke up and walked into our kitchen.

“Travis and I broke up,” I told her.

“Woohoo,” she yelped.  I gave her a pointed look in response.  “Oh, sorry, I mean, poor Kim.  Poor Travis.  You both must be so heartbroken.  Have no fear, though, because I have an idea for something that might just cheer you up.”

“I don’t even want to know,” I responded.

“Sure you do.  I’ll give you a hint.  It’s starts with a ‘B’ and ends with a ‘T.’’”

“Butt?” I asked just to be a smartass.

“Ha-ha, very funny.  Although … hmm … now that I think about it.  Brent did have a pretty nice butt.”

“Lauren, Travis and I just broke up last night.  There are no thoughts of Brent right now.”

“Oh, yeah? So then why’d you guys break up?” she asked.

“Because you were right.  Travis and I … we’re not meant to be together.  But that doesn’t mean Brent and I are,” I added.

“Puh-lease.  You know you are.”  She rolled her eyes for effect.

“So, then what?  I’m just supposed to go running to Brent and say what exactly?  ‘Oh, hey, guess what? You’re best friend just broke up with me so how about we give it a go?’”

“Wait, what?  Travis broke up with you?”

“Out of that entire sentence, that’s what you took away?” I asked.

“I thought you were going to break up with him for Brent,” she said as if that explained her train of thought.

“I was never going to break up with him for Brent. That’s horrible and tacky and just not cool.  I was going to break up with him because I love him as a friend, not a boyfriend.”

“That still doesn’t explain how he broke up with you,” she pointed out.

“He realized what was happening between us, I guess.  He saw that I didn’t care about him the same way he cared about me, and he manned up before I did.  God,” I said as I put my head in my hands.  “I feel so bad.  I love him, I do.  Just not like that.  I just want him to be happy, you know?” I asked, but I wasn’t looking for a response from Lauren.  “I feel like if he found someone who’d make him happier than I ever could that I’d feel less guilty.”

“Oh, Kim,” Lauren said as she came over and put her hand on my shoulder.  “There’s nothing to feel guilty about.  I know with one-hundred-percent certainty that if you guys stayed together, you’d make him ridiculously happy, but that’s just not fair to you or him.  So you guys did the right thing.  And now he will find someone who’s right for him.”

I lifted my head and nodded. “Yeah, well, until he does, I hope things won’t be awkward between us.”

“Uh … I hate to break the news to you, Kim, but you make everything awkward.”

I hit her with the closest couch pillow in response right before we both laughed.

“I love you,” I told her.

“Love you too.  Now what are you going to do about your other love?”

“Nothing,” I said.

“But-”  She was cut off by the door.

“Hey, Kim, it’s me,” Brent called from the other side.

“Speak of the devil,” Lauren practically sang.  “If that isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is.  Now go get your boy.”

“He’s not my boy,” I hissed but went to open the door nonetheless.  “Hey,” I said as I opened the door.

“Hey, Trav told me what happened and you weren’t answering your phone.  I was worried about you, but you look … you look fine,” he mused.

“Oh, uh … thanks?” I said it more like a question than a statement.  “Yeah, I mean, I don’t think it was a surprise to either of us,” I told him after he walked inside.

“Huh,” was his response.

“Some things just weren’t coming along the way they should have,” I told him, not wanting to go into great details about the sex gods really wanting me to not have sex.  I know I kept saying that as if sex was the main factor.  It wasn’t, but I did feel intimacy in a relationship was important, and if two people tried to get to that level of intimacy and constantly failed … well, then, that was a sign.  For me, having feelings for Brent was also a sign.  I wasn’t going to tell Brent that either.

“So you … you’re okay with this?” he asked sounding surprised.

“No, yes, both I guess,” I admitted.  “I hate that I probably hurt Trav, and I’m sad because I’m afraid we’ll never be the same again, and I’d be really disappointed if I lost him as a friend, but we just weren’t right together like that.”

“But why?” Brent asked.  “You guys seemed so good with each other.  And I know how much Travis cared about you.  I figured it was mutual.”

“Kim’s meant to be with someone else,” Lauren called out from her room. She’d snuck in there after I answered the door, but apparently it wasn’t to give us some privacy.  “Hey Brent,” she added after she joined us.

“Hey Lauren,” he answered, but his face was twisted in confusion, probably at her first remark.  I gave her a pointed stare for her outburst.  She wasn’t going to play matchmaker with me.

She completely disregarded my look.  “Kim is meant to be with someone who makes her have googly eyes, who takes up all her thoughts, who makes her breath hitch, who looks at her like she’s everything he ever wanted but can’t have.”

“Reading too many novels?” I asked because she was starting to sound like one.

“Oh, hush.  You know I’m right.  Travis was great, I’m sure, but he wasn’t who you need or want.”  She emphasized “who” while looking directly at Brent.  “Of course, I’ve shockingly never met Travis, so maybe he did look at you like you were the sun and the moon and all the stars in between, but from this point of view, he just wasn’t doing it for you … at least not the way someone else-”

“Yeah, yeah, got the point.” I cut her off before she could say anything else way too obvious about Brent.  “No need to bash my feelings for Travis.  I love him, just not romantically.  We all got that.”

“Good, so don’t sulk.  It doesn’t become you,” she said as if she was some fashion diva checking me out. Brent had stayed silent during the entire exchange.  I braved a look at him at one point, and he had a thoughtful expression on his face, but I couldn’t figure out exactly what it meant.  “You,” she said as she pointed at Brent.  “Take my girl out and show her a good day so she stops feeling guilty.”

“But …” I started to protest.

“Okay,” Brent replied, cutting off any more words I would have said.

“Okay?” I asked taken by surprise at his eagerness to spend the day with me.

“Yeah, you’re my friend, and I want to make sure you’re not spending the day crying your eyes out or whatever else you girls do after a breakup.”

“Shouldn’t you be worried about Travis?” I asked.

“Yeah, but he’ll be fine.  And guys don’t really get together and bitch about their lives.  He’ll probably just spend the day at the gym taking his feelings out on his sparring buddy.”

“Uh … yeah, that sounds productive,” I responded because it actually kind of did.  Brent chuckled in response.

“I definitely need to make a trip to the gym and find me some hottie like you did,” Lauren mumbled from the side.  I knew she was referring to Brent, and although that wasn’t where I met him, she credits the gym as to why we were friends, and in her words, “hopefully more.”

“Give me a few minutes to get ready,” I told Brent.

“Sure,” he said.

I grabbed Lauren by the arm and dragged her into my room.  “Just what do you think you’re doing?” I asked her.

“Giving you a little push,” she said innocently while batting her eyelashes.

“More like a giant-ass shove,” I retorted.

“You can thank me later.  After you guys get down and dirty.”

“There will be no down and dirty,” I hissed.

“Suuuure.”  Lauren stretched the word out.

“Ugh, whatever,” I said as I went to change and run a comb through my hair.

“Ready?” Brent asked as I walked out.

No.  “Yep.”  It was one thing to hang out with Brent as a friend before Travis and I got together, but it would be something completely different after.  I just really hoped that different didn’t mean weird.

chapter thirty-three

“How did I not know this place existed?” I asked Brent after we walked into the building he’d drove us to.  It was trampoline heaven.  I’m talking trampoline floors, trampoline walls, trampoline pits, and bouncy balls to throw while jumping around on all the freaking trampolines.  It was a kid’s dream, and apparently, I was a kid because I was on cloud nine.

“Because not everyone can be as awesome as I am,” Brent said with a wink.

“Yeah, wait until I kick your ass at trampolining,” I retorted.

“Trampolining?” Brent chuckled.  “That’s not a word, Kim.”

“It is now.  And not only is it a word, it’s a sport.  And I’m so getting the gold medal.”

“Yeah, gold medal.  You do that,” he said while smirking.

“Don’t be jealous.”

“Uh … yeah … not quite the emotion I’m feeling right now.  Pity maybe.  Embarrassment for you?”

“Whatever,” I grumbled and punched him playfully in the arm.

“If that’s what you got, I’m getting the gold medal.”  He laughed.  I couldn’t help but laugh, too.  “So you’re really okay?” Brent asked after we paid for our time and bought some socks so we could jump around.

“Yeah, I really am.  Don’t get me wrong, I feel bad about the whole thing, but I think we’re better as friends.  My heart just wasn’t in it the way it should have been.”  Brent nodded in response like he understood, but I’m not sure he did.  After all, I had hurt his best friend, and here he was hanging out with me.  I didn’t want to dwell on that thought anymore, so I spoke up in my best cheery voice.  “Now, come on. Let’s go jump,” I said as I tapped his arm and then sped off to jump on the closest trampoline mat.

We spent about an hour going from trampoline to trampoline, throwing balls at each other and laughing hysterically at how completely uncoordinated I am.  If trampolining was really a sport, I’d be disqualified before I even had a chance to compete.

It was so much fun just hanging out and enjoying my time with Brent.  I had been worried it would be awkward; it was anything but.  It felt so natural just the two of us hanging out together, which might have sparked one or two … or fifty daydreams about us as a couple.  I had to physically shake my head every time my mind went in that direction.  We couldn’t be together for several reasons, so I had to stop thinking that way.

Of course, it didn’t help when we both jumped on the same trampoline side wall at the exact same time.  We collided into each other, sending us both down onto the mat, our limbs entangled, our arms linked, our bodies bouncing together against the trampoline floor, specifically my body on top of his – just like in the movies.

Even as we moved gently, I was frozen with my body pinned against Brent’s.  My eyes were locked on his, and his were penetrating mine.  We seemed to be having these types of moments quite often lately – the type of moments where neither of us spoke, letting the silence between us do the talking, letting our bodies speak for us, letting our connection speak volumes.  It was a silent language that only Brent and I understood, one that said, “I want you,” and “I like you,” and “I more than like you.”

And then I heard his next thought before it reached his mouth.  “I can’t do this to Travis,” he said as he found a way to untangle us, flinging me off at the same time he scrambled away.  He stood up clumsily and ran off, leaving me sitting on the bouncing floor, completely out of breath and panting at the same time.  I was momentarily dazed, completely unsure of what had just transpired.  And then my brain kicked in where my heart had previously taken over, and I managed to get to my feet and dashed off in the direction that Brent had just taken.

I found him pacing in one of the corridors.  “Brent,” I said his name quietly, not wanting to scare him but wanting his attention.  He didn’t even register that I was there.  “Brent,” I said louder, and his head snapped up to meet mine.  The anguish written across his features was enough to make me take a step back.  “Talk to me,” I urged.  “What the hell just happened?” I asked.  “Tell me what’s wrong,” I spewed demand after question after demand.

“Nothing,” he said.

“That wasn’t nothing,” I told him.  “You ran off right after you said something about not doing this to Travis.  What the hell was that?  I’m your friend, Brent.  If something’s bothering you, you can tell me.”

“Not this,” he muttered.

I took a step toward him, and then another, slowly, tentatively, afraid he’d step back.  He didn’t, and soon I was right in front of him, invading his personal space.  “Whatever it is, it’s okay.  Just talk to me.”

“It’s not okay,” he snapped.

“What’s not?” I asked.

“You,” he said so loudly I flinched.  “Oh God, no, not like that, Kim.  Never like that.”

“Then how?” I asked.  “Because right now, you’re making me feel like a complete asshole,” I admitted.  I did feel like an asshole.  I had just all but dumped Travis the day before and now I was flirting and drooling and practically attacking Brent.  No wonder he fled from me.

“I’m the asshole,” he rebutted.

“What?” I asked, completely thrown by his response.

“I’m the asshole that was lusting after his best friend’s girl.”

“I … uh … huh?” I stuttered my response.

“Fuck,” he yelled.  “This is so fucked up,” he said softer, but his tone still held an edge to it.  “Dammit, Kim, I love you.  And I can’t because you’re Travis’.”

“You love me?” I asked, completely and utterly shocked and unbelieving.

“I tried not to,” he answered.  “I really tried not to, but I couldn’t help falling for you.  I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but then you started dating Trav.  I really tried to turn off my feelings then, but I just couldn’t.”

“Travis?” I asked lamely because I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“It doesn’t matter that you’re no longer together.  You’re still his.  I can’t do this, Kim.  No matter how much I want to … no matter how much I want to kiss you, claim you, make you mine … I can’t.”

“I … I understand,” I said because really, I did.  And also because I was still completely taken aback by Brent’s admission.

“I don’t want to lose you, though,” Brent said as if he was afraid this would change things.  I was afraid of that too, but I didn’t say anything.  “Friends? Please,” Brent pleaded.

“Friends,” I answered with a nod after a few beats.  I didn’t mean to hesitate in my answer, but I was still processing everything.

I’d like to say the rest of the day wasn’t awkward, that we were able to switch back into friend mode as easily as Travis and I had the night before, but we didn’t.  We grabbed something to eat after, went to a nearby park then a movie and dinner, and called it a day.  After we had left the trampoline zone, things were visibly uncomfortable between us, but by the time we had made it to eat, we were talking and joking like nothing had happened between us.  I’m not even sure who initiated the conversation because I was still pretty dazed by it all.  On the outside, the day went by smoothly, like two old friends having a grand old time.  But anyone who knew us knew that there was a tension there.  Brent made fun of me, I said my usual stupid things, we talked about random stuff, but it felt … not quite forced, but also not as easy as it had before.  But neither one of us wanted to acknowledge it, so we continued on in our day.

“Thank you for today,” I told Brent when he dropped me off.

“My pleasure,” he responded.  We didn’t mention the giant elephant in the room that was making things difficult for us.  “We’ll have another fun day soon,” he told me as he left, and I knew he meant it.  We’d continue hanging out. I was sure of that.  I just wasn’t sure if things would ever be the same.

chapter thirty-four

“You have to try hanging out again,” Lauren said after I told her about what had happened.

“Uh … did you not just hear the same story I did?” I asked.

“Exactly why you two need to keep hanging out.  Either it will stay super weird and you’ll both be forced to act upon your unbridled desires or you’ll get over the weirdness.”

“Who the hell says ‘unbridled desires’ anymore?”

“I do. Now shut up and listen,” she reprimanded.  “You love him, and although I’ve always known he loved you, now you have proof.  Travis isn’t in the picture and all but gave you permission to go hop on the Brent Love Train-”

“I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean Brent,” I cut her off.

“Minor details.” She waved me off.  “So go for it.  Jump on that love train and ride it … ride it hard.”

I snorted in response.  “If anyone ever wondered how we became friends – that right there is why.”  She giggled.

“You both said you want to be friends, right?  What do you have to lose?  Go be friends,” she encouraged. “And then hopefully soon, you’ll be more.”

“Not happening.”

“One can hope,” she retorted.  “What?” she asked after I rolled my eyes.  “I can’t hope that my best friend will be happy and be with the man of her dreams?”

“I love you too, dork,” I said as I pulled her into a hug.

Needless to say, Lauren pushed me to make plans with Brent.  It was better than the previous time, but still not one hundred percent there.

It was like before both our feelings were out in the open, we could pretend they didn’t exist.  Now that the words had been said, there was no taking them back, and things just weren’t the same.  That made me so sad, and I hoped like hell that we could get over whatever was between us.  Neither of us was going to make a move because of Travis, and neither of us wanted to lose the other.

Travis and I had texted throughout the following week, but I don’t think either of us was ready to truly hang out even though our texts seemed to say that things between us were okay.  So when Travis suggested we all hang out – the three musketeers, he’d called us – I couldn’t really say no.  And apparently neither could Brent.

I found myself sitting across from Brent and Travis at a local diner. Normally, this wouldn’t have bothered me, but with the two of them on one side, I felt a little intimidated.  One was my ex-boyfriend, the other was my secret love interest, and both were my really good friends.  Spelled “awkward” with a capital “a.”

It surely didn’t help that I couldn’t help but act differently around Brent, especially in front of Travis.  I was afraid if I made eye contact with him too long, Travis would know something was up.  I was afraid if I gave Brent too much attention, Travis would know something was up.  I was afraid if I laughed too loudly at something Brent said, Travis would know something was up.  I was pretty much afraid that Travis would know something was up period, which made me on edge, fidgety, and not my normal carefree self.  And that, ladies and gentlemen, was a giant neon sign that something was up.  I could tell by the odd looks Travis kept giving Brent and me.

I felt like an ass.

I knew Brent had felt Travis’ stares because he called me shortly after I made it home.  “Maybe we shouldn’t hang out so much … at least until we can be around each other without the discomfort we seem to be feeling.”

He took the words right out of my mouth.  It wasn’t fair to Brent, me, or even Travis.  So we needed to figure our shit out and remember how to be normal friends before we could spend time together again.

I agreed, and we hung up, but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting.

“Oh, Kim, it’ll be okay. I promise,” Lauren said when she found me crying on the couch.  “Just give it some time.”

“And then what?” I asked.  “When’s the right time to tell your ex-boyfriend that you didn’t love him, but you love his best friend.”

“I think that’s the first time you admitted you love Brent.”

“Ugh!” I cried out in frustration at the situation and buried my head in my hands.

“The universe has a way of making things okay.  I promise.  So just tough it out for a bit and things will work out.  I know it.”

And then, like a good best friend, she brought me an assortment of sweets and pigged out with me, then we vegged out in front of the TV for the next few days, only getting up to go to school.

By the fifth day of this, Lauren was riding my ass to get up and go be productive.  She wanted to go outside and do something fun.  I didn’t.  I told her to go without me.  She wasn’t having it.

“Enough is enough!” she yelled.  “I wasn’t even this bad after Brian.”  I gave her a pointed stare.  “Okay, fine, I was this bad, but he cheated on me.  You still have your dreamboat. You just need to wait a little.  Enough moping.”

“I’m not moping. I’m just not in the mood to go out.”

Lauren opened her mouth to protest when we heard a knock on the door.  “I bet that’s Brent. Go open it,” she said as she literally dragged me up from the couch and pushed me toward the door.  I wouldn’t have opened it if she seriously hadn’t physically shoved me all the way.  Then she stepped to the side and nodded, giving me moral support and at the same time telling me she was there for me if I needed her.  I nodded in response, telling her I knew and thanking her.

Here goes nothing, I said to myself, even though I truly didn’t believe it was Brent, but wishful thinking did wonders for my imagination.  I opened the door and I was surprised at who was there.

“Trav,” I said. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“You haven’t been answering any of my texts.  I even called you a few times.  And Brent’s been weird lately too,” he said it more to himself than to me.  “I was worried about you.”

“Oh … uh, sorry.  I’ve just been preoccupied lately.  I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

“I thought we agreed to be friends, Kim.  That means not ditching me and having me think something happened to you.  And whatever you’re going through, you know you can count on me, right?” he asked.

“Yeah, sorry, I just haven’t been myself lately.  Come in,” I told him, and he stepped inside.  I closed the door and turned to find him and Lauren looking at each other … no, more like staring at each other as each one of them had an incurable disease and the other just discovered the cure.

I stood back, silently watching them for a moment.  I’d never seen Lauren stare at a guy with such reverence before.  She shamelessly ogled hot men all the time, but the way she was looking at Travis was something else.

And the way Travis was looking at her?  He’d never looked at me that way.  Never.  I knew I was a pretty oblivious person, but this was obvious to a blind man.  My little Travis was all grown up, finding love at first sight.

“Trav, this is Lauren.  Lauren, you finally get to meet Travis,” I announced after a minute.  They shook hands and said their greetings.  And then an idea hit me.

I had wanted Lauren to be happy. I had wanted Travis to be happy. Never had it occurred to me to have them be happy together.  But now that the thought was in my head, it wasn’t going anywhere.

“You hungry?” I asked Travis.  “Lauren and I haven’t eaten lunch yet, and she was just trying her hardest to get me go out.  Let’s all go together,” I announced.  “Just give me a minute to put some shoes on,” I said as I ran to my room, not giving either of them the chance to back out.   Operation Lauravis – see, even their names sounded better together than Travis and Kim ever did – was about to commence.

chapter thirty-five

I suggested a quaint little restaurant a ten-minute drive from my place.  I picked it mainly because I knew Lauren loved it, but also because it was cozy, and I thought cozy fit the Operation Lauravis bill pretty well.

Travis and Lauren had gotten over their initial shock, or whatever you called that little lovey-dovey gaze thing they had going on, and talked about everything and everything.  It was small talk, but it was the “get-to-know-you” kind of small talk.  That was definitely a positive sign in my book.

When we got to the restaurant, I waited a strategic two-minute time – just after the waitress brought us some waters before I yelped, “Oh, crap.”

“What?” Lauren asked, a hint of panic in her tone.

“Everything okay?” Travis asked.

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine.  I just remembered I forgot to turn in my paper and it’s due in …” I trailed off as I looked at my watch and pretended to check the time, “about twenty minutes.  Just enough time for me to get home and email it,” I said as I started to stand up.

“Okay, let’s go,” Lauren started as Travis began to get up.

I pushed them both down.  “No need.  I got this.  You guys enjoy lunch, get to know each other.  After all, it’s only natural that both my besties be friends,” I urged.

“I drove,” Travis responded.

“I’ll catch a cab.  Seriously, don’t worry about it,” I added when I got two unconvinced stares.  “Gotta go,” I said as I ran out, not giving them time to pursue me.

I knew Lauren was on to me when I heard my phone chime with an incoming text message after I’d gotten a cab.  Don’t think I’m not onto you, it said.

I responded with a winking face and headed home.  The good thing about Operation Lauravis was that it kept my thoughts off Brent even when I made it home and was alone with my thoughts.  I was just too anxious about Lauren and Travis to have any room in my mind for Brent.

I swear I wore a hole in the floor with my pacing as I waited for Lauren to get home with hopefully good news about the two of them.

Finally, the door opened and in walked Lauren with a giant smile.

“That was quick,” I responded, noticing it had only been a little over an hour.

“He had class,” she responded, but the smile didn’t leave her lips.  “Kim, he’s such a great guy.  I’d say it’s a shame you didn’t love him back because he’s so sweet, and nice, and just so great-”

“You already said he was great,” I pointed out with a smirk.  Lauren was rambling.  It was cute.

“Well, he is.  Anyway, I’d say it was a shame, but I know that Brent is the right guy for you.  And he’s pretty great too,” she said with a chuckle and an emphasis on the word great – totally mocking herself.

“So, Travis is great … go on,” I encouraged her with my own chuckle.

“Did you know he volunteers with the youth group?  He teaches them self-defense.  And he’s so smart too.  And he’s so freaking yummy.  You told me he was hot, but you didn’t tell me he was H-O-T.”

“I’m pretty sure I did,” I told her.

“I would have remembered,” she responded.

“You like him.”  It wasn’t a question.  It was a flat-out statement.

“I … what?  No,” she sputtered.  A definite sign she liked him.

“Uh-huh ... sure.”

“I … uh ... fine … I might like him a little bit.  Just a little bit,” she admitted.  “But it doesn’t matter because he loves you.”

“Yeah, that would be a big fat no,” I told her.  She rolled her eyes in response.  “I’m serious, Lauren.  Remember how you told me that Brent looked at me like a man who wanted more?”

“Yes.”

“And remember how you were right and I should have listened?”

“Definitely.”

“Well, Travis looks at you that way.”

“No way, nope, you’re seeing things,” she protested.

“I’m telling you, Lauren, that he never looked at me that way.”

“You just didn’t see it on yourself,” she rebutted.

“Trust me.  Travis had stars in his eyes the minute he saw you.  I truly believe in love at first sight after your first encounter, and I’m pretty sure Trav does, too.  That is great, really,” I added after a beat.  “I was worried he wouldn’t find someone to make him happier than I ever could.  And what do you know … the person for the job was right under my nose. And Lauren, I know he’ll make you super happy, too.”

“What?  No … no way, you’re wrong.”

“I’m totally right, and you know it.”

“And what about the girl code?” she asked.

“What girl code?” I was confused.

“The one that states no friend will date a friend’s ex.”

“Have you or have you not been trying to get me to do that exact thing with Brent?” I pointed out.

“That’s different.”

“How?” I asked.

“Because they’re guys,” she said it like she was saying, “duh.”

“They probably have a bro code,” I retorted.

“Not happening.”

“You need to go for it,” I told her.  “If I truly cared about some bullshit girl code, you know I’d tell you, but I just care about you being happy.  And in this case, Travis gets to be happy, too.  Give it a chance at least.  Tell him you have my blessing if he protests.  Tell him I want you both to have a chance at happiness, at real love.”

“Whoa … love.  No one said anything about love.”

“I did, and I said ‘chance at love.’  You deserve a truly good guy, and Trav is a truly good guy.  Go get him.”

“And what if he doesn’t like me?” she asked sounding unsure of herself.

“You’re hot and wonderful and amazing and any guy would give his left nut to be with you.”

“His left one, huh?  Not the right?” She chuckled.

“Well, I guess if he were a righty, he would go with the left, but if he were a lefty, then maybe he’d give up his right one.”

We laughed, which we both needed.  “Seriously, Lauren,” I started.  “Tell him you like him and you want to see where things can go between you two.  Fight for him if he starts protesting like you did.”

“Look who’s talking,” she snapped at me.  “You can preach it, but you can’t follow your own sermon?” she asked.  “I don’t see you going off and fighting for Brent.”

“Unlike you both, I don’t have Travis’ blessing,” I countered.

“You do,” I heard his voice before I saw him.

“Trav, what are you doing here?” I asked as Lauren and I turned to see him standing in the doorway.

“Sorry to just barge in,” he said hesitantly, “but you left your jacket in my car,” he said toward Lauren.  “I just wanted to return it.”  I gave Lauren a look that said, “See, I told you he likes you.”  She nodded in acquiescence.  “I knocked a couple of times, but you guys obviously didn’t hear me, but I heard you.  Hope you don’t mind, the door was open, so I sort of walked in.”  Shy Travis was absolutely adorable.

“Uh, yeah, that’s fine,” I responded.

“See?” Lauren said.  “You have his blessing.  Now go.”

I turned to see Travis nodding his head as if to say he agreed.

“You knew?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” he said sheepishly. “And it wasn’t fair of me to steal you away from him knowing how he felt.  So tell him I’m sorry, will you?”

“Yeah,” I said because I was still way too stunned about the entire exchange.

“Go, Kim,” Lauren whispered when I gave her a quick hug goodbye.

“I’d wish you good luck too, but I know you don’t need it,” she said.

“I always need luck,” I told her.

“Well, then, good luck,” she said with a smile.

I hugged Travis too and whispered a thank-you as he held me tight before I dashed out.  I had somewhere I needed to be.

chapter thirty-six

I made it to Brent’s place in record time.  As I climbed the stairs to his apartment, I couldn’t help the feeling that I probably should have called first.  What if he wasn’t home?  Would I just sit and wait for him to come home?  Yeah, probably, I reasoned.  I stood in front of his door mumbling to myself, trying to figure out just what in the hell I was going to say to him.  “Hey, so, now that Travis said we could, want to give it a go with your best friend’s ex?” just didn’t quite have the right ring to it.  “Hey, turns out you can do this to Travis after all.  He said so,” didn’t sound any better.

This was a bad idea, I told myself.  Stupid Lauren and her meddling.  Brent probably wasn’t home, and if he was, he probably didn’t want me anymore.  A week was a long time in college years.  He probably didn’t feel the same way about me anymore, which was why he was avoiding me.  It’s not like you were reaching out to him either, my inner voice accused.  That’s different, I responded to myself.  I was chasing after a man who had told me we shouldn’t see each other.  Suddenly, all of my bravado from earlier slipped away.  I couldn’t do this.  I sighed deeply and turned on my heel to leave without ever seeing Brent when his door freaking opened.  You’d think someone was purposely messing with my emotions at the perfect timing of it.  I turned, ready to say the first thing that came to my head.

“God, you’re beautiful,” I said with disgust as I took in the statuesque blonde woman standing before me.  I did say I was ready to say the first thing that came to mind, and her damn perfect looks caught me off guard. She had the kind of beauty that was all natural, and her stupid, stupid hair probably looked that good right when she woke up. It was clearly an accusation on my part.  The accusation for what, though, I had no clue.  But dammit!  Why did things always have to turn out as they did in books?  This girl had just come out of Brent’s apartment, looking all model-like and as if she was ready to step out of the pages of a men’s dream-woman magazine. And here I was, flustered and nervous.  And let’s not forget the fact that I had clearly missed my chance with Brent … if I ever even had one.  What reason did she have to be in his room except to … you know … ugh! I couldn’t even think about what they were doing.  I cursed Lauren in my head.  Hell, I cursed the Barbie in front of me, too; I just hope I did it in my head.

“Uh, thank you?” she responded, confusion clearly marring her features.

And then, as if my life wasn’t enough of a comedic movie, the door opened with Brent in low-slung jeans, his glorious abs on display for me and Miss Universe to salivate for.  “Wait, Jen, you forgot your cell and it keeps ringing,” he called out, not realizing that we were standing right outside his door in the female version of a Mexican standoff. You know the one where two girls narrow their eyes at each other and have a silent conversation that goes something like this:

I saw those abs before you ever knew they existed, my eyes said.

Yeah, well, I got to touch them, hers responded.

I technically did too, just maybe not the same way.  Hey! Don’t get me off topic.  I saw him first. Back off, bitch. I apparently got distracted by silent conversations as well.  Dork through-and-through.

Let’s let him decide.

At least I was sure that was how it went, although Buxom Beauty was barely looking at me, bewilderment still shown in her eyes.

Brent finally looked up when Pretty Woman said, “Thanks.”  Oh God, she even had a nice voice, all sing-songy and not whiny or high-pitched.

Brent’s eyes met mine, and I swore I saw a flash of regret.  Damn straight he needed to feel regret.  What was he doing having sleepovers with beautiful women when he should have known I was pining for him?  And then not warning me before I came over to profess my undying love for him and making a fool of myself?

“Kim,” he spoke softly.

“Oh,” Cinderella spoke as if she knew it all.  My eyes immediately snapped to hers.  What in the hell did she know about me?  “So you’re Kim.  Oh, big brother, no wonder.” She chuckled and patted Brent on the cheek playfully.

“Wait, huh?” I spoke finally.

“She seems feisty.” Blondie spoke to Brent.  “Maybe even a little jealous.  I think that works for you.”

“Wait, brother?” The pieces finally formed into thoughts.

“Hi, I’m Jen, Brent’s little sis.  I’m checking out the campus this weekend, so I’m staying here for a few days.  But maybe I should continue on and meet my friends while you two figure out whatever the hell this sexual tension is.  I love my brother and all, but I don’t want to see him doing his thing,” she said as she wiggled her eyebrows.  Ah, a fellow kindred dork spirit.  I liked her already.  “So nice to meet you.  I’m sure I’ll be seeing you later.  Bye.”  She spoke a mile a minute, but I absolutely loved her as she bounced down the stairs.  Now that I thought about it, I could see some similarities between her and Brent.

“I thought your sister was much younger,” I told Brent when I finally looked at him again, not sure what else to say.

“It’s because she’s still a kid to me.” He laughed lightly before getting serious.  “So what’s up?  What are you doing here?  Everything okay?”

His concern was touching.  Just another reason why I loved him  “Yeah, no, I … oh, fuck it,” I said before I launched into his arms and kissed him.  Words just wouldn’t do at that moment, not that I had any.  I was too busy having an internal debate on what to say and staring at his fine body and luscious lips to have room for any rational thoughts.  I must have rushed him pretty hard because I felt the, “Oomph,” leave his lips as his back hit the doorframe.  I didn’t give him any time before my lips sought his; needy, wanting, greedy even.  It had taken a moment before he responded, his tongue tracing my lips, asking me to part them and I did.  God, the things he did to me.  I couldn’t think about anything but the feel of his lips on mine, the desire coursing through me and how much time I had lost not doing this very thing.

“Oh God, Kim, I’m so sorry.” He spoke as we broke apart, and he pushed me away.

“You’re sorry?”

“I shouldn’t have done that.” He winced at his own words.

“I’m pretty sure I just bulldozed you,” I responded.

“Oh, stop, please, you can’t get funny on me now.” He chuckled.  “Bulldozing, Kim, is for the bedroom.”

I put up my hand, “Okay, sorry, don’t need the details.  I meant that I’m the one who attacked you.”

“Yes, but you’re vulnerable right now with your recent breakup. I should have stopped you instead of encouraging you.”

“It was a mistake,” I blurted out.

He cringed and then spoke slowly, “Well, all right, now that we’ve got that out of the way.”

“Oh, God,” I moaned.  “I can’t do anything right.  I didn’t mean this kiss was a mistake, I meant my relationship with Travis was, for both of us.  We talked about it,” I started but was cut off by Brent.

“You talked about it?  What?” he asked.

“Well, sort of.  It was quick,” I responded as I tried to explain.  “The gist is that Travis really likes Lauren. I’m pretty sure it was love at first sight actually, but I digress.  He told me to tell you how I feel.  He encouraged me to tell you that I … I love you, Brent.”

“You love me?” he asked almost reverently.

“I’ve loved you for a while, probably longer than I care to admit.”

“Oh no, please do share.” Brent smirked.

I smacked his arm playfully. Even in the middle of such a serious moment, Brent knew how to take the edge off.  “I don’t want you to think you’re my second choice or anything.  What Travis and I had … it was two people needing a connection, and friendship was mistaken for something else.  The entire time …” I trailed off, feeling extremely guilty for what I was about to admit.  “The entire time,” I repeated, “I felt like a horrible girlfriend because I couldn’t stop my thoughts from always wandering to you.”

“You love me?” Brent repeated his question from earlier like he still couldn’t believe my words.

“I love you,” I told him with a smile.

“And Travis?” he asked like he needed one last clarification.

“He knows how I feel, and maybe he knows how you feel?” I asked but didn’t wait for an answer.  I hoped Brent still loved me, I really did, but if he didn’t, I didn’t want to know.  I would just live in my rose-colored glasses bubble until I had to face reality.  “He came by and told me not to hide my feelings from you.  So … here I am … with Travis’ okay,” I added lamely.

I stood staring at him for a moment, my insecurities and self-doubt coming on fast.  His lack of response was doing wonders to kill my hope.  He was breathtaking, truly breathtaking, and not just because of his physical beauty, but also because I knew just how wonderful he was inside as well.  I took the time to study him during the silence.  I couldn’t read his expression, and that was hurting me.  I needed to know how he was feeling, what he was thinking, because I wanted him.  I wanted to be with him, to love him, to give him everything I had in me, but with each passing moment, I knew my dreams wouldn’t become a reality.

“Well … uh … now you know how I feel … I’ll just be going home now,” I said meekly, completely embarrassed that I’d thrown myself at him, but not regretting that I put myself out there, just hurt … and heartbroken.  I turned to leave, but I didn’t even have a chance to take a step back.  One minute, I was defeated, and the next, I was in his arms, his sweet, sweet lips devouring mine.  Heaven.  Nope, “double rocky road ice cream in heaven” heaven.

“Just like that?” I asked, breathing heavily when we parted.

“Just like that.” He smiled.

“You don’t have to talk to Trav or anything?  You know that bros before hoes thing?  Where you get his permission or something.”

“Done.”

“Huh?”

“He figured out how I felt about you a while ago, and when you guys broke up, he told me that if things happened between us, he’d be happy for us both.  I brushed him off because I didn’t think you felt that way about me.  And when things became weird between us, I took that as proof.  I guess I was wrong.”

“Yeah, Brent, you were,” I responded. “Huh,” I said after a beat like I’d just discovered something.

“What?” he asked.

“I guess Travis saw what we couldn’t see.”

“Yeah, I guess he did,” he mused. He grabbed me, lifting me up and forcing me to wrap my legs around his body as he walked us inside and closed the door with his foot behind us.

“I love you,” Brent said as he walked us to his room.

“I know,” I teased.  “But you can say it again if you want.  I mean, it’s only fair since I’ve said it about a hundred times today already.”

“A hundred?  More like twice.”

“Then I guess we both have some catching up to do,” I told him and kissed him.

“I love you,” he whispered against my lips.

“That’s more like it, my book boyfriend.” I chuckled as I pulled away to look into his eyes.

“What?” he asked.

“It’s always been you. My perfect book boyfriend, right in front of me, and I didn’t even realize it.”

“So I guess that means you’re my book girlfriend?”

“Yep.” I smiled.  “And you know what that means?” I asked.

“What?”

“It means this is our happily ever after.”

“And more,” Brent added as he pushed me – very gently, of course - down on the bed.

Let’s just say that he and I had no issues with interruptions.  And it was glorious.  Absolutely, positively, mind-blowingly glorious.  “I love that my life is a real-life book,” I told him as I lay in his arms, hopefully with a warm afterglow shadowing my features.

“Yeah, Kim, I love it, too.  And I love you.”

epilogue

I stare at my husband. Yes, husband.  I still haven’t gotten used to calling him that, but heck, it has only been two months since our wedding.  He looks so handsome standing across from me in his three-piece suit.  All eyes should have been on the bride and groom, but mine are attached to his, and his are glued right back on mine.  Not to say that Lauren didn’t make a gorgeous bride and Travis didn’t make a fine looking groom.  Hey, I was married, not dead.  I could still tell that Travis was a looker.  Lauren and Travis not only hit it off that day that Travis had stopped by to check on me, but they had gone the distance.  And I’m sure you also figured out that Brent and I got hitched as well.  Brent had proposed a few months after we all graduated from college and landed some decent jobs. I guess that had gotten the fire lit under Travis’ butt because he told Brent the very next day that he was ready to make Lauren his as well.  Brent and I even helped him pick out the ring, and he proposed a few weeks later.  It was fun planning my wedding with my best friend.  We joked on several occasions that we should just do a joint wedding, but in all honesty, every girl wanted her own special day.

Fortunately for Lauren, her proposal went a lot smoother than mine.  Travis had proposed on the rooftop of our apartment building.  Travis and Brent spent the entire day setting up the roof with lights and everything you needed for a romantic dinner for two at sunset. I was tasked with making sure Lauren was far away from the building until it was time to get ready.  I think she knew something was up when I forced her to get all prettied up and then come up to the roof with me for some fresh air before we were supposed to meet up with the guys for dinner.  What could I say – I wasn’t good with these things.  But Travis asked and she said yes, and the rest was history for them.  Me, however, not so effortless.

Brent told me that he was planning something romantic for my birthday, just the two of us, so I was prepared when he took me to dinner at a fancy restaurant. I was prepared when we went to a nearby park and he whipped out a blanket and fed me chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne. I was prepared when he drove us to a lookout spot where he could hold me in his arms as we looked at the twinkling lights of the city in front of us.  I was not, however, prepared when he let go of me, my back no longer resting against his front, and said, “I think there is something down here.”  He thought he was being smooth and finding a way to get down on one knee without me suspecting it.  All I could think of, though, was whatever creature was about to attack us.  “Don’t touch it,” I screamed and tried to scamper away.  I ended up jumping from one foot to another in three-inch heels.  I knew I looked hilarious.  I was too busy staring at the floor, screaming that we needed to get out of there before a lion ate us.  Mind you, I didn’t think there were any lions in a semi-residential area like that but try telling that to my brain at the time.  So naturally, I didn’t even realize Brent had been on one knee, a ring in his hand and his lips were moving, telling me how much he loved me and how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Of course, he was asking me to marry him.  “Brent, we have to get out of here!” I yelled.

“Dammit, Kim, I’m trying to propose!” he half shouted, half laughed.  That quickly got my attention, and my head snapped up to him from the floor.  I swore my jaw hit the floor.  “Only you, Kim, only you.” He chuckled lightly.  “Why did I ever imagine this would be easy?”

“Are you messing with me?” I asked, not completely believing my eyes and ears.

“Yes, this ring, yeah, it’s fake, I just wanted to see your reaction.” He laughed.  “And I have to say that this little dance you were doing was quite adorable.”

“Oh, shut up. You’re the idiot who told me there was something on the floor.” I smiled, not really upset with him.

“I needed a way to get down here without you figuring it out.”

“Well, it worked,” I responded wryly.

“So is that a yes?” he asked, still down on one knee.

“I’m sorry. I was a little busy thinking we were about to die.  What was the question?” I smirked.

“God, I love you,” he hooted.   “You know what?  This is absolutely us.  And you know what else is us?  I’m not asking you.  I’m demanding that you marry me, Kim.  Allow me to be a part of the crazy that is you for the rest of my life.  Let me laugh with you every day.  Permit me to show you that the fun never stops with us. That I’ll love you with a smile on my lips until I can no longer smile.  Marry me, Kim.  Make me even happier than I am now and say you’ll be my wife.”

“Who can deny a request like that?” I cheekily replied before sitting down on his one bent leg and kissing him with all the passion I had in me.  When our lips pulled apart after minutes, definitely minutes, I finally whispered, “Yes, of course, I’ll marry you.”

Brent put the ring on my finger and enveloped me in a hug before placing tender kisses on my face, jaw, and neck.  It was the happiest day of my life until my wedding.  And I am happy to say that somehow I made it through that day without any of my typical Kim mishaps.  Yes, they have a name.  I don’t know how, but it went by with only minimal issues.  It could have been that I just didn’t care to notice any problems because I was too darn happy to be marrying Brent.  We went to Fiji for our honeymoon and spent a week in pure bliss.  And every day just gets better and better.  I’m truly lucky to have found my own brand of book boyfriend, and I was glad I got to witness my two other best friends get their happily ever as well.  Life has turned out great.

###

Other Books by DC Renee

Please visit your favorite ebook retailer to discover other books by DC Renee.

Let Go Series:

Let Me Go

Stand Alone & Sequel to Let Me Go: Let It Go (Benny’s Story)

A Brutal Betrayal

Coming Soon: Three Loving Words

Excerpt from Let Me Go

His accuser. All he had to keep him company for the last six years was her name and a vague image in his mind; those details had been seared into his mind for him to mull over. He never got to see the realization dawn on her face when she comprehended that she had picked out the wrong guy.  He wasn’t even sure if what she accused him of had truly happened to her. Whether she had gotten the wrong guy or had just focused on him and lied.  He had a feeling it was the latter.  And it was that gut feeling that burrowed its way into the depths of his soul and stewed there, waiting to erupt, waiting for the chance to explode.

And now that chance was about to present itself.  He had planned it all perfectly. Finalized the details with precision, thinking of every little thing that could go wrong.  But, then again, that was what he had done in his former life.  He had been a doctor, one of the best.  He graduated from Harvard at the top of his class, became one of the youngest doctors to lead a department, and went on to lead several departments.  He was skilled; it was like second nature to him.  The body was like a puzzle, waiting to be put back together, and he was a master at puzzles.

He was good looking, six feet tall with shockingly black hair that he always kept short but messy, deep green eyes, straight nose, strong jawline, and even perfect teeth, thanks to braces in junior high.  He knew he was a looker and always used that to his advantage.

He had never had time for relationships, but he definitely loved the company of women. Lots of women.  He never took advantage of a woman; his looks got him whatever he wanted or needed. He justified his actions because he was always up-front about the fact that he wasn’t looking for more than just sex.  It didn’t stop some women from calling him every name in the book.  So his womanizing reputation preceded him, but he didn’t care.  He had a fantastic home in an upscale neighborhood and the respect of all his peers and friends.  His parents, unfortunately, had died in a car accident while he was still in college, but he knew they were smiling down on him with pride.  They had been wealthy, coming from “old money” that he had inherited, but his career also helped increase his worth.  He was on top of the world until, one night after a thirty-six hour shift, he was awoken from his much needed sleep after only hours of snoozing by loud knocking on his door.

Rape.  One damn word changed his life.

He was accused of rape.  He lived alone, had no good alibi, and somehow his hair was found on the victim. How it got there, he could only guess.  She had positively identified him from one of those line-ups like they show on the television.   The prosecution had a flimsy case, but it seemed like the jury was hell-bent on convicting the good-looking, hard-working doctor.  His memory of what she looked like was fuzzy at best, but that was probably his own imagination as the entire trial was a blur.  His mind was reeling the entire time at the realization of his situation.   He had the finest lawyers defending him and his sanity, spending an absurd amount of money. But in the end it wasn’t enough, he was still convicted of rape.  Something he couldn’t ever fathom coming close to doing.  He had seen the ugliness of such a crime numerous times in the hospital, and it left a person with not just physical scars but mental ones as well.  The trial and subsequent prison time had left him with mental and physical scars of his own.

He was sentenced to twelve years, and all appeals were denied.  He only served five years, getting out a year ago on good behavior.  When he went to prison, he was a normal, sane person, never capable of truly hurting someone.  But spending five years in prison, while being labeled a rapist, was enough to make anyone crack.  The scars he now wore were the same as those he had seen in the hospital, both physical and mental.  Inmates aren’t too keen on rapists, especially pretty-boy ones.  And he learned that the hard way.

During that time in prison, he held onto the name of his accuser and that blurry image of her, his hatred increasing with each passing day and each brutal violation to his own body.  She did this to him.  And now she was going to know what it was like to have her life stripped from her and humiliated every day.  Now, a year after his release, he was ready to make his move.  Mason Tredwell was ready to find Kat Gingham.

Excerpt from Let It Go

Your brother.  The words still echoed in Benny’s mind after all these years. Not like he could forget his brother, but that wasn’t what he was trying to forget.  Most days he was happy...not exactly content with his life, but satisfied with where he was in relation to where he could have been.  But it was days when he had to do something his not-quite hardened heart didn’t approve of that had him thinking of the words he received that day. “Benny, man, I’m sorry…your brother.”  Today had been one of those shitty days.

Only a few of Benny’s closest friends knew exactly what he had done.  John, Chain, and Marco had been with him almost since the beginning.  Marco was still in jail, but that was his own fault and for something that had nothing to do with Benny, so he didn’t feel bad.  The guy had been having an affair with the wife of a cop.  Benny had told him numerous times that it wasn’t a good idea, but the guy didn’t listen.  One thing led to another and the cop found out, pulled some dirty shit, and Marco was in jail for a whole slew of crimes that he didn’t commit.  However, John and Chain being behind bars was his fault.  Well, not quite, but Benny had been busted with possession of a concealed and unregistered weapon. And seeing as that hadn’t been his first time or even one of the first few times, he was going behind bars for a while.  John and Chain were just loyal; a few punches to defend Benny, and the next thing you know, they had assault added to a few other crimes.  His time in prison was all right, though. He had met Mason, the doctor who had saved him years before.  He didn’t really owe him anything when he figured out who he was and what was happening to him. After all, Mason was a doctor at the time and saving Benny was just doing his job, but something about Mason reminded him of Ethan.  And that was enough to spurn Benny into action to protect him, to befriend him, and to be there for him.

Mason was now one of his best friends, but even he wasn’t one hundred percent sure about what Benny did.  He probably thought it had to do with drugs or something you’d find straight out of a mafia movie.  No, it wasn’t like that at all.  Benny had started with a small time gang when he was sixteen.  It was not as if he lived in a bad neighborhood, not truly, or that he had a bad relationship with his parents, or even that he needed the money.  His family was great, loving, cared for one another, but Benny just didn’t feel settled.  He was anxious all the time and didn’t like his friends at school. In fact, he hated school.  He was restless all the time and started looking for a way to feel connected to the world. At first, he became an adrenaline junkie, looking for new ways to get a momentary rush, but that always lasted only a few minutes.  Then he turned to drugs, but that wasn’t what he expected, either, because when he would come down from a high, he was right back where he started.  He needed to feel on top of the world, so he got in with the wrong crowd, and the next thing you knew, he was a full-fledged gang member.  He hated it and loved it at the same time.  He hated what he did, hated the beatings he had to give, the dealing he started doing, the way everyone always had to watch their backs, but he loved the feeling of power that came with it.

Everything was fine for a few years or as much as it could have been.  His family life had started falling apart.  His parents did everything they could to get him out. They were disappointed in him, tried to make him change, and they even threatened him, but when that didn’t work, they gave up on him. They figured that he was a lost cause, but they didn’t want Ethan going down the same path.  They had been right to feel that way.

“When you start acting like the boy we raised, you can come back,” his dad had told him as his mom cried.  It didn’t matter because Benny had his own place by then.  Benny sort of always knew that this was a phase, one of those “typical” teenage rebellion type things, and that when he grew out of it, he assumed that he’d be able to fix his relationship with his parents.  He never got that chance.

The thing he also didn’t realize was that once you’re in, it’s really hard to get out.  He was working on it, trying to figure out how to make his way back to the “good” realm of life, but he never had a chance to do it. He never had a chance to make up with his parents, and he never watched his brother become something he wasn’t.

He had been close to Ethan, always.  They had their own issues and their own fights, but at the end of the day, Benny was Ethan’s big brother and watched out for him. Except when he decided to join a gang.  That had been one of the most selfish moments of Benny’s life.  He knew Ethan looked up to him and would want to be everything Benny was, but Benny had been too blinded by his need for power to even think about that.  So, when Ethan came to Benny a couple of years later, asking to help him join, Benny should have done more. He should have figured out a way to walk away sooner, ran away even if he had to, but Benny had been in the thick of things then and had only told Ethan to stay away.

When Ethan kept insisting that he wanted to follow in Benny’s footsteps, Benny finally had to sit down and talk with him.

“I don’t want this life for you,” Benny had told him.

“That’s my decision,” argued Ethan.

“Actually, no, it’s not.  If I say you’re not in, you’re not in. Got it?”

“Why is it okay for you to be a part of it?”

“Because I’m stupid,” Benny admitted.  “Because I’m not good like you. You’re a great kid, E, and I don’t want you getting involved in this mess.”

“You can’t stop me.”

“E, you’re not fucking listening to me,” Benny had yelled.  “I don’t want you to be a part of this shit.  It’s not a good life; it’s not the right life.  You like school, you’re getting good grades, and you’re going to do something amazing with your life.”

“I see the way the guys look up to you, the kind of power you have over them.  I want that, Benny.  Why do you have to control everything?  Why can’t you let me have some of that, too?”

“You see only what you want to see!” Benny roared.  “It’s not all fucking peaches and cream, E!  I’m telling you, stay the fuck away from this shit!  No brother of mine is going to be involved in this crap.  Do you hear me?  Do you fucking hear me?”  Benny’s voice had been so loud that he was pretty sure the entire neighborhood had heard him. But even after Ethan nodded, there was something in his eyes that made Benny think he was the only one who hadn’t heard him after all.

He should have paid more attention to that; he should have relied on his instinct and made sure Ethan didn’t get into trouble. But once again, Benny was too consumed by the rush that he was getting with the gang.

And then he got a call from John. “Benny, man, I’m sorry…your brother…” John’s voice had trailed off, but the pain he heard in his friend’s voice was enough to break Benny’s heart.  He had known, somehow. He had known that Ethan wasn’t just in trouble or hurt; he was gone.

It took John, Chain, and Marco to subdue him after he terrorized his place, breaking everything in sight.  His fists were bleeding, his eyes stung from the unshed tears, and his heart throbbed, willing itself to explode within his body.

Ethan had wanted to prove to Benny that he could be just like him, could make something of himself in that fashion.  He thought that if Benny wasn’t going to help him, he’d figure out a way to do it on his own.  He went to another smaller gang and asked to join.  They laughed in his face at first, but he was persistent, something Benny had loved about him until that point.  They finally agreed when they found out that Benny was a member of a rival gang and was his brother.  They wanted to use Ethan to get to Benny and then to the gang that he belonged to.  They sent Ethan after some drug dealer in Benny’s gang, but Ethan wasn’t cut out for that kind of life.  One thing led to another and they shot Ethan, in cold blood, like he was nothing. Like his life didn’t mean anything.

It took two bottles of vodka shared among himself and his friends to get Benny to finally calm down.  It didn’t stop him from getting revenge on the assholes who not only shot his brother but the ones who set him up for failure in the first place.  John, Chain, and Marco helped him dish out retribution for Ethan’s death the very next day while their minds were still fuzzy from the alcohol they had consumed the night before.

That was the day that changed Benny.  He no longer wanted to get out of the gang. He wanted to build his own and run the two who had killed his brother to the ground.  He wanted the people not entirely involved to pay for his brother’s death, even though, deep down, he knew it was his fault.  He, and only he, was solely responsible for putting his brother in the ground.  If he hadn’t been thinking of only himself, Ethan would never have gotten into that situation.  If he had stepped away sooner, Ethan wouldn’t have wanted that kind of life.  It felt almost ironic that in order to get the justice he craved to tamper his own guilt, he needed to burrow deeper into the life he had wanted to get out of.

He watched as his brother was lowered into the ground three days later, his parents an inconsolable mess.  He had tried to come home and share in the sorrow and misery with his parents, but they wouldn’t let him in.  He figured it was their grief preventing them from taking comfort in their only remaining son, so he gave them the space they needed, even though it cut him deeply.  When he walked up to his mother at Ethan’s graveside, his assumptions were proven wrong.

“You’re a murderer!” his mother screamed.  “My baby is dead because of you!”

He was speechless, shocked into silence.  She was right, but he didn’t expect her to believe it, too.  He was her son, after all.

“You don’t deserve to grieve his death the way we do,” she choked on her sobs.  “We warned you, but you didn’t care.  You did this,” she hissed.  “You threw away our love, you threw away your family, and now you have no one left.”  Her words were said with a bitter edge that cut right through Benny.  “Leave!” she screamed.  “I don’t know you anymore; you’re not my son!  My only son is dead, and you…you’re nothing.”

“I think it’s best if you left,” his dad added, pity marring his features.  That broke Benny in a way that he couldn’t describe.  He had lost both his beloved brother and his parents in one day.  And he had no one to blame but himself.

With nothing left to lose, his blood boiling for redemption and his life in shambles, Benny built his empire, so to speak, very quickly.  His heart had found walls around itself where there used to be none, and he took no mercy when taking his opposition out.  That was not to say that he hadn’t had his fair share of punches.  He had been in the hospital with knife wounds, gunshot wounds, and a number of other issues over the years.  Ironically, the worst injury inflicted on him was a wrong place, wrong time situation.  He had been leaving a club and managed to walk out right when some guy pulled a gun on a different guy he had been fighting with.  Benny’s arrival surprised the guy, who clearly hadn’t ever used a gun before, and he shot him in the stomach instead of the would-be victim.  That was when Mason had saved his life.

It wasn’t until he became friends with Mason, the guy needing guidance and someone to be a friend and brother to him, that his walls started to come down and the man he once was started poking through.  He had been trying to get his life straightened out ever since, but it was a difficult road to travel.  Today was a perfect example.  He wanted to buy a bar that needed fixing up and new management, but the owner was an older guy who had sworn the bar had been in his family for years.  He needed to sell it because he had no one to pass it off to, but when he saw Benny and his many tattoos and hardened edge, he laughed at him.

“No way,” the guy sneered at Benny.  “My family didn’t build this up so that it could become some place to sell drugs.”  The fact that Benny no longer sold drugs didn’t matter, he wasn’t going to change this guy’s mind without some kind of coercion, and he couldn’t do that anymore.  He just couldn’t.  It did, however, serve to remind Benny of the kind of life he’d been living, the kind of life he got into, and the price of it.  Ethan.  That was the price of his life.  And it had never been worth it.  Too bad he had been too late in realizing it.  The price of Ethan’s life was never worth any of this, ever.

Excerpt from A Brutal Betrayal

“No, God, please. No!” she screamed, her voice hoarse from the screaming and begging, her face tear stained and bruised.  No one could hear her in the dark alley, no one cared.  Her pleas were drowned out by the sounds of the traffic nearby and the music vibrating through the many clubs in the area.

She felt like she had been crying out for hours, but it had probably been no more than a few minutes.  Her assailant had her hair in a tight grip, the roots on the verge of being torn out.  The rough surface of the wall cut into her cheek as she was pressed against it. The biting pain was nothing compared to the terrifying violation being forced upon her.

With his face buried in her neck, she could feel his hot breath coming out in small puffs with each thrust.  He was mumbling, but she couldn’t hear his words over the thunderous roar of blood in her head or the sound of skin slapping on skin.

“Please, stop, please,” she whimpered, her voice almost gone at this point.  She closed her eyes, willing the pain to stop, willing the violation to end, willing her mind to leave her body behind.

Three hours ago, she had told her parents she was spending the night with a friend, which wasn’t a total lie.  She just hadn’t told them that she and her friend would be utilizing their new fake IDs to go to some clubs first.  Her friend’s parents were out of town, so no one would notice or disturb them.  They took advantage and drank at the house first before taking a cab to the main street where all the bars and clubs were located.  Making their way through three clubs quickly, they picked up free drinks from men who assumed they were much older than they were.  Twenty minutes before, things changed when she lost her friend in the crowd.  The booming music and the throngs of people, bodies pressed against each other, writhing to the notes coming from the loud speakers, immersing themselves in the beauty of letting go.  With the added relaxation from the drinks she’d had, she let go, maybe too much, only to realize that she was without her friend, groping and being groped without the safety of someone she knew. She needed air.  Just a little, she told herself.  She would step out for just a moment, maybe text or call her friend.  Worst case, she could always grab a cab back to her friend’s place and wait it out.

She had stood by the door of the last club, sucking in clean air.  Well, cleaner than the musty air from inside.  Her head was still throbbing from the pounding music. She didn’t hear him approach.  She hadn’t realized what was going on until she was pressed against the wall, until the hands pushing her face into the wall felt wrong, violent.

“Don’t make a sound,” he had said, his voice low and gravely, and the enormity of the situation hit her.  She didn’t listen, she screamed, a loud, shrieking sound coming from her lips.  He punched her, slamming her head against the corrosive wall.  She didn’t care, that was better than what she knew would happen.  She screamed again, and he pushed her into the wall, hard.  She bucked into him, trying to push him away.  Her arms flailed where he hadn’t pinned them down, trying to scratch him somehow, although she knew she couldn’t reach him at this angle.  He got a hold of her arms and pinned them in front of her and pushed her against the wall.   She felt her lip starting to swell, and her body felt like someone had snapped it in two.  But still, that kind of pain would heal.  The pain she knew he intended on inflicting would not, so she didn’t care.  She didn’t stop screaming.  Not when he lifted her dress, not when he tore her underwear like it was a piece of tissue paper, not when his rough, calloused hands pinned her hips to the wall, not when he forced himself inside her, not when he pounded away the remnants of her innocence, not when he continued to violate every part of her being.

“Please stop. No.  Please, don’t do this.” Her lips moved, even as her voice disappeared.  But it didn’t matter.  He was doing it.  He had done it.  She felt the pain, the ache in every crevice and corner of her body, in every niche of her mind.  And he had been rough.  He had beaten her to get this.  She could feel the telltale signs of bruising all along her body.  But she could have taken that.  He continued to mumble, the words still incoherent to her, but she finally felt herself starting to check out from this time and space.  Her mind was finally starting to protect her, pulling her out of the moment.  The numbness began to take over, but just before she lost consciousness of the here and now, she felt his body tense, and he went rigid with his release.  She vaguely felt him push her down to the floor when he was done with her.  She barely remembered hearing the zipper on what she assumed were his jeans.  And she only just understood that the sounds of footsteps were his as he ran away from her, leaving her there bloody and broken, used and discarded, sullied and ashamed.

Coming Soon: Three Loving Words

I hate you.  I heard those words so many times from his mouth that they lost their meaning.  His “three loving words” is how I mockingly referred to them.  It didn’t bother me, though, because I hated him, too.

He was gorgeous, with dark tousled hair, full lips, a strong jaw, and a body deserving of a magazine cover.  He was rich and cared for his mother deeply.  On paper, he was the perfect husband.  The problem?  He was my husband.

I dreamed of a fairytale love story for as long as I could remember. I dreamed of a boy to fall head over heels for me and treat me like the sun rose and set at my feet, especially after living in the shadow of my perfect sister and never feeling good enough for my family.  When I decided to earn my parents’ love in a dramatic fashion, I’ll admit that I never imagined marrying him would end up part of the bargain.

The kicker?  Enzo Faust didn’t want to marry me, either.  And yet, here we are, a man that I both fear and loathe is my “I do…for better or worse.”  I just didn’t anticipate that it’d be more ‘worse’ than ‘better.’

I’m Paige Stiles, and here’s my story.

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